Season 3 EP. 88 No More Nice Series “ What Niceness Keeps Teaching People About Our Boundaries “

Season 3 EP. 88 No More Nice Series “ What Niceness Keeps Teaching People About Our Boundaries “

What if our niceness has quietly been teaching people:
- how accessible we’ll  remain,
- how much emotional labor we’ll carry,
- and how flexible our boundaries are?

In this episode of Cut2TheChase@8 C2TC8 H.E.R. Circle, Madison Samone Chase explores:
✨ overfunctioning 
✨ chronic accommodation 
✨ emotional exhaustion 
✨ silence as self-protection 
✨ faith-space conditioning 
✨ discernment 
✨ and rebuilding healthier boundaries without     
       becoming hard.

Because repeated patterns quietly become permission structures.
And eventually…
what began as kindness slowly becomes expectation.

This episode includes:
🔑 The PPT Audit (People. Places. Things.) 
🔑 SAC Framework (Spontaneous Assertive Communication) 
🔑 3 intentional keys 
🔑 1 reflective question 
🔑 and a fifteen-minute micro-learning moment for macro living transformation.

Because boundaries are not rejection.
They are relational clarity.

New episodes drop twice daily at 8AM & 8PM CST, with 30 new episodes launching on the 15th of every month for 15 days, offering 15-minute micro-learning moments for macro living.

🤍 Join the C2TC8 H.E.R. Circle community as we continue rebuilding, discerning, healing, and becoming together in real time.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Season three, the No More Nice series continued. This episode is entitled, What Our Niceness Keeps Teaching People About Our Boundaries. Some of us don't realize our niceness has been teaching people. It teaches people how they can respond to us, how much emotional labor they could expect from us, how often they could disappoint us, and how accessible we'll remain, and how flexible our boundaries are. And it's not because we're women who aren't strong, and not because we don't deserve excellent treatment, but because our repeated patterns quietly become permission structures. And eventually people stop asking, what does she need? Because everyone has grown comfortable benefiting from what we consistently carry. So this a.m. at 8 a.m., I want to talk about what our niceness keeps teaching people about our boundaries. Hey y'all, I'm Madison Simone Chase, also known as Miss Chase. I was raised in church, and my faith journey has always been at the center of who I am. And I am incredibly thankful to have been raised by a hardworking, sacrificial, high-performing, single mother who remains my biggest fan and my forever best friend, my BFF, my bestie. Honoring God through service and making my mama proud is and using the gifts he gave me has always been deeply important to me. But somewhere along the way, while building dual careers in healthcare and wellness and showing up for people and working with celebrity clients and interviewing celebrity clients, serving, helping, supporting, encouraging, sharing my resources, my intellectual property, and constantly being quote unquote nice, I started noticing a recurring theme in both my personal and professional life. I realized there's a difference, a difference between being kind and being endlessly accessible and being nice. And there's a difference between service and overextension. There's a difference between kindness with discernment and niceness without boundaries. And slowly I began recognizing how many people, places, and things in my life were constantly taking without ever truly pouring back into me in reciprocity. And that realization didn't make me stop being who I'm called to be. It made me honest and clear. And that honesty became the beginning of my rebuilding season and this season that we're in in the No More Night series. So now in season three of Cut to the Chase at eight, after 335 episodes, this podcast has evolved into something revelatory, at least for me. And so this is now C2TC8, which stood for Cut to the Chase at Eight, her circle. Her standing for a high-performing, empowered women ready to thrive. And it is space created for her circle. And her circle is created for women who are ready to stop merely surviving and finally begin rebuilding, discerning, healing, thriving, and becoming in real time. And alongside that rebuilding journey, that healing journey, is becoming the soulful she-o I was destined to be. Not as perfection, but as a commitment to stop shrinking, to stop overextending, stop abandoning discernment, and stop delaying the purpose, the vision, the peace, and the calling God placed inside each of us. So whether you're a high-performing mother, a high-performing single mother, a high-performing caretaker, a high-performing entrepreneur, a high-performing aspiring entrepreneur, working a nine-to-five, juggling two or three jobs, quietly rebuilding, or simply trying to hold yourself together while growing through life in real time, this space and the circle is for you. So if you're listening or watching, pull up a real chair or a digital chair and grab yourself a cup of hot or cold herbal tea and welcome to my cozy home of Cut to the Chase at 8 Now C2TC8, her circle, a 15-minute micro learning moment for macro living transformations. And I am truly overjoyed that you are here because this is where we explore life together through our lived experiences, yours and mine, while giving ourselves real grace in this space as we navigate some very interesting times. Here we talk about spirit, mind, and body health because our health truly is our wealth in micro doses for macro living. So make sure you join me twice daily for just 15 minutes at 8 a.m. and 8 p.m. Central Standard Time, because this is your daily pause for a cause, for clarity, for wellness, discernment, grace, healing, intentional decision making and rebuilding. Because how we begin our day and how we start our day matters. In each episode, my offer to you is three keys and one reflective question with something practical, something grounded, and something you could carry with you long after this episode ends. So wherever you're listening from, I want you to turn it up and tune in. And if anything you hear today pricks your heart or lights a spark, I'd love for you to subscribe. Share this episode with someone you care about, and please leave a five-star review. And also leave a comment so that this is not a monologue, but a dialogue. And so that this space can continue to grow. Now let's take one breath together. We're gonna inhale for three, two, one, exhale for five, four, three, two, one. And let's lean into today's episode of C2, TC8, her circle. Let's cut the noise, let's get clear, let's get ready, set to go and grow toward the life we were truly called to steward and be great. So the title for today's episode again is What Does Our Niceness Keep Teaching People About Our Boundaries? You know, one of the hardest realizations during this rebuilding healing season has been recognizing that people often learn about our boundaries not from what we occasionally say, but what we repeatedly do and tolerate. And honestly, I think many of us intentionally teach people to overstep them because flexible boundaries mean they flex and they move and they're bendable. They're not steady, and boundaries should be steady. And I think many people, many women, especially many of us, were simply raised to serve, to help, to accommodate, to carry, to understand, to forgive quickly, to remain flexible, to avoid conflict. That's a big one, and to keep showing up no matter how exhausted we become, especially in faith spaces, because many women were taught that sacrifice was goodness. Sacrifice was serving. That emotional labor was love, that availability was maturity, that carrying everyone else's burdens was purpose. And while service can absolutely be beautiful, without discernment, service can quietly become depletion and exhaustion. And I think that's why so many high-performing women like us become emotionally exhausted. And it's not because we lack strength, and not because somewhere along the way our niceness slowly became instructions. Instructions that said, oh, she'll still show up, even if I offend her. She'll still show up even if I slightly am uh rude to her, even if I'm talking about her behind her face, even if she'll still show up with the answer. She'll still come up and support me. She'll still show up and carry me. She'll still fix it. She'll still understand and she'll still stay. And she'll still make room for everyone else, even when she's running on empty herself. And eventually, what began is kindness slowly became expectations. And that was hard for me to admit, especially for some of us who genuinely love people. And sometimes it's challenging to recognize when people aren't necessarily loving on you in a reciprocity or a reciprocal way. It lacks little to no reciprocity. And sometimes when you're so loving, you see past people uh being shady and disrespecting you and talking about you. You see past it because you don't necessarily see it. And especially for women who are truly uh revitalized when they help other people. And we enjoy that, especially women who have servants' hearts and who enjoy serving. But kindness without discernment creates chronic access, and chronic access eventually creates emotional exhaustion. Because when one person constantly overfunctions, everyone around them slowly adjusts to underfunctioning. And honestly, that sentence changed everything for me. Because overfunctioning often looks like over-explaining, overhelping, emotionally rescuing, emotionally saving people who are who share that there are suicidal, people who share that they're in need. We carry conversations, we initiate everything, we manage everyone else's emotions, we fix everyone else's problem, we make excuses for people, we suppress disappointment and constantly accommodating everyone else's needs before our own. And after a while, people stop functioning at full emotional capacity around you because our overfunctioning has unintentionally created the expectation that we'll carry it anyway. And I think many of us confuse silence with peace. But silence does not create peace when truth is suffocating underneath it. Because many of us, nice women, delay honesty to avoid conflict, to avoid disappointing people, to avoid being misunderstood, to avoid being labeled difficult, or to avoid making others uncomfortable. And sometimes we have to know when to hold our cards and when to fold them. And folding mean I'm out of the game, I'm done, I'm not even entertaining this because this is not even worth a conversation or an argument. It is really just a way and a time for me to exit. But repeated silence still communicates something. It teaches people what they can normalize, what they can continue doing, what they can no longer have to reciprocate, and what will continue tolerating. What will you continue tolerating? And this is not blame, this is awareness. And honestly, this rebuilding season, this healing season has been teaching me and may be teaching many of us that healing is not just about recovery, and it's not just about rediscovering or prioritizing our purpose either. Sometimes healing is also about becoming honest about the ways our niceness distracted us, delayed us, overextended us, and quietly detoured us away from the very vision, peace, purpose, and assignment that God placed inside each of us. And not because we lacked faith, but because many of us were taught that constant availability, constant accommodation, constant sacrifice, and constant emotional labor were evidence of our goodness. And while kindness is absolutely a fruit of the spirit, niceness without discernment can pull us out of alignment. But the beautiful thing about grace in this season is that grace can reroute us back to the road that we were destined to travel. Kindness with discernment reroutes us. Boundaries reroute us. Honesty reroutes us. Stewardship reroutes us. And even when we've spent years pointing to the wrong soil, watering seats on concrete, or carrying people who were never assigned to us, God still has a way of getting us back into the right lane, back onto solid ground, and back onto the path connected to our purpose and back in the soil and the pot that we were meant to, or not even in the pot, because the pot is limited. We're going to say the ground. And honestly, that is where the PPT audit becomes important. People, places, things, people. Who has become so comfortable benefiting from your emotional labor, your overfunctioning? And who consistently receives your support, your understanding, your emotional labor, your flexibility, and your availability without asking what is God's purpose for you to do, and how can I help? And how can I support? And how can I offer emotional labor for what you're working on and what God has purposed you to do? And so we need to be careful of when we're watching the people that we spend time with. What is their reciprocal stewardship? Places, what environments reward our silence but resist our honesty? What spaces make you feel guilty for having needs, uncomfortable in setting boundaries, or emotionally responsible for maintaining everyone else's comfort? Things. What happens and what habits do we keep teaching people about us? What happens when we have habits when we're trying to teach people how to treat us? If your availability is unlimited, if your boundaries are flexible and your needs can wait, our needs can wait, that's where we see over-explaining, people pleasing, emotional rescuing, suppressing disappointment, overcommitting, the fear of conflict, the fear of disappointing people and constantly prioritizing everyone else around us. And honestly, that's where SAC becomes important. Spontaneous assertive communication. Spontaneous, can you communicate discomfort before resentment builds? Let me say that again. Can you communicate discomfort before resentment builds? Can you say that, what you said, what you did, that hurt my feelings? I don't have the capacity for that. That doesn't work for me. I need more support, or I'm not available for that right now before emotional exhaustion takes over. Assertive. Can you communicate honestly without believing honesty equals conflict? Because assertiveness is not cruelty, it's stewardship, communication. Can you reinforce boundaries clearly instead of silently hoping people recognize them? Because boundaries are not punishment, they are relational clarity and honesty. And honestly, I think this rebuilding season is teaching many of us that discernment protects what kindness alone cannot. Because rooted women begin asking what is sustainable, what is aligned, what relationships are reciprocal, what environments honor my honesty, what actually supports my purpose, and what requires boundaries, and where have I mistaken chronic accessibility for love? And maybe that's the part of becoming rooted instead of endlessly reachable, which brings me to the three keys. Key number one, niceness without discernment creates chronic access. Not everyone assigned to your life is assigned unlimited emotional access to us. Kindness still requires wisdom, timing, alignment, and stewardship. And sometimes sitting in silence and waiting to hear, is this person assigned to me? Key number two, repeated silence still communicates something. Even when we avoid conflict, our silence teaches people what we will continue tolerating, absorbing, or carrying. And silence does not create peace when truth is suffocating underneath it. Which brings me to key number three. Boundaries are relational clarity. Boundaries are not rejection, they are stewardship. Healthy boundaries create clarity, alignment, peace, sustainability, and emotional honesty. Reflection. What patterns has my niceness unintentionally been teaching people about my boundaries, my availability, and emotional capacity? And what would change if I finally believed my peace deserves stewardship too? So before you go, I just want to say thank you for continuing to grow, heal, discern, rebuild, and give yourself real grace in this space with me. And thank you for allowing this community to evolve in real time. So before we close, let's revisit our three keys and one reflection question from today's episode. Key number one, niceness without discernment creates chronic access. Key number two, repeated silence still communicates something. Key number three, boundaries are relational clarity. And our one reflection question, what patterns has my niceness unintentionally been teaching people about my boundaries, availability, and emotional capacity. So if today's episode pricked your heart or lit a spark or gave language to something you've been carrying or reminded you that your piece, our piece, deserves stewardship too, deserves reciprocity too. I'd love for you to subscribe and share this episode with someone you care about. And please leave a comment so that this becomes a dialogue and not a monologue. And leave a five-star review so that this space can continue to grow in each other's. And if you've been quietly rebuilding alongside me and love to join a community, I would love for you to consider joining C2TC8HER Circle as we continue discerning, healing, coming together in real time. Because this season is not about becoming hard, it's about becoming rooted. And thank you for joining me for another 15-minute micro learning moment for macro living transformation. Now let's take one breath together. We're going to inhale for three, two, one. Exhale for five, four, three, two, one. I'm Madison Simone Chase, and this is Cut to the Chase at 8, now C2TC8, her circle for high performing, empowered women who are ready to thrive. Let's cut the noise, let's get clear, let's get ready, set, and go and grow. Toward the life we were truly called to steward and be great. Blessings to you and yours until tomorrow.