Episode 26: The Family Reunion

EPISODE 26: The Family Reunion Gender War We Didn’t See Coming

 Yes, we took a week off, but Tiff, Aunge, and our cousins came back like they had something to prove. Episode 26 of the Hello Sister Podcast with Tiff and Aunge is the official Family Reunion Episode, where the first cousins pulled up, the opinions got loud, and the gender war got… spicy.

 We kick things off with What the Florida?, featuring a 70‑something queen in a retirement community who opened her mail and found a brand‑new license plate reading SQZ‑A55. From afar? Comedy gold. Up close? She said absolutely not. Florida stays Florida-ing.

 Then we asked the cousins the question that unlocked chaos: Is it cheating if he intentionally deletes his call logs? The double standards were dancing, the answers were unhinged, and the cousins did not hold back.

 In the Messy Minute, we asked: What do men/women do that irritates the life out of you? The cousins had a list ready like they’d been waiting their whole lives.

 We also dive into Ebony Magazine’s conversation about whether more black couples are choosing unconventional marriages, and what that means for modern love, partnership, and community.

 Next, we get sentimental about family reunions. As elders pass away, fewer families are staying connected. We talk about what reunions mean to us, why traditions matter, and how keeping the family together is becoming a lost art.

 We close with a heartfelt Sister Salute to the Ward Roberson Bell Family Reunion, honoring deep roots, strong bonds, and the legacy that keeps us showing up for each other.

 This episode is funny, messy, nostalgic, and full of cousin energy. You know, the kind you only get when everybody’s comfortable enough to say the quiet part out loud.

Transcript

SPEAKER_05 0:00

Hello, sister. Hello, sister. Welcome to Hello Sister Podcast with Tiffan Ange Family Reunion Edition.

SPEAKER_06 0:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 0:07

We are so excited to be in beautiful San Antonio, Texas with our family. And we'll do some quick introductions.

SPEAKER_03 0:15

My name is Ebony. I'm the eldest cousin.

SPEAKER_01 0:19

My name is Keith.

SPEAKER_03 0:20

Of the women. I'm sorry. There we go.

SPEAKER_01 0:23

Keith of Middle Child.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

I'm Mo, I'm the oldest cousin.

SPEAKER_02 0:29

And I'm the bonus cousin, Jessica.

SPEAKER_05 0:32

And just before we kick off, let's be very clear. Disclaimer is we do not represent Ward Robertson Bell. This is the opinions of the family in this room. Okay. Just to be clear, we have a great show for you too. Actually, episode 26. 26. Yes. Super excited. Today we're going to kick off with a what the Florida, of course, because Florida be floatering. We don't have to be in Florida for Florida to Florida. Is it cheating if question? Family Edition. We do have a messy minute around social media, and then we have a family question that we want to ask our family. You ready to do this thing? Let's do this. Alright. So I'll kick it over to Anj for What the Florida.

SPEAKER_04 1:17

So, like Tiff said, uh Florida be Florida, and so uh I need you to hear this the way that I read it, because this is wild.

SPEAKER_05 1:27

Okay, let's do it.

SPEAKER_04 1:28

All right, a Florida woman who is 77 and lives in a retirement community says she went to collect her mail and received a new license plate in the mail with her updated registration. The new license plate is SQZ-A55, but from a distance it says squeezing ass. The plate bec uh became the talk around her retirement community, especially amongst the men. Florida plates are made in the state prison in North Florida, and uh they have been in for almost a century. What's even more funny is Nancy is seriously upset when receiving uh when first receiving it. Going to the news to help her get support now after the attention and settling into this unique story, she is keeping the tag and may be okay with getting the extra attention and the honks. Her name is Nancy. Nancy is 77 and lives in a retirement community and a place that's squeezing ass, squeeze ass. Would you take a squeeze ass plate?

SPEAKER_00 2:39

77? Yeah. I think I would squeeze it.

SPEAKER_04 2:43

I didn't say would you squeeze it? I said, would you keep the plate? No, she did.

SPEAKER_05 2:47

She did say the men in her uh neighborhood find it very attractive, just so we're clear.

SPEAKER_01 2:52

I wouldn't keep the plate.

SPEAKER_04 2:54

No. No, you're not keeping the plate. You keeping the plate? I'll keep the plate. You're gonna keep the plate. I'm 100% keeping the plate.

SPEAKER_05 3:01

All right, Nancy, we see you squeezing ass. What? The Florida. The Florida. Only in Florida. And what's funny is somebody in that state prison knew what they were making. I'm like, that is that's someone's joke. You ever been to those grocery stores and people announce over the overhead that they're looking for someone, but it's one of those names that's crazy. Yeah. Like somebody in the prison. Yes. Can you please help me find Seymour last name butts? Seymour buttons. Yeah, that's what that is. That's funny. What the Florida.

SPEAKER_04 3:34

Yes. Well, I mean, that's not the only crazy question we're gonna ask today. We're going to ask our cousins a very, very easy is it cheating if question.

SPEAKER_05 3:46

Yes. So we get a ton of attention from our is it cheating if segment. So let's move to that. So the question is is it cheating if he intentionally deletes his call logs?

SPEAKER_04 4:00

Is he cheating if he's deleting his call logs?

SPEAKER_05 4:05

Who wants to take that one first?

SPEAKER_04 4:06

I think you should start with the mail.

SPEAKER_05 4:08

Let's get the male perspective.

SPEAKER_01 4:10

If he's deleting all of his call logs, he's deleting all his call logs. He's just deleting numbers.

SPEAKER_05 4:17

Why would you delete your text?

SPEAKER_01 4:18

Just like I delete my text messages. Why? Why? I only keep the ones I need. Why? I just keep what I need. More reasons.

SPEAKER_00 4:30

So my opinion is your property is your property. Come on. My property is my property.

SPEAKER_05 4:36

Come on.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

So if I want to delete whatever I want to delete off my phone, I should be able to do it.

SPEAKER_05 4:42

You can do it, but why are you doing it? From a male's perspective, why would you be doing that?

SPEAKER_00 4:47

Uh sometimes, you know, you don't want to keep seeing that message or keep seeing that phone number. So I delete it. And whose phone number is it? It could be co-workers, it could be bill collectors, it could be that nobody in their call logs all day.

SPEAKER_02 5:06

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 5:07

He's cheating. He's cheating. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 5:09

Evan.

SPEAKER_03 5:11

Kind of have to agree with the guys on this one, y'all. Wait a minute. Because I delete all sorts of mess too. Um, and I just back it up to my iCloud. So are they like deleting it, deleting it?

SPEAKER_04 5:24

They are deleting their call logs for the purpose of it being gone and there being no evidence. But you didn't say that part.

SPEAKER_03 5:32

We don't know why he's deleting it. So some people delete their stuff because they like to keep a clean phone. I work with a lot of tech people. Some of them are shady, some of them are shisty. You just have to understand. But it doesn't necessarily mean he's cheating.

SPEAKER_05 5:43

He's cheating. He is cheating. He's cheating. There is zero reason to be deleting call logs intentionally.

SPEAKER_00 5:49

So if you're confident in your relationship, you don't have to look at it.

SPEAKER_05 5:54

Well, we didn't talk about why we went looking. Because clearly, if you go looking, there's a reason that you would need to go looking. And when you go looking and they're all deleted, what does that tell you?

SPEAKER_00 6:03

It's never a reason to go looking if you're confident. Well, they're not confident, clearly. So then maybe you shouldn't be in that relationship then.

SPEAKER_05 6:10

So why are you putting it on her? He's the one deleting it.

SPEAKER_00 6:13

But you're the one looking. She's the one looking.

SPEAKER_05 6:15

Why does it always go to the women? Seriously. You can find a way back to the women in every scenario.

SPEAKER_00 6:21

If it's the other way around, and and the male was looking in the uh call log.

SPEAKER_05 6:25

Okay, so let's let's flip it. If she intentionally deletes all of her call logs, is she cheating? I want this one. Okay, please.

SPEAKER_01 6:35

She's cheating, because women don't delete anything.

SPEAKER_04 6:38

What are we talking about here?

SPEAKER_05 6:40

The double standards. The double standards are exactly our point. Yes. So if you flip it, the woman's cheating, but when he does it, he's keeping his records clean.

SPEAKER_03 6:50

Is that what you agree? Are you agreeing with that? I think women cheat better. So they do when they do cheat, they do. Y'all don't think so? Is that not true? I mean, male folks. When women cheat, they usually are not as sloppy as the men. Men sometimes leave their stuff. That's why you're saying, okay, you're probably cheating. But for women, she keeps a call. No, no, seriously, if she keeps a like a pristine call log or something like that. It's not a double standard. I don't know. Wild. It's not a double standard.

SPEAKER_04 7:15

So he's not he's not cheating, but she's cheating.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

I think Ebony is right. Women do it better. Y'all could go to the grocery store and come back in 15 minutes and then went all over the world and we like, hey, did you bring home the potato chips?

SPEAKER_05 7:29

Correct. So the question wasn't do women cheat better? Because we know the answer to that. We are smarter creatures. So the answer to that is yes. The question is if she deletes her call logs, is it cheating?

SPEAKER_00 7:43

No.

SPEAKER_05 7:44

Okay. Same reason?

SPEAKER_00 7:46

Same reason.

SPEAKER_05 7:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

Same reason. That's your property.

SPEAKER_05 7:49

Alright, Jesse, what say you? I say yes. She's cheating too.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

I think she's cheating too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 7:55

You ain't got no reason to delete your call logs.

SPEAKER_01 7:57

No, men always delete messages and logs. Women don't delete anything unless it's something that they don't want nobody to see.

SPEAKER_05 8:06

But men don't do that.

SPEAKER_01 8:07

No, men don't do that.

SPEAKER_05 8:10

The double standard is killing me.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

No, it's not the double standard. It's men do things this way, women do things this way. So when they go uh then when they go uh outside of that box, then something's wrong.

SPEAKER_04 8:22

We got to move on.

SPEAKER_05 8:23

It's from a male's perspective. I mean, that's what we're looking for is differences of opinions. We got to move on. And I think this is why I'm cheating. You're cheating! Okay. Speaking of being messy, let's move over to messy minute. Yes, please. Alright, so we always get inbox, text message, or uh sent different videos, and one of the messy minute questions we received are what are some of the things that men or women do that irritate the life out of you? Who better to answer this than a bunch of men and women? So pass the mic.

SPEAKER_02 8:55

I think um one of the biggest things that men do that gets on my nerves is pee outside the toilet and don't wipe it up. Oh come on. That's just messy and nasty. I feel like even no matter how old they get, they still miss.

SPEAKER_05 9:16

All right, apparently you hit it, you hit uh a confirmation over here.

SPEAKER_02 9:22

Um, so yeah.

SPEAKER_05 9:23

That's nasty, and it still happens, and it still happens. Yes. All right. Question is what are some of the things that men or women do that irritate the life out of you?

SPEAKER_00 9:32

So I think women have a knack of messing up a man's good time. You don't want to see us have a good time. No, whether, yes, whether we with our friends, we on the game, we on the phone, you always got something to say when you see us having a good time. For instance. Speak for yourself. If I'm looking at TV and I'm like, oh man, this is really something I really want to see. The next thing you know, here come your wife, your girlfriend. Hey, I want to talk to you. Let's talk, let's do this, let's do that. And you ain't bothering me all day. But as soon as I say, hey, this is something that I enjoy doing, y'all want to stop it. Y'all don't like us having a good time. We want to be a part of the good time. We're fun too. I understand that, but men like having peace sometime.

SPEAKER_05 10:26

And we like we don't bring peace?

SPEAKER_00 10:29

No.

SPEAKER_04 10:35

We're not doing that.

SPEAKER_05 10:36

Alright, so if you're trying to date Mo, please understand that he needs his peace.

SPEAKER_04 10:41

Point blank, period. Okay? I'ma skip me.

SPEAKER_01 10:45

Well, I was actually gonna say that. The exact words. Okay. Exact words. But like he said, um, all day ain't said one word to each other. And as soon as, like, oh, the game was on. Um, I need you to go to the store and pick up some stuff for dinner. Like, um, you couldn't say that this morning before we But how you think we was gonna eat? You should have said it this morning.

SPEAKER_04 11:14

Oh my gosh, please task the bike. I can't with you.

SPEAKER_03 11:18

I don't know if I have anything to top any of this. Um, I don't know who you're dating, Mo, but like circles like you widen. And the toilet, she's right, and I do know that some women do that. I'm trying. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_05 11:30

Fair. We said men or women. Men or women go ahead.

SPEAKER_04 11:35

I'm never annoyed. Yeah, right. Oh breathe, and she's annoyed. I'm always happy and positive. I'm never annoyed. Sure. Okay. Um, no, the one thing that um men do is generalize. Like just because one woman does it, all women do it. And it irritates the life out of me because I like to think of myself as different. Like, I'm not a woman that's gonna interrupt you watching the game. Like, I'm gonna watch the game with you, and I'm gonna be mad when you interrupt my show or something. You know what I mean? Like, that's not me, or all women cheat, or all women are nagging. Like, I'm not that person, so it I don't like it when men generalize. It's all women.

SPEAKER_05 12:23

Sound like Mo got something to add to that. Can I add something to that? Please pass the mic.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

I think y'all do it subconsciously. Y'all don't realize y'all doing it. It's just y'all just do it. I don't think it's done purposely, but it's like a bell goes off, like a good time radar for your man.

SPEAKER_05 12:41

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

SPEAKER_00 12:42

Oh, I gotta do something. I gotta make him do something. I gotta make him do something.

SPEAKER_05 12:45

My antenna went up. Let me go find him. I think it's attention. You think we we don't want you to have it a half mic?

SPEAKER_01 12:53

If like you said, you you're sitting down, you're having a good time, and you're paying attention to something else that's not you.

SPEAKER_05 13:01

So you think we need attention 24 hours a day?

SPEAKER_01 13:04

Oh, he wanna watch TV. He ain't said nothing to me all day, and then you just go some constantly just go and interrupt.

SPEAKER_04 13:10

Well, why do you say sometimes? I got a question.

SPEAKER_03 13:13

Sometimes it just happens. I got a question for that one. So is she needing attention in that moment or you've been neglecting her all week? Yes. No, it's because it's accumulative for women.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

Well that part is cumulative. Women like attention. You weren't giving it to her. If he's giving it to something else, not necessarily somebody else, something else, then it's like, oh, what about me?

SPEAKER_03 13:39

Okay. That's fair. I I just think that sometimes it's a cumulative effect. So it may have been going on all week, and by the time it gets to Sunday, now she's like, okay, look, enough of this, and now I'm going to interrupt you. Not necessarily. Again, you don't want to admit it. Because all women do it. Who are y'all dating is what I want to know. Yeah, we need to widen these circles. Seriously. All right, sister. You're so.

SPEAKER_05 14:01

Mine is very similar to yours, and it's kind of been through the comments that we get. It's like everything that we do or say gets turned around into it's her fault. Yes. She she should have done something. She wanted to be independent. She chose the bear. She, she, she. There's no ownership. I hate when men don't take ownership. Two people have to play a part. You have a part in it. Saying it's her is always her annoys the heck out of me. Accountability.

SPEAKER_04 14:28

Yes, straight accountability. And see, we have a cousin that's off camera that's over there giggling. He don't want to join the conversation and he wants to say something so bad. Clearly. But that's why you she should be over here on this couch.

SPEAKER_00 14:42

I have something else.

SPEAKER_06 14:44

I see. Here we go.

SPEAKER_00 14:46

And you know, since we're in the on this topic about men and women, right? Number two. Why does a woman, why does it always have to say, hey, I want to date up or I want to have somebody that uh is gonna take care of me or do this or do that. But on the other way around, we always, men, we always get, you know, you wanna be taken care of? People. No, not taken care of, but it's like for instance, uh, I was walking with somebody today and they said, um, for me, my new husband or my husband gotta be rich, he gotta do this, he gotta be able to do that, he gotta be able to do this, he gotta be a certain height, a certain weight, have certain certain figures. He gotta make so much money. But men, we don't think like that.

SPEAKER_05 15:40

We know what y'all are thinking about.

SPEAKER_00 15:41

Okay, but still, but we don't think that y'all gotta have a certain I think that's very fair.

SPEAKER_05 15:46

I do not like, I think you should have standards. I don't think you need a un a list that you don't even achieve yourself. Yes, right. If you if you're not meeting what's on that list, how dare you try to come up and think that you should have something more than that? It seems however we gotta raise the bar a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 16:02

I understand raising a bar, yeah, but like you said, you can't project taste and want a millionaire, right? So, and that's what I'm saying. Women always want to say, hey.

SPEAKER_05 16:14

Not see, you're generalizing. There you go. See, that's exactly what's going on. The bulk of the bulk of the women are higher educated, make more money than men.

SPEAKER_00 16:25

And I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_05 16:26

So, how do we level up when we find ourselves in situations where we're trying to dig out? Sometimes you might you want to go a little down to find love. So we normally have to go down. That's the problem.

SPEAKER_00 16:35

Which is why we're on marriage too, and so when women so when men go down, it's it's not.

SPEAKER_04 16:42

Nobody says anything when a man goes down. Nobody says, oh, he bet a bartender and oh she she doesn't deserve him. No, you chose her, that was your choice. You don't usually go for the women who are higher educated and make money because y'all think she's too independent and she's not going to cater to your needs.

SPEAKER_00 17:01

That's not true.

SPEAKER_02 17:03

That's not true at all. So honestly, usually when a man dates down, that doesn't affect his life, it doesn't affect his standards because you can buy her nice clothes and she can learn the etiquette of being in your society. But when a woman dates down, it's harder for it. A man is like, oh, you want to change me? You don't love me the way I am, you got with me this way. So if they don't want to move up, so why would we have to dumb ourselves down to keep the lifestyle that our parents or our family, you know, the quality of life that we're accustomed to to find love. I should be able to find love with the man at a higher standard because that's what I'm accustomed to. Why do I have to go live in a ghetto because that's where you're from?

SPEAKER_03 18:00

Absolutely. And on top of that, when a man is doing worse than a woman, he wants that woman to live at his standard of what he can provide. And it may not be anywhere near what she can provide. So you end up with this tension between what she can give and then what he can give, and then he wants her to like dumb that down. I've it's my own personal experience. I've lived it. I'm just saying that you don't get to be, you don't get to level up and he still feels secure. I've not seen that as often. All right, for number two, thank you.

SPEAKER_04 18:30

Are you secure with a woman taking care of you? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_06 18:35

He said, Where's she at? All about where she at.

SPEAKER_04 18:39

I'm down.

SPEAKER_00 18:39

I want to sit home. Any ladies in the Philadelphia area. I want to do some dishes, I want to cook and clean. I take care of the house, I sit home, I do whatever.

SPEAKER_05 18:48

Heard. The bulk of us can't just sit at home. The bulk of us still have to work too.

SPEAKER_04 18:53

It doesn't make a difference to me. So you go cook and clean.

SPEAKER_01 18:55

I'll cook and clean. She she can make uh two million and I'll I'll go back, keep doing my job, and we'll be happy. It doesn't make a difference to me.

SPEAKER_05 19:05

I don't think the bulk of the men that we have seen would be down for that, but I appreciate y'all's perspective.

SPEAKER_01 19:11

They're arrogant. Tell us about it, please. Those are arrogant people. So if he's making a lot of money, some I guess like because most men are competitive. So if he's with someone who's on his level, it's sometimes it comes becomes a competition. So he might date down because he knows he's gonna be in charge of everything.

SPEAKER_06 19:36

He's gonna win.

SPEAKER_01 19:38

Give me her, she can be in charge.

SPEAKER_05 19:41

I like that. Thank you for that honesty. Because most people wouldn't say that.

SPEAKER_04 19:45

That's right. I love it. I love it, I love it. Well, I mean, once you get into the relationship that you're looking for, it may not be what looks traditional. I mean, this leads us directly into our next question because we're about to talk about unconventional marriages.

SPEAKER_05 20:03

Yep, so Ebony magazine recently just posted an article and it was about black unconventional marriages being on the rise. So basically, they say a strong marriage these days has less to do with following rules and more to do with knowing which ones to leave behind. So as you think about black couples that are building partnerships around who they actually are and letting go of those rigid gender rules, uh outside expectation and inherited ideas of what marriage is supposed to look like. They say that marriage is no longer one size fits all. People are rejecting outdated expectations and embracing fluidity, a partnership with honesty, respect, being vulnerable, and shared growth. So, what do y'all think about unconventional marriages? Do you think that that's on the rise? That that may be necessary so that we can uh start to see a decline or more of a decline in black divorce rates? What do you think about unconventional marriages and would you be down for it? And let's let's talk about unconventional marriages. That may look like living separate or in committed long-distance relationships, women being the breadwinner with share responsibilities with their husband at home, being a dink, which is a dual income, no kids, household, or even considering an open marriage.

SPEAKER_04 21:18

I just watched the polygamist. I mean, what worked for you would work for you, but what do you guys think?

SPEAKER_06 21:27

Let's start that with the understanding.

SPEAKER_02 21:30

I think that um, yes, I would be in an unconventional marriage.

SPEAKER_04 21:35

Um what does that look like for you?

SPEAKER_02 21:39

Um while I'm not set like, oh my god, my husband, my future husband has to make more money than me. Um he has to be secure in himself. Um I need somebody that's secure and that's family ordered and family oriented. Um I wouldn't be in an open marriage. Um, but I think that I also feel that the difference now in younger marriages is we believe in going to therapy before we get married. We're not just jumping into marriage because, oh, we got a baby together. I have to marry this person. Like I'm forced to be with somebody that I don't even love. Like, I don't even want to be in a loveless marriage. Who wants to be around somebody? And um, I feel like our elders stayed in loveless marriages because that's what was expected of them. Right. Um, and they had that fear, especially women, because we didn't have rights and we couldn't vote and we couldn't take care of ourselves. We were just stuck. And nowadays we're not stuck anymore. Right. So we don't we're not forced to stay. You know, we don't we're not forced to stay because we're being physically or emotionally abused. Nobody's talking us into, you know, oh, just keep quiet about what's going on. Right. So all technically, all of that's unconventional from you know, generations past.

SPEAKER_05 23:08

I love it. So definitely not stuck in inherited beliefs around marriage. Come on, though, give it to us.

SPEAKER_00 23:16

So I kind of like all I kind of like all of it, right? So um, I mean, I'm probably the least one in this panel that should be talking about marriage. We got some stories on this panel. Oh no, they don't even think about it. But I kind of like it, right? Because like Jessica said, you know, back then, you know, you had to stay with your spouse, you had to do this, you had to do this, you couldn't live alone. Um, you know, so now you have I think marriage is a business, right? And people love their business, right? And they want to see their businesses succeed. So how it succeeds, you know, whether it's living apart, long distance, like you said, as long as you're committed to each other, even an open relationship, right? As long as it starts off like that from day one. With boundaries, and with boundaries, and everybody agrees to those boundaries, and everybody's happy with it, why not? I mean, so I kind of like it all. I would do do it all. Okay, so open.

SPEAKER_06 24:23

All right.

SPEAKER_04 24:24

You you know how I feel. I she ain't living with you point blank, period. It's not that I wouldn't live, I would we could live together in separate rooms or something. Like, I just appreciate having my own space, and at this point, I'm not picking up behind you, so you go drop your drawers in the other room, and I'm never gonna see them. It's not a big deal. Um, and I also understand that you have to do what's best for your relationship. And if you're out here trying to fit into a conventional relationship and you're not happy, well, what's the point? You have to do what makes you happy. We are the only ones that live this life, and if you're not happy, what you're gonna spend the next 40, 50, 60 years unhappy, like nobody's doing that. At some point, you have to be selfish and say, This is not serving me, I'm not gonna do it. And that's how I feel. If it's not gonna serve me, I'm not gonna do it.

SPEAKER_05 25:16

But you're gonna set that boundary up in the very end.

SPEAKER_04 25:18

At the very beginning, so it's clear before you get committed. And it if you decide to go into this with me and you don't have the same ideals as me, don't waste my time. Right. I'll I'd rather be single. I am single. Help her, help me, Lord.

SPEAKER_01 25:36

I think I'm the least person to talk about this because I have no desire whatsoever to be married.

SPEAKER_05 25:44

Ever in life.

SPEAKER_01 25:45

I've never had any desires to be married, okay, but I think this is a result of the society we live in, and women themselves wanting to be more independent than you know, our grandmothers and you know, back then.

SPEAKER_04 26:06

So you don't want an independent woman?

SPEAKER_01 26:10

No, no, I'm not saying I don't want an independent woman, but I'm saying these conventional marriages is a result of women being more independent and doing for themselves. That's what I think.

SPEAKER_03 26:24

I mean, I think you gotta do whatever you need to do. I mean, I we all have stories on this panel, right? So um in my case, I'm thinking I wish I would have known to be able to put those boundaries or whatever in place beforehand, not trying to live into like, oh, this is what our parents did or whatever, and thinking that was gonna work for me because it clearly has not, and I have done whatever I needed to do past then. So I think you need to be clear, communicate, and hope that the other person is telling the truth, like you said, about their ideals. Because some people say, Yeah, yeah, yeah, that sounds great, and you're like, but why are you in my room, right? Sort of thing.

SPEAKER_04 26:59

Um, so I think it's not Tuesday night, what you doing?

SPEAKER_03 27:02

You have Thursdays, right? I think that as long as you communicate all that, both people are in there, whatever that looks like for you. And then I think you also need to renegotiate throughout. Yeah. I don't think that the same agreement you make in the beginning five years from now kind of holds. So you need to make sure y'all are still on the same page.

SPEAKER_05 27:19

And that's a hard part because they may have agreed to and are happy with where it started, and you may not be. So you may have changed, evolved, and now you're in a situation where he hasn't and you want something different.

SPEAKER_03 27:33

Absolutely. That is what I'm saying. Because every five years, I feel like you say, You still want to do this? All right, let's do another five years.

SPEAKER_05 27:38

So you think we should have a renewing of a marriage license?

SPEAKER_03 27:40

I think we should have a five-year plan. I always thought we should renew. I was like, we should look at the terms and agreements just like you would with a car. It's an agreement. Why not? It's a business. It's a business. Because here's the thing it's so easy to get married, it's so hard to be divorced, right? And they take your money, take this, that, and the other. You just need to be on the same page. So even when you end it, you're still on the same page.

SPEAKER_04 27:58

I think it's like Jessica said, that more and more people are starting to do therapy. Yeah. And if going to the therapist and doing those check-ins and making sure that you're still on the same page. That wasn't something that our parents traditionally did. And if they did start it, they didn't like what they heard and they stopped it. So, you know, you know, continuing with the therapy is super important.

SPEAKER_05 28:18

I love it. So I'm probably I'm more traditional in the sense of I believe in marriage, I believe in commitment, I believe it can work, good communication is important.

SPEAKER_04 28:26

So says a happily married woman.

SPEAKER_05 28:28

But but we don't have a traditional relationship. I'm not cooking and cleaning every day, right? So my role is we eat, we make sure that we uh have a clean home. I had a house cleaner, right? I provided dinner. He cooks, he cleans, right? We're doing all the things that are necessary in partnership, not a traditional marriage where the woman does, the man does. That's not what our relationship looked like. So, as part of that, I have an unconventional relationship, but I do still believe in marriage, the foundations of marriage, the honoring of marriage, those things are still important to me.

SPEAKER_03 29:08

Would you say though that you guys communicated all of that and you were both in agreement, or has been an evolution over time? Because this is a panel full of people of never gonna try to lot. Maybe one day. Yeah, I'm in a different you know what I'm saying? So, like, I'm wondering like, did you guys communicate that first? Is it a constant communication? Maybe where we didn't communicate or we didn't have people who wanted to communicate this.

SPEAKER_05 29:30

I wish we were that perfect. We evolved together, right? When I first started off, he worked multiple jobs and he was the breadwinner. I created an opportunity at work that allowed me to go down a path to being a vice president. Thank God I had a supportive husband, and as part of that, he said, okay, we're gonna do this together. He let me sell our house after building it, after what, seven months? We moved multiple times, and so we communicated throughout, yes. But in the beginning, I never would have thought that we would have been in a relationship where I would be working like I was working 50 to 60 hours, a vice president at a hospital. Like it just never was what I would have thought, and wouldn't have even remotely communicated anything like that. But when you have a partner and things start to evolve and you start talking, if they're open, then when you're having those communications, you can move together.

SPEAKER_04 30:22

So, what I'm hearing is you had a secure man who was a communicator and not an egotistical male as Keith described.

SPEAKER_05 30:33

He was not arrogant by any means, no.

SPEAKER_04 30:35

Excuse me. No, I'm afraid to give it to you, Gh.

SPEAKER_00 30:41

So you heard something totally different than what I heard. I heard that they had communication. Yes, I heard that. And they had he they both partnered together to say, hey, this is what we're gonna do. And I heard that. You know, they went into a room, they had disagreements, but when they came out the room, they was on one path. Correct. Because he made the decision that he was gonna be able to do that. They made the decision. It was a joint partnership. It was a partnership, right? Uh-huh. So just I had our maybe I shouldn't say this, but you know, I had a woman that was very independent, that made a lot of money, that did a lot of things, and money-wise, we were good, right? But it got to a point where it was, you know, I got my own money, I could do what I want to do, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So then it was like, hey, we're not on the same page. We're not on the same page, right? Yeah, never the. So that made it more complicated, right? So I I trust me, I don't want to take care of nobody. I've got rid of relationships that where I had to take care of a person that, and I told them from day one, hey, I don't want no more kids, hey, I'm not gonna take care of nobody, blah, blah, blah. And I let them go, right? Because of the communication.

SPEAKER_06 32:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:06

But like you said, when you do get that independent woman that makes a lot of money, that does a lot of things, that does, that's used to being by herself, that's used to doing things by herself, it's very difficult for that woman to have a man in her life to say, hey, no, we're not gonna do that. We gotta do it like this, or let's talk about it first. No, no, no, it's my money. I could do whatever I want to do. Then we in trouble.

SPEAKER_05 32:30

Yeah, nobody can say my my when you're in a marriage. Right. If you're doing that, whether him or her, you're in trouble. So what I'm hearing is no, that's a fair point.

SPEAKER_04 32:40

That's very fair.

SPEAKER_05 32:41

No, family is very important to me, which kind of leads us to our next segment, our last segment.

SPEAKER_04 32:47

Well, you know, we're here at our family reunion, and every two years we pick a different city, we all travel to the same place, and we have a fantastic weekend. And what we're noticing is that as our elders are passing on, it's up to the younger folks to keep the traditions alive. And so for me, it's important that we continue to collect ourselves as family, to stay under one unit, to pray together, to make sure that we understand our responsibility corporately to family. And so the question I ask you all is is it important to still gather as a family and to have family reunions? And if so, why? And if not, why not?

SPEAKER_03 33:34

I mean, it's incredibly important. It's become more important as I've gotten older. Because you know, I was the missing cousin, I was the MIA cousin, where is Ebony Japan? Where's everybody Indonesia? That sort of thing, right? But now that I have kids and I want them to actually see all of that stuff, and you know, I have a good partner now, and then he's you know, now he's participating. To me, it even means much more, right? And I love the fact that I'm able to come see all you guys, and I wish I could see you guys more often. Because every two years I'm like, wait, what happened? What changed? You know, that sort of thing. So I think it's incredibly important, and I think it's important for us to take it over and figure out what we're gonna do better.

SPEAKER_01 34:10

I think it's extremely important and being in the same state as Mo and Jessica, we don't see each other like we used to when we was younger. Because everybody's growing up and got their doing their own thing. And sometimes, you know, just making a phone call to say, hey, let's do this, that or the other. We like I talk to Mo like here and there, and we'll be like, hey, we gotta get together. Yeah, yeah. But then you start working and time goes by, and next thing you know, poof. Like I I've had like two people pass this week. This week a f uh a close friend of mine and an uncle on my dad's side. So yeah, we we gotta keep keep it going. You know, it's because it can we can lose somebody like at any minute. You never know.

SPEAKER_05 35:02

We had that in memoriam uh part of our banquet tonight, and you start to see some names that weren't uh on there two years ago. It's hard to it's hard to watch. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:13

So being the oldest cousin, yes, elder, patriarch. Yes, elder of Joshua and Helen Robinson as you know, little background, we all first cousins. Well, daughter and an add-in first cousin. May as well be. May as well be. But one thing that you know I can't say about our family, right? We, you know, like Keith said, we don't probably talk to each other as much as we like, but everybody in this room, the family is one of the most important things, right? So one thing that I really enjoy that, you know, when we started that birthday club, at least I can say, hey, my cousins got me this drink, or my cousins brought me this outfit for my birthday, right? And it, you know, makes us talk a little bit more, at least seven times a year. Seven times a year. Right. And just to say, hey, my cousins, you know, hey, I'm I'm looking at Cash App, okay, okay, everybody did, you know, send me their gift. So, hey, thank you, cousin. And just to say, you know, thank you, really appreciate what you've done, and stuff like that, right? So, you know, we always say, like we said, we always gotta get together, do something, and we've been talking about it a long time, but still, we did take that step to say, hey, you know what, we're gonna celebrate each other's birthday, and that's a real big point. And I and I I get really excited when my birthday rolls around. Of course you, as the elder, I get the most money, I get the most money. But it's very important. I think that that's one thing that you know a lot of black families don't do right until funerals or or stuff like that. So or what when it's a tragedy in the family, right? So, you know, every two years is something that we all get together and just you know spend time and talk to each other is real important, very important. And and you know, we should continue doing this. And now, you know, like Tiffan said, you know, you know, our parents and our grandparents, so now we gotta take on that mantle. So we we gotta all stick together and keep doing it.

SPEAKER_02 37:25

Totally agree. Um, I think it's really important, um, especially having friends who don't have family, and you notice and they come like into your fold and they like, y'all doing this again, or are you with your family? And and I'm like, this is normal. Like, I'm like, honestly, this is kind of like lax for us because we used to get in together, you know, uh every summer on the 4th of July or you know, outside of family reunions um every Sunday. So I I really look forward to our family reunions, I think is really important. Um and it it keeps the the bond strong, and I'm not gonna say it forces you know you to communicate, but everybody's gonna come. Yeah, you know, like okay, we're going here next. So it doesn't matter, like me and you may have had a fallen out, but I'll see you at the next game reunion. We're gonna be there for that. We're all gonna be there because we miss each other, you know, it makes our heart stronger, it makes our bond stronger, and it just it helps show love, you know, it helps keep us together. And I wish more families got a chance to experience a family reunion, and that's why, you know, I even like try to bring my friends to like family gatherings, just you know, they get a chance to see what a family gathering is just a family dinner, like getting together on Thanksgiv Thanksgiving is strange to some people, and you don't really realize it until you're like, Oh, what you're doing for this Thanksgiving? Well, I'm just you know, staying at home.

SPEAKER_05 39:12

Like it's actually really wild. Yeah. To the point where it's like a reminder and a reflection and appreciation that what we have, a lot of people do not actually have. It's a blessing for sure.

SPEAKER_04 39:22

Yeah, and I will say, uh, your cousins are your your first friends. Um, you really learn how to be a good friend and how to uh show appreciation and show kindness, um compromise.

SPEAKER_05 39:36

Sometimes they teach you how to ride a bike or not.

SPEAKER_04 39:40

Listen, I'm gonna tell the story since you brought it up. Please tell the story. Because we got family stories. Our our cousins used to come down to Virginia every summer and spend the summer with us and at least a couple weeks. And one of our cousins who refuses to get on camera was supposed to teach me how to no, it was you.

SPEAKER_01 39:58

No, it wasn't.

SPEAKER_04 39:59

Oh no. Oh, it was supposed to teach me how to ride a bike. Don't let go of the bike. Somehow, I end up at the end of the cul de sac in the gate.

SPEAKER_02 40:08

In the gate.

SPEAKER_04 40:09

Tell them the neighbors remember 40 minutes. 40 minutes for my house. Come on up, bruised up, trying to learn how to ride a bike. Was that Stephen D. Crazy? You know what? Since you said it. Wild. But that's the thing. I didn't know how to ride a bike. And I learned how to swim because this one was messing with my sister in the pool, and I had to jump in and defend my sister. So that's how I learned how to swim. All with our cousins, right? So those are your first friends. So I really do appreciate the fact that we do get together and we are so close. And even though it's been a while since we've all been in the same room together, it's like no time has passed. We haven't missed a beat. Yeah. Yeah. Because these these cousins, wow, we got some stories for days, child.

SPEAKER_05 41:02

Next episode. Next next episode, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:06

Well, this has been really fun, and I really appreciate having my family here. And that leads me into our sister salute. My sister salute is to the Ward Reberson Bell Family Reunion, San Antonio, Texas, 2026. Uh, don't try to come here because we'll be gone by the time this episode posts. But uh just really appreciate our cousin Hassan who organized this family reunion for us, and the fact that we've picked our next destination. We know where we're going in 2028. We have something to really look forward to, and our family means so much to us. So, to the Ward Werbison Bell family reunion, we uh salute you as our sister salute this week. Woo! Family. Uh, thank you to our cousins, Jessica, Maurice, Keith, Ebony. We really appreciate your time, your honesty. Cha. Y'all gonna have our comments on fire. Let's get ready. Let's just get ready. I'm not even ready for it.

SPEAKER_05 42:06

I mean, I'm just not ready. It is what it is. It's gonna be what it is.

SPEAKER_04 42:10

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Well, to the rest of our sisters. A fake control. He's gonna make a fake account so he control his own video.

SPEAKER_05 42:20

That's how treacherous these men are. Exactly. Jeez.

SPEAKER_04 42:27

That's what our colors. We were seeing white and gold. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for watching. Uh, to the rest of our sisters out there, to the sister who dared, to the sister who cared, to the sister who said yes to herself. We see you, we celebrate you, and we salute you. Bye, y'all. Love you, sister. Love you, sister. All right. Bye.