Everyday Faith

Episode #7 Ft: Dwight Hernandez |How to Be a Man of God in Today’s World

• Tyler Kline • Season 1 • Episode 7

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0:00 | 51:11

What does it really mean to be a man of God in today’s world?  

Dwight Hernandez joins me for a real, honest conversation about leading your wife, loving your family, and living out your faith daily. This episode is all about stepping up, taking responsibility, and becoming the man God calls you to be.

SPEAKER_00

Well everybody, welcome back to the Everyday Faith podcast. I am Tyler Klein, your host, and that wonderful voice that you've been listening to is my good friend Dwight, who is worship leader at Wellington. Amazing church. Love it. Advid Yankees fan, which I'm, you know, when I met you and I would see you wear Yankees hats. I was I couldn't tell for the longest time it was like this.

SPEAKER_01

Ain't no fashion choice.

SPEAKER_00

I would I was thinking Is it a fashion choice or is it a lifestyle? And then I don't want to be like when we were texting, I was like, I didn't want to be like, yeah, I'm a Yankees fan too. Because I feel like when people say they're Yankees fan, yeah, okay, let's see what it's like. Yeah, it's like you start to mention some of these guys like Ben Rice, you know, and Ryan McMahon. You're like, all right, we got something wrong here. Are you a big hat guy? I love hats. I'm because I'm a I'm a big hat guy.

SPEAKER_01

I love hats.

SPEAKER_00

I'm not sensitive about my hair or anything like that. Like, I just feel so confident wearing a hat.

SPEAKER_01

It may yeah, and I also grew up playing baseball, and so I wore hats literally my whole life. Me too. And so it's funny that you I almost wore my dad gang hat today too, because I'm wearing um green pants and I have a green one, and I was like, nah, I'll keep it, I'll keep it class, I'll keep it Yankees today.

SPEAKER_00

I like it.

SPEAKER_01

But I love hats. I I actually need to get rid of some.

SPEAKER_00

It's I I I go through them once a year.

SPEAKER_01

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, like well, I didn't know dad gang hats weren't returnable because I just ordered one. It's a I didn't know that either. It's a nice tan one, but I didn't necessarily it's not like that, like it's almost like a kind of rectangle kind of feel to it. And I was like, Okay, I'm picky with hats. Same. And so I put it on, I was like, uh damn, probably just gonna return it. And Lake was like, You can't. I was like, all right, that's how they get you. So I just kept wearing it for like a week and I actually kind of love it now.

SPEAKER_01

I am I used to, and I've gone through phases with hats, right? So like there's the um there's fitteds, I that was like the first version, right? Like back in the day, early 2000s. I haven't had it fitted for a while. Straight brim. Oh, you were one of those guys, right? Like this was again early 2000s, and then it slowly morphed into the um not A-frames, the the more uh the the hats are a little bit snugger to your head, you know what I mean? Yeah, um, and then it morphed into recently. I I'm a big A-frame guy. I love like this. This is A-frames.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, where it has like the little point the tip.

SPEAKER_01

I I'm a big fan because I'm a big fan of silhouettes. Yeah, and it's it's just a good silhouette on the head. Yeah, you know what I mean? It's a little bit high, it's not like anyways. I've never heard someone talking. I love it though, because I love hats.

SPEAKER_00

I said to Lakin the other day, I said our founding fathers wore hats. They were hat guys. I'm a hat guy.

SPEAKER_01

It's true. I love hats. It's and it can uh it's a good accessory for your outfit too. Like it could also change completely the look of your outfit by just wearing a hat.

SPEAKER_00

Can you wear hats on stage when you are singing? Do you wish you could? Yes, I bet.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, uh, all the time. It's actually something that I was talking to Pastor Joel about because at one point I did wear hats when we were at West in the gym. Yeah. Um and Joel uh came up to me and he was like, Hey man, would you mind? How do you say no to Joel? I knew I knew it, I knew it was coming. I was just kind of milking it for as long as I could, and then I was like, Yep, nope, you're good. Because ultimately he's number one, he's my pastor, so I I submit under his authority no matter what. Amen. But um, number two, I already knew it was coming. I was just kind of like, I'm holding out for as long as I can. And then when that day came, I'm like, all right, Pastor, yep, sure.

SPEAKER_00

There's something about the hat, the lights are dim. You know, you gotta know, you know, it's all for God.

SPEAKER_01

It's all for God. And also, um our new liturgy now is a lot less uh dimming of the lights, a lot less um light production. It's a lot more, hey, let's open the windows if you have some, let's bring the house lights up, let's let's see one another, let's like commune with one another as we're worshiping and not like in a dark room, you know what I mean? So even more so now it's like, yeah, don't wear a hat. But everywhere else, yeah, I wouldn't mind wearing a hat.

SPEAKER_00

How does it feel having your own church now? Like you guys were searching for a church for a long time.

SPEAKER_01

It's hard to describe West is best. West is best, and now it's uh it's hard to first of all, it's hard to beat that, right? West is best is such a like succinct, tightly packed phrase that you're like, oh yeah, it makes sense. Uh but now that we're Wellington, I've been trying to think of like what is our new phrase? So now I'm trying to get it going, so maybe this podcast would help. Uh instead of trying to think of like what rhymes with Wellington, because nothing, nothing cool rhymes with Wellington. Like, okay, it's dumb. Uh, what I decided to do was just say, hey, just come to the well. Just come on Sunday. You want to get filled up, just come to the well. Hey, that's great. Just come to the well.

SPEAKER_00

That's that's tough. You can make a sermon out of that.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, there is a sermon out of that in the Bible. He met the woman at the well. And so that's he was secretly taught by Wellington. That's what I'm saying. I'm just I'm trying to start it. We'll see. We'll see if it if it goes.

SPEAKER_00

I appreciate you joining me today.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, man. Thank you for having me.

unknown

Of course.

SPEAKER_00

Listen, I know we've been playing phone tag for a while.

SPEAKER_01

We have. I'm trying to follow up guys like Mark and Todd. I'm like, oof, I don't know about that.

SPEAKER_00

Todd didn't even know the name of the podcast. I was like, Todd, that's tough.

SPEAKER_01

That is tough.

SPEAKER_00

But how's how's life, man? You are your dad. I'm a dad. Got one coming on the way.

SPEAKER_01

Yes. Super excited about that. Excited for you. We uh we got um we got a son who is three, a little more than three and a half. He'll be four in August. Yeah. And he's he's crazy um fun, man. He's crazy fun. He's crazy also, but he's crazy fun.

SPEAKER_00

Makes you feel the joy when you were a kid.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, I also understand more now, like because I was a bundle of energy. Like, I just had a lot, I got I had a lot to give. And he's the same way. Yeah, and so whenever I see him bouncing off the walls, I kind of take a step back and I'm like, okay, I I get it. I understand.

SPEAKER_00

When you get home from work, is there like do you pick him up or do you see him at home when you come home?

SPEAKER_01

Uh no, I see him at home. Uh thankfully, uh, God has provided us um in such a way where um my wife is able to stay home.

SPEAKER_00

I love that. Big fan of that.

SPEAKER_01

I I'm a big proponent of that too. Like, if you can do it, then do it.

SPEAKER_00

Like what especially with daycare nowadays, how expensive it is. Like, you might as well just stay home. Yeah, literally. I'm grateful that Lakin gets to do it. And it's like I know who's raising my son. And then when I walk to that door, man, hearing those little hands slapping the tile crawling to me. It's so good. There's nothing like it. There's nothing like it.

SPEAKER_01

And also, I mean, and I talked to my Kaylee about this too. We had conversations at length about this, but number one, whatever she'd be making if she worked full-time, a lot of it would be going towards daycare. So that's number one. A big chunk of the paycheck would be going towards daycare. Number two, um, like you said, I know exactly who's raising him, I trust her with everything that I have. And number three, our baby's only gonna be one, two, three, four once. Like, it's not like they're gonna be three multiple times, and so this time you'll never get back. You have the rest of your life to work. It makes sense. That's what you want to do.

SPEAKER_00

And then that's no shot at anyone that does daycare. I know that some people have to, but like I could imagine dropping my son off before work.

SPEAKER_01

Me neither. And we're even talking about like because he's getting at the age right now where it's like VPK age coming up soon and kindergarten after that. It's tough, man.

SPEAKER_00

Homeschool or you're gonna you're gonna do uh homeschool's looking pretty good. Homeschool's looking pretty good. Uh I mean, a fan of it. It's either wild how our views change as we get older. Well, public school is nothing like when I was in public school. No, so far from it.

SPEAKER_01

No, it's I it it if anything, COVID showed us how public school was not an option anymore. Yeah. Like there's a lot of things that happened during COVID, you know, um, good and bad, but the what opened our eyes, specifically in the schooling system, public schooling system down here, was um that's just not the place for us. That's not that's not I'm good, it's it's not for us. And so now we're faced with the option of what do we have left? We got private school, which ain't cheap, unless you work at the private school, which is also an option.

SPEAKER_00

I'd be that bus driver.

SPEAKER_01

That's right, that's right. I know a couple of people who do it, and it's great. Or you do homeschool. And man, Florida is such a homeschool friendly, especially South Florida. Yeah, there's so many co-ops, there's so many Yeah, because you can still play sports. All of it, all of it. You're not missing anything. If anything, you're gaining more than you're missing. You have basically one-on-one tutoring every single day. You don't have to be at school from seven in the morning to four in the morning.

SPEAKER_00

That's my big thing, is like I look back at being at school. I mean, it's just so normal to you. Yeah, but like I could not imagine like a five-year-old, a seven year old, eight year old, just you're in class all day. All day, bro. You get what, 30 minutes of recess?

SPEAKER_01

What could you be doing all day that you have to be like it's like being in jail, bro? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, like, I would love for like a four hours, maybe maybe three hours, like sh one-on-one, like you're learning good stuff. Yeah, and let's go enjoy the outdoors. Yes, let's go learn how to use your hands, use like use your hands to do things and yes. I mean, like, bro, we're we're getting all over the place here. Uh hey, because like I we like one of our main topics that like I was talking to you off air about was you know, find your purpose. And I think, bro, I think the way that schools are set up, it's like a scam.

SPEAKER_01

100%.

SPEAKER_00

I think it sets you up to fail.

SPEAKER_01

Did you hear the Rockefeller story?

SPEAKER_00

No, all right.

SPEAKER_01

You ready? Wait, maybe go ahead. You want to put your temple at hat out real quick? I love this. Okay, so um, so I was reading up on it and and just watching other people talk about it, and um the Rockefellers when they were when when this when the public schooling system came about, um, they were very much involved in that process. And um, the main Rockefeller, I can't remember his name right now, but he um super wealthy, ultra wealthy. Yeah like we're talking probably billions before billions was even a thing. Yeah, and uh one of his quotes was um, I want a generation of workers, not thinkers. And so what's a way to get a generation of workers? Well, we're gonna make it as much as a factory as possible. You got bells for um different classes, right? To signify this different class, you got bells in the factory, you have uh lines for everything. 30 for lunch. You gotta wait in line. You got the your little lunch break in the cafeteria that looks like a factory, right? Like it's like little trays, little trays. You sit in rows, you have to like all these things. It's like, okay, we're good, we're we're making great workers now. Granted, that may be true, and I don't I haven't been disproving that, so it may be true, but also at the same time, you have to think um just logically, right? Like, if there's so many things that have evolved in the last hundred years, however, you know, however many years the school has been alive in the in the way that we know it today, the public school forum, there are so many technological advances, there's so many um uh cultural advances that we have, there's so many environmental uh uh advances that we've that we've come to in in terms of um taking care of the the um ecosystem and all it just everything in life has advanced in the last hundred years. The only thing that stayed the same is school. Yeah. If you look at school from 70 years ago, it looks exactly the same as school today. Like the cafeteria looks the same, the chairs look very similar, um, but the world looks completely different. Yeah, and so it's just it's just interesting to think about sometimes when you think about school, especially like we're talking about as parents, you just think about so many more things that you haven't thought about in that light before. Like even movies, right? Like you think movies are safe, especially Disney movies. You're like, oh yeah, this is easy. Tough now, bro. My favorite movie growing up was The Sandlot. That was one of like top three of all still of all time. Yeah, I had no idea that they cussed so much in that movie until I watched it again. Thankfully, not with my son. You're like, let's get room to watch this, right? Yeah, I'm like, bro, he's gonna love this. I loved it. And they cussed so much in that movie, and I had no, and again, you're seeing it with new eyes, new parent eyes. So the same thing we're talking about school, you're just starting to see different things, and you're like, oh, interesting. Why why do we do this like this? And so ever since I was um introduced to homeschooling down here, I'm like, man, it's kind of hard to beat the the like the way that they do it. It is, you know what I mean? And and e even like I grew up northeast, I'm I'm from the northeast, and so like bro, I mean there's no place like northeast. Uh but I don't miss the winters. Not at all. I do not miss the winters. I miss fall. Fall's the best. That's why if we ever go back we uh to visit my parents, we'll go in October.

SPEAKER_00

That's what we do, yeah. Bro, like I get seasonal depression down here. Yeah, like sometimes when it rains and you're like, oh wow, it's fall. Nope. Nope. It's not actually just yeah. That's uh, but just kind of agreeing with you, like we'll watch movies that we grew up with, and we're like, Did we really watch this when we were that young? Yeah, like you're like, man, we probably shouldn't let Brooks watch this.

SPEAKER_01

And there's and there's a lot of stuff that go over the kids' head too, right? Like there's adult jokes that they would never get until they're older. Yeah, you're just like, what? And then you watch it now and you're like, oh my god, they said this, and then you know, but again, it's it's not for them, it's for us. Yeah. Um, but cussing is kind of blatant. And so you're like, dang, I just I didn't realize how much they cuss in that. And it's still one of my favorite movies. So like when Roman is of age, I'll let him watch the movie, but yeah, it's just unfortunate, you know, like there's there's certain things that I just didn't notice until I was a parent, until I was a father, you know? Yeah, I love having those father's eyes, it's it's a completely different way of looking at stuff. And to bring it back to to scripture, it's like, man, it humbles me every single day because I know how much I would give for my son, I know what I would do for my son, I know the sacrifice I would make for my son. How much more would my father do for me? And how much more did he do where he would let his son die for me? It's crazy. I would die for my son, I wouldn't let him die for anybody. But our father is so good that he let his son die for me. Yeah, and so it's it's a it's a whole new perspective that just takes takes it up another level.

SPEAKER_00

You hear so many people talk about it, and then you have a son, and um I I I I I wasn't alone in this because I had to do some research, but like I didn't necessarily feel a connection with my son the first two months, I'd say. You know, he's like living with that's super normal, yeah. Yeah, right. I'm just like like Lakin was like always emotional. I'm just like, man, like this does like it doesn't even feel like my son. Yeah, and then like when he starts to develop a little character and he looks at you, and like even I think it was honestly last night, man. I was rocking him, and I'm like, I always thank God. Like, I'm like, thank you for choosing me to be a parent. Because I know some parents are have a hard time even becoming parents. Yeah, I'm like, man, God, like I love this little boy so much, and I can only imagine how much you love me. Because you know, like you're always told, like, it's faith family, faith and friends. If you want to put friends there, right in football sometimes. But it's like, you know, I always tell Lakin, like, I love you, I love God more. Yep, and I and I said to her the other day, I said, you know, sometimes I think we tell ourselves that, but like it's hard to picture that sometimes. Like, really, like, wow, like there's the feelings I have for my wife, like that's that should be even more towards God, and that's how much he loves me. Yeah, it's mind-blowing.

SPEAKER_01

It's a it's a infinite concept that we can't really grasp with our finite minds. We can't. The love of God. Yeah, like there and that's such there's a lot of things that we can't grasp about God, and I think that's some of the coolest things about God. Yeah, is the fact that we can't, even in the simplest thing, like the the Trinity, for example, the the his triune nature, that is a basic fact of God. Yeah, we can't even comprehend that nature, right? Because it's something that we have nothing to compare it to. There's a lot of people who I was just telling this to somebody the other day. There's a lot of people who try to compare it to um water, right? They say, Hey, Trinity, it's like um, it's like water. It can be a liquid, it could be a solid, it could be gas, but it's water, right? And you're like, oh, that sounds pretty good, right? That does. But then you think about, yeah, but it can't be all three at the same time.

SPEAKER_00

That's true. Yeah, you see what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and so on the in the beginning, you're like, oh yeah, that makes a lot of sense. But then it's like, yeah, but it's even further than that. He's all three at the same time. And so it's a we have nothing on this earth to compare it to. And so it's again, it's a in it's an infinite concept that our fine might our finite minds are trying to understand. And again, like if if I had if I was serving a God that I knew everything about, it's not really much of a God. No, you know what I'm saying? No, and our God is so great that even the basic attributes of him we're still trying to figure out. Like, again, it's a finite concept uh or an infinite concept that our finite minds are trying to understand. And again, it it's scripture is so when people say the Bible is boring. I'm like, you really didn't read it then.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, I'm learning that right now.

SPEAKER_01

Bro, just look at Genesis, bro. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00

Damn, we could do like three three podcast episodes on this. Cause I like I like to get weird. Well, Genesis is a spot because I like to I like to watch some podcasts where like they they go through Genesis and they'll talk about some weird stuff, and they try and bring it through a biblical lens. Like, let's talk about giants. We found giant bones.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_00

Like, I think the earth was a wild place. So the new thing, I was actually talking to a pastor recently about this. I I walked up and I said, You ever hear about the gap theory? And it it's uh I guess like what what their their theory is between Genesis verse one and verse two is that they believe that the fall happens, and that's why like it talks about the earth earth is like uh it's dark, right? Because I think verse one is like God created everything, it was great or whatever, you know. And they're like, Man, like we read scripture so fast that like between verse one and verse two, it could be a bit a thousand years, it could be a million years, where like the earth was dark and and and formless. Why would it be dark and formless if God created such a beautiful thing, right? It's like maybe because something evil was already living there that fell. Right? When Satan fell with all these angels. Could be. And then God came down, he turned that light back on, he said, All right we're gonna create Adam and Eve now. It could be. But there's just so much that like you could dive into. Yeah. Because I really do think the world was a crazy place before the the earth was flooded.

SPEAKER_01

A hundred percent. I mean, and that is a so we we talk, we talk about um that's part of like a theological triage. It's a fancy word. Yeah. Um, where there's like there's there's there's the I was there that day when you guys were talking about. You were there. Okay, okay. So you have first, second, and third. So the first um issue, first kind of like main issues are like anything that has to do with salvation. That is a first issue.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, like Jesus rose from the grave. You gotta believe that to be a Christian.

SPEAKER_01

Right. Um, if you don't believe that Jesus rose from the grave and that he died for your sins, you can't be a Christian. Yeah, right. Like, um, then there are secondary issues that churches split over. Yeah. So um baptism, women preaching, things of that nature, right? Not necessarily salvation issue, but it can be an issue where you have this is why we have different denominations, right? Then you have tertiary issues, which is stuff that we're talking about. It's it's like kind of the fun stuff where you're like, all right, was it seven literal days or was it seven periods of time? Was it you know, um, is it pre-millennial, a millennial, like when is God coming? Like all these things where it's it has it doesn't have anything to do with salvation. Uh what it's not a salvation issue, I would say. Yeah, um it's not gonna make or break you being a Christian. It's not gonna make or break.

SPEAKER_00

You're kind of just trying to put your brain into what God's designed.

SPEAKER_01

Churches won't split over it. It's more of a it's it's just fun to talk about and think about. Um, you know, especially a lot of it is in Revelation 2. There's a lot of stuff in Revelation. We're just like, we're kind of guessing, right? Because we don't know. Yeah. Um, but a lot of that stuff is like tertiary issues. And so that is that kind of falls in that category of like, all right, was it seven? And I'm in the camp of I don't really not that I don't care, but like it's it doesn't make or break my what I believe who got who I believe God is and what he's done for me. It is fun to think about. And so on one hand, I can see that it can be seven um periods of time, not seven literal days, but then also on the other hand, I'm like, we have such a big God that he can do it all in seven days, seven literal days. Absolutely. Like he can just say, All right, this day, this is here, it wasn't there before, and now it's here. Uh, this next day, it's here, and now it because it wasn't there, now it's here. And so I think it's fun to talk about.

SPEAKER_00

It is even like I'm reading Moses and Exodus again, and it's like you see like some of the plagues, you're like, God, we also crazy time.

SPEAKER_01

We also forget how old Moses was when he was called. Oh man. He was in his 80s, I think.

SPEAKER_00

People lived a long time. Like you go through like Genesis and after after the flood and everything, and you're like, like, you know, when they start talking about like how old this person was, and then how old this person was, and then eventually God was like, Alright, no one's gonna live that old. You're like, that was real, yeah, yeah. Like, I'll remember I remember the first time I read um about the rainbow being the covenant. Yes, I was like, this was here the whole time. Like I'm just reading this for the first time.

SPEAKER_01

Like, that's crazy. And isn't it crazy how the world will twist what God has symbolized for one thing, yeah, something beautiful, yeah, and they'll twist it and make it something different. Um, and that it's not just the rainbow, it's a it's everything. It's a lot of things.

SPEAKER_00

It's it's it's literally men and women's jobs, it's uh it's everything that looks like in a household. It's it's sexist now if you want to be a man.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, and and you have to be a certain type of man in order to be like PC, you know, politically correct. Like you gotta it's that is not what scripture has called us to, and we believe in the complementary view of things, right? Like what God has gifted me as a man with and um has skilled me with and has wired me in is different than what he skilled my wife and gifted her and wired her in. And it's different because we compliment each other. Like I am not designed to do her job, she's not designed to do my job, and that's a good thing. Yeah, right? Like perfect example. Everybody can relate to this. Um let's just imagine for a second, if we will. Let's imagine it's 2 30 in the morning, to be real specific. Everybody's knocked out, right? Yeah, you hear something weird in the kitchen. Yeah, who's going? You or your wife?

SPEAKER_00

I don't care.

SPEAKER_01

How feminist she is, she's gonna be like, you better get down there.

SPEAKER_00

I think I've said the past uh two weeks there's meant situations like that where in my mind I'm like, gosh, I hate being the man.

SPEAKER_01

But it's true, it's spiders everything, bro. And and I don't know what okay. Let's talk about spiders real quick. Like, I don't know what it is, but I think I'm convinced that spiders are just man's mortal enemies. I hate him. I don't know what it is, bro.

SPEAKER_00

Every guy that I talked to, that's big their daddy killed.

SPEAKER_01

But I hate spiders, bro.

SPEAKER_00

It's fill it's crawling. It's all the other day there was a frog in the garage. Big, like I'm talking about it. It's probably the biggest frog I've seen in a long time. And it was right before I was leaving for work, and Lakin screamed real loud. And I said, What are you screaming about? We're putting the garbage out. What could you possibly be screaming about? She goes, There's a massive frog in here. I'm like, ah, cool. I gotta go. She goes, You better get this frog. And bro, I like froze. Like, I'm like in the corner looking at this thing. I'm like, I can't get rid of it, dude. And I said to her, I said, I walked inside. She goes, You get it? I said, I didn't. I said, Tell me how I can go out and hunt boar. Yeah. But I can't go grab this little frog. So I go outside, I grab the pool scooper. I screwed that thing. I lodged him right at the front door. I was like, this is not happening, man. I need to be a man.

SPEAKER_01

It's true. It's like, and there are certain things that we have to do that we don't necessarily want to do, but that's what's that's part of being a man. Yeah. Right? We are called to sacrifice ourselves for our bride. Yeah. Just like Jesus sacrificed himself for us. And he did so much more. How much can we try to emulate Jesus by sacrificing ourselves for our bride and for our family? Yeah. Um, and so obviously that's a small part of it, but still, it is a you gotta you just gotta man up. There is there is a good, there is a a righteous and godly way of manning up. Like that phrase has been thrown through the dirt, and and I get it, right? You know, there there is a machismo um aspect of it that can be um you know brutalized and and an extremist on any end is bad, right? But there is a good healthy way of viewing how to man up, and that's one of them, right? Like, hey, I gotta do this for my family, I gotta get this freaking frog. I gotta man up.

SPEAKER_00

Like, what would you say are some of the struggles you see men have in a in a Christian home specifically? Oof, good question. Because I I I would agree with you that man, the world really is breaking down on what a man should look like nowadays. You have your alpha dogs, yes. You have you have men that really don't know what it looks like to be a man. Yes, there's so many different influences. At the end of the day, the real truth is what the Bible says. Correct. And that's what we're building our houses on. And so, like, what do you see men struggling with as Christians to be a man in their household?

SPEAKER_01

Man, um I think it's not just one thing, I think it's a it's a multitude of things. Um, I think first and foremost, especially in today's society, there's so many voices coming at you. There's there's there's the like we talked about extremes, right? There's the there's one extreme where it's like you gotta be the alpha dog, you gotta be the top earner, you gotta be this, you gotta be that, you gotta take this, and you gotta then there's the other end where it's like no, um, actually you shouldn't do that. You should um you should let the the woman be the boss, like let her be the girl boss, like you can stay at home. Like you can, you got this queen, like I'll support you, and I'll, you know, I'll stay at home, I'll do all this stuff. Those are both, those are extreme views on the end. Yeah. I think we need to fall somewhere in the middle where we are called to lead our family. That is what scripture calls us to do. We are called to lead our family, and Jesus has the example for us in all aspects of life, but he led. He led in love, he led in um forgiving first, he led in all these different aspects, right? Um, and so as men, specifically husbands, specifically husbands who are fathers, we need to, first of all, we need to be the first ones to forgive. We need to be the first ones to not only forgive, but I but ask for forgiveness, right? Like there's gonna there's going to be instances where you feel like you've won the argument, or there's gonna be instances where you're gonna have to let go of the argument and let her win, right? Because um, even though you're right, if you're wrong in the way that you're right, then you're wrong. Does that make sense? Yeah, um, and guys who are husbands will understand that, right? Like I could be, I could have all the facts, I could make the right points, and I could be correct technically. Your day won't be good though, but my day or my night will not be good, and I need to sleep. And so um, if I'm wrong in the way that I approach, even if I'm technically correct, then I'm I'm still wrong because I need to I need to approach my wife with love, with compassion, with tenderness, and with grace, right? Because if God has given me those things, how much more can I should I be giving those things to other people, right? Perfect example, Lord's Prayer. We just got out of a series talking about the Lord's Prayer. Lord, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. First of all, the Lord has forgiven us, yeah, which is amazing. Every day, every day, every single day. And so if He's forgiven us of our trespasses, aka where we fall short, then how much more should we extend that same grace to others and say, you know what? I'm uh I I fall short, yeah, and you fall short too. You you should I should be extending the same grace to you that I get every day from my heavenly father. Yeah, so let me fill the gap with trust, let me fill the gap with love and grace. And so I think to go back to your original question, I think what a lot of men struggle with is finding that balance between um righteous masculinity and being able to um uh love and be compassionate to their family, to their wives. And I think again, you you gotta look at scripture like how did Jesus handle loving his disciples? How did Jesus handle loving his bride, which is his church, right? Like we are his children because uh he wasn't just a man, he was God, and um it's it's so cool to see how he uh displays love. Not only not only does God show love, he is love. Like he is the uh epitome of love, he is love, right? And so that again that words matter, and so that changes the whole game. He doesn't just show love, he is love, yeah. And so um I think for a husband and for a father to be able to show God's compassion and love on your wife and on your children, not for the sake of showing it, but because you got to remember that he's showing it to you first, yeah, right? Like he loved us first, and so we love him. Yeah, so I'm gonna do everything I can to sacrifice for my family. What does that look like? I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that they're good. I'm gonna do everything I can to make sure the bills are paid. I'm gonna be do everything I can to make sure that they have food on the table, they got clothes on their back. Like they are they are never going to want for anything because I'm going to make sure that I'm doing my job as a man because God has given me the best gift of all, which is a family. Yeah. And if he's provided, if he's entrusting me with that family, then I'm gonna do everything I can to make sure that family that he's gifted me with is taken care of. That's not only that, I'm going to make sure that they know that they're loved. Yeah. Right? Because you can show it's one thing to take care of them and show that you love them through, you know, providing. It's another thing to take care, to do that, you still gotta do that. Yeah, but also to let them know that they're loved. Yeah, right. Because there are a lot of guys out there, I'm sure, that they had dads that took care of them, but they didn't really show and and and really more importantly, tell them that they love them. Yeah, right. Like, how many if if if I were to ask you, how many times did your dad ask you for forgiveness because he messed up in the way that he approached you, or he like how many, how, how many fingers can you count on your one hand? Probably not a lot, right? And so, um, but our dads were given the they were doing the best with what they were given, right? And so that's what we that's what we need to do. We need to do even better. Every generation tries to get better, right? And so, um, I'm always trying to be the first one to um to repent or ask for forgiveness. Like, I'm always the first one to say, you know what? I'm sorry, in the way that I handle I handle that, or you know what? I um I think you're right. You know what I mean? Like, I I really thought about it, and not only do I think you're right, I'm sorry that it got heated. You know what I mean? And and nine guys, nine times out of ten, if you take that approach first, I guarantee you that she's going to reciprocate the same thing. She's gonna be like, you know what? No, you're right, you're right. I and and and I messed up too. Like, I was you gotta be the you're you're the leader in everything. Yeah, not only just the leader in showing them, hey, this is how we are gonna live our life, this is the trajectory that I want our family to go. You gotta lead them in love, man. Like lead them in being the first one to repent, being the first one to forgive, being the first one to um lay down your life. Some you may have to do it physically, but really it's more emotionally and mentally, and um being able to just give your time to your family because time is the one thing that we cannot get back.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, man. I mean, there's that was great. I appreciate it. There was there was some really good stuff you said there. Um this the saying is that anyone can be a father. Yes, but it takes a real special man to be a dad.

SPEAKER_01

100%.

SPEAKER_00

And and why it's so number one, why it's so important to really have a good foundation on God is because it it's it's hard to be a man. And especially in today's day and age. Especially in in today's day and age, and uh I work in construction, man, and I love these guys. But I see where a lot of men are failing. And and if I could give advice, I'd say run so far and fast from the world and just really seek God. And and the way Jesus came down on this earth, like you said, is such a good reflection on how we are to live life, but also like how we are as men to love our wives, to love our families. Because at the end of the day, like you could be like, man, but what if I want I want this? Like she's not it doesn't matter. Listen, if you got if you got a woman at home, marry her. Yes, please. Please. My wife has made me a father, yes. She's made me a husband. I'm in Florida because of her. And there, listen, there, there's just the world, the world wants you to be this alpha dog that your girl your woman's gonna listen to what you're gonna say. She's not gonna have an opinion. But man, like there is a time and place for you to be an alpha dog, let's say, right? God's design, man. Like, I love my wife. My wife is my best friend, and she's gonna be involved in the discussions we're gonna have. And I'm gonna love her just like Jesus loved the church. And if that is weird or that's wrong, listen, I'm gonna be another thing too, man, is men, like, you need to understand, like, you need to you need to be able to be open with your emotions. Yeah, you need to be able to talk with what we um as a man, we have so much going on in our mind. There's like you said, there's so many voices, there's so many things that you're like, man, I don't know if we're making enough money, I don't know about this bill, I don't know how we're gonna get this car, I don't even know how we're gonna afford a house. Like, there's you you really gotta hone into God's voice and remember the promises that He has. Because, like, man, you just need to understand, like, I have a wife. Like, we are rich men. Yes, because I have a wife, I have a son. Even if I didn't have a son, even if I didn't have a wife, I have a relationship with Jesus. I I'm I'm blessed to live here with my mother-in-law right now. Like this, these are all rich things. Yeah, and the world will just tell you so many things that are so far like if you wait till marriage, like if you want to be if you want to be funny and goofy with your wife, if you want to be we like I want to take her out on dates. I want to I I mean, she isn't she doesn't have to she doesn't have to cook all the time. I can cook, I could do my laundry, I can help her, like these are all things that the world like that ain't right, man. I want to go home and dinner on the table and she's taking care of me, and she's gonna want she's gonna give me sex when I want it. And it's like, brother, that that is not gonna be a good relationship for you. You know, you clearly haven't been married. You clearly haven't been like, man, I love when men are talking to me about their marriages and and they're complaining about certain stuff. I'm like, but what do you do for her? Mm-hmm. Like you're you're there's a lot of complaints coming out. You know, like when people say, Oh man, wait till you get married. I can't wait. I don't know how your marriage is, right?

SPEAKER_01

But I can't wait. That's right. And it it's funny too, because uh this is something that I just literally talked to my Kaylee about this morning, I think. Where um Us as men, we need direction, right? So if she gives me a more generalized comment, like, hey, can you just help tidy up around the house? That doesn't help me. What helps me is hey, can you tidy up the dining room? And specifically, can you make sure that this is clean and this is yeah, boom, done. I have an objective, I'm gonna do it. But if you give me a more like generalized, like, hey, can you just like when you see something, just like tidy up?

SPEAKER_00

It's like So where am I gonna fail already? Yeah, yeah. Like you're already setting me up to fail.

SPEAKER_01

But if you tell me, hey, can you vacuum the living room and the rooms and uh and can you sweep it? Cool. Now I know I know what you need. Yeah, it's very clear, I can do it. But a lot of women, um they just assume that we know what they need when they need it. I can't read your mind, you need to tell me, and you need to walk me through it. Yeah, like there. I think they how do I put this in a way where ladies won't get mad at me? Um the the women in our life are the one of the biggest blessings that we have, right?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01

And the children in our life are because the women in our life, right? And so that they're they are quite literally the biggest blessing that we have on earth. Now, the biggest gift that we have overall is Jesus, right? Like the it's Jesus first, then family, then like we were saying, faith, and then you know, football or baseball, whatever, whatever sports, you know, friends, whatever. Um, but because it all trickles down from the relationship that we have with Christ, now I know how to love my wife, or at least I can read on how Jesus loved his bride, which is the church, right? How he loved his people, yeah, and I can try and emulate it as much as possible. And like you were saying, I think it comes down to um a lot of people say it's a 50-50 relationship, it's really a hundred-a hundred. I have to give all of myself to her, yeah, and then she gives all of herself to me because we are married, and when you get married, especially if you're a Christian, you believe that you are what's called one flesh. Yeah, you are no longer your own, and she is no longer her own, her hers own or her own. We are now one, right? We entered what's called a covenant where we are now one person, and so if that's true, then I'm going to give 100% of myself to her, and she's going to give 100% of herself to me. Because if I give 50% of her, where am I putting the other 50? Yeah, that's dangerous.

SPEAKER_00

I like that you say that though. Um, because we we don't like the 50-50. We have it. I never I've never said the 100-100. I like that. But there's been times where like we'll we'll talk about this too. We're like, it is not 50-50. Sometimes it's 80-20. Like if she's sick, I'm not gonna sit here and be like, Are you so you're gonna watch him? No, man, I'm gonna put on I'm gonna put on my big boy pants and be like, hey, go rest. Yes, like I will do this. Like, let me take care of him, I'll feed him, I'll put him down. Like, that's just that's our job. That's it. Like, I I didn't I didn't go up to her and say, hey, I I want to have a son, but like he's all you can't do.

SPEAKER_01

So he's all you. Yes, and that's and that is in that moment, you are manning up. Yes, and so manning up doesn't have to always look like the alpha male, like you know, what we see in social media. Manning up, that's a perfect example of manning up. Hey, she's sick. Take care of take care of your child, man. You you you can cook that night, you can put the dishes away. You can that is manning up. And honestly, if we're married and we're talking about attraction, there is very little that is more attractive to a wife than a husband who's like, you know what? I got it. I got it, girl.

SPEAKER_00

Lay down. Hey girl, go, go, go, like, go kick your feet up.

SPEAKER_01

I got this. Yes, I will put on this uh love show that you love so much.

SPEAKER_00

Let's talk about this. Like it's got to be a good thing. Come on, bro. Let's hear the tea. That's right. I I enjoy I enjoy doing things for my wife. Yes. Like for a while there, um, like last summer, like I'd go out, I wash my car, I wash her car when she was working. Like, I want her to roll in the world, like she's driving a brand new car. That's right. You know what I mean? Like, I like taking care of my wife. And then and you know why? Like, every time. So when I come home from work, like I kid you not, and this is one reason I love my wife. I walk through that door, dinner on the table. Like putting it on the table. I don't ask her to do it, and I tell her all the time, I don't need this. And like when I tell guys that work like that, they're like, Oh man, you really got it made. And the way that Lakin answers it every time is what I love. She goes, Well, you tell those guys, like, it's it's also because of the way that you love me. Because if I didn't love her the way I love her, like the way that God really wants me to love her, you think she's gonna do that? Do you think she's gonna wash my work clothes every Sunday? No, I don't need her to, but I love the I love, and that's that's what's made amazing about God's design, man. It's like when you really are loving someone the way that Christ loved the church. Everyone always uh talks about that verse where like women should submit to their husbands. But if you keep reading, what does it say the husband should do? Sacrifice himself just like later on his life. Jesus died on the cross for us. That's right. So what does that say I should do for my wife? That should that I should he came down this earth and he served, right? Yes. That means I should serve my wife. Um if I'm gonna love my wife like Jesus loved the church, that means I'm gonna sacrifice. That means sometimes I'm gonna have to not want to do the things I want to do. Yes, because I love her. And that's how it is. Because you know what? I signed up for it. Yeah, you did, and I wanted to sign up for it. Yes, because I love that girl.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, it's a covenant that you made, man, and a covenant that you made for life.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

They say, no, you know, we're getting married, and you know, later on we'll see how it goes. And you know, you've changed. Well, I hope so. I hope for the good for the good, right? Like we're we're not the same people that we were 10 years ago, but hopefully because we've grown and we've um matured and we've grown together, right? Um, that's that's the main part.

SPEAKER_00

We always say too, like, hey, this isn't like uh we're gonna maybe get a divorce or something like that word doesn't come in our house.

SPEAKER_01

D word has not, yeah, no.

SPEAKER_00

We say, if you are tired of me, you can go take a nap. That's it. We'll come back to it. That's right.

SPEAKER_01

The D word I ain't going anywhere. And honestly, I'm so glad you brought it up because my wife and I have made it very clear very early on in our relationship that words matter.

SPEAKER_00

Man, words are more powerful than we think.

SPEAKER_01

Bro, and so I will never even if I'm super angry, I will never speak out of anger. I will walk away. Yeah, I'm like, you know what? I just need to take a walk. Yeah, cool my head. It don't take long. No, five, ten minutes, come back. I have a way cooler and calmer head. And that's happened very seldomly, but if it does happen, because I know that if I speak out of emotion, there are those words that I may say out of anger, I can never take back.

SPEAKER_00

And it's not even like you meant those words.

SPEAKER_01

Not no, no, they hurt, but they hurt, man. And for for those fellas out there who may have a uh a short temper or can tend to speak out of anger, I would encourage you to think twice because if you say something that is hurtful, even if you don't mean it, right? It's just in the heat of the moment, in the passion of the argument or whatever, and you say something that's clearly hurtful, she will never forget that. No, no matter what it is, it's always gonna linger in the back of her head. But you said this about me. Is that what you really think? You know, like it's just gonna live back there.

SPEAKER_00

You forgive, but it's hard to forget sometimes. It's hard to forget. I always tell my wife, I'm like, listen, I could I work in construction, I said that right. Yeah, I could take a lot of crap. Yeah, I always tell her. I'm like, your words though, they'll cut me. Hard that might sound like a little girlish, you know, that's how the world will say, but like, hey, if I put an outfit on, she goes, is that what you're gonna wear today? I go, I literally I literally I literally go, I'm not wearing it ever again. That's right. And she goes, No, no, why not? Because you don't like it. That's right.

SPEAKER_01

Am I gonna wear something you don't like? No, you're the one that I'm trying to freaking impress. You're still my wife and I'm trying to impress you. Like, if if if your if your opinion of me is, oh, that outfit doesn't you're the only one that I'm trying to impress, girl. Like, I don't care about anybody else's opinion. If you say I look good, then I'm going to walk out this door with my head held high. And it's gonna be fine because you are the only person that matters in terms of like your opinion. Now, there's other mentors and stuff that, yeah, they're but I don't care what they think about how I dress, I don't care what they think about like how I look, you know, it's more how how can I be a better man and stuff like that. But for our wives, it because we're such visual creatures too, and they're such emotional creatures, like they understand. I say creatures, but they're we're humans. We we know this. Um, they understand, like, I don't know if Lincoln's ever done this to you. Um, there will be instances where I'll be talking to somebody, and then after maybe a couple of hours after, Mike Haley goes, Is everything alright with that with that individual? I'm like, I yeah, they're fine. Like they seem fine to me. She's like, I don't I don't know, man. I think I think they're going through something. Sure enough, I like circle back with that person and I'm like, hey, is everything all right? Actually, you know, I'm about I'm like, they just they can they can see stuff that we can't see sometimes because we're such like just visual people.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, but sometimes she'll be like, Are you okay today? Yeah, you sure you seem a little off. And then you're in your head, your mind, you're like, Am I okay? Am I okay? Is there something going on that I'm not even aware of?

SPEAKER_01

It's like the whole have you seen The Matrix?

SPEAKER_00

I haven't, man.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, oh my god.

SPEAKER_00

Listen, that's one move I've been wanting to watch. Oh my god. And I have obviously that's the red and blue pill.

SPEAKER_01

The millennial in me died a little bit. Um I'm the millennial right there with you. Okay, okay, so you're you You're a little bit on the tail end. Yes. Okay. Well, no, not that much. What you were reborn? 292. Yeah.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_01

You can cue the Jurassic Park theme song.

SPEAKER_00

Bro, I'm gonna be I'm gonna be 30 this year.

SPEAKER_01

Congrats, man. That's crazy. The water's warm. It's nice. It's nice. Listen, 30s, the 30s are the new 20s, man.

SPEAKER_00

They really are. That's when you enjoy life.

SPEAKER_01

Yes. And uh a wise man once told me one time, uh, nobody's gonna take you seriously until you're 30.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, I still look like I'm 18. Every day someone tells me that. So that's gonna be tough for me to get over.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it's true. But also, I mean, you know, that the the comment is is kind of fun, but there is a little bit of truth to it because you really don't know a lot until you've lived a little. And if you're 30 years old, you lived a little. You you lived a little 30 years. Our frontal lobe isn't even fully formed until we're what, like 25? Something like that.

SPEAKER_00

It's crazy. They tell you to make big decisions when you're 18. Bro, that's that's a second podcast we'll do.

SPEAKER_01

Don't get me talking about universities.

SPEAKER_00

I bro, well, I think it's a scam. We'll get into it at some point. Um, I we probably I got one more question for you. Sure. Because we'll I know we got our wives out there. I I gotta get you back on because we could chat for hours.

SPEAKER_02

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

I I feel like that's what the personalities that we have. Yeah, like I could sit in a room and just chat with you. What is one habit that you would give advice to for a man that you could start today that would just I don't want to put this? That would kind of like it would change his life a little bit on how to be a man as a Christian, or even how to be a man in his marriage. Sure. I know we just gave them a lot of good information. Like, what's one piece of advice that Dwight would give to a young adult right now who's married, who is there's so many different noises, he wants to be a better man for his wife.

SPEAKER_01

I would say, without being too cliche, I would say if you could figure out how to be consistent in reading your Bible every single day, and not just reading your Bible as like a I read my verse of the day, I'm good, but like really spending time and reading even if it's for five minutes, like just intentionally spending time with the Lord, yeah, in a in a quiet place, the re specifically in the morning, the rest of your day is set up, and I say that consistency is the key because if you can consistency excuse me, consistently spend time with the Lord every single day, then the rest of your day overflows in the time that you spent with the Lord. And similar to Sunday morning, Sunday morning isn't the time that you spend with the Lord. Sunday morning should be an overflow of what you've done Monday through Saturday.

SPEAKER_00

It's not just a Sunday thing, it's a Monday through Sunday.

SPEAKER_01

You see what I'm saying? And so, especially for us who are on a platform of any kind, what I what I'm doing on platform on Sunday morning is an overflow of what I've done the last seven days of the week, or six days of the week. And so, um similarly, I think if we can be and consistency is the key, man. I think if there's one thing that our generation struggles with is consistency. Oh, yeah, bro, consistency can make or break anything that you do, yeah. Right. And so I think a reason why the alpha male um uh subgenre of culture to today in society is so popular is because they're showing the if you're consistent in this and you're right, they're doing the bad extreme of it, but they are talking about consistency, and that's attract seeing somebody who's consistent in something for a long period of time is attractive. You look at the David Goggins of the world, you look at the Joe Rogans of the world, you look at the whoever, they're consistent, whether good or bad, they're consistent, and there's a real um a real change that comes with that comes with consistently. How much more would we want to be consistent with spending time with the Lord?

SPEAKER_00

They say if you give something like three minutes a day for a year, that you'll be like an expert at it. So, like three minutes a day, I try and like sing to a Dwight song and see if I can become better. Bro, take my job. I would so agree with you because um me and Lakin broke up uh when we were dating for a couple months because man, we just we weren't in the word hard enough. And I would say in a relationship, in a marriage, like if I could give one advice, it would be get your get your uh relationship with God good. Get it right. Yes, because if your relationship with God isn't right, it's not gonna work for your wife, it's not gonna work for your family, it's not gonna work for your friends. I I said this on multiple episodes here. Like, if your relationship is not seeking God first and and growing that relationship and being consistent in his word, and we're not perfect.

SPEAKER_01

No, I'm I'm not saying this because I got it all down. I'm saying this because I need to work on it too.

SPEAKER_00

Like I don't necessarily even love to read the Bible, but I know if I do it, like God's gonna transform my heart. 100%. And I need it, I literally need it to get through my life.

SPEAKER_01

I've seen have you seen the diagram where it shows it's a triangle, it's a triangle. I don't want to say pyramid, but it's a triangle and it shows the man on one side of the triangle and the woman on the other side of the triangle, or if you think husband and wife, and God is at the tip of the spear on the triangle, and the more that the husband gets closer to God and the wife gets closer to God, they draw closer together.

SPEAKER_00

We have that in our marriage book, bro. Uh my wife has been, man, she's been on a kick for her Bible, and I love it because it convicts me. Yeah. But seeing her send me a paragraph along every day at work, about like, hey, this is what I read. And I'm just like so grateful for and I'm just like, number one, that's very attractive. Yes. I love her for it. It pushes me, you know, because like in your mind, like, I should be doing this for her. Yes. But it's like, it's nice because there's different seasons of life where like I'm just like, I love my wife, and I need to I need to make sure that I'm in my word because if she's doing it, I want to do it.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, it's it's accountability, it's righteous accountability that you have for each other. There's gonna be seasons where you're on fire for the Lord and you are devouring the word and you're gonna be the one sending her paragraphs. Yeah, and then there's seasons like now where she's the one who's on fire and she's sending you paragraphs, but it's to lip uplift and encourage one another because you're in this together. Again, you're one flesh, you're edifying, you're edifying the same flesh, you're one person, and so yeah, I think consistency in the word and having a relationship with God. Because if we talk about the three circles, which we haven't talked about yet, at least on this episode, I'm sure you talked about it before. The first circle is God's design. What is God's design for our lives? It's for us to have a relationship with Him, to know Him, and to love Him. That is His original design for us. And so if we can adhere to that original design, man, everything else will be. I'm not saying life will be perfect, but man, it'll be way better. It'll be way better.

SPEAKER_00

Because even when life is tough, you know God's walking with it. You have hope, man. Man, I appreciate you coming on my podcast, man. I appreciate you being here, man. This is a great podcast. Uh I now know like if I need to like have a fun podcast. Not that my other guest, that was not shot my other guests. I didn't say anything. Like, we can go down some loopholes here. We didn't even open the can of worms. I didn't say anything. But uh, man, I'm excited to see where life takes you. Thank you, I appreciate the wisdom you've been able to sprinkle uh forever who's listening to this.

SPEAKER_01

Hopefully, there was a little something there.

SPEAKER_00

Hopefully, they made it this far. Yeah, I hope you did. I hope you did. Uh man, we enjoy uh doing this, and we will see you guys in the next episode. Yes, sir.