“Train Up a Child” | Parenting Beyond Teaching

What does it truly mean to “train up a child” according to Scripture?

In this episode of Truth, Measured, we explore the spiritual responsibility of parenting beyond behavior management, academics, or achievement. Proverbs 22:6 does not simply call parents to teach children information, it calls us to consecrate, dedicate, and intentionally prepare them for the purpose God created them for.

We also examine biblical examples including:
📖 Hannah dedicating Samuel back to God (1 Samuel 1)
📖 Jesus in the temple, learning and submitting Himself to process and training (Luke 2:41-52)
📖 God knowing and ordaining purpose before birth (Jeremiah 1:5, Psalm 139:16)

This episode is a reminder that our children were not sent here randomly. They were sent with purpose.

As parents, our assignment is not to manufacture identity, but to cultivate the purpose God already placed within them.

Because parenting is not just raising children.
It is intentionally developing the person God created them to become.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I've lost my child, or did somebody snatch them? Like it is the most unnerving feeling that you could have as a parent. So that's what I want to talk about today. Um, and one of the things that I have come to really understand or understand more is that training our children up is again more about is less about giving them information and more about teaching them and discipling them in ways that's ultimately going to build character. Often we are so um focused on building and training our children in areas that really have nothing to do with their God-given purpose. Parenting is not just raising children, it is intentionally developing the person that God created them to be. Welcome to another episode of Truth Measured Podcast. Thank you once again for joining. And today I want to talk to the parents. Parents, this one is for you. Um, this is something that has been on my heart and God has been really unpacking for me as a parent and really just um giving me a deeper understanding and wisdom when it comes to how I parent my children. So many of you are familiar with the verse that says uh in Proverbs that tells us parents to train our children in the way that they should go and they will not depart. And so what's interesting here is this word train. You know, the Bible, it doesn't say um teach your children, it doesn't say give them information and they will, and they won't depart from you. It says uh depart from him. It says train them in the way that they shall go and they will not depart. And so there's something I believe that is important in understanding what that word train means for us parents. Um, we have to go deeper, we have to go beyond just uh giving our children information, you know, feeding them um information and and thinking or believing that that's going to be enough to carry them because it's it's not, you know, one of the um concerns, fears that I have to constantly give to God concerning my children is that, you know, he he cares about them more than I do. He created them, they have a purpose, he has plans for them. And so whatever his thoughts are concerning them, they're far better than mine. Um, you know, his desires for my children are far better than mine. The things that he has planned and purposed for them is far better than anything I could ever purpose or plan for them. And so as a parent, it's important for me to partner with Holy Spirit in training these kids up, getting them to um a place that God has called them to be, discipling them while they are still in my home and I have a certain level of influence on over them while I have it, and and being a good steward over that. Um because once they you know reach a certain age, your influence as a parent is gonna change. You know, the things that they listen uh to, the things that they receive from you are gonna change as they get older. And so while they are young, while they are still under our care, under our roof, uh it's important that we steward them well, we disciple them well. So that's what I want to talk about today. Um, and one of the things that I have come to really understand or understand more is that training our children up is again more about is less about giving them information and more about teaching them and discipling them in ways that's ultimately going to build character. Um, it's about being intentional in how we are guiding, discipling, directing our children in such a way that we are building character, we are giving them certain tools to teach them discipline, um, giving them things that are going to help them navigate through all of the different uh seasons that they are going to experience as they grow up. And simply giving them information, you know, as far as teaching them things, that's not gonna be enough. Um, you know, they're gonna learn things in school, uh, they're going to be influenced by people in school. And we want to make sure that the foundation uh that they have is going to help help them really discern what's good, what's bad, what's right from wrong. Um, you know, what do we do in situations when our parents aren't here? Them being able to just regurgitate information isn't going to be enough. Um, and I believe that is one of the reasons why for me, just telling my kids, you know, because I said so, that's it doesn't cut it, especially with my son. That doesn't cut it. He is one of those, one of those children where he asks questions, you know, in order for him to really take hold of what you're telling him, he has to understand it. And so telling him, do this because I said so, it it it doesn't result in changed behavior because he doesn't understand why he's doing it. So I find myself doing a lot of explanation with him, more so than my daughter, even though I explained to both of them. But with him, it's like I have to take extra time to really explain why I'm telling you this, why I am instructing you in this way, why I am guiding you in this way, so that he understands why he's being told to do something. It's not just, you know, mom is wanting to um be the boss of me, as he likes to say. You know, you just want to be the boss of me. No, I mean, I am your boss right now, I am your parent. And so there is a certain level of authority that I have over you. But as a parent, it is not my job to lord over you in a way that um takes advantage or you know is abusive. I'm I am here to disciple you and and guide you in the things that that you need to know in order to be who God called and created you to be. So um, you know, a lot of times as a parent, especially when our children are in, you know, the formative years, you know, we are we are in this space where we're teaching them skills, you know, we're teaching them how to walk, teaching them, you know, how to say their ABCs, how to count, um colors, you know, and all of those things are important, right? Um, we're teaching them, you know, things about uh responsibility in a way, you know, that they can understand it, you know, cleaning up your toys, um, you know, throwing your your uh or putting your dish in the sink, um, being respectful, being polite, you know, using manners, all of those things. Um, and they're all important, but that's not enough. If we were to stop there with our with our children, that's not the type of training that Proverbs is is talking about, right? Those are things that are necessary, obviously, for the development of the child. But really, what Proverbs, I believe, is getting at when it talks about train your child up and they won't depart, it's really more so about um giving your children the things and and tools and understanding and knowledge about who they are, about who God has called them to be and where they fit at fit in God's plan. I believe that's what it's about. I believe that's what Proverbs is really getting at. And the more I started to sort of unpack this, I really um started to think about it in terms of, you know, an athlete. Um people that are in, you know, professional sports, they didn't just get there by happenstance, right? If you look at the the life of many of our athletes that we love, you know, LeBron being my favorite, um, he didn't just become who he is, the athlete that he is, because okay, he had the the talent and people just left it up to chance uh that he would make it to the NBA. No, there were um strategies that were put in place. There were people that were put in his life to help train him, to help develop him with a purpose in mind. Okay, you want to get to the NBA, these are the things that we are going to do. We are going to be intentional about this type of training, this type of discipline in order to get you to the NBA. And so if we understand who our children are, and the only way to understand that and to know who your children are and what their purpose is, is if you're connected with God, because God is the one who gave them the purpose, right? So, how can you know their purpose if you're if you you're not connected to the creator and the one who gave the purpose? So it's important that we we connect and partner with God and trying to understand who our children are. And so once we, I believe, you know, have have some insight on who our children are and what their purpose is, our job is to be intentional about guiding them in those things, you know, and and the the reality is is, you know, we may not have the full picture. You know, I can't say that I have the full picture, a full understanding of who my children are purposed to be, but God has given me insight and clues even before my daughter was even in my stomach, like before I even was pregnant with her, God had given me insight of who this child was going to be that I was going to ultimately carry. And so, with that understanding, I have to be intentional in how I am training her up. You know, my daughter is very methodical, she's very um introspective in the sense that like she sometimes it might seem that she's shy and that she's quiet, which she is, she's a quiet child. Um, but really what it is is she's she's thinking, she's observing, she is um taking note of things that I wouldn't even think that she's taking note of, right? And so looking at different qualities and characteristics that she has, those things I can see how God is developing those qualities in her that can be used for his purpose. Do I fully know what all of those things are and how that's fully going to unfold? No, but I know that she is a very uh insightful child, she is very um reserved. Like I said, she's very introspective in terms of how she processes information. Um, she's very intelligent, um, she picks on quick to certain things. You know, she loves to sing, she loves to play the piano. Those are all things that are sort of like pointing in the direction of where God may be using her uh in the future. Same thing with my son, you know, he is very uh thoughtful, you know, he's careful, methodical. Uh, you know, he loves airplanes, he loves to figure things out, he loves trying to get to, okay, you know, he likes taking things apart and and putting them back together. He's creative, he loves to draw. All of those things, again, point me in the direction of, okay, God, how are you gonna, how can I lean into this gift? How can I lean into this characteristic? Um, and then be intentional in how I am training him and guiding him and directing him. And so I believe that, you know, even without having, again, the full picture, everything laid out, um, God gives us those those breadcrumbs, if you will, on this journey that we are on with our children to figure out how and who he has called them to be. Um, and so uh one of the scriptures that really uh just kind of took me aback was um in Luke. So in Luke, we have the story of Jesus when he was uh about 12 years old, he was traveling with his family, um, I believe it was to Jerusalem, and they were going there for Passover. And so it was this uh large caravan of people, you know, traveling for Passover, and this was uh a Jewish celebration, and so when they are coming back uh to their hometown, they they get back there, and Mary realizes that Jesus is missing. Now, when you start to look at this story as a parent, as a mom, if you have ever been in a store where your child has gone playing in the aisles or you know, crawled under the clothing racks and you don't see them immediately, and a couple minutes go by, and you're just like that feeling in your chest where you're like, oh my god, I've lost my child, or did somebody snatch them? Like, it is the most unnerving feeling that you could have as a parent. Um, that has happened to me when my daughter was younger. She liked to walk off in the store and get quiet and stay quiet on an aisle that I didn't know she was on. And one time she did this when we were in, I believe we were in Target, and normally, because I'm you know, I'm never that far away, right? And so, but this this particular instance, uh, we were all in the store. So it was me, my husband, my son, and my daughter. And she had walked off to another aisle, and I didn't know where she was. And I remember calling her name and being like, you know, stop playing with me, where are you at? And after I want to say maybe three minutes, five minutes, it was like, oh my God, where is she? And so I, you know, got my husband going down one aisle, I'm telling my son, like, where is she at? And you know, I then panic is starting to set in. And this is really, I want to say, ultimately, she was probably, I couldn't find her, it was probably close to 10 minutes. Um, it was almost to the point where I went to the front desk and was like, you know, call her name over the um over the announcement thing. And that is, I mean, it's just a feeling you never want to feel uh as a parent. And so Mary realizes that she doesn't know where Jesus is after they've come back from this trip, this celebration, and it says in Luke that Jesus was missing for three days. Three days. So let's this is this is the interesting part. It says, after three days, they found him in the temple. Now, mind you, again, thinking as a mother, that first couple minutes, you're you know, panic hasn't really set in. You're probably just like, oh, they playing, where are they at? Ten minutes, you're panicking, especially if you're dealing with a younger child. Now, in this situation, Jesus was 12. So in my mind, I'm thinking, okay, he's 12 years old. That's you know, preteen. They're with a large group of people. Mary might have been thinking, okay, Jesus is, you know, off with one of his friends or one of his cousins or something. Maybe 10 minutes, you're not really freaking out. An hour, two hours, and I don't know where my 12-year-old son is. I'm definitely panicking at that point. And if there's a large group of people and we just went out of town and came back, and nobody has seen my child after 24 hours, like the police have been called, we've got posters going up, we have watchdogs out. I mean, we're organizing groups to look for this missing child after 24 hours. That is a long time as a mother. That is like heart-wrenching. I can't, I can't even imagine what Mary had would have been thinking at that time, other than panic, panic, right? You're just like, this this cannot be real. My child is actually missing. And so they go, they end up going back to Jerusalem because that's where they came from. And so they go back to look for Jesus, and they find him after three days in the temple. Now, I've just been looking for you for three days. I find you in the temple, you're sitting there, you're talking to the you know, elders and scribes or whoever, and it says that Mary runs to him and says, Son, why have you treated us so? Behold, your father and I have been searching for you in great distress. Translation, boy, where have you been? Why would you do this? Why would you go off on your own, disappear for three days, and I don't know where you're at? Why would you do this? Y'all, Jesus' response? Jesus' response took me all the way out. Okay, I I can't get over this. Jesus responds to them and says, Why were you looking for me? Now, this let me look and make sure I'm I want to read this in a different version because this is in the English standard version. Let's let's read what he said in the new international version. I like to look at different versions just to you know see what the different translations say. The new international version says, Why were you searching for me? Still crazy, right? King James Version. How is it that you sought me? How is it that ye sought me? Let me tell you something. If one of my kids go missing for three days, and when I find you, you somewhere chilling, unbothered. And when I say to you, why did you do this? Where have you been? Your response is, Why was you even looking for me? Boy, you about to get snatched up. You're gonna get hit. I'm gonna hit you. Like my natural reaction, you're gonna get hit, and it's probably gonna be in your face. Sorry. I don't condone violence, I don't believe in hitting kids like that, but you would have got hit that day. If you responded to me that way, why was you even looking for me? Wild. Okay, and to say that Jesus, Jesus, it reminds me of something my son would say to me. It really does. Like he he's he's a little slick with it, and I I immediately thought of my son when I read that. Why were you looking for me? And so I had to, I'm like, Lord, what why would you talk? Why would he be talking to his mom like that? You know, and so understanding that Jesus is is God in human form, he probably wasn't being smart aleck in the sense that, you know, we understand it to be our children being smart aleck to us. And so when you look at at you know, what it was it that he was really saying to his mom, uh in the next sentence, he says, Don't you know that I have to be about my father? Business. Um, how he says, How is it that ye sought me? Whist ye not that I must be about my father's business? That's King James Version. I don't really like that. I don't like that language. So it says, New International says, Why were you searching for me? He asked, didn't you know I had to be in my father's house? I had to be in my father's house because Jesus, God made flesh, the word made flesh, excuse me, God in human form, understood his purpose and assignment in the earth was to fulfill his father's plan for him. And so when he says to Mary, why were you looking for me? Didn't you know I had to, I had to be in my father's house. What it really was saying to me as I as I read this was that he's reminding his mother, yeah, I'm your son. You had me, you carried me, I am your I am your son. But I had to be in my father's house. I had to be in the place where my father is because ultimately my purpose here on earth is bigger than being your child. It's bigger than being your son. It's bigger than your relationship and connection to me as mother and son. I have to be about my father's business. I have to be where he is. I have to be in his house because ultimately Jesus was in the temple learning, right? He was also answering questions, asking questions, being in the place where he was being poured into so that ultimately he could begin his ministry in a you know in a few years. That was what he came for. You know, he came to fulfill a purpose. And my purpose is bigger than this relationship as mother son. And so, you know, Jesus isn't, even though it sounds smart, Alex, and as a as a mother hearing it, I'm just like, um, it made me think like, as a parent, we have to remember that our children are here with a God-given purpose. And as much as we may not fully understand what that looks like, we have to constantly go back to God. We have to constantly go back to the Father to say, Am I directing them right? Am I am I leading them in the right way? You know, they were they were in Jerusalem to celebrate Passover. Jesus stayed behind in the temple because he he wanted to continue learning, he wanted to continue being fed, he wanted to continue being in this place in his father's house where he could be developed and poured into spiritually. And so it made me think as a parent, you know, often we are so um focused on building and training our children in areas that really have nothing to do with their God-given purpose. You know, we push certain things on them because that's what society says. Okay, you gotta do this, you gotta go to school, you gotta have an education, you gotta go to college. What if the their God-given purpose isn't connected to going to college? As a parent, can you recognize that and understand that, okay, college may not be the path that you take. College may not be where you are led to if your God-given purpose is leading you somewhere else. I, as a parent, can't get in the way of that. I as a parent can't get in the way of what you are are called and purpose to do because my idea of what you're supposed to do or what society says you should be doing, what that looks like. Um, you know, I also think about Hannah. You know, Hannah prayed for her child. Uh, we we read how, you know, she was so desperate to have a child that she could, she was seen in the temple crying because she had been barren for so many years. And the prophet thought that she was drunk because she was so overcome with emotion, so overcome with desperation that her her emotion, it almost looked like she was drunk. And ultimately, God fulfills the promise to her, and she has a son, but that son that she had, she dedicated that child back to God as a prophet. And so the Bible talks about how after she nursed him, she gave him over to go and stay in in the temple with um with the prophet, because ultimately he was to be a prophet, and so he was getting trained um under the prophet, right? And so there had to be a level of trust and understanding on her part that yes, I had this son, yes, I prayed for this son, I, you know pleaded for this son, and now I have him, but ultimately I have to give him over to service unto God because that's who he is, that's who God called him to be. That's what his purpose here on earth is. Yes, I wanted a son, but God wanted a prophet. And so I can't allow my um connection, my desire to hold on to this child interfere with who God has purposed and called for him. You know, when we as parents dedicate our children back to God, that is a serious thing. Like it's important that we understand what that really means. When you are dedicating your child back to God, you're not just, you know, we we have these um these ceremonies, you know, when our child gets a certain age, you know, six months, eight months, whatever, we take them to church and we have this dedication ceremony. That's not just you know, pomp and circumstance. It's not just um something that we do because that's what you do when you have a child, you you know, dedicate them. No, that is a serious thing. That is a serious act of um really a surrender because what you are telling God in that moment is look, yes, I had this child, yes, I carried this child, but ultimately they're yours. And so I am giving them back to you. You gave the child to me. I'm giving the child now back to you, and so in giving that child back to God, there is a level of surrender that has to take in place, that has to take place in us as parents where we understand that not my will, God, concerning this child, but yours be done. I may have ideas, I may have plans for this child, but if those plans and ideas don't line up with your plan and your will, mine has to sub has to submit. And so um I was listening to um Cece Wynins on a podcast, and she was talking about motherhood, and one of the things that she said that really struck me, um, she said that her only regret as a parent is that she didn't partner with God more in parenting. And it made me pause because it's like, how many times have I made decisions concerning my children where I have not sought God on those decisions? I have not gone to him and said, God is this what you want me to do with this child? Is this this the direction you want me to take? I remember um my daughter, so she kind of seemed like she was snoring a lot, and um took her to the doctor, and they uh her pediatrician was like, Well, yeah, you know, she could uh have her tonsils taken out. Uh they're they were a little a bit enlarged. And so um I scheduled for her to meet with an ate um doctor, and you know, he was like, Yeah, you know, they're they're enlarged. Um, some kids, you know, grow out of it, um, some don't. Uh, but if you're gonna do the surgery, it's best to do it now because um she's young. And so I just was going through the motions of, okay, I had my tonsils taken out when I was a kid, my husband has his taken out. And so I was just going through the motions of all right, let's get them taken out. And as we were preparing for the surgery, um her lab work came back to where they was like, oh, her um labs came back, we're gonna have to put a hold on the surgery, um, you know, and and have her do the labs again. It may have just been, you know, she wasn't hydrated enough when she did them or whatever. And so ultimately, before I um before I rescheduled her to get the the tonsilectomy, I think that's what it's called, the Lord was like, I didn't tell you to do that. Full stop. I did not tell you to take her and get her tonsils out. I didn't, I did not tell you to do that. And so I was like, Well, by golly, Lord, you didn't. I I didn't even ask. It was just like, you know, the doctor said they was a little bit enlarge. Okay, we'll get her tonsils out, have the surgery while she's young. Here we go. God was like, I didn't tell you to do that. She doesn't need to have the surgery. And so I kid you not, took her back to the doctor, and the doctor was like, you know what, as I as I look, this is completely optional. Like, it's not interfering with her breathing, she's not having any um infections, you know, ear infections, that sort of thing. Like, this is totally optional. If it's if they're not bothering her, she doesn't need to have it done. And so ultimately she didn't have the surgery and she's fine, and it's never even come up again when I've taken her to the doctor. But that small thing just it showed me how we sometimes as parents can get on a path with, oh, let me do this with my child and do this. And God is like, where was I at? Did you even ask me? Did you even consult me before you made these decisions? Like, yes, you know, tonsilectomies are usually routine kind of surgeries, you know, um, they're in and out, it's not a big deal, but it is still a surgery. And you're about to put your child in a situation that you didn't even ask me about. Like you didn't even consult me. And so it really just again, it just made me pause and think like, how many times do we do things, make decisions? Oh, I'm gonna put my child over here in this school, I'm gonna send them here, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna sign them up for that, I'm gonna, you know, uh all these things. And God is like, Where, where am I? Where where have you consulted me? And so going back to this uh to Proverbs, where it talks about training your children up, it is this this word train means being intentional, you know. Again, when you look at athletes, you know, they have a team of coaches around them, they have a team of coaches around them that are um helping to develop certain skill sets in them, right? Um, athletes are not just training for the the day of the game, right? They're not just training from game day. Athletes, they are training for um mentally to be able to compete at a certain level. You know, they're training in terms of their diet, they're training in terms of discipline. You know, you have um certain um what do you call them drills that that they're doing repetitively, you know, and so it's not just a one-time thing, okay, you have a game, you show up and you compete and we expect you to win. No, training starts before the even before the season even starts, right? And so when if we were to take that same concept of, you know, how athletes train, how coaches train um their athletes to compete on high levels. If we look at that and approach parenting in the same way, I believe we would be much more intentional in what we expose our children to, who we expose our children to, um, the things that we are are teaching them. My children, because they go to private school, um, they have Bible verses, they have to learn Bible verses every week. And they have to memorize them. And what I realized is um, you know, memor memorization is is all good. They can memorize the scriptures, you know, because they're doing it in class and then I'm doing it with them when they come home. But when I asked them, when I asked them, well, what does that scripture mean? And they're like, I don't know. I don't know, what do you what do you what do you mean you don't know? Well, I don't I don't know what this means. So I can teach you the scripture, you can know what it says, but if you don't know what it means, you don't know how to apply it to your life. So one of the things that I've been doing with them is when they have these Bible verses, I'm now looking for ways throughout our day that I can, in a practical way, show them how they can apply that scripture that they're learning to their everyday life. You know, um one of the things, one of the things that's for my daughter in uh who's in first grade is how can you show kindness, the type of kindness that talks about that that uh where the scripture talks about do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Okay, how can you show kindness to your friends on the playground in the same way that you want people to be kind to you when you go to summer camp? Uh she had there were situations that she had at summer camp last year where there were some girls that weren't being kind to her, and um it became a little bit more for her to handle on her own, where I had to get involved and be like, okay, you know, there's this thing going on with these girls. And so what I try to show her is, you know, the kindness that you display at school or, you know, at home with your brother or in other uh situations that you are in, those are like seeds that you're planting. And so the the kindness, the kindness seeds that you are planting, um, you can expect to be able to pull and reap from those seeds that you have sown with other people in other situations. So that is a practical way that I can bring that scripture to life for her. So it's not just, oh, I I memorized the verse so that I can get a good grade on my Bible verse this week. No, how do we apply that scripture to your life? So that's me being intentional about the moments that I have with her, teaching moments where I can apply the scripture. You know, our conversations can be geared around that scripture uh and other scriptures that they may be learning so that it becomes life for them. Um, one of the other um examples, and this one is really um has been really important to me to show just how much um my kids are getting, you know, and and because sometimes as parents, you know, nobody's there to pat us on the back, nobody's there to say, Oh, that was a really good job, mom. That was a good point you made. But when our kids say things and um in certain conversations, you hear them repeat things that you've said to them, and you're like, okay, you got it. Um, so one of the things was uh this whole K-pop demon hunter uh show that's out, you know, it's popular with kids. I don't let my kids watch it, they're not allowed to watch it, but kids at their school watch it. And so I had to explain to my daughter, you know, why you're not allowed to watch that show. And so after explaining it to her, she she fully understood. And I remember she was invited to a birthday party, and she uh she said to me, Oh, well, I don't know if I should go to this party because the little girl wants to have karaoke, and she said that they're gonna be singing K-pop demon hunter songs, you know, during the karaoke. And she's like, So I don't know if I want to go. And in that moment, I talked to her and I was like, Well, you know, I that's it's ultimately your decision if you go or not. But I had to say I explained to her, I said, you know, there's going to be instances where you go to different places and people are going to be doing things that you don't agree with. People are going to be listening to things, watching things, saying things that you don't agree with. And you you may not always be able to remove yourself from those situations, but in those places that you find yourself, you can use that as a moment to either say to others, okay, um, if they ask you why you aren't participating, you can use that moment to say, well, I'm not participating because of this. And then you're able to witness to them and share with them your belief and why you have made this decision to stand. Because one of the things that is important for me to teach my daughter, because she's very yes or no. If she says yes, it's a yes, if she says no, you're not convincing her otherwise. And I believe that that is a quality that God has given her for her generation to have that boldness and to have that righteous boldness where I'm gonna stand for justice, I'm gonna stand for the truth, I'm gonna stand for righteousness in the midst of. And I God has shown me that it's important to help develop that character in her where she knows how to stand for truth and righteousness in the midst of darkness. And so in that moment where she um, you know, is is debating whether she should go to this party, I explained to her again, you know, it's you could you can decide to go and say, you know what, I'm not gonna sing that karaoke song. And when asked why, you can share your belief. And she was like, okay, yeah. And so ultimately she went to the party. And so that's the type of intentionality that I believe God wants us to have as parents when He talks about, when it talks about training our children, not just, okay, you can't sing that song, uh, you can't listen to that music, and that's the end of the discussion. No, why is it that they can't listen to this music? Why is it that you can't um, you know, engage in those types of things? Um, and so we we see Jesus after this instance where um, you know, he tells his mom, why are you looking for me? You know, I'm in my father's house. Um, the Bible says that he then submitted himself to his parents, and the next um, the next few years, you know, we don't hear anything in the Bible until Jesus uh starts his ministry at age 33. And so what does that look like when it talks about um in Luke 251, it says, Then he went down with them, uh, Mary and Joseph, came to Nazareth and was subject to them. So on one hand, you have Jesus saying, Why are you looking for me? I'm in my father's house, you know, which is implying to them, don't you understand my purpose? Don't you understand why I am here? But then in the next verse, we see it says that he subjected himself to their training, or let me not add words, and it's like to their training. It says he subjected himself to them. And so, what does that training look like then? Um, what is it that Mary and Joseph did as parents to sort of continue the process of training Jesus and um nurturing him and discipling him to ultimately walk in his ministry and his purpose and destiny, right? And so it can't just be the regurgitation of information. It can't just be telling them this is it and do it and because I said so. No, there is a level of development, a level of character training that has to go into ultimately, you know, guiding our children into um their paths. It's not controlling them. You know, you have some parents, or you hear stories of people whose parents are like, you know, I couldn't, I couldn't do this certain this degree in school, or I couldn't study this certain thing in school because my parents said they would stop supporting me, or you know, they wouldn't fund my education if I went down this path. And then what happens? The kid drops out of school and ultimately pursues that path. Or, you know, you have some parents who um have, again, this idea of who their children should be. And so parenting takes on this role of control. Uh, it takes on this role of um almost like a dictatorship, right? And so training our children for life doesn't just look like giving them a set of rules and telling them to obey it, it looks like preparing them for knowing how to walk in their own purpose, knowing how to hear the voice of God for themselves, um, knowing how to discern right from wrong when you're not around, when you're not with them. And so, if all you've given your children is a set of rules by which they have to follow, well, I don't know about you, but it's like as soon as I turned 18, I was like, the rules is gone. The rules is gone. I'm 18 now. Okay, I can do what I want. That was very much my attitude, you know. And um I believe that, you know, all kids have to have, you know, we all have to have our own journey, right? We all have to have our own um path where we are going to make mistakes. Um and, you know, as much as our parents can can be great parents, there's just certain things that we have to learn, right? But that's why it's important that we were trained correctly, because then that training that we receive from our parents becomes almost like guardrails, you know, um, similar to, you know, when you go bowling, and if you ain't a good bowler, you know, to avoid getting the gutter ball, they put up these these guardrails so that your ball doesn't go in the gutter. Well, that's how I sort of view the training that I received, you know, growing up from my parents is like their their discipleship of me was like guardposts because I definitely, you know, went off went off uh the path, right? A little bit, but I came back because no matter how far off I tried to go, there was always something that would be like, no, you can't you can't go that far. You can't go that far into the, you know, over here in the gutter. Um, and that's because of the training that I had, you know. Um, I remember being in in certain places and situations in college where it was like, now the music in here is loud in this club. But I hear all I hear in my ear is the Holy Spirit being like, What are you doing? You know you're not supposed to be here. Put that glass down. You've had enough. Right? But it's like I could recognize the voice of God because as a child, my my mom particularly was instrumental in um helping me to know how to hear the voice of God, you know, teaching me how to uh go after God and and to be able to recognize his voice. And so in that instance, even though I'm far from home and I'm in a place that I shouldn't be, I was able to hear, even even in those moments when, you know, your girl was was wilding out. And so parenting is, you know, again, it's less about controlling our children, um, and and so much more about giving them tools to help them make the right decisions, tools that that are going to walk with to be with them as they are walking on their own. Um, you know, training our children not just to comply and obey, you know. Um there and there's there is a level, I believe, of it can get dangerous, I think, if we only teach our children to obey and never question. And that might sound weird because you know, as a parent uh or as a child now older, you know, a lot of times our generation of parents taught us to you just you just obey. I've given you an instruction, you do it, and that's what you do, right? But think about it, you know, I'm sure when Jesus, you know, was 12 and they were leaving the Passover, it was like, all right, let's go, we're leaving. Let's go, we're heading on back to Nazareth, going home. Jesus stayed in the temple. I have to be in my father's house. There's something in me that is pulling me to be in the presence of God. And so I understand that yes, it was time to go, but I needed to be in the presence of God. And and the scripture even goes on to say that when um when Jesus answered Mary by saying, you know, why are you searching for me? Didn't you know I had to be in my father's house? It says, but they did not understand what he was saying to them. So even in that moment where Jesus is saying, I have to, I have to be in my father's house, it says, Mary, Mary and Joseph, they didn't fully get it. They didn't fully understand what Jesus was saying to them at that time. Even still, it says He went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart, and Jesus grew in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man. So, you know, I believe that sometimes, you know, our kids can have have this insight of who they are, and you know, they may be trying to figure it out, and we as parents don't necessarily get it. And so if if our approach is just, oh, well, I told you to do this, do it, and and they're never allowed to ask questions, what does that look like if they're only told to blindly obey and they're but they're never able to ask questions or um do things that they might feel they're being called to do, right? Um now, obviously, you know, as a as a five-year-old, 12-year-old, you're not, you can't make your own decisions. But you can certainly ask questions about, okay, you know, mom, you're telling me to do this, but I feel this. Why am I not allowed to do this? Um I give you an example. I remember um with my son, you know, I was I was disciplining him on a certain thing, and you know, he was just like, I don't, I don't understand why. And I literally had to pull out the Bible, you know, show him scripture, break it down in a way that he could understand. And ultimately, I had to ask myself, well, why am I doing this? Why, as I'm explaining to him and trying to give him an explanation of why I'm telling him to do this, do it this way. The more I explained it, I'm like, well, you know what, Lord, I guess, I guess what I thought was really based more so in this is just how I've I thought it had to be, it's not really working for this child. So, Lord, help me to understand what works for this child because it may not be the same for my daughter, you know, it what I do with my son and how I correct him and how I um train him and approach him on certain things, it may not always work with my daughter. And that's often the case. Like I parent, I say all the time, I parent them differently because they are different children. And so um it's important that we put in place things that are intentional when it comes to parenting our children, things that are going to build character. And so, you know, when you're building character, it's not just one lesson today and then you never approach it again. No, there are things that you have to put in place as parents that are going to build on their character that's gonna look like routines. You know, I tell my son all the time, before you walk out of your room in the morning, clean. It has to be clean. You've got to pick up after yourself. What am I teaching him? I'm teaching him that discipline of making your bed every day, cleaning your room, because I want him to understand what excellence looks like, what cleanliness looks like. You're not allowed to be dirty in this house. I'm sorry, you're just not. Um, so these are character things that that look like daily routines, but they're not just daily routines because I just want to tell you to do something. There is a method behind the routine. There is a method behind um the the strategies and patterns that I'm putting in place that are to teach you discipline, that are to teach you character, right? Um when we ask ourselves, you know, why are we pushing our children in this direction? Is it because this is the direction that that God has shown us our child is supposed to go in? Or are we pushing them in this direction because this is what society says? This is what culture says our children are supposed to be doing. You know, I got them in sports because they're supposed to be in a sport because you a boy. No, like what if he likes music? What if he likes acting? What you know, what is it that this child is put here to do? And how do I promote and encourage and nurture that with Holy Spirit? Um, our assignment and purpose as parents is not just to raise children that are successful according to society standards, right? We want to raise children that ultimately will walk in the purpose and assignment that God has given them. You know, the the Bible says in Jeremiah, before he even formed our children in our wombs and in their mother's wombs, he knew us. And so if God knew us before we was even in our parents' womb, shouldn't we be asking him, what is this child here, sent here to do? What did you give me this child to do? And if we have dedicated our child back to God, understand that that dedication didn't just well, it wasn't just empty words. There is a surrender that comes with that dedication that requires us to submit our parenting, submit the way we parent to Holy Spirit and ask God, is this does this make sense for this child? Does it make sense for me to put these um certain uh discipline disciplinary things in place for this child? You know, I am not the parent that's just like, I gotta whoop my child because the whole spare the rod, that's a whole nother episode that we're not gonna get in today. But my understanding of what spare the rod means is not the same thing that I was not the same way I was bought up, which meant go outside and get a leaf off the or a switch off the tree, not the same thing. And so what does sparing the rod look like? What does it really mean when you break that scripture down? And then how does that work for this child? Because with my daughter, I really only have to tell her something once. My son, we we we yeah, okay, but I can't parent them the same. And so what are the strategies that are important for this particular child? Um, parenting, and I'll close with this parenting is not just raising children, it is intentionally developing the person that God created them to be. And the only way we're gonna know who God created them to be is if we as parents are plugged in, right? And then what does that training look like for that child? What does building character look like for this child? What does building responsibility and discipline look like for this child? How do I teach this child um the different um character traits and different principles and values that the Bible teaches? How do I teach that to this child in ways that they understand that's practical for them to be able to walk those things out at seven, at eight, at nine? Because it's we're building, we're building a foundation, we're building a um foundation that when they get older, the goal is for them to be able to pull on that foundation that was laid. Because we're not always going to be around, we're not always gonna be there in every moment to tell them don't do this, don't do that. You know, I can't stress enough. We have to teach our children, especially this generation, we have to teach them how to stand in the midst of everybody else doing and going in a different direction. They have to be so um girded up with truth that they are able to make a decision to stand when everybody else is doing something different. And I'll I'll end with this, though, really this time I'll end with this. Um when I when I think sometimes, sometimes I would get you know nervous and scared about like, God, these children have so many different things that they're dealing with and you know, stuff we wasn't dealing with, right? And God had to remind me and keeps reminding me that they were born for such a time as this. God knew the generation that they would be born in, God knew the time that they would be born in, God knew what would be going on in the world when they would be born, and they were born. And so if they were born for this time, that means that their purpose and their assignment is tethered to this generation, the generation that they're in. And so my job as a parent is to equip them, my job is to train them, my job is to disciple them to be able to do the work of the Lord in the generation that they're in. And as a parent, we have to be confident that we have the tool, we have the wisdom, we have the insight to do it, uh, if we're partnering with partnering with Holy Spirit. So, parents, I hope you got something out of this. Um I hope it helps change your perspective on parenting. You know, it's not just a set of rules, it's not just getting our kids to be able to regurgitate information. It is about training. And um if if you don't understand what training means, look at some of these athletes, you know, and what they do and the regimen uh that goes into preparing them for a high-level competition, because I believe that's the same level of training and the type of level of training that God is is calling us to. It's not just a one time thing. I gotta get you to 18 and get you out the house. No, we are we are training them for purpose, we are training them for assignment. And so with that, I hope you um have a have a better perspective on what it means to train your children so that they do not depart. Thank you again for joining.