Dealing with arrogant people

This podcast discusses the problem of arrogance in professional and personal environments, emphasizing that arrogance is often rooted in insecurity and the need for validation rather than true confidence. Using a quote from philosopher David Hume, the speaker introduces the idea that people are often most mistaken when they are overly certain and prideful.

The podcast begins by describing the competitive nature of the modern workplace, where recruiters and employers invest significant effort into finding qualified candidates. Despite careful screening processes, organizations can still encounter individuals who display arrogance, entitlement, and self-centered behavior. These traits can negatively affect workplaces, academic settings, ministries, and other organizations.

Drawing on a quote from Dominique Bouhours, the speaker explains that arrogance can make even a person’s strengths appear negative. Several signs of arrogance are identified, including excessive boasting, exaggerating accomplishments, overestimating personal importance, challenging authority unnecessarily, acting entitled, and prioritizing personal interests over team responsibilities.

The podcast then offers practical advice for dealing with arrogant individuals. Listeners are encouraged to remain calm, avoid unnecessary arguments, and communicate clearly while maintaining self-respect. The speaker stresses that arrogance often functions as a defense mechanism masking deeper insecurities, so understanding the underlying causes can help manage these interactions more effectively.

A major theme of the podcast is self-reflection and personal growth. The speaker encourages listeners to examine their own insecurities, stop comparing themselves to others, and avoid constantly seeking validation or admiration. Instead, individuals should focus on letting their work and character speak for themselves. The podcast also warns against surrounding oneself with people who reinforce prideful or negative behavior.

To conclude, the speaker shares a personal story from early in their career as a young Quality Assurance technician. Feeling inexperienced and eager to prove themselves, they became arrogant toward coworkers. Through the patience and mentorship of their team, they learned humility, collaboration, and emotional maturity. These experiences ultimately helped shape them into a stronger leader.

The overall message of the podcast is that humility, self-awareness, openness to feedback, and authentic confidence are essential for healthy relationships, effective leadership, and long-term success in both career and personal life.

Transcript

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Daniel Badigio Podcast. Welcome to the Forge by and Design Podcast. This is your host, Daniel Badigio. In this episode, we'll be talking about dealing with arrogant people. David Hume quoted saying, When men are most sure and arrogant, they are commonly most mistaken. Given views to passion without the proper deliberation, which only can secure them from the grossest absurdities. So today I want to tackle head on how to deal with arrogant people. As we know, the global marketplace is highly competitive. And to find the best candidate for any job, employers often reach out to experienced recruiting and employment agencies to help them find that best candidate. Their role is to sift through numerous professional resumes, make preliminary phone calls, and eliminate candidates who lack the required hard skills. For a predetermined fee, I would say recruiters conduct background checks, confirm credentials, often work closely with their clients to present a comprehensive job offer. In summary, I would say significant background work is conducted to understand the employer's needs and bargaining power. So recruiters spend extensive time searching platforms such as Indeed, Maybe Monster, Job Seekers, LinkedIn, and many others to many other platforms to find the ideal candidate that can meet their immediate needs. And at the same time, I would say that employers must also prepare for interviews to ensure they hire someone capable of exceeding their expectations. However, despite the efforts of recruiters and employment agencies and employers, nothing fully prepares them to deal with a candidate who displays arrogance. Just imagine the time that is spent by recruiting agencies to go through numerous resumes, numerous phone calls, sifting through, going through different recruiting phases of that preliminary call, then a call with the representative of the company, then perhaps another teams meeting with the staffing agency and the employer to talk to this individual and talk about their experience, their background, their availability and ability to do the job, but they all focus primarily on hard skills. Nothing prepares them to deal initially with an arrogant person. Unfortunately, across corporate environments, academic circles, ministry settings, and virtually every industry, we encountered individuals who behave as though they are superior to others. These individuals portray themselves as better than their peers, better than their co-workers or fellow members of any organization. Such behavior is typically categorized as arrogance and self-centeredness, often rooted not in confidence, but in insecurity and a deep desire for continual validation. Bohar said this once. Today I want to address this difficult topic by providing an overview of how to recognize an arrogant individual and offering guidance on how to help break the cycle of pride and egotism. Perhaps there are people that you know as you listen to my voice that seem to be a little narcissist and have this feeling of extreme self-focus and superiority. Perhaps they're suffering from what's called the Dunning-Kruger effect. That's when people with low skill overestimate their ability. You know, I will also like to share a personal story about how I overcame the desire for validation in my own personal professional life. You know, there are several ways that you can identify someone with arrogance, and I want to provide five five maybe fundamental ways to identify an arrogant person. First, observe how frequently someone boasts about themselves or over-exaggerates their achievements. It's always about them. Look at what I have done, look at my resume, look at this or that. And typically, because you don't have an opportunity to fact check, you can only take that that uh that information with a grain of salt. But you see that these individuals are constantly boasting about themselves. It's all about me. I am the center of attention. The spotlight seems to always be on them. Second, notice if they consistently overestimate their importance in projects, believing that success solely depends on their involvement in that project or in that activity. In other words, they portray themselves as if they were extremely relevant in the success of achieving such a milestone. They would say, if I was not part of the team, if I was not leading, it was if I was not coaching, then nothing could happen or nothing could have been achieved. So they overestimate their importance, where perhaps they're it were just in a supervisory role and the team did the job, and the team achieved that goal, that milestone. But they say before other people that if they were not involved, then of course that milestone or that goal would not have been achieved. Third, pay attention to their tendency to challenge authority or operate outside their scope, often assuming superiority over others. They are the ones that are always wanting not only to focus on what they're doing, but they tend to look over the hedge, look over uh other departments, other areas where perhaps they don't have any scope of influence, but again, they want to operate outside of their scope, perhaps taking a position that they have a higher rank, a higher title, a higher degree, and that they can weigh in in the activities or responsibilities of others. Fourth, look for a strong sense, they they look for a so strong sense of entitlement where individuals believe that they deserve special treatment or privileges. You know, an arrogant person is always looking for validation. They say, you know, they have this sense of uh of entitlement where they want you to recognize their achievements, recognize their contribution, recognize their voice or uh seeking attention to what they have to say because they have this sense of entitlement. And somehow, some way, you know, they deserve a better treatment. They deserve that front seat in the in the conference room, they deserve XYZ. And I'm gonna let you fill in the blanks on that one, but there are people that are so arrogant, they they constantly have this persona of wanting special treatments or desiring special privileges. Lastly, arrogant individuals often prioritize their own agenda over assigned responsibilities, focusing only on what benefits them personally. So it's not about the team, it's not about highlighting the team's success or someone else's individual contribution, but everything that they do in the background of their minds and their thoughts, they're always focusing on how does this benefit me? How will this highlight my achievements? How will this or that give me more notoriety? Will give me more attention? How will this place my name on the company brochure? How will this uh have my name perhaps printed or sent on an email about what I have done, what I have achieved. So again, their focus is on it in every activity is how will this benefit me? When dealing with arrogant individuals, there are a few important approaches to consider. And I want to dive deep into this step because it's important that you save yourself and you place boundaries, respectful, ethical, diplomatic boundaries, when dealing with arrogant individuals. First, try to listen and understand their perspective. So when you're dealing with an arrogant person, you have to approach them with a sense of empathy, with a sense of sympathy, because there's a lot of background noise, a lot of skeletons in the closet, a lot of perhaps trauma in their past that they're carrying. So because you don't understand why this arrogant person is speaking or behaving in that manner, you have to approach that individual initially, respectfully, with sympathy and empathy, recognizing that arrogance often serves as a defense mechanism for deeper insecurities. Obviously, there's something going on where this person was influenced by perhaps other arrogant and narcissistic individuals. Perhaps if they come from a culture where it was very competitive, and now they are in a new environment working with a different team that has an entirely different mindset. And therefore, you they have to acclimate to the newness, to the improvement of this new organization, and really tone it down and keep things in check because the culture that you're in, it's all about team win, a team environment, a team mindset. So you have to again approach them with empathy, recognizing that perhaps it's a defense mechanism and that this individual, he or she or them as a group, may be dealing with deeper insecurities. Second, avoid engaging in arguments as such individuals are often unwilling to admit fault. You know, an arrogant individual loves to take credibility but hates to take accountability. So again, if it's all about praises, if it's all about being the center of attention, if it's all about uh me and me being the spotlight, or a goal being achieved, then of course that individual would say, absolutely, count me in. I did this, I steered it, I framed it, I led this activity, I was the XYZ of this uh uh activity or responsibility, focus the attention on me, but they lack the ability to take accountability for failures. If you do not achieve that goal and aspiration, if you do not achieve that milestone, then of course they tend to shift the blame to others. Well, it was not about me because I was I was informed, I was equipped, I had the information, I had the know-how. But because they would say, but because my team really lacked the capability or ability, then they tend to shift the blame to others, not putting the mantle of accountability over their shoulders. So instead of use with these individuals, you have to use really be calm and use a lot of rationality and be intentional in your communication to manage conflict. You have to approach this individual knowing that it has to be a bilateral communication in order to understand what this person is thinking, what is their approach, and how you can turn things around in their mindset in order to not have them flee away or run away from the team, but for that person to really make an intrinsic examination about how they're behaving, how they're speaking, or how they are portraying themselves and have them change for the good and be part of the team. Because obviously, this individual was hired because they had hard skills. Somehow in the resume, they had some experience. Somehow there were certain traits about this individual's that individual that uh the company or the recruiter, the uh hiring agency saw and could say, well, this individual could contribute to the overall success of the organization. But then again, you know, you you see those traits. However, when working in a private or closer team setting, arrogance surfaces, and you have to address that head on. But you have to do it in a calm manner with intentional communication to avoid any conflict and to avoid that person to think they have an upper hand. Third, I would say clearly communicate your position and maintain your standards without lowering your self-esteem or authority. What I mean by this is that arrogance should not be tolerated. When dealing with an arrogant person and they raise their voice and they start doing all these hand gestures and specifically when they have a higher authority, you have to say, you know, I respectfully disagree with that comment. I I respectfully understand your point of view. However, this is my point of view, this is my perspective, this is my experience, this is what we are seeing, and you address it not from a personal standpoint, but from a collective standpoint. In my personal experience, when I have dealt with individuals that have over exaggerated their contribution, uh I typically tend to bring in a supervisor, I tend to bring in a line leader, maybe a department manager, in some cases, human resources, to sit down with this individual to address the manner, to address certain incidences that occurred during the history of their employment, where we saw certain ill traits that were not representative of the culture and the organization. By doing so, the arrogant individual, perhaps the narcissist, who has an unhealthy trait of uh being thinking that he is superior, he or she being superior, when he's surrounded, when she's surrounded by a a team setting of professionals, typically they tend to tone it down. And typically they tend to start to rationalize and in some cases admit that they perhaps took a an approach that was unhealthy to the organization. And many times I have seen personally that in many meetings the arrogant individuals tend to overshadow other people's contributions. Whereas when they're sharing a milestone achievement, instead of letting the team speak, the people that actually did the job, the people that were actually engaged, that know the statistical, analytical process, uh project, uh XYZ function of that activity, uh having them speaking, they tend to overpower and take and steal the thunder, so to speak, of those individuals. So these individuals do not let others participate. So we had to address many times those behaviors saying, hey, you have a great team. These are professionals, these are engineers, these are technicians, they have experience, they have the know-how. So in different settings, you allow the team to speak in behalf of the uh the activities that were performed during that project or that Gantt chart. And let the team take credit, even though you steered, even though you led, even though you contribute, it's all about a team win. And sometimes we had to have a staff in order to address those ill behaviors. You know, finally, I would say that refrain from building alliances that reinforce negative attitudes, as arrogance often seeks validation through others, but ultimately harms both individuals and the broader environment. So, in order to break the cycle of pride and egotism, it really requires intentional reflection. Begin by examining your own insecurities and asking why you feel the need for constant validation and attention. This may stem from past experiences such as rejection, being overlooked, or feeling some sort of inadequacy. It is important to recognize your inherent value and reject negative beliefs about yourself. Stop comparing yourself to others, as this behavior can damage your emotional well-being. Instead, let your work and ability and ability speak for themselves. Refrain from building alliances, you know, that typically share the same spirit of arrogance because ultimately you're going to ruin yourself, ruin your career, and ruin the environment or the culture as a whole. So again, when you are in an uh confronting an arrogant person that has created certain partnerships with other individuals that share that same arrogant mindset, you have to be very careful and address it with almost with white gloves. And understand that you do not wish to engage in that type of culture, but by the same token, you as a leader must address it head on because you understand that they bring certain skill sets to the table, and perhaps they have a subject matter expertise within the organization, and that you need their talents and two abilities. So it's not about their hard skills, it's about addressing an unhealthy behavior. You know, when I was a young leader, a young quality manager many, many, many years ago. I had that tendency. I had the tendency of perhaps taking too much credit for the work that was performed within my department. And I have no shame of saying it. Many times we were in a conference meeting presenting a PowerPoint presentation or a presentation to a corporate environment. And knowing that my team went far and beyond working late hours, overtime, and so forth to accomplish a specific task, when it was time to present our achievements, instead of letting the team speak, because they were the ones that did the job, they were the ones that uh conducted the investigation, implemented, implemented the continuous process improvement activities, and did so many other things that were increasingly beneficial to the success of the project and to the culture of the organization, I would tend to want to be the spokesperson for that meeting. And I soon realized that during my during the activity, during the the action plan, we were all working in synergy, in harmony, in unison. But after the meeting, where I took the the microphone or took the the the lead and being the spokesperson, I would notice that my peers, uh my team members would maybe refrain from talking to me for the next several days or or just there was something I understood that there was something weighing on their minds. And when this happened for several occasions, I would I would approach my team and I say, Hey, you know, I send something in the air. Uh, what is it that uh I have done wrong, or what is it that uh you have in your mind that's worrying you? And they were very honest, they were very ethical, they were very professional, and they would say, Hey, Daniel, you know, during the meeting, we wanted the opportunity to speak. We wanted the opportunity to showcase uh certain things that uh you know we did uh as a team, and you prevented us or did not allow us the opportunity to really uh have an opinion about what went on and how we were able to achieve as a unit, as a team, as a department, this specific milestone in front of corporate people, in front of uh leaders or other department managers. You know, and when you are humble and when you can take constructive criticism, you're able to make those adjustments. And without even knowing and without having any intentionality, I was portraying a certain arrogance, a certain boastfulness before my team whom I respected and loved dearly. They were an amazing group of individuals. So some of them were older than me. And when you are able to receive counsel, when you are able to receive direction and constructive criticism, you make those adjustments. So if you are have been told in the past during your tenure that you have displayed some sort of arrogance or people are are ice being, you know, isolating themselves from you, you don't have the same camaraderie, you don't have the same uh team environment, the same cultural mindset, then it's time to make a an intrinsic evaluation to say what am I doing and who am I associating with that has the same mindset that's preventing me to have a stronger relationship with my department managers, with my team, with my peers. So to conclude, I want to share that uh, you know, that experience was pivotal in my lifetime. You know, unfortunately, my team members, through patience, through guidance, helped me to recognize my shortcomings and to grow into a more collaborative and mature professional. And those lessons have shaped me as the leader I am today. And I'm talking about something that happened almost 17, 18 years ago, but was pivotal in my new roles and responsibilities as I move from one organization to another, I still remember those conversations vividly. And if you want to not be an arrogant person, if you do not want to be a self-centered person taking all the attention, seeking attention and validation, or bragging a lot a lot about your achievements, about your resume, and talking down to others, and perhaps refusing to admit mistakes and taking accountability and always assuming that you are right all the time. Uh, if you want to make that change, it takes a lot of humility, it takes a lot of hearing other individuals, accepting constructive criticism, and being a team player. So, my advice is simple conduct an honest self-assessment of your behavior. Stop comparing yourself to others, stop seeking attention and validation and put all the spotlight and the focus on your team members and their achievements. Avoid seeking constant validation and remain open to different perspectives, different points of views from your professional engineering team, professional peers, people that surround you. Believe me, a lot of people want your they have your best interest in mind. They want you to succeed. They can deal with your hard skills, they understand that you have the ability and credit historical credibility to get things done. It's not about your hard skills, it's about a behavioral shift. So by doing so, you will position yourself for personal growth, have a stronger relationship, have stronger relationships with your peers, and have long-term career success. So I really hope that you have um jotted down some notes on how to deal with arrogant people and know that it's not about you, that it is about we. Do not be a person that people do not want to be around with, do not be a person that people are avoiding you in the hallways, avoiding you in the conference room, but be an individual that exceeds, that collaborates, and understands that adjustments must be made in order for you to have a fruitful and prosperous career. So this has been Daniel. I hope you have been benefited from this counsel. And of course, thank you for listening. And I will see you on the next episode.