Episode 8 — Are We Overcoaching Our Kids?

Are We Overcoaching Our Kids?

As coaches and parents, we all want to help. But when does helping become overcoaching?

In this episode of From the Sidelines, I reflect on the fine line between guiding young players and controlling every decision they make.

From a training session where we deliberately stayed silent and let the kids work things out for themselves, to the way players look to the sidelines after mistakes, this episode explores how learning often happens when adults take a step back.

Because sometimes the best coaching decision... is saying nothing at all⚽.

Have you ever caught yourself overcoaching? Let me know your thoughts.

Transcript

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Sometimes the hardest thing to do as a coach is absolutely nothing. It really is. Because when you care, when you want to help, when you can see exactly what a player should be doing next, staying quiet can feel impossible. In this episode of From the Sidelines, I want to talk about something that every coach and parent has been guilty of at some point, and myself included in that, over coaching let's talk about grassroots football. Thanks for listening to the Welcome back from the Sidelines. Been another few weeks again, so thanks for coming back, thanks for listening again. Today I want to talk about something like I said that I think every coach and parent is or has been guilty of at some point, and that is overcoaching. Because if you're anything like me, there are moments where you're watching a game and you are thinking, pass there, get wider, take a touch, track back, and before you know it, you could be given instructions every few few seconds. Not because you're trying to control the game, but because you're trying to help. The question is, can too much help actually get in the way? So, first things first, let's start with something important. Most overcoaching doesn't come from ego, absolutely not. It comes from care. Of course it does. We want kids to succeed, we want them to enjoy football, we want to help them avoid mistakes, but we know mistakes are part of it. And because we've seen the game for years, the answers often seem obvious to us, but they're not obvious to a six or seven-year-old. That's the whole point, isn't it? They're learning, they're learning the game, they're learning how to adapt, and it's all part of that experience for them. So the difference between coaching and controlling, for me, I think there's a big difference between that coach and that control. A coach will say, Have a dig, or what did you see there? What could you do next time? That's something that Johnny and myself will often do. If we see something in a training session, we'll be like, Right, boys, stop what we're doing, let's have a look, let's look at the situation, look at where we are. And it could be, okay, actually, you're all crowding the ball, or actually you passed to somebody that was surrounded by three players. What could you try next time? What could you do differently? And we ask them the question, and they will look around and say, Oh, actually, yeah, I could have I could have passed to I could have passed to that person. Okay, so let's pull the player back. Let's everybody we kind of put everybody back in the same position, start where you were, go back to where you were, and off you go. And that's what we try to do, that's what we try to encourage, we try to do that coaching. Controlling could be the pass, shoo, don't do that. Go over there, stand over there. One develops decision making and the other develops instruction following. And football isn't played by waiting for somebody else to tell you what to do. They have to get to a point where you want them to make those decisions for themselves as well. So the silent training game. So I've talked about this on another episode. This was something we tried at the end of a session. We split our teams into a match, nothing unusual. And before we started, we said towards the end, like we're not going to say anything, talk to each other, make your own decisions. Um and like I said, it was chaos, it was absolute chaos, but it was their chaos, and why it's important is because they start talking to each other, they start making those decisions, trying things, getting things wrong. One thing we've really seen is how well our communication as a team has come along, and they're not taking it in the wrong way either. You know, if somebody's saying, Go mark that person, it's not a good oh you tell me what to do. It's uh okay, yep, I understand why you're telling me that. Hearing the boys say that and talk to each other in that communication is really good, and that shows that that's how that learning is happening, they're making their own choices, but they're also working together to help support each other making those choices as well. Because if we're constantly solving problems for them, they're gonna never have the opportunity to solve the problems for themselves. It's a real balance, especially at this age. You've got to give direction, you've got to help support them. Again, you've you've played the game for so long, you know the game, and these are all in their infancy of that, you know, they've probably been playing for a good few years now, but still they need that direction, but also we want them to solve those problems for themselves as well. Again, looking to the sideline. One thing we always notice in games is how often kids look towards adults, they look over after us after a mistake, after losing the ball, maybe missing a chance, they look over almost asking, you know, was that okay? And you know, it got me thinking, you know, do we want players looking to the sideline for answers or looking at the game for answers? Because that's what you see, isn't it? The best players aren't waiting for instructions, they read it, they read those situations, they're making those decisions, they're adapting, and it's the fear of making mistakes. Sometimes overcoaching creates something that we don't intend it to do, doesn't it? It could be that hesitation, a player who might be worried about getting it wrong, they might want approval before acting, they might want to hear that before they do it. But you want that player to take risks, you don't want a player that stops taking risks, and at that age, risk taking it's so important. Try that skill, attempt to pass, make a decision, even if it doesn't work. You've tried it, but often development often sits on the other side of mistakes. But that's what we want to encourage. If you've got that space to run into it, do it, take that option on, feel the freedom to do that. But if it goes wrong, it goes wrong. But actually, look at those options. What have you got? What can you do? And how you keep adapting, balancing, moving forward. So finding that balance. So this absolutely doesn't mean coaches should stand there silently with their hands in their pockets. Johnny and myself wouldn't be able to do that for a start. Um, we have tried many a time and uh it doesn't work, so we will always be there, we will always help guide, and we'll always support. And that's just part of the style that we that we that we have. Obviously, you know, we balance it out and we want to make sure the lads are making decisions, but yeah, we will never be able to stand there silently and not say anything. Um, our parents can vouch for that, that's for sure. But kids do still need that guidance, they need that support, they need that encouragement as well. That's our role. Like, cheer it, that was brilliant, and we we always look for that positive reinforcement. Excellent past, that was brilliant, excellent, good effort, really good attempt. See what you were trying to do there. Maybe our role isn't always to provide every answer, and that's what we're learning. Maybe it's to create that environment where kids can discover some of those answers themselves, and the more we keep going on together, the more we keep playing, the more we keep developing, the older we get, the easier that becomes. But for us, it's guide, encourage question. Sometimes then do that step back, take a step back, have a look at things. So, life lesson one of the hardest parts of helping somebody grow is resisting the urge to do it for them. And I think as an adult, as a parent, that's difficult. Whether that's football, whether it's school, whether it's work, whether it's life, resisting the urge and stepping back and letting them experience it for themselves. It can be hard, it can be hard to do that. You want the best for them, you want the best for your child, you want your best for your team, you want the best for everybody involved. But growth also comes from experience, not instruction. Sometimes they've just got to figure it out for themselves. So maybe the question isn't are we coaching our kids? The question is are we giving them enough space to learn? And that's what it's all about learning, developing, keep on building. Thanks for listening as always, and I'll see you all again soon from the sidelines. Thanks for listening.