Episode 5: The Human Side of Leadership, Empathy as a Superpower

Leadership isn’t just about titles, it’s about influence.....And influence?.....It’s a journey.
 

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The human side of leadership. Empathy as a superpower. I want to tell you about a moment that changed how I think about leadership. Not a boardroom breakthrough, not a strategy win, just a quiet conversation where one leader asked a different kind of question. And then everything shifted. We'll get there in a minute. But first, welcome back to the influence arc. I'm so glad you're here. Today we're talking about something that doesn't always make it onto the leadership agenda. It's not flashy, it's not going to show up in your KPIs, but in my experience and in the work I do with senior leaders every day, it's one of the most direct paths to deeper trust, broader influence, and lasting impact. We're talking about empathy, and not as a soft skill, as a leadership superpower. The higher you go, the more the game changes. Early in your career, influence comes from what you know. It comes from your expertise, your execution, your ability to deliver and drive results. But at the senior level, everyone around you is competent. Everyone delivers. Everyone has a track record. What separates the leaders who earn a seat at the table and keep it is something different. It's the ability to make people feel understood. Because when people feel seen, really seen, then something shifts. They share information sooner, they take smarter risks, they stay engaged even when things get hard. And that's not a coincidence. That's what psychological safety actually looks like in practice. And it starts with empathy. So let's reframe what empathy actually means. Now I know some of you might be thinking, empathy sounds like being nice. I need to be effective. I hear that. And add pushback on that gently. Why? Because empathy done well isn't about being agreeable. It's not about lowering the bar or avoiding or avoiding hard conversations. It's about asking one honest question before you lead. What is this like for them right now? That's it. Curiosity before judgment, context before conclusion. The leaders I've seen struggle with influence, and I've worked with a lot of them, often know exactly what needs to happen. They're clear, they're capable, but they skip the part where they consider what the people around them are carrying. And that skip, it costs them way more than they realize. So here's a story I keep coming back to. A few years ago, I heard about a leader who had just stepped into a new role, leading a high-performing team. On paper, it seemed like everything looked great, deadlines were met, metrics were solid, the kind of team you'd want to inherit. But I heard that something was off. The meetings fell flat. Ideas were safe. Nobody pushed back on anything. This leader could have pushed harder, demanded more energy, more initiative. Instead, they paused. And they asked one question in a team conversation. Hey, what's it actually been like to work here lately? What came back wasn't resistance, it was exhaustion. The team had been through wave after wave of change, restructuring, shifting priorities, leadership turnover. They'd kept performing, but nobody had ever acknowledged what that cost them. When this leader named it, and named it out loud without judgment, the room suddenly changed. Not because expectations dropped, they didn't. But because the team finally felt like someone understood what they'd been carrying. Within weeks, ideas started coming back, conversations opened up, engagement returned. That leader didn't gain influence by being louder or more demanding. They gained it by being honest and human. And that's the kind of trust that gets you invited into the bigger conversations, the ones that actually shape strategy. How do you actually build this into how you lead, especially at a senior level where time is short and the stakes are high? Well, three things I come back to again and again. Number one, ask different questions. You know, most check-ins start with what's the status. Try replacing that even once a week with what's been hardest about this work lately. You'll be amazed at what surfaces, and the information you will get will make your decisions sharper. Number two, separate impact from intent. Empathetic leaders don't assume the worst of people, but they also don't let impact slide because the intent was good. The language I love here is this may not have been the intention, but here's how it landed. You know, that kind of comment is honest, it's fair, and it opens a door instead of closing one. And the third, name what's in the room. Sometimes the most powerful thing a leader can do is say the quiet part out loud. It feels like something's unsaid here. We've been through a lot of change. Or I sense some hesitation. When you name reality, people exhale, and that exhale, that's momentum. Here's something I'd invite you to sit with after this episode. What might the people around me be carrying right now that I have not asked about? You know, you don't have to have all the answers. Sometimes just asking the question is the leadership move. I'll be honest with you about why I care so much about this topic. It's the topic of why this connects to influence at the highest level, why empathy and influence are very, very connected. You know, the leaders I coach, senior, experienced, capable people, they often come to me because they feel like they're working hard but not breaking through. They're doing the work, they're not being seen the way they want to be seen. And almost every time, part of what is missing is this the ability to be trusted with complexity, with tension, with the human cost of hard decisions. That's what empathy builds. Not just likability, but trust, the kind of trust that makes people come to you when things get hard, when the decision is not clear, when the stakes are the highest. That's what my work is built around, helping senior leaders grow their influence in a way that's authentic, sustainable, and deeply human. Hey, if that's resonating with you, keep coming back to the influence arc. Again, empathy isn't a detour from strong leadership. It's one of its clearest expressions. It deepens trust, it sharpens judgment, and for the leaders I've seen do it well, it expands influence in ways that title and tenure simply can't. Thank you so much for spending this time with me on The Influencer. Next episode, we're going to talk about the decision advantage, how the choices you make and how you make them shape your arc as a leader. Until then, lead with clarity, listen with intention, and keep shaping your influence. Connect with me, and the details are all in the show notes.