Episode 10: From Streets To Structure; A Brother’s Coming Of Age

What if the rules that kept you alive were the same ones that threatened to break you? We go deep on a coming-of-age story shaped by Chicago’s gang codes, schoolyard fights, a broken hand, and the uneasy math of survival—then pivot into the quiet discipline of a tiny recording studio that turned chaos into craft. It’s raw and unvarnished, moving from a childhood lesson in betrayal to an uncle’s blunt wisdom about owning your choices, to the day a continuation school changed the scoreboard from attendance to results.

We unpack why someone joins a gang when fair fights don’t exist, and how structure, literature, and accountability once gave order where movies only show noise. Vice Lords, GDs, BDs—what the letters meant, how the split reshaped loyalty, and why policy decisions like tearing down the projects scattered families and cracked the hierarchy that kept violence in check. Through it all, we track the difference between ego and strategy, and how a code built to protect can twist when leadership disappears and rules go soft.

Then the turning points: a friend jumped, a sunrise clash that ends in a shattered bone, expulsion that sends him to a school grading on tests alone, and a 0.5 GPA flipping to a 3.5 with a scholarship in reach. A drunk day spirals into a savage beating, pride is left on the pavement, and a mother hides her son long enough for a studio mic to become a lifeline. Music doesn’t erase the scars; it files them into verses. The story lands on a simple truth: when trust fails and systems wobble, structure saves—if you choose the right kind.

Hit play for a candid, streets-to-structure journey about belonging, accountability, and the cost of becoming a man. If the story hits you, share it with someone who needs a map through the mess, subscribe for the next chapter, and drop a review to tell us your turning point.

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Transcript

Setting The Stage And Hosts’ Banter

SPEAKER_03 0:00

In every age, someone had to hold the light in the dark room. Someone had to stay the tip and everyone held their tongue down. This is Luciferian Light Show where nothing is off limits, no truth is too tabooed, and no lies go on town.

SPEAKER_04 0:17

Let's turn that light on. I need to know. I need the Luciferian Light Show.

SPEAKER_03 0:27

I am Levy, supporting the LBGTQ community. And this is my brother.

SPEAKER_04 0:37

Joan, supporting the heterosexuals of America. We are back in this joint today. We're supposed to talk about. You can hear us, right? I wanted to finish talking about you first. Um we never really got to get into the deeper parts of your life. We kind of stopped at like teenage years. Yes. And then we lost with time because we gotta pay the bills. But um, so what uh gotta pay the bills.

SPEAKER_05 1:05

Silly.

SPEAKER_04 1:08

But what were we? So I would say high school. How was your high school life? And what did you go through that made you the man you are today? His school life. That that I want to say, the man that is so manly, so much more manly than his older brother, that he can literally take another man and make him this bitch. Like that's crazy. Like, I mean, people think that that's like soft. I think that's fucking hard as hell.

SPEAKER_03 1:31

I wouldn't put it like that.

SPEAKER_04 1:32

I would you fucking manly man you.

SPEAKER_03 1:36

You fucking manly man you. No, we're good. Um oh shit. Um, you can. Yeah, go ahead. People like in Loving. Thanks, man. Yeah, I just want to say someone got something to say so I can say something back. I told you if you want to say something. Ah, you should have been dead, that's not because you're a read.

SPEAKER_04 1:54

You know I'm a reader.

SPEAKER_03 1:55

Right. Uh I mean, we all know, I mean, I know, but anyways, so um I'm gonna start kind of go back just a minute. In seventh grade, I had a friend, Zeus. Please be quiet. That's not gonna work, you know that just keeps talking for a while. It does. For seventh grade, I had a friend that said something to me once. Um, like I said last time I was in special classes, and uh she was like, You you know what you should do? You should you you you should graduate early. In my head, I'm like, I'm too dumb. Pretty much.

SPEAKER_04 2:35

Um but in the same aspect, I was like, something in my spirit invite the chat, yeah, guess what? Yeah, because I don't know that right.

SPEAKER_03 2:49

I don't try to do that. I'm sorry. Uh she was like, you should graduate early, and something in my spirit believed it. So this is seventh grade, eighth grade, I graduate. Some tells me to go to school uh for summer school. Because me, I don't change, I love change, but change is one of my most difficult things, truly. I it's so difficult, I have it on my that means change.

SPEAKER_04 3:18

Yeah, he had to show the muscle bags.

SPEAKER_03 3:20

I didn't even try to do that on purpose, but anyways, I didn't do that on purpose. Um so it's one of my difficult things to do, right? So um okay, so ninth grade, I went to summer school. So because I did that, and then in high school I had zero period, plus it took like all these RLP classes, anyways. So RO what ROP classes.

SPEAKER_04 3:47

Okay, standard.

SPEAKER_03 3:48

Um, like outside classes, like night classes. Outside of school. Like I was.

SPEAKER_04 3:53

We'll do RLP standard, do you remember?

SPEAKER_03 3:55

No, no. Okay. Um, you heard the initial part, and that's that's about it. That's all I got. Um so what it ended up doing was giving me my credits early. I had extra credits from when I went in, blah blah blah. So then I just went on the roll. So I got to have my you know junior problem in my sophomore year, and my senior problem in my junior year, blah blah blah, like that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_04 4:21

Let's get some excitement fights, like lovemaking, romance, let's get some excitement in that.

SPEAKER_03 4:25

Hold on, I just want to because I was going to where my spirituality goes. Okay. If you want me to tell my if you want me to tell my story, this is why I'm uh how I hear things and then then believe them and do them, is why I'm saying this.

SPEAKER_04 4:40

Did you have when was the first time you had you had a fight?

SPEAKER_03 4:42

Have I ever had a fight? Yes, yes. I might be fighting. Like, well, I don't know. It depends on what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_04 4:52

I mean fist fist fights, physical fights. Like physical fights.

SPEAKER_03 4:55

It just depends on what are you talking about just some random thing or are you talking about fighting? Because I've fought before.

SPEAKER_04 5:02

Yeah, yeah. I mean, random, like random fights like this.

SPEAKER_03 5:04

That's all I'm gonna say.

SPEAKER_04 5:05

Okay, lots, right.

SPEAKER_03 5:07

I can't because I don't really want to get into okay, not family.

SPEAKER_04 5:10

That don't count.

SPEAKER_03 5:10

I'm not counting. I wasn't even talking about family.

SPEAKER_04 5:12

Okay, all right. I don't really count, I don't fight family, and so I don't count count people that fight family because it's like when y'all fighting each other, y'all not like I would hope y'all not really trying to like that don't count as a real fight because that person's not trying to kill you, right?

SPEAKER_03 5:24

Like, that's not a real depends on what family member you're in.

SPEAKER_04 5:27

Yeah, that's true too, but you know, for the most important thing.

SPEAKER_03 5:29

Yeah, it's some family members trying to kill other family member.

unknown 5:31

This is true.

SPEAKER_03 5:33

But so I end up graduating early, all that.

SPEAKER_01 5:38

Right.

SPEAKER_03 5:38

Um well, I can't tell you when. Well, we already talked about that once before, so I don't need to talk about that. Um so after I graduated, I got emancipated, I moved out. Me and Candace moved together. Oh, for real? I didn't know that. Yeah, we moved together. Uh and I was 17 years old. What's that?

SPEAKER_04 6:05

How was that?

SPEAKER_03 6:06

It was great.

SPEAKER_04 6:07

But me and my supposed to live. We made a vow we would never live together, but like we ain't like no vow, but she she never lived together. Oh, you mean how was it with me and Candace today? Yeah, yeah, because my supposed to live, it was nowhere in hell. She was I literally was homeless and she had an apartment, and I I was just homeless. That was it until I got my own apartment. And I wound up getting the apartment above her, but nevertheless, there was no chance in hell that uh I was gonna have a place to stay if I didn't get my own at that point.

SPEAKER_03 6:31

Like if she was like, I mean, we had our we had our little things, but never enough where I don't think Kennedy could.

Emancipation, First Jobs, And Caregiving

SPEAKER_04 6:39

No, it's saying Tokyo would always better live with me because I love my nieces and nephews, but I I wouldn't even bother asking because I don't really know what answer is.

SPEAKER_03 6:47

Yeah. Uh no, we we we got along pretty I think we got along until we decided that I needed to go for it. Um yeah, it was really a small place. I think it was a real tiny stuff. Oh, can you well why don't you? Okay. I just um but it was like this little apartment, like literally our kitchen and and living room was like right next to each other, like this. Like not even a lot of room. Um take any of them. Never that. Um but uh yeah, so we lived there. Then I got into home care. That's when I started doing home care, is when I lived with Candace.

SPEAKER_05 7:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 7:40

Uh where I took care of my elderly people I've done since I was 18 years old. Um I do that now again. I go on and off in my life with it. I love my old my old people. Uh what else? What else? What else? Uh um I don't know. What else do you want to know? What else do I need to to say? What was that?

SPEAKER_04 8:16

I'm trying to get the audio right, so it just went off a little bit. Uh from over here. We're gonna uh yeah, we're gonna that that's the that's the next move too. I'm gonna measure that because I won't get the actual flashman to fit it.

SPEAKER_03 8:33

Um I moved up to um left home, 18. Uh what else?

SPEAKER_01 8:48

Are we talking about what else we want to talk about?

SPEAKER_04 8:53

Uh just I mean your life.

SPEAKER_03 8:55

I mean I'm just entertainers. Entertainers. Okay.

A Childhood Lesson In Trust And Pain

SPEAKER_04 8:58

Well, ask me well, uh so my first memory the one the uh I would say the most impactful memory I had in my childhood would be when I used to jump off the couch. I was maybe like six, seven years old. I used to uh we had a one-bedroom apartment and the uh couch was right to the edge of the carpet, like right before you get to the kitchen. So I used to jump I used to get on the couch and jump off the couch into the kitchen, and my mother used to uh try to tell me stop jumping off the couch, and of course, you know, I'm okay, yeah, I hear you, but it's fun. So why are you trying to stop my phone as far as I'm concerned? Nevertheless, uh this is like when I realized how I just felt like I had to look out for myself at this point because I can't really like count on nobody around me. So she told me to uh she was like, hey, you want to jump off the couch? I'm like, yeah. She like, she got in the kitchen and she said, Come jump to mama. Right? So I jumped to mama here first and she moved and I bust my nose on the floor. You know, blurred everywhere. I bust my nose and she said, That you know, that's forget, don't jump off the couch no more. All I'm thinking is, I would have landed on my feet if I didn't trust you. So why would I stop jumping off the couch? At that point, I realized like I'm pretty much probably gonna have to raise myself because I can't really like.

SPEAKER_03 10:25

Do you remember?

SPEAKER_04 10:26

I don't really trust this person right here. Like, this is like did you see what you're doing right now, man?

SPEAKER_03 10:32

I don't know if that was you or our cousins, but didn't you push me off the bed or have me jump off the bed or something like that? You got in trouble?

SPEAKER_04 10:39

No. I pushed I pushed my sister outside and she broke the window trying to get back in.

Cigarettes, Boundaries, And Parental Consequences

SPEAKER_03 10:44

While you were with us. No. That wasn't you with the so that must have been that must have been Kyrie or Kyrie or then. Because I remember some some I thought you got in trouble because you I fell off the bed or Shan fell off the bed or somebody fell off the bed. That wasn't you? No, no.

SPEAKER_04 11:02

And I lost my virginity at nine years old. Shortly after that. Um also I started smoking cigarettes at 13. This is what I love about my parents, the way they the way they thought about shit, right? I like especially my dad likes so they caught me smoking cigarettes uh 13 years old. It was actually uh one of their friends that got me started smoking cigarettes. And uh they had um, you had your chance. Um, but um you had they uh they had um they caught me smoking cigarettes, and to teach me to not smoke cigarettes no more, they went and bought two packs of cigarettes and made me smoke every last one of them while I was standing up and talking to them. And no sitting down, just keep selling that. Come on, like this is what we trying to build you so you can be a good cigarette smoker. We don't want to like, bro. I I didn't want to smoke ever again. I I started smoking again, like when I got older, but I stopped. Like it was never a thing for me. Like that that's kind of broken. I could have caught cancer that day. Like, literally, two packs of just stand. I was gonna say sitting down, but I ain't gonna lie, I only went through they bought two packs, but my daddy smoked cigarettes, he bought his brand. They was gonna smoke his cigarettes. Like, I got through like three cigarettes, bro, before I begged him to just let me like can this shit be over. Like, I can't smoke no more. I just told him, Y'all gonna kill me right here. Like, I don't want to smoke. You know, they got it. I didn't smoke no more.

SPEAKER_03 12:24

Okay, so my first smoking moment that where we used to live, there used to be a church on the corner. And I remember, I don't even remember like how I got them per se, but I remember going over there by a church, going on like this little sidewall. Probably want to mock on like that. Go ahead. Probably. Um smoking there on the little sidewall, just uh I think I was there for like an hour smoking whole pack at church on the church ground.

SPEAKER_04 12:57

Wow, I would never think to do no shit like that.

SPEAKER_03 12:59

Well, and it was literally like three houses down. I did freaky slow. Three houses down. I'm like, I did freaky slow. Three three houses down. Wow. Well, go ahead.

SPEAKER_04 13:08

I mean, I kissed the preacher's door. I was kissing her. Like, who else is I gonna meet up with her? Like, she was the preacher's daughter. The only time I saw I was at church.

SPEAKER_03 13:13

What do you mean, freak freaky is not just kissing? What's freaky mean? I mean, yeah, that's about as freaky as I got.

unknown 13:18

I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_04 13:18

But the way she kissed was definitely freaky because bro, she swallowed the whole bottom half of my face. I'm not gonna lie. Like, I did not want to kiss ever again. Do you know that's why I have a hard time kissing? Like, all off my jaw. I'm like, what is this kissing thing about? Like, oh, this is not cool. Like, she just literally spit all over my face. I'm like, bro, oh, my grandma's gonna smell this, I'm gonna get in trouble. I'm like, oh, I smell more than breath. But yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:41

Um I got forced.

Sexual Curiosity, Uncle’s Advice, And Autonomy

SPEAKER_04 13:43

I think I really my childhood kind of like picked up when I got older. Um, like when I um when I finally got out the house. Because my mother and father, like being in their own little world, the less work they did, the better, right? So like they would just keep me in the house just for the sake of not having to worry about where the fuck I'm at or what's happening, knowing that I'm safe in the crib. So like they just like basically like kept me in the crib all the time as much as possible, used every little excuse to keep me in the house. And then when I got to high school, it was like I finally got the opportunity to like be out the house and like not under no supervision for real, for real. Cause you know, like they ain't gonna find out what I did until what, no, when we get the report cards, like November, December. Yeah, they'll find out then in two months to a 14-year-old is like forever. So I'm like, oh, I got it. And um, yeah, I didn't uh I didn't do shit. Wow. My first period teacher. So my first my first uh market period in high school, first year, my mother goes to the high school. My first and second period teacher didn't even know me. They had never seen me before. They seen me on the first day, and then that was it. I would go up to the school and like all my friends here, and they're not finna go to school, so what I'm finna go in class for. And I was always the youngest too, so I was real small, so I'm trying to fit in this big ass world, like I was real short for my age, like, and I was the youngest in my grade because I I was, you know, I was late baby, November. So and because I was in my right grade, I was always small. So in high school, it's like I'm around all these giants, this big ass building, I gotta find my own way. And like, I was like, class two? Hell no, no, my life been hard enough. I'm finna enjoy this. I did it for two months. And then when they uh got that report, I said the next report, uh, I ran away from home. You ran away from home? Yeah, they caught me the same day, bro. I swear to God.

SPEAKER_03 15:36

What was your what was your running away from home? I didn't come home from school.

SPEAKER_04 15:41

I didn't come home from school. I had my pack with some drawers and some socks.

SPEAKER_03 15:44

Did you go somewhere?

SPEAKER_04 15:45

Uh I went to a friend's house. I didn't go anywhere particular. I was just gonna stay in the street until I made enough money to get my own shit. If I would have known about that emancipation shit, bro, I had no idea that thing even existed. Like I used to always tell my mama, give me up for a doctrine, please. Like, why the fuck am I here? Like, like you stuck, like, ain't that a bitch?

SPEAKER_03 16:02

Like that's so funny, because that's not like you, and that's not like her both responses you said.

SPEAKER_04 16:08

Brother, because I'm like, this is some, I don't know what y'all got going on there, but I don't want to be a part of it no more. Like, I'm in class with people like had real families, and it's real shit, you know what I mean? Like, and so compared to mine, I start to see, like, I start to see, like, oh, we ain't we ain't right at all. Like, our shit, I thought we was normal, but our shit is all like all over the place. Okay, let me ask you this question.

SPEAKER_03 16:27

Who growing up, who did you lean on other than your parents? Like, who is that, who is that person you would talk to that was an adult? Who would who you actually have though? Huh? You have those? I'm just asking. Some people do. I didn't have one.

SPEAKER_04 16:44

I mean, I had uncles that would teach me how to play basketball. I I would say my uncle Wayne.

SPEAKER_03 16:49

Okay. Why so?

SPEAKER_04 16:53

Only because he was like the most uh unfiltered person, like I knew. Like he was he was like my daddy, but like without the light skin shit. You know what I'm saying? So yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:06

Well, is it a dark man or something?

SPEAKER_04 17:08

I mean, that's the thing. No, I mean he's dark. Yeah, he's dark. Okay, it's so crazy because he kind of reminded me more of Dad.

SPEAKER_03 17:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 17:15

My my my stepfather's older brother reminds me a lot of dad.

unknown 17:19

Interesting.

SPEAKER_04 17:20

In a lot of ways, you know what I mean? Like they both lift weights. They like it was a lot of different little shit that interesting. You know what I mean? They kind of like the way they carry themselves, you know, the way they look at shit, the way they talk. And even though he's not like Christian like that, but if he was, he would be the same way.

SPEAKER_03 17:34

Like he's strong on what his head is.

SPEAKER_04 17:37

Yeah, exactly, exactly, exactly. So, you know, but yeah, he had uh he would tell me, like he used to always ask him how you feel. He used to be like, with my hands. You said what? He's I'd be like, How you feel? He'd be like, with my hands.

SPEAKER_03 17:49

That don't sound right.

SPEAKER_04 17:50

Yeah, yeah, but he meant that like if I can't touch it, it ain't real. I don't worry about what people feel. I don't worry about what people, you know, how they how they looking at their perceptions. I don't worry about that. I worry about what I can touch, what I can get, you know what I mean, what I can feel, what I can help, you know what I mean? That's what I worry about, like what I can touch. So that's what he meant by that. And so that stuck with me. And um, so I was at this phase where I was kind of like That could be kind of dangerous, though. In my uh perverted phase where, you know, I was kind of like sexually curious and like just kind of wondering what's happening. And somebody at school suggested that if you put Vaseline in your hands and go at your move, it feels like a girl, right?

SPEAKER_03 18:28

Wait, you do what?

SPEAKER_04 18:28

Masturbate, basically, right? Masturbate. Like this is when I was introduced to it. I didn't the way they described what to do, but it wasn't called mast, they didn't say masturbate, and I wouldn't know what the fuck that meant, no way.

SPEAKER_05 18:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 18:38

But so uh, you know, and I'm like, so I told a few people, I'm not even gonna say their names, man. But both of them, both of them, I I would not take advice from this day on my sexuality, definitely. But nevertheless, I these are the first two people I talked to, and they both was like, that's some weird shit, bro. No, that's nasty, that's gay. Like, you just you shouldn't do that. That's fucking weird. Both of them said this. What is it?

SPEAKER_03 19:06

And I'm like, what is it that you did?

SPEAKER_04 19:09

Masturbate.

SPEAKER_03 19:10

They said that's weird, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 19:11

Yeah, they said that's like that. That's some gay shit.

SPEAKER_03 19:15

Like to masturbate is it some gay shit.

SPEAKER_04 19:18

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Both of them said this. Both of them don't even say these two people don't even talk to each other. Let me finish.

SPEAKER_03 19:23

I can see why they say that though.

SPEAKER_04 19:25

Let me finish, let me finish. These two people don't even talk to each other, right? So, like, but amazingly, they said that. Now, uh, one day I was cutting grass and this was around the same time, and I asked my Uncle Wayne, same thing. I'm like, uh, like, do you you have a you have a beach? He was like, Man, let me be honest with you. He said, Man, my dick get hot every time I look in my hand.

SPEAKER_03 19:48

What?

SPEAKER_04 19:50

Gee, I fell in with grass laughing so hard. The man said, my dick get hot every time I look at my hand. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. He's like, boy, that's you. That's you ain't gotta you ain't gotta answer nobody about about you. That's you. You you you ain't gotta tell nobody, you ain't gotta answer to nobody. That's you. Why you even ask? That's your personal shit, bro. Like, that's all you okay.

SPEAKER_03 20:13

So, what what is that tie with the two people you told what is that what was their response?

SPEAKER_04 20:19

Their response was that was nah. It's gay.

SPEAKER_03 20:23

Because it was gay. Yeah, you know, yeah, yeah. I mean, I can understand why somebody would say that. Why? Because you're literally like fucking yourself. Right. You're happy about what your thing is doing, you're happy about a deck.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

That's not even working. You're happy about you. No, no, that's not fucking a deck.

unknown 20:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 20:45

I hope that's not what I'm doing. I mean, I just say that's way too way too much energy about it. That is the because it needs to be given.

SPEAKER_02 20:53

Because in a way they ain't wrong, in a way I understand, but then I understand a male is like, well, what am I supposed to do? There ain't nothing else to do. But she's loves it on these dick.

SPEAKER_03 21:12

Yeah, it looks like uh under audio. I think that's for some reason. But I'm serious now that he got my brain thinking. Because at first I was in agreement, like, why would they say that? But now I'm thinking about it. Makes sense to me.

SPEAKER_02 21:31

You know, because I had I'm not watching, you know, the other side in any way. So I don't know. I guess we all are, aren't we? Okay, so anyway, we just opened a new book. We all are that. If you play with yourself, you is.

SPEAKER_04 21:53

All right, so I guess if you're just sitting there looking at your meat and that's all you're thinking about while you're masturbating, you're getting definitely right. I believe that, but that's not what's happening. Like, how not? I hope you're thinking about a past experience or a future experience, like of what you would hope to happen or what you've had happen before to like get in that moment. I never like, do you really like? Is that what you do when you you just think about your meeting? You're looking at your meeting, you're excited about your meeting.

SPEAKER_03 22:19

Don't you wait? Hold on. While you doing it, right? Ain't you like, yeah, ain't daddy getting you? You're not talking about you, ain't talking about your body, you talking about today.

SPEAKER_05 22:29

No, I'm not.

SPEAKER_03 22:30

So you're thinking about today. You think about today?

SPEAKER_04 22:32

I'm never thinking about why why who?

SPEAKER_02 22:35

Who's I'm not, I'm not whose dick is this? Whose dick is it? Niggas say that shit all the time. I mean, but that's so you're thinking about your dick.

SPEAKER_04 22:42

I'm not, I guess, but I don't know. I don't get that. But like, I guess it's uh a way to talk. I don't, I'm not into like all that shit. That throw me off. Like, we gotta have a conversation. Like, let's put our clothes on. Like, this is weird. Like, I'm not finna have a conversation while we while we're doing this. Like, my hair That's always fun.

SPEAKER_03 22:56

If you can talk, you can't talk and do it.

SPEAKER_04 23:00

If you start talking, I'm getting them putting my clothes on. We can talk. We can definitely talk. But what I mean, I I can't what I'm not finna do two things at one time. If you're gonna do something, do it. I'm not gonna try to not. You're not finna half-ass, you're not finna half-ass fuck me. No, you're finna like no, you're not gonna half-ass with your hair somewhere else, but you literally stop you.

SPEAKER_03 23:19

Because that's really Jago. That's not rather jagged. That's more intimacy. What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_04 23:25

We can have that intimate moments.

SPEAKER_03 23:27

If you're talking, if you're talking while you're doing it and y'all are having great conversation and it's really not interrupting, it's only because your ass can't focus.

SPEAKER_04 23:35

If you can keep a naraction like you're having a conversation, you're a fucking weirdo.

SPEAKER_03 23:39

If you can keep that, that means that shit is good.

SPEAKER_04 23:41

That means you're weirdo. That's all. Like, like you don't like it because it just gets hard. If you can have a conversation, it has to have no stimulation. For no reason whatsoever.

SPEAKER_03 23:52

This is what makes you go back to hold on. This is where it makes you go back to say you think about your dick.

SPEAKER_04 23:57

You do not think, but I don't know. I can't say you don't think about your dick. I'm not thinking about my dick while I'm fucking like unless Yeah, I want to go put my dick in that. I'm looking, I mean, to a certain degree, but I'm looking at the reaction. My whole point is to affect this person and make them feel good.

SPEAKER_03 24:12

But for that of you even thinking about you want to put your dick somewhere, it's still a more than a- Let me explain this. Let me explain this.

SPEAKER_04 24:20

I'm listening. I'm a different type of person, period. So like I get what you're saying, but I can't really speak on that because that's not where I come from with my shit. So I'm more of a I don't come from that either. I'm more of an empath. So my whole thing about sex is is what she's experiencing. Me, me living vicariously through what I can provide for her. You know what I mean? Like what how I'm can make her feel. Like, that's the part that that that gets me going. So I'm not into just getting off a sensation for myself. That don't do it for me. Like a sensation for myself is not enough for me to be stimulated, honestly. So I guess I'm different. But like, yeah, I'm not thinking about my dick while I'm fucking like I don't like that would be just weird. Like, I don't know, bro. I I'm not attracted to my dick or no dick at all. Like, I don't, like I have one. Like, I'm good.

SPEAKER_03 25:07

I'm not even talking about being so attracted or that it really but you do think about your dick in some different kind of way, more than in a passing kind of way, because you have to get your aggression about thinking your dick doing something.

SPEAKER_04 25:21

I was talking about my last earlier and we're talking about dick like that.

SPEAKER_03 25:24

Right.

Choosing Sides: Vice Lords, GDs, And BD History

SPEAKER_04 25:24

Amazingly. It was not my choice, I promise you. That was not my leading into this. I literally was heading in a different direction, but um, here we are. Okay. Um, where was I? Um not thinking about my dick, um talked to my uncle about masturbating, and he made a point that kind of loosened me up about the whole idea that it wasn't a big deal or something that I had to get approval for, or something like that. So um that was a big deal. All in all, all in all. Yeah, yeah. That was that was and that was like right around the same time I kind of joined the gang. At the time I joined the gang, it was for several reasons, right?

SPEAKER_03 26:07

It was for one reason I did want you to mention this. I noticed I wanted you to do that in your own time.

SPEAKER_04 26:13

I noticed in my neighborhood that uh this was just common sense for me. Like I I would I fight, you know what I mean? I can fight, but in my neighborhood, like, ain't no fair fights. So like if you not with somebody and like there's more of them than you, they finna beat you up. They all finna beat you up, they all finna like bond on your expense, you know what I'm saying? So um weird.

SPEAKER_03 26:35

That's weird.

SPEAKER_04 26:36

And everybody, everybody I hung with was in the game, you know what I mean? And so the thing is, if I get into a fight, either one of these clicks can jump me and nobody gotta help me because like I'm not affiliated with nobody because I'm not in the game. You know what I'm saying? So it was just like I literally joined the gang also to like save yourself.

SPEAKER_03 26:56

To be a part of something.

SPEAKER_04 26:57

No, no, also to be a to be a part of something that I uh I actually believed in. So I no bullshit, bro. I literally went into joining the gang like people go into choosing colleges.

SPEAKER_03 27:07

I was gonna say, what made you think it's a good thing? I literally went through a whole recruitment process.

SPEAKER_04 27:11

I went through a whole recruiting process, bro, and everything. I went um, my cousin was a vice lord. Uh problem with that was these motherfuckers was reading after Quran. Vice floor is not a game, so oh yeah, okay. I'm just gonna go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh under the five-point star. Um they uh they the opposite gang, basically of what I was, right? Okay. In the neighborhood I was in. But my cousin was a vice floor, and he was trying to make me a vice floor. And in his attempts to do so, first of all, I got my ass whooped. First fight I ever had. How many people got my ass? Just one. A one-on-one. Oh, wait, not just one. A struggle. And when I see him to this day, I swear to God, if I ever see you DIY, I'm gonna beat your ass on flight, swear to God, bro. I just gotta get that off. But anyway, they said he had passed and now and shit. I don't care. Like, I don't give a fuck. Like, what the fuck that means to me? Anyway.

SPEAKER_03 27:57

So one-on-one. Okay, go ahead.

SPEAKER_04 27:59

Yeah, yeah. So um they had uh um, what was that? Yeah, yeah. So, well, first of all, he wanted me to join Vice Lords, and uh the first thing he did, took me to his neighborhood, and um, you know, um he introduced me to the little guys that's my age, you know what I'm saying? And uh he told me he uh gonna put me and him to fight. I'm taller than the dude, so I'm like, I'm gonna beat his ass, right? We get in the grass. Before I can get my guards up, man, this man, I'm talking about hitting me about 19 times. The next thing I knew, I was in the grass. And I'm like, oh shit. Like, and all I kept thinking, no bullshit, just the type of person I am, though, right? Because all I kept thinking, like, what the fuck did I do to him? Like, why was he so mad? Like, I, you know, I thought he was gonna do some like playful sparring or something, whatever. Like, this man just like like I did something to him. I ain't never met this man a day in my life, but because he was like, he wanted that motherfucker. That was there, fight, don't let's say fight, and he was no.

SPEAKER_03 28:59

Some niggas is like that though.

SPEAKER_04 29:00

No, no, that made me like that from that point on. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah, it was over with. Like, you couldn't say two words to me without I was gone. I was gone with it. Like, I'm not gone. You're not hitting me in the city.

SPEAKER_03 29:09

It was like a transfer moment.

SPEAKER_04 29:11

Bro, like that's what that's why I be like, I'm like, like, so from that point on, like, oh, okay, okay. So every time somebody's already on top. I'm I'm I'm before you even finish getting smart with me, I'm already trying to punch because I'm all I'm at least trying to get some of his hand. You ain't finna just whoop my ass. No. So um, and then he uh the other thing, what was the other thing? He had uh he brought me out there.

SPEAKER_03 29:33

Do you have a special hit?

SPEAKER_04 29:35

I didn't, what do you mean? I'm I understand like a left, a right? I can't fight. Up to be honest with you.

SPEAKER_03 29:40

Like, is there yeah, like when you be honest with you with any other I can't fight. I hit very hard. It's just like you're wild in the brain, pretty much.

SPEAKER_04 29:47

And no, I'm smart. So it's like I'm not trained, but I'm I'm I I swear to god, I can keep a situation before it happens. I get you I know when to hit your ass in your jaw to end the whole thing before I even have to exert any energy, really. And I swear to God, like 75% of my fights has been like that, like literally, like one, two hits. Yeah, yeah. Because I see this shit happening, so I'm finna lace them. I'm finna lace them and let them know we cool, but don't, don't, don't try to play me like, you know what I mean? Like shit, sweet. Like, but like that's usually how it goes. But nevertheless, he also, another problem too, is that like these motherfuckers was reading out the Quran and shit. You know what I'm saying? Like, and like when you look at the Quran, it's about as big as the Bible. Like, nigga, I just I just run the game, get away from that shit. I'm not trying to read, I'm like, bro, oh, this is the other dude, right?

SPEAKER_03 30:31

Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

SPEAKER_04 30:34

That's strike two, strike three. I literally live across the street from a family of eight brothers, and all of them are folks, which is Vice Lord Ops. My neighborhood is full of folks. You stay all the way in the suburbs where to join the gang I'm finna join, and then be an op across the street by myself and my little sister.

SPEAKER_03 30:59

Oh, if you would if you would have joined there.

SPEAKER_04 31:01

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would strike me right there. Like so.

SPEAKER_03 31:03

You're on like the side.

Gangs, Order, And How Systems Break Down

SPEAKER_04 31:04

Yeah, I'm not, I'm not finna like that's just like making my wife. And that's of course kind of like a set. Yeah, that's for whatever reason. Like, I mean, setting myself up, you know what I'm saying? Because like, how often are you gonna be coming out here to help me fight these niggas? These niggas are across the street from like and we live on very small block, like it's not easy. Yeah, right. Like, and like, but it's not crazy, but um Well, that's because you have to think about those kind of things. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So anyway, I wound up now. GD was like the next thing, right? Because everybody I knew kind of liked GD. Everybody, GD. Like GD let anybody in. Anybody can be GD. Like you can just tell you, GD, you literally ain't gotta do shit. You can hang with GDs for three days in a row, start shaking up with them, and they will start calling you GD. Like, um it was it was literally that simple. So how was the loyalty with that? Was it was it better? Okay. And they literally the deepest gang in in Chicago. Like they was the deepest, like it was more GDs than anything. They like the McDonald's uh uh of the gangs, you know what I mean? Like they everywhere, like so they um they, you know, uh and they shake was so cool, bro. I ain't gonna be like, so like the way GDs shake up, like in a lunch room. So let me tell you, they do like this, like, and the way they used to do it, he'd be like, what up, folks? You know what I mean? Like, oh no, boats. Oh no, boats, nigga. Oh no, G, bro. I used to be like, you know, I want to be GD, nigga.

SPEAKER_03 32:24

So hyped about it.

SPEAKER_04 32:25

I'm gonna tell you what what changed my mind. So I'm walking home from school one day, and I see this dude I know, and he he getting whooped. And the other niggas that's that's with him, like one of them, I knew him too. And I'm like, I could have sworn both of them was GD right there. I'm like, so I asked him, like, hey, hey, what's what's dude? Like, you know, why they whooping his ass? Oh, he GD. Like, ain't that GD? They like, yeah, but he ain't from our set. I'm like, oh yeah, see, that's too complicated. I don't know what the fuck going on with y'all no more. How do they?

SPEAKER_03 32:56

How do they how do they break that part of it?

SPEAKER_04 32:58

I don't even know what was going on. Colors, they don't give a fuck back. They literally change the rules as they go along, bro. Like, that's what I'm like, yeah, I don't see no structure. I'm like, bro, I can't I can't get involved with that shit.

SPEAKER_03 33:09

So how long did it take you to I don't even say realize, like uh see that that wasn't really for you? Or what made you go away from? Or what made you go that was the moment.

SPEAKER_04 33:26

Like, what do you mean? I'm telling you the moment that I decided, like, yeah, I'm not finna be a GD. I became uh now this is what I mean.

SPEAKER_03 33:31

No, I mean like overall, when you just decided to I joined again.

SPEAKER_04 33:35

What do you mean? I did join. I just said this is my careful selection process before I became a BD. I'm still a BD, like you're never out, like okay.

SPEAKER_03 33:42

But yeah, I'm just trying to understand. That's all that's okay, bro.

SPEAKER_04 33:47

You can let me get on that gangster with you, bro. I'll be trying to be cool, but you be trying to be trying to push me there, bro. I ain't trying to be that person no more, bro. I was just I'm trying not to be that person, bro.

SPEAKER_03 33:55

I was just asking.

unknown 33:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 33:58

Anyway, look, so anyway, um they had uh oh, so what I did see though was that the BDs, right? They was like, it wasn't a lot of them, you know what I mean, but they was like, but every last one of them like was cool, like like I was like, I just had a vibe with all, you know what I mean, all the time. Like all the BDs had just like certain like big brother, like you know, you know, but you know, beneath all the bullshit. I mean, over, you know what I mean, the bullshit beneath them. So and they was getting money, you know what I'm saying? That's another thing I looked at. And like, and they had order, they had structure, and they had like, and then when I got into the history of it, I found out that they were, you know, like BD is the original covenant from all the whole BGD uh thing that started because so it was BGD, right? And Black Gangster Disciple and Larry Hoover died. I mean not Larry Hoover, I'm tripping, bro. King David died. I'm assuming King David died, got killed, whatever, right? So what happened was the BGD split up and the BDs stayed under King David's original, you know what I mean, covenant. And they all believed that the one right under him, which is Larry Hoover, the one right under him, which was Larry Hoover, uh actually had something to do with him getting killed or whatever, right? So they uh stayed under the Reverb original covenant and took the G out. And then the GDs who rode with Larry Hoover, they took the B out. That's the GDs. They all ride with Larry Hoover. Okay, right? The one that they feel like, you know, took the spot. You know what I mean? Anyway, so this is the original. Like right now, this shit that's going on now ain't got, they probably don't even really notice it. You know what I'm saying? Like on some real shit, they really don't even notice it. Like this shit that we was taught, like, and so like uh originally, like gangs, like when if you got uh under a C, you got a mouth shot. Like if you got caught cutting class, you got a mouth shot. Like they wasn't on the the the like this the really the negative connotations that they give it and all the shit that transpired after. Like the literature, all of that shit says it in there, you know what I'm saying? Like the the stuff you have to know your laws, you gotta know your literature, you gotta know what set you on, you gotta know who is who. Like, it's a lot of shit you have to learn. It wasn't just no, I'm gonna get out here and fight and I'm I'm tough and that makes me in the game, like everybody say, like, nah, nah, this was real structure. You know what I mean? I didn't know that part of it. That's the reason why I gravitated towards it because it had it had intellectual property to it that I can literally relate to. You know what I mean? I related to a structure that that I actually had some some some influence in. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 36:37

So yeah, I'm some fire behind it.

SPEAKER_04 36:39

Yeah, yeah. Considering ain't nobody listening to me in the fucking house, you know what I'm saying? I can go out here and make motherfuckers listen to me. You know what I'm saying? So, yes.

SPEAKER_03 36:46

Or people would just listen to me because I fucking saying.

SPEAKER_04 36:51

Right. They became the family I trusted, right? Um, it's crazy though. Family I trusted, same thing, same um uh motherfucking brother got killed. You know what I mean? So that that it's a it's a it's a deep game, bro.

SPEAKER_03 37:05

Because you're making me think like again, because I always think in every world they're us holy people, however you want to say it, those higher ups us.

SPEAKER_05 37:16

Right.

SPEAKER_03 37:16

And then you have the other side, so you always have that dynamic. So I I'm glad you explained that they had that kind of organization too, because I don't think that's explained enough. I don't think I ever heard that before. I think that's the first time I heard anybody say something like that.

High School Fights And A Broken Hand

SPEAKER_04 37:31

Real absolutely with the bloods and crips. You didn't know that? Like, so the bloods and crips were actually uh both like extensions of the Black Panther Party for resistance against the uh police brutality that was going on in the neighborhoods. Okay. Blood stood for family, and Crip was uh like criminal reports in progress or some shit like that. Like that was that's what that meant. And they were literally put up to to uh help the black communities. But what happened was the police looked at that shit as a problem and went and fucking started a war between them by sending by sending by sending uh um you know motherfuckers with with red rags to shoot other motherfuckers with blue and the motherfuckers with the blue rags to shoot the motherfuckers with the red to keep them at each other so they're not in their way.

SPEAKER_03 38:15

Pretty much what they did with us black people.

SPEAKER_04 38:16

They keep it. They did it in Chicago too. They tore the fucking uh the buildings down because the the the the city had just got to a point where all the gangs had pretty much had an understanding. Motherfuckers was more about they were fine. They were as long as we was making money, everybody was fine. We didn't even we didn't realize that we've been pitted against each other and we the same. So it had got to that point, and they told the projects down, and the projects had order. They took the projects down and misplaced all those families all over the fucking city. So now everything went back up because now you got motherfuckers that even though we was agreeing to get money, but now you're infiltrating in my territory. But they like I don't have a choice because I've been miss, I've been put here and I'm I'm gonna get mine. So they started fighting. And exactly the whole city went back up, bro. Then you have all these different, and it's even more division now because you have all these different divisions of the same gang. So now, even though we already had at least six different major games, right? It was only six different major games after the big split of BGD and you know Black Peace and whatever. And and uh, I don't I don't know their story, honestly. But it was really only six major gangs, and it's like now it's so many different gangs. It's like every other city where it's a different gang in every different neighborhood, you know what I mean? Like, and they really don't want to listen to nobody else's laws but the ones they're making as they go along, and that's just how shit is. That's why it got so bad. That's why it got so bad, bro. That's why it seems so crazy and and random and and unpredictable.

SPEAKER_03 39:44

Because there's no really head anymore.

SPEAKER_04 39:45

Uh there's no structure. Like it's every with every structure, you're gonna need you kind of come to a peaceful conclusion at some point, as long as there's people that that are are halfway intelligent involved. And so they have to keep doing something to keep breaking the shit up because no matter what, we're gonna always keep come to a peaceful place and they're gonna do something to break that shit up, and they do it everywhere, every fucking time, bro, to where you can see it. Like, and that we gotta we gotta start noticing that shit for ourselves because that's part of being able to separate yourself from your ego in order to even end the real gang violence, you have to separate yourself from your ego because at this point, it's real bad blood between us. You know what I mean? Like even though it started with them put pitting us against each other, it's trickled down into me actually having real legitimate beef against you because you did something to somebody I know or did something to me. You see what I'm saying? But it all started from there. But either way, I would have to I have to separate myself from my ego to ever come to peace with that. You know what I mean? Like I can't be who I think I am and be at peace with somebody who tried to hurt me or killed my cousin. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 40:54

And I'm saying this and and bro, and that that doesn't now most of the time when you're saying people want to do that, uh are these people mostly in in the gang? What do you mean? They're not just like like you guys don't try to go out and just hurt random people. It's usually people that are a part of it already, yes?

SPEAKER_04 41:14

I mean, it's people that you have a reason to want to have a physical altercation with. Like, I've never been like a part of well, you know, as a child you've been a part of bullshit, but you know, like um we also have rules in the game. And that's another reason why I I fuck with BD because I became BD because in in BD, in the original like text, you literally, if you like, so if I get into an altercation, anybody that's around that's BD, that's able to get there, they have to act in the system. You know what I'm saying? Okay, but when we get back to session, when we go over what happened, if it was my fault, if I'm the one that provoked the shit, I get my ass whooped. Like they hold you accountable for not starting shit because we want to make money, not trouble. You know what I mean? And that's what that was about. It was like if you get on some bullshit, they just start going away from that law. Like, motherfuckers just stop loosely, like, you know, ah fuck it, man. You know what I'm saying? So where then nobody even gotta know, like you BD because we did this. Like, bro, like this is, bro. Like, it's it's it's different. It's different. Like, it was it was and first of all, you everybody couldn't just be BD. Like, I don't give a fuck who you was. Like, like if you ain't have it, like we wasn't fucking with you. You know what I mean? Like, it's only certain type of motherfuckers we was even fucking with. Like, if you was, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:36

Is that a more of a strength thing more that's what I that's what I fucked with them?

SPEAKER_04 42:40

It wasn't big in numbers who I was, but every last one of them was strong. Like, and they moved, they moved strong because they all move together at one, all the time.

SPEAKER_03 42:49

Like, if you fuck with one of them, before you they see it.

SPEAKER_04 42:52

If you fuck with one of us, if you fuck with one of us, like second period, by the time you're at your third period class, all of us at your door, at your third period class, waiting on. Like, that's how it was. Like when they move like that, like fucking Muslims, like, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 43:05

I'm like, yeah, that's why I fuck with you know this was in school too? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 43:09

All through my high school years, I gang bang. That's how I got kicked out. I got kicked out. So it's crazy, right? Um how long did you do what? What's like since I was 15, 14? I mean, but you say gangbang, it's not really like I don't know how it's the thing. I hate when they say that because people think I go outside with my hat cocked looking for trouble. Like, right, right, right. But that's why I have your life.

SPEAKER_03 43:32

I live my life and like why I'm having a chance.

SPEAKER_04 43:34

If somebody fucking one of the guys and we we ride, like oh, somebody fucking with me, they ride. Like, so it's like that, but it wasn't like I'm out here like I'm glad you explained it this way. No, no, I have my moments. I got my ass whooped when I did try to do the shit that people think when I tried to do the I got my ass whooped, bro. And you know, I only got like a couple of ass whoops on the biggest. That makes me feel a little better. They were very impactful. A little better, I guess.

SPEAKER_03 44:00

what you're saying to me makes it because you really because you really only think you really only think of it how they do it in the movies. You don't really that's not really what you're saying, what you're saying right now today is they don't I don't think they say that enough.

The Street Beating That Changed His Path

Music As Refuge And Rebuilding

SPEAKER_04 44:12

I gotta back up son because another impactful another thing that's that's instrumental in in who I am was was what happened actually here in California when I came out here that first year when I stole that G.I. Joe and you you told on me. You definitely told on me. Don't say like that television. I mean but but like it was like everything everything happened for a reason but no that was the most important part that that that I learned that time I to this day I don't steal shit. Like I don't even believe in that. Every time I think about stealing my back hurt I remember that hair boy he literally took that man so I stole the GI Joe and um that's why your ass didn't come back. What I did come back the next year. Oh yeah yeah I came back the next year I didn't come back out the next year. What was the next year? And the next year I cut my damn hair yeah I did something else and then I called grandma I called grandma collect while we was at while camping and he fucked me up for that too. Oh that's what Mika was throwing up yeah yeah yeah yeah so that was a horrible ride up the mountain oh my god but that that literally impacted me to why I don't steal like it was I wouldn't even say overboard because it's it's the I always felt like I honored the value that that grandma and them had beyond what everybody else on a as far as material. Like grandma and them had value my my my daddies had you know what I mean so it was more of the principle of you're not finna be no thief. Like you ain't no lesser than anybody else you can get whatever anybody else got if you want and that's that's the mentality that that gave me and it was like I did I don't steal shit I don't I don't and that's why people that's why a lot of times I get shit stolen from me because I'm not watching like you know thieves watch thieves. I ain't really be thinking that motherfucker trying to steal some shit so I'm just like you know what I mean like like in my career bro I just leave money all on the table whatever I had is just out I ain't gonna put that shit up you know what I'm saying so but that actually made it where they can't steal it because it's sitting right here and I saw you right here. It's only like me and you like if it come up missing bro how far you think it's gonna get only the crack cray yeah yeah I don't get yeah that's what I'm saying I don't kick it and that's another thing I don't kick it with people that's like that like you know like just stay away from me bro but um that was another impactful moment and also was uh I thought you shared that today oh but but back to the uh the high school thing so ironically in high school you're supposed to have five credits after your first year I had a half a credit when I was in you have to have five credits I had a half a credit what the f nigga I didn't even have a whole credit what was you doing finally feeling like I don't have them over my motherfucking neck telling me where I can and can't go for at least six hours I never had the vault I was too scared of that that's basically what that was I was too scared for that to do something like that to try to miss cool not me so we used to um I don't want that but look in trouble hell no I never missed school never not like that no but we had uh I wanted to I watched people and it would have it for me so we had uh what was I high school yes so now mind you um I didn't uh in high school I was you know I started gangbanging so I really was like and then I live in walking distance from my high school so everybody in that high school is pretty much people I know live with live around grew up with went to school with and people that don't like ain't from over there they gonna have a hard time with me like because like I'm not like you're not from over here. So like you like know your place. Kind of like that type of thing. So nevertheless I didn't I was just going to school to get girls and then I would go and smash them at my friend house whom mother worked at a school that was far away. So during school I was she's never home. So I you know that was my move and they lived right across the street from my school easy picking right and I used to always go and smash in my in my friend's older brother bed that didn't like me and like and only because everybody he's the only one that wasn't there to vouch for his bed so he would be like hey black you better go in John Room like you can do it in my like but nevertheless so I got I wasn't I didn't really get the I didn't do I was literally failing in high school bro I was barely doing any I was I was doing more fighting than anything this was so ironic about the flip because while I was there right um you know where I was it's BD and GDs they together and they against the brothers you know what I'm saying so because they all under the six point stop right so GDs BDs and BGs where in the hundreds they actually kind of linked they're not into that King David Larry Hoover beef that's some shit that's on the low end. So while I'm going to the school you know everything chill but I ain't really paying attention I'm in my element so uh they they jumped my friend Dontres while I was at work stuff yeah he did now rest in peace oh sorry Dontres yeah yeah but um he um I was more saying I like the name they jumped him they jumped him and the only reason they did it is because I wasn't there honestly like they probably wouldn't have jumped him if I was there but like because I wasn't there they start like looking at shit easy pickings like oh yeah Jones ain't here you know bougie ain't here so they jumped him out to school and he came to my crib that night and bro like I be late to school almost every day like I ain't gonna lie like the day we finna go gang bang we got up six in the morning and met up like your ass don't get to school till 12 I bro I can't wake up I swear to god give me some shit to do couldn't wake up for shit bro that day we was up six in the morning and only four of us it was just me bougie Reggie damn Reggie and Dontres did it's just me and Bougie left damn so it was me bougie Reggie and Dontres and um we get up six we walk up to the school and um we see them they already linked up too but they like at least 15 deep already just linked up at the school and the way we was walking we was all separated you know what I'm saying like and one of us was across the street and like all of us was walking like like we wasn't together. So they didn't even notice until we was in the middle of we literally walked all the way up to them because they huddled up trying to meet about what happened because they knew that it was finna go down today because they jumped down trails and the B he's finna be on that so they met up and they all called themselves getting up and while they meeting we walked in the middle of they meeting and just start punching bro right and when I think about it now I don't know what we were thinking because I I swear to God they outnumbered us at that moment. But no bullshit out of nowhere like uh because we it happened like right before school was starting so like we was like the first people at the school but like right when the fight started like for whatever reason a whole lot of other BDs just showed up and like it the whole school went up that whole day. So we fought fought out in the lot fought out in the in the front lot they broke it up I make it in the building we in the building and so now we're walking each other to class to make sure nobody can jump. So we're making sure we got a route to get everybody to class safely and then we cool. And so the way we walking they doing the same shit. So we meet up it was like between gamma house and beta house upstairs and uh like we stopped right before each other like right before we walk past each other because motherfuckers like it's on that. And you know like motherfuckers just stood there so long and bougie flinched at him and the whole crowd jumped and I didn't expect that so I freaked out and I just stole on the closest nigga to me and I knocked the nigga out and then the uh security came in broke everything up I run the class I get in the classroom bro put my hand on the table you see how it's still broke right now look no bump right yeah that yeah that that bone was sticking out my hand I can see the bone sticking out that's I put my hand down and I lost my breath huh from just hitting the guy from hitting him in his mouth I broke my bone because I didn't ball my fist up all the way I swung yeah I swung on some like just jumpy because like you know I'm I'm jumpy we've been fighting all day and like he jumped and you know like a nigga jump I'm I'm on trigger mode like so I told you I don't I don't play that I don't like getting hit so I'm immediately trying to swing on people I'm not I'm not trying to hit none of that shit so yeah so I I got in class I broke my hand mind you my assistant my principal uh of the school that always deal with all the uh you know disciplinary shit he had had me in his office bro like every I'm talking about bro all the time every year and every time by the time he got to me when I came in the office when he would try to get the person to say is that him everybody would be like nah that him nobody would snitch right took this nigga like everybody just had a code it wasn't that nobody was like scared of me or no shit it's just that we don't snitch on each other like that like when we get in his office we don't know shit like nah I don't know who did what like nah we good you know I mean we catch him outside like it was like that so like nobody would ever tell you know I mean like so I was getting in the fights all the time and I was always in his office but nobody would snitch on me so I never got in trouble. But he just kept telling me he was like in this year right before the end of the year last year before this he told me I'm gonna get your ass I came in out I went well no what's crazy I went to class first my bad I went to class and I told Coach Bonner I couldn't even talk. I just looked at him and pointed at my hand because I literally lost my breath bro I couldn't like I just saw my bone for the first time in my life like I was freaking out so free grabs yeah yeah yeah I didn't I didn't then I didn't know it happened my adrenaline so high I didn't even feel it bro I'm just like I'm yeah I'm all geeked everybody like everybody looking at me like boy you knocked out I'm like shut up shut up shut up shut up there's no hiding you have a bone sticking out of your hands so look I'm I tell him right he like yeah go to the nurse's office I go to the nurse office bro this bitch go oh yeah we're gonna need to uh like stitch that up and get you uh uh uh stitch you up get a um what they call it whatchamacallit a band some shit I don't know she's so whatever shit she was sending me off and the bitch said follow me and took me right to Mr. Reynolds office where the nigga that I just knocked out sitting in the motherfucking office and as soon as I walked in the doorway this nigga like that's him I'm like wow so when you got through school all those years all of right at the end my last year bro I'm in my last year this man looked and I'm talking about that's him and funny like he didn't even know shame in this snitching like he didn't give a fuck that everybody in the all the gang members in the room bro and he like yeah in his feelings I swear to mad as hell bro mad as hell swear to god mad as hell bro and then calm down like oh fuck so these motherfuckers kicked me out what did I do they kicked me out made me sign papers and put me out before they even took me to the doctor so I had to spend all that time knowing I ain't finna get in school so I had to go to Kennedy King. Now let me tell you Kennedy King let me tell you about Kennedy King remember I told you I like it's different on the low end than it is in the hundreds Kennedy King on the low end right like the low low well that's like a continuation school correct that's what we call them here. That's an alternate high school right so it's a continuation school they do shit different and I'm gonna tell you what happened though I wind up going from an 0.5 grade point average to a 3.5 grade point average when I graduated I graduated with a 3.5 but I graduated with a 3.5 because they only grade you on your test they don't grade you by your attendance they don't grade you by your participation they don't grade you by your work that you do during the week they only grade you by your tests and I would pass all my tests I graduated with a 3.5 and got out of high school with a scholarship. But all through that none of that I I literally had like a a a a 1.2 grade point average bro I'm not even attention spin see my yours the yours was a tension spin no let me tell you out of it so heavy in my I can't even give myself no credit comprehensive you drive me crazy I can't just give myself a credit about the test this is what really happened this is what really happened fuck the test fuck all that shit what really happened was I was on that motherfucker um after my hand healed right I just got through gangbanging my hand finally healed I'm going to school again and I'm going to Kennedy King on the bus by myself when I get down to Kandy King now we have this in Chicago it's different is where you wear your hat right how you wear your hat to the left or the right determine what gang you in right they had uh we had um you know I'm used to wearing my hat to the right I don't give and then I heard like it's all folks down to King King anyway. Yeah that don't mean shit though all folks it's not so let me tell you so one day I'm uh I'm in that motherfucker one one dude wait he was like uh I heard him and uh they was talking about uh they beat this bd up right they took his bd and they beat his ass and tied his ass to a light pole butt naked and let the police come get him down right and I'm hearing this shit and I'm like these motherfuckers die a diabolical like I didn't got my ass whipped before but I mean tie the motherfucker naked to a light pole like that's beyond like I'm like that's just that's crazy yeah so like I'm like at that point I'm like yeah worry about your bones you ain't talking to nobody around this bitch I ain't I wasn't fucking with nobody so and I had already I already had my hat to the right so you got to and it's just natural not I should have stopped that shit but nevertheless you got your hat to the straight nigga they gon' they gonna fuck with you like now you is you better have your hat to the right but the problem is you got your hat to the right you better be GD now you better have you better know you better be GD over here if you got your hat to the right right so bro and what makes what makes them know that that that I ain't gonna lie and I'm gonna I'm gonna go public and say this I don't give no fuck because I'm gonna tell somebody will stop thinking about this shit I false flagged my ass off that day you said what I false flagged my ass off that day. Fuck that the BDs weren't gonna get there fast enough for me nigga I had already got my ass off before I'm good. Can you put that puzzle in the middle because we're past down so we got uh 15 more minutes because it's already almost seven I gotta leave that you know anyway anyway anyway so so I didn't even get to the good parts of the life like my life keep taking this just like the first part we're gonna breeze patties right we're gonna this motherfucker um oh can we can so anyway I at that point I made my mind not to just do my work and stick to my books. I wind up graduating with a three point five and uh I get out of high school and you know I call myself take a couple years out figure out what I'm gonna do. We all know that that that move right and um well one day I'm uh walking I was so I was living with my I know this is how I wind up living with I'm walking um with my with some of the guys and a couple of the guys we was deep as hell honestly that day and then I had my little girl with me so she she with me and I'm stunting and shit right and we I got drunk and they wouldn't let me hit their weed because I ain't put on for it I spent my money on the liquor and they told me not to. So out of spite they dipped off to go smoke the weed without me. So it's me uh two dudes that I really don't know but thought I knew you know what I mean like but niggas I just met but you know motherfuckers be extra cool when you first meet them all the time. So one of the niggas was older and come to find out this nigga was the brother of my arch nemesis all through high school. It was this nigga I kept getting into it with all through high school bro and this was his older brother and I found out I said the fact anyway we chilling and um walking down the street and I'm drunk. So they left us it's me and these two niggas and my girl and I'm I'm gangbanging down the street like I said like I said you we don't do I was doing that that I'm finna go outside and gang bang just like throw my set up like for no reason drunk as hell on some I don't know what the fuck I needed to get my ass put probably anyway I'm walking down the street I'm throwing gang signs up and these motherfuckers pull up like hey bro and they was on some cool shit it's so crazy I ain't gonna say they name but they know but um nah fuck that I'm saying names Jannetro and squeaky look these niggas pull up and they like hey bro check this out bro just stop you know stop that shit bro like we ain't we ain't trying to meet on no no tough shit we just don't want no shit going over we be making money we trying to chill and you know I'm like who the fuck you think you talking to like it's two niggas I'm with I'm with two other niggas and my girl like I'm like nigga who the fuck you think you talking to you about shut up I'm like anyway nigga I'm BD I'm telling everybody else what makes your car different he like no it's the area bro like we just want you to chill like I'm like I ain't trying to hear that shit bro I'm stupid right I'm trying to hear that shit where the fuck you think you talking to they looked at each other then they put the car in reverse and backed up and parked like right right where we was walking to because they was going this way you know what I'm saying but as I'm talking shit they just backed up and parked like right here at the corner so they can meet me while I'm walking to the corner right so I see I see the move I'm like you know I got two niggas with me it's two niggas finna get out the car I'm me oh we finna I'm like easy work I tell my girl like let's go home go home I got this like just go home it's finna go down but go home they walk up to me my drunk ass bro I don't even know what the fuck I said but the next thing I know was I was hearing her cry talking about somebody help him somebody help him look all I'm thinking all I'm thinking in my head bro I'm so fucking gone I'm so gone I'm laying on a warm ass ground and all I'm thinking is why don't somebody shut that bitch up I'm trying to sleep meanwhile it's two niggas crit walking on my fucking head bro like no bullshit so I can tell you what happened that that's what I remember right I walk up and the next thing I know she crying no bullshit so we go and um hey no bullshit bro so I I get up I get up and I stop let me backtrack backtrack this is what happened they say I you know wait Billy Joe no no look let me tell you Billy Joe one of the niggas that was with me he saw them niggas and he knew who they was I wasn't from the neighborhood so I ain't known them niggas who they was okay he saw them niggas knew who they was and took off running the other nigga said something to him and stepped off to the side and just watched the two that were with you yeah meanwhile my real guys they somewhere smoking out of spike without me because I ain't put on so you let me tell you so you should have listened and I got your your alcohol and you probably wouldn't have got your ass bro it was a lot of wrong turns it I I took so many wrong turns to get there I deserved it no bullshit it was so many wrong turns to get there that I deserved what the fuck happened but and they did too anyway I'm sure if you hit that level I'm sure so what happened was so uh after this what happened they said she said they walked up and immediately just like punched me and then knocked me to the ground and then just proceeded to start crit walking on me like literally like like jumping on my hand and shit stomping me like this low life nigga fucking you like so what happened was what woke me up was hearing Dontreas scream Dontre this nigga said what woke me up yeah because I was out what woke me up made me get up was Dontreas scream so bougie them mind you they coming back to pick me up and take me to the crib now because they didn't finish smoking. And you on the ground they laughing because they don't know it's me. So as they pulling up they like somebody getting their ass stretch like they talking so much shit like they like damn and as they get closer they notice like nah that's Jones so they like oh hell no so they jump out the car it was Bougie Thomas Dontrez and their cousin Puffy and they got out the car and she just handed them the bat and my fuzz went to work bro like I remember so I tried to catch the dude and he was running because I grabbed the bat right I grabbed the bat and I tried to catch Squeaky and he ran around his car and I couldn't catch the nigga so I broke his windows out of his car and then he rushed me and grabbed me by the bat right on my on my outswing on the bat he had rushed me and grabbed my arms together so I had to drop the bat mind you I dropped the bat me and this nigga on the ground I'm trying to wrestle him he's trying to get up Boochie come over there with the bat and start beating the fuck out of me and dude I had to push dude away from me like he's still trying to wrestle I'm like no you go bro because he like bro I'm already fucked up my I literally look like elephant man bro my I look like Marvin remember Martin Lawrence on that Marvin Hagler shit it's not funny bro I really my I was bloodshot red my shit was shut for a whole month like my shit didn't come out for a minute it's not even laughter of like I mean this the words you're saying about it is what's funny. So look so this motherfucker bro motherfucker smash my mother be halves yeah yeah yeah type shit so but mind you and my my my guy my guy that's supposed to be helping me literally whooping my ass with a bat now like I just got my ass whooped like with hairs like and I was fucked up and I didn't brought a bat tip damn thing. So I had to push dude away from me and did you realize it was your friend yeah yes yes you were drunk so I'm just making sure I mean um you know like you said they whooped me sober I promise you that I I wasn't I wasn't drunk no more yeah they whooped that shit out of me and yeah I was I woke up Like, what the fuck? And the first thing I didn't really do.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:04

You was. I swear to God. Because you probably would have felt all that pain. Bro, I used to, you know what's so crazy?

SPEAKER_04 1:06:09

That was the first time I got my ass whooped like that, and it was like me being like out in public after that. Oh bro, I hated it, bro. Like, because I ain't never been like that. I ain't never been that person. I don't like sympathy. I don't like people feeling sorry for me. Don't get me wrong, I got pussy out the shit, but like I don't like getting sympathy. Like, that's not my thing.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:26

Looking like that? Yeah, bro. Like, somebody somebody was a genome? People will see me.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:31

People will see me and just feel like look like a game. Somebody was a genome for you?

SPEAKER_03 1:06:33

Somebody still with the genome? Ain't that whoever that was? Like a little sick pussy.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:37

He was a strong person. But yeah, so so long story short, which ain't gonna happen.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:44

Uh well, we got uh 13 minutes.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:52

Two minutes ago, you just said 15 minutes. You realize that right?

SPEAKER_03 1:06:55

But I'm stretching it for you because you're telling your story, so I'm being kind and just gonna you know.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:00

All right, so anyway, go ahead. Um just kind of so um they started looking for me because like we we we we they had to go to the hospital because they said they split his head with the bat, and the other dude they broke his arm, and they had to go to the hospital, and so they had all of their gang members, they was the leader of their gang, like they was literally the heads of their gang in their neighborhood, but it was a very small gang. It's like 12 of them, but like whatever, right? Like, I'm okay. I know they're mad at that. They're like, Well, nigga, we more than 12 deep is more than 12.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:28

And you beat if they beat them up. The people that got beat up really bad with the broken arm and the split head was the was the ones that whooped my ass.

Wrap Up And Tease Of What’s Next

SPEAKER_04 1:07:39

Yeah, well, looking for me then, they didn't start looking for me, right? Like, and then they start harassing uh the dude that ran, uh, one of the dudes that ran off. They start harassing him because he knew me. And uh because I was fucked up and you know, could barely see. Uh my mama sent me to my father's godbrother's house. And I went and lived with him. She didn't want to see you like that. She didn't want me in the hood in the neighborhood. Uh huh. They was like right over. They literally lived like like seven blocks away. Like it was like walking distance if they really was. I used to walk over there all the time. So you know, it wasn't shit. Like, yeah, but yeah, yeah, yeah. So they had motherfuckers riding through the hood looking for me and shit. So crazy. She sent me to him, and ironically, he lived in the studio. I mean, he had a studio apartment, but he had a studio in his apartment, a recording studio.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:32

Nice, and so like that was where that started from.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:35

So we no, no, that started when I was nine. I started rapping when I was nine.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:41

This nigga, this nigga go through our things. This nigga like nine. You need to watch him in now.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:45

That's real too, bro. I lost my virginity at nine, and uh, I started rapping in now. I think pussy gave me the the gave you the music, yeah. Gave me the gave me the boss to go like you know what I can do this shit. I was gonna say I'm like, yeah, I felt that shit. Let's go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. So um, yeah, I started rapping when I was nine, and I was off uh I that's another thing I should have told you about. I forgot about we could talk about that. That was Kumo D. Kumo D the one got me rapping, bro.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:12

Kumo D. I want to know who Kumodi is. I like that name.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:16

Oh, you remember Kumo D? He did that, uh he was battling with L L Kouja.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:21

L the goat. Oh, that's actually a real definitely the goat, though. But yeah. I like that name. I've never heard that name before.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:27

What Kumod? Yeah, he looked like a Muslim. Oh, the Nine Muslim. Most definitely the Nine Muslims. Yeah, he was definitely like the first Muslim left Muslim player. Um so yeah, I was uh it was ironic. But look how you know I mean, look how convenient that is. Like I've been doing music my whole life, and then I have this happen here, and it winds up sending me here to be here with this. Now, do you think that has in a place where I wasn't able to move, I had to focus on studio because I didn't want nobody to see me looking like fucking elephant man. So I was in there just working on music. You know what I mean? Laying low. So, you know, after that. Yeah, yeah. So after that, you know, we got uh, you know, we kind of left that alone. I'm gonna I'm gonna skip past other uh section of the whole story.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:18

But we're gonna get into um I would like to thank everybody that has joined us today. Oh, screw um, yep, um, if you don't follow us on all our platforms, voices, tick tock, instagram, five episodes and YouTube.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:36

We're gonna buy chapters of my life, man.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:39

Luke Sophia and Light, you can find us on those things and Big Live, Big Up Live O. Sorry.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:45

There's so many good parts going to that school, bro.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:50

Great. No, I want to just keep talking because I'm interested. I'm uh and I'm gonna ask.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:54

It's crazy, bro.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:54

And I'm gonna turn it to left or right too. Yeah, like yeah, yeah, wonderful little. I'm gonna do a movie, bro. Left right turn today like that with this.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:02

This is crazy, bro. I didn't get to finish. I ain't really getting started. You shouldn't feel like I ain't gonna get started, like for real. You shouldn't be masturbating now. Wait, what? Oh yeah, we gotta stop that. We can't do that. We can't do that. I need you to put your I'm gonna need you to stop putting on TikTok there, too. Doing what? Put your TikTok there.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:20

What?

SPEAKER_03 1:11:21

Oh, straight ahead, yeah. Well, I did because there's the lighting. The lighting, the lighting is good right there. It's getting my best though. I look fine. Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:32

It's not all about you, bro.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:34

But you look good right there because you straight, straight out.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:38

No, it's not, it's not.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:39

You gotta give say hello to them. This is our bigger say hello to them. This is the bigger say hello since you haven't really showed your whole face. Go ahead and say hi. I'm sure they would love it. Yeah, I'm sure they would. Now you sound like that. Yeah, I mean, I'm gonna need a little more enthusiastic enthusiasm.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:57

Just hate that we had we couldn't finish it. That's so much more. Well, we at all, we're gonna stop it here.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:01

Yes, P.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:02

And we are literally like right out of high school. First, real, like, oh yeah. Oh yeah, I got one more ass whooping. We're gonna start the next one off with the ass whooping I got on my way to fucking work. Like, this shit get crazy. Chicago is is real. I'm just gonna be honest with y'all.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:17

Like, shit, you're starting to talk. I was just waiting for you to bring that. I didn't want to bring that up myself. I wanna talk like yourself.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:23

We're gonna start, we're gonna start the whole session off next week on the ass whooping. Because like, yeah, I had another one come right after that. So I must have done a lot of ass whooping in my high school. So like when I got out of school, like they I had to get smacked twice real quick, like bam bam, because like you just got away with too much shit. That sewing watch how to say, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause I was doing, I ain't gonna lie, a couple a lot of my fights I just skipped over, but a lot of them was bullshit. Like, I was literally just like, like, just showing out, just couldn't as I could, and I knew I could. Like, I smacked the motherfucker with a brush, I punched him, I knocked the motherfucker out in the locker room, and I ain't had shit to do with the beef. It was something else. But because like it felt fun. Yeah, exactly. Like they all want, they all expected me to do it. So, and I'm yeah, and you know, I did a lot of that shit. And it's like when I got out of school, I paid for that shit twice. Like, I mean, I'm talking about whoo. You said elephant man, man. Man, I ain't even I ain't never did nobody that bad. Like, as bad as I took it, though, I ain't gonna lie. Like, I mean, if you put them all together, yeah. But like, like, nah, individually, that nigga got three heads. Individually, nah. I mean, two ass whoopers is man, they was easy three heads on one. And hey, hey, what's so crazy is I think that that that that one I'm gonna start off on, I had to go to work like that.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:33

That's cool.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:34

Next on most of your life.