what incarceration did for/to our relationship S2EP9

Love Behind Bars — What Incarceration Did to Our Relationship  What happens to a relationship when one person is locked up… and the other is left to hold everything together?  In this episode of Marriage Material, KD and Coach DTM open up about a chapter many couples don’t talk about—incarceration and the impact it had on their relationship.  This isn’t just about time being served… it’s about trust being tested, communication being strained, and loyalty being put under pressure.  They get real about:         •        What incarceration did TO their relationship—the distance, the doubts, the emotional weight         •        What it did FOR their relationship—the growth, the reflection, and the lessons learned         •        The challenges of staying connected when life forces you apart         •        The truth about love, temptation, and commitment when everything isn’t convenient  Because sometimes… it’s not the situation that breaks you—it’s how you handle it.  This episode is for anyone who’s ever had to love through distance, struggle through uncertainty, or question whether their relationship could survive real-life pressure. Some relationships do time together… others fall apart doing it alone. The question is—what did it reveal about YOU? This is Marriage Material.”

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:11

I'm just a D girl from around the way with a whole lot of shit to say. It's your girl, KD.

SPEAKER_02 0:15

What up though? You know who it is? Your boy Coach DTM aka pure motivation. I am Mr. Energy. Everybody love me. I don't have one enemy. Our podcast is here now, so you gotta respect it. You never get off on us because we're never the exit. If you know me, then you know that I'm more than the savage who loves living life and is allergic to average. So in conclusion, so it's no confusion. If you see somebody really than us, it's an illusion.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 0:35

What up, though? What's good? What up? What up, though? Listen, I'm the husband.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

I'm the wife.

SPEAKER_02 0:42

And this is relationship.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_02 0:45

What is this? Marriage material.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

Come on now. Marriage material. Sorry.

SPEAKER_02 0:53

All right, it's cool. It's cool.

SPEAKER_00 0:54

My apologies.

SPEAKER_02 0:55

All right. It's cool. All right, cool. So listen, listen, do us a favor. Do us a favor. If you have not done it yet, go ahead and like the show real quick. Hit that like button. Go ahead and hit that subscribe button. If you ain't subscribed, I don't want you to miss none of this. Right? We got a bunch of stuff on this network that you definitely have to have in your life. We got some new stuff that's about to come up that you have to have in your life. Man, if you thought love and hip hop was something.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

No, bruh. Oh no, nah bruh.

SPEAKER_02 1:24

No. This ain't that. Oh, okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

You tried it. You tried it.

SPEAKER_02 1:28

You thought what's the what that show? If you thought Zeus was something, Zeus is a network, not a shit. That's what I'm saying. This network over here. No, you thought Zeus was something. Watch what happened. Watch what happened, huh? Follow. Listen, subscribe. Don't play. All right.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

So shout out to DTM on a merch, y'all. All our hoodies and shirts that you see, nine and a half times out of ten, DTM made them for us.

SPEAKER_02 1:52

Most definitely, man. Listen, and we got it. We got it coming for sale. We actually gonna do a merch giveaway real soon.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

So I don't know about giveaway, but no, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 2:00

You gotta do a giveaway. I said no. We gotta give a giveaway for the fans. Just a couple of not all of them. I said no. Just the ones who rocking with us, who who win the whatever we got going on. So we're gonna have something going. I said no. We want y'all to get get into this game, man. I said rock with us. Okay, they don't want y'all to have it, but no, I want them to have it.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

Want them to pay for it.

SPEAKER_02 2:20

I mean, they paying by just giving us the love, man. You know what I'm saying? Support. We're gonna get it out here. All right.

SPEAKER_00 2:25

Oh, so we could make payments of love.

SPEAKER_02 2:28

That's I that's how I kept you all these years. I ain't had nothing else to give you. Grow up. I had nothing. I was like, You kept giving me babies. Babies in love. That's all I had. Stuck. All right. Got it. All right. So this week, the situation that I wanted to discuss, talk about, bring to the to the forefront. Situation. Come on up here. Come to the forefront. There was a situation that occurred in our relationship that can easily make or break a relationship.

SPEAKER_00 3:02

One situation? This one or this one. Oh, this is the one we talking about. This is one we're talking about here. Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_02 3:07

There was a situation.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

I didn't read my notes.

SPEAKER_02 3:09

I feel like in most cases, you have to this, you had to have God in this situation because without God in this situation, we wouldn't be together. You know what I'm saying? He he kept it, he kept it gangster.

SPEAKER_01 3:25

He kept it Gucci.

SPEAKER_02 3:26

Yeah, he kept it gangster with us to keep this keep this union together. He knew something else was coming on the horizon that we probably had no idea. So for those who don't know, I did music back in the day. Right? You can follow it, you can find it, it's out there.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

It's on Bandcamp.

SPEAKER_02 3:42

Yeah, yeah. If you want to the intro for the other song for both both shows, that's me. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 3:49

We don't have the intro for the show yet.

SPEAKER_02 3:50

We do have an intro for the show. If you would listen to the show, on we've just talked about this. We have an intro. The intro is actually living. I sent it to you before I even put it on the oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:00

That's a that's a song he wrote for me and somebody else, though. Yeah, shout out, shout out to the play, shout out to Big Tay. Before there was DTM, there was Big Tay. He was a player, player from the Himalayas.

SPEAKER_02 4:13

This song was specifically for her. She she knows it because she heard all the ones she was like, Oh, yeah, that yep, that's me. Yep, that's me too. All right, so for those who don't know, I did music back in the day. And if you've been a fan of the show, if you've been listening, if you heard at least six seconds of any of the episodes, then you know that one of my issues that we had in our relationship was me with infidelity. All right, I always put it out there for everybody because I want y'all to know that you can get through it, you can get to the other side. You do have to put the work in, but it can be reverse.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

Reverse, reverse. Reverse, reverse.

SPEAKER_02 4:54

In this case, your boy was leaving work one day in one of the smallest cities in the state of Michigan. It's probably six blocks, six to eight blocks long. It it may have that might be a stretch. It may have three police cars and six.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

But if you're from here, we're talking about hamtremmic.

SPEAKER_02 5:20

Hamtremic, Michigan.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

It's so little, it's so little. Not to be confused with Highland Park, you guys. Ham Tramic and Island Park are two different cities. So both of them are small, though.

SPEAKER_02 5:30

I worked in Ham Tramic, Michigan. I'm traveling through Ham Tramic, Michigan, trying to go to the studio at this time.

SPEAKER_00 5:38

Yep, on nine mile and jar. Shout out to Deal with It.

SPEAKER_02 5:41

Yeah, it was eight, it was eight between eight and nine mile. Okay. But on Jana. It was like three blocks off eight mile. But not to be confused with what Eminem was at, y'all. It wasn't nowhere near the same spot.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

Yeah, shout out to Deal with it. They don't he don't got a studio no more, does he? Oh, he saw it. Shout out to Walt then.

SPEAKER_02 5:56

Yeah, he still got the name.

SPEAKER_00 5:58

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 5:59

But so it was a snowy day, right?

SPEAKER_00 6:02

It was not snowy.

SPEAKER_02 6:04

It was definitely snow.

SPEAKER_00 6:05

Not at that time because it was in August. Oh no, it was in November.

SPEAKER_02 6:07

It was it was oh no, you're right, you're right. You're right. No, I got you on this one because I'm gonna tell you how I got you. I backed up at work. This is that this is what caused everything. I backed up at work to park. When I pulled out, my license plate got stuck on a snow bank.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:24

And it snatched it off the thing. So I ended up putting it in the window at that time because I, you know, I wasn't handy, I ain't had no tools, but I still wanted I've seen this in the window. I seen so many cars with their license plates in the window. What what why was I different? Right? That's neither here nor there. But so leaving, trying to get through. The crazy thing is I remember like yesterday, KD and I had just gotten to a verbal discussion, argument, whatever you may call it. We used to argue back then. We don't argue no more. But verbal argument, and you know, it's one of them heavy boys. I'm like, okay, bet. In my head, I'm like, she always wanna argue. I'm gonna go to the studio, make this hit so we can get up out the hood. You know what I'm saying? I'm trying to go big, you know. You know how you know how you know how people be putting a thousand on six, you know what I'm saying? So I get pulled over because of the quote unquote the lighting plate being in the window. For those, so I used to carry weapons back then, illegally. I still carry weapons, but they're legal now. But I was illegal back then. So when I when they called me, when they pulled me over, they seen that I was, you know, had my weapons on me. It was a whole big old ordeal. We're not gonna go through all that, but it was it was horrible. But they called KD at that precise moment, and they said, Hey, you know what? You know somebody named Deontay.

SPEAKER_00 7:53

Doug said, You know somebody named Deontay, he said your last name. I said, Yeah. He said, We got him. I said, Well, who's this? And he said, Ham Tramic PD banged on me. Click, he ain't tell me why, he ain't tell me nothing. So I actually called my cousin who had a lot of connects with DPD, and I was like, Hey, can you first okay, let's be honest. I thought you was on some bullshit. I'll be honest.

SPEAKER_02 8:19

First time hearing it.

SPEAKER_00 8:20

Thought you was on some bullshit, first time hearing it. Because crazy you was notorious for bullshit, right? So I called him trying to make, but they said they couldn't give me no information because we weren't married, right? So I was like, all right, I was gonna wait and call back and just say I was your wife because they ain't like they what you gonna ask for a marriage license over the phone. But when I called back, the same lady kept answering the phone. So I was like, fuck.

SPEAKER_02 8:47

She'll never get off, right?

SPEAKER_00 8:49

So I called my cousin, my cousin had some, you know, some people look it up, and it did show that you was in jail, but it showed you was in jail for a civil infraction, which is like traffic tickets, right? So I'm like, well, yeah, he do got a shitty driver's record. So I'm like, but damn, they take you to jail for that whole time. We never even knew about the gun part until you until I got you out. Well, no, until you got transferred to the county. That's when I found out about the gun park.

SPEAKER_02 9:19

So needless to say, I didn't make it to the studio, guys. So that was gonna be a hit right there, too. That was that was gonna be the one that changed our life. But go to the county, well, go to Hampton Framing first, spend a night there or so lead there, go to the county, go to go in front of the judge, judge give me a bond. But they were so harsh, like it was just so crazy, it was so harsh. It it's it's hard to even talk about it again just from the fact of how harsh they was, right? I'm watching everybody, oh your bond, 10,000, 10. Oh, okay, cool. Oh, your bond, five thousand, ten percent. Oh, okay, cool. Come up to my turn, your bond, five thousand cash. I said, What? No, I got five hundred on me right now. Can we do 10? I can get myself out right now. They like, no, cash, take them to the back. I'm like, oh my god. So in my head, I'm like, all right, well, I'm gonna be here till we go back. Yeah, I ain't thinking nothing of it. Whole time, KD's on the outside in free world working her magic. She's like, Nah, I gotta get my dude out. See, this is again, I told y'all we were beefing, but she still was able to put the beef to the side and was like, nah, I gotta get my dude. I gotta beef with him out here. I can't beef with him in there, right?

SPEAKER_00 10:45

And we had a brand new baby beef.

SPEAKER_02 10:47

Baby, I can't beef with him in there.

SPEAKER_00 10:49

First of all, our son was just well, he wasn't just born, he was born in August. This happened in November, right? So, and it was about to be the holiday. I had to get you out before the holiday. Your oldest kid kept saying, Where's my daddy at?

SPEAKER_02 11:03

She made her some calls and and put put her her scrippers together and and came. I I think I was in there for maybe four days.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

Cause let me tell you, which I didn't know because mind y'all, I never I never been to jail. My brother's been to jail, but I ain't never go get them niggas out. So I ain't know you gotta be there by a certain time, you gotta have exact cash. It was so many rules to this shit, right? Which I did, I did call your dad because I didn't even know nothing about bills, bonds or nothing.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

Right.

SPEAKER_00 11:33

I'm trying to hustle up on the whole 5,000. I didn't know nothing about going to the Bills Bondsmen, giving them however many dollars. I didn't know nothing about none of that. So I was I I mean, I had got up on what we had to get up on, but then your dad, like, no, we just need, I think we needed like a thousand. Right. Because they pay the full thing, but then you gotta pay them. Ah, I forgot how it goes.

SPEAKER_02 12:01

Yeah, they pay with like assurancy though. So they're not necessarily giving the full cash amount, if I'm not mistaken.

SPEAKER_00 12:06

No, they did.

SPEAKER_02 12:07

Oh, they gave it.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

In your case, they did.

SPEAKER_02 12:08

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 12:09

Yeah, but then you had you also had some holds. So we needed the money for the bond, and then we needed the money for you had a hold in like Ferndale, and then I think one in Westland.

SPEAKER_02 12:22

So, what holds mean for those who don't know, it means that you owe another city money for like a ticket of some sort, yeah. So, like, and they like, oh, you got them? Bet, let us know when y'all done because we might come get in.

SPEAKER_00 12:33

Because then, because what happens is you pay your bond for one place, then they let you out, and another city come pick you up, yeah. So we had to pay all of that, but when we paid for the for the holds, we had to have exact change, yeah, because it's going for each city. Well, we didn't know that though. So the first day we had all the money, but it was like combined, so like we gave them their thousand, and then we thinking we finna get them the thousand, but no, no, you gotta pay this city two something, you gotta pay this city four, so it had to be broken down, yeah. Like nobody, no first of all, we stood here for over an hour for y'all to give us the direction. Why the fuck y'all ain't include that?

SPEAKER_02 13:11

So I remember that by the way. I remember for one being in there that that little short amount of time, you know what I'm saying, being locked down like that. You know what I'm saying? Oh my god, doing my time like a man, you know what I'm saying? No, the very first night I was in there, that's all I needed to see. From I knew from the jump, but that's all I needed to see to realize I don't want to be in here, I don't want to do this. This is stupid. For the for everybody who keeps going back for repeat offenders and and just doing new stuff, that's crazy. Listen, the very first night it was like maybe eight to ten people in in my one cell, but it's only four beds. So I guess the biggest people is gonna get a bed. Everybody else just gotta kind of figure it out, right? So I get my little top bunk, there's somebody else in the bottom, and you know, now it's lights out, lights out, you know. You finna go to sleep, and we just hear the noise like a rattling noise on the bag. So we everybody kind of sitting up trying to see where this noise is coming from. We look over, it's a guy on the ground having a seizure. The noise is his hand hitting his his bag with all his stuff in it. So it's like a red button on the wall. We push the button on the wall. They the guard like, what you need? And we like, yo, dude in here dying. They're like, okay, we're gonna try to get somebody up there.

SPEAKER_00 14:33

Try.

SPEAKER_02 14:34

That's exactly what I said. I said, try. Oh man, so you really you they really don't care about you once you come past the malls, huh? So within 10 minutes or so, they finally get up there. At this time, the seizure in the stock. I'm like, he gone. That's a wrap. But he literally died in the cell. Damn, they took him out, took his bag. Everybody went on by their night, went to sleep. Damn, and I was like, they that's crazy. I said, I don't need I don't need to see nothing else. I'm straight. All right, let me do this the right way. Let me okay, whatever licenses and stuff I need, I'm gonna just do let's do this the right way because I don't need to see this again. But then I see breakfast, right? And they bring two frozen boiled eggs, a muffin, some milk, and like a the little screw cereal thing. And I'm looking at these boiled eggs, and I was like, What in the this is a weapon? What am I supposed to do with this? So now I now I'm the chicken because I got to put these eggs up one of the pillows so they can hatch, you know what I'm saying? So I'm like, This is crazy. I'm like, nah, this this right here is not for me. I can't do this. But uh a couple days go by, Katie she's getting the bread up, she's doing what she got to do. I don't even know she's doing this. Did I call you when I was in there? No, yeah, because I don't think I remember no numbers for one, and for two, I was like, we was beefing, she ain't thinking about me. I'm just gonna go ahead and do my time like a man, we'll figure it out when I get out. But I come out the door, they like you you bonded out whole time. I got 500 on me. I'm trying to keep it here because I don't want to have to, you know, scrapple with nobody in here over this money that can't none of us use at this point. Yeah, but I walk out the door and I see KD sitting over there, and I see my dad. I was like, You call my daddy?

SPEAKER_00 16:23

Talking about he almost turned around.

SPEAKER_02 16:25

Hey, hey, open that back up, man. I'm coming back, I'm coming back in. This ain't dog.

SPEAKER_00 16:29

He was so mad. Oh well, who else I was gonna call? Ghostbusters? Yes, yes, I called him, sure.

SPEAKER_02 16:39

But okay, so now there's there's more to this story that I didn't even know was going that was a part of this story until like later in life, right?

SPEAKER_01 16:48

What?

SPEAKER_02 16:49

So the fact that for one, you know, things wasn't right when went on the oven up. Who were the people that you called when you was gathering up money to try to come get your man out of jail?

SPEAKER_00 17:01

Bro, so look, now you heard DTM say he had a couple dollars in his pocket, right? He had just got paid that day when he got locked up. I knew he was messing around with a chick at his job. I had her phone number, so I called her. I said, I said, hey, is this blah blah blah? This Deontay girl. First, she hung up on me. Soon as soon as I said this Deontay girl, she hung up on me. So I called back. She answered. So, okay, initially she didn't answer. So then I called and she answered. I said, This Deontay girl, she hung up on me. I called back. She didn't answer. Now, now, mind you, this is before texting and shit. Right. So I couldn't just text her, like answer the damn phone, right? So then I kept calling, kept calling, kept calling. So she finally answered again and she said, I don't, I, I ain't messing with him or something like that. I don't remember. I said, girl, that ain't what I'm calling you for. I don't give a fuck about that. I said, he in jail and I need help getting him out. She said, jail. What they gotta do with me. I said, You fucking him like I'm fucking them. You gonna help me get him out. I mean she ain't she ain't helped me, y'all. She hung up on me. She hung up on me. She got broken. But then I had called her homegirl. She was the home girl was fake. She was like, Hey, hey, Mrs. Deontay. Fake bitch. But I call her too. I'm like, hey, tell your girl, you know, I ain't on no bullshit. She don't gotta meet up with me or nothing. She could get the money to you, then you could bring it to me. I ain't I ain't on no bullshit. I said, or I could have his dad come pick it up from her. So the homegirl, like, you gonna have his dad pick it up from her. I'm like, girl, listen, I just need this money, I don't care how we get it. I said, or so Deontay God's sister worked at the same place they all worked at. I said she could give it to her. I'm giving you ways to get it to me without seeing me, right? Right. Because I'm pretty sure she was scared. Because like, who the fuck just called? Like, yeah, mean, I needed some fucking dollars. I knew you got paid, she got paid, same day. You got paid. Bitch, you ain't your nurse, give me a couple dollars. Right, quick plan. She ain't do it. I told on her too. Yeah, I'm like, why you cheating with that bitch? She wouldn't even help me get you out.

SPEAKER_02 19:19

I was like, if you broke, just say that. You know what I'm saying? Obviously, this ain't gonna work out. You know, you don't know how to you don't know how to come through in the clutch. You know what I'm saying? My wife calls you, you give her what she needs. Well, my girl call you, you give her what she needs because she needs it for me. She told you, she gave you the proper information.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

Broke up with, and I told us home her homegirl said he at the county, so she don't believe me. She could call, they ain't gonna tell you why he's in there, but they will give you his bond and they will tell you that he's in there. That's public information. You can call and get it. I gave her all the ways to to come through, and she did crazy work, crazy work.

SPEAKER_02 19:59

So, all right, back on track since she got broked up with. What do you think this type of situation did, in your opinion, to or for our relationship?

SPEAKER_00 20:12

I don't think it helped us at all.

SPEAKER_02 20:14

Really? I don't all right, but for me it did, and I'd say the reason that it helped was because I think it tapped into a different part of my psyche, I would say, right? Because I come from an area in life where people just don't do stuff for you. Oh, yeah, you know what I'm saying? Especially if we haven't we're not seeing eye to eye, we at odds, it just don't happen. And I'm talking about family, friend, whoever.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

But that's because we was raised differently, right? We talked about that before. I was raised off love, you was raised off survival, right?

SPEAKER_02 20:56

So what this did, what this situation for me showed me like, oh, so people really can still have your back through thinking thin type situation, yeah. You know what I'm saying? And this was kind of like the first of that for me. I ain't even gonna say kind of like this. Was the first of that for me, to where you could be beefing, like even with like your parents, right? When you when you and your you ain't really beefing with your parents, but when y'all ain't seeing eye to eye as the kids to the parent, you just don't talk to them for a while, right? I've never had a situation where they needed something from me when I wasn't talking to them, so I don't know how that played out or how it was supposed to play out. I've never, it's just this this was a new territory for me to where I'm like, oh, so she did all this for me, and we weren't even seeing eye to eye. I'm like, this is crazy.

SPEAKER_00 21:49

We weren't even seeing eye to nose. Yeah, we ain't even in the same book.

SPEAKER_02 21:53

We was beefed out, y'all. Yeah, I'm talking about that argument was crazy, and then the whole time I Like, I think I I blamed you for it. You did. I'm like, I wouldn't even been down this road if it I would have kept straight because that was the way I would have kept straight. I would have went a whole different way.

SPEAKER_00 22:12

No, he wouldn't have though, because that was the way to the fucking studio. But okay.

SPEAKER_02 22:16

Yeah, but you know, your mind tell you everything because I would have I'd have kept straight, I'd have had time to go out there and fit. I don't know with my mind, it was everywhere, right? But to know that you can still because I feel like up until this moment, love was was extremely conditional from any and everybody I know. Even having situations like when my mom would tell me to do one thing and then tell my dad that I didn't tell him to do that.

SPEAKER_01 22:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:46

So I'm like, wait a minute, wait a minute. Now you setting me up, you know? Not you to act. Yeah, you setting me up. Like it's crazy, right? But it made me feel a certain kind of way about a lot of stuff. And then, you know, I I think I spoke in the past about like just how my family dynamics was with like my grandma on that side, and with my aunts on that side, and my cousins on that side, like nothing was for you know, nothing was for me at that moment, right? You know what I'm saying? So when I experienced this, I was like, Man, this is crazy. And then when you locked up, all you all you do is think, like you start putting stuff in perspective. So while you on the outside trying to trying to, you know, put duckets together. I mean, the inside, not knowing you putting duckets together, but just thinking like you was on the inside, like when I leave, I'm about to go be on my side check.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

Nah, she's about to leave me in here.

SPEAKER_02 23:42

You don't even think about you thinking like, why you even got a side check? That's stupid. This is real dumb. Yeah, why did you why didn't you go work out? Like you said, you just go like you just start thinking everything. Why you even finish reading that book you said you just don't read you got all this time on your hands, you just thinking about everything that you said you were gonna do, you didn't do you. I'm gonna change. You you start getting extra spiritual. This is only four days, four or five days in. I'm like, yo, I'm extra spiritual at this point. Like, you know what, God, you get me out of this one. I I owe you forever. I don't know how many times I said that toy, but but I'm trying to think it like I said, it made me look at you differently because I was like, she what did you have my back? And we were super young.

SPEAKER_00 24:32

It was kind of cool.

SPEAKER_02 24:33

Yeah, we was youngest.

SPEAKER_00 24:34

This was before marriage and everything.

SPEAKER_02 24:36

Like we you said we had one we had two, two, or was the other one on the way?

SPEAKER_00 24:43

No, he was already born. He was born in August. This happened in November, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:47

So the beauty of it was I I was out, you know, right before Thanksgiving. So that gave me something to be thankful for. Because they're saying because I don't know what they were gonna feed us on Thanksgiving. That was great.

SPEAKER_00 24:59

Some frozen hammer.

SPEAKER_02 25:01

I don't know. I was I eating swine back then. I don't even think.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

Oh no, we wasn't because we no, we was, no, we was. No, we was. Yeah, I mean we were. Sorry, we were because we didn't give up pork until like right before we got married. Okay, okay, yeah, remember because we used to be at the uh what was that the ham shop, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:20

I just couldn't remember how if we had because I know that was probably like the last I think it might have been right around that time though, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

But I know it was like like maybe 05-06 when we gave up pork.

SPEAKER_02 25:31

This happened in 04, and that that it'd be it was situations like that for sure that made me say, Oh no, yeah, this is my wife right here. This gotta be my wife. Because I don't really know much about what wives do, but I feel like this is it, you know. I feel like getting you out of jail gotta be one of them. Like, she ain't playing about me, you know what I'm saying? So this was this is what it is.

SPEAKER_00 25:51

So you know it's crazy. Last week you had mentioned like that, or did you say that this week? But you said I think it was like sorry guys, I'm getting my weeks mixed up. But remember you said, like, you never been sick before, yeah. So like I had the blood clots, I had the that was crazy, right? I had the defecate e whatever you want to call it, like that. So you never been quote unquote sick before, right? I feel like your sickness was your infidelity. That's what I had to deal with, I like that, and that's something you didn't have to deal with.

SPEAKER_02 26:26

Yeah, I like that. So that's heavy.

SPEAKER_00 26:29

Like my my sickness was medical, yours was emotional, yeah. So I don't know, I just thought about that because even talking about when you when that happened, that was one of many, right? You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 26:41

So yeah, you just leave that thing alone.

SPEAKER_00 26:44

All right, I know y'all see me. I'm trying to put my watch back, but yeah, no, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 26:48

That's deep. I never thought about it like that. I like that though.

SPEAKER_00 26:52

Yeah, so we I guess we all had our I mean, not we all, we both had our own things to deal with, you know.

SPEAKER_02 26:58

Yeah, that's dope. Hmm, interesting. I never thought about it. Dang, did I stump you? You did. That was never dope. My my my sickness was infidelity. Which which makes a lot of sense though, because it I think it might have been a little deeper than sickness, but I can get I can get it.

SPEAKER_00 27:17

But I'm just saying, like that that was something that you know, I never had to deal with you being hospitalized, but I had other shit to deal with. Hey, it wasn't all motherfucking roses, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 27:27

My decision making was hospital, was hospital has not hospitality.

SPEAKER_00 27:32

It was not hospitality, right?

SPEAKER_02 27:33

That's what I said. Yeah, not hospitality.

SPEAKER_00 27:35

I mean, I do feel like even in in where when we were battling your infidelity, I mean, even then, you gotta be thankful that you never brought nothing home. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Kids, diseases, like it's shit out there, bro. Crazy bitches, like he had one crazy bitch, but then she realized I was crazier, so matter match, girl.

SPEAKER_02 27:57

You don't scare me, so scared me though. Oh, every every morning I wake up like I'm on her good side, sheesh, me, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:07

I know you lying, right? But I'm just saying that was that was what I had to deal with, but I chose to, you know.

SPEAKER_02 28:13

Yeah, and that's why I said, you know, my man, maybe that was one of the favors that he gave me, you know what I'm saying? They say when he who found a wife find a good thing and receives favor from the Lord, and the favor that I got from the Lord was him making you giving you the the amount of patience that he gave you to we can get to this point, you know what I'm saying, and the strength to be able to break down everything that we've been through just for other people to hear, so that they don't have to go through the same thing, or if they going through the same, then they can see, like, okay, so it is the other side to this. Yes, you know what I'm saying? Because I know a lot of people. Two things I know a lot of people be like, y'all crazy talking about what y'all talking about.

SPEAKER_00 28:58

They'd be like, girl, you about to say that?

SPEAKER_02 29:00

Like, yeah, yeah, and then I know a lot of people who couldn't get through it, and I think the biggest reason is because they couldn't talk about it, even with each other.

SPEAKER_00 29:09

The silent battles are the hardest, though, right? Because I remember one one one time, whatever was going on, and I said, Man, I'm not doing this no more. So I had gone to my dad, and I was like, Hey yo, I'm not doing this no more. I'm about to give me my own place, whatever, whatever. He said, Girl, is you crazy? That is a good man, Savannah. So I was about to say, that's a good man, Savannah. But you know, my dad, he just kept it real with me. He was like, something wrong with everybody. So he was like, You gotta sit down and reflect, is is whatever wrong with him worth starting over from the beginning with somebody else? And I I guess not, I'm still here, but I mean, I guess it's true, like it may not be infidelity, it might be something else. But if you got somebody and it's just one hiccup, you gotta make the decision if the hiccup is too big. I can't tell you stay with a cheek nigga, that ain't that ain't for me to say, right? I made a decision to stay, and now I'm on the other side of things, and I'm I'm glad I stayed. But I'm not saying stay, but I'm saying for me, the reason why I stayed is because you had this one thing that was wrong with you, but you was always a provider, you was always a protector. You know what I'm saying? You were always like my best friend, you know what I'm saying? Like, I could even on the way here, we talking. I'm like, because girl, I mean shit, cause bae, because we so like close and intertwine with each other. So I mean, it wasn't worth it. Like, you know what they say, like you got your fair, your favorite pair of sneakers, you don't throw them away because they get dirty, you wash them, you wear them again, you're gonna scuff them up again, you wear them again, however, you know what I'm saying, just however it correlates to you. Your car runs out of gas, you don't throw the car away, just put more gas in it, you know what I'm saying? So, you know, you just gotta make your decision. Like, is this the only thing wrong?

SPEAKER_02 30:52

Now, if you would have had some more shit, I would have had to bow gracefully, but and you know, I I do some work with a radio station, right? You know, we were talking about this, and they had a topic based off of what you just said when you said we like, you know, we best friends and that, and they were saying that one of the members of the show, her husband told her that you're not my best friend.

SPEAKER_00 31:21

Damn.

SPEAKER_02 31:22

And she was taken aback by it when he first said it, but it it was so many people that called in that was in agreement with it. And I was like, I don't understand. Even even the leader of the show was like, Yeah, I can kind of understand. Like, he was on the same. I'm like, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 31:42

I mean, that's kind of like to each his own, right? Yeah, so maybe maybe that don't work for them, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_02 31:50

But at the same time, so the the leader of the show, they've been they've been going through some stuff for a while, they kind of getting on the other side of it now. I honestly feel like that could have played a role in it, you know what I'm saying? Because to me, your best friend, you just feel like you can talk to them about almost any literally everything, right? Right, not even almost. You can feel you feel like you can talk to your best friend about anything for our relationship. I feel like I can talk to you about anything. Not only do I feel like I can, I actually want to. You know what I'm saying? Like when anything good happened, I can't wait to get tell you what just happened. When something bad happened, I can't wait to tell you what just happened. When we going through stuff, I wouldn't want to go through it with anybody else but you, right? You know what I'm saying? But then they taking it and they using it like the parents used to say, I'm your parent, I ain't your parents. I ain't your little friend, but look at you now. I want to be my little friend, right? And the difference is when a parent says that it's because they gotta do a lot of chestis, right? They gotta do a lot of grooming in your relationship. You definitely can't call it chestising, especially if it's a black relationship. Let's just keep it honest, okay? If it's a white relationship, I'm I think it's okay for you to use those type of words, like you know, it's certain words in black relationships that you can't use as a from a man to a woman or a woman to a man, you know. Case in point.

SPEAKER_00 33:25

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 33:26

KD, what I don't allow you. Y'all hear that? Y'all hear that big hard sigh? If you say allow to, and I ain't I'm saying allow, not hello. Okay, but you can't use words like allow. You know what I'm saying? In a black relationship, but I have white friends.

SPEAKER_00 33:46

I don't think I don't think that's a white or black thing.

SPEAKER_02 33:49

It is. I got white friends that don't do it.

SPEAKER_00 33:50

First of all, they're okay with it because both of them is batshit crazy. I think that certain words, it's a maturity level. Because my mama Caucasian, you can't allow her to do shit either.

SPEAKER_02 34:05

That don't so that but what I'm saying is I don't think it's a black and white thing.

SPEAKER_00 34:11

I think it's a maturity thing.

SPEAKER_02 34:13

So you saying the more mature you are, you okay with being allowed to do something?

SPEAKER_00 34:17

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. The more the more non-toxic you are, the more, the less, I don't know. But I don't think it's a black and white thing. I just I don't believe it's a black and white thing, I think it's a toxicity thing. Because even even with the couple that you're talking about, the allow back and forth still start a big ass argument, right?

SPEAKER_02 34:39

Yeah, but it's because you told me I'm not allowed to do something, so I don't do it, but I want to do it. That's stupid, so it's causing an issue because I want to do it, but you won't let me do it.

SPEAKER_00 34:51

I don't know, I I still think it's like a maturity thing. I think it's like a I don't look at you as my child, so I can't allow you to do shit. You're a grown man, right? I could tell you that I don't like it, and I could tell you how it'll affect us moving forward, but you got to make the choice to do it or not. I don't allow my son to drive at three o'clock in the morning, right? I don't allow my 11-year-old to drink alcohol. Right, these are things that we allow our children. I can't allow my spouse to do anything. That is fucking stupid, right?

SPEAKER_02 35:19

But like I said, it's some people. I don't think I know any black couples that is cool with the word.

SPEAKER_00 35:27

I don't, I don't, but I don't know anybody that's cool with the word.

SPEAKER_02 35:31

And we're gonna, you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna do this. We're gonna do a poll uh over the next two weeks. We're gonna do a poll to see who you know, where does this word originate from? Is it okay to use it in a relationship? Listen, and for those who are watching the show right now, jump in the comments. Let us know what you're thinking about this whole allowed thing. Do your do you allow your spouse to do certain things? Do you allow your spouse allow you to do certain things? Is that word allowed in your relationship? You know, we want to know. You want to know. Talk to us about this, man. Okay, stupid. She said don't don't allow nothing. You know what I'm saying? I feel you.

SPEAKER_00 36:10

I don't understand. Okay. I mean, no, I feel you.

SPEAKER_02 36:13

I think we're on the same page.

SPEAKER_00 36:15

We just trying to figure out I just don't think I don't, I don't, I just don't think it's a race, a race thing. I just think that it's a I don't know the other word. I do, I I do think it's a maturity. I think it's like a possessive thing, I think it's like a I don't know, like a controlling thing. I don't I don't think it's a it's a black and white thing. And then I will even go as far as saying maybe because I'm sorry, not to cut you off, but I'm gonna keep it a bug. I could see God bless the dad, I could see Chuck allowing a bitch to do something or allowing a bitch not to do something and then being okay with it. And he he had black, white, Hispanic, Arabic, like dog had a plethora. He had a whole reading rainbow over there.

SPEAKER_02 37:00

Not a reading rainbow.

SPEAKER_00 37:02

I'm just saying, but allow is definitely a word that he would use, but he was a very possessive, controlling man. Even in death, dog still allowing and not allowing motherfuckers to do something. I'm just keeping it real.

SPEAKER_02 37:15

I mean, so what about okay?

SPEAKER_00 37:19

I would even Smith. I can see Smith, God bless the day. I can see Smith allowing or not allowing motherfuckers to do something. Again, he's a very he he was a very controlling, possessive psychopath.

SPEAKER_02 37:35

Respectfully, not psychopath, respectfully. So I will say this part in in conjunction with what we were just talking about, to where I've seen a lot of this in certain maybe religion, yeah, where certain religions don't allow the wife to do certain things, right? You know what I'm saying? I'm just speaking from, and like I said, we're gonna do a poll because I want to.

SPEAKER_00 38:03

I would think it's more of like a sexist thing because I feel like more men, quote unquote, don't allow things of their women than women, quote unquote, don't allow things of their men. Again, take goofy, goofy, and goofy, goofy, certain goofy ma'am out of it.

SPEAKER_02 38:18

I mean, which is which is a lot more understandable, seeing that the man is supposed to be the leader of the yeah, but you still gotta when you deliver your leadership, you a leader and you're not a tyrant, so you gotta deliver your stuff respectfully still, and that's why and I think that's where the race part is coming for me, right?

SPEAKER_00 38:40

I don't you keep saying I don't think it's race, though. I honestly think it is the possessiveness and the controllingness of it, and that's anybody, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:48

And that that might be the one-off part of it to where if you're a possessive person or a controlling person, but just like an overall thing, I can see more the Caucasian being okay with because even if I take the one couple that we were just talking about out, I gotta hold another couple.

SPEAKER_00 39:08

But I think I think I think it's you thinking it more like weakness and dominance. Like, I don't think you view black women as as weak, so maybe that's why you don't see them being allowed or controlled in that way. Where for me, only Caucasian person I knew growing up was my mama. I I've I've seen men allow and not allow my whole life, which is why I don't like it today because I seen it, I ain't like it. That's stupid. What you mean? I can't go outside. That's dumb. It's a whole outside to go to. You're not allowed to wear makeup, you're not allowed to cut your hair, you're not well, what the fuck is going on here? And it had a lot to do with my dad. My dad didn't raise me that way, so there's a lot of factors that go in, and it's way more than race.

SPEAKER_02 39:52

One of our biggest blow-ups came from this situation right here. Do you remember what?

SPEAKER_00 39:59

So I think oh, the leggings thing, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:03

In our relationship, I think it was only really one time that I was really firm about something that I was not with.

SPEAKER_00 40:13

Right.

SPEAKER_02 40:14

And I'm like, mm-mm, I ain't with that. I ain't and I don't think I didn't use the word allowed, like you're not allowed to wear that. Right. I said, I don't want you to wear that. Same thing. Right. I don't want you to put them on. You got a lot going on. I don't know. And then I walk away, I go do some other stuff, whatever the case may be. You getting ready for your your your your day. Y'all finna go do girls' things or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 40:37

Well, it was my bridal shower.

SPEAKER_02 40:38

It was a bright. Y'all finna go do y'all finna go do girls' stuff.

SPEAKER_00 40:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:42

And we crossed paths. I don't remember exactly why.

SPEAKER_00 40:45

If you were still at the house or I was, I was at the house and you was coming, you was coming to do something. But in my mind, I'm like, it's really gonna be it's no men there. Cause I already said I didn't want no strippers, so it's gonna be no men there. So I didn't think it was gonna be a problem, but oh no, yeah, it was a big thing.

SPEAKER_02 41:02

It was a problem, and it I I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 41:04

He was gonna call the wedding off, y'all, but it was our vowel renewal, so we're already married, so okay.

SPEAKER_02 41:10

So I don't know if it was I don't know if I was more hurt by the fact that you didn't care. That's what I felt like. You didn't care that I didn't want you to do this, or that you just disregarded it altogether, or a combination of the two, neither was true, you know what I'm saying? Something was true, you still did it.

SPEAKER_00 41:27

I did it because in my mind, you didn't want me to wear that because you didn't want other men to look at me. Where I'm like, oh, this is the perfect time I could wear it because I'm about to be around all women, literally till tomorrow.

SPEAKER_02 41:39

When they brown, yep, yeah. See, I still remember this. I don't remember a lot of stuff, but I remember certain things, and I was like, Yeah, no, this was supposed to be a no-no. And you was like, No, it's a yes, yes. I'm like, oh, okay, that's what we on, huh? All right, then I still feel like you overreacted, but and I I I agree now, right? But then I was like, no, no, and to my point, to my credit, it's kind of where I came from. Like if you think about all the men in my family on that side of my family, everybody is just like that, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:19

I know to the to the tenth power, but okay, prime example. I guarantee you, those men allow and don't allow, and their spouses are okay with it. So maybe not the current spouse, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe not the current, maybe not the current spouse. I think at some some some things, yeah. But the other one, his spouse has been his spouse for 30 plus years, he definitely allows and don't allow her to do things. 1000%.

SPEAKER_02 42:53

But this and I think the issue is for certain people, I'm not gonna say everybody, but for certain people, just because that word is used, even if you didn't really want to do it, now you want to do it.

SPEAKER_00 43:08

Yeah, but that I don't think that's a black or white thing either. I think that's a rebellious thing, right? Because a motherfucker ain't gonna tell me what to do, right? So since I'm not allowed to go to the strip club, I wouldn't even go into the strip club, but now I am because who the fuck are you talking to? Right? Right, I don't think that's a black or white thing, I think that is a rebellious thing. Even if you say it more prominent on one side than the other, it's still not a black or white thing, okay? Because everybody I just named is black.

SPEAKER_02 43:35

Let's change it then. Let's say maybe not black and white, maybe it's hood in the suburb.

SPEAKER_00 43:39

I don't think it's that.

SPEAKER_02 43:40

And I'm gonna say it definitely is because this is the thing. You named your mom, she grew up, she grew up in the hood around a bunch of black people. So technically, I'm being a bit technically, she just light skinned it. Oh, don't say that to her, she would be pissed, you know what I'm saying? So if you think about our brother who was on the show not too long ago, and he's about to get married.

SPEAKER_00 44:01

She doesn't have oh he she definitely allowed and not allowed, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 44:06

She's more compliant, but she's more submissive, though. Submissive is the word, she different. So, and that's what I'm saying. So it's it's it's hood versus not hood, in my opinion. Because the people in the hood, no matter what your race is, is gonna have that pushback if somebody said no, you're not allowed to do that, no matter what the reason is.

SPEAKER_00 44:25

I don't think I think it's the consequence. I think it's the consequence. What's the consequence to me doing this? Right? So, like in Chuck situation, the consequence to you doing something you're not allowed to do is you probably gonna get your ass beat.

SPEAKER_02 44:38

Even that, you just said you're not with it, right? You don't really know what the consequences are. When you put the leggings on when we had the conversation, you had no idea what the consequences was, right? Right, because we've never we never came to that type of to we never had this issue, right? But you still was on it, you was like, Okay, you're not you're not gonna tell me what I can wear and what I can't wear, right? Okay, now I mean this is where my mind is going. I don't know where your mind was at when you made the decision to do it, even after we said don't do it. But what I'm saying is because and and you to be honest, maybe it was as you now pretty submissive. Like then, maybe you weren't submissive because I wasn't a person to submit to at the time, for real, right? But you still did it, you you didn't know what the consequence would be. So, what's the reason behind that part?

SPEAKER_00 45:31

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 45:32

Look at it. Now she won't be submissive, now she don't know. But no, but I'm just saying, so I think I honestly think it's more regional. We'll say that yeah. We'll go here.

SPEAKER_00 45:44

We just don't have to agree to disagree.

SPEAKER_02 45:45

No, we're not gonna agree or disagree or nothing. We're gonna we're not. We're letting the people decide.

SPEAKER_00 45:50

I can agree to disagree with them too. The fuck? This is my opinion. What's your opinion? That is not regional and it's not racist. You're not allowed to have no opinion. I could do what the fuck I want to do.

SPEAKER_02 46:02

Allowed to have no opinion. Oh, okay. All right, opinion. All right, did I give you that opinion?

SPEAKER_00 46:06

You can't give me shit but kids, and you did that already, okay?

SPEAKER_02 46:10

Against my will. All right, man. Listen, let them know, talk to them, talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 46:22

I'm not talking to them, I'm not talking to them, and I'm not talking to you.

SPEAKER_02 46:26

You're not allowed to not talk to me.

SPEAKER_00 46:28

Dog, let me tell you something.

SPEAKER_02 46:29

Don't tell me.

SPEAKER_00 46:30

I don't give a fuck if it's the black part of me or the white part of me that you're talking to. Don't talk to no part of me like that, okay? But don't tell me that listen.

SPEAKER_02 46:37

Just like I told her she's not allowed to not talk to me. What does she start doing? She started talking to me, telling me what I'm not gonna do. Do what you're gonna do. Talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 46:44

Listen.

SPEAKER_02 46:45

What?

SPEAKER_00 46:46

From my stance, that's disrespectful. So keep it cute, okay?

SPEAKER_02 46:49

I'm a thug. I ain't gotta be cute. Talk about it. So you can find us on YouTube, you can find us on Pod Dean, you can find us.

SPEAKER_00 47:06

You're not even doing it right.

SPEAKER_02 47:07

What I suppose.

SPEAKER_00 47:08

You can listen to us on Apple Podcasts, Pod Me, iHeartRadio, or wherever you get your podcast. You can watch us on YouTube. Now, what side is this? Like, like, share, and subscribe, screen record your favorite part, and tag DTM in it. You can follow me at girl.kd. You can follow coach DTM at coach dtm. You can follow the podcast page at RIP Network. And yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_02 47:42

All right, man.

SPEAKER_00 47:44

Tell a friend to tell a friend.

SPEAKER_02 47:46

Tell a friend and tell a friend.

SPEAKER_00 47:48

Apparently, you guys are not allowed not to share the show.

SPEAKER_02 47:51

You definitely not allowed to do that. I don't care what you say, what your race is, where you were in the hood, or if you was in the suburb, you better follow, like, and share. Talk about it. All right. But listen, man.

SPEAKER_01 48:02

Ignite.

SPEAKER_02 48:03

Some relationships do time together, others fall apart doing it alone. All right. So I'm gonna say it again for those who are back in here. Some relationships do time together, others fall apart doing it alone. All right. So with that being said, wait, you didn't closed you didn't do I did. I'm I said that being said in closing.

SPEAKER_00 48:24

Oh, sorry.

SPEAKER_02 48:25

With that being said in closing, I'm not allowed to talk. I do is a moment. I did the work. I'm done is a decision. Don't get them twisted. This is marriage material. I'm the one and only coach DTM. Your girl Katie. And we will see you next week. Peace. Two of them. Deuces.

SPEAKER_00 48:47

So long. Bye bye.

SPEAKER_02 48:49

Long show, long show, wrong show.

SPEAKER_00 48:52

We need an outro.

SPEAKER_02 48:53

We got outro. Watch the show. Watch the show. You here. The outro.

SPEAKER_00 48:59

Your mama.