HeHeHe
Hehehe is a comedy podcast with best friends Steven Rogers, Peter Wong, and Tayler Yarish just being silly and making each other laugh. It’s loose, friendly, and a little mischievous. Think hanging out with your funniest friends and laughing at stuff you probably shouldn’t.
HeHeHe
Ep. 036—Put A Ring On It
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@Stevenrogerscomedy
@Taylercomedy
@Peterwongcomedy
Let's pretend we just sat down and we're saying hi to each other first time today.
SPEAKER_05All right. I'm gonna even do a little bit of uh Alright, hey. I sat down first. Hey guys.
SPEAKER_02Hi, uh how are you doing?
SPEAKER_04Huh I said what's up, ass.
SPEAKER_02All right, let's do this again. That's just uh it wasn't that didn't feel like we'll count down from three. Oh, didn't feel authentic? Yeah, it didn't feel authentic.
SPEAKER_05I'll try to make it authentic. Yeah. We're all uh plopping down on three.
SPEAKER_02And we just said a word to each other yet.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, we all came to the room quietly without speaking to each other. Okay? All right.
SPEAKER_02And then we sat.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02One, two, three.
SPEAKER_05Why do you have a wedding ring on?
SPEAKER_03That's really the what we're gonna go with this.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I'm gonna start with that. That is what I would say as soon as I noticed it. That's unusual? Yeah, yes. Out of the three of us, interesting. I thought I might have it first. Well, I had a crazy weekend.
SPEAKER_03Uh let me just tell you that.
SPEAKER_02Did you have that earlier? What? I've been wearing this for years. No. Shut up. Yes. Nope. Years?
SPEAKER_05No, no, no. You've been wearing a wedding ring. No. You're gonna make it harder out there for yourself. You will not challenge enough. You will not you will not do that.
SPEAKER_02Let me just say this. I heard that having a wedding ring on increases your odds. Here we go. It just turns out.
SPEAKER_04And two tattoos that are uh abstract. Show me the picture of the guy you're trying to become. That you're trying to look like.
SPEAKER_05Did you watch Adam Sandler's just go with it? Because that's the only thing I've seen about that.
SPEAKER_04Uh well, the idea is that um by being unavailable, you make your attract a woman who's willing to have a guy cheat on life.
SPEAKER_02No, no, no. It's it's unfair for you to say that a specific type of woman will react that way. It's unfair.
SPEAKER_05And you picked that ring so she knows not only are you married, but you've recently lost some weight.
SPEAKER_03I gotta I gotta uh side.
SPEAKER_04So uh it's uh why is it unfair? That's the type of woman who would go for any woman who would see that and go, oh wow.
SPEAKER_02No, I think it's all women will will be that way. Even married women. Oh, he's married too. Uh no, okay.
SPEAKER_05Well the idea two lives for the price of one.
SPEAKER_02The idea is, you know, uh that you feel they feel less threatened by me because I'm wearing a wedding ring now. And so they go, We got somebody. And then we talk for a bit, and then um I'll it's up in the air whether I decide to eventually say I'm not aggregating. The truth.
SPEAKER_04What happens at the threat level when you go, anyway, that was all a bunch of bullshit.
SPEAKER_02Um exactly. So I'm I might not ever just even say that. I might just keep it on and continue.
SPEAKER_04And then just be like, if she mentioned you're not gonna mention that you're married, yeah, you're gonna let her think that. Can I uh see it?
SPEAKER_05Huh? Can I see it?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, you're gonna let her think you're married. Oh. And then when uh you eventually make a move or an inner or a comment that is uh inappropriate pass.
SPEAKER_02Why did you why was your first gut to say inappropriate? Well, you're a married man.
SPEAKER_04Uh but to her it's very inappropriate. And then she's gonna go, well, aren't you married? And you're gonna go, no.
SPEAKER_02Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_04And then and then you think she's gonna say, thank God.
SPEAKER_05It appears I never uh I'm not even doing jokes. I didn't get that far in in the process to look to try out ones, but it appears uh rather cheap and fake. They sell those in the corner of HM. And I'm not even doing a I'm not even doing a What's the matter with you?
SPEAKER_02Is it where'd you get it? Hm. I got it off Amazon. It was cheap and it's and it's fake. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And I have 12 more at home in case I lose this one. Yeah, but for a man, I got the box set.
SPEAKER_02For a man who's become a master at uh wording things in uh in uh in a sensitive way.
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah. Well, you're already trying to deceive people.
SPEAKER_05What's wrong with my wording? I'm not saying that you're cheaper fake. I'm saying that just doesn't. Do you think you should be do you think people will catch you?
SPEAKER_02Uh I don't know. So let me just tell you why I have first of all, let me just give you a whole bunch of uh thing. We have time, right? We got we gotta waste time for this shit, anyways.
SPEAKER_05I I got nothing. Go ahead.
SPEAKER_02So for a while I got into rings because I watched this uh video called Ring Tricks. And so the idea is you learn how to do like tricks, like uh I mean it's been years. Oh, magic. Yeah, well, it's kind of like magic where you like you can uh get uh like flip flip.
SPEAKER_04And then there's like this weekend.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, there's like this one where it's like it starts in your palm and you close and it's on your finger and stuff. Uh which I tried doing it, it took a lot of practice and I couldn't do it. Uh-huh. And then but the idea is you uh do it to impress women. Like one of the things was like And then when you do it, they go, Of course he's married.
SPEAKER_05I'll get this guy if he's single. He's doing magic.
SPEAKER_03My biggest trick is making my wife disappear. I solder in half.
SPEAKER_02So one of the things is also uh when the ring is sized right, uh, if you hold your if you have your uh finger lightly like this, it's actually not supposed to come off because your skin is bunched up. Yeah. And then the idea is like you have them try to pull it off, and then when they try, you go, ah! You know, that's why I did that. Yeah. It's like muscle muscle memory. Um anyways. You're doing your ring act on us. That's fine. Listen, comedy's anything that keeps us away from the wheel. Comedy's been tough, okay? I need to.
SPEAKER_06I'm trying to You're running ring bits on us.
SPEAKER_02I'm trying to do whatever I can now. Okay, so sorry. That's why I got in uh not into rings, but I remember having a ring at the time um and going, I can't wait to try this on a woman. And I never even figured out the trick.
SPEAKER_04So if you're so you walk into a bar, there's a cute girl sitting at the bar, and you're like, Alright, first thing I have to sit on the right of her so that my hand, so my left hand will be closest to her. Uh-huh. And then like I how do you get her to notice the rank? Because you can't.
SPEAKER_02Oh, now you're asking if I'm going out to a bar to to try to be a married man trying to pick up women. Yeah. What is it?
SPEAKER_05Well, you shouldn't do anything. Otherwise, it looks like he's trying to be.
SPEAKER_04Oh, I left my card at home.
SPEAKER_05I could have an old-fashioned, I could have a martini.
SPEAKER_04I love martinis. Martinis are the best.
SPEAKER_06IPAs are good. You know. Well, can you pass me some napkins?
SPEAKER_02Here's the the the true reason I got this ring. Um this weekend I'm going to Vegas for a uh a convention. Oh, yes. And I got a really great deal on a hotel. Um, it was supposed to cost six or seven hundred dollars for the weekend. Um, I got one, I snagged it for 150 bucks. The reason it's that cheap is because you have to sit through uh timeshare presentation for it, you know? Um amongst the things that are required, uh you have to have a certain amount of income, which I don't I don't I don't have. Uh you have to be married, which I'm not, and you have to be a US citizen, which uh not me. It's questionable. So uh so but you can just sign up and say, yeah, I'm that, and then they're not really gonna do all the checks, but I'd like to fit the story to start building the story. You want to get into character. I want to get into character, so I am gonna have a ring.
SPEAKER_05And you can you know that by looking at you, they can already immediately eliminate two.
SPEAKER_04He got his new jacket from HM. You know, he tries.
SPEAKER_05You walk you start, you walk in and they go.
SPEAKER_02So the idea is I'm gonna show up to the presentation. I'll say my wife is in the hospital. You couldn't make it. What? You have a better idea?
SPEAKER_04Or she just couldn't make it.
SPEAKER_05You could just say that.
SPEAKER_04I like I like her in the hospital.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. And then during the presentation, and over here we have well, here's get this.
SPEAKER_05The idea is when he wants to leave early.
SPEAKER_02No, no. So listen. So you're required to be uh to to watch a 90-minute presentation. From what I've heard, they use high pressure tactics to and they really drag the time out and stuff. Okay. So I'm gonna, you know, around the 90-minute mark, I'm gonna get a call. I'm I have someone, a friend there that's gonna call, and then she'll uh I'll put on, I'll have it on speaker just by chance, and then I go, hey, the doctor uh wants to tell you something. And I'll go, do you mind if I just take this? And then I go and I go take it, and I come back and I go, if it's all right, I you know, I do have to get going.
SPEAKER_04You can't just say, I would like to go now. What happens if you say that?
SPEAKER_02Uh I'm sure that'll work, but just in case you want to have a little bit of a few.
SPEAKER_04I mean, listen, I love a story. You know me, I love a roof. It's a heist. I love a heist.
SPEAKER_02It's another heist. You gotta read the stories about how mean these like salespeople are.
SPEAKER_04I have heard about You don't come to the island, you pussy. Like, what do they say?
SPEAKER_02They they really pressure you.
SPEAKER_05I don't know the tactics yet. I've I've heard this. I've heard it's like one of the good things about going with somebody else is because of how intense the people are. Uh so usually people go with their spouse. But yeah, I've heard about this.
SPEAKER_04I am am I just completely ignorant to think that none of that would work on me?
SPEAKER_05Doesn't mean it would work. It doesn't have to work. They're still intensely like up in your face and stuff.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. But uh assumingly because some people will crack under that pressure and then buy do you know what it is like?
SPEAKER_02I'll try right now, okay? I'll be the higher pressure sales guy. And you'll you're you're you're you're you, Taylor. Okay. Okay. I'll be like, all right, um, how'd you like the water?
SPEAKER_04How did I like the water?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, the water I gave you at the beginning of the presentation.
SPEAKER_04It's I mean it's fine. You yeah, the tap out here is pretty good. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Okay. I'm already getting there's a little bit of tension. I don't know what what's happening. Sorry, I had a long flight. Okay. Well, how what what happened?
SPEAKER_04It was long. It was a long flight.
SPEAKER_02It was a long flight. Okay. I'm just trying to make conversation, by the way. Yeah. Okay. I'm I'm I haven't done anything wrong, have I? No, you're alright.
SPEAKER_05Hey, I just want to say the water here is so good.
SPEAKER_02Thank you. Thank you very much. Hey, uh catch you later, okay? Yeah. Well, this is great.
SPEAKER_06I'm the guy he doesn't want to sell to.
SPEAKER_04The guy who wants to be talked to. Uh long flights are the worst. Yeah. Well, this was great, man. It was a nice video, but uh head out, you know.
SPEAKER_02Hey, before you head out, let me just level with you. Okay? Okay. There's a really good value in this timeshare. Okay. And if you get in on a ground level, I mean, forget about it. You can bring your little lady once a year in Panama.
SPEAKER_04That man, that sounds great. I just uh yeah, it's we're just not gonna do it, I think.
SPEAKER_02Uh, can you before you go, is it alright if I ask you, like, what are the reasons that you don't you may not be interested in that?
SPEAKER_04I I forgot she uh hates islands. She hates islands. She hates them. She hates everything that was in that uh video.
SPEAKER_02Okay. I have another timeshare that's actually in the middle of Baltimore. And it is in the middle of Baltimore. In the middle of Baltimore. It's beautiful.
SPEAKER_04Well, you're over two, because she really doesn't want to go back there.
SPEAKER_02What is she like? Just out of curiosity.
SPEAKER_04What is she like? I mean, I have a timeshare. Your guess is as uh good as mine. She's really just a miserable person.
SPEAKER_02And uh, I have a I have a wife. I mean, you don't have to tell me, right? Little ball and chain. Yeah, yeah. Hey, kill me. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Speaking of which, I'm gonna go now. She's uh she's waiting. I'm uh I'm seeing somebody.
SPEAKER_03Didn't I tell you to leave?
SPEAKER_02All right, well, I don't know the actual tactics of it, but you don't.
SPEAKER_04I think I scored you were doing it by the book. No, but but the I think your openings were correct. The the listen, before you go, just uh you know, real quick, uh it's oh it's this it's it's very similar to game. It's time constraint. Yeah. Yeah, just keep yeah, it's one second before you before you head out. Uh-huh. I'm gonna let you leave. Right. But before I do. But here's the thing. I think I read a different book.
SPEAKER_02They also dangle carrots in front of you. Not literally.
SPEAKER_05But they they'll dangle. How'd you know that was gonna get me?
SPEAKER_02They'll what they'll do is like let's just say so a lot of these, right? It's like sit through this timeshirt, you get a $300 Uber gift card or something like that, right?
SPEAKER_04And then you're sitting around being like, when am I getting the Uber gift card?
SPEAKER_02Exactly. And they're like, We're just about to get to it, you know. You know what I mean? Yeah, but you you can't hit a time.
SPEAKER_04I from what I heard, if they specify a time limit, you can start a timer, you can be, you know, upfront and honest and just if they say you sit through the 90 minutes uh, you know, cheap hotel, yeah, then yeah, I would uh So you can't can you not check in until after the timeshare?
SPEAKER_02No, this will be in the middle of the vacation. So interesting. Yeah, okay. It'll be like on noon at night.
SPEAKER_05I know why you're in Vegas. Are other people that are going to this convention going no?
SPEAKER_02It's for a blood on the clock tower. That's for the the game. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Whoa, that's like a for him. Is it is it uh it's not like a tournament.
SPEAKER_02No, no, it's just a big social kind of gathering and like people coming together playing the game and stuff. And I have friends from New York going and I asked if any of them want to pretend to be my partner. And uh so far, none of them for some reason want to sit through a 90-minute timeshare presentation on a Sunday.
SPEAKER_05And maybe have to show affection towards you like they're a spouse. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And look, it it could be gay or straight. Yeah. Um, but uh, I don't even know why I had to say that.
SPEAKER_04Does it start when you land? Like is it?
SPEAKER_05I'll have a fake husband or a fake wife. I'm not homophobic when it's fake.
SPEAKER_04What are you saying? Is it uh do you have to be there? Uh is the timeshare the day you land? Like, is it for that night? No. No.
SPEAKER_02You mean the presentation? Yeah. The presentation is in the middle of the my stay.
SPEAKER_04So you're hoping the second half you get a cheap hotel.
SPEAKER_02No, I'll have it the whole time. In order to have that price continuing, I have to go to the presentation. If not, then they charge me an extra 500.
SPEAKER_05Oh, I see. And so that's the reason you have the wedding ring. But are you gonna do the other reasons to have the the wedding ring? Are you gonna try to uh pick up women?
SPEAKER_02Um, why not? Yeah, let's see. I think that'd be fun. See if it works. Yeah, a little clinking on the glass. Yeah, what do you gotta lose? Yeah. I think it's funny, you know? And it's kind of fun. Yeah. All these icebreakers. But anyways, all that to say, that's that's what I'm doing it for. Um, and I think even uh I might even entice one of my friends and be like, look, you come with me to this, I'll get you lunch.
SPEAKER_05And then but then they have to have a ring.
SPEAKER_02That's true. With a diamond on it. Unless it's a guy, then I already I have multiple of these because I bought five of them that didn't fit, and I have one more coming that I think will be the right size. I started at 9.5. Uh-huh. This is eight, and it hasn't or no, this is this is 7.5, and we haven't gotten there yet. So you might need a six. Yeah, I went 9.59, 8.58. 7.5. Oh, wait, this might be 8, but I was like, holy shit. Because I sent a fit photo of my hands to uh you had girthier fingers. Huh?
SPEAKER_04You had girthier fingers.
SPEAKER_02I thought I knew I had slender fingers, but when you go down the ring uh size numbers, even when I started at nine, that's already on the top third. I'm like, okay, well, I'm on the smaller size already. I'm definitely not 30. Yeah, you know. So uh and I'm Chat GPT is like, I'll guess probably a nine, but you can go 8.5. It was way up.
SPEAKER_04Just take a picture of your hand.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I took a photo of my hand and sent it. And so did you put it like next to something for scale? I'm not doing a bit, but I know it sounds like that. But like otherwise, it could be any sized hand.
SPEAKER_02That's true. I thought if that was needed, Chat GPT would tell you, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_05You don't want you don't want to critical think.
SPEAKER_02Hey idiot, no, let's outsource all of it to the this thinking thing is in the past. Yeah. That's the the the slogan. The slogan slogan. Yeah. So I think uh, you know, just go for it. Nice. Also, um I booked the uh hotel under a credit card that uh it can't be charged more than a certain amount. So even if they do not give me the thing, I have a way out.
SPEAKER_04It can't I like this. You have like a credit limit on it.
SPEAKER_02So there's a website called privacy.com, and what they can do is they can generate privacy.com. That sounds so legitimate. I've been using this for a decade. Secrets.org. So uh.gov. I'm glad we got to talk about because they are today's sponsor. Obviously.
SPEAKER_04Privacy.com.
SPEAKER_02So what they can do is uh they'll make a temporary credit card for you, and there is a it can't be traced to your name. You can put any address you want, and has a limit, whatever you put on it. Some of them like a visa gift card, essentially, yeah. But you can set all those things like whenever you want. So it's all on like on an app and stuff, you know. So it's good for signing up for trials, right? Because you're you know, sign up for a trial, you forget, you forget to cancel, next thing you know, you're on the hook. 15 bucks a month from Brazzers, whatever stupid thing, right? But with privacy, huh? It's 20. With privacy, um, you forget, bang, nothing happens. Or you make a reservation at a restaurant and you either forget to cancel or you don't want to cancel because it's like, who knows, maybe I want it. But they charge you 40 bucks for canceling, but they need a hold on a credit card, credit card, two dollar limit.
SPEAKER_04Or when you're lying about being a rich, gay, married man and you want to get a cheap hotel.
SPEAKER_03Exactly.
SPEAKER_02That's exactly it. So uh, you know, I get excitement out of these.
SPEAKER_05I'm I don't know, secondhand excitement from the streets.
SPEAKER_04I don't know where these I'm looking forward to hearing about it. Where you find these you always got something like, well, actually, there's a there's a there's a loophole.
SPEAKER_05Like I feel like all three of us always have a scheme, we just do it in different there's always something.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, mine's pretty straightforward.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, you're yeah yeah.
SPEAKER_02You have this trick where if you walk in a store and there's a thing that costs something, if you just take that and put it in your bag and you walk out.
SPEAKER_05If you take it and then you and then you leave, you're not charged. Every time I've gone into a fitting room since becoming closer to you, I've thought about it. I think about him. Like I I even went into a fitting room recently with my backpack and uh you know tried stuff on, left, bought everything that I had, and I was like, they didn't even like look in my bag or anything. And I'm like, I bet you I could novice steal something. Yeah. So uh I'm just saying anyone can do what you do.
SPEAKER_04Somebody texted me the other day. Sure. Uh if that's the way that you would want to go about doing it. I mean, fitting room's kind of a novice move, but uh somebody somebody texted me the other day, and uh I won't say their name on the pod, but afterwards we know who they are. And they go, uh, I just got caught stealing from Whole Foods, and I thought of you. Whoa. And I was like, you got caught and you thought of me?
SPEAKER_02Uh you take a lot of pride in the fact that you've never been caught.
SPEAKER_04Uh I've been caught, but it was years ago.
SPEAKER_02But we're not talking about the DVD incident.
SPEAKER_04That's the only reason he has a shaved head.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I was just full. We're not talking about the Blu-ray DVD incident, right? I don't know the Blu-ray DVD incident. You are talking about that. Yeah. Do you want to share it or do we want to move on?
SPEAKER_04I w it was it was like back in college, I was uh went into a Kmart and I like took a video game out of the thing, and then I um I like put it in my waistband, and then I was it was like a two level Kmart and I was coming up the escalator and the exit was to my left and I saw just a guy kind of just like standing there that wasn't there when I came in. And I was like, eh, I don't like that. So I took the disc out and then I put it on like a thing next to me. And then I walked out and they stopped me and I didn't have it on me. And they were like, You gotta come with us. And I was like, No, I don't. You don't, I don't have anything. They were like, You gotta come with us. And I was like, Okay. And then they took me back to the room, and I was uh I mean it was like very nerve-wracking, so I was like, oh no. But I knew they couldn't do anything because I didn't know.
SPEAKER_02Are they allowed to search you?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, they get it doesn't matter. They could search. You could that's you could take something and bring it around the store and uh why are you laughing? Are they allowed to pat you down?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04No.
SPEAKER_02I uh that was like if they asked you like take off your clothes, would you have done it? No. Okay.
SPEAKER_05No. What if they said slowly?
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Ask nicely. Anyway, they were just like, they just kept me there and then eventually I was like, yeah, it's right over there, and then bye. Um but anyway, yeah, they were like, I got caught uh with like 10 candles and uh and some frozen burritos. I can't tell if that's a man or a woman by that.
SPEAKER_02When? Where?
SPEAKER_04Bunch of frozen burritos. This was a different time.
SPEAKER_02This is no, this is the person.
SPEAKER_04This is the person who texted me. Oh, that guy. Bunch of bunch of candles and and a bunch of frozen burritos.
SPEAKER_05And candles says woman, frozen burritos says man.
SPEAKER_04It's not a bad guess. Uh I don't know why I said that. Just uh, yeah, then uh I was like, what happened? And it was like it was pretty chill. They came up and they were like, hey, can we just like have the candles and the burritos back? Uh-huh. And uh this person was like, uh, oh yeah, okay. So uh sorry, totally. Uh totally have the stuff back. And um they were like, are you gonna like arrest me or something or like call the cops? And they were like, no, we just want the stuff back. And uh it was actually like a pleasant exchange. I'm like, all right, have a good day.
SPEAKER_02Like it was yeah, wow, that they got off easy, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04Um but I was like, what what were you doing? Like, were you obvious? And uh they were like, Yeah, I think I was just being very just overtly just throwing stuff into my into my bag.
SPEAKER_05The burritos make my place stink. What they were taking burritos and candles. Oh, okay. When I eat these, I rip ass.
SPEAKER_04And then I have to light.
SPEAKER_05No, you don't understand. If I'm gonna steal this, I have to steal this. The ratio is two to one.
SPEAKER_04Two candles to every burrito.
SPEAKER_05Burritos make me do two, so I have to light one candle.
SPEAKER_04It's funny to only like those are the two things you're taking.
SPEAKER_02That that's yeah, it's that's so that is odd. That's embarrassing to like look into the bank of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, I had this thought, uh, you know, one thing I miss about having a girlfriend. Uh, and this is the one only time I experienced this was uh um my ex. Why are you laughing?
SPEAKER_05Sorry, keep going.
SPEAKER_02Where's your mind going? What do you think?
SPEAKER_05Uh it can only I'm so excited. I think it's excitement. It's just excitement.
SPEAKER_02Oh, so it's just or just whatever it could be.
SPEAKER_05Whatever it could be, that only a girlfriend could provide for you.
SPEAKER_02Well, my ex, uh, she would uh initiate uh uh sex or like or like ask, you know, we gonna do it tonight, uh, you know, or you know, make moves and stuff. And uh before that no woman I never like gone for it, like, oh, you know what I mean? It always yes, exactly. It's always been like I have to like, you know, I oh uh let's watch a movie. Oh, okay, come watch the movie. All right, middle of the movie, okay. Now I gotta put my arm on you and you know, okay, let's go.
SPEAKER_04Well that's because you're not uh together. Yeah. Well, you don't have to do all those things when you're dating someone. Right, right, right.
SPEAKER_05You like the the fat being trimmed.
SPEAKER_02I like being wanted. Oh. So much more because uh uh before that, it always felt like I was doing this thing and you were letting me do it, even though you didn't want to.
SPEAKER_05You know what I mean? They wanted to, but you were the pursuer at the time.
SPEAKER_02Yes, but mentally it felt like um I'm tricking you into doing this thing that you hate that I really want to do. Right. That's mentally how it comes off.
SPEAKER_05But if you've changed your ways, and you're gonna get a smaller size of that, or is that the size you're sticking with?
SPEAKER_02Uh over the ring. I have another ring on, you can't see it. So uh, but yeah, you know, so that's one thing I was thinking about like, oh, it was I missed those because it was like, you know, just it was nice to like, oh, like I'm getting touched up on and hey being asked.
SPEAKER_05You haven't been like on a date or a uh like having drinks with someone and felt wanted in that part.
SPEAKER_02Sometimes, right? It'll be like, you know, um I pull me into kiss or something, or whatever. She's showing these indicators of stuff, right? But uh, you know, every time I've hooked up as a single guy, um, even like morning of, right? When it's time for another go, it's always like, hey, I'm I'm gonna start to do this. I'm doing I'm starting to do this. Look, you haven't stopped me or screamed or cried or anything.
SPEAKER_05We get to do it.
SPEAKER_02You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_05I I would love at least you're looking out for things. That's the good thing I'm hearing here. Yeah, if I say those are the ones I've encountered that signal no, and so I'm glad you're paying attention and looking for signs.
SPEAKER_02But I I would it it's something I miss from being in a relationship because it's it it's nice to be craved or feel like she can't hold back anymore. Sure.
SPEAKER_05That she so much so she feels safe with you, so she feels safe to initiate.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Just be desired. You gotta say yes.
SPEAKER_02No, no, look, the safe thing is nice, yes, but it's really the desire that just wants someone to the desire that's so great that she can't hold back.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I'm I know you don't care that they first. Hold on.
SPEAKER_04You're it started as she was going, like, yeah, so what do you think? We're gonna have like sex tonight, and you're like, the desire's so great, it's bursting out of her. Yeah, she's simply being like, So we we what are we doing?
SPEAKER_03Compared, compared to what I usually get, that is bursting out, it seems to me.
SPEAKER_04It's like, ha ha ha ha ha ha. What do you think? 6 p.m. work for you? Oh, you're just brimming with sexual desire.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I know whenever I can't stand myself and I'm out of control with desire, I make a schedule. I go ahead and first thing I grab is my calendar.
SPEAKER_02I mean, look, just as a I mean, uh, that's actually how low the bar is, in a way, right? Is that just being asked, hey, do you want to have sex tonight? Is like amazing. That's all that's all that's making me like, that's all that's lighting up the fantasies in my brain. Sure. So that's more, you know, a testament of the society we're in.
SPEAKER_05What about when you do you find when you realize that she's wants to, like for the first time, or you know, it's someone that you're attracted to, whatever. Like the first time that it's gonna happen, does is that more or less exciting?
SPEAKER_02The first time that it's gonna happen, yeah.
SPEAKER_05The first time she's uh acknowledged or shown that level of desire.
SPEAKER_02It's that's amazing. Yeah, I think that's why a relationship is so hard, is because after that first time, every other time She's just old to you.
SPEAKER_04It's I disagree so much with this.
SPEAKER_05Why?
SPEAKER_04And that's not even because I'm I'm digging. Because she's listening. No, I think the I think that the first time that you have sex with someone is never the best time that you have sex with them.
SPEAKER_02Sure. But I'm saying the excitement.
SPEAKER_05That's the excuse I've always given after. Hey, that wasn't gonna be the best. Wait until number 20. You know what that is. You gotta give me 19 more.
SPEAKER_02I mean, uh I'm not saying the first time's the best, like but that anticipation is is at its peak. Yeah, her her saying that you get to is it's really just that is the peak. Like, we're I think that's what got we're we're all chasing a lot. That's more important, yes.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, yes, no, yes, just say yes, and we'll no, you're not well slow down.
SPEAKER_02When I say no, I'm not saying no to consent.
SPEAKER_03Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_02Obviously, consent's fine. If you gotta have it, you're yes, I it's great. But what I'm saying is it's it's the male or whatever the idea of like I'm trying to get this, I'm trying to get this, I'm trying to get this, and it's there's a lot of difficulty and a lot of poison things, and then the ultimate her finally saying yes is is is the click of like, oh, I've achieved I've achieved this thing that I sure that I really want.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, you know, that's so you operate under the assumption that it's you don't have it, it's not happening until she uh verbally or physically uh says so.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04That's good. Yeah, well, I'm uh yes, in reality, that is how it works. But some guys, like if they're on the date, just to sort of even if it's to feign confidence, they operate like they already like it's already in the bag, pretty much.
SPEAKER_02Oh, you mean like the mental that's a better mentality, right?
SPEAKER_04Of like not saying better or worse, but I was asking if that if how you go about it. And you're saying that like if you're on the date, you know, until she's like, hey, huh? Let's do it, you're like, it's not happening.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, uh I I don't know if you're touching on this uh uh uh deliberately or not, but the a mentality that I've always fought with or had trouble with is that um it's not a successful date to me unless I've physically escalated in some way, right? Oh, I didn't get a kiss, that was kind of a failure.
SPEAKER_04Didn't get one or didn't go for it.
SPEAKER_02Didn't get, right? Right? Or we didn't hook up. Oh, that was a complete waste of my fucking time. You know what I mean? And that's not that's not I'm telling you that's not good.
SPEAKER_05That's not good, that's not good makes for weird uh relationships, and the stress on you put on yourself for that, yeah. I'm sure that makes you uh there's no bit coming here, but I'm sure that makes you only show certain sides of yourself. Yeah, I'm not fun. And and avoiding directions that where you could have your own fun in a different way.
SPEAKER_04It's the sorceress. Uh those who those who want it, uh the people who want it the most and and what you know want to just harness, that's all they want. They're not the ones who are gonna get it. But the ones who don't, it's it's you know, then it comes to you. So if you operate under the assumption of like up, that's I'm not going for that.
SPEAKER_05So it's gonna come to you. On a date, you should sit down with her, order a drink, and go, and I don't want anything to happen tonight.
SPEAKER_04Some people think that's a mood. You'd be like, hey, I don't want your sorcerer stone. Just so you know, I'm not going home with you.
SPEAKER_05Please don't show me your rubies. I would love Chamber of Secrets.
SPEAKER_04What would happen if you were like, and just so you know, I'm it's the first day and I'm not going home with you.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, just to start right right off the bat like that.
SPEAKER_05I've had that where uh the person I was on the date with said that to me, and I felt uh insane relief. And right. It's also a convenient. Because then you could just leave.
SPEAKER_04Oh, good.
SPEAKER_05Well, perfect. I didn't spend any money.
SPEAKER_03Oh, the rest of my night is gravy. I can watch I can do whatever I want now. I'll go up and watch Spider-No.
SPEAKER_00Cutting me in my underwear watching the uh Yeah, look.
SPEAKER_04It's a very uh uh a direct, honest thing to say.
SPEAKER_05I like I am I kind of liked it because then the rest of the date I was just like, oh well now I'm not auditioning. Are you allowed to be like, that's totally cool.
SPEAKER_04Is it okay if I still try though?
SPEAKER_05I'm still gonna try. That's a great Do you mind if I still try? That's actually a pretty good retort and would probably make them laugh.
SPEAKER_02Uh but that yeah, I I remember uh uh on like the first date with uh my my ex, uh she goes, uh just so you know, uh I I'm not inviting you home today. And I go, well, that makes me furious.
SPEAKER_04See, that's a funny bit, and she doesn't know in that moment that you're being honest. Yeah. So that's why it's funny.
SPEAKER_02I think she did laugh. I think by that time she knew who I was.
SPEAKER_05Yes, if they know who you are, it's perfect, it's a perfect moment to just be like, uh check and doing bits and like like okay, that thing hovering over us is now been addressed. Uh-huh. And now do we like each other? Yeah. Or did I just want that thing?
SPEAKER_02Well, sometimes it's it's how it's like if if I know a hot girl has a boyfriend, sometimes I'm much more fun around them. Of course. Because now I go, okay, well, that's been taken care of. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So I don't have to worry about that.
SPEAKER_04So how about instead of pretending that you're in a relationship, why don't you pretend that they're in a relationship?
SPEAKER_03I can't make mental. Can you hold those put this on your finger?
SPEAKER_02I can't make that's a paradox, okay? Why did I even walk up to them if I uh thought that they were in a relationship?
SPEAKER_04Because they're just an interesting person that you felt like you wanted to get to know and talk to.
SPEAKER_02You could just be like what I'm working on. I'm trying to just, you know, like you sit there and actually have fun, listen to the person, hear their like lots streams and stuff.
SPEAKER_05You know what I mean? Can we hear uh your most recent success in that department? Even if it's small, it's very small. We'll come back to you. Uh we've got time. Maybe we don't. I don't know if I got I I believe that that is a good uh th muscle to build. Just sort of like, let's just talk to everybody like uh that's off the table, but I still want to get to know them very well.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_05And and why are you making your face?
SPEAKER_04It's just so funny that we have to be like, let's just try somehow try. I know, and not think about that's men, though. Banging them.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. And then maybe we'll then we'll get to bang them.
SPEAKER_05And then we'll get to bang them. And then and then if I they find we find out we've been saying this out loud. Right next to them. All right, if I just try. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I would, you know, I think and maybe sometimes the uncertainty is also the problem, right? It's the suspense. So so that relief of suspense is good. It's almost like how I'm pretty good, uh, I'm a pretty good conversationalist on a on the road. Very much so. I know that we're stuck together for a while.
SPEAKER_05And we won't have sex.
SPEAKER_02We won't have sex, but that I've uh I've accepted we're in this place that isn't that might not be the most fun, but we're here we are, right? And I think I should look at dates that way.
SPEAKER_04We're in this really not fun position that we're stuck in for the next hour and a half. He walks up to a girl, traffic, huh?
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_02But you know, it's this surrender of like, what else are you gonna do, right? If you're if I'm at the whole road trip, the whole drive, I'm going like, uh man, when are we gonna get to that place? When are we gonna get when we get to Atlantic City, huh? Oh man, I hope I really get I hope it's soon.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Come on. You know, that's yeah, that's that's I'm that's a bummer. You want to jump out of the car, you know?
SPEAKER_05And I and it's you know, it's probably something you've said to me about the same subject, but I feel like it's the same as stand-up as like you can only get better at it the more you put yourself in that situation. You can't just uh judge your st your start. You have to go up there and do your time. If it like with that person, whether however they hate they receive you, that's better than standing way over there and playing it in in your head. You gotta actually live the results of it. Easier to say right here.
SPEAKER_02Anyways, I was just saying, I do miss the uh that part of like I want to be touched. Well no, and not touched is one thing, but it's it's her being like, oh, I I want you, you know, because no one ever says that, right?
SPEAKER_05So um pizza place.
SPEAKER_02Uh shall we spin the wheel? Yes, okay. All right, I'll spin this bad boy today. And uh as a reminder, this one spot that you can barely see ink on anymore is the immunity idol. Oh, yeah. And any other spot is we are calling a pizza place. Okay.
SPEAKER_04Wait, what are we spinning? What color?
SPEAKER_05What is the color? Oh, anything. We're waiting to see if it lands on immunity idol or pizza.
SPEAKER_00Oh it landed on immunity idol!
SPEAKER_02Oh, all right.
SPEAKER_04All right, this is exciting. Blue. Peter hates this.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I do. Okay, blue, green. I'll take green. I'm blue. I'll be red. Red, green. Okay. And if it's yellow, we're calling a pizza place.
SPEAKER_06No.
unknownWhat do we got?
SPEAKER_05Oh my god. That's in the middle. It's gotta be it again.
SPEAKER_03You're glad that's in the middle, huh?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I am. So that's that's why I'm like, hey, middle, middle.
SPEAKER_00Damn it! Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03This is the worst thing of my life.
SPEAKER_02Yes! This is great.
SPEAKER_05So you get an out, you get an outie. So then now we have to do it. No, no, no, no. So I now have an immunity idol. I see.
SPEAKER_02So now if I And now one of us, let's just call a pizza place today, anyways. You know, so we have something.
SPEAKER_05So that didn't mean anything if we're still calling? No. Well, he got an immunity idol. I don't I don't know. He's the one with the power.
SPEAKER_04I've never seen Jeff Bros be like, you know what? Uh forget about that.
SPEAKER_05Uh, yeah, we're yeah, we're still gonna uh you I know you want food, but you still know good. Let me be clear. That idol is not for this. So I'm not using my idol right now. I just got the idol.
SPEAKER_02Yes, yes, yes.
SPEAKER_05So you're not immediately removing my idol. No, of course. I get to choose when I play the idol.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you get to choose. Okay.
SPEAKER_04Do you get have to play it before you know what it's for?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. One day we'll have a whole wheel. We'll we'll fill it out. Yeah, I would have to play it before the wheel spins. One of these days, I'm gonna put eight bad things on here, right? And then you have to choose to play it before we spin it. I'm gonna put seven bad things and one good thing. One extremely good thing.
SPEAKER_04Well, then you're making it too easy on me.
SPEAKER_02No, but I think you have to do like three. He has to play it before we spin.
SPEAKER_04But he's saying But if he's if he knows that his odds are seven out of eight bad, he's just gonna play it.
SPEAKER_05And his argument's gonna be a while now that he knows it's between you or him to call pizza place. But just I just want to throw that in there.
SPEAKER_01So what you're saying, so what you're saying is all right, Taylor.
SPEAKER_02Uh pick two colors.
SPEAKER_04Two colors? No. Uh uh.
SPEAKER_02Blue and green. Blue and green. All right, and I'll be red and yellow. I'll spin. Spin this bad boy. And let's hear some wheel spinning music, Taylor.
SPEAKER_00That's the best favorite music.
SPEAKER_03That's gonna be on my Spotify rapped. I heard that on the elevator earlier.
SPEAKER_05Green.
SPEAKER_04You'd know it was in the middle, you just turned it and it turned.
SPEAKER_02No, stop this, stop this shenanigan. I swear to God.
SPEAKER_04It landed in the middle, and then when you turned it, it leaned.
SPEAKER_05I'm I just said you're right. I just said you're right.
SPEAKER_03Alright, fine.
SPEAKER_05Okay, I can't wait to replay this. Next this time, if it's in the middle, I won't take your side if I don't hear some music.
SPEAKER_03That's blue. That is definitely blue. I appreciate it.
SPEAKER_05That is blue. And it was blue before it did that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Alright. Alright. You know, I don't mind you waiting me to be idol today.
SPEAKER_06I've already played this.
SPEAKER_05Uh any pizza place. Oh.
SPEAKER_03Uh you want to try the same one you called last.
SPEAKER_02I'm calling about the free pizza. Ah, damn it! Not this again.
SPEAKER_05Uh is the idol here? I don't see it.
SPEAKER_02Uh no, you brought it.
SPEAKER_05I don't know where it is. It was supposed to be up there. Okay, we'll come back. So I don't call the same ones. You called Grand? No. Okay. Grand didn't answer.
SPEAKER_02Alright, guys. So today, Taylor is going to call a pizza place and see if he can get a free pizza. Um, he can use whatever maneuvers he likes. And uh Is there any rules? Um I don't think so. Unless there's anything that comes to mind.
SPEAKER_05No, I don't think I'm not going to.
SPEAKER_02Uh you can't curse at them. Okay, that's a good rule, right? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Hey, you fucking asshole. We have now added a rule.
SPEAKER_04Hey, what's going on? Um just calling I have a uh uh a coupon here. It says free pizza, it's signed by Mario. It might be an old card. Do you guys still do that? Not today. Uh I don't know if there's like a time or if it's like a certain day of the week kind of thing, but it just it's kind of pretty basic and it doesn't have an expiration date, so I was like, oh, maybe I'll give it a shot. Sorry? A customer. Uh yeah, not uh not today. I haven't ordered today, but yeah, in the past, that's not a it's not a thing anymore.
SPEAKER_01So dang.
SPEAKER_04Have you guys ever done something like that? Yeah. Oh, the manager changes and then and then it's like no longer valid or something. Dang. Okay. All right, no worries. Just figured I'd give it a shot. All right, bye. Felt like he was on the ropes there a little bit. I thought you had him.
SPEAKER_05He was like, uh You had me so nervous like went into my phone.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I noticed open his text, close it back, open a text again to close it back and open the text.
SPEAKER_04Well, the thing is, I I would have had if he was like, Yeah, yeah, bring it in, or we'll see if we can do something, I then would have had to make a fake one. Make a fake one and it would have had to look old. Yeah, that would have been the tough.
SPEAKER_02Then we pivot into fraud.
SPEAKER_05What was it is a free pizza. I thought you had them. I thought this was gonna be wrapped pretty quickly for a minute. And then I and I'm not roasting you on your strategy. I very much liked, dang.
SPEAKER_04Dang! Well, I wanted like I was like, maybe if I can get him to feel bad for me, like I'm not trying to swindle him a little bit of just being like, I got this coupon. What's the point of giving something out?
SPEAKER_06This guy sounds like how I look. No, he doesn't. No, he doesn't. No, that guy sounded uh foreign. No, not the guy, the guy he's oh me.
SPEAKER_02Oh, him, yeah. Oh yeah, yeah. Ah shock. Well, maybe next time.
SPEAKER_04You sure you don't want to just maybe he has to be a customer, right? Yeah, yeah. I'm like, oh yeah, of course.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I thought today, but I I I thought it was going somewhere.
SPEAKER_04I thought the fact that he's trying to figure it out and it wasn't just like a no.
SPEAKER_02Doesn't it give you hope for the future of this um project that we're doing?
SPEAKER_04Uh it well, I mean, it's what I said. If we get the right guy, I think it'll work. I think it more depends on the guy.
SPEAKER_02I think it depends on the tactic too.
SPEAKER_04I think it's it's gotta be a perfect harmony, but really the guy needs to on no evidence give a free pizza and no, and no, just out of the you know what, fuck it.
SPEAKER_05Let's do it. I I like I liked how you did it. I thought I thought you were gonna do it. And I was like, there was a moment I was like, it's gonna be over in two calls.
SPEAKER_04And to to to kind of to make this to circle back, can I I went in thinking, I'm not getting this pizza. Uh-huh. Whoa. I'm not getting this pizza. And at the end, you didn't get and did you have a good time? I had the longest phone call, I think. Yes, yes. Yeah, I think so because he was confused. And he was translating. He's looking around pizza. Are you a customer?
SPEAKER_03Uh they said not today. Yeah. Not today.
SPEAKER_04I'm like, okay. Uh well. All right, so Mondays are no good.
SPEAKER_06Uh hey, Tuesday's lights. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_05I uh that reminds me, uh, this is a little switching of the subjects, but uh I uh I have a new barber, and um I was wondering if you were gonna debut this haircut. Oh yeah, you want to show it to us? Oh, well, I just got it right before this, so I don't even know. It's the it I think it's the same. I don't know. Turn. I hate you guys. I hate you guys.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, it's pretty much the same.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, it's good. How do you feel about it? Yeah, what do you think? I haven't looked. I haven't seen it. Oh, it looks good.
SPEAKER_04They don't do the uh you weren't getting your whole hair.
SPEAKER_05I mean, I saw it, but I don't know what it looks like until the next day. Yeah, you don't. I don't know if you remember. But like uh I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_03It's a luck to remember to figure out what that meant.
SPEAKER_05I just figured it out. The fact that he didn't laugh, I had to apologize immediately. I had nothing to laugh at.
SPEAKER_03It wasn't because it was me. I had no waves. It wasn't short, I remember all these guys.
SPEAKER_05I have no hair. That's great. But uh uh it's a guy I've seen for years. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_02It is just your face is different now.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. No, uh, what were you saying? Your shoulders have kind of like they seem more defeated than they were early.
SPEAKER_04Um, that was uh uh she got a haircut.
SPEAKER_05But my barber is from the DR, and or no, yeah, yeah. And uh my old barber at this place is from the DR, been here much longer than this, and but he left the barber shop. I took his protege, and this was my first haircut with him, and he's from Colombia, and he speaks a lot less English. And I found today when I was making small talk with him that I my small talk abilities uh when it's like a new person, are for someone that doesn't speak a lot of English because uh I would I would ask him something and he wouldn't know what I meant, and I'm like, that's perfect. I didn't really want to talk about that anymore. And then I just switch it to something else. But uh it was like perfect for like the nervousness I have when my hair So what's something you I was like so I mean this is this is like a bad date question. I was like, so you got hobbies outside of this? And he goes, Yeah, this started as a hobby and now I do it. Uh he's talking about cutting hair, and I'm like, you know what? I'd rather talk, let's just talk about work. And uh and then So the Colombian guy, you've never been with the yourself.
SPEAKER_04I've never been the new guy is Colombian.
SPEAKER_05New guy's Colombian, old guy from the DR. Old guy. Okay, got it. Uh and that guy I've known for a couple years. And he left? He went to a different barber shop in like in deep in Manhattan somewhere. And I'm like, I'm just lazy.
SPEAKER_02When you ask for how you're you like your hair, do you are you able to communicate that? Does it work?
SPEAKER_05I'm always bad with it uh because I always forget the number over here. And uh I go, I'll just trust you. Uh huh. I feel like they have a better I feel like they have a better idea of what a head should be getting instead of the person that doesn't know anything about hair. Well you gotta tell them something because they could do I tell them I uh it's all wacky up top.
SPEAKER_02Uh I don't say they don't know what yeah, wacky's gonna be a big word for yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_05I'm I'm holding up a dictionary and why don't you just show them?
SPEAKER_04I mean, there's you got 9,000 pictures of you.
SPEAKER_05Why don't you well that's because of what I do for a living?
SPEAKER_04Uh uh I'm not just like just be like, here, uh, can you do this? Uh it's an inside, it's a reference to the joke in the special, but can you just uh maybe do whatever this looks like to you?
SPEAKER_02You ever show a celebrity and say I want to look like this?
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Uh no.
SPEAKER_02Atrius Elba, something like that.
SPEAKER_05I had in my head right at the same time.
SPEAKER_04I try to think if I've ever done a celebrity in in the beard in the past.
SPEAKER_06For beard.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02No, I mean I've uh I'll tell you what. Whenever I go to the barber and I tell them You're almost angry every time you leave the barber. Yep. I tell them what they what I say, hey, do keep the keep the sides long, trim a little from the top, and that's it. And then I can sell within five minutes, they have abandoned those instructions fast.
SPEAKER_04Do you think there's a part of them that's like, you know, kind of like let me open up my stride a little bit? Like they want to cut, so they end up cutting more. Like it's hard for them to pull back and just trim a little bit, like they really want to get in there.
SPEAKER_02Maybe, maybe there's something about like um the fact that like if I just have them cut a little, they're they're not really doing much, right? It's almost like just a little style, you know, here cleaning up, and then they're just working for like 10 minutes, right? Maybe they keep doing stuff to fill the time so it like it feels like they I got my money's worth or whatever. Yeah, but it's really the opposite.
SPEAKER_05I'd really prefer the my guy today did the the hot towel and uh some. Is that a dance? It's a Cuban dance.
SPEAKER_03You had it so hot that it's burning his hands.
SPEAKER_05We all had a different hot towel dance. Let's all show our uh individual first. Not bad.
SPEAKER_04Mine was do you have one and you're tossing it back and forth, or is that it's one. It's one tossing back and forth.
SPEAKER_05Yours was the only one that was hot.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, really. Yeah, yours is just a towel. You're a matador.
SPEAKER_05Um I'm cooling it off by so uh He was doing the hot towel. You lay down? No. Okay, I'm sitting, okay, and it was the longest hot towel one I've ever gotten, and it it it started to feel intimate by how much massaging I got.
SPEAKER_02Oh, he was massaging you.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, well, you get the you get it on the back of your head, and then the ears.
SPEAKER_07Okay, so you're gonna let the towel really seep into your skin.
SPEAKER_06And then that's Taylor Yerish. Uh towel October 6th.
SPEAKER_02He is definitely not Steven Ryers. Let me repeat that. Gentlemen and ladies and gentlemen of the jury.
SPEAKER_05Can you imagine them playing episodes of ours in a courtroom and going, oh, you gotta skip that? That's the ads we used to do. Uh no, the thing that you're looking for later in the up.
SPEAKER_04So it was too long of a tell.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, and then I uh it I'm uh you know, a few weeks uh single. And uh oh, it's official, or you're officially saying it. I'm officially saying it. Okay. Uh this is the everything's good. We're we just we get along.
SPEAKER_02Single song, single song, single song, la la la. Uh but yeah, I'm sorry. I respect her and she's out of the accent. I respect your ex as well.
SPEAKER_05I think she's great. Yeah. Uh did you say he? I said she. Okay. Uh so uh I was realizing it was the most I've been touched.
SPEAKER_02Since. Since. Oh, oh yeah.
SPEAKER_05And I was like, uh, this guy who needs to stop massaging my head.
SPEAKER_02Do you think there's any part of you feeling that would move? Yeah. No. Sometimes I'm that's I do worry about that. Like um, I had a science teacher.
SPEAKER_05This this way, all right. Do your sentence again, okay, and I'll do his face.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Well, in elementary school, I had a science teacher. No, no, you're not going to be able to do that. Sometimes I am worried about that.
SPEAKER_05Like sometimes I am worried. Sometimes I worry about that. Like when I was so start from the beginning.
SPEAKER_02Sometimes I worry about that. Like when I had a science teacher.
SPEAKER_04Well, it's it before you said science teacher, I made a face because it I thought you were gonna say, I worry about when I get my haircut, getting a boner. And I'm like, what is going on? Haircuts have changed since I've been in the game. So you're a science teacher.
SPEAKER_02I remember at a science teacher who um I was in fifth grade. I just learned about gay people. That that could happen. What science class was this? So they didn't teach it at the science class, but you know, you have there's just kids around. Sooner or later you learn that gay stuff can happen. Right? Yes. You don't just know that as a baby. No, some someone I'm with you. Okay, I'm just saying you're you're you're not moving your face. But like other kids will eventually tell you about gay stuff, probably not in the most mature or way, but then you learn, oh, okay, so one of the things that can happen is a guy likes a guy, or a girl likes a girl. A girl likes a girl. So um I had this teacher, his name was uh Mr. Laporte, and he would uh wear these button-ups, and uh he had really big muscles, and I could like the this you could see from the fabric that the shirt was barely staying on. So there would be classes where I'm watching, and in my head I go, oh no, if I'm gay, this will this will be it.
SPEAKER_05That's my type, if I was gay, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Or like, what if I stare long enough? Because I'm like, oh my god, those muscles are so big. And he's got like a nice haircut, yeah. And I was like, oh no, like um I was scared to look. Not that anything truly happened, but the worry.
SPEAKER_05And he's doing the volcano uh diorama. Uh just like this.
SPEAKER_02He's looking in my eyes. Yeah, so anyways, just that's just something uh so I I wonder if you've ever had anything like that.
SPEAKER_05I uh we have to wrap up. So I think we wrap up with each of us says our celebrity type if we were gay.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_05And I'll I'm willing to go first. All right. Celebrity type if we were gay. Yeah, it'll make more sense once I say it. But like you see a celebrity and you're like, if I was gay, that would be my type. I think for me it's Ryan Gosling.
SPEAKER_07Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_05I could see he's funny, you know, he's got nice muscles. He's charming.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I don't know.
SPEAKER_05I really No, you all have to go now.
SPEAKER_02I just shared that. I looked at my science teachers.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I don't have somebody right off the fucking top of my head.
SPEAKER_02I'll tell you what. I think Brad Pitt's like, that's the first guy I saw that I was like, that is actually a really beautiful man. Beautiful man. But I generally can't tell when someone's handsome. Okay. Sometimes I see some guy who's got big muscles, and I think that's the that's a handsome guy, and I go ask a female, like that's a good looking guy, right? And I go, no, not really. And I go, okay, well, I don't maybe I just don't know.
SPEAKER_05Are you going to have pure looks or like kind of vibe as well? Uh yeah, whatever gets you going. Interesting.
SPEAKER_04Am I next? Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_05Uh and then we're gonna plug your specials.
SPEAKER_04If I were gay, I think my type would be maybe like a Colin Farrell.
SPEAKER_02Okay, yeah. Yeah, I can see that. Little accent, you know?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, got the eyes. A little bit of something like that. I think I can make that work.
SPEAKER_02I remember watching his sex tape. He's got a sex tape. Um with this beautiful lady. And he's the penguin. And he's actually probably as big as we are. Penis-wise.
SPEAKER_04Well, now I feel excluded.
SPEAKER_02Well, in that case, I'll change my answer, but uh and he's like, uh, you like that, don't you?
SPEAKER_05Alright. Uh I we have to go.
SPEAKER_02Uh you're so you're so fecking sexy. Uh anyways, uh, yeah, come uh th uh to this their their shows.
SPEAKER_05Go ahead. I'll be on tour, SteveRogersComedy.com. Uh got a bunch of dates uh being released as we speak about Colin Farrell. And uh I will be recording my special at Greenpoint Comedy Club February 27.
SPEAKER_04This is out next week.
SPEAKER_05I believe so.
SPEAKER_04Okay. Um then on Friday I'll be at uh QED with Jack Finnegan, and then the following week on the 6th at 8 p.m., my special will premiere on my YouTube channel. Um, so go ahead and subscribe and look out uh for that. And then much uh later in December, I'll be at Sunshine Shitty Sunshine City. Comedy Club in St.
SPEAKER_05Pete. Nice! And if there's anyone that's gonna understand that plug, it's Kenny.
SPEAKER_02Sunshine City. Um my name is Peter Wong, and I will be doing uh Grove 34 October 8th. Come out. We've already got uh couple tickets sold. I think it's gonna be a wonderful, it's gonna be a great time. Um then I'll be uh in Colorado and uh but uh Boston, November 20th and 21st. I have uh my album recording at Goof's Comedy Club. So please, if you can make it out to that, it's gonna be a awesome. And uh yeah, would love to see people out there.
SPEAKER_05And it's gonna be great. Look at us. And y special. All the stuff's going on. It's pretty exciting. Yep. Well goodbye, everybody. Goodbye. Thank you.