She Was Told to Wear Lipstick to Succeed — So She Quit

She was climbing the corporate ladder in education — doing everything "right" — until she was told she'd be more successful if she wore lipstick and pulled her hair back. That was the moment Stacey Ryan realized she was becoming a leader she didn't even respect.

So she quit. No backup plan. No safety net. Just self-trust.

What followed was a dog treat company (yes, really), an abusive marriage she had the courage to leave, and a leap of faith into an organization called School of Rock — where she went from consultant to President, growing it from under 100 locations to 445+ and 80,000 students worldwide.

In this episode, Stacey gets raw about toxic leadership, knowing your worth (a promise she made to a dying friend), why imposter syndrome is just the modern-day "bicycle face," and why she refuses to dull her edges for anyone but herself.

If you've been staying somewhere that no longer aligns — in your career, your relationship, your life — this is your sign.

Join Front Women: frontwomen.org

Transcript

Speaker 2 0:00

Hello, hello, everybody. Welcome back to Girl, Why Not You? I, of course, am your host, Jenny Blackwood, and today's episode is about a moment that I think so many different women experience. But not enough women are acting on it. The moment where everything on paper looks right, the title, the career, the success, but something inside of you knows this isn't it. This isn't me. And if I stay here, I'm gonna lose myself. Can you guys relate to that? And here's the hardest part walking away when you don't have the next step figured out. Today's guest didn't just face that moment. She made the decision most people are too scared to make. Stacy Ryan was a senior leader in education, rising quickly, doing all the right things. But behind the scenes, she was navigating environments that didn't align with who she actually was. And when she was told she'd be more successful if she wore lipstick, she had a realization that changed everything. She was becoming a leader she didn't even respect. And instead of staying, instead of adjusting herself to fit the mold, she walked away. Snaps to Stacy. No plan, no safety net, just self-trust. And that decision led her to where she is now. President of School of Rock, leading a global organization that's helping thousands of young people build confidence, connection, and identity through music. And founder of Front Women, where she's empowering women to lead unapologetically. Stacy, it would be a massive understatement to tell you that I'm so excited for this conversation. I cannot wait to dive in. Thank you for being here today.

Speaker 1:45

Thank you for having me and for that beautiful introduction. Thank you.

Speaker 2 1:49

You deserve it. You deserve every word. And if anybody's watching this on YouTube, I have an ear-to-ear smile because this woman is so badass, and you are all gonna have like these aha moments during this conversation. I can't even wait. So let's just get to it, shall we? Dig in. Let's dive in. So, okay, we need to go back, girl. We need to go back to that moment because I think that's where so many women are sitting right now. You got real brave and you walked away from her leadership role without a freaking plan, which I think all of us can say would have us shaken in our boots to do that. And that's also what keeps a lot of people stuck. So, what was happening for you at that time? Somebody told you, let's go back to that terrible leader. What was happening in your life?

Speaker 2:33

Oh, well, I mean, it was a point where I was newer in this role of leading an individual center. So, you know, my numbers just weren't great. Yeah. And yeah, I was told that my numbers would improve if I pulled back my hair and put lipstick on. And to that. I know. And I'm not a lipstick person. I'm more of a lip gloss girl. So, you know, I did start pulling my hair back. I never put lipstick on. And, you know, I just, okay, maybe there is something to it. I was younger, maybe they would see me as more mature if I pulled my hair back and tried that approach. And it wasn't that that did it, but eventually I continued to climb in that organization. And this woman continued to be my direct supervisor. And at the point where I was overseeing multiple um locations in the area, there was a situation that I'll never forget. I had a center director and she needed time off for a personal matter. And I reacted in the way that I knew I was expected to, and not in the way that I felt good about.

Speaker 1 3:44

Right.

Speaker 3:45

And when I went home that night, I just I didn't like who I was seeing in the mirror. And it was still early in my career, and I was realizing I I wasn't liking the person and the manager that I was becoming, but I was doing exactly the things that I was expected to do at the same time. So it was it was that that instance. And I took that weekend to really think it through. And on Monday I walked in and I resigned. And I was pretty substantial notice. And, you know, when I was asked why, I said, because of you. Yeah. And uh, you know, they tried to find ways for me to stay. And I really just said, I need to take, I need a break. I need a break. I need to reflect, I need to heal, and I need to see what I want to do. Maybe I'll be back, and maybe I won't. And I never went back. Wow.

Speaker 2 4:41

What a pivotal point in your life. And I love that you were like, this is not me. You weren't gonna force yourself to be a version of yourself that you couldn't sleep with that night, right? You know, you were like, This is, it was probably eating you alive to know that you were trying to conform, but you're conforming. I have I've known you for all of, let's see, 21 minutes now. And I can tell that that is not you. You are a really good soul, you're a good person. And so I applaud you for not looking paycheck first. I think that's what a lot of people do is they go, well, I have to keep this job, right? I have to pay my bills. Like, I I don't know what my next step would be. So I'm just gonna figure this out. But it's not worth compromising your integrity. Right.

Speaker 5:24

And that's my biggest thing with all decisions, even still today. You know, we always say we have to put our head on our pillow at night. Yeah. I want to feel good when I do that. I don't want to feel like I made a bad decision or I did something in a negative way that, you know, impacted somebody else. I I want to be able to, with integrity, feel like, okay, that was that was the right thing. And maybe not the popular one. The right thing isn't always the popular thing. Those don't always, you know, coincide with each other, but at least knowing that it's it's the thing that I feel is is the best approach and the right approach, and I can sleep at night.

Speaker 2 6:02

Yeah. You know, guys, we only have one life, right? And we have to be our best self in a lot of different ways. But like feeling good about who we are is obviously a top priority because that affects everything. It affects us mentally, it affects our mood. I am certain at that point, like your mental health was being compromised because you were like, oh, these people, the things that they're saying to me, the things I'm expected to say to other people, it just wasn't for you. You were very out of alignment, which I talk about a lot in different ways. And so this is a real aha for you and good for you for being like, you're the problem, right? You didn't let that be on your shoulders. You were like, I'm actually too good for this. So audios. Yes. That part felt really good. I am so freaking proud of you for that. So, what do you feel like gave you the courage to walk away? You didn't have a next step. So was it just like, I'm gonna figure this out, or where were you at that point?

Speaker 6:54

I think I was just at the point where I knew I couldn't continue doing what I was doing. And there there was no other approach. You know, I had tried to influence change and it didn't happen. I had tried to do the thing that I felt was right and then I would get reprimanded for it. And I knew that the only way there to keep the peace in a way was to do the things I was expected to do in the way that I was expected to do them. But then to what we were just saying, you know, putting my head on my pillow at night, I really struggled and I didn't like who that person was. So it just reached a point where I didn't, I really didn't feel like I had any other choice. And, you know, I was in a position where I was lucky enough to be able financially to make that decision and and to take a step back and take some time. And I kind of at that point felt like I know I know the skills that I bring and I know that I can, I know that this isn't the way it's supposed to feel. Right. And I'll figure it out. So I actually decided to take time off and I took a few months off. I gave myself two months to just breathe without even thinking about finding another job.

Speaker 2 8:06

Yeah.

Speaker 8:07

In those two months, I started a dog treat company. Okay, a little pivot there. Apparently, I'm not very good at doing nothing. Um at two small dogs, so I started an organic dog treat company called Stacey's organic snacks. I still have the business cards and the baseball cap, and it's a great logo. Yeah. And um, you know, really start, I started doing like uh farmers markets and little town fairs, and I was selling enough. We were reaching the point that my little kitchen-aid kitchen mixer and my small oven wasn't keeping up. Right. So starting to explore renting out like a pizzeria on a day that they proposed to cook in larger batches. And then I realized that I need to get back to work.

Speaker 2 8:53

It was fun. It was fun while it lasted, but you're like, you know what? This is uh, it became a fun hobby. But I think what you're saying is so powerful. Number one, you threw yourself in the deep end. You were like, all right, I'm gonna figure it out. You had some reserves, which is nice, but you starting the dog treat company. Obviously, you probably knew at that point that wasn't your end-all, right? So, what you realized with the dog treat company, you were looking for something that was kind of like a transition period. You were looking like, let me keep my brain busy, let me do something that I actually enjoy. You probably mentally needed a debrief from what you had been subjected to. You had some trauma to work through from that terrible woman. So I get it. But here you go. You're like, all right, I need to now figure out what my next steps are. Would you say it's like for big decisions that people make? Do you think a lot of our best decisions, the one that give us the most growth, do you think that that is like a jump in the deep end type of situation a lot of times?

Speaker 9:49

I do. And I I actually talk often about the fact, at least in in my life, you know, when I reflect back, some of my lowest of low moments, had they not happened, it wouldn't have opened up the opportunity for some of my highest of highs. And, you know, it really, when I reflect back, I really am a big believer that everything happens for a reason. And, you know, those moments that are the hardest are are opening up space for something really great to happen. And I try, and even when I'm in those moments, which is hard, I try and remember that. Okay, this is happening for for some reason or another, and I'm not gonna know right now, and I may not know for even, you know, in months or years, but eventually I'm gonna look back and say, okay, had that not happened, this wouldn't have been able to. And I have so many examples of that in my life. So I really try and, you know, talk with our younger managers and help them understand that because not everything goes exactly the way you want it to all the time. And, you know, when those low moments happen, what's the lesson that you can learn from it? And what's the other opportunities that it's opening up for you? And focus on that. And I do think the most amount of growth happens in those toughest of times.

Speaker 2 11:12

Could not agree with you more. We have to fail, people. So many people are so afraid to fail, but actually, failing is a good thing. It may not be comfortable in the moment, but my gosh, the things that you learn, the places that you go, right, from those failures. You can't get substantial growth without learning what doesn't work.

Speaker 11:31

Right.

Speaker 2 11:31

Nobody's coming out of the gates like with the perfect sauce right away, right? You there's a lot of trial, there's a lot of tribulation. And I think the quicker that you guys realize that, the more accepting you'll be of a journey not looking maybe the way that you had expected in the beginning. It's gonna look different. It just is, but that's okay. Look at Stacey, for example. Okay, so like good segue here. You talk a lot about uncertainty being a catalyst for growth. So, what do you think that looks like in real life?

Speaker 12:01

I think it it looks like having blind faith in yourself. Um I had a very I I lost a very dear friend of mine uh quickly. He was, you know, diagnosed with cancer and and gone within six weeks. And I'm so sorry. It was thank you, but it was during a tough time in my life. I was navigating a bad divorce, and you know, he was really uh a big sounding board and a support for me through all of that. And I'll never forget, you know, he's I went to visit him in the hospital, flew across the country to be there in his final moments, and he kicked everyone out of the room and grabbed my hand and said, Promise me to know your worth. The only thing I want is for you to know your worth. And those words have really stuck with me because I think we we forget that too often. We forget our own value and our own worth. And we forget, especially as women, we forget when we're at these tables surrounded by other men, that hey, we're in a room because we belong in the room. And I often will have to look around and remind myself, like, I'm here because I belong here and I have something of value to add. It's hard sometimes to remember that. But I think when you when you push yourself a little bit outside of that comfort zone, yeah. When you start to learn more. And I live by and I always preach that if you're doing something and it feels uncomfortable, savor that discomfort because you're growing. It means you're learning. When you do things that are just comfortable and easy, it's because you already know that stuff. Add your toolbox, learn something more. So break out of that comfort zone because that's how you grow as a leader, as a as a human, you know, just as a person in general, those experiences that kind of feel awkward, eventually they're not going to feel so awkward. And it opens up the opportunities for other stuff. So I'm a big component for pushing yourself outside of that comfort zone, you know, taking on challenges that you don't know if you can do. I mean, when I took this role, I'm like, can I lead an organization? I don't know if I can do that. Um, but other people around me knew I could. Yes. Believed in me more than I believed in myself. And you know, I went into it fully committed. And for me, there's there was enough of the the stuff that I knew that I felt comfortable, and there was enough of the new that felt like invigorating and challenging. And okay, I'm learning new stuff now, and that's exciting. That is exciting. It's harder, it takes more time. You have to move slower through it, you have to do more research and and learn, but you're growing. And that's the cool thing.

Speaker 2 14:52

That is so beautifully stated. Okay. Know your freaking worth, people. Know your worth, and never let anybody else convince you otherwise, right? I think we are our own worst enemy. We're the first to devalue ourselves in most situations. And you're right. The fact that other people saw it in you helped bring it out in you in a time where you were like, oh, you felt very uncomfortable, like you said. You know what I decided, Stacey. We're you, me and you, we're gonna get t-shirts, we're gonna put our faces on it, and it's gonna say, get uncomfortable. And we're gonna make people wear it, right? Because you're right. Being uncomfortable is actually something for somebody who is at your caliber at this point, somewhere for me who's a growing entrepreneur. I have gotten to the point where when I feel comfortable, actually that makes me uncomfortable. I want to feel the discomfort of what's coming next. Oh my gosh, I have opportunity here. Because with discomfort comes potential for massive growth in so many different ways. And so I don't like feeling comfortable anymore, which probably sounds insane.

Speaker 15:53

I love it. No, I love it. I mean, they say if if you're the smartest person in the room, it's time to find another room.

Speaker 2 16:00

Yes, you're so right. You are so right. And I I everything she said is so powerful. So please, anybody listening to this, really hone in on that. Really hone in on everything she just said. Okay, so now we're gonna talk about what a badass Stacey is. You know, I don't think you guys understand what this woman has done in her life. It gives me the chills to think about it. Um, so we're gonna head into School of Rock now. All right. So here you are. Now you're leading something at a completely different scale. All right, you become the president of School of Rock, but how did that come to be? All right, bring us into this moment in your life.

Speaker 16:35

Yeah, so I left that organization, started the Dog Tree Company, needed a job. I reached out to the former CEO who had moved on to another organization, asked her to be a reference, and her response was no need, we want you here. Um so I went and joined that organization. It was great. Um, and they created a position for me, and it was, it was good. It wasn't great. Okay. I liked it, but it still wasn't something that excited me when I woke up in the morning. And I learned enough about that organization that I decided that maybe corporate America isn't for me, and maybe it's just not the type of culture that I'm interested in. So I'm gonna create my own culture. So I signed a franchise agreement with that organization, and I couldn't be a franchisee and a corporate employee at the same time. So I transferred my department. Um, that same woman had since moved on, and she was CEO at School of Rock. And at that point, I had some time to kill before, you know, the lease was signed and the building was built and all of that. So I decided I was gonna consult. I had great relationships with franchisees from both organizations. So I reached out to her again and I said, Hey, I'm gonna start consulting. I have some time to kill. So if you know anybody there who could use my help, please just keep me in mind. And her response was, no need, uh, start tomorrow and only work here. Boom! So I came to School of Rac as a consultant with no intention of staying. Um, I quickly fell in love with what we were doing and started experiencing a different culture. And then I simultaneously realized that I was in an abusive marriage. And yeah, talk about like knowing your worth. That's why my friends just really pushed me on that because I just came out of that really beat down. And I decided to file for divorce and cancel that franchise agreement because it was with him, and I didn't see a path forward with that. And I fully committed to School of Rock. And very quickly, I just saw the impact that School of Rock had. I'm not a musician, I'm a music lover. Yeah. But I'm I've always been in education my whole life. It's what I went to school for. So when I joined School of Rock full time, I remember I had to convince myself that I was still enriching youth's lives. Yes. It's still education. It's music education, but it's still education. Those are the things that were going through my head.

Speaker 2 19:12

Yeah.

Speaker 19:13

And then I went on my first all-stars tour with our kids. Our all-stars are like the best of the best from all over the world. So think like American Idol, multiple players. Uh, we actually have final decision weekend this weekend happening in Schneiding. And we take 80,000 students worldwide and we narrow it down to just under 200. And those 200 kids from all over the world, they fly in to six different sites. We have six different tours. They meet their, you know, 20 other bandmates from all over the world. They have two days to rehearse together as a band, and then they get on a bus and they play in a different city at a different venue every night for the five years. Oh my gosh. And it's just a life-changing experience. It's so cool. And my very first All-Stars tour, we were passing through Philadelphia. We always like to do something culturally for the kids during the day. We stopped at the Rocky Steps, the doors opened, the kids like barreled out of the bus and started sprinting up the steps, and all the adults are just standing back and, like, you know, we'll wait for you down here. Go have fun. And I turned and I saw a mom crying. And I walked over to her and I said, Are you okay? Did something happen? And she shared with me that her son, who was on that tour, was on the spectrum and was autistic. And she said, I never thought that he would have friends. Oh, oh gosh. I was watching him run up these stairs with these 20 new friends from around the world. And I'm just so grateful for everything that School of Rock has given him. Now, this was 11 years ago, and I still get goosebumps when I tell this story. And it was kind of in that moment I was like, there's something really special happening here.

Speaker 1 21:02

Yes.

Speaker 21:02

And I want to be a part of this. And I fully committed to School of Rock and I haven't regretted it for a moment. And 11 years later, I'm running the whole organization.

Speaker 2 21:12

That's incredible, Stacy. Oh my gosh. So at the time when you joined the School of Rock team, how many franchises at that point existed?

Speaker 21:22

It was when I joined, it was just under a hundred. Because I remember, I remember when we hit the hundredth school mark, and I remember when we hit 10,000 students worldwide. Yeah. Like I remember those milestones. And then today, today, we just opened our 445th location. Holy smokes. Last month for the first time we exceeded 80,000 students globally.

Speaker 2 21:49

Oh my goodness. So at that time, they were already doing good, but they you had no idea what was coming. Right? What do you think people misunderstand? Today, about like your role with them and what you've actually built within this franchise.

Speaker 22:06

Um, well, I think the most important thing is it's not a one-person job. It is, it is the whole team. You know, I can't do what I do without the incredible people who I work with. And I'm so lucky to work with some of my most favorite people in in the world.

Speaker 2 22:23

Yeah.

Speaker 22:23

And, you know, it was it was a building point. Uh, when I joined School of Rock, there wasn't a great relationship between the franchise or and the franchisees. There was a disconnect, there was a lack of trust, there was a lack of camaradity. And it took us years to build on that. And we had to do a lot of self-reflection as a team and see, hey, where are we messing up? How can we be better? I still do that today, every day. You know, how can I show up better? How can I be a better partner to our franchisees, to our team members, to our instructors? Yeah. So always questioning like how we can be better. And I think that's the most important thing. Like, just because you're on the franchise or side or, you know, the leadership team side, it does not mean any of us are always right or that we always have the answer. And leaving the space for someone to know better than yourself, and leaving the space for curiosity and one of our mantras, maybe they're right. You know, at a situation today where there is a disconnect between two team members, and I got forwarded the whole thing and I looked at it, and the response was, maybe they're right. And you know, maybe they are, maybe they're not, but maybe they are, and that'll just help take that step back, kind of diffuse it a little bit, and help you consider the other side of it and see it from a different perspective. You know, I think it's it's it's something that has been absolutely incredible to be a part of. Yeah, like one of my most favorite things in my life is school of arts. And the people and what we do and how we do it, and the fact that we are just saving lives through music. Like we do it in the coolest way possible, but the impact that we have is is immense.

Speaker 2 24:15

It's so great. You know, thinking about that mom and that moment, you know, my mom heart is like breaking for her because that's the that's the hardest thing, you know, when you have kids, it's like you want them to be loved, liked, treated well, whatever. And the fact that like what you guys do gave her son a place, you know, where he fit in, where he was happy, where he had friends and doing something that he loves. There's no greater gift to a mother, right? So I mean, I love that. I love though something like I was thinking about as you were talking. You went from being a leader from what you were doing in the past that you were just not in alignment with. You said no to that, thank God, right? You moved on. You didn't keep yourself somewhere where you were miserable and it was not serving you in your life. But I think like everything that you're saying right now really ties into like directly how you lead, how you are a leader. So, my question for you is what does authentic leadership actually look like today? Like, especially for women. Yeah.

Speaker 25:13

You know? It's it's hard. It's hard as women. Yeah. And I am not the leader today that I was two years ago, five years ago, even you know, a few months ago. Yeah. I'm constantly learning and adjusting, and like I said, pushing myself to be better.

Speaker 2 25:35

Yeah.

Speaker 25:36

Um, for me, authentic leadership is is about those things that I was saying, you know, being true to yourself, leaving space for others to be better than you, yeah. Um, making sure your team feels valued, leading with integrity, you know, making decisions that aren't always easy, but that you know in your heart are the right decisions. You know, we have our mission statement, we have our values that we operate on. Those are our guiding lights. And for me, it always comes down to what's best for the child. Um that that's always the answer. And in the hard, hard moments, that kind of makes it a little bit more clear. Um, but you know, I I think to be an authentic leader, you you have to be your authentic self. Yeah. And really find yourself. And who are you as a person? And what is important to you? And what do you want people to describe you as? You know, and when someone says your name and says, what are three adjectives you would use to describe them? What are the things that you want them to say? And then are you actually living that and and leading with that? And if you aren't, then you either need to choose three different adjectives or make some adjustments and do it that way. And, you know, a very, very easy thing for me, I knew where I came from, that toxic environment, asking for a day off was like you were asking for a hundred thousand dollar advance in your salary.

Speaker 2 27:09

So crazy. Isn't it crazy? And then you have to feel guilty about wanting to like actually live your life.

Speaker 27:15

Right. And for me, like that's where I made the decision when I walked away that health and family will always, always, always come first. Because even being sick, it was like, are you really sick? Well, I'm gonna need a doctor's note and not trust it. And I have never since then questioned a thing. And I stressed to my team, like, health and family first, always the work will be here when you get back. Or there are other people that we can help and pick up your slack. Yeah. But I had a new woman who transferred to my team and she's very thorough. And every time she would put in her request for time off, she would give me like a paragraph of, you know, my mom is coming into town and we're gonna do this, and blah, blah, blah. And, you know, after a few times, I finally said to her, I I love hearing what your plans are for the day. I really adore you and I'm interested in your life. However, I don't need that. Like you've earned your time off. That's your time. So request it and I'm gonna give it. And I regularly look at even the dates of time off requests because I trust my team to make the right decisions. And yeah, you need the time off, go ahead, go and take it. So that was something that I decided was very important to me early on. Like, I want people to feel the space, to have that balance, to live their lives and to prioritize their health and their family. Because I experienced the other side of it and I never wanted to be on the distribution side of that feeling. Yes. That's where I think authentic leadership comes from. Like, what are the lessons you've learned? Who's the person that you want to be? And then being that. Yes.

Speaker 2 29:01

Oh my gosh. You took lemons and you made a lemon drop, right? You know, you took your experiences that really were pretty traumatic for you in the work sense, and you are now applying that into yourself as a leader, which, you know, again, every nobody wants bad things to happen to them or to go through situations that are unideal. But like, look at Stacey, you guys. Look at what she went through. Being told, oh, you might do better if you put on lipstick and put your hair back in a boy. I mean, come on. So it's like the fact that you chose to rise up from that and you let the bad leadership shape you as a much better leader. Who knows? You could be a subpar leader right now if you didn't have to go through that. But you're a good person on the inside and you learned from someone else's mistakes, right? And so that has only helped you grow. So now, girl, I want to hear all about front women. What are we building there? Because it sounds amazing.

Speaker 29:53

Thank you. I'm super proud of Front Women. So that was that was just born out of navigating corporate America as a woman. And, you know, feeling like everything was a fight and everything was a battle. Every step was a battle. And what happened when I was finally awarded the role as chief operating officer at School of Rock, yeah, for the first time in my career, I felt a relief of pressure to be pushing for the next move. I felt like I could actually take a pause and take a breath because it was kind of like, okay, I've made it to the C-suite. Like I'm I'm here. I'm present at the C-suite.

Speaker 2 30:36

Yeah.

Speaker 30:36

Yeah. And in that moment, I had that wave of relief and simultaneously this wave of responsibility to help all the other women who were coming up behind me and to help them learn from the things that I was able to learn and to navigate and to just help make their path a bit easier. So it was during COVID, and I reached out to a colleague who I knew was also passionate about the idea. And I pitched it to her. I said, Do you want to do this with me? And she was like, I like it. And it honestly started as an employee resource group within School of Rock. So, you know, I put the pitch together, I pitched it to my boss. He instantly said, I love it, do it. Love that. And yeah, he's a huge support. And I launched it within School of Rock. And then what happened was Roe v. Weight got turned over.

Speaker 2 31:39

Yes.

Speaker 31:39

And all of a sudden, as a group focused on female empowerment, we felt that we had a responsibility to speak up on that. And at the same time, as a representative of School of Rock and our core value of belonging, I also had to respect that not everybody within our community feels that same way. And that's okay. We're entitled to our different opinions. So I removed Front Women from School of Rock. We've become a community resource group. So we've opened it up to everybody. How amazing. I had LLC'd and trademarked it myself. Um, so it is all my own now. Are you gonna let me in? And just let's absolutely let me in this group. Frontwomen.org, Jane, join our mailing list. Everybody is welcome. Everyone is welcome. We have men who join us every single time. And how cool it's because he has two young boys and he wants to treat them how to be better allies. And yeah, I mean it's it's a great group. So we do quarterly calls and quarterly newsletters. So our newsletters we like to highlight um just a trailblazing woman and ask questions. You know, what have you learned? What have been hard points? What would you tell your younger self? Books, podcasts you're obsessed with right now. And they say mine. Just kidding. Okay, so that is really cool. So keep going. Oh, and then our our meetings are more interactive. So we talk about things. I love them because every time I learn so much, also. So we'll, my favorite one was like debunking imposter syndrome. I learned so much about imposter syndrome. Have you heard about bicycle face? No, tell me. So in the 1920s, it was when bicycles became a thing and women started riding bicycles. What happened was they no longer needed to wait for men to come with a horse and buggy to drive them somewhere. All of a sudden they were able to provide their own transportation. When the suffragists were putting signs on their bicycles and able to ride to meetings with each other to talk about like things that they were gonna do to fight for women's rights to vote. And they just became, women became less reliant on men. And now women wanted to wear pants. We didn't want to wear dresses anymore. We had all these things. Well, that wasn't liked, right? That we were becoming more independent. And there was literally a medical diagnosis called bicycle face that only affected women. And the symptoms would be tight jaw from clenching from riding up, stiff face, and they frightened women from riding their own bicycles with a bicycle face. So imposter syndrome is just the modern day bicycle face. And Rashmo Sujani gives an incredible speech about this, which is where I learned about it when I was doing my research. And it was so eye-opening. And it's like, oh my God, like this is just a thing to get in our heads to make us believe that we're we're where we don't belong. And that is so not the case. So we did a call on that. We did a call on, you know, beauty standards and how that's different for women. We talk about microaggressions. Sometimes we'll just do QA's, you know, with with women who will come on. We had um an incredible woman in charge of marketing over at Nike. She came on and talked about how to build your brand. Um we just find all different empowerment topics that sometimes are specific to women and sometimes are just about leadership, you know, around review time. We like to talk about how to advocate for yourself and have those tough conversations and how to approach that discussion about, you know, merit increases and bonuses and really advocate for yourself. And we really just try and serve as a safe place for people to learn together, learn from each other, and also just, you know, push the boundaries a little bit, which we need to keep doing.

Speaker 2 35:58

This is really awesome. Like, really, really awesome because I think you are hitting all the points that you have felt be most important and most impactful in your life, and probably others that you've led and see kind of where they struggle. Everything that you just mentioned is like a resource that all of us could use. You know what I mean? I mean, everything that you said, I was like, oh my gosh, I need that. Oh my gosh, I would love that. Oh my gosh, you know, so it's like, thank you for taking the time to take your own experiences to build something out that's really gonna benefit so many other people. I cannot wait to join this group, my friend. This is um, you've had such an evolution of yourself. Look at everything you've been through from starting with that crazy job to your marriage that thank goodness, you know, again, you were brave enough to get out of to taking a leap into something that you really didn't know anything about, but you just kind of felt like, hey, I kind of feel good here. Let's see where this goes. A lot of people don't do that, you know? And now look at you. Now you're trailblazing with front women. You're you're making a resource for so many other people to get out of their own way, to get rid of that imposter syndrome, to become what they're meant to be. It is so disheartening to watch how many people are just like, this is just the cards, you know, that I got. And no, no, no, no, no, no. Light that deck on fire, okay? This is not your cards. You can change the trajectory of your life literally at any moment, but you have to decide to get there. And sometimes we need an opportunity like Front Women that's gonna just maybe help give us a little more gumption to feel like we're in a place where we can do that. So I I really admire what you've built throughout your life. That is so cool. Are you open to a quick rapid fire question? Okay. All right, everybody, here we go. Stacy's in the hot seat. What's the biggest risk you've ever taken?

Speaker 37:51

Oh moving up to Massachusetts. Ooh, it was during uh during my divorce, and I was given the opportunity to relocate up here and help the new CEO open the new office up here for School of Rock, and I left all of my friends, I left all of my family, I left my entire support group probably at the time when I needed it the most. Wow. And moved six hours away. Um gosh. So it was scary, but it was the best decision I ever made.

Speaker 2 38:26

Our best decisions that we make come from scary times, don't they? They're not picture perfect, they're messy. So, okay, next question. A moment you almost didn't trust yourself.

Speaker 38:38

Moment I almost I don't want to give the same answer. But it could apply. I would say filing for divorce. Yeah. That's that's a big one. It's scary, and especially, yeah, I was in a relationship where I was led to believe that that was the best I was gonna ever get. Yeah. And, you know, it was kind of like, you think you could do this without me? Go ahead, I dare you. Try.

Speaker 2 39:06

Like, oh, watch me, sweetheart.

Speaker 39:08

Yeah, but it was it was scary. It was, you know, how am I gonna survive? How am I gonna pay my bills? Like, what is my life gonna look like? What's gonna happen with with my job, with my family? Because I was living, you know, in North Jersey and all my family was in South Jersey, and my friends, and all of that stuff. And, you know, it was a moment where you question, is this the best that I'm gonna get? Yeah. Am I throwing away something, you know, that I shouldn't be throwing away? Or is there something better out there? And boy, was there something better out there.

Speaker 2 39:40

Oh, amen, sister. I love that though, because you're right. When you're stuck in a relationship, you feel sometimes we get to the point where it almost feels better in the moment to just be comfortable. Like you know what your day is gonna look like, you know what to expect. But breaking out of that like comfort zone, best thing ever, if you know, I'm not encouraging divorces here. I I say that, but like if you're in an unhappy relationship, take it from me and Stacy. You know, there could, there will be something better on the other side. Okay, last rapid fire. Advice for women in leadership. What's like the number one thing you would say?

Speaker 40:15

I would say that often people will say that emotions and empathy are weakness of women. And I believe wholeheartedly it's our superpower.

Speaker 2 40:30

Yes.

Speaker 40:30

I think that leading with empathy and compassion makes every decision different. It it brings a different feeling to discussions and to team members and to problem solving. And don't try and hide that that side of you. Don't believe that you have to, you know, be emotionless because if you show emotion, you're that irrational woman in the room. Um, don't also, you know, be a blundering, crying mess. Um, but you know, have that that empathy, have that compassion, and also don't hold back from being firm at the same time. You know, I've been told I have sharp edges. You know, it's that old saying when when a man is a man is, you know, bossy, he's making decisions and a strong leader. And if a woman is, she's a bitch. And you know, that that is true, and that's gonna happen. And there's going to be people who are going to have that judgment of you. And every step of the way, there's still people to this day that I battle. And I've learned that if somebody is intimidated by me, that's not my problem to solve. Yeah. That's from their insecurities. They have to solve for that. I no longer soften myself to be less scary for people. And no longer try and remind myself, like, I have to be less intimidated. Like, I have to make sure that people feel comfortable. Yes, I want people to feel comfortable. I'm gonna approach that in a different way. I'm not gonna solve that by dulling my skill set and dulling myself and my decision making and seeming like a weaker person or a more, you know, indecisive leader. No, I'm not gonna do that. Um I'm gonna make sure you're comfortable in different ways. We're gonna have the discussions together, make the discussions together, but I no longer dole my edges for people. I dole my edges for myself. I dole my edges so that when I walk away from a conversation, I'm not looking back and saying, I wish I didn't come at it that hard, or I wish I had listened to them a little bit better before I spoke up. Or I wish I, you know, wasn't the first one to give the answer to that. Like, that's who I dole my edges for, for myself and for somebody else.

Speaker 2 42:53

Good for you. I love that. Don't be dulling your edges, people. So for a woman who's listening right now and she knows that she's saying somewhere that just no longer aligns, what would you want to leave her with today? Know your worth, people. Know your worth and get uncomfortable, right? So, you guys, seriously, I hope that you feel as moved by Stacy as I do. And if this episode hit you, if you felt that pull while listening, this is your reminder today. You don't need everything figured out. You do not need permission. You just need to trust yourself enough to take that next step, big or small. So if you've been waiting to do that, I ask you today, I challenge you today with saying, girl, why not you? Okay? Stacy, if people want to become a part of this amazing front women group, can you remind us again how we can get there?

Speaker 43:49

Yes. Go to frontwomen.org and join our mailing list. And then you will be in the know of all of our newsletters and our events to sign up for. And while you're there, You can explore all of our previous newsletters and some great things that we've done as an organization together.

Speaker 2 44:07

That is so awesome. Thank you so much for taking the time to be here today. Your message is strong, it is important, and you are going to change the lives of anybody listening to this. I am sure of that. Okay. I was just in Vegas, so here I am, a betting woman, and I would bet on that. Um, thank you again for all that you've done, for the people that you've served, that you continue to serve. I wish you the absolute best because guess what I know? This isn't where your story ends either. Keep going, girl, and I'm gonna be here for it. Everybody, thank you for tuning in today. Hope that you are as pumped as I am right now. And again, please ask yourself, girl, why not you? We'll talk to you next week.