Episode 9: Childhood Echoes And Sacred Firsts

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Transcript

Opening Vibe And Show Setup

SPEAKER_01 0:00

In every age, someone had to hold the light in the dark room. Someone had to stay the tip, and everyone held their tongue. This is Luciferian Light Show where nothing is off limits. No truth is too tabooed. And no lies going down.

SPEAKER_04 0:17

Let's turn that light on. Welcome to the Luciferian Light Show, where it's not about being right, it's about being real. And my brother once again made us late. I will continue to play. Wow. Um not true.

SPEAKER_01 0:30

I was on my shit today. I gotta fix that. Can't you tell? Look at this love. I gotta fix that.

SPEAKER_04 0:34

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, y'all.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

Let me put my little headphones on. How y'all doing this evening? I hope you're doing wonderful out there. Um I am Levy. We missed that part. I am for the LBGTQ community. And we're gonna have a nice look.

Stating The Theme: What Made Us

SPEAKER_04 1:02

I am Jones representing the heterosexuals of America and gang, gang, gang. You already know what we're doing up here. Um today's gonna be a little different because we felt like you can hear us, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:15

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 1:16

All right, we um we want to talk about like who made what made us, right? Like, so in order to really like take this journey into where we're going, we gotta start from where we go where we've been and we go from there. Um who going first? Um, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:37

Um whatever you want to do.

SPEAKER_04 1:39

Okay, all right. So while I'm rolling up, I'm gonna ask you some questions. Um what's the first thing you remember?

SPEAKER_02 1:49

As a child? Let's see.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

The first thing I remember the thing I remember is probably when I was five. And it was me, dad, and Shannon. I don't know why I remember that. And this this always like plays in my head. I don't even know why either. But um Shannon Shannon is this one right here, but wait, this one.

SPEAKER_03 2:18

Let's be friends on night and night, because I might say some shit, and people might be able to do it. It's the same shit, it's the same off the state, so I ain't gonna you ain't gonna do it, but yeah, yeah, I ain't gonna necessarily like it.

SPEAKER_04 2:28

But this story's this story is certain people aren't gonna want to be identified by their actions, and I get that, you know what I mean? So I ain't gonna put them out there. This story's plus I don't want to give them that much significance anyway. Not too bad.

First Memory: Dad, Aunt Debbie, Brown Grass

SPEAKER_01 2:41

So we always used to go to our Aunt Debbie's house all the time, and I think this was like a Thanksgiving day, too. But I just remember us even from the car. This is my first memory, I don't know why. I was on, I mean, I was sick too as a kid, so medicine did a lot to me, so I don't remember a lot as a kid. Anyway, so we were walking from the car to her house. I just remember walking, us being on her front lawn. It's a very distinctful moment. I don't remember exactly like what the day was. It had to be one of those times because we went there on holidays, yeah. But that was really one distinctful. But I just remember us, I remember him me like, me feeling like this is my dad. I remember that like it was like I wanted to be like him. I wanted to Yeah, I'll do it too. Uh no, no one could tell me nothing. I swear to God. That was I I always relate to that moment, and it's always us three.

SPEAKER_04 3:43

And that's why I didn't like my stepfather initially, because I was so in admiration of my real father and the type of person he was, and my stepfather was like totally opposite of that and totally different. So I just wasn't respecting that shit. But ultimately, you know, it panned out because I needed both. You know what I mean? Ultimately, I needed both of them.

SPEAKER_01 4:03

No, absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 4:04

But Aunt Debbie, Aunt Debbie is actually one of my favorite aunts up until my least favorite aunt became my favorite aunt. Like the auntie I despised the most literally became my favorite aunt the moment I became grown. That's because she don't like kids. I'm just be honest. She don't like kids, she don't have a temperament for kids. And if you got a kid that's bad as hell, send them to her. They will be straight by the time they get back from literally sitting with her one day.

SPEAKER_01 4:28

She's just, she's just orderly. I mean, I needed Auntie Webby's.

SPEAKER_04 4:32

She's not intolerant. Yeah, but you need Wait, who are you talking about? Aunt Debbie or Aunt Moo? I'm talking about my Auntie Moo. That was my least favorite auntie. And she became my favorite auntie over Aunt Debbie.

SPEAKER_01 4:42

Is that who you call Aunt Diana?

SPEAKER_04 4:44

No, that's Auntie. I just call her Diana Auntie. Who who's Aunt Moo? Auntie Moo is my mother's sister.

SPEAKER_01 4:50

Oh, I don't think I'm.

SPEAKER_04 4:52

Yeah, she looked just like my mother. She was, she didn't have any kids, right? So like I felt like I was her son. You know what I mean? Like, she didn't have any kids. So she took me in as an adult, though. Like as a kid, I couldn't tolerate her because I was a very curious and energetic individual. And she was not, she didn't have to beat my ass. But go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 5:15

But uh, yeah, And W was a good uh I wouldn't change it because she was very strict, she was strict, but she had love behind her strictness in her in her guiding, at least when I was younger, you know, like how she tried to lead us. She was whooping. You don't want no And Whooping.

SPEAKER_04 5:36

You know, we don't put no spells on you.

SPEAKER_01 5:38

What's that? Huh? He says he hasn't TBX for right now. Stop it.

unknown 5:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:45

Um that that is my first, and I and I can say that plays that's played throughout my life the whole time. I don't know why that scene or that time. I can even remember the grass being like brown. It wasn't even green. It was brown. I can remember the grass grass being brown. Well, her grass? And Debbie's, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I remember like that's my I remember my feet. This is how much I can remember. I remember my feet like crunching like on the grass. That's all I can remember. I can remember us. Yes. I remember us, our our feelings. I remember the crunch of the grass. I remember the grass being brown.

SPEAKER_04 6:21

Now, only because of what we talked about, that's deep. I ain't gonna get into detail, but that's deep only because of what we talked about earlier, remember? But um, yeah, continue. I gotta I gotta hear this. I want your whole story, the whole thing.

SPEAKER_01 6:31

I could, I could, I could feel the crunch of the ground. But it's so weird too. That this time I'm talking about didn't even feel like real. It doesn't feel real, but I know it happened, happened. Like it's it's weird. It was like a surreal moment.

SPEAKER_04 6:49

Um when I get to my turn, I got one, I got one of those too.

SPEAKER_01 6:52

Yeah, so I don't I don't know. It's so I really always replay that that moment, which is really sacred to me because I don't know, it's really a safe place too when I go there too. It's weird. When I do think of it, it's it's like uh a healing place. It's it's kind of really strange. But yeah, that that is that is my first memory. That is my first memory.

SPEAKER_04 7:13

And how old were you?

SPEAKER_01 7:15

I was saying I was about five years old.

SPEAKER_04 7:17

I met you before that, you know.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

Yeah, but I me remembering things, like that's what I other and then other than other than us having that time when we went to Universal Studios and did that, those are the only really things I remember being at that age. Yeah, that's crazy. That is crazy. But medicine does something to you, we'll tell you. When you're pumping in a kid, you know what I'm saying? Whoa. Wow, that's naive.

SPEAKER_04 7:47

I mean, come on, bro. We take style bites and we use them and we make them look different. So I'm very aware of every quote and I isolate them. So you have to be aware that this is the internet. Not at all where I was trying to go with that, but okay. You're gonna get us canceled before we even get started.

SPEAKER_01 8:03

Uh okay, so let's go.

SPEAKER_04 8:04

How old were you then? Now we at five years old. Carry on. We're at five years old.

SPEAKER_02 8:10

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:10

So I remember the time where we used to have to sit you in the well at four. I can remember us having to watch you sit in the kitchen in the dark with your plate in front of you because you wouldn't eat it. And in your defense, the food was terrible. But nevertheless, um don't listen to her, mom. No, it wasn't terrible. It wasn't terrible.

SPEAKER_01 8:29

No, mom, you're a way better cook these days, I tell you. We we used to talk about her, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 8:33

She made me like macaroni style. I never heard of that.

SPEAKER_01 8:35

Well, she never that's the one thing she could make. Uh but now she's a very good cook, I would say. We we teased her enough where uh now she can cook her pretty good.

SPEAKER_04 8:47

You know, no retrospect. I'm thinking about this in hindsight now. The one thing I love that my mother cooked the most is now something I probably will never eat from another woman ever again. Not even my mother. I don't even trust us no more now.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

What's that?

SPEAKER_04 8:59

Spaghetti.

SPEAKER_01 9:00

From your mom? Yeah. I love my mom's spaghetti. I we always know, but at least uh-uh, quit.

SPEAKER_04 9:07

Yeah, that's what I'm saying, bro. I'm saying we women are very minute.

SPEAKER_01 9:11

When I used to live with them for when I used to live with them for that year after my accident. That's at least once a week, me and my mom would have spaghetti. She's like, You want spaghetti? Yeah, I'm with you. I mean, he'll eat it, but hey. That's what you're trying to do.

Family Dynamics And Strict Aunts

SPEAKER_04 9:31

Yeah, that's because you know, but for real, we would eat spaghetti all week. She'll make a big ass pot of it, and we'll be eating that shit. Spaghetti sandwiches, spaghetti, everything. Like literally, like spaghetti with everything. So I'm I'm like spaghetti.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

But now you that's spaghetti. With spaghetti, though, you gotta add white sauce. You gotta add uh Alfredo sauce, which makes it like a pink sauce. Wow.

SPEAKER_04 9:54

Oh my god, this guy just has to sneak it in in some type of way. Like, he is. Oh, I said white.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

Come on, I always talking about the alfredo.

SPEAKER_04 10:02

I live with him, so he can lie to y'all, but I live with him. I know how I was like, it's crazy because I'm trying to go there today.

SPEAKER_01 10:08

Normally, okay, he's he's probably right with what he's talking about. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 10:11

I probably talk crazy. Hey, somebody, somebody go through our whole uh uh log and do a fact check on me and see how how much I'm right. Let's do that. Let's let's Google and and all the shit I talk about and see how much I got a 99.9 accuracy rate, bro. You got me fucked up.

SPEAKER_01 10:27

But you can't remember a conversation. I can't remember, I got short, I got short-term memory loss.

SPEAKER_04 10:31

That's probably like for real. I do got short-term memory loss.

SPEAKER_01 10:36

But to talk about where he was saying where I used to sit there and eat, I with food, let me tell you, food for me is not necessary, right? It's something we've got accustomed to because I really practiced when I was younger, like spiritual food, which was, you know, I didn't know what meditation was at that time, but meditating, I would do, you know, go with it myself. I would uh, you know, speak with God. I would that's how I would eat. Even when I was at school, I used to carry a loaf of bread and just break one loaf of bread, and I would have conversation with God. What's that? You don't yola. Yes, we can't get on ours yet. Okay. Thank you. All right, continue. Go ahead. I'm sorry. And so I used to break bread and do it that way. But I used to look at food because a lot of times food was nasty. And literally, I would eat food and I have to eat fast. Sometimes I could enjoy it, right? But I knew five minutes from now, my brain's gonna be like, nope, you don't want to eat this. This is gross, this is disgusting. So that's what would happen. So a lot of times if you did see me eating, I was like, and then I would just automatically stop. Like, what's wrong with you? I don't want to know. I'm listening.

SPEAKER_04 11:50

I believe your spirit is not from this world originally. You said what? Your spirit not from this world. This is your first time. This is your spirit's first time being. That's why the food is just so like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_01 12:00

This no, I like I very different. I feel like I've been here so many times. That's why I was so deniable of doing it because I was so indulging previously. Here he go.

SPEAKER_04 12:12

I didn't say anything, sir.

SPEAKER_01 12:13

Yeah, yeah, I could see, I could see it. I could see it, I could see it.

SPEAKER_04 12:16

So, so let me get this straight. You're trying to tell me I'm saying more without saying anything?

SPEAKER_01 12:23

I saw all right. Wouldn't y'all say something? Can you see his face?

SPEAKER_04 12:29

What? That we got stuck on was that what you don't say says way more than what you could say. Oh yeah, oh yeah, I'm back. I'm back. Let's go. Finish, finish the story, sir. Yeah, we good. Go ahead, finish the story, sir.

Food, Energy, And Mood While Eating

SPEAKER_01 12:41

I'm just food. I just now that I can eat more food the way I do is because I actually take the enjoyment. What you think when you're eating matters. So let me just say this. What you think when you're eating matters, how you get heavy, how you get that is how you're how heavy you are on your mind. You know, the lighter you think about what you're eating, which then makes you think about what you're eating, if you're more lighter about what you're eating, which then you're placing on your body in a lighter sense. So be happy when you eat. If you can't be happy, don't eat, take a break. That's my opinion.

SPEAKER_04 13:21

I feel that way in the sense that when you're cooking food, like don't matter. Do not do it. Angry. If I see you cooking some food, man, I'm not eating that shit. I swear to God. That matters too. Yeah, because that transfers. I'm not eating that shit. If I see you cooking food, let's say you got an attitude like I'm good, I will starve first. I'll be better.

SPEAKER_01 13:38

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 13:38

I'd be better anyway if I if I don't. If I just I'd be better off if I starve than I would if I take this nourishment from that negative energy. Like the energy that you put into food means so much more than the ingredients.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

The energy whenever you use your hands and your intentions are always important.

SPEAKER_04 13:56

I want to talk about. Oh, well, I'll go ahead, finish your story. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 14:00

I was just really talking about food.

SPEAKER_04 14:01

You know, yeah, but I wanted you to get your whole story out because I need people to understand who you are. So when we speak further now, that's more of a common understanding to where you don't have to backlog when you speak. You don't have to explain, over-explain certain things because you're already understood who you are. So when you speak, like we know to expect, you know what I mean? We know what to expect. So uh, but yeah, continue. Uh uh, I will write that down though, but I did want to put that back.

SPEAKER_01 14:26

Well, kind of go go go answer what's your first memory? So we'll just keep the question and then we'll go to the next one. My first memory? Yeah, the first memory you remember as a as a kid. What can you remember?

SPEAKER_04 14:38

Oh, about the first memory. It's it's it's that's the point. It'll start something. Tell them y'all.

SPEAKER_01 14:45

All right, isn't that the point?

SPEAKER_04 14:46

We'll talk about my first um impactful memory, the one that meant the most not good. First memory. That's not good. That's not good. Um that's the point. I thought it was soap. We talked about this. You talk yeah, yeah. We're not no no no no no no, we're not talking about this. Come on, we will tell you. I didn't never agree to like, yeah, all my shit out. Like, that's just something because I was. So then why I even mentioned it.

SPEAKER_01 15:07

Why don't you just mention the one? Why not just mention the one that you're gonna mention?

SPEAKER_04 15:11

Because I'm being honest. I don't want to I don't want to.

SPEAKER_01 15:13

Okay, so then go what's the second? What's the second memory you most memorable? No, not most memorable, what you can remember as like as your young self. I remember a lot. The first thing, what can you remember that you kept as a young child?

SPEAKER_04 15:27

Knowledgeable, waking up one morning and having a whole bunch of toys in my phone. And why was that? Wow. And thinking that uh Santa Claus dropped them off. But I didn't know who Santa, I didn't know who they said, I the name never stuck to me. I'm like, I didn't care who the fuck he was at the point. I never understood. It's so funny, by the time I understood what Santa Claus was, I had already understood he was fake. You know what I mean? So it was like, but at the time when I when I would have believed he was real, I didn't even know what the fuck they were talking about. Didn't care. All I knew was I had toys that was mine. And like whatever else y'all saying, that's cool. But I get to play with these, that's all I need to know. Cool, bye. And that was it.

SPEAKER_01 16:06

And then my cousin, uh What did that do for you? Why did that stick in your mind like that? That why why is this?

SPEAKER_04 16:14

So it was like my first real moment of surprising joy, like like unexpected joy, right? Like I didn't expect this to happen, and out of nowhere, here I am getting a blessing, like you know, and this was life to me. Like, this is my one of my first impressions. And then I was uh quickly taught a lesson because my older cousin, who didn't have the luxury of having those things, which wasn't much, like when you compare my life to you know everybody else's, I was poor. But compared to him, I was poor. No, hell no. You never know you're poor until like you like Well, that's not true.

SPEAKER_01 16:49

Some people, you know, you're poor, and then people go to school and people let you know you're poor.

SPEAKER_04 16:53

That's what I mean. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:54

So, but you didn't really feel like you was, other than you know and how you were.

SPEAKER_04 16:58

No, no, I never thought about that like that. But my my cousin came over, and what I didn't understand then, which I thought was an accident, or it just happened, he broke all my toys, every last one of them. And like my mother told me then, like, he jealous, like you just gotta watch him. And it was just like, nah, not my cousin. Like, we sang, you know, and and so it took like repeated situations for me to finally understand like this person does not have your best of interest.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

Is this the same? Is this the same aunt you're talking about's child, or is this a total dictionary? My aunt, the one you talk about.

SPEAKER_04 17:34

My favorite aunt doesn't have any kids. I am her son.

SPEAKER_01 17:37

Oh, you said that. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, so like this is another again.

SPEAKER_04 17:40

You made me mad. I'm sorry. I gotta share my real mama, but I ain't gotta share this mama. You feel me?

SPEAKER_01 17:45

I understand. I have a lot of things.

SPEAKER_04 17:47

Don't play like that.

SPEAKER_01 17:47

I have a lot I would have been like that with. I don't play like that. She passed now, but okay, sorry, go ahead.

SPEAKER_04 17:53

I love your auntie mama. But uh Auntie Doris. Yeah, I'm never um yeah, I don't play like that. I'll never say that shit again. Her other kid.

unknown 18:02

What?

SPEAKER_04 18:03

My heart stopped beating fast when you said that shit. I gotta share Penny. I don't gotta share Momo. I don't have to share Momo. I gotta share Penny. It's me and Mika, Twan, Eric. I gotta share her, right? I don't have to share Mama.

SPEAKER_01 18:15

And ain't just you and Mika.

SPEAKER_04 18:16

Mama Penny is my mama too. I mean, but you know, like I didn't have to share with y'all. That wasn't Cali.

SPEAKER_01 18:21

She acknowledged me as her sign.

Epilepsy As Energy And Spiritual Gift

SPEAKER_04 18:23

And acknowledgement is way different than like spending money and spending time and taking you places and doing shit for you and cooking. That's way different. I'm glad she didn't have to split it that that damn thin. Like, cause uh I would have had to fight. Like, all right, we gotta have a ranking order around here. Now, not that older brother shit matters, all right? It don't matter when it's just two of y'all. When it's a lot of y'all motherfuckers, not as older brother shit matter. I'm the I'm the motherfucking king of this castle. So I need y'all to understand shit. These hands do work.

SPEAKER_02 18:52

They can work for you or they can work against you. It's up to you. But this is your story. We got how you gonna switch it off. You don't because y'all wanted you to do that.

SPEAKER_01 19:03

So now we'll go back to me. Did you finish your your remaining?

SPEAKER_04 19:06

We're not gonna double those. You just go do your thing and then I'm gonna do my thing. And I'm meant to do something like that.

SPEAKER_01 19:11

It's just so we remember so we don't I don't go too far and make sure you get involved a little bit if we go too far and me talking and we didn't get you in. So I'm just throwing yourself in there so they can get you too. Yeah, I didn't tell you too. I mean do that. Wow. What are you doing?

SPEAKER_04 19:28

Yeah, yeah, I'm fucking up, y'all. My bad. Yeah, I just trying to be like send me an iPhone.

SPEAKER_01 19:33

I don't know how to do it when you hear something like you're like, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_04 19:37

I'm an Android, yeah. I'm an Android person, and I just got an iPhone. Android I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing.

SPEAKER_01 19:43

Like still an Android person.

SPEAKER_04 19:45

I'm an Android person. I just got an iPhone.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

I don't do that. It's too much. Yeah, it is. Slide, slip, put it in another form, put it in it. Bro, I can't say nothing.

SPEAKER_04 19:55

No, no, you can't. You can't, you can't. All right. Anybody else, they get past you.

SPEAKER_01 20:00

I'm literally not even trying today. Literally. And he like trying to hit every point, like I'm trying to hit that, and I'm not. But anyways.

SPEAKER_04 20:11

Yeah, so so I think we're gonna we're gonna do the swimming pool. Hey, so we're gonna do an episode where we at the swimming pool, swimming pool room in our building. Yeah, that was gonna be hard. I should have thought that out first. Um uh but finish. We was at your okay, so your graduation.

SPEAKER_01 20:30

I was gonna tell a little bit about my my illness a little bit, which yeah, yeah, definitely, definitely.

SPEAKER_04 20:35

I want to hear about that because I missed that. I remember that.

SPEAKER_01 20:38

So we we told a little, I told a little bit, but it's really been my gift. It was really my gift in life to me. Um having epsilepsy. I used to have grandma, which are if no one knows what that is, those are seizures that stop and go pretty much. You can go for hours or a few minutes or kind of continue. So I used to have those as spells, but I always felt it so perfect because I never had it anywhere other than at home. Not at church, not at school, not in public, not at the stores. Now, when you hear people having it, you hear them having all those places. Mine was so orderly to me and perfect as I got older to understand why he did it the way he did, and to show me what it really was, which is just energy that needed to be released that was not shared to me on how energy can be transferred to you unaware and aware. And obviously, I was in the unaware of how sensitive I was to people's energy, and a lot of people's energy sometimes they don't even know what they're just. Dispersing, so I was picking that up. So I would go home around the same time, and I'd be shaking for hours, releasing energy.

SPEAKER_04 22:11

I see when it's not explained to you. I I think almost all of our supposed illnesses are other things that are taking place that that's not accurately explained to us, to where uh it makes us think something's wrong with us when it's actually we gifted and they don't want you to know that, right? Because if you if you know you're gifted, not only can we not manipulate you, but we also can't sell you all this fucking medicine, we just print it up.

unknown 22:40

Right.

SPEAKER_04 22:40

You know what I'm saying? So that and it's hard to keep control over people that that don't need you. Right. So yeah. So illness and how it was affecting your perception of the world.

SPEAKER_01 22:55

Oh, okay. So yeah, so it would happen just at nighttime. And the crazy part is mama, wherever mama was in the house, it literally like she could feel me because she literally could catch me every time.

SPEAKER_04 23:10

I know for a fact when you're in the house.

SPEAKER_01 23:11

No matter where she was in the house.

SPEAKER_04 23:14

You said what? You're talking about your mama or your grandma?

SPEAKER_01 23:16

Mama. Grandma and grandma. Grandma's my only grandma, so when I said grandma, but mama. She could be in her room, she could be in her bathroom, she could be, I could be way in the living room, and she would know every time. That woman was so in tune, uh, I think through the sweet too, because she she no one could tell her anything about my illness, about what they're gonna give me what what they should do, what they shouldn't do. My woman was very in tune with ignorance. Which I think I saw watching her, you know what I mean? Maybe not understanding, but understanding ignorance was ignorance. Right. You know what I mean? By her reactions of protecting me. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 24:00

But uh so blunt watching on I'm I'm gonna look at the footage and look and blunt watching. I think you held it for quite a bit.

SPEAKER_01 24:08

No, I didn't, I just lit it.

SPEAKER_04 24:09

I'm I'm fine. But it's fine.

SPEAKER_01 24:11

Um so with that being said, then I I said before, I think, once one or thing, that so the way I would come back was if I woke up at home, I would work, I would wake up normal. Just like if I was somewhere else other than home, which usually would be the ambulance or the hospital room, I would come through the ambulance light, or I would see myself in the bed of the truck and tell myself I have to go in. Then I would go in and I'd wake up and then I'd see the light inside, like looking like this above me. If I was in the hospital room, it was always at the corner of the TV that used to be in the corner of the hospital room all the time. I see myself in the bed, like, nigga, what you doing? What the? Why are you over here? Go back now.

SPEAKER_04 25:07

And in your head, you called yourself nigga.

SPEAKER_01 25:10

I would talk to myself. I was because I really had a bad mouth. In my head, I had a bad mouth. I didn't talk a lot, but the shit I would say in my head is totally different than how I would say out loud. And sometimes I was a trouble because it would keep me in torment.

SPEAKER_02 25:28

Right.

SPEAKER_01 25:28

Because I was trying to torment certain things that weren't necessarily need to be tormented.

SPEAKER_04 25:33

So, but yeah, so I was just saying you would see yourself, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:42

So I would see what I would see myself. So when he's saying all this is now that I'm older, it's been made me be so aware of people's energy around me and why God I feel like placed that, not that he tried to trouble me with the illness, but to show me how I would need to protect myself as I got older because he sheltered me the whole time in it.

SPEAKER_02 26:05

Right.

SPEAKER_01 26:06

You know, and that might not be for everybody's case, but it could be, but it's just the way we think. It's the way because I feel like if he came to me that way in the midst of what I was in, he comes to everyone that way. It's just how do you choose it or how do you receive it and fluctuate the feelings about going through what you're going through. And when you do that and just know everything's gonna be alright, I knew everything was gonna be alright. Well, I do get tired of 10. 10, I was like, Lord Jesus, I can't do it no more. I'd rather go or fix it, please. Because this is no kind of life for nobody. Always going in out of the hospital, and they're like, it was just annoying. So a year later, I ain't had it ever since. And ever since I had power, I was I was 10 when I prayed that prayer with dad. And then 11 is when I stopped having it. And ever since then, I've only learned of what how that's how that always been beneficial for me. And I say when people have epsilepsy, a lot of times, if you just change the people around you or the way your energy uh circulates around you, you can regulate that better of that happening to you. Because a lot of times it's because we're not understanding the energy that's around us, is why people that have and they're sensitive people normally that are having seizures because they're sensitive in that manner that they're sensitive to outside energy.

SPEAKER_04 27:44

Think about this too. If the educational system would at least acknowledge that it's we're energetic beings and that it's energy around us, we could at least, us being aware of that, start to recognize certain things. But because they totally disregard any type of other things going on beyond what we can touch and what we can see, like we have a misunderstanding of a whole lot of shit. Like ultimately, like it's it leads to every misunderstanding almost that we have medically or or uh socially that that you know that that's taking place, and it's because we don't acknowledge what it is that's um really happening.

SPEAKER_02 28:22

Absolutely. Can you hit okay, please? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 28:29

But but they want to keep, but that's why it's important to listen to the steps that are going through yourself as we go along. Looking on the outside so many times is not always the correct thing to do. Especially if you say you have a relationship with God, with what you call your source, what we call your your number one, there's no need to look so much outside yourself. It's just about being being the the beacon of light.

SPEAKER_02 28:57

Yeah, so now where we at we at twelve? I'm about twelve.

School Labels, Reading, And Identity

SPEAKER_01 29:03

Um when I was seven, I mean when I was in seventh grade, okay, now I had I was in special classes for reading, and my comprehension, the way I comprehend is totally different than a lot of people. So and that was an embarrassing moment for me too, because they had me in normal classes, right? And then one day, I think this is like third grade, they just came into class in the midst of everybody, pulled me out, and told me I'm going to this this class where everybody kind of knew it was the slow, this is the slow teacher, this is the they knew they knew what was going on of why they pulled me out. Because I never went back to the class.

SPEAKER_02 29:48

Right.

SPEAKER_01 29:48

So that totally messed with me.

SPEAKER_02 29:51

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:51

Because I didn't even know there was I didn't know there was something wrong with me until they until they did that to me. Then we started believing there's something wrong with me.

SPEAKER_04 30:01

But and your consciousness, your conscious acceptance of it is what I really believe puts it into real time. You see what I'm saying? Like, like, because you and I believe that's how the medical field is designed because they understand that they're suppressing gods. So if we can force their consciousness to accept these things, it becomes their reality. But it's not until we accept them as our reality that they become our reality, not the other way around. But they don't want us to know that, or else we start taking our power back and turn this world into what we see fit.

unknown 30:41

Right.

SPEAKER_01 30:42

So because I always had both sides of what they were giving me and what I knew God was telling me.

SPEAKER_02 30:47

Right.

SPEAKER_01 30:48

Yeah, and that always bothered me that I had to balance one I didn't really I felt more familiar with what God was telling me. It was more what I was.

SPEAKER_04 30:56

See, it's the difference than being religious and being spiritual, like actually feeling it, actually going with what you feel as opposed to listening to what people telling you. I don't respect those, honestly, that just go off of what's been preset for them to follow and and these different rituals. I don't respect that because like you're not listening to the voice within.

SPEAKER_01 31:20

It's having a relationship.

SPEAKER_04 31:22

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:22

That part is I don't know how we take it out of context. I don't get it. Like I have a relationship with you, I have a relationship. Why is that not the standard with our God?

SPEAKER_04 31:32

Our our personal relationship with the pastor, and I follow what he says to go through God, and I acknowledge it in that way, but I don't have a real relationship with him because I'm speaking to him like he's up here.

SPEAKER_01 31:46

Like it's just to him like that, even here.

SPEAKER_04 31:50

I've always felt like it was within my my mind, was made up to not follow religion when I was first introduced to religion. It was this simple for me. They told me, and I I asked so I can understand. Whatever you pray for, God will bless. That's why you need to pray because I asked why I should pray. Because if you ask God, he will give it to you. Oh, okay. Right? This is all I needed to know. It was this simple for me. I prayed that I got the whole G.I. Joe collection in my closet when I woke up in the morning. I woke up in the morning, it wasn't there. I was over there. I mean, really, like, so what's the point? It was like when I heard that God answers prayers and then God's will be done, those two things contradict each other. If I'm praying for something that's against God's will, it will never happen. If I'm praying against if I'm praying for something that's against God's will, it will never happen. You don't make mistakes, right? It will never happen.

SPEAKER_01 32:55

So you're saying, why is the point?

SPEAKER_04 32:57

If I'm praying for something that's within God's will, I was gonna get it anyway, right? So it's just really it's about acknowledgement in the right manner, it's about manifesting they're taking you, they're telling you to follow the same ritual that you would follow of manifestation, but do it from a position of lack.

SPEAKER_01 33:25

Or less than or right, that's never enough.

SPEAKER_04 33:29

Yes, and and from that, you always behind the eight bar. You constantly see most Christian most people that are religious like that are financially like middle class at best.

SPEAKER_02 33:44

The people that's elite, they don't. They don't.

SPEAKER_04 33:54

They know heaven is they know what they know heaven is in here. Heaven is heaven is in here. Oh, absolutely. Heaven is out here you can have it here, or you can have here. Depends your choice, how you want to look at it, right? Because perception is everything, it's always uh a positive to everything, right? And a lot of times the worst situation at that time at the time that you've ever dealt with winds up being a blessing in the end, as long as you take it graceful. People don't understand that.

Prayer, Will, And Manifestation

SPEAKER_01 34:29

Like it's generally a lesson you ask to go through, and if you really take the time to see your life, what you've gone through is kind of what you asked for to truly understand about true life, which sometimes caused with true events, true things that things that happen physically or you know that are not always the best.

SPEAKER_04 34:52

Like they said, it's not what happens to you that defines you, it's how you respond. Absolutely. Right? So, in that you can control external things. So, like everything that happens in this video game that you chose to play, uh, like you have to be joyful for it because it's part of a story, a grand story that always works for you, no matter how it looks in the beginning. So, like, yo, think about this. Uh the the best stories in the world come from people coming out of the worst tragedies, right? And that's only because of their perseverance or their their optimism or whatever, right? But nevertheless, those are the stories that we all gravitate towards because that's literally that's who we are. But where are we at now? I keep we keep. You're fine. I knew this is gonna be a thing. I was like, you know what?

SPEAKER_01 35:42

So we're gonna have to be good next week because by the time we get done with me, we're gonna do it next week. What's that? Or in the week after? Oh, yeah, that's what we're gonna try to do next week.

SPEAKER_04 35:54

But anyways, um you know what next week would be perfect for me to tell my story in front of people so they can respond to it. I don't want it to go like just me telling my story, you know what I mean? I want to interact with the lessons I learned and you know what I mean, go back and forth like patronizing.

SPEAKER_01 36:11

I'm not mocking you, I'm doing my dance. Never do I mock you.

SPEAKER_04 36:14

You're mocking me, bro. I'm sorry, okay, but um I want to interact so I can use them as sound. I get you.

SPEAKER_01 36:25

I feel I feel you. It'd probably be much more of an interesting. This is more my vibe, you know, that'd be more yours. So I'm not even gonna say the word I was gonna say, never mind. Anyways, so I got a lot to go up. So that's that that's made that's what makes me a lot is uh and uh it taught me how to heal or have the understanding of healing, which now allows me to heal, is how I'm gonna say it. And which now I which I do, which my my trades are, you know, my elderly people, food, and drinks.

SPEAKER_04 37:05

Or at least elderly people.

SPEAKER_01 37:06

I do say kids, but we have I would love to have a time where I can, you know, help out the kids, you know.

SPEAKER_04 37:14

You know what?

SPEAKER_01 37:15

I think once we make it, isn't it?

SPEAKER_04 37:18

I love kids.

SPEAKER_01 37:19

I do too.

SPEAKER_04 37:20

I hate parents. Because that's what you deal with. Like you deal with how they parented that kid. Like that's what you that's how you're dealing. You know what I mean? Like their interacting with you is all dependent on how that parent has parented that kid. You feel me? So like I love kids. I hate parents, right? Because some kids you just like come come get your kid. I'm not watching him. Like, I'm gonna trip his lash and get him. Like, I don't I don't understand why he's so disrespectful. Like, what do you do at home?

SPEAKER_01 37:54

Like, usually you can just look at the parent and tell him.

SPEAKER_04 37:57

And respect is you can and you can't use fear. Like that doesn't that backfires every time, even with dogs. You have to earn respect, and that's earned. It's no shortcut to that shit. People don't get that. Like the kids with everything, you just gotta be honest. Like, you have to earn that respect. You can't you have to literally do what's required. You can't just expect to get the you know, cheat code the shit out. The kids can see that shit. Like, they don't know nothing else, they don't know language, they don't know how to deceive people. So they definitely see through all the bullshit you try to like like throw around them like because I said so. Like, you know, I'm come on, bro. And now I'm 40. And it was like, then I'm I'm like, I knew, I knew then. I just like you know, what was I gonna say? You know what I'm saying? I knew then that I told you so mean, like you don't know what the fuck you're doing.

SPEAKER_01 38:43

Like, I would have done so much better if you just conversated with me. I need to do it. If he really would have just spoken to me, I really would have gotten.

SPEAKER_03 38:52

Huh?

SPEAKER_01 38:53

If you really would have just spoken to me in my mistakes, in my whatever, even with work or however anything is mean. If you just really speak to me, I can adjust and fix it. All the extra I race stuff.

SPEAKER_04 39:05

Yeah, I was always challenged by the thing.

SPEAKER_01 39:07

It makes me want to kill you.

SPEAKER_04 39:09

The mental uh the intellectual part of situations. I was always challenged by that. So it was easy to relate to me that way. I never saw the reason and in the abuse. And so, like, you know, when it came time for me to be a parent, because I was parented that way, I immediately, when it came time to discipline, uh instinctively just went towards, you know, whoopings, right? Because that's what worked. But then, like, the first time I did it, I had to stop, bro. I cried longer than my kids. I couldn't do it. I had to stop. I couldn't, that wasn't me. Like, I put my hands on them and I felt like so.

SPEAKER_01 39:43

You only had one real moment, like where you felt like you went.

SPEAKER_04 39:46

No, I had a couple moments. I had a few moments, and but it was like I had a moment with a few, like with three different space and spec in between. I think I whooped all of them once. Maybe it cut the oldest, right? Like I had a moment, and then it was like at that moment, I'm like, I can't do this. Like I have to I have to attack this a different way. I can't come at it that way. Not only, you know, I mean, I'm losing respect for myself.

SPEAKER_01 40:07

Like, you want to tell them how many you have that you you working with?

SPEAKER_04 40:10

I got seven kids.

SPEAKER_01 40:12

And how many I just realized I forgot today that my brother's a grandpa too.

SPEAKER_02 40:16

I mean, I mean grandpa. I got two. I thought two grandbabies, two granddaughters. I mean you look good.

Parenting Without Fear Or Rage

SPEAKER_04 40:22

Well, I mean, but look young, yeah. What the hell? But look, look, it was it was in Missouri that I had to say it out loud and just make it official. Like, I still never said I wasn't gonna whoop no more. I just always went around it, you know what I mean? Like I would not until like forced. And then one day, I think uh my older son had kicked my younger son in the back. And my daughter said that he spit up blood or something, and I was at work. So I literally had to leave work and come home. And you know what I mean? So I, you know, I took off from work and came home, and I immediately went to Lelo and just like lost it, like whooped him, you know what I'm saying? And then then asked him what happened, and found out his brother, while he was sitting down, came on the side of him with one of the toy guns and smacked him in the side of his head with it. I'm like, oops. So then I went and whooped him, right? And then he was so funny is he was sitting there laughing while I was whooping Lelou.

SPEAKER_01 41:21

That's my little man.

SPEAKER_04 41:22

Yeah, yeah. Looking from the, you know, like looking, trying to see what's happening from the from the front room. And uh I went and caught him right there. And you know, I grabbed the belt and whooped him right there, and he sat there for like in that same spot in the middle of the front for five minutes, just stuck. I can see him doing that. And I just sat on I sat on the couch, bro, and I tried to like process that shit, and I just like I started crying. Like, it was cool playing the game after that, but I was still I was fucked up. I was it was then I'm like, I can't do this. Like, like so how how'd you change that? Because I feel like this, if I what do you do different? If I have to resort to primitive ways of discipline, I've lost. I feel like it's um an intellectual, an intellectual way to to conquer, I should be steps ahead of these children, right? Like I shouldn't have to resort to this to get my point across. So when I start looking at it from that aspect and and also give myself time before I respond. Like no matter what happened, I'm not gonna respond right away. I'm literally gonna shut down because I don't want to respond right away because it's most likely gonna be the wrong response until I think about this, process it, and then decide how am I gonna get my point across to you in a way where it makes sense to you. You know what I mean? Because everybody, you know.

SPEAKER_01 42:44

Is that has that time, that time of thinking that you had to do that, is that quicker for you to get through it, or is it still the same about it?

SPEAKER_04 42:53

Way more not only does it gain respect, it gains trust, it gains a bond, it it it um you feel better about yourself. Like there's no because a lot of times that that form of discipline will literally cause a riff in families. Like it's people that don't talk to each other because their form of discipline went too far. You feel me? Like that's that's not cool. Like, this is your child. You know what I mean? This is somebody you're supposed to be protecting. They shouldn't have to feel scared of you.

SPEAKER_01 43:22

Especially if you feel like in your mind as a parent, you're one to do these things to protect them and stuff. What is the rage for? What is the the irateness for in these moments? It's not necessarily necessary.

SPEAKER_04 43:41

Well, not necessarily necessary, but whenever you respond, whenever you react because of an emotional uh uh um you know emergence, it's never, it's almost never gonna be the right thing. Right? Like always can compose yourself. And this And when you learn this, it's so funny though, because it all it's all working together. When you learn this, when you learn this at home, just dealing with your kids, it's the same thing you practice in in the real world too. You know what I mean? Like, so I took that same attitude into the real world in every situation, no matter what happened. I'm not gonna react. I just respond.

SPEAKER_02 44:19

And and after that responding, I um okay, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_04 44:29

Um, I respond and then I make up my mind what I'm gonna do, not necessarily what I'm gonna say or yeah, basically like what I'm gonna do is the most important thing, right? Like sometimes nothing is the best thing to do. Like, don't give it no energy. You know what I'm saying? But so you've done that before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it depends on what it is.

SPEAKER_01 44:50

Like a lot of times when it's um after you've dispersed the energy that was on you, you know. Right, that's your decision.

SPEAKER_04 44:56

A lot of times, though, when it's those, uh, you know, we all have them when you have those sexual situations with your kids learning themselves, and you have situations where they've done something, you know what I mean? Never focus on that. You literally will cause uh uh a template in their head that creates a perversion somewhere. So the best thing you could do is not really give it no energy. Like it's it's them discovering themselves and that's all and just let it be just that. Like, because anything else will literally tip the tip the skill more like asking them.

SPEAKER_01 45:33

I mean, are you asking them anything or are you just really just are you really saying don't acknowledge it? What do you what do you mean when you say don't? So like how how are you breaking that down?

SPEAKER_04 45:43

I don't want to create a situation that's just gonna say but let's say okay, you um let's take a brief pause because I believe the rating and our little you know consistency in here, and we appreciate you.

SPEAKER_01 46:18

We appreciate you and we appreciate y'all. So thank you for the love. Appreciate, appreciate, appreciate it.

SPEAKER_04 46:28

Yep, yep, change subject. Anyway, in other news, where are we at in your story?

SPEAKER_01 46:35

Uh okay, the memory of a girlfriend. Uh like I said, I I'm a chef. Uh I was a bartender for 13 years. I have done in home care since I was resume.

SPEAKER_02 46:49

712 to having a job or just having like a job.

SPEAKER_01 46:52

Because I already went through the spiritual part too.

SPEAKER_04 46:56

Oh, I forgot, Jacob. Yeah, you gotta be emancipated. That's the mama. Talk about Cat Williams. That's the only person I ever, I ain't never heard of that. Like, do you know if I thought I had the option of saying, fuck these motherfuckers, I'd rather do this shit on my own. I would not have considered that. Like, okay, so let me tell you I was kicked out so many times.

SPEAKER_01 47:13

Like, they would have been like that information from what my only white boyfriend I ever had. Freedom.

SPEAKER_04 47:22

Somebody who was free.

SPEAKER_01 47:23

He was like, you know, you can do this. He's like, you know you can do this. I'm like, do what? He's like, Bro, you can get a divorce from your parents.

SPEAKER_04 47:31

And they will not teach this to ghetto kids. And the only reason why do you understand if kids in the ghetto understood that you can go here and try this alone and you don't have to have your crackhead mother responsible for you? That you can go here and try. Do you think that they would not be like, yeah, I think I I I probably got a better shot at life doing this?

SPEAKER_01 47:51

Well, it's out there. You can do it if you choose.

SPEAKER_04 47:53

That is crazy, bro. I didn't learn this. I was in my damn near my yeah, I just learned this in my 40s, bro.

Responding, Not Reacting

SPEAKER_01 47:58

I didn't do it in a vindictive way. I just I did it in a spiritual way. I knew I needed to free myself from where I was. Um so I had gone, he's like, this is the options. You can either pay a thousand if your parents agree, do the paperwork, which which allows you to sign leases and do everything when you do that when you're underage and you do this. That's what that's for. This is why I was trying to do it. So you either can do that or you had to go to court, it'd be a whole little other thing. So I went and asked my dad, our dad. And now my dad growing up, uh, nose or no's. A lot of times his nose never really turned to yeses. And didn't really start doing that maybe until we got a little older because we were a little older. But usually his nose were no's. So when I came and told him I wanted to do this, he was like, nah.

SPEAKER_02 49:04

Right.

SPEAKER_01 49:06

And I'm like, oh shit. It ain't gonna change. So I went to sleep that night and I'm like, Lord, I'm telling you, this is it, you had me go do this, go tell him, go, you know, you the one that told me I feel like told me to do this. If this is you, can you make sure you know it happens? So the next morning I wake up, he's like, uh, you really want to do this? Sorry, man. You really want to? You really want to do this? And I'm like, yeah, this is what I gotta do. X, Y, and Z had to explain it again. Uh I had to explain it again. And he was like, All right, you can do it. I'm like, okay. That's how I knew. That's how I know my life now is led by God because of that moment.

SPEAKER_04 50:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:03

Um he literally answered me.

SPEAKER_04 50:06

Uh, I would have missipated myself the first time my head got put over. I didn't like what the fuck how shit was going on around me. Like the systems y'all use around here just don't work for me. Um, that's crazy shit, bro. Like, I I I did not know that was even a thing that you could do until I was in my 40s, bro.

SPEAKER_01 50:27

Like everything, and I was graduating from high school. I graduated here early.

SPEAKER_04 50:31

You understand how different my life was old if I if I would just emancipate myself to hitch a rat or some like every and people when I was a kid, it was just like people wish they like, bro.

SPEAKER_01 50:43

It's crazy because he only came in my life for that. Because he after, I think even before it got done, I wasn't even with that person no more. That told me about it.

SPEAKER_04 50:54

Oh, yeah, some people come into your life for a reason.

SPEAKER_01 50:57

That's why I said that either way, they all gotta go. Yeah, but still a good guy. He was still a good guy.

SPEAKER_04 51:02

He was a good yeah, see, people serve their purpose and then they go on their path. Honestly, I think some people are really, uh I hate to say it, uh not real people. They just like simulate like like things that are supposed to like be there to do this, but you can go this way, you know what I mean? Like, and because you uh you you turn around, you you do a whole bunch of shit, you come back, and they still sit in there doing the same thing.

SPEAKER_01 51:25

Right, because that comes from what you have accepted throughout your life of who you're saying you're gonna be. So, yes, I do believe if you sit around accepting robotic things, you will turn into a robot.

Emancipation And Choosing Freedom

SPEAKER_04 51:39

Well, I don't feel like that nobody chooses that. I think those are actually things that set up by the person that can that has put this reality in place. Because think about this. There are no coincidences, right? And coincidence. The root word of coincidence is coincide, which means to come together with purpose. So that don't even make sense within itself. Because coincidence, if in in its essence, if it's being true to the root of the word, means things are coming together with purpose, which means this is all designed, just like your video game. Nothing is happening by chance. These are not coincidences, they are coinciding. Yeah, because I think it's you on your path. Absolutely, and none of it is pretty, it's not supposed to be because then it wouldn't be really good.

SPEAKER_01 52:32

There's still pretty it's still perception, because even the most ugliest thing still can be pretty to somebody else.

SPEAKER_04 52:37

That's my point. So life is life, right? And you have people that view it in this dark way, in this, in this, you know, desolate way, and then you have people that view it in this light way, in this, in this cheery, everything's iry way, right? Both people are right. And both people are wrong.

SPEAKER_01 53:00

Because God can be seen in all things.

SPEAKER_04 53:03

Exactly. It's it's both, it's everything.

SPEAKER_01 53:06

It's we just need to learn to accept that we all are on our own individual path with the one that says that it's all connected with us, and that if we just sit back and chill a little bit, we would fall more in line to the people we really need to fall into line to have the change. But every if we keep suppressing one another, we find ourselves in situations that other people are suppressed.

SPEAKER_04 53:32

I I fell in love with the art of uh contrast, and I think that's why I like peanut butter so much because that's like contrast, right? It's like instant contrast, and the element of understanding that light means nothing. Okay, compose and then respond. Don't react. Um light means nothing without darkness, right? Like light is only uh um significant because of darkness. Darkness is only significant because of light. Without the other, the other one has no significance whatsoever, right? It would not be acknowledged. So it's like I understood that. So I never didn't want to take the bad with the good, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 54:23

Like like where there's a negative, there's the positive.

SPEAKER_04 54:26

I like the challenge because I know it's gonna make me strong. I like didn't I like adding elements to my arsenal. You feel what I'm saying? Like that's how I looked at it. Right with everything. I've had a different job almost at every level of my life to where like I know so much different things. This is another thing I didn't understand. I was fooled because I only understood half of a phrase, and that was a jack of all trades and a master of none. Right? I heard that and decided I need one focus, so I stopped drawing and just stuck with music, right? And my whole life was hearing a jack of all trades and a master of none. I never wanted to be there. Like, let me master something, right? No. Let me tell you what I heard. The whole phrase is a jack of all trades, a master of none would always be better than a master of one. Y'all gonna just tell me the second half to that shit when I'm over? When it's like I'm I'm only I'm on the second half of the game.

SPEAKER_01 55:23

Or maybe you just heard it when you needed to. I wish that was true. Why not so? Because you're using now more now than ever. Isn't it pretty strong on you now because you didn't know that's how it's now it's something that can be unwavered from you?

SPEAKER_04 55:38

At the moment, my mind was a sponge, I could have diversified my palate a little more in a way where I probably would have been better off and made my and and actually ran into the awareness that I can emancipate myself, which would have been a whole different part. I did it in the way I designed. Yes. Yes, I believe that. I believe that. And no matter what people say, like you picked this life, you don't know it consciously because you agreed to forget, but you literally saw this whole life, how it was gonna play out, and you agreed to it. And and we complain about it every day. And I think that's the joy, that's why we set up for it. Like, oh, I really also I'm gonna really believe that I'm it's like all lost, and I'm gonna really be in the ego in that character. Yeah, I want to do that. You know what I mean? Because if you are an entity that just is energy that literally has no ending, and you're just like traveling through the cosmos and all these different levels and dimensions, this is something to experience here. This is not like any other experience, I can promise you, right?

SPEAKER_01 56:37

If you're energy, if you're not each experience is the first time, even if there's similarities of how it's played out before. Exactly, exactly. It's still literally the first time you ever happen, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 56:50

To you, too. The irony of this whole world is that everyone is born under unique circumstances because everything is happening organically. There's no two people that are exactly alike, no matter what. Even if they look alike, even if they speak alike, even if they life alike, something is always different in everybody. So it's like no matter what, we all have uh authenticity to us that makes us different than everybody, which is what you actually supposed to lean into.

SPEAKER_01 57:21

That's pretty because that's what goes back to what I said to you. If you get two twins, two sets of twins, and the pairs come together and have children, their children can look exactly the same. They can have exactly the same genes and all that, but it still gives you a different person.

SPEAKER_04 57:37

Yep. Because they were born at a different time, in a different place. They can't be born in the same time or the same place ever. That can never happen because somebody right here. And if you can be born in the same time, the same place, you are not in the physical element of what million man is all about. Yeah, million man coming soon. I'm putting out a kid's uh comic book and cartoon coming soon, million man. Look for it, it's definitely coming.

SPEAKER_01 58:03

He's a pretty good creator, I would say.

SPEAKER_04 58:06

Well, my father is, and good creators create good creators. But yeah, also that's good creators create good creators. You were made to create creators create things, good creators make good creators.

SPEAKER_02 58:23

That's what that is. But yeah, um go for all about two. Oh damn. It's seven?

SPEAKER_01 58:32

I'll be here an hour already. That's what I said. Well, so we'll have our show next week and then we'll do yours the week after.

Paths, Coincidence, And Contrast

SPEAKER_04 58:38

We didn't finish my story. I still don't feel like we got into nothing. Like, it's a lot of freaky shit happening in your life, I'm sure. We're gonna talk about learning that shit.

SPEAKER_01 58:45

Well, maybe we have a couple sessions of our you know what?

SPEAKER_04 58:48

I'm glad we missed that though, honestly.

SPEAKER_01 58:49

Like, I don't know if I want to get into the detail, but I do want to get into the details the uh the the the um the the points that were uh that's why I was trying to more explain my spiritual side of myself and how my illness and my livelihood really have made me who I am today. And uh would never change anything, you know. Not even having my my dad, my real father, he he wasn't around until I was 30.

SPEAKER_04 59:19

Your spiritual strength is what got you through everything. It's it's defeated your illness, honestly. Like without that, you know what I mean? Like, I don't see like nothing around you was was gonna help you through that. And that was your conscious understanding that your consciousness is in control of this experience, not my experience is perfectly made for me. Right. And their their consciousness is in control of it, is the main thing that you understood to a point where I I can literally like wield this into working for me, not against me.

SPEAKER_01 59:52

Absolutely. I mean, that's what it's about, anyways. I mean, if I say who I serve, I'm good no matter what my circumstance is. And I know I'm a a beacon of light. I know I'm a source of someone to, you know. I am divine. What you seek is fire. I mean, you know, I mean, I don't and I believe everybody is that way. Just how how how how big is your flame? Whoa. How big is your flame? What color is your flame? I like blue flames because to me, blue flames is more oh, you forgot to talk about that today, too.

unknown 1:00:30

What?

SPEAKER_04 1:00:31

Blue flame.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:33

But uh blue flame. You were talking about blue light or blue something. Oh, the blue rose method. Oh, the ins, yeah. We ain't got anything about it.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:42

Us lying to our partners to uh to to uh have selfish experiences for out of selfishness and we ruined the intuition of the whole union, which literally like kills you in in in the end. It literally destroys you. You're destroying yourself for simple, for stupid shit, for shit that actually don't matter. Like it's more important shit. And you don't realize that until you grow up. But like if you talk this from that aspect when you were young, in a way where you can understand it, would you respond the same way? Next on Lucy Fear of your life. Goodbye.