Luciferian Light
Where we dig into homosexuality and how it's being used as a tool.
Luciferian Light
Episode 7: Holding The Light: Kiki Masters On Truth, Trauma, And Becoming
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Start with a dare: be real, not right. That’s the current running through a raw, wide‑ranging sit‑down with Kiki Masters—a Navy veteran, trans woman, parent, and world‑class survivor—who turns a life of hard edges into a blueprint for honesty. We move from awkward mic checks to unguarded confession as Kiki shares the moment she knew at ten, the decade of abuse no one believed, and the stubborn resilience that carried her across oceans and into herself.
Kiki’s twenty years in the Navy become a study in power and protection. As a captain’s cook, she learned how to keep herself safe on closed ships, build alliances, and quietly insist on respect. She began transitioning in year nineteen, and her approach says everything: ask her sons first about top surgery, then ask her mother, who not only approved but helped make it happen. It’s tender, it’s funny, and it reframes transition as family stewardship as much as personal courage.
We push into the thorny stuff most shows dodge. Why is sexuality a political football when intimacy is private? Where does “preference” blur into bias? How can parents support a child’s identity without projecting fears or fantasies onto them? Kiki’s answer is simple and hard: let kids be. You can’t argue a child out of their core. You can only make their road lonelier or safer. That clarity anchors a conversation that also wanders into reincarnation and “recycling,” race and legacy, and the strange ways love keeps finding a way back.
The chemistry is messy and human—jokes, contradictions, mid‑thought revisions—and that’s the point. Identity isn’t a tidy thesis. It’s a lived practice built from listening, reflection, and everyday bravery. If you’re here for LGBTQ stories, military life, parenting through uncertainty, or just a fearless voice telling the truth with a wink, you’ll feel right at home.
If this moved you, follow the show, share it with a friend, and leave a review telling us the moment that stayed with you. Your voice helps more people find theirs.
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Cold Open And Host Banter
SPEAKER_05In every age, someone had to hold the light in the dark room. Someone had to stay the tip that everyone held their tongue on. This is Luciferian Light show where nothing is off limits, no truth is too tabooed, and no lies go on town. Let's turn that light off. Welcome to Luciferian Light. What? Yes. Why do you think I just started?
SPEAKER_01Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_05I thought you were just where it ain't about being right, but it's about being real. I am Libby. I support the LDG TQ community.
SPEAKER_04And I am Jones supporting all the gangs in Chicago. I'm supporting sexuals of them.
SPEAKER_06Here we go.
SPEAKER_04I mean, supporting, like, that's uh, you know, even if I say I'm supporting the gang, like what do that mean? Like my financially giving them like so we're going to introduce our guest today, which is drum roll.
SPEAKER_06Nixon!
SPEAKER_04Y'all heard me bring up Kiki the other day. Remember, I was saying it was funny. This the Kiki I was talking about. Like Kiki was gonna they was gonna fuck her up. So, like who's gonna fuck me up? He didn't. No, no, you was gonna fuck her up. So she didn't want to be bothered with Kiki, so she had security.
SPEAKER_05So I didn't even know that until I told her later. Because we had a one of our shows, he said something about Kiki, what he's talking about right now. But I also told you and I started laughing because I'm also told you don't realize she's about to come on.
SPEAKER_04I also told you I'm a pre-cock, I know shit before it happens all the time. Okay, this is who I am. Like, okay, there we go. Have you felt that? Everybody y'all feel that? Everybody felt that? I didn't feel that. Okay. I'm gonna have some fun of that because uh out of my element. So like this is gonna be interesting for me. Yeah, I know I love being uncomfortable, I love being in unique and control. No, well, so to speak, yeah, but uh, you know, wait I know you know what yeah, it's gonna be a slippery slow for me, man. So we're gonna win in Rome, do what Romans do. I don't normally drink, but today Levy, go ahead, take the wheel, bro.
SPEAKER_05Okay, so well let's let's let's get to know uh Kiki Masters a little bit. See see what she how how are you doing today?
SPEAKER_01We appreciate you coming on being.
SPEAKER_04I can't read the I have the glasses on.
SPEAKER_06I see you can't read his reading.
SPEAKER_01Let me tell him to go here and read his.
Warming Up And Setting Boundaries
SPEAKER_04So I do want to ask, how was how was your childhood growing up? Like what stood out about your childhood that that you could disclose with us that you feel like had a big impact on who you are as a person now?
SPEAKER_06I wish I read that. I don't know which way to go with this.
SPEAKER_03Oh, you know. It's an open space. Definitely is. I want you to tell you.
Climate Toward LGBTQ People
SPEAKER_04I mean, that's what it's kind of this show ain't about being right. No, it's about being real. Tell your truth. That's what it's really all about. Like what made me stand out in my life. What what events stood out to you in your childhood that we can speak about that you feel like kind of molded you to who you are today? Let's come back to that. You gotta warm up to that? Oh, okay, we gotta be. So let's get into your um your interaction with today's world. Like, how do you feel or how do you like um how do you see today's world? Like, what are your takes on it? Because I definitely want to get, we almost talked about it a little earlier today, but I definitely want to get your take on how like um a big part of the LGBTQ community is is uh some uh a spiritual thing that has taken place in our world that nobody's acknowledging. But we'll touch on that in a minute. But what I did want to talk about was how you view today's uh climate and and and how they treat in the regular world. The LGBT community. Not your community, but the regular world is terrible. It's terrible.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I get 50-50 because half people don't care, and the people who do care for the wrong and damn reason. Don't make no damn sense. Because I'm not hurting you, not pay taking nothing from your childhood, your your family. Why the hell does it matter what I am, who I sleep with? That's a problem to me. I always say that I feel like with the people with the with woman on the world today in the United States of America, it's kind of crazy. Because it shouldn't even be like that. Because uh when black people came got stuck over here, same thing as like Sarnal Lover came then. Black people don't like you, and it makes it even worse because black people went through the same shit, now they're putting us through the shit again.
SPEAKER_04Okay, yeah, yeah. Can you hear the mics? I'm not even sure if you can hear our mics.
SPEAKER_06No, I can't.
SPEAKER_04Okay, all right.
SPEAKER_06You didn't need to check it out.
SPEAKER_03Can I check this shit? Luckily, I was listening. I because I was so in depth of what you were talking to.
SPEAKER_05And you're really close to me more than he is, usually he's over there, so I didn't really hear it. But yes, I can't. No, no, no.
SPEAKER_04This luckily, luckily, we're so good at this shit that it was already taken care of. Yeah, it's all good. It's all good.
SPEAKER_05This one, that's it, just oh, maybe this one may mean.
SPEAKER_04I do feel like that um a lot of of what they make to be a political issue, the fact that they make it a political issue, I feel like is revealed in their agenda because ultimately, like your sexuality is a personal thing. Like, who I do, like like it's only one other person that like I'm doing this shit with. So, how does that affect who I am in society and how I interact with the rest of the people? Like that never made sense to me. Like, this is some like everybody got their own little kink. I might like, you know what I mean? I like my I might like putting my finger up girls' ass. Like, we're gonna start a whole parade for that shit. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's a whole lot of people that like to do the same shit. Do we you want to pray for that? You can have one.
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna say people.
SPEAKER_04Everybody got like little things that that that do it for them, right? But make it into a uh a political or an issue where you can't get along or you can't accept people for who they are because of how it makes you uncomfortable. Like, that's that's just uh weird to me. Like, how does that make you uncomfortable?
SPEAKER_05Like I'm sorry, brother. Can I can I just stop you for one second? Can you check these mics real quick? Because I don't I don't really hear it as loud as I normally do.
SPEAKER_04What do you mean?
SPEAKER_05I don't really hear it as loud as I do. You don't? Is that turned up? Oh, let's see. I hear you more now.
SPEAKER_04You hear me more now?
SPEAKER_05This one I can't hear.
SPEAKER_04Okay, so let me just turn this.
SPEAKER_05This one I can't hear.
SPEAKER_04That one you can't hear is because it's now turned on. Yeah, we've been fucking up. We fucked this whole thing up. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05You hear it now? Sorry, yeah, I can hear you. Oh, okay. The other one you can hear. Uh this one.
SPEAKER_04I mean, we will get we uh it'll be good on YouTube. I took care of that, so the recording was good, but I just we fucked up on the line.
SPEAKER_06My bad y'all. That show ain't mine.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but I still heard it.
SPEAKER_04All three of our live listeners will forgive us. I promise you. I hope y'all heard it. Can you see what it is?
Tech Hiccups And Reset
SPEAKER_06Huh? I can't see nobody or right here. You can see if you want to see who's on there. I'm gonna like okay. I can't see nobody, which I got my glasses on.
SPEAKER_01No, but uh gotcha. So now, okay, we're good now.
Kiki’s Childhood And Early Knowing
SPEAKER_04So we had a pass on the question already, so I mean we can do it to you now. We're doing good. Uh oh, you ready now? I had a hard childhood. Yeah. So like what was like, what was like, what would be like if if we were to do a movie about your life? What would be the first part of your childhood that you would zero in on that you would want the uh the people to understand about you that would explain your story? I knew I was when I was 10.
SPEAKER_06You knew who I was at 10. What do you mean? I knew I wasn't a boy. And what gave you that? Because I live in the country. Raised up, I was raised in the country. Okay. And they have to pick a vegetables because I was inside cooking and heckling with the women in the kitchen.
SPEAKER_04What you doing? Yeah, don't worry about me. I'm just a worried about you as a dispatch. Yeah, I know.
SPEAKER_06I'm just thinking of a cousin got rocked in. And all my our siblings used to tell us we were the ugliest people in the house. We would never get married, we'd never be so uh this, we never be that. And we the most successful bitches in the family now. So that part I don't hear what they have. But that's what I thought.
SPEAKER_05So they used to call you, they used to call you ugly and all those kind of things.
Colorism, Family Cruelty, And Survival
SPEAKER_06Yeah, they used to that was like my brothers and my brothers and my brothers and my sister, and her brother, uh-huh, and our cousin just called us ugly because we were the darkest ones in the family. And we were different. We hung together. We didn't care about no way of speaking, but we wanna do what I want to do. So that part changed who I was. But before that, my uncle raped me for 10 years.
SPEAKER_05Ten years away, you're talking about I got started getting raped about and did you know what that was? Like, do you actually know what was happening?
SPEAKER_06Because every time I did something wrong, I had to go upstairs and do get ready for that.
SPEAKER_04Did he do you know any history about him and his upbringing?
SPEAKER_05It's crazy. We just talked about this today. I didn't know this part.
Sexual Abuse Disclosure And Aftermath
SPEAKER_06We just I don't tell people this stuff. I relax because y'all brought me here early.
SPEAKER_04Did you did you uh did you uh you know nothing about his upbringing?
SPEAKER_06About something no, because no one believed me when I told him.
SPEAKER_04But you didn't know anything like that and about him and his upbringing or what he might have been through to have him be that certain way is what he I think he tried to say.
SPEAKER_06I know nothing, but Roxanne knew, and Roxanne's along with the company, all their family, and I told the rest of the family they didn't believe me. And who is Roxanne? Who was Rox? Roxanne's my favorite cousin.
SPEAKER_05Is there a point? Roxanne is everybody's favorite cousin.
SPEAKER_04Roxanne and Roxanne. Roxanne's everybody's favorite cousin. Like, come on, right.
SPEAKER_06Is that something now? It made me who I am today, accept that truth? No, no one accepts that truth. They still don't accept that truth. He did now, damn.
SPEAKER_05But I mean, even though he's dead, that your family still doesn't accept that being a truth of what has happened to you.
SPEAKER_06Well, some of my siblings and cousins know, but they still don't recognize it. But all I care about is what me and Roxanne knows the truth. I'm kind. Okay, I was gonna say, what does that do to you with them not accepting that? It does nothing to me because it informed me who I am today.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_06I'm always stronger person, that's why you hear me talking crap all the day because I'll put it with nobody's crap.
SPEAKER_04I've been giving shit out there.
SPEAKER_06Well, that's that's the way I'm not gonna hate it. I need to do that. I mean that's how it's my defense mechanism to talk shit to people.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ultimately, but can I ask this question? That's so fucked up.
SPEAKER_05Did you develop any hate within that? Did you have to deal with like hate within yourself, or did you already kind of know how to handle it? Because you would think I would hate me.
SPEAKER_04I would hate me. I wouldn't like I would be.
Parenting While Healing
SPEAKER_06One time I hated him was when uh my took my son home. He invited my son to go swimming his pool, and I went the fuck off, and we flew back home, came back together. So this was when you were much a little older. Yeah. In my 20s, I have two sons. Okay. How was that? How was it? You got dogs? Same thing. I mean, how is it? I mean, you know, my son's being yourself. Yeah, I'm not who you are who you are. I mean, tell a little bit what you what you did a little bit. What I did what? Like being in the military. I got 20 years in the military. Okay, and you and I started transitioning to this in my 19th year. While you was in the military? Yeah. In the mil how was the military's um response to this? Well, they didn't have to deal with me because I was uh a captain's cook. I was a personal cook for the highest man on the ship. So I had it my way anyway. So what I said went. And I was a cook. So on top of it, mess with me, you ain't getting fed properly. I'm not putting you. I'm a self-intup.
SPEAKER_04Oh wow.
SPEAKER_06I'll take your burger right away.
SPEAKER_04Right, right. So they gotta be they gotta play a cool. Yeah, no matter how they feel. No matter how you feel about it, you better play cool. You want to make sure that's it.
SPEAKER_06When we went out overseas with different countries, they relied on me to tell them where the good girls were. Who was a girl, who was a boy?
SPEAKER_05Who was a girl like me and you're gonna be like, 'cause you in different countries, you probably it's a lot of people. They didn't know that I knew.
SPEAKER_06I said, don't mess with don't don't mess with you, do what you want. And you're married too, so why tell?
Serving In The Navy And Power Dynamics
SPEAKER_05Oh wow, that's crazy. And that means like different cultures that you you visited throughout that time.
SPEAKER_06Wow. Went the Philippines, Korea. Well, I know Philippines, like there's a lot of Philippine, Australia, we got all the different places, but the boys didn't know stuff, so they relied on me. And that's the one. So your song I didn't mix with. One is white, one is black and white. Okay. Well, I had an affair my first song. I still give it my son.
SPEAKER_04Does that does that affect you in a way where it had anything to do with who you finally decided to like just become your trans nothing? Nothing.
SPEAKER_06Because I love him just the same. As my baby, I raise him.
SPEAKER_04No, he means I don't mean that. I mean as far as you. Like, didn't stop that process. Did her cheating on you? No. Have anything. Because I was cheating on her. Or what or was or that's what I was about to say. So was she cheating on you because of a result of what you were going through? Back backlash. Okay, that's what I was I was wondering. It was something you you was like, okay.
Life At Sea: Culture, Codes, And Safety
SPEAKER_06But she left the house just top though. Okay. She's like, I'm out of here. Now, did you know then? Okay, so you can't get it. When I got when I married, I knew I was gay. I didn't want to be gay because my father was very strict about that. Right. No bag is in his household. Okay. And then he also said, don't be with no white people in his household. And everything I say was with white people.
SPEAKER_04So you felt like you was you got you just got to go and white. Is she either gotta be white, or like it was like when I was saying that or with the white person?
SPEAKER_06I said my sister's five person.
SPEAKER_05And how now, but okay, now that we're older, what is what is it? Is that still this is that still the same?
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_05That's still the same vibe.
SPEAKER_06We all we all get along perfectly together. Yeah. And we all have an interracial relationship, except my sister.
SPEAKER_05And is your parent both parents still like?
SPEAKER_04Oh, but everybody put their hand in the cookie jar at some point. Everybody like that. I'm gonna take one too. Yeah, but he got his hand in the cookie jar. I want to see what's in that motherfucker. We're raised in an all-white neighborhood, so yeah, it's kind of black. And not just that, like when you raised around that, that's you that's what you relate to. You relate to that a lot easier than you do. That's what comforts on. And when something's more of a comfortable, I think you're right also without relating to some of the people. I didn't have some white, I I've been raised around all black people. And I still like I it don't matter to me, but but like I've been raised around a lot of black people. I mean, don't get me wrong, I prefer most of my uncles. Like, but like it like I didn't have all like all types of girlfriends.
SPEAKER_06Like, you know, that's something funny, because I'm my uncles on my mother's side, except for the way he raped me. I went to White with me.
SPEAKER_04Clearly, he's like the dude. So it's it's not like television, I'm just yeah, he was more trying to hide that than he was trying to venture out his race. He was more trying to raise. He ventured out his gender. He wasn't he wasn't worried about that.
SPEAKER_06When I did this, before I got my my tits, I asked both my sons, can I get them? Because it's their life that got deal with the back of the room.
SPEAKER_04That's that's you know what? The fact that you said that say a lot about like because the fact that you considered how they're gonna feel about it before you did something that you feel like that's that's who you are, and it's something for you. The fact that you considered them say everything.
SPEAKER_06And on top of that, I asked my mother for the money to get them done for her approval.
SPEAKER_04Okay, now we now we're gonna have boundaries.
SPEAKER_06We are stuck because my mom, my mom had too. Because if we think about it, your family, your family on the outside go to the back of the way.
SPEAKER_05Your mama, your mother, but you said you asked the fuck, you said the money.
SPEAKER_06I need I need some money to get these titties.
SPEAKER_05Oh, okay.
On Relationships, Porn, And Boundaries
SPEAKER_06And she's like that. You want the titties? I said, Yeah, I want the titties. She said the fucking money. So after that, I got the money, got the tits, and I said about her money. Then she becoming until this day, she's a own that left one. I own it when I say rental titty girl.
SPEAKER_04No, she's still playing with her, even after you get interesting.
SPEAKER_06No way, okay. Can I ask this question? How did you come to the point to make that decision even for yourself?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, it's one thing you asking your children, your children responding, or whatever.
SPEAKER_06But for like for you, how'd you how did you come to that that that frame uh well in the Navy? I was wearing a men's uniform all the time, hanging out with men all that. And I had to do that.
SPEAKER_04So that's what I wanted to ask you too. Like, so like how was your relationship like with with with like say you in the Navy, you know what they already say about they already say that about Navy men? Like is it true? They say about Marines too. Okay, but I I I mean, is it true?
SPEAKER_06Well, is it true?
SPEAKER_04About the Navy men?
SPEAKER_06What what what what? Well, there's a lot of things to be said about Navy.
SPEAKER_04What happens on them boats?
SPEAKER_06Yes, that's true. What happened on the ship sailing ship?
SPEAKER_04I mean, but do a lot happen on them ships?
SPEAKER_06No, they don't have enough ship out on the land. They cheat. They cheat.
SPEAKER_02No, no, no, no, no, ain't what I'm talking about.
Attraction, Labels, And Preference
SPEAKER_06No, they ain't nobody getting their dicks up. On the Navy men, they not unless they want their dicks up. Sometimes they didn't. And everybody jacking their dicks up. Ain't that long out there? They jacking up and they're okay. You see curse talking about this. I'm like, oh, come on, like you think about we have three. I'm glad you did that, man.
SPEAKER_03Cause I got cousins that was in the Navy, man. I was fucked up.
SPEAKER_06Like, oh, this is fucked up. We have three seconds. So you were here the first on top jacking out.
SPEAKER_04Thank you. Thank you so much. Oh. He just worked. A couple of my cousins holding their breath when you still. There's some people that can hold in their breath like he bet not now. Hey, hey, hey, I'm glad you're gonna do it.
SPEAKER_05I have a call. How did you handle that?
SPEAKER_06It didn't bother me down. You said what? How did I handle somebody's jacket off on my hand? Uh yeah. I didn't care. That's your problem. Because why don't they? Why do you want I don't want them to worry about me? I gotta worry about what they do on top.
SPEAKER_04I definitely.
SPEAKER_06See, you might be picking up.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, that's I was in the middle.
SPEAKER_06In a book. It's a bunk. She said it's three sets. And you got each of them doing it. And then no, no, and I'm not gonna be able to do it.
Spiritual Frames For Sexuality
SPEAKER_04I swear to God, I ain't gonna lie to you, bro. I ain't gonna be like to you. There's certain things like this. I ain't got kids to do it, like that's what you're gonna do to me and we're gonna fight, bro. You're gonna stop that, bro. Like it's something dripped, like I don't like I know for a fact you lose consciousness like when that shit like my fellas just get to like get to kick and shit like now, bro. Like, do that shit when it's like not above me. Not above me. I'd rather step like hey, you know what I'm stepping work. I'm gonna get the end. I'd rather I'd rather I'd rather step in it than then. You know what? You know whatever. How about I ain't never been. I don't know if I would even step as soon as they say we got bunk bears. I'm like, you know what? This military shit ain't for me. I'm out. That was beat me right there. I'm done. You know what? I'm out. I got a bad back. I got flat foot. I got flat foot. I gotta go. Join the Marines.
SPEAKER_06They like rolling dirt, they can they like doing what? They rolling dirt because they shooting. Go home dirty.
SPEAKER_01Any any other goodies you want to talk about?
SPEAKER_06You ask me a question to answer honestly.
SPEAKER_01I mean, I'm glad. Any other little goodies you don't just want to come out the box?
SPEAKER_06What do you jump like that for?
SPEAKER_04Interesting. Like people the people like you were uh well everybody knew you served with some. No, but this the people you serve with know about you.
Reincarnation Vs Recycling
SPEAKER_06Well, you know, uh when you're in the Navy, there's a group, you know, you find out who your people are. Right. And you hung out with your people. So we would always go that way, and all the straight men go that way. So they knew they knew, because they like the girls go, yeah, yeah. They like my boys, and who had the most fun was us, because we didn't go like a book of pamphlets of clubs go to. They don't have a straight people. So we had gay clubs to go to. We knew every island we went to, every land we went to. You open the book, Australia. So it's not really a then it's not really a like people know, people really know then.
SPEAKER_05Right, right. It's not really that.
SPEAKER_06But you can't tell. Wait, wait, wait, huh? You're masculine, you don't do all that. Hey girl. There's gay guys like you. Okay, yeah, because it's like y'all. I'm like, wait, y'all.
SPEAKER_04I don't know what I felt like the clear. I'm like, wait, huh? What you mean, bro? You told me earlier, you don't kill me on my thing, so just I know that I still was like I'm up, bro. I'm not confused for you.
Signs, Ancestry, And Recognition
SPEAKER_06I'm not confused for the people like that. I was very feminine to me. I was just switched through there, like I don't give a damn. But I also was the best cook on that ship, too. That's why I became a captain's cook at an E3. You know what I'm saying? Come in the names E1, E2, E3, and I was a captain cooking at E3. Cooking for arrows at E4. Oh, what was? Cooking for atmosphere at four as an E4. That's like the highest or something? No, that's still low, but low. Okay, okay. Sorry. When you get to E7s and E8s and E9s, that's when it changes your officers and chiefs. What am I supposed to do?
SPEAKER_03It's natural. You burped in my ear. I burped in my hand. Sorry. My ear is still right here. Sorry, I was trying to be fired.
SPEAKER_06You told me not to fart. Uh-oh. I said I'm part of poops. You wouldn't hear it anyway. My small.
SPEAKER_05Oh my goodness. Wow. Sorry for the bird.
SPEAKER_04I apologize. The fan is kind of clever.
SPEAKER_06Included there, including this thing.
SPEAKER_01Can you put it back there? How the hell does it have?
SPEAKER_06I got you. Hold on. Shout out everybody. Hello. How's the bad second coverage? She's on the fire. Was that right? She in pink, baby. It's like one in pink. It's like the one I think.
SPEAKER_05One in the middle. The one in the middle is my man.
SPEAKER_06Envy is gonna be here next week, the one in the yellow. My man will be here the week after. Oh, just drag us all up in here in this hot box. It just so happens to be though.
SPEAKER_04And then, and then, and then we're gonna have a whore. You said whore. A real life whore. I want to be here for the air. What? Yep, you said you want to be. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Say you don't say, yeah, yeah. We wanna. I wanna, I like I got so many questions.
Race, Lessons, And Karma
SPEAKER_06I think women create their eyelashes.
SPEAKER_04You know what? You know what? Oh, ooh, ooh. I want to do a porn stop.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I'm gonna be here for that. I mean, I don't like it. I got one for you.
SPEAKER_04I just want to interview because I'm gonna go. I know what I know a couple of years. We get we good. Yeah, we're gonna have a porn stop. So I got I know everybody do. I got questions. Sorry, Katie. Real life, like real life questions, though. Like this is gonna be, it's not gonna be like for some, like I got real life questions like that I'm pretty sure everybody would like to know. I might have something.
SPEAKER_01I might have a couple more things.
SPEAKER_04I'd be I'd be uh you know, like like I'd be intrigued by the fact that that this how many motherfuckers be having boyfriends. Like, how does that work? Because I always like you know, I always envision myself like to be in that type of shit, like because I really like it. So it'd be like, no, but I don't care, like like I don't give a fuck. You care about what I say. Like after a while, like you don't be caring like that, like so like when she brings her friends to the crib, like it's whatever, you know what I mean? Like, I know you've been at work all day, you ain't gotta do shit. You know what I mean? Let your let your buddy take care of it. She got it.
SPEAKER_05Do you think life would be easier for you if it was that way?
SPEAKER_04It would be a lot less stressful in the sense that I wouldn't be overbent about her fucking heart. I'm fucking around on me. You're not a heart. I couldn't see I was a porn star difference. Okay, I was a party. I would be in a relationship with a porn star because like sex obviously wouldn't be something that that we are like is a is a deal breaker. And that's usually what the deal breakers are in every relationship, right? So, like if it's if it's a thing about sex, it's already an understanding because of what you do for a living. And and for the same reason, it'll never get boring because like we ain't on either fuck like that. Because like I ain't trying to run behind no motherfucking porn star every night. I don't, and you know, like don't kiss me until you get after you get home from work and you brush the teeth or some shit. Like, no, but clean it. At the same time, it's still I want to see you brush your teeth.
Humor, Healing, And Mixed Realities
SPEAKER_06No, I'll be fresh brushes. I'm not, you know, it's a married couple, but I did a married couple for 10 years.
SPEAKER_02Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_06Man and a woman. How was that? What was that like? She was a stripper. Well, see, I would do that. I could do that. He was a navy seal. So can I ask this question?
SPEAKER_05Do you feel like both?
SPEAKER_06Yeah. You do like I'm greedy. I ain't shame. Now, for you, is it what's the attraction for you? I like looking. I I love people. Okay. If it's um woman, I'm still gonna let me just say why I love a man. Okay, you do different things. If we a married couple, I get both in one. They go home, I go home. I go home alone.
Parenting, Choice, And Identity Formation
SPEAKER_04Which is so refreshing. People don't understand. Like, some of us like actually love isolation. Like, I love like myself. Like, I love like even after I like I love being like I ain't gonna lie, like a lot of times, like I'm like thrown off by the fact that wanna sit here and lay next to me after I done bust. Like, I'm I'm over this shit. Like, you can go. Like, but it's like I gotta sit here and pretend like we're cool. Why don't you tie trend? I mean, that's what I'm saying. That's why I'm at that point where it's just like I don't even like it. But see, that goes back to what I don't want to sit here and chill, act like we're cool. Like, I don't even want to get to niggas. Like, I just I'm good. Have you talked about in the beginning? A lot of times I do now, but I mean back in the day, you didn't. Back in the day, you use that, you use all of this other shit to actually get in. That it's too late to try to pull that shit. Now you just look like you'd be in an asshole because I didn't did all this line to get to the career. Like, so you know, at that point, but that's why it's like now, like, you know, I ain't got time. If it's gonna be all that, I'd rather not do it. We live the business.
SPEAKER_06It goes back to your hand. It goes back to selecting correctly. Because if you select it correctly, then you wouldn't have those moments where you're like, uh, what is it? Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04That comes with experience.
SPEAKER_02That comes with experience, young boys have.
SPEAKER_04That comes with experience, though, right? That comes with experience, that comes after you've been fucked up a million times and woke up next time.
SPEAKER_06But you don't buy but you don't have to. No, no, in the beginning, you have to figure it out for your damn stuff. I guess. But if we but if we caught but now now times are different. But if we as people take a little more time, if we teach each other. That would digress, that would digress. Okay, little boy. You know this now because we taught y'all that because we went through the bullshit. Now we doing it out.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_06She lucky she a lady, because otherwise I'd be like, I'm gonna get some trouble going on.
SPEAKER_01Who's a little boy?
SPEAKER_06You'll be right there.
SPEAKER_01Is she talking about this one?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, you little boy. Because that was a long time ago. Today, you little boy. Tomorrow, you're gonna be little boy. Next year, to me, little boy.
Let Kids Be: Support Over Control
SPEAKER_04Before we get to uh going into like the uh you dive right into it, so we can go on to the next about the uh thing about um the childhood memory. But I did want to talk about like how you felt about um me mentioning that. I think a lot of people resonate in in their homosexuality. Because when you think about it, it would make sense, right, that somebody who has an attraction for uh a masculine presence and he's a male would be attracted to a stud, right, instead of a dude, right? Because like it's it's the it's the masculinity I'm attracted to, not the the actual incompatible genitalia. It's the it's you know what I mean? So it's like that can't be it. It has to be more of a of a spiritual thing for them to still be like forcing that that narrative. Because if if it was just on the surface, uh I'm just attracted to masculinity, you know what I mean? And I'm a dude, then it would make sense that they would just be like, I don't know what it is.
SPEAKER_06I don't know, no you're talking about.
SPEAKER_04I'm saying, like, all right, dudes, right? Uh a dude that is homosexual is attracted to masculinity. Okay, yeah, right? So if he's attracted to masculinity, considering the genitalic compatibility, you would think he'd be more inclined to uh fuck with studs as opposed to uh fucking with, you know what I mean, uh whatever else. But I mean at the same token, well, not even, but like in the same token, it's with uh a female, you know what I mean? So a girl that's attracted to other feminine qualities, you would think she'd be more more inclined to be with uh uh a transgender dude that's you know what I mean that got genitalia that fit what she does. Wait a minute, as opposed to the character. That's my point. That's my point. That's why I'm gonna say it has to be more of a spiritual thing. It makes an inside thing. Like when I can't I'm attracted to the opposite sex, it's not I'm attracted to the the masculinity part of it. I'm attracted to the opposite, I mean to the type of sex. You see what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_01I mean, that was proven, that was proven by what she said, or how she how she said she like that's proven that because I'm and how she's her and I'm the masculine one in the bedroom right, right?
SPEAKER_06So I'm the shit in his cheeks.
SPEAKER_01Being being honest with who you are for whether it's yeah, no, that's good, brother.
SPEAKER_06Okay, it's it that's that's cool. I'm so glad you said and you are here to to uh to to be able to say what you are. I love it. Oh, me, yes. I'm too old to worry about people. I love it. Because it's it's beautiful, it's really simply that set of how you're how you're presenting yourself. Playing on damn fan. You ever heard that before?
Faith, Rules, And Living Honestly
Expression, Youth, And Becoming
SPEAKER_04What? I mean, yeah, yeah. I mean, that you know, you put it a different way, but I heard something. I ain't never heard it in that in that way, and I, you know, like and that had like that had layers to it, you know what I'm saying? Like, pause, no but uh damn, that's so fun. But what's next? I did well uh burned my head. The reincarnation process is what I was talking about. That's a good conversation, right? Like how I feel like it's more of like um, because it's it's a lot been it's a lot of uh myth and theories about how the reincarnation process has been perverted in a way where it's not supposed to be in that way, where it's happening at the at a at a rate where it's it's like like people are coming back like more and more and more. And it's you know, it's not the uh process it's supposed to be because this is like only one stage of our ascension to a different level of consciousness. You know what I mean? I know I dream about what I'm down this time. But I but it's been it's been it's like a grade, right? Like you keep failing this grade, so they keep making you repeat the grade over and over and over again. You know what I'm saying? But what's happening is they line saying you failed the grade only so they can get you to repeat it back when actually it is no failing. You understand what you're saying? There is no failing, there is no failing the grade, you know what I mean? Like you're supposed to pass the city.
SPEAKER_06So that's why you say reincarnate, I say recycling.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, recycling. I say recycling because that's when you're gonna be able to do it.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I just want to tell it.
SPEAKER_04That's when you go to the life.
SPEAKER_01You can go to the life. Okay, so don't go to the life.
SPEAKER_00What? Which is who you wish. I don't know.
SPEAKER_06Do you feel like you and this life can feel like this is maybe your last time? No, I'm telling him is it.
SPEAKER_04And you have to make that. You have to make that you're you have to make the conscious decision that I'm not coming back. That's it. I know I met my father already. You're not gonna convince me.
SPEAKER_06You said I still got work to do down here, like it's over with. My father passed away.
SPEAKER_01Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_06I know I met him again. You never, I'm sorry, I know I met him again. Okay, okay. He came in the restaurant and looked at me like this. And I saw my father's eyes look at me. I was like, okay, I'm done. Then I walked to the kids and said hello. He said, Hi, Kiki. Never knew my name before didn't wear my name before the show started. He might have heard it. I don't know. But I knew that was my father, and my father came back as a white boy. Now, can I say, can I can I ask this? Let me ask this.
SPEAKER_05Let me wait. I'm I'm gonna ask a little deeper than that since she's saying that. Okay, so now do you now that was it a young man? Was it somebody younger than you? Younger than you. So he came back younger. I was gonna say gee.
Acceptance, Accountability, And Love
SPEAKER_06Recarnation means born into reborn. Recycle means you're made. Okay, okay, okay. I I get it.
SPEAKER_04Say that again because I'm missing.
SPEAKER_06See, recarnation, but I say recycle. It means you come back new. You can't come back in the middle of something. Now, what does recycle mean? Same thing. You come back, you come back something. Okay, it's the same thing. No, I thought you were saying it's the difference. And it looked like a picture I drew of my father and or my mother when I was a kid. And that picture's in my refrigerator right now. Don't do that.
SPEAKER_04And that's the kid?
SPEAKER_06The kid I met drew me a picture off the bat. We never met. Oh, and he gave you a picture. He gave me a picture, he drew of me. But it was I went back and looked at my photo, I was with my kids, and it was a picture I I drew, and my son drew. Oh, I believe that kind of stuff for sure.
SPEAKER_05I totally know it's my son.
SPEAKER_06I knew it was my father because he he also came back white. Like he wanted like he was like, my father can care for white people.
SPEAKER_05Right.
SPEAKER_06To learn to learn that lesson.
SPEAKER_04Okay, now I'm gonna say if you caught up in racism, I believe this is you don't get to decide what race you are. You're just born, and then you gotta try to make it seem like you're this special kind of person that you didn't do shit to be white, sir. Get the fuck out of my face. Like, you can't finish it to tell me that you didn't do anything special. You were just born, motherfucker. Don't try to act like you anything more than what the fuck is. Kids have no hate. Parents teach them hate.
SPEAKER_05Right. Right.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Society teaches them hate.
SPEAKER_05And and and and and then somewhat of structural things teach you hate.
Studio Chaos, Jokes, And Wind‑Down
SPEAKER_04I think they have, I think though, I think that some families might have some like maybe myths, beliefs, or or it maybe some type of hidden knowledge of how to uh reincarnate within their bloodline, which is why racism is important to them. You see, that's why it becomes important to them because they have a way to make sure they can reincarnate in their own bloodline, to make sure that they reap the benefits of the riches that they that they bestow upon their family.
SPEAKER_06I think it is an opposite thing that they punish, you're getting punished for what you did wrong.
SPEAKER_04That's what happens. But their intentions are to are to be born back into their bloodline and reap the benefits from the riches that they left their family, which is why they they so intent and so so they they find it so important to stay within the family and that you don't go outside your race and that and that you make sure you you you you marry into some more family, I mean into some more money to make sure that the family stays within this certain element because when I come back in two generations, bitch, I need my motherfucking money right. You're gonna be working for them people.
Final Reflections And Next Week’s Tease
SPEAKER_06That's I think that's what God does. But like there's one old guy, grandfather, his granddaughter. Everybody saying, Your granddaughter's gonna marry a black man. Don't be stupid, don't hate black people. She's gonna marry a black man. She married a black man, and that man died with a cigarette hand set on fire. So he died a black man.
SPEAKER_04That's burned burnt. And then he'll wind up being the coming back being the child of that of that that mother and that black child being half black. And now it'll be his curse. Now you're half black. Because black people ain't fucking with you because you're white, and the black white people ain't fucking with you because you're black.
SPEAKER_05Now I can now I can uh I can agree with that because I think this is the first time I was black. Like I think I was a white man before all this. I don't think I was a kind one. That's why no, I don't think I was. I only say that I only say that because why I'm so kind now. Like it's really it had to be really implemented in this life of mine this time. I think I was white. So I think I really was like a really not right, like not a right, like I still was kind because kind is like really in me, but there was some real whatever back in my you need horns on your head. You said what?
SPEAKER_06I didn't say some crazy shit right now.
SPEAKER_05I mean, I that's how I always felt about myself. What can I say? But I but that's why I'm so kind, like you know, like you know, because I really I really had to turn away from that that.
SPEAKER_04I tell you about my first Did I tell you about my first leg?
SPEAKER_05Your first what?
SPEAKER_04My first leg. Well the one.
SPEAKER_05Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_04I told you about it. It came, I I literally drove so No, I'm I don't want to sound crazy. You're not gonna crack it. You sound crazy. It came back to me, but I I know for a fact that I was a nigga, and it wasn't it wasn't a slavery, like, like um it was like like we got paid, but it was like real low. Like they barely paid us, but like, you know, just paid us in in in different shit. It was the South. But I left there and went to Chicago and and got choked. Something something happened in my neck. I don't know. That's what for this to this day, like it's a trigger. Like, I don't know what it is. Like, even when girls do it, I gotta kind of like stop that though. Like when they try to grab my neck, like even if they're doing it like all like satisfaction.
SPEAKER_06Uh girls. Oh, like the white light. Yeah, I know I know it don't matter.
SPEAKER_04I mean it kind of do, but then it don't at the same time, right? But what I don't like though, I don't like I don't like when they confuse. Like me? No, like you got like I don't, you know, I don't know how to say this.
SPEAKER_06Like you have no regular white life.
SPEAKER_04I like my white girls white. I don't like my black girls black. What does that mean? No, because I don't like white black girls, I don't like white black girls.
SPEAKER_03I don't like black white girls. Like, it's just like it's just like you want them to stay in their sections.
SPEAKER_04It's not that, it's not that just get uncomfortable. Yeah, that's sure what you just said. That's wrong. That's wrong. Don't get me wrong. That is wrong for me to feel that way. I get it. I would get it.
SPEAKER_06It's terrible.
SPEAKER_04The only thing is it just becomes uncomfortable in certain social situations where I'm just like, I don't even know how to respond sometimes. And I don't like feeling, I do like feeling like that. Let me start right. I like that. Why else is it happening? I love feeling comfortable.
SPEAKER_06Why is that you smile?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like smelling like this. Yeah, yeah. I just kind of like I do I do like being in like like looking at it in the light where like what the fuck is going on here? Like, I love people to just like be so curious as to like I don't get what is happening over here. Like, is that a black, white girl? Like, I don't know what's going on. Like, what is happening?
SPEAKER_03Like, the beauty shit the wrong way, but for whatever reason, I think it's when we get into it that I still have to.
SPEAKER_01Wait, wait, did you hear what she said?
SPEAKER_06That can be a person, right? It is a person. So when you get a uh they were raised around those people, they can just jump and start. Hey, come on, that's stupid as hell. Clearly, clearly, yeah, yeah, clearly. I mean, I think it's a good idea.
SPEAKER_04Oh I you know what it is. That's what this is what it is. All right, it's when they switch. It's when they can switch. That's what you can switch too. When they can switch what?
SPEAKER_06Because they can be wow, you're doing a lot, right? What do you mean? What did you talk about? Oh no, the word is canceled. The word is canceled. You like it, you're right, you like every angle of it.
SPEAKER_03You're angling it, you like every angle of it.
SPEAKER_06What you say right now is crack right now. I'm speaking out of terms because you just you're just saying shit not to think about what you're saying. It's okay.
SPEAKER_01It's okay. That's on me. It's but this is this is what it is. That's on me. But wait, so this is listen.
SPEAKER_04We're just figuring it out. That's yeah, yeah, yeah. Figuring it out. It's it's starting not to even make sense what I'm saying to myself.
SPEAKER_03And I'm like, wait, that's what you say. I'm contradicting myself now.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, and I'm like, why am I even like, yeah, yeah. I guess that's something I gotta iron out.
SPEAKER_06I just thought I think I don't like black ass. Yeah, I gotta iron the black. I mean I don't like black ass the monk.
SPEAKER_04I gotta iron that out for us beginning.
SPEAKER_06I think I'm like black ass the monk.
SPEAKER_04That would definitely be be it.
SPEAKER_06I mean and all my friends like it's key. I said, sorry.
SPEAKER_04Oh, all right. That's so you got so so when I what that's where it's at. Because I was wondering, is is is I'm pretty sure it was somewhere. I felt like it would be somewhere to keep you like that. And that's what it is. I think the black guy's that like blinking at me.
SPEAKER_06And how do you feel?
SPEAKER_04Don't do that. Don't scared as shit.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, so yeah, so it's the rainbow. I'm the rainbow, Skittles, tasty. So maybe whatever maybe whatever maybe I always play with black guys. Every time I mess with them, I just kept thinking my uncle, I kept saying my uncle, so I always make the white guys after that. So now um now I'm married to a white man from England, reparations. Reparations, y'all nine y'all get mine reparations. Oh, I quit.
SPEAKER_02Yes, you do.
SPEAKER_06You're from England, bro. You got a lot of stuff. You got a lot of stuff. I seen. I seen it. Is that what you said? I seen it, yeah. We've been together 18 years. I got a hold of it. I got a hold of it now. We got married last night.
SPEAKER_04So how would you compare, like, so what you dealt with with um with your sexuality versus what you dealt with with your race with racism? Like, how would you compare there's no difference to me?
SPEAKER_06There's no difference because it hurt is hurt. So when you question this, when you when you worry about me on this side and say this about me on this side, it all means the same thing to me. You hate because you hate something have You to make you hate me. I did nothing to no one to make them hate you unless I didn't cut your ass out for some super reason. You hate me for one reason, that's it. I did something wrong to you.
SPEAKER_04I did have a theory about something that I'm I'm gonna ask Google too. Um Hey Google. What are the percentage of homosexuals in America that have uh have m experienced molestation as a child?
SPEAKER_00It's important to approach this sensitive topic with care. The available information doesn't provide specific percentages on the number of homosexual individuals in America who have experienced child molestation. However, general research indicates that child sexual abuse is a significant issue. For example, at least one in four girls and one in twenty boys in the United States experience child sexual abuse. Experts agree that the incidence is likely much higher than what is reported. If you or someone you know need support, please reach out to a trusted adult or professional.
SPEAKER_06She ain't answered shit.
SPEAKER_04I was just about to say that. Like I didn't get the point.
SPEAKER_06She didn't say Today she's like, I don't know what to talk about.
SPEAKER_04I just believe that a great percentage of that is because of that.
SPEAKER_06Most people I know, guys, have been raped also. But I think also I think you get raped because you are something that guys are attracted to, a man is attracted to, and it pushed you further than we already were. Because we most guys who raped, I that I know now are feminine. Which means they were like I was. They always have been, or they're not gonna be. No, when I was a kid, when I was a kid, I used to I'm telling you, when I was a child, I played a vatin cleaner. I was kids playing with toys. I had a vat and cleaner I played with. I went um plant plants and do all girls. I mean I was kidding about um six. I was in the house. I got you. But see, that's I didn't do yards. I didn't like my nails to get dirty. No, no, I understand. I don't want no dirty on my hands like that. I used to watch when I tried to join the service. The first place I went to was a Marines. Then I said, Oh, the army. She said, Hell no, you're gonna be dirty still. I said, I'm going to navy. She's like, Fine. Uh huh. You can swim. And I say, bitch. I could swim.
SPEAKER_03And you can't.
SPEAKER_06No, no, because the mama Marines and the Army because they get dirty. Oh, because they more on the ground than dirt. You don't like dirt on nothing up you. I was trying to go to the navy. I got you. I just don't like to be told what to do. When your mother tells you that you you gay, when I tell you you're gay, well, you can't have no dirt in your hands. You can't call no damn dirt. You can't shoot no gun, get dust on you. I was wearing makeup. Can you hand that picture right there, real quick? It's right there. You can't. Since we talk about it, yep, this is a picture right here. Oh, this is 1980s picture.
SPEAKER_04No, this is uh my brother was my brother. Yeah, he had two auditions this day. He went for audition of Twilight and Beverly Hills 90210 the same day.
SPEAKER_06I was 18 years old. I used to wear I still 18 years.
SPEAKER_04I say paint.
SPEAKER_05I used to wear my lip gloss, my mascara, my contacts, and I used to shave my eyebrows. Yes.
SPEAKER_06Let me see the damn picture.
SPEAKER_05Can you put it? I mean so they can see it. Oh bad.
SPEAKER_01Right, don't do drugs. Can you put it in a camera so they can see it there for a second?
SPEAKER_04He was on one of the don't do drugs episodes.
SPEAKER_01I forget that on my own.
SPEAKER_06There you go. There you go. Oh, hell no.
SPEAKER_03He was on one of the don't do drugs episodes. That was my pre-moment. What happened? You know, because now you got darker.
SPEAKER_01Because wait, hold on, hold on. Let me tell me I was like, the reason why that even happened about was because I mean I couldn't really express myself a lot.
SPEAKER_05So you're a gay dance?
SPEAKER_06Huh? Did you know your gay?
SPEAKER_05Right here, yes. Yes, yes, yes. This is my 18th birthday.
SPEAKER_06He's a faint background.
SPEAKER_01I knew him when he was four. But that's why I said I didn't really get to express myself. So that was like one of the first things I said.
SPEAKER_03I can't say that. I didn't know he knew. But you know what?
SPEAKER_04In the beginning, his manurism pushed him in that direction.
SPEAKER_01In the beginning. Ain't no man that pushed you. Wait, let me say this.
SPEAKER_05In the beginning of the beginning of my beginning of doing this, I really thought I was going to be the female side of everything. I thought I was gonna change. But me meeting someone I was with for a very long time.
SPEAKER_06Who's someone? I don't want to say names and everything. No, no, not a name. No, no, no. Not not not talking about jumping.
SPEAKER_04Was it this show we named names? Was it a show we named names?
SPEAKER_01Okay, is it saying about social paper numbers? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay, can I just so I don't forget my story? Can I just say it so I don't forget my story?
SPEAKER_06Can I just say it so I don't forget my story? Because I'm about to forget it. I don't even remember what I was gonna say now.
SPEAKER_02Back in his day. When I was younger than I had a kid anymore. I had no voice.
SPEAKER_05Oh, oh, so I would I really thought I was gonna be more like I was gonna be a housewife, and I was gonna be, you know, my situation, not even a situation, my life taught me how to be stronger in a way I didn't know I was gonna have to learn how to be. But initial we named name. And it ended up being more what I was. So question.
SPEAKER_02On this show, we name names. No, we not end the names for so as long as y'all know each other.
SPEAKER_06As long as y'all know each other, what you said bothered me. What was that? You say his mannerism made him gay.
SPEAKER_04No, no, no. His mannerism made us.
SPEAKER_06No, he was gay. Oh, yeah, they didn't.
SPEAKER_04No, his well, I this is what I say. I don't feel like that his mannerism had anything to do with that, right? Because you're not gay until you have sex with the same sex. And when you're a four-year-old, you're not having sex with nobody. You're thinking about sex, so you're not gay. So I that I can't I can't accept that.
SPEAKER_06That one, the one you say right now, that's kind of confusing me. Because people know who the fuck they are. Right.
SPEAKER_04Now they're just sex and sex and that's sex. So gay people have not had sex with anyone. That's why we talked about the reincarnation process. So we spoke on that as well. That's but that's why you know I feel like that has a lot to do with it. Because even before he had a sexual orientation, which is what homos talked about. Yeah, yeah. But my point is before he had a sexual orientation, he already had a designated mannerism about himself that already like predisposed what would have been his choice once he once given the choice. You said that was more than a chance.
SPEAKER_06No, hold on. One word you said was choice. There's no choice. It is there is. But they should have seen if they were the wait, hold on. If they were the adults, let me say this.
SPEAKER_05If they if they were the adults and seen, if they can call wait, can I say this? Can can if they call if they can call it out upon me, if you can call this out upon me at four years old, then you already know that I'm different. So why put something against me?
SPEAKER_06Why why not and I already know what this is and really help me in it instead of just trying to lead me in the way you think is is best. So would you would you because I've I've always been this way.
SPEAKER_03This is the thing with that. Never been different.
SPEAKER_04A person my whole life. A person that feels like that that's not necessarily something that that's you feel.
SPEAKER_03That's not fair to me.
SPEAKER_04My point is a person that's raising you that that that hasn't it hasn't been determined. Still, I can't say that it's been determined.
SPEAKER_03I'm not when you offer me that, you put that in me, you're doing it as I'm growing up. You know that's what it is. So you're not putting your emphasis in it.
SPEAKER_04For me to say that is not fair to you though. Because what if it's not? What if it's not? What if it's just a phase that you was going through? Because they and because I nurtured that, all of a sudden, this is not me pushing you in that way. The way that's what I'm saying, it's not something for them as a children at that time.
SPEAKER_06Life is now different, right? We're learning different things. So as we go, we evolve. So what they know with me didn't happen with you. Right. A little bit more went on. Right now, the next generation has it freely, right? But now so free. Right. Now they're trying to cut that stuff out. So what you're saying is we grow and we grow, we grow. So how would they know to say something or or embrace it?
SPEAKER_01Because they don't know because they get but I understand, I get that, but I'm just saying if we go in debt, I'm just speaking as we I get what it is.
SPEAKER_04I wouldn't, if my son, if I if I saw that about my son, I wouldn't feel, I wouldn't feel right like like like ridiculing him or or or banishing him because of it, but I wouldn't feel right kind of pushing him in that way, trying to make him go play with over there with them to see if like I wouldn't feel right doing that either. But that's what I'm saying. Like that's that's what that that's the limit that they dealt that you that's uh that you're that that you're faced with when you're having that situation. Like, like do I do I nurture this? Do I try to keep them away from it? Do I just like how do you because it's not something that's right, and at the time there's nothing made for you for that. There was nothing there for you to say, well, this is what we put the ones that are like this over here. There was nothing for you for that.
SPEAKER_06I was very sad. That's not a problem.
SPEAKER_03I'm playing with Barbies. That's what I want to do. Why does it have to be now something that you're creating my mind that I have to now rearrange? When I'm just trying to create because a part of me, a part of me, a part of you, but that's not what was of me, what I needed attention to.
SPEAKER_04But if you're four years old, a part of me wonders if I'm gonna be if I'm right for letting you do it, or if should I just take it from you and put you in a position where, like uh uh if if given the chance to be normal and not have that, would you go? For me to not do that, so but y'all probably what's typical, right?
SPEAKER_03Like to go with but why would you want to go with the typical thing? Not because I want grandkids, because I want like it could be several reasons. That's the selfish reason of why definitely myself. It's definitely why I can't be my individual self. Definitely is that's horrible.
SPEAKER_04But my point is as an adult, as an adult that's raising a child, whether you're selfish or not, this is a dilemma and a decision that you have to make for this child. You can't necessarily just let the child wander and just become whatever the fuck the the media because you don't know what they're kind of doing that when they're not when they're not actually actually raising me correctly the way I feel I need direction.
SPEAKER_07Interjects the actually kind of doing that.
SPEAKER_06So what y'all saying already let me let me first get to be this way, or let me see if I can change it so they're unhappy and kill themselves. What that's what happens. What's that again? Well, you just said was escalated real quick. Kids are killing themselves because the parents say, No, no, no, no, no, we're supposed to be like this. Because you don't want to let them be. Let kids be, let them be who in the hell they want to be, and then figure out for the damn selves. You have to adapt to them. You made them. They had no choice come in this world. Y'all made them, let them go.
SPEAKER_03And if you correct yourself before you have your children, you may not have the problems you have with your children having them randomly.
SPEAKER_04And y'all sound like y'all are in support of having a license to have a kid. And I'm not sure. But my point is, no, no. My point is, my point is I heard that.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_06Because what I said was when you let a kid be, you don't have no trouble crazy like me. I never forgot who I was on my own. When you help your kid grow up to who they want to be, they know when the fuck they're gonna be. Right. Because the kids know already. They might be confused that go this way, that's what, because they I want ice skate, I want this, I want that. Let them figure out for their damn stuff. You hear them support and lead them. Not choose for them what they're gonna be. I believe I definitely agree with you.
SPEAKER_04No, I'm not contradicting that. What I'm speaking of is from this from the standpoint of a typical parent having to make this decision, not having the outlooks that we have, not having the perception that we have of the situation.
SPEAKER_06You have no outlook. The kid is a that kid's gonna be who we're gonna be because it makes me. Regardless of what you do. Let me tell you something. In the beginning, I hated my father for years. Yeah. While in A, he called my house one day. He said, Who that faggot has your phone? I say, You don't call my house where I pay my own damn bills and call my friend a faggot. Click. No one's ever done that to my father in their life. Not my sibling, nobody. And still to say they have not done that to him. He did now. But the fact is, you let a kid be a kid, they grow up to be who it's gonna be. Because mine was, I was forced to be straight. Straight, straight, straight, straight. My mother knew, my stepmom knew. My cousin Roxy, all of them knew I was a woman. I didn't know I was a woman. I chose my own. But I had to go in the Navy at 17 years old. Did you guys know who the fuck I was? Because I didn't want to stay at home and deal with the bullshit. That's terrible. I was a kid growing up with no support from no one. But as a parent, as a parent.
SPEAKER_04And I was a parent. No, my point is as a parent, how much accountability I have not. No, again, let me finish. As a parent, how much accountability do you take for the outcome of your child?
SPEAKER_06You love your child? Yes. Then that makes no difference. Take the outcome. You take it because it's the existence. You know what you have with your children.
SPEAKER_03As I'm giving you me, as you're living along with me, you should know who I am before I know why. Exactly. Even if I have a little mishap or a little bump or a little ooh, a little ooey, it shouldn't go off. It gets ignored where I have to now go handle this truly on my own.
SPEAKER_04I get it. You know I get it. I didn't say you can get it. But you know, you're not controversial. No, it's not that. I like to get I like to speak, I like to speak from the typical person's standpoint to only just say that that what we have to correct is the perception of what's happening. It's wrong, not necessarily the what's happening that needs to be corrected. It's the perception of what's happening that needs to be corrected. That's my point. But ultimately, ultimately, part of that perception has to be on both ends. You know what I mean? Both ends have to have been on a perception of how the other one is being viewed as to who's who's making the wrong choice here, who's making it difficult here, who's who's being the problem. You know what I mean? Like the problem is the problem. Now it's how we deal with the problem is is gonna be my problem is people are my business and my child.
SPEAKER_05And my thing is we've already done it the way you're saying it. You got kids like me from the way you're trying to present it. And me. We haven't we haven't had the result of how I'm saying it. Where are those people? My kid, my kids are perfectly fine.
SPEAKER_06Check, try to do that and then see maybe how the children turn out. Gay people have the best kids in real because they know who the fuck they are. Right. Because we listen to them, they express and we listen. All of them are gay. Not all of them are gay, not all of them are straight.
SPEAKER_04They're what they are. I never felt like I was forced to be straight. Like I would I never felt pressure to be straight. Like that was never a force. I guess I was, but I was nine years old, right? It was before it was even a thing.
SPEAKER_06It's pressed on us that we're pressured to be gay instead of just saying that's who we are. What's that's why we're still doing this shit out here today, telling you we're just this. This is what we always do. Right. They'll go, oh, and the Bible says, and the Bible says don't eat pork.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_06And the Bible says don't wear don't wear two different fabrics together. So they follow certain things in the Bible, and they not smart enough to say, This is good, this is good. It's all the same shit. Live your fucking life.
SPEAKER_04That might make a lot of sense, though. Don't wear two fabrics together. What if that's the real thing, though? Like that we're not doing it.
SPEAKER_06You've been wearing that stuff a long time.
SPEAKER_04But I mean, I don't know. And I'm not, I'm not, I'm not superpowered either. I don't got superpowers right now either. I don't know why you think that. Why you think we ain't got superpowers? Well, who got superpowers? Where do you think the ideology of super people having superpowers come from? Movies. But where you think the movies come from? The people who make the movies. Because they know something about the movies. The same people who made the airplane? Yeah. That's fine. Some part somebody said I want to out there. I'm just saying, somebody said, I want to fly, and it's happening. So how could you not believe that anything else is not possible at that point? Because that sounded crazy when somebody first said it, right? Didn't somebody sound crazy as hell when they said I want to fly.
SPEAKER_06We already fly when I was part of the good. Them plants up there. Y'all too, y'all young as hell. Pan was going on, baby. Pan.
SPEAKER_04Well, yeah, I'm I mean, but like that was that was some crazy shit when a person first said it. But it's happened. So to think that.
SPEAKER_06Y'all just want me high hand, don't you? Just talking shit.
SPEAKER_04That's the whole point. That's what the show is all about. It's it's really just an excuse that we can smoke these people weed up. They give yeah, they're giving us weed so we can smoke it on air, but we aren't, and we ain't even quoting that shit yet. We ain't even telling nobody that's what we're getting from. That's what we're supposed to be doing, but right now we just like dragging it out, telling them like we're gonna do it when we get like more than three, more than three viewers. How many things are in here now?
SPEAKER_05We're gonna see uh we have six here. No, no, no, no. We have sixty-six in there.
SPEAKER_06Not my family map.
SPEAKER_05It's sixty-six. Oh, six six.
SPEAKER_01I mean, just all six hours.
SPEAKER_06No, but I counted six outside. Where happened to the light? What happened to the light? Uh it's too late. We're not live, we're not live anymore. We're not on air.
SPEAKER_04I don't know what type of karate shit he's doing down there. He gotta cut it off. Oh, I turned that light off.
SPEAKER_01Which one is that?
SPEAKER_04We know we're gonna pull this shit all the way out next time.
SPEAKER_01It's under my feet, and I must have knocked it in.
SPEAKER_04Sorry, we not live. We're gonna start calling it crazy feet. Yes, we are. That's branded, aka crazy feet.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I thought you were gonna say the other thing.
SPEAKER_04Uh oh.
SPEAKER_01I don't know what that is. I thought you were gonna say what's my other, what's my other thing?
SPEAKER_04See, no, turn that light out. You gotta cut it down.
SPEAKER_05Maybe they're gonna have that.
SPEAKER_04You gotta you gotta go down, but cut it down. There you go. There you go. All right, we back in. But you know we was on air, even though the sound was off.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I know. All right, sorry. What's up?
SPEAKER_04Oh yeah, I love it. You know, I don't think it's fair that I don't think it's fair that we can identify. I gotta say this though. We can change how we identify as far as gender go, but like we gotta be 100% white to fill out I'm white on the application. Like, I can't have be 25% white and be like, I identify as a white person. Like, they're gonna literally like consider that fraudulent when I put that on the application when I feel in the box. Are you white? But I can literally change my white. Yeah, I'm 25%. I check out boxes. Yeah, but they ain't gonna they ain't gonna know that.
SPEAKER_05All of the boxes.
SPEAKER_06All the boxes, male and female. What are you gonna say?
SPEAKER_04You you know that's what I find ironic, right? Is the fact that you gotta be 100% white to be white. But if you got 1% black in you, you all niggas. There's no 100% white present on this earth. I mean, you know what I mean. Like, you all niggas gotta be all pretty much gotta be. If you got a little nigga in you, you are you a nigga, like you, you're a whole nigga. Like you can have like two percent nigga in you, you a nigga.
SPEAKER_06Like, you lips. Nope. It's not like that's like we didn't want us to say this guy goes like this. America, white people, we're gonna take our country back. I say, nigga, y'all sold it.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah, I think I saw something like that.
SPEAKER_06I said, What it don't make no sense to me. How you gonna take your country back? You don't own no country. The race thing is, we still pay, we still paying Indians.
SPEAKER_04I think it's used specifically just because it's people out here that understand how to uh dictate the reincarnation process to keep it within their bloodline. Other than that, I see no other reason to even give a fuck about that. The only reason that it would even be oh this guy.
SPEAKER_01That's what I'm saying. Oh, you're saying I'm talking about.
SPEAKER_05I mean, we usually are done. We went a little over today.
SPEAKER_04I say I should have the answer. I should have answered. I can speak a superstar.
SPEAKER_05He's a he's an awesome rapper. No, probably when you look up his music, you his music will pop up too, won't it, brother?
SPEAKER_04Yep.
SPEAKER_05You said what?
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Yeah. So uh oh yeah, we over our time. It's uh yeah, is that that that thing's probably off too many? Because if you unplug that, everything's going off. Can you get a mic? You can get a mic? Yeah, I've been here.
SPEAKER_01I've been here. Yeah, I just turned out the light bar. All right, we that's uh time to stay goodbye, guys, man. Well, we want to thank you for staying too next week.
SPEAKER_05I do want to talk about another guest next week.
SPEAKER_04Girls and their people picking skills, and how that's something that needs to start being interested. Because, like, right?
SPEAKER_01Why is it your girls and what? A people picking skills. Why why is it your business? Because I'm one of the people that be picking. But do you understand?
SPEAKER_07Let's go, man.
