When Your Mind Turns Against You

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to believe the thoughts in your head? Especially when they sound responsible, honest, or self-aware?

In this episode, we’re talking about the quiet thoughts so many women carry:
“I should’ve done more.”
“This must mean something about me.”
“If I were better, things would be different.”

Inspired by Sister Tamara Runia’s General Conference quote, “You are not the thoughts in your head,” this episode dives into the difference between thoughts and truth, worthiness and worth, and why the mind can become such a hard place to live when we believe every thought it offers us.

We’ll talk about:
• Why negative thoughts feel so believable
• What actually happens in the brain when thoughts are repeated over and over
• Why so many good women tie their worth to outcomes
• How coaching helps you question thoughts instead of automatically believing them
• The difference between growth and worth

If you’ve spent years second-guessing yourself, carrying guilt, or believing your child’s choices somehow define you, this episode will help you breathe a little deeper and see yourself with more compassion.

Your worth was never on trial.

If this episode resonates with you and you want support learning how to quiet the shame, untangle painful thought patterns, and build a healthier relationship with yourself, I’d love to talk with you.

Schedule a free coaching call here:

https://calendly.com/sherylee-kartchner/25min

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to believe those thoughts in your head, especially when they sound reasonable, honest, or even self-aware, but they can create guilt, fear, and the constant second guessing. The thoughts that tell you if you had done a little more, noticed a little sooner, been a little better, things would be different. And because those thoughts feel so familiar, you don't even question them. You assume they must be true. You start treating every worried thought like evidence, every mistake like proof, and every hard thing like a reflection of your worth. And after a while, those thoughts stop sounding like thoughts. They start sounding like truth. Before you even realize it, the loudest voice in your life becomes your own mind. Welcome to Open Conversations for LDS Moms. If you're an LDS mom who loves the church, but life or church doesn't feel as simple as it once did, you're in the right place. Here we talk openly about faith, motherhood, heartache, and finding peace when life looks different than you imagine. The pain we carry doesn't come from life itself, but from the thoughts and meaning we attach to it. I'm Sherry Lee, certified life coach and a mom. I am so glad we get to have these conversations together. This is episode 21, when your mind turns against you. If you're anything like me, it comes from wanting to be a good person, trying hard. You made sacrifices, you served, you prayed, you showed up, and genuinely tried to do what was right. Not perfectly, just faithfully. And you still had those thoughts. And you thought or assumed they must be true. Because you are a good person. You are trying to show up. You are trying to obey and do what we are asked to do. You start to believe that if you did your part correctly, things would work out the way they were supposed to. The good choices would create predictable outcomes, that righteousness would somehow protect the people you love and keep life from completely falling apart. Not that it has, but that's what you think. We as women have beautiful lives filled with blessings and good things. But life also has a way of handing us experiences we would have never chosen. Children make choices we don't expect. Relationships can get complicated. Prayers don't always get answered in the timeline we hoped for. Things don't always turn out the way we planned, thanks to agency. And when that happens, if you believe every thought in your head, it can become incredibly painful because the mind is quick to make hard things mean something personal. It might sound like I failed, I should have done more. Maybe this says something about me. And those thoughts can feel so true, especially for women who have spent their lives trying to do the things they've been asked to do. Let's talk about that inner spiral. The thoughts that come into your head, they can show up when you least expect them. You're running late, and suddenly your brain tells you if you were more organized, you would be a better mom. Your adult child is making choices you're worried about, and before long you're replaying old conversations, second guessing your parenting, and wondering what you should have done differently. Those negative thoughts slip in so easily, and because they sound familiar, responsible, or even humble, it's easy to accept them without questioning them. Over time, those thoughts begin to feel less like passing thoughts and more like truth. In the April 2025 General Conference, Sister Tamara Rounia said, You are not the thoughts in your head. There was a time I believed I was the thoughts in my head. Oblivious to the fact that I could change those thoughts. Stop the negative expressway zooming through my head. I was trying so hard to be a good person and do the right thing, so I figured those thoughts must be true. They must be there to help me. But have you realized that you cannot shame and berate people, especially yourself, to do and be better? They felt like reminders of all the ways I still needed to improve. When she said those words, I wholeheartedly agreed with her and subtly wished I would have believed that years earlier. But I can't go back, and wishing I would have done something sooner is futile, makes no sense, and just wastes my energy. I'm not sure I would have believed her five years ago. I think I would have said, What do you mean? These thoughts feel so true. When I found coaching, I learned the magic of the mind, realizing that I am not the thoughts in my mind and I have control over my thoughts. Coaching gave me language to what was happening. Before you jump to conclusions, I am not talking about toxic positivity here. I'm talking about thoughts are sentences in your brain. They create a well-worn pathway in our brain. So those familiar thoughts feel so true. Your brain's job is to protect you, not to provide truth. You can't have a thought without becoming that thought. For example, I failed. That's a thought. I ruined my family. That is a thought. This means I'm not enough. That is a thought. But I can look at those thoughts and decide if I want them to stay or if I want to think something different. I failed could be this is a chance for me to grow. Or their choices have nothing to do with me. They have agency. I have not ruined my family. We are just learning and growing together. My life coach and the coach who trained me, Jodi Moore, in her most recent podcast, at least I think it was the latest one, reminds us about our worth and our value. And she said, Your value is a done deal. It's not something you earn, not negotiated, not increased because your kids make certain choices, not reduced because life hurts. Your worth was never hanging in the balance. Your value is a done deal. I used to think worthiness and worth were the same thing. They are not. Worthiness is connected to growth, choices, and learning. We all have things we're working on, and none of us has done this perfectly. But worth is different. Worth is not earned by getting everything right. It doesn't increase when life is going well, and it doesn't disappear when life feels painful or messy. It isn't determined by your child's choices, your mistakes, or how well you think you're holding everything together. I think a lot of us tie our worth into outcome.

unknown 8:50

J.

SPEAKER_00 8:51

Devin Cornish said, the worth of a soul is its capacity to become as God. The worth of a soul never changes. Worthiness is achieved through obedience. In Doctrine and Covenants, section 18, verse 10, it says, remember the worth of a soul is great in the sight of God. Not the worth of souls is great when we get everything right. Just your worth is great. Sometimes we live as though our worth rises and falls based on how well life is going. But scriptures never teach that. It simply says the worth of souls is great in the sight of God. When we have thoughts in our head like, if I were better, this wouldn't be happening. If my family is struggling, I must have failed. This must say something about me. We question our worth. But hard things are not proof of low worth. Worthiness involves growth. Worth was settled long before any of us even got here. And when you confuse worth and worthiness, your mind starts constantly measuring your value based on performance, outcome, and other people's choices. That is an exhausting way to live. I want you to imagine a brand new crisp $100 bill. Its worth is $100. Now picture a $100 bill that's been in circulation for a while. It's worn, it's dirty, it's soft, it's been folded, it's been scrunched, but its worth is still $100. It does not change how many different pockets it's been in, how many times it's paid for things. It is and will always be worth $100. Let me remind you about facts and thoughts. A fact could be my child says they are not going on a mission. The thoughts you might relate to that is I failed. One of those is a reality. Your child says they're not going on a mission. The other is interpretation. And the suffering comes less from your child saying they're not going on a mission and more from the sentence, I have failed, that we attach to that thought. In Sister Rooney's talk, that she said, You are not the thoughts in your head, she too also talked about worth. Do you remember at this point where she put her hand in the air and she said, This is your worth? And this hand over here is life and the things that you're doing. Sometimes you're great, sometimes not so much. And it is going to be continually up and down throughout the entirety of your life. But look what happens to your worth. It did not change, it does not go up and down. Your worth never changes, no matter what you've got going on over here. And that is where she reminded us that you are not the voices in your head. Healing starts when you realize your thoughts are not your identity. It's fear, conditioning, old beliefs, but they are not you. Your mind was never meant to be a place where you constantly tear yourself apart. If the voices in your head are putting you down and hurting you, it's time to change that. It's time to speak and listen to yourself differently. You cannot escape you. If someone is treating you poorly, you can remove yourself from that situation. But you go everywhere you go. That is why it is so important to realize that you are not those voices in your head and you are the one that can control them. And it's all just about changing your thoughts and seeing things a little bit differently. You deserve to feel safe with the person you wake up with every single day. Getting away from yourself is not an option. You can leave a marriage, you can move states, you can change churches, you can stay busy, you can numb out, you can overfunction, you can people please, but you still wake up with you and your mind every morning. So is that relationship with yourself one of love and safety? Or does your mind sound like the meanest person you know? It's incredibly powerful. We have loving heavenly parents and a savior that know us and love us, messiness and all. And if you're waiting until you're perfect enough to go to the savior, you've missed the whole point. Satan uses shame to keep us from God. Those thoughts in our head. Shame is that voice that beats us up saying, What were you thinking? Do you ever do anything right? Shame doesn't tell us we made a mistake, it tells us we are a mistake. Feel that pull towards godly sorrow that turns you towards the savior and watch his grace enter into your life. All of this comes down to one thing: confidence. The root word of confidence means to confide, which is to trust. Are you trusting what other people are saying about you and not the person that knows you and loves you the most? Do you trust other people's words or the thoughts in your head more than God's words? Trust what God is saying about you, not the voices in your head that are shaming you, belittling you, making life harder for you. Have confidence in Him, and you can have confidence in you. You have worth no matter what is going on in your life, no matter what people are using their agency for. You have so much worth, and so do they. Sometimes listening is enough, and sometimes you're ready for more support. I want to invite you to a free connection and peace call with me. In our 25 minutes together, we'll talk about where you are, what feels hard right now. You will leave with more hope, connection, and peace. You can find the link to schedule your free call below. And if these conversations matter to you, following, subscribing, and sharing the podcast helps more LDS moms find support. Feel seen, and know that they are not alone. Your story is not over. God is still working in ways you may not be able to see.