#72 | Who’s Letting You Walk Around With Spinach in Your Teeth? (The Truth About Your Circle That No One Talks About)

What do friendships, relationships, and career growth all have in common? They rise or fall based on who you let close enough to influence you. 

In this episode of Lead With SWAGGER, Jennifer Sukalo shares a hilarious yet humbling moment—walking around all night with a bright green herb stuck in her teeth—and the powerful leadership lesson behind it. 

This conversation goes deeper than surface-level relationships. We’re talking about loyalty vs alignment, outgrowing people, one-sided friendships, healthy romantic partnerships, and work relationships that actually sharpen you—not just support you. 

It’s a real, raw reminder that not everyone is meant to stay—and that the right people won’t just cheer for you… they’ll tell you the truth, ground you, and help you grow. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:09

You'll never guess what happened the other night. I got home, walked into the bathroom, glanced in the mirror, and I literally froze. Because staring back at me was a bright green herb just living its best life front and center in my teeth. I mean, not subtle, not tucked away. We're talking center stage. And here's the kicker. My husband and I had been to three different places that night, interacted with multiple people, conversation, smiling, laughing. And not one person said a word. Now, to be fair, my husband swears he didn't see it. And I believe him. But everyone else, you saw me, you saw the basil or parsley or whatever it was, and you said nothing. And honestly, that got me thinking, not about the basil, but about something way bigger. Who are the people in your life that are willing to tell you the truth? Welcome back to Lead with Swagger, the podcast where we get real, raw, and ridiculously honest about what it takes to lead with confidence, authenticity, and a whole lot of heart. I'm your host, Jennifer Socallo, and today we're talking about something that will impact every single area of your life. Who you surround yourself with. Because this episode isn't about food, it's about the people who won't tell you when something's off. And more importantly, the people who will. Her struggle to let some of those friendships go, even when she knew they weren't serving her anymore. And this is where it gets real. We hear this phrase all the time: friends for a reason, friends for a season, friends for a lifetime. But no one really talks about how hard it is to figure out which is which, because loyalty can keep you stuck. History can keep you attached, and guilt can keep you from making the changes you know you need to make. So let's be real. Some friendships become one-sided. You're the one always giving, always listening, always showing up. You become the therapist, the fixer, the safe place. And somewhere along the way, what used to feel nourishing starts to feel exhausting. Friendships are not meant to be, they're not meant to be performance roles you keep playing out of guilt. They're meant to be relationships, and healthy relationships require reciprocity. That doesn't mean scorekeeping, it means both people bring something to the table. Both people care. Both people make space. Both people want the best for one another. And sometimes growth changes the dynamic. Sometimes you outgrow people. Not because you think you're better than them, not because they're bad, but because your values shift, your boundaries strengthen, your healing deepens, your priorities change. And the version of you they were comfortable with is not the version of you standing here now. That can be painful. Because sometimes people are okay with your old patterns. They liked the version of you that over-explained or overgave, that stayed small, that perhaps tolerated nonsense or never rocked the boat. But the new 2.0 version of you, the one who has worked on the healing, who's gained clarity, who now sets boundaries and perhaps even shares honestly? Huh, that version can make people uncomfortable. And that discomfort does not automatically mean you're doing something wrong. Now, here are a few questions to ask yourself about your friendships. Does this person ground me or drain me? Can they tell me the truth? Or do they only tell me what keeps the peace? Do they celebrate my growth or do they subtly resist it? Do I feel safe being fully myself around them? Is this friendship reciprocal? Am I staying loyal to history while betraying my present? That last one?

unknown 6:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:20

That is a big one. And here's one more question to sit with. Do the people in your life help you see what you can't see yourself? Or do they just let you walk around with metaphorical spinach in your teeth? Now, let's talk about romantic relationships because who you choose to build a life with will shape so much of your energy, how you see yourself and your capacity to rise. The right relationship should not feel like a constant negotiation of who you're allowed to be. Let me say that again. The right relationship should not feel like a constant negotiation of who you're allowed to be. A healthy partner doesn't exist to shrink you, fix you, parent you, or mold you into their preferred version of you. They should love who you are now and also support who you're becoming. They should believe in your potential, sometimes even more than you do. That's synergy. That's one plus one equals three kind of energy. Not because you complete one another, but because together you create something stronger, wiser, deeper, more expansive than either of you could build alone. A healthy relationship grounds you, it makes room for your full self, it holds your truth without trying to rewrite it. It says, I see your gifts, I see your potential, I see your heart, and I'm not threatened by your growth. That matters because sometimes people say they love you. But what they really love is how manageable you are. They love the version of you that doesn't challenge their comfort. They love the version of you that bends. The right partner doesn't need you to become less in order for them to feel more. They aren't on a mission to change you into a project. They aren't trying to force you into some narrow vision of what they think you should be. Instead, they ask, how can I support the fullest expression of who you are? And yes, that support also includes honesty. They tell you when you're off, they tell you when your fear is talking, they let you know when your standards are slipping, they tell you when you're settling, and they do it from love, not superiority. That's the kind of relationship that helps you thrive. So take a moment, ask yourself: does this relationship make me feel more like myself or less? Do I feel safe, respected, and free? Does this person challenge me in healthy ways? Do they believe in me? Maybe even when I forget to believe in myself. Are we building something together or am I carrying the emotional weight alone? Those questions matter because chemistry is not enough. History is not enough. Potential is not enough. Alignment matters here too. And then there's work, career, business, leadership. Because if you spend most of your waking hours in professional spaces, the people around you there matter deeply too. In work and career, the right people don't just hand you answers. They help you think. They ask better questions. They push you to solve the problem. They help you uncover ideas you hadn't yet accessed. They challenge your assumptions. They champion your strengths. They stand up for you in rooms you're not in. And they don't just clap for you in public while undermining you in private. The right people at work are not just nice to have, they're a part of your growth ecosystem. Think about the mentors, peers, managers, collaborators, and colleagues in your life. Who helps you expand your thinking? Who reflects your blind spots with care? Who reminds you of your capability when imposter syndrome starts getting loud? Who advocates for you? Who gives you truth, not just flattery? Because yes, support feels good, but challenge is often what changes us. And I think one of the most powerful forms of leadership is asking people questions that help them discover their own wisdom. Not rescuing, not overfunctioning, not spoon feeding, but helping people rise into their own capacity. That's what great leaders do. And that's what great people in your corner do too. In your work life, ask yourself, who stretches my thinking? Who champions me when I'm not in the room? Who gives me honest feedback that helps me grow? Who creates psychological safety? Who do I become when I'm around this person? More confident, more creative, more grounded, or more anxious, more doubtful, and more guarded. Pay attention to that. Your nervous system often knows before your mind catches up. So here's the truth: your growth is directly tied to your environment, and your environment is made up of people. The conversations you're in, the energy you're around, the standards that are normalized. So if you feel stuck, plateaued, or like something is just off, it might not be you. It might be your circle. All right, now here's your challenge. And yes, I'd like you to really do this, not just think about it, write it down, record it, capture it. Step one, take inventory. Look at your friendships, relationships, and professional circle. And then ask yourself: do these people ground me? Do they challenge me? Do they speak truth to me? Do they expand my thinking? Would they tell me if I had food in my teeth? Be honest. No sugar coating. Step two, decide. Are there relationships you've outgrown? Are there ones that need boundaries? Are there ones you need to lean into more? And yes, are there some you may need to let go of? Three, build your personal board of advisors. Now, this is powerful. Identify three to five people in your life who challenge you, support your growth, tell you the truth, celebrate your wins, and see your potential. People you trust, people with integrity, people who are honest, wise, and invested in your growth. And here's the part that most people won't do. Go ask them formally. Say, hey, I'm being really intentional about my growth. Would you be willing to be someone I can turn to for perspective, honesty, and support? Be intentional about who gets access to you. Because access is a privilege. Proximity matters. Voice matters. Who you surround yourself with matters. You don't need to run a Fortune 500 company to have a board of advisors. You just need to decide that your growth matters. And before we wrap up, let me say this. I am so incredibly proud of you for being here, for showing up for yourself, for pressing play, for choosing growth, for being willing to look at yourself and your life, honestly. Really? The fact that you are here listening, reflecting, growing, questioning, and doing the work of becoming more honest about your life, that really matters. Don't brush past that. It takes courage to look at your relationships. It takes courage to admit when something no longer fits. It takes courage to tell the truth about where you are overgiving, under receiving, where you're settling, shrinking, or staying out of loyalty when the alignment is gone. That is not easy. And I need you to hear this. I believe in you. I believe in your wisdom. I believe in your growth. I believe in your ability to choose better, ask better, and build a life filled with people who truly see you, support you, challenge you, and celebrate you. And most importantly, I believe you deserve people in your life who will tell you the truth, even when it's uncomfortable, especially when it's uncomfortable, because you are not too much. You are not asking for too much. Desiring honesty, reciprocity, safety, support, and truth in your relationships, it's not unreasonable. It's healthy, it's wise, and it's available to you. Because the right people won't just applaud you, they will anchor you, they will sharpen you, they will tell you the truth. And sometimes, if you're very lucky, they will save you from walking around with a bright green herb stuck in your teeth. So go find your people. And until next time, keep showing up, keep growing, and keep leading with swagger.