TCF #028: My Disappointment Wasn't Coming From Them

TCF #028: My Disappointment Wasn't Coming From Them

Joey Klein on the moment he realized his disappointment in people wasn't about them - it was about him.

Episode Summary

In this episode of The Connection Fix, host Joey Klein breaks down why extraordinary relationships are built on consistent actions, not beautiful words.

You'll learn the two reasons promises don't become actions, the three questions Joey asks before he trusts someone, and why letting expectations follow evidence instead of hope creates real peace.

Question of the Day 🗣️

Think about the last time you felt disappointed by someone. Were you trusting their actions, or were you trusting their words? Drop your honest answer in the comments.

Key Take-aways

• Extraordinary relationships are built on consistent actions, not beautiful words
• Learn the two reasons promises never become actions, and why the reason barely matters
• Stop emotionally investing in what someone says right away - watch instead
• The people who contribute the most are rarely the ones making the biggest promises
• Let expectations follow evidence, not potential or promises, for lasting peace

Timestamped Outline ⏱️

00:00 – Opening: beautiful words versus consistent actions
00:05 – Extraordinary relationships aren't built on beautiful words
00:55 – The mistake I used to make
01:21 – The two reasons promises never became actions
01:55 – Where the disappointment was actually coming from
02:02 – The shift that changed everything
02:14 – Instead, I watch
02:32 – The rare people
03:40 – This changes every relationship
04:19 – Expectations should follow evidence
04:50 – One question to sit with
05:11 – Other ways to engage

Links & Resources 🔗

• Elements of Relationship Alchemy series, Issue 005 → https://youtu.be/B9bnQZPvmu4
• The Connection Fix on the Blog → https://joeyklein.com/the-connection-fix
• The Connection Fix Podcast → https://open.spotify.com/show/3oMvTF6uHxAh5QQ8JezjEH
• The Connection Fix (full playlist) → https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLuuZmMSR_HqdY8vE6a0Kv2gi8sEBXkEJt
• Subscribe to The Connection Fix → https://theconnectionfix.com

Connect & CTA 🎯

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Credits

Host: Joey Klein © 2026 Inner Matrix Systems. All rights reserved.

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

As this episode comes out, Caitlin and I are in our first week as husband and wife. One of the things this season has reminded me of is that extraordinary relationships aren't built on beautiful words. They're built on consistent actions. It's easy to tell someone, I'll always be there. It's easy to promise the future. It's easy to say the right thing in the moment. The real question isn't whether someone says those things. The real question is whether they consistently live them. Over the years, I've realized this lesson extends far beyond marriage and romantic relationships. It changes the way we build friendships, businesses, partnerships, families, and every meaningful relationship we're ever going to have. Because one of the greatest sources of disappointment isn't what people do. It's the expectations that we build from what they say. When I first started building my business, people were excited about what we were creating. And they made big promises. They told me how they wanted to contribute, how long they'd stay, what they were going to help build. And to be fair, many of them genuinely believed what they were saying in the moment. The problem was that a surprising number of those promises never became actualized, never became actions. Over time I realized there were usually two reasons. Sometimes people were sincere. They simply didn't yet have the competency to follow through on their intentions. And then other times they were saying what they thought that I wanted to hear. They wanted to avoid disappointing me. They wanted to avoid conflict. Sometimes they simply wanted to be liked. The reason almost didn't matter. What mattered was that I kept setting myself up with expectations based on people's words instead of their demonstrated actions. Eventually it dawned on me that much of the disappointment wasn't actually coming from them. It was coming from me. I kept expecting someone to become a person they'd already shown me that they were not. That realization fundamentally changed the way that I approach relationships. Today I still listen carefully to what people say. I just don't emotionally invest in it right away. Instead, I watch. Do their actions consistently support their words? Do they follow through when nobody reminds them to? Can I count on them over time? Something fascinating happens when you begin paying attention in this way. The people who contribute the most to your life usually aren't the ones making the biggest promises. More often than not, they're the quiet people who simply keep showing up again and again and again. And then eventually their actions become more trustworthy than anyone else's words. That's where trust is actually built. Once in a while, you'll meet someone different. Someone who tells you they're going to do something, and then they simply do it every single time. Those people are incredibly rare. When you find them, lean in, build with them, protect those relationships. Because trust isn't built through intention. It's built through demonstrated consistency. That doesn't mean becoming cynical about everyone else. It simply means allowing people's actions, not your hopes, to determine how much responsibility, trust, and emotional investment you're going to give them. The beautiful thing about this principle is that it works everywhere: business, friendships, dating, marriage, family, employees, partnerships. If you've been listening to the connection fix for a while, you'll probably recognize another familiar idea from our relationship alchemy series. Know the vision that you're building toward, and then patiently observe whether other person's actions consistently demonstrate both the willingness and the competency to help build that same vision with you. That's very different from projecting your hopes onto someone simply because you want the relationship to work. Hope is important, but trust should always be earned. One of the healthiest shifts that I ever made was deciding that my expectations would follow evidence, not potential, not promises, evidence. When someone's actions consistently match their words, trust naturally grows. When they don't, you don't have time to become resentful. You simply adjust your expectations. I found that doing this creates an incredible amount of peace because you're no longer asking people to be who they've never consistently shown themselves to be. So before I wrap, I'd like to leave you with one question. Think about the last time you felt disappointed by someone. Were you trusting their actions or were you trusting their words? Sometimes the greatest act of compassion isn't lowering your standards, it's letting people's actions tell you the truth. Thanks for listening. If you're enjoying the connection fix, you can also find us on the blog and in the newsletter where I go deeper into these ideas each week. Have a great rest of your day, and I look forward to connecting with you again next time.