Luciferian Light
Where we dig into homosexuality and how it's being used as a tool.
Luciferian Light
Episode 12: From Homeless To Healing
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A busted mic check gives way to a gut‑punch story of resilience: eviction papers on the door, a bag half‑packed, and a father sprinting between states to make music videos with his son. We talk about the gamble that somehow worked—leaving with nothing, landing work, catching up on rent—and the moment pride takes a back seat to presence. Then the floor drops: accusations, new locks, cops at the door. What do you do when helping your kid means refusing to lose yourself? You leave with your center intact.
From there, we open a tender archive: a hidden first love that felt like Brokeback Mountain IRL—forever when alone, invisible in public. That experience reshaped what love means and why we mistake intensity for care. We name the trap: love turns to a drug when it rewards pressure and secrets over honesty and self‑acceptance. The fix isn’t romantic heroics; it’s learning to stand inside your own life without begging for permission.
We dig into truth as power. Every lie looks like control but costs intuition. Keep reality on your tongue and your gut gets sharper; burn energy on stories and your mind lags. We push a tough claim: narcissistic environments create more narcissists, the way cancer spreads—consumption turning contagious. The alternative is discernment. Watch how people treat family. Match words to actions. Audit accountability. Protect your capacity so your giving can scale.
We also reframe generosity. Handouts make noise; modeling makes change. When you preserve your resources to build consistency—music, craft, sobriety, systems—you teach more than charity can buy. That isn’t selfish; it’s strategy. The culture already rewards performative good. We’re practicing a quieter discipline: choose rooms wisely, keep promises small and true, and let peace replace survival mode one decision at a time.
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Mics On, Chaos And Banter
SPEAKER_02In every age, someone had to hold the light in the dark room. Someone had to stay the tip, and everyone held their tongue down. This is Luciferion Light show where nothing is off limit, no truth is too tabooed, and no lies go on town. Let's turn that light on.
SPEAKER_06Welcome to Luciferion Light show. Well my brother Levy is uh he trying to count me out. What's that?
SPEAKER_04Uh slightly. It's not really loud in my head. Can you hear me? No. Can you hear now? You can't hear now.
SPEAKER_06I can't imagine what's happening right now.
SPEAKER_03Testing, testing. I can hear me like a little bit.
SPEAKER_06You can hear you, but you can't hear me.
SPEAKER_03No. Very slightly, can I hear myself? Can you hear me now? Try again.
SPEAKER_06Can you hear me now?
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Okay, I know. Fantastic.
SPEAKER_03Hello everyone.
SPEAKER_06Oh yeah, we're gonna I'm gonna finish the story up real quick. And then because I got something I really wanna ask you about because you you brought something up the other day, bro. You know.
SPEAKER_03That kind of scares me. Yeah, it's really it should I don't know what I'd be saying. I don't know what I'll be saying.
SPEAKER_05It's gonna get real bad. So uh I'm gonna hear everything.
SPEAKER_03I can hear everything else. Okay. What is it? I'm putting this on you can see.
SPEAKER_06Okay, so I wanted to finish my little story on how I got here, pretty much, just to show you how divine intervention works and how so you know how they say coincidences, right? But the root word of coincidence is coincide. So in actuality, there are no coincidences. Everything is by design, right? Everything is by design. And uh, if y'all can hear us, let us know. If you can't hear us, let us know. Uh we'll be interacting.
SPEAKER_04Um, so I had uh, you know, my friend died.
SPEAKER_06I'm back in Missouri, I'm working, and um, you know, she got funny acting down in Missouri with the you know, people I move with. I moved with the people, and all of a sudden now they acting funny when it's like first time in my life. But nevertheless, uh she had uh moved her cousin in and then put me out, right? So I kind of saw it coming when she moved her cousin in, right? Like all the way out of Missouri. She moved her out there. Nevertheless, uh Craig Crate moved her, Craig Craig moved her cousin in, moved and then kicked me out, and I went back to stay with an ex-man in Chicago because for whatever reason my mother was just uh unapproachable pretty much. And um, so after that, I uh I go back, I stay with an ex-ex-girlfriend of mine, and I'm going back and forth to Missouri just so I can still, you know, keep contact with the kids and you know make sure I stay you know in tune with them. I don't want to lose no real time with them, even though you know shit ain't work out between me and Craig Ray. But so it's kind of like I was going back and forth, and then I was about to bring them back to Chicago, and I got locked up. When I got locked up, I got out of jail, and as soon as I got out of jail, the person I was staying with put me out. So when I went to jail, I lost all my money, I lost everything I had. And on top of that, put me out, and so then I'm literally on the street. A friend of mine let me stay with them until I got my own apartment, which was the apartment above my sister. So while I'm staying there, I was going back and forth. But meanwhile, right before I go homeless, my son starts to do music. And I'm talking about bro, when the men when I say the man, like make me so proud with with the with his creativity and and how he does it, and you know, he, you know, he do whatever, you know, the bullshit rap that they do. But nevertheless, like it's it's still him and it's it's creative as fuck.
SPEAKER_03So very much so.
SPEAKER_06I got a second win pretty much, right? Like this was like my light out of all of the shit that was that I was going through with everybody switching on me and everybody dying and just like me pretty much being isolated all of a sudden. Um, this is my light at the end of the tunnel. And um so we start working on music remotely, and then I got behind on my rent because of the child support. So I wind up going. Now, this is what's so crazy. I had an eviction notice on my door. I had an eviction notice on my door, and I decided to take a vacation. No money, no job, no shit. But show you how it worked, right? I don't know why I did it. It just makes sense, but it actually worked out, right?
SPEAKER_03Uh can you grab my vape since you're standing up? My vape, okay. Yeah, can you grab it, please?
SPEAKER_05Thank you.
Fatherhood, Music, And Eviction
SPEAKER_06So, anyway, long story short, I uh I go back down there. I go down to Missouri, you know, spend some time with the kids and shit. And, you know, she let me go there now. So, you know, for a while she wouldn't even let me go to the house. So now she's letting me go back to the house. So, you know, I was you know taking you know little trips down there. And this time I went down there when I literally had my picture notes on my door. I get down there and get a job where I'm getting all my money, and I was able to pay my rent and catch up on my rent while I was down in Missouri. I think I remember you telling you. Right. So I'm now right before, so meanwhile, while I'm while I'm paying off my rent, I got me and my son, we doing videos. You know what I mean? I'm trying to like, he wanted to do music, so I'm doing everything you want to do.
SPEAKER_03And um Which he's very good at that.
SPEAKER_06We was we was doing a video all week, bro. We had we had got up to I think three three videos. We was in the third video before Craig Craig got wind of it and found out we was doing videos. It wasn't like I was trying to hide it, it's on YouTube is pumping. You know what I mean? But anyway, she flipped out, put me out right before I was just about to like get caught up on my ring. Like I literally had almost everything there. Nevertheless, we um I get put out, I go back to Chicago. So Lilu, he put a fit, he started on fits and shit. So she sent him down to Chicago with me. So he wound up spending the rest of the summer with me. And we got like we was doing, like I said, we was doing a video a week. Every week we was doing a video.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, like for like a month, right?
SPEAKER_06So I was gonna keep doing it. And then what happened was uh he went back to Chicago, I mean back to Missouri because he had to go back to school. And you know, he was he just slowly started drifting away. I don't know. He just like he would, he just became more and more distant. And then November, Craig Craig called me talking about what did you do to my son? What you do to my son? Like, like you did something to him. He ain't like, so somebody slipped my son something and made him go crazy. Mind you, she, I don't know, Craig Craig blaming me. I don't know why. I ain't seen him in three months. I don't know what was going on. You know what I'm saying? Right he left me, he was fine. And we didn't do nothing but work all summer. Like we literally worked on videos and music, that's it. So like something else happened. Yeah, so I didn't even like you hurt, I get it, whatever. You heard. I ain't finna hold you to that. You know what I'm saying? Even though it do kind of hurt for somebody to look at me and blame me for something like that for my son. Like, you know, if anybody else knows how I feel about my son, she knows how I feel about my son. So for her to do that, she knew she was hurting me on purpose.
SPEAKER_03But nevertheless, I'm about to say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Crisis With His Son And Co‑Parenting Fallout
SPEAKER_06You know, you know how it should go. Anyway, um, so I get through it, you know. I'm trying to figure shit out. I I go down there to see him, the nigga ain't even know me, bro. Like, he didn't even recognize me. That shit hurt so bad. Like to him to see me and be like, who was you? Like, what do you want? Like, what? Bro, like, so I kept going back and forth, like, you know, trying to keep up. And then one day she just was like, Hey, um, he wants you here. He he was he had passed out, he did something, and he fainted because he had taken too many pills and something. And she like, he wants you here, and you know, basically she needed somebody to watch him because she wasn't paying real attention. And that's basically how it all happened anyway. And that's what I saw. So in the end, I went there to to to to be with him, and we was actually making good. He started doing real good. He's doing real good right now. But, you know, like the moment she tried to smash, and I told her no, I really stood on that. Like, I wasn't down there to try to smash her. And when she saw that, the first thing she did was change the locks. And after she changed the locks, then she called the police on me, and then she called the police on me again. After the second time, I knew then, like, I'm I'm gone. I'm just gonna go. You know what I'm saying? Like, you call the police now, and I wouldn't even, like, I ain't even stand up neither time. She called the police because we, because, you know, uh, she don't like what I'm saying. But like, I didn't even stand up. So, what are you calling the police for? I ain't even like I'm not a threat. I'm not even standing up. I'm not even really getting loud. You know what I'm saying? You the one acting all out. But, you know, so I'm like, either way, like this your career, I'm gonna go. You know what I mean? I didn't come here, I came here to help, not to cause problems. But what I'm seeing is that you're not paying attention to what's happening in the house. And the more I say this, you just like you want to fight me instead of like actually like making the change that's needed. Like, that's how this happened in the first place. They not getting the attention they want. They need. They need, you know what I mean? But so that's how I got here. But but I did want to talk to you. So, you know, like I said, only that happened, and I I saw the writing on the wall, and I'm like, yeah, I'm just gonna get out. Because now that I see that I ain't of use to you, because I'm not your your your smash toy or whatever, like you, you got no need for me. Forget the kids, it's really about you. Right, but nevertheless, it's about so look, look, so long story short, I saw that and immediately took my next uh check, got a plane ticket, and was gone. But my dog kept running away, so I wound up having to give him away, but that's another story. But what I wanted to talk about with you, bro.
SPEAKER_03I'm scared. Yeah, you should because I don't even know when I said this for you.
SPEAKER_06I want you to elaborate on your broke back mountain story.
SPEAKER_03Oh, I forgot you weren't.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, man. I'm like, I never I I was always, I never watched the movie. I was just like always like, it was always like the gay joke. And you know what I mean? Like Broke Back Mountain was always the gay joke amongst, you know what I mean, my peers. So it was like I never really, but for you to say like now, you know, I kind of felt bad when you when you kind of told me that that that that was like your story. I'm like, oh shit, you know, making fun of the shit.
SPEAKER_03Like once upon a time, that was one of my stories when I was younger. I remember when that movie came out, and I went and I went with this particular person. That was the most emotional, because for one, that was the first video or movie really that they had two men like doing what they did on there, you know? So it was so detailed.
SPEAKER_06Are we talking about the movie? I'm talking about your life.
SPEAKER_03I'm talking about the movie. Oh, like that that's the first movie they really created.
SPEAKER_06No, yeah, no, I was talking about your own.
SPEAKER_03No, I'm I'm getting I'm getting I'm getting uh I'm just I'm just paraphrasing so you understand why it worked well. So uh we were one of the first movies, so and I that relationship was very hidden to that relationship. We were only together for like two months, and I probably had an eight-year relationship. We were together literally only two months. All right, and you say he was but we had a well he was himself, right? I don't know if that's that that was the the out at the end, and I believe that's yeah, like that that was for me, you know, or to get away from me, that was the well, it was much deeper than that because it was crazy by that time. But anyways, so we both went and I remember I was crying, I was doing all that. Wow.
SPEAKER_06Go ahead, keep going. I'm not gonna keep going. I just wanted to add to the aesthetic, bro. Come on, just keep going, man. I just wanted to add to the aesthetic, you know.
SPEAKER_03So I keep it just just keep going, man. You're good, bro. So just keep going. Uh it was very hard having that relationship because he was my not my first boyfriend, but my first to play with.
SPEAKER_06This is real um healthy for me because I am like so uncomfortable talking about this. So for me to be able to do it is kind of like like I say, be comfortable being uncomfortable. And this point, at this point, I feel like I'm um I'm pushing myself. And we don't have neither one of them on cameras anymore.
SPEAKER_03What you mean?
SPEAKER_06Neither one of them stuff. Neither one.
SPEAKER_03Did you realize that? Oh, the science.
SPEAKER_06You know what? Uh, I ain't really right at this time. It's this lovely. It gets, but it's it's definitely a work in progress, and we can have more shots and more um, you know, a variation of how we're looking. But finish your back mountain story, Barbara.
SPEAKER_03I guess it hit it. So literally the things that went on, like the mind games they played in the movie, is pretty much kind of went on. I was very much in love with him. I'd probably be in every bitch's ass that would probably come across him. We met when we were 17 years old. Off of MySpace. Anybody remember MySpace? MySpace, or people still even have MySpace.
SPEAKER_06I don't even know if you I thought MySpace was cool because you get to like like be somebody else, but then like Oh, I definitely was. Yeah, of course. Yeah, right. I definitely not me, but which is what? I was Jones, the rapper. Like I've always just like been one person. I ain't been like have these dual like I have moles. Oh, like dude. Yeah, I got moles, but I don't got dual personalities. Like this the same nigga that that was that be joking at work and be the same nigga that's joking in the studio, the same nigga that's joking in the street, same nigga that's joking in the crib. Like, you know, it's like I try to make fun out of everything. Like temporary, might as well.
SPEAKER_03So he would play, he would play like the I don't know, he would, he would be so good. Like, um not not in that way.
SPEAKER_05I mean, not me.
Boundaries, Locks Changed, And Leaving
SPEAKER_03No, I mean like he'd be so good in like tell your story. How I don't know. But we were young, we were so young, so like discovering yourself is different. So I feel like that was something I had to endure in the way I did. Granted, it wasn't always fair to other people I did because I had a Candy Banks. I had other people. Uh hi. That's my new friend. Thanks for stopping by. Uh but uh what was that for me? Shoot. Um so we met at 17. Let me start here real quick. We met at 17, we met online, we met up. His his dad had, they lived like at least an hour away. His dad had drove driven him to me. We went to the the the uh the mall, right? Uh after that, his dad drove him back. So how we kept seeing each other, his dad would always come pick me up, take him back to his house, take me all the way back the same day. So it was like his parents knew about us, it would, but it was a secret, never was said. Like his mom and I were really close, but it was never really said until the eight years of the year. Wait, hold on, I'm I'm cause I'm getting into because my story, I'm I can't just say uh, you know, broke background as this. I'm telling you the story of how it's like it. Right? I've never seen a movie, so honestly, I probably I'm near it, so it's how it fits to what you asked me about. Right. So the mom knew everything, all that. But nothing was really said till like eight years later. After we really pretty much was done, and I came back, and it was like, this is what it was, Debbie, the whole time. Between me and him. She's like, pretty much they kind of knew, but they never said. Um but how it was similar is he would, you know, alone, it was like we were for together, gonna be together forever, whatever. But then when we got in front of people, it was like I was some dirt. It was it was crazy. It was it was very tragic and very and it really gave me a lot of triggers later on, like in my relationships because of him. I think it took me a long, long, long time to get over that. Um so uh look at you, you didn't put yours on uh what you call it. She must not be able to delete it.
SPEAKER_06I don't know, I ain't gonna answer that. And she knows I'm on she know I'm on I'm on line. I don't know.
SPEAKER_03Tell her to tell you right here.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, tell her to tag you, yeah, tell her to tag me. Tag me, tag me, tag me, tag me, tag me, tag me. Take it out, like, like uh message me. Anyway, I did want to talk about how um how we have a misconception of love and how it's literally like one of the biggest enigmas in our society because it's it's everybody's misguided misperception of that thing that they call love that that has literally brought almost every great tragedy that we've known as mankind ever. You know what I mean? Like it's it's always that.
SPEAKER_03So um That was definitely a stronghold of uh type of love that I was thought I was around or had. I mean, we loved each other, but it was a drug because it becomes it was very much true.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, it becomes addictive, and then it's it's it always too much of it is always bad. Like drugs are good, right? Because drugs are used in pharmaceutical uh uh uh uh venues and and they're used to help people and heal people and and help people tolerate or or or compensate. But ultimately, too much of anything is bad. So love is also a drug because too much of it is literally just it's always bad. Like 9-11, uh what um the the the the shootings, you know what I mean? Like the like every time you hear somebody killing a girlfriend or killing it, it's all got something to do with their misperception, they misguided perception of love. And um we get into this thing where everybody wanna find their perfect partner, you know what I mean? Like the perfect person for them, even though like the perfect person for them ain't perfect. But you have to think about this, right? A perfect person for you, right? Are you the perfect person for them? Because that's the key, that's the real thing. Because you can you can get the perfect person for you, but it's still gonna be tormenting because you're not the perfect person for them. So now you have to be somebody you're not in order to appease them the same way they appease you. Or you just have to know, you just have to understand, and you're always gonna be trying to uh uh uh uh uh uh uh work up in the relationship because they they could do better.
SPEAKER_03They could they can, you know, like I can say I could agree to that because I now experience both sides of what you're talking about. Because now it is what you're saying it is for me.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03Uh but yes, most of the time or a lot of times people do it in the way you're trying to put out there, you know. But I think it I think it has to deal with you really say it's always accepting you.
SPEAKER_05That's what I said.
SPEAKER_03When you accept, when you accept you, you know, you already know what to accept around you. You know, and there's not a fight. When you when you have that, when you're talking about people go through what they go through, that's they're fighting with themselves, which they fight with their partners.
SPEAKER_06But when you're not fighting with yourself, not just that, I wouldn't want nobody perfect for me because that's too much pressure. Because like if you're perfect. I mean, but but even if you're perfect, like even if you're perfect for me, and I understand that you're perfect for me, like to have to live up to that standard, to have to try to like make up and have you feel the same way I feel, like, it's it's it's it would be too much pressure. I'm gonna tell you after a while, it's just too much pressure. Like, I wouldn't perfect person for me is somebody who I I like, I'm I'm I'm I'm not in a I don't like I'm like who. Like me. You know what I'm saying? I like who got with me. That's that's how it is. It's never been like a like if you don't fuck with me, that's cool. Like I don't, you know, I'm cool. Like I'm not I'm not infatuated with nobody that don't ain't infatuated with me. Like it's just like that. You know what I'm saying? Like it's hard for me to, especially when you start loving yourself, like you you realize they just missing out. Like they don't know. They just don't know. Right.
SPEAKER_03And so when you when you what you're talking about right there, when you really embody that and you next to somebody, you know, you know what that is. So all all the all the wave things, yes, you're aware that they're gonna happen, they're gonna take place, but you stay on this wavelength now that you have never been on for that you know that's been working for you. You know, you you go with it.
SPEAKER_06Right. It's also intimidating, you know. So it can't like push people away sometime too. Because like I say, a lot of people don't want to do that work. Like when they see you, you're gonna be a lot of work. Like, don't get me wrong, like I'm attracted, I want to be with you, but right. I can see that being with you is gonna be real a lot of work and a lot of attention, a lot of energy. And like, are you I'm not ready for all that?
SPEAKER_03I'm gonna say you don't have to you have to be ready for that.
What Love Is And Why It Hurts
SPEAKER_06I ain't ready for all that. So like I'd rather pass. It ain't that you ain't it, it's just that you're too much of it to a point where I don't even want to do it. Like, I got too much other shit I gotta accomplish in life to where I can't devote the time and energy it's gonna is gonna require to you know make that shit work. So it's just too much pressure. I mean, that's how you So the perfect person for you ain't really perfect because you're not perfect for them. So there lies in the the imperfection right there because they're always gonna be dissatisfied with knowing that they're perfect for you. But you're nowhere near like perfect for them. So, like, that's gonna always be a you know, that's gonna be the imperfection right there. So it's always like whatever, right? Um I also want to talk about how getting caught in your ego can lead to you submitting your power, right? So right, this out of science. This is it's it's it's so crazy when you break the science behind it, then it starts to make even more sense. But if I lie to you, right, I'm basically submitting my power to you. Because first of all, I'm already saying that whatever, whoever you are, you are so much more special than me that the reality that I have to live in, I have to make you think it's a better one that's happening, right? That's how much better than you. Second of all, the second way I'm submitting my power is the fact that when you speak truth and you keep your brain aligned with with with with reality, you're you're sharpening your intuition and you're increasing your manifestation power because you're aligned up with reality. So now you can speak reality into existence. You can also feel reality as it comes. You know what I mean? Because you're lined in. When you every little lie you tell takes some of that power away. And now you have to feel your way, you have to use your other senses to kind of get through this because you know you're weakening that one sense to try to deceive people into a reality. Also, what you're doing is you're using up all of your memory space. Right? Think about this. Your brain is equipped to handle a lifetime worth of memories. And when you lie, you're doubling the memory space and then quadrupling it when you have to lie to clean up that lie. So then you wind up taking that memory space. That's why a lot of people, when they get older, I believe that a lot of people that get dementia in their old age come from them having so many lies told throughout their life that their memory space has been so clogged up that they don't remember shit no more. They just start forgetting everything. Shit just starts slipping out because like they didn't literally like use up way more than they was given to to hold the memories for their lifetime.
SPEAKER_03They never really, they never really acknowledged, filtered, uh, took away. They really, literally embodied everything. That's why they're way down about it. They embodied everything. They didn't like you. If you go through something, you go through the ways of Usa, whatever it is. There's a lot of people that never do that. That never do that with themselves. And when they do that, you get that. You get that. So then we have to go within, because we didn't do it out here physically, right? And now they get stuck inside. That's why they got the the wandering or the repetitiveness of things, because something in their life they repetitive never admitted to truly, is my opinion about it. Working with older people is well, that's the part of the lie.
SPEAKER_06See what's it? Right, right. No, I got because you wind up doubling the space because you remember, you don't have a choice but to remember what happened. But you also have to remember what you said.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely.
SPEAKER_06And then you have to envision what you said because it gotta make sense. Holding yourself up, it gotta you have to envision it in order to lie about it. So now you're holding up these false memories on top of the memories that you're supposed to have, and when you get towards the end, you start running out of space, bro. Just like your just like your computer. You start running out of space. Yes.
SPEAKER_03Like, or you or you start glitching, and then you realize or you start glitching.
SPEAKER_06And on top of that, the people you lied to ain't even wasn't even worth the memory space you lost. Right. You made them believe you had to suffer through a reality that you literally spared them from just to fuck your shit up in the end. For some people who really didn't even matter. Like what I'm lying for. Because who I'm helping? Because ultimately, when you lie, you're not making no progress. You're stolen progress whenever you lie. So it's like believe that. And that's with everything, with everything. It ain't no way around it. It's always best to just like say what it is. It's the only way to kind of like build and and become better. Like anything else, you just basically stall and sidestep and shit. And and that that shit, that's weak to me. That's weak as hell. I deal with it. Challenge yourself. Like you get challenged about other shit, take that same mentality. That's all it is. 90% of everything we do in life is mentality, bro. Like, it's all the mentality you take into it, the mentality you got while you're in it, and and and the mentality that you you you you're determined to keep.
Ego, Lies, And The Cost To Your Mind
SPEAKER_03Do you think we have mentality before we're here, or is that something we just learned?
SPEAKER_06What do you mean?
SPEAKER_03Because you're saying we look, is that something like already, is a mentality already in fields in us before. It's developed.
SPEAKER_06Or is it more some some people some people got it off the gate? Like they just have a dog mentality to where they're gonna figure this out. You know what I mean? But nine times out of ten, they've had events in their life to either give them the confidence to figure it out on their own or take away the confidence in anybody else actually having anything valuable to uh attribute to them. You know what I mean? But either way, either extreme pushes them in that direction of being competent and being uh aware. And that awareness, just the fact that you want to know, or the fact that that you're determined to make this work, will literally push your your brain into figuring that shit out one way or another. Even if you got to go through uh trial and error over and over again. Like you you try this, write it down, this is what happens. So I know I I don't try this this way no more, try it the next way. That's that's how you do shit without having to rely on somebody else's word or somebody else's knowledge or somebody else's know-how, even the system, because I don't even trust the fucking system no more. The way I have to learn, I have to unlearn more shit than uh I've learned in my whole lifetime, bro.
SPEAKER_03Do you think that you have had to unlearn?
SPEAKER_06Yeah, I've had to unlearn more shit than I've actually had to go ahead. Yeah, yeah. Like a lot of the shit they teach you in school and and and the way of the world, like you you you try to apply that, and it it just it just never makes sense to me.
SPEAKER_03So like it was unlearned shit, bro.
SPEAKER_06Well, wouldn't that be like a base like of where you're now you kind of need because you start from there to see fill out what's gonna work and what's not gonna work for you because ultimately that's another thing that that you're not taught or aware of, or that's made made to be common knowledge, and that is we all have different set of rules and and and and and and um um variables in our reality, even though we right next to each other and entirely different. Right, right. It are the rules are you can get away with some shit that I could never get away with. It's just it's just how it works, you know what I mean? And it's because of your consciousness acceptance of your reality.
SPEAKER_03That's why you can't look at it, the person next to you so much.
SPEAKER_06Right. And and that that comes with your consciousness acceptance, it comes with what you experience. And that usually imprints more on you than what you desire. And so your desires wind up becoming imprinted on you without you even realizing it. Most of the stuff you desire, you've seen somebody else do it, or you've seen somebody else with it. You don't have genuine desires of things that have never been like all these desires were like literally imprinted on us. Like, I don't think we any of us have any genuine desire, any genuine desire of something that that wasn't already pre-made or preset for us beforehand. See what I'm saying? I mean, if so, I'm I'm all for it. But you know, authenticity is is a is a is a struggle just for the simple fact that even even in your authenticity is still copying off of something that's already been done to some degree. You see what I'm saying? So I can show it's like you know, rat running the wheel, man. The rat running rat running the wheel. I almost fucked that up.
SPEAKER_03You did it, you found it. You found it. It's okay. Thank you for all the love today. Uh today we did we we actually went on Facebook today. We we got a lot of followers, so we went that route today. So we appreciate all y'all over there. And uh see there, you know, see how it goes. So, anyways, I just wanted to make acknowledged and appreciate y'all.
SPEAKER_06Another thing I wanted to address. What's on your mind?
SPEAKER_04I gotta stop this.
SPEAKER_06You got a lot on your mind, what's on your mind is how when you uh environments that are dominated by narcissism create narcissists.
SPEAKER_03Wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, I want to I want to catch what you say. Can you say it one more time?
SPEAKER_06Environments that are dominated by narcissism indirectly create narcissists because it's the only way for anybody to survive in that environment. When you're in an environment where everybody is all about them, everybody is all about them, okay, like, and like you become irrelevant by like not to know anybody else. So, in order for you to actually stake your claim and get your piece of chicken and get your your uh uh portion of fries, you have to literally be just as narcissistic as everybody else around you just to survive. And that winds up being a habit coming out of there, and you don't even realize it. You know what I mean? Because it's it's your survival mode because you were raised around narcissists. So it's like you have to like catch yourself.
Unlearning Systems And Owning Your Path
SPEAKER_03So you think we more when that mode comes of the relaxation in it, is that because we've accepted that in some way? Or is it just flowing that way because that's the way it flows? Like you said, narcissism, you were saying like over what did you just say? You just say like shit.
SPEAKER_06Shout out. Um uh damn. So I'm saying narcissism when in majority in environments, the people that's being groomed in those uh environments have no choice but to adapt narcissism as a coping mechanism, as a as a survival mechanism, pretty much, right? Because how do you survive without being me, me, me in a in an environment where everybody's me, me, me. But understand that that's how cancer works. It's the same thing cancer does, right? So cancer is a cell that doesn't have a nuclei. Nuclei is the surrounding uh uh uh the surrounding shell of the cell that gives it the information of what it's supposed to be, right? Okay, so a cancerous cell is a cell without the nuclei. So it goes into its next uh uh uh what they call it protocol of survival, which is consume. Right. So guess what it consumes? It consumes the outer cells of the cells around it, right? As it consumes the outer cells of the cells around it, they become cancerous and start doing the same thing and repeating it on and on and on until there's nothing left.
SPEAKER_03Excuse us.
SPEAKER_05One second.
SPEAKER_03I mean, I'm not used to my door button.
SPEAKER_05We are on the air.
SPEAKER_04Get on here. Okay.
SPEAKER_03Hold on one second. Where'd she go?
SPEAKER_05She can keep talking. You don't have to look at it.
SPEAKER_03Okay. Somebody got our door. Uh probably one of my neighbors. Um damn, I forgot what he was saying, what's she wanting?
SPEAKER_01That's what I say. You should get home.
SPEAKER_06Never mind. We never get nobody ever comes to me for us.
SPEAKER_01So it was just a little bit.
SPEAKER_06I tell you, every time. Curiosity was not gonna let me sit here. You know what? It's just like I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The timing. I look at that. The universe speaks to me, it tells me who who belongs and who don't, right, by the timing that they give them. You know what I mean? It's not their fault, but like the universe will let me know if I'm gonna fuck with it, not by the timing they get. How you keep doing shit. Your timing is just off. I'm just gonna be like, yeah, that's what the universe telling me.
SPEAKER_03Every time it is.
SPEAKER_06Right, right. The universe.
SPEAKER_03See, it's like and for her neat for her own needs.
SPEAKER_06I'm starting to understand the language. It's like a language. Like they've been speaking to you the whole time, but you don't really understand until you understand.
SPEAKER_03When you know when you when you know spirits are around. Yes. When you know spirits, see, when you know spirits are around, you just you know.
SPEAKER_06What you gotta do. You understand shit differently. You know what I'm saying? And you look at shit differently. I do. So I still love everyone every time. Like, I mean, it's like you you like everybody turn your head, like you realize like you're never alone. Like that that part like leaves me out. What are we talking about? What we're talking about how it's always observers, like everywhere you go all the time. So you never really get away with shit. But nevertheless, that it freaks me out. It freaked me out, like really learning that that was real, real. Like when I thought back about all my lonely moments when I was spending alone time with myself. Okay, and now I'm realizing I had an audience that whole time. So now it kind of like we know, kind of like feels weird.
SPEAKER_03Like, you know, like you mean like like you feel like spiritually watching is that what you is that was your time? I mean, if they always watch it, like I'm pretty sure I'm like, I mean But hell, I mean they're the ones that created it to me, so what's the shyness for?
SPEAKER_06I mean, ain't no shyness, but I'm not I don't I mean it's not something I'm doing on the stage, it's you know, it's something I'm doing for an audience, and I'm you know I'm not uh I'm not an exhibitionist, I'm not an exhibition. But I mean, I mean shit just freaked me out a little bit. It freaked me out, not gonna lie.
Narcissistic Environments And Cancer Analogy
SPEAKER_03Like it was like uh I mean you're really putting it when you when you release, you're really putting it out there in the ether, anyways. Okay, don't your energy disperse? Uh that's not real in many different ways. Yes, that's not the point. Point is that is the point. That might not be the point, but that was my fault, yeah. That is the point.
SPEAKER_06It might not be the point, but it is the point where I allow my conversations to go these days. Which is good for me. Good for me. Because clearly, I I let them go too far.
SPEAKER_03I'm not gonna even say it just opens you up.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_06Um, whoa, whoa, no, stop. Why did you do that? No, no, I ain't none of that. Nah, bro.
SPEAKER_03Hey, take it where it lies, wherever that lies for you. It means it's many different ways for everybody. You do want to um open your heart, open your mind, you can open whatever you need to.
SPEAKER_06We also um we're gonna do something new every every week. We're gonna get an aspect on uh life to focus on. You know what I mean? For the week, like, and then just build from that because that that that's always right.
SPEAKER_05Um is it is it did you not text me? What happened?
SPEAKER_06Could you not we're alive right now? Okay, which one? Let's make the text is then on which one? Um which one? On Facebook, we'll text up.
SPEAKER_03Oh wow. Thank you. That's one you have on the on the thing.
SPEAKER_06I think this is coming.
SPEAKER_05This is coming up, this might be fun to be thank you. Let me know when let me know when it's like can you hear me?
SPEAKER_03Well, thank you for all the love. They've just been loving it anyways. I really can't even hear us, but it's crazy.
SPEAKER_04I feel like I heard something right there. Thank you so much. Love and love. Love the love.
SPEAKER_03Uh babe says he hears it fine. Babe says he hears it fine. It might just be her phone. But he says he hears he hears us fine. He says, I hear I hear you fine. On my okay, yeah, you just said it right there.
SPEAKER_06Oh, that's amazing. Amazing. Uh we were told that they couldn't hear us.
SPEAKER_03Well, I don't know about Facebook, but he's that he's on Twitter.
SPEAKER_06Right, right. I said they couldn't hear nothing on Facebook, though, and that that would you can hear them here, right? I can hear you.
SPEAKER_03So we got a whole bunch of love still. I was gonna say, 'cause it'll probably still catch it, won't you? At least they will.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, yeah, yeah. At least they catch it.
SPEAKER_01Because we got these sound tricks never.
SPEAKER_03How about now?
SPEAKER_06How about now?
SPEAKER_03Probably hear us. Yeah, shouldn't hear us now.
SPEAKER_06I'm I can't believe they won't hear us the whole time.
SPEAKER_03No, they could hear us, they were liking the whole thing. They were showing love and all that, regardless. Whatever, I don't know. See, that's that's thanks for the love, anyways. We got in the we we we got this. So next week we'll just make sure we but anyways. Yeah. But that's why we just love our show now, isn't it? It's so organic. It very much is dealing with the both of us. But dealing with the both of us, absolutely. I'm I'm we bring it together. All right, so what's this week?
SPEAKER_06What's the thing we're gonna focus on this week? What you mean? Jellybean?
SPEAKER_03Like, what's the aspect of life we're gonna focus on this week? To be honest, I tell you, I'd be really when we have these conversations, literally, we I go through, I think what we talk about through the week. Honestly.
SPEAKER_06Like, you know what? Don't let it happen out of it. I feel better.
SPEAKER_03I I even say that too. You know, I say it like, you know, because our family's watching too, said, unsaid, or not.
SPEAKER_06I try not to think about that.
Timing, Energy, And Feeling Observed
SPEAKER_03I do, but for me, for but wait, but for me, it's like I mean, it's for me to be able just to say what I've been able never to say and take and not take it. However, I'm so grateful for this opportunity to be in front of this, really, honestly. Um, and in this time of my life where I can understand it and appreciate everything that's going on around me. So I I I think this is it's very much therapeutic for me, too. I I've never seen myself this way either.
SPEAKER_06The thing I wanted to talk about that I feel like we should focus on this week is something that I think in our culture we take way too lightly. You know what I mean? Because it's too many negative Nancy's just always looking for somebody to blame. So I feel like discernment. Discovery, discernment is something that we need to practice this week. Like, and discernment with with judge of character, you know what I mean, with judging, you can't keep blaming the people that's fucking your life up and not holding yourself accountable for not seeing the red flags. When you first met them and just going the other way.
SPEAKER_03Can you what do you mean?
SPEAKER_06I mean when you meet somebody, you can't keep blaming the people that's in your life that's done things in your life that may have so-called fucked your life up. You can't keep blaming them and not hold yourself accountable for not seeing the red flags in that person ahead of time and just not, you know, not letting yourself get involved in the way where it came back to fuck you up. You have to practice discernment. You have to practice better decision making. You have to practice, practice better judgment of character. And that's something you gotta hold yourself accountable for. One of the first things I look at when I meet people is how they treat the people that's been around on the lawn. Right? Like the people, the the way you treat when you meet a girl, the way she treats her brother, the way she treats her daddy, the way she treats them, is eventually how she's gonna start treating you once you get used to you. Once all of the bliss and all of that shit then wore off, and then you know the and all that then wore off, then all of a sudden she's gonna start treating you the same way she treats them. If she got a love-hate relationship with them, she's gonna have a love-hate relationship with you. I believe that. If she got uh an always topic shit relationship with them, if she got an always got your back relationship with them, she got the same, she got the same way with you. You know what I mean? Like, but that's what you gotta look at. Another thing is I look at if a person if they put forth genuine effort towards being a person of their word, right? Like, that's another thing. Let me know. Like, if you're not, like if you just say shit and like you don't even give a fuck whether you do what you say or not, you just like like to just say shit, like that's another, all right. I gotta I ain't gonna really like, you know, because it's like a waste of time almost, especially what I'm trying to do. Not that you're a waste of time as a friend or a person, not not at all, but just as far as like where I'm trying to go, that's just you know, that's just extra weight, you know what I'm saying? But that's another thing. Like if you're not the type of person that's that's at least I you know, everybody can't, you know, sometimes we fall short. We don't always able to do what we what we want to do, what we say we can do, you know what I'm saying. But nevertheless, when I see a person actually putting the effort towards that, I can, you know, I can re I can respect that, you know what I'm saying? I can build on that. The other thing or the main thing is accountability, like a person holding themselves accountable for for like they for them. You know what I mean? If a person can't hold themselves accountable for the shit they say and what they do, like everything is everybody else's fault. I definitely ain't fucking with you. Like that's that's that's number one, oh no red flag. Like if you're just not accountable, everything, because think about this. What's the one common denominator all your problems got?
SPEAKER_03Oh wait, I don't think I I think I started handling that when I became sober.
SPEAKER_06You are the one common denominator all your problems got, right? So how could you possibly how could everybody else be the reason for your problems when all your problems got you in common?
SPEAKER_03When they got you in what?
Weekly Focus Idea: Practice Discernment
SPEAKER_06They got you in common, right? Right. So my thing is you have to hold yourself accountable for your life. Like the shit that happened in your life, these are all based on choices you made. If you don't hold yourself accountable for those things, you're gonna consistently be a victim of your own life. Right. You're gonna consistently be a victim of the people you meet. If you don't hold yourself accountable for that shit, you're gonna constantly be a victim. But that's why I would say accountability is everything. If staying accountable, don't waste your time. It's gonna go back.
SPEAKER_03That's what I say. If you just make when you make decisions in your life from the beginning and be all right with whatever that decision is, you won't have that problem. It won't even have to be something because you accept it, whatever is gonna truly come from your decision. And if you really have now learned yourself and positioned yourself in a way, you're not afraid to stand in that way always. Because you know the result good is gonna come from it regardless. But we we start teeter tottering when it when it comes for our growing pain times. So then that's what sets us back. Go through your growing pains, realize the stress or the heaviness is really just trying to leave you, not stay upon you. You're the one holding it and drawing it still back to you when it's trying to leave your body.
SPEAKER_06That's why it feels like it's probably part of their journey. You gotta understand. Some people like pain. Some people like pain, some people like to cry, some people like grief. Like they like that feeling of having a reason to like, so you have to let them have that.
SPEAKER_03Like you can't I'm speaking to the people that don't.
SPEAKER_06This is another thing, too, that helps me want to be that practice discernment with people is that everybody thinks deep down inside, everybody's like them.
SPEAKER_03I think that's some somewhat way.
SPEAKER_06When you when you meet somebody, because we all are the same, always get them to talk about you. Get them to give your own, give their opinion of what they see. Always act like you want to hear what they gotta say. The things they say about you is saying more about them than they could ever say about you.
SPEAKER_00How so?
SPEAKER_06Because they can only think that you're like them deep down inside. So the things they're noticing and picking apart is letting you know who they are.
SPEAKER_00Well, yeah, I believe that.
SPEAKER_06Those are the things that that's how you know who they are. I believe. They're telling you who they are by projecting it on you.
SPEAKER_03In some way. It's just your how you receive it, take it in, and then develop for yourself what's in front of you and why it's actually in front of you. Because I do say what's in front of me is that's what you're doing. Because what they're gonna notice it wouldn't be in front of you, it wasn't meant for me. Period. Whatever it is.
SPEAKER_06Right. They're gonna notice the things in you that they feel y'all have in common. Those are the things they're gonna point out. Whether they admit them or not, they're gonna always point those things out. Those are the things they notice first. You know what I mean? So like what they say about you actually says more about them than it says about you. Because that could be a small part of who you are. You know what I mean? But that's only what they notice because that's who they are. They don't know that that your intentions behind the way you do it is actually pure because you understand that I have to be self-serving as an example to everybody, and that's better than actually giving to people. I'm not doing it for selfish reasons. I'm doing it because the example that I'm setting for people is is more is more impactful than actually handing them money. You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_03I just said this to Steven.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, showing them that they can do it too by being right next to them and doing it and holding my own is is a lot more impactful than actually giving it to them. But if he sees me doing that and think that it's for the same reason he do it because he likes to stunt, that's what he's gonna, that's what he's gonna think. Not seeing that, oh, I have a, I'm I'm beyond that. I'm beyond that. You know what I mean? No, I ain't doing it for that reason.
SPEAKER_03You can't take advantage of the gifts you're given. Just always try to, when you give the true understanding and the true meaning of using it in a good light, there's so much more that comes from it. Because that becomes such a craft because it's not just staying in one particular box of how you use it to keep that control from a person, thing, or situation you're trying to do. You stay outside of that is so more extravagant than just keeping it in a controlling way of your gifts, of what you're really supposed to just be. If if they're gifts, why can't you give it away? What the f it was just given to you, you know what I mean? So I feel like our spirit should be more in a uh uh gifts is one thing.
SPEAKER_06Um gifting way, being self-sacrificial in a way that's that's holding back your impact and holding back the spectrum and the broadness of which you could actually touch people is another thing.
SPEAKER_03You see what I'm saying?
Red Flags, Character, And Accountability
SPEAKER_06No, okay, yeah, so being self-sacrificing to a point where you're not reaching as many people as you could because you want to be, you know what I mean, so giving down here and give to these people, but you're actually holding yourself back because if you would just hold your coins and be an example for them and stand brighter, and then you could be an example for them and a lot more people that could actually see you because your your uh your self your self-preservation is actually giving you more of a shine and helping you put more towards being broader than it is towards actually like just pacifying people and and making yourself feel good. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00Very well. I I I very well say I like that.
SPEAKER_06Because I mean when you got it, it's easy to give. So that's not the that's not the that's not the key. The key is can you hold on to it to be the example and to show people how you got it?
SPEAKER_04Not not not pacify me and and spoon feed me so I can tell you how great you are.
SPEAKER_06No, that's not, you know, but that's what you know that that's what happens because that's what it looks like a noble thing to do on the surface. You know what I'm saying? You get good press for that, but like ultimately, like schools go.
SPEAKER_04It's the same shit the politicians do. All the same shit, bro.
SPEAKER_06All these different walks of life use the same science and the same structure to make sure they keep power and only reward the obedient. The ones who refuse to fall in line with with what the fuck they saying will always be like on the bottom. Like they'll always be there. Like that's how they designed it. They didn't design it for the for the for the wise unworthy to be down there. No, they designed it for the the trend setters to either like like sink or swim. You feel me? That's what it is for us. It's sink or swim. There'll be no in-between for you. Ain't gonna be no in-between. You either gonna you either gonna blaze your own trail, or you gonna uh you're gonna fucking be down here time about cula, woulda, shoulda.
SPEAKER_03I mean, that could be in like so many areas. I mean, uh the extent of that for what that is for someone. You know, because you know it's it's it's gonna because we went longer than it now.
SPEAKER_06I wish I could interact with the Facebook though, but I got I got you know, I'm gonna have to see if I can pull it up on the topic and monitor. How are you doing?
SPEAKER_01What you gotta learn about this shit. Oh, I guess I could have put it on because it's I'm a rapper, y'all.
SPEAKER_06I don't know how to do this, and he definitely don't know. So, like, we don't know what we're doing, cuz to be honest with y'all. We literally just started. I got some equipment and we just trying to do some shit.
SPEAKER_04That's why you get the raw on this.
SPEAKER_01We gotta talk. You said what? We gotta talk. About what? A lot.
SPEAKER_05I don't think you applying yourself, Smokey.
SPEAKER_03I apply myself plenty enough.
SPEAKER_06We're gonna talk.
SPEAKER_03Cause I could say the same.
SPEAKER_06We're gonna talk. Y'all know that, right? I could say the same last time. You know what time it is. Big brother time. I hate doing that shit.
SPEAKER_03I could say the damn thing, big brother.
SPEAKER_06Whoa. Whoa, did you did y'all did y'all hear that? I think we felt the vibration. That just hit the record scale. I am y'all know damn way. Okay, nobody controlling this.
SPEAKER_03You just said people like to reflect what they actually say to themselves.
SPEAKER_06When was the last time I gave you a weapon? What two weeks ago? You see, I didn't I didn't drew off of that. I don't even do it no more. Don't don't say it like that because you didn't give me no kind of weapon.
SPEAKER_03That sounds weird. You do, yeah. You know it probably. Whatever. No, you can say we f that sound a little more weird. We didn't even even if we didn't that's more the word I would use rather than whooping my ass.
SPEAKER_06I don't even want to say that.
SPEAKER_01I don't even want to say that.
SPEAKER_06Like, you know, just you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_03Be peaceful, bro. Peace is always the way we go. I try to tell you, but you always want to rev me up.
SPEAKER_06So that's because I'm from a I'm I'm I'm I'm still like transitioning out of survival mode, bro. You gotta understand, like, this peaceful shit is different for me. Like, I'm you I all my life had to fight. All my life, man. I mean bullshit. All my life, like you don't think I know that. I have to kind of get out of war mode because like everything is like a fight, a battle. Like I gotta like, like, and it's only for the shit that I barely got. Like, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_03Like, and why you think I ain't trying to do that with you? It's exhausting, man. I say, why you think I ain't trying to do that with you? I truly, I truly understand that. I truly I truly can tell.
SPEAKER_06I know you probably fuck around me sometimes. I get I get it.
Give Less, Model More: Impact Over Handouts
SPEAKER_03No one did, no one did. You know, yeah, but I mean that's everybody just catch on to it. I mean, especially if you have if you say you finding peace, you know what I'm saying? What you mean? Embrace it. I mean, if you if you if you if you're aware that you're in a total different space for yourself of yes, one is uncomfortable, but you're absorbing it, do it. You know what I mean? You already there, you already, you know what I mean? You I mean, there ain't nothing to look you done everything, you know everything else. You know what I mean? What the fuck? And ain't no one able to tell you about anything that you've done. You know what I mean? Maybe the the worry about what people have always slightly that part we slightly worried about has hold us back. So get rid of it.
SPEAKER_04Where that falls. I just learned the listen. You're always don't we always learn less things together?
SPEAKER_06And like I just know, like, you know what, it might not make sense now, but one day it will.
SPEAKER_03When he read when he goes through this next week, he's gonna be like, uh Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_06When I need it, when I need it, it clicked.
SPEAKER_03So that's cool. That's why I say we always go through when I need it. When we go through, it starts, starts as soon as we're done with this, and then we get a little glimpse on Monday. You kind of you kind of do when you do it, eh?
SPEAKER_06What?
SPEAKER_03When you're making the video, but you ain't really you making the video, so you ain't even really like, you know, until you sit down and actually watch each other.
SPEAKER_06So discernment. Let's not forget discernment. Listen. And we won't try to start uh getting comments or uh leave them in here when you guess pop in. You know what I'm saying? I'm trying to figure this out. I don't know how to do this though, but like if you can like uh email me and let us know like how you can pop in and like we can go ahead and feature you on here. Like we we really would love to and engage with y'all. It's just uh lack of awareness right now.
SPEAKER_03We appreciate it. We really do. Yep.
SPEAKER_05But yeah, we're close. We out.
SPEAKER_03Y'all have a good uh rest of the week. We appreciate you. Thank you for the love. And until the next time, Lucifer and Light Show. Thank you.
