Networking for Introverts

In this episode of The Awkward Handshake, we tackle one of the most common networking questions we hear:

What if I’m an introvert?

Mary and Megan are joined by business strategist and community facilitator Nedra Rezinas to unpack what networking looks like when you don’t thrive in loud rooms, surface-level small talk, or high-volume social energy.

Because here’s the truth: Introverts don’t hate networking... they hate bad networking.

Together, we explore what it means to build connection in ways that feel grounded, sustainable, and aligned with your nervous system — without disappearing from rooms that matter.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why introversion is not a business liability
• The difference between overstimulation and disinterest
• How to design networking experiences that support depth
• What “Quiet Networking” looks like in practice
• Why smaller rooms often outperform bigger ones
• How to protect your energy without isolating yourself
• Why authenticity beats performance — every time
• The power of 1:1 follow-up for introverted founders

If you’ve ever left a networking event feeling drained, awkward, or like you “did it wrong,” this episode will feel like permission to do it differently.

About Our Guest

Our guest for this episode is Nedra Rezinas, a business strategist and coach for introverted and empathy-driven solopreneurs.

Nedra helps founders build businesses that reflect their true values without forcing themselves into extroverted molds that don’t fit.

She’s the founder of Quiet Networking, a Portland-based networking group designed specifically for people who prefer meaningful conversation over volume and velocity.

You can connect with Nedra here:

• https://www.nedrarezinas.com/
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/nrezinas/
• Attend the next Quiet Networking event when you register here

Keep in touch! 

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Transcript

0:00

This is The Awkward Handshake, a podcast about networking business and what really happens in the room. We're unpacking the good, the bad, and the awkward, so you can build better connections and get paid. Let's get into it.. We're back, Megan, and we're talking because we're both diehard introverts. Yeah, well, this was an interesting episode for us because we're gonna introduce our guest Nedra in just a moment. But you and I both are self-identified introverts. Yes. girl, you got a hot take. mantra that I think should be shared with everybody before we get started. Our poor introverts who tune in for the episode are gonna be like, I wanna turn it off. I know, I know. I mean, it, it's like there people have so many. We will just call them excuses. Right? And so we have heard a lot of people just say, I can't network because I'm an introvert and it's so not true. I feel like I should play. I never use the sound effects on here. Yeah. There should be like a, Well, it was a really, really good chat with Nedra. Yeah. And we're gonna talk about a whole bunch of concepts, but. we wanted to make sure that before we got into the episode, people were aware that we brought up a really fabulous resource. It is the book called Quiet the Power of Introverts by Susan Cain. it is definitely a recommended resource. It talks a lot about the sliding spectrum of introversion, and she makes a very, very clear distinction between what introversion is, as opposed to shyness, because that topic comes up when we talk with Nedra. Yeah.'cause that blew my mind. When you mentioned that, yeah. I'd never put two and two together. And as you and I have been preparing notes for this episode and even after Nedra's thing, like kind of had questions about like, what is an introvert? And I had that identity crisis of like, maybe I'm an extrovert, I don't know what I am anymore, I'm an ambivert. Do you have a general definition for people who are like, I mean, the best I can do is paraphrase Susan Cain very quickly and poorly on the microphone here, but basically introverts are people who need to recharge their batteries alone, and extroverts are people who recharge their batteries while being around other people. That is the key distinction in that there's a, a very, there's a spectrum across that because some people are like, it's not an exclusive thing. Like all people or No people. Like there's, you know, varying amounts of people in there. Yes. Okay. And when I was business coaching, and we used to read this book regularly, I used to remind my coaching clients that. You don't have to wanna be around tons of people to be somewhere leaning on the extroversion spectrum. You can still have plenty of introversion traits, which Susan Cain also talks about. But let's say you've got one or two of your favorite persons in this world, and you're like, all I wanna do is go home and recharge with my favorite person. It doesn't mean that you don't have introversion elements that make you who you are. But you are definitely more extroverted than even someone like me, which people are very surprised about, and you reminded me that. About courage. You always say that you do the things that scare you the most. And I think this is probably why we became yes friends.'cause we have this element together. Yeah. And that is a distinction of shyness versus not shyness than you and I both are less shy on the shyness spectrum. Yeah. you can meet people who are very extroverted, who. Actually just need to recharge around other people, but they are very, very shy and they will present as introverts. That was always one of my biggest takeaways from Susan Cain's book, I think it's such an important thing as we go into this discussion for this episode so that people start to learn to, I self-identify, well, what really makes me who I am, so that when you're. Struggling to get out there and go meet people because as we have established business as people, yeah, you can figure out, okay, what do, like, what do I need to do for me so I don't burn out and that I don't hate this activity? And I don't hate my business because ugh, I got a people, but that, how you recharge is really important. That distinction is really, really important. And you can need to recharge alone and still have a family and still have a significant other. but I would say I'm pretty hard over on the introversion spectrum. Like I need to be around no one. There's even points where I'm like, I don't even want my cats looking at me. Yeah. And we were talking and I was like. I have never had the, let's put in quotes, luxury mm-hmm. That you have. I went from, growing up with a family where basically, you couldn't close your doors and everyone needed to, to know what everyone was doing at all times to college roommates, anywhere from one to three. Which you get that many girls together again, no doors are closed ever, to then having to move across the country with my then boyfriend, now husband. And so yeah, there's this question of like, I need to kind of go home and think about like, what do I actually want? Do I want. To sit on the, like down on the couch, two point chairs. Do I wanna sit next to my husband in a point chair cuddled up under a blanket, or do I wanna be completely alone? And I'm really gonna have to think about that because the answer might surprise me. It might surprise you. You might. It's not like you get points either way though. No, it's not like you're like one is better than the other. Okay. Now, we did not talk about this before we hit record, but as you're saying this right now, I'm kind of wondering how many of us, because of the very competitive nature of being an entrepreneur, are trying to like out introvert each other because it's like a, I don't know, it's like it's, it's a special label, you know, like, well, I'm an introvert and there's so many people I meet sometimes where I'm like. Dude, I can tell you are not an introvert. You know how I know. Yeah. I'm like, you're like you're talking to me. You know how I know because I am an introvert and I know that you wanna be around people. Well, and you kind of like for me, like the courage thing is Yes. My therapist is always like, I wish everyone had your superpower. I don't want anything to ever hold me back. So yes, two options. I will always do the scariest, but I think for people, like I think finding what your limit is is a good thing. Even in networking. So how many people in a room or like how many in a day? And then you can kind of, if your performance is not what it needs to be, you know, back it off. Mm. But you and I were also kind of talking about like. With that kind of, am I an introvert? Am I an extrovert? I think people kind of forget that we have, it's not quite code switching, but you have an on and an off. You have like Yes, yes. Different. You have different versions. Yes. Were saying were, there's on Mary and off. Mary, you said this, you're like, well, there's on Mary, there's Off Mary, and then there's Private Mary, it's like whatever your name is, you have on Meghan, off Meghan and Private Meghan. Yes. I think you're right. I've had more luxury in my life to examine on Mary versus Off Mary versus Private Mary, because I, I think a lot of women, especially, especially older than us, don't, don't have, don't have that. No. Not until they're. Partners die. Yeah. And then they're alone for the first time. Yeah. Mm-hmm. But I, I think even recognizing that you have on and off is. Is a good step, a very good step. and that's something that we'll examine a little more before we're done today. Yeah. But I think we should, I think we should hop into Nedra's episode because she had so many good things to share with us and it's. We love Nedra. Yes, Nedra is a friend, but she's also very wise. For those of you who don't know who Nedra is today, we're gonna be joined by Nedra Rezinas. She is a business strategist and coach for introverted empathy driven. Solopreneurs. Nedra helps people build values aligned businesses without forcing themselves into loud or performative models that don't fit. With experience across Fortune 500 companies, startups, nonprofits, and multiple businesses of her own, plus teaching and coaching through organizations like the SBDC and Portland State, she brings a grounded, holistic approach to building work that actually works for real humans. So with that, let's hop into the interview with Nedra. Hello Nedra. Welcome to The Awkward Handshake. We're so glad you're here. Yeah, I was. I'm excited to be here today. Well, thank you for coming to talk about being a really fantastic group organizer in the past. That's how I first met you when I first moved to the area, but now you have a group. That's called quiet networking, which is really why Megan and I wanted you to come join us because we love this concept of networking that is for not the big extroverts in the room and people who might be a little more near or divergent and just need it to not be so overstimulating. we're just wondering how's that going and what have you learned so far from doing it? Yeah, so I started that up in June of last year, 2025. And I was hesitant to start it because I was kicking it off in the summer and, part of my brain's like, you gotta wait till the fall. And then I talked to a few people and they're like, no, you gotta do it now. I'm like, oh, okay. So let's just see what happens. So I invited, invited ladies and. People, I thought that would be a good fit. And I could not believe at the first meeting I had, I think up to eight people, and then I had a wonderful woman wander around the building and found us and joined us. And so it'd be like nine people and I was just like, floored. It was great. And then it's definitely been consistent, having a certain number turn out every time, but it's more about the quality of the people that show up. And I'm, promoting this on Eventbrite, so I get to people that never don't even know me. They're showing up and like, I heard this was for introverts. This sounds great. That's amazing. Congratulations. Thanks. It feels good. partially I'm doing this for myself because I have not found a networking group here in the area that. Give me what I want. And this is, I'm creating this for me and people that are like-minded, that want a calm, grounded space to, navigate conversation and deep conversation. We're not talking small talk. We go deep fast. And I think, I think all the women that end up coming there are really happy about that.'cause they're just, they don't want the small talk. that's awesome. I also love it in like true introverted fashion. People don't just like jump in right away. Right. You're like taking their time to, to come trickle in. But you got, like a crowd that's showing up though. Yeah. it depends on the month, but that's how I found, because I've led other groups in the past, it, it kind of comes and goes. But the thing is you just keep showing up no matter what. and it's always a really wonderful surprise to see who comes and is part of it and what they bring to the table and what I learn. I think what I'm also been hungry for, and I think a lot of people are, is just to connect in person. You know, COVID was a rough time and it fractured a lot of relationships in communities, and I think, I don't know, I feel like in the last few months, all I see is community building going on and people trying to find their community and, and establish that wherever that looks like. And especially in person if you can. I know that I at you on the eve of COVID. Yeah, that's right. It was wild. You were still running Wonder Women in Business. Mm-hmm. And I walked into that group and you facilitated it so beautifully and I was like, oh, we have to be friends. Yeah. That was, I mean, see that's, that's the wonderful thing about. Community building and and bringing people together is, you don't get to meet people otherwise you would, I would never cross paths with you. Yeah. And that's what's so wonderful about what's happening now is I'm meeting all these women that I never would've known otherwise, you know, in any other capacity. And I see some alliances starting to build some friendships, some, partnerships of work and projects. that makes me so excited. Like that's the whole point. That's so cool. Do you notice any difference comparing. The way your groups used to function before COVID, and then now we're definitely post COVID. are people different? Well, I mean, I'm a little different. Like, I noticed, like when I set out my food, I'm trying to make sure it's very sanitized, you know, like no one's putting fingers in any food. Like, that was my first, like, you ever think needs a little spoon. But, um, yeah, I don't think it's that different. I'm just, I also, teach, here in Portland at different universities and colleges. And I just to kind of compare, like I was thrown into a classroom in 2022 when, Portland State was just getting back into person classes and that was a very weird time of transition. I think we're kind of passed that a little bit, where like I had students just walk outta the classroom randomly and come back in and then they come in late. Like it was just like a revolving door of students. What, this is weird. And I realized it was just, if COVID effects, it just, a lot of'em aren't used to just sitting down for, you know, a two hour class. That was a lot, a lot of that especially amongst like 30 some students, that's, that was kind of claustrophobic for some of 'em, I could tell somewhere in the corner. So yeah, I think we're, I think we're at a different level now where I'm seeing more comfort amongst numbers of people and a willingness to share space a little bit more, which I think we're, I think again, we're hungry for. Getting together in person. Well, we were talking about trends before we hit record.' cause of course it's the time of the year. Everyone's setting trends. Yeah. Yeah. And we were talking about trends in storytelling and one of the other big trends that are predicted amongst many, many people in many industries and spaces is the return to in-person connection and gathering. Mm-hmm. Which is why we think it's so interesting and very cool to watch you. really jumped on the trend a little early for the introverted crowd. So you just don't see a lot of spaces that are intentionally set up for people who don't want the usual loud networking, So talk us through like, I've actually been to one, but for the audience? Yeah. What makes it different? I think. for me, and again, I'm, creating this for myself too, is like, you walk in and you know what's expected of you. Like I, I immediately like, okay, get a name tag. And then we get settled in around as a kind of a round table situation. And then I usually have people introduce themselves and we have a icebreaker. And icebreaker is usually something pretty light and fun. And I find that once people have shared their icebreaker, it's like, oh, they can kind of connect a little bit. You know? I think one time, I think it was the one you attended, Meg, it was like. Maybe your favorite song or movie or something, something light and then I think there was some repeats and people were like, oh yeah, I love that song. Oh yeah. Because K-pop demon hunters had just come out. That's right. I like you and you and you, we can be friends. Yeah. Yeah. So I think we just need ways. We just, because you know, a lot of the women are just complete strangers. They're like, they're like relying on me to like make them feel comfortable. And I'm like, no, you need rely on each other. I can't do all of the work. So I'm helping you realize that you have this in common and that. We're all very similar. And so we can see those connect, you know, those, those, kind of almost magnetic connections, I'd say. And so starting off with that and not have it be like, let's mingle and freeform.'cause that's like my nightmare. Like, please God for love of God. Don't make me do that kind of thing. And I even went to one networking group a few times trying to help them. give them talking points for introverts, because I told 'em like, whatever you're doing now is only for extroverts. Like all the introverts in the room are hating this, I gotta just tell you. And they tried, but it was still pretty painful. So I was like, I'm outta here. This isn't working for me. So yeah, I think for the get go, just setting the tone and helping people see that they have similarities and they have things in common. Outside of business because we are, you know, the common thread are business owners coming together and we happen to be maybe introverted, but we also have some fun things to, you know, that we like as well. And so from there I usually have a subject matter the. Of the, group. I think I picked a Brene Brown book. some themes from that for last, the last, uh, group I did, and I have some questions, and then I usually have people get into groups of two or three people, and that's where, this is where I think the magic happens because you get a chance to have an intimate conversation with someone. I usually time it around seven to 10 minutes, depending on how many, how many women are in the group. And it's just a question, but it's just a, it's a point to jump from because you're not just left to freeform again. you're given some guidance and, some structure. And what I find is as soon as I give them the opportunity to talk. I start the timer and then I say, oh, time's up. And they're like, no, I wanna, I don't wanna stop talking. I'm like, yes, I understand that, but we want you chance to talk to other people, so let's rotate. And so we do about three or four rotations like that. and that works pretty well and. depending on how many women show up, you probably don't get a chance to talk to everyone, but you get a little bit of an in-depth conversation with a few people, which I think that's what US introverts need is just like that connection and understanding. that's really the bulk of it is just having that opportunity to like. Share and process things and in a way that feels safe. And then at the end we kind of just do like a roundup of, well another lady suggested this, like having some post-it notes and having shared resources so you can write things down so people can be like, I'm looking for an accountant. And I think that's actually what somebody asked one time. I'm like, oh yeah, and there's all this really great information passed around of like, well use this person or this person. Maybe avoid them or, you know, it was really helpful. And even sometimes it goes down fun rabbit holes of like, oh, I know this, this book is being published. You should come to hear her talk about it. You know, it's just, it's just really cool. Well, Megan, you have been, yeah, like you were saying, you have been, how did you feel going to this compared to the many, many events you and I have been to, which are definitely not quite networking, like was it different for you? That was a terribly posed question, it was, ' cause like you said, there's, there's more structure. Mm-hmm. I think that felt comfortable. You came in, there's an agenda. Everyone else, you could feel them kind of take that sigh of relief. think like with any networking event, there's a range of people. Mm-hmm. Both in terms of How long they've been in business and how comfortable they are. but also like what we've been talking about, which is like sometimes like your asks are how to explain what you do. With any event there's still that sort of like you're halfway through a conversation and you're like, what do you do? Yeah, tell me more. I'm not quite sure what you want yet. and I think some of that is due to. Introverts not going mm-hmm. Out as much. So they're just, they're just not used to leading with, or not to say you should lead with that, but like, I think they get asked the question fewer times. So there was, for me, like I'm trying to make the A DHD box connections of like, how do I help you and what do I do? Some of it was unclear because I could just tell that they're not used to being asked some of these questions. so it was funny. I felt like, I felt like the professional in the room who was like, oh, I've been to more rodeos. You know, I got my, got my badges on. but I could tell how much it meant to everyone How much differently it hit and how much more they got out of it. I think you and I, Mary are probably like extroverted introverts like we can play the game. And so to me it was a very different arena. but I could tell just how much it meant that they had this place and how much they were grateful that you had made it. Well, thanks. I do notice, like usually at the end of the gathering, a lot of times women start, will start having their own side conversations. And I hold these at Tabor Space, so if, I dunno if any of you have been there before, it's a, it's a, it's an older church that has been renovated to have all these. Rooms that are available to rent. And so I've rented rooms and I, I kind of was trying to work with them. It was funny to get the same room, and I was in different rooms a lot last year. Now we're in the same room, which I'm very happy about. but, what I was funny is when I, I noticed when I leave, a lot of times I'm cleaning up and, closing down the event, I walk out building. I see all these other women having these side conversations. They're still, they're standing by their car, they're still going, or they went and got coffee. It's, it makes me so happy. I'm like, okay, I, I helped create that bond or that, that connection and that makes my whole day, you know, that's the whole point. During COVID I did a small, kind of collective gathering of creative people.'cause I was still in my web design business at the time. And, What I saw happen was we just did sit over zoom like maybe once a month. We had a kind of similar kind of set up as what we're talking about with quiet networking. But what I saw is people immediately start connecting and working on projects together. And that again made me very happy to see, cause I think one of my strengths is bringing people together that are like-minded, that can, that can see the possibilities and I can say, Hey, I think you too. Should talk and I'll have to do, that's all I have to say. And all of a sudden they're like, oh yeah, I see it. Okay, great. And it's happened a lot whereas I'll be on LinkedIn, I'll see these two folks I know I introduced, they're now doing a podcast together and they're doing a project together. They're doing something really fun and it makes me just so happy that I was able to, connect them. I think it's the most special thing when you hear that other people have forged their own new path. And you realize like how many more connections could be made because we help each other find new and exciting people. I love just hearing about how people who don't normally get catered to are getting some catering and I just think it's so special and needed. And I do wonder, as you continue to do quiet networking, and especially as your regulars start to do more reps mm-hmm. And wonder what changes for them. Because like, it is definitely a spectrum. I just keep thinking about, I think Nedra, you and I have talked about this before, on that YouTube thing that we did together. Oh yeah. When you were talking about the book by Susan Cain, quiet mm-hmm. The Power of mm-hmm. Power of introverts. Yep. And she has you do a quiz at the beginning of the book, which is super helpful. And I was like. Way, way high over on the introversion scale. And she makes a case that introversion is about how you need to recharge your batteries. And then there's the shyness quotient. And I am not shy in the least. And what happens is like we get confused about what people are or are not. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And so you have a lot of extroverts who are actually really shy. But they recharge by being around other people. Right. And so they present like what we think of as introverts. And then there are a lot of introverts who are weirdos, like Megan and me, who well are not shy at all. Just not no, just why we became friends but we have to recharge on our own. It's like there comes a point where it's too much people, too much overstimulation. Like I just, I I need a break. Yeah. And, and I cannot function beyond a certain point. And I just feel like you, you make that space for people who are in those, fun and interesting zones that we live in. And, yeah. I just wonder how much better people would get out there and practice more if there were more mm-hmm. Places to practice, like the way that you do. Yeah. I feel, it'd be, it would be interesting to kind of Take some of the models. I've, I don't know, I just, I've just kind of like gleaned over other experiences I've had to put this together and, and see how we could apply it on a larger scale. That would be wonderful. And, because I don't know about a lot of you listening to this, but. Networking events are just exhausting. for the most part, I'm just, you have to, especially for the time commitment you're involved in. It's, it's just like, how many hours I'm gonna, I, I think I, okay, so let me tell you experience, like I had, I just went and showed up to like this bar with, it was like this. Really nice ladies meetup of women in business. But the thing is, I look at around and it's loud. I can barely hear people and then I don't know who to talk to. Like, I feel like I have I almost wish I had like, an overlay of LinkedIn and be like, okay, this person, I have a connection to that person and this person likes the same books I do. Or, you know, just like, it just being so nice to have a little bit more information so we can have really meaningful connections instead of the random ones. It just feels it so random and, and like. Frustrating. The crapshoot is frustrating. Yeah. Yeah. I think I'm, I think I'm just done with it. I'd rather, go on LinkedIn or, or on, you know, like through other people and find my connections.'cause it's just gonna be more fulfilling and, and more genuine. The rise of the connectors maybe. Mm-hmm. Maybe this is our year. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I wonder, I mean, you're a connector. You've been a connector the whole time I've known you. I would say all three of us sitting at this table are connectors. How often do you see connectors come through any of the groups that you've organized? Because you've had past groups, now you've got a current one. Yeah. I'm just wondering, like, because when you're a connector, you meet enough people, you see people's behavior patterns, right? Right. And I'm just wondering as, as somebody who has been involved in the area and lived here a lot longer than I have, what have you seen? So the question is if I've seen them come through even my, the groups I've organized or if I Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, do you see people get the payoff or not? Or maybe if they're struggling mm-hmm. there's some kind of pattern. I'm like, I'm trying to, this is a such a shittily worded question. No, it's okay. I think, I can think of a few people in town that. You said it earlier, Mary, how, like you have a couple different things going on. I think that's what these connect. I think we all have that. I think that's actually, ' cause we have a lot of, couple different, these projects going on and, and it's like that's the norm for us. I think you're saying like you had three different things happening. I'm like, yeah, that can relate with that.'cause if I don't, something feels off. Like that's, it's like, it's almost like I'm back in college. Like that's how life should just be. Like I have a couple friends, you know, I'm, I'm. I have these things and I need any attention, and I know they'll pay off if I be consistent with it. You know, I think that being consistent and showing up is a lot of this. And, I remember the first time I launched one woman business, I learned a, some of the mistakes I made was. First off, you always have same bat time, same bat place always. Right. You never don't variate.'cause when I started having people meet at a different place, all of a sudden nobody showed up or at a different time. That was confusing. people need to have consistency. so I think, patterns are important. The patterns are important. Like same bat times, same bat place. Mm-hmm. You said consistency and I think sometimes people recoil from the term consistency, like they're getting boxed in or something. Yeah. Yeah, I can see that. okay. Maybe your consistency gets a little off kilter because one of us changes the location. Oops. Are bad. And so you don't end up going to the event, but. how do we help, especially our introverts, maintain that consistency? Right. I think this is where my question is going. Yeah. Like how do, how do we help each other? Introverts maintain consistency because you really can't just check out completely and then one day she, and be like, oh shit, I need contacts. Right? And you're like, rollercoaster, right? Like we've all had those messages. Somebody DMed you and they're like. I'm looking for somebody to help me sell a $10,000 program. Do you know somebody in your network? And I'm like, no, I do not. I can't help you sell that right now. Yeah. And and, and it's like, how do we help our introverts not check out full Well, knowing that like, yeah, it's kind of a crapshoot sometimes, but also like the power, you're really building a power of a referral network. Yeah. Because you're building relationships with people, so, yep. Like what is the pattern that helps a neurodivergent and an introverted person? Not stop the momentum because it's really easy, I think, when our brains are built this way to be like, I'm really tired and I just cannot right now. And it's like, yeah, yeah. I also cannot right now, but also, mm-hmm. If I don't. Putting some effort somewhere somehow. Right, right. Yeah, no, I, I agree. And it's funny, so a couple things popped into my head. One is like a lot of the women that show up to, especially the ones that are newbies, they usually say, oh, I was in a lot of traffic and I almost talk myself out of coming today, but I'm so glad I came and I'm when I come back. And so I think sometimes you just have to remember that sometimes the. Pathway can be, there's a lot of resistance, but then the rewards at the end. And so I think looking at your calendar and being like, all right, what are some easier things for me to do that can get me in front of people that I liked, what I wanna actually connect with. And I think for introverts it's, it's more that one-on-ones is really what will sit down to. So how many, you know, can you put a few one-on-ones on your calendar? A few times a month and really, you know, maybe it's the same. It's somebody you really want to get to know better as a referral partner or, you know, or collaborate with or something. and it could just be on Zoom. It doesn't have to be in person, but you know what, I'm finding that I like meet people in person a little bit more. It feels good. So I'm make, I'm making a little bit more room for that. I'm actually blocking time on my calendar for that and intentionally doing that. So I think for introverts, just allowing yourself to be okay with not going to these big networking things and finding out other places to, be. And I think what, we were talking about community building. There is community building online. I'm sorry, I'm kind of playing around with some online communities myself to see where I can show up and who I can connect with. And it feels doable because, yeah, I think, I don't know about all you, but. Pre 2019, I was running around like a crazy lady trying to, trying to find parking, go to these coffee meetings, go to these networking events. I was so drained. I, and we don't, I don't think we have to live like that anymore. I think we can do business differently. So I think it's good that you mentioned, the one-on-one because so far in this episode we've really been talking about like the big groups and the first episode. Mary and I shared our numbers. the coffee dates, the one-on-ones that we each had was double, almost double. It was double the big events that we went to. Yeah. but I think it's, I think it's important too to, it's gonna come out in a later episode talking about neurodivergence and, and mental health. And I think a lot of people can use introversion as a, a crutch, as, as a way to say. I can't do networking because Mm. And it's like, yeah, I see. I love this. But you could go to a coffee shop with one person or not even leave your house. Yeah. so like we can't. You know? Yeah. Yeah. So, another thing I explored during COVID was all these online communities, and there's a ton, but you know what I found? And the West coast doesn't have a whole lot of 'em. They're mostly east coast. It's just very strange. So I feel like there's a, there's an opportunity to have some more of that. Online communities, but, I can even share this in the show notes. I'm trying out a few that I can share with, with this audience that I think has a lot of potential depending on what kinda business you have. but I think since COVID we have a lot more options as introverted people than we realize, and you just have to be creative about it. Being able to figure out how to find your comfortable personal boundaries around how many people you can see in a week, and what setting you best belong in will help you grow your business and. it means you have to go to like your quiet networking a few times mm-hmm. So that you can meet some fresh people Right. To then set up the one-on-ones.'cause it's like, well where do the one-on-ones come from? Mm-hmm. But if you don't have any really great connections to begin with, they can't also refer people to you to set up more one-on-ones. Exactly. And I think that's the catch 22 for most introverts is like, you, you are going to at some point, you know, be a little bit outta your element. But I, I think. The problem that we maybe don't acknowledge all the time is that when you walk in those larger events, that even those like super outgoing extroverts are also having a lot of fraudy feelings. They're just really good at masking and acting apart that some of us are not as good at doing. Yeah. Oh yeah, definitely. Um. I think too, for some of the, like one-on-ones, especially on the west coast, like you don't have to go to a coffee shop. can do a walk and talk. Yeah. I used to do, on the bicycle, like,'cause a lot of, I was in the cycling industry for a while and so we'd be like, I'll come by on your house, you know, like, pick you up and we'll just like go for a 20 mile ride and like, we'll just have a chat while we're riding. But like, you can, I've seen, I've walked with people 'cause they're like, I'm walking my kid right now. Do you wanna come? And you're like, sure. That's when you can meet me. Let's go take your kid around the fort here, you know, and we'll just have a walk and talk and we're like, you gotta take the kid to the park. Mm-hmm. I'll bring my own coffee and I'll, I don't have kids, so like vicariously have a kid and watch them play in the jungle gym while we can talk about what we wanna do. But yeah, I think there's, there's so many places that you can make it fun. I have taken, I have, I have held meetings, walking and getting samples at Costco. Nice. I, I don't do it with somebody I've never met, but if it's somebody who I, am comfortable with, it's so good. And they need my time. Mm-hmm. And my time lately has been getting extremely short. And so, like, I'm a human, I gotta get my groceries too. And they're like, when do you have time? And I, and I know that I, Wanna be around this person, I'll, I'll tell them like, well, do you wanna walk around Costco? Because like, that's the time I've got. Mm-hmm. I mean, you and I have business meetings while, while you do your Costco run, we've also Yes, we have. Love it. Yes we have. I, I just think, I think you're right there, there are very creative ways that are, I know that some people find Costco overly stimulating, but I find it glorious. So, you I definitely know who I'm, who I'm dealing with. If they're like, yeah, I really wanna go to Costco, and I'm like, great, bring your latte and we'll, we'll walk around. And I've had some great meetings in there. And they serve you samples? Mm-hmm. It's pretty great. It's fantastic. I mean, I think that goes back to like that, the authenticity and like getting to know somebody and like what is our common interest and can we go. Do that together, whether that is mm-hmm. Going to a, la Provence together or, you know, for a pastry or, or like, yeah, let's go walk around Costco and look at what's on sale. Yeah. So I also think too, kind of going back to the super connector, conversation, I think. For introverts. It's good if you do know a few of those folks because, you know, maybe you go, maybe you meet them at a networking event and they can introduce you to people that you're looking for. or if you're gonna a conference, you can find who the super connectors are.'cause that's what those folks love doing. Like, we all love doing that here. And so if you're asking for that, we're gonna be honest, be like, yeah, I'll introduce you. This person, this, no, this, I don't know if this person's a good fit for you. Let's, let's introduce you to this person over here instead. You know, it's, we're gonna be very honest and upfront about it. That's, you know, to tap into people that love doing that. I've, I've taught a class, we talk about this and, it's so important to know that, super connectors enjoy it. Like it's Yeah. You're not asking Yes. A huge burden. You're asking to make them light up, you know? Yes. We get to be very godmother basically. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. I think it was last summer, I had too many people asking for coffee chats. And I was like, I have got to figure out a way to thin out my calendar. So I tried hosting a coffee chat open house. Mm-hmm. And I picked a cafe and I was like, you just need an RSVP. I would say a third of the people who said they wanted to come actually came, which honestly as a super connector is huge data for me. Yeah. Because a couple of them came back later and were like, oh, so like, do you have the contact? And I'm like, you wouldn't even come to the coffee shop. So. I don't know that I can just hand over these contacts, you know? Mm-hmm. and the event itself was, was interesting. So I was just at that point, like as a super connector, also was like, mm-hmm. I'll. I'll come like, I don't need anything from you at the moment, but I wanna meet these other people that are coming. Yep. But it became like you kind of were able to have your conversations, but then the rest of the people were having their own little networking. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Because there were like six of us and so some were like talking about paint samples and others were like, oh, I wanna talk about this. And yeah. And then, and to your point, Nedra, like, it brought me great joy. I was like, why should I be the only one meeting? Meet each other too, you know? Clearly. Exactly. Like my people. Yeah. Clearly everybody here is asking for a coffee chat.'cause they're like, I need to meet more people. And they're like, Mary, I know you have a great network. And it's like, well, guess what? There's all these people who wanna meet other people too, so why don't we all just get together for coffee? Yeah. And then it's one appointment time on my calendar as opposed to having a whole bunch because I just am. I have a feeling this year it's gonna be coffee chat, open house season for me, because I, I don't have the ability anymore to take one-on-one times. Like I just, especially after doing our, our audit review of 2025, I was like, I had how many conversations. Oh, dear Lord. Yeah, that makes sense. Do you find that people come over and over and over to the quiet networking? Like, do you have like, is like half of half of the attendance, like. There every month? Not yet. Or did they? It's still so new, I think. Um, and, and it's all about seasonal too. You know, we've been in the, we've been in the like. Holiday season. So that's been a little tricky. So I think, well, you should talk to me- once we've done full circle and, and once we get back into the summer of 2026 and I'll kind of have more data. But yeah, there's definitely some returns, which is great. Yeah, there's definitely some and people I don't even know that have been great to show up and like they're loving it. It's really great to see that. It takes patience and you have patience. Thanks. Sometimes I don't know if other people think I do, but I, I like I'm glad to hear that you think I do. Yeah, I do. And I think you're the only one offering. This sort of thing in Portland. Yeah, think in Vancouver, I think. I think I heard somebody was doing something similar in Seattle, but I think she might be retiring it. So maybe in, you know, just even the Pacific Northwest even. We'll see. So, well, yeah. Is there any advice you would give an introvert, specifically an introvert, if they were going to an event this week or next month or sometime in the future? I think just going back to like, who, who do you wanna connect with and being intentional, like is, is there anybody that's a super connector at these events that you can. Go into and say, Hey, can you introduce me to X, Y, Z or somebody I want, you know, yeah. I think just doing your research so you can, you can make the best of that time because there's nothing worse than going to something and you're like, oh, that was a waste of time. We don't want that. So let's, let's have you do a little homework and see who you can, who you can find that you really wanna connect with, and make this the best, best opportunity you can be. You can be. I love it. Thank you so much for the advice. We had such a good time with her. Megan, you had the great idea that coming out of our interview segment with Nedra, we should really talk about other types of networking that introverts can do. Yeah, because during the interview there was a point where she mentioned like coffee chats, and I was like, oh yeah, think count too. We know those because we were so focused on talking about like big rooms and her event and, and things like that. And I was like, oh yeah, why do introverts have a problem? Coffee chats exist, but I think that there's so many different types of networking that, that people should really. You know, there's a naush B, like try them all and figure out again where your limits are. Do you, you and I went to that one room that had what, upwards of 300 people. That is probably not the room for, not the room for me. It's honestly not a room for anyone. But, if coffee chats are kind of your thing, like different ways to get there. So we, we were kind of talking about like. before the show, can a super connector get me there? Right. Is there somebody who can make an introduction so I don't have to necessarily go to these big events to then have a coffee chat? Can, is there a way to like circumvent that or like get one step ahead by using someone in the middle? Like a super connector or the, the ease of LinkedIn dms? Yes. I loved it when you brought up dms because. I think until you have developed a relationship with a super connector who's willing to connect you and let's be honest. There aren't, like the world is not plush with super connectors. If it was our business, lives would be so different. Yeah. But because true connectors are very rare and I would argue that really great super connectors protect their connections, which was what makes them super connectors because they don't let. junky connections. They don't allow that to happen. Yeah. Because then it ruins the connections that they make. So until you develop a relationship with a great super connector and the right one, ' cause I guess you could have a super connector who's great, but. All their connections don't really apply to you, which is another problem. Yeah, that happens a lot. so I loved that you brought up dms. It's basically like ways to manage your energy because when you are introverted, as we were all saying. You get overstimulated so easily in rooms full of people that finding a way to reduce overstimulation so you don't have to take time out to recharge your batteries so hardcore can help you move along a little faster so you're just not feeling burnt out all the time. Yeah, I always end up plugging Molly Beck's book, reach Out. Yeah. Good to get you, like certain things to just like send a cold email or a follow up email, but sometimes I wouldn't go right to LinkedIn dms, if I'm being honest. There's a sneakier well, it's not sneaky. There's a better strategy it's kind of like a, a slow burn. Almost like a slow burn romance where you were like commenting. I love that you brought this up. You're commenting on their posts, right? Thoughtfully, yes. So that they get used to seeing your name and then Yes. You reach out. You mean engagement? Real engagement, yes. So this gets into human skills. Yeah. So instead of a room where you've rubbed shoulders and then decided a coffee chat. Yeah. You've shown that you're interested. You'll probably get some back and forth. Then you'd be like, Hey, I've been meaning to ask, or you know, I saw that you posted this thing. I would love to learn more. I think there's a way we could work together or whatnot. You know, like I love this angle. Because as somebody who's been a content creator and works with content creators, one of the best things you can do for anyone who's taking time and effort to put themselves out there is to engage with their content and not just leave a heart or a like, yep, but actually leave a co, a thoughtful comment. Or even congratulations. LinkedIn is one of those platforms where certain milestones will get posted like, this person just celebrated 10 years at, their company. And it will remind you of those things and encourage you to say congratulations to those people. Yeah. And just to post, even hit that little button that automatically. Puts Congratulations on it. Just do it. You know? it's such a low effort thing that actually means quite a lot to other people because it's scary to put your whole self out there as a business owner. And when somebody else acknowledges that to you, I think it makes a really big difference. you are always telling me that everything is now working, so we don't just have to stay on LinkedIn. But that's kind of because you and I are not shy. No. We will make friends. Yes. With anyone quite quickly at the farmer's market especially. Yes, I've done it while standing in line. I've done it. Well, we go a crafty wonderland, thanks to you. You take me to Crafty Wonderland. I shouldn't say we go. You take me to Crafty Wonderland. We do, and we go hang out with all of, artists and product-based businesses that used to ven next to. And we just walk up and down the aisles and we chat with every single one. We get so much good market research data out of those things. Yeah. Because even if it's not specifically for what you do, you're looking at the bigger trends. I mean, you and I could talk about that one topic alone for like hours, but, um, but another, another important. Segment that we wanted to pull out, especially from the chat with Nedra, were just tactics for introverts, especially like learning how to recharge because there tends to be a lot of negative dialogue. You and I have noticed talking with other people who use the term introvert, whether they are introverts or not, is gonna be an interesting thing for the individual to discover. Yeah. But, but there tends to be this negative thing like, well, I'm an introvert so I can't do that. Or I'm an introvert. It's so hard. you had a really great way to talk about figuring out what works for you to recharge. Yeah. Well I feel like you're always telling me like, you know, you are your best system. You know, I have anxiety and A DHD and AM somewhere on the introversion spectrum. Mm-hmm. I have to go figure out you still gotta put the big girl pants on and go out and do it. And so I kind of know what the limits are. I also will know, like I get overstimulation headaches at a lot of the things that we go to. Mm-hmm. That is the price I pay. I know that when I get home, Tylenol's not gonna do anything. I'm gonna have to go into a dark room, do it, girl, and just lay down. Do it probably on the floor for just like five minutes and just be like. Oh, thank God everyone is gone. I can just be alone. I love how I learned this about you because we were texting after an event and you were like, I knew I needed to lay down and I did it, and now everything feels horrible. Yeah. So I, I come home, my strategy and I did it last night. We were at a board meeting, you and I, your board meeting. and I got home and I. It's due to the anxiety, but there's so much energy pent up in my body. Yeah. So, I will lay on the floor, face down eating carpet for like five minutes. Oh, but you lay face down. I lay face down like, no. Now this information's new. I thought you were laying down on your back. Oh my God, no, I'm like. I'm like, somebody stabbed me in the back and just, I'm, I'm so sorry. This is really funny. I'm trying not to laugh like so loud into the microphone right now.' cause I, I blew out the microphone on another episode. I had to edit it out because it was so loud. No, it is face down. It is like everything's been spent just face down dark for like five minutes. And then this is also where you were like, you do this. So I've learned you have to get it all out. So I will literally, I used to have dance breaks. Okay. Okay. So now you just, you literally like a shake. Oh, you shake your limb appendages as hard as you can for like a minute. Yeah. And then it all, ' cause it has to get out. Oh, that's so, and then interesting. I can feel, 'cause otherwise it's just like, it's just bubbling under the surface. And I'm, even if you do the deep breaths, it's like it's not enough. Like it's gotta go somewhere. And so if you shake it really hard, really fast, you can get over it faster than if you're like, I'm gonna do like a dance party for five minutes. So yes, so fascinating girl. I am the exact opposite. I am so drained. There is not one drop left of me. Did you, did you absorb it from me? Maybe you took it. I don't know. Maybe we find, find a way to rebalance that back out. Yeah. But like, it takes some off of you. Give me some back. I'll dance around you. like, I'll hit an overstimulation point and then it's just like somebody grabbed the plug in the bathtub and just like yanks it out and all the water drains out. Like I'm just drained. I am an. Empty bathtub. It was a cozy bathtub. Well, you should be laying please down on the floor then. No, I lay, I lay down on my back, usually on a cushy sofa with the cats. And, I tend to watch, I don't know, watch comfort shows and comfort movies. I get their necks next, but first. No, I have to do this. I guess laying on the floor is grounding, right? Yes. I get as low as, yeah. I mean, getting as low as possible is actually like somatically really helpful, but, for me, it's just like I have to lay down and then it's literally like I am, there is no contact with people 'cause my phone is very busy and I have people texting me and pinging me and all the things, and now I'm like plagued by spam calls these days. I don't know what happened with my number, but I will just turn it all off. unless it's family calling with like an emergency, the phone is like away and it's just me. I, I just got to be with me again. And my recharging is so opposite from you. I mean, I guess we're both laying down, but got the energy to expel, but you have energy to expel and it's so rare for me to have energy to expel. It's like we walk out. There's been times where I literally feel like my head, it's not a headache. I feel so drained that I'm like, if you let me lay down in the back seat of my SUV, I'd be like, you're gonna have to wait till morning to carpool home with me. And I'm like, I could go run home right now. Oh my God. Now we have to say though, because we are both neurodivergent. Yes. We cannot speak. For, we cannot our typical introverts No. If they get overstimulated or not. No. And so that brought up a little point of overstimulation, like is it an introvert thing or is it a ni neurodivergence thing? the best we can do is talk about it. We're, we're not therapists and we're not, you know, doctors or anything. So this is all just. Figuring out our lived experiences, but yeah, figuring out what your strategies are for recharging an introverted battery, whatever introverted battery you have, and just build it like, I'm going to this thing and then I know I need to do this. And then it's not like a, like when you like get ready for the gym. Mm-hmm. If you've decided to do the one, you're gonna need to do the other. And so it's not this like, there's no shame. It's not a negativity, it's not, I shouldn't do the first thing because then I have to do the second thing. It's just like, how badly do you want it? You're, this is how you gotta do it. Do you think that people, do you think this is part of the problem that self-identified introverts, whatever that means for you, however that shows up for you? Just like. Raw dog it out there with no aftercare plan.' cause we're really talking about aftercare here. Yeah. And, and, and there's no plan. this gets back to what you and I were chatting with when you mention, when I mentioned sometimes I can't. I, I mean, I would love an hour of complete darkness and complete silence. Yeah. I'd look like one of those floating pod thingies. Yeah. But I have a partner, Uhhuh and I come home, and then we have to make dinner, which makes a lot of noise. A lot of smells. We're gonna watch tv, which is lights and everything. Yeah. And I would assume a lot of people have to go home to kids. Yeah. And so they might have to skip that. Yeah. And that might be why it's so hard. Which is why I've like reduced my thing to like fi, like I just like tell my husband like, I need five minutes. Can you like, he's a better cook than I'm, so I'm like, start dinner, I need five minutes. And he's like, cool. I'll let you know. Like when it's done. as somebody who identifies as pretty hardcore introvert. I feel like I currently am living my most luxurious life because yeah, I am beholden to nobody. I live alone. I get to enjoy that. And so I get to fall into whatever aftercare routine for myself. I wanna do whenever I want, as long as I want immediately. The only thing that would hold me back is either a family emergency from caregiving, which has happened before in the past, and it is exhausting, and I have so much empathy for people who don't get to roll into their preferred aftercare. but we did have, we did have a little, note that we felt was a little incomplete coming out of our chat with Nedra, and it was that having extroverts help you is such a, an important thing to do. It can make going to an event less intimidating. it gets into the whole finding your yes friend type thing. Maybe your yes friend is also introversion leaning, but maybe you find an extroverted yes friend. Yeah. Or ' I would argue that you and I do this for each other, which is like, basically that extrovert becomes your hype man. Yeah. If you have a not shy introvert. Mm-hmm. It can kind of be a You scratch my back, I scratch yours. Yeah. but I think for like, when I was making notes and I was like, basically, yeah, you bring a hype man and the first thing that popped into my head was Barney from how I met your mother. It was so good with like, have you met so and so, and you and I do this to each other? We're we'll like. Stop whatever conversation we're having or pivot it and be like, have you met Mary? And then I'll be like, I'm gonna go look, there's some wine, there's some hor d'oeuvres, there's, there's somebody else I wanna talk to. And then like I will just exactly wander off. and extroverts are good at it. They're really good at it. And I was telling you about, conferences I have been to in the past where they had people self-identify in their registration if they were introverts, extroverts, or ambiverts, and. That they would facilitate at the beginning. And this is something that community organizers can do and perhaps something you and I can try in larger groups Yeah. what you do is it's honestly pretty simple. It doesn't have to be complicated, but you just ask everybody to raise their hands if they are an. A self-identified extrovert, and then everyone can see who they are. And usually extroverts are so happy to identify themselves, which is why you ask them to identify themselves. And then you say, okay, your job here tonight is to use your powers for good and make sure that if you see somebody kind of hanging around and it looks like They're not being included in something. Use your powers for good and welcome them into the conversation. Bring them into the group, whether it's a two person conversation or a 10 person conversation, but if you see them, scoop them up and bring them in. Give them an an invitation into the conversation. And then, you know, to have people, if they're introverts, if they're willing to raise their hands and say like, okay, if you see any of these people and they're off in the corner and they're, collecting themselves, leave them the fuck alone. I added the fuck they put themselves there, leave baby in the corner. But it helps, it helps everybody know that it's okay to manage your energy, how you need to manage it, and. We use pronoun stickers on our name tags, and I almost kind of wonder if we should have like introvert, extrovert, color coding. Yeah, that would be good. Kind. Cool. That'd be cool. It's a lot of vivo, but it's helpful information for, for smaller coffee parties. We don't need it. Yeah. But we are about to start doing some larger ones this year and might be something worth doing. Yeah, and I think just being honest, like if you do go with a group of friends, There's normally one loud friend, just like, we've done this, we're on the ride over. We're like, okay, who needs what? Yes. who do you wanna meet? And you can just say, I'd love to get, you know, I'm a little, either I'm shy, I'm a little nervous, you know, I, I don't do this often. Watch out for me. Agreed. I think it's such a great way to have that conversation with your biz buddies. or just the people you start to get to know a little bit more and if you don't have anybody yet, it's something you can look forward to and might be the carrot on the stick that is needed. which is cool. I think it's cool. I just realized, I said it's cool and I feel like somebody out there was like, no, Mary. It is not cool. It is not. Okay. All right. Well it's time for our hot takes so we can wrap up the episode. I'll go first because I feel like I'm Debbie down. I will let you end this on a high note. Megan, my hot take is that you might need to work on yourself and go to therapy and not in a bad way. I feel like, I mean, there's that saying that they, big quotes around, they says that business is the best self-development course you will ever take. I really feel like sometimes you just need the permission to know that A, it's normal, and b, it is, entirely okay. To get extra help if these kinds of people in skills and discovering your own neurodivergence or your own, limits. If they are holding you back from building the business that you wanna build, that you might not be able to get those answers inside a business container. You might need to go do something that's a little bit more personal. And I think that that's really healthy to do. Yeah. Because we're all different. Yeah. And I think like to that end, it's like. I'm always the the sort who's like, how do I do this? Smarter, not harder. So how can you network smarter, not harder, but there's no reason that introversion should keep you from networking because here, here introversion is a huge spectrum of like uhhuh. There's so many different types. It's just figuring out. What you like and what you can tolerate. And then finding the rooms that let you be your best self. Yep. Or the situations that let you be your best self. Yep. Yeah. And you're in control. Oh, that's so good. I feel like we could have a whole season on introverted networking, to be honest. We might, I don't know, depending on what happens this season, we might revisit this again. Yeah. But we definitely wanna have Nedra back on again in the future, I'm sure there will be more. And you, you're in Portland definitely. Oh, if you're in Portland, definitely go to quiet Networking. It is such an amazing space. I love that she created that in, because there's just not enough of it anywhere in the, in the networking spaces. No, I don't think we've seen another one specifically like that. No. She said there's the other one up in Seattle, but. May or may not be. It's a ways away still going. And it's also for here, for here, I mean that's introverts not getting in the car for two and a half hours should go to, I mean, maybe it's good alone time. I don't know. It could end up being a strategy. Who knows? I need two and a half hour prep and then two and a half hours kind of sounds. No astic to me though. This is how I know I'm an introvert with a one hour working party. You just challenged me to sit in a car by myself for two, for five hours. Yes. All sounds like heaven. That's how we, that's the test you passed. That's it for today's episode of The Awkward Handshake. We record at Sasquatch Media Grounds in Vancouver, Washington. I'm Megan, co-founder of Fat Cap Design and creator of PDX Spellbound, and I'm Mary. Founder of Sasquatch Media Grounds and Sensible. Woo. You'll find links to everything we mentioned, guests, resources, and ways to connect with us in the show notes on your favorite podcast platform. That's also where you'll get updates on where we're headed next, and when we're inviting listeners like you to join us for guided networking in person and online. Don't be passive. Click the links. Pick better rooms. We'll see you there.