I Choose Peace

If your mind has been loud… this episode is for you.

We’re talking about anxiety, emotional triggers, and how to intentionally choose peace — even when life feels uncertain.

Peace is not passive.

It’s something you protect.

Take a breath. You’re allowed to feel calm again.

Comment “PEACE.”

Awaken the wide-eyed woman within.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hello beautiful. Take a breath. You're exactly where you need to be. Welcome to the Big Eye Girl Podcast, a space for real conversations, honest reflection, and learning how to see life through a bigger, wider lens. I'm so glad you're here. Whether you press play because you're searching for clarity, growth, or just a moment to breathe and feel seen, you're in the right place. And around here, we talk about things that shape us the challenges, the shifts, the lessons, and the quiet moments in between that often matter the most. This is a space where you don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to be open. So wherever you are right now, driving, walking, or just sitting with your thoughts, settle in. Take what you need from this conversation and allow yourself to see things a little differently today. Let's get into it. Let's slow down before we even start. I want you to take this time to sit in your chair. If you're driving, just sit up a little bit. And I want to invite you to flutter your eyes closed. But if you're driving, please don't close those eyes, sis. Just keep your eyes on the roll, but you can still take breath with us. With your eyes fluttered closed, I want you to inhale deeply in through the nose. And out through your mouth. Two more of these intentional deep breaths in through the nose. And out through the mouth. One more time. In deeper through the nose. And out through the mouth. Because today we're talking about peace. Not the kind that depends on everything going right, but the kind you choose, even when things feel uncertain. I remember a season where my mind would not stop. Overthinking conversations, replaying situations, anticipating outcomes that hadn't even happened. And outwardly I looked fine, y'all. Like I look fine, fine. Good. To the point that some people be like, You ain't going through nothing, you don't look like it. And I used to be sometimes I'll be offended when people would say that to people. I would hear that state in being say it because why do I have to look like something to be going through something? But internally, I felt restless, unsettled, anxious, and I kept telling myself, I need clarity. But what I really needed was peace. Maybe you felt that too. Where you where your thoughts feel loud, your emotions feel unpredictable, and your body feels tense. Even when something, even when nothing is technically wrong, let's talk about that. Um years ago, 20-some years ago, a cousin of mine was about to be, he was being ordained to be um a minister. And a family that's here in Georgia, he invited family to witness to witness him being ordained. And I remember getting dressed, um, my parents, we my parents were new, new living here, and a lot of things in our our day-to-day lives were uncertain, it was unfamiliar. My parents had never lived in Georgia. Um, we were taking care with the primary caretakers for my grandmother, and I was navigating uh college and finding who I am, working, trying to help out in the house, you know, all the things. I was also in a space where I was navigating a lot of anxiety and a lot of depression. My mom was, I remember we're getting dressed, and I'm venting about why is my cousin getting ordained? And when did he become a minister? When did all this happen? Like, and he doesn't minister to our family, he don't come around here and help nobody do anything, and I'm just going, going, going, going, going. Because that was my truth, that was my anxiety, that was my fear, that was what I was feeling in that moment in time. And my mom said to me, if you want to go, come on, let's go. I get it, I understand what you're saying. It's water under the bridge, whatever. You know, basically shut up, either you're going or you're not. And if you don't want to go, I understand that too. But then I was like, I'm gonna go. I'm like, you gonna go. I was all over the place, overthinking. And in that season of my life, I was a wee connoisseur. Yes, indeed I was, and had been a wee connoisseur since the age of 14 because that was my form of my coping mechanism. See, my anxiety and overthinking, the anxiety and overthinking and depression didn't come from just that moment of us relocating from Detroit and having to take on the task of you know finding new everything, new jobs, new ways of living, taking care of our group. It wasn't just that. That was something that was the icing on the cake for me. My cake was already made and it was already full of all those overthinking anxiety and depression, um, emotions. That's what a week had been. See, people were not understanding that, and some people weren't aware. My mom and my stepfather were aware, but my state family, I don't think they were very much aware of what how I was living. It was a season in my life. My father and my uncle were America's most wanted. It was a season in my life where things were falling apart. My father was on the run, and then it was a season in my life when they got captured, and he was gone. And I was starting high school, and I was vulnerable, I was lost. Uh he was taken away from me at the a juncture in my life where I needed him the most. I was learning how to drive, and he was gonna teach me how to drive, and he was about to buy me a car, and all these things. No one understood it. Then my old eldest brother was then on the run, and he was Michigan's most wonder. And all these things, and then I now I live in Atlanta where it's nice and it's pretty, and the sun is shining every day, and I'm separated from my siblings and the responsibility that I thought I had to hold in order to be the big sister that I'm supposed to be, the eldest daughter I'm supposed to be. No one's understanding that I feel like I'm let I've let everyone down because I'm choosing them. So we was the only thing that gave me a sense of peace. It stopped overthinking and helping with the anxiousness, didn't so much help with the depression, but I was able to function. In that it opened me up to relationships that I shouldn't have been in, being around in environments I shouldn't have been exposed to. Because I was just looking for a way of escape. I was looking for peace. Now we get to church and the service is beautiful, and I'll never forget the bishop at the time he was anointing the ministers, and he ran up to the pool back up to the pulpit, because the sanctuary was full of family and friends and people, congregation just celebrating and worshiping God and thanking God for these people that have chose to surrender their lives as ministers of the gospel. And one of my cousins being one of those ministers, one of my first cousins, not just a cousin, first cousin, his mom and my mama's sisters. And I remember the bishop asking the minister of um music, Elder Murphy was his his title at that time. He's a bishop now, Elder William Murphy. He said to him, Sing whatever's in your spirit, whatever the spirit of God tells you to sing, you sing it. And Murph, we used to call him, well, we still call him for short. I don't know if you're listening, you've never you've ever been in a sanctuary where it looks foggy in there, that is almost like the presence of God had dropped by and settled himself. That's how it was in there that day. God was pleased with the worship that he had decided to settle there with us. My hand shot up because he was singing about peace. And I was crying, and I'm crying so hard because at that point I'm like, God, you see me. Oh my god, that's what I need. And that was something that marijuana couldn't do. It was filling holes within my soul that I couldn't even get to anymore. That I didn't even know how to get to, that no one in my immediate family, no one around me could help me decipher it. But that moment in that worship, and with my hands stretched forth, God was seeing me and making sure that my needs were being met. One of my uncles was sitting in front of me. He turned around, he laid his hands on me, and he prayed, and as he was praying, I fell down, slain into the spirit. Once I got up and I got myself together, they were doing a call to salvation, and I went down and I ran to give my life to God. I never forget that room, the room was full of people. And we all collectively prayed a prayer of salvation. Afterwards, we went into the multimedia room. That's where the family of the ministers that had just got ordained were and mingling and celebrating and hugging and taking pictures and all the things, right? My cousin was and I caught eye contact, he seen me and I saw he shortened his conversation and came towards me and hugged me. He said, Welcome, you did it, you did it, cousin. Darius was so proud. Darius was so happy for me that day. He was, it was almost as if that was the gift that kept on giving for him. And it was a day for him. My cousin is a beautiful man of God. He's a beautiful family. I don't see him as often as I would like. But every time I see him, and when we do meet, he meets with the same authentic love of really want to know how you are. I appreciate God for using someone who for a season I judged, for a moment I judged, because I was just so hurt and so broken. And my mind wasn't giving me anything, but more anxiety, more depression, more overthinking, more this and more that. But that day, Jehovah saw me. He heard my prayers, he heard my cries at night for peace in my mind, peace with my grandmother, who at that time couldn't hear anymore, and she was the one who taught me how to pray when things were going bad. She won't tell me when things going bad, that's when you pray the hardest. And just for one moment I wanted to talk to her. See my grandmother, she couldn't hear anymore. Excuse me. I'm sorry, excuse me. And just for one moment, I'm like, if I can just have her pray. I know it will get through to God. Not knowing through all that time that God was using what I was going through to teach me how to pray through my hard times. And I had some hard ones. I seen a lot. I experienced a lot. I witnessed things that people shouldn't witness. Some things I don't even remember. And I thank God for that. Because it was just that bad. But that day is a day that my life changed. Oh, I changed. That late that day I aligned with my purpose. I aligned with my des my destiny. And that's what help me shift. Shifting to understand what peace is for real. Peace is not passing. Peace is a decision. Because in Philippians chapter 4, verse 7 it says, The peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and your mind. See the peace of God surpasses all understanding. Not that good weed. Not that drink. But for me, that weed. Yeah, maybe somebody that's listening may be a weed kind of shore. But I'm gonna tell you one thing says. Oh, God can see me. He can definitely see you. Keep praying. Keep pressing. Then one day you're just gonna have to surrender at all. And he will give you peace that surpasses all understanding. Because even though my life after that was not peachy hoary dory, it was good. I mean I it was blessed as I'm blessed. That doesn't mean I had to work some things out, but I had the peace of God which surpasses all understanding. That guarded my heart now. Now I have something to guard my heart. Not nothing to make my heart feel relaxed. He guarded my heart and my mind. Not for the weed smoke that goes into my mind and put everything to sleep. Guard. That means peace is protective. But you have to choose what you allow near your mind. And here's what I had to learn. If I constantly consume chaos, I feel chaotic. If I constantly entertain anxious thoughts, I feel unstable. Peace requires participation. And this is where I had to get honest. I had to get honest that we wasn't it ain't helping. It's helping me tolerate some BS. It's helping me tolerate people I don't like, helping me do things I don't want to do, be in environments I don't want to be in, just to not feel left out, to avoid being alone, to avoid dealing with the fact that you've been smoking weed since you were 14 years old, and that you've seen and witnessed some stuff that People should not people at your age, some people have gone through worse. I know. But I noticed that the environments I I was in, and I had to realize that God delivered me from an environment that was actually making me anxious. Even though it was home. Let's talk about awareness. Because that made that made me aware of something. I received the peace of God. It made me aware that, yeah, you were here in Atlantic and your family, your hometown is Detroit, but it was actually not healthy for you. And I said, oh God, that's so lot. And now that I'm aware of that, guess what? I go I want it. I want everybody to be aware of it. Because you cannot choose peace if you don't recognize what disrupts it. I can't accept the peace of God if I didn't understand what was causing, what was disrupting it in the first place. I had to start asking myself, what are my triggers? Is it uncertainty, inconsistency, silence, rejection, falling out of control? Yeah. Because triggers are not random, they are connected to past experiences. And if you don't name them, you will react instead of respond. You will knock if you buck, you will pop off, you will go from zero to 100 real quick. And this is where emotional wellness comes in. When something triggers you, your body responds before logic does. Y'all hear that? Your body. So if you have not exercised self-discipline and self-control, maybe you're about to blow somebody's mouth out. So we just say back in the day. You won't well off and hit somebody. Or you'll snap. Your heart rate increases, thoughts speed up, emotions intensify. That's not you being dramatic. That's your nervous system trying to protect you. Since you're in flight or you're in fight or flight. Your body just wants to get to calm and collective. But not every trigger requires a reaction. Sometimes it requires awareness. So we're gonna make this in this we're gonna make this practical. Because peace peace, because peace is spiritual, but it's because peace is spiritual, but it's also practice. Here are a few things I've had to do. I've had to learn how to slow down. Taking intentional deep breaths. Yoga meditation. Prayer journaling walking. Being places where I'm stealing quiet. One, pause before reacting. Not everything needs an immediate response. Two breathe intentionally. Simply, simple, but powerful. Inhale slowly, exhale slowly. Three, limit mental overstimulation. Too much scrolling equals too many comparisons, y'all. The scrolling starts off cool and then you just go into this rabbit hole and you just down. And you notice like you start seeing people's stuff, you're like, oh, they doing that, or they doing that, why they and he support me, and he supports me, and then he come to mind. You just start going down this comparison thing. Well, what did I do wrong? I could do that. I just had to stop myself doing that. I this this last night. I said, Oh Lord, no, that's not me. Cast down that thought and imagination. I am fearfully wonderful, man. In the image of God. Yeah, you have to counter those thoughts and those feelings and those emotions with the truth. Four. Create quiet moments, no music, no noise, just stillness. Check in with your body. It's a pose called savasana. It's called it's we call it corpse pose because you just lay there. Like lay on the floor, palms up, lay there, close eyes, regular breath, laying there. It's a it's many of us that just need to take a savasana. For real. Sit lay down. On the floor. Like lay there. Nothing. And breathe. And let your bodies heal you something. Five. Pray honestly, not perfectly. It can be God, my mind feels overwhelmed. God, I don't want to have this habit no more. God, I don't want to do this no more. The thing is when we pray, my grandmother, like I said before, she taught me how to pray. She always, she was, grandma taught me how to do honest prayers. But when you pray, don't you ask God something you can't do. She looked at her like, what he got? She said, no, you're praying asking him to do something. It's gonna require for you to do something too. These are not complicated, but they are consistent. Peace is built in small decisions. Let me say something clearly. You cannot chase peace and chaos at the same time. If something consistently disrupts your peace, pay attention. Not everything requires more understanding, more patience, more explanation. Sometimes it requires distance. I had to learn this. If I feel anxious every time I deal with something, that's information. Every time I deal with something, I'm feeling anxious. Either I'm not supposed to be doing it, it's not time, leave it be. If I feel unsettled consistently, that's information. Peace is not confusion, peace is clarity. Choosing peace is not a one-time direction. Choosing peace is not a one-time decision. It's daily. It's what you entertain, what you allow, what you revisit, what you release. And sometimes choosing peace means letting go of what you hoped would work. But peace is worth that decision. If your mind has told, if your mind has been loud, if your heart has been unsettled. Let's take some more deep breaths. Right now. So sit up. If you don't flutter your eyes closed. Inhale. Deeply in through the nose. And out through the mouth. Once again, in through the nose. In out through the mouth. One last time, sis. And through the nose. And out through your mouth. You don't have to figure everything out today. You can choose peace anyway. Comment peace. If you're protecting your peace this season. And remember. Awaken the wide-eyed woman within. Before you go, I just want to say thank you for being here and choosing to spend this time with me. It really means more than you know. If this episode spoke to you in any way, the best way you can support the Big Eye Girl Podcast is by simply following the show right here where you are listening. That way you never miss a conversation. Because new episodes drop every week. And if something you heard today made you think of another woman in your life, a friend, a sister, a coworker, share this episode with her. You truly never know how a conversation can shift someone's perspective or give them exactly what they needed to hear at that right time. This space is about growth, honesty, and seeing life through a bigger, wider lens. And it only grows stronger when we bring other women into it. So follow, share, and keep the conversation going beyond this episode. Until next time, stay open, stay hopeful, and keep living wide eye.