Not My Circus, Not My Energy

This episode explores a quiet but powerful shift in perspective around stress, work, and taking things personally. What starts as a simple return to work turns into a deeper realization about boundaries, projection, and the weight we carry that isn’t actually ours. The conversation unpacks how letting go of other people’s energy can create space for peace, health, and a completely different way of moving through the world.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

My name is Athena, and you're listening to Energy Highway. I realized the reason why I would react is because I would have taken it personally. But her problems are not my problem. I realized that I'm not stressed about it. I'm not bothered. And I even chose to just not even think about it until I got there. So I'm driving to work, and I took the last couple days off just because. And I remember my coworker texting me, hey, just so you know this is expected of you when you come back, just a little heads up, so you're not blindsided when you get here. Cool, no problem. Now, as I'm driving to work, I'm thinking, okay, I know this is what's going to happen. I know my mailbox is probably going to be full. I know I have to plan for this and that and that, you know. And I realized that I'm not stressed about it. I'm not bothered. And I even chose to just not even think about it until I got there. I was like, I'm not dealing with that shit. I'm like, I'm not getting paid to think about this shit, you know? And then I realized just how far I've come. Because before I would have lost sleep over that. I would have been anxious as fuck. I would have been sweating bullets by the time I got to my desk. I would have just been full of anxiety. But now I'm not. And I'm thinking, like, how did I get to this point? Specifically, mechanically, how did I get to this point? And I think it kind of starts with an instinct that you just do. Like I had a little feeling I should probably not let this get to me, or something like that. Or I should probably think about this more, I should probably do that. And then next thing I know, I act on instinct and I get a little better. I act on more instinct, I get a little better. Next thing I know, I'm doing it. Like every day. No problem. But how specifically did I get there? Um That's a good question. Before I would be anxious and scared and just again losing sleep. But something in me thought, you know, this one isn't healthy, probably isn't normal, and it's bad for your health. Like I was stressed, my blood pressure was high, I'm taking anxiety medication, like this, over what? An email? You know what I'm saying? Like, it's just it doesn't. It's just not for me. So I think I just started thinking that no matter what, this is going to happen. So why stress about it? Deal with it when you get there. I just over time started to change my mentality towards the issue. And I think I know the turning point here. Okay, so one day I scheduled a day off and I stayed home, but I woke up to a text from my supervisor asking where I was. And you know that mini panic you get when you think you messed up. That's what I felt. I thought, oh my gosh, did I take the wrong day off? Was I supposed to be there today? Did I not request? Like, I just started freaking out. And then I realized, no, wait a minute. I requested this day off. This day is the day. I am on the right day. It's on a calendar. She approved it. Why the fuck is she texting me, asking where I am? So then I got, I went from anxious to pissed. I didn't respond because eventually, like after a couple hours, she texts back saying, Oh, sorry, I see it's on a calendar. Enjoy your day off. That pissed me off. And I started spiraling. It ruined my day off. I'm not gonna lie. Like for the first half of my day, I was just, I was just livid. I wanted to cuss her out. I'm not gonna lie, but I chose not to respond. Because I did my part. I did what I was supposed to do, but yet somehow I'm still in trouble for it. Or I'm still feeling some type of way because of how someone approached me about it. It just, I was so angry. I said, you know what? I'm just gonna watch TV. So I sat down and I watched a movie called Great Expectations. It's an older movie, and it's a great movie. I'm watching it, and towards the end of the movie, I'm realizing something profound. Because of this movie, I came to this realization, because of the way my supervisor is, and how she handles problems, is not my problem. Maybe she was raised a certain way where I don't know, she'd get in trouble if she made a mistake, or who who the fuck knows, okay, what her issues are that makes her act the way that she does. That whole shit, her package deal, is not my problem. Therefore, why should I have a reaction? I was like, damn. That's just who she is and how she is, and that has nothing to do with me. The way she texted me is her whatever issue she got going on. That's not my problem. So the next time like something came up, I just looked at her and it's like as if I saw right through her. I'm just looking at her like, yeah, I totally see your problem. And that's totally not my problem. Like it just clicked. It it clicked so fucking well that one time I went to someone's office to ask a question. Now, mind you, I probably have been to this person's office two or three times since I've worked there. Okay. Like I rarely see this person. But this particular day, when I went to go see this person and ask them a question, they literally, okay, not literally, they chewed my head off and spit it out. Like they just went off on me saying how everyone's always coming to her on this particular time of the week when it's her busiest and blah, blah, blah. And everybody has plenty of time, but she only has this time. And I'm just standing there looking right through her. Now, the old me would have snapped back. Like, you're not talking to me that way. But this new realization I had, I just looked at her and I thought, you know what? Sounds like I didn't say this to her, but I said to myself, sounds like you have time management issues and you have no support from supervision and that you probably have boundary issues. That's not my problem. That has nothing to do with me. I don't give a fuck. So why would so okay, then I realized the reason why I would react is because I would have taken it personally. But her problems are not my problem. So why should I take her problems personally? It's not my fault you don't have time management skills. It's not my fault you don't have boundaries. It's not my fault that you don't have an assistant. So why would I take that personally? So when she was done yelling at me, I just looked at her and I said, When would be a good time for me to come back? And she told me and I left and came back. Like I didn't react in that way. I feel like when we react negatively, it's because we probably are taking it personally. Why are we taking it personally? Specifically. And I know it wasn't my fault, first of all. It just seemed like I was the one that broke the camel's back in her situation. So I knew it wasn't my fault. I knew that whatever it was had nothing to do with me. So, but yeah, ever since uh that day and I watched that movie, I realized you know what? That's just how she is. And that's not my problem. And then the other half of my day, I was fine. Had an epiphany and enjoyed the rest of my day. So now when things at work happen, like I know something pressing is coming up and I haven't even went there yet, you know what I'll do with it when I get there. And if people are upset, they're just gonna be upset. I know I'm doing the best I can, and I know that's enough. It's not like I'm a slacker, it's not like I bullshit. No, I do my best. And because of that, I think honestly, my blood pressure has been low. I'm working on getting off these medications. My blood pressure is the lowest it's ever been consistently for the longest time. And I just think that maybe it's because I took the pressure off myself. So yeah, it was a great epiphany. Your problem is not my problem. Why do I take it personally? I guess if I had to come up with one of many reasons why someone would take things personally would be because projection. You know when like someone does something you don't like or you can't stand about them, but if you like stop and think long and hard about it, you probably do the exact same thing and you hate that about yourself. So when you see it in others, you project that anger and resentment onto them. And then you take it personally. I don't know. I I love talking about projection because it's just it's a very interesting human thing that I think a lot of people do unconsciously. But like maybe they don't know that they do the exact same thing or they do something similar and they hate that about themselves. Or complete opposite, when they see someone else doing what they can't do, they hate that person for it. And that makes them mad. Love projection. Yeah. I like to just sit and watch people project. It's very interesting. Especially you see it in reality TV shows. If it's like not as scripted, you can see it. Just sit and watch people hear what they say and how they say it, and then when you see how they act, it's like, you you do the exact same thing. Huh. Or if someone like is mad that you're taking vacation, that's because they can't take vacation. Well, that's not my problem. But I think definitely taking the pressure off myself helped a lot with the stress that I have at work. I do the best I can, and I think part of it is also knowing that that's enough. Even if I forget something, I did the best I could. And that forgetful part of myself did the best they could. And I forgot. It is what it is. Another thing about that is what if, you know, you forgot for a reason? What if certain things happen for a reason? And because of that, something else happened that probably needed to happen. All because you forgot to do something. I think it's very interesting all the things that we say and do and how we act. And what it all means. Alright, well, that's a short one, but that's all I have for today. Hopefully, you learned something. I really hope you do. Same old, same old, check out my socials. Follow me as I grow. And feel free to share any stories that you have. Alright, talk to you next time.