Episode 13 : Is This Discomfort Expansion or Misalignment? Here’s How to Tell

🎙️ Episode 13
 Welcome to Episode 13 of The Less Stress, More Magic Podcast ✨
I’m your host, Erin Wallen, and I’m so glad you’re here.

This podcast is for capable, caring women who are doing all the “right” things—yet still feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or stuck in stress. If you’ve ever tried to “think more positively” or reframe your mindset and wondered why it didn’t stick, this episode is for you.

In This Episode

Have you ever had a day that looked like your dream life on paper…
 and yet you woke up feeling off?

In this episode, I’m sharing a real-life experience of that exact moment—and walking you through a powerful reframe that can completely change how you interpret discomfort.

We’ll explore the difference between expansion discomfort and misalignment discomfort, and how learning to tell the difference can transform the way you make decisions, show up, and trust yourself.

We’ll talk about:

•  Why even your “dream life” can still feel uncomfortable 
•  The difference between expansion discomfort and misalignment 
•  How your nervous system processes change and growth 
•  The subtle cues your body gives you when something is (or isn’t) aligned 
•  Why you should never make decisions from a dysregulated state 
•  A simple 3-question filter to help you find clarity in real time 

Why This Matters

So many women are stuck between two extremes—pushing through discomfort no matter what, or pulling back the moment something feels off.

But the truth is, not all discomfort means stop… and not all discomfort means keep going.

When you learn how to read your body and regulate your nervous system first, you unlock a deeper level of clarity, self-trust, and alignment—allowing you to move toward your goals with more ease, confidence, and intention.

Reflection / Journal Prompts

Take a moment to reflect or journal:

•  Where in my life am I currently feeling discomfort? 
•  Does this feel like fear and desire—or just resistance? 
•  When I slow down and regulate, does this feel clearer… or heavier? 

✨ Free Resource
 Support your nervous system with my Daily Ease Reset Checklist—a simple, grounding tool to help you shift out of stress and back into calm throughout your day.
 👉 https://erinwallencoaching.myflodesk.com/dailyeasechecklist

🎧 Subscribe & Follow
 New episodes drop weekly on Tuesdays.
 If this episode resonated, subscribe, follow along, and share it with a friend who also could use a little less stress and a lot more everyday magic!

📱 Connect with me on Instagram for more support and behind-the-scenes:
 👉 https://www.instagram.com/joybyerin/

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Not all discomfort means you're off track, but not all discomfort means you should push through either. There are actually two different types of discomfort: there's expansion discomfort and misalignment discomfort. And learning how to tell the difference between these two is one of the most powerful skills that you can build. Welcome to the Less Stress, More Magic Podcast. I'm your host, Erin Wallen, stress freedom coach, intuitive strategist, and former clinical pharmacist. This show is for busy, capable women with big goals who are ready to stop living with so much stress and are ready for a more ease-based, effective way of living and working. Here, we explore how stress is a survival response, not a success strategy, and how regulating your nervous system leads to more clarity, better decisions, and everyday magic. I can't wait to share with you. Let's dive in. Welcome back to the Less Stress, More Magic podcast. This is Erin, and this is episode 13. We're going to be talking all about expansion or misalignment discomfort and how to know the difference. I'm even going to give you a three question filter to help you decide which one it is. So, welcome back. I am inspired to share this episode because recently I shared on Instagram that I was going through some expansion discomfort and I had a huge response. Like so many people reacted, were sending me messages saying that it resonated. And I was like, well, gosh, we must need to talk about this more then. So if you did not catch what I shared on Instagram, this is going back a few weeks now. I had shared that I felt like I had a day which was like my dream day, my everyday dream day, right? Like nothing elaborate, nothing like going on this beautiful trip, but it was this beautiful mix of self-care, connection with high vibrational individuals, working with people that I adore to work with. And it was just this beautiful, beautiful mix of kind of everything in that day. And I knew what I had scheduled. On paper, it looked great. And yet I woke up feeling discomfort. I was able to sit with it and regulate. And I quickly realized that it was expansion discomfort and not misalignment discomfort. And really, how how to tell the difference is what we're going to get into today. So, as always, I'm going to invite you just to take a moment to ground into this present moment. Maybe slowing your breathing, deepening your breathing into your stomach, just getting present and available for the magic that's all around. And as I'm sharing this, I'm looking at my window, and this beautiful red cardinal just landed at the top of this tree out my window. And gosh, I would have missed it if I was not present in this moment. So just pause, take a breath, notice that you are safe right now. And always remember you can come back to your breath in this present moment to just open you up to a little more regulation. Okay, so let's dive in. So when you're building a life that you actually desire, when things are working, when you're expanding, why does it still feel uncomfortable sometimes? And more importantly, how do you know if that discomfort means you're growing or if it means something is actually not aligned? So this is where I see so many women get stuck because we've been taught kind of two very extreme things. On one side, we hear growth is uncomfortable, keep going no matter what, right? Push through, it's supposed to be hard. Hard work is what gets the result. And on the other side, we sometimes hear messages like if it doesn't feel good, it's not aligned, pull back. But the truth is both of these can be true. Both of them happen to often be true in my own life. So without understanding your nervous system, though, without understanding how your body processes change, it can become really hard to know which one you're experiencing. So here's the reframe I want to offer you. Not all discomfort means you're off track, but not all discomfort means you should push through either. There are actually two different types of discomfort: there's expansion discomfort and misalignment discomfort. And learning how to tell the difference between these two is one of the most powerful skills that you can build. So let's start with expansion discomfort. Expansion discomfort happens when you are growing into something new. Maybe your identity is shifting, your capacity is increasing, you're stepping into a version of yourself that your nervous system isn't fully familiar with yet. And because your nervous system is wired for familiarity and safety, even the things that you want can feel uncomfortable. So I often say expansion discomfort often feels like, and really run it through the filter of, is this true for you? We're all so nuanced and different. So finding what it feels like for you specifically is going to be a very powerful exercise. But it may feel like edginess, vulnerability, maybe a little activating and even a little shaky. You might notice thoughts like, who am I to be here? Can I really hold this? What if I mess this up? And there's often this interesting mix of fear and desire. You want it and it stretches you. So this kind of discomfort shows up. Um, maybe you're visible in a new way, you're raising your prices, you're speaking your truth more boldly, you're receiving more than you used to. Really, any type of expansion, really know this expansion discomfort is part of it. Anything new triggers our nervous system to kind of shout it a little bit, like we don't know if this is safe. This is new, I don't fully recognize this yet. But it's not saying it's wrong. It's just asking for more regulation around this new expansion. So that is exactly what I gave myself the other morning when I really was sitting with this expansion discomfort, having the everyday day of my dreams, feeling uncomfortable. I had that mix of discomfort and desire, and I invited in regulation. In contrast, I want to talk about misalignment discomfort. So misalignment discomfort does feel different, but often if we don't slow down and regulate enough, it's hard to tell the difference. So misalignment discomfort happens when something is not actually right for you, or when you're overriding your own internal signals. So it might actually be right, but you might be doing so in a way that's stressing your system. And we need to shift how we're doing things. So this kind of discomfort tends to feel different. Again, running it through that filter of finding how it feels for you, but it might feel heavy, draining, contracted, and tight in your body. Instead of activation, too, when it's misaligned, it can also have this flavor of depletion. It can be both ways. You might notice things like dread, avoidance, procrastination that feels sticky, resentment, a sense of I don't want to do this, but I feel like I have to. FOMO, maybe. And this is where a lot of women get tripped up because they think maybe this is just growth and I need to push through. But your body may actually be signaling this isn't aligned or this isn't the way forward. So this is where the nervous system becomes everything. This is going to be a common theme you hear on this podcast. The nervous system is the root to everything and anything that you want in your life. And it's of course, it's not the whole picture, but when we start from the nervous system, everything comes to be more easeful, more effortless, more enjoyful. So really just keeping that in mind. But when we start with our mind to figure out is this expansion, discomfort, or misalignment, it's going to try to label it in one of two categories: either keep going or quit. Because your mind is often pulling from old conditioning, fear patterns, external expectations. But if we tap into our nervous system, it's giving us much more nuanced real-time data that oftentimes exceeds what language can communicate. So if we tap into our nervous system and what is going on, we might notice expansion discomfort being that activation with some openness still, right? There's movement, there's energy, there's possibility. Whereas misalignment discomfort is often going to feel like activation or shutdown with contraction. So there's less of that possibility, and it can be so nuanced. And the more we get away from being in touch with our nervous system, the less we can check these differences. So, really tapping back in is how we figure out which discomfort is this? Is it expansion discomfort? Is this a sign of I am right on track, I am doing exactly what I want to get what I desire in life, or is it misalignment? Where the longer we go in this direction, the more we get off course. And before you even try to decide which one this is, come back to regulation first. And for me, one of the simplest ways to do that is checking in with my body, inviting in some breathing, checking for areas of tightness or contraction in my body, and inviting some space in. I also have that free guide, the Daily Ease Reset Checklist, which goes through about five other simple strategies to build more regulation into your everyday life. And if you're ready to tap in deeper, make sure that you connect with me. I have a really exciting spring program that is going to be closing very soon. Okay, so now I want to share with you this three question filter that you can ask yourself the next time that you're feeling this discomfort and you want to know is this expansion or is this misalignment? So this is the tool I want to give you. And if you take nothing else from this episode, take this. When you're in discomfort, ask yourself these three questions. Number one, if I slowed down and regulated, does this feel clearer or heavier? So take a moment. Maybe you're going through this in real time, breathe, ground yourself, then check in again. If this feels clearer, lighter, or more neutral after you've regulated, that's usually expansion. If it feels heavier, more draining, or more contracted, that's often misalignment. Question number two: is there fear and desire, or is it just resistance? So this one is gonna be so telling because that expansion discomfort often includes both. I'm scared, but I also really want this. Whereas that misalignment discomfort often feels like you're just pushing. It doesn't have that openness and possibility that's mixed with the fear. And question number three: does this feel like becoming more of me or abandoning myself? So this one is a good one too. It's a really deep one because expansion discomfort often feels like I'm growing into a fuller version of who I truly am. Whereas misalignment discomfort feels more like I'm leaving myself behind to make this work. And your body is going to know the difference, especially if you start with the regulation. So coming back to my experience that I shared on Instagram, it was so clearly expansion discomfort. I was excited about my day, I was really present and happy and joyful, and also there was discomfort. And I will say that balance can differ. There's been times where I have experienced expansion discomfort, and the fear or the discomfort has been a lot louder. Sometimes the faster we are growing, the more we are expanding, the more discomfort we are going to feel. But there's still gonna be that layer of possibility and hope and openness and that feeling that you're on the right track. So regulate, check in to see if you're noticing that. So if you take anything from me today, let it be this. You don't have to force your way into your dream life. You don't have to run away from it either. Your work is to become more connected to yourself, more attuned to your body, more aware of what your nervous system is actually communicating. Because when you can tell the difference between expansion and misalignment, you're gonna move differently, you're gonna make decisions differently, and you're gonna trust yourself more. So I'll leave you with this. Where in your life are you feeling discomfort right now? And what if instead of trying to fix it, you just got curious about it? Is this expansion or misalignment? Thank you so much for being here. I will see you next week. Thank you for spending this time with me today. If this episode had supported you, you can download my free daily ease reset checklist. It's linked in the show notes and designed to help you shift out of stress and into ease this week. Make sure you're following the podcast so these conversations can meet you each week. I'll see you next time.