Episode 6 - The Lighter Side of 65

Have you ever walked into a room and thought… Why am I here? Have you walked up and down the steps 5 times because you keep forgetting various items for a project? So have we! It’s time to laugh and enjoy the funny things we see in this ever changing world. Listen, laugh and enjoy Episode 6: The Lighter Side of 65

They would love an email about their show or any funny stories you have at thriversarekind@gmail.com

Transcript

Bee 0:02

Welcome to episode sixth of the Thrive at 65 Podcast. It's hard to believe that we are on our sixth episode. I am Beatrix Kind. Yep, my nickname is Bee, and yes, be kind. Thank you for listening to us, and we hope that you will be laughing along with us today.

Paige 0:21

And I'm Paige, Paige Turner, encouraging everyone to embrace the next page in the new chapters of life. Now, as you may remember, Bee and I have been friends since the second grade, and we have slightly passed the age of 60, and we want to share thoughts, laughter, possible challenges, and solutions as we dance into the later decades.

Bee 0:41

And we are determined to continue to enjoy life. If we have to make a few changes along the way, we can do that better together. Now, today's topic is the lighter side of 65.

Paige 0:55

And we promise there's a lighter side. You know, we really want to thank our listeners who've joined us on this journey so far, and we would love your help in spreading the word about our podcast with your friends. That is, if you like what you're hearing.

Bee 1:10

Thank you, thank you. And it really does mean a lot to us because we are hoping to reach those who need a laugh, information, or just friends to listen to. Now, on to enjoying all the things that we have laughed at about ourselves, and maybe you will also have your own stories.

Paige 1:29

So in the last episode, we talked about finances and how important it is for all of us to know details such as our banking, our wills, where our key documents are stored. When B and I finished that episode, I thought I would double check where my documents are located just to confirm they had been safely filed. Sounds like a quick and easy task, doesn't it? It absolutely does. But why am I guessing that there's more to this story? Well, when I say quick and easy task, there is always more to the story. I thought I'd check on the location of the house and car title just before I was leaving to run some errands. After all, it would only take a few minutes. Now we've all been there. The I'll just finish this one thing or I'll just throw another load in the washer, which leads to this and leads to that. So I went to the file cabinet anyway, with the voice in my head saying, wait until you get home. After some searching, I found both documents, but in random places, not at all where I thought I had filed them. And when I did place them in the right location with the other important papers, I found a few outdated documents. Now I was in a dilemma. I couldn't just leave those documents, but as the minutes flew by, I decided to shred the old papers, and then I saw some personal information, and I thought, oh, I better just mark that out. Can't be too careful with that identity theft around. So now I've marked out the information. I tear the papers, shred half of them, realize the shredding bin is full, go and empty it, shred the other half, and of course, I now only have time for one of my errands.

Bee 3:06

I can so relate to that story. There is no simple task for me since I get distracted very easily. I was going to an event, had 15 minutes before leaving. So I pull out the dress that I'm going to wear, and yes, of course, I waited until last minute to look at the dress, which is usually a big mistake. I see that it needs ironing. I remain calm, go downstairs to iron it. Now, as I pass through the kitchen, I noticed that, huh, there are crumbs on the island in a spatula. So I set down the dress and begin to quickly clean the crumbs. Now, as I put the spatula away, I notice that the other spatula in the drawer looks dirty. I'm completely upset that the utensil has been put away dirty, so I decide to quickly wash it. Now, once I wash it, I'm putting it back, and now I notice the entire drawer looks dirty. I'm getting ready to pull out the drawer when I notice the dress hanging over the other counter and realize, oh no. I have to iron the dress and leave now very quickly, and I'm calculating in my head if I can drive faster to get to the event on time. Why am I so easily distracted? I do not know, but I am not alone. I was just with several of my girlfriends, and one of them, she calls it squirrel. She's imitating Doug the dog in the Disney movie Up, who gets very easily distracted when seeing a squirrel.

Paige 4:37

Yes, I get it. You know, in my younger days, I prided myself on my laser focus. I could multitask all day long. Now I can't believe it when the day is over, and I think, did I check anything off my list? The only consolation I have is that I actually made a list. Another thing I've noticed is that simple, easy tasks just aren't so simple or easy anymore. Let's talk about cooking. I bought a brand new stove the year my youngest child moved out on his own, and today the oven is still spotless from lack of use. Cooking for one or two generally involves the microwave, or better yet, the takeout app. But then Thanksgiving rolls around. I have two main dishes I always prepare for the extended family gathering, and you'd think making them after years of practice would be second nature. But then there's not much cooking between Thanksgivings, so it becomes a complicated process. First I check the pantry for ingredients and their expiration dates. And then I replace all the old spices because I've only used them once a year. I wash the large baking dishes, also untouched for a year. I turn on that rarely used oven to make sure it still works, and the list goes on. What used to be quick and easy to put together when I made meals for five or more people each day is now like learning a brand new skill. Everything just takes longer. Thankfully, I make cooking notes from year to year, and one note I wrote in very large letters is something that now applies to most tasks. Start early. It takes longer than you think.

Bee 6:10

That is a very good mantra. You know, I thought when I retire, I will accomplish so many things that I could not really do because I worked and was raising children. First, I thought I will join exercise classes because when I was working, they didn't have those times offered. Now, in my head, I was going to be in maximum good shape when I'm retired. Have I done that? No. I'd like to say yes and no, but really no. Yes, I have joined classes, but am I consistent? No. And I seem to be so creative in coming up with a really good reason why I can't go that day. Oh, I have a lunch and I want to look good. So I don't have time for exercise. Could I start earlier? Yes. But do I? No need to answer. I am honestly upset with myself just telling this story because I don't know why I can't go at least one consistent day a year. Now, because I know myself, that's why I love tennis. It actually makes you go. You commit to games way ahead of time, and you can't disappoint the others by not showing up. If you did, you would not be asked back again. So that's an exercise I'm very consistent with. And I do really love it, which also helps. But I don't know why I don't love just exercising. I actually do like it when I do it, and I feel very accomplished.

Paige 7:36

Oh, I feel that way about lifting weights. You've all heard dozens of times that we need to lift weights to build bone mass. And the older you get, you lose bone density. So it's even more important. I think, okay, when I get home from work, I'm going to lift some weights, and maybe I'll even watch TV while I'm doing it. And this sounds completely reasonable and easy. But then I get home and I begin chores or make phone calls, fix some dinner, and finally I'm tired. And I think, okay, I will definitely lift weights tomorrow. And often I'll even pull the weights out of the closet so I see them and feel motivated or perhaps guilty, but obviously not too guilty or motivated. And the pattern of not picking up those weights continue until I have to move them to vacuum the carpet.

Bee 8:25

You know, Paige laughed at me when she saw my recording station here. If you saw it, you'd laugh anyway, but I do have weights sitting by them, but she knows me so well. Have I lifted them? No. Now, on another note, I have also started noticing things around the house since I am home more, though I'm not saying that I really focus on it quickly. So a good example is my daughter's bedroom. Now, she has graduated from graduate school, moved, and has a good job. And don't think it was just this year. This was a few years ago. However, if you walked into her bedroom, you would think not only does she live here, but that she's around 20 years old. The room remains basically untouched from college days, even with decorative beer steins filling shelves and her school books ranging from high school through college. Now, the worst thing about this, this is the main guest room that I've had my poor friends stay in, working around the college clutter for the past many years. Yes, it has not changed. Part of that may be that in my heart, I know that when I change it, I'm acknowledging that she's truly moved out. But when I really face that thought head on, I do know she's not here and she would probably love an updated room to come home to. Now, I actually did make some headway recently by telling my husband that it's time to change the room, and we need to tell our daughter to take the beer steins or we're giving them away. So here's another speed bump of the life of a married retired person. My husband is a worse pack rat than I am. So he looks very upset over my declaration that we are redecorating, and his response is an unhelpful. Well, we redecorated that room not long ago. Now, I will say I think as we get older, the many years easily becomes not that long ago. So I did enjoy forcing him to face that it has been over six years, actually more than that. But I can tell that carried no weight with him, and he still does not want to participate in my plan. So at this point, the room is still the same.

Paige 10:43

Oh my goodness, I understand. You know, as we've said, change is hard no matter how much we try to work through it. And how about the challenge of trying to declutter and downsize?

Bee 10:56

Well, this is a conversation that clearly I can't even add anything. Because at this point, despite knowing that we need to start eliminating from the story I just told you, you can tell we have not even started that challenge.

Paige 11:09

Well, I can only say it's never as easy as I think it should be. Um, I try to make myself live by the old adage for organization where you handle something only once. For example, when you get the mail, you deal with it right then. You throw away the junk mail, you pay the bill, you read the note, etc. Instead, I'm just letting it pile up on the counter for, of course, tomorrow. And as they say, tomorrow never arrives. But I continue to make an effort because I do not want my poor children to have to go through endless boxes. If there's something meaningful, I at least attempt to label it with the reason like my grandmother's butter dish, etc. And now I just I just start small. When I see a drawer of clutter and I have time, I try to clean it out right then. It's easier than saying, I'm going to clean out the attic and the garage today. That is so unrealistic. But dealing with one or two items at a time, well, it's a win. So take the batteries to recycle, take the bag of clothes to the charity. At this stage of life, the little wins are big wins, and it makes a difference over time. I feel very proud of my small progress when I begin to see a little bit of space in a drawer or a closet. But true confessions, I talk a big game about downsizing and clearing out, but honestly, it is an emotional roller coaster to tackle those sentimental items. And after 60 years of life, almost everything is sentimental. It's a quandary. What I really want to do is sit down with my adult children for long periods of time, going through their school projects or baby clothes and regaling them with stories about their childhood and asking, don't you want to keep this? Which is the last thing anyone wants to do. And that's why I often pull out a box of keepsakes, take a look, remember the special moments, get overwhelmed, and put everything back to deal with it, you know, tomorrow.

Bee 13:04

All I can say here is that I am so impressed with your focus and determination. I need you to come to our house and help, because in reality, neither my husband nor I have that skill. In fact, I was recently with my college buddies, and several of our children had referred to each one of us separately at times as hoarders. We had quite a discussion that we are not hoarding, but saving memories. Now, as Paige mentioned, our children obviously do not see these memories in quite the same way that we do. Now, a different story recently happened when Gillian, a good friend of mine, called me to tell me some incredible news. She calls and she is seriously ecstatic, and she's laughing, and she says, B, you're not going to believe this, but I woke up and I can see, I can see clearly. She goes further to tell me that she can see the clock clearly, that she's run across her bedroom to look out the window, can see the street clearly, and she's been so excited she enthusiastically had already called her sister and now me. Now, remember, I'm an optimist, so I didn't question it all and just said how amazing that is. I see her later and she is looking very sheepish. She starts laughing and explains that she realized about an hour later that she had accidentally gone to sleep with her contacts in. So when she woke up, huh, she could suddenly see. Now my read on this is isn't it fantastic how optimistic we can be and how happily we all accept good news?

Paige 14:43

That is a very great point. I feel optimistic sometimes when I hear about a product that will make me look younger or feel better. The maintenance routines get more numerous with each year. A friend once told me that her nightly care routine takes so long now that she breaks it up into two parts. But I still find myself believing some of those advertisements because there's always that ray of hope from the well-known spokesperson who looks amazing on camera. And this optimism, it runs in our family. My beautiful 90-year-old aunt made certain she never ran out of anti-wrinkle face cream at 90. And although I don't always believe the miraculous claims, I'm afraid to stop using the product. Maybe it has been working all along, and this is the best it can do.

Bee 15:30

Yes, a friend and I call ourselves product hounds. We are so hopeful, and you name it, if we've heard about it and it sounds incredible, we have bought it if we can afford it. I'm an optimist anyway, as I've said several times, so I am the perfect patsy for the advertisers. They see me coming. My drawer is full of promises, products that I use, and the change is not evident after a month, so then I lose interest and buy a different one. And unlike Paige, who is throwing out clutter, I keep it and think maybe I will use it in the future. And or I don't want to waste it. And or oh, I don't want to fill up the garbage, you know, fill with waste. I need to use it. But do I? No. So there it sits, looking at me with shame, as if I then buy the next best thing. In fact, I'm equally optimistic about any wellness product, and my added downfall is I've always liked gadgets. Once again, I am the perfect Patsy.

Paige 16:36

Now you feel guilty and don't want to get rid of it, but it just keeps reminding you, you should not have bought me, you should not have bought me.

Bee 16:43

That is so true.

Paige 16:46

You know, as I get older, I also realize I get a lot more safety conscious because, you know, sometimes it's too safety conscious. The what ifs just make me anxious when I was never worried about that in my younger days. And Google does not help. I recently noticed my smart TV alerted me to a low battery in my remote control. And when I opened it, I found one of the batteries had a small leak. Now we've all probably dealt with opening a battery compartment and seeing that white crusty residue in an old device, but I've had experiences where I've thought my methods of doing things were correct until I researched it. So now I took a moment to learn about cleaning up an alkaline battery leak. I found a trusted source and I read carefully, and it said the process would take about 15 minutes. And rightly so, it advised safety precautions, which I, being an overachiever, followed extensively and then I added my own. Even the website said to follow safety precautions, but don't go crazy. Too late. If I had a hazmat suit, I would have worn it. An hour and a half later, I'd finished the task. But then, of course, I spent the rest of the day checking every item in the house to see where the batteries were to make certain there were no more issues. Oh well, that is funny. Do you ever get the feeling at times that other people you know are just not worrying about these things and living incredible lives? Almost always, though, when I talk to that person, the one that I think is just living the life, I usually find out they have problems just like me, and we're all experiencing challenges and navigating life the very best we can. Now, more than ever, it's helpful to make certain we're connected with good friends that we can laugh with, share experiences, support, and learn from each other.

Bee 18:34

Good friends definitely make life better. I actually loved working, so retirement was a bit of an adjustment for me. Now, I know you think retirement's a no-brainer, and I'm lucky to be retired, which is true, but I do miss the built-in structure where I would go to work and enjoy being with my work friends. And I was also very lucky and I had the greatest work group. Retirement is a change in mindset. When people ask me, what am I doing now? I honestly feel like a failure because, unlike when I worked, I felt I had interesting things to talk about. But now I feel a bit unstructured, and as we discussed, the day can go by sometimes and you don't even remember exactly what you did because you went down that rabbit hole. Now I work at creating a schedule of things that are not only fun but also enriching. As we've mentioned in other episodes, we want to stay active and relevant, and staying relevant is tricky in this ever-changing techie world.

Paige 19:39

Absolutely. And even though I'm still working, it definitely takes an effort to stay relevant and up to date. I really appreciate my job because I'm constantly learning new skills and working with great people of all ages, and I have a defined role. We all have a purpose or a mission in life. But when a specific role, such as a job or raising a family, changes, that change can sometimes make us feel as if we no longer have a purpose, or worse, that we don't matter. That is just not true. That's another reason we've talked about volunteering or doing things for others. It's always a lift to my day if I can be helpful to someone else. And I won't work at this job forever, so I'm trying to be intentional about making certain I build a balanced life that includes friends and activities outside of work. When I do leave this job, I want to have some things consistent and familiar to fill my time because it will be a big change. B, you've been a great example because you've stayed connected not only with your work friends, but also many others. And you've kept your previous activities such as playing tennis and serving on charity boards. And now you're adding new ones such as travel and taking classes.

Bee 20:52

Well, thank you, Paige. But as you know, it's always a work in process. I do think we all need to stop comparing our lives to anyone else because we are in charge of our lives and we can direct it more to our own preferences. Of course, that's easy to say, but harder to do sometimes. I did listen to our recent episodes and followed our advice. And Paige, you said a great quote about comparison. What is it again?

Paige 21:21

Comparison is the thief of joy. It is true that everything sounds good on paper or in a podcast. It's putting it into action that's really the test.

Bee 21:32

Yes. So recently I signed up for a beginning drawing class. Now, I assumed that everyone in this class would have no idea about drawing and we'd all be starting from scratch. Well, apparently not. I go to the class and the teacher is very nice and supportive. I do question if he really knows how to teach real beginners, because we started very high up, I thought, and I'm definitely a beginner. The first class, he walked by my rough attorney. Attempt to draw a plant that he had put out, and it gave me some helpful hints, so I was feeling okay. Then I looked at the person next to me, and I'm not kidding. Her drawing is incredible. It looks exactly like what we are drawing. Now, clearly, this is not her first drawing class. So while I'm feeling better convincing myself that she is too advanced for this class, and I mentioned it to her that she should be in an advanced class. Fortunately, she was flattered, but I was serious. Now, when I'm in the second class, yes, I did go back, we begin to draw again what the teacher has put out for us. Really, I'm working very hard, but I do see that my drawing is wrong. It does not look anything like what it should. Now, once again, I foolishly look at the drawing of the woman next to me, and of course, it honestly looks perfect. I comfort myself again, she's too advanced for this class. But then I look at the person next to her, and that's very, very good too. Now I am feeling a little vulnerable, and I look at the teacher who's walking by and I say, gee, mine isn't looking right. And he thoughtfully acts like he's looking at my angle and says, Oh, yeah, you have a difficult angle. I can see why it's difficult for you. Now that was above nice because actually I knew better. The people on either side of me are only like two feet away. They have basically the same perspective. So now I turn to my left to tell this woman on my left that this seems very hard, and I look at her drawing. Now I feel slightly better because she is having the same trouble I am, and she also looks concerned. And then she says, Oh boy, you should look at the persons next to me. It is so good. Honestly, I did not want to look at the person next to her because I'm already upset enough. Oh, and what are we drawing? This is even harder than you think. It's a styrofoam ball on a styrofoam square platform. Sounds easy, it is not. Being my optimistic self, I honestly thought an artistic side would magically appear in the class, but it did not. And I'm not being humble, unfortunately. I am being honest. I showed my self-portrait drawing, which by the way, I thought was quite advanced to even be doing. And I'd also taken a picture of the persons next to me so I could show a friend that I was not exaggerating. And when she saw my picture, she honestly laughed out loud. Now I didn't mind because I did know how bad mine was. And then she was extremely impressed at the other person's drawing and honestly looked at me like she can't believe how ridiculous mine looked. And to my chagrin, she quickly agreed that drawing must not be my thing.

Paige 24:48

Well, I just want to give you a shout out because you got out of your comfort zone and you not only signed up for that class, but you didn't quit and you went back. And even though you say drawing might not be your forte, you might surprise yourself as the class continues. So really, you've developed an appreciation for art and you've made new friends. That's very true, Paige.

Bee 25:12

Thank you for pointing that out. I do think that perhaps pottery might better suit me. Now, I honestly have no idea why I think this, because I haven't done that either. And I would hate to be unpleasantly surprised to learn that I may have no talent in that area as well.

Paige 25:30

Oh my goodness. You know, another perspective I've tried to cultivate is being grateful instead of grumbling. When I focus on life's challenges, or maybe I'm feeling anxious about something, I forget all the wonderful people and opportunities and blessings I have right now, this day. And I find myself sometimes wishing for an earlier time in life, but I have to remember that when I do that, I might be thinking about it through rose-colored glasses more than reality. And the truth is we can't go back in time. Instead, I try to practice gratitude during the each day. I've started kind of telling myself that when I'm faced with making decisions about the future, that I'm just managing my blessings. Now, don't get me wrong, I can grumble and worry, but it doesn't do any good. So I try to catch myself before it becomes a habit. I used to hop out of bed thinking, what's in store for today? Now I take a few minutes and check to see if everything's working and does anything hurting. I've developed some vision challenges, and my friends have been fantastic with offers to drive and assist with other tasks. And I can still accomplish many things, and I'm so thankful for that crazy technology because it offers more choices that help me continue to read and write, and of course, I can shop online. Also you would laugh if you saw me trying to discern if that dark item on the floor was a piece of cloth or a big scary bug. I use that magnifying app before I simply grab something, and if that doesn't work, I take a photo and enlarge it. Very useful.

Bee 27:12

We definitely have to laugh because truly life is funny. Now I hope that all of you listening have had fun laughing with us at our stories. Keeping our sense of humor is gonna be key when we grow older, and science has shown that laughter relieves stress and helps us live longer. We can all use that. And here's something uplifting. We are probably happier than most. A Gallup poll says that people get much happier after the age of 50. So think how happy we will be in our 70s and 80s.

Paige 27:46

And just a reminder it would make us happy if you would send us an email and we will promise to answer back quickly. Our email is thriversarekind @gmail.com.

Bee 28:00

And as always, we end our podcast with two thoughts. Number one, how will you be kind today?

Paige 28:05

And number two, what's something new you can learn as each life page turns?

Bee 28:15

And remember, listeners, keep thriving.