What Actually Works in Networking (After 20 Episodes)

After 20 episodes, dozens of conversations, and more networking events than we can count… what actually works?

In this Season 1 finale of The Awkward Handshake, it’s just Mary and Megan—taking a step back to reflect on everything we’ve learned about networking, community, and how people really connect.

This isn’t a highlight reel. It’s a reality check.

We talk about what surprised us, what held up across different environments, and what consistently didn’t work—no matter the city, the event, or the industry.

If you’ve been listening all season, this is where it all comes together.
 And if you’re new here… this is the fastest way to understand what actually matters.

In this episode, we talk about:

•  What patterns showed up across all 20 episodes
•  The difference between good rooms and bad ones
•  Why networking isn’t about volume—it’s about intentionality
•  What actually leads to real relationships and opportunities
•  The role of consistency, curiosity, and follow-through 
•  What we got right—and what we’ve changed our minds about 
•  Why most networking advice falls flat in real life

Keep in touch! 

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• Sasquatch Media Grounds
• Sensible Woo

Transcript

0:00

This is The Awkward Handshake, a podcast about networking business and what really happens in the room. We're unpacking the good, the bad, and the awkward, so you can build better connections and get paid. Let's get into it. This is our finale. We made it. we have some people who have been listening to us all the way through a holler Yay, love you to pieces. Thank you so much for the support We did wanna pull out things that have kind of stalked us through to the end of the season some of the most notable ones, starting with if you are good at networking, you'll always come out ahead, Y'all need to build the skill. And even if you're kind of good at it or you think you're good at it, you still need to build the skill like you're never done building. No. And people will think you're just lucky, but it's not you've worked very hard. You are always seeing opportunity. You are always connecting people. You are always building trust. you're just gonna be light years ahead of somebody who refuses to go out the door or get on the online call ' how often do you think people think other people are lucky? When it turns out it's just honest to goddess hard work. that's how I think about it too. And you see it on social right? somebody ends up collaborating with somebody huge. Mm-hmm. We don't see the behind the scenes. You've met people they wanna be Stephen Colbert, they wanna be, Amy Poehler, they wanna have a huge podcast, right? Yep. But they have what, 30, years of doing reps leading up to that. To get what you just see now. And so I do think like the sooner you get better at networking. the faster you can start moving toward the things that you want. Oh, I'm gonna say a hot take here. Okay. I think that, in order to get to the sooner better at networking part, you have to do really unsexy things like go to networking events and meetups that you might not really love or you think you're superior to. cough, cough. Go back and listen to Micah's episode about what superiority complex really means, And that, you might need to pull some reps in areas that you just aren't really that thrilled about, or they just aren't very glamorous, but they're important and those people are still important. And, you know, the whole thing is reminding me, in college at University of Michigan, I was on the ballroom dance team and on Sundays we were responsible for attending the Community Ballroom club, which had not just students, but like anybody could go. we would teach the beginner lessons and we would also then partake in just open dancing and our coaches would be there. And there was this rule and they were like, if you were there. You were not allowed to dance with your regular partner at all. And if they caught you dancing with your regular partner, it was like, 40 lashes with a wet noodle. And it was very tempting because anytime you could squeak and practice time with your partner, you would, but the problem is, is when you're always dancing with the same person. Each of you has blind spots and bad habits, and you start compensating for them. And when you dance with people you've never danced with, especially people who are not as good as you, you find your weak spots so quickly. And I feel like networking is kind of like this. Like you need to go to rooms where. People may not be as interesting as you think they are compared to you or not as advanced in doing whatever, as compared to you or whatever, and you need to do it because it's going to show you how good are you at conversation? Can you carry that conversation with this person? Can you be generous and help someone feel. At ease and welcome enough that you can have some kind of engaging interaction. Like are you a good dance partner? I think more people need to do it. the thing that came to mind is, especially for tech, if you don't go to a startup event, how good are you at explaining what you do? Oh, totally. Totally. When you're now in a room with people who don't like ai, Yes. What do you do? Oh, how do you, I know I would love to see somebody navigate that, but yeah, like do you go to your local Chamber of Commerce meeting that's got all of the real estate agents and all of the, financial investors and can you still engage with them on a quality level human to human ' cause if they understand what you're doing, then you're gonna be fine in the other room. I actually thought when you said it's gonna take a little bit of, I thought you were gonna say therapy. Therapy. I mean, maybe also that, but yeah, I think everybody should be going to therapy in some way, shape or form I think like this is really it, you know, finding the courage to say yes, and you don't have to be as crazy as we were last year, go to as many things as we did, but I think if you're not at least hitting one thing a month. Like that to me seems really low. But if you haven't gone to anything one thing a month is gonna feel like a lot. I would also say that if you always go to the same thing every month. Go to that plus one new thing. Mm. Okay. Like we had Polly and Oliver on and like we see so many of the people go to every single unlock collective Yep. Networking group. And that's quarterly, but it's like if you never miss that without fail, it's like, then you have the muscles to go to one more thing too. The other good thing about going to new places or places that have nothing to do with what you might be doing or offering. Is that if you crash and burn it doesn't really matter. you can not go back, those people won't see you again. So goodness knows I've had many an unhinged, awkward conversation and then left and been like, well, good thing they won't see me. And it wasn't always like on me for that. Sometimes it was the other person I'm like. Oh, thank goodness I don't have to see X again, our paths will never cross. I've had plenty where I have been like, wow, that was real weird tonight. But I'm gonna say something here. I think sometimes you can, this is where you have to really reflect for yourself, because sometimes you're like, man, I was terrible tonight. and sometimes what you're feeling is discomfort. Because I will get terrible head trash all of quarter one. I was in rooms bigger than I feel like I had ever been in before. I was on stages in ways that I had not been visible before. And I'll tell you, the head trash was large and in charge, and I was talking to people and I was like. Oh my God, it was so awkward, whatever. And when I reflected on it more, I was like, well, This is discomfort at talking with people at levels I'm not used to having direct contact with. It didn't mean that I was terrible at networking. It didn't even mean that the conversation was terribly awkward. And so sometimes you kind of wanna check yourself and say like maybe where you're at is like, run away. Run away. And that is what you do for this season. And you go back later. But don't be so quick to judge that. It's always runaway just because you felt discomfort. Discomfort is not always a bad thing. Like there's, there's, there's a difference between bad discomfort and productive discomfort. I think learning to recognize that you have to do it, it can't be theory. well, and I think a lot of times the other person doesn't really notice. If anything, I bet they also are in the back of their minds, like, I think I'm being really awkward in this moment. Run away. Run away famous saying that I always heard when I was doing yoga, which is like comfortable with being uncomfortable. This is just your norm now. One of our other big topics that's been stalking us is are you actually connecting with humans or are you just talking at people? this was not my choice. This was your choice, girl. I know. Just calling everybody out, but it's a good choice. It, it is a very, very fair point to make. Because this exact thing has been showing up, I think, in every single episode. you can't pretend like this isn't a thing. and it's not always intended to be disingenuous I think a lot of people don't check in with themselves as to like, how am I showing up in this room? How am I interacting with this community? What are my intentions of this event? You know, what do I wanna get out of it? What do I have to offer? And they just kinda run an autopilot. because as business owners you are trying to meet some benchmarks of a literal bottom line. AKA money goals. you can walk into a place, and of course you're always thinking about your money goals. Yep. But if that is such a driving force in every conversation, it warrants a bit of a check and a balance. Like you've gotta figure out, if I so desperately need money now legitimately my bank account is screaming at me, that's when you're like, is this room gonna give me what I need? And if it's not, like maybe set this one out. maybe go actually do the work of client ac, like true client acquisition. and keep working on that until you get paid a little bit. Come back to the room so that it's not taking over all of your social capital in your brain and. All the things coming out of your mouth because you and I have experienced this and a lot of our guests have been on the microphone also talking about similar experiences where people are just like, and this is what I do, and buy my thing and get on my list. Well, and I think nobody wants to do business with someone desperate. you can smell it. instead, one suggestion that I was given by a sales coach, which applies to this is think about yourself as making X amount of money. for her it was like the person who makes a hundred thousand dollars. The version of you that makes that from your business shows up. Operates in a very different way than the person who only makes $50,000 or $5,000. And so if you can step into that a hundred thousand dollars or $200,000 version of you, you are much more attractive to other people because you're calm. You're competent, you're confident. Like you just radiate different things than somebody who's like, where's the ATM? I need it now. Yeah. And can you help me? Right now my business is on fire, you know, and for somebody like me, I think you might have it too, but like I tend to try to take away people's agency and I'm like, oh my God, you need my help. Let me think of all the people that I could send you to. it's not my job to fix your business. Even though I might want to, you also might be so desperate right now. You can't take the life raft or you're gonna sink me too, you know? you're drowning. So I think some of it is think about what, what that successful version of you, how would they network?' cause it's gonna be very different. I love that. As I used to always say to my coaching clients, put on your CEO pants. And it was never a hat. You know, people are like, you wear all these different hats. And I'm like, yeah. But I was like, there's a very visceral feeling of having your pants on or not having your pants on. And sometimes you need to like summing up the feeling of, wow, I have not been wearing pants this entire time. Like, go put your pants on and then come into the room. And think of yourself as. Something that everybody wants. Instead of you needing them. when you're not talking at people, the opposite of that is listening. And the art of listening has come up so many times this season. I think Dinesh's episode was one of the best ones where we talked about listening When you are listening, you get data, and I think if you're having trouble with your bottom line, you probably need some data. And if you are able to stay in a conversation and listen more than you talk. And you tell somebody about what you offer.'cause they're gonna ask and you tell 'em about what you do and they're kinda like, huh. you can tell them like, well, you know, what does that mean to you? Or say more words. Get them to talk. Yeah. The more you just talk out of uncomfortableness, the bad kind of discomfort, then you're not really actually getting the benefit you could be getting out of that room. Yeah. Because you might end up, you might learn it either needs to be a rephrasing. Of what I offer. It might be that they're not understanding the value. It might be that your offer isn't needed. Well, that's a hard one. Uh, it is. But we, we know people, just get an idea into their head and they're like, this is the business. I'm gonna go run with it. And we're like, yeah. Have you done any market research?'cause I think there's an AI for that. it can be really hard to. Hear other people either give you a kind and friendly Pity conversation. Mm-hmm. Where they're like, oh, how nice for you. Oh, I love that for you. Yes. And it's like, you gotta be able to pay attention to that. And they think it's really hard when it's happening. It has happened to all of us. And if it's not happening to you, I don't know, maybe your unicorn or maybe you just don't take very big swings, but it's gonna happen. that's when you, you really wanna listen to those cues To have other people tell you, well, what would you really need? I just think it was such a good point when you were like, we need to talk about people talking at other people. It's like talk less, listen more big lesson from this season. The other big lesson that showed up was showing up, like literally showing up and showing up regularly. And that when you show up and you are generous, so you're not just another body in the room mm-hmm. But you're actually being a generous, that generosity, is not necessarily always about money like you've paid for a ticket. That is one form of generosity, or volunteering for something that's, that is a form. But being generous is like showing support when you know a community really needs support. Or showing up and helping other people in the room feel welcome even if you're like, even if it's just one person that's one less awkward person in the room. And sometimes those people become your best contacts because you made them feel safe. Yeah. And I would even say, I don't see it much, but like. Share the event before the event. Oh my God. That's huge, right? Huge. Yeah. Shout it out. I'm going to this. Are you gonna come? Can't wait to go. Yeah. It's so easy. Tagging people, but even sharing privately. Yes. Like I keep thinking to Nedra, she's always at the, all the way at the beginning of the season. Mm-hmm. She leads quiet networking Introverts are not going to be necessarily the most rambunctious of. And if you are an introvert, you might have a tighter network and you might not be posting like crazy Oliver LinkedIn, although, I don't know, maybe your LinkedIn queen props to you if you are, but you can send a direct message to another introvert that you know, is hermiting real hard in this season and you're like. Boo. You need to come with me to this and encourage each other to show up. It's like the buddy system at the gym. you will show up. I know, I do. You and I became Yes. Friends in this way where it's like, I'm so tired today. I don't feel like doing this, but like this event only comes around like two times a year. Mm-hmm. And I also went to this other thing and you're like, but I need to go there. I need to. See that person and have a touchpoint, or I need to get some data about something or whatever, and we're like, we're going, And we have, we have a rule where we're like, we show up, period. Full stop. And if at any point we're like, I gotta go. Like I am done. And we're like, all right, we're done. we're done. And just like Micah was explaining, like you might lap the room once and be like, Anna did exactly what I came to do. I showed up and I'm out. And that's enough. and it goes so much further faster than just like not showing up. It just like continues to sound so ridiculous coming outta my mouth, but it's like, but it's so huge. I was raised with the, the catchphrase of You don't vote, you don't get to complain. And I kind of feel like it's you don't gonna complain if you don't go to out of your house and into a room virtual or otherwise, I don't really wanna hear about how you have no clients if I know you don't do anything to get them. So like, well, what, how, how do you want me to commiserate with you? I'm so sorry. The internet does not know you exist, even though you. Don't let the internet know that you exist in any way, shape, or form. That sucks. Oh God. The algorithm to show none of your posts 'cause you don't have any, there's no proof of life. There's no proof of life and you don't live your life. you know what I'm thinking in this very moment, you sound like my grandpa. You're aging girl. You're aging. I am. I'm thinking in this moment about our in-person versus virtual events on Zoom And I'm thinking they need like slightly different nuances. showing up in person is like obvious. Like either you're there or you're not. And then on Zoom it's did you turn your camera on or not? Mm-hmm. I mean, you and I are both of the persuasion where we're like, I don't care if you're wearing sweatpants. or pajama pants or yoga pants or whatever. You know, some people are like, look nice, whatever. I'm like, I don't, I really don't care. I do care if. You just don't turn your camera on. Mm-hmm. If you're lurking, like that's not the same thing as being fully present. Nope. Like you can't go to a physical event. I mean, well, you and I have seen people go to physical events and they hug the wall and they're on their phone. Yeah. And I'm like, you're not, that's the equivalent of your camera being off on Zoom. You're not here. Yes. Which fine. Like I had to do one today and I was eating, I didn't want Yeah. Like turn it off for a minute or two. Yeah. Is one thing. But like, you know how people go and they just. Don't turn it on. They don't turn it on. And they're also not in the comments. No. It's like, what are you doing? Well, you're taking ding, ding, ding, ding. You win a prize. You win a prize, you're not showing up for the community. Because there are ways to network, as Danish said in the chat, know, you have your little. One to two sentence thing. That's always your, your intro to who you are, where you're from, what you offer. Here's my link. I think there's just so many ways to be passive, but then I think you're not allowed to grumble I mean, I'll pull out my tiniest violin. I'll be like, oh, that sucks. I've realized that in the time that you and I have been Yes. Friending, which has been a few minutes now, and now we have the podcast, so we've gotten very vocal about it I have noticed that fewer people have come crying to me and I have not pulled up my tiny little violin. either you're learning and practicing, or you're like, maybe I'll go to a different source Complain to somebody else. I have noticed that too. Yeah. Because it, we've become no excuse zone. the last really big. Points, this is gonna be a doozy, but do you know how people really talk about you when you're not in the room or if they even talk about you at all? there's that saying, and I'm totally butchering it, the best networking is when. Other people talk about you when you're not in the room, like they're hyping you up when you're not there. And that is one of the ultimate winning goals of networking is that. You have this banging network, you have genuine connections. They know what you do. They can explain what you do to other people. huge hurdle to overcome. when you're not in the room and they meet someone, they're like, oh my gosh, you know who you need to talk to? You need to talk to Megan. You know what Megan does? Megan does this, whatever. And then the person's like, I must meet this Megan. And they're like, I shall put you in touch. You know, like that is the ultimate goal of networking, I think. So many people want that to happen without putting in the sweat equity. They're not showing up, they're not generous. They just talk at people. there's no two way street. The skill is lacking and I think you and I engage most highly with people whose skills are most definitely not lacking. Keep thinking about Dominic, Yeah. It's like great aggregator of events. Yeah. And a connector. we talked about it in his episode and I think that that really applies here. I'm trying to think of like, if there's a reason why people don't get there, and I don't know that it's lack of empathy because in my mind, the reason why you share somebody out and know how to explain what they do and know who they're looking for. is because you have empathy and you generally like them, care about them, know about them, keep in touch. You've got a system and we've had guests on like AI Portland, who love to put two people together and you can help put this person and you can collaborate. So I don't know that it's a lack of empathy or just a lack of caring. I think it's selfishness. I don't think it's about empathy because we've tried to set this up a few times, and it has imploded every time, and it's hard to watch. It's, it's because it doesn't make sense to us why it wouldn't work. But I think it really does take a special, well it shouldn't take a special person, but it seems to take a special person that can equally care about others and themselves. Yes. I mean, we know that super connectors and even just like more than average connectors are not the norm. I think all of us who engage in that way would love it to become more of the norm. But it takes work, it takes effort, and it also requires you to not be selfish. You have to want something in an instance more for that person than for yourself. Can you do it? And I don't know if it has to do with desperation or needing to meet those goals of the bottom line. the economy is weird. Marketing is hard right now. sales are wonky and the timelines that we used to be able to gauge things on are just way different. so I don't know if it is because. People are just thinking about like, well, shit, I need to meet like a certain goal. And so like that priority comes before being generous in another way. But if anything, I think the world is proven again and again that those things are not mutually exclusive. They go together to be more generous for someone else in a moment when you maybe need something, but nobody else is providing it just yet. It comes back to you tenfold and rather quickly. Mm-hmm. I would say you and I have had this come back to us quite quickly. We have been very generous in directions with people, and then it just is like feeding a black hole and then we're like, okay, and I'm out. we've had people who bless their hearts are like, I'm being super generous. And it's like, I know you think you are, you'll get there. But, but I appreciate the effort a forever. And, I will never turn away a forever. But I do think that there is a certain amount of selfishness that when people are like, how come they're not talking about me? And it's like, well, what have you done for them? Did you even show up recently? Do you RSVP and then no show? Mm-hmm. And how many times do you do that repeatedly because people notice. And I, and I think sometimes people forget the rules of social decorum still matter if you repeatedly like just don't come or decline or are wishy-washy. Or show up and then kind of try to make it like you're not being generous, like this isn't your personal sales room, which we have seen people do. Yes. Yep. Or if somebody's trying to collaborate with you and you never answer the messages. That happens. That happens all the time. Or it's always very late Deadlines get passed. I mean, there's a lot of space and grace for people who are genuinely in a season of building and doing things. Yes. And like that is a different conversation. Yep. but like there's a dismissal. This is a Yes. Let's have a follow up, let's chat. And then, and then nothing. Never. They will ghost you. On every platform. I hunt them down. You do. I'm not gonna let you go. I wanna talk to you. I'm like, I will send you Direct messages, emails in your social post, mm-hmm. I'm reminding you that I exist and if you do not play ball, then it's like, okay, I don't wanna work with you at that point.' cause you're a hot mess. or there's no respect, so it's like, okay, I'm done. Yeah, I think too, like we all have diverse, hopefully diverse friendships and circles, and so just because you're in one industry doesn't mean you don't know people in other industries. And word gets around pretty fast. So many of us have been discussing how small Portland really is. it's a metropolitan region and especially the Vancouver side is growing rapidly. Mm-hmm. But we're not New York, la No. And we're not even the size of Seattle. And so people know each other pretty intimately, pretty quickly. Even if you are in, say, a tech sector and someone else is in some completely different sector, there's some notable companies in the area. people really talk and I think sometimes, well recently some names have been floated around and mm-hmm they have crossed paths in our conversations. and it's been really fascinating how many times it's like the same names. I wonder if sometimes people think like, oh, people are like, they love me. And it's like, I don't know if love is the term I would use, but, you can develop a reputation pretty quickly and I would say like if you are aware that, your reputation is either entirely lacking, like people aren't talking about you at all, that's just a sign that you just need to get out there. You need to show up and start building the skill people will start singing your praises. Before you even know it, because it's not a big market. but yeah, if you're like, why does everything seem to be falling flat? Well, maybe, And, and that requires a little bit of self-reflection and humility to recognize like, oh, maybe, I'm not being as generous as I think I am. Well, and it always seemed odd to me too, because I might need clients. Right. And I'm chatting with somebody and they have problems, and one of them I could solve, but it becomes apparent in talking to them that they have maybe already decided this is the main problem. I only wanna fight so much. And then I'm like, you know what, you need a bookkeeper. Because that's, that is what you have decided is your first step. And they might be interested in what I have. But the best way to help them out, get them solvent, you know, is a bookkeeper. And let me introduce you to somebody and then when you have that problem sorted and I have helped you do that. you're much more likely to come back. You're, the sun is not shining for you, you're in a better place. But like, why try to sometimes work with somebody who. Is in a position that is not, you know, the sun's not shining for their business. Right. just help them get there. If it's an easy lift for you, It's not that you've decided not to be selfish, you know, it's like it just makes more sense. You are not losing a sale. You weren't gonna get that one. they could not need you in any way. But you know, a really good person that could help them. So why would you not just like, help them? Yes. It doesn't cost you anything. Yeah. An email. or just a name and you pull it up on LinkedIn and they go, oh, this is great. And you'd be like, just mention my name, Uhhuh. It's, it seems so easy. It seems so easy. And it's so weird talking about it.'cause I was like, Uhhuh. Uhhuh. Yeah. Uhhuh. Why wouldn't you like, okay. But I think for some people it doesn't happen. That is, it feels like a monumental lift and I think some people like hoard the Rolodexes. Which doesn't make sense. also that, and this theme came up over and over again, which is about scarcity. so many times with our guests, the topic has come up, like there is enough to go around. Like we are not competitors. I think of the princess bride where he's like, I do not think that that means what you think it means. And, I see this so much in our area and. I'll double down on it. I know it's come up in our conversations throughout the season. I know I've already said it at least once before, I believe that the old paradigm of business and networking, which is very BNI like, not, not like shade on BNI. I know there's some people who love it and it works for them, like, yay for you. But that structure is a very commonly used structure, which is like you have this circle of referral partners and there can only be one. There can only be one dentist and only one real estate agent, and only one of this and one of that. And you don't even know if they're good at their job. Right. And, that starts to infuse in other places because so many business coaching programs teach A BNI formula of how you explain what you do, and it's a formula sentence. It's like, uh, mad Libs, like I serve, fill in the blank to help them fill in the blank for the purpose of fill in the blank. That's a very valuable exercise in a lot of ways. Building a client avatar in that way is valuable, but it's not everything. to start to realize that you are never gonna be the only one who does your fill in the blank. And to just get over it and to start to realize that if you think somebody else's competition in the worst way, you have to ask yourself, do I really know? What my niche is, is this actually the same or do I simply not understand business markets? Because you can have two dentists in the same area and one of them does like dental reconstruction for elderly people. Let's get even more specific. And then the other one is like a pediatric dentist. Do you do not serve the same market? Are you both dentists? Yes. Are you competitors? Not really. Yeah, we see this happen over and over again in the networking community where you see some people get a little weird about each other in rooms and it's like, yo dude, like you are not competitors. If anything, you should be helping each other.'cause one of you is definitely gonna get leads in at one point where you're like. the pediatric dentist gets an old dude and you're like, yeah, don't do 90-year-old mouse, but you know, who does my friend around the corner. Yeah. And vice versa, that's a terrible example. I know somebody out there is like, oh my God, Mary. but it's like, but it's obvious. And so you get it. Yes. and I feel like that alone could solve half of world peace at this point because. There's just a lot of people fighting over things and maybe hoarding resources or their Rolodex or just not being generous out of just honestly ignorance about what your market actually is. And that to me just seems like such a shame. Well, and I'd say even if you served exactly the same, your personality's gonna be different. And so going back to like bookkeepers, like I know. Three or four. Y'all have very different personalities. And so depending on the person I'm talking with, I'm like, do you want somebody who's very funny? Do you want somebody who's very dry? Do you want somebody you know? Like, Who do you get along with best? And I'm gonna send you to them. I mean, I would even say even before the personalities, bookkeepers serve. Different types of industries Yes. For very specific reasons.'cause of the way money flows. you don't want the wrong bookkeeper. No. Same with lawyers. Like, yes. Do you need a family law or do you need an ip? Are we just the weirdos that we think about these things? Like to an extreme degree and we're always thinking about like, oh, in the market and so and so. But you and I do, and I think this is the power of the Yes friend. I'm gonna bring this whole season, full circle right now. Yay. The power of the yes friend. You and I have a chance to dialogue and discuss in a safe, private space where nobody's listening but us. And we will talk about what somebody said at an event or what we observed or who we met or whatever. have a chance to really figure out, cause sometimes you, we get triggered where we're like, oh my God, I met this person. Like, oh my God, they do this thing. And it's like, fine. And then the more we talk about it, we're like, oh wait a minute. Like that's totally different, you know? And so then when we show up at the event the next month, or in a few weeks or next quarter or whatever, we're not weird. We don't feel weird about it. And how many times have so many of those people. Just like folded and like, not persisted, probably because I didn't process anything with a guest friend. Yeah. You know, I was, before you started I was gonna say, oh, it must be because I'm a writer. We've got a DHD, we're very empathetic. We can put ourselves in other people's shoes and like see all aspects of them. Or like, as a writer, you have to create characters. You have to make them quite round and all different. But I think you're absolutely right because. I remember many times where I would get a feeling about somebody. Feel like a total bitch and then like three weeks later you would be like, oh my God, so this happened. And then I'd be like, oh, thank God. Okay, well now I can tell you here's what I picked up on. But I think that you and I, we, both have, like, we've both had moments where we're like. I didn't feel confident. I didn't know what to do in that moment. yeah, I was triggered by this and I think having somebody where we've been able to say, safe space, say whatever you want. Mm-hmm. Whatever your conspiracy theories are mm-hmm. Who's having a divorce, who's, you know, sometimes it's just straight up, yeah, like before I didn't have anyone. To talk to Uhhuh or I try to like catch up my husband and he'd just be like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I could totally see up doing that. Right? Like, he doesn't have any, he wasn't there. He doesn't know. Yeah. it's like when my therapist is always like, so I only have your point of view. I will take everything with a grain of salt. Like I don't know what they were thinking. I don't what didn't hear it in that tone. I think having that second person is the second viewpoint. To help you see. Yourself from a different pair of eyes. Yes. And then also the other person to be like, oh yeah, I totally mapped that. Did you do this for me all the time? Because your bullshit meter is so much sharper than mine. And then I'll be like, yeah, like it was okay. And then I'll go full Pollyanna mode and I'll be like, but it could be okay because whatever. And like driving back down I 84 to get to 2 0 5 and I'm behind the wheel. And you're like, Mary, I hate to break this to you. I know, but you'll be like, so my read on it and then I'm like, damn it. But it has saved me so many problems. if nothing else, then to put a little salt in there and slow it down. Yep. So that. I can be like, okay, I am going to not over prioritize this thing. Yep. Because it seemed like, oh, the potential blah, blah, blah. and then I'm like, no, let the potential actually prove itself. Yep. And sometimes that potential has been just air, just pure air. and then other times the potential has just been slow, where it's like, no, I really needed to see it prove itself. and it doesn't in that way, I don't get pulled off of like, girl, you got a to-do list. You have revenue generating activities already in place that don't abandon those. and that has been very, very helpful. But then we've also been able to compare notes where we're like, am I imagining this? Did this, did they really say that? Did that, did that happen? And we're like. I think that happened. did we just get recruited to an MLM? Yeah. Yes we did. Yes we did. In fact, you got recruited to six. It did all at the same time. That is a true story. Yeah. Over bad coffee. speaking of that networking event, we both were standing in the corner and like nobody's talking about their businesses. Mm-hmm. Oh, it is weird. It's weird. It's weird. It's weird. Okay, we can go now. Instead of standing there, like, is it me? Am I the problem? Is it me? Yeah. And how many people go to things alone and they're like, oh my God, is it me? Sometimes you and I have approached each other and we're like, is it me? Another one's like. Yeah, it's you it's fine. Everything's fine. It's you right now. And then it's like, oh, oh, okay. Yeah. You are just tired. Yes. It's usually me like, I'm so tired today. I think a can really boost your confidence. It helps, you know, you got a wingman. It makes it all more enjoyable. Have somebody to go with a wingman is very helpful. You can do the whole, have you met? Especially when you're like me and you can't remember people's names. And then also you can divide and conquer Bo . I think that was all you conquering and all me dividing. You did not need a wingman at BookCon. Oh my God. Well, no, it was your wingman. I came back and I'm going, I got Anthony Palmini's contact info. Here you go. Like, oh my God, I love you. Thank you. I'm so tired. I was like, I need an attitude change stat. And you're like, it's fine, but it's not fine. Megan. This is how we discover Megan is an extrovert. Oh, it's so funny. bringing it back around to like our. Last episode with, Catherine and interview episode, you know, reading romance, you learn a lot about yourself. I think you learn what you're into, what sets you off, what you like to see in somebody and in yourself, how you would like to be. Certainly me for like writing romance, I learned a lot about myself. And I think in networking with you. maybe we did just discover Megan is actually an extrovert and didn't know I clocked that like 20 episodes ago. No, it's not because I like reading, I'm an introvert, but you get charged out of being around all those people and I was like. Oh, she is you don't have to be hardcore extrovert, but girl, you got more extrovert in me than I will ever have in any molecule in my body. Neither is right or wrong. Neither is right or wrong. Better than the other. it's gonna take a while to step into that identity. I was having a conversation with someone else, And we were talking about, and I feel like it's very driven by social media, but sort of this modern inclination to wanna be special in that there's something about introversion that has become the unique, special rare thing. What I thought most people were introverted. No, the majority of the world are extroverts. And I feel like because if you look at, at the entrepreneurial community, it's become very hip. To be neurodivergent, to be a DHD to have autism. It's become very popular to be an introvert. It's always been popular to be the rarest MBTI in I NF J. Even though 90% of the people who say they're INFJs actually don't test as INFJs. just because you are not some, statistically rare, big quotes, rare thing doesn't mean you're not special. It doesn't mean that you're not effective. It's sort of like me doing human design and when I'm in my woo side of sensible, woo. We're special. Yeah, we're you and I are special, we're manifester types, which is one of the second to most rare type. Statistically most of the world are generators and when I have run charts in my old mastermind, so I would know and we could help them with like how they make decisions and how they operate and whatnot. The majority of people were generators and manifesting generators, and it was amazing how many of them were disappointed. Because they're like, oh, I'm in the majority. And I was like, you should be celebrating that. You're in the majority. This world is built for you. That is a gift. Do you know how much I would give my right arm on some days to have a defined sacral? Because I'm so tired and because the I'm, I'm not meant to just go and go and go and go and, you're a manifester too. You're not meant to go and go and go and go. That doesn't mean you're. Any less or more introverted or extroverted, it's just like an a gas tank energy meter. when we're looking at some of these things that helps us understand ourselves better so we can be more effective in our business activities. understanding what if you. discover and come to peace with, maybe I am more extroverted than my yes friend next to me here. maybe not the most extroverted person ever, but but certainly more than what Mary can handle. And, and you're like, well, this now informs you to make better choices about how hard you wanna hit up certain things. Like there, there's just certain things you can do. dude, if I could have had half of the stamina you had in New York, oh dude, what a different experience. I mean, you would've been dangerous. I I, aside from the fact that I was like. I don't wanna get down on a public floor and be face down like everyone else. The germophobe in me was like, N no, no. I draw the line, I draw the line like I don't know what's on the bottom of your shoes. And you just walked on the carpet in front of me. But there were people literally face down on the floor. And in my heart I was like, I am face down on the floor with you. We finally, we switched rolls. We finally found your breaking point. I know. I love it. You'll never again get shit for that. I snapped so fast. You did. I snapped before we got into the door'cause we were in a six block long line. Now all I could think was the episode with Micah where I was like, Ws. Yeah. And then no, Mary's stronger than I am.'cause she's admitting she can't walk it. I I was like, really girl, you're done. I was done. Checks watched. Really, girl. You done? Yes. It's been two hours. Is it physically done, mentally done, emotionally done. And you know, and I think it's so important, like you and I have discovered so many things about ourselves by doing this podcast season. when we were talking with Micah, we were talking about like clinical diagnosis and like we all know now, like Mary's done the full diagnosis, not clinically. Anxious or depressed. But I still just an introvert. Just an introvert. I'm just an introvert. I wasn't having any of this because I was feeling a lot of anxiety. I know there were a lot of people who were there who were, like none of that and so that was really useful data actually. if anything, like, I'm, I'm super glad I got to do it. I got to see important people in my life that I needed to see that was worth its weight in gold. we had a good time, and we got data out of it. I can't complain. Yeah. So I think, anybody who is starting to network, continuing to network, I think it's noticing what you learn about yourself. How do you show up in a room? How are people talking about you? Are people trusting you? Are you interesting? Do you have anything to share? You know, all of it. Get to know yourself as they say. And go to therapy. All of it. What's the saying? Whoever they is who says it, that entrepreneurship is the best self-development course you'll ever take. Yep. And it starts with networking. That's it for today's episode of The Awkward Handshake. We record at Sasquatch Media Grounds in Vancouver, Washington. I'm Megan, co-founder of Fat Cap Design and creator of PDX Spellbound, and I'm Mary. Founder of Sasquatch Media Grounds and Sensible. Woo. You'll find links to everything we mentioned, guests, resources, and ways to connect with us in the show notes on your favorite podcast platform. That's also where you'll get updates on where we're headed next, and when we're inviting listeners like you to join us for guided networking in person and online. Don't be passive. Click the links. Pick better rooms. We'll see you there.