Dating then vs. Dating Now: From Pages to DMs

So what changed?  Did we lose something along the way…or did dating just evolve with the times?  Today we’re breaking it all down—the effort, the communication, the expectations, the red flags, and the real talk about love in two completely different eras.

Here’s the link to order the book “I’m going to see Mr. Hope”

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome back to the Practical Living Podcast, where we keep it real, honest, and just a little nostalgic. Today we're talking about dating, but not just any dating. We're comparing the 90s versus now. You know, back in the 90s, dating felt different, slower, it's more intentional. You didn't slide in DMs because there were no DMs. You had to call the house phone and hope their parents didn't answer first. You pass notes, planned real dates, and if someone liked you, you knew because they showed up. Now, dating is digital. Dating is fast and sometimes confusing. We've got dating apps, ghosting situations, texting games, and endless options, but somehow people feel more disconnected than ever. You can meet someone in seconds and lose them just as fast. So what changed? Did we lose something along the way? Or did dating just evolve with the times? Well, today we're breaking it all down. The effort, the communication, the expectations, the red flags, and the real talk about love to completely different eras. Whether you remember mixtapes and maul dates, or you're navigating swipes and screenshots, this conversation is for you. And what a wonderful way to have this conversation with my daughter Chastity, my co-host, and who I just, my second oldest baby, who I snagged in to have these conversations at boy. Do I have some questions for her? A question for you more so. And it was the conversations were they things were different then, man. It was dating. When I was dating your mom, me and I saved self-we had somebody with us. Her aunt was with us. I mean, it was just it was just different. I mean, we talked on the phone. House phone. House phone. That's that's the landline. That is landline. That is the huge gap. You you had a landline, and you hope nobody was on another line in your house listening to your conversation.

SPEAKER_03 2:30

Had to keep it in the right frame.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

You had to. You had to keep it in the right frame. It was just different then. It I mean, it was letters. We wrote letters to each other. Even in college during the time that uh she was doing something else and working on some another part of schooling, we wrote each other. Because you couldn't call long distance, you know. If you if you had to get a quick message to somebody, you know, you know, who what's your name? Had a baby, it's a boy. Does anybody remember that commercial?

SPEAKER_05 3:04

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

When the operator would come on and they'd say, What is your name? Of who's calling? You'd say, I'd say, for instance, who's calling? I'm the person calling Craig Johnson. Well, there was a commercial where they were talking about not being charged for the long-distance calls. So the man, the man had had a baby and wanted to tell his parents that he had a baby and it's a boy. So when they asked, uh, what's your name? He said, Add a baby, it's a boy.

SPEAKER_03 3:35

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 3:36

And the dad hung the phone up because it was a long distance call. He wanted to go accept it, the wife. Who was that? It was John. They had a baby. It's a boy.

SPEAKER_03 3:46

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

So that's the gap.

SPEAKER_03 3:51

That's big gap.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

That is the gap that you guys have, because dating was just different then. You know, we we communicated by, I could remember when I first met my wife. I met her at a youth conference. And literally that summer, I did not know she was planning to go to Alcorn State University. But I just happened to meet her at a youth church event. Wow. And actually went to Alcorn to follow some other girl that convinced me to come down.

SPEAKER_03 4:29

I'm glad that didn't work. But what?

SPEAKER_01 4:33

Me too. And got there and met your mom. And it was, it's been good ever since then. So dating dating was different. I'm I I stepped to the plate because I saw potential effort. I saw, well, number one, I saw beauty. We are visual. Men, we are just visual. She was, your mom is just beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 5:02

She is.

SPEAKER_01 5:03

And as soon as I saw, as soon as I got her attention, she was, she said she wasn't waiting on me at the end of the steps. Anyway, I got a whole different story in my mind of what happened. But when I got to the end of those steps, I said, she would say, are you Craig Johnson? I said, I am. You said she said your full name. My full name, Craig Binard Johnson. I said, yeah, let's go to lunch. I wasn't wasting time. But I asked her, did she want to go to lunch? I think it was serving fried chicken at that day at Alcorn in the cafeteria. So we went to the rest is history. Right. From there. Communications on the telephone. And we would, again, said we would write letters to each other. That's something I wish would come back.

SPEAKER_03 5:53

Me too.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

Writing letters were, I mean, handwritten. She hated to read mine because my penimanship was horrible. My penmanship, let me tell you, was like a prescription for medicine that doctors would say. She got me. She could read my stuff.

SPEAKER_03 6:18

She got me. And it I just think I wish it would come back too. Right now, these days, it's kind of like it's some people may think it's cheesy now, but I like it more so because of just the habits it builds behind it. You get that space to not have the overwhelming texting every day, all day, be okay with that person needing their space. And if you in the long run should get married or whatever, but I think you I wish it would come back too. I wish it would come back too, because now it's just easy access, I guess, with the texting and things like that.

SPEAKER_01 7:08

Um you have to be intentional with right with letters.

SPEAKER_03 7:13

That's what I was about to say.

SPEAKER_01 7:22

And literally, I I when I met your mom, I knew she was the one, and I didn't waste time. I did not waste time in making sure I got to her and that she knew and I knew she liked me. Um I look at you all and I'm like I wanted to make sure you knew who was the player, who may have been serious, but got distracted. But I made sure you knew that, hey, it's your choice as to who you want to be with.

SPEAKER_03 8:06

Right. But it's just these days that the effort, I want to talk about that part, because you know, I wrote down the bullet point because we're gonna get into it. Because I know a lot of people have a lot of questions about, especially in my generation, because in my generation, you don't dating is so weird now, it's overly complicated, and I'm not I don't date because like in my head, if you're dating, you should be dating to marry, because why do you want to give your time for no reason? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 8:44

You think like I do, but you don't want to waste time.

SPEAKER_03 8:47

Exactly. I don't I don't want to waste time if I don't see that, you know, a pa as a possibility.

SPEAKER_01 8:54

And it doesn't mean the other person is bad.

SPEAKER_03 8:56

Yeah, and that's not even talking to me.

SPEAKER_01 8:57

It doesn't mean that the other person is not the right person. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 8:59

And that's fine. But as far as dating in my generation, there's this whole debate of should the girl shoot her shot? Should the guy shoot his shot first? And I am going more so to the traditional type of dating because that I it just seems like that's what has worked.

SPEAKER_01 9:26

You're doing it right. That's what has worked.

SPEAKER_03 9:28

I that is a the Bible says a man that finds a good wife.

SPEAKER_01 9:33

You better preach without the organ or the bag because we're tuning.

SPEAKER_03 9:37

So I just think that at the end of the day, a guy can say, Oh, that's fine with me if she shoots her side. But literally, the stories they tell, the examples they give, it's still him making the first approach. Literally. Because she can insinuate like a look or whatever, but it's because you were looking at her first.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 10:01

So I understand like some guys will be like, the rejection of it all. Be a man.

SPEAKER_01 10:08

Be a man. A rejection of it all.

SPEAKER_03 10:11

Be a man.

SPEAKER_01 10:12

Do you know how many times that was rejected? And you despise amazing.

SPEAKER_03 10:18

Sometimes the best of the best.

SPEAKER_01 10:23

But baby, I got the cream of the crop.

SPEAKER_03 10:26

That's the way you find what you're supposed to have. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 10:29

And the man is a you are not a man if you're not the go-getter. A man, one of the most powerful preachers that I really consider, because he has a televised ministry, is Bishop Jakes when he says the man has to be wanting to hunt. That's our nature. That's our nature to hunt and conquer. It's the same way in dating. Be the man and say, hey, how you doing? Uh, can I get your number? Something.

SPEAKER_03 11:03

Mm-hmm. Something.

SPEAKER_01 11:05

And I became crafty with it. And I guess I was in the right place at the right time for her to even give me a chance.

SPEAKER_03 11:16

And so, so I would say, what advice would you give girls my age who are in that vein of like, how do you tell? How can you pick out the guys who don't mean well from the guys who do, the guys who are putting on, from the guys who aren't. You know, how do what advice would you give in dating to girls?

SPEAKER_01 11:49

I would say number one, if you have a father, listen to your father. That's the missing gap, really, is that a lot of young ladies don't have a father to tell you, to teach you, to talk to. If you don't have a father, listen to the next best thing. A good uncle. There has to be a male somewhere. Listen. When you listen to them, they will give you cues, they will give you what to look for. They will get to give you the signs of who, what, where, and no way.

SPEAKER_04 12:35

Right.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

Wait on the wait on the guy. That's what I said. Don't be so desperate that you just jump in to have a man's attention. And that's I think the biggest issue with our culture now. Especially with singlehood. Some people are single by choice, and some are single because of situations. But if you're single by choice, you're giving your children a hard time. That's that's just that's just gospel almost. You because you're when I say single single.

SPEAKER_03 13:17

What do you mean by giving your children a hard time if you're single by choice?

SPEAKER_01 13:21

You chose to say, I'm single. I'm gonna I'm gonna have children. I'm not gonna have no parent in my life, I'm not gonna have, I'm I'm not gonna have another spouse in my life, I'm gonna do this by myself. That's not the way it was created. That's not the way it was developed. So you're making it hard for that child to choose somebody because they don't have both sides. Okay, so you're talking about viewing a person from both sides of the spectrum.

SPEAKER_03 13:49

So you're talking about maybe like a mother or a father who is single. Exactly. So you're saying like they should have another party in their lives, whether that be um as in a spouse or whether that be someone in the community that you're close to. Fulfill that role. But that's so the child can see, you know, the different dynamics. Yes. Because like, um, and I want to speak because for I see what you're saying, because for like a a girl, maybe she has a father who is just raising her by himself. He needs to have a role model for her because she can only learn so much from a dad.

SPEAKER_00 14:30

Literally.

SPEAKER_03 14:30

There are it's great that she has her dad, but she needs to learn from someone in a a female, and vice versa for a like when it comes to a child that is a male. I want to speak for like those women in my shoes, the ones who are not necessarily trying to say we're perfect, but who are waiting till marriage, who are following Christ in their walk, who are working, trying to build themselves, going to school. I feel like we don't get as much praise anymore. I don't want to say praise. What culture has made sure that it's like we don't get as much support as as a woman that maybe, and I'm not trying to put those women down, exactly. Absolutely not, because it takes a strong woman to raise a child by herself, a strong man to raise a child by himself. But in that dating phase, for women specifically in my shoes, because that's the only place I can really speak from, what advice would you give in like just in that type of dating? Like if you were giving me advice, what would you just other than what you say, what would you say just in general?

SPEAKER_01 15:52

What was it that you heard?

SPEAKER_03 15:54

Do you want us to do you think we should wait?

SPEAKER_01 15:58

Uh, in the sense of No, what was it that you heard me say that you fell back on?

SPEAKER_03 16:05

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_01 16:07

As far as waiting, as far as don't rush everything.

SPEAKER_03 16:12

Okay. I want you to expound on that. Like, because when you when we just in the dating pool in today's time, you kind of don't we don't want to rush it as much, and it's just trying to tie in like it you kind of threw me with the whole waiting, you know, with the single parent thing. That kind of threw me off. But when in dating for us, when it comes to effort, communication, uh, expectations, what does that look like in dating and doing it right as a single woman without children and trying to live a certain life? What does that look like?

SPEAKER_01 17:08

For him coming outside, blowing his car and you running out there. No, he needs to come in the house. When I went to my went to your mom, I went to her, went to the house, went sat with the family. If the pimp can't sit with your family, readplay.

unknown 17:28

Read flay.

SPEAKER_01 17:29

Readplay. No, sir. You you gotta come in, eat dinner, and act like you enjoy my greens. I know that's right.

SPEAKER_05 17:38

I know that's right.

SPEAKER_01 17:39

Because he's coming for you. You don't need somebody that's trying to put their life together. You're at an age where that man has to already have his stuff together. During my time, we were coming through a time where the era where we were putting our lives together. We were in college, we were in love, blah, blah, blah. We knew where we were going, blah, blah, blah, blah. But you're at the stage now where you got some of your stuff together. So he needs to have his stuff together. He needs to have a job, he needs to have a successful career, he needs to have 401k. Just like, let's just say, when let me just take for instance, but uh how does he look? Uh I got I see I got somebody I can introduce you to. How does he look like a J-O-B?

SPEAKER_03 18:35

I know, like all my bills paid.

SPEAKER_01 18:39

That's where you are now. Where are you in life? Are you still living with your parents? If you are living by yourself, is it an apartment or are you in a house now? Have you invested in a home? These are all the things you look for. You're not looking to take care of a man, you're looking for the man to be able to take care of you. Yeah, you're bringing something to the table, too. That's great. But you gotta look like look for somebody that's already completed and got his stuff going on. These are things you need to look for.

SPEAKER_04 19:16

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_01 19:17

And don't be the one that's always gotta push the person to do better. If you're doing that, you know, he's supposed to have his stuff already together. Even though I was in college, I knew where I was going.

SPEAKER_04 19:34

Right.

SPEAKER_01 19:35

I had a goal, I had a target in mind. I was shooting for something. And she knew I was shooting for something. She knew I wasn't gonna be a waste of time. Follow the gut feeling. There's that unction, that that that warning sign on the inside that lets you know this is the right one. Stop running over red flags. I tell, I, and then you know, I tell you all that, I tell any young lady that don't run over the red flags.

SPEAKER_03 20:12

And would you say when it comes specifically to a woman or a girl looking at a guy when she's wanting to date, would you say to look more so at his actions and not his?

SPEAKER_01 20:25

Look at his actions. Don't look at his looks. Because see, I'm I mean his words. Because you know, look at his actions. His words can say some things. He's gonna say some things, but his actions are gonna speak louder than anything. Looks are wonderful. Looks are wonderful. I got good looks, but I had actions behind it. I ain't gonna tell you no better. I didn't have good looks, no baby. I look good now.

SPEAKER_03 20:47

So what are some of the things you have to look at actions.

SPEAKER_01 20:51

If I said I'm gonna do something, I do it. And watch me do it.

SPEAKER_05 20:57

Right.

SPEAKER_01 20:57

When I say it, I'm gonna be consistent in doing it. It may be some stops along the way, but it it ain't gonna be no complete stop. It's gonna be a pause. It's gonna be a yield and then keep going. What do you mean by that? What do I mean by that when I say when I'm working on something, it may be a pause, meaning I'm gonna run into some things. You'll see the things that I run into. Let's just put for example.

SPEAKER_03 21:25

Like circumstances.

SPEAKER_01 21:26

Circumstance. Like me losing weight. I went through the process of losing weight. Some things I paused on, but I was still working on it. I came to a yield. I didn't completely stop. I kept working on it. And then I got back on that road to keep going.

SPEAKER_03 21:45

And like, I'm sure there was there should be communication. There could be constant communication.

SPEAKER_01 21:53

That is, yeah. And here's one of the things my mom told me. She said, always communicate.

SPEAKER_05 21:59

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

Always communicate. Never stop talking. Even in dating. Communicate with each other. Because when you communicate with each other, you find out what you like and what you don't like in that communication.

SPEAKER_04 22:13

Right.

SPEAKER_01 22:14

And because you're looking to see, hey, if this is a potential mate, will I be able to handle this if they do this? Will I be able to handle them acting this way? Will I be able to handle them frowning at everyone? There's nothing wrong with that. Because you're looking at how am I gonna handle them with this type of behavior? Right. Am I gonna handle them brushing me off in certain situations? It's just you have to look at the whole picture.

SPEAKER_03 22:46

Right. So what are some of those things that you did with mom to show her that you were willing to prove that she is someone, you know, that you were putting in the effort for today, even in that dating phase of showing her like this is what like I want to pursue you. What were some of those things?

SPEAKER_01 23:13

I was very careful and patient with your mom. Um I knew her background, I knew how she was raised. I wanted to be careful with her. I wanted to show her that I loved her. I tried my best I and which I still do. Being patient with her. As you grow older, you evolve. Relationships evolve, they change. There's a there's a seven-year change in a marriage. When you see her change, you change.

SPEAKER_03 23:59

And so when you were dating her, like, how often, like, what were some of the things you were there little things you would do to show her, you know, I'm thinking about you, things like that. I would, I would, I would were you on the mindset, put it this way, because this is a big thing in our generation. If he wanted to, he would. So what that means is in my generation, they have this thing where they say, if he wants to do this for you, he would. But then some guys argue, well, he can't read your mind. And we're like, okay, but in dating, if you love, if you are wanting to date someone or pursue them and show them that this is serious, what things you would put in that effort? You would send the flowers, you would do this, you would do that. And it I think men get it confused thinking that we want big gestures all the time, but it's just a constant reminder of I'm thinking about you. It could be something small or something like that. So, what are do you think, what are those things that you did to show on a regular basis, like I'm pursuing you? This is what in that dating phase, if you can remember.

SPEAKER_01 25:17

That's what a thing, if I can remember. Baby, what are some things some of those things?

unknown 25:23

You wrote letters.

SPEAKER_01 25:25

And letters.

unknown 25:28

You were broke, but you tried to find some way.

SPEAKER_03 25:30

He was he was broke! It doesn't it doesn't take money.

SPEAKER_02 25:35

We were in college, but you tried to uh always show through some way or another uh that you were thinking about me. It may have been a letter, it may have been uh just a rose, or it may have been um just stopped by my dorm. Um sometimes on the weekends, uh you had someone, you didn't have a license, but somebody drove you.

SPEAKER_01 26:05

I was gonna bring it up.

SPEAKER_03 26:07

And that is where I tie in.

SPEAKER_01 26:09

Did we get that?

SPEAKER_03 26:10

That is where I tie in the if he wanted to, he would. That's what women mean by that. Is it a man will find a way to show you that he's willing to put that effort in to show you or prove to you that because you have men have to understand we're coming for me personally, I'm coming from under, I am entertaining the thought, but coming from under security. I'm gonna be changing my schedule, not not necessarily changing my schedule, but trying to pencil someone in, someone else into my life if I want to. So there needs to be that constant, you know, proof there. That's what women mean by the if he wanted to, he would. Because I mean, you didn't even have a license.

SPEAKER_01 26:55

That was pushing truthfully. Yeah, and that you made it happen. And that because people said, You but we want to drive. Let me tell you something. People didn't move me when they told me you should have your license. It didn't move me in my head. Seriously, I said, Well, I need to drive for my folks, ain't got no money, ain't got no car, ain't gonna drive, ain't gonna get no license drive. But when I met that girl, when I met that woman, David, I went and got them licensed because I wanted to have that when the opportunity came, I can get to her. That pushed me to literally get driver's license. I got driver's license in college. I was a freshman in college when I got my driver's license. And it was all because literally, because of her, I wanted, I didn't want nobody driving me to go see her.

SPEAKER_03 27:54

So basically, what you're saying is that if a man wants you, he's gonna push himself to do everything within his power to please you. Even in the dating phase.

SPEAKER_01 28:08

Even in the dating phase. They we will push ourselves. What is that old song? What a man loves a woman. Come on, come on, church folks, y'all know it with your saves.

SPEAKER_03 28:23

So put another question I have, as like just dating and wanting to follow Christ and honor him in every aspect of dating, what does that look like?

SPEAKER_01 28:39

Knowing when to put up those roadblocks, because even though you're saved, you're yet in the flesh. I still, you still are gonna have those desires. All that comes with it, that's why you have to make sure you have some accountability there.

SPEAKER_03 28:58

What does that look like?

SPEAKER_01 29:00

My accountability was when we went on dates, we had someone with us. Bless it.

SPEAKER_03 29:16

Moving along, you'd want to do something else.

SPEAKER_01 29:21

So you wanted a person there to give you that accountability. Not just any person that let you just do what you want to do, but no, you wanted a person there that understood. And we always, didn't we, baby? We always had somebody to go with us.

SPEAKER_02 29:41

Sometimes we did. Um but we made sure we were in places that you know we didn't have to worry about those other things. So where you date, when you date, and how you date is very important. Um you know what your weak your weaknesses are, so it's important that you don't play into that or give yourself more strength. Even in your strong areas, it's important that you even consider those sometimes to be weaknesses because you don't want to have more confidence. Because the word of God tells us put no confidence in the flesh. So we were always either in public or in places where we could not uh get a have a chance even if we wanted to. And I'm wondering why there were some times we wanted to.

SPEAKER_01 30:43

Well, I just thought you were gonna get to that part because you know, some people try to act like they didn't. Yeah, some people try to act like they're not human. No, that's there. We know that that's that that's part of human nature. Right. That's how God created us. But He created it within the confines of marriage. But when you're dating, those are the type of roadblocks or barriers you need to put up to make sure it stays right.

SPEAKER_03 31:12

Right. And then just someone that will respect and communication at the forefront about what, you know, your expectations are, what how you're wanting things to look like in that dating phase, I think is really important too. Do you think that my generation overcomplicates dating?

SPEAKER_01 31:34

They do.

SPEAKER_03 31:34

I think so too.

SPEAKER_01 31:35

The reason why you all's generation overcomes now I would and just just to give you the comparisons. When you all are dating, your generation dates. They want to post it.

SPEAKER_03 31:48

Yeah, that's another thing.

SPEAKER_01 31:50

They want to post it, oh, I'm in love. My sugar boom.

SPEAKER_03 31:54

And I think it's because we see everybody doing it, and then we think it's a every that we're the only people that's in it single, but we're not.

SPEAKER_01 32:02

One of the greatest things we did was not let people know that we were dating. Yeah, they had no social media. Right, y'all didn't have social media. Yeah, we had no social media, but there were ways that people could see that, hey, they boyfriend, girlfriend, blah, blah, blah. Right. We kept it very casual until I proposed and it was time for a wedding.

SPEAKER_03 32:26

Right. And it takes, I feel in my thing, in my thing, it allows you the space to really get to know the person.

SPEAKER_00 32:33

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 32:33

Without people automatically putting on you to maybe move towards marriage or whatever. Exactly. Because just be I just think it's important to when you're dating someone, to keep it between you two so you can get to know if y'all are. And not just you two, your parents. Right.

SPEAKER_01 32:53

They should be the only ones that know and and and say, okay, your family, and and and roll from there.

SPEAKER_02 32:58

And and just now, he didn't hide me. He protected me. Literally difference.

SPEAKER_01 33:04

Say that again, baby.

SPEAKER_02 33:06

He he didn't hide me.

SPEAKER_01 33:08

Are we getting her voice? Okay. She said he didn't I didn't hide her, I protected her.

SPEAKER_02 33:13

And there's a difference. Guys, now a lot of them, especially a lot of the uh ones who have who get a lot of attention and have a long line of girls, they uh hide the the prize, and they they uh I'm sorry, they uh hide the pieces, but they protect the prize. Your daddy didn't didn't hide any pieces. He protected the prize, and he didn't hide the prize. So, you know, now they have so many options to wear. Guys are hiding the prize, they're protecting the prize, but they're playing with all the little pieces. You know, and and that's not the way it should be.

SPEAKER_01 33:58

We need to buy club, I think.

SPEAKER_02 34:02

You should definitely protect your space in the emphasis of it.

SPEAKER_04 34:07

Right.

SPEAKER_02 34:08

But as time goes on, there should be little breadcrumbs here and there to so people know, hey, I'm not available anymore.

SPEAKER_03 34:17

That is exactly what I was about to say.

SPEAKER_02 34:19

Yeah. And so guys, a lot of them now are saying, maybe I'm available, maybe I'm not. And to my thing to uh that particular situation from females is to run as fast as you can.

SPEAKER_01 34:36

Run like road runner. Run like road runner.

SPEAKER_03 34:41

Yeah, yeah. Because nobody deserves to be treated that way.

SPEAKER_01 34:46

No one deserves to be treated the way and and and I hate when guys do young ladies like that. Um it it's it's one of my sore spots. Yeah. And I think it's because I have daughters. Um I'll never forget you all being born and bringing you all home. That was an immediate Hercules cane in me when Ashley was born. Ashley, my oldest, was was was a little cute thing and could hardly cry when she cried. She's always been a quiet child. Up until the time, even even when my dad heard her cry, he said, she crying. I was like, Yeah, but when you got here, you was whoo, boom. You would you was gonna let us know you were hollering. But I I I was I'm I'm very overly protective of you all because I you're my daughters. Right. It's just it's just my nature.

SPEAKER_03 35:59

Right, and would you say that to to fathers, especially um of females in this day and age, would you tell them don't be afraid to protect your daughters in a way that you don't care if the guy is offended. Exactly. Because literally, you know, that's your that's yours first.

SPEAKER_00 36:21

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 36:22

You're you're you're the protector of them first. So what advice would you give to dads when it comes to how to prepare their daughters for that, you know, phase of dating?

SPEAKER_01 36:36

A man really can prepare their daughters about how they treat their wives in the home. How you treat your wife, how how you treat your spouse is what prepares your daughter what to look for in a man. One of the things I did even while you all were growing up, I don't do it as much as now I need to. We need to go back to that. I I would I would take you all out to eat.

SPEAKER_03 37:00

Yeah, I remember that.

SPEAKER_01 37:01

Have those conversations, show you how a man is supposed to treat you. And it was just a father and daughter having a conversation, having dinner, talking about life. Right, making sure you on the right track.

SPEAKER_04 37:20

Right.

SPEAKER_01 37:21

Because those conversations have to be had. But in our daily interaction with one another is what I display to make sure you all know how a man should treat you all.

SPEAKER_04 37:35

Right. That's true.

SPEAKER_01 37:37

You know, I didn't even spank you guys until you didn't. I didn't after y'all about after three or four years old. I didn't even spank you. I do a little bit from the button. I don't remember that.

SPEAKER_03 37:48

Like, I don't remember you never had to do that with us because it was just your voice. Like, I hated.

SPEAKER_01 37:55

Your mom saying I never woke up. I didn't.

SPEAKER_03 37:57

You didn't. You didn't. I've I any little starting looking. That's a different story.

SPEAKER_01 38:02

He was a born for that.

SPEAKER_03 38:03

But my girls, I just but I any starting look you gave us or just the change in tone of your voice. I'm crying in the room. Like, I didn't you didn't mean to be.

SPEAKER_01 38:14

But I didn't see my dad with my sisters. I didn't see my dad spank my sisters. My mama got a hold of the girls. And that's why I think it should be because and and even little Haley, my little niece.

SPEAKER_03 38:24

Right.

SPEAKER_01 38:25

I never expect Haley when she was a little. I said something to Haley, and she just broke down because I had never spoken. You don't ex like it's but because I want her to know how a man is supposed to treat you.

SPEAKER_03 38:41

Right. Like a man isn't supposed to put his hands on you in that in to in that kind of way, you know. Exactly. But that's all it took was for you to just change your tone of voice, and it was just like, I am crying. I even to this day. If you say something, I'm just like, you hurt my pleasure. And then you'll be like, I'm sorry, but I mean what I said in your big age. Yes, in my big age. Yes. But yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:14

And it's it's it it it it goes to show that young ladies don't look for anything. Y'all are the prize.

SPEAKER_04 39:29

Right.

SPEAKER_01 39:30

And I'm speaking to ladies everywhere on this podcast. You are the prize, and don't ever forget you are the prize. Let no slick joker talk you down. Be confident, be secure in who you are. And I'm here to tell you God will send you the best. He'll send you the best, he'll send you a good man. He already got them ready for you.

SPEAKER_05 39:59

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 40:01

Just continually stay with God and continue to be consistent in who you are. Because a man doesn't complete you. You should be already complete in God. God has made you complete in who you are. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are already complete.

SPEAKER_03 40:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 40:24

He just comes to move you forward in what you want to do in life. Supposed to be. As one person, add. Add, not subtract to your life, but add.

SPEAKER_03 40:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 40:38

It's a wonderful conversation.

SPEAKER_03 40:40

It's wonderful.

SPEAKER_01 40:41

I hope I put this right. This conversation is practical. Yes. Some things are practical. It's not complicated.

SPEAKER_03 40:48

It's not complicated. It's not complicated. We make it complicated. We really do.

SPEAKER_01 40:52

And it's not complicated at all. I will say this though. When I met your mom, when I got to that point, you know, your mom dropped me like three times. Twice. She broke off my engagement. I didn't break it off. She broke it off.

SPEAKER_03 41:12

Don't be afraid to even tell a good man. Test him. See that? See, see the right one will persevere.

SPEAKER_01 41:20

We need to mic her up to my producer. I think we need to mic her up since she's up in here. Yeah. But don't be afraid. But she wanted to be sure. I got mad the last time she did it. Because I'm like, can't she see how how can we have a relationship if she keeps breaking up with me? But she wanted to be sure.

SPEAKER_05 41:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:43

And I didn't, I didn't, I just hung in there. Him in his garment. I got her now after 30 some years. Still together. But I sat down, what I wanted to get to, I sat down that last time and I said, why do I want to be with her?

SPEAKER_03 42:02

Wow, that's a good question.

SPEAKER_01 42:04

Because as a guy, you want to make sure also this, but I knew she was one. But I did. Like the song of her good, I weighed her bad. I literally sat and wrote a list. I put all her bad stuff on one side.

SPEAKER_03 42:23

Guys have a list. Guys have a list.

SPEAKER_01 42:27

In the paper, I'll never forget it. I was in at Oak Horn State University, sitting in the dorm room in the freshman hall, and I wrote it. I said, now why do? Because this is an investment also.

SPEAKER_05 42:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:42

You're gonna have children from this person. I didn't want no crazy woman. Because there's some of y'all crazy out there. I've seen some of y'all. I dated one of y'all. Wait a minute. But I literally sat and wrote her good and her bad. I'd weighed her bed. So don't sit and quote me on this. I hope nobody don't take this as a clip and say, Lord, they she took her good from her bed. He got it from her good. No. That was the last of the evaluation of what I was know I wanted to do and was gonna do. Let me straighten myself up here. I sat and put it together and made sure. This is what I'm gonna do here. She done what I want. So I made my list. I said I knew I was making the right choice.

SPEAKER_04 43:42

Right. Right.

SPEAKER_01 43:43

And it tickled me. I laughed after. I sat and looked at it and laughed. I said, you know, I know her good was gonna outweigh her bad. Just like just like Jesus is gonna do me. Good gonna outweigh bad.

SPEAKER_05 43:52

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 43:56

I'm going into what folk what people say that with that.

SPEAKER_05 44:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:01

But it's just you we don't make we we don't want to make marriages something that's you just run into. It's something you and are investing.

SPEAKER_03 44:16

Right. Dating has to be intentional.

SPEAKER_01 44:18

It has to be intentional. We take our time and picking the house we want to live in.

SPEAKER_03 44:25

Picking our friends.

SPEAKER_01 44:26

We take our time and picking our time and picking the car we want. We look, we observe, we I mean we look at it. We want to make the right choice. We make the right choice in the clothes we wear.

SPEAKER_03 44:40

And nine times out of ten.

SPEAKER_01 44:41

I didn't make any kind of choice with these clothes I put on. I don't know what's going on with the shirt here.

SPEAKER_03 44:45

Nine times out of ten, who you see in that data phase is who you get. Yeah. So you can be measured with what you choose and what you give time to.

SPEAKER_01 44:56

Exactly. And you want to take the time to make sure I'm getting the right thing.

SPEAKER_04 45:03

Right.

SPEAKER_01 45:04

I'm getting the right person. And when you do that with prayer and the Spirit of the Lord guiding you, you end up with the right person all the time.

SPEAKER_05 45:19

Every time.

SPEAKER_01 45:20

I don't think that. And wise counsel. Thank you, Ashley. Did you get that?

SPEAKER_03 45:26

Ashley said.

SPEAKER_01 45:27

After almost an hour of talking, Ashley said something that I thought she wasn't paying attention to. Wise counsel.

SPEAKER_03 45:34

Wise counsel.

SPEAKER_01 45:35

You can't surround yourself with good people.

SPEAKER_03 45:38

Only a foolish person doesn't get advice.

SPEAKER_01 45:41

Exactly. Surround yourself with godly people. People that have a proven track record.

SPEAKER_04 45:50

Right.

SPEAKER_01 45:51

I'm not going to go to a mechanic and ask him how to bake a cake. I'm not going to go to a cake baker and tell them to fix my car.

SPEAKER_04 46:02

Right.

SPEAKER_01 46:04

I'm going to go to somebody that's been married 30, 40, 50 years. Because baby, they can tell me how to walk through it.

SPEAKER_04 46:15

Right.

SPEAKER_01 46:17

Not just in dating, but in marriage also.

SPEAKER_03 46:23

Yes. That's wonderful advice.

SPEAKER_02 46:26

How do you get past a smoke screen?

unknown 46:29

Like guys have become very crafty.

SPEAKER_03 46:32

Oh, yeah. Social media has helped that.

SPEAKER_02 46:35

And producing a smoke screen. They know what to say to the parents. They know how to behave in front of the parents. They know how to present themselves as the type of men that parents want their daughters to date. So how do you get past that smoke screen besides the, you know, we know we have to pray, we know we have to read the word. Practically.

SPEAKER_01 47:16

Ooh. That comes with truthfully the conversation with the person. What was I saying earlier? There's a gut feeling you have. And would you say it don't run over the red flags in that gut feeling you have? Because yeah, the smoke screens are there through social media, like she was saying, your mom was saying. It's there. They know how to put this facade up that that. But when you have that gut feeling and you in communication with the person, you say, mm-mm, something right here.

SPEAKER_03 47:52

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 47:53

And then I And the red flags will come up.

SPEAKER_03 47:55

Right.

SPEAKER_01 47:56

The red flags will pop.

SPEAKER_03 47:58

And I feel like it also comes with time and you not getting your emotions involved so early. Because every little girl has that in her head. But I think it the biggest part is that it comes with time and as you said, constant conversation, seeing them in different veins with their family, with friends, uh how they handle different situations. How they in different phases of their life. Like it doesn't take long for people to show you who they are. But I think time not definitely not getting your emotions evolved so early, because that kind of puts up a kind of a I guess smoke screen in your own eyes of who they to who they actually are. So don't get your emotions evolved too early. Time and like you said, constant conversation. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:57

Get out of your head for your imagination of what you want it to be that you overlook the red flags. Yeah. Sometimes we'll get in our head and say, Oh, but I'm dating. Oh, I got somebody. And you're looking through imagination and know you see some warning signs somewhere. So yeah. Don't run over those good feelings and those warning signs. Yes. Stay at your head.

SPEAKER_02 49:35

Make sure you allow pressure.

SPEAKER_00 49:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 49:39

In the dating relationship to take this cook.

SPEAKER_00 49:42

You get it right.

SPEAKER_02 49:43

Pressure reveals everything.

SPEAKER_01 49:47

It reveals everything, almost truth be told.

SPEAKER_02 49:51

Pressure and anything. Pressure when you go out and date on a date and uh date order something that's the highest price on the menu. See what that pressure brings. Um let the female come by that has on a short dress or boom, excuse me, breast out the pressure. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 50:17

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 50:22

Learn how to not validate the pressure that they feel. Learn how to sit in silence and let them validate it. Learn how to let them give their excuses. Let all the pressure remain. And no one can stay under pressure forever and continue to build a smoke street.

SPEAKER_01 50:48

True stuff comes out under pressure.

SPEAKER_02 50:50

Yeah. It's gonna come up one way or another.

SPEAKER_01 50:53

True, true, true character comes out under pressure. Allow pressure. But allow pressure.

SPEAKER_02 50:59

Allow silence. Allow feedback from them. Don't you get it. Allow all of that to play out. Don't reveal who you are so quickly. Don't tell them who you are so quickly. As a matter of fact, the less you tell, the better off you are.

SPEAKER_03 51:16

Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 51:19

And we're ending on that note because that will reveal true character. Character really is exposed. True character is exposed under pressure. I like this.

SPEAKER_03 51:32

I did. It was good.

SPEAKER_01 51:33

I think I helped somebody.

SPEAKER_03 51:35

I hope so.

SPEAKER_01 51:37

I think I helped somebody. I hope so. And again, we make so much difficult, and it's practical. Everything's practical. One of the best investments you can make is in purchasing this book. I'm Going to See Mr. Hope. This is a great book. Even adults are reading it. My wife wrote this book. She is an author and is continuing in reaching not just children, but anyone that grabs this would love this. It's especially good for children just because of the culture we live in and the day we live in. This would be good. A good book to put on your shelf and to put in front of your loved ones. A good gift for graduation, a good gift for Christmas coming up. Go ahead and click that link that you see on the screen and get your copy today. I'm going to see Mr. Hope.