God, Redeemer Of Our Pain (Book of Ruth)

Kevin and Chandra Sipes graciously share about the loss of their son and God's redeeming nature.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:06

I've got a special podcast episode for you guys today. So I woke up this morning to a text from my dad, and he said, and it said, hey, it's it's Sean's birthday today, and uh we recognize this day every year. My brother Sean passed away when I was very young. And so every year we like to kind of talk about how old Sean would have been. I'm 38, he would have been 36 today. And uh we just kind of like to look forward to the day that we get to see him again in heaven. And so I had been thinking a lot about the book of Ruth since we finished reading it. And I had been the thing that I'd been thinking so much about was that the story starts with great tragedy. You have Naomi's husband who dies, and and uh her two sons also die, and so you have these three women that are left without a husband and in a bad spot. And then throughout the book, you get to watch the journey that God weaves throughout Naomi's life and Ruth's life, and it just kind of becomes a beautiful story. But not only does it not only is there redemption in the story, especially for Ruth when she meets Boaz, but if you look further in the Bible, then we see that the book of Ruth is kind of given to us because it proves the lineage of David who will become king, which then of course leads us to the lineage of Jesus. And so we have the story starting with tragedy and a really hard moment in these people's lives, and but the story ends with God doing something that no one could have expected to come out of tragedy. And so this morning when I woke up to this text, I was thinking about Sean and I was thinking about how difficult it must have been for my parents to go through that that time. I don't really know if there's anything more difficult you could go through in life than losing a child. Thankfully, I can't have not experienced that and can't relate, but I just asked my parents if they would be interested in just talking about that time and what they've seen God bring out of that time, what got what they've seen God bring out of tragedy in their lives. So I am going to be quiet for a little bit. I'm gonna let them talk about what that's been like. So here you go. Hello.

SPEAKER_02 2:50

Hey there. I do love the story of Ruth and Naomi and Boaz and all of them. And um, I think those stories in the Bible are a great comfort when you have um, when you experience your own things, that you do get to see how God pieces things together and directs your steps. I think one of the first things I think about when I think about losing Sean that I've spoken about through the years, is um how God really revealed his nature right up before Sean died. God was already at work. And that's the thing that's kind of cool is that it was the preparedness that I saw in my life that I'd had to testify a lot of times, that um God really showed me the nature of who he is to prepare us for difficult things. And I think I see that even in those stories of Ruth and Naomi, all the things that had to go before you to make the pieces fall in place that sustain us through difficult seasons that are very clearly the handiwork of God. Um, I see it a lot in believers, and I see it even in the courses of unbelievers, that a lot of times it really speaks to others of who God is and his intimate involvement in our life. Um, I think that Kevin and I, in walking out that process of losing Sean, had very different experiences, but getting to see that God had um prepared me in advance to start reaping the good of a bad situation. That was a big part of it for me.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

Um I look back at those days and and I remember Shandra and I talking um through the aftermath and noting things that were happening in people's lives around us. Um I think both people that were close to us and people that we had very little knowledge of, some people were highly impacted. I think some of it was just that they felt the tragedy of for themselves, and maybe they tried to transpose themselves into that position and and see how they would feel and would communicate some of those things to us. Um some of it was the way that God carried us through that that time and those those painful moments, um, and they got to to see that, and I think that that had an impact on people. Um we talked about some of those in particular, and um I remember making the statement that I was really happy that some good things had happened for people and that maybe it was a life-changing event for them that they decided that that they were going to follow Christ from what they saw in this situation. And uh I remember saying that I was really happy for that, but the cost was too high. And it's it's it made a change in me and that it it caused me to see the example of God and his son, and that the cost was not too high. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 6:27

Well, I I told um Kevin when he said that to me earlier. Um I said, you know, honestly, when hard things happen, the cost has already been exacted. Like you have already paid what it's going to cost you. But it's the redemptive beauty of God in the process that that will stand out to all of humanity. Um, it you will get to benefit in your own life, but your kids will get to benefit it. Um, the people around you will get to benefit from it. So our lives are not always easy and perfect, but the beauty of God among the imperfect is always miraculous to me. And it was very miraculous. I think um no different than Ruth wanted to change her name, you know. Uh, you see, everybody starts at a different place when they go through traumatic things. And um, where mine was God was walking me through that 139th Psalm. And I remember thinking, this scripture is so impactful. Whoever I'm going to meet someone, I was very certain that God was preparing me, learning this 139th Psalm through scripture, how he was walking me through it. And it talks about how where can I go from your presence? If I go to the very depths of the sea, you're there. Wherever I am, you're present and you're with me. And um, I don't know this. And I knit you together in your mother's womb, and all of your days were numbered before one of them came to be. This was also really impactful for me in losing a child that I'm like, oh, this wasn't a random thing. Like you knew Sean and you knew the number of his days, and you still chose to give him to me, knowing that it wouldn't be, you know, it would be a few years, not long years, you know, that he would live. And so, like this 139th Psalm, I I didn't know the purpose of it. I was just overwhelmingly being formed by the confidence in that part of the scripture. And in knowing that somebody was going to be desperate for this, and I was gonna have this to give to them. And then just, you know, months later, when it was me that turned out to be the desperate person, that here was this scripture in my mouth already, waiting on me and really waiting on others too, because you know, we don't grieve as an island. We may all grieve differently, but it impacts, you know, a whole family and then your community around you too. So to see God pull beautiful things out of that. I know, even, you know, going and preparing a celebration of Sean's life and people coming and doing that. Um, I had a really close friend who owned a business next to our business. We owned a florist at the time. She owned an interior decorating. She had a client that she was meeting with that day. They got hung in traffic, and the client had to come to the service with her because the woman said, Oh, you're not missing the funeral service. I'm just going with you. And she came to the service and in the parking lot at the end of that service, she gave her heart to God. And she said, I don't know what that family has, but I don't have it. And whatever they have, I want that. So she could see like the sustaining power of God just in a memorial service, in the words of your granddad Zane, Kevin, your dad, as he spoke that. Like God is constantly redeeming in the midst of trauma. And I, it is a high price, Kevin. Like none of us want to sign up for those things. But life is expensive sometimes. Um, and in the midst of the expense of life, it's really fantastic to get to have eyes to see both in the situation and in years to come, how God works it. The way he forms you, the confidence I have that God will prepare us for the things that lay ahead. Um, and if you're um seeking after him, I think you get all the more preparedness for the things that you're gonna walk through. And then the way he redeems the story of someone you never even met in the parking lot after a funeral. Like there was some orchestration, I feel like, of just the traffic pattern that day to ensure that the girl would come to the funeral service that day. So a lot of beautiful things there.

SPEAKER_00 11:00

A couple of other things we talked about were the fact that it changes you as a parent. It's a positive outcome. Although we've laughed and said, you know, when Toby came along that if he just didn't die, everything else was okay. You know, that we were a lot more permissive than we might have been with the other two. Um, I think it certainly helped me as a father to stay more involved, which I think I'd always been, but it it definitely changes you, informs you uh to know that life is precious and sometimes short. And it can be taken in a moment. And it uh you gotta enjoy all those moments. The other thing was uh I've had lots of opportunities to speak into people's lives when they were going through a a tough time. We were just down at the haciendas uh a couple of weeks ago, and there was a lady that was obviously in distress. That we were up in our room out on the balcony, and we saw this lady down on the pool deck, and she was in obvious distress, and lifeguards and concierge were trying to help her, and uh we found out that she had just gotten the word that a close relative had just died. And uh so a few minutes later I was walking up to the office and I came past she and another woman, and I stopped, and uh I got to tell her that I could tell her from experience, and I just briefly told her that God would be with you through this, and he would give you a piece that you could not believe, and that he would walk through this with you if you just let him do that. Uh, so there have been innumerable times that I've been able to share with someone that maybe lost a child or they lost anybody because it it translates. Um I know there are positives that that have come from it, and God has used that situation for the good in in many, many cases.

SPEAKER_02 13:14

I think even um having Toby, you know, I'm like he's a valuable part of Zane's life, you know, and a huge part of my life. And then you look at all the people that came from that. And I look at, I'm like, ah, would we have had Toby? I think we would have had Toby. But when I look at just the the knowing of what a family unit is and the individual that God sends into a family unit that are timely for restoring parts of the parts that are that are injured, right? He's very clever the way he orchestrates people. So I've always um been thankful for the way that God orchestrated people. I know different times people are like, well, you can't replace them. I hope if you have another baby, it's a girl. I don't know if I could do another boy. And I'm like, I don't know. I kind of think we're we're boy family here, you know. So even just um watching God work in a family unit, you know, I think it's a big deal how that God continually changes the individuals in the circumstances that have been impacted and the people that have not even been present for the scenario, like you're mentioning a woman, you know, 30 some odd years later, that you can still relate to your journey, that you can share that with them. So you can get on the journey with someone else. You can actually, you can actually walk a journey because you have experienced traumatic things and difficult things. And it is the place that you find all the growth. You don't get to find the growth through the ordinary, you find the growth through the extraordinary moments. And gratefully, the hard ones are few normally, but boy, they are impactful and lasting. And I see that the continuance of God's work using those things, he is constantly redeeming. Where Kevin's comment is the cost was too great. I look at it and I say, wow, you know, he is a debtor to no one. So sometimes when he asks you to do a hard thing in your life, you get to see the beautiful payback of it, might have been expensive, but I will redeem it for you. So even the way God has poured out the gifts of the spirit in your life saying, Um, I think, you know, there was a season that God told you, uh, it's a double portion because what would have been in your brother's life, I'm pouring into your life. Um, and you had a cool dream. I don't know if you even remember it. A guy came and he was an accountant and he sat at a table at McDonald's and he pulled out a register for you and he showed you an inheritance. And there was all this inheritance listed. And God really took you through as a young man the fact that he was going to give you a significant anointing in your ministry that would have been shared with your brother. And I'm like, I don't know, God's just cool. I don't even know all the ways that he has redeemed things, but they're deep and they're they're in the natural and they're in the spirit, and they're transforming, the same as it was for generations to come in Ruth and Naomi, and the work of that relationship that came to be. It just goes on for generations. And I think that's what I see in my own life is that it goes on for generations, just the knowing of who God is for generations within your family and the work that He's done for you.

SPEAKER_01 17:00

Yeah, it's amazing to see how God uses anything and everything that happens in our life, really. I it's very comforting that he uses these most difficult, traumatic things, of course. It's amazing to see, you know, if we break down the story of Ruth or any other in anyone's life, then you're gonna see all these really normal things that God uses that you don't know you're doing something that is part of his plan, but he uses it anyway. You know, she doesn't know that she's doing anything special when she goes to pick up the grain that's left over behind the pickers in Boaz's field. Uh it's just a normal everyday thing. She's just going to work because she needs to survive. And God uses that to bring about the lineage of Jesus, you know, and um and there are the traumatic things he uses, there are the good things he uses, there are, I mean, even the sin he uses, you know, anyone, anyone who's listening on this episode, I can tell you that there's so many times that God has used my sin and my process of repentance to change my life and change other people's lives. And so I'm not certainly not encouraging anyone to sin, and no one wants to go through the death of a loved one. But the amazing thing is to see that God will use absolutely anything to benefit you in your journey. You know, uh when Sean died, I don't think I told you all this till a way later, but right after Sean died, God took me for a night. I went to sleep, and I don't know if it was a dream or something uh spiritually more than that, but God took me, let me go around heaven with Sean and get a tour. And I think that it I went from being really confused of why my brother wasn't there to having some sort of deep peace that I knew where he was because I had been there. And I've carried that experience with me throughout my whole life. It was it's the first deep experience of God or something heavenly that I can remember in my lifetime. And so, yeah, I mean, I would love to have a brother here alive today. I love Toby. I mean, he's my best friend, and if I could have another one, man, I'd push that button really fast. And I greatly look forward to the day that I get to uh meet my brother in heaven, who I only knew as a really little kid, you know. But but I'm very grateful for the way that God's used it to guide our family and my parents and my own life. Yeah, it's amazing. So I'm just gonna pray um for all of you listening, whatever circumstance you're in in life right now, I just pray the blessing of God over you. I pray that you'll be aware of his acting in your life. I pray that you'll be aware of him using difficult moments that you go through. And even if you're just in a normal, boring moment right now and you just have to do a little everyday work, then I pray that you will be aware of God and that you will trust him to be very involved in the joyful moments in your life and especially in the moments that seem like they're gonna tear your world apart. That you know that he is a redeemer who will make all things good. God, we pray that you'd give us peace and joy and hope and wisdom and understanding and grace to deal with every moment of our life, especially those who are in a painful one right now. We just pray the grace of the Lord Jesus. Amen. Thanks for sharing. Love y'all. Love all of you listening. See you next time.