everything service industry with elaine empalmado

In this audio-only episode I am joined by an old co-worker and friend Miss Elaine (@elaineempalmado). We talk about her ascent from the service industry to working full time for herself as a content and systems strategist! Elaine and I get into her sobriety, finding closure, breaking off her recent engagement, moving out of Toronto, hate comments, managing an entire bar by herself at 20, age gap relationships and more :) Love you guys and I can't wait to share season 2 with you all! 

 If you are experiencing a crisis please phone Crisis Services Canada at 1-833-456-4566, or text HOME to 686868 in Canada to text with a trained Crisis Responder.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You are now tuned into Club Therapy with Emily Chan. Can I ask you something? When you drink caffeine and stuff like that, do you feel stimulated or do you feel sleepy? Or do you feel baseline?

SPEAKER_01 0:16

No, I give I feel stimulated. That's why I feel stimulated. I don't even know what I have, but I know it's not normal.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

Because like maybe you could all also like you could just be in like this the spectrum a little bit, you know what I mean? When it comes to like learning. Totally.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

Because I so what happens with me is I I'm actually very sensitive to caffeine.

SPEAKER_00 0:34

I am too, baby. I can't have any caffeine. But I have I have ADHD. But generally a good indicator though for like ADHD, not like this is like one of like many, but like if you are sensitive to stimulants, um, you know, that means that you that you probably don't have ADHD. Because for people who have ADHD, if they have like coffee, Adderall, stuff like that, they actually feel more baseline. And that's how you can kind of tell. But that's not always the case. Again, I I'm sensitive to caffeine, but I think for me, it kind of comes from more of an anxiety. Like I was on five bands for years, right? Yeah. But now it's anxiety.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

Yeah, that's literally what happens to me. I feel like I like it feels like I did a line of coke.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

No, like that's literally what it feels like. I can't, I can't have coffee or anything anymore. Or like, do you have coffee at all or no?

SPEAKER_01 1:19

Oh, yeah. I had a full coffee. I haven't been sleeping properly because I'm back here. I'm staying with my parents or sorry, with my family in the basement. And I was like, I was gonna get an Airbnb, but then I was like, I really want to be with my family as much as possible.

SPEAKER_02 1:33

Fair.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

So I had to suffer through having an air mattress, so I haven't been sleeping properly.

SPEAKER_00 1:37

Oh my god. Which is and it's probably is it like kind of loud? Because whenever I stay at my family's house, it gets kind of loud.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

No, they're honestly pretty good. And I wake up early enough, like eight, nine o'clock. They're it there, it's summer for the kids, so they're sleeping in. So like it's honestly not that bad. Okay, that's not fine. Um, but what it really comes down to, I think, is more when I'm working. Like my niece kind of she she comes in and she's just like, dude, she I can't like be serious. I'm supposed to be like really serious on these calls, and she's got like a gigantic, like one of these squishy things, but like a giant orange carrot, and I just can't and you're like right. I'm like, right, you gotta leave. Like those people are paying thousands of dollars to talk to me, and I'm just like literally laughing.

SPEAKER_00 2:17

But I feel like people like that because I feel like that shows like personality, right? I think that's one of like what makes you personable and like that too, right? Like showing personality like that. Cause I feel like sometimes when I'm having like more serious calls, like I feel I don't know, just yeah, I just don't feel as close and connected to the person I'm talking to, right?

SPEAKER_01 2:34

100%. Honestly, like it's it's a little I think being at home with my family and not being able to film as much has really opened up this kind of I've always told my clients, okay, you have to film, right? And they're like, Well, I'm I'm staying here, I have my kids, and I'm like, dude, get it done. I don't give a fuck. Do you know what I mean? I don't care. And then now I'm like, ugh, now I can kind of feel it. Now you're like screaming, you know, like there's it's horrible fucking lighting, you know. So yeah, I get it.

SPEAKER_00 3:05

No, I it's like all of a sudden you're like, oh, I've we have empathy now for this. Oh, 100%.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

Definitely open up my eyes a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

Yeah, no, I get it. I feel like every year, well, this makes sense. Every year that I'm getting older, the more I empathize with like my parents and like with yeah, like my parents, and also just like I I just feel like I you can feel it, like you can just feel like that transition into adulthood, right? Where you're like you are more you're more receptive to like yeah, your parents like perspective or like an older person's perspective. 100%.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

So, like, yeah, no, so the reason why I'm home is because my mom is sick. Yeah, so yeah, she's got why you came back. Yeah, so she has cancer, she's got breast cancer. No, it's okay, but like honestly, the only reason why I say it's okay because I think that they caught it early enough that it'll be fine. Um, like because she had like a mammogram, it's breast cancer, so she got a mammogram in like November, and then like when we were away in Punticana, she had like a biopsy done, and I was like, I think they caught it early enough, and then I came here for her surgery, but like I don't want her going back to work at all.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

Um kind of keeping an eye on her, like taking care of her and everything.

SPEAKER_01 4:12

Yeah, so like luckily they moved into my my sister's home. She's got a beautiful big home in Ajax. So basically, like the kids can watch, like they're they have people there with my parents, which is great, and that's all that matters to me. And like I luckily I'm in a position now where I can just say, like, mom, no, you're not going back to work. Like, I'll give you whatever you need, just just focus on healing. Yeah, that's how that's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

Yeah, and like I want to kind of get into like how you got to this position that the position you're in now, right? Like, I feel like you were like one of the most successful people I know, you guys. I'm being serious. No, you can't do it. And I want to give you, I want to give you like a little intro as well, and kind of um, you know, just welcome everyone back to season two, episode one of Club Therapy. I have my beautiful friend and guest Elaine here with me today. Um, and Elaine, we've known each other for a couple of years now. We used to be working together at Belfast Love. Oh my god, R.I.P. R.I.P. It's it's still open, but we don't work there anymore, so it's like not that good. No, it's not good anymore, honestly. And it's funny because I feel like at Belfast Love, I feel like we barely worked together too. I feel like I didn't see you that often.

SPEAKER_01 5:17

No, because what actually happened was at the time I was actually working at Walrus, which is like a sister restaurant.

SPEAKER_00 5:23

Right, so you kind of cover, I think, right?

SPEAKER_01 5:25

Yeah, no. So basically I was like, honestly, I want a mix of both because I originally had come from that like clubby bar vibe. Yeah. And Walrus is a completely different vibe. I'm serving like financial guys, it's like on the middle of Bay in Wellington. Your hair's up, makeup's done. Yeah, well, actually, no. Like, but but you know, like I'm like talking to investment dudes all day, yeah, making crazy cocktails that are like seven, eight touches. And I'm like, sometimes I just want a more laid-back shift with like a DJ like bumping. So I was like, Can I? I went to my bar manager, Chris, and I said, Can you please give me like a couple extra shifts, either at GT, Death and Taxes, or Belfast Love? And at the time, Morgan was the bar manager. She's like, Yeah, we would love to have you. So I think I did Mondays and like Saturdays or Fridays or something. And I do like a 10 o'clock shift.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

So I worked on Saturdays at 10. So I feel like I would see you at like the late night, Saturday, Belfast. Either main bar or the outside bar. No, the sidebar. I never really did the outside bar. Yeah, was it like the pool bar? I can't remember the name of it now. It's been so long. Scotch bar. Scotch bar. Yeah, I remember it. Scotch bar. Yeah, because like I feel like that's when I'd see you. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And so we miss, no, I don't know if we miss Belfast Love or not. I think we miss, I missed a lot of the people there. And actually, I've talked about it in like past episodes, and I honestly really did like, I feel like that was overall like a really positive work experience for me. I feel like overall didn't feel like too much drama. I really liked having that work there. Overall, really liked the management and like the way everything was run. I was I overall, I'd give I think I rated Belfast Love a seven or an eight out of ten. That's what I gave it. That's why I put on like my scale. What would you give it?

SPEAKER_01 7:04

Okay, I I I can't, I don't think I can pot like rate it properly because I didn't work there enough. I worked there in the summer and I worked like one to two shifts. People, amazing, right? That's like a that's like a that's like an an eight or nine.

SPEAKER_02 7:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

What I think what really gave me bad taste in my mouth was the grabbing of the ass. What do you mean grabbing of the ass? What do you mean grabbing of the ass? Like fucking twice what I worked there. Um when I was trying to just go from like the the bar to the bathroom. Cause like there they didn't really have they had a staff bathroom, but it was one bathroom for like all the employees. And so you'd either have to go there and wait in line, but if it was really busy and I'm on Scotch Bar and I'm one of two bartenders, I'm gonna run to the public bathroom, right? Right. So I would go there and on the way, it's like a crazy dance floor, right? Yeah, and then you so like I got touched, and I remember I I got touched on my ass, and then I grabbed the guy's hand before he could pull away. And I looked at him and I was like, You just made a big fucking mistake. And then he should have grabbed the first bouncer I saw, and I was like, then my ass. And he was just like out. They literally threw him out.

SPEAKER_00 8:17

Good. I saw it was it was very satisfying.

SPEAKER_01 8:20

Stephen Proves too.

SPEAKER_00 8:21

Babe, I'm in hell here because that's that's my every Saturday here. Like it's just like, you know, it's something about a crowd. It's something about being a young, beautiful woman in a crowd of, you know, just like young drunk dudes. I'm sorry. Yeah. And I don't even know if it's just young, right? Let's say let's let's generalize it.

SPEAKER_01 8:39

It's not young, dude. It's it's every every color, every age group, like they're it doesn't just because you're older does not mean anything.

unknown 8:48

So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:49

No, anything they still act like children.

SPEAKER_00 8:51

Yeah, like I feel like it's tough. Like the other day, actually, someone grabbed um one of the servers, and I'm trying to think I'm trying to think of exactly what happened. Like, they're so pretty. They're gorgeous. You fit right in. You fit right in.

SPEAKER_01 9:07

Not to say that's a reason why someone else someone's ass should get grabbed, but I'm just I feel like it happens more than the average person, though.

SPEAKER_00 9:13

Like, or it happens more here than the average club. Although I don't know, you know what I mean? Like, I have nothing to back. There's like no basis to that, but I just feel like it happened. Every single time I work here, it happens like once. But it happened this one time a couple weeks ago. Um, one guy grabbed one of the servers' ass. Yeah. And then she caught him doing it, and he was like, Oh, I would never do that. He's like, Oh, you think you're so hot, right? You think I'd grab and like and I she told me about this, and I literally went up to him and I I took him by his his neck. Like, not by his neck, by his like his like shirt collar. And I like pulled him, I was like, get the fuck out of here. I was so, I was so mad. Yeah. Cause like it's just it's one thing to grab ass, right? That's already uh, no, you're you're getting kicked out. Yeah, it's another thing to like then like not just deny it when people literally saw you do it, yeah, but then also to like to um diminish the girl's feelings and be condescending and rude to her, right? And be like fucking gaslighting. It's gaslighting, babe. It's gaslighting. Yeah. So I was just like, oh, I'm gonna kill him. I was like, oh yeah, I'm literally gonna kill him.

SPEAKER_01 10:16

Sometimes it's not even like don't fuck with me. It's like don't fuck with anybody that I love.

SPEAKER_00 10:20

Yes. And like I like the girls here, like they're my sisters. Like, yeah, they're literally my sisters too. So it just like to hear something like that happening, you know, to like a sister, like it just it's so upsetting.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:30

So how happy are you that you're not in that anymore?

SPEAKER_01 10:32

Hey, I'm not gonna lie, like it's I it's I don't that's one of the things I don't miss. So I don't know if anyone saw, I just did like a shift at Mrs. Robinson's. I saw that. I did see that. Yeah, it wasn't. I absolutely loved it. It was it was really full circle. I've been having weird like just synchronicities happening in my life. Um, so basically, Mrs. Robinson, the reason why I went back to bartend there was because I had I didn't know that the last time I was gonna bartend was gonna be my last shift. You didn't have closure. No, I didn't have closure for like something that was a huge part of my 20s, like seven, eight-ish years of my life. And I absolutely loved bartending. I still would. If bartending could get make me the money that I make now, I would probably go back, like you know, even if it was, you know, like maybe. Just once a week, once a week, maybe, but like it's just also my body's tired. Like, I went back and it was great because the guy who is the bar manager there now, his name is Brian. And Brian is a guy who was there at my very first first bar shift, like ever. Like I remember he watched me and he was like, Are you new? And I was like, Yeah. Because of the way that I was boring. So now he's the bar manager there, and we've been friends for years. Like, he's helped me get jobs, he's you know, and so he was there, and I was like, How cool would it be to just like end it off with somebody who's like who I started with, and then there's another guy named Mitch who I used to work with before, who like I had the pleasure of working with at uh Wobson's, and so you know what it was the perfect bar shift because it was like we were it was like a dance, and I know like bartenders say that all the time. You have to, it's almost like dancing around people, like like because there's some people that I've worked with in in my bartending career where you like bump into them and it's like not a fun time.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

Like you know, but it all the time behind the bar. They have a very strict rule here. Like, unless you're a bartender, you're not going behind the bar. They get like they freak the fuck out. If if I'm like, hey, can have a water? No, like I have to wait. You know what I mean? Because you're like, it's literally like it's I don't know if they say dance, but it is a dance. That's that's what it is. Like you have to be so mindful of someone else's space. Yeah, and on top of that, it's also a bit of a performance, right? You're like entertaining like 100%. You're entertaining the entire bar. You're you're keeping people like, you know, um, not fag, but entertained by the bigger.

SPEAKER_01 12:52

But there's a flow of service, like there's a flow of service. There's it's like designated sections. I saw them working here the like the other night. Like he's covering this half, the other guy's covering the other half. And and on top of that, I find that especially when I was working at Mrs. Robinson, we would that shift was crazy because he would see that I needed something, one of them would, and they would just do it for me. It's like I see him about to put glass, we're sharing a well, he's about to put glassware up onto like the the speed rail or whatever, and um, and he could see that I needed soda, so he just pours soda immediately without me asking. Like that's where I find like that's kind of like a dance in working as a team. And I don't get that anymore. Like I'm by myself.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

You know what, babe, I can really resonate with that because I feel like that's why I've stayed like the working by yourself is it's really beautiful in so many ways. And working for yourself just like what you do now is so amazing. Yeah. But then I like that's kind of why I stay in the industry because this is like my social, this is my social life, right? Like I like I get really lonely. Like I'm doing therapy with people, but they're not like it's different. Like I'm not like I have no one that I can like talk to about these, like like I can't talk about my clients with like my colleagues, right? Like that's you're not allowed to do that. It's everything's confidential, right? I can't talk about how I'm feeling, right, with like my colleagues, because again, like that is like kind of to some extent, like I like that I could, you know, disclose client information, so I can't do that. That's confidential. So I just feel like really alone sometimes. And so that's why I stay here once a week, even though sometimes it kills me. Like, oh my god, like sometimes I'm like really hard on your body too.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

Like so the first after three hours. So I told them I was like, I don't want the money, I don't want the tips. I'm just here to have a fun time.

SPEAKER_00 14:37

Let me just be here for three hours. I don't want to be here all night, okay?

SPEAKER_01 14:40

I was like 10 to 1, cool. After two hours, like we were busy. It was like four people deep on the bar, like it was crazy. Wow. And I'm like, my back is starting to hurt. Yeah, it's not used to like digging into the ice bell and doing all that stuff anymore.

SPEAKER_00 14:53

Very, very, very like physical, you know. Even for me, I'm in heels for four hours and like even my arms get tired. I don't know if you can see those over there.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

Um, I saw them.

SPEAKER_00 15:02

I was looking at them when I was here and I was like, they're dope, heavy. They're sick. They're like 20 pounds. Yeah, they're like 20 pounds. And I remember one time I was so hungover. I was so hungover, and I'm carrying one through the crowd, and the crowd would just not move. And I'm holding it, and it just falls on my head. It just falls on my head. Like it's it's literally like it's they're literally so heavy, and you're carrying them above your head, and then you get to the table and then have to like do this like little up and down, like down smile smile. And I'm like, you guys, this is so heavy. And it's funny too when people try to because people try to grab them. Yeah, they're they're really expensive too, so we have to be really careful with them. Yeah. And yeah, people try to grab them, and I'm like, and they'll they'll grab it and then they immediately like they're like, oh my god, that's heavy. Like it's it's really heavy. Yeah. So it's it's physically, no, but just being in the taxing. It's it's physically taxing, whether you're bartending or serving or busing, no matter what it is, you know. Even I would say hosting, right? Like, maybe it's like a little bit less physically taxing, but you're still on your feet for like four or five hours walking around. Like, you know what I mean? Like I hate that. But like honestly, I I get it. Like the comments will be so ruthless. Like, my not my last episode that I did, but my one before that, I was kind of mentioning that one to you with my friend Julia who works at Future. Yeah. Oh, I've never gotten so much hate on on videos in my life. Like, and I just like I honestly I feel like we could have said, like, you know, we're for for like we're like anti-rape, pro-world peace, and someone would be in the comments like, oh, these girls are so opinionated, like blah blah blah. Like, yeah. I just feel like we could have, we could have said like like the most neutral or the most positive thing ever. And I think just because of us doing that podcast together, we were getting like the most horrendous comments. I actually had to filter out comments like to like filter out keywords. I just like filtered it so only people who followed me could could comment. Cool. Because like it hit like a few of the videos like hit the algorithm, which is a good thing, but also a bad thing because people are there.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

There's always has someone will always have something to say. It doesn't matter if I'm like talking about like anti, like you know, trying to do something very, very good, like trying to raise money for something. Somebody will always have something to say. You could be giving to charity, prayer human rights, like and and someone will always, and I and I say this to my clients all the time because a lot of people will be like, Well, I I don't like all these negative comments that I'm getting. I'm like, dude, here's what you do with negative comments you literally leave them be because I've created enough of a community, people will fight for me. It's actually crazy.

SPEAKER_00 17:29

That plus like it's like you will like genuinely like kill yourself trying to fight everyone in the comments because there's always gonna be someone like it, it could just it's like endless, you know. 100%.

SPEAKER_01 17:39

It's that's what I'm learning. It's very and also too, like I said, it actually racks up the engagement even more to just let it be because other people will fight for you, and then it doesn't like and you then you end up looking like the being the Vaker person, not just that's true, that's true, you know, because other people are fighting the battle for you. I've I've learned that, or sometimes if it if it does bother me enough, or I just don't want that kind of negativity on my page, I just delete it.

SPEAKER_00 18:05

Yeah, if you're like that affected by it, right? Because there can be comments that can be like so hateful. You know what I actually did? What I messaged, I messaged some of the people that commented, and I was like that negatively commented, yeah. I was like cussing them out, and then like yeah, and then like like days after, and it's funny because a lot of them apologized because like they weren't expecting to be called out. I was like, you're disgusting. And I would like call it these negative comments, and I was like, hey, like, you know, like there's like you heard it. I was like, you just ruined my day, like there's like real people behind these videos. And that's the thing. It's like a lot of people, like the thing is at the end of the day, people are allowed to have opinions about whatever they want, they're allowed to feel however they want, but I think people just, you know, and people say this all the time, but like they forget that there's real people that are reading these comments that are producing this content that are gonna be hurt and affected by or could be affected by these comments. And it's interesting. I messaged like a few people about it. I actually messaged one guy, I found his girlfriend. We had some mutuals, and I was like, your boyfriend's a piece of shit. And you know what? She was like apologizing up and down. She was so gracious, and it was funny because it's fatt. It's so fetty. It's so fetty, it's so fetty. I was in Italy too, and my scissors were like, just relax, you're on vacation. Let me ruin his fucking life. No, and I was like, I'm gonna let his girlfriend because she makes content too. I found his girlfriend and she's like a content creator, and I was like, and I messaged him, I was like, How would you feel if someone commented this on one of your girlfriend's videos? I can 100% and then his whole Demeanor change. Demeanor change. I'm sorry, is that really loud? So, how did you go from like I kind of wanted to like trace back like yeah where you started in the industry to like where you're at now because you went from, you know, yeah, working in the services industry to like working for yourself, which is honestly really amazing and impressive and and difficult to do. Not a lot of people are able to do that.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

Yeah, honestly, I think about it all the time. It's you know, because when they always say this, like you always move the goalpost. And so I find that I will 90% of the time I'll be like, fuck, I'm not doing enough. But then I have to look back in Toronto. When I first got here, and I at the night I came to AMPM was the first time I had been back in Toronto sit in eight months. Wow. And so I was like looking back, and I was just every time you look at something, because I was in the city for so long, there's like a memory that comes back. Yeah, and it always reminds me that holy crap, like I've actually come so far, and it was it made me appreciate it even more. Even that bartending uh little stint that I did for that one night. So yeah, how it started really was sorry, can you repeat the question? Because I'm talking about HD. No, babe, and that's that's okay.

SPEAKER_00 20:33

That's great. And that might be a sign, right? Yeah, it might be a sign. Where did it go? You know, it's kind of like where you started to like in the service industry to like how you got to where you're at now, you know. Like you can even spark note it because I'm sure like to me, it sounds like you have a ton of industry experience, right?

SPEAKER_01 20:47

Yeah, so pretty much how I started was I was dating this guy. That's always um, yeah. It was someone who's very prominent in this industry, and we were yeah, we it was the first older guy I ever dated. I was 20, he was 30, something. And um and so basically what happened was I remember I was I was raving one night. I was a huge raver when I was 20, and I saw this guy, and he was like asking for my number. And long story short, after I'd broken up with my boyfriend at the time, after a little while, I was like, you know what? I kept going back to this club, R.I.P., it's not open anymore on King Street. But I just ended up going out with this guy, and we started dating for like, I don't know, we dated for like maybe a year. And he was a bartender, obviously, and he I saw how much money he was making at the time. I was a makeup artist at Sephora, and I was like, you know what? I want to make more money. Let me try to do what he does. So he like helped me out a little bit. He like reached out to his connections and he had gotten me into death and taxes before it was even open. But I left before it even opened because I was like, fuck, I'm gonna be a hostess. Like, I don't want to do this, like climbing up the whole ladder thing. So then I was like working in an underground dispensary, like doing other things. And then I ended up walking in one day to a bar in Kensington Market. And I was like, hey, I really want to work here. I was just, I don't know. I was, I think I was wasted. And I said it to the guy because I was like, you know what? If I'm gonna, I don't want to like start off as a hostess or a server, I want to like work my way up. So I just like, what's the worst that this guy can say? No. Yeah. So it was this bar called Eden Hall, and the owner was bartending. So I was like, hey, uh, I want to know if you're hiring. And he hired me on the spot. He's like, come back in like next weekend. And then I ended up actually working there for like I think over a year, but I also lived on top of the bar.

SPEAKER_00 22:44

That's dangerous.

SPEAKER_01 22:45

Which was actually insane.

SPEAKER_00 22:46

But also kind of fun and convenient, may I say? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, very convenient. But I stay saying that though. Like, I'm like, honestly, um, like with getting jobs in the service industry, it's really just about A, connections and B, just like networking, right? Like, yeah, it's like you're not gonna get it. It's really actually hard to get a job nowadays in the industry, like just sending out your resume and stuff like that. Like just going, just going with drunk confidence band.

SPEAKER_01 23:09

Yeah, that'll do it. That'll do it. That's honestly like, you know, trying to dress up, being pretty, that'll help too, obviously.

SPEAKER_00 23:16

Being charismatic, you know that.

SPEAKER_01 23:18

Being charismatic, being able to like just vibe with everybody else, and also being like a team player, people are gonna want to keep you on. Because usually you have like a stosh, it's like let's see how she is behind the bar. Exactly. Does she actually know what she's talking about? Exactly. How is she with the clients or the people?

SPEAKER_00 23:34

So the thing is like a lot of the stuff, it's like it's you can learn like pretty quickly, right? Like the basics, you know, with like bartending and serving and stuff like that. It's so easy, you know. It really, it really is like it's but it just it takes a certain kind of person to do it.

SPEAKER_01 23:46

Yeah, when people tell me that they've gone to like bartending school, I'm like, what the heck? You know, I could do whatever I wanted because also Peter, love you, he would let me do whatever the fuck I want. I was 19, 20 years old. I just got out of the relationship with the guy that I was dating, right? And I got to live in Toronto for the first time. That was the first time I ever lived out of home in the city, you know. So I could have the key to the bar, I had an endless boost like supply. And it got to the point where you know I was starting to dabble more into drugs, and so I would have a dealer there, and then like our trade-off was you can like you can get free drinks in exchange for a bag. So like that's a big deal. Hey, that's a deal for you. And also, he was like an actual nice guy, okay? Like, besides all that, this guy was actually a nice guy. If there was someone that needed to get kicked out, obviously I'm sure it it would hurt his business too. So he would like because I would sometimes bartend without a bouncer or anyone else with me. Wow. So he would be just kind of like the impromptu bouncer, and then on top of that, I'd get free drugs.

SPEAKER_00 24:49

This is a very good deal for you.

SPEAKER_01 24:51

I think that's not my it's not my boo. Sorry, Peter. But it wasn't my booze either. So it's like just free books. It happens, you know what I mean? So that was kind of and also like keep in mind, like, there's not another 20-year-old in the city that I have ever known that had that kind of freedom.

SPEAKER_00 25:07

Yeah, you know, it's true because that is really young to start bartending, to be honest with you. And like it's actually something that we're kind of I've talked about this in like other episodes as well, and like it's something that Cam and I kind of go back and forth on because he was trying to hire 19-year-old servers here, and I'm like, please, Cameron, please, no. Because the thing is, like, I feel like it takes like I think you are a very mature person, and I could imagine picture you at 20, and I can still picture 20-year-old Elaine, yeah. But you still strike me as someone that's very mature and responsible. And you must be in order for them to trust you to be the only person behind the bar, right?

SPEAKER_01 25:38

Oh, for sure. Like he would he was definitely hesitant to leave me a little bit. He texts me, make sure that I'm there.

SPEAKER_00 25:43

But must have trusted you to some extent.

SPEAKER_01 25:45

Yeah, and dude, the amount of experience that I got, I was running full nights long. Like there was one time he fucking fell asleep upstairs. Um dead. Because he limped, he's my roommate, actually, by the way. Oh, I'm dead. Um, and so he basically like fucking fell asleep. He drank he day drank, left me, and it was like a hip-hop like crew night. Crazy night. It was like the people that like we had, because you remember Coltea. Yeah, yeah. So Colt T and us, like at Eden Hall, we had very similar crowds. Yeah. And so, like hip hop nights or like house music nights, like sometimes like there's one time I found Mark Oliver just, you know, DJing in my fucking basement. I was like, crazy, what's going on? So it would get really nuts. And one night he left me alone. But you know what? I remember getting so mad at him. But all those nights where it was like really busy and it was just me, I was like doing my own glassware, bartending the bar. There's literally 60 people in there, and I'm all by myself. It gave me so much experience to be able to just go through life and understand, like, even if you're scared, just fucking do it.

SPEAKER_00 26:44

It makes you grow up fast, right? Like it's like that like advances you like that that situation itself gave you probably all the experience you needed to like take on like any other bar, club, or restaurant in the city.

SPEAKER_01 26:57

Yeah, just and how you can like because I didn't have a bouncer sometimes too. So it's like, how do I how do I handle myself like moving forward? Like I would work at Walrus and there'd be like drunk guys and they would be like, Elaine, you're not supposed to handle it all by yourself. And I was like, bro, I come from the fucking hood, okay? Yeah, Kensington Market. I'm handling this by myself. But obviously, like they're like, it's just a it's just like a like an insurance thing, okay? Right, right. That's true.

SPEAKER_00 27:25

So you went from there and then you moved to Walrus? Is that the one that you did after? You went to a few different places.

SPEAKER_01 27:31

So many places. Like the guy that I told you I dated when I was 20, he got me into Spice Root. So I've done Spice Route, yeah, Death in Taxes, and I was like hostessing at both places. And then I also did Eden Hall. Uh, then I moved on to like Belfast Love, Walrus. Frings was in there at 1.2. You've done it all. I've done it all. Like I've worked in pretty much every dis like district of Toronto, pretty much.

SPEAKER_00 27:55

Yeah, and like these are all like some pretty big spots. Like, I know a lot of them aren't like open anymore. Like, I don't know about Frangs or Spice.

SPEAKER_01 28:00

Oh, definitely not. No, not Frang's, but like I forgot, it's like marble and then marble closed.

SPEAKER_00 28:04

When I first marble closed?

SPEAKER_01 28:05

T.

SPEAKER_00 28:06

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's tea. That's interesting. I need to, I I'm I'm I'm at a like at a touch with the King Street World. All good. But honestly, like these were some of the like prolific kind of spots. Like in um Toronto. I remember when I first got here, people would always talk out Franks because it was Drake's restaurant, and spice fruit was like the spot. Like spice fruit was so fun. I went like a few times. I don't know what's I can't remember what's there now. I know it's on King Street Street. I can like literally picture it. It's it's it got demoed.

SPEAKER_01 28:35

It's condos.

SPEAKER_00 28:36

It's condos. Yeah. But I can picture the location. I can picture like where it is. I I went a few times. I remember that was like the spot in 2016, 17. I think they closed in 2018. Yeah. R.I.P. And then how did you go from that though to like doing what you do now?

SPEAKER_01 28:50

Um, okay, so this like it's crazy because I I don't I look back on my way here, I was actually thinking about it. And a lot of people will always ask me that. I was very fortunate enough that I was in a relationship where he said, you know what, I see how unhappy you are and I want to help you. So why don't you move in with me so you don't have to pay rent anymore? I will take care of you. Like, you know, he like put his cards on my phone. He basically just supported me and him for like, I think it was like two, three months. Wow. He was like, I can I I can help you, but I can't do it forever. Obviously, like this isn't a ticket free to just not work.

SPEAKER_00 29:29

Like, he's like, This is like a little like help help for like the time being.

SPEAKER_01 29:33

Yeah, and I I it was like really scary for me to do that because I was like not used to not making my own money. Oh, yeah, you know, and I knew that it was gonna be grind, and you also have no idea if it's gonna work. Like, oh cool. I was I had 1300 followers when I was like, um, I'm gonna become a content creator, and I'm just gonna start making drinks on Instagram, and I hope that it can give me a paycheck.

SPEAKER_00 29:55

And it did.

SPEAKER_01 29:56

And it did, and it did, it did.

SPEAKER_00 29:57

I didn't realize you started at 1300.

SPEAKER_01 30:00

Yeah, 1300.

SPEAKER_00 30:01

Like, how many years ago was that?

SPEAKER_01 30:03

June 2024.

SPEAKER_00 30:05

You grew a lot in a short period of time.

SPEAKER_01 30:08

Yeah, so I I blasted up to 90k by September, June 2024. So, what is that, like four months or something?

SPEAKER_00 30:15

Babe, I gotta get on my content game. Yeah. Because I I I keep thinking like, no, it's not because I feel but I feel like it's tough now because like I think you have a great niche, but I feel like there's so many people my age that are like even just using AMP as like a space to like kind of content farm, you know, and like yeah, I feel like it's hard to like. I don't know, I I've said it before, I hate making content, and like I just it's hard because I feel like that that space is so oversaturated, so you really have to have a niche in order to like stand out. I feel like it's or what do you think?

SPEAKER_01 30:43

We're in interest media now, Gary Vee says that it's no longer about am I really good at something? Because this is how I blew up my account. It had nothing to do with how good I can make a non-alcoholic cocktail. It was that I was very open and honest about my journey, and people were interested in that. Like the way you want to think of it is like a you know, the show Big Brother. So okay, I need to give them a storyline.

SPEAKER_00 31:05

Yeah. Um so they feel connected to you, right?

SPEAKER_01 31:08

Yeah, it's definitely more of an interest market. I will say that at the end of the day, in like social media has moved. It's no longer about what are you really good at? It's can you keep me interested enough in your storyline, who you are, and just like the first three seconds of a video are like the most important. And it's I think people are so tired of seeing here are like 25 hooks that you can use in your next video. So I don't even fucking say that shit anymore. Because it it it it worked in 2025, it does not work in 2026. No. 2026, it's like I can pull up a camera now and just or my phone and just start talking, it'll do a lot better than like a very heavily edited with my DJI Osmo Pocket 3. Like it will do a lot better because people are tired of AI, they're tired of like very perfect videos. My clients right now, some of them are making, you know, there's they run six, seven, eight-figure businesses, and I'm like, just pull up your phone. Don't, don't, don't do all this other crap. I promise you. And you're getting like someone who had 400 uh views per video is now getting like 60,000, 70,000. That's crazy. Yeah. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 32:15

Just from FaceTime style content. I gotta I gotta learn from you, babe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do a lot of like FaceTime style content, and that's like what yeah. That's I feel like like I was so excited to have you on this podcast because I love how like open and transparent you are about everything, you know, and I think that is something that again we're kind of talking about that earlier, like people see and then they feel connected to, they resonate with, and they're more interested in engaging with your content that they, you know, they see like real people because I feel like now there's like there's there's a lot of people who make content, but it feels like you feel like disconnected, you know, there's a huge disconnect between you and like those kind of creators.

SPEAKER_01 32:51

100%. And you know what? I sometimes I I still I do tend to to double, you know, I I I will look back and think, was this too much? Did I say too much? Because I have to have like a mix of again, keep in mind I'm I'm trying to get leads of like people, you know, that run multi-million dollar businesses, and here I am talking about my sobriety or you know, anything that's hard that's happened in my life. And there is one client that I had who is very, very successful, worked with like people in LA, dentists in Beverly Hills. She'd like fly me out, and it was crazy. So she is in a land of the LA creator world. And so I was like, Why, why do you want me? Like, I'm just like this girl from Toronto who just started her business. She signed me like when I was like two months in. I was like, Why do you want me? And she said, I've been following you for your whole journey, like in even in the mocktail space. And I loved the way that you told your story.

SPEAKER_00 33:53

Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_01 33:54

And so that to me, and that's like something I always tell a lot of clients because they're like, Why do I have to say all this stuff? And I'm like, you need to build your personal brand. It's no longer about how good you are at something anymore. It's do I trust you to give you thousands of dollars to make me better?

SPEAKER_00 34:08

Because that's like what your whole business is right now, right? Like you're like, like, what is it specifically? It's like you help like um, is it UGC creators? Is that what it is? Or like you help people like build their brand?

SPEAKER_01 34:17

Yeah, no, not UGC. So I actually help entrepreneurs. And entrepreneurs. So in my own business, I have my own agency and I help it's mostly women because I have like 80% women on Instagram. Yeah. But um, it's entrepreneurs who either already have an existing business or want to have their own offer. So like people who want to become coaches in like nervous system, career coaching, all that kind of stuff. So that's the that's my agency. And so what I do is I help them build out their content, create engaging content, tell their story properly while still giving expertise within their niche, uh, on Instagram primarily, because that's where the people spend money, not TikTok, because TikTok is just a younger dumb person.

SPEAKER_00 34:57

I think, especially for Canada, right? Like I think it's harder to monetize on TikTok, right?

SPEAKER_01 35:01

Yeah, but I my all my clients are in the US, which is free. I love that. Yeah, that is good. US money is always better than Canadian money. It is, it is, it is. So um, yeah, no, they it's so that's the agency for mine. Um, and then I also have School of Hard Knocks, not my agency. It's the guy that goes up to people and he's like, How did you get rich? You know that guy? Yeah, yeah. He's like interviewed so many billionaires and millionaires. Like, so I they approached me to work with them. And so on that side of things, what I do is I'm just a content strategist, which I love because it's great to work with them because they're like, obviously, you can still have your agency, but it removes the client acquisition portion of it all, which is you know, having to get on discovery calls, build out these plans for them. Like now I just get clients from these guys. So I have 13 clients with them. And it's cool too because I get more experience to work with other people that I wouldn't usually have into my own agency. So I have plumbers, painters, someone in arts. Yeah, like uh like a therapist, like all these types of people that I you I wouldn't usually have uh coming into my agency.

SPEAKER_00 36:11

Interesting. So you get to yeah, work with like a really diverse group now. Yeah, yeah. Because of that. I love that. So how's your mental health now? You seem very like relaxed and you sit like you just look like the picture of peace right now. You know what I mean? Like even when I see your content, I'm like, oh, that girl's living. Like Elaine lives like like full time right now, or not fully full-time, but mostly in Mexico.

SPEAKER_01 36:32

I travel at least like once a month somewhere.

SPEAKER_00 36:35

Yeah, yeah. Like you get to travel, and you just seem so like, and you're sober as well. Like, I don't know if we mentioned that already, but you're sober too. Like you just seem so like content. Maybe that's a better word. Like, but like you just seem so content. Like, would you say that like being out of the industry helps you feel, you know, helps your mental health a lot? Do you feel like being was it being sober really that helped your mental health? Like, what was it that kind of led you to this place you're at now?

SPEAKER_01 37:00

Sacrifice. A lot of sacrifice. You gotta sacrifice the bag, can't do drugs anymore. Can't gotta sacrifice the alcohol, can't because I just couldn't control myself. And at first I was like so scared, and then now I'm like completely fine with it. I'm over two years sober. I mean sacrificing the feeling of being lonely ended in my relationship, right? So but I needed to do that because even though it was really scary and I didn't want to be alone, I was like, you know what, this is gonna bring me a lot more peace. So I did that, and then also just I think now it's also being very close with my family. I think I spent so many years in my 20s of just like not really being the present family member. So now that I can be there with my family and you know, there's I got I got some money and I know that I think it's also like there's no more financial like scarcity mindset anymore.

SPEAKER_00 37:52

Right. That makes a big difference because when I mean, how can you I've said this like to my clients before too, like how can you feel okay when you're worried about money, right? Like sometimes people will cancel on me and they'll like apologize and I'm like, honestly, if this is like money related, like I mean, I'm I'm pretty accommodating. Like there could be like a whole plethora of reasons I'd be like, yes, no worries. But especially when it comes to money, right? Like I'm like, if you're worried about money or if it's like something to do with your job, like that is always gonna take precedent over you know with me, you know, because I'm like, if like I'm like you can your mental health is not gonna be good if you feel financially stressed, you know. Yeah, 100%. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 38:27

It's okay.

SPEAKER_00 38:28

Yeah, like you can have like good mental health when you are feeling like that.

SPEAKER_01 38:32

No, and also too, I think it's the it was the really late nights, you know, and some people can find a way to they they they found other ways by you know working day shifts, but we already know day shifts they don't make money. Well, they make they can make money depending on where you're working. Do you know what I mean? So for me, I just I always loved working the nights, I loved the vibes, but I would always go to bed by like 5 a.m. and then be up at like 1 p.m., 12 p.m. And it's just like I can't, it's just not it's not good for your mental health, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_00 39:04

I agree.

SPEAKER_01 39:04

Yeah, like the sun is like my best friend, that's why I moved to Mexico. I'm like, I'm up by at least eight, nine o'clock.

SPEAKER_00 39:09

That sounds gorgeous. And you're probably asleep at like nine or ten, like maybe ten. No, okay, midnight.

SPEAKER_01 39:13

No, no, uh-uh. You're an odd when you're an entrepreneur, you're like, you're my best idea is fucking come at 2 a.m. and I'm like in bed and I'm like, what is going on? Can I just get like a little bit of age? So I take I have been taking magnesium glycinate to help with it. Uh so like really, but it's I still just I still sleep at like one o'clock. It's not the earliest, but hey, if I'm up by eight, nine o'clock and I can tackle my gay, then I'm I'm happy.

SPEAKER_00 39:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:40

I like that. I feel like nine's perfect because then you're like getting up. I feel like I was in a really bad um kind of routine of getting up at like 11 or 12. And even just like that three hours difference of getting up at like nine, even like ten, but like anywhere between like eight to ten makes such a huge difference. Cause then you have your day, you have the daylight, you have the sunlight, you know what I mean? Yeah, 100%. We're really not programmed to be up at night, you know. We're really, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:06

No, you're not supposed to. I think that when you get some stuff accomplished before noon, it feels a lot better. It's almost like the same like concept when you make your bed in the morning. Do you know what I mean? It's like, okay, I I feel good. I did things to fill my cup. And so that's why I try to, you know, I can't sleep in past nine o'clock because I I'll go crazy.

SPEAKER_00 40:25

Good for you. So you're up at nine this morning.

SPEAKER_01 40:27

Yes. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 40:28

Oh, I was out there, not gonna lie. I got up at 10 today. But I'm trying to not bad, not bad, but trying to get up earlier and earlier. Yeah, I like get into a really bad habit of going um beyond camp's sleep schedule because he works like I'm only at Amingham once a week, but then he's get going to sleep at like four or five, right? Yeah, yeah. So that's four days a week, which is fair, it makes sense. But like I'm I try to catch myself and make sure that I'm not going to sleep like that late more than one night in a row. Yeah. You know, because I'm like, if I'm doing that, I'm like, I it ruins my whole sleep schedule all week and it ruins all my plans for the week too, right? Like if I have like plans to meet up with someone at noon, you know what I mean? Like waking up at 11, you're like, no, I still feel like my morning for me. Exactly. Cause then I feel like I'm just getting up and going right away, and like that doesn't feel good. Or if I want to like get up and like work out, like it's hard because a lot of I mean, there's classes I get, I guess actually, throughout the day, but like it's just hard. Like I just don't feel as motivated. 100%, unfortunately. Yeah. But yeah, okay, so I guess like your mental health like is you were saying that like the biggest thing is sacrifice. That's the biggest thing that you've changed, right? That's like led to your mental health being so good now. Do you still have days though where your mental health like declines a little bit, or do you still have time?

SPEAKER_01 41:39

Like Q Messy, like 100%. I I can't. It's it's a really tough job content creating because I find that you always have to be on. You know what I mean? And there are definitely days where I'm like, I don't want to fucking film myself. Like I'm I feel fat. I'm I just want to flip it on pizza, and I just want to stay in bed and I end up doing that. And then the sacrifice is okay, well, I didn't get as many views this week, and like I don't give a fuck, honestly.

SPEAKER_00 42:06

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 42:07

But that is that is the thing that really gets me sometimes, is I have to turn off that like comparison game, which I've honestly been very good at. So other than that, though, like I do have tough days, and especially when in in entrepreneurship, you're like, fuck, like, you know, maybe I I lost a client. Doesn't happen much, but it does happen, and it's usually out of my control. It's usually like, okay, they can't keep paying me, or there's something else that's something. Yeah. And so I'm like, you know what? Like, I'm not an asshole. I'm not gonna just tell you you have to stay on with me. So I sometimes have to be like, it's not you, Elaine. It's it's out of your control. You done what you can.

SPEAKER_00 42:44

Because it's so easy to internalize that stuff, take it personally, and then like see that as a reflection of like who you are, right? Unfortunately. Exactly. I feel that. Even sometimes when I lose clients, like in therapy, yeah. Um, I it it feels so personal and it's hard not to take it personally. Because the thing is, and the thing is like there always are chances that it could be. And the thing is that's okay too. You know what I mean? Like on the off chance that it is personal. Because maybe more so maybe in my field than like yours, you know, that can happen where people just don't align with like my style of that's and that's a yeah, that's such a common thing.

SPEAKER_01 43:16

They're not comfortable or they're like, I don't know, there's something, right? They don't make it. I feel nervous, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 43:21

Maybe it's not, maybe it's that. I hope it's that. I'm okay with that one. I'm okay with that one, you know.

SPEAKER_01 43:26

No, I'm sure it fucking happens. Like it can't, like, even me. I'm now that I work with with males, I'm like, sometimes I'm working and I can tell they're flirting with me, and I'm like, bro, bro, oh, I know like we're here to do a job. Okay, we're here to work, you know. We're here to work. I know I'm not the baddest looking person, you know?

SPEAKER_00 43:43

Yeah, you're gorgeous. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 43:45

You're gorgeous. But they get to you know, they get to flirt, and I'm like, you know what? If that if that foot you're paying, you know, let's leave that out. Let's leave that out. Like, just don't let them do that.

SPEAKER_00 43:53

I haven't encountered that yet with therapy, but I have like like that's like I'm always like, what do I do if that does happen? Like, I'm like, I gotta.

SPEAKER_01 44:00

You just got to keep it profesh. Like I'll take the compliment. If they give me a compliment, I will take it and I'll be like, oh thank you. But then I also am like, okay, let's go into here. So like how I think that's a conversation. Yeah, how I talk here is definitely I talk a lot different when I'm talking to a client.

SPEAKER_00 44:15

Of course. Of course. Like it's like we're friends, like, and we're also like two girlies. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 44:20

When talking to clients, it's like, okay, you're investing me to do this job, and we can't be like talking willy-nilly all the time. And I I catch that even with the girls sometimes. And I'm like, okay, no, like we need to zero in. So I actually take in my my um my meetings, they used to be an hour, now they're half. Because I find that. You're like, let's just like get as much done as we can. People are so, you know, they're so protective of their time. What like because I find like in the hour call anyway, like we're just talking about random crap that that doesn't pertain to like the partnership that we have.

SPEAKER_00 44:51

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 44:52

You know, so then we narrow it down to half an hour, and then I can take on more clients.

SPEAKER_00 44:56

So smart.

SPEAKER_01 44:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:58

You're I'm learning a lot in this, you know. This is that smart. I even like, yeah, I feel like sometimes like I offer like 50-minute long sessions, and sometimes like I feel like a lot, especially with the girls, you know, that I see, like the women that I see at my practice, I feel like it's really hard to sometimes condense, um, you know, kind of condense and like stay on topic because we'll be kikiing. And like I feel like that's like I definitely have a niche. Like I work with a lot of like young women, yeah. And it's really hard not to like get sucked into that. Yeah. That's a great way to kind of combat that, you know, just doing like shorter sessions. So you're just forced to get as much done as possible, like 100%.

SPEAKER_01 45:36

100%.

SPEAKER_00 45:36

Oh, you're so smart.

SPEAKER_01 45:37

I got you, girl.

SPEAKER_00 45:38

I'm so sad. I think we actually have to like finish off now. We kind of spoke about this already. Yeah, it kind of came up, but Elaine just went through um what is it, a disengagement.

SPEAKER_01 45:49

I know I was her engagement question broke off.

SPEAKER_00 45:52

Or like you broke off your engagement like a couple of yeah, what was it like a few months ago?

SPEAKER_01 45:57

So it was in January, end of January. So I'll be honest here because you know, I've I've been very hesitant of what to say on my social media because of the fact that it's still business, but you know, I I can't talk for myself, but just based off of what I see on social media, he's been very open about talking about us. Oh yeah, I've seen that. Yeah, and so I was like, I've never had a platform to really talk about it. And I was like, you know what? And she asked me, she's like, Can I ask? And I was like, you know what? Fuck it. I'll I'll talk about it. So how it happened really was a couple things. Why it happened was a couple things. He's 18 years older than me. So that was like the whole fucking thing. I'm 20, I was 27 when I met him. I'm 29 now. 27, he was 45. Okay. So that was like a huge thing. We were both in the service industry. He was six months sober when him and I started dating. I was two months sober. Okay. And so to keep it short, it's pretty much a couple things. One of them was, and this is a side of his story that he needs to tell, like, I don't want to tell it. But when you have two addicts together and one slips, the other one slips too.

SPEAKER_00 47:14

Okay, Kam's mentioned this to me before, and he was like, I'm he's he said this, and I I have heard this, right? And it does make sense, right? Like it's such a slippery slope because there's two people that really want to, you know, it's just it's just real, it's a lot easier to like slip and yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:30

And so, like that, it's not a secret. Like everyone could see it. Like, that happened in Toronto, and that was the first and only slip-up I ever had, and it was because I was upset that there was this another slip-up happening, right? So that after that, I kind of made it a boundary where I was like, if this ever it happened a couple times. I I had only relapsed once, but it happened a couple times, and I said, you know what? If this happens again, I gotta go. You know, and this is this the this cannot happen. And so months and months went by and we got engaged and everything was good, and then we were kind of already not going through like the best time when we moved to Mexico, like right before Mexico, we actually had split up, but we lived in the same house. So for like a month, why because you just weren't getting along, and it was it was also too like I think it was a lot of the age part and the fact that when we first started dating, I was a completely different person. I didn't even have my own job, like my own uh company yet. I was honestly just thinking of doing content creating so I could make a fair amount of money, nothing crazy, but that you know, we could have a kid and I could work from home and make in, make, bring in a little bit of dough. That was it. And then as soon as like my the it just snowballed. I got I got all the success, and then I was like, holy crap, I don't want what I thought I wanted anymore. I don't want kids, I don't want to get married yet. Like I'm 29, I have time to have a kid. And he was 45 and he really wanted a kid.

SPEAKER_00 48:55

And that that's kind of like his like not his last chance, because I know it's like a bit different for guys. Yes, but he's however it's like, do you want to be like, yeah, like 50 years old with five-year-olds? Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 49:04

And so that's kind of where he was like pushing, like, you know, and and I said, I don't think I want to anymore. He's like, okay, if I can just be the cool uncle, that's totally fine. Like, we don't have to have a kid. But I think also, too, once they once I like my world started opening up with all this like stuff happening, I was able to now afford to go like go travel here, go travel there. And he's like almost 50. He didn't want to be traveling all the time, you know. So that was another thing. And then when Mexico happened, you know, something happened in Mexico where my boundary was crossed. And so I was like, you know what? I have to choose, like, do I continue and just like let this happen, or do I decide to leave? And at the time I already have my own place, so I was like kind of cool with it. So I was like, you know what? This just looks to me like I need to set a boundary, and I can be there for you, but I can't be with you. Yeah. And so that's kind of that's kind of pretty much what happened. It was a number of things, like the boundary was crossed, and then I was also realizing like the age does actually fucking matter. I know.

SPEAKER_00 50:09

Yeah, but I even feel it with like I'm I have a seven-year age gap, you know, so I can't even imagine like an 18-year-old age gap. Like, there's just so many different beliefs because it's different generations have like different beliefs, and like there's different, but they're not even just that, like it's just like you're in different stages of your life. Whether, you know, it's very rare that you're gonna find two people who have such a big age gap that are in the exact same stage of their life, you know.

SPEAKER_01 50:32

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 50:32

Because age is just age is not just like the number of things.

SPEAKER_01 50:35

I think like there should be a cutoff after that relationship. I was like, okay, you're older, man. Older than me, but anything after 10, we're kind of yeah, yeah, that's a no. That's a that's no for me, dog.

SPEAKER_00 50:46

That's a no.

SPEAKER_01 50:47

But yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:47

What do you think, Steve? You agree?

SPEAKER_01 50:49

I have a five hair, so I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 50:52

That's okay. Five is totally fine. Five's good.

SPEAKER_01 50:57

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 50:58

I know Camel, like I Cam and I like we have just enough overlap. There's a few things to talk about that I don't know, and like I don't, there's certain things like I don't like there's a few things we don't have in common, but like overall we have like pretty similar overlap, which is nice, you know. Yeah, yeah. But it's always weird when you like see a kid nowadays and like they don't know, they're like, what's paramour? What's you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 51:17

And I'm like, this is my favorite fucking band. I know, so good, so good.

SPEAKER_00 51:21

Oh my god. And like a lot of these kids nowadays haven't had like emo phases, and I'm like, I feel like that was like such a staple for everyone. Because we're on you're 29. Yeah, like I have a 27.

SPEAKER_01 51:29

Yeah, I have a 13-year-old niece. I just took her to a Ritzia. She was like, I love me so much. Can you buy me stuff? And I was like, Okay, I had 13. Yeah, she's like TNA socks and like a shirt with a teddy bear on it that was 50 bucks. And I was like, Where is the emo phase? Where is the emo phase? You had like the sleeves, like you know, like the striped um arm warmers and the like warmers you had to double down. I had red hair.

SPEAKER_00 51:51

Yes, I had black mail polish.

SPEAKER_01 51:52

I had black mail polish.

SPEAKER_00 51:54

All black. I was wearing all black, you know. I know. I feel like it's different, but you know what? That's a good, I think that's really amazing that you were able to set like I think a lot of people are able to set boundaries, but they have a really hard time sticking to them. And I that's very impressive that you were able to set those boundaries and stick to them. Like, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 52:10

Yeah, I'm not gonna lie to you, it's not it's not fucking easy because it I think at the end of the day they may feel abandoned.

SPEAKER_00 52:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:19

And um, and you can see it on social media, but I set a boundary for myself because I don't think it's healthy to keep things in your life that don't serve you anymore.

SPEAKER_00 52:31

Exactly. Life's life's genuinely too short, you guys. And thanks for bearing with me for my first episode. You know, the video is gonna be a little choppy. We're gonna we're gonna make it work, you know. We're just we're testing the waters with the new venue for the season. Um, let me know what you guys think in the comments. I'm curious. But yeah, I just wanted to thank you so much for your time today, Elaine. If you guys want to learn more about Elaine, you can follow her on Instagram um at Elaine M Palmato. M Palmatoes card. It's a beautiful name. I'm gonna put it, I'm also gonna put it in the um caption as well. And so you guys can you guys can find her there too. And if you want to, you know, follow me on Instagram, you can follow me at Club Therapy Pod. Um, yeah, thanks for watching, guys. We'll see you soon. Thank you. Bye. Bye.