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Occasionally Perfect
Occasionally Perfect is a podcast hosted by Lexsi Lewis for honest conversations about evolving, aligning, and figuring it out as we go. New episodes every Tuesday!
Occasionally Perfect
Ever feel like you should be further along by now?
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In this episode of Occasionally Perfect, Lexsi and Amber get real about the pressure of timelines, comparison, relationships, career dreams, motherhood, healing, and the feeling that somehow you’re “behind” in life. They talk about what it means to grieve the version of life you thought you’d have, how social media can distort our expectations, and why maybe you’re not starting over at all, maybe you’re just getting aligned.
This is an honest conversation about growth, letting go of bare minimum energy, trusting the process, and learning how to be present while still believing in the life you want.
If you’ve ever questioned where you are, who you thought you’d be by now, or whether life is unfolding the way it’s supposed to…this one is for you.
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Hey, it's your girl Lexi Lewis. And it's your girl, Amber For Sotra. And this is occasionally perfect. This episode is going to be for you if you've ever looked at your life and thought, I should be further along by now. Or maybe at this age, I thought I'd be married or financially secure or emotionally healed or further my career. Any of the things where you thought that you would be doing more or somehow right now isn't enough. We're going to dive into the discussion of why do we feel that way? And then we're going to get into like a little way to reframe that so you can feel better about where you are right now and realize that the path that you're on is the path that you're supposed to be on. So let's get into it.
SPEAKER_00Yo. Um so I feel like today's conversation, um, I feel like it's something we all question. It's like we all think of. So where did you think at this age, hon, where did you think you would be at this age?
SPEAKER_02Oh, millionaire, fine husband, three to five kids. Maybe three now. Maybe three right now. I definitely felt like I don't know. I mean, we're millennials, so we definitely didn't grow up with social media. So I think the traditional path was still kind of paved for us. Oh, or at least it's it was like an aspiring life. Like you could, I feel like on social media now you see so many types of lives that you could live and like ooh, that looks nice, that looks nice. But growing up for us, it's still like get a family, buy a house, go to school or whatever. Yeah, I just thought I would just I would have more like house and family.
SPEAKER_00I agree. Yeah, I feel like coming from a small town. Yeah, I grew up in Tennessee and I grew up where I feel like even a lot of people that I did grow up with or have that childhood with are still there. Um and not even like I just like I go back and it's nothing's really it's everyone's there, nothing's changed, and it's it's a beautiful thing still. It's something nice to go home to. It feels very, very nice to like and more like it's crazy to think that like I'm happy I grew up that way. Um but it's I took like a diff a different path. I feel like there's I like wanted more. I wanted to do more before certain uh like I turned a certain age, before I had kids, before I put that pressure on myself. Yeah. But along the way, I still had the back of my mind. I need to get married by a certain yeah, I need to have my career and things lined up, you know, by a certain age. Um, or it's not gonna be a good one. But it's different.
SPEAKER_02So you're I feel like you're a small town, small small town too in Indiana. Okay, that's our small town life. Well, think about you at 25, and then now think of you now. What do you think that 25-year-old you envisioned?
SPEAKER_00Oh my gosh, definitely. Like, I'm so the like I used to be, I don't know, it's changed. I feel like at 25, I was like, 25, I want that traditional wedding.
SPEAKER_02At 25? 25. No, at 20, no, no, no. 25-year-old you in LA. Oh, in LA? 25-year-old you girl. Yes. What did what did what do you think 25-year-old? Yeah, like don't think what we just said was what we grew up as. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 25-year-old me, I am supposed to be a movie star. And Okay, okay, I feel you. Yeah, there's no way that my career didn't take off by now. There's no way I moved to LA at 20 to be a star. And I'm 36, 36, yeah. 36 now, and I'm like, dang, I haven't started one film. Right. And like, so no, 20-year-old me was like, I can't believe how long it took for me to make it in this industry. I think it really, 27-year-old me had a baby, and that was so weird. Because it was having a kid is like kind of feeding into like my little me's dream. But being in LA, having a kid is like, what?
SPEAKER_00Right, right. It's a different thing. What?
SPEAKER_02What are you doing? Like, because I had one friend that had kids when I had kids, everyone else was like in the club, or not even that. Everyone's career started taking golf in our late 20s, and it made me feel like you were kind of left behind.
SPEAKER_00Dang, I'm I feel that same way though. I feel like kind of we we met in LA, and I feel like we were in that space where it was just like we we would have a good time. But we at the same time, we were really fighting for that role or that spot or to become the next that something, you know, other we had that dream. Um, and I feel like by 25, I do feel like I was in a different space. Like I felt the same way. I was just like, gosh, I should have been this top model by now. I should have been um uh, I don't know, a millionaire by now. I should be having my dream home by 25. And like I don't know by people that do it. They they did it. But then you look at social media and you see even you look at social media and you even see kids. I feel like I see people younger than me. Yeah like high school now becoming millionaires, like the life.
SPEAKER_02Being in LA, you just see everyone. Like, yeah, I mean, all of all of my I would say it was interesting, like half of my friends, multimillionaires, very young because they made it, and then all my other my half of my friends are me pursuing something with like no support system, like doing the grind of it. And that's the interesting thing in LA is like some people make it right away, and then some people you see their careers like develop and they're working and all that stuff, but I didn't want to be a working actor, I wanted to be a star.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, so I'm like, what is I didn't sign up for this someone, no?
SPEAKER_02Oh my gosh, because I see things like I mean, I have one of my friends, Kofi, he's like, Oh, he never, he you guys know Kofi, he literally is just beautiful, and he never has done an acting class, and he did this audition, and then he Oprah and then picked him up and Aver Duvernay picked him up, and he's like, Yeah, I never did acting class, and like I'm staring in this show. And I'm like, I fucking hate. I'm like, I have lots of acting classes, not because I needed it, it's just because I need to show people that I'm acting, you know? And so it's yeah, I think that when you start to see in LA, it's like you see the people making it. So it's not like it's not a dream. I saw you, you lived in this apartment, and now you're star. Like that should be me, you know. So that's what my plan was. And when it wasn't happening in that way, it was kind of like what?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I definitely feel I've surrounded. I think we both kind of surrounded our I mean, we're not even surrounded, like we were in the scene. Like we are like, I mean, it's LA, like it's not hard to not be in.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you're cute, you're working in the industry, everybody.
SPEAKER_00And so it when you're rubbing elbows with all these people and you have conversation with people, your friends are. I don't even like the term.
SPEAKER_02I was gonna say rubbing elbows is crazy. Well, because it just seems like, oh, you're just no, I'm like, no, my you have D. At 2021, my all of my friends are literally like I say again, half my friends, yeah, half of my friends are literally the biggest stars in the world, and then half of my friends are like me, like we work and we make money in the industry, we book things here and there. And so when you have both of it, it's like I have like the biggest talent in the world are my friends, and then I also have like we're working, and it's just like I didn't, I don't want to be the working anger.
SPEAKER_00I know, but then it's crazy because like even some of the biggest talent that we have, even as friends, like hearing their stories and like where they started, it kind of is like where we're at. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And even at our age, yeah. Well, yeah, so many people talk about how like being an overnight success took 14 years. Yeah, but it's like it's like all of a sudden the public starts to like hear your name, but it's like everyone that's been working was like, No, I remember I did background for this many years, I did this for this many years, and and yeah, it is interesting to like see. I think because when you're growing up, you just see the overnight success, it's not an overnight success, and then that's what you want. So I I came I think about 20s in my late 20s or whatever, I kind of really got to terms where I was I was happy to be a working actor. Because I was like, that means I'm I can make some money. Like, because even I don't know if you guys know, like even in in commercials, you can make you can make shit in commercials and make $300, but you could also make like $80,000 for one commercial if it's like a national commercial that plays all the time. So it's such a like I mean, even the biggest stars do commercials, but if you haven't ever did a film yet, you're like, oh, commercial. You don't want to do it because you're like, I want you to know I'm an actor. Right. But it's like sometimes you have to split. You can make a you can make good, you can make six figures being a commercial actor, and you will be mad a little bit because you want to do like something meaningful because we're artists. But as far as when it's just a per as far as work goes, it's like, well, there's not very many things where I could work for one day and then I'm getting paid for months on end. So I think that is like the reality of what the industry we're in was kind of uh okay, maybe I'm being a little hard on myself kind of energy, you know?
SPEAKER_00Oh, maybe that's where it comes into play when it's you know, it's maybe not you're not so behind, but you are evolving. Yeah, you know, and I was thinking about the even before I got here, um, I think we're we're having having a conversation about the, you know, sh before we even got here today. But being behind may not it might that might be our mindset, but we could just be evolving in the end. Yeah, and I feel like that's where I'm at right now. You said I feel so aligned. I don't feel like I'm I'm that yeah behind.
SPEAKER_02Because I used to feel like I was chasing something, but you know what I'm realizing just at this moment is that I thought something was gonna be a certain way because I was ignorant to the industry. So like I'm pursuing something out of just like what you see just being an idiot to like I want I want the end result. And now I still want the end result, but I see the path and the work ethic and stuff behind it. And then even the friends that I do have that are huge stars, I see that they had things that I don't have. And either support in certain ways, or maybe their lane is it right now, or maybe they're willing to do things that I'm not willing to do. Like, there's so many variables, right? And I think coming from that place makes me feel more aligned, realizing, like, okay, I had a very naive point of view. Like what I wanted was right, but my approach and why I thought I would get it with this reason is because I was like a little ignorant to certain things, which I definitely believe ignorance is bliss, and I think you should be delusional about your dreams because if someone's done it, you can do it no matter where you are. But but there are still things that you can do to work while the universe got or whatever is working too, you know? And I think that's kind of the interesting thing is like I the more knowledge I have about what I'm actually pursuing, I'm like, okay, I don't need to like if I like even now, I always I just now say started saying it and I'm like, I want to be a movie star, like that's cool, like why not? Like if you could just blame people, like, oh, what are you doing and be like, I'm a movie star, that's so stupid, but like so fun. Right. You may have to say it. People say No, no, no, no, exactly. Like, if but like I I think of like a title, like if I was in a documentary and they'd be like movie star, right? Right? Movie star and producer and whatever. And I'm like, that's so fun. Like, you know, like my grandma, my grandkids are gonna be like, my mom's a movie star, my grandma's a mom star. It's starting here, producing this. Yeah. This is the beginning. This is but that's why I'm realizing I'm like, oh, thank you.
SPEAKER_03Oh just fix that.
SPEAKER_02Thanks. Um, no, that's what I'm realizing is that how I view things was out of like not knowing stuff, you know what I mean? And so now, like knowing that the journey really is so like I have a if we know where we're going, right? And if we can accept that we don't know what we need to do, and that God does, like God was like, this is what you asked for. You wanted to be this kind of person in this kind of industry and do this kind of work, right? So I'm like really accepting that I'm gonna keep learning and I'm gonna keep working, and whatever I need to develop to be that person is what's gonna come into my life. So I have peace with that. Knowing like the end is already there because I see it, and whatever's coming is only building the version of me that needs to be built to get there. That's why I'm like so comfortable.
SPEAKER_00It's calm and okay. That's what am I it's that peace. Yeah. I feel like we've both we both have had that. I don't feel as aligned as you, but I definitely fresher. It's very fresh, but I feel and I'm growing every day. I'm I every day that I wake up, I feel in a better space mentally, physically. Like I feel better. We do have a loving, kind home, you know, and I feel like that does like mean a lot. Especially that sunny's going.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, oh my god. Woo! No, I love Sunny. So don't make it, don't they're gonna be like, she doesn't like her kid.
SPEAKER_00Like, yeah, Sunny's a lot. Sunny's a lot.
SPEAKER_02Just in our space. Um Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It's we're we're it's it's a huge, we're still transitioning, like we're still working towards that. And I feel like I'm in a I am in a very fresh space. I'm in a space where I'm in my late 30s. I had everything I thought was everything. My whole family, like I thought I was gonna have more kids with this person. I thought f Sunny would have siblings and it'd be by the same man. Like, you know what I mean? I didn't like I didn't think that ever my life would just shatter out of nowhere and I'd be in the space I'm in. Um, so of course, like I had different plans for myself. Um, and as I got older, I used to think like, oh my god, I wanted marriage and I wanted this. As I'm getting older, like I'm so happy with being like, okay, if we're not working out, it's as easy of as like okay, we just part ways. Yeah. And so um, I I'm now in the space where I'm like, do I ever want what I used to like what I used to grieve, you know? I don't no longer I used to want all this stuff and I used to have this certain mindset of like how my life should have been by a certain age and by a certain time. But now I've like grieved that old me. Do I want, do I still want that? Yeah. Um so yeah, I'm kind of having a hard time like at this place in my life because at the same time, I'm also wanting the best for Sonny. And to me, that is having both parents. Ooh, but did you hear what you just said? Yeah, for Sonny.
SPEAKER_02No, to me, what do you mean? You said to me, that's the best thing. Is that the best thing to Sonny? She don't know. You don't know, and you won't know because you can't know. And as parents, we're always trying to figure it out like what's the best thing for them. Yeah. I think just like prayer, prayer and reading and trying, honestly. And just the fact that you have that question and like asking them because you just don't know. Like, I think there's so many statistics out there and stuff too, of like, I would love for like live to have her father in her life, but I also have the statistics of having a bad father in your life, you know? And I think I don't want to be a corny and be like, I just want to be happy, but like I want to be happy, like in a practical manner, and when I'm really just like in the present and accepting of where I want to be and working towards something, and like knowing that this is here and my this is my life, and this is the journey to get to that endpoint, but the journey really is my life, so I want that to be enjoyable, and my biggest thing is like as I'm learning, because I can't I can't help but just learn what I don't know and then practice what I do, and so in that I just try to provide a good life for live my daughter and myself and that, and I think just honestly being like so acceptant of my present has really helped me not feel like I'm supposed to be somewhere else. It's like like because I know that I'm so sure about what I want for my life, and I think getting sure about what you want for your life is kind of the hard part because there's there's so many options, you know what I mean? And then it does shift if you're so sure about something and it's with someone else, and then they're like, no, and you're like, okay, so I was sure that this was happening and now it's not. So it's like that is a real reality shift, like, because I was planning to do something with you. I mean, uh mine is not half as serious, right, as as yours was because you just was a child involved, but even now, like I'm building a life with our show and everything around that I'm investing in stuff in it, and it I little bit have those questions, and even like um Lindsay, because I know she didn't watch this, her saying, like, I wanted to see it. I'm like, oh, Mexico is warmer.
SPEAKER_00I know. Oh my god. No, but I'm like, oh no, we gotta take off, you guys. Come on, hit the like button.
SPEAKER_02Um, no, but I mean, I just but there is that variable of like planning stuff with other people, it can be scary because it's like uh like you can't control other people and stuff, and then you have to pivot from that. It's like, oh well, that person didn't do what I was expecting, which they never do. Um, and then I'll just have a little caveat that some people can actually pleasantly surprise you if you haven't entered that period of your life yet. It's very nice. Um I pleasantly surprised you, right? Yeah, okay, okay, cool. So you're like in it a little bit. I'm in it a little bit. But um, but I'm only just my last two years, people have actually pleasantly surprised me 70% of the time, which that is so good because 30% is the good thing. And uh, once you get like to that, I think it kind of starts to shift where it's like, well, I've been learning to like trust people again and just being like more than anything, very accepting of I know the end. Like the end has once you get to the point where the end has no question, then it's really like this is the journey that I have to go through. Yeah, and this is my hero's journey or whatever, but it's like I'm doing the the God, the universe, whatever you want to believe in, is molding me into the person that deserves that ending. So, like when bad things are happening or like perceived bad things, I can really be just I tell myself, I literally sit. Whenever I start to get irritated a lot, and I'm like, okay, it's first of all toil on period, then it's probably the moon, and if it's after those two things that period, it's actually period and moon, is it, but it's still part of it. And I'm like, okay, I'm feeling these feelings because something is a little bit off. And then I'll sit with it and I'm like, you know, it was off my viewpoint, my ex like even if um if you're holding a lot and you're like, why is everyone leaning on me? To me, that's shit. You should make the shift of being thankful that you have the ability to have people lean on you. Like, I have the means, I have the whatever. And like, I think if you think, why is someone being I'm trying to think of what like anytime you ask for responsibility or or a blessing or whatever, and then you feel like, well, why didn't someone receive it? How I wanted to receive it. I think I always change my viewpoint of like, well, they were going through something that I didn't see or whatever. And I think me accepting accepting that like what I'm going through is getting me to that endpoint. It's like nothing can be the heavy for like more than a day. Right.
SPEAKER_00Like more than a day. I've because I've oh my goodness. I was talking, I was just literally having this conversation this morning with a miracle. And I was like, I've been through so much. We all have in our lives. Like we've been through so much, like there's just so much trauma. Like, we're humans. Uh there's nothing I didn't get through. And on the other end, I wasn't okay. Yeah. And not just that, I've came out better. No, I mean now I know something new. So it's gonna, it's gonna take time. I'm supposed to be going through this process. It's it has a bigger purpose, and that's what I'm coming to terms with. I no longer accept bare minimum. I'm sorry, but I used to be like, at least give me bare minimum. Yeah. What?
SPEAKER_02I'm begging for bare minimum. Like bare minimum is from like my neighbor, not from the people in my circle.
SPEAKER_00You know what kind of woman I am, first of all. Not even that. Like, I it just human person, friend. Like, I I go above and beyond, and not just that. Like, I it just for someone to like not even know.
SPEAKER_02I don't even want to. I have I have an example. So I went to church this one time and this pastor said something that like hit me so hard. Yeah. And he was talking about um like boundaries and conditions, and he was like, Love thy neighbor. He said, uncondition, and he was like, unconditional love. People talk about you should unconditionally love me. And he was like, we got it backwards. He said, we should unconditionally love our neighbor, unconditionally love the person that we don't know. We're gonna love you because you're a human, you deserve respect out of humanity. You don't, I don't have to hold you under any type of accord because I just respect you as a human and I show you love. He's like, but my close circle, there's some conditions. Like you're gonna have to treat me a certain way. You're gonna have to respect me a certain way. And if you can't do that, you can't be in my day-to-day life. And that was so like profound to me because I feel like we can treat, like, oh, if you really love me, you would love me unconditionally. And I don't think that's okay because I should be able to hold you to a standard. If you're in my no, not expectations, a standard. Like you're in my day-to-day life. If you can't show me respect, then you need an arm's length. And I can love you without conditions. And if you're not gonna be close to me. But if you're close to me, I have to be able to trust you. I have to be able to know that that you were gonna act a certain way towards me. I know I'm gonna have to accept that you will talk good about me. So like I'm not gonna have you talk shit about me and steal my money and burn my clothes and be like, I love you unconditionally. No, if you're in my close unit, there are conditions. That's not love. And I love you, and no, it is. But if I'm gonna love you unconditionally, I can't see you every day.
SPEAKER_00No, but I'm saying that's not love. Like, if someone can do all that, that's not love.
SPEAKER_02Like, no, but I think there's just humanity love. Like, if you want unconditioned, uh you want me to love you unconditionally, I'm only gonna be able to do that about once every 30 days. And boundaries. You're gonna see me every day. We got some conditions to talk about. Um let me know you're gonna treat me right. Well, because even in marriage, you say vows of I'm gonna do certain things. So that those vows are a way that you're gonna uphold me because you're gonna be in my life. You have to have a standard for if you're gonna be in my life consistently. If you're not gonna be in my life consistently, then I'll respect you as a human. I wish the best upon you. But when you do some weird shit, I'm gonna go because I can't really do that. If you wanna be my everyday, mm-mm. We need some conditions.
SPEAKER_00I agree. No, I'm so on board with that. I feel like I don't know. I feel like you life just teaches us. And I feel like I've been through the cycles, we've been through the cycles, whatever. Um and it's at the point now where it was so crazy. I realize I have very like a handful of friends. And it's along that way, all of those friends have seen so many versions of me, have been there for me, and have not walked away because they love me. And I think that is so important. And where I'm at in my life now, it's it's it's I don't know. I want to be further, and I wish things were differently, but at the same time, I feel so fucking amped up because my girls be being like, Amber, you know, like you're in a good space, you're okay, things are fine, sunny's good, you're healthy. This is a a new beginning, is is it's fine. It worked. There's so many of us starting over right now. I don't know what 2025 was.
SPEAKER_02Well, wait, I don't like starting over. Well, first of all, 2025. 25 was the year of the snake. It was shedding. It was the year of shedding. It was the year of anything that is not aligned with you to get the fuck out the way because the fire horse was coming. Oh my gosh. That's what it was. And it was different. I don't, I don't, again, I don't like starting starting. Yeah. I think we're just getting aligned with what and getting disaligned with bullshit and getting aligned with what we want. And I think that is kind of it. And and I think I get the term starting over, but to me, starting over kind of feels like something fails. And then I think if you think of the idea of no, I'm aligning, I'm getting where I'm supposed to be.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And I'm getting rid of things that don't feed that end goal. Like I know what I want, I know what individual, I know how I'm gonna be treated, I know how I should be treated, I know what the life is that I'm building. And if you can't do that, then get out of it. Right. No get out the way.
SPEAKER_00I'm so there. I think it's just it's different now, too, because I also have a little human that I want. But that's just me. It's not even different, it's more. Right. I need more. I can't deal with bullshit.
SPEAKER_02I can't deal with bullshit. I can't deal with a hater, I can't deal with amb not having been ambition because now I got somebody else. Right. And we got shit to do. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So I feel like that's that's very, I don't know. I'm in that space where the transition is gonna be the biggest one yet. Yeah. This is about to line everything up that I've always wanted, that I've always just oh.
SPEAKER_02But do you feel like the being like feeling I'm not where I want to be comes more from like comparison sometimes of like other people that are your age and that you've been around that are experiencing things that you don't have yet?
SPEAKER_00I can see because there'd be some times like when I'd be in a relationship and I'd be like, these people are doing this or doing that, and I would see it. Why is it my partner doing that for me? Yeah, why is it my partner? You know, I would kind of hold them at a certain level because I'm like, I'm not getting that. That's how relationship should be. That's how okay, we're five years deep. Why do I have this? Do I not have that yet? You know, so I feel like that that pressure of being of seeing someone else being treated how you want to be treated, but I'm like also like, is that are they doing it for the camera? Is that real life? Are people really still being treated that way? Is uh not monogamy? I forgot we talked about that. What is it called? When you like um you're like just that, you're just a good guy. Oh my god, I can't even think about it, or not even a good guy, but like things that people used to do back then. What am I thinking of? I can't even think of the word. I'm like, what? I don't even know. I forget about it. A gentleman. Yeah, that I don't even know what I was talking about anymore. But no, um, I just feel like I don't know. Let's move on.
SPEAKER_02No, because if there is there is like the comparison, the comparison factor. I yeah, I think I I mean when I was way more social media heavy, I feel like I compare I I started to like, you know, you get depressed, like, yeah, people these people got in this, and then I just I moved back to Indiana. That my whole thing, it wasn't even slowing down, is like I really got off socials a lot, and I really wasn't kept my I journaled every day and I was like, what do I want? What do I want? And I I can't get I used to not be able to follow like hap seemingly happy couples on socials because I would be like jealous and because I felt so far away from it. And now when I see really cute couples that like seem genuine, I can follow them, and I'm like, that's so cute. And I'm like, I can't wait to have that, but like in a not yearning because I don't have like I'll never get it type of way, but in a like, let me put that in my consciousness and I can be happy for them, but also realizing that I'm not there now. But I wasn't there before because I just wanted it too bad because I was so living in my future self that I wasn't really like accepting of my present self that didn't have a man, right? Right, and I think being it's so crazy how that anx my anxiety really comes from like living too far in the future and getting like, I'm not there, I'm not there yet, I'm not there yet, I'm not there yet. And now I'm like, I'm doing it, girl, you're doing the things, yeah, you're gonna get there. Yeah, calm the fuck down.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_02So where does that pressure actually come from, you think? From being not present. I mean, for me, yeah, of course, there's a side and all that, but I don't have parents that are like, Where's your grandkids? And and and why didn't why haven't you retired? Oh, you should have done this, this, that, yeah. I don't have those kind of parents, thankfully. Shout out to Shirley, she she's just like, you're good enough. Right, right, right. Um, but I put it on myself of because I I would focus all of my old, I've been journaling since I was eight years old. All of my old journals are like always talking about the future and like who I want to be. And I definitely use my journals to manifest, but it's also me being so in the future. Like now I have my plans. I have I have my vision for my future, but I'm present. And even when I feel myself getting anxiety or getting annoyed, I'm like, am I paying attention to what's happening right now? I'm like, right now I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. And I'm like, oh, this isn't working, this is this, this is I'm like, wait a minute. I I can have a plan and I can execute, but then I also have to give God room to work. And if I'm trying to be too and controlling of how that future comes, that's when the anxiety starts. That's when the pressure starts. But like being present is so you can't change that. Like my presence is my present. Like, what's happening now is happening. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So like I feel like the extra worry of the future just does nothing but that put that like weight on you to want more than you need in that moment.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Or want something, it's just I can want it, but if it's if if it's warning at the detriment of like acceptance of where I am, then what is that gonna do me? Because meet being like, I need to have a man right now doesn't make him knock on my door. Hey, I win. Show my like it doesn't make Mr. Prince Charming actually invites the worst people if you're so desperate to be in that future and to have this vision. It's like I'm gonna work towards it. And I'm I'm doing the things and I'm working on myself, and like all that going the pace we need to go. Right. Oh no, but definitely living into living at the end and being like, I need it now, versus like, you know what? Um I really thought about even with acting at like in my early my late 20s, I started to have this acceptance of my dream life always was to do like a film or TV show a year, and then four months not have to work, and I would just travel and be somewhere warm, and then like I could just be a mom zone and you just do one project a year, like one really good project. And I think of Quentin Tarantino because he has this I'm gonna do 10 films. It's like I'm gonna do 10 films my whole life. That's all I'm doing. He produces other things, of course, but like him as a director, he's like, I'm gonna do 10 films, and I'm like, that's 60 months, right? That's not even like you know, like so only these 60 months, and you're gonna live so many more months. So you're trying to be defined by these. And I'm like, why do I feel like I think it's because I don't even have my one film yet or whatever that I feel like I have to have it now. But I'm like, your whole so many people are known to be greats for discovering one thing or having one moment, or they have this one distinct thing that made them something. And I'm like, but I want every day to be Martin Luther King's I had a dream speech.
SPEAKER_00Like, no, that's how you're alive.
SPEAKER_02You need to every okay, say Martin today, uh Malcolm X tomorrow. Angeline Jolise, she did some good shit that day. Like, like, no, like no. I'm like putting pressure on myself for every day to feel like that. No, it's like I want to do a few great things to be considered a great person.
SPEAKER_00Right, but I felt like it's relatable. When you think about that, it's like oh things my whole life. It's consistency, man. It's like putting it's putting in the work, the time, the few things my whole life.
SPEAKER_02I don't have to have every day be record-breaking because those little quiet days are all leading to that thing, you know? Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Oh, we need these quiet days why we have them. Trust me. Because that moment when we get there, a lot of things. Yeah. What does this pressure make people sacrifice or rush through?
SPEAKER_02Oh, I have such a good story for this.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_02Um, I think wanting something and the only looking at the end result and not worrying about the path you get on can just put you in a bad place. I remember when I used to I had a friend and she danced, and then she convinced me to start dancing too. And then we were both dancing in LA, and LA is not an entirely good place to be to dance. And um, yeah, I hated working there, and I I made money, but I didn't really make money there. It was just the clubs there are not good, and people were doing extra stuff. They were not just like shaking their butts, and so like I didn't really like the environment. I was like, this isn't really for me. And the girl was the same, but then she started doing extra stuff, and then she started being like making a lot of money, and then she would be looking at me like, Why are you struggling and stuff? And I was just like, I'm not about to do that, and I didn't do it. I was like, just it's just not me. And she started to be so stink and nasty to me. And then I also I just remember one day, and she was like, had a lot of stuff and all these things, and she started, she just started crying to me. She's like, I just feel like I don't know myself anymore. And I just saw her start to lose like who she is, and she was so focused on the end that she didn't realize the path was so important. I hate to be corny with like the path is the journey, it was what matters, or whatever. But that was such a thing where it was just like I want the end result, but if I have to go so outside of myself to get it, it doesn't feel like me. Yeah, this can't be it, this can't be the road to get there, right? I gotta turn around or something, I gotta figure it out. And I think so uh I see a lot of people where they just start to sacrifice things. Everyone says it's a sacrifice, and I think if you assume that the sacrifice has to be your true nature, then you're wrong. Yeah, there is sacrifice, but a lot of times it's like maybe I won't go. It's something, it's something you're gonna sacrifice. But to me, I was like, my sacrifice is I'll take longer. That's I'll just take longer. And I think that's why I'm more accepting now. Cause I'm like, if I have to take longer and it means that I don't have to like do certain things that are out of my character, then that's it. That's the path you're gonna do. That's it. And I don't and honestly, I almost don't feel judgment. If anyone can feel like any part of them they could sacrifice to get what they want, then that's kudos to you or whatever. But I think that is a real big thing of I don't want to feel pressured enough to like go outside of like being able to be comfortable with myself because I gotta I'm the only person that's with me forever. Like I'm with me 24-7 every day of my life. That's it. Just me. So I gotta make sure I'm good, and I gotta make sure I can sleep with myself and look at myself and all of that. And I think so m so many times I see people that are like, I'm gonna sacrifice things that I can't end. I can sacrifice things that you might not be able to sacrifice, you know, like you know, like so. I don't even want to say it in a judgmental way. I just want to say it in a way where it's like if everyone says you gotta sacrifice something, but just make sure you what it is. And for me, I will sacrifice the length of time it will take because I don't want to be a certain at certain things, you know. Yeah, have you ever have you ever made a decision that you feel like I'm gonna be on track and then you kind of regretted it?
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah. I mean, I feel like I make decisions just based off like just in that moment. I don't think about anything else. I'm just like okay, this feels good right now. Like, so I've definitely yeah, definitely have made decisions that have have kind of like oh yeah, and I've been set back many of times. That's why I always I feel like this isn't new. I feel like there have been many stages in my life where I feel like I should have been somewhere that I'm not by a certain time where I should have had this deadline or I should have been doing this or that. And I honestly until now don't feel like I've done anything right, you know what I mean? Besides my doll daughter, like she's amazing, but other than that, like I I yeah, that's the perfect way to put it. I feel like I've I've done I've failed so many times. I'm gonna continue to do that because I'm so fucking human. Um, but I'm also like very aware and I'm very like I don't know. I just my mind is more I don't also want I don't always think about just myself, and I think that's my problem sometimes in situations that I'm in, or else I feel like I would have probably been further along, I would have took that next step.
SPEAKER_02I would have I I'm a firm believer no I've I'm a firm believer of if you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go together. Yeah, I think be acceptant of the lesson and like so much, I don't even, I don't think I ever failed. I think I learned some lessons.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And I'm like, oh, the person that is that the person that I am when I get all the things that I want, she didn't know that lesson yet. She needs to know it. So that's what I had to go through.
SPEAKER_00That's a better way to look at it.
SPEAKER_02And I yeah, I'm an annoying optimistic person. So like I'm like, I'm not gonna, again, I told you my ego, don't let me like I can't fuck it up. Hold on, I just needed to learn that, you know. But like, but yes, also, because at the end of the day, if like I if I put failure, failure, failure, failure, if I put the that concept of failure on top of myself, I'm like, I fucking fail all the time. So I think I don't want to be a failure. No, I'm like I'm learning shit because I didn't know, like my parents didn't teach me that, or we're in a our the world that we live in now is changing constantly, like literally always changing. Yeah, nothing is how we were like conditioned and and pushed to like have our lives. So with all of the technology advances, like it's like the the time that we're living in is as big as as a big a shift as in 1910 when people went from horses to to cars and went from farms to factories. We're in the same big huge technological shift where jobs are shifting, style like lifestyle shifting. So we're all failing because we're not no one knows what the fuck is happening, right? So much going on. Like, look at Trump. We have uh I'm gonna I'm gonna let's not get on that topic, you know. So we just have some unprecedented shit happening. So all we're doing is trying to figure it out. So I don't even see it as failures. I just feel like it's like trial and error, you know. I'm a scientist, I'm experimenting with life. I just what did they say? I inside what did he I I don't know, he made the was it or it was Edison when he was making the light bulb, he made like thousands of not light bulbs. Yeah, yeah, thousands of things that didn't work, and he's like, I just figured out two thousand ways to do it wrong. And that's basically the life that I live, you know? One time when it once it hits, you gotta hit one time.
SPEAKER_00That's it.
SPEAKER_02You make one thing at work, and it's like, oh, you're a genius, you need to do this or whatever. So it's like just don't don't stop. Yeah, and then I I'm not gonna stop. I feel like if if I wake up, wake, there's there's air in my lungs, there's food in my fridge, and there's a roof over my head. Okay, so I'm supposed to try again.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it sucks. Honestly, just keep on like the I the new the 30s or the new 20s. Like I'm yeah, I'm just like I honestly don't feel my age.
SPEAKER_02I don't feel what I thought my age was.
SPEAKER_00Yes, okay, yeah.
SPEAKER_02I don't feel like what they talk about like 20s is a shit show, first of all. Oh my god. Because you're the babies of the adult. Yeah, you know, like you're like it's like a little horsey that has like those little stupid legs and they walk around dumb. Oh yeah. Little pony with his little raggedy legs. He runs like he's drunk.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god, little pony, please put a pony right here. Please show him.
SPEAKER_02Oh no, they can't. Yeah, they don't run. Like they run stupid. And then, like, you know, then you see like black beauty running with this, like his hair blowing later on. He had to figure it out, you know. That's funny. Yeah, but your 20s, you're just a baby. So, and then it's like, I mean, I lived moved to LA when I was 20 by myself and having my like own apartment for the first time, and I'm just like, who let me do that? Right. Um I kind of imagining my daughter just be like 20 in LA by herself. Shit show.
SPEAKER_00Listen, not just that, I know how LA is now. There's no reason my daughter should be out there at 20 year olds.
SPEAKER_02But I mean, who let me do that? Who was like, okay.
SPEAKER_00But the thing is, you can't stop you. Because I'm grown in the I'm grown. You can't even wet. I'm going to LA. Girl, what's LA broke? I had like, by the time I got there, I had like $800 in my name, a little beetle, a blue bug beetle that had no AC. I ended up selling it for $3K just to make rent.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Because I've never sold it. Um, something that a man bought you. So you can make rent. You did not live in LA. Oh my gosh, that too. That's what I was like. Why would you buy me a Birkin, but I need I need a I need a bus pass.
unknownI'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_02My resident business in LA. But I needed some Uber money though.
SPEAKER_00Oh my God.
SPEAKER_02You used to get so I used to have this blue, like light blue Birkin. Birkins are so heavy and annoying. Amber hated it. She's like, why have that big ass bag on it? All the time. I would it didn't match nothing. It was like I was so picture of you still with that thing.
SPEAKER_00With us everywhere. Where's it at now?
SPEAKER_02I sold it when I had a baby. When I was when I had a baby, when I had live, I sold every luxury item I had, so I didn't have to work for six months. Girl, so what's that say? Give me some money. Oh. Don't give me a fucking bargain. Give me some money.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02Portfolio.
SPEAKER_00Then that's again. That's why you get three boyfriends.
SPEAKER_02Oh my God. We're fucking.
SPEAKER_00Come on, let's go back on track. Um. All right. Can the pressure to be further along actually slow you down, you think?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, because it has you chasing or on a path that you're not supposed to be on.
SPEAKER_00Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_02You'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, what happened to this? Yeah, this is great. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_00Constantly in that.
SPEAKER_02Or even so many times I've taken opportunities that really didn't align with what I wanted to do, but it's like, oh, this is seems like it's going forward, even though my spirit is like, this isn't what I, you know. So a hundred percent.
SPEAKER_00Do you think just constantly like thinking about it? Yeah, like this seems like putting you in that whatever.
SPEAKER_02Even though like my subconscious knows. Yeah, you just can't move forward because it's not what I'm supposed to be doing. Yeah. So because sometimes people are like, this is a good opportunity, but it's like, but it doesn't really align with well my end goal. This isn't what I'm trying to really go towards. But people are like, but this is a good opportunity though. And you're like, okay, I'll do it. And then you're like, yeah, this shit was not for me. Right. No, no, I get that. Yeah. Okay. Oh, heck, heck no.
SPEAKER_00I really need to find out that nail polish color.
SPEAKER_02I really like it. Okay. Um, okay, yeah. So has there ever been something that you're like doing later than you thought you would? And you're like, oh, yeah, this was thank God.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, everything. Everything. Yeah. I literally have. I I thought I'd have so many kids before the age I did. I thought I'd be Mary before the age I did. I thought my career would be set. I remember being in middle school and looking in magazines. You know those like magazines where you could write a pen pal and like yeah, all of that. And just wanting to be Hollywood. Yeah. Wanting to be this thing. But the thing is, is like I am where I'm I'm somewhere I'm happy I'm at, and I'm happy I'm not still stuck in the same place I used to be. Like I would have been mad if I was stayed in Tennessee my entire life. I've traveled the world. Yeah. I've seen so many things. I've done experiences many people can't say they've done. I'm very blessed and I'm very grateful for that life and those experiences. But yeah, I yeah.
SPEAKER_02I'm I'm very happy that I did not get the success that I planned when I was in my 20s. Because in my 20s, I didn't have boundaries. So I would hate have very important. I would have hated to have like just national, let alone international success, and not have boundaries. Because I would have said yes to a lot of things that I would not want to have said yes to. So like right now, I feel so much ownership in my success as far as like someone could say, Oh, this is a good opportunity. But if it's not aligned with my vision, I'll be like, no, thank you. And but thanks, but no thanks, you know. And I feel very much where it's like, even though I audition and do stuff now, it's like if it's not like aligned with if it's not a role that I wouldn't want to play, I wouldn't play it because I'm not desperate for it. In my 20s, I was so desperate.
SPEAKER_00Anything like give it to me. Oh my god, me too. I'll be good at the music.
SPEAKER_02Let me do it. Oh, I used to hide it. I used to go to music videos and then I've been in so many music videos, but I would go on sets and then when it was time to film, I would go to the bathroom.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god, just get the chat.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I would go because they don't, especially like I'm big sets. Um I've been in so many videos where I think I've only been on scene like four times. Eat the food, have a nice drink. Yeah, I'm gonna be like, okay, ladies, and I would literally go to the bathroom. That's the thing, the sets are so big. Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes. Yeah. When they're big sets, I would literally hide.
SPEAKER_00Um, I feel that they have because they have food all day. You got a nice house area you're filming in.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and I'd be like, I'm getting paid $250 to just sit around. I'm on my phones doing auditions for other stuff that I'm trying to do. Um, no, but I think, yeah, so I think, but if if I would have got the success in my 20s, I think I would have been a bitch because I would have I was so judgmental of people because I didn't know anything. Like, I don't know, I grew up poor, but I still grew up like very much entitled. Like, I was like, I am great, I know this. There's no doubt in my mind, there's no one should struggle because if you know you're great, you're gonna have a great life. And my poor bro gas was so delusional. So that I'm glad because I would have been a bitch, I think. And then I also think that I just would have said yes to things that I'd be like, because I would have trusted other people's opinions more. They'd be like, this is good for you. And I'd be like, you know, yes. I wouldn't have I wouldn't have known that I would have been in the naive to think that like someone would try to take advantage of me. I would because I I always go into any partnership deal, business adventure, or anything. I think of like, how does this benefit me and how does this benefit you? And I think that the other person would mean so my yeah, so I in my 20s I learned that that's not the case. You have to be an advocate for yourself, but I wouldn't have been that in my 20s. I would have been like, no, they're looking out for me. So now any deal that I come across, whatever, I'm like, I know that okay, wait, what's this? This doesn't really fill the lines. And if you're gonna take some more from me than I think I won, like, what are you gonna give me that's gonna make sense? Yeah, I would have never had the knowledge or confidence or even the con thought that someone would try to be like, oh, I can make more money off of her. So I am so thankful that I didn't blow up when I was 21 and 22 because damn that bitch would have got taken advantage of. She did got taken advantage of, but this luckily it wasn't who wasn't money.
SPEAKER_00I probably wouldn't have known you.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Probably would have been like you present.
SPEAKER_02I'm like, bitch. I was my 20-year-old self, if she was a star, she would have been a bitch.
SPEAKER_00Oh my gosh, I thought we don't know her.
SPEAKER_02A healed Leo is the lovely Leo. Oh my gosh, that's funny. What's one thing you just say to someone who's kind of deep in that feeling of uh I feel like I'm supposed to be somewhere else right now. I feel like I should be farther. I feel like I should have more money.
SPEAKER_00I feel like I should have you know, I remember my mom. I feel like every parent has done this. You're gonna wish you didn't say that. You're gonna wish you didn't say, I wish I was grown, I wish I lived by myself, I wish I had this, I wish I had that. Um, those friends, you those friends aren't gonna be your friends one day. Like, yeah. So listen to your parents.
SPEAKER_05Funny.
SPEAKER_00Right. No, I'm thinking I I feel like there are there's there are good souls that like see a path and like and a vision for you that mean well, but you are gonna, you're gonna again advocate for yourself. You're gonna be who you wanna be. It doesn't matter who you are, you're gonna listen to someone's opinion, maybe, and you're either gonna take it or you're not. Like it's just we all are gonna make these this we're again, we're human. We're gonna make decisions that are good for us, that are bad for us, we're gonna learn lessons. Um, but I would just say to someone that honestly, like, it's trial and error.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It is just we're all doing this the first time. Trial and error. We did not come with a rule book, we did not, there wasn't the God did not, the higher power believe it's a good one time. Yes, did not send you down and be like, oh, here's the rules, here's the book, okay, there's the Bible, before everyone comes out there and says, No, there is there's things that you should follow. Like, okay, I get that. But for us to be like a good person every day, as someone that that is trying, for someone that is trying to move forward and be better and be somewhere in a space that they wish they were in, trial and error.
SPEAKER_02Like we've it says just like try something, you just gotta self-correct. And I I think my biggest thing is really to be if you're very sure of the life that you want and you're like, why don't I have it yet? It's because you're on your journey still. Yeah, don't put the pressure on it, like I have to have everything right now. I think when I I I started to have a real clear vision that my dream life, what my dream life was of building my like having my one project, having my family or whatever. And when I realized, I'm like, wait, this is the life I want. This isn't the next two years I want. This is how I want my life to be. I'm like, I don't need to do that right now. And when I get into that flow that I envision or whatever, I'm gonna be like, oh, okay, I worked for this and I set it up. And I think as long as you're like, be present and then be like, what do I do? What's the steps I do to get towards that and accept that as much as you want that to come tomorrow, you're where you are.
unknownRight, right.
SPEAKER_02If you want a house, if you want to live somewhere, whatever, like you're where you are. I believe in manifestation, I believe in all of it. But at the end of the day, you are right now, I'm sitting in a chair in this studio. That's the that's just the fact of my life. If I have a vision of who where I'm supposed to be in some other studio or some other set or some other thing, it's like, okay, this is getting me there. And if what I'm doing at this exact moment isn't getting me there, what do I need to change?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And I felt that's that's something I really want to pinpoint. In order for something to change, you have to change. There's something in your life that needs to change. I would be the same person that would do the same pattern over and over and over, expecting change. Yeah. I never saw the change, not even just in myself, but in relationships and whatever. And I'm like, I'm literally allowing these things to happen in my life. I'm the problem because I'm allowing this to to flourish or not even flourish, like allowing this to be planted in my life. Yeah. So I had to change things in order for things to actually change for me. Yeah. Um, even coming here. I came here to visit. I didn't expect to have that conversation with you over a glass of wine, and you be like, So what's your plan? And when I don't, you don't ask me that when I don't have a plan, because then my plan becomes the next thing that's that sounds like a great plan. And this is why I'm in this chair right now doing what I've I've always wanted to do a podcast. There's many people out there right now where I've tried, and I've tried, you know, I've and I'm where I need to be. I feel like I'm almost aligned and with that part, but I'm not aligned where I want to be in with having a relationship or having that special somewhere or that person. Like I'm still celibate, I'm still to myself, I'm still not going on dates. I'm very like but I think that's even in that even viewpoint to me is interesting because uh if I wouldn't I want to be a wife.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And I feel like anyone that can meet me could marry me right now. Um, but no, but I don't think it's not me being aligned, it's just like if I don't have that person yet, I can't make him be here. Right. Right? So I can only be the kind of person that would like if I have a vision, I'm like, oh, my man or my husband or whatever, he would want to marry me because of these attributes, then I'm going to be that person. And I'm gonna live that life and I'm gonna do all the things that that person would do. So whatever my vision for my partner is would be that. And if he doesn't come, then I'm still that person because I know that my man would want me to be this kind of person. So I'm gonna be that kind of person because I'm that, regardless of him or not, you know?
SPEAKER_03Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_02And I think that's kind of it. It's like a lot of our life plans do happen to be with other people involved because we're humans and we live in society and all the other things. I think really taking ownership of like what we can control and what we can't, and then even going to if I know I want a certain type of thing and I'm presented with something else to say nope. Like, you know, like if we want to get married and then someone comes around with some fuck boy energy, you're gonna be like, absolutely not. And I will be celibate and I will be single because the energy around me is not of what I want, right? And living in that truth, it's like at least I'm doing the things.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I felt like energy is just also I'm very big energy person. So even for me, it's more like mine's my thought patterns.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. If I ever feel like something is not good, I'm like, what am I actually thinking? What am I actually thinking? I think sometimes when I get stressed, I always know it's like I'm my my worst starts of thoughts are when I'm broke. Like whenever I'm broke, I kind of start like being like, oh, I don't like this person or this person's kind of pissing me off or whatever. And I and I tell myself, I'll literally say, I'm like, would I be thinking this if I wasn't broke? I'm like, oh, would I be thinking about this? Or like would this really annoy me if I had the money to fix it? And I'd be like, no. And I was like, okay, so maybe I need to start focusing on getting the money to fix this. Because I literally can change my mood in five minutes because if I notice my chain of thoughts going down, I'm like, I don't like this, I don't like this, and this sort of I'm like, I asked myself, what's the positive version of this? If I was um I had a like my like a year ago, my brother was going through a lot of stuff and he was like borrowing money and he just kept borrowing it, and I was like, part of me was like, dang, like why does he keep you know? And then I was like, What? I was like, I was like a year ago, I wouldn't have been able to help him. Yeah. So then I was like, thank you for like putting me in a position to be able to help my family. That changed my whole energy of how I feel that it changed my whole energy of like feeling like and I'm only saying it because I've been there.
SPEAKER_00Like when I won on my season, I was able to help so many people. Yeah. Like, and in a space where I like I had it, I'm like, yeah, and it made me feel good to know that I was able to to be that support. Yeah, so I definitely get that, and it does money does play a big factor in like that that I guess it's your thoughts though.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it is your it is your every time I mindset is huge. Oh my goodness, it's it's everything, it's everything, and I think that's what it comes down to when I feel like I'm supposed to be farther, whatever.
SPEAKER_05I'm like, Wait, what?
SPEAKER_00So, what is one thing you would say to someone that is deep in this feeling right now?
SPEAKER_02I'm a gratitude person, so every morning my alarm goes off and I sit in my bed for 10 minutes and I literally say everything I'm thankful for. And I'm talking about from thanks the thanks for the roof over my head, thanks for having pajamas, thanks for the right temperature in my house, thanks for the electricity being on. And even when I'm like kind of really annoyed, I just um just always focus on what you're thankful for because the anything else is gonna always make you feel like something is outside of me. And there's always something in your life that you could be thankful for. And I think even when I've been like broke or like heartbroken or whatever, I'm like, I'm healthy, or or I'm like, I'm pretty. Like sometimes it might just be like, you know what, I woke up.
SPEAKER_00So further along sometimes isn't the so bad. No, I'm like, you know what? We get wiser.
SPEAKER_02I'm like, I woke up today with another chance.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02So I think really focusing on I'm here right now. I woke up if I woke up and shit was shitty when I went to sleep. I woke up with a whole nother day to make some shit happen. Yeah. Like I am gonna fuck today up. Like, you know, today you're gonna feel it. Like, what? You trying to play me yesterday? Wait, what the fuck happens today? What? I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go to the gas station, I'm gonna get cute. Because you know what? I got some island, I got some mascara, I'm gonna walk to the gas station. When I go to the gas station, watch, somebody's gonna buy me a coffee.
SPEAKER_00I don't know. Right, but that's the thing. You know what I mean? Like, you know what's so crazy is I yesterday I woke up and I was I Sunny had you know left. It was my first day without her. Um, and uh I told myself, I was like, you know what? I'm gonna get my nails done. I'm gonna pamper myself. And one of my friends was like, I'm so proud of you. I just want you to pamper yourself and sent me $120 to get my nails done. Yes. I just manifested that. I just broke it out there. I I woke up and I was you're like, no, but you were already gonna do it. I was gonna do it, but I I put out there like I've also been in this space where I was just like, you know what, I'm gonna still have a good day. I had a rough start, I'm gonna have a great day, and it just got better. Yeah, and now my nails look fabulous and I didn't have to pay for it. Yeah, and I I honestly I know. No, but I thank you, thank you, thank you so much for for for my friend who did that. I appreciate you. Yeah, shout out to you.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, no, but I think that when you stop, I I really feel like most of this I'm supposed to be somewhere place is just rushing so much to the end. Yeah, you're just rushing to the end goal and really like not accepting that this is the path. And I'm going through whatever I'm supposed to be. I could be missing something. I'm I'm going through what I'm supposed to be going through. Yeah. Yeah. One thing that made I that really hit me when I was like reading through something when we were prepping for stuff was this idea of someone else got exactly what you want before you did, but they are not happier than you. And that is so crazy to me because yes, I think people are in marriages that they're not. People are like, I'm married with kids and they are miserable. People are I had this big house, I made a million dollars a year, and they and they did it doing some shit that hate, and now they feel trapped into this life that they didn't want. Yeah, and I really feel like if you worry about alignment and really focusing on what you're supposed to be doing and accepting that whatever that journey is, you're gonna be so much more happy.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Because to me, everyone else's goals are different. Happiness really is my goal. And so I wake up every day thinking, how can I be happy? And also like I have like quantifiable goals or like money goals or all the goals that are things, but I measure it in like who with the kind of person that I want to be as I'm getting to that person, to that goal. And so many people have what I have well already, and they are miserable. And I don't I want what I want and to be happy about it.
SPEAKER_00It'll be on the time that it's supposed to be on, you know, it's gonna happen. It is happening. Yeah, that's the thing. I feel like that we're we're we do see it. Like, you know, it is happening, we're okay. Like we're in the space where you said you feel aligned. I feel just a little, I don't feel like I'm quite there yet, just because it is so fresh for me and where I'm starting. But you're to me like the light at the end of the tunnel. You're someone I can look at and be like, it is possible. Yeah. Because you were definitely in my position a couple years ago, you know. So it is possible. I feel way better knowing that like that light is hopefully sooner than later. Um, and two, like I feel like getting that partner, an accountability partner, a friend, or having someone in that corner in the at the time that I'm my life I'm in, my my I'm 38 was probably the best thing I could do. You've helped me go to therapy, you've helped me get on the right meds I need to get on to help my anxiety, my depression. You've helped me through this this crazy time with me and my ex. My daughter loves you. So like I feel like I'm I it's a lining. I'm aligning, but I not in the way you thought. I look at myself and how I would have dealt with a breakup back then compared to now. Yeah, I'm so different. Yeah, I don't let it eat me up. I don't like it to me. You don't want to be with me? Like, that ain't my problem. Okay, go be with someone lower juggle. No, I'm not gonna be. Yeah, go be what aligns with you. Go but be what you think is gonna make you happy.
SPEAKER_02Go be no, go be what makes you happy. And I'm gonna be what makes me happy. Right. Okay, we just cut all that out. I'm just saying.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, no, but I I'm I feel like anyone out there that, you know, you're you can relate to this or you've had similar struggles, just know like it does get better. I've been 10 years ago, I wouldn't have been doing what I'm doing now. And you can even No, I mean I just can't even imagine that. Yeah, like I would have been so uh gag ick at myself. Um, and the things I would have done uh do dealing with what I'm dealing with now.
SPEAKER_02So if you can relate, let us, you know, just no, honestly, go into our Soku community and let's have a conversation about it because honestly, I know so many people are feeling like we should be farther along by now. We should, I mean, that's like a constant and that might be my feed, my algorithm telling me like millennials are not where they want to be, and we're not buying how we're not starting families. I know that so many of us feel that we are supposed to be somewhere that we're not, and honestly, I if you have a vision for what your life is, just accept that you're where you need to be. There might be shifts and might need pivots, but you are where you're supposed to be, and you are the person that's supposed to learn something. So always look for what you're supposed to learn in this moment, always look for the the sunshine in your day, and like honestly, just accept you are where you are and you're working towards. where you want to be. We love you. Yeah. Until next time, guys. Bye.