Choose Your Hard and Stop Chasing A Comfortable Life. EP. 2

Episode 2 is all about living a meaningful life and what that looks like. Jeff and Colby make comparisons between chasing comfort vs. meaning and how challenges and adversity lead to happiness and fulfillment. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Broken Perspective Podcast, where we challenge beliefs, learn from others, and aim to be better people. I'm Colby.

SPEAKER_01 0:07

And I'm Jeff. We're just a couple of guys, dads, and curious humans trying to be better than we were yesterday. Today we're discussing the topic of modern comfort and whether or not that pursuit is leaving us less fulfilled.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

Do you find yourself constantly thinking about ways to make your life easier? Sounds rhetorical, I'm sure, like who wants a harder life, right? But what if it is robbing you and I of meaning? I'm willing to bet that some of the most uncomfortable moments in your life are also the ones that you're most proud of, or at least provided the greatest lessons. So what if embracing difficult things was actually the secret to a happy life? Well, we'll jump into that in just a moment. But first, Jeff, what are we drinking today?

SPEAKER_01 0:48

We are drinking the Vindicator from Loomis Basin. For those not around the area, uh Loomis Basin is uh in Loomis, uh, which is a little bit north of Sacramento in Roseville.

SPEAKER_00 1:03

This is a good one.

SPEAKER_01 1:04

It is my favorite. It is a favorite.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

I should have done snap open on the mic here. Let's see if I can redeem my pour from the last one for anybody who watched. Good luck. Yeah, I don't know. I'm not the guy you want pouring your beer. We'll drink it.

SPEAKER_01 1:19

No, I did almost the same thing. I slow poured and still gave myself the head. That was better. Oh, you crushed it and I crushed. I I lost it. Cheers, cheers.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

Yeah, that tastes good. Let me get uh get some notes here ready. This is gonna be a uh it's gonna be a good episode coming off the heels of the last one. For those of you who didn't watch, we talked all about personal responsibility, accountability, and why it is an advantage to you know take ownership of our lives. Absolutely. So before we jump into this topic, which again is all about the pursuit of comfort versus meaning, um talk about meaning, Jeff. So what is what is a meaningful life look like?

SPEAKER_01 2:16

Well, I think it definitely depends on uh perspective and what you know what's important to you. I think for most uh for most people with families, I think uh the focus becomes on creating the best atmosphere and creating success and um and success through your children um when they grow up. So that can be a meaningful process, but it doesn't fit for everybody. Some people aren't interested nowadays in having kids, and some people can do incredible things outside of uh having a family, and I think is you look at it as just a contribution. Um whatever you're contributing, and um you know, some people you know can be an architect and build things that contribute to our society, uh, but some people that creation is or that is building up a family and having them be successful. Um adults that also contribute. So I think uh meaningful life just kind of it's it's in our own hands to figure out what's meaningful.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

Yeah, yeah, it'll definitely be different for for everyone. Uh this reminds me of a book that I read. I do read books. I do read books that don't always have um pictures in them. Wrote it once in a book. And to be honest, I actually listened to this book when I was going to TacOps last year when I was flying to New York because it is a long flight, and it's a book that I wanted to read for a while, so I listened to half of it on Audible, and then I read the rest of it when I got home. What book? This book is called Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankel. I don't know if you've heard of the guy. So he is a very well-known guy. Basically, he was a Holocaust concentration camp survivor. He was a, I believe, a uh psychologist or psychiatrist and a neurologist by trade. But it's interesting that we planned this kind of topic today after the last episode because I it made me think of that book, uh Man's Search for Meaning. But the I guess kind of his core his core belief or argument in the book revolves around the idea that he doesn't believe the primary driver of humans is power or money or influence or pleasure. It's actually really just a search for meaning. And the way he tells the story, I'm not gonna try to do it because I wouldn't do it justice, but if you read the book, it talks about his experience going through these Nazi concentration camps in Germany, and he describes like not only his own situation, but the people that are around him that that did the best, if you can call it that, but like who survived the longest or went on to survive, they all had one thing in common, and it was they either had a goal or a loved one that they were, you know, that kept them, you know, motivated and alive. They had a why. They had a why. They had a why, they had something to motivate them to keep going. The people that died the quickest, you know, from the camps were usually people that just gave up. So they had the mental fortitude to keep keep going. And it kind of fits really nicely with this topic today.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

Um definitely, I mean, there's some things that are in your control and not in your control, and some it's like I would imagine I'm not comparing anything to the Holocaust, but to to add on to a give a different perspective. It's like, okay, somebody who gets stranded on a deserted island, right? Like there's outside factors that you really you don't have a whole lot of control over. Um and you sit there and you go, okay, well, am I gonna am I gonna fight for my own survival? Because I have a why, I have something to get back, right? Get back home to, I have a reason to live. And then some people that don't have that will or their whatever their circumstances may be, maybe they don't have uh a loved one that that that helps give them that why to uh push on and carry on. And so I can see how all those things just come down to it's like what's your driving force, what what motivates you to uh keep on keeping on and uh go get through tough times.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

Yeah, yeah. So if it's as perfect, um there's a quote that I wrote down in my notes just because I wanted to do it justice, but this is kind of one of the things that he said in his book, and it's those who have a why to live can bear almost any how.

SPEAKER_01 6:47

I like that.

SPEAKER_00 6:48

Yeah. And so, and it's funny because you think about celebrities and people that we see today that have everything. It's kind of what we talked about last episode, is sometimes people can look like they have everything from the outside and still be depressed, suicidal, and live an unhappy life. So happiness, in my experience, is not tied to the things that you have or, you know, status symbol, money, anything like that. It really is do you have meaning? And meaning again, like we just said, is having a having a purpose, living for others, having impact, having a partner, having something to look forward to when you get up every day.

SPEAKER_01 7:27

Now, do you think that are you speaking specifically for you, or do you think that there's other people? Some people might the the fame might be the thing that that's their driving force. They want to be in the spotlight. They because I think we're all individual, unique creatures. There's some people that want isolation, they want to be left alone, they just want to be left to their own endeavors, and there's other people who seek things differently. So I think in generalities, I think whatever you find your meaning is what the uh is kind of your why.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

Yeah. Yeah, it's definitely a personal thing to each person, and it's your own perspective and being able to reflect and justify at the end of every night when you go to bed, like, yeah, I had impact on other people. And for someone who's obviously in their entertainment, it might be, you know, your role in a bigger project is creating, you know, enjoyment for other people. It could be storytelling, it could be comedy, it could be action, whatever that is. And that can be a purpose. It may not sound like a great purpose to me or someone else, but again, it's individual, right? If you can go to bed at the end of the night and know that you still contributed and had impact, I think that is meaning, you know, and it's just how do you reflect and how do you view the things that you're doing every day to feel that. Do you do that on a daily basis?

SPEAKER_01 8:45

Reflect? Yeah, like when you say like you later, is that just a like a metaphor, or you sit there like every day you want to be moving? Because I I I would love to have the discipline to every day, like I guess kind of not solidify your why, but kind of just reflect on it and use that as the vulgar. But I think I look at it kind of as a bigger scope, and maybe I'm more in a month-to-month, year to year. Like, am I am I going towards my purpose? Am I going or am I distracting?

SPEAKER_00 9:13

Yeah, I do. And I don't, it's it's never been like something I set out to do. I didn't read a book and say, hey, every night go ahead and reflect and do this. So it's just something that came natural. I I'm definitely very self-reflective. I'm one of those people who, unlike my daughter, who Jeff knows very well, I speak a lot in my head. You know, I've got a very busy brain. You know, it's funny, my wife and my kids will make fun of me. Sometimes I'll be sitting or working on things, and I sit there and they could tell I'm talking to myself. I'm very big on like just reflecting and going over things in my head. And a lot of times more quiet. But I do. I reflect every night. Usually I sit down and I go through the things that I did today, what I want to do differently the next day. And for me, I know I feel the best when I did things that contributed to other people, big or small. You know, whether it was working in law enforcement, responding to a call where you maybe responded to a scenario where it was like just total chaos and anger, and maybe not even a call where you made an arrest, but you left after maybe bringing some humor or perspective to a family and got them to shake your hand at the end of the encounter. And you go home at the end of the night and you're like, hey, I had impact on these people. That felt good. But it could be it could be different too. It could be coaching, coaching football with you and being out on the football field and having a kid struggle with a particular drill, and you coach him through it, and you see it click in his brain, and he lights up, and then at the end of the night, you're thinking, That's a cool moment. I had impact. It could be just a conversation that I actually took the time to slow down and speak to somebody or my kids. You know, but I always look for that, and the days that I feel least fulfilled are probably days where I stuck at home alone or maybe just working on the computer all day or doom scrolling my phone. You know, sometimes you need those breaks from society, but I will say at the end of the night, when I don't when I wasn't productive, those are the days where I feel like I didn't have as much meaning that day. And so I'm always striving for the other, you know. Right.

SPEAKER_01 11:26

Yeah, and I'm trying to I'm definitely trying to improve on that. Like one of the things that is a weakness of mine is making sure that when I'm I want to be where my feet are. And oftentimes it's like if I have a thing, like we have a game, a game day or something like that, I'm thinking about the game, and then when people approach me, I'm kind of half-hearted in that conversation, and I like like they deserve you know a little bit more of my attention. So just constantly striving to improve on those things. Um so that kind of brings us to a question that um I wanted to ask you is when were you happiest despite life being difficult or challenging?

SPEAKER_00 12:06

That's a good one. I think a lot of moments that I look back on where I was really busy or just doing challenging things, and maybe in the moment I didn't know I was the most happy. It's kind of funny when you look back and you can reflect and think of like going to the academy as a cop or something, right? Usually during that sort of time in your life, you're like, this is stressful, this is challenging mentally and physically, and I'm not sure if I even want to do this, you know, at some times, and reflecting some of those moments that I had are are the best. But I would say in general, there was a time in my life in my early 20s where I did a lot of things all at once. And I'll give some examples. Like I got married right when I turned 21. We bought a house literally the same, like I think we closed on it two weeks before we got married. Okay. So two huge milestones that in anybody's life, buying a house, getting married, you know, starting a longer. I mean, we've already committed. I've been with my wife since I was 17, but taking that commitment. Yeah, that's a big step. Not to mention buying a home, how stressful that was. And then very shortly after that is when I did start the academy at the sheriff's department. And you were a youngin'. I was a youngin', and I was just like, I'm just gonna knock all this stuff out, get it done right away.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

Then be a what 21, 20 year old?

SPEAKER_00 13:38

Yeah, 21 years old.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

21 year old telling telling adults during the DV how to behave like uh adults. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

Weird, weird, weird things, which we can get into. But yeah, so I did a yeah, getting married, buying a house, joining the police department all within a short amount of time. And then right after the academy, Lauren tells me she's pregnant.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

Do we?

SPEAKER_00 14:04

And I'm now becoming a father as I'm just getting while you're on probation through FTO, learning the ropes, feeling like I don't want to work on actual probation, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:15

Work probation.

SPEAKER_00 14:16

Like, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I'm doing the thing, but like I just I'm a young, young guy working as a cop who's now becoming a father, owns a homeowner.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

Like all these things that I did, and responsibility because you can fail out, they can they can get rid of you at that at that phase of your career, they can get rid of you essentially for no reason. They can you you are on a probation. Obviously, they want good young uh officers, but I mean, when you have a mortgage payment, you have a wife, you have a kid on the way, and if you mess up, you do something egregious, and they're like, uh, nope, not for you, and they they can take all that away, and then you're in a world of hurt. But that pressure is obviously what I I would imagine would be extremely stressful. And but that's that's kind of what I think where you're going to is the you become happy because you've you you you took on that challenge, and when you come out the other end, it brings joy to your life. You're like, I feel like a man, I'm doing the things that I'm supposed to do.

SPEAKER_00 15:20

Yeah, so yeah, I look back on that time in my life and I'm like, man, it was when I really think about it, I'm like, there was so much stress at that time. You know, getting through the academy was just something totally new, nothing like I've ever done before. You know, you've done it yourself, and it's the stuff you have to to learn, and the pressure just to provide for your family, and then hearing that you're now gonna become a father. And there was a lot of pressure on me with that, in the sense that I like I said before, I didn't grow up with a dad. And one of the things that I really wanted to do in my lifetime was be a father, and so getting the news that I that's gonna happen while I'm already stressed out with this new job, it was definitely overwhelming emotion-wise. Probably didn't show it at the time, but when I think back and reflect, I'm like, oh, stress the fuck out.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

Right. Well, and then you could talk about hardships and how that can create some uh opportunities for happiness. It's like how fearful with you were you from that situation of not having a father figure or not having a father, and then now you're expected to be a father. It's like, well, what example did I get? And then, but I think for a lot of people um that come from I don't want to say broken homes, but come from rough upbringings where it almost inspires you to give it your best shot as opposed to following the same cycle. I don't know. What do you think about that?

SPEAKER_00 16:49

Yeah, no, I agree. It definitely did, but like you just said, but to what example was I given? I didn't have one, so that created a little bit of stress too, because I'm like, it's so easy to sit there as you're you know, I have this baby now, and I'm like, am I doing am I a good father? Am I doing the right things? I don't really know. It feels like I am. The feedback I'm getting from my wife, I guess, says I am, but the unknown is usually the thing that is the most stressful. 100%. And so, yeah, becoming a father, and but again, it was all difficult times. I remember like we were asking my mother-in-law for money to pay our bills, like financially, we were stressed. You know, we we just struggled, and you know, we committed, we wanted you know, my wife to be a stay-at-home mom because we wanted to be able to raise our kids with our own values, and the money that she could make at the time was like you'd basically be paying for the daycare. Right.

SPEAKER_01 17:44

You work full-time to pay for child care so somebody else can help raise your kids.

SPEAKER_00 17:47

Yeah, so we made that decision, and so all this to say, it was a really stressful time looking back in my life. But man, was I I really was the most happy. Like, I feel so fulfilled. I was getting to do the things that I always wanted to do. You know, I had a great profession now, I owned a home that was nicer than any home I ever lived in, and I'm now a dad. Right. And the amount of joy and fulfillment that that brought into my life, I couldn't, I couldn't put into words. Right. And yes, it was all challenging and it was difficult. And if you could write your story on a book and like plan out how everything happens, which a lot of times we want to do, we want to like plan this path, and then God says, no, it's gonna go a different way, or it's gonna go quicker or later than what you decide. But looking back, I'm like, I wouldn't have planned it that way. Oh, 100%, yeah. You know, the plan was like, okay, we'll get married, we'll buy the house, I'll start this new profession, maybe like two or three years down the road, then we're gonna have a kid. Didn't happen that way. It was like I was raking the yard one day doing, you know, doing the weeds, and Lauren walks out and she looks at me and she tells me she's pregnant.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

She have that smile. Does she have that face or did she have a little bit of a smile or is she scared?

SPEAKER_00 19:06

I I think it was just kind of a neutral look. Just she was gauging my response. And again, I don't even know how she perceived my response. I think she's told me before what to ask her, but like I think I was kind of like, oh, really? Like I was kind of surprised, but then it hit me for a moment, and then I just felt like overjoyed. But even then, it's not real until you know you start that baby until her body's changing, and you're doing the you know, you're doing the ultrasound, and then you're hearing the heartbeat, and then you give, you know, she has my son, and then you hold him for the first time.

SPEAKER_01 19:44

Yeah. Powerful moment.

SPEAKER_00 19:46

And it and that's the first moment you're like, I I don't know, looking back gives me chills. I'm like, I think that might have been the first moment I felt like I truly had meaning. I can see that is holding a baby that you brought into this world, and now I am no longer living for myself. Correct.

SPEAKER_01 20:04

And that's when it becomes powerful as well.

SPEAKER_00 20:05

Like that is meaning, right? Right. I don't know how to compare a greater meaning than to procreate and have a child that now you are responsible for the rest of your life for. And so I don't know, looking back, it was just like for me, when I think about challenging times, that's just what stands out the most is like those are all challenging things to do. But man, did it leave me motivated? I was so motivated, like going to work to get home to see my kid, to work on my new house and do DIY projects with my wife, and it just brought so much joy and all things that are crazy stressful independently of each other, but left me feeling so happy. Right.

SPEAKER_01 20:49

Yeah, my story is kind of similar in those regards because I so I worked um for uh uh a probation department, and then through budgetary things I got laid off. Um and so you know, I'm around 30 years old and looking for the next chapter in my life, uh new son, uh, we had bought a home. And so um during that time, because of the financial things of the economy, had to put myself through the academy, which put a lot of strain on my wife to like, hey, let's make ends meet. Luckily, we had saved up a good amount. We're not we're generally pretty frugal, but having a a young son and then going, like, hey, I'm spending a lot of money and I can't work a whole lot outside of going to the academy to put food on the table. It's like, but this is like I'm paying for a job interview. And it was like I had to pay my own way through the academy because at that time they weren't putting too many people through. And um but the stress of I want to say the stress of going through the academy because again, I was like 30 at the time, so I kind of laughed at most things because like I understand when they're young. Yelling at me. It's not because I did anything fucked up. Like, I know that that's their job, but it was fun to watch some of the younger people like flip over on themselves and like lose their minds. And you're like, dude, their job is to fuck you up. Like to to yell at you and get you out of your oodaloop and do all the things. So you sit there and you just kind of laugh at them, you kind of guide them. But the point being is like, hey, I have to perform because there's no job guaranteed at the end of this. I'm using this to show the departments that are looking going through it that I'm worth investing in and I'm worth putting in. So luckily, uh about a week before the graduation, uh the uh commander of the um the academy came to me and was like, hey, because I got a kind of an offer from another agency outside, and he was like, Nope, you're coming here. And so he pulled the strings that he did. And so I was able to walk across the stage, um, get my badge for uh that police department. But the stress being like, Hey, I'm I'm putting in all this work on just faith and hope. Um no guarantees, uh, but believing in myself, but the stress of being like, I need to put food on the table for my family. Um but it's still one of the prouder moments that I had because ultimately it was I was going through a little bit of doubts before that, and I actually reached out to one of my good friends, um, Guillermo, shout out if you watch. Um and he was like, dude, have you ever failed at anything? Like you're good at things. Just compete your ass off and do what you do. And it was really like a yeah, I am pretty successful in most of the things I take on. If it's like it's like, hey, I want to make the football team, I'm gonna work and I'm gonna show the coaches that I'm worth playing. If I want to make, you know, whatever. If I whatever I'm gonna tackle, I'm gonna tackle with 100%. And while um the times were rough, I think that gives you perspective. And that that perspective is what I think what you end up finding the joy from and the happiness. Because I could have just sat there and did nothing or taken an easier path and being like, okay, I'm gonna go back to what I was doing before. But it doesn't feel like growth at that point. And I'm I don't and fear being a a factor that I don't want to ever control my actions and being like, oh, I might not be successful, just like lateraling to another agency. It's like, oh, cool, I have a reputation here, it's a good reputation, I'm doing well. I'm gonna go and start over and start at the beginning of it.

SPEAKER_00 24:27

Give up everything I've already done.

SPEAKER_01 24:28

Right. And and start over at a new place where somebody I don't know is gonna kind of be watching over me, judging my every action. Yeah, but I never let those kind of challenges uh deter me because thinking about my friends' word of words of advice, like oh let's take that on and uh let's just dominate it and do it.

SPEAKER_00 24:48

Yeah, it's good stuff. I'm always interested in uh academy experiences.

SPEAKER_01 24:54

Oh, it's the funniest times.

SPEAKER_00 24:57

Yeah, when we say academy, we're talking about police academy. I know it could sound weird. Like some people. What isn't what is an academy? What the hell are you guys talking about? But uh it's a great example of like just pushing through something that's gonna suck, and I think going through that experience is better when you are when you do have a little life experience. Yeah, because you know it's just something that has to be done. They're just doing their job, they're trying to stress you out. That's not really like them.

SPEAKER_01 25:27

You have enough of you know enough that you know the game that's gonna be played. Right. It's like they come in day one, they haven't seen your face at all, or they have a picture of you or whatever, and they rip you apart, and you're like, okay, like, all right, okay, yeah, keep yelling at me. I didn't mess this thing up, and they met they they rip you apart for something that's like trivial, like, hey, you're you know, your boots aren't polished quite enough, and you're like, all right, dude, doesn't mean I'm a I'm a piece of shit.

SPEAKER_00 25:53

But but some people really struggle in an academy, and it does, in my experience, it does tend to be the younger, the younger guys that don't have a lot of they haven't experienced a lot of hardship yet, you know. But I look back at all the funny stories from the academy and just people getting totally freaked out over things that and it it it is a little stressful in the in the moment because you're trying to, you know, the whole the whole idea is to be a cohesive team and do things for the betterment of the group. Right.

SPEAKER_01 26:26

So when you screw up, you're letting a lot of times everybody gets punished as a result of you.

SPEAKER_00 26:32

Yeah, everyone's getting punished. So there's this embarrassment factor that goes into it, and you feel like you're letting people down. But when you can really take a step back and look at the overall process, you're like, it's not that big of a deal. But it is funny because I remember so many people getting stressed out. I have one story in particular that was really funny. And it's a good friend of mine that we've stayed friends. We went to the academy together. I won't say his name, but he'll know the story if he listens to this. And it was we were sitting in the classroom in the morning.

SPEAKER_01 27:07

And how far into the academy was there?

SPEAKER_00 27:09

Oh man, it was still pretty early. It was maybe like month one. Okay. Month one, I think. And we're all just, you know, there's an instructor and they're talking about whatever, you know, domestic violence or something. And uh what the class officer and some of the class counselors and recruitment people would do is during classroom time in the mornings, they would go walk the parking lot where all the recruits park and they would look for, you know, vehicle equipment violations, unlocked vehicles, anything that they can write up or you know, punish you for. They would go look. So we're sitting there, and all of a sudden our class officer comes walking in, and all I see when the door opens is a ladder get thrown into the middle of the classroom. Like, where the fuck is this coming from? A ladder gets thrown in, and then all of a sudden, like some cones get thrown in, and just random shit's getting thrown in the class, and then here comes the class officer right behind the objects, and he's yelling at us and telling us to get to the beach. The beach was basically this little sandbox that was outside the uh the you know the classroom area, and that's where we got, or it was called also called the pit, but basically to the beach, he yells, and we all go running out there. And oh, one thing I meant I forgot to mention, he holds up this huge, like Bowie knife, and he's like, Who's is this? And it's one of the guys in the class that never ended up graduating. But basically, a couple people left their vehicle unlocked, so they grabbed a bunch of stuff. You're not supposed to have any sort of weapons on the premises because our academy was actually right behind the county jail. And sometimes the inmates go walk around and do you know trash pickup, so it makes sense, right?

SPEAKER_01 28:54

You don't want to leave uh big Rambo knife, right?

SPEAKER_00 28:58

Uh so he has this huge so he has this huge Rambo knife in there, and he was also the one that had the ladder in the back of his truck unsecured. So the lesson was like not to leave equipment and gear un you know unsecured, like take care of your shit. Anyway, so we get yelled at to go to the beach. So we have to go dress out first. Actually, we're confused, we don't even know if we should dress out because the rule was you're supposed to go like throw PT gear on and then go. So half of us were like, Do we go to do we go to the pit or do we get dressed out? So we got dressed out, and then we all ran to the sand pit, and they're already out there waiting for us. They're yelling at us to do high knees and all this stuff, and we're missing a person. We're like, Where's he at? And again, I won't say his name, but all of a sudden you see him running out of the locker room, and we're all there doing high knees already, and we're like, Oh shit, like he's gonna get in so much trouble. So he's running up, and then all of a sudden, our class officer turns around and sees him straggling to the beach, and it just got kind of quiet. And then he stopped, or he's like, sir, requesting permission to move on, sir. And he's like, Well, he's like, Thank you for joining us. Whose time are we on? Are we on or how does he say it? He's like, Are we on your time or my time? And he's like, My time, sir.

SPEAKER_01 30:15

Oh, yeah, that nervous he was flustered, and he and then you can see the class officer's look.

SPEAKER_00 30:23

He's like, it almost like caught him off guard. Like, did you really just say we're on your time? And he's like, Oh, really? And so he gets ringed. We all get like punished for the next like 30 minutes in the sandbox in the hundred-degree heat, and then we gave the nickname to my buddy of Father Time.

SPEAKER_01 30:42

Because the controller of all time.

SPEAKER_00 30:44

Because he's the controller of all time, you know. But it was funny, it was just like a funny moment of like people getting flustered, doing dumb things, you know, getting caught in the moment, and just getting but looking back, they're so funny and so fulfilling because you look back and you have you know these challenges that you overcame, and you can look back and it gives you perspective in life, right? Like you were saying, those challenging moments give you perspective to look back and say, it's not that hard, it's not that bad. And even when it is hard, it creates great moments and experiences that give us meaning.

SPEAKER_01 31:17

Yeah, I I mean you could take a not to take a biblical passage on it, but it's like, can you really know what good is if you don't know what bad is? Like, can you really understand um something that's like, hey, life's good if you haven't experienced a little bit of bad? Like if you just if everything was just on good, that was the standard, it wouldn't even be good anymore. It would just be the standard. That's just how life is. And it's like, so you kind of need to me a like a both sides of this the spectrum on that. Otherwise, you can't push it. So can you so it kind of goes into our overall conversations? Can you have a meaningful life? Could it can you look at it and be like, hey, I've lived a good life if you have no concept of what your life could have been? Like I often reference that probably growing up, I was probably closer to being a criminal than I was to be in like law enforcement, you know, some of the upbringing, but you just I never even thought of being in law enforcement. And generally, I was a pretty good kid, but I did some goofy stuff. Um but it gives you perspective, and I think that's where ultimately it's like you have to have some sort of comparison. It's like can you can you really re be positive and reflect if you've never gone through a real challenge? Never challenged yourself and just floated through life. Like I don't know, I think when we're kind of talking about um kind of bringing in a next question is like does experience or having a struggle create help create your identity as a person?

SPEAKER_00 32:54

Yeah, it definitely does when you think about it. Taking on challenges and struggle and learning to push through and overcome, it creates an identity, one of fortitude, perseverance, like resolve, and it it creates a stronger character, I think. Whereas when you if you were to ask that question the opposite way, like lack of struggle, and if you create that as a habit of avoiding, which is what a lot of people do in life, not a lot of people, but I'm sure there's some people that can think of they just want a comfortable life. So that also can create an identity, right? Right. Like someone who is avoidant of struggle. Like you're gonna you're not it's almost like you're living to be numb, right? Right. And it's almost like people who use use drugs to escape reality.

SPEAKER_01 33:56

Oh, 100%.

SPEAKER_00 33:57

When you live that sort of lifestyle, you're just numb. You're devoid of feeling, right? And for me, going back to like when I lay my head down at night, I want a life that I felt. I want a life that I felt.

SPEAKER_01 34:13

And that is that coming strictly from your perspective, or like can do are you the type of person? I'm kind of the type of person, like it sounds like like I'm a weirdo, but I actually get motivated by like funerals. I know that sounds weird, but like explain that. So um so one of the assignments I have is being a member of our SWAT team, and sometimes when we have like uh a funeral for an officer or funeral um that's highly publicized, we have to do a security detail on it. Um and just you know, through life you go to uh funerals, unfortunately, but it's just the reality of of dealing with things. Um but I've been to funerals where they just they don't have much to say about the person. You know, and like I I laugh and I'm you know stealing a little bit from uh the comedian uh Bill Burr, who's talking about somebody who maybe wasn't super liked or didn't do a whole lot of things, and he just laughs. He's like, What do you have to say about it? He's like, Well, he played paid his bills on time. What do you say? He's like, You paid his bills, and you're like, man, like for me, it's a motivating factor to accomplish things and make an impact on people. Not because I need people, because obviously I'll be dead at some point, and you know, how that looks or whatever in the afterlife, I have no idea. But you know, the people attending uh my funeral. Um I liked them to at least see that you're like, you know what? Oh, he did he did things. Um, not was like what person who's just like, hey, like, you know, you worry, I think, about like for kids, you see your kids nowadays, and they're like some of them just kids nowadays just jump on video games, and that's all they think. You're like, Yeah, will they go? Will people be like, oh wow, man, that dude was really good at video games and scene. Like that's like, and then they're like that's so uninspiring. It's like I like the pictures, like I like pictures of people doing things, whether they um, you know, climbed a mountain or wrote a book or were were a musician, or just were a great father or a great husband, and and took their families on adventures and raised good, strong children that know how to operate and treat people decently. Like all those things I kind of reflect in kind of my own little high horse judgy white wig way, but it's like those those things are important to me. Like I I want people, and again, this is something I'm I'm working on me, is to not care so much about what other people think, but I would like in my vision, it's like that inspires me to do something because I don't want to be um, you know, reflecting at my older years, even if it's not a funeral, my older years, my 80s, my 90s, where life's kind of winding down and be like, man, I didn't do a lot of things, A, because I was scared, or B, because I didn't have the confidence to do it. And it's like, let's do things and let's let's make an impact. Um maybe it's one of the reasons why I coach, maybe it's one of the reasons why I like to train or have really authentic um conversations with people versus superficial conversations with people.

SPEAKER_00 37:24

Yeah. It reminds me of, I don't remember where I got it from, but I don't know if it was a book or maybe like a seminar I went to or something, but it was this uh they would encourage like it sounds kind of dark, kind of like you're talking about like funerals and stuff being a motivator. But it was like if you were to write your own eulogy, what would you want it to say? And to even answer that question, it would take you to sit down and really think about it, like the things that you do in your life and I guess reflect on how other people may perceive you and view you. And it is a powerful idea to think about writing your own eulogy. And I mean, I guess you could be like, well, I don't really give a shit what people think, but I think if we're being honest, like if you want to live a good life and you're you still have many years ahead of you to write that, it could be powerful.

SPEAKER_01 38:21

Right. Like having a meaningful life versus just existing are two different things.

SPEAKER_00 38:26

Yeah, which is the crux of the question that we're talking about today is like you know, to avoid struggle and I guess I mean is I guess the question would be if you don't pursue things that are challenging, what is your meaning?

SPEAKER_01 38:41

Right. If you always take the easy, easy path, what do you even know about yourself? Like you learn a lot about your yourself when things are hard. You don't learn a lot about yourself when things are easy. And I use this example with some of my my players that I coach, and it's like you're trying to grow. You you have to if it doesn't challenge you, it'll never change you. So we talk about strength, and the example I just immediately go to is like if I want to get stronger and I just do one push-up a day, and I'm like, hey, I'm gonna do one pushup a day. Yeah, that's not gonna there's no growth at the end of that. There's no pride that comes in the end of that because I could probably go into a coma for a couple of weeks and come out and be able to do more than one push-up. So it's like, okay, no, you push yourself to your limit, and your mind is kind of it can be your strongest asset, but it could also be your weakest one. Like I think we alluded to last time. It's like I have a lot of negative thoughts up there, and you're trying to be positive, but at the same time, your mind will quit before your body will. And so, really pushing yourself, you kind of when you come out of the other end of a difficult situation, whether you're in the military and you get in some sort of violent engagement or whatever, or you go through an academy or a police officer and you have an incident or a fire, like any of the things, and you really get you don't get tested, like your fortitude doesn't get tested all the time. Uh and I I've talked to a lot of people who um maybe didn't come out as well as they thought they were going to, and then be like, hey, I got I got put to the test and I I came up a little short. Um and some of them it lets them define them, and some of them are just begging and praying and seeking another opportunity for not redemption in terms of the like I wanted they just want another opportunity to show their worth and their valor. And um, I think those things give you meaning because you never know when that opportunity comes. Like you just be driving, you know, your kids home from school or something like that, and something gets thrown in front of you, and you can avoid it and drive past them like, man, I hope somebody else, I hope, I hope everything works out okay. Right. Or sometimes you can get involved. And sometimes when you get involved, bad things can happen potentially, great things can happen potentially, but there's there are moments where you you live with, and like you said, what you when you lay your head down at night, it's like how comfortable are you with the decisions you made and the actions that you took. That's everybody's individual uh thing.

SPEAKER_00 41:06

Yeah, and it's you know, living in the busy world that we do, it's so easy to be consumed by modern convenience. You know, I think about my you know, if I'm truly striving to have a more meaningful and purposeful life, like I was questioning myself the other day, like what are some things that I find myself doing habitually that are probably robbing me of you know, more meaning, more purpose, more impact.

SPEAKER_01 41:35

And what okay, go ahead with that.

SPEAKER_00 41:37

An example is you know, I run a creative media agency where we have several clients, and it requires a lot of communication and like juggling schedules and what's going on. So, one of the things I've done over the last couple years now is I'm always streamlining how do I communicate with all these people to be efficient. Sounds good, sounds good on paper, right? But what happens is because I'm building that as a habit for the way I conduct a business, I find myself being really short with people that maybe has nothing to do with work.

SPEAKER_01 42:12

You just want things to be efficient. I just want efficient, you know.

SPEAKER_00 42:14

And it could be a matter, it could be texting you and asking you a question or sending you something funny, right? But I'm operating because I'm building this habit into my life of efficient communication, efficient communication, that I fail at just taking the time to have a meaningful conversation. And meaningful conversations don't have to be a long drawn-out, like we're sitting down like we are today, or even getting together in person. But sometimes I ask myself, why don't I just pick up the phone and hear Jeff's voice? You know, or hear so-and-so's voice, or whatever. And because we lose a lot in digital communication, like it's bad enough that we're not in the same room, so we don't pick up on the body language and the emotion behind the message we're conveying. But even a voice call, you can hear the emotion in someone's voice, and you could pick up and build a relationship off that versus digital communication. It's very cold. Right. You know, oftentimes, sometimes you have to question, like, I don't know how they meant that, you know, and it's at the expense of building this relationship. I'm trading it for speed and efficiency. Right. And so that's just one example of like a modern convenience where I gotta ask myself sometimes am I treating my friends and the people I I say I love and care about like they're just anybody else that I communicate with business wise, or like I need a I almost need like this pattern interrupt that changes that and switches it off for me. But it's it's a I don't think it's is a good thing, right?

SPEAKER_01 43:51

Right. But I also think uh you recognized that and took like avertive actions on that. One of the reasons why uh we uh chose to do this. It was because like we wanted to make sure that we continue to hang out and have conversations. Because the busyness of life can get in in the way, and all of a sudden it's like, hey, my good friend, I haven't seen him in three to four months. But occasionally I'll send him a hey, what's up, man? Hope everything's good. Yeah. And it's just kind of superficial. And so we're like, hey, let's not do that. Let's make sure we get together and have a beer and chat about life. And so, um, but you're taking actions on that. And I think that's yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:32

But it's hard though, because I mean, I'm I'm not exempt from like wanting to chase modern convenience and create an easier life. But I think it is important, and maybe the message for this this episode is try to not always chase comfort, you know, when you get so wrapped into like making things easier and more efficient, especially with AI and all these things nowadays. I sometimes get jealous and think how much easier was life when you didn't have all these. It's funny, we trade convenience for just more stress.

SPEAKER_01 45:06

Right.

SPEAKER_00 45:06

You know, because it's more things to worry about. And really, it's funny. I think about like the whole convenience thing with like technology. It makes your job quicker, but then what do we do? Fill it with more stuff. We fill it with more stuff. So are we really benefiting from any of this modern convenience, or are we just filling our day with more stuff and more stress? So I almost think the world the more intelligent we get, maybe the less happy and in and like peaceful the world becomes. And that doesn't sound very like optimistic, but it was another thought I had the other day, the difference between living ignorantly versus having broad knowledge. And I really feel the more knowledge we gain, it opens opportunities to be more stressed out because then you question things more.

SPEAKER_02 45:54

Right.

SPEAKER_00 45:55

Whereas it's almost like children, you think they're ignorant. Children are so happy.

unknown 45:59

Right.

SPEAKER_00 45:59

They don't think about bills, they don't think about responsibility, they're just living in the moment. It's almost like if we could be more childlike, we would be more happy because we really are living in the moment. Like, remember being a kid riding your bike, going, you know, doing something, just not a care in the world about it. You're creative, you're you're most active, you're engaged with your friends. The biggest upset is like my friend can't play today or something for the most part.

SPEAKER_02 46:28

Right.

SPEAKER_00 46:28

Versus as you become an adult and you think, oh, I just want to know things and I want I want to have all these things, but then do they make you happier? And you're like, man, sometimes I wish I can just be more ignorant and not know the things that I know. Right.

SPEAKER_01 46:42

Yeah, I think there's a lot of there's a lot of wisdom in that. Um I uh I'm known in my household as being kind of like I'm like a movie snob, and I know I a cajillion movies and quote movies all the time, but like as I've gotten older, and I wouldn't necessarily say necessarily say better, but like I watch a movie, especially I can't watch anything, anything police related because I'm watching them do shit. I'm like, somebody would fucking do that. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 47:11

Yeah, it's the worst.

SPEAKER_01 47:12

And then so, but I kind of like that doesn't make any sense. Why do they do it? And so, but then I've watched I know people who just enjoy, and they can just sit there and just be like, this is great, it was a fun flick, and no, and you're like, terrible movie, right? And yeah, I'm I'm a little jealous of the fact that I can't just sit down and just enjoy and turn all the criticisms off and all the like, hey, no, that's not how somebody would handle this. This is how we should now. Granted, it's funny I say that, and then all of a sudden you you watch a video in training, and you're like, who in the hell did that? Like, okay, people not everyone's trained the same. Okay, we're doing weird shit out there, and um, anyways, but uh I do think there's a um it's like a a blanket that we can throw over our head sometimes and go, what hey, okay, so what's convenient, what's simple? Um and how is that quietly hurting people? Um, but at the same time, I also think that it's kind of an age thing because I think youth, you're like a child and you're like, okay, I'm my my needs are simple. I want this, this, this. And we talked about it a little bit last episode where it's like, okay, what? 1112, you start kind of finding your own identity and you start being responsible for yourself. And you're like, these are the things I want, these are the things I like. I'm gonna start pursuing those. And then in that process, in that building block, you're right, okay, I want to be a successful person. Okay, well, what does that look like? What am I good at? Okay, you try to do that, and for whatever your why is, okay, like like, hey, like I want a uh a loving wife with a uh create a great family. Um, so you you do that. And so when you've done that and you've completed, I don't want to say it's ever really completed, but you're building it to a successful marriage, a successful family. And then at some point, I think, I hope that you can end up being like, okay, I've accomplished all these things and I've done these things, and now it's time to seek peace and seek the the value of the little things. It's like, can I just enjoy a beer with a friend? Can I just enjoy having coffee in the morning that I made exceptionally well and find peace and joy in those modern conveniences because the goals don't always have to be for climbing and achievement because now we're talking about did I live a successful life? And um, I think m for most men that I've talked to, what we're looking for in companionship, where we're looking for peace. Like once we get to a point where of uh achievement's not no longer the focus of our our why or the the the the why doesn't lead us to achieving as much anymore. And now it's like okay, I want to be there for the grandkids, I want to be there for um, I want to be healthy and successful and have my mind operating in my retirement. And um now I just want to find peace and travel and see new things and learn new things. That makes any if that makes any sense. I know there's a lot of rambling.

SPEAKER_00 50:27

Yeah, it's an interesting idea though, because I think about the you know wanting peace in your life. It almost makes me wonder like, would you enjoy peace when you're young?

SPEAKER_01 50:40

No. I think that's I think that's where you're gonna enjoy peace now, or you're just starting to, right? I'm that's what I'm seeking now because before it was like, give me all the things. I want all of it. Like, a I'm I'm working in this agency, I'm working, you know, 30 hours of overtime every week because A, I want the respect of my peers, that my supervisors, um, I want to be exceptional, I want to stand out. Um, and that, if not held in check a little bit, um, can is what often leads to high rates of divorce, animosity, kids feeling like, hey, I have a father, but the father's not present because he's trying to build his career. And then you get to a point where you're like, all right, let's let's now let's focus on family. And it's hard for work to to make the adjustment. He used to do all these things, and it's like, yeah, well, that was the priority, and now the priority is being a great dad and being a great husband. That's the priority, and so it's just finding that fine-tune, but it's like, I agree with you. It's like to seek peace early in life, I think could and peace being intrinsic like internally going like I want things to be calm. I want things like that's I think when you seek that early in life, it leads to a lot of uh a lot of um negativity, like it brings a lot of it's almost like it goes against human nature, like right. I think you get that from a lot of like enabling parents or something like that, where it's like, I just want to play video games, I want to be left alone. It's like if they're allowed to do that, at what point can they really appreciate it? Because we've been to those calls where there's like a a 40-year-old dude living at home with his 70-year-old mom being shitty to her because she's asking him to contribute in some way, and he's like calling on her, being like, She keeps riding me, and you're like, Who are you? Are you even a man? Your mom is calling the police on you and you're complaining about you. It reminds me of Will Farrell, Halo. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 52:51

What's she doing up there? I never know what she's doing.

SPEAKER_01 52:53

Yeah, just no appreciation because they haven't lived with the hard the hardships, and they haven't, and you find like a lot of times when those parents, even say it's not even 40, but even at 30, a a young man's living at home, and they finally like push him out of the house and go like, no, go, baby bird, go fly. Yeah, that's where the real growth comes in. Cause then they're like, Oh, I have to get a job, I have to do well, I have to put, I have to pay my bills, and then go, man, shit. The my my parents were doing that for me, and they grow internally and they grow as a person and show actually respect to the parents oftentimes afterwards. Be like, I didn't realize how bad I was behaving, and thank you for doing that. So yeah, that's the dream scenario.

SPEAKER_00 53:39

Yeah, it really does come down to trying to find balance between peace and I guess adventure, challenge, struggle, whatever you want to call it. Uh, but I do think, like I said a minute ago, it follows a natural curve in life. I think you can enjoy more peace as you get older. That's the that's a natural way, right? But so many people are brought up wanting just the easiest path. Right. You know, and then they're so depressed when they don't see it because it's not natural for life, right? Right. When you're young, you're not supposed to have peace and ease. Right. You're supposed to grind. Think about if we were back in the wild, you know, a billion years ago, like you didn't wake up and just have peace. Right. You were probably starving. You were starving, you had to get to work, right? Or you don't survive.

SPEAKER_01 54:27

Darwinism had its finest. Like you if you don't go put in the work, you're going hungry. Yeah, survive upon you.

SPEAKER_00 54:34

Yeah, but going back to the modern convenience thing, our world is so easy to befold into the idea of like, why can't I just have peace all the time?

SPEAKER_01 54:43

Right. And maybe it's from from our I don't want to say narrow, but like we say the world, but that's from our perspective here in America, that may not be the case um for a majority of the rest of the world.

SPEAKER_00 55:00

Right. Yeah, no, there's definitely different it's all it's all relative.

SPEAKER_02 55:05

Right.

SPEAKER_00 55:05

You know, there's defin definitely some like third world countries where people again going back to the idea though, is like meaning and happiness is not tied to stuff or status. I think some of the happiest people can be people who live off the grid with very minimal you know, because it's like mo money, mo problems, right? Kinda.

SPEAKER_01 55:25

Right. Uh I was gonna bring up this quote um that I liked. So let me just make sure I articulate it well.

SPEAKER_00 55:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:36

This is by Joseph Campbell, um a decorated author. Uh and he says, Life is without meaning. You bring the meaning to it. The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be. Being alive is the meaning. What are your thoughts when you hear that?

SPEAKER_00 55:54

I like it. It goes back to what we said at the beginning of the chat today, that meaning for you or all of us is very individual. Like life doesn't I do think, and this is from a religious point of view, I do think we are all given certain gifts and talents that it's our job. I've always felt our job in life is to discover what our gifts are. Some people learn them really young. You know, you might discover that you have a talent for singing, or you have a talent for playing an instrument, or being an athlete, or you're just really gifted with intellect.

SPEAKER_02 56:33

Right.

SPEAKER_00 56:34

But I really feel the challenge for life that God has given us is discover your meaning, what you are given, and then do your best to live, live, live out your gift.

SPEAKER_01 56:48

Utilize it. Like, visualize it. I like to call that uh people's superpower. Sometimes early in meeting people, I'll kind of be like, hey, dude, what's so like what's your superpower? Like, what are you good at? What do you excel in? And hopefully that is what has led you to the career you have or the successes that you have. But it's oftentimes funny when you're like, oh, that's your superpower, but you're doing that instead. Like, why don't you find a way to use what you love to do and you're naturally good at? And those don't those don't always coincide, right? Like, some people are really good at a certain thing and they don't love it, and you're like, man, what a waste. Like, especially when you have like athletes like, dude, you're built to be a great running back or whatever, and then you're like, oh, but you don't like football.

SPEAKER_00 57:36

Yeah, well, it reminds me of I forget the basketball player's name, but he's like, he's known, he's like a drugie now who lives on the street, and people film him all the time. Gosh, I forget his name. Ben was just showing me the other day, but like he was like under a bridge, and someone's like, Oh, you're so-and-so, and like he's a pretty cool dude, you could tell. But he's just his life was consumed with drug use, and he's out of the NBA and he's just living on the streets now. And like you just said, you're like, Man, what a waste of talent.

SPEAKER_01 58:00

Right. But I wonder if he's more happy. He's probably less happy when he was in the NBA, even though he was successful and had had money. But at the same time, if that was a driving force or his why, a lot of people in professional sports or a lot of people in their careers don't love what they do. It's something I think a lot of us we can all relate. It's like not a lot people just like love their job. I mean, what a blessing if you love the thing that provides for your family. Right. Um, but I think if it gives you the opportunity to do the things with your family and live a life that you want to do outside of work, um, I think that's a wonderful thing. And that's kind of how I used to, when I used to be a field training officer, I you know, used to convey to people, it's like um, make sure you have things that you love to do because this job can be taken away from you. Like the job can be taken away from you at any point. Don't be consumed with being a cop and all of the things and like with the all the stereotypes that go with it. And you're like, be a be an individual that has that's multi multifaceted. Um that along with you know, marital life advice about choosing their companion or whatever. I try to always impart on my trainees.

SPEAKER_00 59:19

So yeah, and here's a thought that this reminded me of when we're as we're talking. And maybe this could give somebody hope who feels like they don't have anything they're good at. Sometimes your meaning may not be tied to yourself.

SPEAKER_01 59:38

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 59:39

What I mean by that is you, your existence on this planet, maybe something that is not clear to you, but you but your existence is giving somebody else hope, an example, good or bad, right, or something to to learn from. And this reminds me of the funny conversation we had when we were working one day about a particular gentleman who generates a high volume of calls of service. If I say he's hanging around a particular intersection, his pants are falling off, potentially exposing himself unintentionally, and talking to the air about castles and kingdoms and random stuff and yelling at street signs. We were having a conversation one day about like just people and purpose, and because I was saying, because it I think initially you were saying, like, no, I don't I don't think everybody has purpose here, right? Right. Cynical view, we all have it. And I was like, Well, I don't know. Like, I do think everybody has purpose and meaning, and for someone who may be you know living on the streets as a as a drug user, mental health issues, not contributing in any meaningful way to society. What if their meaning, their purpose is to serve as an example to those around them? You know, and I mentioned, I'm like, you know, driving down the street, and I've had this happen because you know, my my kids one day was like, Who is that guy? Because you know, you know, working in law enforcement, the expectation is you know everybody.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:20

Right. But we actually we actually do do know everybody.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:23

I was gonna say most of the time we do. And you know, my my kid asking me who that guy was and like what's his what's his deal, because he kind of looks scary talking and yelling to this guy, right? It generated a follow-up conversation about you know, him and all the potential things you could imagine that probably led that particular person to that point in their life, whether it was a mixture of mental health, which it usually is, but the addition of self-medicating and not taking advantage of the opportunities that this wonderful nation we live in provide us. And it was a it was a great example of that I could show in person of like why it's important to make good decisions and choose who you hang around, choose the substances you put in your body, all of this. And maybe they listen, maybe they don't, but it's a visual example, it's a visual example, and whether it's the impact was meant for my kid in that moment or someone else having a similar conversation or reaction, people out there may exist for the purpose of someone else to learn a lesson from, right? And it could be a big lesson because let's say someone is about to use drugs, let's say my kid, let's say later on, five years from now, for whatever reason, they're in this moment where there's an opportunity to use a drug. Right. And this is maybe optimistic, wishful thinking that and you know, and hopefully, but like maybe that happens, and my kid remembers seeing a guy who is living a really rough life, yelling at this guy, looking dirty, who lives under a bridge, and they think maybe that's the difference, that small difference of I don't want to be that, I don't want to do that, and they choose not to, and then think about the trajectory of my son or my daughter, this person's life from a small conversation in a situation they learned about someone who anybody could look at and say, that guy has no purpose, he shouldn't be on this planet, but he just changed someone else's life and the rest of what happens to them right because of a scenario that they saw.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:33

It's yeah, I mean, there's a lot to take with that because it's funny the same individual uh had a conversation with my kids about because they saw the same thing, and yeah, you're you're hopeful that and I think a lot of uh parents have probably gone through that with their kids, where you're just like you hear about the stories where like you drove the kid, the parents drive the kid to the the bad neighborhood or whatever, and be like, hey, this is you know an example, don't do this. Um and it was always kind of astonishing to me. It was like early on in my career, even before that, it was just like, how do people like why do people start using like crack? Like nobody ever says anything positive about like a crackhead. We all seen the the the crackhead running around, and then it's like okay that at some point they get presented and you're like, hey, do you want to do crack? It's like uh no, I don't want to be that that dude ever. Right. Um, let's not do that. But obviously it happens for a multitude of reasons, whatever. Um but it is very fascinating um when you can kind of look at you know how the people can have impact both positively and negatively through their examples, right? We look at um, you know, even you know, I'd be interested in it's like you didn't have a father figure. And then you're like, okay, well, his almost like lack of example gave you an example, it inspired you to to take on being a father and try to thrive in that environment. Um so it it it's I think it's the eyes of the person and the willingness to look and be like, I don't want to be that. And we see um consistent examples of of families who like their parents were in were involved in a domestic violence relationship. And so often the children are they grow up and become in a domestic violence situation. You're like, why aren't why aren't we learning from that? Um why didn't you sit why don't you put your foot down and be like, no, I'm not gonna be a part of those things? And you hope that they can at some point break the cycle, but then I think that I'm gonna misquote it all. It's like where it's like going back to our our the whole premise of our conversation. It's you know, hard times create strong men. And so then fast forwarding that it's like do the strong men and talking about like the modern conveniences, are we the the peace and the modern conveniences that are being presented to our kids, are those potentially gonna make them weak men that create the hard times that create the the strong men? Um and you know it's it's hard to think about like because that's a gener um generality. But you know, for an individual family, for an individual person, you're like, man, I I don't want to create my children to be weak. Um but sometimes they're surrounded by weak people, and then they go to school and then they're not weak, and then all of a sudden the school's like, hey, hey, don't don't you be doing that, and you're like, wait, they're they're not doing anything like really bad. It's just they're just boys. And it's not, I don't want to be like the boys being boys, but it's just kind of the um what are we setting up in the parameters of being their guiding North Star or their light, their guiding light that leads them to be uh what we want uh them to become as adults. That's always the guidance because they're influenced at a young age by parents, how they operate, and then it goes to moving on to their friends, and then it goes on to all the outside things, whether it's you know, social media or celebrities or whatever, whatever thing that they becomes their North Star, um, you would like it to be some sort of like positive religion or positive things, like and that's one of the things that I think scares me most about today's society and kind of the modern convenience that we uh we're talking about is like I worry because I feel like those things have um maybe are coming back a little bit, but have gone astray. Where what's the guiding principle of of of our youth where it's like the police are besmirched? Religion's like, oh that's stupid, don't believe in religion, that's dumb. Don't follow the rules, law enforcement's bad as portrayed by media and a lot of outlets. And then family honor and name doesn't have the meaning that it used to, where it used to be like a don't besmirch our family, don't do anything to dishonor the our name, our family name. So if you don't have a guiding star through religion, you don't believe in law and order, and then you don't believe in the honor of maintaining your family, um I guess in the integrity of your family. What is guiding them? Social media. Oh dear. Oh dear, because that that's just a scary world to exist in, and it terrifies. I wouldn't say terrifies me, but it's definitely uh concerning because um people's moral compass are are are kind of astray in a lot of ways.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:13

Yeah, yeah, for good reason it it should kind of scare you a little bit. Although I I I have an optimistic view, like I do feel like you're a natural optimist. Yeah, I try to be.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:24

That's why we get along so well because I'm the option. Balance each other out.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:28

I do feel like there is been an uptick, and I wish I had the article on me, but I remember reading recently that the amount of young people pursuing Christianity is actually on the rise.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:44

Oh, yeah, absolutely. And that's why I kind of I try to segue it's like it had been going for so long, the opposite direction, and I feel like the pendulum is swinging because I feel like people are searching for a greater meaning. Um, and I like I love it. Like anything that's guiding people in a direction of being better humans to each other is such a positive thing.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:08

Yeah, yeah. So I do feel like it's on the rise. And I think there's been this you know, blip in time, if you will, where I feel like people got really far off that path. And I don't know if it's the enlightenment period or just modern technology making us feel as though, you know, we're too smart. It's almost like we're too smart for our own good. We question like, you know, our existence. And they're like me with movies, they overthink it, and they're like, Yeah, we overthink it, yeah, and we think about religion and you know, belief and how we all got here on this planet. And like you said, if you don't have religion and you don't have some other moral guide, you know, how are you making decisions to navigate life? And because it's very subjective, right? What's good, right? What's good based on what? It's like people always say, just you don't need religion to be a good person. Okay, well, then who is the decider of what's good?

SPEAKER_01 1:11:11

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:12

Well, what's good to you is very subjective. You know, there's people in the world that think it's good to mutilate and hurt women, right? And they could probably justify it in some way in their in their society. Is that good? You know, there have I think there has to be some universal good that we look up to, and where does that come from then?

SPEAKER_01 1:11:34

That's a good question. And one uh going back to movies or talking about movies, it's like one of the most intriguing people or characters in a movie that I've seen recently is not even recently, but it was like um the Avengers Endgame in Thanos, who thinks that by eliminating half of the things in the universe will save and create a better world or create a better universe for everybody. But he's talking about killing with the snap of his finger, eliminating half of the things. And it's like, is he the good guy? Or is he the bad guy, or is he a good guy that he's willing to take such averte steps to try to save an imploding universe? And so so it's very fascinating to work on the good versus the bad, right? Like in his mind, he's the good guy, he's saving the existence of everything by eliminating half of everything. And what if and again, totally spec, but what if when he did it, it did save everything, or if he didn't do it, everything ended. There's another show called Heroes that really kind of does a great job of going into it's like, hey, we're the the idea is that there's gonna be a a person that blows up New York and kills all the people of New York, and so all these heroes with special powers are trying to save them. Save New York. But the people that are trying to do it also have special powers, and they're like, No, this is a small sacrifice to save all of humanity. And it's like, well, which is good. The one that's trying to like that's willing to kill the the population of New York to save everything, or the people that are trying to stop it, and as a result, when they stop it, 93, like I think it's like 93% of the world population gets eliminated through another for another catastrophe. And you're like, wait, which the balance, right? So it really g to me, those are the moral compasses that go like what's good versus what's not good, and that's such a subjective thing. Um that it's not without religion, without a guiding force of some kind, or without an idea of what states what's good and what's not good. It's really subjective and debatable.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:06

Yeah, which makes it hard to pursue anything good and worthwhile. Right.

unknown 1:14:11

You know.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:12

Let's see. What are some other examples that maybe aren't even personal to us that other people at home might be thinking? You know, in terms of comfort and things, maybe we could just provide some encouragement of or just call out some examples, maybe for accountability, things that you could think of people do where they should embrace a challenge for a better outcome. Like one, like one example I'll just give real quick. Just because I was having a conversation with my wife the other night, and she may not like me saying this, but too bad. She she enjoys, and really she gave me this example, so it's all good. But um, you know, she'll be when she's cleaning the house or doing tours, whatever you want to call it, she's doing things she wants to get done around the home. She'll always have her phone next to her and she's watching a show or listening to a movie or something, and we were talking about it, and it was like, you know, why do you do that? And some of it was she was saying she's just trying to like suppress some of the negative thoughts or things that she doesn't really want to confront in the moment that are going on in her in her head.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:28

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:29

And she just wants to get the she just wants to do the house cleaning, and she's essentially if you really just dumb it down, this is what it is. You're ignoring responsibilities you're thinking about because you just don't want to confront them at the moment. Right. But there's a consequence to that, right? Because you either are building frustration, resentment, or failing to address something that is going to just weigh you down, right? You know, whatever that is for somebody. But I'm curious how many people can relate to just trying to drown out the the noise and reality of things that maybe you know you need to get done, so you cover it up by watching TV or movies or using substances or drinking alcohol or not saying this example is anything close to those, but the idea is that you're you're just trying to ignore responsibility, right? And there's a consequence for that. You know, there's a consequence either way. You can confront something by just saying, you know, I'm gonna sit and think about these things that are bothering me. And with an action or something, it's gonna be uncomfortable, but at the end of it, I'm gonna think of a solution and just go confront it. Maybe it's a relationship problem. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:39

Maybe I think a lot of relationships run into that problem. And if it's sometimes it's the things that are unsaid, right? Like the things like I'm not this is a thing that's been bothering me, I'm not willing to confront it, but at the same time, it still occupies your thoughts, it occupies your your world.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:58

And this doesn't even have to be the relationship like between boyfriend, girlfriend. It could be a coworker. You know, how many people can relate to having a coworker where something awkward happened, a weird exchange, or something kind of passive aggressive, and all of a sudden you find yourself constantly thinking about it. And I mean, your options are obviously you can go confront them and rehab a conversation about it to move on and liberate yourself of that tension now that every time you see them, or you can be like, Oh, I don't want to, I want to avoid that confrontation of having that conversation because that's kind of like scary to me. But what's the consequence then? It's like maybe it's drowning it out with music and noise, and it doesn't go away. You know, you constantly have to feel awkward every time you see them and feel tension, which doesn't feel like are you willing to address the problem or you're willing, are you just going to avoid it?

SPEAKER_01 1:17:54

Right. But it sounds like what you're saying is like can they find distractions to help ease the avoidance and some of the uncomfortableness that the avoidance should call that shouldn't cause you know when left leaving things undone or unsaid or whatever. So I think from our profession, I think we we naturally have to be confrontational in terms of we have to be willing to ask the questions. Um but I like from my wife is a very good example. She has a tough time bringing up those uncomfortable conversations with pretty much everybody but me, I think. But um but yeah, she has there's some issues that go on with her work and with some other people. And you know, usually my advice is like, well, you know, talk to them about it. Like but it's not as comfortable for some people, and some people like to to I don't want to say hide um because that's not that's not necessarily accurate, but they distract themselves with other things and those things don't then go away unless it gets addressed in some way, shape, or form. So yeah, it's a fascinating thing. But it's like the I think where you're going with that is like the modern convenience, whatever that is. And I think we naturally just go to social media, but we also just in in our existence, in our time, whatever it's like our kids are in the all the sports, there's always extracurricular activities. Kids don't get a really a chance to get bored because our parents just put them in all things. Um, then we're working, and then it takes away from time with friends and different things that we do, but it's like, okay, that's what we're gonna do, that we're gonna do that. Um and those are great opportunities, but at the same time, those are distractions from um maybe some achievement opportunities or some growth opportunities. Um, and I don't the pluses and minuses has has to be weighed by individuals. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:07

I wrote this down the other the other day, and it was talking about this, like I said, pluses and minuses. It's every situation or scenario or problem we have in life, it's like choose your hard. Oh yeah. Choose your hard, I think. I wrote that down and I was like, that it resonated because I'm like, whether you avoid something or tackle it, both is hard. And the easy scenario I can give is for some people, something like their health or weight loss, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:36

Well, you were a personal trainer for a minute, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:20:37

Yeah, so yeah, and that's why that thought came easy to me because I'm like, I I've worked with a lot of people on their fitness and writing nutrition plans and workout guides, and you know, back when I watched a lot of lot of failure firsthand. Yeah, back when I used to be a little more buff and wasn't all injured and got those skinny arms backed up and got my my green bean arms now. According to your daughter, kids are so good about calling you out and being just making fun of you. And I think my daughter gets that from me, so it's kind of funny. It's like my payback. I was such a little ass as a kid with being quick-witted and smart enough to like make fun of things, but there's things that like kind of rude.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:16

Kind of wish you some things were better left unsaid, but you yeah, so now my daughter was poor.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:20

Yeah, my daughter has that now, so she's like, Dad, you know, your arms are looking skinny when we're in the jacuzzi just hanging out. I'm just trying to be peaceful, man. Just enjoy my day.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:29

I like your opinion on this.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:30

My daughter's like, Can I get in the hot tub? I'm like, sure. And then she's like, Your arms look skinny. I'm like, get the fuck out of here.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:35

Am I getting here to be rude?

SPEAKER_00 1:21:36

Yeah, get out of here now.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:37

Body shaming me.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:38

Body shaming meet out of here the other day. She's all you're kind of you're getting a dad bot. I'm like, kidding me, I'm like, get out of here. Yeah, but anyways, it's choose your hard, right? Like, so for the weight loss one, it's like, you know, for some, obviously, the motivation to get to the gym, and if you ask them why it's hard, it may be well, I don't like breathing heavy, I don't like feeling like the struggle, it's hard, and it makes me feel bad about myself, so I avoid that. Right. Well, then, well, what's the what's the the opposite of doing that? Okay, so then you feel like you are out of shape, you always feel depressed, you don't want to be in photos or whatever, and you just you avoid a lot of things, right? Because of your health. Well, that's got to be mentally draining as well, maybe not as much physically, but now you're just like mentally drained. That's equally hard. So they're both hard, right? You can either choose the physical heart of just getting it done, and there's some mental component to that, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:22:41

Yeah, I think it there's it's choosing whether or not you want to put forth the work or surrender to and then feeling bad about yourself because you know that you're not doing the things.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:52

Right. So both is hard. So then my other thought was, okay, well, then how do you how do you get past that? And my thought was, well, which which hard has the better result if you address it? Right? Right. So if you face the challenge of getting up and making time in your schedule to go work out and eat, right? What does the result look like? Well, you're happier, you're more confident, you feel good about yourself. Maybe you can do things physically that you couldn't do before, which gives you more opportunities. Maybe you want to play in a sport, maybe you want to who knows? Your motivation's different for everybody.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:32

A lot of the things that people that are significantly out of shape might say no to.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:38

Right. So it opens up a lot of opportunity above and beyond just like the general health aspect, you know, and the mental aspect. Like it opens up more opportunity and and good results, versus you say, I'm gonna choose the heart of just hating the way I feel and look.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:55

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:56

And what where's the good in that?

unknown 1:23:58

Nothing.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:58

Is there?

SPEAKER_01 1:24:01

And this sounds very and this sounds very they're comfortable by not doing the thing externally but internally, they have a lot of probably shaming.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:10

So, and this is this is a challenging one to talk about because like I know it's different for everybody, and they're you know, it's easy for someone like us to say where we're just naturally like we like physical challenge.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:22

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:22

I'm not I I guarantee there's people out there that don't thrive on that, they don't get the same sort of reward that maybe you and I feel. But so you have to ask yourself if you are finding that a relatable scenario. Like what is what is the result of me choosing one hard versus the other? And is that enough motivation to just do you know, do the better one?

SPEAKER_01 1:24:47

Well I I watched a a video years ago, so I'm probably gonna mess it all up. But there was a guy who's uh who was a baseball coach, and I don't know if it was a high school or a college, but he was talking and trying to give a motivate motivational speech to his team, and he was talking about this guy who um like he was way overweight, like super obese. And then all of a sudden, his daughter um had some medical issue, and he was like, maybe it was like a kidney or something that she needed, and his was like one of the few matches that they had, or if they had any, it was like he was the only one. So he's like, Cool, I want to give my kidney to my daughter, I'll be happy to do it. And they're like, You can't, you can't, you're just too big. You're like, you'll probably die, it's too big, like it won't even fit in her body. And he's like, Well, how long do we have? How long does my daughter have? And they're like, Hey, six months. And so in six months, the guy lost like 80 pounds, and they were able to have the surgery and whatever and give it save his daughter's life. And what an incredible story, right? But it's like his why wasn't strong enough at that point, he wasn't willing to do it for himself, but when he was willing to be uncomfortable because there was something greater than him, then that's the powerful impact that you know why the why is so important. It's like understand and cherish the things that you have control over. And it's like, hey, he had the opportunity, like when it was just him, he wasn't important enough to him to motivate himself to do better. But when you think about it, it's like your kids want you to live. And you're like, okay, well, now I gotta do this for my wife, I gotta do this for my my kids, I gotta do this for my grandkids. Whatever the why is when it's when it comes from an outside source, it can be even more powerful. So it's like, can we find those motivational things consistently to be a better version of ourselves? And I think um the most oppressed people that I I've I've ever interacted with through the job or just through personal friendships, is like they just can't see their why. They can't find their why. And so um it's hard to find the motivation when you don't have a a reason. Going back to your very first original thing, it's like what surviv what helps people survive. Um and that's a powerful that's a powerful thing. And I I look at it sometimes like sometimes with like um I don't say older people, whatever, that's probably not the right way to say it, but it's like older people who don't have companionship. It's like what's their motivation to be a better version of themselves? Like, okay, they're we happen to just be fortunate enough to find our wives at a young age, and like that's a motivating factor. It's like I'm getting this job because if I don't do it good enough, she's gonna find somebody better than me. And I don't want her to find somebody better than me, so I'm gonna do great. Um in all my endeavors, whether it's you know. Work, you kind of get lost in the stray of the work, but then you're like, all right, well, if I keep working, she again could find somebody else. So it's like I gotta be all the things. Um, and it's just I I really have a tough time motivating people who don't have a why. And well, it's hard because like what can you tell them? Right. Like be great because at some point something good might happen. You want to be prepared for that. It's like you don't have to get re you don't have to get ready if you're if you're already ready. Yeah. So, you know, it's like some people who are looking for companionship. It's like you're not you shouldn't be waiting to improve yourself to gain the like or like okay, now I have somebody who likes me. Now I'm gonna get better. It's like you should be trying to be better early, maybe find companionship, and then even try to be better than that. Don't slip off. It's like, oh, job's done. I'm out. I'm good. I got I finally got married, and this is all I've ever wanted, and now I'm gonna drop off the flip, like, and now I'm gonna be the worst version of myself. It's like, no, that should be more of a motivation to be a better version of yourself. Like, I and I reference it and it probably sounds corny to people, but it's like I want my wife and my kids to be proud of who I am, and that's such a motivating factor for me, um, that I don't want to go astray. And when I look when I mean go astray, it's like fall off in terms of like take the easy path of things. Um going to what you said about the choosing the hard, um, I have my own little version of that, and what I mean is is like I'm addicted to like diet soda. I'm a diabetic, so I've been drinking soda for such a long time and not good. But sometimes I'll go in there and like I mentally choose something. If I'm kind of thirsty for water and I don't like water, but if I'm like I'm kind of thirsty and I want to drink water, it's like, dude, choose the water. Like, don't just be like, all right, just use soda again. I'll choose soda most of the time, but I'm gonna choose the water when I'm thinking about it. It's like, hey, it's like, I don't know if I want a chicken sandwich or I want the salad. If it's a debate, choose the salad. Like most of the times I'm like, I don't want the salad, I want the chicken sandwich. So it's like choose the better version, the better choice. The one that'll have a better outcome. Do I want to choose the sit here and do nothing kind of a thing, or do I want to choose the action? Like, if you're even debating it, choose the action. Like, why not?

SPEAKER_00 1:30:43

And this goes back to the question we had about um it's kind of like the struggle create identity. Well, it's the decisions that you make over the course of your life. Whether do you are you the type of person that will in that moment choose the better, even though it's a little bit harder initially? The more you do that, that creates an identity of someone who chooses something that'll be better, right? Right. Versus if you constantly just give up and choose the easier, more comfortable route, you rob yourself of something more. Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:18

The personal discipline of things, right? I hate running. Long distance running is like my least favorite thing on earth. And so when I'm running, all my brain tells me to do is stop running.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:30

What am I running from?

SPEAKER_01 1:31:31

Yeah, I don't need to like what am I doing running? Like, I was like, why have my knees hurt? Okay, why am I running? This is dumb. Um, but I feel like that when I get that, my brain just tells myself, like, dude, if you stop running, you can quit anything. Like, what are we doing then? Like, just put one foot in front of the other. It's like you're not so tired that you can't take another step. Keep taking more steps. So it's the motivating factors, like, I just don't want to shame myself and being like, I, but it's that that internal brain that sometimes you have to be like, dude, shut up. Like, I got this. I'm gonna get to the finish line. I'm gonna, I'm gonna finish my run. And even if I have to slow my pace down a little bit, or in my case, like I like to pick it up because I want to be done faster. Um, but when I I get through, it's like I didn't, I don't have quit in my heart, and I have like the like, hey, that sucked, but I'm done with it now. And what I need to be better at is looking at it and going, hell yeah, versus yeah, it still sucked, you know. So, but that's something I'm constantly growing in myself about, like just trying to have more positive, uh, positive things in my brain.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:39

So if somebody's sitting at home listening to us talk and they're like, maybe they are on the side of they they typically their habit is choosing the comfort, more comfortable route. What would be your what would be your talk for them? What would be like in a couple sentences, what would be your thing to them to like why choose the harder thing? Not the obvious answers, we already kind of hit that, I think.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:04

Right. I think um there's a a book and things about like uh creating daily habits. And it doesn't have to be groundbreaking in terms of changing all the things about your life, it's changing little things and setting yourself up for success. Um so I would motivate people is to go like prepare yourself when the moment comes to have prep to do the right thing or the harder thing early on. And one of the examples in the book and where he talks about, and again, uh like he talks about like some people that will go to sleep in their running clothes for the next day. They're like, Okay, I'm already in my running clothes because when the time comes to get up in the morning, whether it's five o'clock or whatever, they're gonna put on the comfy clothes. But if they wake up and they're in their running clothes, they're like, All right, all I have to do is put my shoes on and get out there and start doing less thoughts.

SPEAKER_00 1:34:09

Taking away the excuses.

SPEAKER_01 1:34:10

Taking away the excuses, you know, because we always can find our brain is very good at sabotaging the things we don't want to do. Totally can throw so you take away the excuses ahead of time. Um, and that's what I would just I would encourage, whatever that thing is um that you're trying to achieve, is just take away as many excuses and find people that will join you on a little bit of that journey because that um that accountability helps. Like it's easy for a person, people sign up for the gym by themselves, usually on uh January 1st, or like I want to, I'm gonna do a great job and I'm gonna go to the gym. And maybe we talked about this last time where it's like, well, if you have a person that you're supposed to meet at the gym, they're gonna call you out when if you don't choose not to show up, so you're like, I don't want to go to the gym today, but I don't want to receive that phone call with that FU kind of thing, so I don't want to let them down, and so I'm gonna go in and join them. Like our my friends that I grew up with are our wives all got together one time. We were having a holiday party, and they they planned to do like a run together, and none of them individually would have chosen to do this run, but they're like, we're gonna do it. I was like, All right, this is gonna be awesome. Let's let's watch how this unfolds, like all the the guys that I grew up growing up with since elementary school, like let's see how this pans out. But to their credit, they all did it, like they all went out and did it, and it wasn't like hey, just trying to go and get a great time or anything like that. It was just like they showed up and it got them, gave them a reason to get together here and there, and they would like a couple of them, three, four, would just go jogging together. And it's it was awesome. It was an awesome experience, uh, I think for them. And so it was fun for me hanging out um near the finish line with some of my best friends, uh to be fair, making fun of our wives. Yeah, but that's our love language, right? I know it's totally not a book, but my friends and I are like our love language is absolutely ripping each other apart, and our wives are included in that.

SPEAKER_00 1:36:20

Oh, yeah. They don't get a they don't get a free path. No free pass.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:24

They might get a little bit uh kinder, kinder strikes on uh a little bit. They do they do my friends can be vicious, they rip me apart for everything.

SPEAKER_00 1:36:33

So yeah, that's good. It really is just taking small steps and finding small wins, you know. Easier said than done, but I think if you can find small victories, though, then they'll lead to the big ones.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:44

Right, and it's just it doesn't have to be a big thing, it's just little, just little and consistent. It's not a little in consistent, but a little and consistent.

SPEAKER_00 1:36:54

Gotcha. Got what you're saying. Picking up what you're putting down. Yeah, amen. Yeah, so, anyways, um, yeah, I think trying to avoid comfort can lead to a life that feels more fulfilling. And so if you're someone who feels like maybe you're in a rut in life and you feel yourself chasing comfort, but maybe you're not feeling happy, maybe consider finding something a little bit challenging and pursuing it.

SPEAKER_01 1:37:26

Something that you're intrinsically uh inspired by, even if it's a little thing. I think of the one of my favorite movies is uh forgetting Sarah Marshall, and the guy starts off, he's trying to make this Dracula musical. He's dating a bombshell of a girl who's an actress or whatever, but he's just sitting on his couch eating cereal, being weird. And it's just like, dude, like but he kept putting it off, right? Because he was chased, he was into the comfort. Yeah. And it's like, all right, and then she breaks up with him, she's going, and then all of a sudden he's you know inspired to do it. It's like, do it, like find the little joys and find the things and um not the little joys, but just find the successes and start working towards something that um I guess can be said at your funeral that you're excited about or that you're proud of, that your family would be proud of and that you're proud of. So when you're on your in your last days, you don't have the regret. You can sit there and be like, nah, I I had a challenge in front of me and I didn't just I didn't just wait for the I should have, I wish I would have. You're like, nah, I did that. Because I think for me, regret is the um my biggest fear. Like one of my biggest fears is to just be like, have the talent to do something, have the ability to do something, and find and having not the inspiration or just went lazy or comfort and I didn't achieve that, and there was no reason for it other than maybe I was scared, or maybe I just it wasn't dedicated, and yeah, it's gross. Overcome it, get out of here.

SPEAKER_00 1:38:57

Yeah, yeah. The weight of discipline is lighter than the weight of regret.

SPEAKER_01 1:39:02

Yeah. Oh, it's a good one. I like it, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:39:06

Yeah, there's a quote in there somewhere, not my words. But somebody maybe Jim Roan. Jim Roan, maybe Jim Roan, I'm probably pronouncing it wrong, but he's a book writer. Okay, motivator.

SPEAKER_01 1:39:16

One of those things you read once in a book.

SPEAKER_00 1:39:19

It just hit me when you were saying like discipline, or no, you didn't say discipline, you said um regret. Yeah, like it's kind of yeah, it can be tough, and but we have the ability to choose hard and live a more fulfilled life.

SPEAKER_01 1:39:33

So oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:39:35

Yep, that was good after good chat, sir. Those of you who actually stuck through and listened to the episode two of Broken Perspective, we appreciate your time. You have any ideas or things that you would like to hear Jeff and I discuss, because at the end of the day, at the end of the day, all we do is just discuss ideas. We're we're nobody, we don't really have any professional knowledge other than our life's experience. But if you have things you would like us to talk about and I don't know, in perspective, let us know.

SPEAKER_01 1:40:06

A different or if you have a different perspective, I'd love to hear.

SPEAKER_00 1:40:08

Yeah, even better. Part of this show really is we want to hear different perspectives. So the only way we can do that is by one inviting people on our show. So if you have a guest that you think we should invite, let us know. If you would like to be a guest on the show, let us know. We'd love to have some different perspectives and you know, some thought provoking conversations. So, again, broken perspective. Thank you for watching. Catch you on the next one. See ya.