Good Women are NOT Hard to Find. Your Picker is the Problem

Good Women Are Not Hard to Find… Your Picker Is the Problem

A lot of men believe there aren't any good women left.

But what if that's not the problem?

What if the real issue isn't who's available...

It's who you're choosing.

In this eye-opening bonus episode of The Chopping Wood Podcast, Jack challenges one of the most common beliefs men have about dating and relationships.

Because the truth is, many men don't have a shortage of good women.

They have a pattern of choosing familiar over healthy.

Choosing chemistry over character.

Choosing excitement over peace.

Choosing potential over proven values.

In this episode, Jack explores:

• Why your past experiences shape who you're attracted to
• How unhealed wounds influence your "picker"
• The difference between attraction and compatibility
• Why many men overlook good women while chasing emotionally unavailable ones
• How healing yourself changes the people you're drawn to

This isn't about blaming women.

It's about taking ownership of the decisions that shape your relationships.

Because until you heal the man who's doing the choosing...

You'll keep meeting different women...

And creating the same outcome.

The quality of your relationships begins with the quality of your choices.

Do the work.

And keep Chopping your Wood! 🪓🪵

Serious about change?
Start with the free clarity training at Expectancy.tv — this is where working with me begins.

For Men who are serious about becoming better Men, join our men's only group AXIS at ChoppingWood.net

For women ready to elevate their standards without hardening their hearts,
join the waitlist at ThePinkIvory.com

For Women: Understanding Men starts with seeing patterns clearly.
Start with GoodWomenOnly.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to Choppin' Wood, where good men come to become better men, and women come to better understand the men they keep choosing, losing, or loving. I'm your host, Jack Daniels. Now, listen, we've been going down this rabbit hole of revisiting conversations that were from the original building of this movement. These are the type of conversations that sparked millions of views, hundreds of thousands of comments, and some of the most honest discussions I've ever seen between men and women. Today's conversation is one that challenged a lot of men because it pushed back against one of the biggest excuses I hear all the time. There are no good women left. Really? Or are you choosing the same type of woman over and over again? Because here's the difficult truth, man. Good women are not hard to find. They're just hard for some men to recognize. Not because they ain't there, but because your picker is broken. Your patterns are choosing for you. Your loneliness, your your need for validation are choosing for you. And until you heal the man doing the choosing, you're gonna keep on meeting different women who eventually create the same outcome. This ain't a conversation about blaming women. I want you to hear me clearly. It's it it also ain't a conversation about pretending every woman is good. Huh? This is a conversation about ownership, about accountability, because one of the most mature questions a man can ask himself isn't why do I keep attracting the wrong women? It's why do I keep choosing them? So, so as you listen today, I want to challenge you to keep an open mind. Don't listen to defend yourself, listen to discover yourself because growth begins the moment you stop asking what's wrong with everyone else, and start asking, what is it in me that keeps on making these choices? What is it in me that keeps on making these decisions? If these conversations have challenged you in any way, if they have encouraged you in any way or helped you become a better man, a better woman, I'd ask you to do three things for me. Can you do that? Leave a rating for us on the on the on whatever platform that you're you're listening on and write a review and share this episode with another man. Share with another man who actually needs to hear this. That's how this message grows. That's how we reach more men, and that's how we continue changing lives. One honest conversation at a time. Y'all with me? Okay, let's get into today's conversation. Good women are not hard to find. Your picker is the problem. Come on, man, let's get into it. Let's chop some of this wood. Let's stop lying to ourselves. All women ain't good women. All women ain't great women. All women are not wife material. And if every woman you deal with is crazy, toxic, dramatic, disrespectful, or never right, I got news for you, brother. The problem ain't women, the problem is your picker. Come on, man. Let's chop a little bit more of this wood. If you keep on choosing bad women, that's not bad luck. That's a pattern. And I know men love to say, I keep running into the same type of woman. No, you keep choosing the same type of woman. There's a difference. You keep choosing that same type of woman over and over and over. Different name, the same behavior. And instead of asking, why am I attracted to this, you ask, What's wrong with the women today? Accountability starts when you realize patterns reveal your preferences. If chaos keeps coming up and showing up in your life, it's because chaos feels familiar. It's because chaos feels exciting or validating or easy. And that's not an accidental thing that is happening. Your picker is trained by lust and not legacy. So let's talk about what's really guiding some of your decisions. You're choosing women that are you know based on how they look. You're choosing them how they market themselves to your own social media, how how how fast these women give you access or give you, you know, you know what I'm talking about, right? How much attention they bring you, how much validation, how, how they make you feel in the moment. Now, it's not based on character, it's not based on consistency, emotional maturity, values, integrity, peace, partnership, or even you thinking about your legacy. You you want longevity, but you keep choosing lust. You want legacy, you say you want legacy at least, but you're you're selecting this vanity thing. You want love, but you're chasing a whole lot of validation, and then you happen to be shocked when the relationship ends and falls apart because it wasn't built on anything. Social media has ruined your discernment. Let's be honest about it, man. Instagram and social, uh, TikTok, all of them has convinced you that you have endless streams of possibilities and options. It's created the illusion of abundance, man, without the reality of compatibility. You think if this don't work, I'll just find me another one. So, so, so you stop valuing depth, substance, you stop cultivating patience, you you stop building anything that's meaningful. You, you, matter of fact, you shopping for women like their profiles and not people. And here's the truth that that ain't nobody telling you because they scared to tell you. Options don't make you powerful as a man. Discernment does. Most of these options are just distractions. They ain't partners, they ain't wives. And you keep choosing women who look good online but can't build nothing offline. Oh, that's what oh man, wait a minute. You keep choosing women who look good online but can't build nothing offline. Them is bar. That's that's some bars right there, man. You need to write that down. You choosing the wrong women, man. All women ain't got issues. Okay. Here's the uncomfortable truth that that you need to realize. You're not coming into contact with all women, first of all. You are encountering the women who respond to your energy, to to your standards, to your boundaries, and the level of emotional maturity that you have. Emotional immature men attract emotionally immature women. Men who lead with lust attract women who monetize desire. Men who avoid accountability attract women who thrive in chaos, who thrive in bad behavior. You don't see good women because good women aren't attracted to unhealed men. And when they are, they don't stay long. So instead of saying women are the problem, try asking this question or these questions. Why am I attracted to instability? Why do I ignore all of these red flags? Why do I choose chemistry over character? Think about it. Your inability to choose well is a leadership problem. Let me say this in a language that you understand. If you can't choose a good woman, you're not ready to lead one. Leadership requires discernment, man. Discernment requires discipline. And discipline requires self-awareness. You don't get to complain about the outcomes you keep selecting. You don't get to blame women for decisions you made with your eyes wide open. You if every time you choose based on lust, you're choosing short-term pleasure over long-term peace. And and then you get angry at the bill when it comes due. No, man, you no, that's what you bought. That's what you said. You you wanted it, you picked it, pay the bill. You gotta fix your picker, man. Fix the pattern. So so so here's a challenge. Okay, here's here's a challenge, bro. You gotta stop asking why women are the way they are. Okay? Let's just let's just let's just stop that right now. Stop asking why are women the way they are. Start asking why you keep choosing them. You gotta upgrade your standards, man. Slow down your decisions, observe behavior that you have, not in the behavior that they have, not just their beauty. You gotta choose character over chemistry. You gotta look for peace that you want and not just excitement. You gotta select consistency and not convenience, man. You understand what I'm saying? Because good women exist. Great women exist, they are out here in quantities. Wife quality women exist, but they are invisible to men who are addicted to lust. They are invisible to men who are addicted to their ego, addicted to options. You gotta fix your picker, man, and and your entire dating life will change. Your entire dating life will change when you fix your picker. If you ignore it, you're gonna keep calling your choices bad luck. And I gotta tell you, man, luck has nothing to do with it, it has everything to do with your picker. But you gotta keep chopping that wood to get through to it, man. Keep chopping that wood. Woo! My god. Now you got to tell me, did that strike a nerve? You know, before you go, let me say one more thing. If this conversation made you uncomfortable, good. Because sometimes discomfort is where growth begins. And and and I don't want you to leave this episode thinking about all the women you dated. I want you to think about you. I want you to think about your patterns, your choices, the reasons you said yes and when you should have said no, the red flags that you ignored because you were lonely, you were bored, you were horny. You know what I'm talking about, man. The peace that you walked away from because it didn't feel exciting enough. You understand what I'm talking about? Here's what I've learned over the years. Until you heal the man who's choosing, you're gonna keep choosing the same woman in a different body. So, so so don't rush into your next relationship. Slow down, do your work, man. Become more discerning because a good woman isn't just looking for a good man, she's looking for a man who's healed enough to recognize her when she arrives. So if this episode spoke to you, I'd really appreciate it if you just do me a favor, leave a rating, leave a review. It helps the podcast reach more men who need to hear this, these types of conversations. And and and and if there's a man in your life, if you're a woman that's listening, who's stuck in the same cycle, hit that share button and send him this episode. Text it to him, do whatever you got to do. Sometimes one honest conversation can change the direction of a man's life. And and if you're ready to stop trying to figure this out all by yourself, all alone, if you're doing manhood alone, I'd love to invite you to join inside. Join us inside Axis. Axis is our brotherhood, our circle of men that are committed to accountability, committed to growth, and becoming the men that we were created to be. You can learn everything you need to know about Axis at choppingwood.net. That's choppingwood.net. Hey family, I appreciate you for spending this time with me. So until next time, I want you to keep doing your work. Take care of yourself. And as always, keep on chopping your wood. You know, the number one question I get from women is this why do I keep attracting the same kind of man, even when I've done the work? And the answer isn't that you're broken, it's that no one ever taught you how to upgrade your standards without hardening your heart. That's why I created the Pink Ivory Collective, a private, elevated space for women who are done shrinking, done chasing, and done settling, and ready to choose love from clarity and not survival. This isn't dating advice, it's relational mastery. Learn more and join the wait list at thepinkivy.com. Again, that's thepinkivory.com. Because the right relationship starts with the woman you become.