Changing for Good - Choosing Happier Habits - Episode 3

Older people can probably all agree on one thing: Change seems to accelerate in 50s, 60s, and 70s. Sometimes change catches us by surprise, and we suddenly feel behind the times or out of touch. What can we do about it? First, we have to remember to laugh! Second, remember we are all in this together. Join us as we discuss how adapting to change can be exciting, perhaps challenging, and can ignite new paths to feeling connected and relevant. Learn ways to change for the better!

Transcript

Speaker 0:03

Welcome to episode three of the Thrive at 65 Podcast. I am Beatrix Kind. Yep, my nickname is B. Yes, my parents did have a mission, but it's a great one. Be kind. Now, up front, we want to thank you for listening to us, and we plan to make it worth your while.

Speaker 1 0:24

Yes, and I'm Paige, Paige Turner. I'm encouraging everyone to embrace the next page in the new chapter of life. And we want to say thank you to all our friends, new and old, who are kind enough to follow our podcast.

Speaker 0:39

As you may remember, Paige and I have been friends since second grade, and we have skipped, we love that word, past the age of 60, and we want to share thoughts, laughter, possible challenges, and solutions as we dance into the later decades.

Speaker 1 0:58

And we are determined to continue to enjoy life. If we have to make a few changes along the way, we can do that better together. We are so glad you're listening today. So let's get started on our topic: change for good. Choose happier habits.

Speaker 1:16

Okay, this is going to be a good one. In this episode, we want to discuss change and what to do about it. Now we know that change can sometimes get more difficult with age, but it doesn't have to stop us from growing and doing things we enjoy. We've talked about how we were surprised in our 60s by some unexpected changes that sometimes made us feel limited.

Speaker 1 1:41

And some changes made us feel vulnerable and we admit just a bit fearful. So it's important to talk about these feelings because, as we always say, you are not alone. Although some changes happen to us without any choice on our part, we can choose how to change in ways to adapt. And yes, sometimes that is hard. So talking through life's changes and sharing how we've handled them, that's going to help us all move forward.

Speaker 2:11

I absolutely think that talking and sharing with someone can be a great comfort. I do that all the time. And even though we've been surprised in our 60s, we don't want to get stuck in our 70s. When faced with changes, and these can be health change, job status, relocation, technology updates, or something as simple as not being able to open a jar. This happened to me recently with a Gatorade bottle, which is very frustrating. There were three of us, and none of us could open the bottle. So to continue, when change happens, it can very easily begin a downward spiral of fear, or avoiding the situation. And that can bring on coping mechanisms that are actually not helpful, such as procrastination, indecision, too many reviews to read, and most importantly, overthinking.

Speaker 1 3:15

Oh, I can really relate. I could win a gold medal in overthinking. Sometimes I cleverly disguise it as research, but it leads to procrastination or indecisiveness every time. It's really easy to get analysis paralysis and not do anything at all. I was buying a simple toaster oven recently, and I started reading all the reviews and I rent down this rabbit hole, and in the end, I was frozen in indecision, and I didn't buy one. And I'm talking about a simple, plain old-fashioned toaster oven.

Speaker 3:47

That is so true. You know, when we're younger, there's a confidence or perhaps ignorance that helps us move quickly to make a decision. When we were in our 20s, believe it or not, Paige and I moved across the country to a place where we had no job, knew no one, and had no place to live. Our parents were not pleased, to say the least. And even as I say this, I am stunned at our confidence or ignorance, but it all worked out great. Now, today, if I did that, I'm absolutely sure I would research it like crazy. And who knows if I would move or not, even if it was beneficial.

Speaker 1 4:31

You're right. Looking back on our 20s, it might have been wiser to give some situations a bit more thought. Remember that song, Be Young, be foolish, but be happy? Well, it's the foolish part we want to avoid. But in our later decades, the pendulum can sometimes swing in the opposite direction and we don't do anything at all. We must keep moving forward. So it's a really good idea to just take some inventory and see maybe if we've become too indecisive or just aren't doing anything because of fear, loss of confidence, or simply a lack of knowledge.

Speaker 5:05

You know, here's a fun example of the benefits of being more decisive. Very recently, I was excited about an upcoming two-week cruise trip. And two days before I was leaving, I received an email that the ship was overbooked and the company was asking passengers if they'd like to change dates, and they were giving big incentives. Now, my first impulse was the usual. This is too late, I'm all planned, I'm packed, I have plane tickets, etc. But I had to decide very quickly because the email said they would accept in the order that people called in. Despite the fact that my husband was out doing errands, my daughter convinced me just to make the call and find out. And on the spot, I changed our two-week vacation to the following year, and it has quite a few benefits with it.

Speaker 1 6:02

I was so impressed. You were so decisive, and your flexibility was amazing. You're gonna love that luxury cabin.

Speaker 6:10

Well, the funny part is someone said to me afterwards, how did you know it wasn't a scam? Okay, well, needless to say, that threw me into a frenzy and panic until I double-checked directly with the cruise line, and yes, it was all legit. Thank goodness.

Speaker 1 6:29

You know, in other circumstances, it's important to recognize the difference between overthinking and being prepared. We recently had a huge winter storm, and I tried to prepare as best I could, but I also didn't want to worry needlessly about what might happen. And I knew I couldn't prepare for every scenario. That's overthinking. But I made preparations as best I could. Most of these are very basic, but some of them included flashlights with rechargeable batteries, charged, of course, food for at least a week, both shelf stable as well as perishable. And I was not the only one at the store several days in a row. I had extra water, a way to stay warm, and one of my favorites, an emergency weather radio. And it will charge my phone and other electronics. It has a rechargeable battery, solar power, and a hand crank to charge it. It was not expensive and it gave me great peace of mind. And B, I'll give you credit for this. You told me about it, and I did not procrastinate, but bought it on the spot. I was very impressed with you, Paige. Another thing was a full tank of gas in case, of course, I had to get somewhere in an emergency, but also it can charge my phone in the car. I did make sure to have a list of emergency telephone numbers, uh, including my neighbors, so that we could check on each other. Now, nothing could prepare us for the major impact of the storm. And we'll share some of those incredible stories in later episodes. But planning and taking action really helped me to avoid additional stress and worry. And my planning paid off because I was prepared for the power going off for at least a couple of days.

Speaker 8:10

You know, when you're facing an unexpected challenge brought on by change, a good thing to do is force yourself to face it as hard as that is. Make a plan and collaborate with someone. You're going to find that most people enjoy talking through plans for whatever goals you want to achieve or whatever challenges you're trying to overcome. We can be thankful for the past, but unfortunately, we can't live there. And another big hurdle for those of us who've worked in a job most of our lives is retirement. And I am including women who've worked hard in the home, raising a family, and are now empty nesters. So many of us whose role is no longer defined by a job or raising a family, we face a sense of loss, loss of purpose, loss of community, loss of a feeling of accomplishment, ha, accomplishments, sadly, couldn't even accomplish that. And for those in the workplace, a loss of paycheck.

Speaker 1 9:13

Did you know that retirement really didn't become popular until after the Industrial Revolution? And then it became more widespread in the 1930s when Social Security was introduced. So it hadn't even been around that long. And for those of us who do choose to retire, it isn't negative. It's simply a big adjustment and it requires a plan and some time.

Speaker 9:36

In fact, in my opinion, sometimes the word retirement doesn't have the best connotation. We're not going to simply take it easy and disappear. We prefer to call it rewirement. Rewiring your mind to think about things differently.

Speaker 1 9:53

Oh, I love that. Rewiring your mind to think about things differently. And that can apply to so many things for the older generation. Our tendency is to do things the way we've always done them. It's comfortable and comforting. But some old ways might, well, it might make our world smaller or even inefficient. I remember we used to have to travel from store to store looking for an item on our list. Now we can simply check a website or actually call the store and they can check their electronic inventory. Change sometimes gives us more time and convenience. But that's where awareness, initiative, a plan, and time work together. If possible, start planning before that last day of work or before that child leaves for college or moves away. Have a dream session to write down all the things that you'd like to see in your life when your current role isn't taking up 40 to 60 hours a week. I really love that term, a dream session. That's perfect. And get specific. Start with making a list. On one side, list the things that bring you joy. And even try to remember when you were a child, what did you love to do? Put it all down, even if you think it's something you can't have. On the other side of the list, the deal breakers, things you absolutely don't want to do. A simple example, you may want to have a part-time job or a volunteer position a few hours a week. Or on the deal breaker side, you may absolutely not want to have any commitments that don't allow you for spontaneous travel or plans with friends or family. So then when you look at your finished list, you'll have a great idea of what you want going forward. Again, don't spend too much time on the list and overthink it. It's not set in stone, but it's a starting point. Now, put down some beginning steps towards achieving these things. This list is yours. It will be different from what others think bring them joy. This is your dream, your joy. Make it real and then share your plan with someone. You can ask for input from friends who've made similar changes and learn from them.

Speaker 12:07

Get excited for the good things ahead. And for those who aren't certain about their finances or about Social Security or Medicare, we encourage you to get informed. When you have the facts, you can make better choices. And there's so many free resources. Talk to people who can guide you.

Speaker 1 12:28

It's never too early or too late in life to meet with a financial advisor. Get your financial plan in place and learn exactly what you can afford. Get detailed with your budget. Approach planning for the next stage in life as if you're starting a new career, because we are starting a new career.

Speaker 12:48

You know, it is important to know your finances because you may assume that you can't afford to do something when in reality you can. Many of us have a tendency to err on the side of conservatism. But if you know what you can afford, then you can go for that dream that you thought was out of your reach, or you can alter parts of that dream that make it doable. For example, I have a friend who lives in the US and wanted to go live outside of London for two months, but she couldn't afford it. Then she found out she could be a house sitter, and she ended up staying at this beautiful home, watching their pets, which she loved, and seeing all the places in England that she had wanted for a very small, affordable price.

Speaker 1 13:37

Now that's a great example. And something else that can help us as we're making changes is your calendar. You know, it's a little depressing just to look at a week of maybe some blank pages. Get something on the calendar to look forward to. We all need connection. And in episode four, you're going to hear some fabulous tips from our guest speaker about easy ways to connect. For now, just be careful you don't say no too often. You know, my mom used to say, you'll have a good time once you get there. And she was right. The old saying, dress up, show up, and never give up, still holds true. And the effort is worth it. So if you recently said to someone, just a general statement like, Oh, let's have lunch, be intentional and call them and make a date. In fact, I heard country music star Trisha Yearwood praise the legendary Reba McIntyre, sharing that if Reba said, Let's have lunch, she called and made it happen. So take a tip from Reba.

Speaker 14:38

Yes, Reba and Mom know best. I always remember your mom saying, just look like you're having fun, and everyone will assume you are. And she was right, and very soon I was having lots of fun too. Another interesting way to embrace change is routine. Now, I know that sounds a bit counterintuitive, and we don't mean stubbornly holding on to unhealthy habits. When there's a lot of change in your life, the beneficial routines that you have can and do need to stay in place. Make sure you don't stop those stretching exercises or your routine with nutrition if you're now cooking for only one instead of a family. Keep up or add to the habits that help you stay healthy and happy.

Speaker 1 15:26

I heard an interview with an older couple recently, and they had great routines. They were celebrating a milestone anniversary, and they sounded so happy and content. When asked what their secret was, I was really surprised to hear them say very matter-of-factly that they did things they like to do. It sounds so simple, doesn't it? It does. What an easy goal. And some of those things they mentioned were getting out every day to go somewhere together or walking every day. I think another of their secrets to a happy lifestyle is not to worry.

Speaker 16:00

I agree. I always try not to worry about things I can't control. And I do not spend my time reading all the negative news. Studies have proven that continually watching the news has increased depression in people. It is important to keep up with the big points, but remember, news outlets earn their pay by continually, 24 hours a day, coming up with new stories to talk about. An example is we had a storm in our area last year, and it really did not negatively affect many people. But when I watched the news, it made it sound like it was a historic event, and my friends in other areas were texting me, checking to see if I was all right. We were all amazed by how terrible the news presented it versus reality.

Speaker 1 16:49

Another thing that we can become aware of are times I find myself really letting challenges keep me from doing the things I enjoy. I want to recognize this and learn how to navigate or adjust to a certain change instead of just stopping what I like to do. I mean, look at the musicians who are still performing in their 70s and 80s. Don't you think they had to make a lot of changes during their careers? Here's some examples: Bruce Springsteen, Cher, Paul McCartney, and of course, our favorite, Dolly Parton. They changed with the times. They learned new ways to record music, they adapted to streaming, social media, just to name a few. And I bet it wasn't always easy for them.

Speaker 17:32

I bet not. And think also of all the actors who continued their careers into the later decades. Angela Lansbury was in her mid-sixties when she played Mrs. Potts in Disney's animated film Beauty and the Beast. And Dick Van Dyke was 91 when he danced on the desk in Mary Poppins Returns. Honestly, it was incredible.

Speaker 1 17:54

Oh, Angela Lansbury was in that movie as well. She was 92. They both looked as if they were having a blast.

Speaker 18:01

You're right. And I know Dick Van Dyke had to overcome many hardships from reading his life story, but he made changes, kept moving forward, and he found joy in his life.

Speaker 1 18:13

You know, it's really possible for some older generations to sometimes feel less involved in life. And just because our days are more flexible and we're not tied down to a job or other commitments, it doesn't mean that we can't get involved or make an impact. We can always make a difference in someone's life. Helping other people will lift your spirits. In episode two, you may remember we introduced QTR, quality time remaining. So how are we going to spend it? Helping others is a great way to fill our QTR. Try adding another change to your schedule.

Speaker 18:51

Yes, making an impact can be as simple as reaching out and helping your neighbors. My neighbor Will, who is 79 years old, recently helped anyone who needed help during a bad storm, driving them around, checking on their homes, etc. Everyone was so thankful, and he responded, I haven't felt this alive and needed in quite a while. Thank you for asking me to help. Helping others is beneficial for both parties, the one helping and the one helped. It's a win-win. We've mentioned storms a lot in this episode. Maybe it's a metaphor for change.

Speaker 1 19:32

Yes, and changes just like storms. They'll always come in life, but they will also always pass by. One change we can relate to are those physical changes. They come in all shapes and sizes. Again, we are not medical professionals, but we're people who have noticed some physical changes. For example, stairs. Oh, I remember coming downstairs with my hands full of dry cleaning and my morning coffee. It was not a good idea. And I slipped on that last step. Now, fortunately, I landed safely on my knees, only slightly sloshing the coffee. But now I keep one hand free in case I need to grab the railing. I make sure the light is on at night before I go downstairs. And I no longer assume I'm securely on that last step. Now I've heard several stories of other people who also missed the last step and faced an injury with a long recovery. So maybe we don't bounce down the stairs anymore. It's okay. Take a few extra minutes. It's worth it.

Speaker 20:35

Yes, I think precautions are good to take nowadays. And listen to your instincts. Almost every injury story often starts with, I knew I shouldn't have, but they pushed through. In my past, I went down for one more run on the ski slope when I was tired. I did end up going downhill in a first aid toboggan, which is very uncomfortable, by the way. I had a dislocated shoulder and a broken thumb. Now, don't think that we are glossing over the physical changes of the later decades. They are often serious and take your full focus for a long period of time. And as my friend says, surrender to the recovery, which means take your time, be gentle with yourself. We're just encouraging you not to give up and become isolated or to stop doing things you enjoy. Just admit we have to do a few things differently. Be wise and always reach out for help. As we mentioned earlier, it not only benefits you, but the one who is helping as well. And if one person isn't available, that's okay. That can happen. Just ask another friend.

Speaker 1 21:47

And don't forget, you're the same person you were when you were younger, and people care about you. Reach out, tell your friends if you need some help, and then accept their help. You can then reciprocate. When you can and when you're able. Now, sometimes people need to allow themselves to receive as well as give. And it it doesn't make you less capable. It's just more connection. We need each other now more than ever. Dee, do you remember when you had that terrible back pain and you had those play tickets?

Speaker 22:19

Oh boy, I really do remember. It is the worst pain I've ever had. But I really wanted to see that play. So I rented a wheelchair and my friend and I went to the play. She pushed me all around. It totally lifted my spirits. I loved the play, and I still have warm memories of that night because everyone was so kind. Even though my pain was still there, I had a wonderful time.

Speaker 1 22:47

I was I was so impressed with your determination in the kind and creative way your friend helped. Oh, and by the way, that jar we can't open anymore. Just research it. You would not believe all the ingenious solutions that do not take simple grip strength to open jars and caps.

Speaker 23:06

You know, I will have to do that. And also maybe I will add some grip exercises to my routine. Another change is opportunities for learning. We're not in school or the workplace where new things are introduced often and easily. Our social circles might be similar generations, so none of us know the new trends quickly. How can we stay relevant and aware? TV is not the solution, but it is an easy source for learning. Certain programs can keep us up to date with current events, which is key, or you can watch educational programs. But TV can't be your only option. We need interaction. An example is book clubs. Reading is a great way to expand your knowledge, and discussing a book with friends rounds out the full experience. If you don't like reading, what do you like? Sports, going to concerts, whatever brings you joy and gets you to be with other people.

Speaker 1 24:09

That is so true. You know, I have a trusted news source, and I don't listen to too much news, which be mentioned earlier. It's not a good idea. It only adds stress. And honestly, I think sometimes they repeat the same news stories over and over. Instead, I talk with friends about their interests. I try to watch programs or better yet, attend events that stretch my mind. And of course, I listen to podcasts. Just like those muscle stretching exercises, our minds need stretching every day.

Speaker 24:39

Oh, I like your podcast, suggested page. There are also many free courses offered for adults by local colleges and universities, libraries, bookstores, civic organizations, and more offer a wide choice of events. There are several online sources for your city and community that provide a schedule of events. Go through them, pick one you like, and invite a friend.

Speaker 1 25:07

Now, here's some action steps. Get a pen and paper, because studies say writing is good for the brain, and start making a list of the goals and habits and changes you'd like to make. Expand it into a personal plan. Research what you don't know and talk with friends to share ideas, and maybe even have a planning party. Remember, take a simple step at a time. Do not overwhelm yourself trying to achieve more than you can handle. If you're feeling overwhelmed, you may not do anything at all.

Speaker 25:39

Change is hard, but conquering hard things is a positive for everyone. We can do this. Think of the benefits. We can choose the changes that make life better for us. Here's the changing.

Speaker 1 25:52

Here's the changing. So now we have our Thrivers Three. These are three takeaways from today's episode that may be helpful.

Speaker 26:01

Number one, take inventory of where you are in life and what you'd like to change or what changes you're facing that you'd like to navigate well.

Speaker 1 26:12

Number two, make a plan with some very specific steps to start it and then share it with a friend.

Speaker 26:18

And collaborate. We always work better and get another point of view when we share ideas and encouragement. And number three, and maybe the most important, take action. Yes, write down what beginning steps you can do to work to moving to your joy goals. And remember, don't compare. It's not a competition. And what brings you joy is probably different than what brings your friend joy.

Speaker 1 26:46

Oh, that's a great point. We like to say collaboration brings celebration. And as the saying goes, comparison is the thief of joy. Any progress is progress.

Speaker 26:57

Now, as we wrap up today's episode, we want to say thank you again to everyone for taking the time to listen. We are so grateful to each of you joining us as we dance through the decades. And as always, we end the episode with two reminders that you can ask yourself. Number one, how will you be kind today?

Speaker 1 27:20

And number two, what's something new you can learn as each life page turns? Oh, and please follow us wherever you listen to podcasts so you won't miss a fun future episode of Thrive at 65. If you don't know how to follow a podcast, it's often as simple as just clicking on the dots in the top right corner and clicking follow wherever you listen.

Speaker 27:44

And I did not know about the follow button until recently, and I've been listening to podcasts for years. If you hit it, it does not go to advertisers, you will not get spam. It just means you like the podcast and you'll be notified when we drop our next episode. And you don't want to miss that. Oh, and next time we have a guest speaker who is joining us to go over her very specific ideas on how to meet new people and help with that anxiety that may stop you.

Speaker 1 28:15

And don't forget our email. It's a great way to offer suggestions or comments about this episode or future episodes. We'd love to hear from you. Our email is thriversarekind@gmail.com - spelled thriversarekind@ gmail.com. No caps, no spaces.

Speaker 28:41

We would love to hear from you. Anything you want to send us an email, we would love to read. And remember, keep thriving. Talk to you next time. Bye.