Alternative Colchester #7

Episode 7 of Alternative Colchester is a slightly longer and particularly special edition, as Steve Green and Tim Young are joined by Dr Anthony Roberts, Director of Colchester Arts Centre and committed Watford fan. Anthony brings not only a wealth of knowledge and passion for the arts but also an extremely eclectic record collection, and it's his choices that help shape one of the most musically adventurous episodes of the series so far. The episode runs a little longer than usual but when the conversation is this good and the music this interesting, why would you want it to end?

As Director of one of the country's most respected independent arts venues, Anthony has spent his career championing creativity and individuality with values that sit perfectly alongside everything this show stands for. His passion for music runs deep and broad, and his record selections take the show to some genuinely exciting and unexpected places, sitting beautifully alongside the punk touchstones that Steve and Tim bring to proceedings.

The football chat remains a cornerstone of the show, and with Anthony in the room there is plenty to get stuck into. Colchester United's latest exploits are examined with the usual mixture of passion, frustration, dark humour and undying loyalty, while Ipswich Town receive their customary thorough and entirely one way optimistic assessment. The Watford allegiance adds an entertaining extra dimension to the footballing banter, and the extended running time gives the conversation room to breathe and wander in the most enjoyable fashion.

The music is simply outstanding. Anthony's influence is felt immediately, as the selection stretches the boundaries of what Alternative Colchester listeners might expect while never losing the raw spirit that defines the show. The Yachts bring razor-sharp melodic new wave, while Pere Ubu represent the darker, avant-garde edge of the late seventies underground, a bold choice that speaks to Anthony's adventurous taste. The Cortinas represent the grittier, street-level end of the spectrum, Tom Robinson Band arrive sounding as urgent and vital as ever, and the wonderful Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers provides one of the episode's most joyful moments. The Clash need no introduction, and obviously Stiff Little Fingers are here too, because some things are simply non-negotiable. You'll need to listen in full to hear what else makes the playlist this time around.

Episode 7 is Alternative Colchester at its most expansive and culturally rich. The chemistry between Steve, Tim and Anthony is warm and natural throughout, and this is an episode that will delight long-time listeners and win plenty of new ones.

www.alternativecolchester.co.uk

Transcript

SPEAKER_11 0:29

Hello everyone and welcome to another edition of Alternative Colchester. I'm Steve Green.

SPEAKER_07 0:35

And I'm Tim Young, uh co-host of Alternative Colchester. We have a special guest with us today, Steve. Very special guest. Shall I introduce him? I think it's best if you do. It's my very good friend, Dr. Anthony Roberts. Hello.

SPEAKER_05 0:45

Hello, Ann. Yeah, hi. How are you doing? Good thanks. Thanks. Great to be here, Steve and Tim.

SPEAKER_11 0:50

Well, it's a pleasure having you. We're a bit worried about your choices, but um we don't like to interfere. So stay tuned.

SPEAKER_07 0:59

They just about qualified, didn't they? They did. Oh. They got through the criteria. Was VAR used? VAR was used on two occasions. I see.

SPEAKER_11 1:12

That's very worth mentioning.

SPEAKER_07 1:14

Supports Watford. That's okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:17

That's a kind of a kind of an oxymoron right there, isn't it?

SPEAKER_11 1:20

Vanilla. Vanilla team for us, isn't it, really? Nobody minds Watford, do they? No. No. I'm sure you Ipswich fans have had some disaster that was Watford's fault. Probably. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:32

Luton don't like us very much.

SPEAKER_07 1:33

They don't like you at all. Watford Luton, one of the big rivalries. Ipswich Norwich. Colchester. Southend. Wickham.

SPEAKER_11 1:41

Ipswich. Sorry. Well, they're the top ones. They're the ones that we look for first. They are for you. I saved you on Saturday night from some Colster fans who wanted to beat you up, didn't they? They wanted to beat me up and then they were chatting to me like I was their best mate, weren't they? That's Coulster fans for you. And the influence I've got over them.

SPEAKER_07 1:59

Ant's chosen the first record, isn't he?

SPEAKER_11 2:02

Er he has. So, Anthony, what we'd like you to do as our very special guest is maybe tell us a little bit about yourself, because there might be people listening. There might be people listening that don't know Sir Don Sir Anthony.

SPEAKER_07 2:16

Lord Sir Anthony Roberts.

SPEAKER_05 2:19

Well my day job is to uh run the um Cultural Arts Centre, which is mostly a music venue. It's based in the little church next to the uh Mercury Theatre up at the uh water tower end of the high street. So uh yeah, that's uh that's what I do during the day. It's not the it's mostly music, but uh within the music there's jazz, there's fogue, there's uh rock and roll, there's like metal or and uh quite a lot of the um you know when you accidentally tune into Radio 3 after ten o'clock and you think, What the hell? No, you do it by accident, Tim. It's not like you know, it's not a choice. You just like to do it. In the days when when you used to be able to Twiddle your knob. I beg your pardon. Yeah, don't touch that dial. Didn't take long, did it?

SPEAKER_06 3:05

No. Didn't take long.

SPEAKER_07 3:06

Yeah, they only go downhill from here.

SPEAKER_05 3:08

And you dial into something by mistake, and you think, What the what the hell? What what are they doing? Well, that's the kind of stuff that you can see on stage at Colchester Art Centre. Very, very niche. We love the art centre.

SPEAKER_11 3:20

Yeah, I think you're being cruel. We've seen some fantastic bands there. I've actually played there twice as well. Yeah. Yeah What bingo? Uh yeah, yeah, full house. Well, I did play there with special duties, and it wasn't a full house. Anyway, let's get on to the first bit of music. Like I said at the top of the show, Anthony has got some uh strange uh requests, although I don't think this first one is that strange. Do you want to tell us uh a little bit why about why you chose this track, Anthony, and then introduce the track itself?

SPEAKER_05 3:48

Yeah, well to um uh this is a B side and it's a Jonathan Richmond B side from uh Roadrunner, and so the Roadrunner single was in our house. And um the what what I like about this and why it connects with me and when the idea of punk rock is that uh you know that one of the big things was that anyone can do it. It was a DIY art form, wasn't it? You know, it's kind of like uh changing the whole kind of music scene from um you know the what the whistlet was playing then to kind of like the prog rock and this progress kind of carry on. To a kind of ethos uh of if if if you've got the the the the Terran or the guts or the kind of like will to push over enough phone boxes and collect the two Ps, you you can make a piece of vinyl as well. Uh and um so records that you know like the long kind of Frank Zappa's interminable kind of orchestral prog rock will replaced by a kind of like joyous simplicity, and none more so than the if you're talking about joyous simplicity, Jonathan Richmond kind of like uh um captures that entirely, you know. You can just you know, garage bands, all the kind of like uh ideas that went with the uh He probably didn't realise at the time either that well you don't realise it when you're creating history, do you?

SPEAKER_11 5:10

But um yeah, he was proto-punk for sure. Uh very DIY. Started in 1970, the modern lovers, Jonathan Richard and the Modern Lovers, yeah. And um but th they were definitely in the right place at the right time when punk happened because they were ready-made for it, really.

SPEAKER_05 5:26

Well I think there was wasn't there good I mean there was quite a few bands that were, you know, up and running before punk came, and they just kind of like tweaked their it kind of like gave them their voice. I mean Costello had uh sorts of stranglers.

SPEAKER_11 5:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 5:38

There's lots of them that did that.

SPEAKER_11 5:40

Yeah, the pub circuit in the UK with R and B bands, yeah, they saw uh uh uh an option there to jump ship and um get on the bandwagon. I mean, the vibrators were probably the most uh successful of the punk rock bands that were just doing uh regular pub rock type music beforehand, but um should we listen to Jonathan Richmond and the modern lovers?

SPEAKER_07 6:01

Yeah, yeah. This one is uh what's it called called aeroplane?

SPEAKER_11 6:05

I'm a little airplane. I'm a little aeroplane.

SPEAKER_02 6:13

Well, I'm a little airplane. I'm a little airplane, yeah, yeah. I'm a little airplane, yeah. I'm a little airplane, yeah, yeah. Well, you play. What do you play? What do you want? What do you want? You know, I'm a little airplane, yeah. I'm a little airplane, I go for everyone. I'm a little airplane. I can put a nine, you may be one in the top. I'm a little airplane, yeah. I'm a little airplane, yeah, yeah. I'm a little airplane, meow. I'm a little airplane, yeah, meow way if you weigh. I go everywhere. I'm a little airplane, meow.

SPEAKER_07 8:45

Jonathan Richmond and the modern lovers, I'm a little airplane meow. And the applause at the end didn't sound live, did it? No, it didn't, did it? No. Great, great choice, Ant. We we uh thoroughly approve of that.

SPEAKER_05 8:56

I mean it just kind of like sums up a lot of the uh kind of ethos and and attitude and spirit and fun of the what was happening at the time. It all felt so uh contemporary. It all felt like one week was one thing and then the next week could be everything else. And to take a uh a childhood kind of phrase, I'm a little aeroplane now, and and turn that into a song. I mean tell that to Frank Zapper.

SPEAKER_11 9:20

It sounds like a wishbone ash. It sounds like a punk rock Bob Dylan to me as well. Absolutely, absolutely brilliant.

SPEAKER_07 9:28

And uh Did you ever have Jonathan Richmond at the Art Centre? I don't think he's gonna. Is he still around?

SPEAKER_05 9:34

Yeah. He could play. As we always say the 80s. You play the venue twice, once on the way up.

SPEAKER_11 9:40

He's 75 in May, by the way.

SPEAKER_07 9:43

He's 75. Yes, good. Get Jonathan Richmond down the Art Centre. You heard it here first. Um as as we're playing our we always play stiff little fingers on on this podcast. And Steve and I have had a bit of a stiff little fingers um Frenzy. Frenzy over the last week or so, aren't we? We saw Stiff Little Fingers, Jake Burns, Ali McMordy, uh, Ian McCallan and who's the drummer? Carl. Other bloke. Carl, the other bloke. Uh Camden Roundhouse a week or so ago. Uh packed about 3,000 people there, we reckon. Packed the roundhouse out. Supported by the Meffs, who of course are a local band. Yeah. Lovely. Um I enjoyed them more than Steve did. Maybe more of that later. They were brilliant, played a great set. And uh and then this Saturday Just Gone, we saw XSLF, a slightly smaller venue, three wise monkeys in Colchester. There was about thirty people there.

SPEAKER_11 10:40

Yeah, it was a disappointing turnout, wasn't it? But they were great, weren't they? They were brilliant.

SPEAKER_07 10:43

Henry Clooney, original member of Stiff Little Fingers, is in XSLF. Is that the only member that's in the uh Yeah, there's two of them in Stiff Little Fingers and one in XSLF.

SPEAKER_11 10:55

And there used to be two in XSLF as well. But the um uh drummer Jim Riley is um yeah he he's had to retire through health problems.

SPEAKER_05 11:06

Oh, that's a shame. I like it when there's a a massive argument. Then the drummer could have formed X X SLF.

SPEAKER_11 11:16

Well what was amazing is the two other members of XSLF were both members of the Defects, who are a band that I was really into in the early eighties. Um and I have actually checked because we do go to nineteen eighty one as our um cut-off point for music. And Dance by the Defects came out in nineteen eighty one, so that's definitely gonna feature in a forthcoming show. But they were really nice guys as well, weren't they? They were lovely.

SPEAKER_07 11:42

We had a chat with them afterwards, didn't we? And uh had our picture taken.

SPEAKER_05 11:45

Yeah. So 1981's allowed. 1981's allowed, yeah. You don't know if you don't know ref reference to VAR for 1981.

SPEAKER_11 11:52

V A R uh well you've gone way past it on one of your um choices, but um we're gonna let you off because you're the guest and what the guest says goes.

SPEAKER_07 12:03

Anyway, the Stiff Little Fingers track we neither Stiff Little Fingers nor XSLF played this, and I f I think the only time I've heard Stiff Little Fingers play this track live is here in 1978, the famous gig Tom Robinson supported by Stiff Little Fingers. Um it was the B Side. Was this the B-side 2 alternative holster? This is the B-side 2 alternative holster, and it's called 78 Revolutions per Minute.

SPEAKER_01 12:47

You said 79's gonna be mine.

SPEAKER_03 13:03

Seventy two weight we're gonna hell Seventy French seven bomb I'll be given by it, black, all that, but it's time to dump it, dump it, I'm gonna die, stop the one, but it's that all the ball stops the one level, drop your mind, don't you buy, but your pie, but your pie, stop the dumb bed, stop the lunch to dump it now, I'm then now I mean now not tomorrow, don't it now?

SPEAKER_07 15:08

Stiff Little Fingers, as always, on Alternative Colchester and 78 RPM Classic Skeeve, eh? Yeah, no, I mean that's just what just brilliant, isn't it? What can you say about that song? It's fantastic. All their songs are fantastic. This is the problem Steve and I have, Anne. We we look at our stiff little fingers track we're gonna choose for each episode, and we say, I'll have that one. No, no, I want that one. And I'll know that one. And it's just so sport for choice.

SPEAKER_05 15:32

Is there a you've talked about XSLF? What's the most tenuous band touring with a uh a link? You know, like a I think the Ramones came once with the roadie that played the art centre.

SPEAKER_11 15:46

No, you had Marky Ramones Blitzkrieg played at the art centre. I was at that. Yeah, yeah. So he was the not original drummer.

SPEAKER_05 15:53

But isn't there a sort of like fifteen different I think I think I tell you what, we're trying to put on the bony M. Good luck. And I was saying, is the dancer? You've got to have the dancer. Bobby. No, he died, yes. Yeah, no, he died. I said, well, dig him up. You could have and the band could be bony, bony M. You could put 'em on. You know, it's a bit tenuous, dragging the corpse of a body on stage, but why not? The art centres there to do new things. It's quite punk rock, isn't it?

SPEAKER_11 16:25

Or it would have been original punk rock, I think that would have been.

SPEAKER_07 16:28

Very bony M. Ant and I had a an extremely long uh c uh message thread about he put a bon Jovi tribute band on at the Art Centre recently. And were they called Gon Jovi, or was that one we made up? Non-Jovi other.

SPEAKER_05 16:47

I thought we came up with Hunter. Ron Jovi. Plays all the Bon Jovi tracks on Bonjo in a jolly way.

SPEAKER_07 16:55

And then we had Bon Jovi, which could have been Jody Whitka's new band. I've seen Bon Jovi. Oh god. Steve, you're disappointed. I saw them.

SPEAKER_11 17:03

Why? I saw them in Monroe, Louisiana.

SPEAKER_07 17:07

Why?

SPEAKER_11 17:08

Er because they were supporting a band called Rat, R. A. Double T, who I really liked. Um Bon Jovi, which is this up-and-coming band that was supporting. Oh right. Are r are Rat still uh going? No. No, I don't think well they're bound to have got back together with the original keyboard. X rat. X rat Roland. Roland Rat. Yes. We said this about Queen, though, didn't we, last week? The only thing worse than a tribute band is the actual band.

SPEAKER_05 17:42

Yeah, no, they say that about Bob Dylan as well, don't they? They say that he's really, really like shot to pieces now. Yes. And it's like the classic bee rattling around in a jar, tried to listen to.

SPEAKER_07 17:53

Steve, I thought we had an indent for Stiff Little Fear. Haven't you done it yet?

SPEAKER_11 17:57

Well, it was excess LFA, wasn't it? So I didn't think it was appropriate to it's only Henry songs that we can do that with.

SPEAKER_07 18:04

Yeah. And there's not many. And he described he described wasted life, didn't he? No, I no, he's he wrote a suspect device.

SPEAKER_11 18:11

Yeah. So he led us all to believe that. And uh here we are nowhere. We will find a suitable. So there was there was about thirty at this gig.

SPEAKER_07 18:24

No, it was more than that, because he took five hundred at the stiff fingers gig at the roundhouse. Yeah, they're on fire. The career's on fire. But the Henry and the lads were so nice, aren't they? Such nice blokes. But yeah, he lost uh the the support band, the lead singer had promoted the gig. He w there they were called Jack the Lad.

SPEAKER_05 18:44

I see.

SPEAKER_07 18:44

And there was another support band called Under the Kosh because um Blenderhead couldn't make it. Blenderhead. They couldn't make it.

SPEAKER_05 18:52

That's quite a good name.

SPEAKER_07 18:52

Under the kosh. How did you find all this out? I read it on the notice board in three weeks.

SPEAKER_05 18:58

And Under the Kosh. Was that is that anything to do with Kosh the Driver?

SPEAKER_07 19:02

It might have been. Is that the That's the uh yeah, the biggest blow it was also called? Well we missed them, but Jack the Lad were probably. No, we saw Jack the Lad, didn't we? We saw both of them. Oh we did. Under the kosh with a Shatter Sham. Shatter Sham 69. They did Ballstall Breaker. Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah. Yeah. What's your one, Steve? What's your first choice today?

SPEAKER_11 19:19

Uh right, well, there's a bit of a theme running through the show. And we haven't spoken about football, but I think that's because you two are just so cool. We're on our international break, yes. Ah, international break. So so comedy seems to be the order of the day with you two. Um I I might have known. Uh right, there is a theme running through this. So when I saw that you had chosen, I'm gonna bit uh spoiler alert, um, because Tim, you've chosen a Tom Robinson band. Absolutely. Ah records. I've got a Tom Robinson's story for you. Well we'll save that for when we play Tom Robinson. Okay. Grey Cortina by the Tom Robinson band, and the link is Cortina. So I've chosen a Cortinas track. I've been meaning to play one ever since we started the show, and they keep getting bumped because people keep um making requests, which I've been honouring. Um can I request the Cortinas? You can request the Cortinas, because that's actually the next song. And lucky is if by magic. It's it's actually the uh I wanted to play Fascist Dictator, which is my favourite um Cortina song, but it's kind of got 1970s lyrics.

SPEAKER_07 20:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_11 20:29

So I thought I'm gonna give in to the PC Brigade and and not play it. But their follow-up single, uh on Step Forward Records, actually, they were from Bristol, the Cortinas, and Step Forward Records was owned by Mark Perry of Alternative TV, and also Miles Copeland, brother of Stuart Copeland. Um and the Cortinas had two great singles on Step Forward, they got picked up by CBS Records and made the worst album ever in the history of punk rock. It was absolutely dreadful. Michael and I request that one then, brother. Well, it'd probably be more in keeping. But without further ado, let's listen to the Cortinas when they were really good, and this was their second single called Defiant Pose. Defiant pose by the Cortinas. I could have played um Fascist Dictator after all after listening to some of the lyrics in that. But um Thank you for drawing attention to him. Yeah, it's all it's all done in good faith. Absolutely. The other fun fact about the Courtinas is uh Nick Shepherd, the guitarist, uh joined the Clash. And yeah, so not only did he was he responsible for the probably the worst album ever uh for the Cortinas album uh on CBS Records, but he then joined the Clash in time for them to do Cut the Crap, and that was a terrible album. That was a good album. So he's got bad form as our Nick.

SPEAKER_05 24:27

Oh is he still available for work? The Art Centre will book. I'd like to advise him to play at the Art Centre. I'll check it out.

SPEAKER_07 24:35

We haven't spoken much about football, but um Ant, you are we mentioned you're a Watford fan. Tell us why you why you support Watford.

SPEAKER_05 24:42

Well, I don't really. You do when they win. Yeah. Uh I'm uh the member of the Fair Weather Support Association.

SPEAKER_07 24:49

Like Elton John.

SPEAKER_05 24:51

So you're not a true Hornet. He is, because he's from Watford. Well, I'm from Watford and I follow them, but uh I I like to think that I'm the uh least loyal um fan because when they lose I disown them immediately and uh uh support Luton.

SPEAKER_11 25:07

So uh you know I can't even ask you how they got on at the weekend because you had a famous international break. Next game's against QPR.

SPEAKER_05 25:16

Yeah, no, I'm supporting the Golden Boys. Uh when was the last time you saw them live? Oh it would have been about uh nineteen, seven before Punk. Fair few years ago, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 25:29

So I always say I'm not really a proper football fan because I I uh Ann and I uh do m talk about football a fair bit and um I was gonna read a list, but it will take most of the show. It's not well I I'll I'll I'll do the first few. This is from twenty eleven to twenty twenty seven twenty twenty where are we now? Twenty twenty-six Sean Dyce, Jan Franco Zola, Giuseppe Sanino, Oscar Garcia, your favourite Oscar Garcia did four games. Billy McKinley did two games, Slavasa Yokanovich, Kike Sanchez Flores, Flores, Walter Mazzari, Marco Silva, Javi Garcia, Kike Sanchez Flores again. That's the first eleven of the twenty-seven managers Watford have had between twenty eleven and twenty.

SPEAKER_05 26:19

I just see twenty seven. My favourite is the two games Billy McKinley McKinley McKinley. Now Billy McKinley was a manager for eight days, had two games, and his record over those two games was one one, drew one, and he still got the sack. But I think rightly so.

SPEAKER_11 26:38

Because that's an average of two points per game.

SPEAKER_05 26:41

Yeah. But it's not good enough. Results-driven business. He's a results-driven business. He had to go.

SPEAKER_11 26:46

My should never have got rid of Graham Taylor.

SPEAKER_05 26:50

Well, I think that turniphead had to go. My idea is that they should sack the manager every half. And then you come in at half time, you've got a new manager, you get new manager bounce. New manager bounce. Back out there. You know. I mean, well done for reeling off eleven names, because I can't remember any of them. Um, my friend David Westhead, we always say, get rid of what's his name and bring back what's his name. It's never been the same since the fellow before what's his name was there.

SPEAKER_07 27:20

And actually, yeah, the next one on the list has a Colchester connection, because the next one on the list was a caretaker manager for Watford who became manager of Colchester, Hayden Mullins.

SPEAKER_11 27:31

Oh dear.

SPEAKER_05 27:32

And he was caretaker and manager of Watford twice. He was shocking. In the sense they're all caretaker managers of Watford, aren't they?

SPEAKER_07 27:39

And has Ant has applied more than once to uh talking of sacking. I think they should appoint you. They should. Record track record of success.

SPEAKER_11 27:48

How did that Tottenham guy that they sacked yesterday get the job in the first place? I looked on his uh Wikipedia to see what his um Egor Chudas. The guy's been a disaster everywhere he's been.

SPEAKER_07 28:00

But he gets results quickly. I can see He doesn't though. Luke is desperate to get in. Luke, have you got some profound wisdom to share with us about any of this?

SPEAKER_10 28:08

No, not for um not for Spurs, to be fair. I've got a lot of Spurs fans. But his his dad it was mutual um mutual agreement that he left, wasn't it? Because I think his dad passed away, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_07 28:19

Yeah, that's right. But I think there's probably more to it.

SPEAKER_11 28:23

But if you look at every other managerial position he's had, it they've only ever lasted a year or less. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_07 28:30

They ought to appoint Billy McKinley. Billy McKinley, yeah. If they want to stay up, is he still alive?

unknown 28:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 28:37

He's in the mixknap for four games.

SPEAKER_11 28:39

Harry is in the mix, isn't he?

SPEAKER_10 28:41

He he was at um he was at the races, wasn't he? And they asked him about it and he said he would take it.

SPEAKER_11 28:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 28:46

Bring back Harry's at Cheltenham.

SPEAKER_11 28:49

He's probably got a bet on it.

SPEAKER_07 28:50

Or as the Stranglers would say, don't bring Harry. Do you know what the Stranglers song? Do you know what Harry stood for? Is it something to do with drugs, Steve? H is a bit of a clue. Oh yes. Yeah, they do they do a few songs about it. Don't bring Harry. Meaning don't bring it. Yes.

SPEAKER_05 29:08

Golden Brown. Yes, that's um people think that's a lovely song. Or perhaps the less kind of like um metaphoric uh heroin by uh Velvet Underground.

SPEAKER_11 29:18

Yes, they were a bit less subtle. This this perfect day? No, not this perfect day. That was the same but perfect day. Perfect day. Lou Reed? Spending with you.

SPEAKER_07 29:28

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_11 29:29

Yeah, and that was about spending it in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 29:31

Enough.

SPEAKER_11 29:34

Yes, indeed. Enough already. There's too many drug references. Right. Let's get back to the Courtinas reference then. No, let's not. No, no, let's not. Let's not. Let's talk about Ivor Cutler. Yeah, let's talk about Ivor Cutler with this Mark Two. It's your turn, Anthony. And I how you're how you're gonna um explain this one, I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 29:54

So uh well, Peel introduced me to a lot of uh things and I was talking uh about um you know the kind of uh shock when you accidentally dial into Radio 3 after ten o'clock and uh listening to Ivan Carter was like what hang on, but who the hell who the hell what what what are you doing now?

SPEAKER_06 30:15

What what what is that about?

SPEAKER_05 30:17

Ivan Carter was famously difficult to uh be with and around as well. Um and um I remember him being interviewed about this uh he had a a an album Life Life in a Scots sitting room volume two and the interviewer was trying to be you know sort of jolly him along and it wasn't really working. But he said, Why why why have you called it volume two? There's no there's no volume one. Why is it why have you called it? He said, Well, I like to think of it as a slice sliced loaf of bread. Well you take out a uh a slice and put the crust back to keep it fresh. Brilliant the interviewer couldn't really have an answer.

SPEAKER_11 31:10

That's very profound, isn't it? Yeah, it's very profound. But uh still trying to picture a uh a sliced loaf and taking the slice out and. Never mind. No, I do. No, I don't know. Oh, I eat the cross.

SPEAKER_07 31:24

No no my loaf of bread that I used for lunch. I did that. But it'd be the wrong size. Well, that doesn't seem to matter. It keeps it fresh. I agree with either.

SPEAKER_05 31:36

Only a bit of it. I agree with either. Well, if you unpick the metaphor too much, I think it does you're right, it does fall apart. Perhaps the interviewer should have pointed that out to him. But it doesn't keep it fresh. Did he explain only the majority of it fresh?

SPEAKER_11 31:47

Did he explain why volume two uh had an episode six? Were th were there five other episodes?

SPEAKER_05 31:55

Uh I think there was eleven episodes.

SPEAKER_11 31:58

Ah. And you've chosen episode six, which is your favourite. Indeed. Can you tell us why?

SPEAKER_05 32:07

Wait till you wait till you hear it, listen. Yeah, and I think it's the sing-along nature of it. Uh the toe-tapping um anthemesque uh uh chorus.

SPEAKER_07 32:18

We're gonna be pogoing round the studio to this one.

SPEAKER_11 32:21

Is it a good time to say anyone who was thinking about going and making a cup of tea and then coming back, uh that they've got exactly three minutes and ten seconds to do. Well, he John John Peel was a big fan. Huge fan. Um yeah. So should we play it? Let's play Ivor Cutler, look. Life in a Scotch Sitting Room 2, episode six.

SPEAKER_00 32:58

Scotland gets its brains from the herring, said Grandpa, and we all nodded our heads with complete incomprehension. Sometimes, for a treat, we got playing with their heads, glutinous, burny affairs without room for brains, and a look of lust on their narrow soprano jaws. The time I lifted the lid of the midden on a winter night, and there, a cool blue gleam. Herring heads. Other heads do not gleam in the dark, so perhaps Grandpa was right. To make sure we ate the most intelligent herring, he fished the estuary, planted a notice, littered it herring this way, below the water line, at the corner where it met the sea. The pint for the notice was made of crushed heads. A few feet brought them within the confining friendliness of his manila net, and a purposeful end. There was only one way to cook it. A deep batter of porridge left from breakfast was patted round, and it was fed onto the hot griddle athwart the coal fire. In seconds, a thick aroma leaned around and bent against the walls. We lay down and dribbled on the carpet. Also, the air was fresher. Time passed. In exactly 25 minutes the porridge cracked, and juice steamed through with a glad fizz. We ate the batter first to take the edge off our appetites so that we could eat the herring with respect, which we did, including the bones. After supper, assuming the herring to have worked, we were asked questions. In Latin, Greek, and Hebrew, we had to know the principal parts of verbs. In geography, the five main glove manufacturing towns in the Midlands, and in history, the development of Glasgow's sewage system. There's nothing quite like a Scotch education. One is left with an irreparable debt. My head is full of irregular verbs still.

SPEAKER_05 35:54

And I think I've achieved that in the studio this afternoon.

SPEAKER_11 35:58

Well, anyone who missed the beginning of that track uh might be wondering who it was, and it was the excellent Ivor Cutler and one of his better tracks, and that was Life in a Scotch Sitting Room 2, episode 6.

SPEAKER_07 36:11

Now, Ant is into poetry, and I think we can agree Ivor is a po have you done any of Ivor's Is one of your poems ever been in Ivor Cutler?

SPEAKER_05 36:19

I've done an Ivor Cutler, but I did book him when I very first came to Colchester Art Centre in 1992 to come and uh perform, but he was unwell. Told to cancel. Uh but he was on the front of the brochure for a while. Ivory. Last time I think I saw him was at John Peel's Meltdown at the South Bank. Uh and uh uh you know, he had his little uh um harmum and was doing his stuff, but there was a kid in the audience, I think it was a baby crying, and he was like really angry about it, and he said, Well someone take that child out of the room. Uh because he was also the uh president of the noise abatement society. Oh, excellent.

SPEAKER_11 37:00

Well when he wasn't available for that geek at the art centre, could you have not reached out to Iva Biggin and the Red Nose Burglars? Very similar articles.

SPEAKER_05 37:11

Had you suggested at the time, Steve. The Winkers who knows. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 37:15

Now and and got into poetry, I think, d mostly during COVID, didn't you? Yeah, I read it oh well, yeah, eight years. Because um you promised that you would um not shave and also do a poem a day for every day of COVID or lockdown.

SPEAKER_05 37:31

I thought it would last three weeks. And it lasted five hundred and thirty-two pounds.

SPEAKER_07 37:35

So that was five hundred and thirty two.

SPEAKER_05 37:37

Five hundred and thirty-two pounds. And I had a beard that could like really almost came down to my knees. And when I used to visit my ninety-seven-year-old mother at the uh uh care home, they mistook me for her husband on two separate occasions. Is your good lady wife? And when I tell that story, I thought well well, your mother must have been very sprightly. No she was far from sprightly, she'd had two strokes by then, had to be fed, and uh was um dribbling into a lap, really.

SPEAKER_11 38:09

I did see a video of you earlier when I was doing a bit of research on Dr. Anthony Roberts. And I saw a video of you offering to uh recite poetry to people that were feeling a little bit down during the COVID.

SPEAKER_05 38:21

Oh, that was right at the start, wasn't it? Yeah. Yeah, you soon got over that.

SPEAKER_11 38:24

Yeah, there was no beard in that video. So it must have been right at the beginning of the yeah.

SPEAKER_07 38:28

He had a ceremonial shaving off of the beard when we opened the um Art Centre's new toilets. Yeah, that's wrong.

SPEAKER_11 38:35

What did you do with the beard?

SPEAKER_05 38:37

I gave it to a puppeteer, actually. Uh Andy Lawrence, Theatre of Widdishons comes every year and does the puppet show. Uh and he said good night of the beard. So uh the plaided beard was delivered to him and he promises to make a puppet featuring the uh facial hair of Dr. Anthony Roberts. I haven't seen it yet.

SPEAKER_11 38:54

But sounds like it's uh As popular as I'm still in the works.

SPEAKER_07 38:58

Our producer's face, I've never this is the first episode when he has he looks as quite funny some most of the time. He's visibly wince. He is wincing, and what is going on in my studio, he's thinking.

SPEAKER_11 39:09

We'll probably find out it's the only chat he's ever liked that he plays. We've never found his musical taste. No, we we keep meaning to ask him, don't we?

SPEAKER_07 39:17

No, not really.

SPEAKER_11 39:18

Shall we get back on to the subject of Cortinas?

SPEAKER_07 39:20

Cortinas. Now, the great thing about there are many great things about this podcast, Steve, aren't there? One of the greatest things I've found is rediscovering the Tom Robinson band. Oh. I forgot what a great band they were. And Power in the Darkness is a fantastic album.

SPEAKER_11 39:35

You're gonna have to ease up because there's gonna be more Tom Robinson band songs on this podcast than there are Stiff Little Fingers. That'd be impossible because we play Stiff Little Fingers every week. Every week, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 39:42

Yeah, but it's great to go back and see if I get to tell my Tom Robinson story now. Tell your Tom Robinson story now before we play this great thing.

SPEAKER_05 39:49

So we like to go to my wife and I like to take the Euro star uh annual holidays to where we went on uh honeymoon allele. And that's the first stop that you get to on there. Anyway, we were so we were in the uh waiting lounge. You go up to the platform uh at uh St. Pancras and um there was a guy next to us designing C Ds, you know, with a guitar and everything. And I'm not chatty, but my wife is.

SPEAKER_11 40:18

Designing C D's with a guitar.

SPEAKER_05 40:21

Incredible that we bought a tooth on the back of it. You know the guitar thing is with someone else. And uh it was kind of vaguely familiar. Anyway, my wife said, Are you the are you Tom Robinson? And he said, Well yeah and she said, Are you the Tom Robinson? And he said, Well, I'm not Tommy Robinson. Thank goodness Which I was you should have been disappointed then. Oh what a shame.

SPEAKER_11 40:47

It's an interesting uh similarity there, because you couldn't find two different people, could you?

SPEAKER_07 40:53

Tom is very liberal and socialist in his outlook. Whereas Tommy Robinson isn't.

SPEAKER_11 40:59

No. So it was two, four, six, eight Euro star.

SPEAKER_05 41:05

You don't think Tommy Robinson's a kind of like tribute to uh Tom Robinson, do you?

SPEAKER_07 41:10

I don't think so, and I I don't think we'll be inviting him to alternative culture.

SPEAKER_11 41:14

Well he's a Luton fan for a star.

SPEAKER_07 41:16

Yeah, well what Tommy Robinson? Yeah I didn't know that's makes it one worse. Hang on. Uh Nigel Pearson, Hayden Mullins again, Vladimir Ivitch. Oh, he was useless. Zisko Munoz. Terrible, he had to go. Claudio Ranieri won the premiership. Disgrace he was. Get him out. Roy Hodgson, who's now back in management with Bristol City. Disgrace. Is he still around? Roy Hodgson. He's just been appointed as Bristol City's manager at 78. And talking of 78, I think this record came out in 78. So let's hear tenuously.

SPEAKER_11 42:00

Oh yeah and 1981.

SPEAKER_05 42:02

But did I misunderstand? Is there a theme to today's programme?

SPEAKER_11 42:05

Well the cortina.

SPEAKER_05 42:06

Oh, I see, right. Oh yes, I see. That's how it fits in with the cortina.

SPEAKER_07 42:09

And this is Grey Cortina by the Tom Robinson band. Didn't your brother have a brown cortina? He did, I'll tell you about that after the track. Tom Robinson Band and ending the song in typical punk rock fashion with a great ending. Grey Cortina. Fantastic song, Steve.

SPEAKER_11 44:34

Yeah, brilliant song. Tongue in cheek, I think. Yeah, nice and short, snappy, catchy. Love it. Brilliant.

SPEAKER_07 44:44

They will never forget it.

SPEAKER_05 44:45

What about your brother's brown cortina?

SPEAKER_07 44:47

Yes, my brother's brown cortina was a dreadful car. Really? It kept breaking down. I mean he's not a good driver, my brother. He had a few pranks and it was a rust bucket. But he did give me a few.

SPEAKER_05 44:59

Rust. It was brown and rust.

SPEAKER_11 45:03

What on the inside or outside?

SPEAKER_05 45:06

Both, yes. What colour of brown though? What shade of brown? Um you know when you're really ill? Dog mess brown.

SPEAKER_07 45:13

Oh, I see. I'd call it. I I had to choose my words carefully carefully there. Yes, it wasn't a great car. Matthew will no doubt tell me that it was a great car. Just by a bad driver. But Grey Cortina, I thought Grey Cortina was much better than his brown cortina.

SPEAKER_11 45:31

So we don't lose track of where this show's going, um and and keeping in with the Cortina theme. Go for it. Um and we're getting daggers from the producer, I think he's got to be out in four hours. So um uh if we could just uh have a little bit of a speedy s side of the of the show and uh get it all back on track. Uh another Cortina song. Unfortunately, I am gonna have to tell you a little bit about the Salford Jets who sing this next one, Gina, brackets I've got a Cortina, close brackets, because um the Salford Jets actually had um sessions on Radio One with Peter Powell, Kid Jensen, and Mike Reed. Are any of those still um uh not in prison? Urrh don't know, I'll have to check that. But um they did have a minor hit with who you looking at. Do you remember that? No. You have to go and listen to that. I think you will know it if you if you hear it. But let's hear a Cortina song, Gina brackets. I've got a Cortina, close brackets, bottles all for Jets.

SPEAKER_01 46:37

Me and Gina didn't have a car. So me and Gina couldn't go far. Well now it's all turned. Oh okay.

SPEAKER_03 46:55

Just listen to what I say, but I'm gonna go to the back.

SPEAKER_11 49:41

Manchester's very own Salford Jets. Oh, is that where they're from, is it? Yeah, I think the name's in the the clue's in the title, isn't it? Great song. They made so many good songs of Sulford Jets and uh yeah, just didn't get anywhere near the recognition they deserved as as uh lots of punk banders can uh say that. Um Right, it's um Ant's uh next choice, and he's actually chosen something extremely good. Sensible. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 50:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 50:08

I take it back.

SPEAKER_07 50:09

Hang on. Rob Edwards, Slavin Billlich, Chris Wilder, Valerian again.

SPEAKER_05 50:17

Well he had to go, obviously. Tom Cleverly Oh Tom Cleverly, terrible.

SPEAKER_07 50:21

Paolo Petzolano, an embarrassment, Javi Garcia again, awful, Charlie Daniels, caretaker, caretaker, rubbish, and the current manager, Ed Still. In embarrassment to everyone. Did they say to him Keep your head still? Because I'd love them to say that.

SPEAKER_11 50:42

Well he's still in the job. Well well he might not be, it's ten past three. Right, the yachts. And tell us about this song.

SPEAKER_05 50:50

Well, I told you I wanted to choose one by a band that sort of like disappeared altogether, um, pretty much after punk, because that's one of the great things about uh punk that I liked was that uh the band could sort of like pop up and then um disappear. You didn't have to kind of like have a career that took you to the west coast of America or took you on to kind of like and there was a band uh I heard Paley talking on the radio once and he was saying that he'd bumped into one of the bands that he did on one of his sessions and said, Oh well, how's the band going? Oh no, you know, we didn't not uh we uh well we got on your radio show and then um uh that was kind of like what we wanted to do, so we kind of like uh did something else and that was kind of like a refreshing attitude, isn't it? That's like you know, encompass what tomorrow. Yeah, and it's like uh and and this is a very jolly little uh kind of track, but a kind of like uh stiff records of course. Uh and it has all the kind of like it's a bit in the same kind of bracket as the uh as the Jonathan Richmond tracker to uh chose early on as a kind of like uh a kind of joy and a kind of simplicity about it, which was just so refreshing. So this is suffice to say, by the yachts.

SPEAKER_03 52:14

Yups straight to your heart I'm just a young romantic food I wrote this specially for you Although the rhyme is not like It's quite a scampy little too I'm sure you like the little steel It's shot, sweet too save you survived to say you can say surprise to say So what you think it is so far You know I would you never be a big I never meet the day So we just have to be out there's an instrumental break Suffice to say you love me I can say that I think Suffice to say I love you You know four weeks is much too long Four weeks alone What can I do?

SPEAKER_09 53:48

On the streets bereft of you What's a lonely man supposed to do?

SPEAKER_03 54:00

Oh I've been needing you badly You know I'd be missing you sadly If you leave Say you always think I'll be Why then Won't you let me see the moment you speak to you for you I love me It's like you I'm sure you like the closest too It's my sweetest too It's that I love you Suffice to say me can say that I baby Suffice to say I love you too Suffice to say you love me Can say that I baby Suffice to say I love you Great choice Aunt the yachts and suffice to say love that we were all saying the keyboards reminded us of the Stranglers and Dave Greenfield and lovely track.

SPEAKER_11 55:23

You could actually say it reminded you of the doors, though, couldn't you?

SPEAKER_07 55:25

Oh, the doors, well the Stranglers will be accused of um aping the doors, but I think stranglers are much better than that.

SPEAKER_11 55:31

Oh yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_05 55:32

So while that track was on, Steve talked about the box set that he's got of the art, which he's never listened to at all. Never opened.

SPEAKER_11 55:40

Never opened at all. No, because my good friend Mark Brennan, who does listen to the show and um he's a massive football fan, and he is the godfather of punk rock releases. Um It's not the Mark Brennan that used to play fruits with. No, but he did text me yesterday and saying, You do know that Mark Brennan used to play for you. Yeah. Uh I don't know what this Mark Brennan's uh left foot is like, but he's uh he had a a label for twenty odd years called Captain Oi Records and um Captain Oi Records, yeah, great, great and they've been purchased in recent years by Cherry Red Records. Yes one of them, probably Cherry Red, because the yachts probably wouldn't fall completely in the Captain Oi camp, um, did a box set and he s sent me a promotional copy of it. So I do need to open it. Sorry, Mark. I know you're listening, I will open it. And I know you keep telling me how good the yachts are as well.

SPEAKER_07 56:34

So I'm and and if Mark Brennan, the X Ipswich player, is listening. Good on you, Mark. You had a few good games with the town and a great left foot. Perhaps you should keep it unopened though, a bit like Well, Mark's left foot.

unknown 56:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 56:45

The box set.

SPEAKER_05 56:46

Oh, it'll be a bit like more valuable. Yeah, more valuable than like uh Ivor Cutler's uh loaf of bread. You could keep it fresh.

SPEAKER_07 56:55

Are you sure they were called the yachts? Because in Monty Python there is a Mr. Luxury Yatched. Oh is there?

SPEAKER_05 57:02

Why would that cast uh doubt on whether they were called the yacht? Oh, could they call the yacht? Yes, Mr. Luxury Yatched.

SPEAKER_07 57:11

Is in Monty Python. Right.

SPEAKER_05 57:12

So they weren't called the Yatch. Well uh they've never been pronounced as the Yatch. They were definitely the Yachts. Well, they've been referred to, but you raise an interesting point. I we I think we should put this to them. Would Mark Brennan know?

SPEAKER_11 57:25

He would know, but I can already know what his answer would be.

SPEAKER_05 57:27

Hello, I've never opened your box set and are you the yacht?

SPEAKER_11 57:32

If any of the yachts are listening, I am I am going to open that box set when I get home.

SPEAKER_05 57:38

No spoiler, you'll spoil it. The promise of what's in it would be ruined.

SPEAKER_11 57:42

The thing is I don't need to open them because what I I like to look at all the packaging and everything, and then I then I just stream things on uh Spotify.

SPEAKER_07 57:49

Now we're key well we've done telephone. We've done a lot of Watford stick. I'm not talking about Ipswich Town this week because of Farage Gate. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna say anything because I'm so angry about it.

SPEAKER_11 58:02

You just did.

SPEAKER_07 58:03

Oh yeah. Uh Luke's refusing to say anything about it because he he might get in trouble.

SPEAKER_11 58:07

Well, we're trying to keep politics out of the show.

SPEAKER_07 58:09

Well, and we just weren't trying to keep politics out of our club. That was the trouble.

SPEAKER_11 58:14

Uh has no other politician visited Portman Road?

SPEAKER_07 58:18

Not not like the that Farage got with shirts with his number and name on the back, and here's the dressing room, here's the press suite, and say what you like and then exploit it to the hilt, they didn't. You're getting me angry, Steve. Well, a lot a lot of football fans. Spectacular own goal.

SPEAKER_11 58:37

A lot of football fans are calling for a twelve-point deduction, and I I'm I'm actually in favour of that. Yeah, but you would as a Cole U fan, wouldn't you? We'd probably still be in a playoff position. Uh but then they would appeal it and make it an 18-point deduction. Yeah, because they've got it in for it switched out at the right. We had a bit of fun on Saturday when there was the international break.

SPEAKER_07 58:57

This is the the game against uh Walsall where you messaged me afterwards said season's over.

SPEAKER_11 59:02

Yeah. But we had a we had a ten minute interlude because there was a drone flying over the pitch. It wasn't the drones, they punk ban the drones. Unfortunately not. It was an actual drone, and rather than all trying to um take cover in case it was Russian, Chinese, Iranian, or all of the above, we were all trying to get a good look at it. Um except the players. They were all taken off the field for their own safety while the fans were just left to their own devices. Their suspect devices.

SPEAKER_05 59:31

That probably is.

SPEAKER_11 59:33

We've had dogs interrupt uh uh football matches at Colster, famously. Yeah, chick baits. Yeah. Brentford got cog ended his career.

SPEAKER_07 59:40

The dog? What happened? A dog ran on the pitch, attacked Brentford's goalie, Chick Bates, and ended his career. Well, ended the goalie's career. Yeah. Why by by biting him? He collided with his knee, never played football again. The dog or the chick baits. What so the injury was so terrible. We shouldn't laugh. Jerry Harrison was commentating on this for match of the week. Right. Because it was a match of the week game. Yeah. Costaby Grimsby was it? Remember when they said Brentford.

SPEAKER_11 1:00:09

Remember when they used to read out the results and they'd say um snow stop abandoned uh snow stop play or wind stop play. Did they ever think they'd have to say drone stop play? Drone stop play, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:21

Good point.

SPEAKER_10 1:00:21

Can I just rewind it a bit? So you thought it was a military potentially a military yeah, and the first place they're going to attack is Colchester.

SPEAKER_11 1:00:30

Seems a reasonable place to start. It's a garrison city and there was no premiership or championship games on, and it was the high attendance of Colchester. Well, it's the players, the same amount of players on the pitch, and then they would have caused um I think it was probably a South End United drone. Well, had that drone had done its job properly, they'd have seen that Colchester should have won the game because it's been proven that Samson David's shot that was allegedly cleared off the line went over the line by about a foot of the clearly over the line.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:03

They don't have goal line technology in Leagues One and Two, Luke. I know we have it in the Champo. I assume they had it in League One and Two.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:10

I think the clubs have to fund it, I think.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:14

Oh yeah, well, Cowling wouldn't do that. No. No, no, no, no. It's his club, not our club. No, absolutely, as we heard Larry Night.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:27

Do you think the drone was trying to do that, to try and bring its own sort of like DIY goal line technology into play? Possibly.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:34

I remember Joe Garner scored a goal for Ipsy Twitch, and nobody realised it was a goal until the referee looked at his thing on his on his wrist and pointed to the halfway line and we went delirious. Oh, because he got a buzzer to telemetry across the line. And no nobody in the stadium thought it was.

SPEAKER_11 1:01:48

I mean that can't cost much to do that, can it?

SPEAKER_05 1:01:50

No, you could just get your drone, get a drone out, you know, and and you could, you know, you could rewrite history like the like Senegal versus.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:59

You're not legally allowed to fly over over people. Crowds of over 2,000, sorry to get on. Have you just Googled it? No, because I've got a drone licence. Oh wow. That's another thing with that. It wasn't you, was it? No, because I wouldn't fly over a few.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:15

Do you need a licence to fly a drone?

SPEAKER_10 1:02:17

Uh I mean this could that could take yeah, you do. It depends on the weight of the drone.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:23

That's reminding me of another Python sketch with the fish licence. Oh not catching me out there. Was there a big fight in the game? Eric Harper B.

SPEAKER_11 1:02:31

Colchester game, was there? There was also a big fight after the drone. There was a big fight as well, which Yeah, I saw it made the news, didn't it?

SPEAKER_07 1:02:38

Why?

SPEAKER_11 1:02:39

Yeah. People weren't upset about the goal that wasn't given. Oh so it wasn't Colchester and Warsaw fans. No, it was Colester fans fighting each other.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:49

Shall we move on? Let's move on to swindle.

SPEAKER_11 1:02:52

Well we haven't actually spoken.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:53

What was the fight then? There was a fight between two one set of of the Colchester United fans thought it wasn't a goal, so they attacked another set of what I've got.

SPEAKER_11 1:03:02

From what I can gather, it happened it happened in the hospitality area. Isn't that where you are? Yeah, but we watch the game, but there is obviously hospitality people that just go for hospitality and not football, and I think that's where it occurred.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:17

And they wonder why we don't care.

SPEAKER_11 1:03:20

We haven't spoken about uh bands with the the an X in the title for a little while, have we?

SPEAKER_07 1:03:25

No. We've got one coming now. Oh, have we? Swindon's Finest, which I mentioned the other week when we weren't even playing them. Mr. Partridge. Yeah, Andy. Andy, yeah. Why didn't he stop why did he stop performing? The Partridge Family. Stage Fright. Andy Partridge of XTC stopped performing. He was in the Partridge family. No, that was David Cassidy. Oh.

unknown 1:03:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:46

Sounds like Andy Partridge. Andy Partridge, yeah. I think their musical differences would have not kept them together longer.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:51

Nah, I went to see XTC. I saw them a few times. Brilliant. You've just had Terry Chambers XTC. XTC on at the Art Center.

SPEAKER_11 1:04:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:00

Brilliant.

SPEAKER_11 1:04:01

What would happen if there was a guy who'd been in XTC, Generation X, and XSLF? Or what could his band be called?

SPEAKER_05 1:04:10

X. X SLF Generation X. XTC. Generation X.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:17

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:18

I'd buy a ticket.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:19

Let's hear. I saw though, I have to say I taught XTC here in a 78 at the university. Oh, I did too. They were brilliant.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:27

And this is my favourite XTC track. This is Pop.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:53

Stop there.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:11

XTC, this is Pop Wonderful Song, and Swindon's finest, as I say, and I just regaled Stephen Ant with my story of my one visit to the county ground Swindon. We Ipswich Town were 2-0 down, ten minutes to go, and we won 3-2. I know Dalian Atkinson got one of the goals. Zondervan, I forget who scored the other one. Oh, tell us, it's such a great story. It's a great story.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:33

Yeah. So you were there and they were 2-0 down.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:36

And we won 3-2 with 10 minutes to go.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:39

We don't normally edit bits out of the show. No, bring back I have a cut.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:42

Remind me which major trophies Watford and Colchester have won. Yeah. Watney Cup. Simply won. Watney Cup. And you beat Leeds. That's it, isn't it?

SPEAKER_11 1:07:53

We won the FA trophy. That's for non-league clubs. We won the.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:58

Do you think it's a badge of honour winning trophies?

SPEAKER_05 1:08:00

FA Cups UA for Cup. The premiership as was. How many managers has Ipswich sacked? This is the criteria by which the greatness of a football club should be a good thing. We're not a sacking club.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:12

You're going run down. Well, that's where you're going wrong, isn't it? This is this is it.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:16

Clearly, we've got we've had more ex-England managers than you, I think. We are Bobby Robson and Alf Ramsey.

SPEAKER_11 1:08:22

Sound like one of these West Ham fans that says they won the they won the World Cup.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:26

From a Cole Yu fan, tell us about when you were tell us about when you were 2-0 down. That that that's such a great story.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:33

Yes. 2-0 down ten minutes ago, we won 3-2. I was overjoyed. Ipswich ladies played on their own ground this week. And we lost. We lost to Southampton.

SPEAKER_11 1:08:42

Didn't play at Colchester United.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:43

Because you were playing.

SPEAKER_11 1:08:46

At 10,000 apparently.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:47

Yeah. We we got double the crowd for our women than Cole U got for their men's too.

SPEAKER_11 1:08:52

Because it free to get in.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:53

No! How much of it? Is it free? Look, do you know if the women charge? Uh it was.

SPEAKER_10 1:08:58

When they played at Felix Day, they did. Yeah, this weekend it was uh was it under eights went free, I think. They have to pay, see, adults have to pay. The kids went free, but then the adults 10 quid or something like that. 10 quid.

SPEAKER_11 1:09:11

There was a business uh event there, wasn't there? All in the morning they had a business breakfast and then people got to see the ladies play as well. Because some of the people in our box had been there for the breakfast. They said the breakfast was excellent. Good. We do something right.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:29

Oh, I love getting sick from a car. So last Saturday, Tim. Yes.

SPEAKER_11 1:09:35

No trains.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:36

Oh the Saturday before last.

SPEAKER_11 1:09:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:38

When we talked if Little Fingers. Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:09:40

Oh, you loved this, didn't you? Bus replacement service. Yes.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:43

Um but it didn't put us off because I drove to Newbury Park only to find out that the rail replacement buses were all using the car park at Newbury Park. So I had to go into the park in the side street, walk back to the tube station, to get the tube into uh Camden to see stiff little fingers. But as we said, we'd have walked there, wouldn't we?

SPEAKER_11 1:10:05

Well I'd identified Golders Lane. Golders Green, wouldn't it? Golders Green as an ideal place to park uh three stops from the venue. Yes. Um But my wife and her sister and her husband and my sister-in-law and brother-in-law uh said they could park at we could park at Woodford Green Fire Station.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:31

Woodford Green Fire Station.

SPEAKER_11 1:10:32

Yeah. Which was then a half an hour walk to the tube station and then a four-hour tube journey to Camden. And uh so we did that way. I got overruled.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:44

Yeah, and you never you didn't mention it though, did you? I didn't mention it once. Not after the gig, he wasn't mentioning it at all. That's true, I did not mention it once. We could we could be home by now.

SPEAKER_10 1:10:54

Have you not used the Elizabeth Line yet? Do you know the Elizabeth Lion exists? Yes, yes. We're not that old. Three grandads sitting here, aren't they? Shenfield, it runs from, don't we? Or Brent Brentwiddle Shenfield, you can get the I've parked there before, just got the Elizabeth Line straight. Why didn't you tell us if we do that? Why didn't we uh does it go to, though? All the way through. It goes all the way through to Heathrow. Yeah, but that's no good. We were going to Camden.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:18

No, but it it goes straight through the middle. So you can get off and get on another tube, you see.

SPEAKER_11 1:11:23

We could have done that. I'm gonna do that next time. Thanks for telling us.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:27

Mornington Crescent. Yes. Have I won? Yes, of course. Do you get that reference, Steve?

SPEAKER_11 1:11:32

Mornington Crescent. A lot of punk bands lived in Mornington Crescent.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:35

Radio 4, he's on about.

SPEAKER_11 1:11:38

It's a game.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:38

It's a game, is it? Which which one's it on? I'm sorry. They always mention Mornington Crescent as the final destination. So back to the gig.

SPEAKER_11 1:11:48

So thank Christ. I said I wasn't gonna do any requests. Yes. And I already had my tracks ready, so there's something I had to bump the questions by the Suburban Studs. Um and this next song is an actual request, and it is for my sister-in-law, Jip. And she wants to hear lovely. She wants to hear Janie Jones by The Clash. Do you like do you like the sound of that?

SPEAKER_07 1:12:15

It is fantastic. Well, an opening track to an album. Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:12:19

Brilliant. It's the opening track to the best album ever released, in my opinion. It looks inflammable material down to a close second for me.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:30

Okay. And the name of the drummer who brings the track in is Tory Crimes.

SPEAKER_11 1:12:35

Great name.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:35

Yes, absolutely. Replaced by Topper Eden.

SPEAKER_11 1:12:38

Yeah, but Tory Crimes or Terry Chuck. Terry Chuck is now a um Tory MP.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:45

No, he's uh Tory lord? He's uh He's in prison for being a Tory? A practitioner. Um an osteopath.

SPEAKER_11 1:12:55

That's what Terry Chimes is. He's an osteopath. Tory crimes. Uh he's very, very um prolific on Facebook. So if you want to have a chat about a clash and have your back sorted, look him up.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:09

Does he do it with drumsticks?

SPEAKER_11 1:13:11

Janie Jones on your back.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:12

Yeah, and you have to love that.

SPEAKER_11 1:13:14

You have to go, oh, I'm in love with the rock and roll world. Let's hear it. Janie Jones by the Clash.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:46

They gotta have fun with you.

SPEAKER_11 1:15:24

Good choice, Jip. Great choice, Jip. Fabulous. And that song made reference to a grey cortina. A Ford Cortina. Ford Cortina. Yes. They just won't run without fuel. Yes. A bit like most cars now. Like yours. Electric. Mine, yeah, I I saw today that um people who have got diesel it's costing an extra ten pounds to fill their tanks up and I thought you don't have a diesel car. Good. Yeah. Electric.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:52

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_11 1:15:54

Right, so moving on swiftly to probably the most well, I thought we'd already played the most bizarre track with Ivor Cutler earlier in the show with Life in the Scotch Sitting Room 2, Episode 6.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:06

This is Ant's bonus track, isn't it?

SPEAKER_11 1:16:08

This is Ant's bonus track. We've allowed this. It falls so far out of the criteria, both in terms of time. And genre.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:16

Genre, everything.

SPEAKER_11 1:16:18

But it is does it it's the right era in terms of punk rock, isn't it? In as much as what we were all doing in the seventies. We were all sort of You were watching Dad's army. We were. We were. Come on in, and tell us about it.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:30

So uh yeah, um Captain Mannering is a great hero of mine. Um someone uh I mean, you look at Captain Mannering, he's a pompous, uh bald, bespeckled, um grammar school educated, um up himself little man who uh works in the church.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:50

Well why why would anything like that who are we describing? Who who would that why would I think you know why why would Why would anyone think I would like that?

SPEAKER_07 1:16:59

I don't know. But you love Dad's army, don't you?

SPEAKER_05 1:17:02

Arthur Lowe is like uh he's just they say people have funny bones, don't they? You can just walk round the door funny, like if you're on stage.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:11

And that chemistry between with between him and John LeMessure.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:14

It's like a question of all the actors. Actors and the script writers in perfect harmony. After a while the writers begin to write the characteristics of the actors who play them. So Mannering gets more pompous, uh, you know, uh Sergeant Wilson and the Mes gets more um refined and irritating. Brilliant. And uh it's just the most beautifully constructed and wonderful piece of comedy.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:45

In the days when we only had two channels and then three channels. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:48

But the theme tune is quite interesting. But the theme tune, this is the last track ever recorded by Bud Flanagan. Uh and um uh I couldn't come on any programme without asking for you to play this.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:00

Let's hear it. Let's hear Bud Flanagan, and who do you think you are kidding, Mr. Hitler?

SPEAKER_08 1:18:08

Who do you think you are kidding, Mr. Hitler? If you think we're on the We are the boys, stop your letter. We are the boys.

SPEAKER_10 1:19:29

And now a massage from the Swedish Prime Minister.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:39

You don't only get great punk rock music, you get wonderful comedy on this podcast. What more could you ask?

SPEAKER_11 1:19:45

I didn't know if that was uh whether that was the beginning of Janie Jones again or or or the massage from the Swedish Prime Minister. Dad's army followed by Monty Python. What more could you want? My I mean I love Dad's Army, but uh and everyone should. But my favourite Arthur Lowe um programme was the cable. Cable the cable car. When he gets stuck in a um a cable car lift, he's on holiday with his wife.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:11

I'm laughing already.

SPEAKER_11 1:20:12

And there's the other people that stuck in the cable car are there's some French people, some German people, and he assumes control of the situation, even though there's people in this cable car that are much better suited, but he said because he's British, it's it stands to You've got to watch that. It's called the Cable Car with Arthur Lowe.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:34

Well he's a brilliant actor. I mean he was on he did Coronation Street, he was in some Lindsey Anderson films as well.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:40

And he was in uh a Sherlock Holmes parody as Dr. Watson to John Cleese's as Sherlock Holmes brilliant as well.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:49

He did a series after Dad's Army called Potter. Yes. I remember Potter. Do you remember that?

SPEAKER_06 1:20:54

I love that. I thought that was so funny.

SPEAKER_11 1:20:58

Well the good thing about that is we would we would remember it because when you'd go out to work the next day and you'd say, Did you see Potter on TV last night? Then invariably people would say yes. But if you go into work or any environment now and say, Did you watch such and such thing on TV last night? The chances are not, because you've got thousands of channels to choose from. Whereas we only had three stroke four, didn't we? Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:19

Absolutely. Shall we move us on? Or do you want me to do the list of Watford managers again? No, probably not.

SPEAKER_11 1:21:23

Um you might as well, because we're going to edit the first bit out.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:28

We're going on to Leighton Buzzards. Now I think we should play the track and then talk about the how the Leighton Buzzards killer went wrong after they stopped being the Leighton Buzzards. Well they'll probably say it went right. They they probably will, but it's not all about money and it's not. So let's hear this great track. This is Saturday Night Beneath the Plastic Palm Trees, again with brackets, by the Leighton Buzzards.

SPEAKER_15 1:22:21

Six months later, Barney's grown. I got a moist suit to call my own. Button-down shirt with a window pane check. Growing up, I need much more. The youth club kids were such a bore. Me mate new says there's a place he knows where it's gone. Take off. Cruise from ballot and gold as green. And loads of lights is of never late. The stroke of ten, the fight breaks out. He's wearing boots. Cry the gangsters dressed in dinner suit. The black is eyes, his nose gets bent. Eddie Homan slows things down. You ask a girl to dance, but you get turned down. Maybe it's just another dye. What'd you want for five minutes? I was cold drinking ramen black, and then felt sick on the journey back. I thought stubborn right through in the board ride.

SPEAKER_07 1:25:33

Great punk band. Made some great records.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:37

So what happened? Tell us the story about how they uh managed to implode.

SPEAKER_07 1:25:41

Oh they imploded. They they're you unlike most punk bands.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:45

Your body language tells me that this is a very good thing.

SPEAKER_07 1:25:49

It has hurt me. They were after money and success.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:51

How do you feel about it now?

SPEAKER_07 1:25:52

I still feel very hurt by it. Because Layton Buzzers were great. I wanted them to carry on being Leighton Buzzers.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:57

What happened then?

SPEAKER_07 1:25:58

They became modern romance. Do you remember? Sulsa Disco Band called Modern Romance. They had hits with um oh, what do they have hits with? Um The best years of our lives and big hits they had. So the best years of our lives. The punk band that sold out. Yeah. That never happens, does it?

SPEAKER_11 1:26:19

It's a swindle.

SPEAKER_07 1:26:20

But you know, the punk bands that sell out usually sell out in a good way. Yeah. This lot of being had a disco a disco salsa band. They sound good. Have we got anything? They were brilliant. Luke.

SPEAKER_11 1:26:34

Modern romance. Do not play them, Luke. They sound good. There was no need for them. That was a massive hit Saturday night beneath the Basti Party. For a punk band. Top forty, maybe?

SPEAKER_07 1:26:46

I'd say top twenty at least. Oh we'll have to anyway.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:49

So was the Was it the entire band?

SPEAKER_07 1:26:52

Two of them. The two main ones in the band went and formed a modern romance.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:56

And one of them was one of them Leighton himself?

SPEAKER_07 1:26:59

No, no, no. That's because they're from Leighton. London, Leighton, not Leighton Buzzard, not Leighton Buzzards. Near Watford. Right. I I'm distressed about it, but that is a great song. Saturday night, open brackets, and I'm sure to be able to do that.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:14

Is it the Leighton Buzzards still going, or is it just Modern Romance still going? I hope not. Can we reform them? No.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:20

We can form reform Leighton Buzzards.

SPEAKER_11 1:27:22

Ex Modern Romance. Ex Leighton Buzzards. If one of them's available, we can ask them to sign that.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:28

But you're amongst thirty people at the Three Wise Monkeys, you may have a or ready-made gig at the Art Centre.

SPEAKER_11 1:27:34

Ex Modern Romance? Mark? Before I burst into tears, what's the next one, Steve? Well, well it's I'm going I'd I'd like to have links to everything we're doing and w you know, that um the Courtinas um have sparked off several songs with the word Cortina in it, or in the title or in the lyrics. But going back to the roundhouse, you said you wanted to talk about the Meffs as well. I mean they're a culture they're local boys and girls made good, aren't they? Yeah, Lily's a collecton girl. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:28:01

Uh like me. I'm a collecton boy.

SPEAKER_11 1:28:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:28:03

But she's a collecton girl. She she went to the same primary school that I went to. She went to the same St. Ben's secondary school that my kids went to. So and uh I think you you could really have been the Meffs. I could have been the Meffs um if I wasn't thirty years older than her. There there are some small barriers. Oh no. And they're great. And um they were a bit heavy for Steve's delicate ears at the roundhouse. I loved them. Me and Marky String, I loved them.

SPEAKER_11 1:28:29

Yeah, they're a bit heavy for me. I'm really pleased how well they're doing because they're from Colchester and I think that's fantastic. I mean I like the Clacton Stroke culture. Um not Hip Switch. Not Hip Switch. Saw Saw them at the Arts Centre.

SPEAKER_05 1:28:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:28:43

And um supporting Bells Cox. She's a great front woman. Oh brilliant. And uh the work you know, to just make that amount of racket um with just guitar and other dramas is incredible because it's kind of a bass guitarist, it's a nightmare, isn't it? Because it's actually saying, Look, we don't need any bass guitars. So but yeah, and they had the crowd going for a support band, the Stiff Little Fingers crowd. I didn't think it would be the right crowd for 'em, but I got that wrong. Um they were they they went down a storm and uh yeah, good luck to them. But we were at the roundhouse, we were watching the mess and stiff little fingers. So that brings us on to our next track, which is the television personalities posing at the roundhouse.

SPEAKER_12 1:29:40

Come on to the round, they'll say, There come I kid. Everyone has died a hair, everyone's dying on its suits.

SPEAKER_11 1:29:51

I will not still wear I'm always gonna wisdom I'm wasting all the wisdom When it wants to get no it's not much uh it's not much uh yeah When I skip Oh it's there Oh yeah Way Bill is there Oh yeah Oh yeah But I'll probably go to the marquee with you Posing at the Roundhouse by the fantastic television personalities now Dan Treacy was the singer and songwriter of the TV personalities or the television personalities and the when they decided on a name each member of the band came up with a suggestion and those suggestions were Nicholas Parsons, love that, Russell High, Bruce Forsyth, or Huey Green. So the band was going to be called one of those, and then they decided just put them all together and call the band television personalities.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:19

I think Huey Green would have been about another name.

SPEAKER_11 1:32:21

That's a fun fact.

SPEAKER_05 1:32:23

None of them Parsons.

SPEAKER_11 1:32:24

And none of them are controversial. None of them went on to be um 70s um I think Huey Green had a bit of a daughter as well.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:35

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but it wasn't illegal. No, no, that was Jess Yates. No, no, it's Paulie Yates.

SPEAKER_11 1:32:39

Paulie Yates, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:40

But Jess Shakes was Paulie Yates' dad, wasn't it? Are you sure Huey Green? We're gonna have to read that.

SPEAKER_11 1:32:47

No, no, Jess Yates. Yeah, Huey Green's was a yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:51

I know Jess Shaites comes into it somewhere, but hey. Anyway, the television personality was fantastic.

SPEAKER_05 1:32:57

Oh clapometer.

SPEAKER_11 1:32:59

So they formed after sexual disease. After watching the Sex Pistols, Dan Treacy went, I could do that.

SPEAKER_05 1:33:06

Huey Green's clapometer.

SPEAKER_11 1:33:08

So we listened to Huey Green's clapometer, and then he went and listened to his Jonathan Richmond records and he said, We're gonna do this. And they've got a real cult following the television personalities, and I'd recommend anyone who hasn't heard them to go and investigate them thoroughly. Right, we're getting to the end of the show. I didn't think we'd be saying that anytime soon. I can see uh Luke Luke's falling asleep. He's it's woke him up hearing that, they've got Donald Trump over there in the middle of an important announcement.

SPEAKER_07 1:33:38

Because uh the next uh next track I I found difficult to listen to at first, but uh Ant's chosen it, so you know whatever Whatford a fan wants, we give them. Um and I said, um Ant I said to my wife Nikki, I said, Ant's chosen uh a track by Pearubu. I know Pearu Boo. She said, I thought Nikki knows a proto-punk band. I said, Well, what do you know about Pearubu? Yes, it is it's a character in a play by Albert Jerry. I I studied them, I'm doing my Nikki impressions. I studied them for for French A-level and uh and drama.

SPEAKER_05 1:34:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:34:14

Albert Jerry, because Pear Ubu is a character in a play called Ubu Roi, and uh that's where this band got their name from. I said they were a proto-punk band, uh, were they? She said she didn't know anything about the band, but she knew about the character in uh in the play. Have you seen the play? No. Albert Jerry's Albert!

SPEAKER_05 1:34:37

I love the way you say it.

SPEAKER_07 1:34:38

Well, you know.

SPEAKER_05 1:34:39

I do. Albert Tatloff. If you can see his little face when he's saying that. When you have a secondary school education like I had in Clacton, you learn these things.

SPEAKER_07 1:34:52

I say. Because I I'm not a grammar school boy, but my school was a grammar school. The year I went it became comprehensive. I think the two are connected.

SPEAKER_11 1:35:00

Well, the official genre for Pear Uboo's music is art punk. So that would go nicely with um Ant. And the lead singer, David Thomas, I read about him. Was born in Cleveland, Ohio. Yes, but for some reason he died in April of last year, April the twenty-third, and he's late arrest in Brighton, UK.

SPEAKER_05 1:35:24

Well I think he lived in the UK. I mean, one of the last gigs they put on was played in Canterbury. My mate Dave Sefton put them on at the uh Galbenkian Art Centre. And apparently they were absolutely dreadful. So why have you chosen Perubu? Well to annoy us. To annoy us? Yeah, hopefully. Because it's nearly five minutes, isn't it? And the listeners, I hope. Well, it's four minutes fifty-seven.

SPEAKER_07 1:35:48

Well, I've got it down as five minutes, three seconds. Well, Luke's got it down as four minutes fifty-seven, so he's cut six seconds off.

SPEAKER_05 1:35:55

I want those six seconds back in there. You're not getting away.

SPEAKER_10 1:35:58

I've lost more than six seconds.

SPEAKER_05 1:36:00

Sorry. So why pair of it? One of the things about punk is that um uh it made you pushed you into places and ideas and sounds and things that you'd never really kind of like considered. Music was reinvented, poetry was reinvented, everything became um, like we were talking about, a kind of DIY aesthetic. And um David um Thomas described his singing as the noise that goes on constantly inside your head that you never really vocalize. This is making the listeners really wonder I like this song. Yeah, yeah, I do like this song. And after about the fifth listen, I went to see that.

SPEAKER_07 1:36:41

Uh it's a crowd. After he did all that, David Thomas, he became manager of Watford.

SPEAKER_05 1:36:49

He had to be sacked from that, huh? But um I went to see them at uh the electric ballroom in Canberra. Oh, what a venue. And uh they were playing their um uh it was at the time of I think it was 78, the The Modern Lovers is their uh the Modern Dance was their classic album, their first album. And he had a a cold chisel which which you can hear on on modern dance itself. And it's like would bang this coal chisel with a huge hammer and it would fall out of his hand and onto the stage. This guy, David Thomas, is huge, he was like proper fatty, he was like a huge guy, um, with a suit with a tight tie looked like Oliver Hardy and was like sing this peculiar stuff that had this uh cultures with a hammer, it made a brilliant noise, falling and he would like walk around kind of dazed, looking for it in a peculiar way. And I thought this is genius! This is what we need. This is what we're talking about. And his final solution, one of their better tracks in the world. I think it's a single before their first album. And uh I just like the apocalyptic kind of like noise version of it. Plus, there's a like a a tiny section where it stops and then starts again with like kind of like a tidal wave of noise.

SPEAKER_11 1:38:02

I think I think the listeners are desperate to hear it. Yeah, well it's got a very apt title, and it is the last track, so we'll play it and then have a little um say goodbye and a thank you, and we might will you will you join us again, please, and um after we've heard it. So should we listen to it?

SPEAKER_07 1:38:19

Final solution by Peiru.

SPEAKER_05 1:43:20

Yeah, I think uh if I've managed to just uh halve the number of listeners for that entire podcast. You've done your job well, yeah. Steve was saying there's uh less people listening now than are in the room.

SPEAKER_07 1:43:32

Fewer people.

SPEAKER_05 1:43:33

Yeah. Fewer people. Three three in the room.

SPEAKER_07 1:43:38

Yeah, very good. Thank you, thank you, Ant. Oh well we must must I've got to do a plug. Yeah, I think Ant and I are in the Mayor's Variety show on April the Sunday, April the 12th at the Mercury Theatre. You used to be a mayor, didn't you? I was the mayor once, if I'm ever mentioned it. No. No. Um and we will be in the Mayor's Variety at the Mercury Theatre. It's being hosted by the great magician Michael J. Fitch. Ant will be playing Cardinal Fang. Cardinal Fang. And I will be playing Cardinal Biggles.

SPEAKER_11 1:44:03

Is Michael J. Fitch any relation to our producer Luke Fitch? He is shaking his head. How can he possibly know that?

SPEAKER_07 1:44:11

It's gone quiet while we'll talk about it.

SPEAKER_05 1:44:14

Why do you keep performing magic tricks, Luke?

SPEAKER_07 1:44:17

Yes, if you're nothing to do with Michael J, what's all these cards doing?

SPEAKER_10 1:44:22

Yeah, I don't think I have uh any relation to him. Okay. Might do.

SPEAKER_07 1:44:27

There are tickets available, Luke. If you want to come and see Michael J, you'll be able to do that. So when is he? Sunday the twelfth of April in the evening, there's only about a hundred tickets left.

SPEAKER_11 1:44:36

Hold on, every time I see you, there's tickets I've got to buy, and there's only a few left. Absolutely. I've got so many things coming up, I don't even know what I'm going to. The mayor's right, you'll love the Mercury. Right. Where's it at? At the Mercury Theatre, main house. Why is it not at the Art Centre? Because the Mercury Theatre is bigger. Is it? Is it better though?

SPEAKER_07 1:44:53

No way. No way. Colchester Art Centre is my favourite venue. My man. And was one of my chosen charities when I was the mayor of Colchester myself.

SPEAKER_11 1:45:04

So it's the 12th of April.

SPEAKER_07 1:45:05

It's the Mayor Charity. What is it? It's the Mayor's Variety Show. So there's there's comedy, there is singing, there is magic. Team Kinetics who were on Britain's Got Talent. Team Kinetics. Who are like diversity, do that tumbling sort of stuff and clever somersaults and stuff. It's what uh there's a woman called Colette who had a top 40 single. Rodney Appleyard assures us she had a top 40 single.

SPEAKER_05 1:45:30

A woman called Colette who had a top 40 single.

SPEAKER_07 1:45:32

Yes. What's stopping people buying tickets?

SPEAKER_11 1:45:35

I've performed at the Mercury Theatre to a sold-out audience as well when we did a cultist has got talent. In the main house. One of your Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had your um Ipswich Town um what's his name? You and Dodds by Wybrow. He was on drums.

SPEAKER_04 1:45:51

Is that the one which Will Quint was the winner of in the end? Yes. Yeah, it was. I was a judge. Yeah. Well, how come I didn't win?

SPEAKER_05 1:46:00

Yeah, I'll take it. Now I think about it, I voted for you, Stephen.

SPEAKER_04 1:46:06

You're lying.

SPEAKER_05 1:46:08

This is the trouble we're getting in, but I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_11 1:46:12

Okay, Arthur. Um so we we we did um uh I Fought the Law, Teenage Kicks, Hound Dog, and all day and all of the night. I would vote. They were the four tracks we did. Well done. I thought we were brilliant. Yeah. We got standard animation. So not from me, don't you?

SPEAKER_05 1:46:29

I'm not sure why we didn't win. Uh n I don't know why I've forgotten it entirely as well. A Tory Boy one. Yes. Yeah. What did he do?

SPEAKER_07 1:46:38

Yeah, it was very good. It was very good. Sean Dyes. Jim Franco Zola. Anyway, anyway, it's been a pleasure. It's been great. Thanks for coming on, Anne. It's been a real pleasure. Uh thank you for your tuning on. You know I don't do sincerity. No, absolutely. I learn everything I know from you. They hate me. It's been wonderful. Are we going to invite him back on?

SPEAKER_11 1:47:02

Well, I think we'd have to vet his track. No, yeah, absolutely. His tracks have been different, and that's what this show's all about, being different.

SPEAKER_07 1:47:09

Luke's loved it. Luke's loved this show. It's been his favourite so far. His favourite. Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:47:12

It might have to split it into two. Doing another magic. Four of diamonds, I think, isn't it? No.

SPEAKER_10 1:47:19

Yeah, we're just over an hour and forty-five.

SPEAKER_07 1:47:23

Right. On that note, yes, we better do the sign-off, which is keep it punk, keep it town. Keep it punk, keep it cold, you. But most of all, keep it punk, keep it alternative Colchester.