Rachael’s Story: Loss, Trauma, Resilience & Dog Training

In this special episode of A Glass and a Giggle, Kassi sits down with Rachael, a mother who shares her unimaginable journey through cancer, traumatic loss, and survival. After losing part of her leg to cancer, enduring the devastating loss of her infant daughter, and facing a traumatic pregnancy that led to a NICU stay, Rachael opens up about grief, healing, and what it truly means to keep going.

Alongside her personal story, Rachael also shares her life and career as a dog trainer, including her experience with a serious dog attack while pregnant and how it shaped both her perspective and her work. This raw conversation sheds light on motherhood, resilience, recognizing warning signs in relationships, and navigating life after trauma. A powerful episode for anyone facing loss, healing, or the realities of life with both children and dogs. 

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About the Show

A real, raw, funny take on motherhood, chaos, healing, and remembering who you are under the mom-life mess.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:17

Well, Rachel, welcome to a glass of giggles. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

I'm glad to be here.

SPEAKER_02 0:21

I know. You're the first one in my little like new podcast studio too. So do you feel special?

SPEAKER_01 0:25

Yeah, I do. I love this chair swivels because it like plays right into like my 80s.

SPEAKER_02 0:29

Well John put them together last night and he said it's only four screws. So if they break Oh, is it even supposed to swivel? No, they're supposed to swivel. But he said it's only four screws. So I'm like, well, if it falls apart, we are.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

Well, I think we'll know before we get to there's only one screw that I think falls, we'll know. I'll test it out for the next however, however long.

SPEAKER_02 0:49

Yeah. Well, I mean, you came into my life because without you, I would have to give up my Bernie Doodle Bernard.

SPEAKER_00 0:55

So uh Bernie. I love him so much.

SPEAKER_02 0:58

Yes, and now, like I told you, he's the best dog ever. But when he was a puppy, he was a tiny velociraptor that would not stop biting my ankles. And I was also pregnant, and I'm like, how am I gonna keep this? He won't stop biting me. I know he'll bite an infant.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

I remember, I remember meeting him and being like, oh my god, this girl's a hot mask. Like, and I loved you so much for it, but I was like, I remember meeting the dog and be like, oh, he's only supposed to get like what, like 20 pounds? And I was like, girl, this is corny the ducky. I was like, girl, this dog's like 40 pounds now. Like, what do you mean? I was like, this dog's gonna get huge. And then like, I remember the little, I will never forget the look you gave me. You like looked up and you were like, Really? I'm like, mm-mm.

SPEAKER_02 1:38

I think because I I also secretly wanted a big dog, and John told me no, that's why I had to get a teacup burnadoodle. So I think I was like low-key excited.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

Yeah, you probably like just bamboozled and you're like, you know what? If we're not sure how right the dog's gonna get.

SPEAKER_02 1:53

Oh, I re- I reread my contract out of like my email and it literally said teacup mini burnadoodle. Teacup mini burnadoodle, and he's 107 pounds. Did you send her a picture afterwards and be like, this is what it means? Because they don't do it anymore, they're no longer a breeder.

SPEAKER_01 2:05

So I think maybe the probably what? This dog's freaking huge. How much is he by now? 107. Yeah, that's a big ass teacup.

SPEAKER_02 2:13

Yeah. Well, we have neighbors down their way, they have bernadoodles and they're like 60, 70, and like I'm like, I cannot imagine having like a teacup burnadoodle. But they're also good. I mean, Bernie's good, but like they're off-leash dogs. Like they walk and they're like off-leash, and they'll like one of them's names kimchi, which I absolutely love. Kimchi? That's hilarious. And they'll be like, all of a sudden I'll hear him like one there, like Kimchi, come home, and he's like somewhere in the woods. Yeah. Like Bernie would not do that.

SPEAKER_01 2:40

You know what? Some dogs are about that life. Yeah. Some dogs are just like, eh, I don't need to go home.

SPEAKER_02 2:44

So, how did you even get into dog training?

SPEAKER_01 2:47

That's so funny. Like, I love when people ask that question because like they're just jaws dropped. So basically, I moved to Arizona and um I got a job with Wells Fargo. Oh, and I was in like student loan retention, which is like the pit of hell. Okay. Um, so nobody wants their student loans. No one likes their student loans. Well, no, like, and like you had to like the your job was to get people to like keep their student loan with Wells Fargo, either by consolidating with their other ones or whatever, but it was a private loan company, so most people had government loans and you couldn't consolidate. It was a big mess. So I honestly I really hated my job. Like, I hated it, but they gave you 16 hours a month to do community service. And I always took my 16 hours a month and I went directly to the animal shelter and like worked with dogs at the animal shelter. I didn't know what I was doing, like I was like in my 20s, but I met um, I met a girl there that was like the trainer for the shelter. And I kind of came furled with her and she kind of like I dabbled in it a little bit. But a lot of the dogs that we were bringing in were from like Mexico, uh fighting race. So like my first exposure to dog training was dogs that really wanted to throw hands like immediately. They were like at you, f you, at that guy, dog over that trash bag, at that one. And um and I just loved them. I loved the bitey dogs. I loved the bitey dogs. I was like, something's wrong with you. I need to fix it. Like, I can't fix it on life, so let me help you, help me, help you. And then I was like, I kind of want to do this. So I shadowed, I shadowed a couple of trainers in the area, and then I figured out what worked for me, and then like the type of training style that worked for that type of dog. And then I did it for free, just for funsies. I actually didn't did end up quitting Wells Fardo, and then I went to work for somewhere else, and then I had more time to do dog training. So I did that for free for a while. I would pull dogs out of shelters, work with them, and then like find them re-home, like re-home them. And then moved here um back in I guess 2016, and then started going to school for it and then like moonlighting. So I was a pharmacy tech for a while, and then I was dog training at night. Oh, and then when I had my second daughter, that was when I was like, I just went on maternity leave and like did not come back. And then she was like, I guess you're not talking about it. And I'm like, no, sorry, Warren, I did not come back. I pulled that one with Easton too. I was like, um, but I didn't become a dog trainer, I just became a stay-at-home mom. But I mean Yeah, no, I would have loved that. That would have been amazing. Um, but I guess like dog training is like the second closest thing to being a stay-home mom because I do because then I started the companies. Well, they're like children, just furry. You say the same shit. Yeah. You say the same shit. Like I go to work and I'm like, don't do that, stop, put it down. What's in your peeing in the house? Um, and then let's go outside. Do you need a nap? And then I come home and I say the same shit to my four kids. I'm like, You need a nap? What's in your nap? Put it down, two days, goodbye. Uh like it's literally the same thing. So my husband gets home and I just like want to yap. Like he's like been yapping all day, and then like, I'm like, I guess I'll just yeah. Sit here with the box. I guess I'll just sit here and like overthink the day. Yeah. Um crazy. Yeah. And so then I just like didn't go back, and then I started training full time, and then apparently I was good at it. Yeah. Um, and then I've like never had to advertise, never like ever like I've stayed consistently busy just hour for all basis, which has been super cool because then I know everybody coming to me is serious because they're been they've been referred by another client. So my success rate's really high because everybody wants a well-behaved dog. No one wants a shithead dog.

SPEAKER_00 6:35

No.

SPEAKER_01 6:36

And then last year I was like looking for a building because I wanted to expand. Like my goal by 2025 was I want a building. And then this building just like fell into my lap. And I was like, oh, sweet, because I had moved to Missouri and this building was at Missouri. And then we were able to kind of expand and then do like board and trains, which is before I was just doing in-home lessons because that was all I could do.

SPEAKER_02 6:59

And then yeah, we do we do board and trains now, we do day trains, we do, we still do private lessons, and then we do group classes, and we do you did fun events and stuff too, like music yoga, like a little you did you did like a photo shoot, I think, for was it Valentine's Day.

SPEAKER_01 7:17

Yeah, something like that. We did Christmas, we did a Christmas one, I think we did an Easter one too. So we do, yeah, we can do pretty much anything in that space now because it's it's big enough, it's not like super big, so it's still kind of like a like niche elitist because it's not overwhelming, like a lot of like you know, there's like daycares are huge because they can accommodate so much, but like training, you really have to be careful because I still work with the bitey dogs, so you know, you gotta be really careful with that. But now we've got so much space to do everything, and like we have the rubber floors, which are really good for their feet, and like you know, we painted it and it's like got essential oils going to like calm the chi. We got music playing and pushware, and we gotta like keep everybody happy. So yeah, we just like really and then this last year, like we hired staff. So, like I've got people that you know go in and check on the dogs at night first thing in the morning on the weekends, and so we really just got to a place where it just kind of runs itself, like we stay consistently busy. Like, I'm still not advertising, I'm still not. I mean, I'm pretty active on my social media just because I like for people to see what we do in there. Yeah, but we stay super busy.

SPEAKER_02 8:24

Well, that's how I that's how I found you. I think I went on like the Edwardsville connection. I just like typed in like dog trainer, like I didn't even have to ask the question. You were already like just like in the search history, like of course.

SPEAKER_01 8:34

I I see that all the time. Like I mean, yeah, I'll get tagged in some like somebody'll be looking for a dog trainer, I'll just go to my notifications and it says like all these people like tagged, and I go on there and I'm like, I didn't even know this was happening. Yeah, and then I go into like my messages, and there's like there are like people that weren't even like originally like asking the question were like you got recommended so many times. And it makes me feel so good too, because like yeah, people are proud of that. Like, if obviously if you guys weren't proud of the service that you got, you wouldn't be recommending it. So it's nice to see that like I'm doing some good.

SPEAKER_02 9:06

Well, yeah. I mean, my par my parents and my entire family, like we've always been like borderline dog hoarders, but like until I got Bernie, we had never had any like structured training. I mean, we took Tank to a puppy class at Petsmart, but you know, like nothing like that. But we've also always had smaller dogs. I mean, me and my dad did rescue a like Rottweiler mix whenever I was like in second grade, but she was just trained in like amazing out the gate, probably because she was in a shelter for most of her adolescence and puppyhood. Yeah. So what I really liked was when I called you and I was like, I'm having issues with this burner doodle. And like I wasn't even a client yet. You like told me like what to do. You're like, I don't have any openings for like another like three to four weeks. I'll, you know, get to you like when I can, I'll give you on the schedule. But here's what you can do now. And I haven't even paid you a dime. Yeah. So like that was I think what really solidified me, like wanting to like move forward with you. Cause like I'm like, she must really care about like her dogs and her clients if she's just, you know, giving me like all of these tips and telling me what to do without receiving anything from me.

SPEAKER_01 10:11

It's so important though, like, especially like when I can tell that like someone's really struggling. And I'm like, well, I get it. Like, I mean, I've been through the ringer, like personally, and then like I've I have multiple dogs, like right now. Like, people are always like, Oh my god, you have your hands full. I'm like, oh no shit, no shit. There's nine things in my house that mean like life. Oh my gosh, I'm keeping nine things alive right now. Yeah, completely. And we're not even including Dan, literally. Yeah, I mean, she's gone half the time, so she like, you know, deals with his own life. But then I'm like, okay, so I'm basically single moming it, sometimes with four dogs and four kids, and you know, one still shits their pants and the other three kind of communicate. But I'm like, when I can hear that like someone is like frantic, and like I'm like, I can't let this one like live in chaos. And that's like with every client that comes to me, I'm like, you've gotta have like I may not be able to get you in right now, but let me tell you, these are some things that like I know that you can do. And like I've even like restructured like my like my intro packet. Like, there's like an intro packet that I send out to like all of my clients, and it's tips and stuff that you can do now. And I'll even like refer like there's YouTube videos of certain trainers that I really like that are really good. Like I I hadn't broken to YouTube yet. It you know, I social media hurts my feelings sometimes. I'm getting better at not letting it hurt my feelings, but people can be brutal, so I'm like, I'm not gonna go that route. But the chills who can so yeah, I'll send them to like other, you know, other videos of trainers that I do like to kind of help them out in the meantime. But that's kind of why I've started becoming more active on my social media page too. So I feel like there's videos you can go search this, and then it's me actually doing it, which is exactly the way that I would do it.

SPEAKER_00 11:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:47

So puppies are hard, dude. Like I will never, never own another puppy.

SPEAKER_02 11:52

Well, I feel like with especially like dog training, like most people go into puppy hood a little naive, kind of like you go into motherhood, like you don't know what to expect. Oh, it's the exact same. Literally, you like, oh, I think I can do this on my own. You don't like, I don't think most people go into bite a puppy and be like, okay, I'm gonna put it into like intensive like training right away. It's usually people in crisis. They're like, oh, what did I do? What the fuck did I get myself into? I gotta call someone. So yeah, you probably heard me. I was newly founded up newly pregnant, had this dog. I'm like, help me.

SPEAKER_01 12:24

I'm like, this is a lot. Yeah. And a lot of people do that too. They're like, they want, and the ideal is that they want the puppy and the kid to grow up together. And I'm a hundred percent on board with that because a lot of times I'm fielding the dog and the kid because the dog's like, what the hell is that? It crawls now. I'm like, oh yeah, the different stages. And they're like in each other's stage. So yeah, I'm fully on board with the dog and the puppy growing up together, but I'm also fully on board with getting one of them situated and then getting the other one. And there's like no right or wrong way to do it because you don't know your kid's personality yet. And this puppy's like developing its own personality. So really like getting it trained in some capacity, and it's not always obedience. Like a lot of my training is not obedience, it's like figuring out that thing's personality and then that thing's personality and figuring out how to get them to like live cohesively. Like that's like a big thing is like cohesion. Like you can teach a dog to get a beer from the fridge, but if it's still yapping at the neighbors when they walk by with their stroller, like that's a problem. Like that's you know, so I just joke with people like I can teach your dog to speak Mandarin Chinese, but is he cussing at you or is he he's saying yes, please? Like that's it's a huge difference.

SPEAKER_02 13:38

Well, that's a good point. And I feel like what I also like about your treating style is you don't, it's not like a one-size-fits-all approach with dogs. Like you, we were like, Okay, we're gonna trick crate train Bernie. For some reason, that dog has never liked crate.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

Never. We get everything to get that dog in this crate.

SPEAKER_02 13:57

And that's what I think I originally called him. He is crying all night in this crate. I'm pregnant, I'm tired, I can't do this.

SPEAKER_01 14:05

He's crying, he's pooping, he's peeing. Like, I don't know what to do. He was a conundrum with that crate for sure. I remember you at one point you came over and you literally had both feet on the crate and you're like pulling his trying to pull his leash through. And like I had a bone and like treats, and like we had we did did everything to get this dog in his crate.

SPEAKER_02 14:21

I'm like, Yeah, that's why we have to pay for the expensive traveling tails boarding because he can't go in a crate, he has to be in a room or else it's it's everyone's problem.

SPEAKER_01 14:30

I had another dog like that too. She's like, he just won't go in his crate. And I was like, Well, send me a video when he's in his crate, and she did, and I'm like, Well, how does he do outside of his crate? And she's like, he does fine. And I'm like, I mean, is it a good idea that every dog's crate train in case they need to go to the vet or something else? And they were like, I'm like, yes, but I mean, if the majority of the time he's like good in his crate, he's not tearing shit up. And I'm like, okay, is that really the issue? In most places now, like a dog has to go to the vet. Sometimes they do have like open runs for them. Like places are getting more available to dogs that aren't crated, yeah, which is nice because like you said, at traveling tails, like they have suites available. Like at my place, we have suites available. Yeah. Um, and some dogs are just big as F and they can't go on a crate. Like, yeah, like I spent $800 on an impact crate for my big ass dog because I don't have a crate that he can fit in or that can be contained in. Like he will break out. He sees a he sees a black crate, he's like, I can fuck by the fuck. And then, you know, we put him in an impact crate and he lays right down. Yeah. I'm like, it was just figuring out like what his what his preference was, I guess. Um just like a baby. It all weird. It's all it's all related. It's like, yeah. Like my I got one kid that likes to be rocked to sleep, Embry. She just likes me to like tickle her back, and then she's like, You can go down. And then the baby, like he finishes his bottle and he's like reaching for his, like, he does not want to be rocked to sleep. He just wants me to put him down like an old man. And he walks in there at eight o'clock, he's like, bye-bye. Oh my god. So, like, what dream? Well, I think that was only because he was in the NICU for so long. He's an independent man. He was independent from 28 weeks. Yeah. But yeah, like Yeah, we'll get to we'll get to his birth story in a bit. No, we're gonna go, too. Every dog and every kid is different, and it's just figuring out what it is. And like, if you like if you're a decent trainer or you have some form of humanity, like you figure that out. Like you figure, like, okay, this dog cannot be trained this way. And I think that's so important to make sure that you know multiple realms of dog training so you can train the dog in front of you and not just maybe like a textbook way. Yeah, like that's you know, certain things are textbook, but this particular field it's not because you're dealing with souls.

SPEAKER_02 16:45

Yes, Bernard was anything but textbook. But now he's a good but I love him. Now he's the goodest of all the dudes. He is the goodest of all the dudes. No, he is the Everly is just loves feeding him. I'm like, you can feed Bernie because he's gentle, but if you try to feed Tank our little multis, he will bite your finger right off. Yes. I was shocked. Yeah, why a tuck? That's like he never gets fed, but then he chooses not to eat, and I push one that's time he puts sticks as a nose up at it.

SPEAKER_01 17:11

Like I think it's the they get the good stuff. They get pup kitchen. They do, they do get good stuff. So I'm like, whatever tank. He's like you switched to Pup Kitchen too. Yes. Well, farmer's job was getting so expensive. And I love the owners of Pup Kitchen too. Like they're so sweet. Like she drove, God bless her, she drove out in the middle of a snowstorm to come to like my one-year anniversary party. Like she's like, I'm coming, it's snowing, but I'm coming. I was like, oh my god, go home! Go home! This is like no, I'm coming. But then she did. She came out and Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:42

No, my parents my parents love her too. Like, that's the one that my parents were like, Oh yeah, we switched to pup kitchen. You guys need to switch to pup kitchen. I'm like, okay, we'll just have like so like I think we just all do like one massive order. Yeah, because they have four, I have three.

SPEAKER_01 17:56

But Bertie eats like 12 packs a day. So I know I keep it at the training center too. If I got a dog that's not eating, they will always eat it. Yeah, then there's sometimes where I like go heat it up, and then like the staff will be like, What are you having for lunch? I'm like, what? That's damn dog food. Say my lunch, but it's got kale and eggs and steak. But I was like, she's like, you could eat it. Like she didn't tell me that. She was like, if you ever like get snowed in and you can't leave it, there's no snack. She's like, you can actually keep that up and eat it.

SPEAKER_02 18:19

No, my parents are the same way they heat theirs up from their dogs. Mine goes straight from the fridge to the to the plate. I thought I would do or I wouldn't dog. Okay, I mean take drinks out of a crystal.

SPEAKER_01 18:31

I mean still it's it's fine. It's fine. Yeah, everything's fine. I mean, I'm shocked that you're not heating his food up. I need to call John. John would. John would. This dog's food needs to be heated up to 75 degrees. 22 seconds precisely, and the microwave. You flip it over once at 10 seconds. Seven rotations and it's fine. Wait, only let the microwave beep twice. Yeah. Or beep too much.

SPEAKER_02 18:55

No, I told him how old Tank was the other day. He's like, no, he's not. I'm like, I'm not. John, it's gonna be okay. He still has a long life ahead of him. Just because he's eight does not mean anything.

SPEAKER_01 19:07

Like he's like, the crystal goblet's no longer enough. We need to switch to Swarovski crystal. And I know he needs better than this. Next thing I know, it's gonna be out of like a little champagne flute. You're gonna like hire people to come in and like bring him like coligan water.

SPEAKER_02 19:19

We'll be like whenever you go to a fancy restaurant and like the people like bring the wine and it's like the maestry.

unknown 19:26

It's fine.

SPEAKER_02 19:27

Saratoga water. Isn't that like the bougie water that everyone drinks?

SPEAKER_01 19:31

Yeah, if he drinks like sparkling water, you're gonna be on like the Pellegriggio. Oh playing like you're gonna get a grand piano that's gonna like play music as like John's bringing on the water.

SPEAKER_02 19:41

And then there's Bernie who will literally drink out of the water table outside after. So it's like it's like F giardia.

SPEAKER_00 19:48

I can take it.

SPEAKER_02 19:49

It's fine. He had it once, he survived.

SPEAKER_01 19:53

They all do. Might add it too. I was like, something's wrong with you. And then she's like, oh, he's got giardia bad. And I was like, is there a giardia good? Like I feel like if like we're on like where's the scale? Like one to ten. How bad is it?

SPEAKER_02 20:06

Yeah, like, no, it was traveling tales that told me that. Like, yeah, he's definitely got worm, worms in his poop. I'm like, that would be what quite a job, like to go and like examine every dog's poop.

SPEAKER_01 20:15

It's like I've done that. I've done that because like the dog was like poofing out something like white, and I was like in there with like tweezers. Like, is that rice or is that a bump? My job gets so weird, but I'm so concerned. Like, if I if I want to submit my own home, I need to know.

SPEAKER_02 20:34

Yeah, you're probably just like immune to all bodily functions. You got four kids, and then you're a dog traitor, like you're just like, Yeah, really comes out of anyone.

SPEAKER_01 20:42

You're like, I got this. Like, I've caught Embrace puke in my gamble board because I didn't want my brain a car. Yeah. Like, seriously, the only thing that buns me, and people are shocked when I say this, the only thing that buns me is dog eye buggers. What I swear to God. Oh my god, I can't. That's the only thing I can't do. If a dog has an eye bugger, you're living with it and your mom gets here because I'm not type. I can't do it. I don't know what it is.

SPEAKER_02 21:09

See, I don't like picking at it now. I mean, I'm fine with like seeing them, but I'm like, I'm not picking at it. My dad is the exact opposite. He will grab like all of our dogs and like just start like scraping their buggers.

SPEAKER_01 21:19

I can't do it. I wasn't at home one time. I think it was some sort of doodle because it had like big fluffy eyes. Uh-huh. And she just like had her nails down like really long. And she just started like taking. I was like, I gotta leave the room. I had to physically leave the room. I was like, let me know when you're done. And she's like, oh my god, does this bother you? And I'm like, this is the worst. Like, if for some reason I ever end up in hell, that's what's ever gonna make me do. That's gonna be my hell task is to pick eye brokers on the dogs because I can't.

SPEAKER_02 21:44

I feel like you've had enough trauma in this life. I don't think you're gonna end up in hell. I feel like I'm not gonna do that.

SPEAKER_01 21:49

No, I hope not. I think I'm dog. When I said my vision all though, like, please leave it. Like I've said, leave it.

SPEAKER_02 21:54

I've always said I love you to death, but I would never get on a plane with you because I feel like it would be the it would be the Oh crap.

SPEAKER_01 22:01

I love you, but I remember the day you said that to me too. And I was like, you know what? Valent.

SPEAKER_02 22:08

You know, it's kind of like the president and vice president. You can't travel together.

SPEAKER_01 22:11

No, no. I'll meet you there. Yeah, we'll go to the Kaaba, but I'll meet you there. It's fine. No loss. I just you you've been dualt quite a hand in life. This is true. I don't know why, but I mean there's gotta be I always said, like when I was we did a sermon on it in church. I mean they were talking about like trauma and one like specifically, like always before Easter, they do like the Mary story and like how it was like watching her child die and like how she must have felt. And the Easter story always hits me, obviously personally. Well, yeah. And then um they were like, you know, what good comes out of this? Like death is obviously inevitable, but like what comes out of it, and like what good can you bring out of that? And that's kind of like how I've lived my life. Like trauma, yes, can I seen it go two ways? Like trauma either ruins people or it like helps them rise. And I'm like, okay, well, I'm gonna choose that path. Um so I've always just said, like, you know, how can this like help people? And that was one reason why I decided to like train, well, train dogs just kind of like took off. But then it was like, okay, how can I help people do other things? So I was just talking to my best friend this morning about starting like a grief group at church for like the younger generation because most of the grief's grief groups are all like older people, like you know, God bless them, Agnes lost Harold, right? But like that's not relatable to me. So like we need like a younger group that can talk about things and use like the new lingo and you know, like stuff like that to try to help people get through sort like some of the things that like you know I've gotten through. So I've just kind of decided to take the traumas and you know, they make me funny.

SPEAKER_02 23:47

I feel like it's like I'm I my my coping mechanism is also self-degrading humor, so I totally get it. Like I have to make a joke of everything.

SPEAKER_01 23:54

I told my husband that too. I'm sure we're gonna get into it, but I told I told my my husband actually on our first date that like my daughter was murdered. And um He probably thought it was a joke. And he was like, he was like, I'm sorry, what? And I was like, Yeah, no, I figured we should get the thought away now. Like the the checks not here yet, like I'll probably pay for it. Like, you know, this is this is what's happening to me. But um, I was like, the bar is just really low for you though. Like this has gotta be like really good for you. Like the bar is literally in hell. Like, so don't cheat on me, don't kill my kids, and you're it. Or the dogs, or the or the dog, yeah, yeah. But yeah, no, the other week with the dogs, but what an opener for our first date.

SPEAKER_02 24:31

Like, I'm like, man, I bet you do get either some disciple or some like oh 100%.

SPEAKER_01 24:37

Or like before I change my name, like they would look me up and they're like, Oh, right, and they would send me a screenshot and they're like, Are you related to this person? And I'm like, eh, yeah, kind of, kind of actively collectively. But yeah, it it was one of two ways, and that's kind of how I feeled with them. Yeah. Was like, can you take this or can you not? And Dan was like, Well, I guess I can, you know, I can take it. He's like, He's you're hot, you know.

SPEAKER_00 24:59

No, okay.

SPEAKER_01 25:01

See, the bar was low for both of you. The bar was definitely low for both of us. Um, but it worked out. So yeah, like he ended up sharing some of the stuff that he had gone through, and then like I shared my story. He was just so understanding and kind about it. And um, you know, like he didn't grow up with a dad. So with Embry being in the same boat, like he helped me kind of navigate that one. Yeah. And he's been like, like we're looking at now that we're married, like we're looking at like, you know, him like fully adopting her. Because in Missouri, you can't do a single parent adoption. You can't in Illinois, but now that I move over there, you can't. So now that we're married, like we're looking at like him like actually adopting her.

SPEAKER_00 25:38

I'm not that.

SPEAKER_01 25:39

So yeah, he's such a good dad, seriously, and puts up with all my dogs.

SPEAKER_02 25:43

I mean, I didn't I didn't know about like everything that had happened with your daughter until probably you had been training Bernie for a while, and then you had said something about like a court case or that you were going to, and I'm like, what? And then of course I started doing a deep dive and I like that about you too. I like went into like Facebook and I'm like looking and I found her like you know, her page and like all the updates for for Claire, and I'm like, oh and of course I'm I'm pregnant, so I'm just sobbing, reading everything, and I was like, why did she ever tell us?

SPEAKER_01 26:18

I know I tried I got really good like in therapy too about like blocking it out. Like in the beginning, they're like, you know, try to separate that. So basically, like as you know, like so my daughter was six months old, my two girls, Clara and Emory, were 13 months apart.

SPEAKER_00 26:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:33

Like to the day. And Clara died from shake and baby syndrome at six months old, like right after she turned six months old. And I was actually training dogs when it happened.

SPEAKER_02 26:44

Um so did you, did he like, your ex-husband, did he call you and say like something happened, or how did you get home?

SPEAKER_01 26:51

So I was training dogs and he had called me and I got it on my watch because I didn't put my phone with me. And he called me like four times back to back, and I finally got it. He's like, Claire, stop breathing. Um, I'm taking her to the hospital. Or I called the ambulance, they're taking her to the hospital. And I'm like, What? I literally dropped the leashes. The client was with me, so she like heard it on my watch. And um, oh my god. And so I literally dropped the leashes, she grabbed the dogs, ran back into her house, grabbed my purse, threw it at me, and was like, Go. So I'm in Troy, but I'm driving to um Anderson, which is where they were taking her. Okay. And so I'm calling my mom and I'm like, I need you to pick Embry was still going to school in Troy at the time. And I was like, Mom, I need you to pick Embry up. I need you to leave right now. She was a teacher at high school. She retires a share, God bless her. But I was like, I need you to go pick Embry up from school. He's like, Claire's not breathing, she's in the hospital, and my mom literally was like, I'm leaving right now. So she had one of her friends watch her class. She left, she went and picked Embry up right out of the hospital. I'm like, I'm calling Liam's dad. And I'm like, Liam needs to get picked up from school. I need he's it's my week with him, but I need you to grab him Claire's whole thing. So everybody gets to the hospital, my mom's there, Embry's there, and my ex is there, and they won't let me see her. So they're like innovating her, and like I they finally let me go back and see her, and they're being like real weird with him, and like nothing was like tracking at the time.

SPEAKER_02 28:16

So Well, yeah, you're you have one focus, like baby, little baby, hurt.

SPEAKER_01 28:20

Yeah, and I was like, what happened? And he was like, I don't know, she just wasn't like breathing when she woke up from her nap, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, what the hell? So they end up taking her to um children's in St. Louis. And I we pull up, and I'm like met at the door by like police, like detectives, and then CPS. And I'm like, what? They make me go through a metal detector and they like pat me down, and then they pull us separately and ask us questions. Because at this point, they probably don't know like who they know something's wrong. Yeah. And they have like no idea what. And so, like, there's and I can see her through the window, like they're putting her on the operating table, and there's like surgeons coming in in like jogging shorts. They were clearly called in. Yeah. Like they are not there on staff. And they call us in and they're like questioning us separately. They're like, Where were you? What was happening? I was not even home, so I'm like losing it. And basically, like three days later, I guess he confesses that he like the doorbell rang, the dogs barked, he lost his temper and like shook her briefly, and then she stopped breathing. And I lost my shit. Like, lost my shit. I can only imagine knowing you. Like, I'm surprised that you didn't have like steal a scalpel. I was like going at him, and then the detective, like, I remember him grabbing my shoulders, and he's like, take a walk. And I'm like, losing my hit him. They would have had to arrest you too. I'm like screaming down the hallway. So I called, I called my best friend, and because she lives super close, and I was like, I need you to pick me up and take me to my house right now. And so I tell her what happened. She picks me up and she's driving, God bless her, she's driving the fucking speed limit. And I'm like, Can this van go any faster? We should have taken my car. So she drives me to my house, and I'm like, afraid he's gonna take the easy way out. So I called my mom and I'm like, I need you to meet me at my house. Here's what's going on. So my dad's staying with Embry, and my mom meets me at my house, and we're just pulling all the guns out of the house. Yeah. And I'm just ripping shit off the walls. Like, pictures, all of his clothes were coming out of the closet. I put him outside in the driveway. Like, guns come out of the house, everything. And so when the detective calls me and he's like, Hey, I wanted you let you know, like, we're putting in an emergency order of protection. And then one of my one of my really good friends is a is an um Illinois lawyer. And so she really took care of me during this case. But um, we put in or an emergency order of protection. So he wasn't supposed to be allowed in the hospital. Um, but then he wanted to like say goodbye to her. So CPS gave up five minutes, and then he's like reading some scripture about I'm like, get the fuck out of my face. So then I was like, why aren't we arresting him? And he's like, Well, he's like, we can't arrest him just yet. Okay, she was still she was still alive. I was like, if we And I was like, oh, so you guys think she's in she's gonna die. Like you guys actually think she's gonna die, and so you can't arrest him now because it's not the same as if we waited. So then they waited until Sunday, and then that was when we had to terminate life support because they were doing like brain surgery by ultrasound at like three o'clock in the morning.

SPEAKER_00 31:38

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_01 31:39

And they were like, We've exhausted, and I told them, I was like, just be honest with me, if we've exhausted all options and you've got nothing left, I just need to know. And um, yeah, so then they came to me and they were like, We we've hit that point. So they gave me 24 hours. I had my parents come up, um, Embry and the kids, the kids did not, but um, my parents came up and um said goodbye. And I was reluctant to let his parents come up, but I don't know, I guess I had some shred of humanity love. And yeah, and then she passed away on Sunday, and on Monday they arrested him, and um that was a whole thing with like terms and conditions and stuff, and so we settled on they basically base their sentence on previous cases in the county, and there was only like five in the last 10 years to go on. Oh wow. So um the state's attorney's office was freaking amazing. Um, I love her to pieces, and so we basically we settled on 28, you know, parole. Um, and that was that was what we landed on. So that that was brutal. Um but I can't even imagine. But he won't sign away his carnal rights. Um, surprisingly enough, he's still living and breathing to make those decisions, but he won't sign away his parental rights, so we're gonna have to probably go to court again to do that. For embryo for Embry. Yeah. But and I mean she is still like too young to understand like a lot of it, right? Or honestly, I was so I was so lucky that she was that young because she was 18 months old. Oh yeah, it's the same like age as everybody now. Yeah, so she like did not have that processing. So as far as she knows, like Dan is her dad. Like that's that's it. Yeah. Um you guys have been together for like what two, three years? Three years. And yeah, so she's like five, six. She just turned six, yeah. Oh yeah, so she she has no idea. Um, and then she'll it's funny because she'll ask me, she's like, Why is it daddy in the pictures of me when I was little? Baby baby. And I'm like, Well, daddy, yeah, you know, dad travels a lot, right? She's like, Oh, so he just wasn't there. And I'm like, Yes, he wasn't there.

SPEAKER_02 33:58

Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_01 33:59

I was like, kind of like when Roman was in the hospital, and you know, like, you're not in some of the pictures because you were at school. I was like, and like just God just gives me like these like it's like God GPT. Like he just like gives me these prompts and he's like, go with this. And I'm like, yeah. But as she gets older, I think it'll be like if it does come up, but that was one reason why I fought so hard to change her name. Oh yeah. Um, because as she's not like searchable, yeah. Like, yeah, I've walked on my social media data, I'm like super careful about like pictures that I post of her. Yeah. Um, because you know, there's still like some moments out there that you can get pictures of her.

SPEAKER_02 34:38

Oh, yeah. I hadn't even thought of that like aspect of it. Like, you know, your ex like being able to like see pictures and stuff or like that would be yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:46

He had like a dating profile, like a like a jailbird dating profile. And he was like, Oh, I'm like two beautiful daughters. I'm like, actually, motherfucker, you have three, but uh so yeah. But now we're getting really good about talking about it, and that's why I tell tell Dan, I'm like, the bar is just really low. So how old was Liam? Liam was like nine or ten.

SPEAKER_02 35:10

Oh, so he was fully saving up everything.

SPEAKER_01 35:14

Yeah, yeah. He no, he got all of it and he had plenty of therapy, and luckily, like like I said, with my mom being a teacher, like she had gone through like some of that like you know, empathy sympathy training. So sometimes he wouldn't even talk to me because he was worried how it was gonna affect me.

SPEAKER_02 35:28

Oh yeah, well, he's a you know, there's a thing about boys and their moms. So like he was probably one wanting to kill whoever hurt you and her sister, and then also your sister, and then also not wanting to upset you. So there was multiple multiple layers.

SPEAKER_01 35:43

But I'll talk to my mom and my dad about pretty much anything. So that's nice. There was days where like I could tell something was wrong, and I would like to just go find something to do, and my mom would come over and he would just like Unload. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:54

That was probably nice for him.

SPEAKER_01 35:56

But he's super protective about Renault too. So those two are like joined the hip. Oh I mean, obviously they heritate each other because they're like eight years apart. Oh yeah, you know, but he's like super protective over her, which I think is really cute.

SPEAKER_02 36:10

That is nice.

SPEAKER_01 36:11

So her being the only one with like four boys now. That's gonna be fun when she's dating.

SPEAKER_02 36:17

Um she's gonna be the princess, and I don't know. I mean, she already probably is, but she's yeah, it's gonna be like purple boyfriend's gonna have to go through like each step. Like you make it through a while, you make it through one boss, you get to the next boss, and then I'll next.

SPEAKER_01 36:31

Rocky, Roman, Leah, and Dan. Like Dan's gonna be the worst one. When we first started dating, my mom called him Ginger Thor. And that's like stuck now. So it's like it's funny because he knows so many people, so we go out somewhere and I tell him like my last name, and they're like, Are you Dan's wife? And I'm like, Yeah, they're like, Oh, mad respect. I'm like, hey, what does this man do? What I try to die, I've borrowed a background check. He's shot in Reno. Literally, like, oh, I already did a background check. Like, you got a speeding ticket at 99. What else what else do I need to know about? Like, what's covered up? Oh my gosh. No, not really. He's just he's just a good guy. He's built like a jackal.

SPEAKER_02 37:09

So no, I'll never forget when you told me that you were pregnant with you and Dan were pregnant because I just read out I was pregnant. I'm like, oh my god, I was pregnant with everybody.

SPEAKER_01 37:18

Um yeah, oh my gosh. That was another one. Yes, put the booty doll down. Yeah, my my little preview baby. I love that. He's so funny now though, like he learned the word no. So like I'll ask him what he wants to eat in the morning. I'm like, Do you want this? Like, no, like, do you want this? Like, yeah. Like, hang on, you are Italian. Yeah. He's so funny, a little baby bird.

SPEAKER_02 37:41

I know. Well, yeah, you were dog training and you were what how how far long were you when all that happened?

SPEAKER_01 37:48

That was 28 and a half weeks. And um, yeah, I went to a consult. I got that was on a Thursday, I got bit in the face.

SPEAKER_02 37:59

Well, you're just saying that like he wasn't, like the dog was not aggressive at first, right?

SPEAKER_01 38:03

Like it didn't like show any It was supposed to be just like um scared, yeah, like like door reactive. So but yeah, it just came out guns blazing and like tagged me in the face, which I didn't feel at first, and then like I was like, I'm gonna go because I'm pregnant, I'm gonna go get cleaned up. And I got in the car and I FaceTimed my husband, he's like, You need to go to the hospital, like right now. And like I had Missouri insurance and I was in Illinois. Uh-huh. So I was like, Well, I'm gonna drive to we're gonna drive to Missouri, Rachel to Tower. And I'm like, it's fine, like, but everything's fine, right? Everything's always fine.

SPEAKER_02 38:39

It's just fine. Right. If I see that meme of the dog in the burning house, and it says, this is fine, everything's fine.

SPEAKER_01 38:45

And it's fine. He's like, it's not fine. And I'm like, it's hard. So I drove my happy ass to Missouri because you know, I wasn't gonna pay like obviously an insurance. That's shenanigans. So he's uh who knows? That'll pay out of pocket.

SPEAKER_02 38:56

That's gonna be expensive. No, I'm just 28 weeks pregnant. I just got bit in the face by a giant dog, but it's 45.

SPEAKER_01 39:02

Like, do you want me to drive an hour? Like, what do you want? So I drive over there, and then so I get to urgent care by our house, and um, you know, they go through the vials, and then they're like, uh, your blood pressure is like really high. And I shouldn't know what it was, but it was like some ridiculously high number, like 189 over like 150 or something like. Oh, geez, pretty much like tachycardio Matt. And she's like, We need to put you in an ambulance and we need to take you to the hospital. And I was like, uh, fuck an ambulance because I just drove an hour. Um, and that's shit's expensive. Like, it's like 10 grand a mile. I'm not doing it. Okay. My daughter had to take a helicopter like five miles one time. That's expensive. So she's like, Oh my god, can we sign this waiver saying you're refusing care? I was like, I'm not refusing care, I'm going to care. Like I'm going to drive my hospital.

SPEAKER_02 39:52

Well, it's probably not even that far. You're in Missouri. There's a hospital like everyone.

SPEAKER_01 39:55

They're like Starbucks. Yeah. There's like a Starbucks attached to the hospital. It's fine. So it was like another like 15 minutes or whatever. So I get to get to Mercy. And like I don't know where to go because I've like only been to the clinic. And Mercy's a huge ass hospital. Yeah. So I'm like texting my friends at like work. It's like, do I go to the emergency room or do I go to OB? Like, I'm taking pictures of the hospital. Like, do I go left or right of the flags? And she's like, go to the right of the flags. And I'm like, like, right? Like as I'm facing the hospital, or right? And she's like, oh my God, Rachel, just go to the door. So I'm like, okay, fine. So I go to OB and I take my blood pressure and it's higher than what it was. Oh no. Emergent care. And they're like, we're admitting you. And I'm like, what? We can't do that. It's a Thursday. I have shit. I am booked two months out. Like, I cannot be doing this. I did not plan for this. Like, I you know, I just thought that it wasn't gonna go this way. But I'm like, okay, well, this traps. Like, I'm I'm used to chaos. How'd how would how would chaos Rachel handle this? So the kicker to that was that my husband was about to board a flight to Phoenix because he's in marketing. So he had to go like shoot a commercial or do something important that didn't involve having a baby. So he's about to board a flight, and I'm like, hey, uh So by the way, uh I said, so I'm at um, because he calls me because he knew I was going to the hospital. I was like, well, they're admitting me. He's like, they're doing what? And I'm like, they're admitting me. Um they want to watch me just for observation. Again, it's fine, it's no big deal. He's like, uh, okay, so do I go to Phoenix or do I not go to Phoenix? And I'm like, I don't know, but in your 40, like, make a decision. I was like, I don't know. And so I called my mom and I'm like, hey, round two. Uh and so Embry at this point was going to school in Missouri. So I was like, uh, okay, so let me call my best friend. So I called my best friend who is always picking up the pieces, like she basically my Burma dustpan. Um, so I called her and I'm like, hey, can you take Embry out to school? Rachel's back in the hospital. And she was like, okay, uh, no big deal. So she picked up Embry. We got the kids all situated. Dan ended up not taking the flight because on Saturday. Oh boy. Yeah. So he stayed, and I'm glad he did because we ended up like they had an emergency C section on Saturday. So basically what was happening was my body would tank and then his body would do okay. So like Rowan was completely normal, but then like I was going into like kidney failure, like my body was like shutting down. Like they were putting me on all these meds to like keep me basically like alive. Yeah. And then he would do okay. And they're like, well, mom's tanking, but now baby's fine. And then like they'd get me situated, and then like he would not pass like fetal like heart tones and shit. And then they're like, we can't level these two out. Like, we gotta we gotta have a baby. Yeah. And I'm like, what? Why do we do it? So it was kind of funny because I was so concerned about my dogs because like I knew it was funny at the hospital, but I was like, Damn, I was like, someone's gotta go to the house and let the dogs out. And he's like, Are you kidding? Like, you're gonna have a baby. And I was like, the dogs need to pee. I was like, you need to go home with the dogs. The world doesn't stop just because this is happening. I was like, the dogs need to pee. And so I sent him home on Saturday. It was like nine o'clock to go let the dogs out. 15 minutes after he leaves, she's like, We're inducing you. Like we're we're doing or not inducing you, we're doing an emergency C section. I was like, when? And she's like, well, like now ish, and then there's like somebody coming in with like a gown, like right now, right now. And like, why isn't this a planned? I don't understand. So then I immediately call my cousin back and I'm like, hey, where are you? And he's like, almost to the house. So I was like, turn around. He's like, Why? And I'm like, You got 15 minutes to be here, they're not waiting on you. And he's like, Are you fucking kidding me? So like he he's like in his like little Mercedes as you've been here, or he might have been to the wagon here by now. I don't know. We need to buy a bigger car. Yeah. But he drive he's like flying back to the hospital. Oh my god. He makes it into the room as they're like gowning me up and like tying everything, and they like slip him into some like he barely made it. Barely made it. And I was like, Well, we need to call like as they're wheeling me down. To go get the c section. I'm like yelling behind me. I'm like, call somebody to let the dogs down. He's like, Rachel, the dog's about no, call somebody. So my sister-in-law ended up going and letting my dogs out. Fat rap has to pee. Fat rap needs to pee. Fat rap can not hold it. He's a little guy.

SPEAKER_02 44:16

And that was your first c section, right?

SPEAKER_01 44:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 44:19

So how how traumatic.

SPEAKER_01 44:22

I don't know why people enjoy these things. I really don't. Um, I prefer to s sit in labor forever. But yeah, so they wheel me down, and it's so funny because as they're wheeling me like they into the room, yeah, it's like a fucking party in there. Like, I don't know. Have you ever had a c-section? No. You oh my god. It's it's so wild. Like they do these things like like a spay and neuter clinic. Like just in and out. Like it's just it's literally no. No, I literally balled both times in a C-section. It was mentioned during labor for me.

SPEAKER_02 44:52

I don't want to do surgery, especially when you're awake.

SPEAKER_01 44:54

I don't want to do that. Oh my god. I will if that wasn't my last baby, it 100% would have been. Yeah. If that was my first, that would have been it. I don't know. I couldn't do it. It was awful. I'm actually pretty good with pain because you're like, you know, I've had cancer and stuff. So that's another story.

SPEAKER_00 45:08

We'll get to that next episode.

SPEAKER_01 45:09

You can't make that shit up. So I go in there and they are bumping. Like 2000s Nelly. Oh, okay. Like I'm pretty sure it was like hot in her or something. I've got Air Force Ones. I don't know. It was grills. I don't know. Nelly, I love you to pieces. You're an amazing human being, but why are we doing that? And I they roll me in. Nelly's bumping, like we're in like a you know, a club. And they're like, hey Rachel, what's going on? You ready to do this? I'm like, mind fucked. I'm like, what? Why are we happy? Oh, we're not happy. They strap me to this bed like a starfish. And then like I have ginger in my bloodline. So like I don't take like anesthesia well. They always have to like double device meet me. They are like, it's like a Disney ride. Like you're a starfish and they're like rocking you back and forth to get like the anesthesia to like go to where you're supposed to go. Oh yeah. And I put the little sheet up. And imagine someone just like pressing on your stomach constantly.

SPEAKER_00 46:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:10

But it's inside of you. And then they pull the baby out. And then there's a nurse behind me. She's like, Do you want me to take pictures? I'm crying.

SPEAKER_00 46:17

And I'm like, let me take my pictures. I don't know. I think I don't know if I don't do this.

SPEAKER_01 46:22

And so then Dan, I was like, You want me to stay with you, we're going with the baby. And I was like, absolutely about the fucking baby. Go with Roman.

SPEAKER_00 46:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:28

Go with Roman. So he leaves with Roman.

SPEAKER_02 46:30

And then like he's also early, early.

SPEAKER_01 46:33

Like, like, 28, what do you do? So then I start feeling everything. And I'm like, I'm like crying. I'm like, I can feel everything. I can feel everything. I can feel everything. And they're like, hey, she can feel everything. And I'm like, can't do anything. That's like just knock me out. I literally said that. I was like, I literally said that. I was like, can you just put me all the way out? And she's like, we're too late. If we knock you out now, you'll be out for hours. I'm like, that sounds great. That sounds like a nap. Where do I need to sign something? Put the pen in my right hand. Well, I'll just grab it. Yeah. So they give me like one extra dose of like local meds or whatever. They they they tie me out and then they send me to like recovery. So like my three like besties, they're Dan's besties, but I took them. And they show up, it's like three o'clock in the morning, and they were I don't know what they were doing, but they like all showed up. And then I said, I feel like I have to pee. And they're like, What do you mean you feel like I have to pee? And then I fear one of them go, uh-oh. And I'm like, well, uh-oh, and pee is not good. Like that's not a good no, I've never said uh-oh, I need to pee. All of someone's like, four. And so like the nurse like lifts up the gown and she's like, She's like, We need we need to call this, we need to call the doctor back. She's like, call all of them. I'm like, call all of them. Who who is here? We need to call all the all doctors, like in the entire hospital, just been waiting in the room. What? I was hemorrhaging.

SPEAKER_00 47:49

I know that word.

SPEAKER_01 47:50

Cool. I know that word. I know you do, and it's so scary. So scary because they don't tell you what's going on. And it's like, shit. No, all of a sudden we just press the big scary red button and then everyone swarms in like literally, and like you're like losing it because you're losing like a liter of blood like a minute or something. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:07

Like all of a sudden, like the mind just like goes like uh like it sucks out for my brain first, I think.

SPEAKER_01 48:13

It does, it literally drains your brain, and I think that's where my brain comes from because you lose so much blood. And so then they're telling my husband to come stand by my face and keep me awake. Yeah. We need to keep like are we dying? Like, is where's Jesus? Like, do I need to look for Jesus? Do I need to look for like a saint to come in? Like, does the light get white? Like in that movie Ghost with Dimmore? Because I'm I don't I don't know what I'm supposed to be looking for. They don't give me the handbook on what happens when you prepare to die. Yeah. So my husband's over here trying to keep me awake, and then they're like, Do you need pain meds? And I'm like, for what? And they're like, for what we're about to do. And I'm like, just roll through, get it done. Like, I'm tired, I want to eat. Yeah. And so they're like, they start like compressing like funny massage on steroids. Like, she's like, Are you sure you don't need pain meds? She's like, Rachel, I'm touching your spine. Yeah. Like they're pressing so hard on your stomach to get all this. You had an incision there at that point, too. Yes. And so I'm like doing like square breathing, like my therapist taught me. Like, this was gonna like walk me through like this process of my breathing in and breathing out. My husband said it was so traumatic that if that wasn't his last baby, it would have been. He's like, Do you go? He's like, he can't even talk about it. Like I asked him, like, I wanted to know the details. He's like, I can't even talk about it. He's so traumatic. I still don't know what actually happened. I imagine like copious amounts of fluid was leaving my body.

SPEAKER_00 49:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:32

And that's like all I know, but he like will not talk about it. He's like, I've never seen anything like that before in my life. He's like, I don't know how you do that without pain meds. And I'm like, I just want to get it over with. Like, like I said, I can do I can do pain. I just wanted it over with. And so yeah, then they put this little like balloon to like a Jada balloon.

SPEAKER_02 49:49

We love that balloon.

SPEAKER_01 49:50

I asked what color it was, and they were like, it's green. And I'm like, oh, so jade for like green. And they're like, you are out of it.

SPEAKER_02 49:55

The box was green. I remember seeing it my with my second baby, because you know, all hands are on deck from whatever happened with Easton, and then they didn't need it at that moment. We could need it nine days later when I almost died.

SPEAKER_01 50:05

Isn't that crazy? Like the little things you remember. Like, I don't remember the amount of pain that I was in, but I remember the box that this plug came in.

SPEAKER_00 50:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:12

Like this little box. And then that was it. And then they'd check you, and then that was probably the worst part was like every three days they'd come in and like press to make sure nothing else was coming up. Oh my god. And yeah. And then I was there for like two more weeks, and then Rowan was there for 62 days. So he was born August 24th, and he came home like three days before Halloween.

SPEAKER_00 50:38

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:39

He was two pounds four ounces, two, yeah, two two pounds four ounces when he was born. That is so crazy. Like fit in like Dan's hand. He was a tiny so we call him a baby bird for the longest. He just looked like a baby bird that fell out of the nuts.

SPEAKER_02 50:52

Yes. I mean, for as much bad luck as you personally have, I mean, from what I remember, he did pretty good in the NICU. He never like had any like stupid scary like moments.

SPEAKER_01 51:02

Yeah, he did. Like the little scary moments that he had, like, Mercy was on top of it. Yeah, like we know exactly what to do. And we were up there every single day. And if like if they did rounds and I couldn't be there, like they would video chat, like they are all about that. They they are so like family parent oriented, like they make sure that you're there for like everything. Yeah. I mean, in my background in pharmacy, like did me some favors too, because they didn't have to explain like all the meds and shit that he was on. Like, I kind of knew what he was doing, but yeah, my poor husband was just like a wreck. And I was like, Well, he's not used to this love book trauma. Like, I know the surprise is still around. It's like, oh my god, you weren't kidding. I was like, I told you someone has my voodoo doll. Like, you need to find the man and take him out. Because let's have a worldwide search. Someone find Rachel's voodoo doll literally.

SPEAKER_02 51:50

Just send it on a nice vacation.

SPEAKER_01 51:52

Yeah, put it in the middle of a freaking strait or whatever the hole in the middle of the ocean is the ships fall into. I don't know what that means. For me to try. Yeah, put it there. Send it away. But then you'd probably disappear. So yeah, something catastrophic. I just need to like put it in a box and like lock it away like a doll that people are afraid of. Oh, Annabelle. Oh, that's probab that's probably my voodoo doll. That's probably it. It's possessed. It is. That's probably Lord. We need to track that. We need to see if like every like weird thing that happens to Annabelle happens to me at the exact same time. Then we'll know if it's my doll. Probably. We'll keep track of that for sure. Definitely reincarnated. Awful. But yeah, so far, so good. Um, I think Dan's like cast away the demons because like everything's hmm seems to be going well at this point. Um, Roman's doing good. Yeah, he'll be two in August. And yeah, Race's killing it. She's getting like the spicy sassy awards at school.

SPEAKER_02 52:48

And yeah, so you know, all that all the trials and tribulations, you know, they've they ended up working out.

SPEAKER_01 52:55

Sucks, you gotta go through them, but yeah, but I mean the good the good part about it is that like anytime I meet somebody that's like going through something, it's like a hold of my deer moment.

SPEAKER_00 53:04

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 53:05

So like I always tell clients like when they come to me with their dog, um, I'm like, come to a reactivity class and that will make you feel so much better about your dog. Like literally, somebody's got it so much worse. And it's not like I don't think that like what I went through is like worse than anybody else. Like everybody has their own version of like their worst day. Right. So like I can't compare my worst day to your worst day because of the way you handle things. Um, and comparatively like how that is to like the rest of your life. So for me, I think it's odd when shit goes well. That's trauma to me. Like, I'm so used to trauma that that's like my everyday life. So like when things go well, like that affects me more than when something goes wrong. It's like so uncomfortable. But I just do my best to like walk people through when they're going through hard things. It just taught me a lot of wisdom. It taught me how to talk to people, it taught me how to approach people cutting me off in traffic, or like, okay, maybe they're driven to the hospital.

SPEAKER_02 53:57

You know, and I try to Yeah, you never know what someone's going through on any given day.

SPEAKER_01 54:01

And there's so much truth though. Like people say it all the time, but like if you really cognitively process that it does change your mindset and like how other people are dealing with things. It did give me a lot of patience. Oh, true, especially like with like other people.

SPEAKER_02 54:15

Well, and I bet you any time that, you know, whenever you did have Roman and you know, when he was going through like those inconsolable nights, you knew how to handle it.

SPEAKER_01 54:23

You knew to sip the baby down. It's never crossed my mind that like hurting him was the solution. Like if my baby is crying, like I I'm the one. Like I'm the one that was entrusted to take care of him. Like, how do I? It triggers me a little bit because that was like the last sound that I heard from her. But Dan does such a good job of understanding that, and like he steps in and nothing rattles that man. Like that baby could be crying for hours, and he's like, That's what babies do, and it's okay. Like, it's he's amazing.

SPEAKER_02 54:53

Like all the kids, like, they all just like Yeah, no, I've had really bad postpartum range with Everly. And so when she would be like not go down for a nap, especially when John went back to work, because then I had both of them, and I'd be like, I only have a set amount of time to get you down, because then I'd have to get Easton down, who's only two at the time. And I remember one day she was just like, I was like overloaded, and I'm like, I feel like I'm about to throw her out the window. And then I'm like, just set her down, walk away. It's okay if she cries in her crib, it's fine. Like, just set her down, just set her down. And then I went out, sat, went out, took a minute to breathe. And I'm like, and honestly, you were probably one of the first person I for people I bought at. I'm like, no, like you know, like what you just take a minute. It's gonna be okay, take a minute.

SPEAKER_01 55:34

I've talked to a lot of moms off the ledge with stuff like that because they know the stuff that I've gone through with Clara and them being like an immediate single mom to Embry at 18 months old, and you know, like having ramen and stuff, and it's just like every one of them had their own like phase of life, and I'm like, they you can just it doesn't take long to like recover.

SPEAKER_02 55:53

No, yeah, it's that I think I took like maybe two minutes. Like as soon as you're away from like that like sound, just like then like over stimulation with noise is such like a thing. Like the second you can just like get away from it for like even like a millisecond, like just to get away, it does change like everything.

SPEAKER_01 56:09

Yeah. I did that with Liam, like even like at a really young age, because I was such a young mom and like his dad was deployed all the time. And I was like a single mom even at that point. And I would put him to and we lived in Phoenix at the time, so the weather was like always nice, but I would put him in his crib, and my mom would be like, just walk away. And then one thing my one of my friends, Brooke, taught me, and I kept this with me to this day. She was with this was when I was a single mom with Embry. She was like, Water, nature.

SPEAKER_02 56:35

Yes, those two put them in water or take them outside.

SPEAKER_01 56:38

Literally, like those things are so like underutilized because no, and it it just calms their little nerve systems like water does amazing, or like when the weather's like nice, I would take Roman outside like on a walk, or I put him in the tub. Like, there's like he's teething so bad right now. He's getting like four of his molars. That's how oh my god, and he's just like, and he just got diagnosed with eczema too. And I don't understand how eczema works, so I had to like reach out to people that did, and apparently it could be it can be pain.

SPEAKER_02 57:01

Oh so like yesterday morning, is that like chronically dry skin or something?

SPEAKER_01 57:06

Yeah, okay, and like the doctor tells me that like teething doesn't cause flare-ups, but I swear to God, that's the only time it flares up. And everybody everybody else I talked to that had eczema or kids with eczema, they said that it does flare up like when your immunity is low. I'm like, well, that fucking tracks, because that's like usually when I get cold sores too, is like when I'm sick.

SPEAKER_00 57:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 57:24

And so she said, well, um, his sitter said she gets eczema and she said that it can be, it goes from itchy to like painful. And I was like, I wonder if that will was bother it, like hit me. I was like, I wonder if that's what's bothering you. So I put his little like hydrocortisone ointment on his back and he like it almost immediately calmed down. I was like, I wonder if you were just in pain. And but yeah, other than that, like when he's teething, he will go into a bath, no problem. You'll have to go outside. And sometimes that's all you need too, is just like, I think like you said, you just need the noise to stop. Like you're processing so much internally, and then you just add that noise. And like one thing I cannot stand, and I hope that somebody else can relate to this, is when kids are rifling through the fucking Legos, like the box of Legos, they just like go looking for the one piece that's obviously not there because you've been looking for it for 30 seconds. That's I cannot stand that sound. So I have to like walk away. The TV's going, embry's dancing to thunderstruck on the Alexa, the washer's going, the dryer's heinously loud, something's wrong with it. And then Roman's like doing this high-pitched Mariah Carey sound, like he's trying out for American Idol. And then I'm just like, I cannot. So I have to like Yeah. And my husband's told me that. Like, I I've gotten so used to being degraded for like needing a minute. Like I never like my body condition to not taking that minute. And so like my husband knows everything about me. And so if he can tell, like on my face, like either my pupils dilate or the fangs come out, or I start to turn green, something, he's like, Do you need a minute? And I'm like, I need to just go pee. Yeah, I don't need to pee, but I need to go sit down and be left alone. I swear to God, that's why men take so long to poop. They're not actually pooping. That's their minute. Yeah, that's their minute. They're just multiply it by like 30. I'm like, what are you doing in there? And then oh my god, the day that he has to combine the poop with the shower? Oh my. Like, you don't need to do both of these. Pick one. Pick one of those things, do get one later. I'm like, I'm like, where have you been for the last 90 minutes? Oh, I have to use the bathroom, and then I I had to shave, and then I had to shower. No, I'm like, no, no, you can pick one of those things. I'm gonna do the other one tomorrow.

SPEAKER_02 59:28

I cannot even tell you last time my shower took 20 minutes, let alone 90. I'm like, it m yeah, it just makes my eye twitch.

SPEAKER_01 59:37

I have clocked my showers. Like I clocked them because I'm like, I don't shower for that long. Like my average shower, just the basics, just washing my face, cleaning my lashes, shampooing and conditioning my hair. Just the basics is fifty almost 15 minutes to the to the second. Like I've clocked it. Somebody, I don't know why I do that. I just needed something else to do. On my full like shower, yeah, like shave the fangs, the bikini line, check behind the bikini line, like the armpits, like exfoliating, yeah. Like all of the things is like 25. Oh, yeah, max. And I've never taken longer than five minutes to poop. Like, I don't know until the very last minute.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:17

Oh, yeah, I'm one of those like people on the same way. I'm like, until it's like a dire need, like the bird ogin. Yeah, I'm like, I don't like, I don't just like sit and think, should I try to use the bathroom right now? No, until until I actually have to go.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:29

Like it's like sitting at the face of my coal and like I'm not waiting for it to travel down the small intestines. Like, I'm not, I don't have time for that.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:35

I have to convince I have to literally like tell my husband, because he like will do this thing where it's like immediately after eating, he's like, I gotta use the bathroom. It is not there yet.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:43

Like you just You're not a dog. You just finished like chewing. You're fine. My husband does that. He walks in the house, he's like, poop. I'm like, why? Now I think it's uh I don't know, maybe it's because I'm unhealthy, but I'm like a once-a-weeker, like just on Saturdays. Even Saturday light clockwork. I mean, I'm consistent at once a week.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:02

You might want to go see.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:03

Well, no, I'm probably I'm pretty sure that like something's unhealthy. But I also I I'm like one of those like people that when they're I'm like stressed or like chaotic, which as we've determined narcosomic, I don't eat. Oh. I don't eat. Like, you know how some people like eat their feelings. I'm the same way though. I starve myself. So like it's I don't even know what time it is, but this is like the first thing that I've had to like eat or drink today.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:24

This is my second.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:26

Good for you. Good for you. And my husband did order this because he went to the gym at 4 a.m. because he's a psychopath. But yeah, I just don't eat. So obviously, if I'm not eating, like my body's not processing. So I'm I realize that like I'm probably like skinny unhealthy. But go to the gym, you have muscle, it's fine. I mean, I do go. Well, I'm not yeah, but I need to eat to like grow the muscles. I've figured out like in my in my schooling. Because again, I don't have anything else to do. So now I did chat GPT tell you. Yeah, and my personal trainer was like, I don't care if you eat a stick of butter. Like you need to eat something. He was like concerned, like more concerned than.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:59

Isn't that like an old like wives tale too? That if you like feed like a baby or like a toddler a stick of butter before bed, they'll sleep better because they they're like not hungry and they're full and like they have all like the fat.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:10

I feel like they did a lot of weird shit during like the same one which era. Like they had to do some weird shit.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:15

Yes, I guess they also fed babies bourbon for teething. So, I mean, we've learned.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:18

Um, yeah, I remember being told that when like we this was like 2011, like this is still fairly recent. I still think people do this. Somebody told me they were like, if you have any like liquor in your cabinet, like put it on a q-tip and put it on their gums. And I did that once. I it was D Serono, because that was the only thing, because we didn't like I was like, I got a nickel lobe ultra and like, dude, I don't even know what D Sorono is, honestly, still to this day. But I did, I put on a q-tip and I put it on his gums, and he calmed right the hell down.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:45

No, I really think it works. It's just like the whole like, you know, the other part of it too, the alcohol.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:51

Yeah. And I'm like, what? How did I don't even know how this works. I should probably chat GBT, but you know, they're kind of conservative, so he's probably not gonna tell me what I want to hear. Yeah, he's probably gonna be like, What the fuck? He was like, Why are we doing this, Rachel? You're better than us. Go to the gym, you'll feel better. He's so inspirational. So slightly. Mine is just like, what the fuck? I sent him a picture one time of like my abs, and I was like, My abs look fluffy. And he was like, I think you look fire with like the fire emoji. And I was like, bitch, how do I train mine to do that? Lying to me. All you have to do is tell it one time, like to like hype you up. Yeah. Oh, and then I'll stick with it. Yeah, it's like things you see.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:29

I won't believe it. I'll be like, it's like I never kick a compliment from John either. Like, you have to say that. He has to say that.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:34

He's my robot. Well, but if you change your chat GPT's gender role to female, you might believe it more. That is true. But why do every woman I know they're they they're they have like masculine masculinized their robot? Yeah, it's always a man, it's always a deal. Everybody every every female I know of has a like do we have like this like kind of like self-deprecation in our mind that only men know everything? Is that why? Like, yeah, but then they're also the only ones that trolls on the internet. So why do we do this to ourselves? I don't know. That's the this is how you go viral. You just upset and trigger men. Literally. I agree with you. I'm gonna start doing that. I bet you I get paid more if I've started to upset.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:14

Every time I do like a little like glow-up reel or like something about like makeup or like how like it they just get so triggered, like, oh yeah, you look like that now that you have like 50 pounds of makeup all a week.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:24

Actually, it's 49 and a half pounds, like and they get so mad. I had a man tell me that one time. It was like, it was the video that I posted of like my new muscles that I had just gotten. And it was like, Aren't you afraid to go out in public alone? And I said, My brother in Christ, I'm never alone. And then like I flexed, and then a guy came in and was like, said something about like, are you never alone because you wear that much makeup?

SPEAKER_02 1:04:45

And I'm like, That's always their go-to. Why is it why are they so upset about makeup?

SPEAKER_01 1:04:50

It's because they can't wear it, like it. I mean, bro, you can though, like you're just like stuck being like ugly. I don't I guess that's I g I don't know. I don't know. It just like it it makes me like kind of giggle. And my husband deals with it so well. Like he just puts these little bitches in their place. But like a friend of mine is a fitness influencer and she posted a video about like and she's a personal trainer, and she was like, um, men men don't like women with muscles. And um I think that the the comment that she said back was like you are a hundred and fifty-pound woman with no muscles. And it was so fun, and like he like deleted his comment and stuff. And sometimes like on my TikTok, like I'll like reply to the comment and then like make like a whole roast on the dude. Oh yeah, and then my friends will come back and be like, that comment is gone. And I'm like, you know, I love receipts though.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:42

Yeah, I see I pin every troll comment and I'm like something like get him, and especially the mom community online, they're like the second you like insult like a mom, oh they claws come out.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:56

Savage. Yeah, no, do you think we're soft until you mess with like another model? Bear. Oh yeah. And I know we hate like the mama bear thing.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:03

I do, unless I'm like, it's I don't mind being called a mama bear. I just don't know. I don't know. I don't want another mug that says Mama Bear for Mother's Day.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:11

Yeah, I don't think so. If you can read this, bring you a glass of wine. No, but do.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:15

I want a spy before seasons with a with a cabana at the pool for after and then a reservation at Gord Ramsey's steakhouse. That is what I want.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:24

That's not that hard. John, if you're listening. John! John, put the goblet for the dog down. Go buy this. I will say my husband did buy me a massage like two Valentine's days ago. No. Jesus. I don't find a dog's train. That's how I feel about getting my nails done. John's like, go get your nails done. You've been complaining about how long they are. Like, I don't want to go and sit there. It is a chore to me. It is not fun. It's not fun. No.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:48

Toes can be fun.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:49

Toast can be because you can use your hands. Yes. I don't like that. I I cannot stand. Like these are all these are just like little pressels because I'm so bad at my nails. But yeah, when I go get my, it's like Dan says that to me all the time. He's like, I will then move you money to get your nail son. And like that sounds terrible.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:05

They don't understand. Like they think like that's just like, oh, a gift. I'm like, no, I can't. It takes forever. And then for some reason, I always get like yelled at that I'm not relaxing my hands enough. I'm they're limp. What do you want me to do? Like they're always like, they do that thing where they tap your finger and like relax.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:19

Yeah. I'm like, I'm relaxed. I'm like, give me a gummy or something if you want to be really relaxed, because I'll pass all the fuck out. Like there was one celebrity I saw where she actually goes to sleep. I think it was the girl that played Alpha Button Wicked. Oh. Because her nails are so intricate. She like lays down and passes out as we do my nails. Oh, what is her name? Cynthia Arivo or. Oh no, she's fucking gorgeous. But her nails are always like iconic.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:43

How does she do anything? Because these are long for me. And I was like, I can't get Easton out of the car seat.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:48

Yeah. I were that long, and I guess that's like the rounded almond shape. But um yeah, if my hairstylist has really long, like the coffin nails. Oh, it feels so good on the scalp. It really, really does. I was like, I will pay you more to like just rub the shit on my head. But I I had him really long one time because Dan sent me and I was like changing Roman's diaper and like poked him in the leg and I like left him marking and cried. I was like, that's it, I'm ripped in my mama. You didn't. I like wiped and like got the dog Dremel and was like rounding them out.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:18

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:18

Dan's like, what are you doing? And I was like, I poked Roman, I feel terrible. Like rounding. He's like, you just pay for those. I was like, I might hurt our child. I was like, oh yeah, now I just go get the press-on ones.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:28

I do like the press ons. I did those for a really long time.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:31

I just got these done for my birthday in March, and that's how long it's been. Do you have those is March? Oh, well, you did lose one. You only have one casualty. I do, yes. No, I while I was changing laundry out of the washer, it just like snapped on. And I'm like, we're not doing laundry anymore. Laundry is off the table. Can't do it. We're not doing it. I can't do anything. I did tell my husband that I got tired of doing laundry for six people. And he's like, just don't do it. And I'm like, okay. I didn't do laundry for 48 hours. You know, it was anarchy. Anarchy. Everybody's like, I can't find my polka dotted dress. Dan's like, I'm out of underwear. And then Liam's like, oh, do you know where my Wranglers are? And I bet there was also piles everywhere with six people. Like, I feel like I'm getting like attacked with just four of us. It looked like one of those like paintball courses. Like my family could have had like a full Nerf gun board and had plenty of places to hide. We were building like a laundry Christmas tree, like in the corner. We're just seeing how far up the how up we can go. I was like, I can't do this anymore. So I finally convinced him to hire like a good housekeeper. Like we had tried like the mid-level, like, I'll just dust what I can reach. Yeah. I'll mop around your shit. We tried that, didn't work. So I finally convinced him to hire a good housekeeper. And he came home and he was like, oh my God. I was like, she did laundry, she made the beds, she organized the kids' rooms, she organized our shit. Like she moved stuff. Like it took two of them like eight hours to like clean our entire house. What did you read? And then it was totally worth it. Like the first clean was like she gave me a discount because I called her out on social. And so it was like 470 to clean our entire house. And also for six people. It's like, it's it's I mean, it's like a I don't know, it's like 2,000 square feet, something like that. And then we finished the basement. Yeah. So she comes back today. So I was like, I'm gonna get out of your hair. I took all the dogs in the training center, only fat raves there. I was like, I'm gonna get it. How much how much room can fat rap take up? Nikki's a little guy.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:30

He's a little potato.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:31

I do not recommend French Bulldogs. They should own one, but they're like an impestuous teenager. My dad loves French Bulldogs. Your dad is a saint. Like your dad's going straight to heaven.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:43

My Ted also loves all dogs. Like he can't. He loves every looking dog. It could be that little, like, the what's the ugly dog has no hair? The Chinese crested. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:52

He would be like, oh, looking to little baby. I love him. He was over here one day when I was working with your dogs. And I was like, this man is a girl dad. Oh, yes. Like he is a girl dad. He is a coddler. Like I felt like one of his own children when I was here. He was like, Rachel, do you need anything? I was like, this is your house. No, no. Do you want ice? No, he does everything. Like he does all of our landscaping, all of our pots. Well, of course he does. Because I've been I've been to their house. Yes. Like their house, I was like, I don't know what door.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:22

But my dad's also like you. Everything bad that can happen can happen. Will happen to him. Like three heart attacks, like the day after his mother passed away. And then the other day he was moving up a boulder. He's like, he's like, Yeah, I was like, don't hit my feet. Don't hit my feet. I don't want a broken toe. Smash his pinky, dislocated and broken.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:41

Oh my god, your poor dad. He's a mess. And he's like, Well, that tracks. Yeah, exactly. At least you can check off the trauma cover.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:46

He's the same. No, he's the same way. He called my mom. Me and my mom were at RoseMet up the road for their like open house. We were helping, we were helping. I mean, he's like, um, should I go to urgent care or the ER for a broken finger? And she's like, What?

SPEAKER_00 1:11:59

I leave you alone for an hour.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:00

He's like, Yeah, it's not a big deal.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:02

I shouldn't know what the range of stop like exactly. And that was the other thing. Like, we were finally out of the woods with Roman. And then my husband thought he had plain fasciitis. Okay, so my husband, for those of you that don't know, my husband, he's like a vagtide lifter, like 300 plus pounds. Like we call him ginger thorough for a reason. My mom was always like, You can't find a jacked gym rat that also goes to church. Fucking bet. Okay. Um, he's Sicilian, ginger. It's fine. Okay, that was how that happened. I don't know. They weren't red flags at all. He's perfect in every single way, but he's got a couple beige wives, but no red ones. And he was like, My foot really hurts. And I'm like, Well, it's probably because you lift all goddamn time, dude. Like your heels can only take so much. And then they took he went to the doctor and they were like, Oh, yeah, player gosh, yeah. So they put him in a boot. Okay. Yeah. And then he had to go on a shoot in California. So he was hobbling around like Bob Cratchit, like on crutches, like on composite. And then he comes back. Okay. And it's like a Saturday. And he's like, my chest really hurts. And I'm like, that's that's alarming. That may not be good, but it's chaos. I can handle it. Let's do this. So all of our neighbors are like retired. And so I called one of our older neighbors, and she's like, It sounds like he's having a heart attack. She runs over, like runs over from across the street, and he won't call 911 or go to the ER or anything because he's me. And so she calls 9114 and they come out. He doesn't eat, they do an EKG. They're like, Oh, like your heart's fine. And then so my other, I call my other neighbor, and she's like, That doesn't mean anything. Like, that could still be. And I was like, he needs a chest CT, is what he needs. Like, like I said, I've had cancer, I know what to look for. I was like, you need a chest CT. So he won't get the fucking ambulance. So my name, my old neighbors who haven't had kids in years, are watching all of my heathens now. And so I call my mom, mom.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:50

I do your do your like best friend and mom like have like the spider flight experience when you call them because they can- I never know.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:57

Yeah, I think they're bubble puckers every time I call them.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:59

They could either be like, hey, guess what? I'm pregnant, or hey, guess what? I'm engaged, or hey, guess what?

SPEAKER_01 1:14:03

Someone that's literally the only time that I call is like when like because I'm a texter, like do not fucking call me. I it nothing enrages me more than when my phone rings. Okay. So, but I'll answer text messages super quick. But if you call me, I'm like, motherfucker. Probably because I have that same effect on people. Yes. But so I called my mom and I'm like, hey. And she's like, who's in the hospital? And I was like, well, not me. I was like, but I'm driving Dan to the hospital. She's like, Well, what's wrong with Dan? I was like, I don't know. Can you come watch the kids? They're like, Well, we're on our way to church. I'm like, that's me. Tell Jesus I said hi, come to the house. Yeah. So they fly off. So of course they're an hour away because they live right by you. Yeah. So they're like flying over my mom's drawing. And they get there in like record time. My neighbors are like, oh, thank God. They get they go home. And then we get to the hospital and they're like, he has a massive blood clot traveling to his heart. So we should probably do something about that. So what he thought was plantar fasciitis in his foot was a fucking blood clot. It had traveled all the way up his body. It was going to his soul. And they were like, it's and then the add that to like my bucket list of things.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:07

I'm now afraid of.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:08

I'm like, okay, I think it's going to die now. I'm like, cool. So let me check. Okay, so pulmonary embolism on my bingo card. Yeah. And have you made a bingo yet? No. Surprisingly, the bingo card just keeps getting better. And so yeah. So then they were like, the the doctor looks at me and he's like, this old man, like went to medical school with Jesus. And he looks at me and he's like, it's a good thing you brought him in like today. I'm like, cool. So now they put him in the CCU and he's in there. Like he went through three rotations of like bed buddies. Like, you know, they just put you in like an like when you're when you have a baby, they try to put you by yourself because there's like four souls in that room and like everybody's crying. Yeah. But like when you're in the CCU, like you can pretty much keep to yourself. So they put you in the buddy.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:53

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:54

The three people that rotated out of his room when they were there all had open heart surgery. So he was there longer than people that had open heart surgery. Jesus. And I was like, I'm really sorry. Um, he's like, Why are you sorry? I was like, I don't know. I feel like all of my trauma like just like segue onto other people. He's like, Well, this wasn't you. So now like I have to like watch him and like make sure. Like they told him he couldn't play soccer anymore because now he's on blood thinners for life. He has like a little medical alert bracelet, which he loves.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:20

And it says that he's on blood thinners, so he can't play soccer in case he takes a kick to the head. So he's really upset about that. So that's why all the kids play soccer. He's living vicariously through them. But he still lives. But if he ever tells me like his chest feels heavy, I like immediately like pee. I'm like, oh, give the bar. You're probably the best person to have like an emergency with, though. Like literally, though, seriously, like you may not want to be on a flight with me if the plane crashes, but I will definitely put your mask on first. Like I do know I do know where your flotation device is. I always sing, you know, I always sit in an exit row. Appreciate that. Um, I typically don't drink on planes in the event of an emergency. Um, I do you know how to like pick line somebody if they stop. So basically, if anyone listening to this is having a bad day, call me.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:05

Call me. Go find Rachel on social. I'll type her to everything and just hold my beer. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:11

No, I can pretty much handle any chaotic situation. It's when people are like nice and friendly and let me over and traffic pay for my Starbucks where I'm like, why? Ew. Why? Where do you mean nice? I mean chaos. Immediately chaos. Immediately. Like a tornado, like drop down. I'd be like, that traps. Yeah. Yeah, I could do that.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:30

But yeah, anytime there's like bad weather out like by St. Peter's St. Charles makes Rachel okay. Like Rachel's fine. Rachel's outside. Rachel's outside. It has to be her tornado that's coming down right now.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:40

Yeah. And oh my god, maybe maybe if it's the next tornado that comes, it'll drop my view.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:45

Apparently, there um are severe chances on Monday. Oh, cool. For pop-up tornadoes in our area. Oh, sweet. Like, I I didn't know you could like forecast that that like ahead of time.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:57

I know nothing. I did take geography till like my senior year of high school and I wasn't paying attention because I was like just ready to get out of there. I have no idea. Like, you gonna track your macros? I can do that in my head. But like tracking weather, I'm like, yeah. I'm glad we went to the zoo yesterday though, because the weather was nice. You should honestly you should get tickets to the the zoo a glow. They're doing like all like the lantern. Oh yeah, we went to that when I was pregnant everly. We're going on. I bought tickets on Sunday. Oh, nice. So we're gonna take all the kids. And then tonight, tonight we're ice skating on the blues ice. Oh, well, yeah, you guys are kind of a big deal. Well, except for every lost my fucking hat at the zoo yesterday. I've been trying to recover it ever since. Oh no. I have a video of when she lost it. Oh, like she was doing a cartwheel as she does. And she did a cartwheel, the hat fell off of her head, and then Liam comes in and photobobs, and then I blame him because I lost all train of thought, lost my hat. But we do know a lot of people at the blues, so I'm hoping that they can track down like the exact one, and I could just get a new one. Yeah, just go up there. But we'll be up there tomorrow. So I was asking Dan, I was like, it's like are we gonna have are they gonna have uh stores open so I can go get a place? Because she's so sad about it. She's like, We love the blues and I lost my hat. And then so one of her day chair providers that's there in the morning is a blues Blue No Girl. Oh, okay. And so she was like, Miss Emma, I lost my mom's hat yesterday at the zoo. And she was like, Okay, I don't know. I don't know how to deal with that. And she was like, Oh, that's sad. And she's like, Yeah, my mom's really sad about it. And she goes, puts her backpack up. I'm like, is she is she really sad about it? Not like I can't get another one, but no, literally in tears. She felt really mad in the car. She's like, Are you mad? And I'm like, it's a hat embry. Okay, if this is the most traumatic thing that happens to us today, we'll be fine, yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:49

No, I think you guys are you've had enough trauma for a lifetime.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:53

Yeah, I'm sure there's more, but you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:55

No, it's fine. It's all up for peer. Yeah. It's enough to say it's all it's all, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:00

Well, we can always talk about it some more too. Yeah, that'll be the next podcast episode. But you know, my mom did tell me two things. Um, one of them we got tattooed together. She said, When you can't stand when you can't move forward, stand your ground. And the other thing she told me was an arrow always gets pulled back before it gets before it gets shot forward. And I love that one. So I do love that one. So like every time like something happens, I'm like, all right, we're we're headed for greater things. So being shot forward. Literally. Well, which is what I always think about.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:26

I feel like that is such a good note to end this on.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:28

I agree.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:29

And we're born out of coffee. Yes. So yes, and I keep hearing someone upstairs. Well, I think my lash fell is supposed to come here at some point, so that could be her.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:39

Well, you know, if they're making noise, you at least they're not like getting into anything. It's when my kids are quiet, then I'm like, Yeah, they're sharpy on the wall. I'm like, do I leave you and clean up the mess later? Or someone's trying to put a fork in the outlet. Yeah, we've done both of those things. I'm like, well, okay. Clearly, after four kids, I still don't want to do it. But well, thanks for having me. Well, thanks for coming up.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:58

I know. I feel like I feel like it will. Either you're gonna get like a lot of like dog training requests or some motivational speaking requests, like one of them. Yeah. What are the other?

SPEAKER_01 1:21:07

I mean, but yeah, we did have a glass of coffee. We did giggle a little bit, so yes, almost mission accomplished.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:14

Yes, well, thank you so much. Of course, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:16

Any time, you know.