SoloMoms! Talk

Finally A Roof Over Her Head - Lydia Cicarelli

September 11, 2019 JRosemarie/Lydia Cicarelli Season 1 Episode 7
SoloMoms! Talk
Finally A Roof Over Her Head - Lydia Cicarelli
Chapters
SoloMoms! Talk
Finally A Roof Over Her Head - Lydia Cicarelli
Sep 11, 2019 Season 1 Episode 7
JRosemarie/Lydia Cicarelli

What's it like to be homeless with a young child, even for a short while? Today, I speak with Lydia Cicarelli who has learned how to balance long work hours working as a welder, with raising a rambunctious 4-year-old. This extraordinary young woman is not too proud to be vulnerable and expresses gratitude despite her life challenges.

Disclosure: This episode contains affiliate links.  Which means I get a small commission if you purchase from the advertiser mentioned.

Blog: www.solomoms.net
IG/Twitter: @jrosemarie1
Free book: www.audibletrial.com/solomoms

...He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection (Psalms 91:4).

Intro song: Damien Ellison, "Desperate"

Show Notes Transcript

What's it like to be homeless with a young child, even for a short while? Today, I speak with Lydia Cicarelli who has learned how to balance long work hours working as a welder, with raising a rambunctious 4-year-old. This extraordinary young woman is not too proud to be vulnerable and expresses gratitude despite her life challenges.

Disclosure: This episode contains affiliate links.  Which means I get a small commission if you purchase from the advertiser mentioned.

Blog: www.solomoms.net
IG/Twitter: @jrosemarie1
Free book: www.audibletrial.com/solomoms

...He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection (Psalms 91:4).

Intro song: Damien Ellison, "Desperate"



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spk_1:   0:00
you play the

spk_0:   0:01
doctor, the nurse, the teacher, too. Counselor. Tired, weary, frustrated. What would you be doing if you weren't raising Children along? What's stopping you from living your best life Now on solo Mom's Talk, I discuss with solar mothers the challenges you face raising Children alone. So if you're a working solo mom dealing with independent Children, insensitive bosses wait and health issues or even death collectors join us as we discover your path to get and stay healthy, increase your income and live with joy and purpose. In this, it's hard. Thio win This Today's podcast is brought to you by audible. Get a free audio download and 30 day free trial at audible trial dot com slash solar moms. That's audible trial dot com slash solar moms over 180,000 titles to choose from for your iPhone Android Kindle or MP three player. My guest today is Lydia Cicarelli. Lydia, who is also a welder, purchased our own home after being thrown out on the street with her young son by his father. This extraordinary young lady was a real pleasure to interview. Listen now the Libya story I Hey lady a Harry.

spk_1:   2:00
I'm good area doing

spk_0:   2:02
some good things. Good to Kamat. What? Can you hear me? OK, yeah. Uh, I was saying it's very good to connect with you.

spk_1:   2:16
Oh, yeah, right.

spk_0:   2:17
You

spk_1:   2:18
gonna hear you.

spk_0:   2:20
Everything all right?

spk_1:   2:22
Yeah, Everything's great.

spk_0:   2:24
That's good. That's good. Now tell me, how do you pronounce your last name? Cicarelli. Sick. A rally? Yeah. Okay, I So you ready? Yeah. Okay. Mel questions? No.

spk_1:   2:45
Oh, I mean, why don't really have any questions? I just kind of don't know what to expect. And I'm a little nervous because, like, the first time I've ever done anything like this

spk_0:   2:55
don't nervous. I now we're okay. Okay. Okay. How did you become a single mom? A solo, mom. Sorry.

spk_1:   3:09
Um, the relationship that I had with the other part of my sign, um, was toxic and abusive, And, um uh, and I was completely broken. And then when I finally God is saying to leave, Um, my son was one, and, um, he actually kicked me and my son out of his house. So, um, now is like the final time that I left. I left before that a couple times, but always went back This is the final time. And I knew that I was done, and I knew that that we were gonna be on our own and we were homeless for a couple of days, but then we'd eventually got into our first department.

spk_0:   4:08
Thank you. I'm sorry. Um, that's a bit difficult for me. And I'm going to tell you why each time you say it, um, because me and my two youngest were locked out of her house, the locks were changed. And when you said that, I just run through my head and I just got a little bit sorry. Yeah,

spk_1:   4:36
To be a common theme with a lot of people that I know

spk_0:   4:40
way

spk_1:   4:41
pick winners.

spk_0:   4:44
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm

spk_1:   4:46
sorry. That helps you.

spk_0:   4:48
Thank you. I'm sorry, too.

spk_1:   4:50
Having a kid is hard. I salute everybody That has more than 11 time, Any single parents because, um, it was just overwhelming. He, um he liked want to be with me at all points in time. The absolute disaster If I had to walk away. You know, I was really hard. Thio keep my head and my patients. When I thought I felt like I was, um drowning, you mean?

spk_0:   5:22
Yeah,

spk_1:   5:23
and I there really, that was really my biggest struggle. Like, I have have a good job, you know? And I'm able to, like, take care of both of us, But ours, like with everything else that just comes up like life on life turns. That was really my biggest thing. I just had so much going on in at a child to the mix.

spk_0:   5:52
So it's like

spk_1:   5:53
another, you know, another full time job. And, um so that was that was a huge struggle on and it's still a struggle. Really?

spk_0:   6:04
Yeah,

spk_1:   6:06
but I've just learned, like, through the years, turn at, like, howto work with him. Um, like, fine, different, different ways to deal with them. One there was just reach is, um there's a song that goes war, huh? And, hey, make the horrendous noise. But he's not amigo. And so now we turned it into, like, he'll, he'll say the hill do the acting thing and I'll go war. And then we'll start singing the song, and it makes everybody feel better,

spk_0:   6:41
You know, stuff like that. Yeah.

spk_1:   6:46
Just learning how to work with. But I still have my little episode. You know

spk_0:   6:52
where. I didn't

spk_1:   6:53
feel like I can't deal with it sometime. Well, we always get through.

spk_0:   7:00
Oh, yes. You were young yourself when you had him. And you have to grow fast, I guess. Right?

spk_1:   7:09
Yeah. Yeah. Extremely fast tonight. Dinner? Um, I didn't know how. And so, like, I had, uh, did talk to people, you know, like, there's mom groups on Facebook. And I'm lucky to have a really supportive family that help me help me learn how to be in adult. Because I wasn't, You know, when we started being on a row and I had no idea how two adults Yeah.

spk_0:   7:45
Yes, yes. Understandable. Wow. But, you know, you're strong. I mean, you give yourself credit. You know, lots of things could have happened. You could have made other decisions, but you made the destroyer to hang out with your son and you'll be rewarded. Trust me so good. Good job, Mom. Good job.

spk_1:   8:15
Thank you.

spk_0:   8:16
Yes. Um, sorry.

spk_1:   8:21
Oh, I just and I think we're all stronger than we realized that we don't know until we're, like, put in the moment,

spk_0:   8:29
you know? Uh, yes. Great, Yes. So, having, you know, gone through you know, raising a child on your own. I mean, he's still young, so you still have a ways to go. But we all have dreams and desires, regardless of our circumstances. Can you tell me what? What dreams do you have what this Lydia want for herself? For her family. Um, you know, her and her son. Can you explain to me to us?

spk_1:   9:11
Oh, I just want him to grow up, Teoh, be a good person and kind of, you know, followed certain ways and, like, I don't like force anything on him, you know? But like we have conversations about, you know how no means no. Like, if I want you to stop touching me and stop trying to lick my face No means no. You know, I just wanted I want him to grow up would be a good man. Um, and you not be one of demanded. I've had to recover from

spk_0:   9:53
you

spk_1:   9:53
know what I mean? Does that

spk_0:   9:54
mean yes, it does. Yes.

spk_1:   9:58
Why he is such a sweet boy is he's great. He's on his way

spk_0:   10:04
way.

spk_1:   10:06
That's what I want for a yellow. Just want him to be happy. I don't want him to have to recover from his childhood.

spk_0:   10:14
Right?

spk_1:   10:15
That makes

spk_0:   10:16
I just

spk_1:   10:17
want a bad hair. And I can be I do. You have dreams. I can't follow through with them right now because of him. And I mean, it's not his fault he didn't ask to be born, but, um, and and that's okay. Like I can I can wait. I'm I used thio represent him because I couldn't just a little bit, obviously, is, like, the best thing that ever happened in my life. But I used Thio resent him a little bit because I couldn't go do what I wanted. I didn't get a break. And I had all these, um, aspirations that, um I couldn't end up doing because I have no responsibilities mother to take care of him, which I don't I don't resent him anymore. I got over it. It was when I was still recovering from the relationship. You, um eventually, uh, I want Thio travel around and help people like I really wanted. Like when the there's a hurricane and Texas like, I really wanted to go down and help.

spk_0:   11:32
And I just

spk_1:   11:33
want to kind of do stuff like that,

spk_0:   11:35
right?

spk_1:   11:36
when he's not Thio, Fly out of the nest?

spk_0:   11:39
Yes. Yeah, Time

spk_1:   11:43
go. Maybe you'll want to do it with me. You know,

spk_0:   11:46
you never know.

spk_1:   11:47
You just have to wait and see.

spk_0:   11:49
You were being Yes, Yes. Sorry. That's nice. Yes. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?

spk_1:   12:00
Oh, God. Um, yeah. I feel like, um I feel like everything that happens happens for a reason. The universe always has a plan. I think, Uh, something if I could go back and change one thing, it would be getting more of education, which is still an attainable goal, you

spk_0:   12:26
know, in the

spk_1:   12:27
future. But I did not do very well in school, and I managed to graduate high school. But then I didn't think about what I wanted to do when I grew up. Um and, uh, like, I like my work. I would definitely like to do something different than manual labour. Uh, so I think that would be it. I think it would like further my education, you know, and have better gold. You know, im stop letting outside influence affect my school performances.

spk_0:   13:03
Thio. All right, So can you tell us what you struggle with right now. What is your biggest struggle right now?

spk_1:   13:19
Um, yeah, I know. I am so blessed. I don't I mean, I guess I'm struggling with, uh, finances. And, um uh, because I bought a house without realizing exactly how much goes into that. So I'm struggling with finances. Um, more so, though. I'm, uh I have dumb mental issue that I have to struggle through whenever they come up, like, uh, PTSD. And I actually just came out of a four day episode. It was a little rock. So now I'm, like, trying to come back from that and do everything that I need to D'oh. You know that that's really my struggle,

spk_0:   14:16
this client. Okay, But you are getting help with that.

spk_1:   14:22
Oh, yeah, it's

spk_0:   14:23
not. It's totally

spk_1:   14:24
manageable. Uh, did the thing that happens

spk_0:   14:28
right on

spk_1:   14:29
my life, It doesn't affect my ability, thio like function or parent or anything like that. Is that the struggle inside my own brain?

spk_0:   14:40
Well, okay. All right, that's that's great. Thanks for sharing that, too. Yeah, all right. Now they

spk_1:   14:49
could on proper that, uh, having a very rambunctious four year old on

spk_0:   14:57
you. Yeah, he doesn't

spk_1:   15:00
stop moving.

spk_0:   15:02
Yes, Yes, for sure. Okay, so now that you shared your your struggle with us, can you share your biggest success?

spk_1:   15:13
My biggest.

spk_0:   15:15
Yes, it's not. So you write it, baby.

spk_1:   15:21
Uh, it's I know it totally sounds like, uh, like, we share whole markers something. But I had a, uh, really long struggles trying to love myself. You know, I'm trying to find who I waas outside of being a parent. Um, that's really what my whole life is about being a parent. So that's all I can really talk about on here. Um, I was struggling for a really long time to figure out who I was and learned to love myself the way I am and be able to take things as they come in life. Um, I mean, I still still super struggle with all that, Um uh, but at least I've learned how to love myself.

spk_0:   16:19
You know,

spk_1:   16:20
I'm doing the best with what I can, and I think that I'm doing a good job. That's cool.

spk_0:   16:28
Yes. Beautiful. You know, it

spk_1:   16:30
sounds totally like Hallmark.

spk_0:   16:33
Corny, but it's called life. It's all right. Yeah. Yes. No, it's It's beautiful. It's really good. Um, I am. And I really enjoy listening and having mother share their story because a lot of times we think we're alone. It's just us and in this big world, but we're not alone, you know, we were there. Others who share our pain on they may not know about it. But I read somewhere yesterday that their two billion mothers in the world two billion human beings who had a baby. So just imagine, yeah. So we're not alone? I Yes. So having said that, uh, what one piece of advice would you give to another solar Mom? No. In, regardless of the circumstances they're in right now. What? What? Your top piece of advise for her.

spk_1:   17:49
Well, I mean, the 1st 1 just in general, like, absolutely to do with parenting. But also it life don't give up because things go life's gonna throw all this stuff that you and your kids going to go crazy, and you're gonna feel like you can't do it sometimes. Like I don't even know how many times I've called my mom like mom. I can't be, um it feels it feels like it's not going to get better sometimes, but it well, so you just can't give up. You know, I don't so just walk away. Sometimes we need, ah, chance to gather ourselves. Even if it's like two seconds, Like in your bedroom, away from your kids. Just gather your thoughts. Just walk away. That's one of the biggest things that I had to learn

spk_0:   18:42
when

spk_1:   18:42
he's all up in my business. Like I'm a moment, I just can't even handle it. And I feel like my brain's about to explode. Just walk away.

spk_0:   18:51
Yes. Good. That he's okay. Yes, thank you. Okay. Well, I really appreciate that on DNA. I'm gonna move to the fun stuff stuff. So, um, how do you maintain balance in your life? You know, you're working full time. You you have a son that's young, and it's a full time, you know, it's full time care. How do you What do you do? How do you navigate trying to balance all of that on maintain your sense sense of self, then?

spk_1:   19:38
Well, that that was actually more complicated

spk_0:   19:41
than I

spk_1:   19:41
thought it was gonna be. I love you know, I I we don't have a whole lot of time because you know I work a lot. Then there's, like, all the housekeeping. Then what not,

spk_0:   19:56
But

spk_1:   19:56
I try and make I don't really get a break. So I try and make time for, like, one thing per day, like one fun thing that we do together, like go on a bike ride or do yoga

spk_0:   20:15
like

spk_1:   20:15
yoga. And it's so funny to what? Um, but like other, the balance at this point is really between work, house and kid, because I don't really get a get a break, but, um uh, so that I mean, that's the balance. But we always try and find something fun to dio um, every day, like even if it's just like walking around the book

spk_0:   20:42
or doing a

spk_1:   20:43
bike ride or reading a book. And it kind of, um, help center everybody, like we both had a bad day. We're, you know, like like going a bike ride and talk, and everything's better out of conversations, you know, about our about our days and like, they're completely nonsensical because he's four, you know, But, uh but yeah, so that's I mean, that's really the balance in my life. There's not really, um, uh, sent like I don't really get to do anything that I really want to do by myself. Will you do it together? Yeah. So, I mean, I don't really have, like, a good answer for that one, because like my my self is kind of off to the side at this point.

spk_0:   21:39
That was an excellent answer.

spk_1:   21:43
Oh, thank you.

spk_0:   21:44
Think e. I mean, you know, you have to do with how you do it. I mean, how he works for you. I'm sure when you you mean you go outside and your jibber jabbering because, yes, that's what it is. But to him, it's not jibber jabbering. You know, he's talking to his mommy and where you're getting your relaxed and you know, yes. So you make it works how it works, Right? So it was an excellent and so thank you. Do you have a favorite book? And if you do tell us what it iss

spk_1:   22:22
like me, my belt or

spk_0:   22:23
me and even even if it's your son's favorite book,

spk_1:   22:29
I can't Well, we really like Clifford. And there's another dog book that I can't remember the name of. They be like, um and I just I've been reading about Buddhism.

spk_0:   22:43
Okay,

spk_1:   22:44
but that's just on my own. But I really like dogs. And he really liked forces. We try and finding with that.

spk_0:   22:53
Okay? All right. And anything else you'd like to share?

spk_1:   23:03
Um, I had a whole lot of things in my brain before I got on the phone, and I get rid of ever single one.

spk_0:   23:12
Okay.

spk_1:   23:13
Uh, well, uh, well, yeah. Actually, um, we have a really good life. I want to share that. I see. Um ah, lot of people are struggling like my name, my friends and my online friends and my mom groups. Um and I feel like a lot of us get century on the negative. Um, and I really had Thio make an effort to look at the positive. But once I did, I realized that we have a really good life, and we're really blood in our life. Um, now we have our struggles, you know, and we can't stand each other sometimes. Um, but but we do really have a good life. And the the bad passes?

spk_0:   24:18
Yeah. So

spk_1:   24:20
take from that. What? You will

spk_0:   24:21
do what I

spk_1:   24:22
had to say.

spk_0:   24:23
Thank you. Yes, but you're right. You know, but thank you very much. Lydia, I appreciate you being candid and sharing your story, so you know, someone else can hear it and, you know, hopefully will help them. And this is the whole point off. Doing this is that share. Hopefully sharing our stories will will help someone else. So I really appreciate you coming and I and you know, doing this for for us. And, um,

spk_1:   25:00
thank you. I'm really excited to do this because I like here in other people's stories, Uh, because it makes me feel like I'm not alone, even though I think sometimes I'm like the worst mom ever messing it all up. And then, um And then I hear other people with the same feeling I'm like, Oh, no, not just may

spk_0:   25:26
know it's not just you for you. The listeners off Solomon's Talk Audible is offering a free audiobook download with a free 30 day trial to give you the opportunity to check out their service books like I Will teach You to Be Rich by Remit, Sophy and Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell are available at audible trial dot com slash solo moms. That's audible trial dot com slash solo mom. Those who tell their story Rule the world Native American proverb. Tell your story on not coming episode off Solar. Mom's Talk. You're one decision away from changing your life, and if you think Lydia Story can help someone else, please share with them, leave a review and subscribe so you'll be notified when new episodes become available. Thank you.