Occasionally Perfect

How to Actually Make Friends as an Adult (We're Figuring It Out Too)

• Lexsi Lewis & Amber Borzotra • Season 1 • Episode 8

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Making friends as a kid was easy. You just showed up and someone was your best friend by recess. But as adults? Hidden agendas, busy schedules, new cities, and the emotional energy it takes to actually follow through make it feel almost impossible and Lexsi and Amber are getting into all of it.

From Amber navigating friendships after moving to Chicago, to why having kids reshuffles your entire social circle, to the difference between someone you hang out with and someone you actually call, this episode is one of those conversations that makes you feel seen. They also play a Friendship Red Flag / Green Flag game that gets surprisingly honest (one of them fully admits she's a walking red flag and doesn't even feel bad about it). By the end, they're making a real commitment to be more intentional about building their people and lowkey inviting you to apply.

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SPEAKER_00

Hey, it's your girl Lexi Lewis. And it's your girl, Amber Borzotra.

SPEAKER_02

Welcome to Occasionally Perfect. So, quick question. Uh, when was the last time that you made a new friend? And I'm like an actual friend, not someone that you work with, not someone you met at a bar or a neighbor, but like an actual friend. Just take a second and think about it. Studies show that one in five Americans haven't made a new friend in five years. And actually, that's not really that surprising to me. Do you think that's like that they haven't made a new friend in five years?

SPEAKER_00

That's surprising to me. I've definitely made a new friend.

SPEAKER_02

Oh my god, no, I haven't made a new friend in so long. So I'm not surprised at all that one in five, but it's to keep saying that like 60% of Americans find that, like, oh, your friendships are so important, which I definitely agree with that. But making their new friends seems so scary, but they say that every seven years you're supposed to have like a whole new group of friends because you're at different stages of life and everyone's evolving differently, right? Like we all graduate high school at the same time, and then after that, it's pretty much someone's having kids, someone's getting married, someone's starting a new business, someone made their first million. Like it's so many different differences in our lives, so we're always like switching it up. So I don't know, I just feel like this whole thing of making friends as an adult is so different than when you're a kid. So that's what we're gonna talk about today.

SPEAKER_00

Well, I can say that I felt the last time I've I've made a friend, my mom actually initiated it. Like your mom's your friend now. That's so good. No, she connected me with another mom from a park that she met and when she was so sunny. But same your neighbor in Vegas. My neighbor in Vegas, a real friend, someone I can I can call. Our kids, I feel like are always gonna stay in touch. But that's where I feel like I've met actually someone that has stayed a friend, but because I I now have a child. It's like, you know, when you okay, I would take my dog out for a walk and go to a park. That's like my child now. I'm taking to a park and I make it's like you attract people because of your cute little dog.

SPEAKER_02

Now I have a yeah, but I that sounds so crazy comparing my child to a dog, but I mean uh what's her face? Uh Janae. Oh yeah, Janae.

SPEAKER_00

We have a friend out there who is literally her dog is her. Her dog is her child. She's a good mom. She's such a good mom. So shout out to all the dog moms out there.

SPEAKER_02

Um, no, but I mean, I get it. I I think it's a because even in the question was saying, oh, not like a work friend or whatever. Like, yeah, no, you're gonna meet people where you are, but them actually becoming a friend that I do stuff with is like I I honestly when I was looking through this, I was like, I thought this was gonna be a fun episode, but I was like, am I traumatized? Because I can't remember the last time I made a new friend.

SPEAKER_00

Well, at least you have uh good long-term friends.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. I mean, yeah, I think that I feel like the whole Drake thing of like no new friends, no new friends, like I don't agree to that by any means. I'm like, oh, there's a whole world where you can't, but I also feel like so loyal to my friends where I'm like, I don't know, I I don't make new friends, but I need to. I live in a place where I don't have well, now I have you, but like move now. But I'm saying in Chicago in Chicago. I don't have friends in Chicago, so I'm in a place where I need to make new friends, but I girl, don't be naked with new friends without me. See, my friends are like seeing I can have new friends without you.

SPEAKER_00

I don't have new friends, my friends are greedy. No, I am with you. You can't have someone that you love better than me as your friends.

SPEAKER_02

See, okay, so now I've discovered that the reason I have new friends is because my friends are haters.

SPEAKER_00

I am hating. Remember when I told you about Lindsay? Lindsay was like, oh, I needed someone to move to Cavo. You were like, oh I got to her first.

SPEAKER_02

I was like, back up, Lindsay, but Cavo's tempting. So I kind of like keep my shit on too much.

SPEAKER_00

Especially now here. Oh my God. No, but we have the like we've had a our friendship. I feel like it we've made friends, I guess we began. We owe the Adderall just it.

unknown

Yay! Yay!

SPEAKER_00

I'm like being my eyes just got big. No, but um, I feel like our friendship did happen as young adults. We were like 25. Yeah, and the fact that we kind of had a little bump in the road in like that little situation, but we were in like a crazy time in life. Like we were broke, we uh we were just I I always all stuck.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know, there was a lot going on. Yeah, but I feel it's interesting that you said because like I think that's like one thing with well in our friendship has changed because I feel like you were I feel like you were the only friend that I fell out with that I was like, oh, they were really my friend. Cause a lot of times I'll fall out with people and I'm like, oh, we're just different types of friends.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Like, oh, we don't have like something that's the same, right? And then but with you, I always felt like, oh, we're so similar. But then that shit sucked. And I was like pissed. So yeah, I'm like, oh, I can't be your friend now. But then also I also don't feel like I had the tools to like communicate and break down the patience and even the space. Cause I feel like you have to hold space for disagreements and understandings, and like we don't have to be exactly like on everything. We were stressed and broke, so yeah, you already know where that takes you. Exactly. So I don't know. So I feel like you're my you're my first friend that I re-friended.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Yay, where's my trophy?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. You're my first friend that I re-friended because I feel like at our core, we've had I feel like our sewing out wasn't worth like not being friends anymore.

SPEAKER_00

So at least I'm in my own box.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, if you want. Oh my god. But anyways, I still need new friends.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, okay.

SPEAKER_02

That's healthy. Yeah, but I think as an adult, so if it was saying like every seven years you need new friends or whatever, because like one, especially in LA, and what why one reason why I started to not like LA is like none of my friends in LA have kids and are just lives, just you know, we kind of just like, yeah, yeah. Like I can love you, but like, like we just can't do all the same things. And like my core core friends, like, I can invite them to live stuff and all that stuff because they're like my family at this point. But also, like, I just want like a mom friend that gets it, and I just don't you don't have those. I'm not talking about you. Oh my god, she's trying to be everything to me. My boyfriend, my best friend, my like I don't know why we just aren't together now. Like, I still get okay. So, anyways, why, why, why do you think uh that it's so much harder to make friends as an adult than it was like when we were kids?

SPEAKER_00

I feel like people have hidden agendas. Um not just that. Now I think even I also have to think about who I'm bringing around my child, myself, the people in my like way more rules to being. Yeah, there's like more boundaries, more rules. I do have a privileged space in a circle around myself that I only allow like a certain amount of people in anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, because we all have those different friends, those acquaintances, and then those like my grandma keep arm's reach, like you know, yeah, the going out friends, the ones that are go out a lot, like the ones that travel. I'm gonna hit you up when I go out. Right, right, right. Um, I feel like you and then you have like the everything friend that you like to talk about too.

SPEAKER_02

Um But I feel like I'm to me, I think one part that's hard about like getting new friends is like stepping inside of the thought that the friends that I have now aren't all the way aligned yet. And it kind of sucks even when they didn't do anything wrong either. It's just I'm like, I'm just like we're just in different spaces, kinda. Cause I think there's I've been having that a lot lately where I'm just like disconnected from people, and that's why I'm like, I need friends, I know I need friends, but then I'm like, oh, I gotta make friends. I don't want to make friends.

SPEAKER_00

I think that's the hardest. Like, I went out last weekend for like the first time since I've been in Chicago. Yeah, I mean, I say gone all weekend. You're gone all weekend. Um, and I noticed that I make friends also of all age groups. I was sitting at the bar, I have this woman and her husband sitting next to me in their 50s, had she didn't have kids. Um, her husband had grown children, and she was like ordering food, eat this, try my food, give me drink, all this stuff. And literally within that whole hour of just waiting for a table, I met this woman who I connected with. I'm like, yo, if you even if you were like every step or like I feel like she's an everything, one of those people that I would have been friends with my entire life. Yeah, she I already I was like, let me have your number. Like, let's go out, let's have fun. I'm like, I'm sitting here making friends with people that are the age of my mom. Like, you know what I mean? Like no, but I feel like that's I I I feel like I don't know how to make friends anymore.

SPEAKER_02

But I feel like that's e like I don't want to say that's easy because we're both silly and like fun and open. So I feel like it's really easy to meet people. Like, that is not the issue. It's actually hanging out with you multiple times and then being like wanting to be your friend. Yeah. Because that's my issue is like the follow through after the initial excitement. Cause I'm like, I don't really want to get to know. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is kind of scary of like, what do you have a hidden agenda wanting to be my friend?

SPEAKER_00

No, I had a conversation with my makeup artist this morning, and she was she was saying that she was like, first of all, she was so off, and I was like, what's going on? She she was telling me that she was like, I met with someone yesterday, reached out who I thought had a good intention, and all they wanted the as soon as I sat down, how can you help me? Basically, like, oh, and all about that. Doesn't ever like any of her stuff, doesn't share anything, doesn't support in that way, but looks and lurks, and just like you already automatically know that that person is not of this or not. So I feel like people, yeah, you have hidden agendas. There's things out there that I feel like when people are befriending you or even like relationships, like someone already has in their mind made up why you're gonna be in their life. Yeah. And so that's scary as an adult. Yeah. Um, but yeah, I feel like I'm at a place in a space where I'm okay with the friends that I have. If I make new friends, oh, I need new friends.

SPEAKER_02

I need new friends so bad. I don't know. I because I'm in a new city. I feel like that's true. I think that's what's hard because I I'm not saying I need new friends, so throw all the other ones away.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I'm not saying that by any means, but like I think when you move, that is like one of those things where it's like I have to meet new people. I can't fly to LA every time I want to go to dinner. Like, yeah, you know, I know, right? Like, I mean, I could. I was doing that for a while. Girl, it's not sustainable, and it just sucks. Like, if I'm just out on a Tuesday, I want to have a group of people where I can be like, hey, you guys want to go do something or whatever? Because I have downtime. But I also feel like I don't know, that's why I think as I'm an adult too, I'm realizing that I don't need everything friends, honestly, anymore. Because I already have my everything friends. I have my friends like when I'm going through some shit. Now I maybe just want a friend that wants to go play tennis. I'm cool with it. If we're my tennis friend, let's be tennis friends, you know. I don't think yeah, I don't feel like I put weight on new friendships as much as I just want people friends to do stuff.

SPEAKER_00

Well, getting into that, like as an adult, what about a child? Like as a child, uh, child versus like adulthood. Um yeah, I feel like it's easier when you're a kid because you have like less stress of the world isn't on you. Like making friends, I I mean I watch my daughter, your daughter too, like live and study. They both different ages, but seeing them interact with like other kids. I wish my friendship circle was that easy.

SPEAKER_02

Olivia is my daughter, is such a like since she was a little kid. If she sees another little kid, she goes, Mom, can I go say hi to my friend? And I'm like, who? She's like, them right there. I was like, girl, we are at Target. You don't know them. And she's like, She's like, That's my friend. I'm like, I was like, so yeah, I wish it was that easy. But I feel like too, I'm like, I think we've kind of talked about this in our good person episode about when you're trying to be like just genuine and nice, people are like, Why are you being nice? And I'm like, I just wanted to hang out with you.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Like, I am trying to be able to do that. I want to be more than myself. Um, do you think you're were you outgoing or shy as a kid?

SPEAKER_02

Oh, I was outgoing.

SPEAKER_00

See, I was totally like, Yeah, no, wouldn't say a word to myself.

SPEAKER_02

I talk to everybody, young kids, adults. I'm still the exact same way. I literally, yeah, my thoughts, if I'm thinking it out loud, I'm like, I'll think of something. I'll be like, do you and I'll don't know the person next to me. I'm like, do you think that that looks weird? And I'm like, yeah, that kind of looks weird. And I'll just start talking to this person about how this thing just looks weird or whatever. As a kid, you're just always talking. No, I am so the same. I feel I feel like my inner child is thriving. That's actually the Leo thing, is like we're all children and playful. And I'm like, that's literally how I've always been. Like talking to people, fine. Being friends with people. I know.

SPEAKER_00

Did you keep long-term friends from like your childhood?

SPEAKER_02

Yes. I have all of my friendships are like 15, 20, like I have so many long-term friends. I think that's actually hard for me now is realizing like how much I love my friends, but also most of my friends don't have similar interests as me.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

That's why I'm like, wait, I have I need more friends that like do the same things as me. And I feel like I'll have fuller friendships in that. Cause I I think I have I have my if I'm going through something friends, I know I'll have them. But I don't have my like other types of friends, you know. I feel like you need different types of friends. You need I'm like, I got the core uh listen, got my back, but I'm like, do you want a rollerblade?

SPEAKER_00

I have to have different types of friends. Yeah. Like I not, you're my everyday, you're my sister at this point. If I can't I'm like, no, you're not my wife or whatever. Like, okay. Um finally we got to where we're supposed to be. Okay. Uh I on the other hand, I didn't really, I don't have a lot of long-term relationships. Like opposites. This is so interesting. Yeah. As like I think more so like I didn't really I moved a lot. Um, I didn't really things weren't really stable.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Um, and I was really actually quiet. Like I and I wanted to do a lot of things to fit in. My friend was like, oh, I want to be a cheerleader, so I'll try fitting into that group. But I look back and I was like, I really didn't fit in every anywhere. I kind of fit in like everywhere because I was kind of that everything person. Everyone like I could get along with everyone, but it was so hard to it was so hard to keep friends and make friends, especially with women. As I got older, I feel like 20s, especially. I don't know what it was.

SPEAKER_02

LA.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, maybe Los Angeles was just but I could not keep friends with women. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I think I got lucky in LA because I have friends from high school that moved. And so that was like my core group of friends, but I also had tons of shitty friends in LA as well. Like I've had yeah, I don't even talk about them because like by the you know, but like I've had so many bad friends as well. And I I think that what's what that's what kind of sucks is that I already have my core group of friends, and then like the other ones that I tried to add on. Once I had my baby, I realized like dang you guys are all shitty people. I don't want to fuck with you at all. Yeah, so then I just kept my core group and I didn't like try to get new other ones. But I want new other ones. I'm like, you won't have fun.

SPEAKER_00

Kids will also make you realize who your friends are. Yeah. I learned really quick. I think our us having kids also brought it up. That's what brought us together. I always I started checking on you, and I'm like, yeah. And then I yeah, you already had a kid. It was just oh my god, time. I can't believe I missed that little time with Liv. Were childhood friendships deeper or just convenient?

SPEAKER_02

Convenient. You're just there. Yeah. I mean, not to say that you didn't have like I was also lucky. I have like a I have two childhood best friends. Like one, I was in like a gifted program, so it's like all the well, we're all the nerds of the city, and but we were all moved up in our class together, so it's like we were me and Montana, shout out to Montana, but me and her were in the same class in first grade. We met in kindergarten, same class from first grade every year in elementary school. Then we went to the same middle school, so like I had such a good childhood friend, and then my other friend Corlissa, she moved, I think, in third or fourth grade, and then she the same thing followed us along. Yeah, and her daughter's my goddaughter, but those two people are like, I don't talk to them as much because they are like my childhood friends, but it's when I see them, it's just so like uh love and energy. And I've always had like core friends, like so. I think as much as I get the fake ones, maybe that's why I'm not good at making friends, is because when I actually get deep with friends, I like literally have friends for a lot. I have so many friends that I've known for a long time. Yeah, so I think that's probably why I'm like, mm-hmm if you're gonna be here a while.

SPEAKER_00

I think it's nice to have those friends where you just pick up where you left off. I have so many of them because we already know what it is. If we didn't talk in a while, if you go in my I talked to one of my friends this morning, she was like, I see you're good just because I know you're on social media. She said, Now, if you disappeared and you moved to Chicago and you weren't reaching out, it'd be different. But she was just like, But it's never like I'm she's pregnant, you know. When I've been so busy, I felt bad. I called her to check on her and I was just like, Hey, I'm here. She's like, Girl, I know you love me. Yeah, you know, it's not that like you know, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I think that's hard about like some friendships too. I don't got time to check it on you 24-7. But I would love, I'd love to be that person, but I don't only want to be that person. So like that's one thing for me. I'm like, oh, I need to do I need to be no, but I need to be better at being there for people when they're happy or just even like a random day. Yeah, I don't, I just can I I just I don't know. It's hard for me. I don't know how to get off the phone, first of all. So like I I know, I noticed that. People always tell me they're like, I can't believe we're talking on the phone for so long. And I'm like, I believe it.

SPEAKER_00

I'll be around and you'll be on the phone for four hours. Like, not just talking to certain someone.

SPEAKER_02

No, I talk, oh I literally have met some people, they're like, I can't believe we're on the phone so long. And I I could just talk so much. So for me, I it's very hard for me to just check on someone small and be like, okay, if I'm gonna check in on you, I need to know the full update. Like, what's happened in the last seven years of your life? And so it's like, so I get overwhelmed with the thought of checking on periodically, which would make more sense, but because I'm like, no, I gotta like really catch up. I've gotta give them my undivided attention when I check in. So it's so hard for me to like develop something new. Cause I feel like my other ones know. They're like, okay, she'll when she's ready to indulge me, and I'll do it.

SPEAKER_00

Anyone that knows you should know how you are.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, but it's hard meeting new people because I'm like, because that's like, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Um, or I'm in your everyday, yeah. And I already know how you are. I'm like, okay. Yeah, I just I I'm gonna know if she's pissed at me. I'm gonna know if she's happy, I'm gonna know if she's sad. I don't know if she's on their period. I know exactly. I don't know. That's what I'm saying. I'm gonna know because you never are. Um, but no, I uh I like that so you're going back into childhood friends. Yours, you said it's convenient. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, I feel like it's can that's how because you're just around each other. Like there's so many I mean, also there's think there's so many people that's like if I wasn't around you, I wouldn't have been your friend. Like I wasn't going out of, I wasn't catching fights to see my friend. You know, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

I felt like mine was deeper. Maybe we just cause two different things. I don't know. Mine has I felt like connections were deeper for me as a child, maybe because I was somewhere for so long? No, I was moving all the time and then I did I'd not just that, I think like I don't want to cry. Um it's not an episode of You Don't Cry, Amber I know But no, I think that like I grew up kind of fast. Um my mom worked several jobs, I had my sister um to look after. And anytime I made a connection or had that relationship outside of whatever trauma or whatever was happening um in my life that was negative or not so good, I would seek it within people outside. So like I felt like I felt like it was deeper to me and it sucks because like I felt like that's why my entire life, maybe that's why I also struggle to make friends, because like what has ever been a friend?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Like I don't think I really found out that like truly until like now, like later in life, you know. Um but yeah, I think friendships are just like it's it's deeper. Like if you can literally have those friendships and you've known people since your child, and yeah, but that's what I feel like as an adult I'm seeing now.

SPEAKER_02

I've known them for so long, but I'd to me it's like me and Montana went through her parents' divorce, and that was something that was good to have someone there, yeah. But besides that, I feel like most of my teen were superficial. Like, I mean, I have to meet my friends, like my core group of friends would change every season. Like I'd be volleyball, basketball, track, those are who I hung out with mostly. And then we would get along, but we're like around each other. But now it's like my friends like we don't really have that much in common. But I know when you're going through some shit, you can sit on my couch. I know that if I like had someone talking about me, you'd be like, What don't talk about her around me? Like, you know what I mean? Like, I just feel like my friends now are the people that I would can go through stuff with. I feel like there's a difference between I could go through stuff with you versus I was going through stuff and you were around. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00

I yeah, I feel like uh if I there have been times in my life that like if I would have had a real friend there, yeah, I would have been so much better. And not just like my young, like my my childhood. Like I'm talking about just light, like my young years and stuff too.

SPEAKER_02

Um because you see some people with like really good friends that like I think even in this conversation like with a really good friend, but like that's what I'm starting to see is like I feel like I'm missing aspects of like being able to be parts of myself because I don't have friends that connect with those parts of myself. That's why I'm like, I want new friends, you know? Because I want to be able to go do activities that I really like to do and enjoy that with someone else. Cause I'm they always say, like, oh, you know, go to go do the things that you want to do, and then you'll find your people. And I'm really good at like meeting people when I go, but then like planning to hang out and do it again.

SPEAKER_00

Like girl, you know how many I've met at least a handful of moms out here. Yeah. Then I'm like, okay, let's get our kids together, and blah blah blah. And just like, I need something other than mom friends. Yeah. I like because I need friends.

SPEAKER_02

I don't want to be a I can you can be a mom, yeah, but I don't want to be friends only because you're a mom. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And like I want you to actually be my friend. I like, and not just that, we haven't done anything because it's all it all is revolving around the kid. Yeah, it revolves around the kid. So we haven't been able to do anything. Yeah, we're not connecting, we're not getting because we're like, oh, you know, when it's like, okay, maybe it's not getting to know me. It's like, oh, let's let our wear our kids out so they can sleep.

SPEAKER_02

Again, because even in the conversation like when I was having with the friend, one, I was like reading one of my like fantasy books, and she was like so interested in it.

SPEAKER_01

And I'm like, oh, none of my friends like hanging off. Right.

SPEAKER_02

So she was so I'm like telling her about the book, and she seems like genuinely into it. So I'm like, okay. And then we're talking about she like goes riding and like bikes and and stuff, and I was like, oh, are you we were having a full conversation because I'm like, I want to do that, but I'm scared because the city, she's telling me all the ways to train it. And I'm like, oh, you're actually living doing the things that I really enjoy. It happens to be a kid mom that we have kids together, but it's like, no, you're doing the things that I enjoy, and you actually like it because none of my friends do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know my shows, you're like, okay. I should we literally like opposite TV. I love crime. She likes it. No, you like crime and reality.

SPEAKER_00

And reality.

SPEAKER_02

I enjoy the reality if it's on.

SPEAKER_00

Well, my reality stuff I usually watch has my friends on. Like, I've been traders. You're in a reality world and in the reality world, yeah. And plus, um, if I'm gonna have to compete with some of these people, maybe one day I don't know what y'all are doing.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Um, but no, I'm like watching like non-I'm watching like fictional history and fantasy. None of my literally not one of my friends likes to watch this show.

SPEAKER_00

No, and then she says we have so much anxiety because we'd be watching me and Vanessa.

SPEAKER_02

Oh my god, what her and Vanilla, they look people that watch True Crime. I'm like, I fall asleep to it. I can clean to it. Lexi would be like, Amory, can we please? Oh my Amor, I yeah, I'm like, I don't, I don't want to like ruin your vibe or nothing. It literally, I'm like, I'm trying to, I need warm loving vibes in the house.

SPEAKER_00

She gotta put on my hair style.

SPEAKER_02

And now she went to go kill the third person today. And I'm like, what? I'm just trying to make breakfast. I love how you listen though. I know I can't help it. I'm nosy. I'm like, oh, this is the same thing with reality. I'm like, what? I know she's that she's that friend that no, the the I'm such the man.

SPEAKER_00

Like I the man, yeah, man, girl, whatever you want to be to me. Um no, but uh I'm still trying. Um no, you know how you put on the show, like it could be anything, like like we're doing now. Like, why you're a stupid show.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, why are you watching this stupid show?

SPEAKER_00

She'd be like, oh, then she'll be working at a desk, and all you see is no way. I can't believe they just said that. What?

unknown

Who fall? Who?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Then she's like, oh no, why did they cut it? Oh my god, we gotta watch another episode. It's a cliffhanger. Yeah. Oh no, a cliffhanger. So yeah, it's like we that's that's the funny thing with No, I'm but that's my thing.

SPEAKER_02

Like, I can share interest with my friend because it is, but there's a difference between like I'm gonna enjoy something because you're my friend and I'm in your company versus like this is actually my genuine interest. Yeah, and I think that's as the stage of I'm in now, I'm like, I want to have people that I have genuine interest in too, you know. And I think that's weird, kind of being like, I'm ready for new friends to be in a different, like just to be in a different phase of life or whatever.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you know. No, I'm there. I think that if first of all, we just need to go out. Yes. We need to find them and have so many friends in the spring watch. Yeah, so we just need to make it out outside. Like, I'll be outside in the cold. I still don't be making friends. I don't be making the wrong people. Actually, I make friends. I make friends with a homeless person. We give them pizza. This was the same one that the other day that well, a couple weeks ago around Christmas time.

SPEAKER_02

How do you use friends too loosely?

SPEAKER_00

We have neighborhood acquaintances, neighborhood acquaintances in our community of people that we love. Yeah. We gave them pizza.

SPEAKER_02

We're not hanging out with them.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, when I leave Jewel, we'll sit and talk for like half an hour. That's not a friend, like an everyday friend.

SPEAKER_02

It is an acquaintance, like it's someone that you enjoy and stuff. And like, I mean, we love we live in South Blue, we love South Blue. It's so neighborly and stuff. But I think there's a difference between like I get along with my neighbor versus like you're my friend that I'm calling to do stuff, you know what I mean? That's true. Or it's more like, girl, I have like five or six different people that I see on my walk with live every morning, and it's like, hey, whatever, and we're talking, and then like if we're walking at the same time, we talk every morning, and it's that is lovely. I actually love it. Yeah, I love it actually. But I'm like, no, I need to be able to call someone like, what are you doing? Like some like it's like plans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever assumed someone didn't like you? Um, have I ever thought someone didn't like you? Or do you take Oh my god, no, yes. I've been places, well, because girls get weird around guys a lot of times too, like pick-me girls, you know? Oh, yeah. And I I did I was hang out with like my guy friends, group of friends, and they had brought a girl, and they were she was around when I wasn't around, then I came, and then she just was being bitchy and so weird. And I'm and that's really weird to me because she didn't know them either, and I didn't I only knew one of them. So I naturally like go and find the girl and like become besties of them. And her energy was so like, I want to be the girl that everyone loves. Oh my gosh. Don't go to LA. Well, that's why I'm like, girl, and she was like Is that where she was? No, no, it was in Miami. Oh um or Miami.

SPEAKER_00

I was gonna say you're gonna be in a room full of people.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, but she was just so like and then um my other well, my best friend was there too, and like Marlene, and we were both like her energy was her energy was like she was the had been friends with them long, but when my friend told me he was like, No, we just met her, and we're like, really? And she decided to click up with the boys and not hang out. Because at first when I greeted her, I was like, Ha, we were so nice, whatever, and then slowly she just kept being ruder and rudder. Maybe it's just insecurity because like there's yeah, I'm like, I'm like so nice, you're so cool. I literally like come in nice, and then I'll slowly be like, you're kind of starting to piss me the off off. But I'm like really a girl's girl, so I feel like I don't think a lot, I don't think I I say my saving grace was because I played so many sports. Like I literally played sports since I could walk, and then I had a team every season. So I just have so many, I've almost always around females. I always am like collaborating with females to win or something. So I think with sports, you just like I don't have I don't, I don't like we can all win together is how I feel. But I don't think girls are like I'm such a girls girl too.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I'm always like, no, you're not looking walking out like that. You're not. I remember we were in the gym one day, you're the Amber Dole sit, like I'm like, yeah, I'm kind of melee. I'm like, she actually wants me to like, you know.

SPEAKER_02

Well, you know what's funny though, too. I think sometimes I say things blunt though, and I think sometimes people will be like, oh, you know? No, but I'd be like, Yeah, I don't know. But because you know I'm actually trying to be helpful, yeah. But I'm like, I I actually have been there's lots of things I've been learning about being ADHD, whatever, and things that I take as practical and like helpful, some people be like, that was rude. And I'm like, well, if you wanted to walk around with shit in your teeth, then you know what? But then I'm like, oh, I'm I literally have to practice myself on delivery too. Because I'm like, I I think it can be like if you you have to be aware of how people might see you, which is hard because I don't really know how you see me because everyone could see me however they do. But you could, I'm like, I do like if you didn't know me, I could easily see how you could think that I was a bitch. So sometimes I have to like and I'm delivering it something to be helpful. I'm like, they probably thought I was like a bitch, like looking for your flaws or whatever. I'm really I'm like, no, I'm really just trying to help.

SPEAKER_00

No, even yesterday we're like, okay, this is what you need to do. I'm like, okay, I'm gonna listen balls. No, but I you you're doing it in a it's coming from a good like. But if you don't know me, you could I could see how you're gonna. Yeah, I can't do because you you but you warm up to people. It's not like you're not full on in unless I mean you and maybe if you get a little friendly and want to buy everyone drinks at the bar, you're that kind of person.

SPEAKER_02

I'm not, that's why I'm not drinking anymore. I spend so much money.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, so then you become that automatic friend. Like, oh she's so nice. So yeah, people that don't know you are probably gonna, yeah, but then you have that like when but if you're just you know, you're you're every like you're just going out, you're not in that environment. You literally sometimes I've noticed sometimes it takes you a minute to warm up.

SPEAKER_02

Hi, yeah, you're very yeah, but then once you get to know you, you're like Yeah, because I do like I feel like I have I'm like I kind of my child reminds me of me so much, but it's so funny like seeing yourself and your child because people that don't know my child is like she's so quiet or whatever. And I feel like I'm learning to be quiet more so I can like keep the vibes, be more like observant, yeah. Well not like I don't want to I don't because I've noticed too, like if I'll go out sometimes, I'll be so fun, and then I'll like oh my god, that was so fun with them, and whatever. And then I realized I'm like, actually, I was fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were the fun. You were the walking. Actually, I don't know if you deserve all this fun yet. Or you don't even know. So it's like I'll then I'll try to like reconnect with people and I'll do it again. I'm like, actually, that was not a great time. So I think now I have to kind of like see their energy a little bit to see like make sure that it's not just me being the vibes.

SPEAKER_00

No, I don't think it's just you. I think you are the vibes. I know you're like, hold on, I got vibes first. Hold on. I'm a walking fucking party. No, Lexi's a walking party, y'all. No, um.

SPEAKER_02

But yeah, I think we should get into the game. Okay, wait, hold on. Hold on. Let me get the flag ready. Woo!

SPEAKER_00

Okay, the red what is this called? Red flag, green flag. No. Friendship edition. Okay, yeah. Yeah, okay, okay. We might do this more on a future podcast. But we'll see. Let's how let's see how this goes. Yeah, we're gonna see how this goes. I think like a hmm. See, yeah, that's what I'm saying. It'd be easier if someone read it out loud. It's okay. Okay. Someone you just met wants to follow you on all your social media immediately. Red flag. Yeah. All of them?

SPEAKER_02

Oh Instagram, baby. Well, if we're like, hey, and you don't want to give your number out. It's not even that I am. I feel like Instagram or like one social media is like an easy way to just be like, huh? Then you can kind of take a vibe or whatever too. But all of them it's giving fan. It's giving fan. Do you want to be me or you want to like be like I know them or something? Okay, so yeah, red flag. That's weird. All of them I was like, this is a swim fan situation. Remember that? Swim fan? Yeah, that's scary. I actually like that movie. It's really good. Um, but movie, not real life. Okay. Okay, a new friend sends voice notes instead of text every time. Red flag or green flag? Green flag?

SPEAKER_00

I love hearing my flag. Yeah, it's like communications clear. No guessing what your attitudes are. I'm such a voice note person, especially when I have my daughter. I'm like, she's scared, ah! Trying to get a problem.

SPEAKER_02

What about FaceTime? Are you at a what do you think red FaceTime is a red flag or green flag? If I okay, I don't think FaceTime. You meet someone new and they're calling you for the first time and then they FaceTimed you. Red flag, great. I know it's ever I know everyone says everyone is like, oh, you're FaceTiming. I just I hate sitting like this on the phone. I'm like, why? I can see you. I could see you. I I know.

SPEAKER_00

I cannot the face. No, because here's my thing. I hate it.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Uh your face, you're the one that's FaceTiming all the time. Yeah, I hate you. I I can't have someone FaceTiming me that I had just met. I need you to know my routine, my life. Like, I need you to kind of dabble. You can't just be FaceTiming me and then be like, nope.

SPEAKER_02

You gotta know that if you're my friend, I'm about to FaceTime again. Literally, I know that because everyone hates me for it. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. They bring snacks to every hangout. That is me. Hello. Every hangout. They always in my bag. I got stuff in there right now. Why is that a red flag?

SPEAKER_02

Why do you always got a snacks?

SPEAKER_00

I've been munchy. I have the munchies, though. Like, um, so you be smoking outside.

SPEAKER_02

I be smoking outside. No reason for that to be a red flag. Because honestly, we you we go places and I'm like, why did you bring snacks? And then I'll be like, dang, can I just want it? See? No.

SPEAKER_00

I do have snacks all the time too, because it's a new thing. I do always have snacks. But I also um I think that's a friend I need to find out here. 420 friendly friend. Oh, yeah. That isn't trying to get with you. Yeah. Me. Yeah. All right. Keep that in there.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. Uh, okay. Okay, they start a group chat after meeting you once. Red flag or green flag? A group chat? Ew. Did we meet in a group? Who? I didn't even had that happen before, but like who are we in a group with? Oh, like if it's like we're out at a bar and like three of us have a few.

SPEAKER_00

All of the people on the group chat, the same people. No, that's a red flag. Do not put me in a group chat with people that I also haven't had the opportunity to know. I if I'm not sure. I don't even like being in a group chat with my friends. Yeah, it's too much at work. I mean, I do have some fun group chat. I do too, but I barely want to I always gotta mute them and stuff. Don't be put me in a group chat if we just met. That's weird. This is me. Oh my god. They cancel plans last minute, but always reschedule. I cancel and don't reschedule.

SPEAKER_02

I was gonna say, I think that's a red flag. And reschedule?

SPEAKER_00

Uh it says this is his and reschedule. I don't know that. Would it say all the time though? No, okay. If it's not all the time, but I'm an all the time. Green flag, not all the time. I'm an all the time red flag. I'm the kind of person though. Oh, yeah, it's a red flag. Yeah, I'm not. What if you reschedule? But I will make plans with you that day or even the night before. And then I'll be in my whole slump of introverted, like I'm at home. I don't want to feel overstimulated. I just want to be by myself. And so I'll just be like, I'll make something up. God. Yeah, yeah, it's a red flag. And or I'll just go.

SPEAKER_02

Because girl, you need to learn how to say no. I'll just tell you that I'm that person.

SPEAKER_00

No, I've I've literally made stuff up like, oh my God, I don't feel good, or oh my god, I have this or that. And I am so bad and so guilty of that. So anyone that I've done that to, I apologize. Because I also reschedule and I don't even follow up through the reschedule. So I am walking red flag with that. But we might need to go talk to her and be like, are you going through something? Yeah, I was.

SPEAKER_02

I was actually a lot of depression.

SPEAKER_00

Oh my God. Right. Red flags for depressed friends. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_02

Um, what about medicated friends? Wait, what? Wait, okay, they want to hang out every weekend right away. Red flag, a green flag. If it's it should be a green flag, but it's it's a red flag because why don't you have a life? Like, why don't you got things to do? Why aren't you busier? And I think it I see how it could be good, like you, you want, you want like I want to make sure that we become friends, whatever. And it's healthy, but like you need to have a life though.

SPEAKER_00

You need to be able to every weekend right away. See, I would be excited if you're like my that friend that I know we always do something on weekends and they get excited about. But yeah, don't again, you must not have a life if you're needing to see me every weekend. No.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

But I would want to see if we have like brunch Saturdays.

SPEAKER_02

Good though. I mean that's probably what I that's probably why I don't have friends though. I don't know. Ooh, you want to hang out with me? I don't know. Red flag.

SPEAKER_00

I got you got that friend that that knows where to get those potato cakes. What? Oh that's a good one. Um the Japanese sweet potatoes. Oh my god, we get them tomorrow. I know. I can't. What is that? Where would we go for that? Soho house. Oh, the Japanese sweet potatoes sweet potatoes with a jalapeno cream sauce.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, literally so good.

SPEAKER_00

Please sponsor us.

SPEAKER_02

Shaw was gonna say just the sweet potatoes, honestly.

SPEAKER_00

Sweet potatoes don't come there to see.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that's all.

SPEAKER_00

That's all I need. Okay. They bring an oh, they bring an extra friend you've never met to hang out. Oh, green flag. Oh yeah, it depends on like to my house without asking, no.

SPEAKER_02

Red flag. But like to come out with us, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

You want me to make you part of my world. Yeah, I feel like that's green flag just because, yeah, house is kind of crazy for the first time. Ask. Yeah. Then maybe. Yeah. Um, but I think too, like, if you're someone that if you introduce me to people, yeah, I fuck with you heavy. I love you, or you're a great person. I feel like that's who you're now gonna bring in my my life. Yeah. And so I would want to get to know those guys. Yes, so 100% green flag.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, it's like, and I feel like, oh, you actually are trying to make a connection because you're like, oh, I want you to introduce you to people that I know, and like you wanna not just be greedy with me.

SPEAKER_00

No, I yeah. Who's greedy with you? I listen, I am ignoring that. I didn't hear anything you said. Okay, wait, you go, right? What? I'm gonna sit there and cough.

SPEAKER_02

You hope you imagine my immune system, yeah. That's what I've been doing. That's what you've been saying. Oh my god. I have never been this sick before. Over there.

SPEAKER_00

I'm sleeping.

SPEAKER_02

How long are you sleeping?

SPEAKER_00

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02

Wait, eating ass and your butt. Wait, what? You thought I was eating your butt? Like, well, you said flicking my butt, but you said flicking my butt- Oh my god. Oh my god. Okay, what is happening? Hold on. It's not the line to you.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_02

Um well, okay.

SPEAKER_00

They take photos of everything when you hang out for social media right back. Uh, I don't care. Listen, I only care not of everything. I can't have okay, if we're eating at dinner, every now and then, blah blah blah. I'm I do that. But I can't like I honestly I don't care. I feel like such a social media world. I'm getting yeah, social media are cool, but I'm staying red flag for that.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

We can keep arguing or arguing, arguing about that, but yeah, red flag.

SPEAKER_02

No, we're not supposed to get along.

SPEAKER_00

I mean about everything.

SPEAKER_02

No, everything. I don't care. I I just don't care. I just feel like we live in such a digital age. I don't care. As long as you're not making me take it. Okay. If I gotta take a photo of you all the time, that's a red photo.

SPEAKER_00

I'm just saying, how do you get to know someone or have a friend in that moment? You're not even being in the moment you're so like invested in. Oh yeah, you you over there. Read the next one.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, I don't know, I don't care. Little if you make it me, I'd care. Um, this is easy. Okay, they talk badly about other friends to you. Yeah, that means you're talking shit about me. Yeah, exactly. I don't even I haven't been around like gossip in so long. I don't even feel like what? I don't understand why you would be around someone you don't like. I don't understand why you would just be talking about someone that you're gonna hang out around. Like I I literally cannot fathom being around someone that you want to sit and just talk shit about. That's weirdo. You're a weirdo.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I agree. Red flag on that one. Yeah, red flag. Because I don't like talking shit about people. Now I do like tea, but not if it's yeah. You can vent. Don't be gossiping and about your friend though. Yeah, the fri. Oh my god. Yeah, I know. Okay. Um, they don't text back for two to three days, but act normal in person. They're a normal person.

SPEAKER_02

I'm putting green flag. Green flag too. Yeah, you are a normal person with a live. People think that you're supposed to have access, yeah. United. Like, well, I'm not supposed to have, I don't need to have access to you constantly, forever. You got live, things happen. You should be normal. If you didn't text me back and I see you, you should act like it's normal because it is normal.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I get anxiety from texting. I don't know what it is. I can see my texts just pile up and I'm like, oh, I I see that you were you've text me because listen, if I can go through my day and be on my phone, I know that you text me. Yeah. Um, but I just can't, unless it's important, I see emergency, you're calling me a million times. Like I'm the same. I just can't get to it right away. I know you're that. Way because I don't even get mad when you don't you read it, you have your red receipts on. I'm like, if it's not dire, then I'm yeah, but you the crazy thing is you'll read it, then you'll respond to me hours later.

SPEAKER_02

I'm like, yeah, I know I feel like it's the thing about giving attention. Like, I think with texting, what I don't like is like I can only give attention to like what I'm doing. Yeah, and if I stop and text you, then I'm gonna be waiting for you to respond and be in that message, and then whatever I'm doing that needs to be taken care of is not gonna get done now. So I look at a message and I'm like, okay, it's not dire. So let me get back to what I'm doing. Otherwise, my ADHD will take over and I won't be washing clothes when I'm supposed to be watching clothes.

SPEAKER_00

Same, I'm the same way. Then half the time, even voice notes. Someone did you get my voice? No, my child was screaming. I couldn't even listen to it, or I was in the car with somebody, didn't want to open it and it'd be something private. Like, it's just like it's so communication, it's so easy for me. Yeah, but so hard through text. Person is connection, is so I think you should act normal if you didn't text me back.

SPEAKER_02

So I can know that you're it's not weird. Like just we're busy. Like I get it. I get it.

SPEAKER_00

But that is something you do do and I do do as well. We do do. We do do.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, this is something okay. What should we? They split the bill exactly down the center every time. Uh-uh. Red flag, green flag. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I'll just be like, especially if I'm out with one of my guy friends.

SPEAKER_02

What?

SPEAKER_00

What? Guy friend. Your guy friend.

SPEAKER_02

I was like, girl, like, I ain't never been to have a guy friendly. But no, I felt like wait, they split the bill exactly. Like, yeah, no. Yeah. Unless we ate, like, I believe, like, if you uh had like some exorbitantly huge meal, obviously, we're not gonna pay the same, but like if we're just like had both had a drink and both had an entree.

SPEAKER_00

Like you shouldn't have to think about it. Like if you're if it's if I have to nitpick everything. Every little thing. Oh my god. I I used to be like that when I was broke and 20 years old.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, but then I would've just ordered separately into the order. Like if I know that I only got $20, like I'm either gonna say, girl, I only got $20, or I'm gonna just order my own separate thing and or we don't need to be out anyway if we only got it like that. No, sometimes you need to be outside. You never know you're gonna catch outside. You might get more than you're gonna give no money in the house.

SPEAKER_00

We're so annoying. We are okay. Um they invite you places, they invite you places but expect you to drive every time. Oh my god, red flag. Yeah. Listen, I I don't mind driving. Yeah. But can you also drive my car? Can you also help me with like next time or gas or something? Because like I I it's not just driving down the road, especially LA. When I'm driving, I especially LA. Yeah. Especially LA. Not even.

SPEAKER_02

If I drive, I feel like if I drive, you should get gas. Yeah. And vice versa. Yeah. But it's also different. Like, I'm like, it's hard for me to think of because I'm like, oh, in Chicago, everything is like when we're downtown, I've been so close and everything. But in LA, yeah, no.

SPEAKER_00

You have to have a car in LA. I feel like I have known people that haven't had cars though, and I have driven everywhere. Yeah. And you can get it. Yeah, it was expensive. But not even that, like, can you drive my car too if you have a license? So that I like I didn't even think of that. Chill. Like that. It's not even like sometimes I just I don't care about the gas.

SPEAKER_02

I just want No, I'll give me some gas money. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00

Uh let's do like a couple more. Let's see. I'll read one real quick. They say they're bad at texting, but are always online. Honestly, I don't really have a red flag for this because first of all, I'm like, are you different? No, I've been that person. Just turn off the settings so people don't know you're online.

SPEAKER_02

I'm like, I don't need to change my settings for me to do what I want to do on my phone. Yeah. No, no, it's my phone. And I didn't want to text you yet. Cause I wanted to give you my undivided attention on this texting. And right now I'm talking to the masses online. Yeah, right. Okay, I do get it touching.

SPEAKER_00

But okay, not you do sometimes be online though, and it's I know. You be you know who you be ignoring.

SPEAKER_02

I like where I'm I don't, it's not ignoring I am not ready to partake and give them the energy.

SPEAKER_00

Listen, I'm gonna I'm actually gonna be on your side for this. Sometimes you are on socials because it is work. Yeah. Not just that. When you are scrolling, it's because most of the time you've done everything you do for the day. You're decompressing, you're overstimulating. That's not even true. I'm usually like saving things in different things. Yeah, but I can't ignore things that I that are claiming that you're you're downtime. Yeah. And it's crazy that that's your downtime. And so, like in that moment, you probably don't want to pour your energy into responding to text right away. Because that's these people that you are talking about, or person, or people I I even have who should think I'm talking about. I don't know, who you're whoever you're thinking about. Um I don't know where I was going with that. But yeah, they should know Lexi by now because Lexi's just the shitty texter.

SPEAKER_02

I really am. I did I but she does want such a bad way to do that.

SPEAKER_00

That's why you call though, but that's why you call it. I'm a FaceTime person. In FaceTime, she'll be on the phone with you all the time that you thought you missed by her missing your text, she makes up for. Yeah, I just need people to.

SPEAKER_02

I need I actually just like to give people undevided attention. I don't like broken conversation. Yeah. But people like it. And I just need to get with the times, I guess, because everyone gets mad at me about it. Is it a red flag or a green flag if they tell you that someone else in the friend group doesn't like you?

SPEAKER_00

That's a green flag. Hello. She better be telling me. Yeah. And then if they're in the group, yeah. We gotta little circle powell cooking. We gotta figure something out. Yeah. Plus, why are you talking bad about me to somebody I hang out with? Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, this makes me think of a red flag as my own. Yeah. A red flag, green flag, if they're friends with someone that you don't like.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. Okay. I well, I don't that I don't like, or that doesn't like you. That doesn't like me. Maybe both. A red flag. Yeah. Because why the fuck do you not like me? I'm cool as fuck. I get along with everybody. I'm a great person. Not just I'm not, don't toot my horn, but like the friends in my circle group, yeah, like make me feel and know what kind of human I am and my family.

SPEAKER_02

It feels weird. Like I have a friend group that there's people in the friend group that I don't fucking like. Yeah. Two people actually. And my friends do stuff with them all the time. And I know it's because we were all in LA at the same time and like we're friends or whatever, and there's just kind of an I just don't fucking like these two people. And every time I see them on their stories, I'm like, this bitch. Yeah. And um no, but I think it's I don't like it. But because they were friends first, I know my friends so much. I feel like I'm just not even a topic of conversation. So as long as it's that, I don't care. And plus at this point, too, I haven't been their friend for so long. Like they're almost like a neutral person at this point.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, that's I understand that.

SPEAKER_02

So it's like at least if you're not gonna talk about me, we're not gonna if we're just gonna act like we don't exist anymore, that's fine. But like it's I don't know. If you are my friend and you're around some bitch that's talking about me.

SPEAKER_00

See, that was my thing. What if you're hanging out with someone you know and you know the situation talking shit?

SPEAKER_02

No, if that person's talking shit about me, if you're around them. You're not my friend either. You're not my friend.

SPEAKER_00

So red flag to all the time.

SPEAKER_02

Anyone that's if you ever come to me about my friend, I'm gonna feel disrespected. Like, why the fuck do you think that you can talk shit about my friend to me? Who the fuck did you think I would? Talk shit about me about to my friend. You're gonna go run to the Pope or some shit. I don't know. Like, don't confess shit to me. My friend is perfect. I feel that same way, yes, girl. So yeah, if someone felt comfortable talking to you and you didn't correct that shit, uh you're not my friend. But if you're friends with someone that's already been friends, I'm like, oh whatever. Long as y'all talk about other shit.

SPEAKER_00

No, right. They share a personal story about you with others without asking. I find that as a If it's like a red flag. First of all, if the I don't know, like the personal story, okay. Here's a prime example. Well, you told me your your secret, like my comedy secret? Your okay, yeah. Like her, she had a the biggest darkest secret was she wanted to be a comedy uh joke though. Yeah, but like say that was that I can just go and tell people like that you are that was a joke. But if I'm sitting there telling you like about something I have to do with my breakup, about something very personal, trauma, like and you think, yo, like don't that's that's why I say I don't I don't listen to voice notes when people send them because I was like, I'm not I'm not about to be in a room full and not know or talk in a space about someone's personal life. Yeah, yeah. First of all, I'm too grown to be talking about people's personal life.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I don't think I I don't ever talk about people. I talk about like what I'm doing or like I want to do or things that's going on in the world. So like to think that I would even sit and talk about like, oh, did you hear what's going on with such and such? You just have to be such a sad person to like. I don't know. I feel like the only way that I would talk about someone's personal stuff in the realist capacity is like if we all are a friend group and you're really going through something and you talk to me about it, and I'll be like, how can we help her maybe? Yeah. And that would be like in such a compassionate way, and it wouldn't be in a like even if it'd be like if I know the depth or if I know the depth of your friendship with them as well, right? That's different than like, oh my gosh. Oh, I've had a friend like that. It's more like how what's like our friends going through something. Yeah, that's different than like this bitch. No, yeah, he was doing this, and oh my gosh, she's so you know, like that's like I know, yeah, yeah. It's the energy behind things, I feel like, and the intentions, and also like it's different if I'm just saying it to some random fucking people that are my friends versus like this is our friend group, and we know like some shit's happening. But for the most part, why are you talking about me? Unless you're like, this is what she's doing, it's so dope and it's not tucking me up.

SPEAKER_00

Why would I even be? I know. Oh, you I should be you should be talking literally this past weekend. I talked about you like, yeah, when your friend comes to like your friend that I didn't meet, she was like, Oh, you're such a sweet person.

SPEAKER_02

Oh my god. I'm energy life. Yeah, someone told me that she was talking about me. I'd be like, oh, I'm I'm amazing, right?

SPEAKER_00

I've been pulling her up. I'm like, look how beautiful she is. Um when does someone officially become your friend? Well, Amber, one night at the bar. I'm just kidding. Just kidding. Um like after like so long, is it kind of like a relationship? Like it is a relationship, of course, but like an you know, you have your boyfriend, an intimate relationship, you have a friendship level for someone to become in that circle.

SPEAKER_02

Like, what do you need for I haven't had a friend in so a new friend in so long. But I think if I was calling you and like I want to update you on my like things that are happening, like, oh my god, this happened and that, I think that's when I can know you're a friend. Okay, then you start. I can I want to share stuff with you. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, yeah. You know, like it's not even like I think the reason why I feel like I have service relationships right now, any people I've been meeting and why I wouldn't consider them friends and just associates, because I have people that I would call to go do stuff. But I wouldn't I don't have friends, like new friends that I would call to like talk and just catch up and like what's been going on with you. I think when you care about what's going on with them and then you care for them to know what's going on with you, that's kind of like, oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

We're friends. I know that's when it finally flips. When have you put your when's the last time you put yourself out socially to even make a friend? No. And when are we doing this? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

We need to plan. I'm doing it. Watch how many friends. I'm gonna tell you at the end of the year, Mark my way. I'm gonna be like, I got 25 new friends. It's a okay, I'm gonna get 25 new friends too. But you know what I'm realizing is we have to be way more intentional as adults. And like that's why one thing I'm working on right now is working on uh like a monthly event, like a dinner party, or I don't want to do a brunch, uh, some type of something that's monthly and where where it's like this is part of my schedule, so it's like a non-negotiable and I can get those hours in. I think they said it takes like 80 hours for you to be like find someone a friend, and I think it said it was like a hundred and hundred to a hundred and thirty hours to conserve someone a close friend of time. So we gotta get those numbers in. Yeah, like every hours. So I think if you have like a specific time, like obviously everyone's not gonna be able to make it every month, but you get a group of people that are like like mine and let's do it. So I think I'm gonna be way more intentional with that of like a spreadsheet of friends. Well, oh my god, I need to clock in. No, there's an app I just saw, and I'm really excited about it. It's so good for ADHD. It's really hard for me to check it on people, but you can put like all your friendships in. You get to like log the times that you've hung out. When's the last time you text them? When the song, when's the last time you message them? And it will tell you and like nudges you. It will say, Hey, this relationship could use some attention.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Oh my god, this is like an ADHD friend person's dream. I saved it. This woman made it. I don't know, like apps are going crazy right now, but I want to get this so bad because that will be so if I could see like a miserable thing, like I need to get, I gotta get two hours in this week, you know? Like I mean this month.

SPEAKER_00

You like live in her like her goal.

SPEAKER_02

I'm gonna note this app though because I think it's so dope because I think when you can actually see, like, oh, I'm missing this out versus like it being in your head, like it's something that showed you that.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, maybe you can like pin it somewhere so that yeah, I'm excited to try it.

SPEAKER_02

But that, and then I really want to have an intentional time every month to be like, hey, you want to have a girls' brunch or whatever and meet. And I can invite people that I like the random girls I meet out and be like, just see who clicks. Cause I think that's the other cool thing because sometimes you'll find like an initial friend where it's like you get along, but it's not like you're gonna be besties, but they'll introduce you to someone and it's like, oh wow, we're great. Right? And now you've got best friends with the other. Well, not in a way that like I can't be your friend too, but it's just like you're when you're in a new place, you gotta just put your head out there. So I think that's one thing I'm gonna do. What could realistically like go wrong? Uh bitches can stalk you, try to be with you. Like, I've had really I've had people that my friends have come up to me and they're like, I think this girl wants to be you. And like I've had So we're specifically talking about girlfriends.

SPEAKER_01

I why would I want to be friends with a man?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, kind of stinky. Sorry, Luke. I get that. I do have actually I have a handful of a handful of good guy friends.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I'm I'm just kidding. Um I think I'm open to all friendships, but I am such a girl. I I just love girl energy. I love having a good girl group to just cackle and talk about crazy things with. And I can't really see. I didn't even I literally didn't think about becoming friends with a man.

SPEAKER_00

I know this whole time you're like, I haven't even thought about a man. I don't think about my girlfriend.

SPEAKER_02

What?

SPEAKER_00

I actually like I think I made a good guy friend this past weekend. Oh, yeah, he's really, really funny. Um we have to go check out his vegan restaurant though. I met him out and he is literally the first guy friend I feel like I've or even friend I've made out here. Like, you know. Um, but no, I anything else before we like close up that you want to talk about?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, think of what are some things that you think that you should do to try to be more intentional about making friendship as an adult.

SPEAKER_00

Um for me, it is not my thing is getting ready. I just need to uh get ready get ready. I need to do my hair, I need to like I hate just putting myself together sometimes because I'm so just uh beat and exhausted. But um I do have a little time now just because Sunny's away at her grandparents. Um but other than that, I just intentional. Like you said, I feel like it's like where do I need to go to make the friends that I like also want to add to my life?

SPEAKER_02

Um I think planning for me is hard too because I'm very impulsive. I'm like, let's just go do this. And then people are like, oh, I'm busy, and I'm like, okay, walk by myself. Right, right. But I need to be like, hey, on Saturday, are you having this? Are you having that? I also think that it sucks because I I'll try to do that, and then someone will tell me no one time, and I'm like, oh, I'm not gonna be friends with them. I need to like be give more grace to people's lives as well. Because I give it to my established friends, but new friends, I'm like, nope, oh, and they'll do something weird, and I'm like, girl, mm-mm, we're not gonna be friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I need to give grace with starting it and like have more low stakes.

SPEAKER_00

But so we're gonna give grace, we're gonna get ready, and we're gonna need to be intentional, be intentional, making plans. Yes. I think we should hold each other accountable. I think that yesterday, even when we were planning, here's why. Because I even tried getting her, you to go out this weekend. I know this past weekend, I just wanted to come and meet one of my girlfriends and just and we we were nothing but sweats. We weren't even gonna, it wasn't like that, but I was just like, dang, come out. Um, but I think that like there are those times though where we're not gonna want to do shit.

SPEAKER_02

But I think like if we plan it, we you know I think I need to get it in my head though, because I had this um like my sophomore year of college. I remember I was moving to LA and everyone's like, is it all about who you know? And I was like, Well, I need to know everybody. And I'm not kidding. Like, I made it my intent. I was like, I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna meet great people, I'm gonna tell them I'm dope. If they're dope, I'm gonna be like, let's be friends. And I would I would literally meet people, I would talk to them about everything that I was gonna do. If they were gonna, if they were cool with it, then I'm like, okay, we can be friends. And I made such good friends at that point in time, that's so intentional, like, let's go out. And people were like hitting me up and like, oh, there's this going on. I'm like, I'm coming, you know. That's the other thing, showing up for people. Makes it makes such a difference. Literally, like, if someone invites me, I'm gonna start being like, even if I always say no, because I feel like it has to be like this big thing. Yeah, I could let me say, you know what, I got an hour, you know? I need to be better at that, not making it have to be like this big performance thing where it's like I can show face. I can show that like I'm trying. I am busy actually, but I could take their honestly, especially like we're downtown, so it's like so much stuff is like already down there 10, 15 minutes from us. I'm like, I could take an hour, I could take an hour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could a lot, I could probably use it. It'd probably be so beneficial to me, and I try to make it other excuses. So I think I'm definitely just gonna be like, I deserve it. I deserve new friends, people deserve to be have me as their friends. I think it's such an important part of life because your network is so I think as you're growing and stuff, it it just changes your life so much when you have people that are for you. Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, we're both in that place. This is a new town. We're starting something new that we've this is a new girls in a new city. Yeah. So uh we are new ventures. We're all about making new friends. Yeah. Um, we just need to find our our group, our core group of people that we actually want to be around. Yeah, we're looking for you.

SPEAKER_02

If you want to be our friend, if you want to be our friend, email us.

SPEAKER_00

We need friends. We felt so desperate. Please. I'm tired of being around her every day. I need to get out. No, I actually missed you this past weekend. Oh my god. I was like, I had to go home, and then like I worly wanted to come swimming with you at the pool. I was really sad. But no, um, I guess just wrapping it up, we got friends that are in town right now. Oh yeah. They just flew in. We don't need new friends this weekend. So we don't need new friends this weekend. Maybe next week. They just flew in and they are our everything friends. They are fun, they are a good time. So yeah, we that's a good week for us to be talking about friends. So we might make a new one and we might make new friends um this weekend and tell you all about it on the next episode. Yeah. But I just wanted to leave y'all with this making friends as an adult isn't harder. It's just more intentional. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So good luck getting that good intention in your life and having people. I feel like you know what, as kids we don't really get to choose our friends, and now we're so lucky that we get to. So, like, let's just start choosing people that are there for us. Choose our friends wisely.

SPEAKER_00

I feel like now we're it's it's we're reborn as an adult.

SPEAKER_02

And like we have forever friendship and like let's choose the people that actually love us and all that stuff.

SPEAKER_00

All right, so forever friends. Yeah. Until next time.