Raising Me While You Were Still Becoming

I have been talking about my son on this podcast since the very first episode. Today — he is finally here.

This is the first episode of our Mother and Son series, and I have to be honest with you: I was not ready for what he said. We talked about what it is like to be an only child, what he understands about mental health, what it feels like to be a young Black boy in this world right now — and what he wants people to know about him before they make up their minds about who he is.

And then I said something to him on camera that I have never said out loud quite like that before. You are going to want to see it.

In this episode:
→ The real pros and cons of being an only child — from him, not me
→ What he thinks mental health means and what he would do if a friend was struggling
→ What it feels like to be a young Black boy right now
→ A mother's word — spoken directly to him, on camera

This week's affirmation: "My story — including the parts I'm still writing — has the power to shape the generation behind me. I will not stay silent."

Scripture: Proverbs 22:6

Journal prompt: What is one thing you want the young people in your life to see in how you live — not just what you tell them, but how you actually show up?

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Big Eye Girl Podcast. I am Keith Lover, and this space is for the single woman, the single parent, and the woman who is rediscovering herself. We talk about faith, healing, wellness, and what it really looks like to build a life you are proud of. No polish, just honesty, and real community. So I'm glad you're here. Let's get into it. I am key and girl, keep your eyes open. Get you a little comfortable. Keep your legs twisted up. That's fine. And if you look in the camera too, either one.

SPEAKER_02 0:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

Alright. We're gonna pray again. Heavenly Father, we thank you for today. We thank you for all that you're doing in and through us. We thank you for just allowing us to be present in this that we do. Um again, this is for the hearer, the listener, the watcher. This is for the single parent. This is for the children, the father, the mothers are navigating these spaces. Um I won't say alone, but navigating this be these spaces as single parents. Uh we pray that you give us the words to say, that we speak authentically, that we show people like we're using what we got to do, we have to do, and um allow us to be what you've called us to be in this season for your people, and that it draws people towards you, Lord, and also to the podcast, so they can guess what they need and let it be seen that our testimony, our life is an example, you know, encouragement and all the good things, okay? In Jesus' name, amen. I don't know about that prayer, but amen. I mean, amen. You don't have to pull it up to you. It's gonna catch your voice, just speak up. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. All right, so this is the moment everyone's been waiting for. Today is a day I have I have been waiting for. I won't say everybody. Today is the day I've been waiting for is to do this. I have talked about my son on the podcast um since day one, and today he's finally here with me on the podcast. So I am excited. The person who has been my biggest why um since the moment we I became a mother, and my baby is here, so say hi to the people. Greetings, you don't have to pull that microphone to your face. It catches your voice, just speak up, okay? Stop moving so much. Uh tell them who you are, your name, your age, and what are you into right now? All of it, whatever you want the audience, the listeners to know.

SPEAKER_02 3:24

My name is Noah. I like to play soccer, I like to draw, I like to do things with my family, and that's it.

SPEAKER_00 3:39

Okay, that's cool. That's enough for right now. Uh, so we're gonna do some pros and cons. Alright? Okay. You with that? Yes. And you're gonna speak as honest as you can. Alright? Okay, okay. Okay, I'm gonna ask you something I've never asked you on camera before. What is the best part? Like, really the best part of being an only child, and don't say you get everything. Really, you want your right now. I get all stop moving all the attention. You get all the attention?

SPEAKER_02 4:28

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

Okay, move your mic up. You get all the attention?

SPEAKER_02 4:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

Okay, anything else you want to say?

SPEAKER_02 4:36

No.

SPEAKER_00 4:38

Okay. Now, what's the hardest part? The thing nobody talks about. It's the hardest part of being an only child.

SPEAKER_02 4:50

Um not being able to when your friends are online and you want to play with them. And but they're not online?

SPEAKER_00 5:09

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 5:10

You have nobody else to play with and it kind of gets lonely.

SPEAKER_00 5:14

It kind of gets lonely. And you're wishing for like be still, be still.

SPEAKER_02 5:18

And you're wishing for siblings.

SPEAKER_00 5:21

Uh-huh. And what else?

SPEAKER_02 5:24

That's it.

SPEAKER_00 5:26

Okay. Did you ever feel like being an only child puts pressure on you being everything for me? Be honest. A little bit. Okay. You want to elaborate? Um what about just sharing to another? Talk to another child who may be an only child. What would you say? When I asked that question, do you ever feel like being an only child puts pressure on you to be everything for me?

SPEAKER_01 6:24

Um put your leg down.

SPEAKER_02 6:28

Kinda. Like towards my friend?

SPEAKER_00 6:33

No, to me. Oh. Your mama. Do you feel like you need to be everything to me?

SPEAKER_02 6:42

No, not really.

SPEAKER_00 6:45

Okay. Why do you say not really? In what areas do you think you need to be everything to me? Put this leg down. Put it down. Stretch it out or something. I can't see, I can't see your face. I want to see your face. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 6:58

Um, because when you talk to me, you're telling me to be my own person and not and no one can stop you from being you, including you.

SPEAKER_00 7:20

Okay. Has it ever felt lonely? If yes, what did you do with that feeling? Does it ever feel lonely being an only child? Yes. So when you feel lonely, you have those moments, what do you do? What do you do with the feeling?

SPEAKER_02 7:40

I tried to talk it out, like talk to you. Stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00 7:51

Stuff like that. What do you do you feel like you gotta resolve? That you got was the feeling made better after talking? Yes. You got an example you want to share?

SPEAKER_02 8:12

Um, like, you remember the time I told you I keep feeling lonely? And you said, but I thought you how do you feel lonely when you have all your devices? And I said, but I'm talking about like no, you ain't say lonely, you said bored.

SPEAKER_00 8:39

Bored and lonely, two different things.

SPEAKER_02 8:41

Oh yeah, but it was still kind of in the same category of of what I was feeling. I was feeling lonely and bored.

SPEAKER_00 8:49

Okay, but you kept saying, Mommy, I'm bored.

SPEAKER_02 8:52

But I meant it, yeah, I meant it as bored because there was nobody to talk to and play with.

SPEAKER_00 9:03

But lonely means that you feel like you you're isolated.

SPEAKER_02 9:10

Yeah, I do feel that too.

SPEAKER_00 9:13

Okay, like you're just alone by yourself and with nobody else.

SPEAKER_02 9:17

Yeah, because when when you go to work and I'm home alone and my friends are online, it kind of gets very lonely and isolated. Like to the point you can just hear yourself think like you can just I'm not trying to say it's like to the point very isolated, it's just like too isolated.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

Like to what extent? Too like what do you mean it's too isolated? Cause you was about to say something, you're like, I can hear my thought. You can hear your thoughts, you cut yourself off.

SPEAKER_02 10:08

I can hear my thoughts, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:12

Yeah, when you buy yourself, you can hear your thoughts sometimes. Do you like your thoughts?

SPEAKER_02 10:18

Yes. It's depending on what I'm thinking about.

SPEAKER_00 10:23

Okay, all right. Can we ask, can I ask you some th other things?

SPEAKER_02 10:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 10:29

Okay. When you hear the words mental health, what comes to your mind first? Like what do you think that means?

SPEAKER_02 10:39

I think it means something mentally, like in your mind. Mm-hmm. Like what's going on in your mind? Yes, throughout your body.

SPEAKER_00 10:52

Okay. Throughout the body, that's like inner, inside. Inside.

SPEAKER_02 10:57

All right.

SPEAKER_00 10:58

Do you think boys are taught to talk about their feelings the same way girls are?

SPEAKER_02 11:05

I don't know. Well, it depends on how boys are raised. Okay. What do you mean by that? Like how some boys are raised to be mature and not childish and irritating.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

Irritat. What do you mean by irritating?

SPEAKER_02 11:36

Say it. Um it's okay. Because sometimes some of my friends at my school are like getting to a point where like they get to a breaking point, like troublemakers at school.

SPEAKER_00 11:59

Oh they oh okay.

SPEAKER_02 12:00

And then you have some schools have that one classmate who's a troublemaker and stuff like that. Not saying like they're bad in general, it could be the way they were raised or something, something like that.

SPEAKER_00 12:26

You think they are looking for attention?

SPEAKER_02 12:29

Yes. Or they just need help. Not help like in a bad way, like just help.

SPEAKER_00 12:35

Just some help. Yeah. Some emotional help.

SPEAKER_02 12:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:39

Okay. Okay, that's that's a good observation. So do you but to go back to your question? So do you think boys are taught to talk about their feelings the same way girls are?

SPEAKER_02 12:54

Probably and probably not. But I want to say yes.

SPEAKER_00 12:59

Okay. And do you feel like you can talk about how you feel without people thinking something about something is wrong with you? Yes. Okay. That's good. That means you have a safe space. You understand that? You have safe spaces. Yes. You understand that? Would you like to create more safe spaces for other young people?

SPEAKER_02 13:26

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 13:27

How do you think we can go about doing something like that?

SPEAKER_02 13:32

By talking to somebody, talking to somebody that you feel safe with, like your parents.

SPEAKER_00 13:43

What if they don't feel safe with their parents?

SPEAKER_02 13:48

Um, talk to somebody that will understand your pain, like your friends. Your like actual trusted friends and not like fake friends, not like fake friends, okay.

SPEAKER_00 14:08

And uh adult, definitely adult, especially if it's a child your age, you want to speak to an adult. Because kids, your age, they make and hold space, but they won't be able to give good advice or wisdom, right? Because they haven't experienced things to navigate that space yet. So talking to an adult is is crucial, a safe adult. You understand that? Okay. If one of your friends came to you and said they were struggling, like really going through it, what would you do?

SPEAKER_02 14:54

I would try to talk to them, like talk it out, or try to help them talk to an adult that they trust. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

Do you feel like you you know what to do? In those in those situations, would you know what to do?

SPEAKER_02 15:18

Probably, depending on the situation, and probably not, depending if the situation is very escalated.

SPEAKER_00 15:30

But will so if you didn't know what to do, what would be your advice to them?

SPEAKER_02 15:36

I would say talk to an adult. Like talk to an adult that that has experience of it, of your situation.

SPEAKER_00 15:52

Okay. Who do you go to when something is really bothering you?

SPEAKER_02 16:01

I think you know this answer.

SPEAKER_00 16:04

I mean, yeah. Yeah, I do, but our listeners don't. Oh, I will go to my mom. And then it may not always be me. What you saying? What you talking about, Willis?

SPEAKER_02 16:25

Okay, but I will still go to my mom.

SPEAKER_00 16:29

I thank you for that. I'm I'm grateful that you do. I pray that you continue to do it. Okay? Can you sit up a little bit? No, you're getting real relaxed. I know we're on our own couch, so it's like.

SPEAKER_02 16:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

Um, I got a couple, I got a few more. You ready? You got it? Yes. Okay, let's go. Um, we're gonna talk about being a being a young black boy. That you are. You ready? Yes. Okay. I want to ask you something I've never asked on camera. I never I never asked you on camera. Okay. What does it feel like to you to be a young black boy right now in this world in this time?

SPEAKER_02 17:26

Um, I feel I feel joyful that I'm who I am.

SPEAKER_00 17:40

And take your hand out.

SPEAKER_02 17:44

I wouldn't rather be a different person since I have still so much to do, and knowing that God has a plan for me in this lifetime.

SPEAKER_00 18:03

Yeah, he does. That's true. What is it like when you talk about when I ask you that question? Do you have a feeling within your body? Like, what does it feel like in your body to be a young black boy? Um, joyful, happy. Um, yeah. That's it. Okay. Do you ever feel heavy?

SPEAKER_02 18:35

Heavy? What do you mean by heavy?

SPEAKER_00 18:37

Like a burden, like a burden to be young and black in this in this world right now, with all the things that's going on in the world with you know, with racism and all that, do you ever feel heavy about it? No. Or you feel proud, or you feel both at the same time?

SPEAKER_02 18:59

No.

SPEAKER_00 19:00

You don't feel proud?

SPEAKER_02 19:02

Oh, I feel proud to be a black boy. I feel proud to be a black boy. I just didn't understand. Okay. Because you just you said heavy, and then am I supposed to be proud to be heavy?

SPEAKER_00 19:18

No.

SPEAKER_02 19:18

I thought you meant to be proud to be heavy.

SPEAKER_00 19:21

No, proud to be black.

SPEAKER_02 19:22

Yeah, I'm proud of you.

SPEAKER_00 19:24

Or do you feel heavy to be black? Like you wish that you were somebody else.

SPEAKER_01 19:28

Proud.

SPEAKER_00 19:29

You feel proud.

SPEAKER_01 19:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 19:32

Uh, what do you want people to know about you before they make up their mind about you?

SPEAKER_02 19:41

Um, just know that I'm not. Don't ever assume that I'm not who I am.

SPEAKER_00 19:52

Who are you? Who are you right now? Who is Noah right now?

SPEAKER_02 19:58

Curious, selfless, um, kind, considerate, um, joyful, happy, friendly. So on and so on.

SPEAKER_00 20:13

So on and so on. Yes. Uh, fix your sleep.

SPEAKER_02 20:20

Oh, intelligent.

SPEAKER_00 20:21

Oh, intelligent. What does being a black boy mean to you? What are you proud of being a black boy?

SPEAKER_02 20:34

Um being able to do things that I feel being able to do things I feel I know I can do, like practicing, learning new things, and enjoying new things. And I mean enjoying the things that are new to me.

SPEAKER_00 21:05

Can you give an example? Um learning how learning and gaining learning what baby? Give an example of what you're learning.

SPEAKER_02 21:30

Learning new skills. In what? In school, soccer, the things I like to do, arts.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 21:42

Stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00 21:43

Okay. And that's what makes you proud to be a black boy?

SPEAKER_02 21:48

Yes. Okay. And acquiring and acquiring in those classes.

SPEAKER_00 21:55

Okay. I want to take a moment. And talk to you directly. Not as a podcast host, but as your mom. Okay. You look at me. Alright. Everything I have built. This podcast, the salon, the mentorship, all of it. I built it because of you. Not for you to feel pressure. But so that when you grow up and look back, you see a woman who didn't quit. A woman who showed up. A woman who chose to become whole so that you would know what whole looks like. You are my greatest gift. And I need you to know no matter what this world tries to tell you about who you are, I know exactly who you are. And you are more enough. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 23:09

Clap in for mom. Just clap a lot.

SPEAKER_00 23:18

Okay, so to everyone, we're gonna look in the camera now, okay? Okay. To everyone listening and watching, thank you for sharing this moment with us. This is what Big Eye Girl is all about. Uh, real conversations, real love, real life. Uh to your, you want to you want to say anything?

SPEAKER_02 23:48

Um all I want to say is mom has put a special thing in my heart.

SPEAKER_00 23:58

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 23:59

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_00 24:01

I love you. I love you.

SPEAKER_02 24:04

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 24:05

I love all of y'all. I'll meet you back here next Tuesday, same place, same time. I'm Key, and it continues to keep your eyes wide open. Peace. Okay, we're gonna both wrap on today's episode. Share this with someone who needs it. Leave a review if it meant something to you. It helps more people find us. Follow Big Eye Girl Podcast on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and YouTube. New episodes every Tuesday, affirmations every Monday, journal props every Wednesday. And join the Big Eye Girl Inner Circle, free in the link in the show notes or upgrade to our exclusive membership for bonus recordings, live monthly meetups, and more. I love you. I'll meet you back here next Tuesday. For now, I am Key and girl, keep your eyes open.