Ep. 6 | Raelia Lewis on Life After ANTM, North Philly Roots, and Starting Over

New episode out now Raelia Lewis  (@raelialewis) came through with honesty, perspective, and a whole lot to say.

If you love real conversation and women’s advice that does not feel sugarcoated, this episode is for you. Raelia shares insight on life, love, and growth in a way that feels both personal and powerful.

What you are excited to learn about from Raelia’s journey? Tell us in the comments below

Now streaming on YouTube and all podcast platforms.

Go watch the episode. Drop your favorite moment in the comments. If you post a clip, tag @raelialewis and @thekenloshow so we can show love.

Recording Studio: @blackcloverstudios.inc

#TheKenloShow #RaeliaLewis #ThePeoplesPlatform #WomensHistoryMonth
#AmericasNextTopModel
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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Everybody, it's your girl Kim Lope back at it again. And tonight I have model, actress, author, and entrepreneur Ray Leah Lewis. Hey. Hey my love. How are you? I'm great. And you know it's been a while. Long time. Long time.

SPEAKER_03 0:19

About 10 years. It's been 12 years. 10 years. Because it was 2016. Yes. 10 years.

SPEAKER_01 0:27

But how have you been? Let's start with you. I've been good. You look great. You look great. Thank you. Tell me more. So let's start with how we met each other, y'all. So, you know, I used to work at the Wa Wa, you know, making hoagies, doing the coffee. You know, real cute.

SPEAKER_03 0:41

And I'm there with my mom one day. Yeah, and she was there with her mom, right?

SPEAKER_01 0:44

So I was like, y'all, I said I know her, y'all. They like who? I was like, look, the girl. They like, who the girl? I'm like, her name, let's start with an R. I was like, America's next time model, you know, Ray Leah. So then I was like, you know what? I'm gonna go to the cashier. Like I go to the, I go to the front and I rank her up. And boom, like we exchanged emails. I went to her book signing, and here we are, y'all. Yep. You did my first interview for my book.

SPEAKER_03 1:07

Yes, I did. Trust your journey, yep.

SPEAKER_02 1:10

Everybody can be voted. That's by the name of Ray Leah Lewis.

SPEAKER_03 1:15

Hey guys, my name is Brina Lewis. I am a model brand for the author of my first book on Trust Your Journey. Thanks for having me on the show. 2016.

SPEAKER_01 1:27

Hmm. What a time. And you ain't have all this. Yeah, at the time I didn't have all this journey. You glowed up, you know. And so have you. You've been doing so much. You know, still modeling. Still modeling. Still an author.

SPEAKER_03 1:37

Also actress. Yes, I'm acting. Yes. I'm doing skits and stuff. Yes. And then people are even up. The people think that I'm married. Like the people think that I am in a whole relationship. I've been doing like these humorous, con comedic skits. Yes. And it's like relatable skits, funny skits. I'm doing it with a director. He's a writer. He directed my movie, Renabe. Yes. Wrote it all of that. He's super talented, super dope, and super married. It's super married, yes. People are in my DMs like congratulations. I'm like, you could congratulate you for getting a boyfriend.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

Right. They'd be a nosy. That's it. Yeah, they just want to know if that's that was one of your babies from Renabay. That's what it was. I was trying to see what was going on. And speaking of which, tell us about that movie. Like, how was it being upset? How was it acting?

SPEAKER_03 2:20

Run a bay was so much fun. So it was my first lead role. Like I've never done anything that big before.

SPEAKER_02 2:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 2:26

I did not cast. I was not the original person he wanted to play the role of Megan. Really? So he contacted me because the girl pulled out. She had a baby. She had enough going on in her personal life. And he was like, You wanna do it? And I was like, Yeah, I'll do it. Because I've been in this, I've been in this mode of like just do something for the first time. Like, just do hard things, just put yourself out there, just try. So I was like, I'll do it. So scared. I'm like, can I act? Who was scared? I can't tell. Terrified. Terrified because I I had some training years ago. Like in CCP when I went to community college, I took some acting classes. And when I went to Cape Town, South Africa, I took some acting classes. But I went to Cape Town in like 2014. So this is what, 2024, 2025? So I'm like, I'm rusty. I'm like, I ain't, you know, I don't know what I'm doing. So I just sat home and I made myself go through all of my lines and I've tried to impress myself.

SPEAKER_01 3:17

I like dating.

SPEAKER_03 3:18

Because I spent so much time in acting that I know how I need to look to look believable. So until I commit to myself, I knew I wasn't doing the right thing. And when I was able to get there, and I was praying too. I prayed before every take. I know you did. Every set.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

Because you be on point. You gotta be on point. I mean, I care about how I look. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 3:35

I wanted to be proud of myself. And I just had such a great time. We filmed in Atlantic City, we filmed in Chester and in Philly for like maybe seven, eight days. They accommodated us. We made money. We had a blast. The cast was great. We had so much fun. And the movie is hilarious.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

It looked like y'all did. Yeah. Like Rayleigh is definitely the homegirl. Like I'm so happy to see that you're branching out, trying new things, and just doing it for fun. We love to see it.

SPEAKER_03 4:01

Yeah, and I thought the movie was just so fun because it's a rom-com. I love rom-com. So like I love anything romantic. You know, I'm a I'm I'm still kind of a lover girl. I'm on offense. I'm on offense. But I just loved like the humor component of it. And I loved, I felt like art kind of like imitates life. And we all were single at that time that we were filming the show. The movie, I'm sorry. And like I was definitely struggling in love. So it was just so easy to like put that character on and like bring her to life. Because I knew the struggle.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

You knew what was going on. I knew what was going on. We're gonna talk about that though. Okay. But let's start from the very beginning. Let's talk about you getting into modeling growing up in North Philly. So, what was the impact of growing up in North Philly like for you? And did you know that modeling was your path?

SPEAKER_03 4:45

I always knew I would be a model. And I remember like seeing Tyra Banks on like one of those, like, you know the Victoria's Secret catalogs we used to get in the middle. I saw that black lady and I was like, I'ma do that. Right? I was always tall, always super tall, and I always look different. No one looked like me. So modeling was a place where I could like exist and like feel beautiful and I could see myself doing that. So very early on, I jumped into anything model related, whether it was something with the church, because I was super into church growing up. I was doing praise dancing, any kind of fashion show you can imagine. Then like my recreation center around my way would have like pageants. So I was doing pageants, talent shows at school. I was doing anything model related. And then when I got old enough to start like branching out and trying to do my own thing, then I jumped into that. So my first agency was called Icons in Philly. And they were on like broad and popular. Cindy Lane was the agent. She scouted me. And I worked with her for about a year or two. I was about like 16. And then when I turned 18, I was like, I'm ready to go pro. Like I was ready for the big league. That's when I started auditioning for like America's Next Top Model. I started trying to go to New York and get signed. So I just, it was just representation. It was seeing Tyra Banks and also America's Next Top Model. I remember that premiered, and I was watching Eva Pickford, and I was like, Mom, I am going to do that.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

Yes. Because she was my favorite too.

SPEAKER_03 6:07

She was my favorite.

SPEAKER_01 6:09

Like that season, I was like, it's something about that, her, like her. She was just bold, kind of.

SPEAKER_03 6:15

All the things, magnetic, her confidence, her beauty. And seeing her, I was like, I'm going to do that. And when I was old enough, I started trying to figure it out.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

So what was the experience like being in agencies? Like when you first started with icons, what was that like?

SPEAKER_03 6:30

So icons was more like an urban agency. Okay. So what that means is like we did like the tri-state kind of stuff. We did like the hair shows. I don't know if you remember the hair shows thing back in the day. You're a little younger than me.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

Yeah, I'm a little young.

SPEAKER_03 6:42

So I heard about them, but I heard they was the time. The Queens was teaching us how to dip, how to swirl, how to swirl. We was working with like hair salons. They were competing, like those hair shows, you know, they were competing for cash prizes. So we were doing like that kind of stuff. And we did like a few like small video shoots. I knew I wanted to go into commercial and fashion. So when I felt like I outgrew that, I was always overconfident. You hear me? Um, I was I started to look towards New York.

SPEAKER_04 7:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 7:09

I was utilizing the yellow pages. I'm showing my age. Ooh, yellow page. I was on a yellow page.

unknown 7:17

They still got that?

SPEAKER_03 7:18

I don't know. We ain't gonna talk about it though, because I was I was using that to figure out how to get to Ford models and how to who do I call and because this was before like social media, I believe. Like we wasn't good. Yeah, before we had the internet on our phones and stuff. You know, I had like the little snake game and a Nokia for a while. Well, I had that back then, the Gojo? Yeah. So like this was before like the iPhone and all that. So I had to figure out what to do. So I was in the yellow pages and I was making phone calls and sending things through the mail. Nothing worked. You said nothing worked, nothing worked. I heard nothing back. But that's how I got my start, just like trying to make something out of nothing. And that's what I love about being from North Philly. Because it teaches you how to be resilient, how to be creative. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 8:01

You did that. Now, y'all know everybody will do this, right? Well, how you get to America's Next Time Model? Like, what was like, you know what? I'm gonna go for this, I'm gonna see what Tyra would think, and boom, we're gonna get there.

SPEAKER_03 8:14

When I turned 18, I found out they were casting somewhere in Philly, I believe. Went out for the audition, made it to the next stage, which was like in New York, got cut at, no, I didn't get cut that year. They told me that they will send out contracts to anyone they would want to work with, want to cast for the house. I assumed I would get a contract. So my brother paid for me to get like an expedited passport, because you need a passport because they go on these international trips. Got my passport, waited, waited, nothing happened. 19, tried out again. I believe that was Cherry Hill, New Jersey. Got cut immediately. They ain't even called me back. Tried out again. I think I tried out again in like the bare feet in like Bala Kinwood, like the next year.

SPEAKER_01 8:55

I remember the bare feet of Bala Kinwood.

SPEAKER_03 8:57

Oh my gosh. I got back to the New York round of uh eliminations and they cut me. And I cried like a baby. I cried, my little brothers with me that day. It was the longest bus of our home from to uh from New York to Philly. I cried the whole because I just felt like I failed. You know, I was so hurt. So I was like forget top model. When they got me a little job, I was a server. And then I heard about the face. They were having a casting. The face was Naomi Campbell's show. Oh. I might have had like two, three seasons.

SPEAKER_01 9:29

I seen a little bit of it.

SPEAKER_03 9:30

Yeah, a girl from Philly didn't make it. I auditioned, they ain't paid me no attention. None. So I think I'm 22 now, and this girl I'm with the high school with, her name's Diamond. Hey Diamond, she writes me and she's like, Tom Models casting, I think you should submit. And at that point, I'm over it because I'm like, I done got turned down time and time again. I got my heart set up, got this passport, don't got no money to even put no stamps on it. I'm tired of playing with Tyra, right? But then I'm like, you know what, at least just sending some photos. So that's what I did. Because during that time of me getting rejected, I was still like in the studio a lot, doing a lot of test shoots with different photographers locally. So I started to like get my pictures, you know, my modeling portfolio started to get built. So I sent them my pictures that were not great, but at that time that was what I had. And then a producer from the show called me. Said they liked my look. Yes, to jump on the Skype call. We get on the Skype call. You bringing up some stuff. Well, stop doing this to me. Skype, Skype. So we get on the Skype call, and he's like, I like your personality. I like you. Now, normally when Top Model does their castings, they do like a citywide tour where they go from like Philly to New York, they go all over, right? To find talent. Like, kind of like, remember American Idol used to do their whole tour? The year that they like me, they not doing the tour. They like, you can come audition, but you gotta come to LA.

SPEAKER_01 10:48

Oh, so I gotta come to York.

SPEAKER_03 10:50

I'm a server. But me being me, I was like, listen, y'all, at work, I need some extra shifts.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

Yeah, I gotta go.

SPEAKER_03 10:57

Now I just came back from LA. So I didn't have the money. So I took the extra shifts and I flew out there to audition. Now, everything that could go wrong went wrong.

SPEAKER_01 11:10

Tell us.

SPEAKER_03 11:11

I booked my flight in my hotel, do hot wire. Am I aging myself again with hot wire? But we ain't going hard. So now this is I don't think Uber's around yet. Oh no. You know, though I know. Yeah, I don't think it's around. So I'm I'm the I'm relying on cabs and stuff. So I fly into uh LAX, I get there, I take the shuttle, because I don't, there's no Uber. I take the shuttle, get to my hotel. When I get to the hotel, the lady swipes my card for the room, even though I already paid for the room online. Takes all the money that I have. That's the money for my cab, that's the money to eat, that's everything I own.

SPEAKER_01 11:51

How did you feel in that moment? I just know North Philly was about to come out.

SPEAKER_03 11:56

I'm pleading with this lady because I'm desperate. I'm like, miss, I'm here to try off America's next top model. You took everything I had. I cannot get to the audition now, I cannot eat, I can't get to the airport. I need you to give me my money back.

SPEAKER_01 12:09

Right.

SPEAKER_03 12:10

She's like, We cannot do that. You have to wait a few days to get the money back. You know how it is when they drive your car, it takes some time, like a week to get the money.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

I ain't got a week, y'all.

SPEAKER_03 12:18

I beg, she was like, We can't do it. I just sat there in the lobby, started crying. She walked up to me with an envelope full of cash. And she's like, I'm so sorry. Here you are. Good luck. The money's gonna come back on your car, don't spend it. We'll just pull it. So I'm like, okay, cool. So she gave me the money. Oh, they're praying. So you just pray. I'm a pray warrior. Who do I pray? Wait a minute. I get the money, and then the next day's time to tell cast. The stakes are high because I'm not happy in my life. I'm a server. I don't want to work, I don't want to live a life like that. I want to work in entertainment. I want to be a model. So every day I'm at work shining silverwear. I worked at the pyramid club. I'm on the 52nd floor and I'm looking down at condos and I'm seeing wealthy people like lounge throughout the day on pools and like people just living their life. And I'm like, I want to live like that. I want that. So this is my shot. At least this is what I thought, right? So I remember walking into the convention center to audition, and I'm just like, bitch, you better put it out there and leave it there. You better get on the show. Ain't you should. I talked to myself, and then when I got on it in front of those casting people, I went off. I started twerking. I start talking how I still.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

I gave them everything.

SPEAKER_03 13:32

Everything you had. All the girls was mad. Because it was like hundreds of girls. Like we had to audition in front of so many people. They were like, oh, I would never do it. I would never degrade my. But I would though. And that's why you ain't eyeshadow.

SPEAKER_01 13:46

I had a time. That's why you want this country because you had a blast.

SPEAKER_03 13:49

Okay. And they called me about three weeks later. They said, Congratulations, you are a semi-finalist. This time we will be flying you to LA. Hello. And we'll see you when you get here. But things got worse. We said, oh, there's more. Because when you make it that far, you have to get a background check. Yeah, they have to make sure you're not liability. You can't be violent. That's true. You can't be a con artist or a rape or like you have to make pass tests and clear two. So they asked me, did I have a record? Now I had never been arrested. So I'm like, no. My sister got arrested about a year prior. She used my name and she had a bar fight. I'm not thinking of that because I wasn't there. I wasn't even legal when the fight happened. They brought the fight up. They said, you lied to us. You were arrested for a bar fight. We might can't have you come to the semifinals. Now I'm freaking out because what do you mean? What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_01 14:42

Right.

SPEAKER_03 14:43

So I'm like, I don't, they they're giving me all the code defendants' names. My sister never used her name, so there's like my name and all these code D's, right? I don't know any of these girls' names. They said you're following them on Facebook. So Neil, I'm talking to my sister like something gotta give. I don't want to tell on her. I don't know why I didn't just say it was her. That's the North Philia in me. I ain't won't read. Like I don't want to tell on her. But then I'm like, something have to give. And they just were like, we don't know if we can have you come out because you weren't honest. And if you're violent, you could be a liability. So about two weeks of just praying and worrying, they called me back. They said my sister wrote a letter or something, and they were like, We're gonna get take a shot on you. We're gonna let you come.

SPEAKER_01 15:20

See? She looked old. Thank God.

SPEAKER_03 15:23

Thank God. Thank God. So I made my way to LA, got off that plane, they said, Give me your phone, call your mom. You won't see this phone until you're done if you make the house. Wow. We were quarantined and sequestered before the pandemic. They put us in hotel rooms. We couldn't talk, look at each other, or leave until we were told to.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

We not even look at each other?

SPEAKER_03 15:45

We couldn't. They said if you look at anyone, you're going home.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

Well, Dave, could you breathe? Like we could breathe. How was that experience? Like mentally, like what was going through your throat?

SPEAKER_03 15:55

I was so focused on the goal that I was ready to willing to just deal with that.

SPEAKER_01 16:00

Right.

SPEAKER_03 16:00

I was in a hotel room for about three weeks by myself.

unknown 16:03

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 16:03

Um, just writing, and I think they let us watch TV, but we couldn't like really have like any knowledge of like the outside world. And yeah, we only could leave when we had to like go get like psycho evaluations. They had to make sure we were stable enough to go through something like that. Okay. So we did a lot of like therapy sessions. Um we got like we did like written and oral exams, which I still don't understand why. Oh. They gave us shots. They made sure we didn't have like STDs because I did a cycle of boys and girls too. So they knew. Oh, okay. They knew it would be some missed things happening. Right. So yeah, we went through that, and then when the cameras went on, probably about two weeks in, then it was like they wanted to see who could like survive in the wild. Yeah. Like whose personalities would stand out, who would gravitate more towards the camera. So we had to kind of figure out how to make our names known in like such a short period of time with all of that pressure. It was like being in a pressure cooker. And then it was time to meet Tyra. But it was also an audition I did before Tyra with the network. It was insane. It was like they took us in like this theater. Like you almost like a one-woman show, like that kind of thing, where it's like a stool and there's a stage and there's a light. There's a light right there. And you go on stage and like Kim Mock and Michelle and Tyra and like everyone, like all the owners of the network are like just looking at you like this.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

Just staring at you. Mm-hmm. No smile, nothing.

SPEAKER_03 17:22

And you gotta go in there and do something. I think I was doing flips. I don't know what I did. What? They was treating y'all like y'all. I'm like, hey, yo, my name Ray Leah. I'm from North Philly. I don't know what I did. It worked. They loved you though. Yeah, we were. It worked. Oh my god. It worked. And then we went in front of Tyra and that's what y'all got to see. Right. Yeah. Okay. And I'm like, my name Ray Leah. I'm from Philly. Yeah. I like to twerk. Yeah. That's what air.

SPEAKER_01 17:46

But when we ate you up though. We was, oh she from Philly.

SPEAKER_03 17:49

We're never gonna forget her. See, boom. And that was real because I was a twerking machine. So I wasn't doing that for the cameras. Like, that's what I do. Like, I still be in the house doing a little stuff. No, so I was I was being authentic to myself. Yes. And it worked. I made the house. And then when I made the house, it was like more pressure. Okay, how do I stay in the house? Right. How do I stay relevant? How do I win? And being in that environment and learning like that it was more of a fixed race than an actual competition. And that's kind of like the backlash. How you put that that the that the show was getting down, the climate of like how the manipulation and everything transpired and traumatized the girls. I experienced some of that. I did. It didn't stay me.

SPEAKER_01 18:28

Yeah. Like I could tell that like you grew from that. Like that was a lesson learned. And it how can I put it? What's the words I'm looking for? Like it just pushed you to be a made me better.

SPEAKER_03 18:39

Yeah, it made you a better person. It made me better. You know, Tyra, we had an interesting vibe on set. Yeah, I hear her vibe is very interesting. I just felt like she had done so many cycles. I'm cycle 21. Right. She's tired. That's what it felt like. I've been there, I've done it. How y'all doing? She's tired of yelling. All right, I'm out. I'm here when I gotta be here, I'm out. That's how it was. We didn't have a lot of one-on-one time. We didn't feel like we were mentored by her. She had her favorites. I wasn't one. Yeah. Favorites, you say? She had the people that, which is normal. Like we're always more partial to certain people than others for whatever reason, whether we found them to be more attracting, more relatable. And she just made it very known who her top picks were.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

Right.

SPEAKER_03 19:20

And I had to just try to stay and survive that. And that's what I did. You know, so I didn't walk away like angry or bitter about it. Glad I got to do it. Had a blast. Had a blast. Had a blast.

SPEAKER_01 19:32

One thing about us, Philly Jones, oh, we're gonna have an experience. Korea showing out.

SPEAKER_03 19:36

Showing off. Okay. Then I turned 23 while I was in Korea. Oh, showing out champagne. I had so much fun.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

I'm so happy for you that you got the experience then. Thank you. Now, after now, okay. Not after, but when you found out that, okay, I may not win this competition. Like, did you feel defeat or did you feel like you know what? Oh, you did feel defeat. I was devastated. So tell me why. Like, what made you feel devastated?

SPEAKER_03 20:03

So I'ma just share this because I never talk about this. The producers were inadvertently trying to get me to have a problem with one of the contestants. I didn't really understand what was happening, and I didn't want to play the game. Like, I'm not like nefarious. Like, I'm not. I gotta have a problem with you to have a problem. Have a problem. Yeah, real problem. You know, like I don't do things for like TV or for a moment. Like, I'm very authentic and real.

SPEAKER_01 20:29

That's what they said in the doc, too. I heard something like that. It was like they were trying to pin people to get together.

SPEAKER_03 20:33

Yeah, like they play you. And I wasn't catching on and I wasn't willing to do it. So when I dropped the ball there, the next day was probably a photo shoot. It was an MCM photo shoot.

SPEAKER_01 20:45

MCM, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:46

And one of the eliminated contestants came up to me on set and was like, I hear it's your time to go. Now I'm thinking he hating. Because you mad because you went home. I'm like, really? But then I started being like, wait a minute. So as I'm looking at like how everybody's dressed you know, MCM is like a street rear brand. Yeah. They put me in this sexy dress, they gave me sneakers originally, and then Tyra said, no, give her heels. And Tyra got me doing like all this weird stuff, like open your mouth and roar and be on and be on the ground. Then she's like, You're struggling, Raylia. You're too sexy. Now I'm doing everything she's telling me to do. Right. So I'm getting flustered and I'm getting nervous and I'm getting paranoid.

SPEAKER_01 21:24

Like just throwing you things just to see how you're gonna react, okay?

SPEAKER_03 21:26

She she she distracted me and she confusing me. And to show me something I'm really struggling because she's getting in my head. So when I get to elimination, I go there tipsy, because the guy told me I was going home on set before I even did the photo shoot.

SPEAKER_01 21:41

Right.

SPEAKER_03 21:41

And then she told me I'm struggling on set. And now they're calling people up, and I'm clearly not being called, so I'm in the bottom two. So I kind of was warned, but I still felt like that was my only way. My only way out of the life that I didn't like. So of course I'm praying like I please. Don't let me get sent home, and then when they didn't call me, I cried like a baby. I went to that hotel room that night and I cried the whole night. I was so depressed and so sad about it. I understand. I got to I had to stay the entire time of filming. Like no one got to go home. So if you got sent home day one, you had to stay the entire time of production. Meaning, like the people that went home the first day, they went always to Korea with us, like week seven. They still yeah, they like you.

SPEAKER_04 22:28

Oh my god. Yeah, we couldn't.

SPEAKER_03 22:29

They wanted to watch you suffer, do that, like the feed. That's crazy to me. Yes. There were cameras everywhere about the toilet in the shower. We had no privacy. No privacy. We couldn't speak without being mic. When we weren't mic, we were told to be on ice. We were told to shut up and don't say anything. We were told when to eat. We were told what to use the restroom. Like we were like cattle. We were pawns in their in their place. So that's why they're getting so much so much backlash because it's like y'all are treating people like this. And then we ain't make no money. I think my per diem was like $50 a day. And we had to use that for laundry and for groceries. No. Because I'm looking at you now like they do my growth like that. They did us like that. No residuals, no check at the end. They sent us back home. We went back to our lives. I went back to being a server.

SPEAKER_01 23:19

A server?

SPEAKER_03 23:20

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 23:21

So how did you grow from that point? Like what happened after America's Next Time Model?

SPEAKER_03 23:26

So we said like we filmed the show from February 13th to April 4th. Okay. The show premieres like September. That wasn't real. So during that window of time, I'm back at my job. School about to go to bed. So people know I did the show because they let social media be involved in the show. So everyone knew I was on the show. I didn't have to hide it. I just couldn't say that I lost or I won. Right. Right? So I'm doing my job, and then eventually I'm making plans on the back end. Me and my some of my contestants, some of the contestants from the show, decide to move to LA. So while the show is about to be premiering, we are setting up a move to LA. We find a house, we get a co-signer, we move, or we're planning to move. So while the show was on TV, I'm moving to LA.

SPEAKER_02 24:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 24:08

And I spend that entire year in LA trying to model. When I tell you every door was slammed in my face, all of the contestants got agencies after the show. They all got signed by me.

SPEAKER_01 24:19

Nobody would sign me. Yeah, so what were you thinking when that was happening? Like, okay, nobody's trying to sign me, but I know that I have the look, I have the walk, I have what it takes.

SPEAKER_03 24:29

I was depressed. I was freaking out. I'm in LA. We had this huge house. Like, we had like two living rooms, a coozie tub. We lived great. Yes. Um, two-car garage. I I had savings, but I'm not making money. And luckily, because of the show, people started to book me for different things. So I would fly different places to like host like fashion shows. The black people was filling me. I love y'all. They was hiring me for their events and stuff. I was hosting stuff. So I was making money during that kind of stuff. But like, everyone just had something going on but me, I would be home all day by myself, whole house empty. Like, what am I gonna do? And then eventually I got tired of that and I decided to go to Miami.

SPEAKER_04 25:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 25:11

And I went out to Miami for about two weeks with a model, and I did, I did I went to a model house in Miami. I got signed out there. They were even skeptical. They were like, we're not sold, but we'll give you a trial run. So they signed me for a while. I did swim week out there, and then I was like, I gotta do something because I knew my lease was ending in LA and it wasn't working. I hated being in LA. So I got a call to come to Africa while I was still in Miami.

SPEAKER_01 25:37

I was in Africa. Let's talk about it.

SPEAKER_03 25:39

I get the call to go to Africa. My agent calls me, he's like, this agency in Cape Town, South Africa would love to work with you. And I was just talking to another model, top model alumni about going to Cape Town because I was having a hard time booking in the States and trying to get signed. And she was like, if you go to Cape Town, you might get a big campaign, you might do something really cool, and they may, it may help you when you get back here. So I get that so it felt like a God thing. It felt like I get this call right after I had that conversation from my agent in New York, who's like, someone wants to work with you in Africa. I'm like, I'm on it. Now I couldn't really afford the flight. So he helped me, he helped me out with the flight, and I went to Cape Town for about three months. I thought that it would be easy.

SPEAKER_01 26:23

No.

SPEAKER_03 26:24

The hardest thing, it was the same competition. Super models everywhere. Big brands, Nivea, Garnier, all the big brands are casting out there. Everybody out there. I I worked, I worked probably twice. I was like, I think modeling for me. Like I was having a real hard time. Like it was kicking my tail. I got through it. Then luckily, right be right before I went to Cape Town, this big director, I do not remember his name, he contacted me on like Facebook and he's like, You look like an actress. Do you act? I thought he was a creepy at first. So I'm like, no, I don't act. He's like, let's hop on a Zoom call, let's talk. We hop on a call, he shows me his credits, he's like, you really should act. I let him know I was going to Cape Town. I didn't really care about acting at that time. Mileing was my thing. I wasn't thinking that that far ahead. He was like, you really should get some acting training. Like, I think you should go out there. There's a really huge acting coach out there. Her name is Bonnie Radini. Anyone who's anyone works with her in Cape Town, you should go. When I get to Cape Town, I'm being real frugal with my money because I know that I have to be there for a lot of time. Right. You gotta pay rent out there.

SPEAKER_01 27:36

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 27:37

Transportation.

SPEAKER_01 27:38

Rent? Transportation.

SPEAKER_03 27:39

I'm living as a local. Right. I had to have a landline phone. Like their cell phone service. So I have two phones. My American phone, my African phone.

SPEAKER_01 27:50

You was working hard, boo. You was. You know how much money I'm spending? Shh, a lot. I know you were spending a lot.

SPEAKER_03 27:54

And now you making that and I'm in the red. For this dream that ain't working. So I'm out there and I'm gonna do my money. Because I'm not working. Right. They were giving me an allowance. I still was gonna do my money living out there. I had to eat, I had to pay electricity and stuff on my. I live with locals. They were really cool people. So I'm like, I don't know how I'm gonna do this. So one day I just break down crying because I'm like, I can't make, like, financially, I won't be able to survive here for the rest of my trip. And I couldn't go back home because my flight wasn't until like a month out. This man randomly sends me the money for the acting classes. He sent me more money than I ever needed.

SPEAKER_01 28:33

That's a blessing.

SPEAKER_03 28:34

That got me through the remainder of the trip, and I also was able to take the acting classes. He never contacted me again. I don't know where he is. I don't even know if he remembers me. Shout out to that man. Amen. Shout out to that guy. Angel. So that's I got to train and work with Bonnie Radini, and that was a cool experience. I didn't work a lot. I came home in debt. Um, but I went out there and it was a great experience.

SPEAKER_01 28:57

I thought about modeling abroad. What did you learn? Yeah, like what was it not like, but like, what did you learn about yourself? What did you learn about modeling and acting? It's dangerous. Cape Town was very dangerous. We would say dangerous, like not fully dangerous. Different.

SPEAKER_03 29:12

I ain't seen one cop while I was out there. Oh, y'all ain't got no cops. At least we got cops. I'm sorry, y'all. Don't come for me. But I ain't seen not one cop. I got fouled up my first day there by a random man. No. I almost got drugged. The men knew we were fresh meat. So as soon as the men seen us, they were on us inviting us out, very creepy. I was smart, so I got to avoid a lot of stuff. But there was also like their public transportation. I was catching an Uber out there for a while. Okay. Money started getting funny. So I started having to catch the local van service. Called like this. It was called the Seven Rand Man.

SPEAKER_02 29:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 29:46

And it was like these men who would run this van. It was like a minivan here, but to but there, it was like their service. I got on one morning for early casting. Normally, when you get on, it's a bunch of locals, it's full of people, babies, women, men. This day I'm the only one on the van. I get on and my stomach drops.

SPEAKER_01 30:04

Says something right.

SPEAKER_03 30:05

Some ain't right. But I get on.

SPEAKER_01 30:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:07

Sit down, all the men turned and looked at me in unison. And they call me every B you can imagine. They told me they would rape me, what they would do to me. And I had to sit there and sit through it. You sat through that. What I was gonna do. Right, Leah. What? What was I going to do? See, the Philly would be like, I know what you wouldn't do. Well, Africa was men who are not civilized. At all. At all. Oh my gosh. I'm glad they let me off because no one would have known where I went. God really went on your side. I had no tracking on my phone back then. We wanted to share no locations back then.

SPEAKER_01 30:45

So, boom, what did you learn in Cape Town about yourself, the journey, and what did you take with you when you came home? What was that like after that?

SPEAKER_03 30:53

Oh my goodness. I mean, first of all, the industry is a very tough business. It's a lot of rejection. You gotta want it even when it doesn't want you. It's not easy. And there's no guarantee. You go out there and you hope it works. It cannot work. It's a high probability that it won't work. And you have to know how to survive that. So I learned how to survive it. And then also, this world is a very dangerous place. Yes. Cape Town, in my opinion, was a very beautiful place. Storybook pretty, gorgeous, postcard, but dangerous. The first day I got there, I got stalked by a local. And I had another call my mother. What's she gonna do?

SPEAKER_01 31:35

Right. We overseas, baby.

SPEAKER_03 31:37

She said, baby, I can't help you. And my mom got bad nerves, so I shouldn't have called her with that. I love your mom. She's so sweet. I got away from the man, get to my house. There's locks on my on the house. Like you got you gotta lock yourself in and you have to have a key to get out the house. There's gates and like there's like gates or bars on my windows. What's going on?

SPEAKER_01 31:57

Right.

SPEAKER_03 31:57

Because I lived in the hood and we ain't had as much surveillance or security. So that freaked me out. And I had to learn the laws of the land. Now luckily I live with locals, amazing people who told me, watch this street, don't go down Long Street, watch these men. Because the men were on us. They knew we were fresh meat. And they were like trying to figure out how to get us, how to date us. I was smart, so I avoided them. Yes. But they did some very sketchy things to get our attention. Yeah. Some things that were harmful. I just always had discernment. So it protected me a lot. But I had an experience. Because I was, I didn't go out there to have fun. Like I skipped the safaris, I skipped the tourist stuff for the most part. I went out there to work. I had a set amount of money and I knew I had to make some shape. Because this was after the show.

SPEAKER_01 32:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:45

So the pressure was on. I had something to prove to myself, but I also was worried about what people thought about me. Right. If I didn't do anything with this top model platform, who am I? I'm a failure. So I was like, I'm not going to let this go. Like to the wayside. I'm going to make sure I make this work. So I get to Africa and I'm really like clear on like, don't spend too much money because I had so many bills out there. I have to pay rent. You have to calculate the risk. Yes. The flight was over a grand. I'm in debt with my agent already. I'm in a red. I get there, I have to rent an apartment. I have bills, utilities, all that stuff. I have to have money for travel. I have to have a local cell phone. So I have to have all of these things to get castings. Everything costs money. Then I've had anything that I have to pay for back home. I have to still pay those bills, right? So I'm already in a red. I have to hope that I work. There's no guarantee you'll work. So it's a lot of stress, it's a lot of pressure. So I'm taking Uber to most of my castings and stuff originally. But then when money started dwelling down, I had to get creative and I started taking their like local bus service. Then the local bus service was called the seven Rand Man. And their Rand is like their money. Like ours is a dollar, their money is the Rand. Okay. So it was like seven Rand to get on the bus, and that's what we called it. One day I got on that bus. So, okay, normally when I get on a bus, it's locals. It's like a van. It's not a bus like we have. It's their bus, but it's a van. If there's always babies and moms and people on the bus. One early morning I have an early casting. I get on, and the bus is empty. And immediately I'm nervous. Because it's only men who run the van. Right. I still get on anyway. When those doors close, the way those men treated me, they all like in unison turned around and looked at me with the most demonic stare. They called me every bad word you can imagine. Every hoe, every whole, every B. They told me they would rape me. They told me they would do all kinds of things to me. My God. I just wanted to get to the casting.

SPEAKER_01 34:41

That's it, y'all.

SPEAKER_03 34:42

I just want my, I don't want to. They got close in my face. I just sat there and let them.

SPEAKER_01 34:46

Close in your face.

SPEAKER_03 34:48

What was I gonna do? There was nothing I could do to protect myself. I had no weapons. I am in Cape Town, South Africa. And it's almost like they they wanted to provoke you just to see what you would do. They could have done anything to me. Nobody would have knew where I was. My mom didn't know where I was. There was no sharing of location.

SPEAKER_01 35:04

And did you and then that feel traumatizing? Like, did you take that trauma with you back home or did you how did you deal with it?

SPEAKER_03 35:12

I always say I will never go back. Right. I almost got robbed one day out there. I was like, I've I've had my time with Cape Town. Like, I'm good. You know, so after that experience, I go back to, I think I'm back in LA after um Cape Town. And I had some experiences in LA.

SPEAKER_01 35:26

Tell us about this. What happened there?

SPEAKER_03 35:27

So I'm having a hard time getting signed to an agent. This is this is after top model. This is post-top model. I'm trying to find work. Because my money's dwindling down. Like I said, I'm being booked for appearances. I'm making some money, but nothing's happening in modeling. So I go on Craigslist and I try to find some jobs. Now I'm a little embarrassed because people may recognize me. The show is popping. Everyone knows me in LA. Everywhere I go, they know that I'm Ray Leah from Cycle 21, but I gotta do what I gotta do. Because I'm gonna I wanna live here. So I answer this ad for this like karaoke bar. They was hiring a hostess. It would be a paid training. Okay. And if they like me, then I will start that week. So I had a friend of mine go with me. I brought a friend from Philly and we moved out there together. She goes with me to the cat to the interview. And the immigration lawyer is actually the one giving me the interview. So I get there, he's really professional. He looks at me, we talk, he's like, Oh, I like you, you're cool, you got the job. He pays me for the training. I'm in a system after in a few days. First day of work comes up. I get there, I go alone this day. It's a karaoke bar in LA. I get there, everything looks normal. They check me in, and then he's like, Oh, your first session will be with me, the guy who interviewed me originally, the immigration lawyer. So we go in the karaoke bar. I mean the karaoke room. You know how it's like private rooms.

SPEAKER_02 36:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 36:50

And um I look over, I can see into the other room, and it's all these like Asian women lined against this wall. And it's the two men are sitting down. So I'm like, I'm starting to get worried, but I'm keeping my cool survival instincts. Yeah. I seen them pick like three girls, the girls sit in their lap, the lights go down. So I look at the immigration lawyer. Oh, you don't think I'm about to do that? And he like, you have really weak arms. He like, and he grabbed him, he's like, they're so thin you couldn't get me off you if you wanted to. What? I let him touch me. I'm like, they weak. He like sings for me. No, he didn't say that. He like, show me what you can do. So I start singing. Because I knew I don't know if I'm gonna make it out of here live. Right. Like, what's going on in that other room? So I said, I do I do a song, and I hate karaoke by the way, but that's how scared I was. I get it. I do a song, and then I'm like, can I take a smoke break? Mind you, I don't even smoke. Let's see, you used your because I was the whole time I was trying to figure out how to get out of the situation without alerting him that I need to get out the situation. So I'm texting my girlfriend, I dropped my location. I'm like, if anything happened to me, this is where I was. Yeah, this is it, yeah. Right? So I asked for the smoke break, I go out into the lobby, and the the guy at the front desk is like looking at me, he's an Asian guy. He like look just looking at me. And he like, what you about to do? I'm like, I just want to smoke a cigarette right quick. But then I'm in my phone and I'm calling the Uber. Okay. In my phone. Now I'm waiting. So when the Uber pulls up, I'm like, I'm gonna go get that cigarette. He like, okay, cool. When I tell you, I ran out there. Yeah, I know you did. I hopped in that Uber, I said, pull off. Immediately. Pull off. Oh my God. That's when I knew I had to get out of LA. Yeah. That's when I knew that was it for me.

SPEAKER_02 38:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:40

It just wasn't working. People were creepy. I was meeting all these creepy people that was promising me things. And I always was like really like, I always had a lot of morals. I always had a lot of integrity. So I would never like do anything outside of my moral compass for anything. So that's why I just knew I wasn't gonna fit there. Right. So when I left LA, my plan was to try New York. Okay. And that was like my next stop. I just had to figure out how dangerous the industry was. When you're a young girl, you just dream. And all you see is your dream. You don't know what it costs. Yeah, you don't know what it takes. You don't know what it takes to get there. You don't know how creepy photographers can be. You don't know what people will do to you because they think that you're pretty. You don't know what people will promise you because they think that you're desperate. They think that you have to do something. Right. So you have I had to learn how to just think quick on my feet. I had to learn how to put my foot down quick, to ask questions, to have boundaries. They think you're gullible. They look at you and they like, she desperate, she don't know nothing. So it made me smart. It grew me up. And I had to learn how to play calm because when you're in situations like that, if you react, you scare them.

SPEAKER_01 39:53

Yep. And they could do anything.

SPEAKER_03 39:55

Yeah, so I had to act like I was cool with having weak arms.

SPEAKER_01 39:59

Oh my God. Yes. So, okay. All right. So you go through that in Cape Town, then you go through that L. In LA. Then we in New York.

SPEAKER_03 40:07

In Miami, I had an experience in Miami. I did a photo shoot with a guy in the condo. And when we were done, he grabbed me. Luckily, he saw me and let me go. And I got out of there. I got out of there. Yeah, I just kept. I wanted the dream so bad that I don't, I think I was a little slowed in out thinking. Because like I just kept putting myself in these situations.

SPEAKER_01 40:30

But I don't feel like you put yourself there. You were just trying to- I was just trying to hustle. I was trying to make something of myself.

SPEAKER_03 40:36

But people people exploit you when they see how hungry you are. Exactly. People are not nice. You don't ever think it's your fault. It wasn't your fault. I don't think it's my fault, but I do think that I could have been more wiser. I've really lived life with rose-colored glasses for a long time. They just came off like three years ago.

SPEAKER_01 40:55

So we all learn.

SPEAKER_03 40:56

Yeah, like they I literally had to be like, people aren't nice. I used to project. I used to think that when somebody wrote me, they were being professional and that they wanted to actually do business. No, he wants to date. He wants to take you out. He wanna see your stuff.

SPEAKER_01 41:08

He wants to do the stuff.

SPEAKER_03 41:09

He wants to see your private. Oh my gosh. But I used to think that it was like business. It's not always business. You know what I mean? Lunch meetings I had, where a man said, I want you to host something and I got there. One time a man booked me for a movie role. And what? He paid me for a movie role and there was no movie. Gave me $1,500, took me to a pizza shop, had a bull crap camera in my face, no lines. Luckily I had my mom with me. And I said it had to be public. But God knows what his plans were. He paid me $1,500 for nothing. Just to be a creep. Well, I got the money.

SPEAKER_01 41:44

But I thought that it was business. Right. Oh my gosh. So you really went through like the ebbs and flows, like the how of like the industry. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 41:55

Yes. I went through it all. All the rejection, all of the failure, um, so many years between sometimes gigs and what's next. Especially after this top model stuff.

SPEAKER_01 42:05

Right.

SPEAKER_03 42:05

When you don't have a job, the pressure, people are like, well, what you doing now? What's going on?

SPEAKER_01 42:11

So much new. But like post, you know. But it was a time. Like, yeah, that time right after. So how was New York then? What was going on? Like, was it tougher? First of all, New York was racist. Miami was racist. Miami is racist, no shit, yo, but you know.

SPEAKER_03 42:26

Let me talk about Miami real quick. My first night in Miami, I get to this model house. I'm the only black girl. They say it's one of the girls' birthdays. She says, come out to dinner with us for my birthday. I wasn't hungry, but I said, Y'all sing nice, I'ma come out. I come out, the men see me at the table. These are like millionaires and billionaires. I still don't know what's going on here. I'm here to model. These girls are doing more than modeling. I find that out later. I'm at the table. And being black actually saved me because they did not like black women. So I was protected. I get to the table. The men are like Spanish men. They're speaking Spanish. They're talking to the other girls. No one's talking to me. I'm just talking to the girls. I'm completely fine because I don't want these old men anyway. Not a problem. I'm in the model house the next morning getting ready for a casting. They don't know I'm there. The man walks in, he said, Who brought that nigga to dinner? Why did y'all bring that black bee to dinner with the army fatigue jacket? Because I had like on like this army like camo jacket. I walked out the room. Who the fuck are you talking to? Yeah. Come on, north. And I tell you, his eyes got biggest sauces. I got in his face. Like I literally, I hit the lid. That day I didn't care. What? I hit the lid. Yes, he did. That was my first experience with racism like that overt. Now I'm in his model house, and we go to dinner every night, and then we gotta go to the club. That's the agreement, right? There was one night where one of the girls had two of her black friends from Canada. She was a white girl. She had two of her black friends from Canada come down to visit to stay with us to experience Miami. They went and let the girls sit at the dinner table, the other black friends. Girls because they were darker and they had curly hair. So I would not eat because who y'all playing with? Right. So I had to get out of Miami. I had to get out of Miami. None of the guys ever tried me. They only wanted the foreign girls, the non-black girls. So I was safe. I didn't deal with sexual harassment. I dealt with racism. No one propositioned me. No one wanted my body. They wanted the non-black girls. When I got to New York, same dynamic. Same thing. I'm the black girl. The white girls are calling me ugly. The white girls are calling me. I'm arguing with these white girls in these houses. Yeah, period. As you should. Yeah. I talk big, boo. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But it just was like hostile and it was toxic. And then, like the man who owns the model house, he likes them. He doesn't like me. He doesn't care about me. He told me I had to leave because the girls didn't like me. And they were being racist to me. So New York was very short-lived.

SPEAKER_01 44:51

Yeah, no. We deserve better. Oh, we.

SPEAKER_03 44:53

And I also didn't like the dynamic of like having to go to these clubs four times a week to be in a model house. Because these were not model houses that were through agencies. These were promoters who put together model houses to make sure that beautiful woman went to the club. Right. So if you're a model model and you're traveling abroad or state to state, you need somewhere to stay, you hit up these, you hit up models where you stay in with the model house. They put you in lounge or touch with the promoter. If the promoter flies you, who more foot that kind of well, the other girls did because well not you, but yeah, the other girls they ain't want my black ass.

SPEAKER_01 45:24

Thank God. Please. I was safe. Mark safe. Yeah. So the racism, too. So I'm not gonna say what's worse, because everything, period, like racism, sexual assault, anything, that's that's across. But again, like how well, thank God you're here to tell us about it. Thank God you're here to tell us about it. But when you have kids, right? And you know, they wanna grow up to be sort of creative, like what are some of the things that you want to teach them, like as far as like how to talk, how to get out of these situations? Like, what are you willing to show them? Because there's so much to tell them about the experience, experiences that you went through.

SPEAKER_03 46:05

Well, first they gotta know that the world is not a nice place. That what you see Absolutely not. That is crazy on TV. You don't know what it took to get that job, you don't know what that person is enduring to keep that job. You I'm not I'm not and I'm not saying that everyone has to do favors for opportunities, but the casting couch is a real thing. And it's not always like that's a figurative thing sometimes because it's not always an actual casting couch. It could be somebody like, you want this magazine cover? Mm-hmm, you gotta date me. It's not always like you go into a room and it's like it's it's different, but essentially it's like an abuse of power. Yeah. Right? So, like, I would just get them the real. You can't control your child, right? Like, they're their own people. You teach them the game. This is what you're up against. How bad do you want it? And you have to teach them how to value things that actually matter. Because I had to even learn, like, modeling ain't really your end-all be all. That's a part of who you are. That's not who you are. When I started to see it as something I like to do and not who I was, it took away a lot of the power and the pressure. Okay. I do it for enjoyment now. It is not me. I love that. Right? So, therefore, there's never a reason to have to do anything outside of my integrity. Right. I don't have to, I'm not, I don't feel pressured to do anything but what I want to do. And I am always willing to walk away and leave something on the table. I will miss the job if it goes against my morals and my standards. And I am very clear on that, especially now. See, back then I I lived in that space, but I wasn't as assertive.

SPEAKER_01 47:34

Right.

SPEAKER_03 47:35

I will let you cross my boundaries. I will let you play with me and think you was playing with me just to be in a room. They don't f the room. I'm out of here. I ain't even got the patience. I ain't got the patience. So, like, you you want to teach your children to have a voice and to have a sense of self. Because when you know who you are, people can't tell you who you are.

SPEAKER_01 47:53

Period.

SPEAKER_03 47:54

And can't no job make you who you are. Hello. Yeah. It ain't on you, it's in you. So when you teach them how to value who they are, then anything outside of that is just an addition. It's just a part of yeah, it's just an accessory. All right.

SPEAKER_01 48:10

Or so we're gonna play a game, right? Okay. Okay, okay. Let's go. It's called North Philly Energy Check. North Philly Energy Check. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So either you're gonna stay classy, the North Philly gonna come out, or you're gonna mind your business. Ooh. Yeah. Okay, I like this. It's the first scenario. Okay. Someone cuts you online at your favorite food spot back home. North Philly. Yeah, period. Because I wanna eat.

SPEAKER_03 48:32

North Philly. Yeah, North Philly. I'm playing about my food. Yeah, I don't. Like I'm super nice, play with my food or my money. So I'm from Southwest is a good one. Or my man.

SPEAKER_01 48:39

Period.

SPEAKER_03 48:40

Yeah, I don't play.

SPEAKER_01 48:41

Yeah. North Philly. North Philly. Okay. A person you cut off, you cut off, tries to reconnect with you out of nowhere.

SPEAKER_03 48:48

Depending on the person. Wait, what's the game my give me the options again? What's my is be North Philly? So stay classy. Stay classy. North Philly coming out. Or you minding your business now. I'm minding my business now.

SPEAKER_01 49:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 49:00

Yeah, we instead of pass, right? I'm minding my business. The door is closed. Closed.

SPEAKER_01 49:05

Locked.

SPEAKER_03 49:05

Yes. Poof.

SPEAKER_01 49:06

Okay. Okay.

unknown 49:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 49:09

Someone gives you unsolicited advice about your career.

SPEAKER_03 49:13

Stay classy. Yeah. I get that a lot. Stay classy. Yeah. Because you ain't even knowing what I'm doing. You ain't knowing how shoes do you do? And I have nothing to prove. Exactly. And I don't live for you and your opinions or validation. So classiness, it will be. Clack it?

SPEAKER_01 49:27

Yes. A friend cancels plans after you already got dressed. Now where I'm at in my life.

SPEAKER_03 49:36

It could go two ways. I probably would stay classy and just cut her off. Damn. We're gonna cut her off too? Probably. Damn, wow. I got shirt tolerance now. I feel you. Okay. Everybody can go. And that's not good, it's not healthy. But I lit don't. But damn, I just got dressed though. Yeah, like I feel like you play them with me. Because you it was so many other precautionary steps you could have taken. Like, let me call Ray Leah and cancel. Because I'm always down for staying in the house. Yeah. I'm always down for watching a good movie in my house by myself. So you play I did my makeup, I got dressed. I don't want to talk to you no more. Damn.

SPEAKER_01 50:16

I'm the same way though. Yeah. Yeah. Because like you ain't communicate.

SPEAKER_03 50:22

Because I feel like people are who they are. Right. And I'm in a place in my life where like I had to learn the hard way with relationships. That when people show you who they are, you better believe them the first time.

SPEAKER_01 50:35

The first time.

SPEAKER_03 50:36

Because sit around and play possum and you're gonna be dead.

SPEAKER_01 50:39

You're gonna have to use that one. Yeah. That's a deal for me? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 50:42

Keep playing games. And they're gonna show you who's boss.

SPEAKER_01 50:45

No, for sure.

SPEAKER_03 50:46

I don't need to learn the hard way anymore.

SPEAKER_01 50:48

We just gonna. I'm just gonna believe you. That's it. That's it. Okay. Someone tries to test your boundaries in public. Oh, I wanna know this. North. Yeah. North. Now what that look like when somebody tried to test you like in north come out.

SPEAKER_03 51:01

My mouth's slick. I got a bad mouth. Right. I'm working on it. I like to curse. I'm not real violent, but I will mace you if I have to. That's the last resort. I like to mace people. I do. But last resort. Like, don't think I just go around macing people. Yeah, we're not just doing it. You know, it has to be probable cause. Right.

SPEAKER_01 51:22

I'm seeing you first, like, okay, I try.

SPEAKER_03 51:24

I always de-escalate first. Yeah. People don't take me seriously. They see the orms. Remember the man said I had the weak orms? They see the orms. And I gotta show them who's boss.

SPEAKER_01 51:33

You do. But last resort. Last resort, though. See, we're gonna still keep it classy though, because that was last resort.

SPEAKER_03 51:41

I will give you options. If you continue to press forward, I will have to use my weapon. Yeah. I think that's pretty gracious. It is.

SPEAKER_01 51:48

I gave you grace. I gave you time. Now I gotta heat you up. See? Now I gotta make you. That was good though. That was good. Now we're gonna go back to our story and then go back into the yeah, you feel the young thing. I knew everything you just said. So with the things you went through with guys, did that skew how you went into dating men like back at home? Because you know Philly. Ooh. Y'all, Philly, y'all, different breed.

SPEAKER_03 52:15

Um, especially the Muslims. No shade. Um, you know, I had a present and active father who raised me. My parents are still together. Yes, I'm out of them down. Ooh. Love my parents. So my daddy told me about boys very early on. He didn't say he didn't have nice things to say. And then I also had three brothers who also didn't have nice things to say. So I couldn't date until I probably until I was 18. And I listened. They meddate, right? I texted a boy a few times, but like I was a scary kid. I was like, I was a late bloomer. So I was a virgin until I was almost 25. Shout out to Well, I don't know if that was a good thing. We'll get to get it. But two months shy of my 25th, I lost my virginity to my ex, right? So I I had no dating experience. So I was naive. So that was the drawback to not being exposed to men. All of the years we talked about in the earlier in the interview of me chasing my dreams, I wasn't really actively dating.

SPEAKER_01 53:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 53:18

I was like in career mode. Like I probably dated a little bit. I got my feelings hurt like once. But like it wasn't like it wasn't a commitment. It wasn't sex. It was just like, no, we talk. We talk a lot. And then I'm attached because I don't date, so I don't even know how not to like a guy in the first two minutes. So, you know, I was a I was so green. I was a novice. And when I met my ex, I had just got back from Africa. And he seen me coming. He seen a fool. He did. I ain't know nothing. And I was so grown. People think at 25, like you know your way around, like a relationship in a bedroom, and I was just getting started. And boy, did he give me a run for my money.

SPEAKER_01 54:04

Now, when you say a run, hmm, elaborate the run.

SPEAKER_03 54:09

Okay, so he showed up and he looked at me and he found out who I was because I was always telling people my business, as you can see. And he found out I was a virgin, and he jumped into, I'm going to be the man that you have always been looking for. And he courted me and he pursued me. And we were attached at the hip for like six years straight. Wow. And it was a very the relationship wasn't a bad relationship, right? Like we had bad moments, but like we were friends, we got along. I was comfortable. He gave me what I wanted. He gave me commitment. He took great care of me. He was a provider. We had we had a great time. He knew how to cheat good. Ooh. I didn't know he was cheating. I thought that he was faithful. He knew how to cheat. I thought him a trainer. Well, I hate, I hate them. I thought a trainer was faithful. Yep. So I had to learn a lot of hard lessons. Let me tell you, but let me tell you about God. Let me tell you how about God. I ain't gonna get too deep into it. But I was having dreams. That's how I found out. Them dreams are gonna tell you. And then God sent me a man in the market that told me to leave that man. Told me about our argument and told me what to do. Told me my whole life. And I said, Who are you? He said, God sent me. Told me things that he could have never known because he was a stranger. Right. Oh my gosh. God wanted me out. You was getting cheated on that. Ooh. Was I? The male and a woman. Oh and I had no idea. That was so nice. You were so cute, so nice. Wrote a book and everything. And I was like secure. And that's what made me even like, because I was so securely attached, it made me like great breeding ground for infidelity because I didn't expect anything or suspect anything, is a better word. Like I didn't pull up on him and be like, Where you at? Who you at? Like I wasn't calling this phone. You said he was out. I believed he was out. Like he could he caught me all the time.

unknown 56:05

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 56:08

I believed in him. You wrote a book during this time and everything. Like I thought that was my man. Oh, that was your man. I was there. I was there. That was your man. Okay. But that's okay though, because you learned a lot. Wrote a book, helped him with the. I won't write another one. Yep. Okay. Entrepreneurship.

SPEAKER_03 56:29

Stand up. Lock in. Lock in. Won't do it again. Entrepreneurship, you did the stuff. And we got together when we both were like building. Yes. Before he became all that he is. Um won't do that again.

SPEAKER_01 56:42

So, okay, so how did that change? So, how did that experience make you who you are today? Or not make you who you are, but change your your view on relationships, life, friendships, all of it. Okay, you don't build with a man.

SPEAKER_03 56:56

Oh, you don't, nope. He gotta have it. Oh, built with one and he conned me. Oh, don't got the time for that. Um, and then also like you gotta watch your friends around your man. Oh, you they was acting like that? That's all I'm gonna say. You gotta, you just don't know people. You don't. And then I attract a lot of envious women. And you know why? Why? It's not just how I look, but it's who I am. Exactly. Like I'm really confident. Like I'm really like, yeah, like my light. And people gravitate towards it, but then they get annoyed because they're like, who does she think she is?

SPEAKER_01 57:31

I'm exactly who I say I am.

SPEAKER_03 57:33

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And then like they see how like certain people treat me and they don't get treated that way. So like there's a lot of things I have to navigate with women that now I now I know that that's a thing. So I I also like keep women at a distance. Like, I just know I don't trust people the way I used to. I don't let people in the way I used to. I don't really, I'm a loner now. I I'm always alone. You will never see me with a group of women. And I used to have like friends. Oh my God. I had friends from elementary school, I had friends from high school. Like my friendships were 20 years, 15 years. When I got rid of the man, I got rid of the friends. Understand. Same time. It was a Rico.

SPEAKER_01 58:12

So everything was a Rico charge.

SPEAKER_03 58:13

It was a Rico because I saw myself.

SPEAKER_01 58:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 58:17

I saw who I feel like whenever we are in a relationship with people, we are collaborating with them. And when we feel like we're victims, we have to look at how much we participate. Yes. You chose him. Think about it, right? You chose him, you chose them. And when you see things that are red flags and you overlook them, and I give myself grace. Yeah, of course. Neil, you know the repercussions of overlooking things that don't look good. So I learned something about character and about integrity. People are who they are foundationally. Like I was this as a kid. Right. This is who you are. I was this person. I always thought I was fabulous even when I wasn't. Everything. I was always confident, even when I wasn't good at anything. I was always extroverted and funny and all of that. I'm the same person.

unknown 59:06

Still.

SPEAKER_03 59:07

You don't deviate far from your center, from your foundation. And I think that sometimes in love, we allow people to trick us because we fall for potential. When that man ghosted you that first night, he met that. Oh yeah. Why you let him back?

SPEAKER_01 59:23

Why you let him back? We wanted to talk to the ghost again.

SPEAKER_03 59:27

You thought he could change. You let people trick you. Because you had your answer.

SPEAKER_01 59:34

The whole time.

SPEAKER_03 59:35

The whole time. So then I just learned to believe people the first time. When the girl said the hating thing the first time, I'm like, yeah, she probably a hater. Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 59:42

Get away from a hater. Absolutely. Was the friendship breakup harder than a relationship breakup? No.

SPEAKER_03 59:51

I let go of like probably 10 friends. Damn. He was the hardest let go.

SPEAKER_02 59:57

He was?

SPEAKER_03 59:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 59:59

He took my he was my first everything.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:02

We lived together. We had a life. But when I survived that, I knew I could get rid of anything. I'm like, oh, you wanna you wanna you wanna play games? You wanna not call me tonight? I got you. The man of people I blocked in a 30-month time frame, damn.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:19

Wait, right me wrong. I get my surreat. I like you. Yeah. You need more women like you. Just got that's it. It's a red. Because I have peace now, but and when you have peace, you don't have time for drama.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:33

There was a flash. There's a flash in the camera, so we just wanted to phone, man.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:47

What car is this? It's not a sound thing, it's a visual thing.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:50

Wait, who knows? No, I saw it.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:56

I don't know that shit also. Oh, we're gonna get there.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:03

We're gonna get there. Hold on.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:06

Sorry about that.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:06

I remember I left off.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:07

We're gonna get there.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:11

Oh, okay. I know where I was getting at. I'm gonna finish what I was saying.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:14

Boom. We good.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:15

We good? All right, rolling.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:18

Like I have peace now. And that doesn't mean that I don't want to let people in. I just understand you can't change people. Right. People are who they are. And sometimes I'll speak for myself. My desire for certain people kept me in the wrong places because I wanted them to be different instead of accepting like this is their capacity. Now I understand. Oh, after I got my um, if that man ran circles around me, I jumped into all the therapy and manipulative content I could scour. I needed to understand what was what happened to me. How did that happen? I I had no idea what manipulation looked like. No idea. Because I was so honest. I always wore my heart on my sleeve. I was always, you know, you met me. I'm always, this is really you. I don't care how far I get. And I don't have any kind of like bad intentions for people. Right. I've never met a man that was like, let me see how I can use some for his money. So I didn't consider that people live differently than I did. Like just because you're nice and you want to like people. Ain't nobody like you. Some people want to like just use you. Yeah, oh yeah, I moved in there. Yeah, and you know you got you get used, and then you I ain't like how it felt getting used. And I said it won't happen again.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:36

And it didn't.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:36

So I had to smarten up. And then some people feel like I'm too strict, but that's good. That's good. You run a strict program. You're supposed to. You're supposed to. You'll just start playing funny. I you gotta go.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:46

You gotta go.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:47

I need the real. I need the truth. You meant it. I mean it.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:51

And afterwards, you just went through this whole blow-up. Like you and emotions, you you have movies now.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:57

Yes, and I'm happy. Yes. You're not about to make me skinny because you want to play games.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:02

I'ma eat my food. You can go. Like, how was the so how was it going through the emotions and then getting back into who you are? How was that? Because you know, the girls feel like they can never get up from it.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:13

You can get up. You can get up. You can get up. But you have. So what I did was I did not date. Like that first year, no contact, no date.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:25

All I did was do things that made me better. Prayer, a little bit of fitness. I lost a lot of weight, so I had to learn how to eat again and breathe again. And I gave myself time to be sad. Like I feel like we don't do that enough. We don't. I let myself grieve. I deserved to grieve. That was seven years of my life. That was so sad. I had to grieve him. I grieved him. It took about a year to do all that.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:48

And then I met another man. We could talk about another hard lesson. But this time it was a better lesson because I was better. Yes. I got out of there quick. There you go. He was fine.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:00

You green. It's always the fun ones, though. Ooh. Ooh. He was fine.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:05

But yeah, you know, it just was like, I just started to understand also, and guys, don't kill me here. But men have a nature. They do. What's the nature you speak of? They like to sample a variety of different things. And they're slow to commitment. The majority. And I had to understand. I'm a love, the lover girl thing. I lived in a fairy tale. I had to say, mm-mm, they not on what you want. Nobody wants to be Prince Charming. They don't. Ain't no such thing. So I had to like let that concept go. Because I think I just expected too much from men. They can't be that.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:40

There you go. Expectations.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:41

Yeah, and that's how you get hurt.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:43

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:43

Expecting too much. Mm-hmm. Gotta let it. Then I don't expect much from them. Happy as I ever been. I loved it. Happy as I ever been. So you're in the movies, you're modeling. I'm modeling, I'm doing movies. Hand modeling. You was doing it. Hand modeling. Yes. Skits. I want to write another book. Yes. I want to write a book. Not to say too much about it, but for people to learn that you can survive hard things. You can survive rock bottom. Because that was a rock bottom for me. Like that heartbreak was a rock bottom. I had to re like I had to come alive again. Right. I had to recalibrate. I had to figure out who I was, how I got there. I had to look at my behavior, my choices, who I was.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:20

Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:21

Because if you want something to never happen again, you got to figure out what you did to get there so that you don't never do it again. So I took accountability. Like it wasn't about hating him. Like I don't hate him. Right? That's how I can laugh about it and make jokes. Like I don't hate the guy. I just had to see how people live differently than me and how that can impact me. And I had to learn me.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:45

Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:45

Like, I'm sensitive. I can't be out here with rosters. It don't work for me.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:50

I understand. See, at least you're honest about the people. Can't do it. People can't, they be like, oh, I could try it. Can't try it. You don't need to try it. Know yourself.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:58

That's it. I fall in love. And it's weird because like a quick fall in lover, or I don't like a lot of people. Okay. But when I like you, I'm in love.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:09

Does that make sense? So what's your definition of liking somebody and being in love? I don't know. Like, cause I'm a lover girl myself.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:16

So maybe I got only got eyes for you. I'm future dreaming. Oh, me too. I want to know your mind. I want to please you. But then I'm not dumb. Like, you gotta please me too. So like if you're on reciprocate. Yeah. So as soon as I see that you're not on there, I get out of there though.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:32

Face.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:32

Like I know how to like suffer. I know how to take my feelings and like take them with me and get rid of you. And then like sort them out. And then like when you come back, I'm like, oh, it's just nice to know you. You'll never see me again. Okay. So like I get out of there. Like I don't fight for things, but when I'm in it, emotionally, I'm really in it. And it like it can be all encompassing and consuming. And it's just too much work. No, I understand. So now I'm learning that the Lover Girl stuff gotta relax. You gotta, you gotta chill. Put it on pause. I don't like it. I don't like how I feel when I like people.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:03

I hear that a lot. Like, why would you want to be a little too giddy, you know? But then they start to play with you when you do that. That's true. Cause now you got you had emojis by your name. Now you a number.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:12

Okay. As soon as you start liking some now, you can't find them. Now I can't find you. When I ain't like you, I couldn't keep you off my line. Now like you.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:21

I'm calling you too much. I'm taking some. I'm doing too much. I'm talking about like I'm like it's too. You text me at 5 p.m.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:28

That's a problem for me. What's going on? Who is she?

SPEAKER_01 1:07:31

See? That's too much. Yeah. So I like how you choose yourself. I choose myself. What's the biggest thing that you advocate for in choosing yourself? How does that look for you?

SPEAKER_03 1:07:42

Oh, honor how I feel and being like and staying doing the hard thing, doing the uncomfortable thing.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:48

I love how you mentioned it, doing the hard stuff and feeling it.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:50

Yeah, and you have to do the hard thing. Like you have to feel it all. Like there's no false positivity. I'm a human. I bleed. I have wounds, all of that. I acknowledge all of that. I know my failures, I know my weaknesses, my vulnerabilities, all of that. And I own them. I like me. Right? But I also can tell when somebody is not into me. And I don't lie to myself about it. I'm not delusional. I don't pretend that I can change your mind. I know I can't. I'm not God. Right. If you don't know Neil, you ain't never gonna know. I'm not gonna sit around until you find out either. Right, no way, eh? We ain't waiting for nobody. The other lady won. She got it. She got it.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:26

And so do you.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:28

You need a little bit of pride indeed. Yeah. If you don't, you don't let people drag you. You're not dragging me. I just got my silk press. Nobody's doing it to me. No one's dragging me. Mm-mm. You push it the silk and it looks great. Thanks, girl. See. And no one's dragging me. No one's making my hair fall out. No one's stressing me out again.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:45

I'm glad I got me a retwist.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:47

Yeah, you don't let nobody drag you by your box.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:50

You know? Either you want to be here or not. Either you want to be here or not. That's not true. Act like you want to be here when you're here. You know, act like that's all I ask.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:58

Just a little, you know. When I feel like things start to look a little murky, when things get confused, I know that God is not an author of confusion. Hello. When I'm confused, I gotta go.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:08

I gotta get out of here. I gotta get out of here. So, okay. Speaking of confusion and getting out of here, right? In the world where we got real, you know, women like you, yeah. How do you feel about AI-generated things like modeling, singing, acting? I don't like it. Straight to the point. I don't like it. Tell us why.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:29

Because I think there's nothing like the authentic human touch. The connection. Like, a great actress is a great actress because she has experienced hard things. Like I couldn't act until I went through heartbreak. I could not.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:45

You should paint as art.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:46

You, yeah, like you, I spent so much time healing myself and being with myself that I knew how I felt when I was angry. I knew how I felt when I was desperate. So when you look at a script, you're like, oh, I got that. Right. You take an AI person, that's that's there's no soul. There's no life experience. That's something that's being regurgitated back. Someone's feeding it and it's giving you what they think you want. But there's no no life behind that. Right. And I think we look at art because we want to feel something. Absolutely. You know, we want to relate to something.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:19

Now, when it first hit the streets, because you know AI went crazy when it first hit the streets. How were you feeling about that? You like, what's this AI thing like? Where did you think it would go? Like, did you think AI would go this far, especially your fields, the kind of fields that you're in?

SPEAKER_03 1:10:32

I did not think that we would have AI singers. That threw me for a loop. Right. Right? Right. And get a sign. But the earth is like such a mad place. Like, can anything really surprise us anymore? Right. Like, are we ever surprised about being here? Like, I mean, the things that we've seen in our lifetime alone.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:53

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:54

There was a plane crash in Northeast last year. You know, like, damn, I did forget about that. They just come in that game. Yeah, so it's just like, I just do what I could do. I don't get too consumed in it where I'm like angry about the AI thing. Right. I'm not trying to understand what it is either. I'm just doing me.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:13

Right. I'm just living life. And y'all about to say, how do you continue to keep showing up after everything we've been through, after just so much, boo? Like God. That's right.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:22

I prayed every day for joy. Okay. I thought you were. I prayed for peace. Okay. That's the past is all understanding and joy that I can't explain. And I realized something about people. See, people want to steal your joy. Always. You can sleep with your enemy. You can break with your enemy. I always say that. I always say that. Right? You can sleep with your enemy. That is so true. When people do bad things to you, when they betray you, they don't like you. Period. It's envy. They want to break your spirit. They want to see you down, especially when they feel like you feel like you that. Right? So when I realized that people wanted to break my spirit, it was on me to always enjoy my human experience. I love that. I'ma laugh whether you hear or whether you're going. I'ma look at flowers. I'ma eat good things.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:08

Eat the stuff.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:09

Yeah. I'ma trap. Well, I'm a dance. I'ma live my life. No one's taking my thunder. Period. No one. People want to do that. People want to make you feel bad about yourself. People want you to not believe you can have the life you want because they are projecting, because they feel small. See, I always did what I wanted to do. So I never had to stop nobody play. I never had to hate on nobody. No one ever made me jealous.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:32

Okay, so we got another game for you.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:34

Okay, I like these games. It's cute.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:36

Rent a bae. Okay. Rent a bay. Okay. So we're gonna bring up a picture. We're gonna say rent or nah. Rent or nah. Okay.

unknown 1:12:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:45

Working. Romantic or friendship. Focus on it. Romantic or friendship. I'm in. Locked in.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:48

You locked in? I'm here. Okay, boom. I'm here.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:50

Let's do it. Let's do it.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:54

I'm gonna say nah because he was friends with my ex. Oh, gotta go. Yeah. Love your music though. Love is deal. Love is. Very talented. Okay. I'm gonna rent Eve as my friend. See, one of the things I always wanted to do is like write a rap. I wanna take Eve to the studio to write a diss record. Oh, a diss record. I wanna go at some people. I'm not man. Eve, I feel like she's like Eve can help me with that. So I'm writing down. For sure. For sure. Rent. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:31

Just for a day.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:32

Just for a day.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:33

Yeah, like a little date. You know, sushi. Yeah, I'm a single girl. Yeah. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:41

Rent, of course. Like, what?

SPEAKER_01 1:13:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:44

Me and Beyonce, I just need to talk to her. Makeup tips. Yes, I would love to spend time with Beyonce. Rent. Okay. This is Michelle's husband. But I will rent him. We'll rent him. But not for a date. I just want to hang. I just want to hang with the first black president of the United States. Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:04

That'd be hot.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:06

Hey girl. Kiki. I will rent Kiki as a friend because she seemed fun. She seemed like we'll have a good Kiki. We would laugh. Yeah, we would like to eat good food and have stories. So I'm going to rent Kiki. I'm renting everybody.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:21

My man, my man. All right. Yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:26

To everything. These are some good riddles. Okay. This is the only, we could keep him here. Like, we don't even like need to like we're going to start it here. No thanks. We can dance. I love you, and I don't need to rent Channing. You got a rules. I would dance by the way. I wanna rent Michael B. Jordan.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:45

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:47

I like Drake, but I don't need to rent Drake. But I love Drake. Huge fan. He could rent. He's amazing. No thanks. I love you, girls. And that is a great hairstyle. Of course. She's my friend in my head. Yes. I would love to hang out with Rebray. She has the best makeup. I will take her to meet my mom. My mom is the biggest Rihanna fan, so like I'm really renting you for my mom, too. Because my mom loves you, Rebray. No thanks. Great rapper. Hell no. He's gonna have all my business that ain't even business on his blog. No. No, he's not nice. We gotta get him out of here. He's not nice. No.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:32

Who had to breathe that today, right? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:37

I was pleased with my renners. You like your Virgil?

SPEAKER_01 1:15:39

I like my rentals. You like your rentals? Okay. Yes. I was pleased. I like how it was Virgil's on there. No shade. You know, we had Beyonce, we had Kiki. You must be a Virgo. Yeah, I'm a Virgo, yo. I just wanted to. Just wanted to put that out there. I didn't clock that.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:50

You know?

SPEAKER_03 1:15:51

I just was looking at the dates. I didn't even clock. No, no shade, no shade.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:56

But with everything you've told us, down to your rentals. What have you reflected on as a person, as a woman? What can you tell us about everything now today?

SPEAKER_03 1:16:08

Oh my God. The first thing I learned is don't take no shit. I just feel like as women, we are bred to like always be like pleasing and like agreeable. And you will find yourself in the wrong predicaments, agreeing with everything and going with the flow. You better assert yourself, ask all the questions, and make sure you can survive without anybody too. And I don't know hyper-independent stuff, but I really do feel like as an adult, you should be willing to do the hard and laborous task of figuring out your own life. And I think that society also has us like waiting for us someone to like come save us. You know, like the whole princess thing, like, oh, provide for me and love me. And it's like you have to go through hard things in your life as a human, despite who loves you, despite having a mom and a dad. Like you still have to figure out your life. So just learning how to like stand on your own feet as a woman, I think is just so important. I learned how to do that. There's nothing more empowering than knowing who you are and liking yourself. Yes. But you can only like yourself when you can first embrace your humanity. That's your flaws, that's your mistakes when you can own them and get rid of the shame. And then you also gotta like know yourself and like yourself. Like I like myself, right? When you like yourself, you don't do things for other people. You do things for yourself.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:31

And that's not even about being selfish. People can't press me. Period. They can't trick me. You know, like I'm clear on this is how far I'm willing to go with this. Period. Take it or leave it. So I just think knowing yourself, spending time with yourself. We hate being alone as people, especially as women. We always trying to find a new thing. A boo. A new boo.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:55

I want to level him.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:56

I had a boo in about it'll be two years in June since I had a boo. Listen, you doing doing great. And I feel good.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:05

I feel great. Not good, great. Doing better. I feel great.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:10

Thanks, girl. But that's because I know what I want. And I'm not willing to settle.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:14

That's right.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:14

I know how I want to be treated. I know what love looks like. And you know, when you get to my age, people want you to believe in this clock. That your youth is running out, that your beauty is running out, that you have to just settle and make a decision. And I say F that. I am going to live my life the way that I live my life. And I'll deal with what comes with it later. But right now, I am just going to stay true to myself. I think you have to be willing to make hard decisions. You have to be willing to be uncomfortable. And you have to be willing to just understand that life is so uncertain. We don't get to control any of this stuff. It's about how you respond. Yes. Yes. Enjoy is a verb. You find it. You look for it. Yes. No one brings you joy. You know? So with understanding that every day is a new opportunity to just enjoy this human experience, to enjoy this beautiful body because it's tea. Okay. Um to laugh. You know.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:16

Have a little fun.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:18

Be a little whimsical. Oh, I'm very whimsical. Be a little whimsical. Oh my God, I love to twirl. Yes. Oh my God, I love flowers. What they gotta say, y'all ain't got no whims. I love to flirt. Flirt. I'm very flirty. Yes. Flirt. Smile. I love to laugh.

unknown 1:19:33

You know?

SPEAKER_03 1:19:33

And I really take care of my mental health. As you should. I really watch.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:38

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:38

I watch how far I let people take me. People don't get to get me upset. I'm rarely angry with people long term. Like, you gotta do a lot to get me there. Because I built this brick by brick. You're not about to come in here and tear up anything that I've been building. Exactly. So I protect myself. I am my only line of defense. I love it.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:59

See, I would I would have been like, oh yeah, give us your greatest advice, but you ate that up. Like you gave us. Did I eat that? You did. You did. You said do this, do that. You have to get to know yourself.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:08

Yes. Get to know what you like.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:11

I loved it. Thank you for being here, baby.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:13

Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:15

Congratulations on all of that. Thank you. You know, I try. It's cute. You know, shout out to my girl. Can't forget, can't forget your friend over there. My friend from the sandbox. You know, doing the stuff, yes. But this is not goodbye because we gotta make sure you give an exclusive. Yes. So don't go nowhere. We'll be right back.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:37

Hey ladies, my name is Raelia Lewis, and here is my exclusive for the Ken Lo show. Here are three things that I believe every woman needs to know. The first thing is that you should never give up on yourself. I don't care how old you are, how long it's been, I don't care if you don't even know how to start. You have to literally learn how to trust the journey and trust the process. It takes time to do anything great. Get started, recalibrate, pivot, but never ever give up on yourself. My second tip would be to do hard things, to have courage. Life will call you sometimes to do really hard things. And the person you want to become on the other side of where you already are needs to evolve, needs to be expanded, needs to be stretched. So you have to be willing to lean into adversity, you have to be willing to be a beginner, be a novice, get out there, get your hands dirty. Never, ever, ever sit in comfort. Always do something for the first time and see where it will take you. And my third tip is to always keep God first. You are never alone. You always have God. So when you are at your rock bottom, when you don't know what's next, when you need some direction, talk to him and he will guide you throughout this entire human journey. That's all I have. Thanks and happy women's month.