Occasionally Perfect

Breaking the Invisible Rulebook of Adult Life

• Season 1 • Episode 11

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0:00 | 1:10:13

Who made all these adulthood rules, and why are we still following them like they’re the law? This week, Lexsi and Amber unpack the invisible rulebook most of us never agreed to and ask a better question: Does this actually make life better, or just make it look more acceptable?

This episode is one long, honest conversation about the “rules” people swear you’re supposed to live by. Wake up early, get married by a certain age, date for love only, forgive to move on, never change depending on the room, never rely on anyone, always do the “right” thing. Lexsi and Amber take all of that apart and ask what still makes sense, what never did, and what needs to be rewritten completely.

The conversation gets funny, personal, and a little chaotic in the best way. They get into authority and power trips, friendship expectations, money shame, healing inside relationships, whether dating should always lead to marriage, and why building a life that actually fits you matters more than performing adulthood for other people.

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SPEAKER_02

Hey, it's your girl Lexi Lewis. And it's your girl Amber Borzocha. And welcome back to another episode of Occasionally Perfect.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, so I think we need to talk about how half the rules of adulthood don't really make any sense or make our lives any better. Like who decided we have to answer every text, save before we enjoy anything, be polite to everyone, or that relationships only count if they lead to marriage. At some point, we all just agree to this invisible rule book. And the crazy part is that most of us never stop to ask if these rules actually make our lives any better, or they just make us look like we're put together. So today we are gonna break into the rules of adulthood, not in this like reckless way, but in a does this actually make sense to me in my life kind of way? Because I think a lot of us are just following these rules blindly and they we don't fit them anymore. And it might be time to come up with some new ones. All right, so let's get into it.

SPEAKER_02

So we're gonna actually talk about new rules today. Yeah, we should set for ourselves.

SPEAKER_03

I love that I hate rules that anyone else makes me follow.

SPEAKER_00

I just don't like rules that I've been like this since I was a little kid though. Yeah, I always ask why, like why? Why? I just don't like rules that don't make sense. That's why I hated COVID. Oh my god. You gotta walk in on the left door and you have to walk counterclockwise around the store. From people, wear masks, does it make it? I gotta walk counterclockwise because if I walk clockwise, it's gonna give me COVID. I hated COVID because it was so many dumb rules. Yeah, it was crazy. But I remember even in sixth grade, I had this stupid, she was kind of racist. Actually, we tested her all the time, but she would say things, all the girls in the class would wear stickers on their face, and she was like, You gotta take your stickers off. I was like, I'm not taking the stickers off. And she's like, Yeah, you need to take them off. And I was like, I will take them off when you make everyone else take them off. And she was like, Well, why are you worried about everybody else? And I was like, Why aren't you? Like, I just asked the question. Right, right. It doesn't make sense. Like, I can have stickers on my face. But I feel like that. I feel like we have a lot of adult things that's like stickers on your face. Like, if I want to do this, why are you telling me that I can't do this?

SPEAKER_02

You just have people, some people just aren't power trips, it don't matter what it is. It's just like a power trip thing. I feel like that's another thing of adulthood. People like management, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Have you ever worked at a job? Oh my god, I I I've walked out on places. I'm like, this is not worth the money I'm making. And no. I think only for maybe like eight months of my life have I worked for someone in two different jobs. But one of the jobs was I working at this pizza place for three weeks, and the manager was so stupid. If there was something that I needed to be done, I would just take the initiative and I would go do it, like especially if it was slow or something. But I remember one day I reorganized something and wiped everything down, and then I was standing there waiting to greet people because I was done. And the manager came out and he's like, You need to go wipe that down. And I was like, I just did that. And he was like, Well, you need to do it again. I said, No.

SPEAKER_03

That's when you knew that was not for you.

SPEAKER_00

No, I'm not gonna go do it. I was like, if you think it needs done again, I just did it, so that means I can't do it right. So she you should go do it again.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I was fired two days later, so I just and then ever see that's what it is, though, is like I don't think as an adult I should even have to work for anyone, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, it's not even that. I just I can't.

SPEAKER_00

I thought I was gonna say, I was like, I mean, I just can't, but no, I don't mind working for someone, it's not that. But don't micromanage some bullshit. Keep me in check for sure, but that's micromanaging. I don't need you. I have I can see some shit needs fixed and I can go fix it without you being like uh and the thing is you probably made it better. Girl, he should not have been the manager. I'm like, that's why you're the manager of a pizza place. I'm like, I don't need to work here. Brittany. I'm an entrepreneur. Oh my goodness. People say cops got issues. You get people that were always whack as hell, and you give them a gun and say you get to enforce the law, and they're like, yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_02

Power trips. Like, yeah, I feel that. That's one thing though. It's like the authority. Is that like the right, I guess? Yes. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, yeah, I've always had a problem with authority figures. But as an adult, anyone with a title, yeah. Like think that you can start talking down to people. Right. And it's not even, it's not even like about the job again. It's like it'd be one thing if it was just, oh, well, we're working on this and you're telling me because you're actually my boss, versus you just the little shit that's like we aren't powerful too.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, like we all like. I mean, everyone, all of us came from the same place. We all came out of a vagina. That's how we got here, okay? So like chill out. Yeah, then he was on that power trip. You need to sit your asses down because we push all your babies out. That part that part.

SPEAKER_00

That part. You ain't making no babies. I have a silly rule. Uh-huh. Well, this I really started this at Cheesecake Factory, though, because it's always you eat dinner and then you eat dessert. Yeah. But when I go to Cheesecake Factory, I would usually get pissed off because those portions are so big that you never get to the Cheesecake. So when I go to Cheesecake Factory, I always start eating my dessert first. I order it, and then I eat my dinner because I want to get to the dessert. So whenever I'm really going somewhere because I'm like oh, I really feel like having dessert, I always order my dessert first.

SPEAKER_03

Really? Yeah. But do you finish your food?

SPEAKER_00

I don't know. If I came for the dessert, I'm getting the dessert. Because you know me, I like I'm not even, I don't even have a sweet tooth. So when you're actually craving it. I'm like, ooh, I want this. I always order it before my I'm like, yeah, I bring that out before the case.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, like you're supposed to eat your food before you're crazy. Yeah, who made that rule? Right.

SPEAKER_00

I don't know, but I changed it at Cheesecake Factory. And but yeah, if I I again I really crave it, but if I'm craving it, like I really love malt and lava uh chocolate cake too. And I'll I'll get that cut. I'm like, yeah, I bring this my appetizer. Yeah, yeah. No, I can see that.

SPEAKER_02

There's sometimes I want sweets more than anything.

SPEAKER_00

Exactly. I can't believe you didn't think of this.

SPEAKER_02

I literally almost shipped my pants yesterday because I ate so much cheese and ice cream. And like I didn't. So much ice cream.

SPEAKER_00

I was like, he was telling me this terrible story. I can't believe that you brought this up since she brought it up. You can't tell. I know she was just really went through it. Yeah, and I asked her, like, what did you eat? She was like, I ate what did you eat? Cheese. So I had isa.

SPEAKER_02

I had two burritos with cheese on top. I had pizza. Oh my god. And then I had a whole bucket of ice cream. And I ate the rest of it after I ate twice yesterday, but I shared the rest of it with the girls last night. I was like, here, Sonny, here.

SPEAKER_00

So I think that's a rule of adulthood that we should keep it, that you should eat healthy. Because look what happens when you just eat my pants.

SPEAKER_03

Like when I say shit, my pants, the head was off. My butt said, go snap its head off. It was like there. It was like doing the dance in the elevator. You always, you just fucking up the showers, the shower? Getting in the shower and blowing up the show. Our shower's messed up, but I think because of me.

SPEAKER_04

I didn't even think of that.

SPEAKER_00

What else even doing in there? I'm gonna make sure that I'm there when they fix it. I need to see what's going on. I'm gonna ask for a video.

SPEAKER_03

Our shower's not working right now.

SPEAKER_00

It's working, but it's not. And then so I put some Dreno in it and some random, your little beauty pods were in it, but it was your beauty pods, but it was my child that.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, your child said she put it down there.

SPEAKER_00

But I don't know. Now that you've mentioned this. Anyway, uh we got some things to talk about.

SPEAKER_03

We can take all this out.

SPEAKER_00

Mm-mm. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03

I do not care. We can hear. We all shit. I don't like the shit.

SPEAKER_00

I don't shit.

SPEAKER_03

Look at me telling me you don't shit. I don't shit. Oh, Liv, hurry up. We gotta get to school. You're about to cut into my shit break.

SPEAKER_00

This is something that I would never say.

SPEAKER_03

Look at that camera and say you don't say that to live.

SPEAKER_00

I don't shit. I don't say that to Liv. I am. You look away. Oh I have never done that or said that. I don't know what she's talking about.

SPEAKER_02

Rule number three admit that you shit. What? Why? You have to admit that you shit as an adult.

SPEAKER_00

You don't have to talk about it. She's like, well, then I don't have anything to talk about. Anyways. Okay, okay. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_03

Back on track.

SPEAKER_00

People think that you gotta wake up at a certain time that that means you're productive. Oh my god. Yeah. I have a like one time I was staying at my sister's house, and um, I had my my daughter was two. She was two or three at the time. And my daughter doesn't take naps, but she sleeps for 12 hours. She went to bed, I think, at like 10 or something. And so then I stay up till four and worked. And then my daughter didn't wake up until 10:30. So I slept in till 10:30, and my sister was like, Oh, if it's like, if you're gonna be at my house, you you you should get a job and you should get up early and stuff. And I was like, girl, I was up till four in the morning. I'm not getting up at 7 a.m. If I get up at four four at night, like who says that I have to be up early if I'm working six hours on the back end. Like, I think people feel like, especially I think that's the annoying thing about being an entrepreneur in general, is just like your hours. First of all, if you're an entrepreneur, you work all the fucking time. Like your hours aren't just in the morning, but I also do have flexibility. So if I want to go do things during the day that I know that I'm not done at five, I'm done when I want to go to bed. So I don't have I could when I go to lunch, you only in town, you know what? Let's go to lunch. And instead of having like two hours at the end of the night, I could just have the that's the freedom of it. But if you don't, but if you have that freedom to move your schedule around, people act like how dare you. Like, why? Because I made time to go to lunch with someone, like you know, yeah. I don't I think it's so different for people that like, especially people that work for themselves from their computers or their phones in this age, like some people just can't comprehend that at all.

SPEAKER_02

I've had to, I I feel that. And my my mom used to be like, I need to know your schedule. I don't have one, especially with a kid. Like, I can't tell you, like, if anything, please like just say, Hey, Wednesday, are you free? Yeah, like, and then I can pencil you in before I have anything planned.

SPEAKER_00

I always say that. I was like, I'm never busy, but I'm always busy. It's like if you want to plan something, put it on, we'll put it on the calendar, it's done, we can do it. If you don't put it on a calendar, I'm busy now. Right. And they'll be like, Well, you said you were no no no no no. I always have something to do. Yeah, but I always have something that needs done, but I can make room any day almost. Almost I can usually make room, but I we gotta make room because if you don't fill in the time, something else is gonna fill in the time.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, people can't like process.

SPEAKER_02

I had to cut myself off. The one role I feel like has been a healthy role for me is like when to stop doing things. Like when to shut off for the night. Yeah. I know right now it's been kind of hard because like we're still getting in our own flow routine and flowing routine. But like once we're able to have that space and that like it'll it's just a season of it too.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, we know that we were launching something new, so I kind of like me. I don't want to work past six. Like, that's a hard thing for me. Even the other day, Livia made me feel bad. She was like, when she was like, when are you gonna stop working at late? I thought you were gonna start start working at six. I was like, that's the plan. Put it out there. But I thought I was gonna have an editor in January, so I'm very comfortable. It's just like there are times, as much as like this is my preferred schedule, there are times when I'm like, no, I I'm going a little harder right now. I gotta like, you know, and that is gonna make it so I can live like that majority. But this three, four months, I gotta lock in.

SPEAKER_02

Right, right, right. And then you will have that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So I feel that, but yeah, I feel like that's an it is healthiness important. I see that too. You even have it so where you want to eat by this time and this rest of the time, have connection time with Liz and like stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00

But we definitely have not, but we got you about to go to the house. I'm like, yeah, 16 days is different. So we got that. So um yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Married by a certain age.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I don't necessarily need married to be married by a certain age. I want to be make sure I'm married by like the with You want to be married though. No, if I want forever with someone, I don't want to rush it. But if I feel like I do have forever with someone, I want to lock. I do eventually want that forever love. Yeah. Oh my god. I I was telling you this this morning. I literally used to be like, oh my goodness, I have to go to college and have to marry my high school sweetheart. Yeah, I have to have kids with him. We have to live in the same town. This is where I'm gonna grow up, live forever, be happy ever after. And then I literally started reading magazines and watching a lot more TV and Laguna Beach around the time. I was watching Laguna B. I was like, oh my gosh, there's life beyond this little town. Yeah. And so that was me breaking, I feel like my first role of being like, I don't have to, no, I don't have to finish college. I don't have to work for somebody. I can literally get in my car and drive to another state and live if I wanted to. And that's how I that's what I did. And if I didn't do that, I wouldn't have met you.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

They're just such married and be settling down with someone, which is so crazy. There's a person in my life that I feel like I a dead date young that we are like best friends now that I thought I would have married. But nah.

SPEAKER_00

Well, I think I mean that's easy to break down just in society in general because women could get business loans into the 80s. So it's not like women were thinking entrepreneurial, I'm gonna go and be a career woman and just start my own life. It's very much if I want to do anything, it's gonna be easier if I have a husband. So it makes sense that that's that was what raised us to go do all of that. And I mean, at the end of the day, there is eternal clocks and all of that stuff too. As we get less family-centered, I guess, women's lives, not even just society, it's just what it's a chivalry is dead. It ain't dead. Oh my god. Chivalry is not there, girl. It's a lot of bums, but it's chivalry is not there, girl. Because I'm anyway. No, I don't think so.

SPEAKER_03

I don't think it's dead. Um, I think it's different.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, like you get queen and princess treatment all the time. Oh, until I met with that.

SPEAKER_00

Girl, it's thriving.

SPEAKER_03

I think you are thriving over there. I see it. You're going. Oh my god. That's the three boyfriends. I'm joking on your friends.

SPEAKER_00

It makes them act right, you know? They're like, no, they're competing over here.

SPEAKER_02

I didn't even know that that you freak sure locked in a three boyfriend. So I know I never have three boyfriends. I just always have three boyfriends.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

I don't have any boyfriends. I'm single, so first art there. The idea of you're supposed to get married, and that would just made sense because the society that we lived in and all of the things. That's what's different now, too. It's funny because having a kid already really flips shit.

SPEAKER_04

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00

Because it makes me think about having a marriage less and less and less. Because I would like to have more kids, but I'm cool with being a stepmom. And I don't have to have more kids. I'm at a point where if I end up being uh just I have one kid, I would be cool with that. Because I know I could do foster or I could just do more community things with children. Again, I could be a stepmom. Now that I've actually had one and been a mom for so long, it's really making me be like, hmm, I don't really have to rush. And that's why I like I have a thing. One of my one of my random rules is are things as I I just feel like I'm gonna be married when I'm 45. I don't know why. It's I've always had this thing, live will be grown by then. And I just feel like it's if you already have a kid at this point and you're not thinking of like, oh, I wanna have a big family, why not get married later? Because then you're more established in who you are. So the changes are I won't say they can't be great, but they're usually less huge fluctuations as you get older. What if I'm 90 and I have if I get married at 45 and I live to 90, then I still have 45 years with a motherfucker? Like, that's the longest time. That's long as hell. Like what? I'm like, okay, then I got 45 years of stories, and 45 years to make some wisdom, and we're just that'll be dope because we get to do all that together, but then I get to tell them about when I was just like having all my boyfriends, right?

SPEAKER_03

You know, and be like, oh lord.

SPEAKER_00

So I feel like once you get to that point, you're like, wait a minute, but being that that's such a big thing, it kind of makes you start other everything. Like, why do I gotta do any of these rules? Yeah. Why do I gotta like what else can I change? I think I thought about that in schooling, Libya. Like, I was really team homeschool. I in my perfect world, I still would not put her in traditional schooling, it's just so much easier as a solo parent. Honestly, though, if I get rich how I want to in the next three years, I still might just cheat her like a little royal and get her own private teacher and travel all over. I don't know. I'm just saying, it still could be mixed up. Yeah. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02

You just get someone that just caters to you. We should start our babes without borders, yeah, have the kids travel and do uh we can both split tuition. What to yeah, like girl, I'm traveling. Oh my god, a little travel nanny and oh.

SPEAKER_00

There's so many rules you can. I see people just moving. So many people travel and stuff with their kids now and like go to different types of schooling and stuff. I just I don't know what with social media, I think although it can be the other ism and you can't start to like compare yourself, and it can be like down on you, but also it could be very inspirational. If you're stuck in a life where you're like, this doesn't feel right, and then you see someone else living in the their van that they made out, and they're like traveling to different timing.

SPEAKER_02

Do I want to live in a van? See, that's another thing. I really like clothes, any closet space. I would love I if not a van, maybe a bus, like a big bus. I can take everything out and make it a little home.

SPEAKER_00

No, I would like it for a season. I could do it for like spring.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, we could like get a little some land, just buy a bus, and yeah, oh my gosh, just yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

That's actually a good idea. Okay, I would this is like well, I mean, when Liv is not when Liv is 18 and I'm not like taking care of her day to day, I'm definitely gonna be I'll live in Chicago, but I'm not staying here for winter time.

SPEAKER_02

Oh yeah, the winter is brutal.

SPEAKER_00

Why? I'll just go to live, I'm gonna go live in Africa for those three months and then I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

See, that's another thing. So that comes down to another rule like rent or own. Yeah. It's like everyone, I felt like always I used to think I want to have a house by this and I'm so glad that I don't have a house.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I don't even know where I want to live to have a house.

SPEAKER_02

I'm always wanting to, yeah. I have especially now I have a kid, I want to have a forever home and yeah, because you can customize it, and I think that's cute.

SPEAKER_00

That's where I really am like, ooh, I want to make a window like this, like this. I definitely love that part of having a home, but I don't know where I want to live. And then two, I feel like the market is insane right now, and there's with all of the hedge funds buying up all the fucking single-family homes. It's yeah, it's ridiculous. At this point, too. I feel like I'm gonna point where I had enough money where it's like I was like, I'm gonna start another business or I'm gonna get a house. I'm gonna start a business so I can make some more money. I'm not gonna, I'm I don't know where I want to live yet.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know where I want to live yet either, especially with sunny. But now I'm thinking about the school thing. Like, that was another traditional school. Like your that's not a thing.

SPEAKER_00

You just think your school goes your schools to school.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you can literally travel, not own a home.

SPEAKER_00

Have your kids even online, because they have like online communities where the groups meet in person still, too.

SPEAKER_02

So you learn different cultures, languages, eat different food.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Oh my gosh, that's and then if you have a teacher, it would be another one, a team, a woman. Yeah. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00

Well, they'll have expat communities where even though even they'll have the tutor, or I mean the teacher, it could be in-person teacher, it could be uh on-your-screen teacher, but then the kids can do stuff together still, so it's not people are always like, Well, uh, how are your kids gonna be weird if you're homeschooled or whatever? They have so many studies that actually show that uh homeschooled kids are so much better at talking to different ages, they're better at talking with adults and elderly and younger kids because their schooling is so mixed compared to like socially. Most kids are like comfortable talking to people in their age group, but they're not comfortable talking to adults, they're not comfortable talking to babies, whatever. So there's actually a lot of studies that show that it's not the truth. But you might be different as far as people might be, oh, you're weird because you're uniquely you, but that's fucking dope. I don't want a fucking kid that's just the same as everybody else. They'd be so well traveled. Yeah, like okay, so she's an outlier and she'll she can't find no one to fit in with, so then she's gonna fucking stand out.

SPEAKER_02

But see, that's another thing. Like, cause I feel like at such a young age, like we are all also set in our minds that like these are gonna be our friends forever. Like, yeah, you know, like I'm sorry, I've made them my best friends in my 30s, like you know what I mean? Or not made them, but know that I have good, solid friends. That's because I've known them over 10 years. That's so cool that you even thought about that.

SPEAKER_00

But there's just so many random things where I'm like, uh, is this what we should do?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00

So we're gonna go through a whole bunch of little hot takes right now and say, are these rules that we should break or rules that we should keep? And we can have some arguments for why in between.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, let's see what happens. Okay. You have to have high integrity to every situation to be a person of integrity. What?

SPEAKER_00

I mean, you need to like if you or have integrity. In every situation. I don't believe that you need to have high integrity in every situation to have be a person of integrity.

SPEAKER_02

That was too many integrities. Huh? That was too many haves.

SPEAKER_00

It's almost like saying you gotta have to be an honest in every situation to be considered an honest person. I never can talk fucking talk in absolutes. Like you absolutes are bullshit. Um yeah, no, I think to me, I always even think of like in sex work and stuff, and people be like, oh, you don't have morals or something outside of sex work. People are so upstanding, so honest, so caring, so for community, so for family. And I mean, I've met sex workers that are that, I've also met crazy bitches, to be fair. But you could be all of those things, but then you like you do sex work, and people if you do sex work, they'll be like, Oh, you have no morals and you have no integrity, and it's no, this is very compartmentalized into my work, you know what I mean. So, in that sense, because of the past of doing that, I know I don't think that at all. But so many people will be like, Well, you don't have integrity then, because how could you do this? And it's like, I don't have sure. If I if I don't have integrity or morals in this area, I won't to you, I won't actually argue that because that definitely is true. That does not mean that I'm not anybody, you're not. Well, that doesn't mean that I don't have morals or integrity in other areas. You think I'm just going out like fucking stealing from everybody and just beating up homeless people? Like you're actually doing the total opposite. Like, what? I just don't, yeah. You need to have it in every situation. I do but with the caveat, I do understand if I don't have it in every situation that you could be questioning me if you don't know me. Because you could be like, well, if you did this and this, why I that could put that thought into your head, but that's still that thought in your head doesn't make it my truth. So I can accept that you could think that of me, but I would it's not your thought is not the truth, and so yeah, I don't I don't think that you have to have it in every situation, but obviously it's easier to trust the more situations you have it in. Yeah, is it wrong to date a uh date a friend's ass? Yes, it's like uh what the fuck? Like what the fuck would you even? I was telling you earlier, oh my god, I don't even I don't even see once you're a man that's dates my that dates my friend, I don't even know, I don't even say that you're a man. You're not a man anymore. Like you don't even register as human barely. You're just like an addition to my friend that is there. I'm like, oh, oh yeah, do you you should see if does he eat? Like, you know what I mean? He needs to be fed. What do they do? You need to take him out. Yeah, they don't even exist. If you're my friend, I don't even what I don't even know why I would want to be with I just can't even imagine being with someone that's my friend. Like, I don't know who that man would have to be for me to be like, I wanna be with you, but then you're still my friend. So, like, what am I gonna talk to you about? Yeah, like, oh, so good last night. Like, bitch, I don't fucking want to know. I can't gossip and tell you my business. That's weird. No, ew.

SPEAKER_02

So yeah, no, I think that's the same thing. I'm like, honestly, like when did this start?

SPEAKER_03

If you guys started dating when you were around after you know what I mean? Right, like you was always looking at his sweatpants, like what?

SPEAKER_00

Oh my gosh, you guys slowly look at each other. Yeah, I would just never trust if you were talking to my exes, I feel like I wouldn't trust you around like even my present. Yeah, like you just over here lurking and shit, like hidden agendas. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

All right, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Ain't a man worth my friends, so I feel like ain't a man worth the weirdness of my friends. Oh, I tell you, like, if you date my ex, which I don't even have exes, but if you date someone that I used to talk to, that better, that man better be your soulmate for the next three lives. You better have 17 kids together, like it better be the one, bitch. Like, right, like the draw had to be so deep in your fucking storyline of your life. Like, I think it was worth it.

SPEAKER_03

Oh my gosh, I felt that.

SPEAKER_00

Like, otherwise, bitch, you are not my friend.

SPEAKER_03

No. Okay, you should always tell the truth. No, I agree.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, no, I agree.

SPEAKER_00

I think that there's times you should not always tell the truth, but I should always tell the truth to your close person in the right environment.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So, first of all, strangers, no, you don't need to know my fucking business. Right. Usually I'll tell you that in a nicer way. Sometimes I just might make up a story because I'm bored. But no, that doesn't matter. But if you're my close person, not even in a manipulation way, but in a knowing someone way, if someone asks you a question and they're in a shitty mood, I don't want to say that I would lie, but I might like redirect. Sometimes I feel like there's truths that need to be revealed of something, not like did you sleep with someone kind of truth, but like maybe like and maybe you're irritating me, or maybe you're I I didn't like something that you did, but maybe I'm still mad about it. So you could be like, or are you mad? And you're like, no, but maybe I might need to sit for a minute, and so I just lied while I'm still in my anger because I don't want to talk to you when I'm angry still, and then when I've been able to process why I was angry, what I didn't like, and then I can talk to you calmly. So it's not lie forever. I might just lie for right now.

SPEAKER_02

It's just like not those big things, it's little things to like protect feelings or make sure in in the moment, but it's not a full lie because you're eventually gonna like talk about it.

SPEAKER_00

Like, because I don't want to react in the emotion that I'm feeling. I want to feel it and process it, but that's understandable.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I feel like in close circle though, like there should be always truth. I think that's why I'm like that to an extent. But I agree with you on that. I feel like there are times. Timing matters. Timing matters. Yeah, so I feel like that completely emotion process. Before I've I'm that person too, yeah, especially if it's like your period or something. Like, girl, I'm so glad you know me so well because I probably probably let um Lindsay, Janae, and Carly all will be like this big. I'm gonna just not just that, I got no sleep the night before. I went out with them till Ford, but then I went and supported, I went to the basketball game, and then I was back again, and it was just like I didn't eat dinner, and I like angry on top of my period coming. Angry period, didn't eat, didn't sleep.

SPEAKER_01

No, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_00

What was happening? Okay, no, but um the emotions and all the stuff it matters, so yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I agree though, but I think that the to protect in the moment, but I feel like telling the full truth eventually. I could not sit in guilt or like feel like now there have been times where I'm like, I'll know you, you don't need to fucking know anything. Yeah, I don't have a fucking boyfriend. I don't have one, like oh yeah, for sure. That's little stuff like that. But I feel like if you're in my close circle and this privileged bubble in the space that I allow you in, I want you to fully be honest with me and always tell the truth because I'm gonna be that person to you. Well, yeah, but because we have to live together.

SPEAKER_00

So like if we're and or not us and not living like together, but like in a situation where if you're my friend, yeah, I don't want to if I can't tell you the truth, then it's then it kind of like starts to build a it's like a layer of a wall, and then a wall, and then a wall, and then eventually it's like I have all these things that we can't talk about, and then it's how are you my friend if I can't talk to you about stuff?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and you should be able to be it should be a safe space.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you know, like because you're friends, yeah for sure.

SPEAKER_02

Friends, it doesn't matter, relationships, parents, yeah, links anyone.

SPEAKER_00

Close relationships close relationships for sure. Yeah, anybody else I can fucking lie on it.

SPEAKER_03

Tell all the stories you want to do. It's acting practice, yeah. That's all it is.

SPEAKER_00

You should forgive people to move on. I actually fuck that. No, I think I should forget them, and I don't know how to forgive shit. Maybe the feeling what people say of forgiveness is like, oh, you don't want to have that on you, whatever. No, I only have this is so rare that I actually don't fucking like people, but there's only two people in my life that I'm like, no, fuck them forever. And I don't think about it, but if someone brings them up, I'll be like, no, fuck them forever. Because when I usually don't like someone or someone's done something, I usually just make them die where they just don't exist. I used to be very extra. I literally had them talk to me and I'd be like, Do you hear something? Let's see. Uh this bitch was fuck that bitch. But yeah, so I usually just act like they're a ghost. Yeah, I must be hallucinating because I think I might hear something. No, I get that. I get that. So usually I don't, yeah, I don't need to forgive you.

SPEAKER_02

I I've had to do some forgiving in situations because I have people in my life for the rest of most of my life. I know, I know. Like even just like family members and like stuff like that. Yeah, I don't think so.

SPEAKER_00

I've I uh yeah bike with that. I don't agree. I don't think I don't think you gotta forgive people. I don't think people uh I know what they did, huh? I don't I think some people I want to forgive because I s I think you have to forgive them if you want them in your life still. Yeah, because you can't hold that and try to build a relationship. You have to if you want to be in life, but I'm not gonna have you in my life. I don't gotta forgive you, and you just don't exist. I forgive that you were born.

SPEAKER_02

You should always do the right thing. Hell no.

SPEAKER_00

No, because that's vague. Yeah, that's so vague. We're just gonna do that. No, um dating for love is okay, but dating for security or your money isn't. Oh, this is so fucking just this makes me think of a 20-year-old. Yeah, this makes me think of a 20-year-old, or like even when I used to, oh my god, in my 20s, I just dated like the richest, most successful people. And I thought it was so good that I didn't ask them to take care, like help me. And then I would be like, oh well, uh, he probably loves that I don't ask him. Yeah, bitch. He did like, you dummy bitch, but that's why you're probably more disrespectful. Men do not respect what they don't ever have to take care of and do anything for one, ew. And then obviously there's different levels of whatever the help support, whatever is. We marry for love now more than we ever have, and people act like we always have. And I'm like, no, marriages has always been some setup shit. You marry him, and you're gonna get some money for my daughter or whatever. Like, what? I think yeah, I hate how taboo it is. I should want to have a kind of certain kind of life, or when people are like, I want to date a nine to five person, which clear I think the conversation would be should be more of like, I don't want to date a person below this whatever amount of money is. But it's realistic.

SPEAKER_02

Girl, that's why I am where I'm at in life and still haven't been married, or so because I feel like there's just that if I have somebody or someone I'm gonna have in my life forever, is because I'm like, if that's there's a lot of box that have to tick before. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I'm not like, oh, I really love you, but we can't pay rent, we can't get our car stuff, we can't tell our kids where they need to go. Like, why wouldn't I ever why wouldn't I think of that? Of course I want to, if I want to provide a certain type of life, like yeah, that's it. And I got the option too, but no, let me try the guy that doesn't kind of what get the that's so dumb. That's so stupid. That's dumb. Date for lifestyle first, and then you be like, okay, do I like you and stuff? I might not like you all the time, but I know that we are building this kind of life together.

SPEAKER_02

Or you date in the lifestyle, like you date for lifestyle first, and then what if you hit rock bottom and then that lifestyle doesn't exist anymore? Is that person gonna stick around or are they gonna leave?

SPEAKER_00

Like, no, I wouldn't. It depends on the choices that made us get to rock bottom. Is it rock bottom and we are going through some stuff because someone got sick? Or is it rock bottom because you made some really fucking bad investments? And not bad investments like oh, someone robbed you, bad investments like you were just doing stupid shit. Uh that matters, or like you got sued because of some crazy thing happened, or did you get sued because sexual allegations? Yeah, shit's different. I guess there it needs to be like you know what I mean. They probably put the love into it. It's like, oh, you that's the unconditional love shit. No, I love my daughter unconditionally because she came out of my vagina. Go to your mama if you want unconditional love. Baby, go get a job.

SPEAKER_02

No what? You shouldn't rely on someone financially. I've never relied on anyone financially, so I don't know really. I can't really speak on that.

SPEAKER_00

It's beautiful if you think that you can do that. History has shown for women that it's very dangerous if you did so. Take that how you will. It's beautiful to have the thought that you could do that. Um, and there are provider people in the world. I would just not put my life in someone else's hands. But again, I haven't met anyone that I felt like, oh, I would trust them enough. I think that's really dope to have that thought in your head. I just cannot imagine. But it's dope though, right? But again, history doesn't show that it's dope. I know God forbid they pass as well. Like, God forbid they pass away. Oh yeah. And like, you know, um not even on some, they leave you. Like, what if they you know? Yeah, so it's scary. Um scary. You shouldn't use relationships for opportunity. That's stupid. Yeah, that's stupid. Are you a child? Like grow with these people. Yeah, why would I not go to my friend for an opportunity? There's a difference between seeking someone to be you to be useful to them and to have someone that's useful to you and to just use people. There's like a delicate balance, not even a delicate balance. You can you can tell it's like am I trying to milk this situation for everything, and I'm just trying to get shit out of it, and I don't bring anything that's an asset to this relationship, then fuck you. But but should you have people in your life that are definitely helping your life grow and be better?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that's why I tell people to use me. Everyone in my life to use me. Exactly. Do not misuse me. That's what I'm here for. Yeah, I implanted in your life for you to be like, you and I don't need anyone to ever just know that I'm always here. Like, you know what I mean? I I need to I want the same, I feel like, in return. And I think that right there also is another rule is the expectation of expecting that same treatment from everyone else. I think I'm in a space where I expect you because you are in my my space or my close circle, or you I keep you close to me. That I I people are like, well, you shouldn't have expectations. No, I have expectations. Yeah. I I I expect you to respect me because I respect you. I respect you to be honest, I respect you to, you know, like just be this this person in this space.

SPEAKER_00

Don't give me money just because you need this favor that you know I wouldn't do. It's different if you're asking someone to go out of their way. And it's not saying that I expect you to do everything that I ever want from you because I did this thing for you. Yeah, and there's not that, well, I did this, not in that kind of energy, but in a you're my fucking friend. Right. But that's what I'm saying. Come down. Yeah, be a friend to me if I'm a friend to you. It doesn't even have to be in the same reciprocity. We don't even need anything. Yeah. We are too comfortable with saying, if I want to say no, I want to say no. If you want to have community, you have to go out of your way sometimes. That's part of community. Otherwise, y'all just sit at home until I need everything for me.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

No, but if someone calls me, it's like, oh, I'm doing this event and my photographer dropped out. I don't like to shoot events. But I have my camera and I have my stuff, so if I don't have anything to do today, they should be able to expect that from me. To get mad about it would be one thing, but I can tell you, like, oh, I don't haven't had a day off in 30 days, and I really just can't, you know. But there's a balance of just communication and knowing why. But if it's just like, I can't believe that she didn't come, or I can't believe that she would ask me that. If there's that energy of it, it's like, what the fuck are we friends for?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you should be able to hear no.

SPEAKER_00

The yes or the no, both of them. You I should be able to hear yes, and I should be able to give yes. I should be able to hear no, and I should be able to give no. And then without this energy of like, I'm doing it in a selfish way versus like I I need to take care of myself versus uh everything that you ever ask for me is just why.

SPEAKER_02

No, I get that. It's a balance, but yeah, it is a balance, it's just but there should be in a friendship. When I'm allowing you to use me in that way, you know? Yeah, but yeah, I agree. Don't use me, then dump me uh like out to the world and never speak to me again as a friend. I hate that. I've had numerous people in my life like need something, and I've always said, I'm here. If I have it, I I got you. And then they just you just don't you don't hear from people again, or they leave you or they do this and that, and I hate that. Yeah, so but yeah, use me. All my friends and my family out there have use me. Use me, don't misuse me. Yeah, don't misuse me. I'm here for y'all always.

SPEAKER_00

Uh oh, I have a money thing that is not on here, but I think people and friendships, we need to get better at and this is me because when I don't have money, I go into hiding and I don't want to be around people. And I just saw this Instagram post and was like, we need to go back to just having people come over and just hang out and just doing things that don't cost money because a lot of times when people are going through things, especially financially, they feel I can't be around my friends and they feel so secluded. And I need to get more comfortable with being sit side for me right now, but I miss you and I want to hang out in some capacity. You know what I mean? Because I think a lot of us tend to go away from people because it's like I'm going through something and I don't want to, you know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I feel like if you have, like, I've I feel like I've been really good about that. Like when I've been really down, like financially, I'm really good about being like, hey, listen, like, I don't have it right now. And my friends, even being understanding the point, like, girl, like, just come out.

SPEAKER_00

You tell me this, and you tell me this all the time, and I'm like, Yeah, oh, that's so good. That's one thing that you do. And I well, first of all, I'm hoping I'm in a place where I don't ever have to be in that space again. But yeah, I was so bad at that. And I I that's like such a regret or that I have is why didn't I never talk to my friends about it and or be open with my friends about it? I'm very little much like that's I ain't doing shit for six months.

SPEAKER_02

I think for me, it was like my friends just if I feel so safe around you, yeah, I just have to dump, like I have to let the load out, cry, vent, and you know why why I am the way I am, where I'm at, and like or like it's just gonna be a big one big misunderstanding. But like I feel like I'm just very up for it and honest about that because I can't come out with you, and this is why. Like, listen.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, no, I actually really admire that, and I wish I could be good at that. Yeah, it's I I I think it more about it just being vulnerable and being like, yeah, this isn't this isn't really going good.

SPEAKER_02

You know what though? I find that I have the best of times when because I'm so down in that time, yeah, where I needed that outing or that that that coffee break or that walk in the park or the girls' night out, or even a trip. I even had a friend um who one of my girlfriends, she was like, I don't care, you just get there, I'll fly you there, you get there, share a room with me, and then like we'll just I just want you to have fun. I want to see you, I want you to be there. And like it's just it just she's like, I know that one day I'm gonna need you and you're gonna pay it for it. Like, it's just how it works.

SPEAKER_00

It's that's great. That's how friend that's what friendship should be. Like when you're if I'm down and you're not down, we should I should be able to lean on you. That's so dope. And I suck at that.

SPEAKER_02

Be better with me about it. I 100% agree with that.

SPEAKER_00

I said that was I've that's I'm just learning from my past if that's gonna teach my daughter because I'm never gonna be there again. No, you're good. Like a rule that you should be the same person in every room. No, but I agree. I don't think you need it, but I do admire Cardi B and sexy red. I admire them so much like you just be that big personality in the same person in every room. There is a part of that that's super dope. I'm mixed and I'm ADHD, so I'm such an excellent masker. I just literally am such a chameleon. I couldn't imagine just being the same person in every room.

SPEAKER_02

I can't at all. I literally I am the same person in every room. I'm literally a like either to myself, very overstimulated, and waiting to look at the exit and see when I can go, or I'm in a room full of people, full of people that make me feel comfortable in this small enough group to where I can just be. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I feel like I'm like two different, like no, I feel like I'm like 10 different people in my shell, or how I am with men, how I am with my friends, how I am with my mom. That is so many different people. I again it's the ADHD, it's masking because I just am so used to being able to read people how they are or whatever. So I admire the idea of being able to be someone, the same person in the room, but I just can't imagine it because I'm literally like 20 bitches.

SPEAKER_02

So heck, well, I like all 20. Yeah, see? It's been fun. I mean, I haven't had a bad experience with one of them yet. I don't think you ain't seen a lot of them.

SPEAKER_00

You've seen a lot of them. I see a lot of them, but not. No.

SPEAKER_02

Just you know what's the car thing when you you were about to flip out on that woman and Gatlin. That wasn't Rapture though.

SPEAKER_00

That wasn't Ratural. But we were about to beat her ass. One thing I always think about is like when I used to dance, I used, I'm like, I don't think any of my friends can picture me a stripper at the club. Like at I was like, I don't think my friends can picture it. No. Because even one time I seen someone at it and they were like, Hexy? And I'm like, yeah. And then they were like, I just can't even picture you. And I'm like, why I got a fat ass? I like good shit. I love top music. Why can't you picture this? Yeah, yeah. But I d but no. And it's actually funny, like, even in my like of that, I'm like, no, I feel like such different people in it. But I'm like, what do you mean?

SPEAKER_02

But there's been so many different seasons and versions of us. Like, yeah, it's so fun. Keep shedding. I know, right? But like they all be living though. Um you should be fully healed before big decisions.

SPEAKER_00

I was gonna even go even more. You should be people feel like you should be healed before you go into relationships.

SPEAKER_02

And all bullshit. I do too. A hundred percent. Here's here's my thing. I don't know what I feel love is fully like.

SPEAKER_00

100%.

SPEAKER_02

So I need to, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So I can only heal so much on your own.

SPEAKER_02

You can, and I I need that.

SPEAKER_00

There's definitely inner work that you need to do, but learning to trust someone, learning that I can depend on someone in a certain way, learning that, oh my god, you can be consistent. What I'm talking to now is just so consistent. I've never dated a consistent person where their words match your actions. When they say they're gonna do it, it's instant. It's not, it's happening and it happens, but yeah, it's handled. And I'm like, what? But I can't heal to that. I have to experience it, and then that becomes so normal. And now I know that, oh, this is possible. And I can't learn to trust someone and believe that it's possible when I've only seen that it's not possible. You know, and then so yeah, I can only get that trust and getting that knowledge from experiencing it.

SPEAKER_02

I agree. Yeah, I'm the same way. I feel like that's just it's something I I'm not and I will not fully be healed. Like I that's why I'm still get upset, I still cry, I still emotionally like in it because I'm like, well, I still haven't had these things, like I'm still waiting on that person that wants to treat me. I will say that this way, like, you know, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

The part of me that heals though is that I was like, Oh, I won't tolerate this anymore. And something in me got to the point where I'm like, I am not gonna tolerate this. And then from getting to that internally is how I can when this is happening, fuck no, fuck no, fuck no. There's like the thought of dating people that I dated in my transform, no interest because they would not like this bitch. Or maybe they would, and I would give way different treatment because as soon as the things that were happening then, I would never even get to some of the level of it because there's the first two things would have pissed me off and I would have stopped calling you, you know.

SPEAKER_02

I feel like that's different about me too. I would be like just oh, whatever.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, but no, you're always excusing, always giving us.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and I don't tolerate, yeah, like no.

SPEAKER_00

Give them the benefit of the doubt.

SPEAKER_02

I literally say something. I can't shut up. I'm like, uh you I have to put this in your fucking head. That's excuse my language. But yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Um, anyways, uh parenting some parenting rules to break or keep.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

You can't introduce your kids to people you're dating.

SPEAKER_02

I think that it should be for a very long time. I want to make sure this is someone I'm actually gonna be dating, and not just that I also want to talk to the father of my child and make sure first of all, I'll need any approval, but hey, I just want to let you know um I like someone. I and then when I plan on introducing my child to that person, um, if that ever becomes uh something. But I feel like it has to, it has to be a while because I don't sunny already.

SPEAKER_00

I don't agree because people kids don't understand sex, right? They don't know that, oh, I'm fucking this man. They don't know the difference between that and this is my friend. It's cool to see kids see you having a friend. I don't think you should be like kissing on them and rubbing on them. I think that's a different thing.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, but it's okay.

SPEAKER_00

I don't want to say first three dates or anything, but I don't think it needs to be a long time. Whoever I'm dating knows that I'm a mom, and that's so much a part of my life where you're gonna see me with my daughter. Um, but again, not like romantically. I'm not gonna be holding hands with you and kissing you, whatever. But I think they need to see me as a mom. I think it's nice that my daughter sees that I have friends, and because my mom, I ne I lived with two of my mom's boyfriends, and it was very like, oh, this person's moving in, but I never saw her dating or anything, and so I feel like I have no knowledge of what it's like, or even I just don't know. And I think it's very healthy for your kid to see you dating. I think them staying the night and being in your home and all that is a different conversation.

SPEAKER_02

See, that's what I'm saying. That's why I was saying it has to be a while because like I really have to get to know a person.

SPEAKER_00

Being in my home is a different conversation than meeting you, like we can we can all go to dinner or something like that, and then it'd be different if it's like, okay, are we going like on vacation together? Like that type of level, that's more than long for sure when we're locked in. But the meeting in general and seeing hi, and this is whatever. No, I don't think that you need to wait forever. Just do background checks in the beginning, just to make the get it out of there.

SPEAKER_03

You know, yeah, I guess.

SPEAKER_02

That's funny. I've done background checks before.

SPEAKER_03

I do, I do too.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, um, because oh my god, one time I've done them recently. Like my friend one time, she was dating this guy, and she fell in love with him. He was treating her like a princess, going on these great trips, and he was just spoiling her. And he was some doctor, and they were dating for five months or something, months, and then one day he just disappeared. His phone was turned off, all the stuff, and she was like, He's just gone. I'm like, What the hell? Oh my god. So she called the hospital that he worked at. She was, they were like, We don't have any doctor here by that name. She went to the hospital with a picture, and they're like, This person does not work. And she ever talked to him again. She's never talked to him again. So who's that?

SPEAKER_02

She ran you ran a background check?

SPEAKER_00

She didn't. Did you do you? That's what I'm saying. That's why from since then, I'm like, girl, no, we need to know. I'm like, in my head, I want to know. He was probably some married man and some random. He lived in the random place in the world and he's just in LA for a few months, I bet. But it was like, what? I don't know. I wish I could know the background story. It was giving like Swindler Tindler, the Tindler, Swindler. Sindler Swindler, the Tindler Swindler. Tinder. Tinder Tinder Swindler. There's an L and a W. That is a good documentary.

SPEAKER_03

It's creepy.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, it's giving except she didn't get any money out of her. But then it kind of makes you feel like, oh, okay, that's how those things come. No, it would make me feel like complete shit. Like right from now on, I need to know that you do your taxes.

SPEAKER_02

No, she does she have her has this number? This was a decade ago. Oh, dang. I would still want to know. Yeah, I wonder if she ever got I don't talk to her anymore, so I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

You shouldn't let your kids see you struggle. Oh yeah. Um in I think in a controlled way. Some shit's happening, it's gonna affect your moods, but also kids don't always have the capacity to even know what the fuck you're talking about. Like they're like, what do you mean you got fired? I don't know what that means. I I don't think like you want to show them all the big emotions of everything, but I think yeah, I think to talk to them.

SPEAKER_02

Let's do it. She did something yesterday, and oh my god. What? Um like oh my god. So it reminded me of the teddy bear. You know, when I very first moved here and uh I was crying and I was so sad, and I was trying to just keep it very low and be in the bathroom because I was like, I you know, I felt that because of Live. Um and I come out and she gave me a teddy bear, and she like she knows she's so empathetic, like she is like you in that way, you know, where you're very like caring and loving and you feel people. And yesterday I was on the phone.

SPEAKER_01

I was on the phone because I like I was just dealing with something again financially.

SPEAKER_02

I was just dealing with something, and I remember being on the phone and I remember talking to the guy, and he was just like, Well, when do you know?

SPEAKER_01

When are you gonna know? And yada yada yada, and I was like, I don't know. I was like, I don't have help. Like, I like I don't have help at all, so I can't tell you like when I'm gonna be able to do it. I'm sorry, like you know, and he was like, Okay, well, have a good day. And I literally was just like crying, and I was sitting there, and all of a sudden Liv comes up to me. Damn it, Liv. Liv comes up to me with a dang bear and Minxie, and she puts her arm around me and sits by me with a bear in her hand and hands me Minxy and says, You do have help. Oh, that made me cry. Oh, and she just didn't know why I was on the phone and what I was talking about.

SPEAKER_00

And oh that makes me happy.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and she literally sat with me and uh you were at lunch yesterday.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and she literally sat with me that bear, and she looked at me and she you do have help, and I needed that, and um so yeah, just honestly, just I think having conversations, I think struggling, and I it's I feel bad. Like Sunny doesn't know what's going on, and like she I I cry, and I feel like the struggle that's the struggle. I feel like if I'm struggling in another way, it'd be different. But it was it's I feel like a healthy struggle.

SPEAKER_00

Well, not even a healthy struggle or not, it's kids are they are smart, they know when something is wrong. Our parents were raised very much like you know, kids' place is their place, and you know, when we all live in a household, we all feel and know something is off. Like we people kids know when their parents are getting divorced, you know what I mean? So, like the longer that you act like everything is fine, then it's teaching your kids to not trust their emotions, yeah, and not trust what's going on. They don't need to know exactly the specific details or whatever, but especially if it's gonna affect them, you need to have conversations with them. Yeah, you gotta let them know what's going on in a in a way that they can understand, yeah. But to act like, oh, everything it's fine, it's just fine, I know it's fine, and they can feel it. You're teaching them not to trust their their feelings.

SPEAKER_02

I know, and it was so it was so crazy because Chauncey came to visit this past weekend and um Sunny, I would leave the hotel and she'd be like, Mommy, lay down. And she's like, Why can't you just stay with me and daddy? And I was like, But mommy can't. I can't stay with you and daddy right now. Yeah, and she was just like, But why? Like she didn't know. She was like, Mommy, just lay down. Will you lay with me? And I was like, I'll lay for a minute, and then she I had to tell him, like, mommy and daddy aren't together anymore. But I was like, I was like, we're friends, like we're hanging out, like we're doing stuff bad, and we love you, but it's like crazy at that age that it's just like she just she's like, you know, and that I it is a struggle, it's it's a struggle, it's a process.

SPEAKER_01

Like, I am so I'm grieving, and it still sucks. It sucks. And it like just even this past weekend, like having my family like all together and knowing that like it he's at at least like a good human, like just it just sucks. But yeah, the struggle's fucking real, and my kid like she actually and your kid make it so much better.

SPEAKER_02

Um, so this what there's a one on here's uh kid kids should always come first. Yeah, yeah, no, no. Um if you're with your person, I I would say no.

SPEAKER_00

Like they shouldn't always no, I don't think they should always come first, but that doesn't mean that you're not having them in your consideration. Just say no, it's not saying I'm never sacrificing anything for my kids. Like I'm first always, and there are definitely a majority of times when I'm like, okay, this takes precedent. And at the end of the day, also I have a responsibility of her mom, like her things are more important than my things, usually. There, I I don't I can't specifically think of something right now, but I would say, I mean, I last year I she had a recital and I got invited to Mexico, and I was like, I am going to Mexico. I needed a vacation so bad. I was like, I'm going to Mexico. Yeah. She's like, You're not gonna come wrestle. I said, Gam, gam's gonna be there, your uncle's gonna be there. She got three uncles, she got cousins. I was like, I'm not gonna make this one, baby. No, that's right, though. Yeah. There are times where I'm like, no, I'm not gonna do that. No, I'm not gonna put you in harm's way. Like, I'm not gonna do it, you know what I mean? But in every situation, and even she didn't want to move to Chicago. Um, and she was like, she loved being in back in Indiana. We have more space there. She started, it's her first place that she went for two years for school. We were closer to her family, and she was really sad about moving to Chicago. And I said, Mommy needs to make some money. More, I'll make more money in Chicago, and I don't like living in Indiana. Like, like uh, yeah, I could give up the warmth, but I can't give up the city yet. And just also being single in a small town where it's every there's so many families and stuff, it's I'm not gonna find my person in South Bend. Are you sure? 100%. Oh my god. Yes, I am sure. He doesn't even live there, anyways. You said from. Anyways, yes, I am sure. Oh, that you shouldn't burn bridges. I'll light that motherfucker up. Me too. When I say I'll burn a bridge and I know how to swim. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I will burn bridges. I like to burn bridges.

SPEAKER_00

I am not gonna lie, the older I get, the more I want to be a villain. Yeah. Because I believe these people should know better. I think it's coming from the place of being a people pleaser for so long, and you kind of have that. I can't believe I let these motherfuckers get over on me. Yes. And it makes you want to be not to nice people, but to the next motherfucker that try to get over. You know now. You know better now. Yeah, I mean, no, burning bridges for sure. Fuck that.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I don't have any problem burning a bridge now. I used to do everything to not burn bridges.

SPEAKER_00

Because people be like, oh, you don't know what people, especially in the industry and stuff, it's so small, you don't know but connection. I don't give a fuck. Like my connection has to go through you and you was on some bullshit, then I'ma just not do that one. That ain't meant for me. Right.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, like yeah, I'll cut ties with you any day. No, yeah. The whole connection thing is yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And the whole big being the that's a good do you think that we need to be the bigger person? That's Michelle Obama's like when they go low, we go high. Yeah, I don't know, Michelle. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

I don't think sometimes being the bigger person is even worth it. Like, why? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

I kind of feel like I'm in a phase where I'm like they say it is, you know, but I never really tried to not be the bigger person. So I need to get some life experience of going lower. Yeah. And see what then I can give a better estimate of how I feel. Yeah. Because right now, like they just say it's good to do that, but so far it's never felt better. See, that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02

I've done that, but I've also been the person where I haven't been, and I've just haven't even cared to even know or be that person. And it actually has kind of been like, I don't need to know, I don't need to care to know.

SPEAKER_00

Like, I mean, I just have never I there's times where I'm like, no, I should have fucking got some payback. And I just and I've never and I've never been a person. I usually am like, their payback is that I'm not in their life anymore on some I'm the shit kind of thing. But most people that do you dirty don't give a fuck about you being in their life anyways. Yeah, yeah. So uh yeah, no, I I I kind of want to have an air of getting my lick back and see, and I'll come back in a couple years and let you know which one's better. Right now I need some proof. I got hearsay. I don't know. I don't know if it's better letting people get over.

SPEAKER_02

Oh no, no, not everyone deserves access to me straight up. I um have a very privileged space and bubble. So that is one rule that is I'm sticking with that probably my number one rule right now.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, you can't outgrow your family. Yeah, that's a stupid thing to fucking say. We're too quick to give up on family. I mean, you shouldn't be quick to give up on family, but I don't even want to be that this person right now. But like majority of people that are sexually abused and molested and all that stuff are from family. And if someone will violate you in that type of way, then fuck the blood. Like so I that's crazy to say that you can't go over people. And very, not even on the physical level, very narcissistic, very negative, very try to sabotage you. The idea that I can't let you go because your family is dumb as fuck. We should work through on a lot of situations, but no, I don't think that you deserve forgiveness for some things just because your family, fuck out of here. I'm so what the fuck? No, especially if you're doing shit to children.

SPEAKER_02

No, yeah, no, it's so that yeah, which is the usually the case.

SPEAKER_00

I would cut your dick off. And to tell someone that they should cut your hands off, but to tell someone that they should because they're your family is so fucked up to me. Like that's crazy. No, and it's not uh, and you know what I have to say it because it's it's not rare, actually. It's very uh disgusting issue in our country specifically, and no, to tell people that they shouldn't outgrow that is get the fuck out of here. No.

SPEAKER_02

So are we doing things because they work or because they look right?

SPEAKER_00

I think we're just just doing shit when people have that midlife crisis, that truth of damn, this isn't really the life that I live wanted to live. This isn't I they I got all the things that did the accolades or whatever, and then it's what the fuck? So no, I think that's what my life crisis is, is realizing that I'm making a lot of decisions for other people.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I felt like my whole life I've lived by rules. Yeah, not live by rules because that is such a lie. I've been such a rule breaker. Yeah, that's been the problem. Yeah, I haven't lived by rules, which has made me also like not settle, not do things that I haven't wanted to do, have kids whenever I've I've had a kid, but like I I I think coming like when we come to an end with this whole conversation, I just want to say fuck rules. Like, I'm setting my own rules moving forward, and I'm okay with that. Um I do though, like I feel like having a kid though makes a huge difference um now in my life and where we're at.

SPEAKER_00

Having a kid make me want to change rules even more. That's why I'm like, maybe I won't even get married till I'm old enough. When she was younger, I was thinking about marriage and kids and stuff more now. But now that she's at an age where I'm getting comfortable of I'm in a flow, I'm like, I don't need more. Yeah. I'm like, wait, I can get a house by myself. I can do other things with myself. I'm like, actually, all of I was literally waiting to have my partner to be a certain kind of person, I feel like. Because I was like, me and my partner are gonna do stuff together. Like I really envisioned it. Honestly, a rule that I want to change. I think that maybe we're supposed to live with our best friends and then date, or even our person is not supposed to live with us. Yeah. Because I don't know, my life is really good right now, like dating and then like living with my friend. Yes, I agree. I think this is a rule that should be changed. I think women should just live together. It works. It's and then you see your man when you when you want to see him, you can see him all every day, yeah, but you don't need to, yeah, you need to see him. Yeah, you get princess treatment and all that other stuff. Another rule is that you need to date to Mary, but I don't think it's a failed relationship if I just say that I'm enjoying dating them. They're like, okay, but if you're both enjoying each other, you guys don't think about the next step. And I was like, actually, no. I was like, I'm really so focused on my career right now, where the idea of like starting a family isn't that I literally just keep texting to the person I'm talking to right now. I'm like, oh, we're in such a good flow right now. We're in such a good flow, and it just feels nice, and that's all I want from her. And he's like, Well, eventually someone is, and I was like, and if eventually we get to a point where we don't want the same thing, then we walk away from it. But that doesn't negate these years, months, or whatever of what you have. It's such a nice thing, you know, an enjoyable experience with the person, the growth that I've experienced in this relationship.

SPEAKER_02

So you're entering it, like you could you're saying, like, oh, I can have this friend that I can do everything with, build with, be intimate with, yeah, go on dates with all this stuff. And not want to be with you and not we don't have to be together forever, but I can have you for this little time.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and maybe I do have you forever because I don't know what the fuck is in the future, but I don't have to feel bad if the end didn't get to that. Like, oh, we had this great relationship. There's so many rules on dating. Well, because people think that, like, oh, well, that's a failed relationship because it ends, and like you ended it, people really can't when people like you know, when people get divorced and they're like, Well, we we're gonna, it's this is amicable and we just don't want the same things anymore. People are like, What the fuck? Who cheated, who this, like whatever. And it's like eventually, if you are in a relationship and you're going towards something and you could have a great relationship and then get to a point where like you don't want the same thing anymore, the natural thing is to break off. So that doesn't mean you fail. That means that you are in a space space now where what we were doing doesn't work anymore. And if we're gonna go to the next thing, we can't be together. That doesn't mean to failure, that's growth.

SPEAKER_02

That's growth, at least you can't try.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I mean you have to No, people break up because sh relationships are shitty. But you can have a healthy relationship and be like now we're ready for something different and what we want for each other doesn't work anymore. But it was so beautiful why it was. That's a truth that actually happens in healthy relationships. Especially like uh I've had a couple that I know a couple that they broke up because one wanted kids and one didn't. They had a great relationship, but when it comes down to like he's like, I'm ready to have kids and she didn't, they can't be together anymore. But that doesn't mean that everything else sucks. It means that they're just in a different space now. Yeah, I think if we get to that, it's like what are rule gotta just question shit. Like, do I want to do this because this is what I want, or do I want to do this because I'm supposed to do it? Like that's anything that life do you want? Yeah, anything that doesn't feel right, question it and be like, Do I have to who told me that I have to do this? Because you don't have to do shit. We live in America, we got a lot of fucking freedom, even with that man trying to take it all. I do. You could just do so many things, and we have one life, and there's no reason we should be living it for other people. We should not be leaving. Do what makes you do what you feel like you're doing.

SPEAKER_02

But be good, be a good person when doing it. No, that's vague.

SPEAKER_00

Be good, vague, be evil, be in your villain era. No, you should be good 100%. I mean, not like these AI tech people that think that humans don't matter. Um, humanity matters, be a that, but also live the life that's like your truth. I think part of not being good is lying to people because you won't know that they want you to lead a certain way, and that's not doesn't feel true to you. Living in your truth is part of being good to yourself. That's we have talked about this. Like in that being good, make sure you're being good to your true what you want. Yeah. Yeah. Don't live a life that makes you have to be a liar. Like on that note, okay.

SPEAKER_02

What's wrong before we go? Let's one rule you've let go of.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, dating to get married. Okay that has literally since I stopped dating for marriage and I start started dating for enjoyable experiences. I say this and people get so pissed. But my dating has been so nice. And I actually have been dating the same person for like a long time, and it's been so nice, but I literally just am enjoying it. I I'm not thinking about I know this person. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I'm uh you are treated so I'm like, I don't think about any of it at all.

SPEAKER_00

And I this has just been the happiest, nicest person that I've ever dated, and I don't even think about anything in the future. And not in a way like I can't see a future with you, like in a way like it's just not even No, but he is so I'm so happy with everything that right now, and I'm like, okay.

SPEAKER_02

You're always smiling, it's work until it's done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he's a good person, though, too. He's good. He's so great, such a good person. I love that for you. And I I hope that you continue that relationship, friendship, soul, tie, whatever for the rest of your life. Because he's a good one to have in your life. He's a really good person, yeah. Yeah, and you're such a good person in general. Like both of y'all connect on that. No, anyways, I think that we're coming to an end. Yeah, no, but I when it comes to rules, break them. If you don't like something, break the fucking rule. You don't have to live by society's rules. I feel like I was that little girl in school. Oh my gosh, I can't cheat. I can't do this. I have to be on time. Yeah. No, I should have cheated. I should have been way past time to show up in class. I should have been the rule breaker. I should have cut class snuck out at night. I should have had fun. Rules, not laws. Don't break the rules. Don't break laws. No, but I was always I turned to that little girl to like honestly breaking every rule and living the best life because of it. I say break stupid rules.

SPEAKER_00

There's a lot of stupid rules. Stupid rules. And if it feels stupid and it is stupid and you and it's made to protect some bullshit, break break it.

SPEAKER_02

But we want to know what rules you are breaking and what rules you are creating. So please check in with us on our community. We love to hear from you. And until next time, everyone.

SPEAKER_04

Bye.