Quiet Confidence & Grown Decisions - Silence Series

Hey family, welcome back to Karolyn Cares — where we talk about compassion, community, and commerce in real life.

This is the final episode of our 4-part Silence Series.

We started with Silence Is Really Golden.
Then we talked about Stop Explaining Yourself.
Then we asked Who Gets Access to You?

And today we’re closing with Quiet Confidence & Grown Decisions.

Because once you learn silence…
 once you stop explaining…
 once you control access…
 something powerful happens. 

Your decisions become clearer.

If this series has been helpful, take a moment to like, subscribe, and share it so the message can reach the right people.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey family! Welcome back to Carolyn Cares, where we talk about compassion, community, and commerce in real life. This is the final episode of our four-part silence series. We started with silence is really golden. Then we talked about stop explaining yourself. Then we asked, who gets access to you? And today we're closing with quiet confidence and grown decisions. Because once you learn silence, once you stop explaining, once you control access, something powerful happens. Your decisions become clear. If this series has been helpful, take a moment to like, subscribe, and share it so the message can reach the right people. What quiet confidence is. Here are some points. Quiet confidence is not arrogance. It's not loud. It's not defensive. It's calm clarity. Quiet confidence doesn't announce itself. It doesn't argue. It doesn't perform. Quiet confidence sounds like this. I've thought about it. I've decided. This is what works for me. That's it. No speeches, no emotional negotiation. Why do decisions feel hard? Here are some reasons why. Fear of disappointing people. You don't want people to be disappointed when you have to make decisions. You don't want the fear of judgment. So the fear of disappointing people, the fear of judgment, and also the habit of seeking approval. Many of us weren't taught how to make decisions peacefully. We were taught to make decisions that keep everyone comfortable. But grown decisions don't always make everyone comfortable. Let me say that again. Grown decisions don't always make everyone comfortable. They make you responsible. Let me say that again. Grown decisions don't always make everyone comfortable. They make you responsible. What decision are you avoiding right now because someone might not like it? Think about that for a moment. What decision are you avoiding right now in this present moment because someone might not like it? Here are signs that you're growing into quiet confidence. It's what I call a call a calm list. So you know you growing, you know you're growing when you don't rush to explain decisions. When you listen more than you argue. When you trust your timing. Number four, you feel less pressure to convince people. Stop trying to convince people, persuade them, get them to see your point of view. Sometimes it may work, other times you're just wasting time and you're wasting your breath trying to convince people. And lastly, number five, you accept that not everyone will agree. It's okay to what's the saying? We agree to disagree. It's okay, everyone's not going to agree with you. Accept it. Don't use all of your breath and your time and your resources to convince somebody to agree with you. Because they may say, Yeah, I agree, but behind closed doors, they don't agree with you. And they'll prove it by their actions. So don't try to don't try to get everyone to agree with you. So quiet confidence is not about being right, it's about being clear. And you need to be very clear on what it is that you want, what it is that you believe, what it is that you need to do. You need to be clear about it. If no one else is going to be clear about it, you need to be clear. What do grown decisions look like? Here are some examples. I'm choosing something different. That's what a grown decision sounds. Well, I'm sorry, what do grown decisions look like? But here are some examples of what grown decisions sound like. People do it all the time. People do it in relationships, they do it in partnerships, they do it in any type of decisions. People change their mind all the time, and it's okay. So if you said, hey, I've decided to move in another direction, it's okay. Let that person feel the way they feel. You've made a decision, stick with it. And lastly, here's another response that you can make. I wish you well. I wish you well. Everyone's not going to stay alongside you when you decide to make a decision. When you decide to make a grown decision, they may get upset, they may get angry, they may feel frustrated. It's okay. I wish you well. That is my closing statement to you. I wish you well. So notice, I want you to notice something about those sentences that I just mentioned earlier. They're short, they're calm, and they're clear. You're not up in your feelings, you're not ranting and raving about a decision or a statement. You're not ranting or raving in your statement. You're very clear, you're very calm, and you're very direct, calm, you're clear. That's quiet confidence right there. I have some homework for you. So as you know, I love to give homework. I'm a former educator, so I love to give homework. That to me is the only way that you're going to be able to apply what you've heard and what you've learned by doing some homework. So here's homework number one. It's called the quiet decision. I want you to identify one decision that you've been delaying. Write it down and then write the sentence you'll use to communicate it. For example, I've decided to do something different. So again, you're going to identify one decision you've been delaying, you're going to write it down, and then you're going to write the sentence you'll use to communicate. And for example, I've decided to do something different. And jot it down. And again, if you have not purchased a journal from any major retailer, it's time to do it. It's time to get busy with jotting down your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions, because again, this is actually, it's actually a part of your life that you're journaling, that you are leaving as a witness of how you deal in life, how you have evolved as a person, as a human being, as a friend, as a business owner, as a mother, as a wife, as a daughter, as a son. You know, so please get that journal. It doesn't cost much. And actually, I would suggest getting several journals because the more that you start journaling, it's going to be more coming out of your mind that you need to journal. And sometimes it feels like when you start journaling, you're thinking, hey, I don't really have a lot to say. But once you start jotting down the small things and then other things come to your mind that you need to journal, you're going to get to the point that you're not going to want to stop. I am, I am witness to that. I have had several journals over the years. I think I started journaling back in the 90s, if my memory serves me right, probably around 95, I think. It might have been earlier than that, maybe 93, that I started journaling. And I have journals from all of those years. And those journals are precious to me. I mean, those journals are precious. When I go back and read them, I mean all of the things that I have experienced over the years and I've written down, you know, as an as an account of my life. It is, it is mind-boggling all of the things that I have have come to my mind, that I've experienced, that I've noted and observed, that I jotted down and I'm like, wow, God, you've given me such a brilliant mind. Why? Because God is a brilliant God. Of course, He's going to give me a brilliant mind because He's brilliant and I'm made out of His image. So, yes, that's homework number one. Again, identify one decision you've been delaying, write it down, and then write the sentence you'll use to communicate. An example, I've decided to do something different. Homework number two is the silence practice. For one week, everyone say this with me. One week. Okay, say it again. One week, one more time, one week. Okay. For one week, I want you to pause before responding. If someone's sending you a text, I actually have a text right now. Someone sent me a text and I haven't responded and I'm okay. I haven't responded. Will I respond? Probably. But I'm not I'm not in any rush to get back with this particular individual. I'm not in a rush to get back with them. I respond. So for one week, you're going to pause before responding. You're going to avoid over-explaining. Stop over-explaining. Stop telling everybody all of the bits and pieces they don't need to hear. It's not of any, it's not their concern and it's none of their business. Stop overexplaining. Okay. And then also you're going to notice how people react. That is, that is very, that's a clue. When people react to you pausing in your response, that is a clear indication of how people really feel about you. So yeah, jot that down. Here's my last homework. I'm sorry, I had I had three homework assignments for you. Homework number three is a confidence journal. Back to what I was saying about the journal. Each day, ask yourself, did I honor my decision today? Let me say that again. This is homework number three, your confidence journal. Each day, ask yourself, did I honor my decision today? Did I honor what I said I was going to do for me? Did I honor that appointment of self-care? Did I honor that appointment of spending time in nature? Did I honor my appointment of just resting and not feeling guilty about resting? Do you want do you know that resting, it's okay to rest without having to be busy? You don't have to leave the house. You don't have to go anywhere. You don't even have to watch TV. Now, if you like TV, fine, go for it. But if you don't need the TV on and you just want a quiet moment where you can rest and just think clearly and receive the clarity that you need, do it. And don't overexplain. Or you don't even have to explain why you did it. It's okay to get some rest without having to do anything. If someone asks you, how was your weekend? Oh, it was great. What did you do? Absolutely nothing. And I've I loved it. That's your response. You don't have to go into any other explanation. That's no one's concern, nor is it anyone's business why you did that. So it's okay. It's okay to get some rest. So did I honor my decision today? That's part of your homework number three, the confidence journal. Each day, ask yourself, did I honor my decision? Did I honor myself today? Did I honor myself and what I said I was going to do for me today? Or did I just give in to the demands of the day, of what somebody else wanted me to do, of what somebody else wanted me to take care of? Did I actually honor myself today? That's what you need to ask yourself. And if you if you haven't, if you haven't been able to answer that question positively, then you need to make some adjustments. You need to make adjustments in your life where you can honor yourself today and not feel guilty, feel the guilt or shame from other people of why you honored yourself, of why you spent time in prayer, or spent time in nature, or spent time exercising, or spent time resting. You owe yourself that honor. So that's homework number three. If this series resonated with you, let me know in the comments which episode spoke to you most. Was it episode one, Silence is really golden? Was it episode two, stop explaining? Was it episode three, access, or was it episode four, quiet confidence? And don't forget to like, subscribe, and share this series with someone who's ready for it. And my final statement: silence teaches you to listen. Stop explaining teaches you to release approval. And quiet confidence teaches you how to live. Thank you for spending this time with me. Until next time, care for yourself, protect your peace, and trust your decisions.