Ep. 010—I Was Trying To Get Him To Cry

The boys are back! They discuss the National Anthem, animal deaths, and they play a fun little card game. 

@taylercomedy

@stevenrogerscomedy

@peterwongcomedy

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

But don't act like there aren't there isn't a sh that you don't say sure sometimes with a with a little bit of a thing. Oh yes. It's almost like how you just said okay is how you would say sure sometimes. Sure.

SPEAKER_03 0:14

If I say sure, it's it's yes with a qualifier. It's saying yeah, uh-huh, but yeah, but exactly. Yeah. So I'm just saying it's still yeah. It's not no. Sure. No, it it's I just did it, I just did it back to him. Sure. You're saying yes, I don't know. I I'm gonna I'm gonna agree, but what no, that's not it's not a no.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

I don't buy that you're even agreeing, you know? Because I've had talks with you where you go, okay. And that doesn't mean okay, yeah. But here's the thing it's like it's what you're saying, because it's you're just not saying no, that's stupid.

SPEAKER_03 0:53

It's your way of doing it. It's go. It's I I it baseline, it's still it's more towards a yes for playing that game. It's more towards yes than it is no.

SPEAKER_04 1:05

I think wavelength.

SPEAKER_03 1:06

Wavelength. It's more towards yes.

SPEAKER_04 1:08

Okay, so give an example of Do you want to hear what we just did that caused this debate? Yeah, go ahead. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:16

Uh and by the way, you're listening to an earlier fight.

SPEAKER_04 1:25

Uh so uh I was telling uh Taylor Yarish? Taylor Yarish uh that uh I got a robe today in the mail uh that I ordered, and I'm pretty excited about my my robe. Uh, you know, because nothing else is going on in the world. So I was like, I'll just get a robe. We can relax. And uh so I got a robe and and he was like gonna ask me a question. Uh we were gonna have an interesting, silly, stupid question uh talk about robes while we waited to start the show. And then it was starting to get interesting, like comedically, where I was like, Oh, maybe I should wait until we do it on, and I want you to do the exact same sure that you think you did. And I'll see you do the sure you think I did.

SPEAKER_01 2:11

Yeah, because he's not gonna give the right reading. Okay, but do you think he So I'll say I'll say what you said before he said sure, okay?

SPEAKER_05 2:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:19

I was like, uh, well, maybe I'll save it for the pod. Sure. Okay. Well, that was that one's pretty uh benign. The one you gave.

SPEAKER_04 2:29

I'll I'll say that to me, I for you might hear benign, but I hear if that's what you want.

SPEAKER_03 2:38

That is no, what that is, is your own insecurity projected onto my shirt.

SPEAKER_04 2:44

I am not an insecure person.

SPEAKER_01 2:48

Before we go on, let me get this out of the way real quick.

SPEAKER_03 2:51

Is there gifts? Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 2:59

What is this? Oh no.

unknown 3:03

I think that's it for now.

SPEAKER_03 3:06

Oh man. I I think this is a gift for him.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

Uh because of of the season that we're in for the holiday. I think it only makes sense that we make this a special uh episode. So uh I got us all shirts for us to wear. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 3:22

And we're gonna put these on. Are we putting them on right now?

SPEAKER_03 3:26

All right. Uh so if you're just listening, I'll yeah, we'll keep talking. Peter just pulled out uh shirts that we've never seen before. We have never seen.

SPEAKER_04 3:37

And um and he's smiling in a way where and there's there's a lot of text on these shirts that I can see. All right, all right. Quick pause while I all right. I'll keep talking. I promise I'll put this on, but I'm gonna keep talking so someone's talking. Uh we I have no prior knowledge of these shirts. Uh and uh, you know, I have a feeling I know what these shirts are about, and I'm I'm in theory pro for these shirts. Uh, but there's always a catch, and I don't want to be fully pro until I read every small detail on this shirt. Uh it's okay.

SPEAKER_03 4:24

Decent quality on the it's like an interesting uh what's that, like a polyester it's got going?

unknown 4:30

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:31

Okay. Seems like it could wick moisture. It's nice. I'm with these shirts. It's almost like an athletic-y type of material. Not quite. I do have a race on Sunday.

SPEAKER_01 4:41

Do you want would you like the keep it? Uh all right, now I'll do it. Yeah, your turn.

SPEAKER_03 4:47

I don't know if I could. It's a bit big to race in, but this is uh this is nice. It's nice.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

And I want the viewers when they see this to know when we were recording this and where our heads were at.

SPEAKER_03 5:02

Right. Yeah, that's a good point. That's a good point. We we wanted to have uh you know have have a moment where where it's not about us for a change. Yeah. You know, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 5:17

It's a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_03 5:18

You know, and speaking of uh a change, who wanted a change more than Martin Luther King? Yeah, you know? That's right. Nobody, I would say.

SPEAKER_05 5:30

Uh uh why is there a jacket?

SPEAKER_03 5:38

Steven tried to keep his his overshirt on top.

SPEAKER_01 5:42

Let's see if this works on your own. My goodness.

SPEAKER_04 5:47

What is this?

SPEAKER_05 5:48

A little pen.

SPEAKER_04 5:50

Huh? How long ago did you order these?

SPEAKER_01 5:55

Here's the pen. Uh you can hear that. Let's put that right on there just so we can enjoy that. Okay. What's f what's what?

SPEAKER_04 6:08

What's uh funny about this is that it's completely uh appropriate. Yeah. Totally above board. It's totally above board. It's something I actually support. But it's you.

SPEAKER_05 6:27

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_04 6:29

It feels I'm waiting for it. I'm waiting for the other shoe. There's I think he just printed it out a little bit ago.

SPEAKER_05 6:38

A little bit ago.

SPEAKER_04 6:39

Yeah, that's true. The ad the ad read hasn't happened yet. Today's opposite day, and we're wearing shirts of the opposite of how we feel. No, I you know what? I'm very pro Why am I the only one with the pen?

SPEAKER_01 6:57

Uh I just I only got one.

SPEAKER_04 6:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Yeah. But uh, I'm glad you got it. Yeah, too.

SPEAKER_04 7:03

It's a beautiful I'm pro this. Uh uh for MLK Day.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

Uh I didn't really what'd you do to like celebrate?

SPEAKER_04 7:13

To celebrate? I went to the Knicks game and there was a lot of celebrations at the Knicks game. That's true.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

Oh, yeah, that's right. You went to the Knicks game. Yeah. What better way to sell Martin Luther uh celebrate Martin Luther King Jr.

SPEAKER_04 7:25

Day? They had a lot of performances uh by uh uh there was a black singer for the national anthem. What'd you think of her, by the way? Because I watched that. Uh at first I wasn't sure. I thought she stunk to begin with. Really?

SPEAKER_05 7:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 7:42

The song she sang before the national anthem. I wasn't I thought that really stunned.

SPEAKER_03 7:46

I don't know if I oh, that I was told, and this is somebody else's words. I was told that's like uh the black national anthem. Is that what it's it's like essentially what it is? Oh, is that true? I did not know that.

SPEAKER_04 7:59

It was uh it was wonderful. It was it was uh through like yes, very I'm very ignorant to uh other cultures and I'm trying to get better. I had heard that song before, but did not know its significance to the level of its significance, that the fact that it was with the national anthem.

SPEAKER_01 8:19

Let's try to sing what we remember of it.

SPEAKER_04 8:22

Why don't you uh kick us off? Okay. Pin person goes last.

SPEAKER_01 8:27

Yeah. Uh well, we're all doing it together, right?

SPEAKER_04 8:30

We're gonna just try to Well, I want to make sure they hear the differences in the voices. Are you ready? Uh I'm oh man, uh my phone's charging. I'm actually interested to see what the name of the song is.

SPEAKER_01 8:45

Okay, which will we'll look at it.

SPEAKER_04 8:46

We're not pulling up the lyrics. You are just the name of the song.

SPEAKER_01 8:49

We're gonna go from heart, how we feel from what we remember. Okay? Ready?

SPEAKER_05 8:56

Oh Singus. Um This is the black version. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 9:12

Um, I thought her national anthem was was alright.

SPEAKER_03 9:16

I didn't think it's I'm wondering if it sounded how different it sounded because you were there, so you know. He's not enjoyable.

SPEAKER_01 9:23

I was there, and the first the uh uh national anthem was fine, whatever that first thing was, beautiful as it was because it's important to uh the community and stuff. And I bought the shirts and uh realizing now that I yeah uh but uh I I I really did not care for it.

SPEAKER_03 9:43

Yeah, I well I because I was like, oh, they're not doing the national anthem. They're doing I didn't know what the other song was. I'm like, oh that's that's interesting. And I I turned it on when she was like halfway through the first song, and then she started the national anthem. And uh I'll tell I'll say this the national anthem is one of the hardest songs to do because you either nail it and no one really even cares, yeah, or you don't and everybody remembers it forever. Yeah, that's why I always skip it at karaoke. It's great. Uh sure. Um You're gonna want some clean jokes when this episode comes out.

SPEAKER_04 10:29

So let me throw them in.

SPEAKER_01 10:32

Wait, well, I don't get that one. What do you mean?

SPEAKER_04 10:34

I'm just throwing in jokes that are very safe.

SPEAKER_05 10:38

Oh, the shirts? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:42

Yeah, you're gonna want me to do a lot of talking today. We can't be saying all the stuff that you guys say with these shirts and the clips.

SPEAKER_03 10:54

I I mean, if this doesn't make you want to watch the video, I don't know what will.

SPEAKER_01 11:00

And look, it's like an Oreo.

SPEAKER_04 11:02

Uh I like uh uh you know who who uh had a really good Martin Luther King joke today? You have actually a very good one.

SPEAKER_05 11:12

But uh Yeah, the go to the potty. Uh no, I'll tell you.

SPEAKER_04 11:18

That's a good emo Phillips impression. So um Ian Edwards, who has a new special called Untitled on on YouTube, uh is uh it's a fantastic special. Uh and he has this joke uh about how he went to the MLK statue uh in DC. And uh for people that don't know Ian Edwards, he's a black comic, he goes, It it's uh it's a long line of people to get a picture with the MLK statue, and he's at the back of the line, and he realizes everyone in front of him is white, and he's like, I I just went. I think we know I'm next. That is that is great. It was such a good bit. Great special. I watched it today.

SPEAKER_01 12:11

Man, um I have a story to share. All right. Uh so is I don't if I haven't told anyone this story. I guess I told a little bit of this to you, but I'll just explain how I can, you know, because it's very fresh. But uh yesterday um I was uh about to pick up Taylor. We were we had this show uh at the tiny cupboard together. And I got home and uh my roommate's door is open. And uh I just uh she's got she's sitting on the floor and her uh cat is uh is in her uh pants or whatever. And uh she's going, oh, it's oh oh no no, it's okay, you know, all everything. And then I just hear a cat kind of going, and I uh my roommate, I was about to go in the room, but I didn't couldn't really that alone was not up. But then she goes, uh uh the uh Rourke is the name of the cat. Rourke. Rourke. Like Mickey Rourke. I think is that that's a that's a person. Yeah. And she says, uh when I got home, uh uh Rourke was uh uh work walking in circles or and and then uh uh keeps bumping his head like just into like the bed frame and stuff, and uh seems to have something wrong with uh his leg, whatever. And then I keep hearing the cat kind of meowing and stuff. And then I go, okay, um, do you know if there's like a vet around right now? Like it's opened, because it's like it's like eight. And she's like looking on her phone, and she's like, no, there isn't any. And then my head was like, I don't think that can be right. So then I I went to look. And there was there's one on Steinway, not too far. 24-hour vet. Yes. So then I uh I go, I found one that's 24 hours, it's on Steinway. She's like, Oh, you did? I go, Do you want to ride there? I'll just I'll drop you off right now. But um, I do have a show, but I want I can drop you off right if we can leave right now, let's go, you know? And she's like, Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's good. And then so she goes to the bathroom, gets ready, and I go in, kind of trying to the cat's like kind of um very disoriented and like trying to run out, climb away and stuff, and it's panting. It's kind of going ha ha ha ha ha and the eyes are just like very not alert, it's very kind of like dimmed, I guess. And uh from what I've known about uh read briefly about this, this is like fairly serious, as neurological, probably, or whatever. And so I start I her she left her phone there, and so I take her phone and like record the cat just so she has this to show to the vet in case the symptoms stop or something. And uh so you know, all in all, overall I'm not um crazy about animals, you know this, but I could see how concerned she was, and uh and you know, I was like, and I it felt inconsiderate for her to tell me that her cat's losing it, and that and then I go, okay, well, I'm I'm changing comedy. So then I uh uh we I was like, let's go. So I get the car started, and uh we drive over to the club, and then uh I'm not the club, the the vet. Um drop her off. She's like very thankful, whatever. I'm like, okay, let me know how everything goes. We do the show. Which by the way, while while we're driving over to leave this part out. Yeah, while we're driving over to uh the thing, I I was supposed to pick Taylor up 10 minutes ago. And I go, hey, sorry, I got an emergency with this cat thing. So like can you give us a second? I'm gonna be there at 8.05 the latest. It's taking longer than that. So I go, hey, it's actually 8.15 now. And then I get a text while my phone is on the uh car uh holder, the phone holder thing, and uh just his text comes, is the cat dead? And I and I see for my priff, her head is just right this way. And I quickly I kind of go like this. Oh, the glare on the and I've tried to swipe away. That nighttime glare. I've tried to swipe it away, but it's so cold yesterday. Everyone I'm wearing gloves and it's not working on the screen, so it's just lingering, like is the cat.

SPEAKER_04 16:38

If anything, you're making this screen not idle.

SPEAKER_01 16:41

It's like staying on, yeah. Uh so anyways, I drop her off. Uh, me and Taylor, we do the show, and then at the show, I get the update that uh the cat has a uh bad heart thing, and they're trying to um get the cat stable. Uh and uh that you know, but it's very expensive. They recommended keeping a cat overnight, but she's like, I can't afford to do that, so you know I'm gonna give it an hour and then take take work home and see how things go. I was like, okay, understood. And then um I uh finish up, we do the shows, I get home and she's still not home. I text her, everything good? Are you still there? She's like, uh I'm still there. Or like, you need a ride back. And she's like, Yeah, uh work past. Uh uh. Um so the you know, Taylor wished it. Yeah, put it together.

SPEAKER_03 17:39

I didn't know that.

unknown 17:42

Fuck.

SPEAKER_01 17:44

You could say, you could say you you you texted just a little too early. You know, you were just a little quick.

SPEAKER_03 17:49

I don't think there's any appropriate time to send that text.

SPEAKER_04 17:52

I just I didn't know the severity when you were like taking her to the can you imagine you text him that the cat passed while you're driving her home and he said, hold on, buying a lotto ticket.

SPEAKER_01 18:04

Did I now it did I use the words emergency in the time? There was like a cat, yes, but it didn't I love to hear where where this is the next part of the sentence. Did I say emergency? Sure.

SPEAKER_03 18:17

Uh see what uh exactly roommate has cat emergency. Gonna drop her off at vet first.

SPEAKER_05 18:30

There's no room for any misinterpretation.

SPEAKER_04 18:34

Yeah, but emergency way you know it's so you're watching my cats tomorrow through Saturday.

SPEAKER_01 18:44

So uh I go, she she goes, Do you wanna uh I'll let you know when I'm done? She because they're gonna do uh set up the cremation uh process of set sending the cat up. And uh and then I I uh she tells she text me and goes, Hey, uh I I'm ready. Do you want to see the cat? And I'll find like I'll I'll see it for her, you know. Yes, that's sweet. Yes, yes, understood.

SPEAKER_02 19:10

The cat like it after it had passed.

SPEAKER_01 19:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 19:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 19:14

So I go uh to the vet, I go into the room, and uh there she's uh she's there, and clearly, you know, and by the way, we're we're not friends, me and her. We're we're we're strictly room. It's all business. Yeah, it's all business. We say good morning, whatever, all that stuff. Um so I'm really doing a huge favor here. I don't need to do none of this shit. That's what I'm saying. No, no. Sorry.

SPEAKER_04 19:44

Play this clip in ten years when it's my turn.

SPEAKER_01 19:52

So I go, I'm I'm there. She's you know, play like giving the last touches and um she's saying, you know, she's saying stuff like uh at least at least he got to see my face as a last thing ever. And uh she's stroking the cat. And um I'm standing there and I'm realizing we're not this is not gonna be immediate. Like it this is gonna be difficult for her to get up and go. Oh yeah. Right? Um whereas my original expectation was You were gonna wait in the car.

SPEAKER_02 20:31

And she was gonna come at it.

SPEAKER_04 20:33

Let me ask you this. Like, I'm double parked, so don't get ahead of me.

SPEAKER_01 20:38

Don't get ahead of me.

SPEAKER_04 20:40

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 20:43

But I was I was at first going, oh, this is gonna be more than I thought, which is sure it's inconvenient. However, this is there's the gravity of this situation, and you know, um all of that. And I'm I'm kind of seeing it's very intense just seeing it, and I'm I'm I'm a I'm touched uh a bit. Yeah. Because of how how much how much this cat means her. And she's just um crying a lot, but she's saying very positive things. She's saying, you know, uh, she's saying like uh good thing you we got to s you got to see me, like last thing you you saw, and uh and uh you know uh you're still warm, just getting the last kind of feelings and stuff, and um and she she says like she says, Oh, you're just a shell now, you know, so you know, I I get that, but she's still kind of attached to him. And uh it's all understandable, I get it. And um she even does like a she even like she's she does like a kind of a joke. She's like like she's like a single old lady obsessed with her cat, you know. Laughing. She's like, uh, you can use this in your stand-up. And I go, I'm I feel like I'm not in the place yet. Maybe you think? You think it would work? Um so yeah, so we go through that, and then uh she's ready to go. She takes maybe ten minutes, which you know, is good good, it's fine. And then we head out. Um and then I started it's the details I noticed of her life immediately post past cat that I start I start really getting the feelings of sad like tragedy. Because she has to uh now she asks for the bag that brought the cat in, but she's leaving with it empty. And she mentions that. Oh, like now it's like an empty bag that I just have to carry. This is brutal. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:59

This is it's very sad.

SPEAKER_01 23:01

Oh, yeah. Hey, look, look at the shirts we're wearing. This is a serious pod. Anyways, then I ate her pussy. So cover his ears. Okay, anyway, so we get back. And she's very, very grateful for helping. She's actually incredibly like, thank you so much. She said, um, she's like, uh, if you it was I'm actually really lucky you showed up when you did because I was panicking, I didn't know what to do, and you kind of let me get to this thing. And I was like, you know, don't mention it. And I was joking with Terylow of like, well, this is gonna pay back later. Because I usually think about this in the terms of like, I don't my emotions are usually a little kind of stunted or whatever. So and I think my philosophy is we are as humans by nature are selfish people.

SPEAKER_03 23:55

I hope this is not going where I think it's going.

SPEAKER_01 23:57

No, it's I don't know, maybe. And and I and I I I I've come to learn that sometimes to get myself to do good deeds, I do have to think, well, short-term selfless is long-term selfish. It's like, okay, there's some benefit in the future run. That may not be exactly how I felt, definitely in the moment, but I think that's how a way I can unravel my justification for doing good things. Uh and if and then accept that I'll do it that way. Otherwise, I could be selfish and just do no no good thing at all. And then then no one benefits anything, right? Yeah. But I was kind of walking through just going like I think just uh seeing her at a human level and how she was very happy to help and uh to get helped. And I think I was kind of repelled against her feeling that she owes anything for that. Because it it was such a a uh a bad moment for her uh that I felt I felt it obligated that you know, you gotta kinda kinda do that. Um but also I do think of all of all the people in the house that do the chores, I do the least. Like I ne you're supposed to clean the bathroom once a month, and I never do that. And I think this fucking just you think you got like six months. I I'd like to think that took care I've never touched it once in five years, and I think that's that's totally undid undid all of that, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_03 25:35

Because you drove a quarter mile?

SPEAKER_01 25:39

Quarter mile, but uh also the call to action to get to do all that, right, right, you know, and uh the drive back, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 25:46

Was it put down or did it just die at the vet?

SPEAKER_01 25:50

Um I think it was that I'm not clear. It was it was whatever medication wasn't really working, and I think she felt I think it was put down. Okay. But the details of of of her of the bag, and then also this morning she's preparing food, and now it's just one dish that she's preparing now. Um and and then I noticed that like her cat likes to toss toys under the door into my room, but sometimes and there's still one cat like toy from uh from the mor that morning. Um and I had seen the arm like go under the door and out. But I saw all that and I was like, oh man, this was like this was rough. You know?

SPEAKER_03 26:34

Like a death.

SPEAKER_01 26:37

What are you doing?

SPEAKER_03 26:42

Excuse me that if when you're sharing these feelings about how you're having this big emotional turn, excuse me for being slightly skeptical that there's a turn coming.

SPEAKER_01 26:56

No turn.

SPEAKER_03 26:57

No turn.

SPEAKER_01 26:58

Okay, no turn. All right, I'm telling I'm sharing this thing that was very that was that was pretty intense yesterday.

SPEAKER_04 27:04

That was very intense.

SPEAKER_01 27:05

I was kind of opening up.

SPEAKER_04 27:06

I think it's we're wearing MLK shirts. And that's beautiful. It is beautiful, it is. Uh out of all the people, you look like the person least likely to wear the shirt. So I think you should be the most outwardly pro to wear the shirt. But I the reason I asked if it was put down or died at the vet is because uh as a a pet owner, uh a double cat owner. Yeah, so uh love that you brought that story uh and hearing about how one has to live without its other now. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 27:47

That's also why I talked about it because I know you would you you would be relating to or understand, sympathize with 100% situation.

SPEAKER_04 27:56

I get misty-eyed during your story. It's an emotional story. Uh but you if you brought it to the vet for it to be put down, uh it's actually is a huge service that you did. Uh it because it was in pain.

SPEAKER_01 28:14

Like I saw that it was I really didn't think I'd I really did feel for the cat like while it was trying to catch its breath. I or whatever it was.

SPEAKER_04 28:24

It looked like it was in We had something similar happen when I I lived at home st uh still years ago. And uh when you actively see the suffering of an animal, which animals are so innocent, it's deaf it's heartbreaking. And you want a them to be put you don't want them to be put down, but you want them to you want the peaceful option instead of this yeah, yeah, heart feline heart attack or whatever it was. Not even trying to be funny there, but um and then you would have to watch it happen eight more times. Uh so it's good that you uh uh now we're cooking. Let's steer this ship back. And now of uh the commercial break.

SPEAKER_01 29:11

No, I mean certainly at some point you're gonna go through some part of that. Yeah, you know. And it did make me think of you of like you're it's you're gonna take it. Oh yeah. It's gonna be real tough.

SPEAKER_04 29:27

You think I wear that robe a lot now? Uh I mean, it's gonna be the it's gonna be really bad. Yeah. Because I've had pets die that I had as a kid or a teenager. Now I'm having uh pets that I will lose after I went through emotional adulthood changes with. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

Like traumatic experiences connected with just having them around.

SPEAKER_04 30:00

I remember when I was going through the breakup, like, you know, uh and let me be clear, uh it was very hard for me, but I I know people that have gone through much uh harder things. But I like remember one day laying on the couch, like I know I don't have depression because this day I was like, oh, this is what depressed people live like. I did not want to get off, I couldn't get off the couch. And my uh Bowie literally like came would yell to like get me up, or and then came and like laid with me and tried to get me up and stuff where like if I tell more I'll start to get emotional. So it's like that kind of stuff where it's like we've bonded and then.

SPEAKER_01 30:49

What did Bowie try to do?

SPEAKER_04 30:51

Bowie's very good about like being very communic. I know I'm talking about what'd you say?

SPEAKER_01 30:56

Yeah, uh and uh that see is that's this is an asshole. That's where you were going. This is an asshole. No, that was not where I was going. Now I'm an asshole too because I was trying to get him to cry.

SPEAKER_03 31:13

I was trying I was trying to talk to you. I'm trying to not have this episode be sad. Well, if it's an asshole.

SPEAKER_04 31:21

What did she say? I think we're la I think we're laughing a good amount. Uh all right, well, it's gone.

SPEAKER_01 31:28

Uh but yes, I yeah, there is a thing. Cats it seem to they're very they they're they're see you do this. Their cat owners do have this um connection to to their cats, and I do believe they're the cats do have this idea of being there or or knowing that they're kind of needed in a sec in a sense.

SPEAKER_04 31:50

There was uh there's a actually a great Ellen de Generis joke, but there's a I'm bringing up the joke to tell the story behind the joke, which there was a cat that uh lived at some hospital or what whatever, and it would always be on the the deathbed of people until they died. And the Ellen joke was what they ended up finding uh cap 20 capsules of cyanide in the paw. But there's uh in there's an instinct and an intuition to animals where it's like even I'm not saying even on like uh oh they know things, but like they know they at least know my routine. Yes, and to be on my couch, you know, you guys know me enough where I don't sit still often. Uh to be on my couch not moving for most of the day is not my MO. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 32:49

So your cat detected. This is different.

SPEAKER_04 32:52

Something's up, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:54

Uh scientifically, they uh it's believed that they can sense the uh uh this chemical in the blood or the arise in the something with the blood for when people are about to die or have a heart attack. So interesting. There's this thing I read.

SPEAKER_04 33:07

Maybe you were close. Maybe she gets uh pretty close to some of the jokes I write. Like she'll like lay on the joke and go, this one's gonna die.

SPEAKER_01 33:22

Is the cat just going, ooh, ooh. It's like rubbing against the notebook.

SPEAKER_04 33:28

Oh, I maybe maybe I'll stay home tonight. You see your cat make this thing. It's an inward hiss. There, there's a joke. Save this episode. Uh no, I agree. We shouldn't uh make this a downer episode. So let's do uh this card game that's uh you play with people at the end of their lives. You want to pick a card?

SPEAKER_03 34:02

What's it called? Tails?

SPEAKER_04 34:04

Yeah, uh if you I'll show you on the front. Uh on the front here. Uh amazing. Did you get did you get a perfect one?

SPEAKER_01 34:20

No, I'm just laughing because I I'm realizing that this is for old people.

SPEAKER_04 34:26

It's definitely for old people. Yeah. I it it made it seem like it was for families, but I didn't realize it was to get to know your dying grandparents before.

SPEAKER_01 34:35

It is very Steven Rogers to get something with all the good intent behind it. And it is not exactly the right thing.

SPEAKER_04 34:44

Yeah, I told you that one time I got a woman I dated a birthday present, and she cried. And it was something I heard her say out loud that she wanted.

SPEAKER_03 34:54

Mine says, was it hard to adjust after the war?

SPEAKER_04 35:03

Oh man. Is that what you got? That's amazing. Uh go faced. Kick it off. Okay, this this one we can all do. Uh, as a teenager, what were some of your favorite books, films, and music?

SPEAKER_01 35:20

As a teenager. Ooh. Favorite book, film. Film I'd say around that time was probably Austin Powers.

SPEAKER_04 35:29

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 35:30

Yeah. Um yeah, Austin Powers like uh uh and then Judd Apatow stuff, like any of those that came out I would really love.

SPEAKER_04 35:39

Uh I Love You Man uh was a big one for me when it came out. You were not a teenager when that came out. I was in high school when it came out. Really?

SPEAKER_01 35:46

Damn, I'm really I'm old.

SPEAKER_04 35:47

I remember you're you're one year older than me.

SPEAKER_01 35:50

I'm two. One and a half. I'm 35.

SPEAKER_04 35:55

Oh. Uh my cat's gonna start laying on you. Uh I love you, man. It I remember it was like senior year when that came out. Uh and uh you're in your senior year. So stupid. Um uh all the Adam Sandler movies. Uh um, but I remember books, I liked the um the Percy Jackson books, The Lightning Thief, and uh stuff like that. It was basically a ripoff of Harry Potter.

SPEAKER_01 36:45

But I loved Harry Potter, yeah. I mean that's a hack kind of thing, but it is true. I liked it straight.

SPEAKER_04 36:51

I liked those. Uh music was Alice Cooper, like a lot of classic rock that no one bonded with whatsoever. Uh so it was a real hit with everyone in school. Uh I liked everything from before and not during. Uh yeah. And it's really just kind of affected my relationships going forward.

SPEAKER_01 37:13

He is he you are going for punch after punch after punch instead of just answering the damn question. I did answer the question. You did, but at the end, you were trying, you're like, this punch didn't hit. I got another one. I'm coming with another jab. I'm a comedian. I know. But you didn't allow you to allow it to miss. No, I knew it was missing. You're like, it and then you're like, here's another.

SPEAKER_04 37:43

You're punching yourself out. You're uh yeah, exactly. What what do you got?

SPEAKER_03 37:48

Oh, no, for my for mine. Oh, uh uh was it music, books, and and movies as a teenager? Yes. Off the bat, first thing the first movie that came to mind is actually not a comedy comedy, it's uh The Dark Knight. I was obsessed with the Dark Knight when it came out. I think it was 2008, which I would have been my around my sophomore year.

SPEAKER_01 38:09

A quick joker impression for us.

SPEAKER_03 38:10

And I thought my jokes were bad.

SPEAKER_01 38:13

That's pretty good.

SPEAKER_03 38:14

That's pretty good. On the spot. Anyway, I was very obsessed with the I had a Joker poster in my room, so I got laid a lot, clearly.

SPEAKER_04 38:24

And um man, when you wear it like that, can you imagine being a teenage girl coming like being vulnerable with uh another person and walking into the room and seeing they have a poster of the killer giant poster says why so serious with blood?

SPEAKER_03 38:44

Uh yeah, Dark Knight music, classic rock, but also a lot of MM uh at that time because as we know, I rapped in high school. So big MM guy. And then Recycle Books. It's important. Uh books. I I didn't really read. I think the only book that I read and actually liked later became a movie, which was The Lone Survivor. Oh uh about a stranded or like a Navy SEAL mission, and all the guys got murdered except one guy, Marcus Letrell, and then he is like stranded in enemy territory with people coming in on him and he makes his way out. It's a crazy story. Some people debate the facts that he's given and they refute blah blah blah blah blah blah. The book is amazing. Uh yeah, that's all I got. Pretty good. Pretty good.

SPEAKER_01 39:36

Here comes my my question. Tell me about some of your most memorable professors in college.

SPEAKER_04 39:44

Um I went to community college and uh I remember uh having a professor that uh had an English accent and uh that's it. I remember that accent being so calming and like uh good.

SPEAKER_01 40:02

Let's hear it.

SPEAKER_04 40:03

Let's hear it, let's hear you how it sounded. Uh oh no. All right.

SPEAKER_05 40:12

Uh hello, class. I can't do it.

SPEAKER_01 40:21

You have to, you have to give me you have to read uh this this here, this bottom paragraph.

SPEAKER_04 40:35

All right. Three, two. The life story edition was designed to help you see into your loved one's past. After all, grandma wasn't always grandma.

SPEAKER_05 40:46

This is for grandparents.

SPEAKER_04 40:52

See childhood through their through her eyes. War life through grandpa's eyes. This is for old people. Literally, it's the bit that I made. It's like that's amazing. The honeymoon through dad's eyes. Sorry, you can't unsee that one.

SPEAKER_01 41:14

Oh, but through a bit in there.

SPEAKER_04 41:15

Anyway, this is the card deck for discovering a life.

SPEAKER_01 41:18

Wow. Okay. You were you hit it on the first couple sentences.

SPEAKER_04 41:23

Yeah, and I couldn't stop laughing. Uh let me just make sure the front's right. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 41:28

Um, yeah. Uh my favorite professor had an Indian accent. And that's it.

SPEAKER_04 41:40

For people listening, I handed them the same paragraph.

SPEAKER_01 41:42

The life sorry edition was designed to help you see into your loved one's past. After all, Karlma wasn't always grandma. See, childhood through her eyes. Word life through grandpa's eyes.

SPEAKER_04 41:57

You're getting you're turning it up. No, see through dad's eyes.

SPEAKER_01 42:01

I'm seeing you grab the dial and turn it. Sorry, you can't unsee that one. Anyway, this is the card deck for discovering a life.

SPEAKER_04 42:10

Nope. Not uh I would I'm you know what? I'm not gonna comment on that. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 42:16

You had to finish the sentence.

SPEAKER_04 42:18

Not as uh offensive as I thought it was gonna be.

SPEAKER_01 42:20

Yeah, I I try to stick to one that would that's one how one really sounds.

SPEAKER_04 42:34

These episodes I just want to know. I want you to know, they will eventually be deleted.

SPEAKER_05 42:40

They will not live forever.

SPEAKER_01 42:48

There's no way they lose- What are we doing them for? What do I come here once a week for?

SPEAKER_04 42:55

No, I'm saying at the first sign of any of us succeeding, we gotta delete them.

SPEAKER_01 43:04

This is our vehicle for success.

SPEAKER_04 43:05

I would love that. That'd be great. I'm banking on that. All right. Uh and so is our new so is our fourth host.

SPEAKER_01 43:11

I am too. Uh put the mic towards up again. I am too. All right, go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 43:21

Uh I I had a lot of professors that I liked, but uh one in particular had a Chinese accent. Michael Allen. He was a he was a sassy uh gay black man.

SPEAKER_01 43:39

Was he really?

SPEAKER_03 43:40

Yeah. Michael Allen. And uh he sound a little something like this. Uh oh man.

SPEAKER_02 43:51

Hmm.

SPEAKER_03 43:53

The live story edition was designed to help you see into your loved ones' past. After all, quite Grandma wasn't always grandma. She should have been under shirt. See Chatter through her eyes. Wall I've through grandpa's eyes. The honeymoon through dad's eyes. Sorry, you can't unsee that one. Anyway, this is a card deck for discovering a lie. It's pretty good.

SPEAKER_05 44:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:18

I saw it hit both of our heads.

SPEAKER_05 44:21

All right, not bad. Not bad.

SPEAKER_03 44:26

He was uh later fired for talking to uh some of the boys inappropriately.

SPEAKER_05 44:35

It's interesting.

SPEAKER_03 44:41

He talked to like a lot of the the guys in my class. Like he was just it was complete sexual harassment. It would just be like, you know, comment on us and all that stuff. But it didn't, it didn't really bother me. Uh and it's interesting that years later now he's doing the exact same thing, but it's a newer class of kids, and they don't stand for that at all. And he immediately went to but in his mind he's like, I've been doing this forever. Yeah. But they they complained and he got fired.

SPEAKER_04 45:13

So what a great delivery of man, one of my favorite teachers was this guy. I'm gonna do the bit with everyone. Uh he was he did uh he did uh talk to he was fired from sexual rights. Uh do you have uh you did yours already?

SPEAKER_03 45:32

Oh no. Uh you just put it near your nose. What was your uh what was your life like in the seventh grade?

SPEAKER_04 45:41

I think we did this one. But uh if not, seventh grade, I had glasses. I had hair that kind of like well, not bowl cut, but it came down to down. Uh uh it was Alice Cooper for Halloween and no one knew who I was. Uh and uh the girl I had a crush on didn't like me back. So I think I was thriving. Great. Yeah. I think I had the perfect I was basically Peter Parker that never got bit by a sp spider. That's basically what I was.

SPEAKER_01 46:19

Yeah, I mean, awkward. I was fat. Um I was uh I loved Yu-Gi-Oh!

SPEAKER_04 46:30

You waited. You wanted you wanted me to bite. Yeah. Uh and she didn't love you back.

SPEAKER_01 46:38

Uh and then uh yeah. I and I talked with uh like a black scent at the time.

SPEAKER_04 46:45

Who was your favorite Yu-Gi-Oh character?

SPEAKER_01 46:48

Uh Kaiba. I really liked it. Oh, Pegasus. I think I know Pegasus. Yeah, he's like a big white white hair, and he's like, Hello, Yugi.

SPEAKER_03 46:59

But how would you say it at the time?

SPEAKER_01 47:02

Uh, Yugi, what what up? You wanna play some cards?

SPEAKER_04 47:07

Thank you for these shirts. And the pin is uh is very tasty.

SPEAKER_03 47:13

Uh seven seventh grade would have been the tail end of I had like a uh bit of a goth phase. What? In middle school, yeah. What? Yeah, that's the biggest shocker. Yeah, sixth grade, I was like hot topic. Like pants that with the chains that connect from one leg to the other leg. Chain wallet, uh, yeah, all the t-shirts. At one this is the worst that it got. I was very I was hanging out with kids that were older than me and I was just doing whatever they were doing. The thank God that I didn't do this, but it was we thought it was cool at the time. Hot Topics sold these um these temporary vampire teeth where you would put like denture glue in the bottom of them and then attach them to your like canine teeth, and they would stay in there for like at least a few hours. But there's I guess a surgery or something where you can do to permanently get vampire. And this was like a serious conversation we were having. Like, how cool it would be. We wouldn't have to keep doing this. We could just have the van. There's a real chance that I would have had vampire teeth right now.

SPEAKER_01 48:26

But if you don't like it, can't they file it down to look like regular teeth?

SPEAKER_03 48:29

I guess they could. It would still have been a huge mistake, but uh, we would put these things in and just walk around and just look at people. I was very lost. Imagine you did that in the rest of the lost boy.

SPEAKER_01 48:44

I was imagine you did that and the rest of your life went the same way. You become a comedian now and you have vampire chiefs.

SPEAKER_03 48:50

I'd have to it would be just a thing I owe.

SPEAKER_04 48:53

It's hard to date when you're bald.

SPEAKER_05 48:56

I never yeah, he doesn't talk about him.

SPEAKER_04 48:57

He doesn't talk about him. Oh, that's a one or a two-minute light.

SPEAKER_03 49:08

If I was just a short, bald guy with vampire teeth.

SPEAKER_04 49:11

I mean, you'd actually probably be doing better.

SPEAKER_03 49:17

Uh with the way I would. I would. I'd get on Kiltony immediately.

SPEAKER_01 49:22

Did you have a segment? I didn't want to inter I didn't want to.

SPEAKER_03 49:26

I had uh we could do it, it'd do it afterward. It's it's uh a brief thing that uh pissed me off a couple days ago, but we'll do this.

SPEAKER_01 49:34

Let's do this ad read. It'll be quick. Uh don't read ahead, as usual. Okay. But uh, you know, as you guys know, we're that went fast. All right, it's time for our ad read. So we don't have any real sponsors because we're so new at this, but in preparation for when we do have one someday, uh, I wrote us an ad for all of us to read. So just so you know, I wrote this ad. Steve and Taylor are reading this for the first time. Uh and doing a podcast is so much fun, but you know it's not possible without a website. But how am I a how am I a tech moron supposed to learn how to build a website at 35 years old? That's where our sponsor comes in. I am proud to tell you guys about Squarespace. Squarespace makes building a website easy. And not only do we use it for promoting our podcast, we use it for our other passion project. A website dedicated to facts about Martin Luther King. Yep. While this is a special Martin Luther King Day Jr. Day episode uh for the three of us, every day is MLK Day. We all know all sorts of things about him and post what we know on the website. I'll share what I posted yesterday. Did you know that at birth uh Martin Luther King Jr. was named Michael King, but his father later changed his name to Martin Luther King Jr. He also had his first experience of segregation at just six years old when he told he wasn't allowed to play with his white friend anymore. He was a great believer in peaceful protest, uh inspired by Indian activist Mahatma Gandhi. And in November, uh in October of 1964, MLK won the Nobel Peace Prize. In 1963, Martin gave his famous I Have a Dream speech. Now you guys go. He's also from Georgia. Thank you, Stephen. And now, Taylor, it's your turn to share your favorite MLK Jr. fact.

SPEAKER_03 51:32

Uh apparently, uh the dream segment, the most famous part of that speech, was not originally planned. Somebody who was on the Dais with him yelled out, said, Tell tell them about the dream. Tell them about the dream. And then he went into that whole part of it. So originally that wasn't supposed to be in there.

SPEAKER_01 51:51

Wow. You two know so much about MLK.

SPEAKER_04 51:53

Yep. Get your first month of Square Space Free if you sign up with promo code hee hee hee-blackfreedom.

SPEAKER_03 52:01

For someone who freed the slaves and refused to sit in the back of the bus, I have him to thank for the beautiful America we live in today.

SPEAKER_01 52:08

Now back to our show.

SPEAKER_03 52:13

Thank God I pulled that fact out because the only other thing I know about him is that he cheated on his wife. Yeah, I had that. I had that.

SPEAKER_01 52:21

Damn it. I was trying to say every fact I could find.

SPEAKER_04 52:25

You did a lot. Like some of them, I'm like, uh, I actually know that one and could have pulled it out. Oh, damn. And I was blanking on the there's uh the bridge. The march for Selma. Yes. Uh and uh I was blanking on um I think it's the is it the African American bridge? No way. I don't think so. No way.

SPEAKER_03 52:53

It's just uh I can tell you I wouldn't call it that. That's not what they called it back then.

SPEAKER_04 53:00

Yeah, yeah, that would be really convenient. We should do a mic why don't we cross the African American bridge? That's kind of new. That's not what his bit was saying. Hey, why do you call the bridge I get it now?

SPEAKER_03 53:12

Why do you call the bridge that? And you guys are so nice to the bridge.

SPEAKER_04 53:21

Man.

SPEAKER_03 53:22

Oh god. You were saying stuff about it. This happened to me the other day. Speaking of things that piss them off. So, well, it just it it was unsettling to me, and I don't know what it is, but uh so I I as you both know I have a car in in the city now. And I've been parking sort of around the Your car kind of fits what we're talking about. Uh put up a picture. Uh I've been parking around my house, you know, for whatever, a couple weeks now. I go out the other day and stuck in my like uh windshield wiper, you know, people put flyers and stuff. Somebody clearly it it's it was printed out in big bold letters said, You are committing insurance fraud. Now, mind you, at the time that this was there, I did not have insurance on the car. Uh-huh. I was driving without insurance.

SPEAKER_01 54:15

That was a legit.

SPEAKER_03 54:16

But there is no way that a normal citizen should be able to find that out. And so the fact that I was for some reason singled out, I would they they looked it up and then took the time to go on to Microsoft Word, type that up, print it out, and put it on my car. It just it it freaked me out because number one, someone's watching me, you know, or they've been they've been uh tailing my car for a while, and I I don't know what to make of it. So before I drove away, I sat in my car and I I got an insurance quote. I got insurance before I drove away. Did you find out anything about this? I don't I don't know. My guess, and I've talked to a couple people, is that it's like probably some old guy who lives in the neighborhood who just knows all the cars who park, and my car does stick out as a new car on the block. So, but it's still I don't know how he it just seems too much of a coincidence that I didn't have insurance and they put that on my car. Because it's not fra actually, not having insurance is not fraud. Is it was it you said it was in front of your place? It was it was not in front of my uh apartment, it was just on my car. I I mean where it was parked. It was like relatively in front, like you know, there's that bridge, it was on the other side of the bridge. You can park all the way anywhere around it. So no no camera. No, I wouldn't be able to see it. But it's like it's it's not fraud, but it's not nothing. It is illegal to to drive like that. I'm wondering if like uh somebody called the cops because they uh see the car, and then the car the cops says, Oh, this car's not insured, but he can't nab me for it because I'm not driving it technically, so then he puts that there. I don't know what to make of it.

SPEAKER_01 56:06

It's some you know kooky neighborhood watch kind of kind of guy, you know.

SPEAKER_03 56:11

Are they I mean you live nearby? Is that a thing?

SPEAKER_01 56:15

I don't know. I've I've always had insurance.

SPEAKER_03 56:17

I mean I'm not an asshole. I've always followed the rules and of the road.

SPEAKER_05 56:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:26

Well, um, no, I don't have anything like that in my neighborhood. But you're where you're living, that neighborhood gets a little more family-y, and you could probably get a little more like older guys. Yeah, I I expect this person to be like 60.

SPEAKER_03 56:41

Yeah, it did make me. I'm like, all right, if it's some old guy, at least he's not gonna like fuck with my car. Because that's really what I was it it has nothing to do with the whether or not I'm doing something illegal, it's the feeling of being watched.

SPEAKER_04 56:54

Yeah. You should in the same font put something else, put something on your car. So because the type of person that does that is gonna is gonna check and just have it be like kiss my ass.

SPEAKER_01 57:11

Or like if I catch you, if you're the one that if you if you're reading this and I'm seeing you read this, I'm coming right now to fuck you up.

SPEAKER_00 57:22

And I'm right behind you. That's funny.

SPEAKER_03 57:27

I just found out 15 minutes can save me 15% or more on Geico car insurance. And you have 15 minutes left.

SPEAKER_01 57:35

So did you get a good quote?

SPEAKER_03 57:36

Uh I did. It was uh remarkably cheap. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Mine is expensive.

SPEAKER_04 57:42

And I don't have a car. Oh, you you sold yours. No, I never had one.

SPEAKER_01 57:48

Oh, yes. Okay. Uh yeah. The car you okay, that was your access.

SPEAKER_04 57:52

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. No, I never had a car. Uh I don't know if I'll ever I don't want one. They it never seems like people that have a car are going, this is great.

SPEAKER_03 58:06

It's it's it's great for where I am right now. I'm probably gonna move in a few months and then it'll be a nightmare. But for right now, it's you're gonna move in a few months? No, I mean uh October. It's it's confirmed. I mean, all but unless you know see when this episode comes out. Yeah, but yeah, we've we've talked about it. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 58:30

Let's see if we can get that lady out here to Astoria.

SPEAKER_03 58:34

Oh, that's happening. Oh, okay. Good. Yeah. No, I'm staying in Astoria. Good, good, good. That was uh part of the compromise. Yeah. That's right. Um, it'll be interesting though, because uh she can afford uh a lot more of a place than I can. So yeah, she also like requires things that I uh don't. So it'll be it'll be an interesting, I think it'll be a tough uh a tough find, but you know.

SPEAKER_04 59:02

That's exciting. Yeah. Man. We're all growing up.

SPEAKER_03 59:08

It's happening.

SPEAKER_04 59:10

That's right. And now it's oh that's what she said before she took the car. Anyways, goodbye, everybody.

SPEAKER_03 59:29

Uh special. Yeah, uh look out for when my special comes out. Uh it's for sure that the taping has happened by now, but uh yeah, look out for when I put my uh special out and come.

SPEAKER_01 59:45

We haven't squeezed it. We haven't we're we're we're starting to release, right?

SPEAKER_03 59:48

No. Oh yeah, we should do it. The the first one is is uploaded and waiting to hit publish.

SPEAKER_01 59:56

Yeah, waiting to say this all there. Failure to launch. Watch is a thing.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:00

Yeah, all right. Uh yeah, check us all out on our socials and uh we love you. Goodbye. Bye.