Open Conversations for LDS Moms
I help, encourage and inspire LDS women to find peace and connection with their adult children. How to love God and trust in his plan
Open Conversations for LDS Moms
Standing at the Edge of the Water
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There are moments in life when it feels like we're standing at the edge of deep water. We can't see the other side. We don't know exactly how things will unfold. We simply know we're being asked to trust God and take the next step forward.
In this episode, I'm joined by life coach and first responder wife Judy Horton as we explore the many scriptural stories of crossing waters like Nephi's ocean voyage. And what these powerful stories teach us about faith, uncertainty, courage, and trusting God when the path ahead isn't clear.
Whether you're navigating challenges with a child, facing uncertainty in your family, supporting a first responder spouse, or simply walking through a season that feels overwhelming, this conversation will remind you that God has always been in the business of helping His children cross difficult waters.
Connect with First Responder Spouse Coach Judy Horton:
Website:
https://judyhorton.com/
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Judy Horton Coaching
If this episode encouraged you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with another woman who may be standing at the edge of her own deep waters.
Remember, your story is not over. God is with you in the crossing.
Sometimes scriptures are filled with stories of people from standing at the edge of water. I want to cut the Red Sea, the Jordan River, and the Sea of Galilee. Nephi crossed a great ocean. There were barges that were tight like unto a dish. Again and again, God's people found themselves standing at the edge of something on Earth. And people see exactly how they would reach the other side. And if as much as we know what that feels like. Subscribing podcasts help when we see the other side of a situation. We can't predict the outcome or not over. And we can't force the water to work is not over. We can only forward with faith. You may not be able to do that. Today we're exploring what these scriptural crossings teach us about trust, hope, and finding peace in the middle of uncertain waters. Welcome to Open Conversations for LDS Moms. If you're an LDS mom who loves the church, but life or church doesn't feel as simple as it once did, you're in the right place. Here we talk openly about faith, motherhood, heartache, and finding peace when life looks different than you imagined. The pain we carry doesn't come from life itself, but from the thoughts and meaning we attach to it. I'm Sherry Lee, certified life coach and a mom. I am so glad we get to have these conversations together. Today I'm joined by Judy Horton. Judy is a life coach, a first responder wife, and someone who understands what it means to navigate uncertainty while learning to trust God through life's unexpected challenges. I'm excited to have her here because while our audiences may face different circumstances, we both work with women who are learning how to find peace, hope, and faith when they can't control the outcomes. Judy, thank you for joining me. Before we dive into this conversation about crossing waters, I'd love for our listeners to get to know you a little better. Can you tell us about yourself?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, absolutely. So I am, like you said, a first responder spouse. My husband has been a firefighter for over 20 years. And it has been an adventure. Um, being a first responder spouse is always some kind of uncertainty and always some kind of drama. But we love it. We love the life. We love the life it makes for our kids, and we still love to go to the station and see dad. So it's still exciting for us. And I'm also a life coach for women who are living this life just like I have been. And I wanted to do that because I knew the struggles were real and that there were a lot of issues that that women in the first responder realm face because of the uncertainty of shift work and what our husbands are out doing, we don't even know. We can't see what they're doing. But, you know, we are just imagining all of the crazy things that they're doing and it and it can be nerve-wracking. And so when I learned um coaching, and I learned that a lot of those thoughts and things that were kind of on a loop for me, the worry and the anxiety, and and then also the side of it of raising our kids basically on our own because they're gone for so long that everything kind of is left to us. And so just spacing all of that, I wanted to be a place where other women could come and we could kind of build a camaraderie within ourselves. Like our husbands have at work with their coworkers. We I wanted to somewhere with the women on the other side of that could be together and just learn and and know we're not alone, talk about it together. So anyway, that's why I am a coach for first responder spouses. Um and yeah, I love it. I'm I love coaching and I love that I can help other people who are going through the same thing.
SPEAKER_00You guys do have some unique challenges that I mean, my husband has been traveling. He travels for work, I don't know. It's been 25 years-ish. So I do know what part of you are going through is like, but the differences is what he's doing while he's away. You know, your husband and uh spouses of first responders face something very different. My husband's facing men or women in an office, your husband is facing some more life-threatening and dangerous situations. So that's that's a lot to carry on your heart. And that's something that I can't understand completely. You know, it's it's you know, as a small, you know, I see little grandkids and they love the fire trucks and all of that. So they're you know, it's amazing. But it's also, you know, there's some challenges, unique challenges that come for the women and even spouses whose whose spouse faces that on a daily basis. So thanks for being here. And I'm excited about this this topic with you standing at the edge of water. Um, I'm just now making the connection that your husband uses water a lot in his work. Yes, he sure does. So that's great. Um do you have a favorite story from scripture that talks about you know facing the waters?
SPEAKER_01I think that when I think of it most, it probably would be like Nephi crossing with his family. Yeah, and just because uh they were just kind of alone in the world, they didn't have like any instructions other than the Lord, right? And they had to trust that that he would get them through with all these things, and then standing at the edge of this water and being like, we have to go all the way over there, like they don't even know, they don't even know where they're going, but they they know that this is what the Lord's telling them to do. And then his brothers are like, We don't even build boats, like we're not boat people, right? And he's and I just think that their faith in the Lord had to be something great. I mean, who knows if they've ever even been on water before this, right? And so they may have never even been on a boat. How does a boat float? What if water comes through the you know? I'm just gonna imagine so much of what they're going through that um I don't know, just the faith of that is really great.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I can't imagine building something that's meant to transport my family, even building a boat that I would get into and be like, well, if it sinks, I can at least swim to shore. They're going out there a long way. I've been on one cruise, and I remember being out in the cruise, we were with my parents and my siblings, and it boggled my mind that we could not see land, you know, the vastness of these oceans. They couldn't see land on the other side as they stood there and were trying to build a boat. Yeah. That they didn't know how to build. They didn't have the tools to build. They need to float and they need to keep the water out. And then how are they getting from point A to B? You know, like that's a lot of trust in just knowing that it's going to get them there. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And what even is point B? Like they don't know, you know. He's just like, okay, just go on and figure it out. And they're going to a place where there's no one. So again, it's just on them. And yeah, but it really I mean, up into this point, though, we see a lot of Ne Nephi's faith up into this point. And so I mean, I can't say it was easy for him to do it, but we know his character by now that he's like, the Lord's got me.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01And that's really cool.
SPEAKER_00I served moms whose children are making choices that don't align with the things they've taught them. As they're standing at the edge of that, they've developed some character as moms. And hopefully that faith has come along. And sometimes the fear is there. I'm sure, I mean, I would have had fear if I was a sister of Nephi going, I'm not sure I want to step onto that vote with you.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00But there's oftentimes fear in the faith. You know, and I think that's part of being women, you know, we have to trust in all that God is putting before us. There's faith, but it comes with some fear and taking that step forward, like that first step onto the boat, even thinking about Noah, like as the animals marched on, they were waiting for the rains to come, but still, I hope this works. Yeah, yeah. Like they're just gonna magically appear, and we have to build this gigantic thing, like I'm sure. And then as the floods come up, you're like, I'm hoping that you know we got all the leaks filled. Right, right. It's really beautiful. I it was just recently we were talking about and come follow me, um Joshua whose you know, they're marching across and they had to step into the water. I was like, oh my goodness. We may not have physical water, but we have challenges that come up. So have you uh as a first responder's wife, uh what kind of miracles have you seen happen, you know, in the midst of things? Like when you're you're in the midst of of what's going on. It's not miracles like like the waters parting, but helping you through your day as your husband's not there with you.
SPEAKER_01I mean, him coming home every day is a miracle. Yeah. The time that we've been in the department, the things that he's been through, um I think all is little miracles every day that he's facing, you know, and that that we get to see him involved in was he comes home and tells us about things and we're like, oh my gosh, how did you do that? How did you get through that?
SPEAKER_00Um what about for you as a mom that's home, you know, shouldering the burden or carrying the load of what has to happen at home while he's not there physically able to support you and help? What kind of thing?
SPEAKER_01There's I mean, I see the Lord in it all the time, I should say. Um that I am like I'm able to have the strength to do the things and I'm able to have a little more patience. I think it's hard because there's things that I I I am doing that normally maybe the dad would help with, you know. And so those kind of things I I get help with, like with the boys and they're being boys, and sometimes I'm like, you need to deal with the boys on this, and this is not my job. But I I'm there and I have to be there, you know. Yeah, but being able to see my kids grow and figure life out, even though their dad is gone a lot of the time, is is nice too. I mean, that's kind of a little miracle too that they're still functioning and yeah, and you know, working out.
SPEAKER_00So I know for me when my husband was traveling so much, or still travels so much, but it's not an issue now because it's just me. But it was, you know, the morning routines and getting kids to where they needed to be and to all the sporting events. And it's not that my kids were overscheduled. I had four sons, and they each had one thing, and then he had church activities and scouting events and all of that, like trying to manage all of that and getting the homework done and I don't know, finding the shoes and getting them out the door. Like it's it's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot on on those that are home.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it really is. And and that kind of reminded me that I think some of those little miracles come in the form of people. Like there have been people throughout our lives that have just like stepped up. And like, if we need kids to get rides home, there's people that are always willing to help. They know my husband's gone. They're kind of always on that, like, do we need to help out? My brothers are a big example of that. If we're out in a family thing and my husband's not there, which happens a lot of the time, like they're like, All right, let's go. And they're grabbing my kids and throwing them in my car for me, you know, or whatever. Because they know, like, they just pick up the slack. And so those kind of people in my life have been those have just helped me through these hard times where I was like, feel like I'm falling apart, but someone comes in and like helps me out. So that has always been really nice.
SPEAKER_00Or even if you're a young mom with babies that are waking up in the night, you know, and if you're home alone, it's it's tough. It makes for a long night and a very long day. So, you know, there's a lot that that goes into it. And if we think about people in the scriptures, what they were facing looks different than what we face, but it's still a challenge. It's all growth and challenge. And so it, you know, our waters maybe don't look exactly like their waters. We're not asked to build boats, but we're asked to sometimes step into the water or move towards the tunnel on our own or when it feels dark, and then wait for the light to come. So it's it's a it's a hard thing and it's a challenge. Do you have things that you do that help make your your day go, you know, getting those kids out the door? Like, do you have systems or what do you like to do?
SPEAKER_01So I try to, but I'm pretty sure I have ADHD also. So my systems last for about two weeks. And then I get bored of them, but I will, yeah, try to do things like that. I have a a little freebie I have out for for moms that are first responder spouses, and it is a morning reset. And so we talk about like have a spot that all your things are in, signed all the papers the night before, and get yourself ready the night before, and then have the shoes all in the same place and the keys in the same place and backpacks in the same place, and that just really helps in the morning moment of yes. But then we talk a little bit about like the mental space that your head also needs to be in during this time. Somebody might throw a fit because they have the wrong shoes, like mentally just get your head there before it happens, and sometimes that helps with that. But um yeah, I mean, little things um like the kids have Saturday chores, whether dad's home or not, you know, we're we keep that consistency going on.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I think because our life changes so much, like if my husband works a 24-hour shift, and so if he calls me the next day and is like, hey, I can get overtime, then he's now gone for 48 hours, and now everything that my mind kind of had how it was gonna go is completely flipped. And so it's hard to make a lot of real like schedule stuff. We kind of are flying by the seat of our pants every day, and some days I'm like, Oh, dad's not coming home. I guess it's pizza for dinner instead of me making something because I'm you know, mom's burn out or whatever. But yeah, it it usually changes quite a bit. Um, but schedule and and that kind of thing does help the kids that whose lives are always kind of going all over the place.
SPEAKER_00I'm a huge believer in finding shoes the night before can take two minutes as opposed to 20 minutes of frantic, and then the you know, your blood pressure's going up, you're you're more easily annoyed, and then the tone of the home can yeah really change. But there's a few things you can do the night before that you will thank yourself for in the morning that don't take a lot of time, and it is it's like gathering up the papers, and it's not that you have to do it, like you can help you know, teach your kids like, okay, let's make sure all your stuff is gathered up, is the backpack loaded up, and some moms like to pack the lunches the night before if that's something the kids need. It's just figuring it out like what works best for you. But there is a few key things that you can do to make your morning run smoother so that when the fits happen or somebody's shoes aren't fitting right, or whatever that is, you're you know, hopefully take a little bit of the pressure off. So that's that's really good. What about the end of the day? How does that look for you guys? Dinners.
SPEAKER_01Well, right now we're in summer, so everybody's just on their own and we're all out of sorts. But um, normally um I will let the kids play a little bit of their machines, their technology things, um, up until about dinner. And then I'm like, okay, at dinner it shuts off, and we eat dinner and um try and maybe watch a movie together or just do something together. And and that definitely helps. I saw someone online, they did um an hour of reading every night, and I was like, oh, we're doing that. It only lasted for a little bit of time, but I really liked it because we would all like shut everything down, everybody's on in the living room, it's quiet time, everybody's reading, and um, I think it's good for them intellectually, but also just like a decompression time before bed is super helpful for helping like bedtime routines go a little more smooth. So yeah, nice. If I had more patience, I'd keep doing it.
SPEAKER_00I know there's so many things that sound really good, but it's yeah, it it it just does a lot of work. It's a lot of figuring out and and there's a lot of pivoting in a family. You try things and it might work for a while and then it doesn't. What's something you can do for you that helps you get through those 24 hours or 48 hours that's not focusing so much on making the home run smoothly and getting kids to where they need to be?
SPEAKER_01I um I'm a believer of self-care. Um, but there's different realms to that, you know, and sometimes for me it's getting my nails done and getting my hair done, and just let like being like, okay, my husband's home. I'm going to get these things done. This is for me. Nice uh me time. Um, and that does help. But also I think just listening or taking in information. I like to listen to podcasts, things that just kind of help me become better myself, that I can kind of get myself in a better headspace so that when those things come up, you know, they are better.
SPEAKER_00I know self-care can mean so many things, and it could be just a five minutes in your room. I remember saying to my kids, I'm like, oh, put me in timeout, please do. You know, it sounded like Kevin.
unknownYes.
SPEAKER_01Yes. When I went when my husband was uh first in the department, I was always like, I don't want you to leave, don't go. I hated being alone. And now I'm like, I think you've been home too long. You like he's had a couple like a day off, and I'm like, you need to go back to work because I need my big king-sized bed all to myself. Yeah, and I need you to just I need my alone time, so it's real.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Um, when uh we were in that 2020 terrible COVID time, my husband, of course, wasn't traveling, and so he was home for probably a year. I think he did start traveling a little bit in there, but he was home more in that year than he'd been home for years and years. When he's home, it takes me a little bit to get used to him being home, and then when he's gone, it takes a little bit of time getting used to him being gone. And it's it's the same thing when I sent kids to college. You just get used to them being gone, and the next thing you know, you're moving them and all their stuff back home, and then you're just getting used to them home for the summer. It's it's the cycle of just growth and learning and and being a woman and in changing times of everything we're facing. It's always like you just get used to something, and then something happens, and it's you gotta figure it out again.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00New challenges.
SPEAKER_01We talked about God's people always crossing something was one of the things we kind of talked about, and I wrote down like just being a woman in raising kids is like a different kind of hard because we're like growing these babies inside of us, and then we don't really know what's gonna happen. We raise them the best we can with what we have, and then they move out, and we're like doing a different kind of hard, and then they come back, like you said, we're doing a different kind of hard, and then we're grandparents, and then we're and so we just are crossing these little rivers our whole lives of like what's gonna be on the other end of being a mom, what's gonna be on the other end of my kid going off to college? I don't know, and it's kind of scary, and we just kind of are always living in this like, okay, we got him to this point, now we got to get him to this next point. So yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I know one of the things we talked about is God's people are always crossing something, and that ties into that one. And just when we think that we have it figured out, it's time to cross again, whatever that is. And sometimes it's our own choices because we want to grow, and other times it's just seasons, and we're we're faced with, you know, whether it's teenagers, you're figuring out how to be a mom of teenagers, or you have a new baby, or you got toddlers. Just when you think you have it figured out, we realize, oh yep, now they've moved on and we're figuring it out yet again. Yep.
unknownYep.
SPEAKER_00And the beauty is is no two kids are the same.
SPEAKER_01So what works for one is not there's not a system. You just do it and you just hold your breath and hope that Heavenly Father will get you across.
SPEAKER_00The amazing part of that is he does, he helps us and he shows up. And he fills in the gaps for us. That's something I love to think about. I did my best with my kids. Sometimes my best wasn't as good as I wish it was. But thankfully, we have a savior that comes in and he's filling in those gaps for us.
SPEAKER_01Well, yeah. And I think sometimes we can be hard on ourselves when our kids don't end up like the perfect child, or they didn't go on the mission, or they didn't um stay in church, you know, or whatever it is. And we sometimes moms can get hard on themselves and be like, what did I do wrong? Where did I go wrong? And I think it's important to remember that like these are his children. These are God's children, right? And he's he's got the real plan. We may have a plan in our head for what we think it's supposed to look like and how it should go, but he's got like the actual real playbook. And when we can release that, like thinking it was all us and we did something wrong, and and because of us, they ended up this way, then we can just rely that rely on Heavenly Father to be like, I've got him. Like it's okay. You did a great job. You fed them and you clothed them and you got them to this point, and now other people are gonna step in, and there's a way, and I've got it all figured out. And so we can just like release that a little bit to him. Like they are his kids, and we have to give him him that also. Sometimes we try and take too much on ourselves, and it really does a number on some moms that think that they should have done different.
SPEAKER_00Well, and that's one of the reasons that I am so passionate about coaching and helping the women that I help is because I spent 20 years living in the shame of like I screwed it up, I obviously didn't do it right because what I'm seeing is the results are not what I thought would happen by the things I did. And so I took so much of that on and I kept trying to fix it. How do I fix this? How do I make it better? And when I was finally able to release that and just trust and know that they're God's children too, I did my best. Sometimes my best was pretty good, and sometimes it wasn't as good as other times. When I can hand that to him and I can live in peace and just trust the fact that these are his children, the beautiful part about that is the connection with your children improves. If you're trying to fix them and they feel that and they know it, they may be thinking, You don't need to fix me, I'm fine. But if I think, oh, I gotta fix something, then it kind of makes the the connection with your children really hard.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Trusting in him is is huge. I was listening to on my walk this morning, it was the Come Follow Me podcast, and I don't remember who the guest was on there. But she was saying, Does our Heavenly Father think of himself as a failure because he lost so many of his children? So why would we do that to ourselves? Like he wasn't a failure, we're not failures. He gave us agency, and what we're seeing is the results of that beautiful gift of agency. Yeah, I love that. Is there anything else you want to tell the listeners today about life as a first responder spouse?
SPEAKER_01Oh, so one of the questions that you had sent over talked about faith is not the absence of fear. And that was one that really hit me and I really wanted to kind of look at because I think as a first responder spouse, like we definitely know fear, right? We're um worried all the time about what's happening. We're not like huddled in a corner, like rocking back and forth, you know, while our husbands are gone. We're like going out into the world. We're still living our lives and we still have to take care of our kids and feed them and get the groceries and clean the house and you know, do all the things. But the the key ingredient in there is that faith. That faith that Emily Father's got him. Like he's gonna take care of him. If something does happen, then like that's the way of it. That was how it was supposed to go. And so that I don't really feel like I've had to be like super tested on this, but a few months ago, my husband maybe six months ago, he um actually his fire truck got hit by a car um when he was going to a call. They were on it on a call to go to the airport, and I guess they thought a plane was gonna have some issues, and he was at a different station than he normally is. But he was riding up, which means he's like lieutenant for the day. He's he's normally a driver, but at the moment he was the lieutenant, and so he was in the passenger seat and they went under a bridge, and right as they came on the other side of the bridge, a car didn't see them, I guess, or didn't slow down, and the car ended up hitting him right where he is, right on his door. I mean, the fire truck's pretty high up, so it wasn't um like right at him, but it did hurt his hurt his his hip. And anyway, so he calls me from the hospital and is like, don't freak out. I'm like, okay, why are you calling me? Um, and so anyway, he he was okay. Everybody was okay, except for the people in the other car, unfortunately, were not. And um it was just really kind of scary to get into this situation where now we're like, what actually happened? And you know, how are the how are the people doing? And how are all the other firefighters doing? And the poor driver, you know, like all of these things. But I was kind of calmed at the time because I feel like my faith in that moment was like, okay, well, things are gonna work out the way that they're supposed to. And a lot of that is my mindset work that I've learned, but also just trusting in the Lord that He's He's got it under control, and that when we send them out to go do these things to, I'm sure for women who are married to police officers, they probably have even more fear. Everything they're going into is kind of controversial, right? Everybody's mad at them, nobody wants to be stopped by the police, and so there's always some contention there. And so, anyway, sending them out into these situations can be scary, it can make you just be fearful all the time. But if we just put that faith back in the Lord that He's He's got them, He'll take care of it, and He'll take care of all of us while we're back home waiting for him, too. That it just brings a lot of peace. And so I really like that that we might still be scared, things might still come up where we are fearful, yeah. Like getting in a boat and traveling across the ocean is gonna still be scary. I'm sure that like Nephi wasn't like, cool, let's go, everybody. You know, I'm sure that the whole time he was still like, this is scary. Where are we going next? How like now I'm tied up and whatever else is gonna happen. But it doesn't mean his faith wavered. He didn't stop believing that the Lord had it under control. And so fear can sometimes be like Satan trying to scare us into not doing things, but a lot of times it's just like your brain's aware of everything around you, and so we just remember, okay, yes, I'm scared, but also I have the faith side. And so I just really like that.
SPEAKER_00You said that beautifully. You having to deal with knowing that your husband's out facing danger, if that's part of his job, and whether it's you know, a firefighter or a police officer, even our military, like they're facing stuff, and to be that that woman at home, knowing that you have that faith, but that doesn't mean the fear just is never there. And sometimes you have to face it even more so, you know, if something happens, like your husband calls you from the hospital, and of course he said, Don't panic, my brain would jump to, well, now it's time to panic because I'm pretty sure he's about to tell me something I don't want to hear. We live in a beautiful world where we have so much to be grateful for for these first responders that keep us safe. But when that fire truck passes me or I pull over as I see them coming, or the police officer we take for granted that they have a family at home. I mean, I don't think we don't ever think about that, but I it's not, you know, at the forefront of our mind that they've got family at home that are carrying a bigger load than I am so that they can keep us safe. So thank you for that. Thank you. One thing that stands out for me is that throughout scriptures, God didn't always remove the waters. And I think that's something we need to remember. It's not that he takes the hardness away, the hard is there. But he helps us. No matter what situation a spouse may be in, he gives us strength that we need in that moment. He helps us across those hard times. I hope that message for our listeners uh hits their hearts today, that he doesn't take away the waters, but he does offer us the strength, whatever waters that we're facing. So before we wrap up, Judy, I'd love for you to tell the listeners where they can find you. I know you mentioned a freebie that you have, and I can link that for sure in the show notes for those that are listening. And where else can people find you?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, my website is judyhorton.com, and I also have a podcast. It's called The Shift Wife, um, where we just kind of talk with other um other first responder spouses, hopefully soon, and then just talking about how we can implement kind of the mindset shifts that can help with this life.
SPEAKER_00Um that's I will link all of that in the show notes so you don't have to go hunting for that. But thank you, Judy. I appreciate you being thank you so much. It's been a great conversation. I loved your insight and how you relate that to your everyday, everyday challenges and life and things you got going on as a first responder spouse. So thanks for stopping and visiting with me today. Thank you. I had a lot of fun. Thanks. Sometimes listening is enough, and sometimes you're ready for more support. I want to invite you to a free connection and peace call with me. In our 25 minutes together, we'll talk about where you are, what feels hard right now. You will leave with more hope, connection, and peace. You can find the link to schedule your free call below. And if these conversations matter to you, following, subscribing, and sharing the podcast helps more LDS moms find support. Feel seen and know that they are not alone. Your story is not over. God is still working in ways you may not be able to see.