I Am Becoming

Have you ever felt like you’re not who you used to be… but not fully who you’re becoming yet?

That in-between space can feel confusing — but it’s not a setback. It’s transformation.

In this episode, we talk about growth, identity shifts, and the emotional discomfort that comes with evolving into a new version of yourself.

You are not stuck.
 You are becoming.

If this spoke to you, share it and comment “BECOMING.”

Awaken the wide-eyed woman within.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, beautiful. Take a breath. You're exactly where you need to be. Welcome to the Big Eye Girl Podcast, a space for real conversations, honest reflection, and learning how to see life through a bigger, wider lens. I'm so glad you're here. Whether you press play because you're searching for clarity, growth, or just a moment to breathe and feel seen, you're in the right place. And around here, we talk about things that shape us the challenges, the shifts, the lessons, and the quiet moments in between that often matter the most. This is a space where you don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to be open. So wherever you are right now, driving, walking, or just sitting with your thoughts, settling. Take what you need from this conversation and allow yourself to see things a little differently. But I am not fully who I am becoming yet, even this a couple um weekends ago, homegirl and I, we went out, we finally linked up, and we really were just to sit down. We went playing shopping, just had a good time, um, spending time outside doing soft things, you know. Um, we went to an event here in Atlanta. It's um by seat atlanta, and it was it was cute, it was nice. Music was right, the DJ was right, the people was right, the vibe was right, the vendors were vending, loving seeing black-owned businesses, still doing their things, still pulling together, still being creative, still just pulling out. So it was good. It was nice to be outside. The day was beautiful, all the things, right? After that, me and her, we went and got something to eat, sat down outside, and we're just talking, and we were talking about where we are. We're becoming things we have come through, and how we are becoming the women that we've actually prayed for, that we've been fasting for, that we've been believing for, that we've been doing the work for. It's like like doing the work, like abstaining from sex when you've been sexing. Like I'm being real, like stopping things that stopping patterns because you see how unhealthy they are, and we have realized that we've stopped doing things, and not because we're looking for just the outcome of it, but because we are really changing, we have a we don't have no longer have a taste and desire to do those things of old, but we also have the wherewithal that we haven't yet arrived either, and that little space, that in-between space, it can feel confusing because you've outgrown old patterns, but your new identity still feels unfamiliar. So it's like I don't like that old stuff no more. But this new stuff, the new these new things, I like it. It's some getting used to, the environments are some getting used to. The people are some getting used to, the smell, the taste of things are getting used to. It's all unfamiliar, but it's not, it feels good to your soul, it feels good to your senses, it feels good, it's bearing witness with you, it's aligning with you. You you know, like this vibe is where it's supposed to be. I remember a season where things that used to excite me didn't anymore. Like I would love to, and I don't know, she probably noticed it. I know she did because she picked up on everything. They were they were giving martinis, um, like was espresso martinis with the you know the purchase of your ticket, and you get a plant. I was more, I wanted the plant. The espresso martini is a good incentive, and I like espresso martini. I'm not gonna even not even gonna allow on this podcast about anything about who I am. Um, y'all getting me. But I didn't want the martini. Like I sipped it, you know, no, I didn't even sip it at first. I I grabbed it, we grabbed them, and we were still looking around and stuff, talking, mixing and mingling with people. And we went to another part, and a vendor, she was um, she created her own supplements, herbal supplements, and they were like pure herbs. And she was going through the descriptions of it, she was giving me her elevator pitch, and I loved it all. So I took a shot of the herbs. Now, anyone that really understands herbs, you can't mix herbs with alcohol unless you want to throw up, unless you want to vomit. If you want to vomit, go right ahead. But it's you know, it's not gonna help the situation, you know. So I'm point saying she looked at my drink, the vendor. She she said, Well, I would say, I said, I'm gonna let you know this little shot, this um tester that you took, it probably won't affect you too much. But if you take the rest of it, I would say not to drink too much alcohol because and she was giving me the disclaimer and a warning. And I said, Yes, I know, I agree, and thank you for that reminder. Because I may would have sipped it and would have been feeling some type of way, and the first thing I'm gonna blame it on is the herbs that I drank, or a part of the alcohol, you know, whatever the Holy Spirit, the Holy Spirit would have told me. Anywho, I didn't drink the espresso martini. I'm saying this, I'm elaborating on the things that would excite me, the things that I would want to do, they don't anymore. I didn't want the drink. Then we went to another vendor and they were given whiskey. It's like, whoa. So I gave her all of my drinks. My friend, my homegirl who was with me. I was like, Yep, you can have this pee. And she's like, I don't even drink dark liquor, I don't even want all this. I said, Well, just take my martini, I don't want it either, and I don't want the whiskey, definitely don't want the whiskey. Um that I didn't want those desires. It was like certain things that when you're becoming and you are in alignment with God, you have been praying for things, and I hadn't been praying about stop drinking. It's just the desire and the taste and the need for it, or the want for it, or whatever I was doing why I wanted it, I no longer have it. I don't want the drink, I don't need the drink to calm me down, I don't need the drink to have a good time, I don't need the drink to be able to be in this environment. No, I want to be sober and alert in this environment and still have a good time because I'm I'm a good time. I don't necessarily need the alcohol to be to have fun. And y'all, in that moment, my emotions, I'm feeling something emotionally going through that, and I didn't have time to explain this to my friend, and we didn't even touch on it, but we we touched on it in our conversation when we began to talk about us becoming. We're grown women, but we're still becoming, we're becoming the women that are okay with being present in a sober state, being okay with being in environments and atmospheres where we are seeing her, felt, and aligned. We don't have to thrive, we don't have to strive, we don't have to perform, we don't have to act. We're becoming in the things that used to be that we used to like, we don't like anymore. The conversations are different, the spaces are different, even my own thoughts, y'all, were different. Because I'm I'm like, yo, what's happening right now? But I'm just going with it, and I didn't know I didn't know how to explain it. I wasn't lost, I was still enjoying the moment of being at that event, but I was becoming in that moment, becoming the key destiny that I just knew I've known for so long that I am. I seen this woman that I'm becoming years ago when I was in my 20s when I first answered the call on my life. And I used to strive so hard, so hard, going so fast, thinking that I just had to strive and perform, strive and perform to get to where God wanted me to be, not understanding that this race is not given to the swift, but he that endureth. I didn't understand it. Oh, do I understand it now? I love the fact that in my becoming, the things that I thought that I would struggle to release, God is showing me that He got me. That I I got that one too. I answered that prayer. I know you didn't even, I know you prayed that a while ago, or I I got it. You're not even gonna, I didn't even know until I was presented with the opportunity to drink, you know. I was like, Oh, I don't want that. Yo, y'all don't understand, y'all don't understand. Can we talk about this gently, y'all? Because the discomfort of growth is is uncomfortable, it can be uncomfortable because becoming requires letting go, unlearning, outgrowing. And when you're in environments and you're wild, friends and uh peers or associates, business colleagues, and they're used to seeing you a certain way, and you're you know, being a certain way, or again, I'm gonna be I'm gonna stick on the topic, you're just having a casual drink, because everyone else is having a drink, and then like, oh, you don't drink no more? I never got that, and it happened to me again when I was some co-workers, some old co-workers that we are cool, and we hanging out, hanging out, and I was like, Yeah, just can you give me a mocktail? And she was like, Yeah, I got you. I didn't, I wasn't taunted anyway, and I didn't feel any way, and they didn't make me feel anyway, but I knew within me, myself, I was like, wow, I'm I'm I'm letting something go. I'm letting a part of me go, an image of me, a pattern of me go, and that part of me, I'm grieving. I'm gonna have to grieve that because when I step away from that event, when I come away and I'm riding home, or I'm home and even in talking in this podcast, I'm reevaluating myself. I'm seeing how my emotions are changing. It's moments that I feel down, and I'm like, well, why do I feel down? Because I have some things going on with me, but as I'm talking to y'all right now, y'all, I'm not even gonna lie, like the Holy Spirit is letting me know because you're grieving parts of you that you don't even know that I'm in, I'm in a secret place working on you, and ladies, sis, baby girl, you may be in a place where you like I can't explain my emotions. My emotions are all over the place, but I have so many good things going on for me, and I'm working on some things, and I'm things are coming to pass, and things are about to come to an end, and I'm about to I'm about to go to my graduation or whatever, but I'm feeling not off, not lost, but a part of me is I feel like it's dying away because it is 2 Corinthians 5.17 reminds us, and I'm gonna read it, y'all. I got my little big Bible. This Bible is old, I had it for a while. 2 Corinthians 5.17. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. Old things have passed away. Behold, all things have become new. Old things have passed away, behold, old things have passed away. Old things have passed away. Behold, all things have become new. Not some things. He'd been preaching on this scripture a couple times, and he kept highlighting when he highlighted and I'm highlighting it now, all things have become new. But new doesn't always feel natural right away. Your new way of thinking, your new way of moving, your new way of dressing. You may, as you're becoming, like, you know, I don't want to dress like that no more. I want to be seen, I want to be heard, I want to be respected, so my dress needs to change. I remember one of my students, uh, I miss her so much. Um, soon these them students, mm-mm. Shout out to my face for that I had. Them babies, honey, y'all, y'all don't even understand. Them young ladies helped me birth something. I appreciate all of them. But one of them, she's like, Yeah, Miss Key, I want to change my clothes. I want to, you know, I want to change how I dress. I want to be where, you know, wear clothes that's a little bit more mature and things like that. And she started coming in, she was changing her dress, and she said, You see me, Miss Key? I said, I see you. I said, It looks good on you. Something within her wanted to match what she sees, how she sees herself. Internally, she sees herself a different way of how she has been presenting herself. So now her internal self is matching her external self, y'all. That is something that's alignment. If I ain't never heard it, and that don't feel natural right away, because people are gonna start responding. Oh, I like your outfit. Oh, you cute, okay. Where are you going? Oh, why are you so dressed up today? When in her mind, this is how I see myself all the time, and her inner self, in her inner soul, because God is doing a new work within her. See, the new work is always not always not done in the on the outside of us. The work that God is talking about in 2 Corinthians 5.17, that's internal work, that's soul work, that's in the dark work, that's at home work, that's in the secret place work, that's in the dark places work. And then when you had a when then when it's the opportunity to pop out, that's when people like, oh, what you doing today? Nothing, I'm becoming you're becoming, you're becoming, sis. Take a slow breath. You take that slow inhale. I want you to hold it at the top and release it out slowly. See, this type of growth that I'm I'm talking about, this type of growth requires space. You only everyone can't be in this space with you, everyone can't go around you, you can't be around everyone in this growth space. Because it's an identity shift that's happening, and when that identity shift happens, here's what I've noticed when your identity shifts, your tolerance shifts. I keep thinking about that stupid. Me and her had some conversations before I left, honey. Tolerance shifts. You don't want to be around certain people no more. You start seeing them for what they are, you start seeing how you cooperated with certain things that you don't you don't know, you no longer cooperate with, you're not in agreement with at all, and you don't want it around you because that's affecting who you're becoming. What you once entertained, conversations, music, wardrobe, food, liquor, anything. You don't entertain, you can't, you can't anymore. Because it won't even do you the same. You won't even feel the same. You won't. It won't give you the same outcome. What you once ignored, you now feel deeply. You're like, yo, I do not like that. I do not like the way you treat people, I don't like the way you handle me. I don't like and you began to speak up, you begin to voice your opinion, your feelings. You begin to not ignore things. You're not ignoring them no more because you feel that deeply like that affected me, and I want you to know that it affected me, and we might need to have a conversation about it. We're not just gonna walk away and sweep that up under the rug, no more sweeping up under the rug anymore. I'm coming out. And this is not you being difficult. No, no, my dear. Please don't ever think you're being difficult when you're standing up for yourself, when you're acknowledging yourself, when you are saying, speaking your truth. And no, this is you being aware, and awareness changes everything, absolutely everything. When you become aware of something, it's like you I saw that they're like, You ain't seen nothing, yeah. What you saw, you can't unsee. You can't as much as you may try to, you cannot see it. When your spirit your spirit makes you aware of something that you're you're going through or you're being treated of some some type of way or something is affecting you, you can't undo that. You know, and if you do try to undo it, because I have tried to undo things, and most of the people that's probably listening to this episode, we have tried to undo awareness. Like, oh yeah, or given what it's say, given the benefit of the doubt, mm-mm. Mm-mm. One of my aunts always talk, I'm like, why do you keep giving people benefit of the doubt? And I've been a victim of the benefit of the doubt after seeing what they are, after being made aware. No, we can't fix people. We're not responsible for that. We are responsible for holding them accountable. We are, we are because the emotional awareness in growth, you gotta you gotta grow through these places emotionally, and sometimes like emotional growth, it hit different. Sometimes it hit way different from a physical growth. Going to the gym, getting those pounds off, getting those abs, getting those arms fit, getting some strength chain, going to yoga and Pilates and all that. Yeah, that can feel hard for the first probably couple weeks, and then them first 30 days in or first 30 days. After them 30 days, you with consistency, maybe you win that thing. With that emotional awareness, girl, honey, it's like the worst roller coaster ever. You get off that roller coaster, be like, Yeah, I'm done. I'm I'm tapped down. I don't want to, I don't want to run them on rides. I play some games. Because that becoming is not just external, y'all, it's internal. You're gonna notice, you will start noticing your triggers, your patterns, your emotional responses. You see that I say your triggers, your patterns, your emotional responses, not they triggered me. Not their patterns. We're not deflecting because we growing around here, baby. You are becoming coming out. I want the world to grow. Got to let it go show. Yep, I think that's how I go. Diana Ross, I do know that's on because yes, she's from the D. My favorite big eyed girl, besides her daughter. Um, I digress, these are your triggers, your patterns, your emotional responses. You're responsible for you. And instead of reacting to your triggers, your patterns, your emotional responses, you pause this. In this moment. Inhale. Exhale it out. Always tell people to do it. I like the number three. Inhale again, exhale it out one last time. Inhale. Exhale it out slowly. Cause emotional growth, emotional awareness in growth. It's gonna bring up some feelings, and when they come up, I encourage you to ask yourself, what am I feeling right now? When them triggers, when you notice them triggers, when you notice them patterns, when you notice an emotional responses, ask yourself in that moment and be honest with you. Don't lie to you, don't deceive you. And when that response comes, when the Holy Spirit reveals to you what it is, write it out, and guess what? Pray in that moment, God. I'm feeling this, I'm feeling this, I'm feeling this. Help me and direct me and show me how to fix it. And I need help doing it. That's honest, that's becoming a woman that knows her strength, that knows her power, a woman that's willing to do the work to grow, to heal the emotional wound so you're not bleeding and all over people and bleeding and leaking. No, we're not doing that. I'm coming out. I want the world to know. That question will change your life. I'm telling you, when you ask yourself, what am I feeling right now? And mean that thing, and wait for the answer, wait for what God reveals to you, and then you take it another step. Because after awareness is another step, it's the action, it's the work doing, it's doing the work, baby. You have to pop out. That's all I know. Mm-hmm. It's the process, stress the process, it's a process. You don't all like processes. I know. God has been working with me on those all my life. Mm-hmm. But just like not having a taste of drink, you know. Only one moment, it's gonna be a day where I'm gonna find myself not struggling with the process. And when I get over that hump, y'all, oh Lord Jesus. Yes. The day when we trust the process. Baby girl, you don't have to, you don't have to rush, be coming. Oh god, I don't even know how to say that anymore. I wish I could speak different languages and say it in different languages. You don't have to rush, be coming because that rush and becoming, baby, that hits. When you rush, you just you miss so much. You know, they're saying take the time and smell the roses. The smell of rose, I mean you have to slow down, stop, bend over, smell it, inhale it, let it go. But you had to slow down, stop in the process. It'll be moments where you have to slow down, stop a moment, rest, chill out, recalibrate. It's not always about, it's not, it is not a sprint. It's literally, it's literally a marathon. It is. You don't have to have it all figured. Oh, we would not have it all figured out. You just have to stay committed to growth. No, you're not gonna have it all figured out. Well, I didn't know exactly what I'm gonna do. I didn't know how this step is, and I didn't know this. You're giving yourself anxiety when it comes to your internal work. Internal work, I'm not talking about you're not learning to trade, you're not learning how to do hair, you're not learning how to uh paint, you're not learning how to sew. These are not physical things, this is internal work, stuff that you cannot see. You feel it, it's revealed to you by the Spirit of God. These are things that you have emotionally suppressed and hid away from yourself, and you have done it, you have gone through the processes. Allow yourself to go through the processes because when you come through the process on the other side, you come through the process, allow yourself to keep coming through the transition of becoming, learning how to wear those new shoes, learning how to feel good in that new outfit, learning how to be in the seat and at the event and not drink, learning how to date and don't sleep and don't sleep with nobody. Oh, I'm all in my stuff because I am doing that. Jesus. Learning to go to events that are cause-driven, purpose-driven around some effluent people that you only dreamt about being in those rooms. This is the time you're becoming, you're not stuck, sis, and uh you're evolving, and evolving was you like we've we talked in previous episodes, we talked about healing and becoming whole, and after that, you come out. You start to see the seed that was planted, the prayer that was prayed. You start to see it's coming out of the ground. Does it come out of that ground? It gotta fight some things. It's like it's not used to light. That plant is not used to light. It's a certain type of light. Now it needs a different type of nurturing, it needs to be protected, it needs certain fertilizer, it needs certain shade, needs certain water, it needs watering, it needs a little bit more attention. That means you need a little bit more attention. You need more attention now that you've come out because there's a lot of things around you that are distractions. So sis. Be graceful. Be graceful with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Take your time with yourself. Take your time. Don't you rush to get all your audio songs keep going to my head every time I do my recording, it's like I love it. I love God. Y'all don't know that God has a beautiful sense of humor. God loves good things, y'all. Certain songs I can listen to, and I can hear God in it. And they now all Christian songs, but I can hear God in it. When you have it, I don't get too deep. Extend yourself, like I said, some grace. And be okay with God's pace. Because again, you are evolving. And becoming looks good on you, girl. That's all I know. So sis, if this resonated with me, this episode was all was a a good taste of becoming a word of confirmation or encouragement. Give me one solid. I want you to comment becoming and remember to awaken the wide-eyed woman within. I appreciate you. And until next time, peace. Before you go, I just want to say thank you for being here and choosing to spend this time with me. It really means more than you know. If this episode spoke to you in any way, the best way you can support the Big Eye Girl Podcast is by simply following the show right here where you are listening. That way you never miss a conversation. Because new episodes drop every week. And if something you heard today made you think of another woman in your life, a friend, a sister, a coworker, share this episode with her. You truly never know how a conversation can shift someone's perspective or give them exactly what they needed to hear at that right time. This space is about growth, honesty, and seeing life through a bigger, wider lens. And it only grows stronger when we bring other women into it. So follow, share, and keep the conversation going beyond this episode. Until next time, stay open, stay hopeful, and keep living wider.