I Am Called

Do you feel like there’s more in you — but you’re not sure where to start?

Calling doesn’t always come with clarity. Sometimes it shows up as a nudge, a pull, or a quiet knowing you can’t ignore.

In this episode, we unpack purpose, fear, and how to take your next step even when you don’t have the full picture.

You don’t need certainty to begin.
 You just need willingness.

Comment “CALLED” if you’re stepping into purpose.

Awaken the wide-eyed woman within.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, beautiful. Take a breath. You're exactly where you need to be. Welcome to the Big Eye Girl Podcast, a space for real conversations, honest reflection, and learning how to see life through a bigger, wider lens. I'm so glad you're here. Whether you press play because you're searching for clarity, growth, or just a moment to breathe and feel seen, you're in the right place. And around here, we talk about things that shape us the challenges, the shifts, the lessons, and the quiet moments in between that often matter the most. This is a space where you don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to be open. So wherever you are right now, driving, walking, or just sitting with your thoughts, settle in. Take what you need from this conversation and allow yourself to see things a little differently. Have you ever felt there's more in you, but you don't fully know how to access it yet? It's like that quiet pool. Something is you wake you up at night in your dreams, having conversations with a grandma, auntie, uncle. And they like, yeah, it's just something about you. It's just something about you. That's calling. I remember it's it's a lot of people that in well say a lot, yes, a lot of people that I know they're like, yeah, I got a call on my life, or someone's always, always told me I'll come across them like, yeah, somebody told me that before, I got a call on my life. And I remember asking somebody, so why do you mean answer it? Because maybe if you would have answered it, you wouldn't be going through what you're going through. That's why I was thinking to myself, I didn't say that to them. Because I know in me asking why they didn't why didn't they answer it was bold enough of a statement to ask or a question to ask. But I'm asking you, sis calling doesn't always come with clarity. Some say, Oh, you're gonna know, you're gonna know. Some people got us don't know. I just don't know what I'm called to do. I don't know what my purpose is in life, I don't know what what God got me here for, and you're so loud asking those, saying those statements. You're so bombarded in your thoughts, you're moving so much in life, you're here, you're there, and you're everywhere. But I will say this with all sincerity and all truth that I know it to be. Calling doesn't always come with clarity. Sometimes it feels like curiosity, discomfort, a nudge. God doesn't always reveal the full picture. Because if he feels revealed the full picture, what exactly is faith for? What is trusting him to come out of something in the midst of in the midst of a storm? You're in a storm and you see Jesus walking on the water, and you like, yo, if you can do it, I know I can because at least it's gonna save me from what I'm going through right now. And I know that's like, yeah, that's the Bible, and that sounds like that's a good story, or whatever. But it may be you have been praying for peace. If you listen to some previous episodes when I was talking about peace and choosing peace, it was a season in my life where I was always I smoked weed a lot. I started smoking weed right before high school, and I started smoking weed right before high school because it was the only thing that would calm my nerves and calm my thoughts from being so loud in my head, because my father at the time in my life was America's most wanted. That's right. I know some of y'all may look like that's that was a TV show. Yes, it was a TV show, and it talked about real people that was wanted by the federal government, by the FBI, America's Most Wanted, or criminals that were wanted by the FBI, and not just my uncle, my dad was on the uh run, my uncle was too. And some people was like, Wow, some make people may think that, like, oh, that's that wow, that's fierce, or if you came up in the hood, or if you come up in certain type of environments, like that's clout, like yo, she comes from, she knows what it is. Then some people be like, I get the other emotions from people. Oh my god, really? I couldn't believe that you came from something like that. Oh my god, can you experience that? That's what I mean by being understanding both sides of the fence. But I I'm talking about my call. I would smoke marijuana because that was the only thing that would give me some peace in the moment to get through navigating, seeing my father or not seeing definitely not. I didn't see my uncle when he was too much on the run, or I couldn't see my father when I wanted to because he couldn't come around because he was on the run. And knowing that one day that my dad will get caught, that my hunt, my uncle, my father would get caught, and when they got caught, would they kill them? Will it be violent? Where would they do it at? Will we have to go find their bodies, or would they go to prison for the rest of their lives? So our family was in a certain type of turmoil and and chaos and uneasiness, and we were already not, my dad's side of the family was already not that grounded. They were the zero to a hundred real real fast. So it wasn't a lot of faith talk, it was a lot of you know, vengeance. We we deal with it the way we know how to deal with it. But in the midst of all that, I was praying for peace for a long time. Mind you, I was 14 years old when I started. God didn't give me my peace until I was uh I was 20 something years old, 22 to be exact. That's a long time to go through ups and downs and turnarounds, but I was covered. I had people praying for me. I had a praying grandmother, I had a praying grandfather, had a praying mother, aunts and uncles, I had family around me, but they still didn't know what I was internally going through. They didn't know, I won't say they didn't, my grandparents did. My grandparents had moved to Georgia, so that was another pain to injury. The people that I went to for uh the for clarity and for grounding and understanding, they were now thousands of miles away from us, and it was just me and my mom in Detroit with relatives, so the two the two anchors who I had, they weren't there anymore. So you're getting what I'm saying? Like, so but I knew that I had something, I knew that I knew something. I knew I I knew God, I knew I was raised with God, I was raised in a Christian home, I knew how to pray, I knew what speaking in tongues was, I knew what laying hands up, I know what slaying, I knew all these things, I knew so much, but I wasn't actively working in them, but I knew of them, I knew how to access it too, but I didn't because part of me was ashamed of it, because it was a season of my life younger. I remember a friend of mine said, Oh, you're weird, you're one of real weird Christian girls, and because I wanted a friend so bad, I put down Jesus and picked up a friendship. That wasn't true, that's another story from another day. But I'm talking about the calling and how it's not allowed. So, in the midst of me drinking and getting high, I'll be around friends and they're going through stuff, and I will end up being the one that always helped them, talked them down, prayed with them even sometimes, ministered to them, and didn't even know I was ministering to them. Until one day one of my friends was like, You got a word from the Lord today? I was like, What are you talking about? She's like, Girl, the other day when you was high and you was drunk, girl, you was going in. She said, It was helping me. I'm like, what are you talking about? I said, I wasn't. I ignored it. Until I started getting into places where I really needed God to get me out of. And with a piece, the weed wasn't getting me high no more, and it wasn't helping. Once I moved to Georgia, and the weed wasn't helping no more. The weed was not weeding, it was just keeping me high, keeping me in environments around people that I thought were friends that I could be in company with, so I didn't have to deal with myself. But then one day God asked me, God took me to a place where I got peace, and that calling was answered that same day. Something that kind of draws you little by little, it puts you in, it does give you a discomfort. And though that day that I answered the call, I didn't have the full picture, I didn't have the full scope of things. I had no idea what Jesus was doing with my life. All I know is that if he was gonna give me some peace that surpasses all understanding, and I didn't have to smoke no weed no more for it, I was all in for it. It's a step-by-step in this walk. You don't get the whole blueprint, you know how to begin. The emotional blocks to purpose, these you're building something, so you build, and he's helping you build a foundation within yourself. The foundation on him is fear there, it's doubt there, it's comparison. These don't mean you're not caught, baby, they just mean you're human. You're gonna have to feel these things because so interesting. I'm having I'm talking about this in this season in my life with you all because we are human, we are not called to be gods. Like we have to we're gonna have fear because if we don't have fear, we don't know what faith is. If we don't have doubt, we don't know what faith is, belief is no if we don't have comparison, no confidence. You have to, it's like a yin to yang type of situation. Yes and no. You don't know what yes is until you hear no, you don't know no is until you hear yes. You know what I'm saying? Like it they it's you have to feel these things to be able to navigate these things in order to have a testimony to know that you are called. We're human and we're gonna feel these things, and you go you take small steps one by one, day by day. The more you want of good, you feed it with good, you get in the word, you get in the faith-based church that you're called to, that you pray about. You pray more, you spend time with God more, you spend time with things that elevate your spirit, lift your spirit up, the speaker life to you, that talks to who you are as a person. It says faith without works is dead. You have to work it, not perfection. You're not going in trying to do everything perfectly. I made the mistake of that. And if I can forewarn you or warn you, or even if you're trying to make everything perfect, well, that's I have to have it like this, it's gonna be like this, and gotta be like that. And just everything has to be controlled. If you are one and perfect, that means you are struggling with control, and you're not trusting God. You're not, you're trusting you, you're trusting your willpower, you're trusting how much you can do it, and putting Jesus on it. I've been there and done it. I'm gonna read something in 2 Timothy, 2 Timothy 1 and 9, it says, Who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given to us in Christ Jesus before the time began. Before you were formed in your mother's womb, Jeremiah 29 and 11. Before you were formed in your mother's womb, I knew you. That's scripture. In 2 Timothy 1 and 9, God called us according to Him. I'm gonna read it again, not according to our works. That means you can't earn your calling. This is not grade school, this is not elementary, this is not middle school, high school, this is not your master's degree, this is not your doctrine degree. This is not a degree at all. This is not your career, you're earning to get to that title. No, you cannot earn your calling. We get it, but according to his own purpose and grace, his own purpose and grace, which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began, before you were formed in your mother's womb, he knew you, he called you. Yes, sis, even if you stopped, you stumbled, you fell back, like they used to say, you backslid, whatever it is, prodigal daughter, he knew you. You're still caught. I don't care how many niggas you done slept with, I don't care who how many women you didn't been with, I don't care what you've done, I don't care where you have been, you're caught. It's called repent, turn away, and ask God to help you get back on the right track because it's his calling and his grace that's gonna be able to help you understand how to walk this out day by day, not perfect, but day by day. The calling is just about trusting God with the outcome. You got to. If you don't trust God with outcome, well, I've been hurt before, I don't trust these church people. I really don't really want to hear what you really got to say because you sound like you're preaching to me too, and you might be saying that about me. That's cool, it's okay. I get it. I didn't trust church people either. I've been hurting the church too. I've been hurt by church people as well as too. Judas hurt Jesus as well, too. He was assigned, he was called. How you deal with your Judas, though. How you deal with who hurt you, though. Guess what? Only purpose, only person that can help you deal with what hurt you to trust is to trust God is God. Your calling, our calling is a beautiful thing because it clears up the space, it clears up the the delusion, the confusion of going here and there and everywhere. I want to say that our it was a season in my life. I didn't know what I wanted. I knew what I want to do in with my life, career-wise, I'm speaking. But when I realized that I couldn't be a runaway model, because I love fashion, I love art, all the things, right? And when I realized I couldn't be a fashion model, I said, okay, well, I'm gonna design clothes, I'm gonna make clothes, I'm gonna be a dancer, I'm gonna be everything had to do with some type of form of art. When I got to the point in my life, once I after I answered call on my life, and it was a season where I was helping out at the church a lot. I was in ministry, and I was helping, and I could see that they saw the gifts, the the multifaceted gifts I had, the many gifts I had, and they were you know congratulating me and just giving me like all my flowers and all that, but they weren't paying me. And I'm like, well, I need to be paid, I need to be compensated because. Your congratulations or your that's beautiful and that's nice key or you did that. I don't oh thank you. But I don't have a job. At the time I didn't have a job. And that wasn't a responsibility to pay me. Oh well, let me be clear about that. But I also felt like I kept giving, kept giving, kept giving. And I kept I was serving, and people may say, well, you're supposed to be serving unto the Lord. I was, but a lot of things I was doing was for events, and it was costing, and they weren't giving me the money to buy these things. So the money that I did make, I was spending my money because I I was justifying by saying I'm doing this unto God. But it got to a point where in my journal time, because I I write my prayers are in my that's how I use my journal time. That's my prayers, not on my prayers. In that I began to write to God, and I asked God. I said, God, out of all these gifts, I told myself I feel like I'm being pimped, I'm being used by your people, by the people that you call and you've chosen. And this is me candidly speaking to you, since I don't know, but I do know. I know what it feels like to be giving and giving of yourself, and you don't know exactly what I'm supposed to be doing in this world. Because I I don't I know that I'm not a perfect person, but I also know that I'm not a horrible person, that I'm trying, God, and I want to do this right, but how do I do it? And my prayer was at that time, this is 20-something years ago, God, what gift do you want me to use that's gonna give you glory, make me money, and make me happy. Few days later, my word is my bond, my bishop at the time, who was in Bible study, and he said, Some of y'all have been praying, and then he stopped. He said, A few of y'all, and he said, I'm only talking to a few. He said, Lord wants me to say this to you. So a few of y'all have been praying and asking God what gift, and he said, The gift that you're playing lightly is the one that's going to bring you in front of great men and make your name great. I was at church that day with my grandmother, and my grandmother, after her master stroke, she was left deaf, so she could not hear naturally that she couldn't hear like you talking, but she could hear like loud sounds. She can hear the spirit real well. She was looking, she was nodding off because she couldn't hear the service, but she was in the church, but she can feel the spirit of God. You know, I'm not gonna get too deep into that. And I knew that the Holy Spirit had used my bishop to speak to me, and I said, Well, God, that's not usually how we talk to one another. You could have just answered me. I was looking for him to answer me in a different, in a another familiar way, but he was training my ear to help me hear him, discern him from other means. I knew immediately that God was telling me to do hair. Doing hair for me, especially growing up in Detroit, and Detroit used to be the hair capital. Everybody was doing hair, everybody was good at it. I grew up with some hairstylists, y'all. It's funny how y'all, a lot of the style, a lot of the new stuff, I won't even say new styles, the reinvented styles. A lot of people think they're new and they're not. And she like, you don't do hair. What are you talking about? You do it, but you don't do it like that. Like, that's something you that's a little hot to her, it was a hobby, something I was just good at to doing. I said, No, this is something God's telling me to do with your calling, whoever I'm speaking to, it may call you out of something that you're used to doing, or call you a call to call you into something that you've been playing lightly. You're not really thinking that something can come out of that. Long story short, I went on to hair school. I am now a master educator, cosmetology educator. I have been around, I have been across the pond. My work has been in magazines across the pond, meaning in England, parts of Asia, online, everywhere, on packaging. I've traveled the nation. God did exactly what he said he was going to do. And something. When you answer the call, sweetheart, you're responsible for obedience. It's going to call you into something that requires you to be obedient to God, and you won't be able to see the whole entire outcome. You're not doing it to get outcomes, you're doing it to give him glory. And for some people, in the beginning that may not be enough. That's when the thirst of that's when your thirst is gonna be quenched. You won't be thirsty no more, since I know what I'm talking about. I so happen to be able to still be in the fashion industry, just by way of hair. In this that I do, not just in this podcast, but me being a master cosmetologist educator, I still that is my ministry. I'm called to it. And I'm trying to give it up. We'll talk about that another time. But I'm called to it, and I'm actually chosen, but I know that and beloved, I want you to know that you know without a shadow of a doubt that you are called and God has called you for such a time as this. And you answer it by being obedient to what it's telling you to do. Ask for the direction, ask where to start, what to do. He is God is the best business partner. The Holy Spirit is the best teacher. Oh, I've been some places and I'm still going places, and I'm excited about what's to come in my life, and I'm excited to see or hear what God is gonna do in yours. So, sis, if this resonated with you today, do me a favor, comment called. Until next time, awaken the wide-eyed woman within. Before you go, I just want to say thank you for being here and choosing to spend this time with me. It really means more than you know. If this episode spoke to you in any way, the best way you can support the Big Eye Girl Podcast is by simply following the show right here where you are listening. That way you never miss a conversation. Because new episodes drop every week. And if something you heard today made you think of another woman in your life, a friend, a sister, a coworker, share this episode with her. You truly never know how a conversation can shift someone's perspective or give them exactly what they needed to hear at that right time. This space is about growth, honesty, and seeing life through a bigger, wider lens. And it only grows stronger when we bring other women into it. So follow, share, and keep the conversation going beyond this episode. Until next time, stay open, stay hopeful, and keep living wide-eyed.