How to Find a Good Woman - Why Most Men Miss Them

How to Find a Good Woman

Every man wants a good woman.

The better question is...

Would you recognize her if you met her?

In this bonus episode of The Chopping Wood Podcast, Jack challenges one of the biggest misconceptions men have about dating and relationships.

Because finding a good woman isn't just about where you look.

It's about who you've become.

This episode explores:

• The qualities that actually matter in a healthy relationship
• Why chemistry often causes men to overlook character
• How unhealed patterns distort your judgment and attraction
• The difference between choosing someone who's exciting and someone who's emotionally healthy
• Why becoming a better man changes the type of woman you're drawn to

This isn't a conversation about tricks, tactics, or finding the "perfect" woman.

It's about developing the wisdom, discernment, and emotional maturity to recognize a woman of character—and becoming the kind of man who can build something lasting with her.

Because healthy relationships aren't built by chance.

They're built by two people who have done the work.

Do the work.

And Keep Chopping Wood 🪓🪵

Serious about change?
Start with the free clarity training at Expectancy.tv — this is where working with me begins.

For Men who are serious about becoming better Men, join our men's only group AXIS at ChoppingWood.net

For women ready to elevate their standards without hardening their hearts,
join the waitlist at ThePinkIvory.com

For Women: Understanding Men starts with seeing patterns clearly.
Start with GoodWomenOnly.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to Choppin' Wood, where good men come to become better men, and women come to better understand the men. They keep choosing, losing, or loving? I'm your host, Jack Daniels. And listen, today's conversation is one of those conversations that men have asked me about for years. Jack, where do I find all of these good women you keep talking about? And every time somebody asks me that question, I usually respond with another question. Are you looking for a good woman, or are you becoming the kind of man a good woman is looking for? There's a difference, man, because finding a good woman ain't about where you look. It's about how you choose, it's about what you value, it's about what you've healed in your life. And it's also about whether you become discerning enough to recognize a good woman when she walks in your life. Come on, man. So so so today, we're talking about what actually matters. No pickup lines, no no no games, not manipulation. We're talking about character, we're talking about discernment, standards, and the kind of man who actually attracts healthy relationships. As always, I encourage you to keep an open mind and keep an open heart as you listen to this because this ain't about blaming women, it's also not about blaming men, it's about becoming better. You hear me? Do me a favor. If these conversations have helped you in any way, I appreciate if you just leave a rating, write a review, and share this episode with another man who's serious about building a healthy relationship. That's how we reach more men. Not not that's that's how this movement grows. Now let's jump into this conversation. How to find a good woman? How do you find a good woman? Come on, man. Let's chop some of this wood. Let's talk about something that most of us as men wrestle with in silence. How do you know she's the one? Not a fling, not a side chick or a side piece or jump off, not a phase, not uh, oh, she's cool for now, but a woman that you can actually build with, build a life with, a woman that you can grow with, fight with, heal with, stand beside, evolve next to. Because you've probably met a whole lot of women who were beautiful, they were intelligent, but you know, they weren't consistent. They were fun, but they weren't reliable, exciting, but not really stable. And now you're probably wondering if the woman that's right in front of you is different. Is she different or is she just lonely? Is she bored or is she trauma shopping for her next relationship, right? Come on, man. Let's chop some of this wood a little bit. You know, I had this client who didn't recognize his wife that was right in front of him. Uh, let's just call him Mike. All right. Mike was a good dude, sharp guy, focused, driven, ambitious, had a good job, good career, all the things. He's a good-looking cat, right? So he had options. He dated this woman for like a year. Uh, she was everything he wanted, soft, you know, feminine, intelligent, educated, like all the things, right? Successful. She was she was loving, but she wasn't needy. She was supportive and not controlling, peaceful, and didn't have a whole lot of drama in her life. But Mike kept on second guessing himself. He told me one day, he said, he said, Jack, she's everything I pray for. Why do I still feel unsure? And I looked at him, I said, Man, it's because you're waiting for a feeling that movies lie to you about. A woman that's the one isn't always fireworks. Sometimes it's the absence of chaos that makes her the one. And and and until a man heals his wounds, heal your wounds, peace sometimes feels like it's suspect. You know what I'm talking about? Two years later, though, Mike proposed to that girl. He and he told me the moment he knew, he said, man, when my spirit was calm, I want you to listen to this. When my spirit was calm and my purpose was clearer with her beside me versus her being not beside me, that's when I knew. So let's talk about that, man. The psychology of knowing when she's the one. A man knows a woman is the one when she activates growth and not regression inside of us, right? And here's what that looks like from a practicality standpoint. She she she doesn't disturb your peace, man. She she deepens it. A good woman does not make you feel anxious, she makes you feel aligned. Not because she's perfect, but because she feels emotionally safe, she challenges you without trying to change you in a way. A wife does not shrink you, and I want you to hear me. I'm saying wife because that's what you're supposed to be looking for. That's the thing that you're afraid to say out loud. You are looking, you ain't looking for the one, man. You are looking for a wife. A wife does not shrink you. You understand me? He who finds a wife finds a good thing. You ain't looking for a girlfriend, a side chick, a jump all, uh a side piece. You are looking for a wife. If you're looking for the one, you're looking for a wife, and a wife does not shrink you, she sharpens you. That's what we talk about when we're talking about sharpening woods, sharpening our axes. She inspires you, she inspires discipline, she inspires vision, ambition. Not by not because she's demanding, but because she embodies all of that, man. She respects every boundary that you set up for yourself, and more importantly, she respects your purpose. She doesn't compete with whatever calling that God placed inside of your heart. She confirms it. She brings out that grown man in you and not the little boy, the little wounded boy that you've been trying to hide and protect and shield and keep away from everybody discovering. She brings out the grown man inside of you, not that little boy, that little wounded boy. Now she will nurture it. If she's the one, she's gonna she we're gonna talk about that a little bit later, but listen to me, man. If if if if if she makes you more feel more responsible, more intentional, more consistent, your spirit knows your spirit's gonna feel it. Your nervous system relaxes around this woman. You don't feel the need to always constantly perform and tap dance. You don't feel the need to entertain and impress her. You feel like yourself, and that's enough for her. That's that's enough for you. Listen to me, your body, a man's body, I'm gonna say this and you're gonna trip out a little bit, but your body knows before your mind does. A man's body knows if she's the one before your mind does. And I know what you're thinking automatically. Stop. Stop it, man. You think it with the wrong head. Let me explain a little bit, man. Your body knows before your mind does. Let me let me let me tell you the the psychology and the science behind that. And this is something that we rarely talk about as men, right? Like when you're feeling or when you feel emotionally safe with a woman, your body releases a chemical that's called oxytocin. And oxytocin is a bonding hormone. Oxytocin um lowers anxiety, it lowers defensiveness, it lowers our desire for risky behavior as men. It makes us want to be present, it makes us want to protect, it makes us want to build, want to stay. Huh? But when you're with a woman who is not for you, your body produces a chemical called cortisol. And cortisol is responsible for stress. That's why when you're with the wrong woman, you feel confused, you feel drained, you feel on edge, you feel inconsistent, you feel uh uh you're just with the wrong woman. And your body tells you the truth long before your excuses start to tell you. You know I'm talking about them excuses that come up. So, how do you identify a woman that is wife material and not just girlfriend material? Let's let's come on, let's keep chopping, let's go deeper. Here's how you know that she's a woman that you want to build a life with. She's gonna bring peace to your spirit, man. Not drama to your mind. Your home becomes a sanctuary, not this constant war zone. She knows how to communicate without attacking you, she knows how to express her emotions without belittling yours. I think that's worth talking about, man, because you got a lot of women that know how to belittle men. You know, you got a lot of women that can talk so down to a man that he actually starts to become her son. We're gonna we're gonna talk about that. Hey, Greg, I see you in the chat, man. Uh remind me that we're gonna we gonna talk about women that talk down to men. Uh but the but the kind of woman that you want, right? That's the one she she she holds you accountable without shaming you. She's not talking down to you, belittling you. She holds you accountable without shaming you. Her standard makes you better, not bitter. She adds to your life, not drain or take away from your life. She's addition, man. She ain't subtraction. She adds to you emotionally, spiritually, financially, energetically. She's stable in who she is, she's comfortable, she's consistent. Consistency is her baseline. Honesty and integrity is the language that she likes to use. Loyalty is at the core of her value. She values partnership and not power struggles. It's us, not me versus you. She's your safe place, man. She's your mirror. She's your she's your mirror. She nurtures your wounds. But she don't excuse your behavior. She she she understands how to nurture your wounds without excusing your bad behavior, without accepting your bad behavior, without belittling some of the things that you may not know about yourself, and then throwing them back at you and weaponizing your wounds. She she nurtures your wounds. But she ain't gonna give you no pass on bad behavior. That's a woman. Time and time again. She multiplies your life. That's the kind of woman that I'm talking about. That's the that's the that's the one. You feel called to become better for her. And here's the truth that we don't really talk about as man. A wife is not the woman who excites you the most. She's the woman who elevates you the most. Man, she's gonna be the woman who elevates you the most. You know she's the one. When when when you want to protect her, when you want to provide for her, you know she's the one when you want to grow for her and with her, when you want to be honest with her, you want to you want to show up consistently, you want to build something real, you want to feel spiritually pulled, spiritually compelled, spiritually connected, pulled toward the responsibility of growth. A boy runs from responsibility. A man recognizes responsibility as purpose. And when a good woman enters your life, your purpose starts speaking louder. If if if she makes you want to rise, you found something rare, man. If if if she makes you feel at home, you found something sacred. If she feels like peace and direction, you found something that most men have searched for and are searching for their entire lives. Keep that woman around, man. Don't play with her, make her your wife. Keep dropping wood, brother. Keep dropping wood. Now, before you tune out, I want to leave you with this. Finding a good woman ain't about luck, it's not about dating apps, it's not about timing. More often than not, it's about becoming the man who recognizes character before chemistry, who recognizes peace before excitement, and consistency before potential. Because when you heal your patterns, you stop chasing what's familiar, you start choosing what's healthy. You hear what I'm talking about? So don't leave this episode asking, where do I find this good woman that you kept talking about? I want you to leave her asking, Am I becoming the kind of man who can build a healthy relationship with one? That's a better question. If this conversation challenged you in any way, listen to me. Leave a rating and a review. If this podcast has helped you in a way, this is how we reach more men who need to have and hear these types of conversations. And and if one man came to mind while you were listening to this, come on now. You you know what I'm talking about. If one person came to mind, I want you to hit the share button and and send him this episode, text it to him, uh, email it to him, whatever the case. Sometimes one conversation is enough to change the direction of a man's life. And if you're ready to stop doing this alone, listen, listen close. If you're ready to stop doing this journey that you have alone in terms of manhood, I'd love to invite you to join Axis. It's our brotherhood of men committed to accountability, committed to growth, committed to becoming better men together. You can learn more at choppingwood.net. That's choppingwood.net. Just go there and you'll hear you'll learn all the instructions that you need, and we'll get you onboarded, okay? So come on and join us. Join the circle. Until next time, I want you to keep the faith, keep doing the work, uh, keep making it happen, keep raising your standards. And as always, I want you to keep on chopping that wood. Take care. I'll see you in the next episode.