Episode 8: The Connection Advantage: Leading with Heart in a Digital Age

Leadership isn’t just about titles, it’s about influence.....And influence?.....It’s a journey.

Connect with me on LINKEDIN
Learn more about COACHING

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Welcome to the Influence Park, where we talk about all things influence, how you influence, how you are influenced, and what it takes to show up as the kind of leader that actually moves people. Whether you're leading a team, navigating change, or still finding your voice, this is your space. It's not about authority, but it's about connection. So let me ask you something. When was the last time a piece of technology made you feel truly seen? I don't mean impressed, I don't mean efficient. I mean seen the way a great conversation does. The way a leader who really listens does. The way a mentor who remembers why you walked into their office three years ago and checks in on it today does. We are living in the most technologically advanced moment in human history. AI can write, can code, can analyze, predict, and automate at a scale that would have seemed like science fiction only 10 years ago. And yet, loneliness is at a record level. Trust in institutions is eroding. And the research from Gallup, spanning 52 countries and tens of thousands of people, found that the number one thing people want from their leaders isn't strategy. It isn't vision. It isn't even pay. It's hope. Hope accounted for 56% of all the qualities people use to describe their most positive leaders. The next closest was trust at 33%. And here's what strikes me about that. Hope is not a policy. You know, you can't put hope in a slide deck. It doesn't show up on a quarterly report. Hope is transmitted human to human through presence, through honesty, through the feeling that someone in a position of influence actually sees you and believes in what is possible. In other words, hope is a connection skill. And in a world where AI is reshaping how we work faster than most of us can keep up with, that skill has never been more important or more at risk of being crowded out. So today's episode is about that gap. And more importantly, what you can do about it. This is the connection advantage. We are more connected than ever, and somehow less connected than ever. Think about your average workday. How many messages did you send today? Emails, Slacks, team pings, WhatsApp threads, how many of those conversations involved you actually listening, not just responding? Well, here's what's happening. As AI and digital tools take over more of the transactional layer of leadership, the status updates, the scheduling, the reporting, what remains is almost entirely human. The hard conversations, the trust building, the moments where someone on your team is struggling and needs more than a process. And here's the paradox. The more we automate, the more the human skills become the differentiator. Not soft skills. Actually, you know what? I think we should retire that phrase soft skills. There's nothing soft about looking someone in the eye during a crisis and knowing what to say. There's nothing soft about building a team that would walk through fire for a shared mission. These are power skills, and they're becoming the scarcest resource in the modern workplace. So, what does it actually look like to lead with connection? Not as a concept, but as a daily practice. I'm going to take you through three stories: one from New Zealand, one from an FBI negotiating table, and one from the streets of Flint, Michigan. It's March 15th, 2019. It's Christchurch, New Zealand. Some of you may know where I'm going. A terrorist attack on two mosques killed 51 people. It was the deadliest attack in New Zealand's history. And the eyes of the world turned to watch how the country's prime minister would respond. Jacinda Arden donned a headscarf, embraced grieving families, and refused to name the attacker. And when she said something that has since been repeated in leadership classrooms around the world, she said, They are us. Three words, no press strategy, no spin, just a human being standing in the wreckage of a tragedy, choosing connection over politics. She later said, empathy is nothing without action. And she meant it. Gun reform laws were passed within ten days of being introduced. More than fifty thousand weapons were returned in a buyback scheme. What Jacinda understood instinctively, in one of the hardest moments in any leader could face, is that people don't follow titles. They actually follow humans. And in that moment, she was fully visible, courageously human. Connection didn't replace decisive action, it actually made it possible. Now I'm gonna take you somewhere completely different. I'm gonna take you to a negotiating table. Chris Voss spent 24 years as an FBI negotiator, rising to become the Bureau's lead international kidnapping and hostage negotiator. And when he wrote about everything he learned in his book, Never Split the Difference, here's what he identified as the most powerful tool available to any negotiator. Not leverage, not logic, not a perfectly constructed argument. What he had identified as the most powerful tool available to any negotiator was tactical empathy. I'll say that again. Tactical empathy. Here's how Voss defines it in his own words. Tactical empathy is understanding the feelings and mindset of another in the moment, and also hearing what is behind those feelings so you increase your influence in all the moments that follow. Let me say that again slowly. Tactical empathy is understanding the feelings and mindset of another in the moment and also hearing what is behind those feelings so you can increase your influence in all the moments that follow. It's not about agreeing with some someone, it's not about being soft, it's about genuinely understanding what the other person is experiencing and letting them feel that understanding before you make a single ask. Voss found that the person who feels safe, understood, and heard will listen and open up more freely. Now bring that into your world, your one-on-ones, the difficult conversations you've been putting off, the team member who keeps pushing back. What if before you made your case, you simply named what you observed? It seems like you're feeling like your input isn't considered here. That's the move. Connection before content every single time. And now let me tell you a story about a doctor who walked into a room full of government officials and said something that nobody wanted to hear. Her name is Dr. Mona Hannah Atisha, a pediatrician in Flint, Michigan. In 2015, she published data showing that the number of Flint children with elevated blood lead levels had nearly doubled since the city switched its water source to the Flint River. In some neighborhoods, the numbers had nearly tripled. The state pushed back and they pushed back hard. They called her findings near hysteria. They questioned her data publicly. They tried to discredit her. But here's what Dr. Hannah Aticia said next. She didn't retreat into the lab. She went back to the community and she kept showing up. For the families, for the children, for the people living with the consequences. She spoke out publicly, sharing her concerns, even before her findings had been peer-reviewed. Because as she put it, every day that went by was another day that was putting our children at risk. That urgency was not bureaucratic, it was human. It was relational. And it's what ultimately moved the nation. President Obama of the United States of America declared a federal emergency. Dr. Hannah Atisha testified multiple times before Congress and was named one of Time magazine's 100 most influential people in the world. The data opened the door, but it was the connection. The connection to the community, to the children, to the moral weight of the moment. That is what created the change. So here is what ties these three stories together. Jacinda Arden had the authority, but it was her humanity that united a nation. Chris Voss had the tactics, but it was tactical empathy that unlocked them. And Dr. Hannah Atisha had the data, but it was her relationship with the community that created change. Two countries, three very different situations, one common thread. We are living in a moment where AI can write the report, AI can analyze the data, and AI can automate the process. And that is genuinely remarkable. But AI cannot stand in front of a grieving community and say, they are us and mean it. It cannot make someone across a negotiating table feel truly heard. It cannot sit with a mother in Flint and make her feel seen. That is your edge. That is the connection advantage. And right now, it's more valuable than it has ever been. So here's what I want to leave you with today. Not a framework, not a five-step model, just two things you can do this week. Smell, specific, and human. First, have one conversation differently. Pick one interaction this week, a check-in, a team meeting, a one-on-one. And before you make your point or share your update, ask a real question and wait. Not how are you as a greeting, a real question. What's feeling unclear right now? What's been the hardest part of this for you? And then listen. Listen not to respond, but listen to understand. Second, name what you see. Think of someone on your team who may be struggling, who may be disengaged, or who may be pushing back more than usual. Don't wait for the right moment. The next time you're with them, try this. Say something like, It seems like something's been weighing on you. I could be wrong, but I wanted to check in. That's it. You don't need to fix anything. You just need to show up. Those two things, a real question and a genuine observation, are not soft leadership. They are the most powerful tools you have in a world that is automating everything else. The leaders who will matter the most in the next decade are not the ones who master AI the fastest. They are the ones who stay deeply intentional and courageously human while everything else changes around them. That is the connection advantage, and it starts with you. So thank you so much for spending this time with me today on the Influence Arc. If this episode resonated with you, share it with one leader in your life who needs to hear it, because that's how we grow this community. And if you have a story about a moment where human connection changed an outcome for you in your team, your organization, or your life, I'd love to hear it. You can find me on LinkedIn. My name is Linda Eria, and until next time, keep leading with intention, keep leading with heart, and remember, the arc of influence always bends toward.