(c)Literature

Ep. 19 - Step Brother Bear by G.M. Fairy

Jade Joddle - Speak Well Episode 19

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0:00 | 1:38:58

Come one, come all for it is another chaotic G.M. Fairy episode! Chloe introduces us to Fairy's latest release while JC desperately tries to shove in Brother Bear (2003) facts. There are step-siblings, there are bears, and there are invasive species threatening delicate ecosystems.

PS) Check out Chloe's sick bear meme.


SPEAKER_03

I'm sorry, what?

SPEAKER_00

Welcome to the city.

SPEAKER_04

What's up, it's colliterature! I'm Chloe. I'm JC. And we're here. We're back. It's been a minute. We're so back, dude. We're well, we're kind of back. We haven't recorded in a minute because uh I got overwhelmed with work. And then JC took us on a really romantic trip to Chile.

SPEAKER_02

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_04

To Santiago.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, my Yeah, I I took us there on my on my massive salary.

SPEAKER_04

I took us there on my massive points for traveling, and you took us there on your massive autistic desire to learn languages.

SPEAKER_02

Yes.

SPEAKER_04

And have a great time.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And and be in places where there were um fascist uprisings.

SPEAKER_04

You do love a little place with some political knowledge, some political some political drama. We did Vietnam.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

You love the South.

SPEAKER_02

Love the South.

SPEAKER_04

Love Chile.

SPEAKER_02

Yes.

SPEAKER_04

And we're looking at other places that are political uprisings.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you gotta you gotta have a place. Uh so see, like the problem with like um a lot of places, they don't have enough interesting political uprisings, at least in like the 20th century, which is the part of history I'm especially interested in. Uh so I gotta take us to uh like there there haven't been enough like interesting political uprisings in like Paris.

SPEAKER_04

No, not in a while.

SPEAKER_02

No, I I got that's why I gotta I gotta take us to like um the Democratic Republic of the Congo.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, please don't.

SPEAKER_02

Or Angola.

SPEAKER_04

No, no, no, absolutely not. Uh JC What? J What? JC, what have you been reading, you weirdo?

SPEAKER_02

Oh, what have I been reading?

SPEAKER_04

What have you been reading?

SPEAKER_02

I've been reading uh a novel called uh uh Nazi Literature in the Americas by Roberto Bologno.

SPEAKER_04

Because you love a fascist uprising.

SPEAKER_02

I do.

SPEAKER_04

Yep.

SPEAKER_02

Um it is it's kind of a I love Roberto Bologno. I know I think the third novel of his that I've read. Um this one's not so much a novel, it's essentially like a um it's a fake encyclopedia of fake right wing um writers, authors, people within like the writing world in the Americas, mostly South America.

SPEAKER_04

I would imagine he is in South America.

SPEAKER_02

Uh yeah, Roberto Bologno, well not at the time. Roberto Bologno uh is Chilean. Um a lot of the uh writers he talks about, especially in like the first section, are um or tend to be from like Chile or Argentina.

SPEAKER_04

Um that's where a lot of fascists are.

SPEAKER_02

That's where a lot of fascists are. Um yeah, like I think there's two in the United States. There's a handful in Mexico. He talks about like one in, I think like Cuba. No. Like in like uh pre-Castro.

SPEAKER_04

Never mind, that makes more sense now.

SPEAKER_02

Um it it's it's fun. Um it's a pretty fun book. It's mostly Roberto Bologno has kind of an odd relationship to the larger uh Latin American writing establishment. Um he both deeply respects those that came before him and also loves to start beef. He's a dramatic petty bitch. That's why you love him. Um that's why I love him. For example, he like um he would he would um when the book The House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende came out, he really railed against it uh in in uh uh like very publicly, was like this book is garbage trash. Um it's just like uh by general consensus not true. Um but uh so it's the book itself is kind of this railing against the Latin American or American literary establishment's um self-perceived kind of higher-mindedness away from something as uh gauche as fascism. Um and so it's about you know a lot of stuff like you know, he has like a case like a lot of the characters are based on like real uh individuals or real figures. He loves to do that shit. He loves to do that shit. Um so it's it's a lot of fun. I really liked it. Um it was also interesting because it's not uh Roberto Bologno usually loves these like really long overarching narratives, at least in the other two I've read of him. Granted, those are both long overarching narratives.

SPEAKER_04

No, I know that you can work it into a 2666.

SPEAKER_02

Um Yeah, uh I've read 2666 and The Savage Detectives. Yep. Um and so I uh it was interesting to read these kind of smaller, more self-contained, uh what are essentially short stories. Um yeah, it was a lot of fun. I liked it a lot. Um I read it on a plane. Uh so that that that did admittedly. I always feel weird. I try not to read books I'm gonna have to be too into on a plane. Because when I'm on a plane, I'm both um extremely distracted and tired.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're never like in your best mind when you're on a plane. That's why when people are like, I work on the plane, I'm like, oh, you're crazy.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, oh, you just want to do your work wrong.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, okay. No, that's fine. Like it's cool.

SPEAKER_02

Um, so I think um I think I mean, re you know, as you said, we recently went to Chile and I found um I think most of Roberto Bologno's novels I didn't already have. Yes.

SPEAKER_04

Um And then you got your sweet, sweet wife to lay down her visa and pay out the fucking ass for every rebirth. You looked baby girl, go choose something. I'm gonna treat you good.

SPEAKER_02

That's right. Treat you good. That's right. You're my you're my sugar mama.

SPEAKER_04

I'm your sugar mama.

SPEAKER_02

For books.

SPEAKER_04

For for everything.

SPEAKER_02

What have you been reading?

SPEAKER_04

I've read a lot since we last recorded, but what I really want to talk about is uh, of course, my sweet, sweet loves uh new book. Uh this is Lizzie Strong. Again, we love Lucy Strong.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_04

Um she just put out the third and final uh novel of the Rosemont Manor series, um, which is called How to Woo the Undead. Um it's super cute. Like the others, it's a little bit goth, a little bit cringe, a little bit sweet. It's like a low fantasy uh type of thing. This one is about the zombie orc that works for the tentacle lich finding love in a zombie high fee haunted by her previous inhabitants spirit.

SPEAKER_02

Sure. Kind of finding love in a hopeless place.

SPEAKER_04

Kind of finding love in a hopeless place, the hopeless place being the haunted forest where the lich and his baddies live. Um this one is fun. Um the the big zombie orc is uh sexually submissive a lot of the time.

SPEAKER_03

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

Uh the uh fairy fee uh is written very like uh autistic ADHD kind of representation.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, that's fun.

SPEAKER_04

Um a lot of uh her character traits is like she takes things very literally, she's not sure when people are making jokes or being sarcastic, but like she wants to be funny too. Um it's a lot of like stuff that reminds me of you when you were like Huh? Um a lot of stuff that reminds me of you when you were like, yeah, I practice faces in the mirror so I can better understand people.

SPEAKER_02

Well when I was like younger, yeah.

SPEAKER_04

No, and I've seen you talk when there's a mirror.

SPEAKER_02

No, no, no, no, no. I would never do an alma-grown man.

SPEAKER_04

When there's a mirror behind me, you're like making faces trying to see what it looks like.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I gotta see what my face. I don't know what my face looks like.

SPEAKER_04

Girl, your face looks very handsome.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, thank you.

SPEAKER_04

You look like a sexy Santa Claus.

SPEAKER_02

I have a very important question about this uh this piece of literature.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, yes.

SPEAKER_02

Um Does he does he uh accidentally does he jerk off so hard he accidentally pulls his dick off and then also wears his girlfriend's pants?

SPEAKER_04

No, this is not like how to lose a zombie in ten days. Uh he is a zombie, he can replace his penis, so he like tries to like impress her by like taking his normal giant penis and like replacing it with a bunch of tentacles.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_04

Or like putting on one with a knot because they're zombie yes.

SPEAKER_02

I'm so sorry to interrupt.

SPEAKER_04

No, it's okay. You love to do that.

SPEAKER_02

I have a question. I know you are e the tentacle penis.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, tell me more.

SPEAKER_02

He he works for like Cthulhu or whatever, right?

SPEAKER_04

No, no.

SPEAKER_02

Does he not?

SPEAKER_04

No, he works for he works for a sea serpent lich.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. Does that guy have tentacles? He has a tentacle penis. That guy's a tentacle penis? Yeah. It's called a pleasure tentacle. First of all, ooh. Second of all, kind of kind of my culture is not your costume.

SPEAKER_04

No, but he's like, he's allowed.

SPEAKER_02

He's kind of doing blackface, but on his penis?

SPEAKER_04

Black penis?

SPEAKER_02

Well, it I don't know. As soon as I said it, I knew I shouldn't have. I wanna throw that out. As soon as I said it, I knew I shouldn't have.

SPEAKER_04

Uh yeah, that was kind of awful.

SPEAKER_02

Cut this out.

SPEAKER_04

No. Um no, I won't, first of all. Uh see yeah, no, he adds like a he makes like um Okay. I want to explain this because I find the concept fascinating. Uh so he can like he's he his penis is stitched on.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, this is.

SPEAKER_04

So he can like use a seam ripper and take his dick off and it doesn't harm him.

SPEAKER_01

I know.

SPEAKER_04

I know. Um, and then he like grab grabs a bunch, not one, a bunch of tentacles. And he has like a collection of like seven of them, I think. Where there's like three on each side.

SPEAKER_00

It's too many.

SPEAKER_04

And then like a one long, thick one that's like a pleasure tentacle in in the center that he can like use in the vagina, but the rest of them are to like massage and like shove in her butt and like mess with her clit and shit. Oh, okay. Her fairy clit, her flit. Um so yeah, no, I found that fascinating that he was like, it's like a bouquet of tentacles, and I was like, Bet, crazy, go off, king. Um, but also this is a man who knows how to sew. So like go off.

SPEAKER_02

You sew that is pretty true, yeah.

SPEAKER_04

He's just like collecting tentacles to like shove on his dick.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, the Matthew McConaughey zombie from the How to Lose a Zombie in Ten Days did not know how to sew.

SPEAKER_04

He did not know how to sew. He could have never.

SPEAKER_02

He could never.

SPEAKER_04

Never. Anyway, guess what? What? It's a Chloe episode.

SPEAKER_02

It's a Chloe episode.

unknown

Ah!

SPEAKER_04

You know what that means? We're talking about a fun book.

SPEAKER_02

Means I'm gonna riff.

SPEAKER_04

You were gonna riff like a motherfucker.

SPEAKER_02

I'm gonna I'm gonna be talking.

SPEAKER_04

God, you always be talking.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_04

And we're reading a book that I know you're gonna fucking riff on like it's nobody's business.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_04

We are talking about GM Ferry's new book.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

GM Ferry, of course, is the one who wrote our very first podcast subject matter, which was the uh veggie tales that are bisexual and polyamorous.

SPEAKER_02

Yes. Yes. Yes. She also wrote, um, what's that one I read? Romancing the Rat.

SPEAKER_04

Romancing the Rat, yes, yes, yes. She read that one. She wrote that one. She also is, of course, the one with the Shrek books, the B movie books. Yeah. Uh she's writing a uh another polyamorous book right now. Uh I don't remember what it's called, but it's about Peter Pan and Captain Hook and shit like that.

SPEAKER_00

Um sure.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, and this one I was really excited for. Uh, the art that came out for it when she first announced this was amazing. Also, who doesn't love the name? It is Stepbrother Bear.

SPEAKER_02

That's pretty funny.

SPEAKER_04

I know, right?

SPEAKER_02

I based on based on hit film uh Brother Bear.

SPEAKER_04

It's based on quite a few things. Um, very much. Do you remember the TV show? Do you remember the TV show Life with Derek?

SPEAKER_02

Yes.

SPEAKER_04

Did you ever get like weird fanny flutter vibes?

SPEAKER_02

Did did I in in my own fanny?

SPEAKER_04

Yes.

SPEAKER_02

No.

SPEAKER_04

Your male fanny. You're outie.

SPEAKER_02

But I've also I don't know if I've actually talked about this w uh widely on on microphone.

SPEAKER_04

On on the mic. Say what's up, King.

SPEAKER_02

Uh on the mic, in the stew.

SPEAKER_04

Um in our stew, our living room.

SPEAKER_02

In our stew. Um, which is I didn't really watch like a lot of um TV shows that people my own age watched. I watched shit that like my dad liked.

SPEAKER_04

So you did you never see Life with Derek?

SPEAKER_02

I saw episodes of it because my neighbor growing up watch was a Disney Channel kid, and Life with Derek came on Disney Channel, and I remember because um my younger sister liked going over there and watching Disney Channel, but she couldn't distinguish the difference between she was like at that age where she kind of couldn't distinguish the difference between the shows, and so they would do like an episode of Life with Derek, and then immediately afterwards it would be an episode of Hannah Montana. Yeah. And sh my sister just thought they were the same show.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, do you remember anything about Life with Derek?

SPEAKER_02

I've seen the clip of like the end of the show where he's like stepbrother. Which is crazy.

SPEAKER_04

So I'm just gonna put out there right now, that's exactly the vibe of this entire movie.

SPEAKER_02

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

Um, it is big based on Life with Derek.

SPEAKER_02

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

Uh I think Brother Bear is just kind of like a good name, but it's definitely like Life with Derek Coded.

SPEAKER_02

For sure.

SPEAKER_04

Um, so just know that, getting into it.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, so Derek is Keenai.

SPEAKER_04

Sure!

SPEAKER_02

From Brother Bear.

SPEAKER_04

No, totally. Yeah, totally.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. Um Coda. The the little boy bear.

SPEAKER_04

Or alternatively, the sexy sister bear.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, that's uh that's Brother Bear 2.

SPEAKER_04

That's Brother Bear 2, yeah, exactly. Okay, so you ready to get into it, you weird freak?

SPEAKER_00

Yes.

SPEAKER_04

Okay. So we only have like five characters.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

So it's gonna make it nice and easy. Uh we have our female main character, her name is Isabella.

SPEAKER_02

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

Uh she is the daughter of like a very traditional, kind of like my mother person, where she's like, you have to be pretty all the time for the boys, and you have to perform for the boys. This mom is described as being very like um beauty pageant mom coded, so she wants Isabella to be like very thin, very pretty, very blonde. And Isabella's definitely not like a a a fat FMC. Um, she's just like more curvy. She's too voluptuous type of thing.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, she's kind of way too voluptuous.

SPEAKER_04

She's too sexually attractive.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_04

Um, we have her stepbrother.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. His name is Derek. Okay. Kind of giving life with Derek.

SPEAKER_04

Kind of giving life with Derek.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Um, Derek, you want to guess his one his one important part of his trait that that that's gonna matter here?

SPEAKER_02

Is it that he is is it that he's a bear?

SPEAKER_04

He's a bear shifter. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, okay, sure.

SPEAKER_04

Because he's a bear. Okay. Step he's the stepbrother of the bear.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, so he controls when he's a bear.

SPEAKER_04

Well, kind of.

SPEAKER_02

Because in in the movie it's very important. Kenai does not control when he's a bear.

SPEAKER_04

No, he doesn't.

SPEAKER_02

Kind of the spirits do that to him.

SPEAKER_04

I mean the spirits of horniness do that to Derek. What? Anyway.

SPEAKER_02

I don't think the spirits are horny in the movie.

SPEAKER_04

Anyway, there is um the mom who I've mentioned. Uh, this is uh Isabella's mom.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Derek's dad.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Piece of shit. And then there is Isabella's ex-boyfriend.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04

His name is Lewis. And then there's one high school friend whose name I never cared about. She's just called high school friend.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, okay. And that's it.

SPEAKER_04

That's everyone.

SPEAKER_02

That's everyone. That's everyone. Okay, so there's no Sidka or Denali from Brother Bear. I'm just gonna keep revealing how much I remember this movie. Which isn't, it turns out is a lot.

SPEAKER_04

I need you to move on to a new bit.

SPEAKER_02

Does Isabella kill Sidka?

SPEAKER_04

I need you to move on to a new bit.

SPEAKER_02

I'm gonna do this at least three more times.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, three more. Three more sit. Okay.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

We're gonna start. Okay. So Isabella used to live in New York City. She was dating Lewis, she was having a great fucking time. Uh-huh. Um, Lewis broke up with her. She quit her job, um, and she's moving back to her parents' house, uh, which is in Connecticut, which makes a lot of sense. Um so Does it make a lot of sense? Wealthy people live in Connecticut, and this mom seems really wealthy and annoying, so yeah.

SPEAKER_00

When do they go to Alaska?

SPEAKER_04

JC. That's two.

SPEAKER_02

That's one. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm gonna give it a I'm gonna give it a little cushion of time.

SPEAKER_04

Um, on the way to Connecticut from New York City, which by the way, does not take very long to drive between those two places.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, it seems like I mean, I guess if there's traffic.

SPEAKER_04

I literally drove from JFK to Connecticut once. Well, I didn't drive, I was in a taxi. Um and it was like maybe 40 minutes.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, someone got the you you were in the express lanes.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, or I had a I was going to Connecticut. Um, so on the way uh to Connecticut, the mom is calling her and being like, we have to get you like a hair appointment and we should get you a gym membership, and we gotta get your nails done, like you have to look good, um, and just constantly being like, We should we should change everything about you. Um she's like fucking great, now I'm going home. Um once she gets to the house, her mom is like, by the way, Derek is here, and Isabella's like fuck. Because her and Derek did not have a good relationship growing up. What? Kind of like kind of like life with Derek. Kind of like life with Derek. Um so we get some background information. Uh Derek's dad and Isabella's mom got married when Isabella was about like 10, 11, 12, somewhere in there.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Um Derek's a few years older, uh, so he would have been like 13, 14, 15.

SPEAKER_00

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

I don't know. Clearly I didn't remember the names or ages or whatever. Um, and they've always kind of been tense. Like he's been kind of picking on her. She's kind of like gotten up in his face like sassy girl.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Um on her 17th birthday, when Derek would have been like 19.

SPEAKER_03

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

Um, she invited some people over for a pool party because they're wealthy.

SPEAKER_02

Um Yeah, a pool in Connecticut is uh that's wealthy people shit. Because that's you that's only available like three months out of the year.

SPEAKER_04

Exactly. That's why we don't have to care about the mom that much. She's like a wealthy person.

SPEAKER_02

Fuck her. Fuck her.

SPEAKER_01

Fuck her.

SPEAKER_04

Fuck her. Um, anyway, uh so she invited a few people over, but Derek ended up turning it into a rager by inviting all of his friends over. Um, and he's like getting people really drunk and like providing a bunch of alcohol, and he like throws Isabella in the pool and she's like pissed as fuck because she like really wanted to impress a boy that was there, but Derek's like up in her shit.

SPEAKER_02

I'm gonna I'm gonna throw something out here a little bit, which is that um just off-rip. I don't know that a lot of people know this. Uh throwing a girl in the pool is extreme horny behavior. If a if you're a girl, if you're if you're of of the uh uh feminine persuasion and a a a fella um picks you up and throws you in the pool, um, he wants to bone you. That's um the I'm not doing this as like a um if a boy is mean to you, it just means he likes you. I'm doing it because uh I knew a guy when I worked at the pool, and what he would tell me was um you gotta throw a girl like um if you like if you're like messing with like a girl you like, throw her in the pool, because number one, you get to see her wet, and number two, you like get to pick her up, and then like your hands can kind of go wherever.

SPEAKER_04

That's what?

SPEAKER_02

I'm not saying he was right to say that. What I am saying is I'm the inside track on this.

SPEAKER_04

Haha, you can assault her a little bit when you pick her up.

SPEAKER_02

No, we didn't mean it like that. He meant like you meant like you can pick her up, you can kind of like touch her butt a little. Yeah, that's still a little bit. I heard it, I heard it, I heard it, I heard it, I heard it.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, it's still solved. Uh cool cool novel that still solved. Anyway, so he threads her in the pool. Yeah, horny behavior. Totally. Uh all of a sudden, the cops raid this party. Oh, sure. Like it's a fucking drug sting. Uh everyone starts running. Uh she's like, oh my god, this was supposed to be my birthday. Derek grabs her and they run into um the fucking pool shed.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. Yeah, this is also the horny behavior.

SPEAKER_04

Um, when they're in the pool shed, there's like some hate. She like, it's really small, right?

SPEAKER_02

So they're like against each other.

SPEAKER_04

Um, and there's some hateful flirting um where she's like, Why are you hard? And he's like, I gotta stay hard, it's not for you. What? And yeah, and sh he's like, Oh, why are you pressing your buoys into me? And she's like, I'm not, they're just always in the way. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Um is he a 12?

SPEAKER_04

He's 19. Um, and then the cops open up the little door and they get caught.

SPEAKER_02

But anyway, that was the last time the cops are like, I don't like what's happening in here.

SPEAKER_04

That was like apparently like one of the last times she saw him before she left for New York City because he's like never really home.

SPEAKER_00

Um does he live?

SPEAKER_04

We're gonna get into it. Oh, okay. JC's favorite tagline, at this point, we don't know.

SPEAKER_00

At this point we don't know.

SPEAKER_04

At this point, we don't know. Um, okay, so he wasn't really around a lot because throughout childhood he was sent away to a boarding school.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, bad kid vibes.

SPEAKER_04

Isabel never questions us. She's like, yeah, of course. I go to normal school, Derek goes to boarding school, no questions there. Can I ask a quick question here? Of course.

SPEAKER_02

I'm I I imagine we're going to get a little bit more into this. It sounds like that's what you're ramping up to. Maybe you weren't maybe you didn't mean to drop this, but I know it now. Um, are bear shifters common in this world?

SPEAKER_04

We don't know yet.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, okay. So this is something we're this is something we we get a little more on this show.

SPEAKER_04

We get a little more. You just need to know that he you needed to know that the title of stepbrother bear does mean that there is a bear involved and the bear is and the bear is not fucking brother bear. It's not, it's not the spirits. I just had to put that out there too.

SPEAKER_02

It's not the spirits, it's It's not because he has to take care of the bear's son that he killed because the bear killed his brother.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, I have to make sure I put out there right away.

SPEAKER_02

The Northern Lights are wildly uninvolved. That doesn't count as one because you brought it up.

SPEAKER_04

No, no, you're right. You're right. You're right. No, you're totally right. Okay, so um, while Isabella's home, she's like applying to jobs. She's trying to like get a new job. She's trying to like get back out of the house. Like she didn't want to be home, but she kind of had to.

SPEAKER_02

Been their girlfriend.

SPEAKER_04

Um and of course, uh, guess whose room is right next to hers?

SPEAKER_02

Is it Derek?

SPEAKER_04

It's Derek's. And Derek is super annoying. He listens to his music super, super loud.

SPEAKER_02

What music is it? Did they say?

SPEAKER_04

Uh, probably, but I didn't write it down. What? Sorry. Um. But it's okay, because here's what distracted me more. He also wakes her up really, really late at night because he listens to his porn too loud.

SPEAKER_02

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

Dude, playing porn sounds out loud?

SPEAKER_02

Playing it out loud is crazy.

SPEAKER_04

Playing it out loud at that volume?

SPEAKER_02

I watch porn when I'm in the house by myself, I watch porn at like one volume click on my face. You have the sound on? When I'm home by myself, yeah. But it's like one click. You're uh Yeah, exactly. I'm like, what if like what if what if someone's like delivering a package here and they hear me uh watching porn?

SPEAKER_04

They would hear your frantic fapping.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, that's how they know.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I'm pull I'm trying to pull my dick off zombie style.

SPEAKER_04

God, I do love that book. The the shop I work with, Monster Stuff Library, um, has an illustrated copy of the cover, which is you're gonna love this, I really want it so bad. Um, his dick pulled off on the nightstand. No, no, just sitting there, and I'm like, bro, I gotta get the dick cover.

SPEAKER_02

Gotta get the d the detachable dick cover?

SPEAKER_04

I'm so concerned because we're trying for a baby.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04

And I'm like, what if a baby comes in and sees my collection of PNRs in that uh bedroom shelf I set up?

SPEAKER_02

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_04

But also like That seems fine.

unknown

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04

Your mom's gonna wanna come see the new bathroom we're getting done up there, and she's gonna be like, why are there so many dicks over there?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you're gonna have to hide them all.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, there's uh there's a I mean, there's a tentacle dildo over there.

SPEAKER_02

You're gonna have to you what you gotta get is you gotta get like a um Up screen to pull down. Yeah, like a tasteful curtain that you can kind of pull on.

SPEAKER_04

No dicks here.

SPEAKER_02

The dick cover.

SPEAKER_04

The dick cover. A little condom from a shelf.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, on kind of like pants for the for the shelf.

SPEAKER_04

A sock.

SPEAKER_02

Kind of pant panties and also a p uh pants.

SPEAKER_04

And a belt.

SPEAKER_02

And a belt, maybe.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, maybe. Anyway, um loud at night.

SPEAKER_02

Awesome.

SPEAKER_04

Waking her up through the walls.

SPEAKER_02

Do they say what kind of porning watches?

SPEAKER_04

No.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know, I don't know enough about porn.

SPEAKER_04

So it was actually the titled series. So she goes to Derek's room, mad as hell, um, to go yell at her, yell at him, sorry, uh misgendered, yell at him about his porn. Nice. Um, and he is like growling. Oh, sure. Being like, I'm trying to control myself and keep myself from fucking your mouth. Oh, nice. And then she he kind of sets. Normal stuff. He I know, right? Subtly changes a little bit to look a little bit more bearish. And um, like leans in and grabs Isabella and like licks her neck.

SPEAKER_02

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

And is like, you smell so good.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Then he like slams the door in her face.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, nice. No, this is no, this is right.

SPEAKER_04

This is right?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's that's how you like you talk to your stepsibling. I don't know, I don't have any step siblings.

SPEAKER_04

I don't have any si- I don't want to put neither of us do. Um neither of us do think about it.

SPEAKER_02

That seems uh based on my understanding of stepsibling media, this seems correct.

SPEAKER_04

So you have been watching a lot of porn.

SPEAKER_02

I knew a guy who once told me that um he like felt uncomfortable with the um quasi-incest of stepsibling porn.

SPEAKER_04

That's no incest.

SPEAKER_02

But well, I mean, like, uh, it's arguing that's debatable.

SPEAKER_04

It's complicated.

SPEAKER_02

Um, so he like he he he felt uncomfortable with the gray area this is in, morally. But he's like, it's always like they put like the most money into the step sibling stuff, so it's always like the best porn available. So what he would do is he would click on the video and then pretend he just didn't read the title, and then he would be like, Oh no, this is step sibling stuff. I'm too far into it. He's like doing he's like doing like a performance exclusively for himself to jerk off. Doc just watch it at this point. You just like step sibling board.

SPEAKER_04

Morally gray area.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, also to be clear, they're not step siblings.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, I want you to know right now, those are actors.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, they're co-workers.

SPEAKER_04

At best. Um, anyway, so she goes downstairs the next morning mad as hell because she didn't get a lot of sleep. Um, and Derek's dad is downstairs, and he mentions something like, Oh, so you saw Derek was home. She's like, Yeah, he goes, Yeah, he was here because he got shot.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, sure, that'll happen.

SPEAKER_04

And she's like, What? Um, Derek then stroll into the kitchen uh saying, Yeah, I need to like lay low and stuff, and his dad starts being like a dick to him, being like, You're so lucky I let you stay here, like you're so annoying. His dad is really mean.

SPEAKER_02

No, this is what uh my understanding is, not in my experience, but my understanding is this is what kind of what dads are like.

SPEAKER_04

God damn, ain't that the fact? Um, and so Derek is like, okay, well, if you don't want me here, like I'm fine. I'm happy to leave and cause a scene and make sure everyone knows, like, I'll have sex with your stepdaughter, how about that? And uh like everyone knows I'm related to you, so like if you want to play that game, like I will. Um and that kind of shuts his dad up.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, sure. Um also he's a bear. So like be careful, dad. Yeah, dad. How old are they meant to be here?

SPEAKER_04

Uh like 20, late mid-20s, I think.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

It's weird for both of them to be home age. Yeah, weird for both of them to be home. She was dating her boyfriend that dumped her uh for five years beforehand. So she's like at least like She's like 27. Probably, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And he's uh he's older than her, so he's he's like 29 or 30.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, probably.

SPEAKER_02

This is these are these are very funny ages to be at your mom's house. And being like beefing with your dad.

SPEAKER_04

I mean, I beef with my dad and I'm 30.

SPEAKER_02

No, no, no. You're d you you don't live with your father. Your father sends us mail.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. He beef we beef we beef via USPS. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. We beef vi beef via the postal system.

SPEAKER_04

Thank you, postal workers, for letting me beef with my dad. Um, so Isabella's been home for a while and she's kind of like over it, so she wants to get out of the house, especially because of all the weird vibes going on. So she meets up with an old high school friend.

SPEAKER_03

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

Um, this high school friend never left town. She's like married or like dating someone or something. Um, and she's like very like hometown D-bag girl style.

SPEAKER_02

She's she's going to parties, but she calls them kickbacks. Yeah, yeah. She uh she's like intimately uh uh familiar with like who's still on like their high school cheerleading squad.

SPEAKER_04

She loves her her rolled down Cookie Monster Pants type shit.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, she um uh her song, quote unquote, at all the at all the kickbacks is that one song that goes like, so what we get drunk.

SPEAKER_04

Do you want to finish that song?

SPEAKER_02

So what we get ha.

SPEAKER_04

So what we smoke weed. Oh yes, yes.

SPEAKER_02

I don't I'm not I'm not this type of person.

SPEAKER_04

Yes, you You literally live way closer to your hometown than I do. So I think you you're like hometown debag adjacent.

SPEAKER_02

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. I didn't but I didn't move back to my hometown. That's very important.

SPEAKER_04

You're like two counties over.

SPEAKER_02

Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Yeah, that's hometown debag adjacent. That's hometown debag adjacent.

SPEAKER_04

If you were more than like, if you have to be at least five counties away from your hometown or not to be hometown d-bag. And I have successfully done that. You, my friend, you're looking a little D-bag over there.

SPEAKER_02

I'm looking a little D-bag over here.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, I think it might be your teeny tiny little hockey shirt that's see-through that's helping with that cause. But oh, you're so slutty for recording. Anyway.

SPEAKER_02

I'm so slutty for recording.

SPEAKER_04

Um, so she goes and hangs out with this high school friend. This high school friend, like, drops some city lore on them, some town lore. Um, Derek did not leave the hometown, but he does not usually live with his parents.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Um, hometown D-bag. Um, apparently, Derek has a big group of friends uh in town that are super, super weird. Uh, and they all hang out together and they all have animal tattoos.

SPEAKER_02

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

Sounds like they might be a group of shifters, if you ask me.

SPEAKER_02

Is that what shifters do? Do they get the tattoos? Getting a tattoo of the animal you turn into seems embarrassing.

SPEAKER_04

It's like a name tag.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Like, alright, yeah, yeah, I get it.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

It's like uh, to me, it's like those people who get tattoos of like their family crest.

SPEAKER_04

My brother has one.

SPEAKER_02

Does he? Yeah, he does. Ooh. Blink this out. I didn't say that.

SPEAKER_04

Ooh.

SPEAKER_02

Maybe it's because I have no like family to speak of. Yes, you do.

SPEAKER_04

Your family's fucking huge.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, but we have no family crest.

SPEAKER_04

The crest would be like your uncle's house with his like 37 cats and like the 14 people living in it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Um, okay, so. This friend also drops that like she hooked up with Derek when they were in high school.

SPEAKER_02

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

Which makes Isabella irrationally jealous.

SPEAKER_02

Do you do you identify with Isabella in this moment?

SPEAKER_04

Yes. Um, but also she's kind of like, huh, Derek probably only hooked up with her to make me jealous, so like it doesn't even matter.

SPEAKER_02

That's awesome. Um That's the right way to think about that.

SPEAKER_04

Uh she goes back home. Um, she's like avoiding Derek after that whole like I'm gonna fuck your mouth thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

You would.

SPEAKER_04

But when she goes like inside and downstairs and sees her parents, um, they're like they're on their way out the door.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Uh they're going on a trip to California.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_04

Um, and so on the way out, her mom is like, Hey, um, while we're gone, can you help Derek with his bandage? And she's like, uh No, dude. Because Derek got shot.

SPEAKER_02

Surely Derek can handle this.

SPEAKER_04

Derek's a baby.

SPEAKER_02

Alright. I it seems like he can take care of it himself. It seems like her mom is trying to facilitate like a like a Florence Nightingale type situation here.

SPEAKER_04

Okay. Um, her the dad, Derek's dad, is like, ah, I don't think, I don't think uh she needs to help with the bandage. I think that's kind of like fucked up. Like objectively the correct bandage. Don't do that. Uh, but Isabella's like, no, like I'll totally help. Like it's whatever. I'm not like scared of him.

SPEAKER_02

Um Yeah, I guess I'll help him do it in my skimpiest outfit. Oh, if I must.

SPEAKER_04

If I must. Um P.S.

SPEAKER_02

I'm stuck in the dryer.

SPEAKER_04

Isabella goes back upstairs and keeps applying to jobs, trying to get something to get her out of the town. Uh, the high school friend texts Isabella to be like, hey, do you want to go to a costume party at the local club this weekend?

SPEAKER_00

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

Isabella's like, yeah, sure, whatever. Um, all of a sudden she hangs up a phone, she hears Derek moaning, not sexy style. Oh, okay. Um, in the next room over. Um, Isabella goes over there to see what's going on, and he's trying to like stretch to put the bandage on his his gunshot wound.

SPEAKER_02

Where is this wound?

SPEAKER_04

I think it's like on his back shoulder.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Because it's like it's like a place he can't really reach.

SPEAKER_02

It's not like a through and through.

SPEAKER_04

I don't know, girl.

SPEAKER_02

There's not like an exit wound?

SPEAKER_04

We can act GM Ferry, come on the podcast and it's a good one.

SPEAKER_02

GM Ferry, come on the podcast and explain this wound.

SPEAKER_04

We need to know about the uh exact trajectory of this bullet.

SPEAKER_02

Well, I'm curious because it's uh Has he received like medical care?

SPEAKER_04

No, he can't go to the hospital.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, because if the bullet is still in there, he's going to die.

SPEAKER_04

He's a bear.

SPEAKER_02

Oh bears do it happens to bears too. You just don't want it to, because then like it just takes a long time. Just like gets mega infected and gross.

SPEAKER_04

Anyway. Anyway. Anyway, anyway, so she goes in there and she's like, let me just help your fucking let me help you here. And he's like, No, I don't need your help. She goes, shut up, like, it's fine. Um, but in order to get the bandage on, she has to get super close to him.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, yes, yes, yes. And she ends up having- Oh my god, her fat titties are in the way.

SPEAKER_04

She ends up having to like straddle his leg.

SPEAKER_02

Nice. Yep, this will happen. Yep, this is how we've all we've all done this. All been here.

SPEAKER_04

Um, when she goes to like get off of his leg, he like holds her there.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. Well, don't do that, Derek.

SPEAKER_04

And she's like, You gotta let go. I'm trying to get off. He goes, if you really wanted to get off, you could.

SPEAKER_02

Derek. Shame on you.

SPEAKER_04

Um he kind of goads her because he's got a boner, of course.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, sure. He kind of like Why is he always hard?

SPEAKER_04

We'll get into it. He uh like goads her into like taking out his penis.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, don't know how he did that.

SPEAKER_04

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_02

What do you mean you don't know how he did it? I don't know.

SPEAKER_04

Well, I don't remember.

SPEAKER_02

He's like, take my penis out, and she's like, Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04

She's like, why are you like, why are fuck. She's like, why are you hard? He's like, aha, don't worry about it. And she's like, it seems so big. He's like, aha. Like, she's easily look, she she is the person.

SPEAKER_02

She's asking for it.

SPEAKER_04

I'm not saying she's asking for it. What I was going to say is she is the type of people the dare program is worried about, where someone's like, take drugs, and they're like, sure. Like, easily persuaded.

SPEAKER_02

You took a different dare program than my dare was never about like don't fuck your step siblings.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02

Mine was mine was mostly about like there's new drugs on the market, and here's why you shouldn't take them. They're sick.

SPEAKER_04

They're too nice.

SPEAKER_02

They're too they make you feel too crazy.

SPEAKER_04

Do you know what the best drug on the market is? Stepbrother bear penis.

SPEAKER_02

It's kind of your stepbrother's cog.

SPEAKER_04

Did you know that bears have a penis bone?

SPEAKER_02

Most animals do, is my understanding. Yeah, they do. Or most mammals.

SPEAKER_04

Yes, not you.

SPEAKER_02

Not me.

SPEAKER_04

Um it's like a really weird shape.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

It's like straight, it's got like a little hook at the top. I did research on this because I was helping market a book for bears.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_04

And I was like, what's a bear penis called? Because I wanted to know about it. It was b the marketing was like, you you crave that bear penis bone. It has a special name, don't remember what it's called. Sorry about that.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, okay, yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_04

Do you think he has a bone in his bear penis? In his bear penis? Yes. You think he's well, the bear penis is also his human penis. You think he's got a bone in the bear penis human human penis?

SPEAKER_02

What do you mean his human pen What do you mean his bear penis is also his human penis? Okay, okay. But if he shifts into a bear, he's like cocked up. Anyway.

SPEAKER_03

What?

SPEAKER_02

No, that's too disgusting. Anyway. He's like running through like the Pacific Northwest. But it's just dick and balls are are dragging on every bit of poison sumac.

SPEAKER_04

That is why Posey had to get his balls off.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Posey kept dragging his balls on all the fucking stinging nettles. Anyway. That's the dog, by the way.

SPEAKER_02

Not like a guy, we know.

SPEAKER_04

That's a dog. Um, so anyway, she uh is easily influenced to take his penis out. Uh the penis is big. Nice. The penis has a knot. What? Um, she doesn't think the knot is weird. Oh, sure. She's like, that's probably just like a piercing or something. What? I know, right? I'm like, what piercings have you ever seen?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, surely she's seen normal penises.

SPEAKER_04

Um sorry, the next part's so stupid. That's why I'm laughing.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, let's get through those.

SPEAKER_04

He goads her into giving him a blowjob.

SPEAKER_02

No, no, no, sure. I mean, he already goaded her into taking his penis out.

SPEAKER_04

He's like, he's like, this is a literal quote from the book.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, let's hear it.

SPEAKER_04

You're such a pussy. I know you won't suck it.

SPEAKER_02

That's awesome. You're such a pussy. That's how I go to my stupid friends into doing stuff for me. I'm like, oh, because you're you're too fucking gay to do it, bro.

SPEAKER_04

The full quote You're such a pussy. I know you won't suck it.

SPEAKER_01

That's so awesome. You're such a prude. Oh no. I bet you won't.

SPEAKER_02

I bet you probably like couldn't fucking fit it in your mouth if you like wanted to or whatever.

SPEAKER_04

That's literally it.

SPEAKER_02

I bet you probably like couldn't even fit it because it's too big.

SPEAKER_04

It's too big. I bet you're I bet you're so fucking you're such a pussy. You won't even I dare you to suck my dick.

SPEAKER_02

I bet you won't put your pussy on it. I bet you won't ride me into the sunset. Ooh, you pussy. Yeah, a bitch alert.

SPEAKER_04

Oh my god. When I read this, I was like, are you kidding me? And she, of course, is easily influenced by it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

She's like, oh yeah? Well, I'll show you. I'll give you the best blowjob you've ever had in your life.

SPEAKER_04

But dead ass.

SPEAKER_02

No. Deadass.

SPEAKER_04

So she, of course, gives in, sucks the dick.

SPEAKER_02

I have a question for you.

SPEAKER_04

I'm ready.

SPEAKER_02

Would this have worked on you? Not from like a step sibling, but like, this seems like something that like a shitty guy you were in like a situation ship in like 2015 would have done and it would have worked. I don't think it would have.

SPEAKER_04

No, I don't think so. Well, it's complicated. Okay. Okay, stay with me, stay with me. Okay, so on the one hand, could you goad me into giving a blowjob? Absolutely not. However, if you were really into someone and you wanted like an excuse to go crazy on their shit, this is a great reason to go crazy on their shit.

SPEAKER_02

This is kind of like the uh you're you're a dumb piece of shit 30-year-old version of when you're like 18 and you play twister at a party.

SPEAKER_04

That's exactly what's happening.

SPEAKER_02

You're like, yeah, I mean like the twister is kind of just facilitating us touching our um our our our bodies on each other.

SPEAKER_04

That's exactly what's happening.

SPEAKER_02

And what what I'm hoping for is the heat from our bodies will eventually spark something more.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, but here's the thing. Here's the thing. I think that's what he's going for.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. She just does it.

SPEAKER_04

She just does it! She's just like, oh yeah, sure. She just does it! She just gives it.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, that's that's her version of like um being like, okay, I'll play twister.

SPEAKER_04

I guess. Oh, it's so weird. Anyway. So she's giving him head crazy style. Okay. He pulls this bitch off his dick.

SPEAKER_02

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

Flips her over. What? Eats her shit crazy style. What? Eats her shit crazy style.

SPEAKER_02

With the bear tongue or the human tongue?

SPEAKER_04

Bear tongue.

SPEAKER_02

Damn.

SPEAKER_04

He's like, you're gonna love this. He's like, um you'll pissy. What? Tastes like honey.

SPEAKER_02

It should it.

SPEAKER_04

Because he's a bear.

SPEAKER_02

That's not normal.

SPEAKER_04

Because he's a bear.

SPEAKER_02

Bears like honey. She's ovulating.

SPEAKER_04

What? Disgusting. You're disgusting. Anyway, he enjoys eating her shit crazy style so much he nuts.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Um, and kind of turns into a bear.

SPEAKER_02

He nuts. Yeah, you don't you don't usually want that when you're having sex with your stepbrother.

SPEAKER_04

He kind of bears out a little bit, but not like all the way, just like a little bit.

SPEAKER_02

Just like in mo mostly in his tongue and and uh penis situation.

SPEAKER_04

In his like snout, and he gets extra fuzzy, but like he's not a full bear.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Okay. Uh Isabella notices this but isn't worried. She's like, I'm probably just seeing things because I have the best nut of my life.

SPEAKER_02

Alright, chill out.

SPEAKER_04

Uh Derek then throws her out of his room.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, sure. Yeah, that'll happen.

SPEAKER_04

It happens.

SPEAKER_02

Uh that I uh are you are you again, is this book really getting your ass? No sags and he's like, alright, you can go.

SPEAKER_04

No, JC. No, JC.

SPEAKER_02

Is it only it's only because she doesn't have to travel that far when she gets thrown out.

SPEAKER_04

Fuck you!

SPEAKER_02

She doesn't have to like drive for two hours.

SPEAKER_04

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

SPEAKER_01

I've never gotten thrown out, first of all.

SPEAKER_02

You didn't get thrown out, you just like, you were like, oh, like he wouldn't let me use his shower.

SPEAKER_04

No, that never happened either.

SPEAKER_02

For some reason, there was you told me there was for some reason you like drove home and you like hadn't had the chance to wash off.

SPEAKER_04

Who does bone who as a teenager?

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Who takes a shower after sex?

SPEAKER_02

I didn't have sex when I was a teenager. Exactly, loser. But I always had sex after I fucked I take a shower and then I fuck every time. I always took a shower after sex.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, you're Catholic.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, okay. Um I'm unclean.

SPEAKER_04

I want you to know that it's not common.

SPEAKER_02

Is it not? No. Oh, so you just everybody else out here is dirty?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

This is really going into my into my um possibly bigoted theory that every Protestant is dirty.

SPEAKER_04

Prosby walking around full of calm, right?

SPEAKER_02

Just just nasty, stinky penis, uh uh drippy pussy.

SPEAKER_04

Stepbrother Bear is giving big Protestant vibes.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Oh my god. Well, I have to I have to say that in this situation because it would be way worse if I said it about a beautiful um indigenous religion of the Inuit Inuit peoples. That's two.

SPEAKER_04

It's fine. I'll let I'll let you have another one.

SPEAKER_02

That one wasn't good enough to really just kinda sucks. That was kind of a shame. I might cut it.

SPEAKER_04

Kinda. Um anyway, so she can't sleep after that.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_04

Of course. So she goes down to the kitchen for a snack.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Derek came down too, because he also wanted a snack.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

And he's like, so did you notice I'm like not human?

SPEAKER_02

Does she not know? I'm I'm confused how much she knows he's a shifter.

SPEAKER_04

Not at all.

SPEAKER_02

She doesn't know at all. She okay, wait a minute. Okay, this is really changing some stuff.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, tell me.

SPEAKER_02

So, okay. So in her mind, I thought she was aware the whole time.

SPEAKER_04

No, she's not aware even a little bit.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, so this whole time, her parents are like, yeah, Derek kind of just like got shot.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

He just like got hit with the blicky. Um, he's like living at home now front due to said shooting. We can't take him to the hospital for frankly unexplainable reasons.

SPEAKER_03

Yes.

SPEAKER_02

Um he eats her out with a an animalistic tongue. Yes. Um, he suddenly grows and then dissolves a s a bunch of hair on his face. Correct. And she's like, Dog, living at home is so crazy.

SPEAKER_04

Exactly! That's exactly what it is.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, granted, she is also the type of person to get like easily goaded into sucking your stepbrother's pain at it so I mean like I guess she she's just like one of those people who's like kind of easy to gaslight.

SPEAKER_00

Yes.

SPEAKER_02

She no wonder she was in like a shitty relationship for like five years. She was like, You're like literally being abusive and toxic. And her her ex was just like, no, I'm not. She's like, fuck, this is working.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, she had no idea he was.

SPEAKER_02

Oh my god, am I crazy?

SPEAKER_04

She she was just like, yeah, he's just weird.

SPEAKER_02

He's just so straight. Everybody grows hair and then dissolves it so fast.

SPEAKER_04

She thought she was hallucinating because she nutted so hard.

SPEAKER_02

That doesn't happen, girl. Nobody nobody nuts so hard, they have a hallucination.

SPEAKER_04

Well, she thought she was special.

SPEAKER_02

Drink some water.

SPEAKER_04

So anyway, now that you have that context.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. He's like, Did you notice I'm not human? And she's like, What do you mean? And he's like, never mind, nothing, and she goes, Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Isabella's response is shut up. You're human. I was just hallucinating because it was the best nut I've ever had.

SPEAKER_02

That's even funnier.

SPEAKER_04

And is Derek's response is that's the best you've ever had.

SPEAKER_02

Derek!

SPEAKER_04

He's like, I could do better if you Derek!

SPEAKER_02

No, you can't.

SPEAKER_04

Um, Isabella's response to this could only be one thing. What's the response, GC?

SPEAKER_02

The response to I can make you nut harder? Yeah. Do it, pussy.

SPEAKER_04

Exactly!

SPEAKER_02

Hell yes, dude. Yeah, these two are disgusting. These they need to be separated, they need to be shamed, they both need therapy. They do both need therapy. Their parents need to be shaming them.

SPEAKER_04

Anyway, so she's like, okay, yeah, bet. And so he, of course, starts like teasing her and kissing up on her.

SPEAKER_02

No.

SPEAKER_04

Um like that.

SPEAKER_02

Um, puts a bear tongue in her mouth.

SPEAKER_04

She's like getting hot and horny, and then she's like, mm, fuck me.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. And he's like. She thinks he has a weird penis.

SPEAKER_04

It's a piercing. And he's like, yeah, of course. Yeah, um, so they bone against the kitchen counter.

SPEAKER_02

Nice. Um not where look, I'm I'm their parents. I don't want them doing that in there.

SPEAKER_04

They already are doing it.

SPEAKER_02

I eat in there.

SPEAKER_04

So they're boning. It's crazy. He nuts.

SPEAKER_02

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

And then. He knots.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_04

He's not in this bitch.

SPEAKER_02

How does he explain how does he gaslight her about this one?

SPEAKER_04

He turns into a bear?

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Mid-not.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, sure. Not again, not really what you want to happen when you're having sex when you're stepbrother.

SPEAKER_04

Um, she finally is like, I guess he's a bear.

SPEAKER_02

And she has a bear.

SPEAKER_04

She has no reaction to this.

SPEAKER_02

That's so funny.

SPEAKER_04

She's like, I guess he was right. I guess he's a bear.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, well, I mean, I guess when you've had like the best nut of your life, you're you're a little more um amenable to weird stuff happening.

SPEAKER_04

You're like, I guess he's a bear. That's fine.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, I've given you the best nuts of your life and you accept that I'm uh autistic. And that's kind of the same.

SPEAKER_04

I don't autism bear shifter. I mean, basically the same thing.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. We both love honey. Big fan of some honey.

SPEAKER_04

Shut the fuck up. Um, so we both eat salmon.

SPEAKER_02

There it is. I was trying to think of another one. And I like salmon.

SPEAKER_04

Um, so anyway, they end up falling asleep on the couch together after they nut and he turns into a bear.

SPEAKER_02

Cute.

SPEAKER_04

Kinda right.

SPEAKER_02

No. Shut up.

SPEAKER_04

Um, the next morning their parents are back.

SPEAKER_02

Um weren't they just like on didn't they just leave for California?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

How long were they how long have they been gone?

SPEAKER_04

Like a day or two.

SPEAKER_02

A day or two? It takes like a d it takes like half a day to get to California from Connecticut.

SPEAKER_04

I wasn't planning their trip.

SPEAKER_02

I am not their trip planner. That was not my choice. I would have given them like at least like six days.

SPEAKER_04

They went out there for a conference.

SPEAKER_02

And it took one day? Don't go. I would agree. Look, what this book just came out. I'm gonna tell you something. As somebody who who who does go to conferences, almost every conference nowadays has like a recorded element to it that like they'll just they like release the slides, they release the videos or like the audio recording. You can just like consume the if the conference is going to be like half a day just to get there.

SPEAKER_04

But what if they're speaking at the conference?

SPEAKER_02

Don't.

SPEAKER_04

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02

That's I mean, that's always my I don't like uh I'll never speak at a conference.

SPEAKER_04

Well yeah, I mean you have no like public speaking.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um it seems like difficult and annoying and embarrassing to do. So I uh so I I I won't. But that would be my advice is don't speak at a conference.

SPEAKER_04

Well, anyway, they're back after one day in California.

SPEAKER_02

Wag. Uh and they see them, they're on the couch covered in each other's cum. No one of them's a bear.

SPEAKER_04

No, he's not a bear anymore. He only was temporarily a bear for like a minute while he was nutting.

SPEAKER_02

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

Um they went back to their room, they took a shower, and they're fine. They're like normal now.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, okay, sure.

SPEAKER_04

So their parents are like, hey, guess who we ran into at the conference?

SPEAKER_02

Oh who?

SPEAKER_04

And she's like, oh who? And they're like, your ex-boyfriend.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, that's weird.

SPEAKER_04

Whose name is Lewis, who dumped you after five years. And we invited him to dinner tonight!

SPEAKER_02

This is the type of stuff that parents will do. Not my parents, because my parents don't like my ex, but like, uh, I have talked to like friends or whatever who do like love their uh their their children's ex. Um and they do just like do shit like this. They'll be like, oh like you should invite him over.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. Yeah. I haven't had that happen to me, but I wouldn't be surprised. Well, no. You know what? No, I take that back. I would be surprised.

SPEAKER_02

Well, yeah, you'll be surprised now.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, because we're married.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, we're like married. I would be a little upset. Who invites your mom invites like your high school ex-boyfriend over?

SPEAKER_04

He's flying across the country. Flying across the country for one day.

SPEAKER_02

Uh I mean, I would find it surprising because um I've kind of alluded to this, but all your exes are kind of losers. Um and so it'd be kind of shocking if they would be able to like afford a flight, yeah, get the funds together to fly here from California.

SPEAKER_04

Big, big facts, bro. Um so anyway, I guess she has her ex over for dinner that night.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_04

And she's not happy about it.

SPEAKER_02

Well no. Um Why does she go just don't go to dinner? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04

We have another flashback.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Where uh 11 years before. Eleven. Okay, this actually helps establish a timeline real quick. Eleven years ago, which was she would have been twelve.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

I guess.

SPEAKER_02

So she's twenty-three.

SPEAKER_04

I guess. Okay.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, so he's this guy was her boyfriend when she was like 18.

SPEAKER_04

And that doesn't make any sense, right? Like it doesn't make any sense.

SPEAKER_02

GM Fairy, come on here and explain your.

SPEAKER_04

We have some technical questions for you.

SPEAKER_02

Some quick questions.

SPEAKER_04

Quick questions about the technicality of bear shifter. If you get shot as a bear, does that correlate to where you're shot as a person?

SPEAKER_02

I just think it's a good one.

SPEAKER_04

Where's the exit wound?

SPEAKER_02

Where's the exit wound?

SPEAKER_04

Why did he get shot?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Who shot him? What type of blicky they got?

SPEAKER_02

When he when he's a bear, does he need his salmon cooked, or can he just eat it like straight out the stream?

SPEAKER_04

Why is he obsessed with honey like he's Winnie the Pooh?

SPEAKER_02

He's kind of Weenie the Pooh coated.

SPEAKER_04

No pants.

SPEAKER_02

And also no pants? No books. Yeah, what yeah, what happens to his um pants when he shifts? Do they like rip off like in twilight?

SPEAKER_04

We have we do have some information on that later on.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

That's exciting for me.

SPEAKER_04

It is exciting for you.

SPEAKER_02

That's my favorite part of shifters is discovering like what happens to their pants.

SPEAKER_04

So, the ex-boyfriend arrives.

SPEAKER_02

Um Lewis.

SPEAKER_04

Lewis, the ex-boyfriend, arrives, but before he shows up, uh, Isabella's mom is sure to make her look like a Texas beauty queen, big hair, lots of makeup, just stuff that's not really her. Why is she letting this happen? She got goaded into giving a blowy, JC. This woman has no sense of like agency or self-control or anything.

SPEAKER_02

Her mom is like, you have to, and she's like, fuck.

unknown

Fuck again.

SPEAKER_02

I can't believe this is happening to me.

SPEAKER_04

Again. Yeah. So, um, the whole family, minus Derek, is at the dinner table with Lewis when she comes down.

SPEAKER_02

Derek didn't have to come to this nonsense.

SPEAKER_04

Because they didn't they don't like Derek. JC, everyone's mean to Derek in the family except for Isabella, who's absolutely super mean to Derek. No, he's awesome.

SPEAKER_02

He's not.

SPEAKER_04

He's awesome.

SPEAKER_02

Sorry, I'm still laughing. Her mom is like, I bet you won't come to dinner, pussy. You're such a prude. I bet you won't come downstairs to eat this meal with your ex-boyfriend, bitch. And she's like, damn it, yes I will. Oh yes, I yes the fuck I will.

SPEAKER_04

Um So uh the whole family's already at the table, minus Derek, um, when they all sit down for dinner. And then who comes down the stairs? Oh, it's Derek!

SPEAKER_02

Oh my god, Derek's here now.

SPEAKER_04

Derek's here now. He steals his dad's place setting, sets himself up next to Isabella, and uh is kind of like just like absolutely pushing everyone's buttons.

SPEAKER_00

Oh sure.

SPEAKER_04

He's like, so like you dumped her, like what's up with that? Like, what's your deal? Like just going nuts on him. Um because he's next to Isabella and he is a horny bear.

SPEAKER_02

No.

SPEAKER_04

Uh he tries to blast her shit under the table.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, like in the like in the first season of Breaking Bad.

SPEAKER_04

I've never seen Breaking Bad.

SPEAKER_02

This happens in the uh this kind of shows that like Walter is like um he's going through some things as he goes to like a PTA meeting with his wife Skyler, and he tries to like blast her shit at the PTA meeting.

SPEAKER_04

I don't know why, but this is a crazy reference for me. You know I've never seen or know anything about Breaking Bad, the fact that you're like here this trope that happens fairly frequently in media. So Breaking Bad.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, name another one. That's what I thought. Continue. As you were, bitch.

SPEAKER_04

Um, so uh he's finger blasting her shit out of the table. She excuses herself to go to the bathroom and jerk one out.

SPEAKER_02

Oh gross.

SPEAKER_04

Um when Derek busts into the bathroom.

SPEAKER_02

Uh yeah. You don't want that. Is the door unlocked? I don't know. Unlock the door.

SPEAKER_04

Um, anyway, um, and he continues finger blasting her shit.

SPEAKER_02

In the bathroom?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. Um, and she's like, Derek, you have to go back. Like, they're gonna notice we're both gone. Like, you have to. Um. And he says, a quote again.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

They'll all just think I'm taking a massive shit. That's funny.

SPEAKER_02

That's so true.

SPEAKER_04

And not that I was letting my stepbrother finger fuck me.

SPEAKER_02

What? What? Yeah. Yeah, they all just think I'm taking a big old stinker.

SPEAKER_04

Not letting my stepbrother finger fuck me.

SPEAKER_02

She's coming out of the bathroom trying to like play it up. She's like, oh, that was a growler.

SPEAKER_04

Ooh, give it a few minutes. Personally, JC, if you if you mention taking off fat shit knuckle deep in me, nice. I'm ripping your hand out with force you've never seen before. You are not able to say taking off fat shit, a massive shit. No, it's not happening.

SPEAKER_02

No, that seems fine. Good for Derek, I guess.

SPEAKER_04

They go back down to the table.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

After she gets her shit blown in, or taking a massive shit, depending on who you are.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_04

Uh the stepbrother not the stepbrother, sorry. The ex-boyfriend doesn't even notice that they both left.

SPEAKER_02

He he's not like, you seem like you've like taken a massive shit. Yeah, you you seem like you've been recently pleasured.

SPEAKER_04

No.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, so he d see, that's how you know he never he never gave her that good good.

SPEAKER_04

He never he doesn't know about her, so he can't even like understand that like what she feels and what she thinks is important because he didn't even notice she was taking a fat duke.

SPEAKER_02

Well they're entire time he they were dating, uh she he she would be like, I didn't come, and he'd be like, Girls don't do that. And she'd be like, Oh, okay. Got me there. Easily influenced it. No, girls don't do that. You can stop right after the boy comes.

SPEAKER_04

Um Isabella's mom makes her walk her ex-boyfriend Lewis out of the house on his way out of the house to his car. Lewis is like, we should get back together.

SPEAKER_02

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_04

Uh Isabella's like, eh, I don't know about that one, bruh.

SPEAKER_02

We should get back together even though you totally went upstairs and took a fat shit. That's kind of disgusting, but that's okay with me. That's how I feel about you.

SPEAKER_04

Me?

SPEAKER_02

No, that no, that's what he's saying to her. That's why that way I feel about you is I think we should get back together, even though I know you take fat dukes, which by the way, girls aren't supposed to do, and she goes, Okay, noted.

SPEAKER_04

No, thank God. Um okay. Well, she's kind of like frustrated with how that whole thing went down.

SPEAKER_01

Sure.

SPEAKER_04

She doesn't really like it. It wasn't really fun for her.

SPEAKER_02

So she's No, it wouldn't be.

SPEAKER_04

So, but it's the weekend, which means it's time to go to the costume party at the club with her friend.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, that's right, yes. And Derek goes as a bear. Anyway. You must assume.

SPEAKER_04

Anyway, I'm not bear yet.

SPEAKER_02

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04

Anyway, um, she goes as sexy Goldilocks.

SPEAKER_02

Uh, quick question. What would that mean? Isn't uh Goldilocks is like a famously like a child.

SPEAKER_04

You can be sexy Goldilocks. I have a I have a sexy Goldilocks I had a sexy Goldilocks outfit.

SPEAKER_02

What would the sexy bit be?

SPEAKER_04

It's just like a gingham dress that's short with like big boob action going on.

SPEAKER_02

Kind of kind of a lot of cleavage happening.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, yeah. It's it's sexy goldilocks.

SPEAKER_02

Well, that's just a that's sh you're just wearing like a mini dress.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, that's what it is.

SPEAKER_02

You're just wearing like a nice uh short sundress.

SPEAKER_04

Kinda, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, with like ruffles and shit.

SPEAKER_02

We is that a costume?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, technically. Um uh my note is she's sexy Goldilocks because of the three bears.

SPEAKER_00

Uh get it, get it, yeah. I'm familiar.

SPEAKER_04

Um, and she's going to the club because she just wants to fuck some dude to convince herself that she's not into her stepbrother.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that would have yeah, you'd want to do that.

SPEAKER_04

Um she's trying to dance on some dude when all of a sudden Derek comes up behind her.

SPEAKER_02

Nice. What's he dressed as?

SPEAKER_04

He has a scream mask on.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, that sucks. No, that sucks. Not a good costume.

SPEAKER_04

Her friend, she went to the club with a band in her. They go home with some dudes. What? Yeah. Um, so she's all alone. Um, so Derek noticing this pulls her into a utility closet.

SPEAKER_01

No.

SPEAKER_04

Um, and uh fucks her super hard.

SPEAKER_01

No.

SPEAKER_04

Ha ha. At the club. In the scream mask. In the scream, that sucks. I agree. Um there's like a new like mask kink. Have you noticed this in society?

SPEAKER_02

In society? No.

SPEAKER_04

You're right, I shouldn't say in society. And for horny bitches?

SPEAKER_02

No. In horny bitch society?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, there's like a new mask kink. There's like um like like bitches are really into like dudes wearing masks. No, I have not with like no shirt on, being super ripped and like fucking their shit up.

SPEAKER_02

Well, to be fair, I'm also not super ripped, and I don't own a mask.

SPEAKER_04

It's like masks, it's like motorcycle helmets, um, scream mask is a big one.

SPEAKER_02

No, I only have uh like I I still only have like masks from like um the pandemic.

SPEAKER_04

Not sexy.

SPEAKER_02

Not hot.

SPEAKER_04

Not hot.

SPEAKER_02

No, kind kind of serving um I care about public health conditions.

SPEAKER_04

Haha, I'm here to tear up your pussy with COVID. Do you remember when we all were worried about getting enough toilet paper?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. We can't kiss. I don't I don't I want to be able to smell later.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, yeah, exactly. So um that's a newwhile anyway. Anyway, um so the next day. Next day after they bone in the utility closet.

SPEAKER_02

They bone in the utility closet at the club.

SPEAKER_04

Um, she keeps dodging her ex, who keeps calling her, being like, let's go get lunch, let's go out, let's go meet up for coffee, shit like that.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, exes will do this.

SPEAKER_04

Um, she tells her ex she's sick. Uh Derek is like, are you sick? And she's like, No.

SPEAKER_02

Just tell him you're not interested.

SPEAKER_04

She can't, she's easily influenced.

SPEAKER_02

What is it? Why is she being like, oh, like, no, uh, I'm so sick, I can't even like go out with you right now for real.

SPEAKER_04

For real, for real.

SPEAKER_02

Um just be like, no.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, so anyway. Derek's like, are you sick? She's like, no, I just don't want to go off my ex. Um he's like all up on her again, like rubbing up on her. He this is where I have a note that says this man only wears loose-hanging sweatpants, because every other thing is like his sweatpants hang so loose.

SPEAKER_02

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

His sweatpants hang so low. Derek, of course, is fucking ripped.

SPEAKER_02

Nice, yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Derek is covered in tattoos.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_04

Derek is hot.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Derek is all up in her shit.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, he's a bear.

SPEAKER_04

Um. So she's doing laundry. He's all up behind her.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

What happens next, JC?

SPEAKER_02

Does she get stuck in the dryer? She doesn't get stuck. She's just in the dryer. He fucks her while she's in the dryer.

SPEAKER_04

She he like he like shoves her head down into the top loading washing machine. It's not on, she's just loading her clothes in there. And then he bones her up against um the washing machine.

SPEAKER_00

No.

SPEAKER_04

Being like, ooh, they're gonna hear you, like, you better not, because their parents are home.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you don't Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, you you you you better be careful, they're gonna hear you, they're gonna know what a slut you are, type shit.

SPEAKER_00

Nice, nice, nice.

SPEAKER_04

Um, he's nutting in her, he's nodding in her. Nice. Uh, and and and then she's like really embarrassed, so she goes to her room and hides.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, sure, yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Um, when she comes out of her room later that night, she notices that uh Derek finished all of her laundry for her and folded it and put it in front of her door.

SPEAKER_02

That's that's very magnanimous of him. That's very nice of him.

SPEAKER_04

I th I my note is cute!

SPEAKER_02

No, no, no, no, no. Cute! I don't know about cute.

SPEAKER_04

Cute! He cares about her. I don't care. What? What's your problem with Derek?

SPEAKER_02

He's her stepbrother. I'm not So? I'm not about that.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, so I okay, I guess we should break down the morality of step siblings. I think it's fine.

SPEAKER_02

I'm not I'm not into it. I'm not wild about it.

SPEAKER_04

I'm not, it's not that I find it sexy, but I do not think that there is an inherent issue with it if you are older, did not grow up together.

SPEAKER_02

There's like a lot of caveats, I gotta say. Once you have to start adding this many caveats, I'm just gonna go ahead and say it's probably not chill.

SPEAKER_04

It's this is this instance is totally chill.

SPEAKER_02

He's also like a bear.

SPEAKER_04

He also was never around her growing up.

SPEAKER_02

What do you mean he was never around her?

SPEAKER_04

He was always at boarding school. This is fine. This is basically an acquaintance. This is barely a sibling. This is more like a rando that lives in your house for like a couple weeks at a time. At that.

SPEAKER_02

Don't fuck randos that live in your house for weeks at a time either.

SPEAKER_04

I that's what you are.

SPEAKER_02

No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. It's different. I live in this house full time.

SPEAKER_04

Sometimes. Umway, what happens next?

SPEAKER_02

He folds her lawn free.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, and he's cute as shit. And you're a prude. Ha! Don't be such a fucking pussy. Let step siblings fuck. You're such a fucking prude.

SPEAKER_01

This doesn't work on me.

SPEAKER_04

No, it will. Um, so the next day, uh, Derek rolls up on Isabella. He goes, Hey, um, like, come with me, I want to show you something. And she's like, What? And he's like, You just gotta like trust me, like I want to show you penis. I want to show you like a secret. Um and she's like, Okay, and he like takes her out to like the forest.

SPEAKER_02

Sure. And takes Twilight style.

SPEAKER_04

And takes her down to like a river.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

And he's like, This is my secret spot, this is where I can like bear out and just be myself.

SPEAKER_02

Bear out.

SPEAKER_04

Um, she's in a bikini, because of course she is.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, yes, yes, yeah, of course. Wait, why is she in a bikini?

SPEAKER_04

She was outside sunbathing before he grabbed her and said, Let's go.

SPEAKER_02

She didn't like put some clothes on?

SPEAKER_04

No.

SPEAKER_02

Hang on, can I put some clothes on real quick? No. He's like, Don't do that.

SPEAKER_04

No, don't put any clothes on.

SPEAKER_02

In fact, put take something off.

SPEAKER_04

Ha ha. Yeah, so she they're they're at the riverside. He has fully bared out.

SPEAKER_02

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

He's in the river.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

He's playing. As a bear.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, I've seen this.

SPEAKER_04

He's catching salmon.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Eating him raw.

SPEAKER_02

He's catching salmon?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I don't think they have salmon like that in Connecticut.

SPEAKER_04

Um, don't ask questions. Um, so she's like watching him as a bear, and she is into him as a bear. What? She thinks he's a sexy bear.

SPEAKER_02

There's no such thing. Um except for those um those big hairy gay guys.

SPEAKER_04

No, she's like, he's a sexy bear.

SPEAKER_02

He's a sexy bear.

SPEAKER_04

Um, he shifts back into being a person. Uh he does. This is where we learn he has to take off all his clothes before he shifts.

SPEAKER_02

That's funny.

SPEAKER_04

Or else they'll rip.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Twilight style. So there you go. You've learned He's kind of Jacob black coated.

SPEAKER_04

No.

SPEAKER_02

Um Well, a little.

SPEAKER_04

We're gonna talk about a Jacob Black book later. Um don't worry, King. Anyway, um, so he shifts back into a person, Nake style. Uh Um, and they talk about Derek's bear life.

SPEAKER_02

His bear life.

SPEAKER_04

Liz. His mom was a bear shifter.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, sure. He's like, yeah, I'm uh I'm like on Grinder, but I'm not like super into it.

SPEAKER_04

No. He his mom is a bear shifter who died during childbirth.

SPEAKER_02

Oh sure.

SPEAKER_04

So uh he has a group of shifter friends, so the guys with the tattoos are all shifters as well.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, what do they shift into?

SPEAKER_04

I don't know, other animals, danger. Who cares? Who cares? Um, but all of his friends are mad at him and they've shunned them from the group because he's going through bear second puberty.

SPEAKER_00

What did it say?

SPEAKER_04

And he got a little angry at hunters who were not supposed to be in the forest because he and his shifter friends are like protectors of the forest or whatever. What? And so he, as a bear, attacked the hunters and one of them shot him. Um and yeah, he don't worry, he ripped the guy's arm off before he got shot.

SPEAKER_01

Sure.

SPEAKER_04

Um, and the other shifters are like mad at him because like you're not supposed to attack other humans. Like, that's not don't do that. Don't do that shit.

SPEAKER_00

It's not part of our code, bro.

SPEAKER_04

Um, yeah, so he got shunned by the other shifters, so he's kind of like without a pack.

SPEAKER_02

Bears don't tend to form packs.

SPEAKER_04

No, but shifters don't but shifters do. Um, this is where he goes back to playing in the river.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

He partially shifts.

SPEAKER_02

I have a question here. Yes. What kind of bear does he shift into? Like a grizzly bear?

SPEAKER_04

Yes.

SPEAKER_02

No.

SPEAKER_04

Grizzly bears don't exist in Connecticut.

SPEAKER_02

No, they do not.

SPEAKER_04

But no, if you look at the cover.

SPEAKER_02

That's black bear territory.

SPEAKER_04

I should show you the cover of this book.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, let's take a gander.

SPEAKER_04

Let me take a gander at the cover of this book for you. Uh he's 100% a grizzly bear.

SPEAKER_02

I think it'd be I think it's funnier if he's like a black bear. Mostly because black bears are like approximately the size of like an average human male.

SPEAKER_04

No. Yeah, because see, this is this is the cover.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, this is certainly giving grizzly bear.

SPEAKER_04

It's he's a brown bear. It's certainly giving grizzly bear.

SPEAKER_02

Um Yeah, that would make sense if this were in Alaska.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, I actually just I looked up this book and my a meme I created um while thinking about this book came up, so I get to show you that now.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, okay, sure.

SPEAKER_04

Um, because it's important to this next thing I'm gonna tell you. Um So he goes and he's playing in the water, and he comes back out because I think she like slips or something. Um, and he's like concerned about her and he wants to talk to her, so he only partially shifts.

SPEAKER_02

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

Uh the quote is His body remains in his bear form, but his neck and face return to his human self.

SPEAKER_02

That sucks, I hate that.

SPEAKER_04

Here, I created a meme for you of cursed barrack.

SPEAKER_02

Your ph your phone went dark. Yeah, this is certainly Yeah, it's um that one like um Japanese dating sim, where you date like the horse, but the horse is like a human man face.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, it's I I called him cursed barrack.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, I hate that.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, don't worry, I'll make the uh meme I created the uh image. I'm sorry, I crushed it. GM Fairy reposted it.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, did she? She did. Thanks, GM Fairy.

SPEAKER_04

Thanks, Gian Fairy, she knows who I am!

SPEAKER_00

Well yeah, we've met her.

SPEAKER_04

Fuck you!

SPEAKER_02

I met her, I obviously made a a very um a very striking uh um there's a word here I'm looking for impression? Yes, thank you. On her. Um, and and now she um I assume uh thinks about me platonically.

SPEAKER_04

Friend style, he's the best guy I've ever known.

SPEAKER_02

Seems like a great guy. That's how I assume she talks, even though I've met her.

SPEAKER_04

Um anyway, so um he's half bear, half person. They bone in this semi-bear form.

SPEAKER_02

I don't and he and he has a human penis.

SPEAKER_04

He's a bear penis.

SPEAKER_02

He has a bear- You said he has a human penis.

SPEAKER_04

No, he has a human penis when he's a human, he's a bear penis when he's a bear.

SPEAKER_02

You this is not what you told me. You told me, because I remember, go back through, go back like 50 minutes or whatever. I don't know how long we've been talking here. But you told me he's running through the Pacific Northwest, bared out, human cock dragging through the suma.

SPEAKER_04

That was a joke! You were giggling, we were giggling, bro!

SPEAKER_02

Bro! That's not even real, like.

SPEAKER_04

No, stop! I was just trying to make you giggle crazy style.

SPEAKER_02

Wait, so she has um wait, so she has sex with his bear penis? Yes. Oh, I don't like that.

SPEAKER_04

Uh huh.

SPEAKER_02

That seems that seems not right.

SPEAKER_04

This is the second book I've read where someone has sex when their partner is in a fully bear body form.

SPEAKER_02

No, I don't care for that.

SPEAKER_04

It kind of some people get nervous, they're like, this really crosses the line into bestiality. I'm like, that's a really interesting question there, which has actually been debated. I'd like to bring this up. This has been debated in the monster fucker community. The difference between an animal and a person is that a person can consent and an animal cannot.

SPEAKER_03

Sure.

SPEAKER_04

So when these bears are fucking these bitches, they can consent, therefore it's not bestiality.

SPEAKER_02

I made a point similar to this in 2015, and everybody I knew yelled at me.

unknown

Ah!

SPEAKER_02

But only because I made it about Velma and Scooby-Doo. Wait a minute. Scooby-Doo is like a sentient being. He he talks. He's a talking dog.

SPEAKER_04

You think he has consenting abilities?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And he can fuck the hottest member of the Mystery Inc. crew, Velma.

SPEAKER_04

You might be giving GM Fairy some ideas with that one.

SPEAKER_02

He can play her shit out. I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_04

At D GM Fairy.

SPEAKER_02

Everybody I talked to was like, no, that's not why you can't fuck an animal. You can't fuck an animal because it's wrong. I okay, so. Which by the way, seems tautological to me, but that's just me.

SPEAKER_04

JC wants a a Scooby-Doo fucking book. He's desperate. Someone needs to take up the mantle for him.

SPEAKER_02

Please.

SPEAKER_04

Please. Um, anyway, uh, so she gets her shitwrecked by Baric.

SPEAKER_02

Um, yep, yep, yep.

SPEAKER_04

On the way back home from his secret spot, they stop at the grocery store.

SPEAKER_02

Sure. Um Is he naked?

SPEAKER_04

No, he brought his clothes.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_04

Um, but she didn't bring any clothes. So he gives her his.

SPEAKER_02

She's in like a bikini stuff.

SPEAKER_04

Don't worry, I'm gonna get to it. He gives her his shirt. So she's got a bikini with a long shirt on, and he's got just sweatpants on.

SPEAKER_01

In the grocery store. Fucked up. I don't think you can't be at the grocery store with no shirt on.

SPEAKER_04

She has a w my note is, ready for this? She has a wet bikini and his t-shirt, he is in loose jeans and her crop top. Also, he's eating raw chicken in the store. Is he? Yes. That's fucked up. He starts like picking up um like packs of meat and just like eating them.

SPEAKER_02

See, okay, because they live in like a small town or whatever.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, they're just like hometown debugs.

SPEAKER_02

Um, I'm gonna go ahead and say, if I see two people I know are step siblings at the grocery store in this scenario, she's like wet bikinied out wearing his t-shirt, he's wearing no shirt. I'm like these step siblings are fucking.

SPEAKER_04

He's wearing her crop top.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, these step siblings are fucking. This is what you do when you're step sibling fucking.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, anyway, so they're going to the store, he starts picking up a bunch of meat. She's like, You needed that much meat? He goes, Yeah, I'm a bear. It takes a lot of energy.

SPEAKER_02

That's what is he about to hibernate?

SPEAKER_04

No, but like he's a bear.

SPEAKER_02

Bears can go like a reasonable amount of time. They're they're like, um, they're like partially predators.

SPEAKER_04

Anyway, so he starts eating raw chicken and she's like, You can eat raw food. He goes, Yeah, like it's totally fine, doesn't bother my stomach. Um, she runs into her high school friends.

SPEAKER_02

Um They're like, Why are you wearing your stepbrother's shirt? How come he's wearing your crop top?

SPEAKER_04

It's I believe it's the high school friend that she went to the club with, but they're like complimenting Derek. They're like, Derek, you look so good. Like you're so like you're so handsome.

SPEAKER_02

You're so hot. I'm I'm noticing nothing else about this situation.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. Um, and and she like blurts out, like, well, me and Derek just got done fucking each other.

SPEAKER_02

Girl. Girl. No, that's crazy, bitch.

SPEAKER_04

And then her ex turns the corner and he's in the grocery store with them too.

SPEAKER_02

He's like, What? Why is he here? Why is he at this grocery store? He's at the food lion. He's at the food line where he doesn't live, stalking her. Um He's like, How come all the beans are in the international section? That doesn't make any sense.

SPEAKER_04

I agree. Um, anyway, so uh her and Derek, after she tells a bunch of people she's fucking her stepbrother, go back to um their house. Should the step Nope. The ex-boyfriend follows them home.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04

And um he and Isabella get in a big fight.

SPEAKER_02

You will yeah.

SPEAKER_04

He's like, you fucking didn't deserve me, like you should be like thanking me that I'm getting back together with you, like blah blah blah blah blah.

SPEAKER_02

Also, he's not human, this is against God.

SPEAKER_04

Um, she tells him he ain't shit, and that and that he doesn't know anything about her, so how dare he like get up in her shit.

SPEAKER_02

Get him, girl. Also, stop fucking your stepbrother.

SPEAKER_04

Um Lewis, the ex-boyfriend, responds by trying to get physical and grabbing her.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, don't do that.

SPEAKER_04

Um this obviously causes Derek to wreck his shit.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. Um Does he bear out? Or does he just like beat him up human style?

SPEAKER_04

He bears out.

SPEAKER_02

Nice!

SPEAKER_04

He bears out, he gets he gets Lewis on his back and is like swiping at his face. What? Yeah, he like is maybe killing Lewis.

SPEAKER_02

Lewis, gotta say, bud, this is never Lewis is like doing that thing, that like that myth where he's like pretending to be dead.

SPEAKER_04

Getting your shitwrecked by your ex-bitch's stepbrother slash lover bear style.

SPEAKER_02

He's doing that thing. When I was a kid, um, there was like a lot of uh uh media and attention on like if you're being chased by a bear, you should not run up a tree because bears kind of love climbing trees.

SPEAKER_04

Well, you had black bears. Aren't you supposed to get bigger than black bears?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you yeah, you well, it's not like that hard to get bigger than a black bear, but like, yeah, that's what you're supposed to do. With grizzly bears, my understanding is you kind of um ignore them or something. You hope they don't notice you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you do well, th that was part of the thing is for both, you do not go up a tree. Because they they kind of love being up in trees.

SPEAKER_04

Grizzly bears are pretty big. I don't know. I presume they can get up in trees, but I can't.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, they love being up in trees.

SPEAKER_04

Can they? Yeah. I just look, I'm just thinking that's a big back bear. I don't think that bear can be supported by any tree branch.

SPEAKER_02

Well, yeah, I mean they can they can get up a tree.

SPEAKER_04

Do you think he's like an invasive species as a grizzly bear in category?

SPEAKER_02

That's what it sounds like. He's doing so much damage to the ecosystem. Yeah, he's like Yeah, the cause he's like way too big to be but uh grizzly bears uh can bring down like moose and like Amer an American bison.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, grizzly bears are like they're really, really big. Yeah, they're like ten feet tall when they're on their back.

SPEAKER_02

Does he have cute little bear ears? Yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Does he do does he do the hibernate thing where he eats like um he eats like a bunch and then gets real fat?

SPEAKER_04

I don't know. We don't learn about his hibernation. GM Fairy, come on to the pod!

SPEAKER_02

GM Fairy, come on the podcast, please!

SPEAKER_04

We got some questions!

SPEAKER_02

I must know.

SPEAKER_04

Does he stop up his butt with like a poop cork?

SPEAKER_02

That's a huge and then he sle Yeah, and then he um He sleeps for multiple months? Yeah, he sleeps for several months, but it's not actually a real hibernation because he wakes up he can wake up and uh go forage for more food during that time.

SPEAKER_04

You see all these bear facts JC got? JC's got bear facts on tap. JC has multiple bear characters. I appreciate all of them.

SPEAKER_02

Multiple bear characters.

SPEAKER_04

JC's an actor. Shit. I fucking broke the momentum of this goddamn part in the book.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, sorry. Sorry, sorry swiping at him. He's oh my god, Derek is playing dead.

SPEAKER_04

Derek is the bear! Derek wouldn't play dead.

SPEAKER_02

Sorry, uh Lewis is playing dead.

SPEAKER_04

He might be dead.

SPEAKER_02

Um He might be dead for on the real real.

SPEAKER_04

Um Isabella tries to pull Derek off of Lewis because she's like, Don't kill him, you'll get in trouble.

SPEAKER_02

Sure.

SPEAKER_04

He like lashes back and scratches her with his bear claws.

SPEAKER_02

It's giving, it's it's giving it ends with us.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. Um he immediately shifts back to a person and is like crying, and he like is like, oh my god, I'm so sorry. Like I didn't mean to hurt you, like I'm so sorry, like you must hate me. Like I didn't mean to, I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Um she's like looking at her boo-boo, she's like, it's not that bad. Like it's superficial, I'll be fine. Um she looks down at her boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, she's like, damn, he's disfigured for life. He's got like big scrapes, maybe loses an eye, who knows? Um, but Isabella is like looking at Derek, hyperventilating and freaking out and crying because he hurt Isabella.

SPEAKER_01

Sure.

SPEAKER_04

And her boyfriend, ex-boyfriend Lewis on the floor, and she's like, Derek, we gotta go. And Derek is like, we? You know, puppy dog eyes, like both of us.

SPEAKER_02

Derek, shut your bitch ass up, dog.

SPEAKER_04

Um so basically, this is when Derek's trauma uh of like his father's hatred and his guilt of hurting others and like killing his mom comes out. Um, but Isabella's like, don't worry about it, like I'm not gonna abandon you, we can deal with this later, but like we have to leave. Um so Derek and Isabella flee into the forest near where the river was, but that is where he has like a cabin he goes to that he found with the other shifters, and this cabin is like abandoned, and that's where he used to like run off to when he was a kid and his dad like got in his face.

SPEAKER_02

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

Um when they're in the cabin in the woods, Derek is still freaking out. He is like hates himself and is like really going through shit, and this is when he accidentally drops. Like, I can't believe I hurt my mate.

SPEAKER_01

Girl.

SPEAKER_04

Mate?

SPEAKER_02

Mate.

SPEAKER_04

Mate. Um, again, Isabella has the brain power of perhaps a pee, and she's like, What does that even mean?

SPEAKER_00

What is that?

SPEAKER_04

And I got um Derek, what is that? Um, they like stay the night at this cabin and Derek calms down. Derek goes out the next morning to go hunting because there's no food there.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_04

Um, Isabella's rifling around this cabin and finds a box under the bed. She pulls out the box, it's got a bunch of pictures of like shit Teen Derek really liked.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04

It's got like uh bikini model photos and like photos of like forests and like mountains and like shoes he really liked.

SPEAKER_02

That's funny.

SPEAKER_04

And then there is so many photos of her.

SPEAKER_02

No, I don't like that.

SPEAKER_04

Like so many photos of her. Um it's supposed to be like 17 to now. Like he's uh I know, right? Um Derek comes in and is like, oh, you found that. And she goes, What are these? And he's like, Oh, I kept photos to like make myself happy when I was like in a really bad place when I was younger. She goes, a lot of these things.

SPEAKER_02

This is my mood board material.

SPEAKER_04

Um and he's like, she's like, that's like a lot of stuff of me. And he goes, Yeah, well, I really liked you, and like I was jerking my shit to that.

SPEAKER_00

Gross.

SPEAKER_04

Um What? I'm not done. Um she's like, Oh, you liked me. Um, and he was like, Well, no, I kind of hated you, and she's like, What the fuck? And he goes, Um, like I hated you because I knew I couldn't have you because you're my fated mate, and I have known about that since high school, but I'm too dangerous, and we're step siblings, and blah blah blah blah blah. Like, why we can't be together. What? Uh-huh. Um, and then he's like, also, you said you don't want me, like you said that much to me. So, like, clearly, this is like what's going on. Like, I can't have you, and that makes me miserable. Um, and she's like, No, stop! Like, I definitely like like you, and blah blah blah, and we can be together and blah blah blah. What? And he's like, No, like you need to go. I'm too dangerous to be around, we're we can't be together, we're step siblings, like it's too hard, it'll never work.

SPEAKER_02

I have a question here on the faded mates situation of all of this.

SPEAKER_04

I'm not done.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Give me a second. Um after he said that like it's too difficult, we can't be together. He she's like, he's like, you need to leave, she's like, I'm not going to, and he said, fine, then I'll leave.

SPEAKER_02

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

So now you can ask your question.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. Um the this is something I always think about in the faded mates situation. Yes. Um so he's like a shifter. So fated mates is something he has. She's not a shifter? Yes. Okay. So fated mates is not really something she has. Um like a consent thing here. Is she allowed to be like, nah?

SPEAKER_04

She can be like, nah. I think the fated mates is more like, you know how like, okay, stay with me here.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. It's kind of like a soulmate situation.

SPEAKER_04

It's kind of like a soulmate situation. No. Shut up. You know how there's some people that like smell good to you.

SPEAKER_01

Sure.

SPEAKER_04

Because your body recognizes that biologically that would be fine. Like, that's chill, it would be a good match. That's why people smell good to you sometimes. Like pheromones and shit, because like physically, whatever, like that would good production, good baby making.

SPEAKER_02

Sure.

SPEAKER_04

I think that's what Faded Mates is.

SPEAKER_02

Is not so much like a um Okay, but surely other people smell good to him.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, but like this is like the best person to reproduce with. What? Yeah, this is he was she was like made for him.

SPEAKER_02

She's like made for him. Yes. Kind of like Edward Cullen.

SPEAKER_04

Dude, dead ass though, right? Like it all comes back to Twilight if we really think about it.

SPEAKER_02

She's kind of like his own personal brand of heroine.

SPEAKER_04

Exactly. His own personal brand of salmon.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, salmon? You kind of you're kind you're kind of salmon and blackberries to me.

SPEAKER_04

Hmm, girl.

SPEAKER_02

Anyway, she they're faded mates.

SPEAKER_04

They're faded mates. He is too self-deprecating to fucking realize that she's into him. He fucks off into the forest and wait, they've like been fucking.

SPEAKER_02

Is he just like, yeah, you just like want that?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. But you don't want to like be with me like emotionally.

SPEAKER_02

Sure.

SPEAKER_04

So he like fucks off into the forest and like waits for her to leave.

SPEAKER_02

Nice. Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Well, Isabella, because she's easily influenced, leaves.

SPEAKER_02

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

Um, she goes back to her childhood home that is now covered in cops.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_04

Um, the ex is not dead. He's alive.

SPEAKER_02

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

He's disfigured. He's like telling the cops, like, Isabella had nothing to do with it, like, this is all Derek's fault, like, don't worry about it. Um, the mom is like, I don't know what happened, but Derek probably did all this. The cops are like, this is definitely an animal attack. They're like, it's probably still Derek.

SPEAKER_02

It's probably Derek. Do they know about him being a shifter?

SPEAKER_04

We're getting there.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_04

Um, uh, the mom uh or Isabella confronts her mom, being like, Did you fucking know about Derek? Uh, and did you know that like I'm his fated mate?

SPEAKER_02

Um That's such a funny thing to do, is like run up to your mom and be like, Did you know me, did you know me and my stepbrothers are soulmates, or like what's up here?

SPEAKER_04

Um she also asked her mom, like, Did you know if he was like a bear?

SPEAKER_02

Did you know he's a bear?

SPEAKER_04

And that we're soulmates.

SPEAKER_02

In the gay style.

SPEAKER_04

Not in the gay style. Leave the gay jokes and go back to your brother bear jokes. Um anyway.

SPEAKER_02

Did you know he's in a ware?

unknown

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04

Anyway, um, the mom is like, yeah, of course I knew he was a fucking bear. Uh and I knew he was your mate. That's why I protected you from him and never let you get close to him.

SPEAKER_01

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

Um, Isabella's pissed as hell. She's like, Why the fuck would you do that? Like, that's so rude. You were so mean to him. Like, I love him.

SPEAKER_02

And I love him.

SPEAKER_04

Um, her mom freaks and is like, you love him like a brother, right?

SPEAKER_02

No.

SPEAKER_04

And Isabella's like, you know it's not that way, bitch. Like, you know I'd be loving him mad sexually, mad romantically.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, in a non-platonic manner.

SPEAKER_04

Um her mom is like in a state of shock now.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_04

Uh Isabella leaves because she's like, I have to tell Derek that I love him.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_04

Um, Isabella's mom is like, You're never gonna find Derek. Your stepdad's already on the way up to that cabin because we know about it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

By the way, we know about the cabin.

SPEAKER_04

Um, and the mom is like, you know, I used to pull uh his dad back on his punishments for Derek, uh, but this time he's gonna go all the way.

SPEAKER_02

What? Go all the way.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, in like in like punishing his step.

SPEAKER_02

He's gonna go fuck Derek.

SPEAKER_04

No! Um, but yeah, so uh the stepdad's out to like hunt for Derek the bear.

SPEAKER_02

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. Um Isabella is freaking out. She races up to the cabin to try to find Derek. Um she has to like figure out how to get there herself without Derek guiding her, which takes her a minute. When she gets to the cabin, she throws open the door and Derek is on the floor laying down, and his dad is standing over him with a gun pointed at Derek.

SPEAKER_02

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

As a person, not a bear.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_04

Um, the stepdad um is like screaming at Derek, being like, Your mother thought I was her fated mate, and you fucking killed her. Um, and then he like turns to Isabella and he's like, I knew he was your fated mate, and I tried to train him to get it under control, but you can never train a wild animal.

SPEAKER_02

No, that seems true.

SPEAKER_04

Um, and Isabella says that to her stepdad, you're the only wild animal I see here.

SPEAKER_02

That's so true, dude.

SPEAKER_04

And then he calls he calls Isabella a bitch.

SPEAKER_02

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yeah, you would.

SPEAKER_04

Which causes Derek to bear out and attack his dad.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Um Derek kills his dad.

SPEAKER_02

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

SPEAKER_04

Dope shit as a bear.

SPEAKER_02

That's right.

SPEAKER_04

Dead dad.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, so in this scenario, his dad is kind of um denali.

SPEAKER_04

That took you a minute to pull that one out.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, well, I was trying to remember which brother. Is the one that dies. But it's Sitka dies. Oh my god. And Denali is the one that hunts him because he thinks Kenai the bear is the bear that killed Sitka.

SPEAKER_04

This is a lot of knowledge you have on hand.

SPEAKER_02

I do also want to throw out at no point do they have the the uh Rick Morenus and that other guy, uh Moose.

SPEAKER_04

No, there's no moose in the moose.

SPEAKER_02

They don't have hilarious Canadian moose moose mooses.

SPEAKER_04

There aren't Mises. There are no hilarious Mises.

SPEAKER_02

That sucks.

SPEAKER_04

Um, agreed. Um anyway, Derek's now freaking out because he like killed his dad in front of Isabella.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, the the tracks.

SPEAKER_04

Isabella's like, don't even worry about it. Like, I'm gonna be with you no matter what. We're gonna show each other what real love is. No girl, I don't know that that's um they kiss, they're now together.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know that that's right. That's right. He seems he seems a little on the toxic side. He needs to get his temper.

SPEAKER_04

He's a literal bear.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, okay. That doesn't make me feel better. She has now seen him maim one person. Who tried to attack her physically? And uh a bear swipes her. By mistake. His uh Okay. He felt really bad about it. Yeah, this is uh I do love that the ending of this book appears to be like the middle of I haven't read the book, but uh at least the movie, it ends with us. My god She's gonna realize there's gonna be an awesome moment later where uh It bears with us. It's it's gonna it bears with us. There's gonna be a really cinematic moment later where she realizes that when he swiped her it wasn't an accident, it was mad uh it was mad intentional.

SPEAKER_04

It bears with us.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and she's gonna be like our daughter, and then the daughter's gonna have a stupid name.

SPEAKER_04

Anyway, Jay Z, back to our fucking bear book.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. It bears with us.

SPEAKER_04

It bears with us. Um Derek tells her, Isabella, after they decided to be together forever, um, that they have to leave the country and that his pack is gonna help.

SPEAKER_03

Sh what?

SPEAKER_04

And Isabella's like, I thought you were disowned. And Derek says, actually, I was given an ultimatum.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

That either I claim my mate and retain my humanity. What? Or I reject my mate and um go feral.

SPEAKER_02

These are some specific ass ultimatums.

SPEAKER_04

Apparently, as a shifter in this universe, if you have a fated mate and you know who they are, you need to claim your fated mate and be with them. So that way you retain your humanity, or you live alone and you become a feral animal.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. I don't I don't like this.

SPEAKER_04

Why?

SPEAKER_02

They're like, oh, like you need to claim her. Okay, yeah, dog, I've been trying to. She would in a scenario where all of this hasn't happened, she's not like the most easily manipulated person in the world. And they're like That's what makes her perfect for him. You must claim her. And you're like, yeah, dog, uh, she's been saying no.

SPEAKER_04

That's why he was gonna go feral. Because he said, I respect her too much.

SPEAKER_02

He's gonna go feral.

SPEAKER_04

Because if you're a fated mate, like the worst thing.

SPEAKER_02

That also seems bad because he's like a grizzly bear, and Connecticut does not have an ecosystem ready for that kind of Right? Anyway, so when you're fated mate, oh my god.

SPEAKER_04

So when you're ready for fated mates, or when you shit. When you have a fated mate, the worst thing you could do is like hurt them or harm them. So like you don't want to like assault them.

SPEAKER_02

Well, he's already done that, so. That seems less than ideal.

SPEAKER_04

That's why he was so upset.

SPEAKER_02

Seems like he should be feral.

SPEAKER_04

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02

He was I refuse to support this man. I I would I would rather support Keenai.

SPEAKER_04

That's it. That's all of them. You just used all of them up.

SPEAKER_02

That's all of them.

SPEAKER_04

And you used all of them up just in time for the epilogue.

SPEAKER_02

Nice. What's the ep and they're they're they have babies now?

SPEAKER_04

No. Uh they leave the country.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

They move to Iceland.

SPEAKER_02

That seems like a weird place to live.

SPEAKER_04

They live under the names Ken and Lucy.

SPEAKER_02

Sure.

SPEAKER_04

They have a salmon business.

SPEAKER_02

No.

SPEAKER_04

Where they like smoke and like cure salmon and sell it.

SPEAKER_02

Surely it would be easier to he's a grizzly bear. They can move to British Columbia. They move to Iceland, baby. I don't know that Iceland has grizzly bears. It doesn't. It doesn't. Yeah, it seems like the logical places would be um Canada or like Russia.

SPEAKER_04

You would think so. I certainly would. But they're in Iceland now. They have a salmon business. Um, Isabella is still close with that friend who's like, I fuck my stepbrother. So she gets all the drama and updates from that friend.

SPEAKER_02

Oh sure. Um How did they move to Iceland so easily?

SPEAKER_04

The pack helped them.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

They have connects.

SPEAKER_02

They have connects in the Icelandic immigration department? Apparently.

SPEAKER_01

What? Icelandic immigration full of shifters.

SPEAKER_04

Anyway.

SPEAKER_02

It seems like it would be easier to move to Canada.

SPEAKER_04

JC, you're thinking too logically about this. Do you not remember the book where everyone turned into vegetables and fucked?

SPEAKER_02

I do remember this.

SPEAKER_04

There you go. Okay, so you're realizing what we're here for. You can't think it's just for fun. Um, anyway, so they're in Iceland. He's a grizzly bear. She's close friends with the person who she told was fucking her brother. Yeah. Her mom and her ex-boyfriend are now dating.

SPEAKER_02

Uh no. No, I don't like that.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, way worse than dating your step sibling, by the way.

SPEAKER_02

Um I don't know about that.

SPEAKER_04

I think it's way worse to date your daughter's ex-boyfriend than to No, it's not. That's weird that you think that. That's weird. Anyway, uh, they fuck under the Northern Lights Happily Ever After the End.

SPEAKER_02

And happily ever after in the end. Yes. Oh, and the Northern Lights. Yes. The spirits.

SPEAKER_04

Yes. Of salmon.

SPEAKER_02

Of salmon.

SPEAKER_04

Of not grizzly bears.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and then the uh the Bulgarian choir sings an Inuit song for them. That was um the the soundtrack for Brother Bear was the It was like Bulgarian choir, I think.

SPEAKER_04

It seemed that appropriate. Shouldn't an Inuit choir single songs?

SPEAKER_02

I I also don't think it's like explicitly Inuit folk songs. I think it's um it's mostly meant to be just like choral.

SPEAKER_04

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

Like choral tracks, and then they um went specifically with this uh like Bulgarian.

SPEAKER_04

Why do you know so many facts about Brother Bear?

SPEAKER_02

I love Brother Bear.

SPEAKER_04

Do you? Yeah. I've only seen it like twice.

SPEAKER_02

Great movie.

SPEAKER_04

It's a strange one to think is good.

SPEAKER_02

Uh Brother Bear came out right as my younger sister really got like into movies as like a concept for children. Yep. Um, so we watch Brother Bear a lot.

SPEAKER_04

Apparently, you got a lot of facts about it.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. I don't I don't remember why I know the Bulgaria one. I read that somewhere.

SPEAKER_04

But it's fun. I guess. Um, so that's Stepbrother Bear.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that's Stepbrother Bear. And guess what? And pray tell.

SPEAKER_04

It is a US Today bestseller.

SPEAKER_02

Is it?

SPEAKER_04

Yes, this is the one for good for GM Fair.

SPEAKER_02

This is the one I know her.

SPEAKER_04

I know her too. That was the one that propelled her up to be a US uh USA Today bestseller. Um very exciting for her. She has sold plenty of these books. I love the cover art. I have we got the um I got an early physical arc from this from um Monster Erotica.

SPEAKER_02

Nice.

SPEAKER_04

Um, which was great, and it came with like prints and shit. It came to a print of them boning in the laundry room.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Which is in my smut book over there. Um, but it was it's a lot of fun. I really like it. I love Gian Ferry's books. I've been really excited about this one since she announced it. Um yeah, I really liked this one. It was fun, it was cute. It was fun, it was cute. Uh, Love a Bear, Love a Good Step Sibling Romance. Um, hell yeah. Wish Isabella had a little bit more agency in her life. God damn it.

SPEAKER_02

I would love that. I would love to.

SPEAKER_04

Girl, why are you so easily influenced?

SPEAKER_02

She's traumatized.

SPEAKER_04

She is literally one of those people that your parents are like, if someone dared you to jump off a cliff, would you?

SPEAKER_02

Isabella would. And she would. You wouldn't even have to dare her, you'd just be like, jump off that cliff, you won't do it.

SPEAKER_04

Uh yeah, I would.

SPEAKER_02

So that she is.

SPEAKER_04

So anyway.

SPEAKER_02

So anyway. The uh it does sound fun. It is fun. Um, because this is kind of in her uh corpus of legally not uh this Disney movie, her I guess in the case of Shrek a DreamWorks film.

SPEAKER_04

Or in the case of Veggie Tales, whatever the hell's going on there.

SPEAKER_02

Whatever the hell's going on there.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, her not quite legal.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Um have you read any of the others in that vein? You read the Veggie Tales one.

SPEAKER_04

I read the Veggie Tales one. I haven't read the Shrek ones yet. I haven't read the B movie one. I've only read this one and the Veggie Tales one.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

It's on my list. I started the Shrek one at one point in time, but the Shrek one is definitely more dark romance than you would think.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_04

Which I just wasn't prepared for dark Shrek romance when I started it.

SPEAKER_02

I mean the movie is kind of dark romance.

SPEAKER_04

I guess. I guess, goddamn.

SPEAKER_02

Well, because she's only an ogre at night.

SPEAKER_04

I get it. That was dumb. That was dumb.

SPEAKER_02

Thank you.

SPEAKER_04

Anyway. Anyway, yeah, I I mean I love Gian Ferry stuff. She has, I think it's called not the Never Hairs. I don't want to quote that. Don't quote me on what her next book is, but she's posting about it. It's really exciting. She has some other stuff she's working on. Gian Ferry's always working on something.

SPEAKER_02

She's she's always working on something.

SPEAKER_04

Booked and blessed, bitch.

SPEAKER_02

Apparently.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. She's constantly at conf conferences, that would be way too serious, at like book cons. And she's constantly like putting new shit out. Um but yeah, this has been a really fun one. I was really excited for this one. I really love the cover art. They gave Isabel. Isabel is a dark-skinned, like Hispanic woman? It's kind of hard to tell.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, good for good for her.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, right. Like it's kind of hard to tell. But she's got like really curly hair and she's really, really tan. But yeah, she was fun. I liked it. Good book, good book. Any feelings? Anything that you'd like to end on for bear shifter and or step sibling romance?

SPEAKER_02

Uh uh I think uh uh don't fuck your step siblings.

SPEAKER_04

Um unless they're consensually into that.

SPEAKER_02

No. No. There are there are there are billions of people in the world. You can truly fuck anybody. Look, look. You can you can have sex with any person. Just I d I think I think step siblings are a weird way to go.

SPEAKER_04

Fuck the bear shifter if you'd like. Uh go off king.

SPEAKER_02

Anyway. Anyway. Have a good y'all.

SPEAKER_04

Have a good y'all