Luciferian Light
Where we dig into homosexuality and how it's being used as a tool.
Luciferian Light
Episode 11: Surviving The Streets, Losing My Brothers
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A messy soundcheck turns into a stark, unfiltered ride through codes, chaos, and the love that keeps pulling us back from the edge. We open on a Chicago bus stop where a tilted hat could save your life, then snap into a twelve‑on‑one fight that ends with the most unlikely escape you’ll hear this year. From there, the road twists into a beach truce with rivals, a viral video that draws bullets, and the moment you decide fame isn’t worth a funeral.
We talk about the calculus of survival—how security becomes a lifestyle, how conscience can block a quick dollar, and why some lines you never cross even when it costs you friends, money, or momentum. The most human threads are the quiet ones: a dog named Muffin who chooses her person and won’t let go, the weird comfort of seeing the same show on TV when the worst calls come in, and the way humor keeps showing up in the cracks, even when the room is heavy.
Loss sits in the center. Two brothers gone three months apart. A father whose strength starts leaning on a wall. A dream that said more than anyone wanted to admit. Then the left turn: a medium who delivers answers to questions asked alone in the dark—tiny, precise details that make denial hard to hold. We explore how signs show up, why regret sticks, and what it means to keep living with loyalty when the streets, the internet, and your own thoughts won’t let you forget.
If you’ve ever tried to outthink fate, draw a tighter circle, or find a reason to believe the small mercies matter, this one’s for you. Tap play, ride with us, and when it’s over, tell us the one line you’ll never cross. Subscribe, share with someone who needs the real, and leave a review so more people can find their way here.
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Mics Live, Chaos And Setup
SPEAKER_04And every name someone had to hold a line in the dark room. This is Luke Letherian Light to Limited. Nothing is not limited. No line is going down.
SPEAKER_01Good evening, everybody. Welcome to Luke Liberian Light. I am the co-host or the host, whichever one you want to call it. I see my big eyes a little used here. Jones and a main man, Lee D. Believe me, he is not easy. Whoa. Alright, so where was we at? Last week, um, oh shit, bro. Nobody can hear us. It wasn't even off. It's only up.
unknownAll right.
SPEAKER_01Now everything's up. I'm sorry, y'all. We are still, you know, in uh in our process. I gotta do one more thing. I'm so sorry, y'all. I hate y'all even seeing this.
SPEAKER_05Good evening, everyone. I was thinking I thought we looked a little cloudy on that one.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. Just a little bit. Yeah, that's gonna look like this. I mean our space is some shit, bro.
SPEAKER_05Um I can hear us. It's lovely, it sounds great in my ear, as always.
SPEAKER_01Last week we got like not even halfway through my story. Uh I assume we're done with yours because we just ran out of stuff to talk about.
SPEAKER_05But I'll just interrupt like I always do.
New Gear, Rough Start, Story Recap
SPEAKER_01Y'all hear this, right? Y'all hear this shit, right? You're gonna just interrupt. Did you start the live? Yes, of course. Hello, I'm right. And both of those devil's live? Of course. And I started recording on everything good. I think everything's good. So um I was getting my ass whooped on the last episode. Uh This is Joan's Life. Can you hear me? Can you hear me on the mic?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I can hear you. Okay. Uh it's actually clearer on this new thing.
unknownWe got a new thing. Oh, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_05Sorry. We just got a new little board and it's just so pretty.
SPEAKER_03Oh, snaps.
Bus Stop Tension And Code Switching
SPEAKER_01Messed up our little uh Google as well. Uh so anyway, um, I was about to get into my second ass whooping, but I didn't finish what happened on the first ass whooping while false flag there either. I never got to talk about that. Um, you know, going to Kennedy King, it was all GDs up there, which was which was my friends at first, but out there they're my ops, I guess, right? It's just different, different areas. But nevertheless, they had uh they strangled dude up. Like I remember telling you that, right? And um, so when I was out on a bus stop one day, I'm out on a bus stop waiting on the bus by myself, and uh my hat, I had to keep wearing my hat to the right. I didn't want to, you know, raise suspicion by not wearing a hat. Oh, excuse me. Yeah, I said excuse me. Uh now that I, you know, not you know, wearing a hat all of a sudden, and uh, you know, people would be like, hold on, what is you? Because you know, why all of a sudden you stop wearing your hat. So that means you, you know, something happened. So I had to keep wearing my hat and I had to keep wearing it to the right. And uh I'm on a bus stop one day, and somebody who knows me from my high school days, Julian, my old high school, uh rode up and yelled out, what up, BD folks, talking to me, proclaiming in front of all of the GDs that sit out in that bus stop looking to catch a BD so they can beat his ass seven butt-necked and tied to a light pole. Um, all of them were out there when he said this. So naturally, all of them started, you know, uh talking amongst each other, trying to find out who the fuck is the BD. So, me not understanding what was happening for real, for real, I walk over because I thought I saw two people shake up and I look like it looked like that they clinch gates, look like they was doing a BD shake. So I just go up to him and without um purposely drawing any suspicion to myself or making myself look like I'm guilty, I you know just ask him, like, hey, you uh y'all BD? He like, hell no, boy, we see some BDs up here, we gonna fuck them up. You know what I did? I was like, hell yeah, G on the bus. We see some BDs up here, G, we banking their ass. I'm like, man, this bus can't come fast enough. So mind you, um, I started working at this place called Survey Center. And this was like, I was out of high school. I told you I graduated with a 3.5, I got a scholarship to go to a community college, right? Who's gonna go there? Anyway, um, I didn't go. So I um working at this job called Survey Center, and you know, I have to walk a nice little distance to get to the bus stop just to get to work. And in that distance I have to walk, I have to pass through another neighborhood where it's the opposite gang, another one, these the Blackstones, not the GDs, though. And um my friend used to always tell me, like, hey bro, watch the moles when you walk when you walk through that neighborhood, 95th and Vince Hents. He's like, watch that, watch them moles when you walk through that neighborhood. I'm like, nah, we cool, you don't BD. You don't, you know, he was GD, so I'm like, yeah, we don't we don't have those same problems like y'all have. Like, we cool. He's like, all right, they don't give a fuck. Like, they don't like they don't be on that. They don't give a fuck about BDs, none of that GDs. They don't care what you is, they'll they go they'll fuck with you. I'm like, no, I'm good, bro. Don't worry about it. On my way to work one day, I'm um, I remember uh trying to remember a verse I was rapping it to myself, right? Like, you know, write raps. So I'm writing, I mean, I'm wrapping a verse to myself, and as I'm about to cross back across the street after getting my gun from the store, I'm about to cross back across the street to go to the bus stop. And um, as I'm walking across the street, I see like at least about 12 dudes walking up the sidewalk, about to, you know, walk up into the store that I'm even out of. And um, I think they said something to me, and I kind of like ignored them, act like I didn't hear them. I just kept going, walked across the street because I knew what they was on. And I'm in my head, I'm thinking like the bus would be here before they get a chance to kick anything off of me. So I ain't gonna worry about them. That didn't happen. Um I sat on the bus stop and they sent one dude across the street, right? So I see the setup. They still across the street. They didn't go across the street with them. They just sent one dude over there to see who I was, where I was from. You know, he started asking me all these questions and shit when I'm sitting on the bus stop. And I'm seeing the whole setup, so I'm seeing what's happening. So I'm I'm being I'm being cooperative, but but but hostile.
SPEAKER_05They're saying there's no sound on my on the on which one? On the TikTok one.
SPEAKER_01On the TikTok one?
SPEAKER_05So that means this Oh you don't have it like up to the right one.
SPEAKER_01No, it is. That's not the right one.
SPEAKER_05Give us one second, please.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I just use another cord. What's the other one? Where's the other one?
SPEAKER_05What's that?
SPEAKER_01The other cord.
SPEAKER_02I don't know. Okay. I'm assuming it's just the core. I can't imagine it being anything yet. Everything called? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so I'm assuming it's the cord, right?
SPEAKER_05So oh wait, I just kind of heard it. It's me. Yeah, my ear. When you move that cord, you shouldn't hear anything. I know, but when you know what I'm saying, when you hit it, it'd be down.
SPEAKER_01What I'm saying is you shouldn't be hearing anything from here because that's not connected. Okay.
SPEAKER_05Can you hear me yet? No. Can you hear me yet? I don't think you can because that's what I mean.
SPEAKER_02I think it might be a short net corner because that's not it. Can you hear us now? You can't you can hear us now?
SPEAKER_05No, no. Okay, yeah, they can't they can't. They say they can. Well, oh, because you didn't plug it in, plug it in.
SPEAKER_01That's probably what you're doing.
SPEAKER_05Hold on one second, you just hear it on my phone, you don't hear it on my phone.
SPEAKER_01And I know the big old laugh. That's that's coming up. Now it's good as I can.
SPEAKER_02Now can you hear me? No. Hold on. Wait for a response. No. I just unplugged it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_05Thank you. Appreciate you guys.
Jumped By Twelve And The Bite Escape
SPEAKER_01Yeah, sorry about that. Sorry about that. A little technical difficulties. We got new equipment. Yeah, we got new equipment, and I'm still trying to figure out how that works. At the same time, working on getting my computer to operate right. So, what was I?
SPEAKER_05Um, they were walking across the street.
SPEAKER_01I remember that. So they sent one dude across the street to talk to me. And he was asking me where I'm from, who I am, all this other shit. I just kept giving them like real short, simple answers, like just to get them the fuck out of my face, because I felt like the bus is gonna pull up before they had a chance to do anything. Boy, was I wrong. Um, so the bus is literally pulling up. As the right when the bus is pulling up, opening the door, he's still on Get Me in my eye. And it was some girls that be on the bus stop with me almost every day, same bus stop, right? Going to work. And like, you know, like I'm not finna just like, that's not me. Like, punch me in my eye, and I just get on the bus and go to work. And I felt like I had enough time because they the bus was in the people's way. And his and his uh his his guy that's across the street, the bus was in their way of seeing anything that was happening. So, you know, I'm thinking like maybe I can get some hits off and then get my ass on the bus and get the fuck up out of here before they get a chance. And I got, I jumped over that bench, I grabbed him by his neck, and I hit him good three times in his face, bro. I hit him good three times, and then the next thing I remembered is the bottom of Mikey's and Reebok's and Adidas. And yeah. So they was uh beating my, it was like 12 of them though. So they didn't actually beat my ass as good as the other ones did. Because it was just two of them, right? So they was more coordinated. These motherfuckers was getting in each other's way, hitting each other, you know what I mean? And I kept making them do that shit too, like pushing them, pushing them into each other, you know, just causing chaos, just making it where it ain't gonna be easy. And um, I just so happened uh they pushed my head down, and uh, my head went into somebody's belly. It was a big dude, and I bit him and I locked down on his stomach, and he got everybody up off me and walked me to the bus while I was biting, while I was still locked on his stomach, I didn't let go. You crazy. I swear to God, he was like, get him off him, get off him, Mo, Mo, don't hit him no more. He got me mo. Mo, he got me mo. I swear to God, I got this motherfucker like ah every time somebody hit me, I go, I grip down harder, like I'm gonna tear that motherfucker off.
SPEAKER_03I was so weird because I'm like, how the hell are you gripping?
SPEAKER_05Because if you're thinking of a thick person, like you gotta grip that like the right way.
SPEAKER_01No, no, imagine how I feel though for somebody to be locked on. That's what I mean. Imagine my adrenaline pump. I'm locked on. You're not getting my, you're not, you're not breaking this bike. Like I'm I'm locked on. I'm I bit that motherfucker as hard as I could, and I had enough of his stomach in my mouth, he was not letting nobody else touch me. Period. I mean, I I so I got on the bus, blood all over my face, shirt ripped all off me. The bus driver pulled up, sat there, waiting for them to whoop my ass, and waited for me to get on the bus. Which was nice of him. But then as soon as I get on the bus with blood all over me, this motherfucker say, pay your fare.
SPEAKER_05Damn.
SPEAKER_01I took five dollars, I balled it up, and I threw it at him and went to the back of the bus. And he was nice enough to still not get me locked up and threw off the bus because he still could have been an asshole and you know, made my day even worse. But he like, no, I know I can make that day worse. Let your dumb ass go to work looking like that. So I work at Survey Center, which is a telemarketing place, so everybody's in the building on the phone in the office setting.
SPEAKER_05Uh-huh.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_05Stop, stop, stop, stop. It's bothering me.
SPEAKER_01Stop, stop, stop. So they uh thank you. They um go to my um I get a job, uh-huh and you remember that scene on Friday? A dude came with that eye and they was like, damn! Imagine a whole office doing that, like all at the same time, coordinating. That's like like an off a fucking movie. I walk in the office and then I get in and they go chunks crack. And everybody in the office literally took their phone and did this.
SPEAKER_05Dmm, like I'm sure that probably was like unexpected for you to look like that, right? To these people.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I just first time I ever looked like elephant. Well, second time.
SPEAKER_05I was about to say, could you say you got penalty?
Aftermath At Work And Street Logic
SPEAKER_01Now, what uh my my my guy kept the one that told me to get a ride from him because he don't trust the the moles over there, and then I should have hollered at him. Um, he sees my face, he came out the bathroom, he see my face, he immediately loses it. Like, it was the moles, wasn't it? He knew. I'm like, yeah, my dumb ass. I'm like, yeah. So they like, yeah, it's cool, Cal Fani. We told him he can take the day off. He's having a bad day. That's what she told him. You having a bad day. You can take the day off. We're not gonna, you know, because they uh they penalize you for it if you take a day off and shit. They ain't penalize me for it because they see you know it was evident. It was legitimate about my my my beef, why I can't come to work. But yet I was there. So Calfani's like, hey, all right, cool. I'm finna take him, I'm gonna take him home. She like, no, you can't take off. He we he he you know, we letting him give him the day off. We can't afford to have you off too. We need, you know, our numbers gonna be fucked up. He like, I don't give a fuck about your numbers. I quit. I'm taking folks home. And he took me to the crib. He quit the job, literally quit. He didn't give a fuck. Quit and took me to the crib and we went. I ain't gonna say all that. Oh my god. But you know, we we we made myself, let's just say I just we did something to make me feel better. Pause. I gotta, yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I gotta be careful. I forget, I forgot what I'm next to. All right, yeah. Well, you know, we did whatever. Let's just switch the subject because you're gonna take it. Anyway.
SPEAKER_03Everybody got different kinds of keyboards. Yeah, yeah, there you go. What was that? I don't know. That's all. Yeah, you like that? We have sound effects. Now I love it. We had them on the last one, it's just what I mean. I know, but I just, you know, I get juiced over the littlest things, but okay.
SPEAKER_01So yeah, they so I get to work. I I got two girls out of that deal. Like, because it was two girls that was always looking at me, but they never really talked to me until I came in that motherfucker looking like looking like Rocky Balboa on Rocky III and shit with my eye closed, and like conversations was amiss all the time, right? But um, yeah, that was uh I think the last time I got married.
SPEAKER_05Wait, can I say you said two? Does that mean two at the same time or two different times? Two different times.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_01Also, so you know, I had I told myself when I was younger, and this was like when I was like maybe 15, 13, like, you know what I mean? I told myself, I wouldn't sell nothing that I wouldn't do. Right?
SPEAKER_05You wouldn't sell nothing you wouldn't do. Yeah, I wouldn't sell you some shit that I wouldn't take myself. So you would take everything you would sell first?
SPEAKER_01Well, I that that's what I said. I said this out loud, and then every time I've tried to sell crack, it literally goes bad. Like I can't sell crack. Every time I've tried, I've literally get locked up or I get robbed.
SPEAKER_05Why do you think that?
SPEAKER_01Because I've made a conscious decision to say I would never do that. Once you go against your own conscious, your own consciousness, you're gonna like a deep, like a deep thing you can do. So that's what that's what I believe that our reality is based off of is what your conscious your conscious beliefs and what you decide to accept about this reality becomes your reality. Not the other way around.
SPEAKER_05I would agree to that to a full extent.
SPEAKER_01So we could fast forward though, because like I want to get to uh I'm ready.
SPEAKER_05I want to I told you I want to hear more.
On Selling, Conscience, And Reality
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's uh so outside of the gang banging and shit, like that literally was a thing that carried throughout my whole life, pretty much pretty much. Like it's always me getting involved with somebody that's affiliated to me and my, you know. So but uh what happened was I went through a lot, like, you know, in and out, getting kicked out the crib a lot, uh, finding different places to live. Um I would say that the next impactful memory I had was would be I mean, nothing really stands out to me besides my brother's now. That would be the first one. So like I was going to Atlanta. My brother moved to Atlanta and my other brother moved to Minnesota. And um I was actually going to Atlanta checking on my little brother, the youngest one, because he was the one that always, you know, well, he's the one that that mimicked me the most. He's the one that looked up to me. Like, so it was like, and he was the one that always needed my help too. You know what I mean? It's for several reasons, right? Whether it be something dealing with gangs or something dealing with him needing some money or just some, you know, somebody to know that he ain't by himself and he got people that'll rap for him, like, you know, like that type of shit. So, but um, nevertheless, he moved to Atlanta. And um you have on your brother's on his his brother's on his change. Um he had uh oh and when you look, don't look into that, look into that because that's the camera. That's that's what most of it is gonna be at. Like you look like I was looking at it today, and I'm like, you look crazy. It's like who you looking at? Like, I mean, like I'm talking to you, and you're talking to me, but looking at something else, like not the crowd or or nobody, like somebody.
SPEAKER_05That's how I think. Um okay, no, I'm lying.
SPEAKER_01But anyway, uh nevertheless, we got two different settings, right?
unknownOh, there you go.
SPEAKER_01So um, I uh what was that?
SPEAKER_02You were seeing I forgot that one.
SPEAKER_05You was talking about.
Beach Truce With The Ops
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah, my brother. Yeah. So um my brother moved to Atlanta. I went, I was checking on him, and I actually went down there and moved with him for three weeks. I moved with my brother for three weeks because he was like, you know, having hard times and adjusting and he knew to a city and shit. So and I wasn't really like several in nowhere where I felt like you know they needed me. So and I, you know, some shit had happened around my shit too, uh, which is why I left. Now, no, okay, I gotta back up. 2012. 2008, I'm sorry, was when my best friend got out of jail, right? Now, my best friend got locked up when he was 19 years old, and we were both 19, and he killed another friend of ours um impulsively. Uh, not something he was proud of, but you know, he regretted. But at the same time, like what's done is done. Nevertheless, after he did it, uh, he went to jail. And so, you know, in my I had dreams about him, but in my head, I, you know, he got he killed somebody. I didn't never even check in on the case or know how many years he actually got. I would hear from friends to know that he was getting out soon. But other than that, you know, I thought I would just never see him in my natural-born life. And when I did, it would be, you know, so far gone, we wouldn't even know each other. But that he only did 12 years. He got it reduced to manslaughter, and he only did 12 years. So he got out in 2008. And um, like my like life went it was like vortex of like, I don't even know, I understand how it happened. So I'm I'm beaty. And um, we was literally on the beach. This is how it happened. We on the beach, and I kept because it was at a time where I this was before I knew that them tearing the projects down had affected the city this way. So at this point, I was still being who I was, like talking shit, you know, same thing that got my ass kicked the first time, literally. So Gig trying to tell me, this is when he out, we out kicking at a beach with two girls, and um, we drinking and smoking, and he he telling me, like, hey, stop, stop saying all that on BD shit. Like, everybody out here don't like BDs, like be cool.
SPEAKER_05Like, one about how old are you right now? Well, you this age?
SPEAKER_01This is 2008.
SPEAKER_05So, how old would you have been?
SPEAKER_0112 years ago.
SPEAKER_05So like 30 something. Yeah. I just want to know age. Okay, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_01We went right past my 20s.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
Tuca Day Close Call
SPEAKER_01They were but anyway, but a lot of shit happened in there. That's a whole nother movie within itself, like just my 20s alone, honestly. But so uh what happened next was um yeah, so we go and um we're talking, and then so the dudes down there, they got some girls too, right? And some dudes like a a little a little down the beach, you know what I mean? A little further down where they're kicking it, having their little time. So that's what happened. You know, we we loud, we talked, we all we and we engaging. So we wind up, so I don't even remember who spoke to who first. Oh shit. Okay, so I I think that they asked us for some drugs or some shit. Like we told them we oh, we had we had drink and we had drugs. So we they they asked for some drink and then found out we had drugs. They wanted some drugs and drink. So we all went on getting high and talking, you know what I mean, kicking it with them, and uh find out that these niggas are straight BDK. Like they they was they was the ops he was talking about. They the niggas that like would have heard us say that shit and J down on us, but they met us under different pretexts. So by the time they found out I was BD, they didn't give a fuck. You know what I mean? Like it didn't matter that I was BD. I'm all now, so it's cool, right? So like even though all of them niggas was like like straight BDK, insane GDs and all this shit. Like, whenever we used to go over there, like they literally shut all that shit down. Like, hey, don't don't talk to don't do all that BDK shit around all. Oh, no, you know, they BD. Like, wait, they BDs over here? Like, hey, they cool. We cool. I swear to God, they used to be on that. And one time, bro, we was over there and we had drugs and we kicking it with them. And uh it was literally on Tuca Day. Tuca Day. Took a day is a day where everybody from Tukaville goes and kill some BDs, shoot at BDs all day. That's what they do. So the police will literally post up on their block. So just and literally park the car there and getting somebody else's kind of leave. But just for the car sitting there, it make them think the police there, so they motherfuckers would be cool. That's how bad shit was. And we over there on Tuokaday. And they had been out, and because the police was so tight on them that day, they couldn't find nobody to shoot. So they frustrated. And then they come back to their own block and it's two BDs sitting right here. Getting out with their little gas. I I peeked that shit and I'm like, I think it's time to go, bro. Like, yeah, like these are niggas, but the niggas over them, they wasn't hearing that they be, you know, they they they they cool shit. Like they was the people that's under them and they pills, that's that's up level to them, they was cool after they said something. You know what I mean? But the niggas that's over them, they wasn't trying to hear that shit, bro. Like, nigga, what you mean? I don't give a fuck drugs, money, what the fuck they doing over here. You know what I mean? That type shit. But they weren't they weren't presenting to us because they was trying to smooth, you know, they were trying to like you know, snake us. So when I peeped the demo, they started getting aggressive. So like I said, we had Molly, right? So I had the Molly in the bag.
unknownMolly.
Filming, Shootings, And Viral Spiral
SPEAKER_01And and the nigga, the man said, let me get some of that money. Yeah, go ahead, you know, take something. This is usually what they do. They they they they dip their finger in and they okay, right? This nigga looking me in my eye, did this, put his whole hand on that motherfucker, was like, I'm like, you're gonna die. You just OD, bro. Like, that motherfucker just OD. Like, bro, why would you take that much? This is straight. It ain't no cut on this shit. Why would you do that? Like, and I'm looking, like, I'm like, pull look, look, I'm looking at him and he's still looking at me, like, oh, this shit nice. And still looking at me, not even blinking. I'm like, yeah, pull off, pull off, pull off, bro. He got it, pull off, he got what he won't. Pull off. Like, let's go. We got the fuck up out of that. Long story short, though, that whole thing ended in tragedy because um I got a million views after deal, right? Like I got a million views on YouTube off a video for Lil J. Um, but that night, Lil J, uh, you know, um, he shot somebody with the gun he had in the video, and he got shot 10 times in that video, right? Right after the right, we were supposed to be shooting the scene and we got shot at instead. Like, we didn't shoot a scene, like we got shot and shot, like he got shot 10 times. I didn't get hit at all. And I'm like running with this big ass camera, with that exact same camera and a tripod, trying to get away, and like barely walking. I was, I don't know if it was because I was so high, because that usually makes me even more paranoid. So I don't think that was it. But I think it was I I just I just knew nothing was gonna happen to me to where I was like, all right, so they standing like right about where the camera's at.
SPEAKER_05Like a matrix.
SPEAKER_01No, they standing where the wall is at. You see where the wall is at? They're about that far from me when they start shooting. And I literally went walking off with a camera. And the only two people they were looking for out of all of us that was together was the person with the camera and the person with the gun. And they had Lil J already. They shot him 10 times, took the gun off of him. And then they didn't snitch on what he did because they took his gun and they thought he was dead. The nigga left it. He walked out the hospital two days.
SPEAKER_05Oh, so you didn't die?
SPEAKER_01No, my mommy saved me. I I was so I felt bad because I had kept giving him drugs and he was trying to go to sleep. And we wanted to finish the video, right? So I'm like, nah, bro, just take one more pill and we finish his last thing and then I'll let you go to bed. You know what I'm saying? Because he was like, I'm dead.
SPEAKER_05So because he was so high, he didn't die.
SPEAKER_01Because he popped all of them pills that day after they shot him. He literally, his heart didn't stop beating even though he had lost too much blood. His heart kept beating because of all the drugs long enough for them to stabilize him. And he walked out the hospital in two days.
SPEAKER_05Wow.
SPEAKER_01I was literally, I thought he died. I thought he was dead. I seen him get shot, and I didn't hear nothing else about him. We was in the car, nobody had word. So I'm in the car, like damn material, about to throw my drugs out the window and change my life. And right before I threw my drugs out the window, they called and say the doctors say they saved him, and the drug saved his life. I broke my drugs right back out that window and put them back in my pocket and continued to make my money. I'm lying. I never made money off drugs just for the record. I'm going to record standings. I never make money off drugs. Okay. Anyway. So anyway, um uh yeah, so that happened. And overnight, because he got shot and everybody was talking about it, right after JoJo got killed, we put the video out. Right after JoJo got killed, the video went million views. Damn it overnight. Like we went from like maybe 75,000 views to like a million views overnight.
SPEAKER_05Because the woman passed away after the fact?
Why The Camera Went Back In The Bag
SPEAKER_01Because of y'all, because of all the drama that was surrounding it. Because ultimately, they blame the BDs for killing Jojo, but honestly, I don't even want to go on record saying that because that's gonna start too much confusion. But it wasn't the BDs that killed JoJo, bro. I like motherfuckers like like motherfuckers who know no. You know what I'm saying? It wasn't the BDs that killed JoJo. Even motherfuckers that was bragging, talking shit about it, that was they didn't have shit to do with it. They just was it was an opt, so they like fuck it, might as well. But nevertheless, they didn't have shit to do with it, bro. The shit that happened to Jojo started that night when we shot that video, which is why that video blew up. So, I make nice little change off the video, but like the videographers that I have been working with and networking with start getting shot and getting killed. Like a couple of them got killed. Like I think at least two, at least two like back to back got killed shooting a video. So, and you know, like I could have taken the money and bought, you know, upgraded my camera equipment and got back out on the grind and like, you know, really put my name out there. But I'm like, look at like, and I was already like hustling, so I'm like, I don't want to put my my, you know what I mean? Like, I don't even know if I want that type of publicity right now, especially with what's going on. Motherfuckers getting shot. So I'm like, let me fall back on that and and and focus on the hustle, my dumb ass, bought a whole lot of stupid shit with the money and had to throw that shit away because females, a female scorn is the worst motherfucker in the world.
SPEAKER_05Scorn? Yes. Okay, what does the word scorn mean? If people out there don't know what that means.
SPEAKER_01If they don't, they have to Google. We have a smartphone. I'm not gonna stop it.
SPEAKER_05Google. Hey Google, what does the word scorn mean since my brother doesn't want to tell me?
SPEAKER_00Um that sounds frustrating. The word scorn means open dislike and disrespect for someone or something, it's a feeling of intense disapproval or a sense that something is worthless. You can also use it as a verb, like to scorn, which means to reject or treat something with contempt.
SPEAKER_05Thank you very much.
Hustles, Scorn, And Fallout
SPEAKER_01So, a woman's scorn is the word, and I was getting it delivered to one house and keeping it at another house. And once they found out, they started dry snitching on each other, acting like it wasn't now. But I had to get the fuck out of the equation because I'm the one gonna suffer in the end. Because this one trying to snitch on that one, and this one trying to snitch on that one. Because she knows that she giving the order to her crib, but she knows she getting it, it's it's stashed in her crib. So now they finna, and I'm like, yeah, I'll dish the shit and just say, fuck it. I need to go and do something different, you know what I mean? So I started, you know. Contemplating, basically. But uh immediately after that, now ironically, I enjoyed that whole fucking summer with my little brother. My little brother was like one of the key components to that, to that shit working that way because his mama had an old apartment in in um Crestwood, I think, Chicago Heights, something like that. It was in the bird. But um, she had a crib out there, and that's where like that was the only place we could probably go and keep and chill because like we used to be like a hundred deep, bro. Like, you saw the video, and that video uh what when I told you like this was our whole summer, it wasn't even no purpose we shot video. Yeah, yeah, bro. That's how it was all the time, everywhere we went with them. Like when they mean what's so crazy, we BDs, and like we got a whole bunch of like these niggas that's like supposedly BDK, but they don't like when they out in the hundreds with us, they don't be on that, you know what I mean, trying to gang bang shit, because it ain't they, you know, it ain't they ops. They ops out there, they ops ain't out here. So, but at the same time, you know, it had got to a point where like I had to disassociate myself because of my affiliation and my loyalty. Like, all right, so I have to like, I can't, I can't even affiliate with you in no other other other aspect besides business. Because like, is you know, I'm I'm BD. Like, I can't I can't do that. Like, it's not that's not who I am. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_05Like, you're saying this to your really who you saying this to myself.
SPEAKER_01I mean, them, but like, you know, like without saying it, we don't say it, but it's like, you know, they get it. Like, plus I'm older, I'm way older. And you know, like it's not, it's not my my thing. Like, I'm not, I am BD. So like for me to sit here and act like, you know, like, and then like they would still get into it with motherfuckers. Like, I can't even like like once so it was cool until like like if you currently get into a BDs like I can't be like fucking with you like that. That's that's like, you know, that's that's violations of of war struck, you know, war type shit. That's treason. Like it's you know, so many, uh so many characteristics that it would take to be the type of person to do that is just not in me. But nevertheless, it just shit just got crazy, bro. Like real crazy to a point where like motherfuckers don't even feel comfortable going out because and it never occurred to me until until my man gigs said it like this. He's like, hey bro, like, I don't feel comfortable being on the train knowing that it's people there that might know me that I don't know, know me, and I don't know how they feel about me. You know what I mean? Like they don't all like me. So like I don't know who's who, you know what I'm saying? Like some people looking at their phone and looking at me and it's like, oh, you know what I mean? And some people like, did that nigga go. You know, so you don't know who is who, and like you know, that kind of made him paranoid too. He ain't really I mean, I mean, I mean, if you're gonna think about it like that, yeah. Like, but you embrace it. Because if you embrace the lifestyle, you understand that security is imperative. So at that point, you ain't gonna be on no train like that, just going out nowhere.
SPEAKER_05Like, unless you're gonna go your certain right, right.
SPEAKER_01You're gonna stay within stay within the confines of your security, period. You know what I mean? Like, if I'm if I'm not secure while I'm there, I can't go. Period. It's just like that's that's how my life is right now. That's how I make my money. So, but nevertheless, that's that was uh a kind of weird time. That's the that's that's when all the snakes came out, really. Like, so I started to see like which one, which, which out of out of all the guys, which which ones was was was narcissists, which ones were psychopaths, which ones were sociopaths. But what's so crazy is all of them were one of the three. All of them were one of the three, narcissistic, psychopathic, or fucking sociopathic. Like they were all one of the three. Like, I don't really know anybody I can say was an exception to that, like for real, for real. Everybody was pretty much like the same with different flavors, you know what I mean? It's like all their agendas are the same, just they just doing shit different. They wearing different clothes, they look different, you know what I mean? But like this basically they all got the same agendas, you know, like take over the world and shit on everybody else.
SPEAKER_05That just makes me like already like stinky that's.
SPEAKER_01Maybe that's the good part. I'm like, I'm trying to avoid amongst me, but I guess that's that's the best way.
SPEAKER_05That's what they would like to hear.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_02I'm sure.
Brothers Move Out Of Town
Atlanta Runs And The Muffin Story
SPEAKER_01But that would be the good parts, because this one shit I can't really, like, bro, like it was some fucking orgies that happened, bro, during that time that I can't even speak on, but shit just happened out the blue. Like 2012 was literally the best summer I ever had in my whole life. Now, between 2008 and 2012, this is what me and Gig had established. By the time we got to 2012, when I got the million views, but people was dying at that point. So it was like it all came to a head both ways. Like, everything we wanted and everything we didn't want was all happening at once. So it's like, you know, I have a decision to make. I chose to fall back and reinvent myself. So that was it. I'm like, I want I need to survive. You know what I mean? Like, that's imperative. I got kids, I gotta make sure they straight. So, like, first and foremost, everything I do gotta be towards me, my me securing my motherfucking future and making sure I'm still here to provide and do what I gotta do. But that uh that shit got crazy because like I say, my brother was with me the whole time. He used to be at his crib and all this shit. So you know, it got to a point where shit got weird at around the crib, and he him and my brother decided they was both moving out of town. That's how serious it was. So my brother moved to Minnesota, the older one, and the youngest one, the youngest one, moved to Atlanta. And um, he wasn't down there long, and he came back for a minute. And what's so crazy he did, he took$700 from me and then just bounced and disappeared, never gave me none of my money back. And he took some work from me and never paid me for it. And then had a settlement from an accident he had and promised me that he was gonna give me this and that and this, and compensate me, you know what I mean, for for you know uh the fact that he took, you know what I mean, shit and he wanted to give it back. And uh he got into town, he snuck into town and snuck out of town because he was the settlement check he was getting was in Chicago, but he was in Atlanta, so he had to get up to Chicago, get the check, and then go back home. He came up here and got the fuck back home. And bro, by the time he actually called me and I talked to him, he had spent everything and needed me to help him with his light bill. But I'm a big brother, so like all bullshit aside, I went down there and helped him get caught up on his light bill. Help him, like I went down there and you know moved in with him, like fuck it, I got you. Like, I ain't doing shit. I mean, you know what I mean? Like, I ain't I wasn't holding him to that shit no way, honestly. Like, it's it was torn. I was like, I'm finna nigga ain't finna give my money that. Like I knew that shit. But you know, like you you always hold him to it. You don't you don't never like like let him think like you ain't gonna you gonna forget or you're not gonna hold him to that. Like I made sure I always brought it up, let them know, but I in my head, I'm like, he ain't I ain't worried about it. So he had um he came up here. No, he shot a girl in the leg. He shot a girl in the foot. He shot a girl in the foot in the up, it was a leg. He shot a girl in the leg. He shot his girl in the leg. I think it was because she called him a bitch. It was something real, bro. Like, I'm like, bro, like she was he was homeless and she had a crib, but she would literally sleep with him in his car. And he shot her in the leg. Ain't that love? He shot in the leg though, like bro, like like if she ride for you like that, like I mean that's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_05Ain't that love?
SPEAKER_01She just can't sleep in a car with you. Nevertheless, though, so it's funny though, because like I told you, he was a dance promoter, basically a pimp, right? Like he said he didn't like that. He didn't like you to call him a pimp.
SPEAKER_05A dance promoter.
SPEAKER_01He didn't like me to call him a pimp, but that's what he was, pretty much, right? They did VIPs, he would drive them to hotels and wait outside for them to finish and then take, bring him back to the crib. Like, bro, that's that bitch ain't dance all night, and you like just made some money. How are you calling yourself a dancer? She didn't promote one dance, my nigga.
SPEAKER_05Like, she's not dancing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, she not dancing at all.
SPEAKER_05Like she dancing with her consoles. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but no, but so what happened was uh so he had uh he um oh, so I like I said, I was moving, I I lived with him and he got a dog, right? When he first got this dog, I was with him. When I first moved there, the day he got this dog, right? So I before he even before we even went to his crib, we went and picked up his friend AJ, and she lived across the street from where the dog, where he got the dog from. And we was right there, the dog ran out, and then the puppies ran out. And he like, oh, who, you know, puppies? They were like, you can take one. He's like, hell yeah. So muffin, that was muffin. So he took, took her, and um we went to the crib, and we get to the crib, and the dog, like he ain't like you just put the dog down and bam, that was it. He didn't get the dog was pretty much mine all while I was there, because like he wasn't paying the dog real attention. So the dog wounded up being in the room with me, spending all this time with me, and then I came up on the plug down there, and because the plug down there is so cheap, like I can't do shit down here, and trust, you know, Atlanta niggas is. I'm not even trusting y'all niggas like that. Because I know it ain't no real loyalty or affiliations down here like it is in Chicago. Chicago is different, like it's consequences for you, you know, you know, going against the grain. Like out there, it's just every man for itself, they do snake shit all the time. You know, whatever. But nevertheless, it wasn't it wasn't a space I felt comfortable um risking my freedom in. So even though I, you know, I found the plug down there, I can't do shit down here. So I had to come back home to do the shit. You know what I mean, to get rid of the shit. So that was getting on the move. So even though I was I was having to tell him I gotta leave, you know what I mean? I was letting them know I was gonna be back and forth and shit, right? Before I get let me tell you what this nigga do. So before I get a chance to even tell this nigga I'm from the league, bro, this man goes, hey bro, I need to talk to you for a minute. I'm like, cool, I need to talk to you too. He like, hey, bro, I don't know how I say this. But uh, I need you to go. Cause I don't like the way you affecting my hoes. Bro, I'm not lying to you. The man told me his bitches don't be working no more, they ain't as focused. They always laugh and kick here and shit when he comes in the house and I'm with him. He was like, and that shit be getting on this motherfucker. Like, it's not, it's fucking his whole Bible. You need me to go. And I'm like, that's so funny you say that. Because I didn't know how I was gonna tell you I gotta go. Like, because like I can't do shit, I can't really make no money down here like I want to, and I can make it all in Chicago, but I can keep coming back. Yeah, oh see, that worked, you know. So he was cool. And um, he's about to pull a pistol on me too one time. I forgot what it was about. But when he saw I was finna step in and knock his ass out, he put that motherfucker to his own head. And even then, I'm like, stop playing. Like, you know, he was, you know, you got all extra, extra bouncy and shit, about these kids and and how, you know what I mean? Like, I get to see my kids and like, you know, like, like, bro, chill out. Like, you know, like don't come at me like, you know what I mean? Like, it's my fault that your shit fucked up. You know what I mean? Whatever it is. My shit fucked up too, just not as bad as yours. But anyway, long story short, I only went to that just to show you, like, the dynamic that happened right before this other event that fucked me up, which was so, you know, after all this and shit, like I still got him. I came down there. What's so crazy is every time I came down there, Muffin.
SPEAKER_05I love the name.
Lines You Can’t Cross And Loyalty
SPEAKER_01Muffin would literally like be by me and he would have to drag the bitch away from me. Because she would literally, like, he'd be like, all right, let's go. And as he about to leave, she'd sit down next to me. He was like, I said, let's go. And she'd lay down. And then he'd grab her by the neck and drag her away every fucking time, bro. Except for the last time. He came to, like I said, he he had uh caught a case in Atlanta. Um I think it was from shooting a girl. Yeah, from shooting a girl. He shot the girl. After he got out out of jail. Uh after he had a case pending from shooting at the police. But he didn't know it was police. Nevertheless, he had uh big feet.
SPEAKER_02Look, so he had uh oh mind you, yeah, this man.
SPEAKER_01So he he um he went and he uh I you know I'm going back and forth and then um he gets locked up. No, my fault. He was on the run before we got locked up. So he didn't have no, you know, his car registered in his name. So, and you know, last time I talked to him, he was in Atlanta and he telling me, like, bro, I shot this bitch. Like, bro, I just shot her. Like, I'm I'm you know, that's my brother, so I got his back, but I'm telling him you dumb as fuck, bro. Like, why would you like don't be stupid? I told you not to be stupid, like, you know what I mean? Like, but he like, yeah, I'm gonna figure something out. So I forgot, I think I threw him a couple ideas, but the man called me, like, hey bro, can I borrow some money? Ooh, ooh. I'm like, all right, where do you need me to wire it to? He's like, you ain't got a wires, bring it up to Target. I'm like, because this was when I was living in Harvard, and I stayed right down the street from the Target. And he knew that. You know what I mean? So he like, I'm like, the Target, what the fuck are you doing down here? I mean, how you get down there? He said, I drove. How the fuck you drove? He's like, he drove his raggedy ass car, he stole somebody's plates, put them on his car, and drove to Chicago with them motherfuckers. And was still trying to drive around with them plates, bro. That's how he got caught. Because he got caught in Chicago and they took his ass back to Atlanta. Because the motherfucker got caught still trying to drive around with the same buggers' plates. Like, you should have been swapped that shit out. Like, did something. You know what I mean? Trash the car, something. Like, stop, stop driving or something. Like, anyway, but nevertheless, when I met him at the target, he had muffin with him, right? So he wound up uh I gave him the money, he's about to leave. Muffin, sat down, same, same routine. And then when he went to grab her, I'm like, you know what? I'm like, let us stay with me. Like, I'm a run for a probably. You know what I mean? I live in the house, you know what I mean, with a yard. Let us stay with me. You know what I mean? We already got a dog, it's cool. So I I had muffin never, I had muffin tissue. Done. Like from that point on, I have muffins. He never got her back. I never got her back. Let me say that. Let me say that right now. I never even got her back because when I left, I had to leave her. She was not giving muffin up. She's like, nah, this is my dog. Nah, nigga. This bitch is not going anywhere. Like you leaving, you're taking your gun, and you think you're finna take the dog too. I'm like, well, I gave the gun. I don't want the gun.
SPEAKER_03Toss that hell around. She didn't want the gun. She didn't want the gun. That motherfucker dog. You can toss that little bitch around.
SPEAKER_01She got another one of them. She got another dog from me from uh Roxy from Blue. Blue when I hammer diamond. Roxy. She's a little bit of a little bit of Roxy.
SPEAKER_05Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_01She doesn't have mother.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Okay, okay.
Paranoia, Security, And Snakes
SPEAKER_01So anyway, yeah, I got him up until she died. Um, my brother got a little while after that, and he giving him the fucking money, he gets locked up anyway. And um he gets out and he asked for the dog too. I bullshit him around. Like, ah, you know, I'm gonna I gotta do some shit. I'm gonna see if I can get myself down here. But I get your shit together first. You ain't got nowhere to keep her. Like, I got you. Like, you don't hold her down for me. I'm gonna try and get my baby. I love that bitch, I swear to God. Like, I had a dream. So one day, I was um when when I was sleeping in Atlanta, when I was living there, I was asleep. And like I said, he used to always have like, you know, the little after spot at his crib. So everybody came over and he had the girls through their naked dancing and shit. So I'm always seeing titties and girls all the time to the point where I'm not even moved by that shit. So I'm just like, you know, that just there. And um I had a dream, one of the girls asked me to lick her titty, and when I went to lick her titty, it started licking me back. And I woke up and muffin was kissing me in the mouth. Wow. And I was like, what the fuck? Like, I gotta change my Facebook status. Like, complicated immediately. Like, I don't even know what's happening right now. Like, do we go together? Like, how does this work? We just kiss.
SPEAKER_05Like, literally, just like I would if you don't specify as we as in maybe of a P. Yeah, I wasn't participating. Right.
SPEAKER_01So then that's where she wasn't intentionally. She wasn't intentionally different barriers. She was trying to see if I taste well enough to eat me up while I'm asleep. Like, she was trying to like measure her meal. Like, oh, okay, this motherfucker woke up and spoiled everything. Nevertheless, I kept that evil bitch. And what's so crazy, that bitch was she was she was cool, but she wasn't. She was cool till she wasn't, basically, right? She wanted them. Like she was she was like one of the best dogs until she wasn't. Like she certain shit is just triggered her, like deers. She would run out the fucking crib trying to kill a deer. A deer. Like that this shit he's gonna kill you. A deer? A deer.
SPEAKER_03Cool.
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_03I mean, not that she would kill a deer.
SPEAKER_01Like, these are big bucks. Like, she's it was wild over there. But nevertheless, this is it.
SPEAKER_05Where's this guy?
SPEAKER_01Harvey. This is where I went to hide out after all that shit happened. Harvey. Yeah, because my mama had put me out on my birthday.
SPEAKER_05Harden is in Chicago? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01My mama put me out on.
SPEAKER_05Do you have deers in Chicago like that?
SPEAKER_01Harvey.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, yeah. They just roam the streets and stuff? Well, out there, yeah, nothing in Chicago.
SPEAKER_01Well, at the at the end of the more like at the funeral homes, yeah. More like the homes. Anyway, yeah, we're not gonna talk about deers. I'm not gonna let you do this. No, I just I'm curious. I'm just curious about the area. You know what? Yeah, yeah. Like I was saying, man. You know, last week we we we know how that happened. We can't let you do it again. All right, I have to put my foot down, sir. I'm sorry, you did this, not me. You did this.
SPEAKER_05Okay, that's why I have my my college shirt on today.
SPEAKER_01So, nevertheless, I uh I was going back and forth out there, and then he called me and he like, hey bro, uh I need you to come out here and chuck some shit from me. You know what I mean? So motherfuckers is riding down on me and they spitting these laws and shit. And you know, my brother, like we know, we we me and Mark Bougie, we told him law and told them, you know, the laws and the decrees and all that shit, and like, but like he didn't remember that shit like that because like it don't apply. Like, when do you ever need to need to know that shit? Like, we remembered it because it was something like mandatory that when you go to other sets, you gotta know, like, because motherfucker, you get locked up and you don't know your shit, they ain't gonna call you you ain't no BD then. You know what I mean? So, like, if you don't know shit, like you should have known. So it was like, but he was from an era, you know, he was under me. So he was from the era where they didn't give a fuck about that shit no more. They wasn't listening to that shit. But now he out of town, and motherfuckers trying to drive down on him with that shit. And he's like, hold up, they're trying to like overpower me. Like, like they, you know what I mean, got it over me and shit. Like, I just need you to come down here and make sure like what they're saying is legit woo woo. So I had to make a move down there anyway, so I wound up going down there.
SPEAKER_02And um when uh when I was leaving, he just was acting funny.
SPEAKER_01And like the last time he was acting funny. He was just gonna like, like, like he ain't no, he ain't no affectionate type of like he used to like, like I remember him slamming a girl, and I'm like, she was playing with you because she liked you. He was like, well, tell her to suck my dick. Like, why she keep hitting me? Oh my god. Yeah, I'm like, whoa, like this was at 12. This was at 12. This was my brother at 12. I knew then, like, yeah, he gonna he he he that he he that yeah, he gonna he gonna have it.
SPEAKER_05Oh, I mean he got girls and titties and everything.
SPEAKER_01Because he don't really he don't really value. You always have an abundance, but you don't value. You have to notice that people have an abundance. People have an abundance, but they don't really value. Everybody. Explain when you some i it might work the other way, but for the most part, like I think it works both ways.
SPEAKER_05Like I was seeing it the other way, that's why I want to see.
SPEAKER_01But to them it's like everything, right?
SPEAKER_05It's more of a search.
SPEAKER_01It could be knowledge, it could be, you know what I mean, clothes, it could be whatever, you know what I mean. But you always have it in abundance because you don't really value it like that. And it's only because you don't give a fuck that you attract it instead of chasing. But anyway, nevertheless, let me get in sidetrack. Uh that was sidetracked.
SPEAKER_03That was a good that was a good point.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but he had um um, he told me to come down, and I I went down there, and like I said, when I was leaving, he was actually extra affectionate when he keeps hugging me and then like, bro, give me a look, that's like you don't want me more like I you know and I thought he was just because he was feeling guilty because he didn't come through like he said he was. He just, you know, he gave me half of what I came down there for, but I didn't care about that. I was really checking on him. I didn't, whatever, I get the shit, whatever. But he had um just you know, acting like this, and the last thing I said in his face was like, bro, are you acting funny? You acting like you ain't finna see me no more, bro. I still in the week. That was my last that's the last thing I said to him. Like, that was it. And then he was texting me, telling me, come on.
SPEAKER_02What did he say when you said that? You remember what he said? No, I'm just making sure respect. Like, you know, like he was like, nah, nah, I'm just gonna make it show respect.
SPEAKER_05That's what he said. Yeah, yeah. But you now in that moment you feel like he knew more than is that why you're gonna be like, Yeah, yeah, well he don't he don't act like that.
SPEAKER_01He didn't act, he was acting like he was saying goodbye.
SPEAKER_02So, ironically two weeks before he got killed.
SPEAKER_01I had a dream that I had lost my two front teeth and I was walking through this party where all our family was at, and me not having my two front teeth, I didn't want to smile, and everybody kept trying to like make me smile and say hi and greet me, and and like I didn't want to smile because I knew I was missing my two front teeth, and I was just sad about that. And like I didn't remember that dream until my I was at my second brother's repast. And it was my two front teeth, and that was three months later on the day, on the exact day. What's ironic about that? Not only was not only did both my brothers die on the exact day three months apart, but I was in the exact place doing the exact same thing, watching the same show, and the same sequence of events happened, and the only difference was that she said Eric instead of Antoine. I'm talking about so down to a T of it being the exact same that I didn't realize I was not dreaming until I was at his funeral. Like that's when it clicked, like this is not a dream. Like this is real. Like you literally just was walking, but up to that point.
SPEAKER_05That was really true.
SPEAKER_01Even hearing it, it was right because you know, and then you hear everybody tell you, everybody's telling you always gonna be okay. I think you know my first brother died, every everything gonna be okay, everything will be okay. I remember that time. Yeah, me and my second brother died. I was like, all right, just shut up talking. Don't tell me shit's gonna be okay because it's not. Like, I don't want shit. Leave me alone.
unknownRight, right, right.
SPEAKER_05That was it was that was a weird, because it was back, it was three months in between, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I remember when when so I'm I'm I'm sitting down, my mama called my phone, I don't answer. Because something just tells me not to answer that phone. Like, I don't know, I'm not gonna lie, I don't know why. I just knew I didn't want to answer the phone. And I didn't. And then like after the third call, I wanted to finally answer it just to see like she can get the fuck off my back. But at that point, I didn't have a good excuse why I didn't answer the first three calls. So now I gotta let her keep calling. Like, because now, like, I don't what I'm gonna say. What was I doing? I'm sitting here looking at the fucking phone. So what was I what was I gonna say? What was I gonna tell her? So now I gotta keep let her keep calling. And she called me about 20 times, bro. So now I'm like, fuck. So she stopped calling me and she called the person's house I was at.
SPEAKER_02Right?
SPEAKER_01They wake up, answer the phone, while they answer the phone, they go and pee. They go in the bathroom while they answer the phone. Because they had to pee, because they woke up, right? What are you doing?
SPEAKER_02Oh, okay.
First Brother’s Death And Collapse
SPEAKER_01So they uh they they go, they you know, they use the bathroom and they come out and she look at me and say, Jones, Antoine did like I was honestly because the first thing I thought was actually the trick, but um I went crazy, bro. Like I'm two the whole fucking front room up, bro. Like I ain't gonna lie, bro. I have to apologize for because I just like flipped the table over to a couch, like I don't know what, like I just felt fire, like my skin felt like it was on fire, bro.
SPEAKER_02I was so mad, like and then um then uh she had uh she came in and she was like, oh no, they said they said it was a suicide.
SPEAKER_01And like all that fire that I was feeling in my skin, like turned into like like just all just went to like this knot, like right in the middle of here, like and like I just curled up on the floor like a like a fucking feet, like a fetus, bro. Like I was just curled up on the floor, like like this shit was hurting so bad, like because all I kept remembering was uh every time I went out there, you know, to stuck me in on every time I went out there to say it. When he picked me up, he was like, bro, I'm so glad to see you, I'm so happy to see you. You know, if you didn't come out here, bro, I promise you I was gonna kill somebody to kill myself. And he used to always say that shit. And that she used to bother me, like, don't say no shit like that, bro. Like, don't even speak that, like, you gotta watch your tongue, like you can't speak like that. You know what I mean? I was telling that shit, so but she said he killed himself. And like, and I'm thinking like he kept asking me to come out there and then like I've been procrastinating, I was supposed to be out there a week a week ago, and like he had uh he just like fucking so it was kind of like and my other brother, like he really like took it to heart too because like he blamed himself because when he first went to Minnesota Twan was supposed to go with him, but because Twan refused to leave his gun, his wife, my brother's wife, didn't want Twan to go. So he couldn't go if he bring in a gun. But ultimately, honestly, she just didn't want him to go because my brother kept around a lot of hoes, and she didn't want my brother with all of my hoes being around her new husband, who is his brother. You feel me? So that was like, no, you know what I mean? But ultimately, she that's why he went to Atlanta. So also, just a backstory on Eric, which is something I definitely should have brought up. I don't know how I missed that. But my little brother, nephew, was raped and killed at four years old. And um like he never cried about that shit. Like not once. I probably cried more about it than he did ever. Like, he never cried about it. Um but how it manifested in his his psyche was he would shut down whenever it was time to have fun with his kids because he felt guilty.
SPEAKER_02He told me he just couldn't do it because like he wasn't there for Jem Lane.
SPEAKER_01So he couldn't do it, right? So um he just held that shit in. So when Twine died, like um, me and him was on the phone, and after Twine died, me and him, we we got like, you know, it's my brother, like we know it's us three, like basically, right? So, you know, me and him linking, and we was gonna get a private investigator, and we was gonna go down there ourselves. We was driving down there, and we was gonna have a private investigator who's gonna find out what really happened to my brother, because them saying he killed himself and he had no scorch marks on his head or no uh gunpowder residue on his arms, and they ruled it to suicide. I was like, how? Like, and then who shoots they self like this?
SPEAKER_05In the back.
Medium Reading And Answers From Beyond
SPEAKER_01Right, and right, like towards the back, like at an angle, but like nevertheless, not like here or like anyway. Um so he had uh he was gonna come down to Chicago, and then we was gonna go from Chicago to Atlanta. And uh when he got down there, bro, and I looked him in his eye, I couldn't, like, I knew he wasn't coming back. I knew if we went down there, we weren't coming back, bro. I can see it in his face. Like I saw it, like, so I told him I ain't going. Like, you know, like he can't go. And he like, I'm still going. I'm like, I'm not going, bro.
SPEAKER_02Like, I can't lose both my brothers. I just like he's learning how to speak about himself. I I I understand. We've had conversations.
SPEAKER_01Anyway, he had uh, you know, I'm telling my brother, so he he went and I I had him at my little uh friend crib and he just stayed there to get away from everything, get away from everybody. And uh, you know, I told him, you know, we can smoke, chill with me for a minute before you head out, you know what I'm saying? You can come here, grab some Z, you know what I mean, whole time. I'm plotting because like I yeah, so I'm like uh, you know, we smoke. We even got into it for the first time ever. Like I never got into it with my brothers ever. Like, not over nothing. Like we never got into it. So like we got into it over uh over uh miscommunication about uh uh somebody else that was trying to intrude on our shit, like basically a girl, right? She just kept trying to fuck with me and and I was ignoring her, and at this time I'm really like just leave me alone and she used him to get to me. And then that's when we got into it, because I'm like, you can't, like, how you being so stupid? And then he like, you know, like, bro, I'm sorry, like, and then that's when he was just like, I just want to kill myself. He said that's your name. Like, um, I'm just like, bro, like you can't, like, nah, like, can't say shit like that. Like, I just lost, we just lost time, but like, see how everybody reacting, like, you can't go, like, we need you, like, so anyway, he had uh, you know, we ate, slept, uh I let him chill there for a minute, and we came back, smoked some more, and then uh he had uh he went to sleep and um I had uh when he went to sleep, I made Wendy go out there and take a spark plug out his car. And then so when he got up to go. Like he couldn't take out what was wrong with his car, and you know, he all played stupid, of course. And then he found out I took the spark plug and he was mad as fuck, bro. Like but I mean, you know, he couldn't be hateful because he knew I did it. So like he was mad, but you know, he wasn't mad at me, man. He just like, you know, but uh but honestly he probably looked at it more like I saved him from himself because he knew he knew he wasn't coming back, bro. Like he obviously didn't intend to, like, and that's like in proof of what happened, right? So uh shit. And like we we was there, and then he went back home, and we had agreed to, you know, we're gonna pay for the the private investigator. We're not going down there. Like clearly, I'm not going down there with you, bro. Like, because we're not gonna really get this shit done. Like we're gonna be locked up in a day or two. Right. With what the fuck I see in your eyes. I'm already knowing this. Like, because he's blaming himself. So he's just gonna vote. That's all. He don't give a fuck about your ass.
SPEAKER_05And you're a protector anyway, so you'll end up having to do what you gotta do too, and not want to put yourself in that him or you in that.
SPEAKER_01Right, right, right.
SPEAKER_05So, you know, but uh he had uh fool it run, okay. It's okay. Right, but we can we can finish our story next week. But just finish trying to finish this one up for me so we or finish this one up for them so they can understand. Yeah, but anyway, so we had uh thank you for all the love today, everyone. Appreciate y'all.
Symbols, Signs, And Being Watched
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so so but look, so we had uh we had um oh, so immediately after this, right? So um, I like I say, I'm in the same spot, my mama called. I'm telling you, I'm sitting down, I'm watching American Dad. The same show I was watching when Antoine died. I'm watching American Dad, my mama called my phone. I look, I don't want to answer. I got the same feeling, I just don't want to answer, and I don't know why. I just don't. And then she called me again by the third call. I done made up my mind, I can't answer now because I have no legitimate excuse why I didn't answer the first three calls. So now I'm stuck. I can't answer, no matter how many times she called. She do the same thing. She calls, you know what I mean? They wake up, go answer the phone answer the phone while they're using the bathroom, they come out, they look at me and go, Eric is dead.
SPEAKER_02No, she said, look, Eric is dead. He killed herself.
SPEAKER_01I look at her, I look at TV, and my exact word was I gotta stop watching American Dead. I just knew I was dreaming, bro. That's that's all I said. I did not react, I didn't cry, I didn't say shit, I just knew I was dreaming, bro. That's how certain I was I was dreaming. Like I literally was just like, I gotta start watching American Dad and just turned the channel. And that was it. That was my only reaction until I got to the funeral. And then it was just like, it all just hit me like at once. And then before I could even like start really bothering, my sister went to the hospital. So then it was just kind of like shortly after that.
SPEAKER_05I remember being hard for y'all.
SPEAKER_01Shortly after that, my baby mama, my baby mama, which is exactly how it sounds too, but uh, my baby mama gets some tickets to go see uh psychic to see if she can get a cursed list or whatever. I don't know what it was about, but nevertheless, um one of her friends that was supposed to go, these$60 tickets, one of her friends that was supposed to go couldn't make it. And it's a$60 ticket. So I had some stuff I was supposed to do for somebody else. And like, so I had to like cancel that at the last minute because like she needed me to go and not waste that ticket. You know what I'm saying? So when she uh she takes me down there, when we get down there, it's not Fraser, it's uh uh a medium, not the type of psychic I thought, but a medium.
SPEAKER_02Right medium.
A Dream Warns Of A Father’s Fall
Diagnosis, Last Visit, And Regret
SPEAKER_01Right. So I'm there, and when we get there, we was late. And so they putting us in the order that people come. So they put us on the other side of the room, and he was going in order of roles, and we was on the other side of the room, wait from him. When I first got to the room, no lie. The first thing I thought in my head was. If this shit was real, my brother'd be louder than all these old white people. Exactly what I thought in my head. Right? So we go get seated. We're not dating five minutes. And he got he literally says, I got to stop. I have to stop. I can't even think straight. They I I can't I can't um finish this without addressing whatever it is happening over here. And so like I'm I'm in denial. I'm putting my head down, like nah. I'm like that. So he's walking towards us, and I don't want to make eye contact with him. Plus he was gay. And I'm like, I don't like you can see he was sweet, and I'm just like, I don't want to make eye contact with him, no way, like at all, period. So at that point, even walking over, I'm just like trying to avoid. And and my baby mama, she like, um uh, I think he's talking about too. I'm like, chill out, chill out, chill out, chill out, don't do that, don't do that. Let him do his show so we can get out of here. You know what I'm saying? She pointed at me and he was like, Yes, he's acknowledging that this is you, you are who he's talking to. I'm like, and bro, like he got the same shit like like he shouldn't have he shouldn't have known. Like, so it not only was he like able to like say stuff that only only Twan was saving he was talking about shit like like moments I had since Twine dad, like where I was outwardly asking, are you is there another side? Are you are you here? Are you you know what I mean? Like I'm outwardly asking this question, like I'm in a room by myself. I was at the house, going through it, I'm in the room by myself, and I would just do this from time to time. I was sitting there and I would talk and I would, you know, like wondering if he if he was hearing me and like just finally saying what I had to say. And like uh he had uh talking about literally answering the questions I was asking, literally answering the questions I was asking. And then I made a song and I hadn't let nobody hear it yet, because I had made the beat and the beat was trash. And so like I didn't really want nobody here because I didn't finish it, but I made a song for him, you know what I mean? But I didn't let nobody hear it. And like, and he said he he fucked like he loved the song, like basically like he fucked with the song. And he brought up the shit the t-shirt. So we only got into it one time, me and Twan, and it was a text argument. It wasn't even like we argued actually, like it was text argument back and forth about my t-shirt that he took. That, you know, it had like these buttons on it right here, and like it was my shirt, but I had all my shirts lined up in my room in the basement, and he asked me for a shirt, and I told him, Yeah, go, you know, get a shirt with one of the t-shirts in there. Like I had a whole bunch of whites and a whole bunch of black t-shirts. Take one of them. That's what you know, that was the thing, right? He just needed a shirt for the night. He's gonna take all the way in the back with the good shirts. Like, you know, my took one of them, and like that was my favorite shirt too. Like, so you know, he even went so far as to say, I ain't want that gay ass shirt nowhere. I don't know where the fuck it's at. Like, ultimately, he finally admitted he was trying to hold on to that shirt. I swear to God. So anyway, long story short, yeah, we got into it over the shirt. He brought the shirt up, though. He brought the shirt up because I showed up to the club with the guys. This is when the shit was still popping. And he he threatened, uh, oh, I told him, like, bro, you keep talking. I'm like, I'm gonna slap the shit out you. That's what I said. And the nigga said, Hey, bro, you're my brother and I love you. I'm a grown ass man. I'm not letting no nigga stop. I'm um, bro, I don't want to have to shoot you, but I will put this poll to you. I'm like, wait, nigga, what? Swear to God, bro. I'm like, bro, like, did you really just threaten to put? I said, I tell you what, I'm finna come slap this shit out you with no gun on me. If you can live with killing me over me slapping the shit out you, so be it. That's what's finna happen though. And that was all. And just what happened, you know, Gig and all the guys was with me too, and we rode up to his club. And when we saw each other, we couldn't do shit but smile and laugh and hug each other like you're stupid as hell. And he was like, I got to insurance in the car. Like, shit, you know what I mean, type shit. So anyway, he brought the shirt up, right? Because like that was our only altercation we ever had our whole life, you know what I mean? So um, besides the fact that we feel him.
SPEAKER_05Is there a way you could play the song if you feel like doing that?
SPEAKER_01Uh yeah, yeah, I can play. But uh no, look, so I want to fast forward though, because like okay, you got like a look.
unknownI got some.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah, I forgot. Uh so fast forward, so fast forward, uh, you know, this all of this shit happened. He tells me everything that my brother, bro. Like, so I'm trying to hold it in. I got snot running, I'm like crying so hard. I'm trying not to, bro. Like, I got snot running in my mouth. And I'm around all these white people I ain't never met a damn life. It's like a hundred people in this room. And when I finally look around, bro, all these people looking back at me crying, like all the white people in there was listening to him tell me the shit, and they all just was crying, bro. Like, so when we was leaving, they had two lines. They had a line to get the book sign and a line to give me a hook. Like, yeah, because I took up the rest of the time.
SPEAKER_05A hug from everybody. And the hook? Yeah, yeah, of course.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, like I mean, and that I was we're not gonna talk about the hood, bro. Okay. I mean, that's the shit I like. What do you want me to say? I want to know the depth of that. We are not gonna talk about the hood, bro. Like what I think.
SPEAKER_05I want to know, like, how'd you feel? What was the feeling? Because it that's like a whole that's like a like a like a big deep feeling of a room feeling a certain energy altogether. So that's why I didn't have to feel like that's why I asked questions like that. Because that's I don't understand.
Back‑To‑Back Funerals And A Narrow Escape
SPEAKER_01I wasn't able to appreciate that at the moment. You can know that's why why I not really, not even that, because like it's still like why not because uh the fact that my brother is talking to me from the other side is overwhelming. Sorry, like if I'm not like so giddy about whatever feeling I'm getting in my tummy, motherfucker. Like, I don't care, but anyway, so but so fast forward. Um, you know, I make it out of that with a now a heightened idea. Also, he was telling me that in my because like I said, he was answering the questions, and what he explained to me was that like moments where you see uh something that reminds you of a person or on the other side, that's them saying hi. Yeah, right? They they like that's how it works there. Like in and and that everything I did, like since he's been like with me was like 100 for him. Like, you know what I mean? He led away, I I held him down, like you know, like I'm doing everything honorable. Like I always felt like somebody watching me. Like, I always feel like it's people like you know, I always felt like that anyway. So I operate like that. It's always feeling like that. I operate like I'm always being watched, even when I'm not, you know what I mean? Like that's how you gotta think all the time, like, period. Like if you don't think like that, uh you you're you're leaving yourself too much room to be evil, honestly. Because but being honesty, God is watching you all the time because not because he's up there watching you all the time, he's inside you. Right, right, right. Pause. But anyway, so but anyway, my uh He's always inside you. Okay, you took that too far. All right, but so anyway. Um fast forward, I tell my mom and my dad this. This is how this is ironic about this because when I tell my dad, his reaction to it just like just made me feel eerie. And fast forward a couple years, but five years later, and I have a dream that my me and my dad, my stepdad at a bar, and he tell me something. I don't remember what he told me, but I know whatever he told me, I was crying, and I couldn't stop crying. And it was people at the bar looking at me, and I didn't give a fuck. I didn't care. I got, you know, people like, damn, why you really like I didn't care. Like I was, I'm literally following on the floor crying, like I'm talking about like like funeral home acting up crying. Like I don't do that, you know what I mean? Yet in the dream I was doing it, and I woke up, I just felt this overwhelming, like feeling of sadness, like like I knew something was gonna happen. Like I knew it. And I'm like, and all I could remember was being at the bar with my daddy, and whatever he told me just made me ball out. So I immediately called my mom. I get to talking to them. I didn't want to, because I know my mom is extra paranoid, so I didn't want to alert her at all. So I just asked how, you know, how everybody was doing, and you know, snuck around asking how daddy's doing. And bro, she said, daddy, I he just having this headache in his eye. Yeah, I'm gonna see the doctor this weekend about it. When she said that, my heart was like beating so fast because I knew I knew that it wasn't a regular headache. I knew it then, bro. Like I knew it was not no fucking regular headache. And like, I can't speak on it because then I it's it's like almost I'm speaking into existence. Like, no, I don't want to do that either. So I gotta keep the shit on the inside. So like I'm seeing it happen, but I can't really say nothing. But when I went down to get my son, because my son was down there with him at the time, when I went to get my son from Chicago, um, I you know, I saw Dad and he was like, you know, happy to see you, I like your shit. But he always I noticed he kept waiting for me to leave before he leaves.
unknownRight?
SPEAKER_01Like he'd I'm gonna be upstairs in a minute. But he wasn't like, yeah, let's go upstairs. And like he has paused before getting up and make me go up first.
SPEAKER_05So I I didn't really think so watching or something. Yeah, I didn't watch him watch it.
SPEAKER_01I didn't think nothing weird of it, but I had to come back and get something and forgot. And when I came back, I saw why he was doing. He was leaning up against the wall to get upstairs. Like he literally had to lean up against the wall to keep his balance for some reason to get upstairs. And this was then. So I told my sister, I'm like, hey, watch dad. Something ain't right. And I told her about my dream. I'm like, I had a dream, and daddy ain't looking right, and mama said he's having his headache in his eye, and I think something's wrong. And I'm telling her this. And I get back home, and about a week later, my mama caught me crying hard as hell. Tell me about the doctors told me he got two months to do. Bro, I fail. I literally, like, so you know, you see people faint in delivery rooms and shit. Like, like that shit real. Like, like, I don't know how to explain it. Like, my I lost my knees, bro. Like, I just fail. And I didn't even care about getting up. I was just on the float, like over it, like crying, bro. It's like, I I think it's the anticipation really was fucking with me too, because I kind of knew that the shit was gonna happen, bro. And like, and I also felt like he gave up after he lost both his sons. Like, when he lost both his sons, he kind of like, I just saw him like kind of like give up, like, like he kind of manifested his own death, I believe, right? In in more ways than one.
SPEAKER_05But like he might have been maintaining that whole time until he stopped wanting to maintain what was wrong with him, kind of thing. Kind of powerful guy.
Guilt, Grace, And What We Carry
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. And then so, well, you know how this story goes, right? So he gets sick, I go see him, and um the last time I went to see him, I had this feeling that it was it was it, this was it, bro. And I chickened out. I couldn't, I couldn't say bye. I'm not gonna lie. I got I left my father without saying bye. I snuck out. I literally, because I knew if I told my mom I was leaving, she was gonna force me to go in there. And I didn't want to say goodbye. So I called me an Uber and took the Uber to the train station and took the train station back to Missouri. And fuck, bro, I I I just got fucking in my truck when I got there. I just got back to my truck and they called me and tell me my daddy was dead. So I had to come back to Chicago. I come back to Chicago. We have his funeral. You know what happened with grandma, right? We have his funeral, and I'm on the road on our way back from his funeral, and they called and tell me my grandma did. So we gotta turn around and come back to Chicago. We ain't even really we ain't even get to we didn't even get to Missouri yet, and I had to turn around and come back. So I come back, have our funeral, and uh I had a friend in Missouri that like, you know, he was like, you know, watch me go through all this shit and you know sympathize with me. So when I got back, he like, hey, you know, like come over my crib. When I get back from the funeral, I get back to Missouri, he's like, come over my crib, we're gonna kick it, have a good time. Mind you, me and his mama was into it though, because she was my GM at the job where I was the manager at, she was the GM, and you know, some bullshit happened, and she threw me under the bus. But whatever. Me and him were still cool. But he understood that me and her was into it, and he like he would tell me, like, she cool, ain't just don't worry about her. You know what I mean? You coming in with me, right? So anyway, he was like, come over and you know, we're gonna do some drugs, you know, get your mind off the shit, you know what I mean, and go over some music or something, see what we can do. So I'm like, all right, cool. I put my coat on, bro. I had my coat on. I had my coat on and my keys, and you know, like just sat down and tried to process shit for a minute, and then I laid down for a minute, and then I fell asleep. And I woke up the next morning, and I got a bunch of calls and text messages saying that they found him in his room dead. He OD'd on oxygen. And so, like, I'm immediately blaming myself, right? Because I'm like, I should've gone. Like, if I would've gone, he'd have popped the pills I got, and then he wouldn't, that shit wouldn't happen. You know what I'm saying? So I'm blaming myself for that shit. Like, I should have gone, I should've gone. And then so no, what happened was I just so and it's ironic, I wound up, our thread was like a year and a half old, and I just so happened to scroll all the way to the point, to the to the part in our thread where he told me he had popped the shit I gave him and pop some oxies too, and he didn't know which one was which, but he ain't really give a fuck. Like, so basically telling me that I would have did that shit anyway. Like I would have just did both. And what would have happened was the pills that you brought would have been uh uh identified to you, and so you would have been in the case of what happened with him when he got killed. By me not going, I avoided that. I didn't even get, you know, like so. I feel like my grandma made me go to sleep. My grandma was like, no, sit your ass down and go to sleep. That's grandma. Because, like, yeah, you're not you're finna go out here and get your dumb ass in some trouble. And that's what I'm saying. I'm just saying without saying, I was into it with his mama. So if she know I came over there and she knows I ain't talking to her and all this shit, and I got beef with her. And then all of a sudden I leave and her son did. Yeah, she can't wait to to to find any, like I'm suspect number one. I was the last one with him, and she don't like it.
unknownRight, right, right.
SPEAKER_01You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, right. So, like, you know, we into it. Yeah, we into it. So, like, so she definitely was like, so no, like, um, I avoided that by not, and I I I hate to say that because like I really felt bad by not going. You know what I mean? Because like he was doing that for me and like, you know, trying to look out. And I don't get a lot of people to do that type of shit. So it was kind of like, you know, it felt good to have somebody like even thinking about you in that in that sense where they're like, hey, I know you need to get your mind up to shit, bro. I'm I'm I I see you, you know what I mean? Like I see what you're going through. I got you, bro. Like nobody, nobody else did that. You know what I mean? So for him to do that and then like me not to show up and then like.
unknownUh uh.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, he gave you he gave you the answer by giving you those are you screwed.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know, in in your head, ultimately, you've been a logical being, want to avoid that ever happening to you again. You blame yourself and you have to, or else you won't find where you were uh accountable and could have switched, changed the situation. You have to. So, like, even you know, it's not cool to blame yourself, but you do have to find where where you can avoid ever it ever happening to you again.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_01I'm sorry, y'all got a little uh tongue tied today, man. We have a difficult talk about self-straight sometimes.
Closing Reflections And What’s Next
SPEAKER_03We appreciate y'all from you, but yeah. You gonna it's alright. We'll do we'll finish the rest of his because I I'm not I'm not gonna.
SPEAKER_01I don't want to say shit else obviously. Oh, yeah, you know, I do gotta say, but the last one. I got a left part.
SPEAKER_05The last part you make me think things when you tell the stories too that makes me think of my stories.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But a lot of the shit that happened after that is actually even more influential, but not as dramatic. Right? That's me. But it's more, it's more powerful and more uh uh uh what is more impactful to my life than than uh you know a lot of shit. But nevertheless, it's just not as dramatic.
SPEAKER_04So well it kind of in a sense because it's you know in with word and it's like we're still going well, bro.
SPEAKER_01We gotta go on a little bit.
