You're Not Tired You're Carrying Too Much

Hey family… welcome back to Karolyn Cares…
where we talk about compassion, community, and commerce in real life—
in a way that’s honest, grounded, and necessary.

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Today, I want to talk about something we don’t always say out loud… but we all feel.

You're Not Tired--You're Carrying Too Much

Now, let's dig right in.

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And thank you again for liking, subscribing, and sharing this episode with someone you care about. 

Until next time...

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey family. Did you miss me? Welcome back to Carolyn Cares, where we talk about compassion, community, and commerce in real life in a way that's honest, grounded, and necessary. If you've been looking for a place or a space where you can grow, reflect, and feel understood, you're in the right place. Go ahead and follow, like, and share this channel with someone who needs it. And if you want to go deeper, we now have exclusive content through memberships and partnerships where we have more personal conversations, guided sessions, and real-time support. Today, I want to talk about something we don't always say out loud, but we all feel. You ready? You're not tired, you're carrying too much. Let me ask you something. Are you really tired? Or are you just carrying things that were never yours to carry? Think about that for a moment. Are you really tired? Or are you just carrying things that were never yours to carry? Because there's a difference. Again, my name is Carolyn. I'm the host of Carolyn Cares, and we talk about compassion, community, and commerce in real life. So, what does carrying too much look like? Here are some areas we're gonna focus on. Emotional responsibility for others. So, do you feel emotionally responsible for others? Is that what carrying too much looks like for you? Or are you always being the strong one? The one that people come to and you know, and share their concerns, share their fears, share their problems with. Are you always the strong one? And lastly, are you always available? Are you the one that when people call, you pick up on the first ring or you return people's messages on voicemail or a text message? You don't, you know, let someone's message go long without responding. You're you're pretty good about responding right away. I do want to mention this is that carrying too much doesn't always look like being busy. Sometimes it looks like being responsible for everyone else's emotions. Let me say that again. Carrying too much doesn't always look like being busy. Sometimes it looks like being responsible for everyone else's emotions. Who are you carrying right now? Think about that for a moment. Are you caring for a child, an adult child, an adult son or daughter? Are you caring for a spouse or a significant other? Are you caring for a manager or an employee or a co-worker? Are you caring for a pastor? Are you carrying for a neighbor or even a stranger? Who are you carrying right now? And what are you holding that nobody asked you to hold? Now that that question is speaks volumes. What are you holding that nobody asked you to hold? You know, there are times in life where now I'm going to speak for me. I can't speak for anybody else, that you want to be the you want to be the deliverer for somebody. You want to help save somebody that's in a predicament or situation because of my helpful nature. By nature, I'm a very helpful person. You don't necessarily have to ask for my help. I I help because that's who I am. That's my nature in general. That's who I am in general, and I will offer to help because I'm just that kind of person. And sometimes I may be holding something that nobody asked me to hold. I may be holding something, and then I get myself in a situation where I am holding a responsibility for someone they never asked me to hold it, hold on to, and then it burdens and weighs me down as a result. Why do we do this? There are reasons why we do it. There's an identity, it could be an identity tied to helping somebody. So you want to feel like this hero or this Shiro, and you don't want to let people down. So, you know, you have the fear of letting people down. So typically you're always the one that people come to, and they all they will, you know, burden you with whatever situation, problem, situation, uh, circumstance, and then you carry it. You carry that burden, but then you say to yourself, Well, what if I don't do it this time? You have a fear of letting people down because you're known as being the burden bearer or carrier, and God never intended for us to do that. Sometimes it can be overwhelming to the point that you're dealing with your own situations, but then you have other people coming to you with their situations, and it may feel burdensome and it's a weight. There is also a habit. So, again, back to myself, if I if I'm a typical helpful person, I'm known for doing that. That is that is my innate nature for me to do that, to help. You know, if somebody asks for help, I readily, you know, agree to it rather than saying, hey, let somebody else, somebody else can do it. I readily agree, like, yeah, I can help, you know, not not necessarily considering the the the weight or the responsibility, you know, with with agreeing to, you know, agreeing to being helpful. That just comes to us. It's something that we deal with. Our identity identity is tied to helping. And then we don't, again, we don't want to, we don't want to let people down. There's a fear of letting people down if we decide we're not going to do it. So at some point, being neat being needed became who you are. That's what you built. You built a reputation of being that helpful person. This was many years ago when I was in in high school, many, many years ago. I was in high school. And when they have the high school superlatives, you know, they have the you know, the best looking or you know, most likely to succeed. I I actually had a superlative in high school, and my superlative that I was voted on by my classmates was most dependable. So here I had a reputation of being most dependable by my classmates. They could count on me. I would, you know, be that kind of person, always there, wouldn't drop the ball, you know, getting something done. So again, I became needed, being needed became who I was, and always being dependable. That was the reputation that I had I had built up over the years. But what's the cost? Let's focus on the cost. What's the cost of always being that person? One, you experience burnout, you get to the point that you are tired. You are tired, you are weary because you have taken on a burden that maybe someone asked you, or maybe you volunteered to take on that burden, and then here you are carrying the bag, the weight of that bag, and you become burnt out. You are weighted down with the responsibility of getting something done, handling a matter, you know, holding on to a secret that somebody shared with you in confidence. You know, you are now burned out. And then you start to quietly resent it. I know I've been guilty of it, where I've taken on a burden or a challenge, you know, that wasn't my own. And I started resenting the fact that I even did it. And I'm I'm talking to myself, like, I don't know, I don't, I don't understand why I did it. And here I am quietly resenting the situation because I decided to be helpful, because that's my nature. Another area of the cost is losing yourself. You lose yourself in doing this, so you get to the point you don't even recognize who you are because you have been focusing on being the hero or the shiro of the situation and providing help, offering help, uh, readily agreeing to helping, that you lose yourself because here you are trying to be of help to somebody. So the cost of carrying everything is eventually dropping yourself. You lose yourself, you don't recognize yourself as a means of you know carrying on this burden. So I have some homework for you. So I mentioned in several previous podcasts, I'm a former school teacher. I'm used to giving out homework to students because that's the only way you're gonna learn. You can learn by instruction in the classroom, but for it to, for the instruction to stick, I believe that you you need to, you know, have homework because you're not gonna be in the presence of the teacher nor your fellow students when you're doing the homework to regurgitate what you've learned in the classroom. Homework is just regurgitation or application of what you've learned in the classroom. So I believe homework is extremely important. And I have shared this in multiple in previous podcasts. I'll keep saying it until those of you who do not have one obtain one. Please get a journal. Please purchase a journal. You know, we have retailers all around that sell journals. You could pick up an inexpensive journal for under, I think it's under six bucks, you know, possibly seven bucks, you know, due to inflation and tariffs. You know how that goes. But you can pick up an inexpensive journal and you'll use that journal to jot down your life, your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions. Journaling is therapeutic. Journaling is not only therapeutic, journaling is a form of ministry to yourself. You begin to minister to yourself through journaling. So I think it's extremely important to pick up a journal and begin to utilize it. It doesn't have to be anything deep, but you begin to jot down your thoughts and your feelings and your emotions. And over a period of time, as you begin to look at these thoughts and these emotions of your life, over a period of time, it begins to paint a picture and to tell a story of your life, and you would be amazed of all the things, the brilliance that lies within you as you begin to jot down in your journals what's going on in your life. So, back to the homework. I didn't forget. We're going to create a release list. And I mean release R-E-L-E-A-S-E, release. You're going to create a release list and you're going to write down who what you're carrying, what you're carrying, whatever that, whatever it is that you're carrying, you know, whether you're carrying a financial responsibility for somebody, you're, you know, you're helping somebody financially, you know, you are helping someone emotionally, you're being support, an emotional support to someone, you're being a physical support, maybe you're providing shelter to someone, in whatever way that you feel that you're carrying, you know, whatever you're carrying, jot it down. Jot it down. And then you're going to make the distinction from what you're carrying, and then determine what's actually yours. What is what is out of the things that you've jotted down that you're carrying, which is act, what are the things that are actually yours? I'm not talking about the things that you decided to volunteer to take on those burdens, those responsibilities. What is actually yours? What are you personally responsible for? Not what you decided to take on and to you know handle. What are you personally responsible for? Make that distinction. So you're going to write down again the release list is what you're creating, and you're writing down what you're carrying in every aspect. What are you carrying right now and what's actually yours? You have to make that distinction. You can put an asterisk beside it, you can put a check mark beside it, you can, you know, put a put it in a box, underline it, highlight it, highlight it, whatever's going to get your attention, you are going to then note what's actually yours. And then number two, so that was the first thing to create the release list, writing down what you're carrying and what's actually yours. And then two, we're going to do one let go, just one. You're going to choose one thing to stop carrying this week, whatever it is. So maybe you're, you know, carrying the financial responsibilities for, you know, for someone, for a friend or for a loved one, and you decide, hey, I can't do this anymore. And you're going to be, you're going to be, you know, truthful and upfront and let that person know, hey, I know I said that I was going to be able to do this for X amount of time. I'm not going to be able to continue to do this. And just be honest, you know, and let them know, hey, I can't, I can't keep doing this because I have, I have, I have my responsibilities to focus on. Or maybe you're, you're, you have someone staying with you and you let them know, hey, listen, I've given you until X amount of time, you know, for this, and I won't be able to continue, you know, to continu, continue to, you know, let you stay here. And you're going to have to just let them know. And most people will appreciate it. Most people will appreciate it. Yeah. They'll appreciate that you are being upfront and honest, you know, of you know, whatever, whatever responsibility or burden that you're giving back to them, they will appreciate it. So, in closing, let me reiterate, you, you're not tired, you're overloaded. And you're allowed to put things down. Did you know you were allowed to put things down? If it's not yours to carry in the first place, if someone didn't ask you to carry it, or you volunteered to carry it, you can put it down. You can put it down anytime that you want. And you don't have to be fearful of what people are going to say. And if they're upset and mad, let them be mad. Let them be upset, let them be mad. It's okay. It's okay. There are times we have to do things like that. I do want to also mention in closing, if this message spoke to you, I mean, really spoke to you, could you do me a huge favor? Follow, like, and share this with someone who needs to hear it. And if you're ready to go deeper, join our Carolyn Cares membership community where we have more guided conversations and support. Take care of yourself, protect your peace, and lighten your load. Until next time, bye bye.