Time To Exhale

What happens when the strong friend finally breaks?

The people who hold everyone else together rarely get asked the simplest question: Are you okay? In this powerful episode of Between the Prayer and the Promise, host Laneice  sits down with Dr. LaTonya  Baker, author of It's Time to Exhale, for an honest conversation about emotional exhaustion, hidden pain, trauma, toxic relationships, and the silent burden of always being “the strong one.”

Together, they unpack how childhood wounds, fear of abandonment, and survival mode can quietly shape the way we love, overgive, and stay connected to people who continue to hurt us. Dr. Baker shares deep insight on boundaries, emotional healing, self-worth, and the difficult process of learning how to receive support instead of always rescuing others.

This episode also explores faith, surrender, and what true healing looks like when you stop performing strength and finally allow God to restore the parts of you that have been silently bleeding. From emotional burnout and people-pleasing to rebuilding after loss, this conversation is filled with wisdom, vulnerability, and practical encouragement for anyone carrying too much.

In this episode, we discuss:
• Emotional exhaustion and burnout
• Childhood trauma and fear of abandonment
• Toxic relationships and overgiving
• Faith, healing, and surrendering control to God
• Healthy boundaries and emotional healing
• Survival mode, anxiety, and hidden pain
• Learning to ask for help without shame
• Self-care, restoration, and rediscovering peace
• Why strong people struggle in silence
• Christian encouragement for healing and growth

If you’ve been holding everything together while quietly falling apart inside, this episode is your reminder that healing is possible — and you do not have to carry it all alone.

🎧 Subscribe to Between the Prayer and the Promise for more faith-filled conversations about healing, purpose, breakthrough, and navigating the season between prayer and fulfillment.

#EmotionalHealing #FaithPodcast #ChristianPodcast #TraumaHealing #Boundaries #MentalHealthAwareness #HealingJourney #PeoplePleasing #SelfWorth #WomenOfFaith #OvercomingTrauma #EmotionalBurnout #BetweenThePrayerAndThePromise #LaneiceMcGee #DrNataliaBaker

Transcript

Welcome And Core Message

SPEAKER_02 0:00

This is Between the Prayer and the Promise, a faith-centered podcast for anyone who's ever found themselves waiting on God. You've prayed, you've believed, you've stood on his word, and yet you're still waiting, still trusting, still holding on to what he's promised, even when you can't see it yet. We gather here once a month to share real stories from real people, navigating that sacred and sometimes the lonely space between what we've asked God for and what we're still believing him to do. This is a place for honest faith. The kind that admits doubt, that wrestles with that delay. But in spite of all that, we still choose to trust. Because here's the truth. The waiting is not wasted. God is faithful in every season, especially the ones that test us the most. So if you're listening and you're in that in-between season and you're holding on by a thread of faith, know this. You are not forgotten, and you are not alone. Welcome. Let's trust him together right here between the prayer and the promise. What happens when the person everyone depends on finally gets tired? Not physically tired though. I mean emotionally tired, mentally tired, spiritually tired. Today's conversation is for the people who have been carrying grief, pressure, heartbreak, disappointment, and responsibility while still trying to show up in room for everyone else. Because eventually survival starts feeling like healing. And sometimes healing begins the moment you feel emitted.

The Strong One Hits A Wall

SPEAKER_02 2:23

Welcome back to between the prayer and the promise. This is a space where we talk about what God is doing in us while we're waiting on what He promises to us. And today's conversation is for those that have been holding it together on the outside, but silently breaking on the inside. And today we're talking about the release, y'all. We're talking about healing and what does that truly mean to Excel? And we are joined today by Dr. Natalia Baker. Y'all, I'm so excited because she's gonna tell us what it means because she knows what it means. She's got a book about it. Y'all help me welcome, Dr. Natalia. Baker, she's here. Let's give it up. Welcome, Dr. Baker. Thank you for joining us today.

SPEAKER_01 3:25

Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_02 3:26

Yeah, so look, I'd like to jump right into the conversation. Okay, let me blow this up because I look like little uh let me uh put a little frame there. We're gonna get to going. So I want to start here. I want to openly talk about like what it means to excel, and I want you to share with the people and just lean in. You have been the strong one, the helper, right? The one holding everything together. Tell us when did you realize that being strong was starting to break you emotionally?

SPEAKER_01 4:14

So I'll talk about the moment. What I'm starting to realize about life, especially like when you're the strong one, I didn't, I had to admit to myself that I like being the strong one. I like being dependent on. So I, you know, I had to admit that. But what I also had to realize that it's okay for the strong one not to be okay. And when the strong one is not okay, the strong one doesn't really have a lot of other strong people around them that's gonna check and say, hey, you need anything? You you know, isn't any is everything okay with you? And I think that that was a moment for me, is that when I didn't have those other strong people to say, hey, do you need anything? And I'm not saying I didn't have strong people, but when people are so used to you being a strong one, they tend to not probably check on you. So that probably happened maybe about three years ago when I realized like I really need people right now. And I don't even think people realize how much I need them. But then I also took some accountability and I and I and I thought about what I caused, what I, you know, what I created. And a lot of times when you are the strong one and you tend to not and you tend to kind of make people feel like you don't need them, then they will think that you don't need them. And sometimes it's a matter of just reteaching people that, hey, I'm strong, but sometimes I'm not okay. I need you to kind of check on me. So, but it was about probably three years ago when I realized that.

SPEAKER_02 5:40

And so when you realize that, what was it? What was that shift? Did you have to say, you know what? I need to practice as saying I'm not doing well. How did you teach people, right? Because we teach people how to treat us. How did you shift that to teach people to also check on you? And then, you know, it's a balance too of you know, different roles that people play in our life, right? So, who is okay to check on you? Like, how did you figure all that out?

SPEAKER_01 6:13

Time. It wasn't until I really started being still and quiet and really kind of analyzing it. It did not happen overnight. It took time, it took prayer, it took stillness, it took quietness, and it took me really kind of analyzing things for what they are and accepting things for what they are and saying, okay, I need to shift some things. It took probably about two years before I really like got that. Like I, you know, when you're not consistent about something, it's hard for you to like get used to it. So I had to get really consistent. Like I was still trying to try the old ways, but it wasn't until I became consistent and I had to reteach people how to treat me. I had to reteach people how to kind of love me. And I had to also understand, like I was going through life thinking that because I have a big heart and I'm such a giver, that that's what everybody wanted. And I had to really learn that you have to learn how to love people. So it really took time for me to just, you know, I'm still in that process of learning.

SPEAKER_02 7:16

That's good. We're gonna come back to that probably too. But so um we're talking about being strong right now, and so as you were being strong and showing up for everyone, was there at any part that you were showing up for people, but you were still silently breaking in the inside, but you still had to like show up, show up, show up?

SPEAKER_01 7:41

Oh, yeah, most definitely. I

Trauma Shapes How We Attach

SPEAKER_01 7:44

think that when I was doing that, I was not being honest with myself. Growing up, I went through a really bad experience with, um, and I wrote in my first book, How I Was Molested by My Female Babysitters, but I did not realize until years later that when I was being interviewed for my first book, that at an early age, I learned how to protect somebody who hurt me and not expose them. And so it made it really hard for me to tell people when I was offended, when they hurt me, when I felt like they didn't show the same loyalty to me as I did to them. And what I did was I kept trying to prove my loyalty to people. I was afraid of being alone. I was afraid of people leaving. And so the friendships that were even toxic, whether it was a romantic relationship with a man or a friendship with another woman, even when they showed me that they were not a really good friend to me or that they appreciated my friendship, I was still trying to prove to them how I was a loyal friend. And so my childhood trauma taught me that. But it didn't, it I didn't realize that until I was in my 30s and I was being interviewed by a woman for my first book, and I was telling her that during a situation where the person who molested me was not there. And but when she was there, she would molest me and her sister. So she was not there, and so her sister tried to molest me. And I said, Your sister isn't here, we can't do that. And so the person who was interviewing me saying, So she said, So you were protecting your molester. And I said, Oh wow, I didn't think of it that way. But that, and she said, so that's why you chose toxic relationships, that's why you held on to toxic relationships, because regardless of how people treated you, you still found a way to protect them, to not expose them. And and not saying that I was ever a perfect friend. You know, I've I've had my share of mistakes, but I do know, and this is from, you know, and my friends can tell you that I go above and beyond, and I can somehow enable people with that. And not everybody appreciates that. Some do, but not everybody does.

SPEAKER_02 9:52

Wow. So being strong definitely can cost you, right? It sounds like. So do you think that you ever confuse being strong with being healed?

SPEAKER_01 10:11

I'm not gonna say that I confuse it, but what I what I do understand is that being strong is also understanding that you're gonna have moments that you're not gonna be so strong, and it's okay. Because I think people think that when you're strong, you think that you have to be strong all the time. No, there are gonna be moments where you're not going to be so strong. But when it comes, when you when you speak from a spiritual aspect, all right.

SPEAKER_02 10:39

That you don't have to do it alone.

unknown 10:41

Okay.

Sponsor Break

SPEAKER_02 10:43

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SPEAKER_00 10:59

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SPEAKER_02 11:41

All

Strength Versus Healing

SPEAKER_02 11:42

right, we're back. Look, the internet is not gonna stop this conversation. Excuse me. So I want to ask about showing up strong and thinking that you're here. Because sometimes, and this may be just my perception, that people excuse me, think that when you show up like I'm strong, maybe then people won't see that I'm hurting, right? Or if I show up and I do all this, you can't see what's really going on, or they're not dealing with it, right? Or maybe then they they won't deal with it. So that's why I'm like, what is what is that really dealing with? Is it then that you think that maybe you are healed, or what's really going on with that situation, you think?

SPEAKER_01 12:29

You know what? Some some of it, and I can admit to this, some of it, I didn't realize how prideful I was. So to be put in a position to where I can help so many people in so many aspects in so many different ways, to needing the help, I I felt embarrassed. I felt it was humiliating. And so I still so I was still putting on the strong persona, you know. So I and I did not want to tell too many people because I'm like, I don't want people to think that I need them. I was still trying to figure it out, and that's why I had to say some people think, oh, I'm strong, nobody is strong for me. But if you are the strong one, you're not telling people that you really need anything, they're gonna assume that you don't need anything. I had to tell a friend that before, but I had to take my own advice. So I do think that sometimes people get strong mixed up with being healed because you can be strong but still broken in a lot of areas. But you think that you're so strong that you can show up not looking like nothing what you were going through. And that was me. I was looking like nothing. What you know, nobody really knew unless you were in my circle, some of the things that I was dealing with. But I will tell you that my circle of friends would always say to me, like, you know, you don't have to do that, you know you don't, you know, you can say no sometimes. You can say this, you can say that. And so it really did not hit me until I had no choice but to say no.

SPEAKER_02 13:50

Right. And that's why sometimes we'll hear about people doing self-harm, and then you're like, Oh my God, but they looked this way, but they were doing this, but they were doing that, but they were dealing with so much that you never knew that they were carrying. And I mean, people who were close to them will say, I can't believe that they did this. They never told anybody what they were carrying, they did not feel like they had a safe space to sharing. And so, and a lot of times it's because it might not be because they don't have the safe space to share it, they don't feel like someone else can carry that for them, or they they feel like, well, I'm always a strong one, so I can't be vulnerable with someone, and so I do want to share with someone that might be listening to this today, even if you're the strong one. I guarantee you that there is someone within your circle, within your community that you can be vulnerable with that you can say, I'm not okay. And if not, guess what? There are therapies, there are other people that you can share with confidentially and say, Look, I need someone to talk to. Because we what we don't want to happen is for people to be like, I can't believe it. I can't believe it because there are so many people carrying weight all by themselves. And so when we think about this, and we just this is just this is this is just happening, and you just think about what you see in the news and just around people that we know and we love and we respect and we honor, and so it's it's just so real. Do you think that some people become so used to survising that they don't even realize is that they haven't even actually healed and that they're like still like I know like in the the preaching world they call it bleeding, you know, I'm preaching and I'm bleeding, right? They don't even realize that they're doing it. Like, I just I've normalized being in this situation. Like, if I'm not in this situation, I don't even know that it's not normal. I don't know if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 16:08

No, it it makes a lot of sense, but what really helped me was like I think that in every friendship or in every circle, you have friends for certain reasons, right? And and and and depending on how long you've been friends with people, when you're strong, if you don't tell your friends like, hey, I know I'm the strong one, but there are times where I just feel like I'm breaking. You know, if if you ever see something a little unusual with me, more than likely I'm probably not gonna tell you. But I really need you to just get to know me so that you can just kind of check in a little bit. I do appreciate that I have friends like that. And even when I had the friends like that, again, because I was so used to being the go-to person, I was still trying to be that go-to person. So at the end of the day, if you don't admit to yourself and you don't check your circle, because sometimes it's easy, it's easy to be the strong one because everybody in your circle is just depending on you and they're not gonna stop, they're just gonna take, take, take, take, take and pull, pull, pull, pull, pull. And then again, some strong people like being the strong people, some strong people like being the one that everybody depends on. It gives you some type of satisfaction, it makes you feel wanted, it makes you feel, you know, just inspired and things of that nature. So again, if you don't at least tell your friends, like, hey, if I'm acting a different way, or if things seem to be a little off of me sometimes, sometimes it's just I just don't know how to talk to y'all. So let's let's let's have those check-ins every once in a while. But I don't think a lot of people are gonna say that because either they're afraid of their friends not being there for them like they need them to, or them saying no or not taking them seriously. There, there are a lot of people who feel like people are not gonna take them seriously if they say, listen, I'm just not okay. So again, I I think I'm so grateful for my circle because there were times where when I wasn't open, I was like messed up. And I would text my group and say, y'all, I'm not okay. And they would either call me or text me, like, what do you need? Let's, let's, you know, what let's let's go. So for those who don't have those people, go find those people. And for those of you who have a circle, have that conversation with your circle. Most people who go through depression or isolation, they may have a long friendship, but they sometimes just don't know how to talk to their circle or their friends or their family about what it is that they're going through. So they they isolate themselves. And, you know, thankfully, I went through that, but my friends would, they know that that's not like me. So don't know your circle. And if your circle is not understanding of that and support of that, then you need to find a new circle. And I'm not when I say find a new circle doesn't necessarily have to be friends. It can be, let me go to a social group, let me look into some therapy. But we we have to take that accountability and know that that's pretty much what we need.

SPEAKER_02 19:11

Or I think too, what can happen is sometimes people won't say anything, they equate their worth to what they do for other people. So it's like I have to be the strong one, I have to be this, and then like I don't want to ask for help or I don't want to say anything because will they show up for me? Will they do this? Will they do that? Because am I only valuable based upon their own belief about their work, right? So, and and that's probably a whole nother subject or topic, right? And so that self-belief about how they see themselves, what they think about themselves, right? And so, like you said, some people like to be the strong one. Well, that's a deeper conversation. Why do you like to be the strong one all the time? Why is that why does that have to be your narrative?

Learning Boundaries Without Guilt

SPEAKER_01 20:06

I think because of the feeling that because so for me, my mother was a strong one. I saw family depend on her, I saw neighborhood kids depend on her, I saw our friends depend on her, and I like unintentionally picked up those same habits. And I'm not gonna say that they're bad habits, but I did the same thing because that's what I saw my mother do. I I admire who my mother was as a mother, she just seemed like she was a perfect mother. She was so nurturing when it came to just you know other kids. I saw how nice she was, everybody, and I saw how it made people feel. And so when I I can remember being about maybe in the second grade, and there was a little boy missing in our neighborhood, and I helped the police find this little boy, and that felt good. I felt like a hero. And so I think that that was the first time I ever felt like I did something, somebody needed me, and I came through. And so I just kind of kept it going. Like, I I've always been the type of person that I probably share too much. If I have some resources, I'm sending it to everybody I know when I haven't even really just tapped into the resource myself, and then you get those thank yous, and then you get those, oh well, call Dr. Baker. That feels good. That feels good when people say, Call Dr. Baker, she knows this, she knows that. And I think for a while, you just kind of like, oh, this actually feels kind of good. And it wasn't that I was doing it for the praises, it just felt good to do things for people. But you know, I realized you cannot pour from an empty cup, and that's my cup was dried, hollow, and I'm still trying to pour for it from it. You know, it it will drain.

SPEAKER_02 21:35

And I think we have to look at strength being strong from both sides. So being strong enough to give, but also strength comes from being strong enough to say I'm tired, being strong enough to say I need help. I was trying to find a scripture, and the scripture says Oh, where is it at? It says that I thought I just had it to. Oh, my grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weakness. That's what God says. So even in weakness, his grace is sufficient. He is so great even in our weakness. But we have to be willing and strong enough to even say, Look, I'm weak right now. Look, I need help. Look, I'm tired. Right. And so it takes strength sometimes to say that. It takes a lot of strength to say, look, I can't carry this along. And you know, on the flip side, like some men don't care. That takes strength for them to like, you know what? I need to shed a tear. I need to show my emotional side. I need to be vulnerable in this moment. Right, right. And so what are some things that we have to unlearn about those things? So yeah, we're gonna get a little bit into your book really soon, but I want to jump back a little bit about having a big heart. You talked a little bit about that earlier. So why do you think that people who have the biggest heart sometimes struggle with boundaries? Because I think it's a boundary issue, maybe.

SPEAKER_01 23:08

I think it again, it just makes you feel good. You know, when you when you have a big heart or whatever and and you see what it does to people, it just really makes you feel good. And people who have a big heart, until they learn what it's doing to impact them in a negative way, it it can take a while. Or if they don't have it, you know, anybody holding them accountable, it can take a while. Or if you have people who don't know how to tell you no. You know, I people people weren't just off asking me to do things, I was offering to do things. Like I was the type of friend where you you don't even have to say anything, but because I know I'm gonna do it, that felt good. So, you know, it again, it just it's just a good feeling to be able to give and bless people. Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't do it, but you should be do it with responsibility as well as with boundaries, right?

SPEAKER_02 24:01

Right. And I I know too, I know a lot of people who have big hearts, and sometimes they do it because they're like, I don't want to be selfish, I want to be selfless, you know. But like you said, you have to do things with wisdom, with wisdom, right? And sometimes they will carry the emotions of other people, and they will take burdens that are not their own to carry, right? Or sometimes they will care more than the person who is carrying the burden, and that becomes an issue. That's where the boundary definitely becomes an issue where you're working harder on the concern than the person who has the concern. And so it's definitely like, wait a minute now, you're the one who actually is carrying this. Why am I doing more work on this than you? And so definitely I think there has to be some type of boundary set up when you're doing this. And so was there a moment for you when you kind of knew that it was time for you to make this shift?

SPEAKER_01 25:05

Yes. So in my first in my marriage, when I was married for the for the first time, I was so burned out from enabling my husband that when I did not want to do it anymore, you know, I sat down and I had a conversation with him, and I was just like, I'm carrying too much, and I need things to change. And so he acted like he understood, but his actions showed me different. But he would always say to me, you know, stop, you know, stop giving everybody all of you, stop doing so much, everybody. You know, you take away from home just to give the other people. And I'm like, you're giving me this advice, but you're one of the ones who's you're taking too. And it wasn't until about maybe four years after we were separated that I had to really understand that when you enable people, you can't expect for them to automatically overnight just accept that you don't want to enable them anymore just because that's not what you want to do. Some people are just like this, and this is what I'm used to. It is what it is. And so when I saw what it was doing to the people that I wanted to really love me like I love them, and understood that, you know, if I ever want to be in a romantic relationship and I want a guy to really just love me for me, I can't even start off that way. So when I met my my the my man now, I made sure that I didn't even show any signs of enabling. As a matter of fact, I had probably gone through a year of just reteaching myself not to just make people my project. Like I would literally make people my project. So, for example, it would be someone that would say, Oh, well, I need help with creating a resume. I heard them say they need help with creating a resume, but here's the cover letter, here's a job that's hiring, here's, but I only asked to for the resume. How do you know that I don't already have a job lined up? I just need help with the resume. And so I had to learn if they ask me just for the one thing, just do the one thing, or check in and say, Hey, I have this for you, but did you need anything else? Me, I just took it upon myself to do more even when I wasn't asked. So, guess what? When people see that, they expect it every time that you know they reach out to you for any little thing or whatever. But again, we teach people how to treat us, and I had to own up to that.

SPEAKER_02 27:26

Wow, that's amazing! So did that kind of lead us to I want to talk now, I want to get into this book. Okay,

Writing It's Time To Exhale

SPEAKER_02 27:34

so I know that you are releasing this amazing book, right?

SPEAKER_03 27:39

Let me let me show this book. Let me see how can I get this cover up? Let me see if I can get this book cover up here. Excited about this.

SPEAKER_02 27:48

Oh, there she is. There she is. If you if you're not watching the video, you don't see this beautiful cover. It is time to exhale. So, can you tell us like tell us about this? What does it mean to exhale? How did this come about? What tell us about the story?

SPEAKER_01 28:10

Yep. So I was actually watching TikTok and I kept seeing a lot of the waiting to exhale different like theme parties. That it was like a thing that was going on last year, waiting to exhale. And one day I was thinking to myself, I'm like, no, I'm not waiting to exhale anymore. It's time to exhale. I had, you know, gone through a horrible storm, a traumatized situation that I had gone through, and I was tired of allowing it to consume me. And I wanted to release it. And I'm like, the only way I can release it is if I exhale everything that I've been holding on onto. And so I did not want to write a book about being bitter, about being depressed. I wanted to take some of the things that I went through in my life and those things that I've exhaled from and what I learned from that, when I learned from, and I wanted my readers to be able to utilize what I went through to hopefully empower and impact them. It's not a tell-all book, it's just situations that or moments that I went through in my life that were turning points and that were pivotal, and how I can now look back at those moments and say, wow, I've healed through that because when I started writing the book, I was still hurt. And I literally had to go back and remove some titles, change some titles, edit some titles, and because I was still bleeding while I'm trying to help somebody else. And I realized that in order for me to help people, I got to heal in these areas first. So I put the book on pause for about a year and I allow God to heal me. And then until I felt led to even start back writing the book, I just really had to wait. And when I felt led, I was able to go back and really finish the chapters up. And then I was able to read it, and I was like, oh wow, I got through that. You know, you ever been through something in your life where it's like, this is the one thing that's gonna take me out? That's how I felt. It was I felt like that was the one thing that was gonna take me out. But I went back and I looked and I was like, I got through that, and I got through that, and I got through that. And I even talk about how I felt as a teenage mom pregnant in high school, and how I would literally knew that you know, the guy that I was dating who later on married, I knew that he was a flirt, I knew that he was cheating, but I would pretend like I didn't see it, and and in my mind, I'm like, if I don't see it, it's not happening. So that's where it came from.

SPEAKER_02 30:25

So was there a version of yourself that had to die in order for this version now of you to be born?

SPEAKER_01 30:34

Oh yeah. So I was recently baptized. I I was so I attend a church now that I I love. Shout out to infinite church, Pastor Redante. And when I went into this church, I went into the church so broken and just all over the place, and and just I'm talking about desperate for help. And the more I attended the church, one day I was like, I need to get baptized again. Like, I think it's time for me to just like totally surrender and just ask God to just wash me clean and just start over. You ever just wanted to do over? So I did that. And after I got baptized, all hell broke loose. I'm like, well, shoot, I thought I left everything in the water. But what I'm under what I'm understanding when it comes to Christianity, when it comes to totally surrendering, it does not mean that now adversity is over. What it now means is that you're gonna be tested, but now utilize those tools that you have to get through that adversity. And so now, just about maybe four months ago, I'm starting to feel like I, well, I'm not gonna say feel, I know I have a renewed mind because I don't even think the same way anymore. And that's what allowed me to set boundaries. I didn't know what that looked like. Boundaries? What do you mean? Now I know what that looks like, and I appreciate people for respecting my boundaries.

SPEAKER_02 31:54

Wow, that is good. So at what point did you kind of realize that you weren't just healing yourself anymore, but you were trying to break cycles of generations and things like that?

SPEAKER_01 32:04

Listen, when I set out to break cycles, I didn't realize that I was creating new cycles. So, well, when I set out, yeah, when I set out to break generational curses, I didn't realize I was creating new generational curses. And so I had to understand that first and foremost because I wrote on a sticky note when my mom passed, and I'm gonna break.

SPEAKER_02 32:27

Wait a minute, say that one more time. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 32:30

So I set out to break generational curses. While breaking generational curses, I created new ones.

SPEAKER_02 32:37

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 32:38

Yeah. And so it took me to realize that when unfortunately, you know, our family lost an uncle of that was killed by the hands of police officers in Mississippi. And I saw my aunt, I saw his siblings just really, really hurting, really, really hurting. And so his daughter made a post on social media about how years ago, you know, our grandfather killed a sheriff and how she was wondering how those kids felt. And now history is repeating itself because now her father was killed, and she just wanted to, you know, say on behalf of our family, she's sorry for what our grandfather did to their father. And so I commented on her post, like, yeah, we have to, you know, we have to stop holding family secrets and we have to talk about these things. And it upset my aunt. And she said, you know, while you're trying to break generational curses, you're creating new ones. And when she said it, it was upsetting. It was very upsetting. But I gave it some thought and I had a talk with another family, and she said, We are creating new generational curses. Just think about it. Like, we didn't, they didn't have social media growing up. They didn't, there were things that we were taught that you don't talk about when you leave the house. But what did that do for some people? It taught kids to just shut up. But nobody ever taught us like there's a way in that you in how you do things. So I didn't even realize that when I was kind of going through stuff, I was bleeding all over social media. I'm thinking that I'm using my life to be transparent when I'm really telling what I'm going through. I just don't think it's a good idea that when you're hurting to go to social media with your hurt. And I didn't realize that that that's what I was doing. So I created new generational curses by taking what I thought was doing right at the time and going to social media with it. So I had to stop that.

SPEAKER_02 34:21

So, like, what actual steps did you take to like stop that and and and create like positive?

SPEAKER_01 34:30

Well, first of all, taking ownership. Second of all, identifying what is what is this, is it if it's not bringing value to me or others, why even do it? And then second of all, I you know, I've always heard be still, be quiet, but I never really understood what that what that meant. I was loud. I was loud and I was moving fast and and I was enjoying my life because I was I felt like I was saving lives, I was changing lives. It just felt good. But when things feel like they're in disarray and you're feeling lost, if you keep being so loud, you can't hear God. It wasn't until I got quiet and I said to myself, oh, this is what being quiet looks like. Because when you're quiet, you get clarity. You know, when it's loud, if you know, if you and I were in a in a crowd and we're trying to have a conversation, we're gonna have a shout over the crowd, and we're probably still not gonna be able to hear each other. But when it's quiet, you know, you have clarity, and I had to get somewhere quiet. And I and I had been hearing for the last three years get somewhere quiet, get somewhere quiet. I was just still too loud. I even get in my car sometime and I'm I don't even turn the radio on, I just drive in silence. And those are some of the moments when I really some things come to me. I'd be like, oh, okay. But I had to get quiet and I had to get consistent, I had to take accountability.

unknown 35:50

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 35:51

It really sounds like through your life you're a believer, you you've you've surrendered.

Surrender Quiet And Starting Over

SPEAKER_02 35:59

And so for those that are listening and and they're they're they've gone through some things and they are ready to like make that shift. What does surrender look like? Like how what are some things that they might can do and learn from you to really we say we we can surrender. There was a podcast, an interview I did, and someone said, you know, sometimes we think obedience is saying yes, but you can say yes and still not be obedient. Say yes, but you don't do nothing, you know. That's kind of like your mom saying, get up and clean up. You're like, yes, but you don't move. So what does like, what did that look like for you? Like the real surrendering, letting go and letting God.

SPEAKER_01 36:42

I I heard that all my life, but when I tell you I didn't know what that meant, and what what I realized what it meant was stop talking about it. There are some things that we give so much power to because we won't stop talking about it. I had to tell myself, shut up. Just shut up, stop talking about it. Because the more you talk about it, the more power you give it. The more power you give it, the more it consumes you. So again, I had to get quiet and I had to stop talking about it. It was something that I had gone through and I just couldn't. I felt like that had to be my introduction. I felt like I had to explain myself, but it wasn't until I stopped talking about it. And I'm like, you know what, God, I had to literally say it. I was like, God, it's yours. I'm not taking it back, it's completely yours. So again, I just I had to stop talking about it and I had to learn how to really trust God. I had to stop leaning on my own understanding, analyzing things over and over and over again. And the more you do that, the more it consumes you, the more you feel like it's not gonna be over. But I had to stop leaning on my understanding and really just trust God. And and how you do that is you just do it. You know, you you have to figure out a way, you know, we're we're so quick to trust man, and man lets us down all the time, and they show us different than what they tell us. But I had to really, really, really trust God. And for the most part, I had to see God in everything, whether whether it was simple, whether it was hard, I had to see God in everything. I didn't care what it was. I'm like, you know what? If I'm not sure what it is, whatever God's gonna show me. And ever since I changed that mindset, because if you don't change your mindset, no matter how much you say you're surrendering, it's not really surrender. You have to change your mindset. I had to really change my mindset and understand that first of all, what happened to me didn't happen to me, it happened for me. There were some things that if it didn't happen, that you know, who knows how my life would have turned out. So it happened for me. And it really made me life is the best lesson that you're gonna ever learn. No classroom, no online book is not gonna teach you more than what life is gonna teach you. So I had to really take those lessons that I learned and say, okay, what do I what do I need to get out of this? You know, you can we sometimes we expect something different, but we're putting in the same efforts. No, if you don't change your effort or change the way you're doing things, you're gonna get the same results. So I had to really change how I was doing things, and and I'm I don't think I've ever felt this peaceful in my life. Ever. So I'm at peace with things because I I gave them to God and and I just kept moving forward.

SPEAKER_02 39:22

Someone may be listening today that literally has to restart, like they've lost everything, they lost people, they lost things, they've lost even their will to go on. How do you restart? How do you rediscover? How do you just move forward?

SPEAKER_01 39:45

For me, putting myself in environments that so, for example, my church, I don't just show up on Sunday. It's been a very long time that I participated in anything at church. And so now I'm going to different things at church. I'm in Bible study, I'm in a sister circle, and Sunday, you know, I started going into environments that felt safe. So whether that's your therapist or a great friend or a pastor or a cousin or a family member, go to those spaces that feel safe and allow people to really pour into you. Again, I lost almost everything except for my mind. And I thank God that I did not lose my mind. And so when that happened, I I prayed. I said, God, allow me or put me in the rooms with people who are smarter than me. They're more, they're they're way more wiser than me, they're more experienced than me, they're richer than me, and they're saved. I want to be around those type of people. And God did that. I was just saying the other day when I was talking to a good friend of mine. I said, You ever look up and like, oh man, I prayed for that. And it's really happening. So, you know, just praying, you know, putting yourself in environments that are gonna feed to the well-being of your life, not being in toxic conversations, not being in toxic environments, like changing the narrative. Somebody told me I got upset about something yesterday, and I was talking to a good friend this morning. She was like, change the narrative. You have the power to change the narrative, don't let them change it. So just you know, owning that and just surrounding yourself with just positive people who are not gonna let you sink.

SPEAKER_02 41:24

And and I know that that is a journey to go on. And as people are on that journey, why do you think sometimes it's a struggle to like do that? Why do we we, but some of us struggle to not fall back into those old patterns, not to let go of some of those struggles or those mindsets that we've had, relationships, expectations, and things of that nature. And and what advice do you you have for anyone that you know how they know they need to exhale, they know they need to move forward, but they're struggling with that.

SPEAKER_01 42:05

You remember what Nike said, just do it. Sometimes you just gotta take a leap of faith and just do it. And if you're if you're struggling with it, look at look at your surroundings, look at your environment, look at your circle. Sometimes you have to reinvent your circle. A lot of times what we go through is because we're a reflection of the people that we're around. So if it's if you don't have anybody that's pushing you, checking on you, motivating you, training, you know, I'm sorry, not training, praying for you, go find those circles. And and and I can almost guarantee you, God is gonna send somebody that's gonna see you. I remember I was at the infinite church and I was listening to a sermon one morning, and I was like, I'm gonna listen online. And and the the woman that was up preaching, it was like she was preaching directly to me. I literally got up and I was listening to it on live. And by the time I got to church, it was over. But I made sure I made it to that altar and there was a young lady that was there, and she just came and she just hugged me. She's like, I don't know what it was. I felt like you just need a hug. And I did, and she helped me. She literally helped me. So, you know, sometimes God will just lead you to the place. So go go where there's help. You know, whether it's therapy, whether it's talking to a friend, if you don't feel like you have a friend, go where people go get help. The internet is an amazing thing, tool to use if we use it the right way. So, you know, sometimes I'm just reading scriptures. Sometimes I, you know, if I'm feeling a certain way, I have people I can pick up and call and be like, you know what, I'm just kind of having a bad day. Can you just let me vent for a minute? Or can you just pray for me? Find those people. If you don't have those people, find those people. I'm pretty sure they're everywhere. But you have to just do it.

SPEAKER_02 43:39

So

Self Celebration And Permission To Heal

SPEAKER_02 43:40

I know that you're you're gonna actually have a whole experience around it's time to excel, right? And so, what is your hope that those that attend the event? So tell us a little bit about that and what you expect, what you hope people will get from attending.

SPEAKER_01 43:57

So the book launch I'm gonna Do a short interview at the book launch. Of course, people can pre-order the book, but what I want for people to do is understand. So for me, and I think I may have shared this with you, I'm a I used to be uncomfortable with celebrating myself. That made me so uncomfortable. So this book, I'm giving myself my own platform and I'm celebrating myself. Everything I do or I've done in the past has mainly been collaboration, collaboration, collaboration. I I was always kind of in fearful of doing some things on my own by myself. I think because I was just yearning for validation. And so now that I understand that I don't need validation, this is really the first solo project I've ever done. And it's uncomfortable. It is uncomfortable. Almost every production I've ever done, the books I've written in the past, business, business endeavors, I've always partnered. And there's nothing wrong with partnering. I embrace partnership. I embrace collaboration. They save you from being overwhelmed. But some things are just meant for you. And I had to understand that some this is just for me. Some opportunities are just for me. Some blessings are just for me. Some doors are just for me. And this is just for me. And so I want to be able to share, you know, with the world. It's amazing how God works because some things I'm just like, I just woke up one day and I just started writing. And I was just like, wait a minute, I'm writing a book. And I didn't even realize I'm telling you, I didn't even realize that I was just doing it. I just, I got on my Google Drive and I put the title on there after, you know, seeing this, and I just started writing. But again, like I said, I was hurt when I was writing it. And I was, I was, I was even angry one day, typing like hitting the keys hard because I was revisiting what had happened. And I said, you know what? We could potentially cause damage to others if we are trying to heal people while we're still bleeding all over the place. So let me let me not do that. And so I had to take a pause. And sometimes that's what we have to do. Take a pause. When we're having a bad day, just pause. Get away from that laptop, that phone, walk away and just take a break. Take a take a pause. Reset your mind. You know, when our I was teaching a computer class today, and I was telling the guy, you know, you can troubleshoot your computer if it lost connection to the internet, if it's freezing, all types of things. And that's that's our life. Sometimes we're freezing, we're losing connections, and all we have to do is just reboot and just take a pause.

SPEAKER_03 46:27

That's so good. So again, you all, I'm gonna show this amazing book. This is a waiting, it's time to excel.

SPEAKER_02 46:36

I was gonna say waiting to excel. No, we we exhaling because it's time to excel. So I'm so excited about this. Thank you so much, Dr. Baker.

SPEAKER_01 46:46

So give yourself a shout out too, because she helped create the cover. I'm not gonna take all the credit for that.

SPEAKER_02 46:55

So for the person listening right now who feels emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed, they're stuck in survival mode, they are carrying too much. They don't even know where to start, Dr. Baker. If God was sitting in front of them right now, what do you think he would want them to know?

SPEAKER_01 47:17

Well, God would want them to know that he's still in control and that he has the last say so. And sometimes when you don't know what to ask, God just say, you know what, God, I need you. I don't even know what to ask you, but I need you. And that's okay. Sometimes you don't know what to ask him, but I just need you and he's gonna show you.

SPEAKER_02 47:40

Is there any way that God has truly just blown your mind in this last year or so, or just anyway that might encourage our listeners today?

SPEAKER_01 47:51

I am getting accustomed to pivots. I have been pivoted, I have been, I mean, just in an uncomfortable place, but now it's almost like what it has prepared me for is just even embracing adversity. Sometimes I get up and I be like, okay, what's up, adversity? For real. The book of Job really, really helped me. If y'all have not read read the book of Job, read it. Because I I just learned recently that, you know, the devil wasn't even gonna mess with Job. Because he was like, Oh no, he's covered, he's anointed, you know, he's one of the God's biggest, you know, fans. He wasn't even gonna mess with him. And God was like, go ahead, just don't kill him. And that's the season I just went through. I felt like the devil messed with me, but I'm telling you, the devil gives the hardest challenges or the hard he messes 10 times worse with the people that he knows are anointed. So if you're feeling like he's picking on you, that's because you're anointed.

SPEAKER_02 48:57

So is there anything else that you want to share with the people before you share with how people can connect with you?

SPEAKER_01 49:03

Um, just you know, keep I was somebody that was watching the show like this one day, you know. I was scrolling on TikTok, on Facebook, looking for just the right video that could heal me. There's not gonna be a video that can heal you. You have the power to be healed, and that's accepting and allowing. I remember I was at a church sermon one day, and there was a woman preacher, and she said, You literally have to give God permission to heal you. Like he wants to heal you, but you have to give him permission to heal you. So, whoever it is that's hurting, give God permission to heal you. You have to tell God, heal me and allow him to heal you. Again, you know, it sometimes it's still good to run across a video or read a book, and I'm pretty sure my book will help you, but my book is not gonna do the entire job for you. You have to allow God to heal you if you're hurting, admit you're hurting and allow God to heal you.

SPEAKER_02 50:00

That girl. That's a word, that's powerful. Thank you, Dr. Baker. How can people connect with you?

SPEAKER_01 50:09

Uh, they can connect with me on my website, which is translators.org. It shows all of our different trainings. My bio is on there, and then there's an option to connect with us. And once you do that, the email will come directly to me.

SPEAKER_03 50:22

Wonderful.

SPEAKER_02 50:24

Thank you so much. Oh, more thing. Our sponsors, which is Together We Create for the Kids, you are a part of that movement too. Yes. Oh, yeah. So just really quickly, tell us why you decided to be a part of that movement and um what is your role?

SPEAKER_01 50:43

Well, first of all, because you asked me, and anything that you asked me, I'm gonna say yes, you're the only person that I'm not gonna put boundaries up because you're such an amazing person. And I think it's a it's an amazing opportunity. Just the more I hear about it, you know, when it comes to giving back to the community, I I love what I do. I I I realize that when you're just purposed and passionate about something and you're drawn to things, whatever is, you know, it's an easy guess for me, but it's giving back to the community. I'm grateful that it's happened in my school, my homemader north division. And just looking at what these youth are experiencing now in society, like they need their villages. They don't need a village, they need villages. And this is what this is. We're bringing villages together and we're we're pouring in and we're giving back. And the fact that they're doing this, you know, all over the world pretty much, and that Milwaukee is one of their stops. I'm just grateful. I'm excited.

unknown 51:36

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 51:36

Well, thank you, Dr. Baker. Thank you so much for sharing and pouring your heart out to the people. I know that someone listening will definitely be blessed by the words that you share today. And so, as always, you know, we are going to close out with a prayer.

Prayer And Final Encouragement

SPEAKER_02 51:56

Thank you all again for joining us and being a part of today's conversation. Heavenly Father, we just thank you for this moment. We thank you for every person listening. We thank you, Father God, Lord, for every heart that has been carrying more than they ever meant to. God, you see every weight, Father God, Lord. You see every silent battle, Father God, Lord. You see the things that they've been holding on to. You see where they've been trying to be strong at, Father God, Lord. But today, God, we declare that it's time to excel, Father God, Lord. We release the pressure in the name of Jesus. We release the pain, Lord. We release the need to hold on to everything, Father God, Lord. And God, we give it to you. We surrender it back to you. Your word says, cast our cares onto you because you care for us, Father God, Lord. So today we choose to let go of what we never were meant to carry alone. Give us the courage to release it, the strength to trust you, and the peace that comes from that surrender. Hallelujah. Heal what has been bury, Father God, Lord. Restore what has been broken, Father God, Lord, and remind us, Father God, Lord, that we are not alone in the process, Father God, Lord. Meet us right where we are and let this moment be the beginning of our freedom. And you, Father God, Lord, we trust. Amen. Thank you, Dr. Baker, again for being here and for sharing your heart with us today. And to everyone listening, thank you for joining us for another episode of Between the Prayer and the Promise. And remember, even in the waiting, God is still working. We will see you next time. Thank you so much for listening to Between the Prayer and the Promise. If this episode encouraged you, we love for you to like, subscribe, and share it with someone who needs to hear it. Your support helps us reach more people who are walking through their own season of waiting. But here's what matters most. Remember to trust God, not just when the answers come, not just when the blessings show up, but right here in the waiting, right here in the silence, right here in the in-between. He is faithful. He sees you and he's working even when you can't see it yet. Until next time, keep believing, keep trusting, and keep holding on. I'm Lenny Sleeds, and I promise you, God is faithful.