Angry black women
The weekly thoughts of suburban socially unaccepted confused black women. Follow some american girl’s mid-adulthood self discovery journey as they transforms into the women they want to be.
Angry black women
DEPRESS THEM DISHES
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Your host Ronnie is back with the Angry Black Women podcast. This season will be filled with guest who can give advice to the young women entering their next stage in life. It’s time to heal and move forward. The first episode of this season features Auntie Angel, a 45 year old relative of Ronnie who has much to give the girls.
Please email any questions, comments or concerns to ronnieabw@gmail.com
Welcome back to the Angry Black Women Podcast. I'm your host, Ronnie, and I'm here with my role model and the love of my life, my auntie Angel. Say hey. Hello, world. Yay. So I had came on here today to give her some really good news. And she is my inspiration. I've told y'all before when I was a kid, like I look up to my auntie, even as an adult, I look up to my auntie. Because one thing about her is she gonna go and get it on her own. She always gonna have her own and she's gonna look good while doing it, okay? Okay, amen. That's a black woman for you. You smell like cocoa butter and come on. Amen.
SPEAKER_01So, auntie, in 15 days, I am moving to Europe. No, yes, auntie.
SPEAKER_00I'm moving to Europe. I ain't gonna be here no more, and I'm gonna be there for at least two cry. You're so dramatic. You are so dramatic. What am I gonna do now? When I decided I wanted to be like world traveling and do content creation for a living, I always said it was because my grandma never left the country before she passed away. She didn't want to, she didn't, but she never did that, and I have to do that for her. I have to do that like for my ancestors. My ancestors weren't afforded the opportunity to leave the country, so I gotta do that for them.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and we're gonna be just on the beach, like living life trying to do content creation full time.
SPEAKER_00Oh, are you still working at the airport?
SPEAKER_01No, I'm quitting. And when you doing this in 15 days.
SPEAKER_00What?
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00Sharon, you what let me see your your your itinerary. I ain't made it yet, auntie. I gotta I gotta I know where I'm gonna be at, and I know I know where I'm gonna be at, and I know what I'm gonna be doing, but I gotta still book the flight and I don't get paid until the 20th. So, Sharon, where y'all gonna be staying at? Where y'all gonna be living at? What you gonna be doing, how you get around, how you gonna understand the people, how do you know what where you're gonna be living at? See, Auntie, all of that is just No, you can't just be going by the CD or plank pins like the last time. Yeah. Well, okay, this isn't like the last time because at last time I planned everything out to a T, but I was with the wrong people last time. Yeah. And now it's just me and my best friend. But I do know, okay, so I know where I'm where I'm gonna be at. I can show you the city. I know where we're gonna be living. I know now hopefully most people speak English, but even if I start getting my duolingo and working on my Italian, okay, but most people are coming there for a retreat, so they'll speak English because they're coming there to retreat. Um, four hours a day I'll be working, cleaning yoga mats, and um setting up the rooms for four hours a day, and then the rest of the time is our own. We get free yoga lessons, we get free surf lessons. We're on the beach in Italy, so and then they provide us three meals a day. Like, how are the people? Like, is it safe? Like, I know it's safe. I know it's safe.
SPEAKER_01It's like an island, it's like Hawaii. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Your mama know.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I just told her. I told her, I said, mom finna move to Italy in 30 days.
SPEAKER_00She said, Oh, I'm so proud of you. That's why when we called her earlier, she was like, Has your niece told you how she just be out in the world, traveling the world with no money? She was talking about that.
SPEAKER_02I didn't hear that.
SPEAKER_01That was the first thing she said when she got on the phone, but I was like, Oh, I hope she don't tell her. And this time I'm gonna I'm gonna become an um escort. A who? Escort. Okay, I'm gonna have to sell it. Sell what? I'm gonna have to sell it, Auntie. Well, like donuts, cakes on the side. I'm trying to become the new Kim Kardashian with the no videos.
SPEAKER_00I'm trying to try to become and we will be back after this commercial. I'm trying to do whatever I can to get that whooping. I don't know. I'm gonna have to see you on the news. No, no, for real. There's a lot of black people going missing. Like, one of there was a flight attendant that just went missing and they just found her. She was missing for like three weeks, and now she's just back. So I'm like, I got questions. Where the hell you been at for three weeks? I've been scared. I put I put it on my um TikTok page. I'm like, what the hell? Yes, I said we have a missing flight attendant, and now she's back. Um, they just did a uh news article the other day saying she's back. Where the hell you been at for three weeks? And you just back now? What I got questions. That's what I'm saying. What? Follow up? I'm trying to figure out he's like, he ain't got no follow-up or nothing. But it's a lot of black people going missing, a lot of black women and children particular, and it's sex trafficking. And what I'm really hoping that it's not our own people doing it. I'm saying you going down here, you you want to be doing stuff that's safe. Going places that's safe. They you don't want people to be targeting you, like you said, because you're a brown-skinned woman, you know, you and your friend, so they know y'all not from there. They know y'all don't speak the language, yeah. So you know you might be an easy target for them. Yeah. Like, do y'all have like a chaperone or somebody?
SPEAKER_01No, we're gonna be by ourselves, but that's another thing I'm scared of because, like, uh also there was a um situation in Columbia where this flight attendant and his friend went out and uh he went missing for a couple days.
SPEAKER_00He ended up dead. They drugged them with this um uh drug called Devil's Breath. And what's scary about it is you don't have to slip it in their drink, you just have to blow it on someone. Blow it on them, and it gives you full loss of like your motor capabilities. So the one girl, she got away because she started to feel she started to feel it taking over. So she got into a crowd and they took her to the hospital because they were like, she it's called like the zombie drug. It makes you completely um um compliant on them, like whatever they say do, you're going to do. So, um, yeah, so like that's how like some people be that they'll um do porn with some people and they're just gonna do it and pretend like they like it because they have no no capability to know what they're doing. They'll rob people. They'll be like, hey, go to the bank, put in your card, take out all your money and give it to me. And you're gonna do it because you have no, like you're the only thing in your mind is to do what they say. You don't have any motor skills up into what they tell you to do. Your brain is not like if you tell your legs to walk, they're not gonna do it until somebody else tells your legs to walk. Yes, that's why they call it the zombie drug. I never heard of that, and they use it to rob people, and so once they got once the girl got away, that's when they was like, Oh, we just gonna have to kill him, and so they kill him. So that's why we gotta be careful. I was about to say, y'all have to be extra careful. Yeah, that's why you should have gone there first, you should have we've been talking, we've been talking to the owners of the establishment, though. Okay, we've been talking to the owner of the establishment, we video chatted them. It's not like we've been just no catfish situation where we've just been texting them and then texting us. No, we've seen the place, we've Googled the place, um, the establishment, and um talk to other people who have uh worked there. Um So who told y'all about this place? Okay, so it's a thing called it's a website called World Packers, and this is what the white girls have been doing for years. Basically, you go, um, say you just need a break or whatever, you pick a country, say you pick France, Vietnam, say you want to go to Colombia, say you want to go to Mexico, see what they got. They'll have like hostels. Hostels are like, you know what hostels are, right? No, hostels are like cheap places for young kids to go that are not technically hotels, but they're like hotels for the night, and it's like bunk beds, and then they'll provide like food and drinks, and it's like $15 a night. Um, so you can work in the hostel or um like a surf shop, you can work in a sh surf shop, you can help somebody um on their winery, you can help like do grapes. And um if somebody's building a house and you have building skills, or if somebody like has a yacht, you can work on their yacht, and you only have to work a couple hours a day um in exchange for a shelter in that country, and um sometimes they'll give you a stipend also, um and meals, so it just depends on which one you choose, but it's just like for people who just need a break, and the white people have been doing it for years, so we're like, why the fuck we can't do it? Yeah, all the things that we've been researching is just white people doing it, and I'm like, why the hell can we do it?
unknownBecause we don't know about it.
SPEAKER_00We need a break from exactly we need a break from life. I'm about to start knocking shit over for real to do things, all things in moderation. People at this job stressing me out. I just be looking at them now like this lexapro ain't working. They got me on Lexapro and Limotragen, and I'll just be looking at these people like you want me to act out, don't you? The Lexapro is uh antidepressant, and the Limotragen is a mood stabilizer. So it's supposed to make me like act normal, like feel normal, and not be so angry all the time. So you say it's not working, so what what did you think is the dots? Yeah, I think she usually needs to go up on the Limotogen and then give me something else, not Zoloft, because I took a Zolof and I was sleeping for the entire day.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and I'm gonna and then we're gonna do YouTube videos and stuff like that. My flight attendant. Well, it'd be more travel content instead of flight attendant content, but and I have been trying to do like YouTube videos and stuff like that. I just haven't been editing them lately.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because I want you to I want you to pivot. I want you to get off of whatever you want on TikTok. Say your siren hours and your goodbaz to the people and start making more positive content. But really, Auntie, they really do be making me mad though. You can't let the people make you nobody can make you mad.
SPEAKER_01Yes, they can.
SPEAKER_00Nobody can make you mad. Yes, they can. Nobody can make you be mad. Nobody has control over your emotions. Yes, they do. You're about to get up now. Nobody has control over your mind and your emotions but you. You don't let a stranger dictate you and get you angry enough where you feel like you have to be yelling and screaming and cursing at somebody and coming out of your character, having people disrespect you as a black woman, as a queen of who you should never allow people to do that to you. You should be representing yourself in a in a right way, and you should be able to use words and vocalize words other than curse words and other than derogatory words that you can that you can eat a person up with. You don't have to use profanity, you don't have to bring yourself down to the level that people are in life. You have to rise above people. You can you can tell people off in a very respectful way. Okay, I don't have to be respectful to people who are disrespecting me. I do agree that I do need to show that I have an expansive vocabulary and stop using all the cuss words, but at the same time, the reason why I be cussing these people out is because they be disrespecting me, and you think I'm not going to defend myself and defend my people and I am because if nobody's gonna do it, then I am because you're not just gonna be talking about black women all day. But you can't defend the whole black entire race. Yes, I can. Yes, I can. Who that's why they call me the angry black woman. And we got to change that. We got you see how come on, find it. Find it. You see how it all starts in the title. You see how it already starts off angry. That's negativity. You should be at you should so angry. What's another word you can use for angry? Aggravated black woman. Let's try it again. Irritated black woman. Another one. Don't piss me off, black woman. A lot of notes. It has to be black woman, yeah. Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna get back to you. Let me get back to you then. I can't come up. Let me get back to you. Angry, but I am, but I do black woman, yes, that's it's who we are, queens of all things. But I also think it's okay to be angry, though. Like, I feel like the world be like, oh, black women can't have angry anger, black women can't have ire. I can be upset. And then why? Just tell me one thing why you feel you should be upset from what society deems that you should be upset because of. But why do everybody else get to be angry? But the black women don't get to be angry just because that's a stereotype that's been put on us. So now we have to to combat the stereotype by not being angry by showing people that, oh, I'm not an angry black woman, I'm not an angry black woman, and that's why I reclaimed it. Because I get to be angry. If you did something to make me angry, then I get to be angry. No, I'm not angry all the time. I'm a very positive person, I'm a very happy person. But if you do something to me, I'm not just gonna let you spit in my face and then I'm gonna take it. No. The Lord said, turn the other cheek. Okay, well, I'm not I'm not God, and I'm not a bad. Forgive her because she knows not what she said. I'm not God. I'm not God. God doesn't want you to be him. I'm not the Lord. He wants you to be like him. Okay, he wants you to be calm, he wants you to be loving, he doesn't want the enemy, but he's also, but he's also a jealous God, he's also an angry God. Don't don't interpret the door to me. Don't be like a breath of the Lord. Don't be trusted with the Lord's word. The Lord is angry at people who is angry at him. The Lord is not just angry at people just because. I'm not angry at people just because, and you want me to be like the Lord, and the Lord has the breath and I got breath to. I'm speaking on. Okay, but you have you have to be able to decipher the wars and the battles that you want to take on. You don't have to take on every black woman's struggle. Every black woman is not angry, and just because you are a black woman doesn't mean that you are angry. Everybody didn't grow up angry, everybody don't have to be angry just because you're black. You're black, you're your the color does not make you feel some type of way. You don't have to let somebody put that stereotype on you just because that's what the world wants you to be like. You have to show and prove to them that you are bigger and better, and you are your own person, and you have ways in life that you can go without being a stereotypical black or brown person. But that's why I'm reclaiming it because I don't have to prove anything to them. If something makes me angry, then I'm gonna say that it makes me angry. Of course, I'm not angry all the time, but at the same time, I'm reclaiming that angry black women title because if I'm angry at the time, then I'm gonna voice it, and I don't have to not voice it just to make other people feel comfortable or make it be like, okay, so as soon as she gets angry, she's that stereotype of the angry black woman. No, you're right. You are you do have the right to be angry, you do have the right to vocalize your anger, but don't let it, don't let it consume. Yes, don't let it fester and feed. You know, get your point out, like you say it, whatever situation you're in where you feel you have to defend us, but then move on. That's what you have to do. You have to stand for something and then you have to let it go. Yeah, you can't let it harbor and just you know what I'm saying? You you should be able to speak on a situation and then say, okay, I've said my piece, I've said what I had to say. That's why I say it vocalize your words differently. Yeah, because if you are angry, or what does anger do? Anger fuels more anger. And if you want to get your words out, you you you you have to use better words. You know what I'm saying? You can be angry, but say why you're angry. Yeah, and then when you say why you're angry, turn it around. Now that I've figured out why I'm angry, what can we do as black and brown women to combat why we are angry? What can we do to make it better so that whatever situation we're in, we don't have to show, oh, they're just a typical. If you weren't bothering me, you wouldn't know that I was angry. Come on. If you weren't in my business, you wouldn't know that I was angry. Come on. If you were minding, you know what I'm saying? That's why people are always in businesses that don't involve them. So you need to talk about, okay, so after I told you I'm angry now, what's the solution? Leave me the hell alone. What's the solution? Don't do this. What's the solution? So, yeah, I do I do get what you're saying. I need to come up with a solution, and I do agree with what you're saying that my vocabulary needs to be more because I do have an expansive vocabulary. Because you know, I get to write in them emails and I've been using every single word in the book, okay? So I know, and that's all I'm saying. You can get online and you can voice your opinion, you can go back and forth with the people, but I want you to use your words. I don't want you to have to use profanity all the time. I want you to be intellectual when you debate with some because you're not you're not arguing with people. Let's say it's a debate. Yeah, you're going back and forth because, like you said, okay, you are representing every black and brown woman, but you should only be representing the black and brown woman that stands for peace, yeah, and love. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Like you, you, you, you have an opinion about something, but don't let it consume you. Yeah. That's it. Like say my piece on that and then move on. Yeah. But that's why I said I have to get out of the environment of this country because I feel like every single day it's something, it's something, and it just feeds into my anger. So it's just like I'm in a constant state of irritation. Like my stoicism is like, okay, what I can't, what I can't control, I'm trying not to care about, but everything is out of my control. So now I'm just irritated all the time. You're controlled like you said, you you you do control your life. Because like you said, okay, being in America where you, like you said, you can barely eat, you can barely go sh get gas. You know, we can barely do things because of the greed of the government. All countries aren't like this. So, like you said, step back, go somewhere else and and and and see something different, see how other cultures live, and say, okay, and then maybe that's something you'll be able to bring back to America and start, you know, incorporating it in something that we want we are doing here in America. Yeah. But I think going somewhere else and having fresh eyes, and just you know what I'm saying, that is needed. Yeah. Like I like there, I didn't really, I never really had dreams in the country. Like I always said, I just want to travel to every other country. I really don't have dreams of being in here. But now, with everything that's going on, I will say that there's this guy on um TikTok and he has a school for black boys, and um, like it's his own like school that he built, and he teaches them like how to be members of this of society, he teaches them consent, he teaches them, hey, this is how you go and pay bills. So, other than math, science, and and hit reading and history, he's also teaching them how to be members of society. And I'm like, this is what we need in our community in order to like build our own communities again. Because if y'all want to segregate, I'm talking about let's do it, let's do a segregation because I don't even need to be around y'all at all. Seriously. So I'm like, okay, I never had dreams before, but if I were to have a dream in this country, I would want to have the good the girl version of this kind of school, you know what I'm saying? And I always say, like, if I won the lottery, you couldn't, you wouldn't tell, but there would be signs because I would be traveling the world. But also, if I won the lottery, that's something that I would invest in. Yeah, black people in the United States, like our children's education and being able to teach them how to build our own societies because we used to build our own societies before they tore them down, you know what I'm saying? And I really don't think I would ever come back here unless we segregated again, okay? I don't really want to be that's like for real. Like if if if every culture, ethnicity, race, I don't think banning with your own is anything bad. Yeah, I feel that a lot of cultures help you know their culture, you know what I'm saying? It's just that certain cultures don't because that's how society made us feel like we are the bottom. We like you said, we are angry. All we are is dogs. They try to treat us, put us in cages, in jail. They don't want us to be educated. Yeah, because when we learn things, then they know, okay, now they know something. Okay, that's one more thing that they can use against us. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? So the more we learn, the more we read, the more we educate ourselves, the more we travel. That's how you can see the world. That's why a lot of things, like you say, you have to learn how to educate yourself. You just can't take somebody else's word for what somebody has said. You gotta go and read, study. You know what I'm saying? Do your own research. Don't just take what somebody says and say, okay, well, I'm gonna go with that. No, you have to do your own research so you can know the type of person that you want to be in life. Yeah. And what you want to study and how you want to go. And you know, I'll be reading, and um, I've been reading this book called Burning Down Master's House. Um, and everyone's been telling me about it because you know, usually I just read romance books and stuff like that. But um I said, you know what, I'm going, I'm I'm gonna be 30 this year, Auntie. I'm gonna be 30 in two months. Well, it's August, September, October. In two months, I'm gonna be 30. So I have to be now very careful about the input that I'm putting in this brain, what I read, what I watch. Um, I said I was gonna stop watching baddies. I have so many opinions on like the reality TV TV that we grew up with is not the reality TV that it is now. Like the reality TV that we grew up with was like Jersey Shore. Did you ever watch Jersey Shore? Yeah, yeah. We grew up with like Jersey Shore and Bad Girls, like it was all real. It was all like the real world, yeah. Yeah, it was all real. And what Natalie Nunn did, okay, because she that's just ratchet fighting, women tearing each other down. Yes, I have so many opinions on her. I have so many opinions on all of that. But what she did was she decided okay, these people want to grow up and they want to be reality TV stars, and they can't make it on actual reality TV. So I'm going to manipulate them into having this fake beef, and then I'm gonna have them fight. Each other on TV, and that's gonna be the whole show. And it really does give slavery. It really does give you got these niggas over here fighting for the entertainment of white people, and then the white and the light-skinned girls get to sit back and watch. No, I never watched. Don't watch it, Auntie. It's really, it's really brain rot. It's really stupid. It's not the reality TV that we grew up with. You know what I'm saying? It's just dumb. Like, and I wish I would be 30 years old and on TV fighting, Auntie. Seriously, no. And y'all 30 to 50 years old on reality TV fighting for the entertainment of what? I wish I would be on TV. Even at 25, I would not be on TV embarrassing my mother and fighting. Exactly. Fighting. That's what I was gonna say. You shouldn't be fighting anyway unless you are in a ring, unless that's your job, your profession, to be a fighter. But just to be fighting strangers, girls that you don't know, like you said, just for content, just for to make money, just to be what a celebrity. Like you're not a celebrity because all you're doing is degrading yourself as a woman. You're just showing other women that you don't care about yourself, that we're not valuable, that all we are are are fighting objects. I don't understand it. Like, we have to do better as a society. We have to love on each other more. Women, like, we are so much more than our bodies. Yeah, and that's and that's the thing. Like, y'all got all these girls, and don't get me wrong, like I feel like if you don't like something about yourself, you have the right to change it. Like, you, if you want to get a surgery, you can get a surgery, but at the same time, we'd be dying in these surgeries, and I think that that needs to be also a big disclaimer, like, okay, and we don't need to do it just because that's what's popular. Yeah, yeah. Oh, let me get big booze because oh no, don't let nobody bully you into like I'm telling you, they're not worth it, okay? People are doing it like a fad. Yeah, yeah, like like like a new pair of jeans, like, okay, brown jeans are in. Okay, I'm gonna go get a butt this week. Yeah, everybody hops on a fad, yeah. Yeah, and I'm like, girl, that's not safe, and that's not you have to love yourself, you know what I'm saying? Don't do it because you like, don't do it because that's high fashion to have a big butt now. Do it because I've always had a little button. I want a big, bigger butt, you know what I'm saying? But then you have to think about that in the long run, too. You're injecting all these foreign objects inside your body. You have a big butt now, but imagine when you're 80, 90 years old, yeah, and you can't get up out of bed because you have all this big old runk sitting on your back, and you know what I'm saying, whatever you done injected inside of you is now leaking inside your body. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? You that's why I never tried a hard drug in my life because at the end of the day, maybe I will have uh temporary satisfaction, but maybe temporary, temporary satisfaction, but when all this, okay, this is a beautiful face, okay? It's always been a beautiful face, okay, a cherry face. So in the long run, I'm gonna look like Christy the Crackhead, and I can't do it. No, imagine because you have to think about when those women get those, like when they get lip fillers, like all things it like you they have to keep going and getting it did, because nothing lasts forever. Yeah, so you think about when the women get the lip fillers and the botox and the botox, and then you have to think about what happens to their skin. Like their lips drew, or either some people like when they try to get it out, like it's becomes disfigured, yeah, or deformed. Yeah, you know what I'm saying, because you've been poked so many times, yeah, but you have so much injected inside of your skin that that your skin is sagging now, or either your muscles or whatever they wherever they put it up under your skin, instead of just letting yourself grow old naturally, you can do a lot of things. Like when they say you're younger, gravity pulls you, okay? Exercise, what you eat makes a difference. But see, everybody wants instant gratification, nobody wants to work for anything. But like you said, everybody will go and lay down on a table for two, three hours. But like you said, and you don't never know if you're gonna wake up and what you're looking for, butts, breasts, lips. Yeah. Vanity. Everything in this world is vanity, and that's why people don't really have to have a personality anymore. Like, you literally, like, uh oh auntie, oh my god, auntie, you're about to be so irritated when I tell you the story. So the other day, the other day, um, it was Friday, like two weeks ago, and me and um Ty, my best friend, we went out to dinner, right? So we see these older men right next to us, and I'm like, okay, it's a it's a group of black men, and two of them we at Applebee's that it's the last day are Dollaritas. So it's some at the bar, and then it's some like in the um booth right next to the bar, and they so loud. So I'm like, what the hell is they so loud about? And she was like, Stop staring, stop staring. I was like, I'm gonna go over there and figure out what the hell is wrong with them. So I end up going up there after they all get together and they're like, Oh, it's his birthday. I said, Oh, it's his birthday. I said, That ain't how you're supposed to um just take shots. Y'all supposed to sing happy birthday. So they say, You sing happy birthday. I said, Well, if I sing happy birthday, we all gonna sing happy birthday. So we got the whole Applebee singing, happy birthday to you. We got the whole Applebee singing. So then they're like, get them girls some shots. So we're like, okay, let's go around and get our shots from these older gentlemen. So we get over there. I asked the birthday man. Mind you, these older black men, they clearly retired. I said, What's your name, birthday boy? Birthday man. He goes, My name Anaconda. Anaconda.
SPEAKER_01Please don't piss me off.
SPEAKER_00Please. Excuse me. Excuse me. That's what your mama named you. I said, What is your name? He said, My name Anaconda. He said, You're gonna have to come to the birthday party. I said, if I give you my number and you put anaconda in my phone, I'm gonna block you. My mama's like, Sharon, you sold me. No, because that's dumb. You in your 60s, 70s, you retired, and y'all having this retirement party, and you over here, it's your birthday, and your name, you're gonna say to me that your name is Anaconda, like you're 14 years old. Exactly stupid. And so then, so then Ty is trying to talk to the other two gentlemen because you know Ty actually like men, and she also likes older men. So they swarm her. And she said, uh, the one dude goes, uh, she said, What's your name? He goes, My name is Kevin. She said, Oh, that's my dad's name. You're gonna be calling me daddy. What the hell is wrong with you? What the hell is wrong with you? I just met you. Then the other one. She's like, Okay, well, now I'm done with you because I have a child, it's disgusting. Okay, so now she's gonna sit with the other dude. He said, Can you have a drink with me? So, okay, if if I get a drink with you, you gotta buy my best friend a drink too. Okay, yeah, I'll send her a drink over. Okay, cool. She gets to sitting with him, talking to him. He ain't mind you, he almost poked our eye out when we first met him talking about this ring. Okay, he married. So she's thinking, I'm just gonna have a friendly drink with this man, okay? He's gonna get us some drinks because he just wants to speak. So he's like, Yeah, I got a wife, da-da-da-da-da. And I be trying to um, when I try to down down, uh wine and dine the lady, I'll be trying to get her this and that, and the third. And she was, he was like, So what you think? She said, Well, if you're married, shouldn't you be getting all that for your lady? And he goes, I don't have a lady, I have a wife. Is your wife not a lady? I'm so pissed off. Is she a man? I'm so pissed off. Is she not a woman? Is she not a female? Why? And so she was like, uh, okay. So when she finally orders the drinks and she's ready to get be done with this conversation, and he's basically inching towards the idea that he wants a side chick. And so he's like, Yeah, he's like, I be trying to um have a lady, but I don't want her to get jealous of what I got going on, and like, oh, you gotta spend too much time with her, this, that, and third. Mind you, my best friend is sitting like, I know this nigga don't think I'm finna be his side chick, okay? I know that I know I'm young, but I ain't a young, dumb bitch, okay? You're not finna play me like a fiddle, so she's just listening, waiting for her free drinks to come to the table. And then he goes, I think I forgot my wallet. So she goes, one of your homeboys can't spot you. He's like, Well, I could just send it to you. She said, Oh no. She was like, I forgot my wallet too. He's like, I was just playing. I just wanted to see if you was the type. Start paying for these drinks over here. For real, because nobody gotta be trying to be playing with no grown men up in no bar about a drink. Ain't nobody asked you to give me this drink in the first place. I could have bought my own drinks, mister. I was so pissed. It don't matter the age, like, all men are so childish. Like, anyway, while you in a club, you should be at home with your wife while you're at some bar. If if you don't, you should be at home with your wife, you and your wife should be here then. Talking about you looking for a girlfriend, your wife should be satisfying all your needs. Mind you, he almost poked our damn eye out with that ring when we first um met him. So we're like, oh, this woman's married. Right be loyal, right? But not that wasn't the case. All y'all done pissed me off, Mr. Anaconda, Mr. Call Me Daddy. Like, what the fuck? What is wrong with y'all? Men just don't, but see, that goes to show you that a man will uh do what you allow him to do because you can't never say that he didn't tell you he was married. Yeah, you can't never say that, oh, I didn't know because he put it in front of your face, and that's what men will do. They will use that against you. Well, you knew I was married, you knew I had a wife. I never told you that I was gonna leave my wife. I never told you. See, and it's up to you, and it's up to us as women to say, you know what? You right, I'm gonna take this drink. Thank you for everything you've done for me. Nice to meet you, and you go on about your day. Let him go on and sucker somebody else into whatever he got going on inside his man frame. But you don't have to play with no man, like you say, take that drink and you going on about your day. But other women would say, like, oh, well, he he married, okay, she should be doing whatever she's doing. Why would you, as a woman, with a plethora of single men out here in this world, want to put yourself in a situation with a married man? And we wonder, like, as women, why men dog women out, why men don't treat women like women should be treated, women that really, because those are not the right men that we should be looking for anyway. But number one, he had already, like you said, he was showing it off like it was a prize possession. So clearly, he do want to be married, but you can guarantee you his wife didn't know he was at no club or no bar or whatever. Because if she did, you know, nine times out of ten, she would not be allowing him to be at a bar saying that he's looking for a girlfriend. I guarantee you she didn't know that that man was at a bar. So as a woman, it's too much, and then that's why everybody got diseases because you know men don't go get checked like we get checked. That's another thing. I be at the lady doctor, auntie, ain't nobody touched me in five years, and I still be at the lady doctor, like, yes, please, yes, check it all. Please, Lord, yes, check it all. You know, men don't get checked at all, they don't even know what the male doctor is called. It's called a urologist, and you need to start treating him like a gynecologist. Go see him. And you don't, and men don't think about that, but I do. I might be a little bit too graphic, but you have to think like, just like a man putting his penis inside of your vagina, you you don't know, you have to think about when a man puts his penis inside of a vagina, anything that's in that woman is going inside of his what is what is that called? The what is the little hole called? Auntie, I don't know. Whatever it is, it's going inside of there. So it's whatever the secretions, the liquids, the diseases, the BB. It's sucking it up. It's sucking it up inside of his penis. And when a man, and that's why we as women always wonder like, why is our pH balance off? Because if you think about it, if you're having sex with a man and you're having it unprotected, you do have to think about the secretions that are secure, like it's coming out of him, but it's also going back in him. What you know, yeah, yeah. It's like as women, okay, if he done just had sex with somebody maybe 24, 48 hours, I don't know how long, you know, things last on penises, but and he comes and he has sex with you. Don't you think that at some point a little BB is gonna go here, a little germ gonna go? You see what I'm saying? And that's how diseases just carry on and trickle, and then you just be like, Well, I was only having sex with him, but who was he having sex with? Yeah, and you don't know, like they say, a lot of diseases lie dormant in people. So you don't even never know who had a disease. You could have it years after. You'd be like, Well, I'm only sleeping with my husband. Well, who did you sleep with 26 months ago, three months ago? Yeah. And then also, like, some men, like when I tell you like they have an evil spirit, an evil soul, it was this one man. Um, I saw on a like a Facebook story, and he had came home and he told his wife, he was like, Hey, I've been sleeping around with people, whatever. I cheated, I made a mistake, and now I have HIV. And she said, I've been on prep for three years. So you have HIV, okay? You have HIV, but I've been prepared for you to play, I've been prepared for you to play with me, with your evil self. You see how dirty a man is. That's why you as a woman have to protect yourself. That man knew all that time that he had a disease, but didn't tell this woman a thing, and then for whatever reason, he felt like, okay, today's gonna be the day. Now I'm gonna get back at her and I'm gonna tell her, oh nah, nah, nah, I got AIDS. But she said, Okay, devil, like you said, I got one up on you. I've been protecting myself all this time, sir. But now, okay, now, okay, now it's up to you. Now, either are you gonna stay with him or are you gonna leave him? Yeah. Because if you're gonna do all of that and you know that a man is being deceitful to you, and you were just waiting to see how long. Now, after that, that's how that's when we as women, okay. Now you have to start. I don't want to do this no more, sir. I want to be with a man who loves me and protects me and who's gonna be there for me.
unknownSomebody calling you.
SPEAKER_00I had to see if my dad called back. Like you said, that man probably sleep old as he is. No, he is. Uh no, his old ass. He is not probably calling you in the morning. Because always in the chat, he all up early. They always chatting it in the morning, morning, morning, morning, in anybody, evening. Ain't nobody never seeing nothing in the chat. Exactly. I be bro, I be blocking that group chat. I swear to God, they be like, Why Sharon ain't saying nothing? Because Sharon is not in this, okay? Sharon wants to be asleep. But yeah, men are disgusting, and that's why like when I be feeling, I do feel bad for black women because I do also feel that we are trained to stay with a man. I know, Auntie, let me let me finish. Let me finish the cycle of abuse that some mothers instill in their children in their daughters specifically. It's like they don't say nothing positive about you as a daughter, they don't have nothing positive to give you as a daughter. If you learn how to be a lady, it's from somebody else, it's not from them. And then you have a man, and they have they're so male-centered, they never have anything negative to say about a man. If he did this, you must have done something to him. If he if he did this, it's because you weren't this and that and the third, especially growing up in the church. And then it's like, okay, and even if he did do that, it was a mistake. So, with that being a cycle of abuse that some mothers instill into their daughters, then they get stuck with a man who don't treat them like nothing because they don't know no better. And it's up to you, like I said, I'm about to be 30 years old. It's up to you when you get older to educate yourself and be like, okay, I wasn't taught how to be a lady and I wasn't taught what love is, but I need to teach myself. And I'm not going to wait. You knew that your mother wasn't saying nice things to you. You knew that a man wasn't treating you right, you knew you wasn't happy, you knew you wasn't feeling safe and protected. But now as an adult, okay, like you said, you have to set your own boundaries for yourself, you have to set your own rules. Okay, no, I don't want a man to treat me like that. I don't want a man to dog me. I don't want a man to use me just for my body or feel like I'm just a sexual object, or I don't want a man to beat on me every day just because of whatever mental instability that he was going through as a child that he didn't get over himself, that he feels like me being his punching bag is gonna get him through it. No, we as women do not have to take on somebody else's trauma, and or we should not continue to use our own trauma as a stifling stone to not grow in life. Come on, come and that's a ooh, that was a word, auntie. We should not use our own truck trauma as a stifling stone to not grow in life. That was a bar. Write it down, being that was a bar, auntie. I'm gonna steal that one. I'm gonna steal that one because no, a lot of people do, and I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna lie, even I have, you know what I'm saying? Like, oh, this is something I've uh let me tell you, I called Michelle the other day. I called Michelle the other day, and I said, um, we were talking on the phone and I was telling her, like, I'm going to Europe, okay? I gotta get out of here. I gotta, and I said, I don't know how I'm gonna give my mental health drugs. And that was when she was telling me, Sharon, you need to stop being medicated because you're not appreciative of everything that's going on in life. And you know, black parents don't really believe in mental health things. Like, you tell your mama you're depressed, she was like, You better get your ass up there and depress them dishes. You better give it to God and depress them dishes. You know what I'm saying? So go lay down somewhere, put a cold towel on your forehead, yeah, and get up and do them damn dishes. And get up and do the damn dishes something. You won't be thinking about being depressed. You feel me? Yeah, and so she was saying, she was like, You really need to stop being medicated, Sharon life, stop being put on these medications, and maybe she's right, but right now I don't I can't do the natural stuff, okay? So, and so we were when we were talking about that, she was saying how um in life, in life, there's gonna be good things and there's gonna be bad things, and you have to mentally just get over it. She was like, I said, Mom, my mind is not doing it. Like, my mind is is working against me. And she was like, You just gonna have to get over it, sister. You're gonna have to get over it. And I said, you know, you mess me up a lot mentally, you know what I'm saying? And I was running through some of the things that she said to me, and I was like, you know, it was really mean when I'm growing up because you made me think that I was a mean person by always saying you just like your daddy, you made me feel selfish, this, that, and that. And she was like, I can't make you feel selfish. That's your own personal. And I said, You did though. You you consistently drilled into me, like I'm selfish like my daddy, I'm mean like my daddy. You drilled that into me, so now that's what I believe.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And she was like, I didn't do that. It's always like, you know what? I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna try to get an apology from you because you're not sorry. I'm not you're still an amazing mother, okay? I I wouldn't trade you for the world. You were still an amazing mother, but this is something that you did to me that messed me up mentally, and I'm not gonna try to get an apology from you because you're not sorry. Yeah, she can't take ownership because she don't think that's that's something that she did, but because she didn't, because it didn't happen to her. Right. It happened to you, and the only reason you remember it because it happened to you. So as a I I do feel that parents don't realize the things that they say to us as children do affect us. Because, like you said, we don't know. We're we all have journeyed this world once. We're all grown, we're all learning new things. Our parents did the best that they could at whatever journey they had us in in life. I get that. But like you said, once you figure out, okay, that is a trigger and a trauma for you, what your mom did, now you have to say, you know what? I'm not gonna let this continue to define who I am as a person. Yeah. I'm not gonna continue to, if this, if I have this feeling, I'm not gonna let it get me in a negative place. You know what I'm saying? You gotta turn it around. You gotta say, no, demon, you're not gonna take this. You gotta take it for what it is. No, like whatever, like whatever thought that's trying to get inside your mind, you gotta take hold of it and say, No thought, I'm not gonna be thinking about whatever I'm thinking about right now. I wanna think about something different. Yeah, it's hard, Sharon. You know me. You know that I'm me and mine is right here. Like, I'm never not gonna tell you just to like I'm not gonna never say God ain't no ain't no miracle worker. God works miracles, and you know I believe in God, and I'm gonna always talk about God until because God works miracles, but we do need other things in the interim because we are human, yeah. But in the middle of it all, you gotta be, you gotta do positive things, is what I'm saying. Yeah, you you can that's why I said, let me give myself away. Let me let me let me be on the beach, let me do some yoga, let me meditate, okay? Let me drink some tea, you know what I'm saying? Instead of drinking liquor all day, you know what I'm saying? Let me drink some water. It's not like you're gonna get it. You gotta, like you say, you gotta take one step at a time, one day at a time. Nobody says you're gonna get it. Whatever makes you feel comfortable, if you know you're having an uh anxiety moment, think about it, take it captive. Okay, you got the anxiety. Think about it. What made me get anxiety? And then when you think about it, okay, so I didn't like the way I felt or you smelt something or you heard something. What you gotta whatever triggered, whatever triggered you right then, stay in that moment and then work through it, stay in it. If it's making you angry, be angry, but work through it so that way you can be like, okay, I worked through it. And then you say, Okay, I got through it, and then make something happier. And I'm I'm just it's just a feeling where you are. Like, if you're out in the public, of course you can't do that. You have to do, I'm just saying, just wherever you are, just always take a minute, go walk off, go do something, go sit, quite, go, go cry, pray, do whatever you have to do, but hold that, hold that, hold that feeling captive and say, Okay, this is something that I don't want to feel again. So, what is making me feel this way? Okay, I gotta internalize it, I gotta work through it. It's not gonna happen once. You just gotta keep doing it, but never let it control you. Yeah, never let it keep dragging along with. You for the rest of the day. You know what I'm saying? Like I was mad this morning when I woke up. Oh my goodness, so and so called me and said something to me. And all day you mad just because so-and-so called you. And I do, I really do. I like you piss me off, like, see, the first if I got three flights that day and the first day somebody pissed me off, I'm gonna be pissed for the rest of the day. Okay. And what does that do for you being mad all day long? What does that do for you? It really don't do nothing to help me, but it don't do nothing to hurt me either. It does hurt you. You know why? Why? Because one thing that one person did, you let that control your whole day. Yeah, you let that take away from the good. You you somebody probably was about to do something for you good, but because you had that anger on you, you couldn't see the happy in it. You probably went to somebody and you was angry, and instead of you saying, Hey, how you doing? I want you to have a good day. You was mad because of what somebody said. And you know what? You probably might not never see that person again in your life. But what did they do? They stuck on you. Yeah, they stuck now. And now the reason they stuck on you is because you allowed them to leech onto you. So now all day long, you done took them with you, they with you at the basketball, they with you your next flight, you mad, you angry, you can't eat, you can't sleep, because all you're thinking about is that interaction, how that person made you feel, you know what I'm saying? Instead of saying, whatever, go through the anger, get mad, get angry. Only you know. But you know what? Leave it there. Yeah. You know what, sir, you pissed me off. And if I told you this, you're like, whatever. Yeah, this is my job. I'm here to keep you safe or whatever the situation may be. Somebody's lying on you. That's one thing I've learned. You cannot defend yourself from lies. You can barely defend yourself from the truth, but you're never gonna be able to change somebody's impression or in somebody's mind or you. You know how you can how you can walk, you just continue to be who you are. That's why I keep telling you. You have to walk in your own integrity. Yes, somebody is gonna make you angry, nobody is perfect, nobody is saying be perfect in life, but always keep your integrity, yeah. Always keep charan in there. Always say, like you say, you wake up, you are you know you a good person. You even if you do go out and you look for trouble, ask yourself why. Why am I finna go out here and ruin my day messing around with somebody? Instead of saying, you know what, the Lord said, Don't go to sleep angry, don't go to sleep with yesterday's problem until tomorrow. Because tomorrow got its own problems of its own. So, whatever you made somebody did to you today, Sharon, whatever anger you had going on in your life, and I promise you, I do this too. Like, I'm not just telling you something that I don't do. I don't, I don't, I don't I get angry and mad, but Sharon, when I go home, I think about all the blessings that the Lord has bestowed upon me, all the things that I've come from. And just somebody being mad or jealous or hateful or spiteful, you gotta think about what they got going on in their life that's making them this way. Yeah, you see what I'm saying? They going through something too. But for you to take on somebody else's anger and somebody else's problem for your own sis, don't ever do that. Don't ever do that. We can be better. Yes, we are better. You know how we are better because not one person in this world is alike. Not one person, God made everybody in this world different. And I don't care what nobody says, Sharon. I don't care what I've been through in this life, I don't care how people, I don't care what nobody has done to me. As long as God wake me up every day and say, I'm gonna give you the full faculties of your limbs so that you can go out there and you can make a better day. I don't, I don't let nothing nobody do to me, Sharon. Get me down. Things are gonna happen in life, but we it's it's all you gotta know that if there's a wheel, there's a way. Auntie, I ain't gonna hold you. I I really, as an adult, as as I'm coming into my 30 years old, I am deconstructing from ultra-conservative Christianity, like we were raised with, but I ain't gonna hold you. Sometimes I just wake up and I'll be like, Thank God, I got my legs and my arms. I wanna go run because I got my legs. I can see, I have eyes, I have eyes, so I need to look at everything. I have a nose, so I'm gonna smell stuff. I have a mouth, so I'm going to speak, and that's my biggest thing, okay? God gave me a mouth to use it, yeah, but use it wisely. Yeah. I'll be sorry, yeah. That's what I'm saying. That's why I use my voice. I feel like I use my voice to help people. I feel like I use my voice to create change, or I try to create change, okay? When I think of Malcolm X and I think of other influential black figures who didn't put their hands on anybody, but they were able to influence change just by speaking. That's a person that I want to be. I want to influence change. I'm not gonna uh yeah, I could really take over this government if I wanted to, but we ain't gonna get them onto it. But I don't have enough people that's really ready to be about it, auntie. And that's what it is. People don't understand that we all have to come together as one. Like, yes, you I can I can go out here and vote and do what I'm doing, but people don't, it takes multitudes of people, just like it takes a multitude of people to vote the people in Congress to vote the people in Republic's Democrats um laws into you know Congress. It takes people. We have to stand together, but like you said, what people don't know, they don't understand. And what people don't understand, they don't try to get to understand. They just say, oh, okay, so and so said the government said he's gonna do this, but they not doing it. So now what are we gonna do as a people? Everything you have to realize in the world, everything is is is written. Like somebody made it, basically. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? So that means that because somebody made it, it can either be erased or it can be added on to. Yeah. Which means that we as a society, we as brown people, black people, blue people, orange, anybody, just people. Let's not. I know everything. I don't know why the world wants us to be so fixed on color, but it's just about people and unity and loving one another and just knowing that if we come together, learn the laws, vote. And like you said, if if you just want us to be in a community by ourselves, we have to do that. Yeah. But that's another thing, Auntie. I feel like the laws were written only to police us. Yeah. And even if like we're trying to vote, like it was a creator, I forget his name, but it was a creator who was saying, like, I'm not voting anymore. He was like, because I voted and I voted and I voted, and my vote didn't count. He was like, and also, why did why did just because the Democrats know they have the black vote, they don't petition for anything that has to do with black people. All these black people are found hung. Yes, in Mississippi, a whole bunch of black people. Like, why so many people are getting hung? Beaten, black boys going missing, hanging out with all their white friends. We supposed to be all unity and shit like that, and black girls um being going to sleepovers with their white girlfriends and they beating them up and then recording it and things like that. Or they need to go to jail, okay, prison, which yes, all y'all need to go to jail, and I don't even want no investigation, lock them up. But you have to think about it. I can guarantee you that when you are around a group of white people and you are the only brown person there. That wasn't your first time experience racism with them people. Yeah, I'm not I'm I've been there, I've been there, you know what I'm saying? I grew up the white girl, I grew up I grew up the black girl, right? You know what I'm saying, around all these white people, you know what I'm saying? And then maybe a one Hispanic girl, you know what I'm saying, but she whitewashed too. So I grew up being that person. So, but at my big age, like it's just like being a girl, you know what I'm saying? Like maybe you grew up and you were the Tom boy, and you grew up and you were hanging around all the boys. Okay, I'm hanging around all the boys because I'm comfortable with the boys, but once you get over, you gotta realize, sister, it's not okay if you walk into a party and you the only girl and there's 50 boys there, right? Leave. Just like if you a black person and you walk in into a party and there's 50 white people there, leave. Because everybody's in motive and intentions is not the same. So just because, like you said, you a woman who hang around a lot of men, yes, you can hang around your group of friends, you can hang around those group of individuals, and you know that you're gonna be safe. That doesn't mean that if you go out here in the world around a bunch of strangers, like you said, and you're the only female around, they're looking at you like, oh, why these guys bring this woman here? She must be the entertainment for the you see what I'm saying? Oh, she must be somebody that we all gonna get together. They're not looking at it like, oh, she one of the fellas. This is unless your friends are representing you like that. Like guys have to be like some guys are like, oh no, this is my girl, don't touch her. Like some, like they defending you, but other guys that that don't defend you, and like you say, you go in a room and you the only girl, sis. That's why Tupac got locked in. The girl, um, the reason why Tupac got locked up for sexual assault is because the girl had agreed to have sex with him. He leaves the room and his three friends come in. Yes, and they raped her. So, and and so they felt like he set it up. And I felt I honestly knowing the history, I wear my Tupac shirt, you know what I'm saying? Because it's my Tupac shirt, and I'm broke. But at the same time, I don't fuck with him because you did set that up. Wait a minute. Now you set that up. Now you did set that up when we start talking about my husband Tupac. Now you mean your husband is rapist because never rape no. He said that up, Lord. Yeah. Yeah, I said I don't know the man like that, but yeah. I mean, he was a very attractive man, but I do feel like if that if that's a story, you know, I haven't done too much research into the story, but I've heard the story multiple times. And if that if they came in right after you, you set that up. You would think that somebody would have set you up because why would you be leaving out the room? Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I agreed to have sex with you. Yeah, exactly. And three then now all of a sudden you leave out and three men come in. You don't think that's suspicious. Yeah, that is, yeah. And you would think, like, okay, well, why you set me up like this? Why you leave? Because where would they come from? Right. How would they know we were here? Right. How would they know I'm the only person in there?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00That makes sense. So yeah, um, but it it's just things like that. It's like you can't trust everybody, and even people that you feel like you can't trust. That's how people get traffic. It's just like, okay, this is my boyfriend. I was um watching, it was like a documentary, and it was talking about child prostitutes. And so the girls on the on the um TV, they were like 15, 16 years old, and they were like, Yes, and when I tell you these girls look so young, and she was like, Yeah, I've been a prostitute since I was 10, I've been a prostitute since I was 11. Yes, and she would be like, Yeah, my boyfriend raped me, and then he just told me, you know, now I'm gonna be. And I was like, Oh my god, what yeah, your boyfriend or their boyfriend be like 16, 17, 25, you know what I'm saying? But they're giving them attention and they're not getting attention at home, or they're not getting love at home. So now they go out with this man that's three times their age and telling you that you mature from your age, and now he done raped you, and now he done put you on the corner. That's what happens, and that's why, as like you said, as women, we get, and that's how men prey on women because especially little girls, yeah, because they know detecting your daughters. Exactly, because they know they're coming from a broken home, they know mama don't love you, they know you don't have a daddy, they know you're looking for something, and that's so sad that grown men prey on young women like that and make them so vulnerable. That's how women become little kids become prostitutes and things like that. But that's I said you don't know what somebody went through in their life, and you can't tell somebody how to get over something mentally, like the mind is the strongest organism that we have, and it is the hardest thing to control. But when you have control over your mind, Sharon, just like they say, the mouth, the tongue is the most powerful. Because when you say words, they mean something. So imagine, Sharon, your mind is more powerful than your words. So you gotta remember what you put inside your mind, it's gonna come out of your mouth. So that's why I say whatever we condition ourselves to in our mind, we can't continue to use that as a crutch. If the Lord has made a way for us to get out of it, let me say that. Right. If you're out of the situation that you felt like was trapping you, you was molested, you was if you've now come out of it, that shouldn't be something that is still holding you down. Because you know why? Because you don't have to be it, you don't have to be around those type of people anymore. Yeah, you can go somewhere else, you can go and be around different people, go be around yourself, but that's another thing. People don't know how to be with themselves. Yeah, a lot of people really have never even sat and had a conversation with themselves, yeah. And and and that's sad, and that's meditation. Meditation. That's meditation. I never thought of it about like that. At least once every day we should meditate. That's why when I told you that a long time ago when we was living, you have to take time for yourself, Sharon. You have like nothing is nothing in life is more important than you are. Nothing. You can't say, just like, just like this is how I look at life. Okay, you know how we you get up every day to go to somebody's job on time. You can get up and do that. You can get up and say, okay, I gotta get to work. I'm gonna take these hours. I gotta make my food, I gotta prep my food, I gotta get my work out, I gotta call the cab this time. But you don't never set time out to say, you know what? I need to go in my prayer closet, or I need to go in the bathroom, and I need to just sit with Sharron and I need to talk with Sharon and ask Sharon how she's doing today. Yeah, I need to talk to Sharon. Yeah, Sharron, me and you're gonna have a good day, girl. Yeah, we're gonna go out here and we're gonna do whatever the people don't think we're gonna do. You gotta set intentions for yourself. Yeah. Because I don't, I, I be like, I don't have time. Like, I I gotta, you right, Auntie. Like, I don't, I don't set that time for myself. Like Sharon, you have time. Yeah, if you feel like you don't have time during the day, then get up an hour earlier. Yeah, get up 30 minutes earlier in the morning. Sharon, I promise you, the way you wake up in the morning sets your tone. That's just like I say, is this how you wake these kids up every day by screaming at them at the top of your lungs like that? That sets the tone because that's how I used to be woke up as a kid. Yeah, screaming and hollering. Somebody screaming and yelling your name, Sharon, out of a dead sleep. Yeah, like you like that startles you every day. So all day long, you you in a defense mode, yeah, versus somebody coming into you, Sharon. Hey, good morning. It's time to get up, sweetie. Yeah, you see what I'm saying? That's that makes a difference. Also, when you're younger, that that formulates like how you think of because I ain't gonna hold you. Like I said, my mom has done a lot of things that I feel like mentally shape me in a bad way, but also she's done a lot of things that mentally shape me in a good way. I won't lie and say there aren't moments I remember. I remember being, I think it was kindergarten when we were staying over there in um uh Rumelus and um in that townhouse in Rumeless, and she will she woke me up one day, just Sharon, sweetie, get up. And I was like, five more minutes, and I was so little, I was so tiny. I was like, five more minutes. She said, Okay, she came back five minutes later and was like, Sharon, you said five minutes, get up. You know what I'm saying? Things like that are formative memories for me, you know what I'm saying? And and I will I won't lie and say like certain things that I do I do know that you're being correct because every time I woke up, it was Sharon, make your bed before you leave for work. You know what I'm saying? Make your make your bed before you leave for school, you know what I'm saying? Structure, eat eat your food before you leave because it starts your day off. Yes, you don't want to get out the bed, Sharon, and you should your teeth and you leave it like this, so you don't went out and you had a good, you had a whatever day you came back, and now you come home and your bed all messed up. You see what I'm saying? That's not this, so you don't went out, so now you don't have anything to comfort you because everything is in disarray, everything is a mess. So that's why you said when you wake up, when you wake up, Sharon, when you open your eyes, that sets the tone. Nothing else should be inside of your mind when you wake up in the morning, Sharon, but except for what you got going on. Not your phone, not a phone call. The only thing you should be doing once you hit that alarm when you wake up in the morning is thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Yahweh. Thank you, and giving God grace and blessings for waking you up with the fourth. And after you've done that, then do whatever else you're doing, like stretch, but don't get on that phone. I said, Auntie, as soon as I wake up, I get on my phone. Don't get on that because Sharon, what is what and what you do on the phone when you open it? We go to TikTok immediately. And what's in TikTok you looking for as soon as you open your eyes up? I'm trying to see what the comments say. Drama Negativity, right, Auntie? You done just opened your eyes, Sharon. And the first thing you're doing is opening your phone to strangers to see what type of negativity or positive. It doesn't matter. You the first thing you should be dwelling inside of your mind is let me give me some hot water, some tea, let me take a shower, let me get on my knees, let me pray, let me meditate, let me write down my intentions for the day. Let me see what I feel like I'ma do for me. Ain't nothing or nobody in your phone, Sharon, more important than you are to start your day in the morning. Because when you open that phone and now you done let somebody negative comment, now what, now what? You done seen the comment. Okay, now what? You is still in the bed. So you're looking at your phone now. Now I'm aggravated. Because what? Because of something that don't have nothing to do with you, somebody's opinion of whatever you put online, whatever you said, however you look, it don't matter because it's not making you money, it didn't wake you up that morning, it's not gonna get you to work, it's not gonna make your it's not gonna pay your bills, it's not gonna make your set. So, Sharon, whatever you got to be doing when you when you go on your phone, okay. When I did everything I got to do, okay, now I'm waiting for the bus. I'm in the car. Now let me get on my phone because I'm sitting in the car now. I'm on my way to work. Yeah, I got a few minutes to go through my phone. That ain't nothing because but that's not that didn't set your day. Yeah. Sweetie, please, Sharon. I want you to stop doing that. I want you to never pick up your phone in the morning. At least start off. If you feel like you got to pick your phone up, give yourself the first 10 minutes. It should be longer than that. But I'm just saying, you should I in the morning, Sharon. I'm like on a good day, I promise, I give myself at least 30 minutes to an hour. But you know, I've been doing that because, like I said, when I was younger, I used to get woken up, started up. That's why I have anxiety now. Because, you know, my loud. Yeah, everybody loud, everybody screamed. So, and and that's why as a child, I realized like that's why I have so much anxiety, because I was never like, I was always like yelled at. I was never like talked to in a nice tone. I was so as I grew up and I learned, like, you know what? I don't, I don't want to be this person. Yeah, I don't want to be angry. Yeah, I don't, I don't, I wanna be happy, yeah. I want to be nice. I want, and so how can I become this person? Yeah, ain't nothing wrong with becoming who you wanna be, yeah, as long as it's a good person, Sharon. Yeah, because I sit there and I'm like, okay, I want to be a good person, and then I get to talking about all the things that piss me off, and I'm like, yeah, fuck you, fuck this, fuck that, fuck like I really gotta give you my whole opinion on everything, auntie. I gotta stop it right there. Boom. Let me give you my opinion now. Okay, so after you've done it all, after you've given everybody a piece of your mind, you said it all, you got it off your chest, they know how you feel. Bam. Now what? What you what what you got your TikTok video, you made it, you done went off on Sally, you done told them out of business. Done with Sally. Now all you're doing is waiting for the negativity to come in the comments. Yeah. So you can argue with somebody else. Yeah. You see how that it's a domino effect. Yeah. Instead of saying, I know once I put this video out, I'm making a negative video, it's gonna get negative responses. You gotta be prepared for that. But at the end of the day, you can't let it consume you. But that's that's all I'm saying. Like my whole right right now, I feel like my whole life is consumed by two things. It's consumed by work and what I'm trying to do with the social media. So the social media and work. That's all I get up. I think about how I have to make money, how I have to make money, and how I plan to make money. It's it's two things that's consuming my life. And I think, and that's the reason why, like I said, I've always looked up to you because I always felt like you always had it together. Even if you haven't had it together in your life, you always had the mindset, auntie. And that's why when you tell me things like this, and when you give me advice like this, I listen, you know what I'm saying? Because it's not like you're telling me this, you know what I'm saying, to hurt me. It's not like you're telling me you are your only goal my entire life. I'm telling y'all, when I when I when I would wake up and I would I would spend the night at my auntie Angel's house, I Would just be like, Oh my gosh, she finna go to work, okay? Every day my auntie Angel went to work, okay, and she did her nails, her nails was long, and she did her hair, she did her own hair, she did her own makeup, and she was so beautiful, and she's still so beautiful. People do not believe that she's my auntie because she looked 25, y'all. I'm telling y'all, and when I ask her auntie, how do you be looking like that? She'd be like, I drink water and mind my business. I read my Bible, I drink water and I mind my business, y'all. So, like, when I tell you, I have looked up to this woman since I was a little girl. I always wanted to be like my auntie angel, and I knew it was okay to be different, I knew it was okay to cry, I knew it was okay to have an opinion because of my auntie angel. Like, would I tell you that lady is my role model, you know what I'm saying? That was just the boss lady I wanted to be. So as an adult, where I'm coming into my own, and I'm like, okay, this is what I want to do, this is what I want to, I wanna I wanna be. I'm also taking input from the people who raised me, the people who I looked up to. And so with me going into being a 30 years old, you've been 30 before. You know what I'm saying? You've been 20, and and they said it's called your Saturn, Moon, rising, or whatever. It's literally the moment in 29 and a half. 29 and a half is a moment where your blend your brain clicks into something, and it's like, okay, I'm about to be 30. So I have I do, I don't have to listen to you, but I want to listen to you. That's what I want to do because you're not saying anything to hurt me, you're saying things to help me. I try to take all the input I can from people who I feel like not only did I looked up to, but I feel like have had their things together and have learned from the mistakes that they have made. That's the reason why, like, even though I don't feel like my mom is perfect, I do feel like she has made mistakes and she's learned from her respect. Yes, she did the best that she could with the information that she was given, how she was raised. Exactly. And I feel like the mistakes she has made, she learned from them. So when she gets on to telling her long ass stories, because you know, Michelle be telling me. I'm talking about my sister-in-law. No, for real. She does, she be telling long-ass stories, and I'll be like, Michelle gets to the damn point, okay? Because you know, she gotta say a hundred times, okay. You get me, you get me, you know what I'm saying? Michelle, hurry the fuck, like her this damn story up. I don't be because of that, my mom, but I'm like, Michelle, please hurry this story up. But when she gets to telling me stuff, and she's like, Okay, the point is I wanted to give you this advice. This is why I wanted to give you this advice, and sometimes she be giving me like all types of advice. She'd be giving me advice on it when you have kids, and I'll be like, I don't have kids though. Right. Like, she'd be telling me about a story that happened with her and my cousins, and she was like, When you have kids, you need to have a routine. Why are you telling me? Right, wait till I get kids. Why do I need that? But I listen to all the advice that everybody tries to give me, even if I don't feel like like Papa, you be trying to give me advice, and I'd be like, Okay. Okay. I don't, you know what I'm saying? I don't necessarily agree with your advice, but I'm going to take it. You know what I'm saying? I'm going to take all this input and I'm going to try to use it, you know, as you see fit inside your life. Yeah. Yeah. And the only reason, Sharon, the reason I have such drive and determination, I see that in myself and resilience because nobody ever believed in me. Nobody ever told me you can do it. Yeah. So I, like I said, as a child, Sharon, I was, I felt like my gift wasn't recognized because I love to read like you do. Yeah. I love to learn new things. I love to educate myself. And I feel like nobody is gonna invest in me more than I'm gonna invest in myself. And when people tell me you're not good enough, you're not gonna make it, you know what that does to me? That motivates me. Because you know what? Everybody all my life has always told me what I cannot do. Yeah, nobody has ever told me that they were proud of me, or you can do it, or you can make it. The only person that has ever done said that was me. So that's why when when I go hard and you see things and I tell y'all things, Jeron, is because nobody did that for me. I had to go through this world and learn things on my own. I had to be homeless. I went without food. The reason I go out here and work, because my parents never brought me nothing. They never gave I had to I had to get things on my own. And if I knew I didn't get it on my own, I knew I wasn't gonna get it. Put it like that. Yeah. And I knew I didn't want to be a baby mama.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I didn't want to be that. I seen baby mamas in high school. And I seen how they how they treated. We in high school, number one. Yeah. We're like 14, 15, 16 years old. I'm no dog on where I don't want a child. So I always had that. So you could be living in the projects, but not even how your parents got to live. You know what I mean? I just knew that I never wanted to be a chance. My grandma would be so ashamed. I just always wanted better for myself. Yeah. And like I said, grandma, she was a prime role model for me. Yeah. All grandma used to do was work. She was a nurse. Granddad, all he used to do was work. He worked at the factory. He took care of grandma. Grandma never wanted for nothing. Like, we we didn't, we're not, we're rich in spirit. We don't feel like I feel like the love that I have for my grandma, I will never experience that love again in my entire life. Even though that should have been a mother, my mother. But I take it from my grandma. God knew what I wanted. He knew that I needed her. But that's why, Sharon, I have everything and I go so hard and I tell y'all to do things on your own. Because you don't want nobody to ever throw something up in your face and say, I did this for you or I gave this to you. You know what? Don't worry about it. I'm gonna get it on my own. So I ain't got to ever hear nobody throw nothing back up in my face. And you know why I'm gonna get through it? Because I want to prove to myself. Girl, you did that. And you did that on your own, sis. And you did that with people downing you, you did that with people talking about you, with people spreading lies on your name. You did that without anybody being by your side. So that's why I say, you don't need nobody in life but you and Jesus. And that's it. But even then, auntie, a person who would do that, like I said multiple times, like the things that you have been through, the things that you have given us, like when you down on your luck, one thing you I know is I can go to my mama's house and I can go to my auntie angel house, you know what I'm saying? So when we, the the the children that you raised, you know what I'm saying, um when when we come back and we disrespect you, and then you take that disrespect, you like, okay, note it. Just just you know, take a take a break from me since that's how you're gonna disrespect me. And you don't even react the way that I will react if it's like a child that I raised, and now you being disrespectful to me for no purpose other than the fact that I helped you. Oh, I would I would go off a tea. Like I could never be as as classic. Well, I I I'm working on that. You know what I'm saying? And you are in you because you are part of me. I'm I'm working on it. And I'm not gonna ever say, Sean, of course, I used to be angry. Of course, because look how who I was raised by. So of course I was angry, of course, I was upset because I didn't know in a nasty word. You see what I'm saying? Because I don't even take her out in public. When I be telling people, I be like, um, before you meet my nana, okay, she got a little bit of an attitude problem. She don't know how to speak to people. For you to be 60 years old, Sharon, and you still have to give a disclaimer for your grandmother's. I do. I really do have to do mad. When I used to do that with my friend, don't get me wrong, because I used to do that too. Me and Andrew, we used to have to tell our friends that my mama might not speak to you. She got crazy. Why do you have to do that to your friends? You know, my mama's not gonna speak. And then and then they and then they're like, I spoke to your mama, and now I would be so embarrassed. Yes, that is so embarrassing. Like, literally, so embarrassed, like somebody literally looked you, and you can't say you didn't hear them, you can't say that you didn't know they spoke to you. The people literally looked you in your face and said, Hey, Miss Walker, hey, Miss Perkins, hey, Miss So-and-so. Yeah, and you looked at them people like they had two heads on their shoulders. I remember one time I took her to a restaurant, she was being so rude to that waitress, and I said, I'm gonna have to tip her a lot of money. I said, What? I said, Have you ever worked a service job? Yeah, and she said, No, she forgetful. And she was like, Yeah, I worked one time. My friend had a restaurant and I was working in the front. I said, Please, Nana, please, Sherry and please, please let it let it rest. She ain't worked in no dang old restaurant. The restaurant she talked about she worked in was the church restaurant. Okay, well, rest, Sharon. She ain't never worked nowhere as a child, really bringing home money, scraping for two, three dollars and tips. No, she ain't never did that. But I had to be a ruler because she's pretty and she she's been provided for all of her life. You know what? That's why God's whooping her ass now. Yeah, that is true. That's why God is whooping her ass now. That is true, and that's why I said, Sharon, don't you think at some point in life you will say, you know what? I'm just about to sit down and I'm about to let my people love on me. Yeah, and I'm about to let them do whatever they want because my time is short. Yeah, but she does owe apologies though. Like, I really don't need an apology from Nana, you know what I'm saying, for colorous things and things like that. But you do, you deserve an apology to you, because I've never done anything to that lady that I could ever think of, Sharon, other than asking that lady why she treated me like a stepchild all my life. Yeah, no, you definitely deserve apologies. And the thing is, she she will call, she she'll text me and she'll be like, hey, you haven't called and checked on me. I'm like, did something happen? She's like, No, I just think you would call and check on your grandmother. Uh, Nana, the phone works both ways. If you really wanted to talk to me, you would do that. So don't be saying angel don't love me, angel don't care about me because angel don't call and check on me. Because if you cared about your daughter, you would call your daughter. And multiple times. Your daughter that you had, because you will call your sons on their birthday. You will call your son on his birthday every single time, but your daughters have told me multiple times that you don't call them for their birthdays. Your taught, your daughters have told me multiple times that you don't even call them to say Merry Christmas. They gotta call you. And if you don't call you, then they won't get a call. So, Sherian, that's bad. You don't even call your kids for their birthday, and then you expect a Mother's Day. No, you don't be wrong, Auntie. Y'all done y'all don't be wrong. I oh, you ain't got to tell me I'm not wrong because that's why I stopped giving her presents. Because I said every time your birthday comes around, you expect something. Every time Mother's Day, anytime a holiday comes around, but when like you said, when our birthdays come around, when holidays come around for us, what we get? A half-ass text.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You barely want to buy us things, you know what I'm saying? And that's why I stopped doing that. I stopped bag gifts. I stopped, but when you when I call that Charon, that just hurt my soul. Because, like I said, for the past six years, since 2020, I have been going through it. Yeah, that lady has never called me. She ain't never asked me how I'm doing. She ain't never said nothing as a mother should say to a child. Let me tell you, this is how people know. When we went when we went when we went back at a frontal roll, everybody was there. Everybody was walking up to my mama, hugging her. I didn't go near that lady. A funeral, googie funeral. Yeah, at a frontal roll. A funeral roll. Okay. And then my godmother, which is her best friend. Hold on. So did you come back for Googie funeral too? Yeah, I was there for Googie funeral, yeah. Okay. Yeah, I was there for Googie Funeral and A.A. Funeral. Which one was first? Googie. Okay, okay, okay. Because I think his was 2022. Was it 2020? Because Grandma's was what, 2020? Yeah. Then Googie was 2022, and then AA was 2024. Okay. Yep. See, you see, Sharon says 20, and and this is what I keep trying to tell people. And I just happened to be on layovers on both. I flew up there for uh grandma's uh grandma's um funeral service because it was during COVID. So I flew up there so that the mayor could present us that plaque. But Googie's um Googie's service, I just happened to be on a layover there, and then AA's service, I happened to be on the layover over there, and my dad needed a plane ticket since he's on my flight benefits. It was a whole thing. But I was I was when it was AA's funeral, that was the last time I was up there, and that was when everybody was there. And I was like, that was when I really was like, I'm not dealing with none of these people. Is that Sharon? Is that Sharon? No. And you probably didn't even know them people. Get off of me. And that's why um I what's Michael Wife now, don't even worry about it. Um Pam. Yeah, when I got to arguing with her, I'm like, no, because you're not gonna disrespect, you're not gonna disrespect my Nana. But then Nana, you playing both sides. You over here pissing, crying. Oh, please forgive me, brother. Forgive me for what? You letting that lady talk to you about the house that she don't even own because that's really my auntie Angel house, and she don't want it because she missed her grandma more than she give a fuck about that house. And if she wanted that house, she could have it. But okay, you got every much as right to that house as Michael does. And you letting Pam run it, don't even worry about it. I said what I said, I follow you and whoop your ass if you keep talking about Nana like that, and then they're over there apologizing, talking about some don't talk to her like that. Okay, don't even worry about it. Okay, you're Sharon. Apologize. I wish I would. You was there, I wish I would. That's that that was that whole drama that she had started up. Yeah, calling me, telling me that Pamela called Kimberly, she called you, she called me. I don't know why she said this to me. This she sent me the text message, so then I wrote that long text message, and everybody called me as like Sharon. Why is you saying that? That lady is your elder, she's not my elder, Pam ain't none of my family, she's Michael's wife, okay? And you was not a walker, okay? And that's not a walker business that I start talking to your grandma. That was the first time because when during that whole conversation, that's when I found out a whole bunch of shit that my mama was doing that she was saying about me to Pam, dogging me out. I'm your child, Sharon. I have never, ever, never, ever. I promise you, Sharon. I keep telling you to this day, call your nana and ask her what have I ever done to this lady because I want to know, other than being born, I don't know what I've done to this lady, Sharon, other than holding her accountable for the things that she do. Whenever my grandma calls y'all over here to do something for y'all, y'all act like y'all can't never do it, but let the church people come over here and ask y'all to do something. Y'all Johnny on the spot with it. Yes, I'm gonna call you out on it every single time. That's the only thing I've ever done to her because I said, grandma and I gonna be here forever and always. And once this lady is gone, y'all gonna be sick about it. I used to say that to her all the time. You can go and let the church people, you can go at church people's house, you can do all this for the church, church, church, church, church, church, church. But every time something comes up with you, them church people ain't nowhere to be found when they say your name. Because I can tell you one thing, every single Sunday and every single week, at least three times a week, my auntie Angel made her way over when my when my grandma Joanne was taking care of me and my brother, because one thing about grandma Joanne is she's gonna take care of her grandchildren when my grandma Joanne, because that's my great grandma, okay? When my grandma Joanne was taking care of us, three times a week, Angel was over here. It don't matter after work. I need to come and see grandma. I need to relay my eyes on my grandma. This is my grandma, and I'm finna sit right in this chair. This is Auntie Angel's chair, right next to grandma's bed while she's crocheting in that needle, and I just want to smell my grandma. I just want to ask my grandma about her life because I knew she was not always going and see, and that's how I knew even as a child, Sharon, I was so advanced because I used to say that as a child, Kimberly used to always be like, now that I think back about it, Kimberly used to always say that my sister takes pictures of everything because I do, because I know it's it's it's it's it's not gonna last always. Yeah, and I would tell them that every time, like grandma and I gonna always be here. Like every time my grandma would call me, I would take a video of her. I still got a video on her on my phone, I got voicemails of her in my phone, Sharon, because I didn't play about my grandma. That's why she said talk to her. I took advantage of that. I asked my grandma everything I wanted to know about me. That's why to this day I cry, Sharon. I wish I could pick up the phone and call my grandma because that woman, she would talk about any, even though she grabbed you could call grandma now. Grandma, how do you know what's happening down the street at the people in this fight? How you know? How you know what's going on? That lady was channel 724 5051. Grandma, how do you you an old lady? How you know what the people doing up? That lady knew every huh, Bobby. Yeah, to run it back and forth. Bobby was so fucking busy. Like, why and it's so funny because people knew your name. Like, I'm just a little kid and I'm walking out of around. What's your name? Sharon? What's your last name? Walker? Walker. Like Joanne Walker, like they know my grandma. You know what I'm saying? They know my grandma. That's what I love about the hood. 543 promises street. You know what I'm saying? Being from a hood, being where people know you and you respect it, like you can't never get that in life. Like, I'm I could never like grow up like out here in the world and you don't know your neighbors. Yeah. I I don't I don't think like I could ever grow up where we're in a hood where we didn't know each other. Yeah. But we could just walk up the street and go in so-and-so house or go and play in the field, go to the playground, go up to the high school, go around the like we were just doing so much because it was just a community. But like I I I'm so thankful for the way I grew up. But like I said, if I just found my cousins, like we would be at the playground and they'd be like, You touching? Yeah, this is you, I'm your cousin. And that's like your house. She didn't even know that half of the people that she was going to cheerleading with with Kyla was her cousin. Yeah. Like half of the team was our cousin. And she'll show me pictures. I'm like, Kimberly, that's your cousin. Yeah. Like, that's our cousin. Like, they arguing with you. Tell them we cousin. Yeah. Like, see, people don't be knowing because her name is Perkin.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And so when that when you like, if she'll be like, Angel and Andrew, they'd be like, Angel Andrew. Walker, the Walker's on Promise. You gotta hit her with the Walker, the Promise. Like, I'm saying you gotta hit her with the Walker. On Promise, they don't even care about they don't even care about Lenore. Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no, nobody on Lenore. On Promise and the Walkers, a A all in the Walker, the boy. Yes, like everybody got a little bit. I'm quick to tell somebody, yes, my grandma has a day named after her in that city. Do you feel me? Because the mayor gave me the plaque. Yeah. The mayor gave me the plaque. Okay. Oh bad. I think that's one thing that you did that I really need to um that I really try to do with my my grandma, my um, my mom's mom, uh, my grandma Gwen, is you gave her her flowers while she was still alive. And that's what a lot of people don't do. Why would you wait till they did to tell them that you love them? Why would you wait till they did to tell them how much you appreciate them? Why would you wait till they did and go on and be like, dang, I wish I would have asked my grandma this. I wish I could. She dare. Because honestly, if you pass away right now, I know I would I will be broken, my dad will be broken, but Nana would say that she's broken, but like, sister, you ain't even talking to her the way we be talking to her. You don't really be checking on her the way we talking to her. So it just would be, it would be so. I think I would be looking at her at the funeral, like, sister. It ain't gonna be a good one. Don't piss me up, don't worry about it. Because I keep telling you Sharon, when I pass away, I'm telling, cremate me. Who I want to earn, make sure it's purple, earn, keep it with you. I was about to say, I want my necklace. Keep it with you. Don't do not separate me. Don't give me to nobody. Don't, I'm, don't give me to a soul. Keep me together. Don't disperse and take me everywhere you go. Okay. This is my auntie. What'd you get? Sharon, what you got? This is my auntie, and everywhere I go, my auntie goes. He told me I've never gone to where I wouldn't get my auntie with ever. Sharon, you better take me away. You have to put you in like a clear ball or something. I don't care what you have to put you in like a crystal ball. Don't separate my ashes, don't get because I know you. You would never let nobody dog me up. But no, I don't want no funeral. I don't want nobody to cry over me, Sharon. I don't want any of that fake shit. I don't want nobody coming around like, oh, Angel, I miss her. Where was you at when she was alive?
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00Where was you at when she had a diss and of that and a dissonant? Like, I don't like that shit. Just because you know somebody, like, and they died, like, okay, that that means that you know, if I be like little Kim at fucking Biggie's funeral, all on the floor, like, bro, he is married to fake Evans, and you all on the floor rolling around on the ground and shit. I would have been if I haven't talked to you in a year, if I haven't seen you in a year, if we ain't went to each other stuff, or if I haven't congratulated, don't come to my funeral.
SPEAKER_01Not for real.
SPEAKER_00Don't, don't, don't, don't cry for me. You know what I'm saying? Because I don't want no fake love. Like, trust me, if I pass away, Sharon, I have lived the best life that God has intended for me to live. That's what I say. Like, even though I'm very young and I'm 29 years old, if I die right now, I'm okay. I promise you I wasn't sad. I promise you, let it go. Okay, let it rest, okay? Unless one of these white people kill me, and if they do, I need y'all to tear the damn city up. Don't say she wouldn't have wanted this. I would. I want y'all to burn this damn city up. I would let nobody tell you that I that that I committed suicide. Never. No, no, no, no. I did not kill myself. Nothing was I did not kill myself. Okay, nothing. Because I'm my my soul is in danger. I would never kill myself. I'm not gonna kill myself, okay. That's what I mean. Never when I be telling people like I'm super depressed, but listen, this ain't required for help. This is a pride for like me. This is what I promise you, I'm not about to kill myself. Like give me some advice, but it ain't nowhere. You need to commit me. I'm never gonna kill you. I'm not gonna kill myself. Like never that bad. No. Um, so y'all gonna be done. Like, literally, like, but I ain't gonna hold you. Like, I'm in the convenience store and they over there talking about some robin. I'm gonna kill you, I'm gonna give you everything in your purse. Okay, get up out of here. Let me ever, sir. Let me right. Excuse me. Let me fly past you. I'm gonna walk. I'm gonna walk around. Because I'm not, I'm not, I'm not here to play games with nobody. Like, no. Uh-uh. You're not gonna get it, you're not gonna get nothing in this wallet, but I'm also not gonna. Do you want to die? Excuse me, sir. I'm I'm covered under the blood. I know where I'm going when Jesus comes, so do what you gotta do. But see, Jesus will never make that happen. So don't put that out in the world on us. Jesus would never, Jesus has us protected under his blood, but I get what you're saying. Yeah, I get what you're saying. So, but that's why I'm telling you, Sharon, just do what's best for you, sis. Yeah, live your life for you, Sharon. Because at the end of the day, you wanna be, because like you said, when we when we gone from here, Sharon, we when we get to sleep until the Lord comes and and and judge us, only thing that's gonna matter is how you felt in the inside. Yeah, it ain't gonna be like, oh, Sharon mama said that she was the cutest thing on this world, and I wanted this Sharon feeling. It's not gonna matter. The only thing that matters is you. Do you feel like you did everything that you wanted to do with your life? Did you accomplish everything that you wanted to accomplish with your life? And even if you feel like you're saying no right now, today, that's why you need to get in your pen and your paper and start writing down things that you want to accomplish in your life. And every day make a, and I'm saying this to me too, and make a step each day to accomplish something that you have never done or that you have wanted to do in your life. That's how I feel like people have a very fulfilled life.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Because you've done everything you wanted to do, and you didn't let nothing nobody said, You didn't let what you didn't have or what you did have hinder you. I need to get on my bucket list. I don't know what I would want to do. I just know I want to travel. We gotta turn these mics off.
SPEAKER_01I gotta tell you.
SPEAKER_00Well, this was the Angry Black Women Podcast, and I'm your host, Ronnie, with my auntie Angel, the love of my life. If you like this video, then subscribe. All right, we out, y'all. Subscribe, subscribe. Be blessed. Jesus loves you.