The Heart-Womb Connection: Fertility Is a Whole Person Journey

In this episode, Dr. Christine shares reflections from attending a patient’s embryo transfer and explores the emotional, energetic, and deeply human aspects of fertility that often get overlooked.

While fertility conversations are frequently centered around hormones, timelines, testing, and outcomes, the reality is that the journey to parenthood is also one of uncertainty, transformation, surrender, hope, disappointment, joy, and growth. Through the lens of Traditional Chinese Medicine, this episode explores the connection between the heart and the womb, the role of emotional well-being in reproductive health, and why supporting the whole person matters just as much as supporting the physical body.

Dr. Christine also shares a powerful patient story about anxiety, fertility, unexpected surprises, and the profound transformation that occurs as we move through the journey of becoming parents.

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In This Episode:

• Why fertility is about much more than hormones, timelines, and test results
• The emotional and spiritual aspects of trying to conceive
• How Chinese medicine supports fertility beyond the physical body
• The value of having a space where all emotions are welcome during a fertility journey
• Why more fertility clinics are recognizing the benefits of integrative care
• What it looks like to receive acupuncture before and after embryo transfer
• A patient story about fertility struggles, anxiety, and an unexpected pregnancy
• The journey from embryo retrieval to transfer and everything in between
• A Traditional Chinese Medicine perspective on the heart-womb connection
• The role of joy, openness, and emotional nourishment in reproductive health
• How motherhood transforms us long before a baby arrives
• Learning to live with uncertainty, surrender, and trust
• Holding multiple emotions at the same time during fertility and parenthood
• Why perfectionism often shows up during fertility and motherhood
• The importance of repair, grace, and embracing our humanity as parents
• How support systems can look different for every individual and every fertility journey
• Finding the balance between structure, control, and flexibility during fertility treatment
• Why whole-person support can make a meaningful difference throughout the fertility experience

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Produced by: Reese Leanne
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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome to another episode of The Tao of Humaning, where we explore the physical, energetic, emotional, and spiritual aspects of what it means to be human together. I'm your host, Dr. Christine, and I'm so thrilled you've decided to join me for today's conversation. In today's episode, I want to talk about fertility and how it is such a whole person experience. A lot of times we think about fertility as embryos and hormones and timelines, and while those are all aspects, very real aspects of this journey for a couple, a lot of what I see in the clinic is around the big picture journey of the desire to become a parent, and then the frustration and disappointment of that. And then going to, you know, someone like myself and trying to conceive naturally for a period of time and working on regulating the cycle, and then potentially working with a reproductive endocrinologist and exploring assisted reproductive technologies, and then eventually getting to that point where you actually get to bring your baby and your, you know, all of the culmination of all of that work, right? When you get to bring the baby home and you have your person, right? There's a really, really powerful time in a couple's life. And it's really interesting because there really isn't a lot of conversation around the emotional and even spiritual aspects of that fertility journey. And that's oftentimes where I think, you know, people want to come and see me in the clinic for obviously the physiological support that acupuncture and Chinese medicine can bring to a woman's cycle. And also because I can hold that space of, you know, I often tell my patients, I'm like, you can come in here however you are. Like you can show up and be angry, and you can show up and not want to talk about it, and you can show up and be sad, and like whatever it is that you're feeling along this journey, come here then. And we can have some clearing and we can have some clarity and we can keep things moving forward towards that goal of bringing that baby home, right? So often we think about this journey as like, you know, hormones, timelines, and that's kind of it, right? Like, does the embryo like there's so much focus on the data and the human aspect is oftentimes just not talked about enough. So I want to chat about it with you guys. Um, one of the things that I I see more of the Western care providers, you know, recognizing the benefit of having holistic care. You know, a lot of times we're even welcomed. Um, I'm in Southern California, so depending on where you're listening from, but where I live, a lot of reproductive endocrinologists will allow us to come in and meet our patients on the day of transfer. So when they get to that point where they have the embryo and it's ready to transfer, a lot of times we can go in and do an acupuncture visit before the session, before the transfer, and then again after the transfer, and then we continue care in our own office, but we continue care for the first trimester with those with that parent. So there's um a lot of benefit recognized where I live, which is really absolutely miraculous. I know I've lived in other areas where that's not the case, and there's you know more of a distance, and people have to look outside of their care providers for any kind of like a holistic support. So um, yeah, if you are going through a fertility journey and you're wanting to have some additional holistic whole person support, um, you could message me and I could help connect you. There are maybe resources in your area if you can find a practitioner of Chinese medicine who specializes in fertility and women's health. Um, that could be really amazing. I was thinking about today's episode, and I recently got to attend actually two of my patients' embryo transfers. Um, and it is such a gift. It is one of my favorite services to offer and such an honor to be there and witness, you know, the culmination of all of this journey, right? And even still, like once you get to the transfer part, there's still so many milestones of you know, the 10-day wait. And then is the test even going to be positive? And if the test is positive, are the numbers looking really good, right, in those early weeks? And then is there a heartbeat? And that, you know, all of the milestones I describe it as, you know, you're kind of peeling that onion, right? And having each time you reach a milestone, it's like the breath becomes a little bit deeper, and the kind of trust that there is gonna be this baby at the end of this journey, right? One of the women um that I got to attend her transfer recently has such an interesting story, and she first came to see me. Gosh, it was probably three and a half years ago, and she was having trouble getting embryos um that were uh high enough quality to be able to freeze, and so she had heard about acupuncture being supportive for egg quality, which it is, and came to see me. Um, we started working together, and she also presented with quite a bit of anxiety, and that had been something that had been part of her picture for for a number of years. It wasn't only related with the fertility journey, um, but it was something that we could work on and support. So we worked on supporting that, and we worked on supporting her cycle and the egg quality, we worked on overall energy, a number of different things, um, angles we were supporting her with. And then she went and did the next retrieval and got good results. So they had one embryo and they were ecstatic, so thrilled. So they were preparing for embryo transfer. And in the you know, couple of weeks prior, she came back in in the office and she looked at me and she had tears in her eyes, and she was like, Dr. Christine, you're not gonna believe this. I'm pregnant. And I was like, Oh my gosh, what? Like, that's the coolest, coolest. So she was pregnant. Um, she got pregnant naturally before, like literally in the month before she was doing her embryo transfer. And so that was just kind of a cool story. And um, you know, now she has a healthy son and he's fantastic, and they were gearing up to do to transfer this one embryo that they've had for now three years. So it's been it was we were kind of laughing because it was uh timeline-wise, you know, that embryo was created before her son was born, and so there's like a weird way that the embryo is older than the brother who's really gonna be the older brother. Um, just funny things about fertility journeys that like you don't think about. Anyway, they just had their embryo transfer and I got to attend, and it was so so beautiful. And she asked me to stay in the room for the treatment after the transfer, um, just to chit-chat and like kind of debrief a little bit, and uh yeah, it was just really sweet. She was sharing a lot about her journey and the process of you know going through fertility and you know how different she feels now than she did when she first started, and in that we talked about you know the connection between the heart in Chinese medicine and the uterus. So there's a channel that's called a Bao Mai, and it's a direct connection. And I'll talk about this a lot. Um direct connection between the uterus and the heart. And so I talk with patients a lot about the importance of joy and the importance of doing things in your fertility journey, honestly, just in your life, that aside from fertility or whatnot, but doing things that open the heart also have that mirror relationship with the womb. And so if we're looking to be open and receptive in our wombs, especially focusing on the heart space being open and receptive is really actively supporting your reproductive health. And I think that's something that we don't talk about enough. So joy, go do the things that make you feel joyful, that will help your fertility. And she was talking about, you know, the transformation that happens in motherhood and that first year postpartum, and what a wild journey that is. And so now, you know, she's come this full arc, right? Of like trying to conceive and then conceiving naturally, and then the first parts of motherhood, and then now back again to transfer this second baby, and just the the amount of wisdom and understanding that comes through the transformation of motherhood. And we've talked about this a lot in here too, but it is that you know, learning to live with uncertainty and learning to live with surrender and trust, and you know, understanding that we're capable, right, of whatever comes our way. And the other aspect that we were talking about was, you know, this ability that we have to hold a lot of emotions at the same time, seemingly conflicting emotions. And that was something, you know, that she really noticed in her journey as well, right? That she could hold these anxious thoughts and she could also hold the space of being really loving and open and present with her son. And we talked about how interesting that is as a mom because you really do, you know, the things that we beat ourselves up for, we're gonna talk about this in another episode too. But the things that we beat ourselves up for, like our kids don't notice or don't care. And I remember her in particular when we were talking about anxiety and her feeling anxious, and she was worried that she was gonna be, you know, not ideally a perfect mom, although that wasn't the words that she would have chosen at the time, but it's like our perfectionist side shows up, right? Because we want to do the best for our kids and we want to be the best version of ourselves, and somehow we set ourselves up for that expectation that that's gonna be all of the time, and that's not realistic, and it's also not human. And so, you know, her and I have had a lot of these conversations over the years of it's okay for our kids to see our human side, it's good for them, it's healthy, it's normal, it's beneficial for them to see the full range of human experience, right? Including not feeling great and not being able to, you know, show up the way that we want to. It's so good for them to be able to see that too, right? Or for them to be able to see us make mistakes, right? And then have that repair. I talk with so many moms about that, especially in the toddler years when things get a little more intense, and that's you know, postpartum, I don't know, gosh, the first three years, right? They're just a little bit bananas, let's be honest. And it also brings up all of our stuff. So as moms, we're exhausted and we have these humans, you know, that are quite dependent on us at that age. And they're gonna reflect things back to us that brings up our stuff, right? And I don't think that's a bad thing. I actually think it's great. And it's okay that it looks messy, and it's okay to make mistakes and have the repair and be perfectly, imperfectly, perfectly imperfect. Yeah, perfectly imperfect as a human, a human parent who's navigating, you know, this journey for the first time. It's like you're only a first time parent once, right? And I think there's so much grace that I know I have experienced for my own parents, and just seeing like, oh wow, like they really were just humans trying to figure it out, right? Like they're here, maybe doing this for the first time in this context, right? Like we don't come with instruction manuals, and yeah, I think having that grace piece for ourselves is such a gift, and being able to verbalize that to our kids. So having, you know, if there are moments when we feel like we responded in anger and we were, you know, shouting or something and we didn't want to be that way, talk to them about it, right? Like they're also little humans and they're also experiencing things and relating for the first time with us, right? That's the thing with relating, is that the other people are not having the same inner dialogue and lineup of their energy as we do, right? We sort of expect them to, and then it's like, oh wait. I love the five elements, um, five element lens for looking at relating with different people and relating with ourselves first. I'll probably have a class here soon about the different um five element personalities and how we can utilize that as a tool to understand ourselves and to understand the people in our families is probably easiest first, because especially as parents, when we look at our kids, if you have more, especially if you have more than one kid, then it's like, oh, I really see like this kid is super fiery and this kid is super watery, and it now it makes so much sense why they're completely different. And also, how do you support those two different elements, right? Based on your element. I know it's super fun. Um, anyway, thinking about you know, fertility and this whole person experience that it is, is really such a gift to give yourself. If you're on a fertility journey and you're trying to conceive, finding support that views the whole person can make an incredible difference in your experience through that journey. Because a lot of times, you know, a Western medical office, they are busy and they are, you know, doing all of the things that they know to do, right? And sometimes you leave the office and you're like, oh gosh, I have these questions, right? Coming in to see someone like myself, like I can sit and spend more time with you and go over the different, even just the medications, or you know, encourage you to talk to your doctor when that's appropriate, and like having a support where you can come and kind of debrief through the experience, really good. Also, a lot of families differ wildly in terms of the support that they bring in outside of themselves. So I know couples who have gone through a fertility journey and not told a soul. Like I literally was the only person that the wife would talk to about her journey, aside from her doctor and her husband. And that's great. I mean, sometimes you need that in case, you know, it takes a long time and you don't want to have that, you know, as well-meaning as people can be checking in and stuff. Sometimes you don't necessarily want to talk about it. Sometimes there are heartaches and disappointments and things along the way that you don't want to have to talk about every single time. You just need that kind of that barrier to be able to hold your space and kind of get through it. Um, I know other couples who really love telling everyone in their community so that if things do not go as planned and they have hurdles along the way, they have that support system ready to kind of catch them and support them through it. Honestly, it's I've seen couples go through multiple rounds of IVF and choose a different support structure each time. And I think also knowing that that's very normal is and okay, like you don't have to choose the same thing every time. It's normal to have different needs, right? It's the same with pregnancies when you get there. Sometimes in a pregnancy, when you're, for example, postpartum, sometimes you don't want many visitors and you want to just be in a little cocoon and have your whatever it is that you need and not have the distraction or input from outside. Other times, you know, people are like day out, day of birth, right? Like there's lots of people there, and it's a whole community adventure. All of those are great. It's really again about knowing yourselves and what's going to work best for you and your partner, and and then expressing that to your community, right? And even if you change your mind midway, I've supported patients who, you know, at first they told a bunch of people and then they had uh sharing regret. And they were like, oh my god, what did I do? And then they had to go back to those people, or they didn't have to, they chose to go back to those people and say, Hey, um I got kind of freaked out after I told everyone, and now I'm feeling a lot of pressure about how my body responds to the medications or whatever it is. And I'd really love if you just follow my lead and I'll communicate to you updates when I'm ready. Perfectly reasonable, right? Like as humans, sometimes we get excited about things and we're like, yeah. And then when the reality of whatever it is comes about, we're like, wait, no, I changed my mind. It's okay. You can change your mind in this. Because it is this whole person experience, and we are humans, and these journeys are going to bring up things that are surprising, most likely. And if the fertility journey doesn't bring up things that are surprising, most likely birth and new momness will. So somewhere in that trajectory, there's a lot of room for humanness, and there's a lot of room for you know, learning to surrender and learning to have, I don't know, safety in the chaos, I think is what comes to mind. Learning to feel like you trust yourself, you trust the process, you trust your partner, and letting things unfold a bit without so much need to control. And I think that's the other piece that I was thinking about with fertility, at least for today, um I could have another topic I could chat about for a long time. Um, but another piece about fertility is looking at, you know, whether like what's the right amount of things that you want to be doing. Because what I've seen over the years in supporting women in a fertility journey is that some women really relax when they feel more in control. And that by that I mean like really more rigid in their nutrition, rigid in their supports, you know, more not rigid, structured, maybe let's use structured, because it's more like having the routine and being able to ultimately feel like we've checked all the boxes, so that when we go in to you know, trying to conceive like a retrieval or transfer, or even trying to conceive naturally when it's ovulation time, having done all of those things and checked all of those boxes, that can allow us to feel more relaxed and open and fertile, right? Receptive again, it actually opens the heart. For other women, having that much structure and rigidity is really stressful, and what that does energetically is it constricts and it contracts, and it makes them feel a bit more like they're beating themselves up because they're not able to meet that checklist easily. Is that making sense? So I always talk to my patients about that. Like, what is it that's gonna feel most supportive for you? And understanding that that may change also, and having those regular check-ins is so valuable, and being able to have support, whether it's you know, you might listen to this podcast and you might share these things with your partner, and that's enough, that's a good support for you, and you can kind of talk through these different aspects of it for other people. You might want to add in a holistic provider, right? Um, and if so, you can find one in your area, DM me. I'm happy to help people find practitioners. I really love connecting people with other people. So if I can help you, if you're in Orange County, California, and you want to come see me, I would love that. All of the information to get in touch with me is in the show notes below. And you can always leave me a message, comment. I see everything. If you have questions about how Chinese medicine views fertility and cycle health, go ahead and message me because it gives me great ideas to chat about on here as well. So thank you for listening today, and I look forward to seeing you next time.